The Commercial Break - Hangin' Loose in Vegas

Episode Date: January 4, 2024

We've got another collection of our best segments, as Bryan is still living in a COVID hellscape. So, join us as we revisit Bryan's ball in Vegas, carplay torture, and a "porn again" preacher.  LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns:  1.626.ASK.TCB3 text or leave us a voicemail Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Producer: Christina A.  Producer: Gustavo B. 

My new year's resolution is to keep my foot-won-y bitch's neck so in there. On this episode of the Commercial Break. Hello, podcast universe. It's Christina, TCD producer and purveyor of all things drama. And I have some news. Unfortunately, Brian and his family are still living in a COVID hellscape, Vibes, which is not exactly conducive to providing you with new and exciting content. But that being said, everyone's on the up, and we're starting a new year off right and getting our shift together, etc, etc.

And also, guess what? Season 5 starts next week. Woo! Thrilled for you, scared for me. We'll be bringing you fresh new episodes as fast as our little hands can make them, but in the meantime, I've put together an episode with a few of my favorite segments. So get ready to hear about Brian's balls and vagus, Apple music, CarPlay Torture, the Lyon and the Lamb!

And our lovely porn again preacher. Best to you! The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now! Ah, yeah, cats are getting welcome back to another episode of the Commercial Break on Bryan Green. This is my dear friend and co-host, the wonderful Kristen Joy Hodley from The Sea of Christmas. And, Best of you, Brian! Best of you out there in the podcast universe. Are you a Vegas girl? You mean a Vegas?

I haven't been to Vegas many times. I am not a Vegas girl. You're not a Vegas girl. No, why? No, it's... I would think of you as like a total Vegas girl. Like, I know you in your personal life, right? And I know that you can go hard.

Like, you can go hard. You hang in there with the best of them. So I would think that Vegas is just your speed. Like, let's get crazy, let's go multiple places, let's get shots everywhere, let's keep on going. I don't think I'm gonna use a gambling type of person, but I think if you use Vegas, so all the bright lights.

Like, 20 on red. You put 20 on red. That's so much of guys' place. 20 on red. Yeah, 20 on red. I just got back from, go ahead. Oh, now I was just gonna say, I, it's kind of sad. It's got lot of guys with 20 on red. That's 20 on red. I just got back from, go ahead. Oh, now I was just gonna say, it's kind of sad. It's got a sad.

It does. It does. I totally agree with you. Yes, there is a sad. There is no doubt in my mind. I've been to New York a lot. I've been to Vegas a lot. I think there's no comparison.

I think Vegas is the true 24 hour city. Oh, it is. No, anything goes 24 hours a day. 24 hours a day. But what I mean by that is in New York, there is a difference between the daytime and the nighttime. There is. The party shifts to other places,

like not everywhere in New York City is 24 hours. There are certainly elements where you can go to, get food to 24 hours or go to a club 20, but Vegas is the same no matter what hour day or night. It's exactly the same. I just got back from there. There's always that sad person sitting there. I got stuck next to him on the way to Vegas.

And they have slot machines like in the airport. It's just what I'm just about to talk about. So I go to Vegas to the podcast conference. Yes. On the way to the podcast. Because you represent as well. I represented us very well. Thank you very much.

Brian Green, a comedian. That's right. And the commercials. I was like, the commercial breaks. I was on stage and I said, excuse me guys, I got a fit in one of my 21 EPMs. I'll be back in a few minutes. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I went to a very nice restaurant. I said, do you have a DD counter? No one left. You know why the DD counter? Can I stick my balls in the wine? You know why no one left? Because not a single person in the podcast in the street listens to the show. Okay, so let me type out my trip to Vegas because I think it's good. So I am slated to go there just for two days

I got a brand new baby and Astrid is already way sick of me I mean if it wasn't for the commercial break making money I think I Astrid would have been gone a long time ago But she says okay understood she's actually been very understanding she's like no you need to go It's part of your job and just go and I'll deal with it So I go to Vegas and I get 11 o'clock in the morning flight out to Vegas. Which,

so. I mean, I could have a story just how later, but anyways about my Vegas flight out there. Save it, put it in the pocket, right it on the book. We want to tell it. I show up to that flight. I always get the window seat if I can because that's what I'd like to do.

I like to scroll away in the corner. I don't want to talk to anybody. I don't want anybody touching me. I just want to sit and watch out the window. I love the windows seat. The window seat is the only seat on the plane. As far as I'm concerned. Because you know what? The aisle seat gives you the impression that you have more room. Like you like to kick that left or that right leg out. But the truth is a couple of Yahoo's to walk down the aisle, knock you in the knees a couple times. You are cured. Yeah, knock you in the shoulder. Yeah, you're cured of that delusion because the truth is that aisle seat is just bad

as the middle seat. It's like, you're always like this. Ah, excuse me. I get on the plane in my seat. Never in the history of Brian flying, have I ever, Olivia Mum has not sat next to me on the plane. Do you know what I'm saying? I think there's some kind of, I think there's some kind of program in the reservation system

that marks you as a single guy or a guy's flying by yourself and then says, let's put other single guys on this aisle so as not to cause any drama. I swear to God I think so because I've never sat next to a female form. Never! Never! So, while I'm... I think so because I've never sat next to a female form never So while I'm plenty of guys on my trip well I wish you would sit next to me because I'm getting sick of these Yahoo's I said next to I

Get to the gate and I'm standing there and of course we have to do the gate shuffle Didn't we put this on the treaty? This was what was else was on the treaty the airplane gate Treaty of 2022. I'm putting it down. Please for the love of all that's fucking holy. Stay seated until someone calls your zone. You know what the problem is? I have so ridiculous. Everyone gets it in their head that they're missing out on something.

It's ridiculous. They stand there. They walk up the way. Yes. And then when your gate is called in, they're not there. They have to stand down and you you just walk There's always one lady who who runs to the front of the line 30 minutes before the gate opens and she's already complaining I need extra time to get down

What do you need extra time for both you're you're standing there for 30 minutes if you can stand for 30 minutes You don't need extra time getting down the goddamn gate stop it Stop it with yourself You're flying all the way in the back of the book. We know you. We've seen you before. So I'm sitting there and across where I'm sitting in the gate area, across from me is Bob and fucking Tom. Bob and fucking Tom let me explain who Bob and Tom is.

Not that it matters, but Bob is about 320, 6'1. Big boy, right? Let me explain one thing that should tell you everything you need to know about 3.20 six foot one big boy, right? Let me explain one thing that should tell you everything you need to know about Bob Bob is wearing jeans that are four sizes too big for him And he has missed three of the six belt loops on his pants So his pants are right now. Yeah, but you can see like the belt is all caffuckta He's got a shirt half to hockedta. He's got a shirt half tucked in. He's got a hat kick sideways. The only thing that and Tom has a shirt on

that says show me your pits with a picture of a vascular vehicle with the headlights on. Oh wow. So here we go. This is on the way to Vegas. I haven't even gotten on the fucking plane yet. Okay.

And I'm already miserable. I'm already in my head. I'm like, please for the love. I swear I'll start going to church on Sundays. If you just don't put Bob and Tom next to Brian, please don't make Bob the guy in the middle. Guess what? Bob the guy in the middle. The entirety of the flight from the time they sit down

to the time that they get off the plane, all they can talk about is the tits they're gonna see in Vegas, the five they're gonna put down on Notre Dame. That's what it's up to the pits. Well, it's both tits and pits. The five they're gonna put down on North Carolina, the beaten Duke or whatever. The craft stable that they're gonna go to, the Oshaga hands down at the end.

Now everybody's super excited. He's like, they're all charged up. Mm-hmm. So, they get on. King of the lot is all around. Woohoo! Not drink for free, smoke for free, they only took $6,000 of my dollars at the tables. It's the best place on earth.

These are the kind of guys that try and out drink their losses. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. We'll just drink as much as we can because that'll absorb some of the losses. So as soon as the plane takes off and those televisions come on, Bob and Tom are both watching independent basketball games. And they have my headphones on. I'm trying to watch a British comedy television show.

It's so sophisticated. Bob's entire body is on top of me. He's just on top of me. When he moves, he makes no effort whatsoever to keep himself around his own seat. He's hitting me with his arm. He's going like this. He's so animated when someone scores a basket.

He's like, Gah, gah, gah, gah. Gah. animated when the when someone scores a basket. He's like He's red faced Tom is like Tom's losing the game. So Tom's like, God damn it. God damn it. He's slapping his leg. God damn it. God damn it. And I'm like, Jesus Jones guys just settle down for four fucking hours. It's 11 o'clock in the morning. I silently watch your basketball game. Chrissy as soon as we get off the plane, because now I'm behind them, because they get out first,

and now we're all walking in that line, as soon as we get off the plane, Bob and Tom stop right at the gate door, and Bob looks at Tom and he goes, I say we do a hundred on this one right here, this one looks fantastic. The slot machine directly outside the gate door. Bob cannot, he is such a degenerate

that he cannot wait for 15 fucking seconds. He's got to play the one he sees first. He's itching. Vegas is filled with these guys. Filled with these guys, especially at the sports books. You go to a sports book, look for a vagina. Good luck finding a vagina. And anyone that's working there,

it's all guys, they're all sitting there. They're half of them miserable. The other half are yelling and screaming. It is kind of a sad place because you know that when I walk through that sports book, I know that at least 10% of these human beings are in big fucking trouble. You know what I'm saying?

They're trying to gamble their way out of losses. Absolutely, it's an addiction. And I feel bad for those who are caught up in it. So we're gonna have a little fun with it today, but I do think, I, whatever, call your gambling. I never talked to your therapist. What am I? My doctor, fucking fed.

I don't help, I don't. I, for some reason, and I'm not exactly sure what the reason is. We couldn't have done the conference at the win or even MGM grand circus fucking circus would have been a step up. You were at circus circus. I was not at circus circus circus circus the very first time I ever met you as an adult.

When I went by myself, I stayed at circus circus to a York. We're staying at some property off like a mile off the strip off the strip, what they refer to as old Vegas. Oh, the old Vegas. Oh, the old Vegas area. Not like the one with the big canopy. This is literally out in the middle of the desert in a really not so great part of town.

It's a resort that, it's got one bar in the entire casino. What? Chrissy, they had like, you know, I've ever seen, big casino has the shopping mall and they have what Gucci and Louis Vuitton. I pull up to this hotel. I get out. Oh gosh, I forgot.

Oh gosh, but gosh, what about a step up? It's got a lady who's selling incense and crystals. Yeah, it's got Shandy Handys massage parlor. It's got an entire store dedicated to the Raiders. And then it's got a gift shop that's still got silk screen t-shirts being printed. Oh, like the the airbrush. Yeah, no, the kind where you like you like, you steam them like that you make your own designing you steam them. It's class act over there. I went over to the window, tell it. It's like it's like the world's largest Louis Vuitton store. I go back to my beautiful murals on the ceiling.

Yeah, next. I go back to my hotel. It looks like a really big sit-co. You know what I'm talking about? It's got all that drink. It's a bullshit. So I check in. They tell me it's at the North Tower. I don't know where the fuck is in the North Tower.

Oh, it's easy. Take a left here. Go to the right when it splits, go to the left, then back over to the right, look for the elevators, you're gonna go on the second deck of elevators. Okay, sure, whatever that means. Yes, simple, hopefully there are signs to guide me.

There are no signs to guide me. I'm just walking around aimlessly around this mall. I asked the lady who worked at one of the stores, I'm like, do you know where the North tower elevators are? She goes, I'm sorry, I just work here. Yeah, that's why I'm asking you. Don't shit. Why do you need this place?

The elevators are three elevators for a hotel that has 1800 hotel rooms in it and the North Tower in and of itself has 900. So there are three elevators, one of which is broken. So now there's two elevators. This hotel was built back in the 60s. So the elevators are from 1960s. The Franks and Entry used to play there?

Not Franks and Entry. I don't wanna give it away because I don't wanna bash the hotel specifically. Like there might be some people that like it. There's other versions of this hotel around the world that I'm sure are much nicer. But those elevators, Chrissy, I stood when I was looking to get to my room.

I stood near the elevators for at least, at least 11 minutes waiting for an elevator to come down. And at that time, now there's 300 people waiting for an elevator because there's 900 other rooms up there. No one has any regard for anyone else. They're smushing us in like sardines. I fucking hate that. Drives me crazy.

I get up to the lady says, where are you wearing a mask? Are you wearing a mask? Kind of nonsense, are you talking about? We wearing a mask? Are you wearing a mask? Kind of nonsense, are you talking about wearing a mask? No one wears masks anymore. It's free for all. There's always one lady who's wearing a mask.

It always seems to be a lady. She's always wearing a mask. And then I like to get ready. I'm kind of like, damn, I should be wearing one. Me too, I always go shit. This lady came prepared. I didn't know what I was walking into. If I would have gone to the wind,

I would have had a private elevator straight to my room. But here I am at Oshaga hands or whatever the fuck wherever the fuck we are. I get in the room, there's a roach crawling at Oshaga hands. I get in the room, there's a roach crawling across the wall. I have a beautiful- You're a mirrored, see you later.

Oh my god, Chrissy, I can't even explain how bad this hotel room was. But the worst part is that I do have a beautiful, you're a mirrored ceiling. Oh my God, Chrissy, I can't even explain how bad this hotel room was. But the worst part is that I do have a beautiful view of the strip a mile away. Right. I can't walk there. I'm not going to get there. It looks nice. Yeah, that's a beautiful hotel.

What is that? The New York, New York. I think I see that. I heard that roller coaster on top. I have to. Yeah. It was a waste of $25. Did you ever get to pay for it?

Yeah. But it was fine. Did you like it? At the time. Yeah, I didn't like it. I was like, hey, whatever, $25. So I get to this hotel room and then I'm just like, okay, I'm going to be here for 48 hours.

I'm literally here for 48 hours. I'm flying in on Wednesday. I'm leaving on Friday. I can deal with this. It's fine. Placed to lay my head, you know, not a huge drinker. Don't do a lot of gambling. So I don't I don't need extreme comfort. I just need a place to lay my head. Yes. Straight. That's right. I just need a place for the hooker to put her purse.

That's all I need. prostitute sex worker. Sorry. Sex work is work. Not a hooker. But let me tell you something. At Oshahans, there is a battalion of sex workers perusing around the casino and hotel. You can just... It's old Vegas. It's old Vegas, and it's old sex workers. It's like they moved from the wind to Oshaegahans at a certain age.

How do you go? So... Like the Claremont. It is like the Claremont. So what's the first thing that you got to do in Vegas? Put 20 on red. No, I'm going to go to the weed store. That's what I'm going to do.

Oh, right. There's a weed store. I've never get that everything's legal now. I've never been to a weed store. Oh, you have this? No, I've never been to a weed store. I've never been inside of a weed store. Oh, it's fun.

Yeah, so I thought to myself, there's a couple other people there and they were like, they were going to go and what. Everybody goes. Yeah. Colorado or California. Colorado, Vegas. Colorado, California. Yeah, yeah.

You go into the weed store. You have to go to the weed store if the weed is legal in that state and it's legal in Las Vegas. So Chrissy, we go and we're like, okay, let's walk. It's only a mile away. We start walking. It's flat. There's no drama. I have.

She encountered the people. I have never. Never. Different all kinds. Yeah, we encounter a man with underwear on his head, but Sam's underwear on his on the lower half of his body. Where else did you wear? He was just walking with his dick out. It's crazy. I never felt so unsafe in my life. Walking down this street, it's the street.

We show up at this weed pharmacy. They got three different locked doors. You gotta get through. You're asking if you're a whole security. You walk through, yep. So we go there and I'm with some people and they're asking some questions. No, we're out of that. No, we're out of that.

Nope, we're out of that. Nope. We don't have that. Nope. Not that. And I'm like, we're gonna fucking weed store. We were gonna go to the largest weed store in the world, but we ended up at the smallest weed store in the world, which was next door McDonald's appropriately. It was tiny, Chrissy as the size of the studio. And the guy was so nice, he was so nice. But he was out of everything.

He had this menu, 700 things long, right? And people are flipping through and they're like, I'll take one of these and seven of these and eight of these. No, bank got none of that. Don't have any of that. You know what I do have? I have Dorito flavored weed chips. Do you want some of those?

They're on sale. Well, buy one, get one, free. And I'm like, if they're buy one, get one, free. If there's weed items that are Well buy one get one free and I'm like if they're buy one get one free If there's weed items that are buy one get one free it's because they suck. They're not selling yeah first of all How do you put weed in the Dorito? How do you do that? I mean it's kind of genius. Can you like what you just? What do you get the munchies the oil? Oh, yeah, that is you get the munchies, and then you get more munchies You get the munchies, and then you go to the hospital because you have the panic attack

So we get back from the store and then there's more munchies. You get the munchies and then you go to the hospital because you have the panic attack. So we get back from the store and then there's gonna be a big dinner. You know where we went to dinner? You ever seen that movie? Casino. No, rose crash. By the way, they have every fucking chain restaurant is on this street that this Bahama Breeze.

What's the last time you saw the Bahama Breeze? Walking Puck has a hundred of them. In Vegas? Yeah, he had 30 of them down in Florida today. For Ramsey, Gordon Ramsay. Gordon Ramsay. I'm a breeze. What's the last time you saw him a Humm of Breeze? Walking Puck has a hundred at home. In Vegas, yeah, he has 30 of them down in Florida too. For in Ramsey, Gordon Ramsey. Gordon Ramsey. Yeah, you know what he does? He just opens up a new one with one of those schmucks

from his show. Yeah, he says, you're gonna pay you $50,000 a year. Yeah. Can I have a mask? Come make your shitty burgers over here. Actually, I have a friend who's been to one of the Gordon Ramsey restaurants. They're good.

No, it is good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we are gonna go to the, you have to of the Gordon Ramsay restaurants. They're good. No it is good. I know. Yeah. So we are going to go to the, you've seen the Venetian. You've seen, oh yeah. Thanks. Venetian was, I could see it. I could see the Venetian through my unclean windows. This window's end of been clean in 22 years.

I tried to take pictures, but all I could see was the dust. My phone couldn't get fasted. I kept clicking for focus and all it was focusing on was the see was the dust. My phone couldn't get fasted. I kept clicking for focus, and all it was focusing on was the dirt on the window. Chris, that's swear to God. Remind me to tell you about the windows too. Okay, so, you ever seen the movie Casina? Yeah, one of my favorite movies of all time.

Wonderful. You know that restaurant that they're always going to? Like the guy owns, or he's part of, or whatever Joe Pesci's character. He vices that guy in the back, vices his head, or whatever's going to. That's the restaurant we went to, where it was filmed. Perionis, Perionis Italian restaurant,

I think is how it's said, Chrissy, this place, the second legit. There are people that were in this place, that were straight out of casting. It's as if they paid some Italian men to dress up like gangsters and just stand around. It's just be there. It's so authentic.

It's so, first of all, you're in that same restaurant, you're imagining yourself in the movie Casino. Yeah. Because if you've seen Casino, you've seen that scene a million times, so they're sitting in the booth. The booth is there. You know, you can go take pictures

that kneel before it, kiss its ring. I don't know what the fuck what you do. Take a knee. So we're in this bar, this tiny little dark, you know, you can still sell the cigarette smoke. Smoked, you can still smell loud. Yeah, well, they probably still let,

yeah, they close the doors at nine and everybody starts smoking cigarettes. All the guys they just paid to stand there, right? So we're all sitting there having a drink waiting for the table. And there's a TV in the corner, and the TV in the corner is playing horse races, horse races. And there's a guy standing under the TV. A old horse race.

Italian guy, gold chain, you know, big guy. It's got a foop. You know what I'm talking about? He's standing there, he's drinking his drink. He never moves from that location. He's standing. A glass of kianti. Yeah, a gun, a gun, a gun, a kianti classic.

Hey, Brian, send them a nigga, a glass of kianti classic. Before he breaks your legs. He's standing there. He never moves in the 30 minutes over there. You know what he's doing? He's a security for the, I'm assuming he's security for the place. Like non-descript security.

He was watching the horse races. He was not watching the horse races. He was standing under the TV facing the room. Oh, oh. And he just stood there for 30 minutes. And I thought to myself, after a minute I was like, clearly he's like, security, there's like old Italian men

with their gray hair all slicked back. They're, you know, diminutive, they're five foot nine. So total sopranos. You got lucky two smokes, smokey bones, you know, daddy gravy, you know, Sunday dinner, you got the whole gangs all there. Yes.

And then you get to the table and the food is like real Italian food. One of the dinners, one of the entrees is called Sunday gravy. That's what it's called. Sunday gravy. I meet Paul, let's all say, japasta. With the red sauce. Yes, I have never in my life felt so Italian and oddly at home. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, I felt like I was at home. It does thank you feel homey. It does totally. It makes you at home. You know what I'm saying? I felt like I was at home. It does thank you, Phil Homi. It does totally. It makes you truly home. I feel like I'm on. Garlic, Guanty, Classico, Red Sox. Joey, break your bones, standing under the horse races. The horse races on.

Like I've got that fucking horse races on. In this place, we're gonna pay $600 for a meal. It's incredible. So we had dinner there and I'm telling you what, Chrissy, it was the best food ever. Yeah, I'm like, you're being hungry. I get back to the hotel room. I don't know where I am.

I have had nothing to drink. Of course this, you're in the South Tower. I'm not even sure I'm at the right hotel, I'm just came with everybody else. I'm totally lost. I'm at the right hotel. I just came with everybody else. I'm totally lost. I'm walking around this huge tower, trying to find my, the room numbers are really weird. It's like one, one, dash, three, two, one, two, two, right?

So, and I'm not really sure what all the numbers stand for. So I'm just trying to match them up to the doors, but then they change and frequently, I have no idea what's, it was worst, it was the worst, it was the worst. I get in the room, I'm like, let me take a hot shower, I'm going to take a hot shower, I'm going to chill out, I'm going to go to bed. I don't have the children. Some of the Doritos. I'll eat some of those Doritos that I got. I'll eat some of the weed they didn't have to sell us, right? I'll pretend that they had weed

to sell us. I'll take a nap. Okay, I'll just eat my own weed though. Okay, I'll, yeah, that's right. I guess I have to dip into the stash I brought. So, my thinking is I'm going to take a hot shower. By the way, the windows wide open, right? The curtains are wide open. Yeah. But I know for a fact that in Las Vegas,

every window is a mirrored window. They're right. You gotta keep the heat out, right? You gotta keep the heat out and everybody wants privacy. And so they're mirrored windows. I don't even think about it. I'm gonna take a shower. I walk out, I got my balls flapping in the air.

I'm most of the ball air. Yeah, I got ball air flying everywhere. Whee. Wh everywhere. Whee. Whee. I plug my phone in. I'm dancing around the room basically naked. No kids. No kids.

No Chrissy. No commercial break audience viewing my balls. I just, I'm just out there. No fear that the paparazzi is going to catch a nut pick or something like that. I'm good. I'm great. So I No fear that the paparazzi is gonna catch a nut pick or something like that. I'm good, I'm great. So I take a shower, I go to bed. I wake up at like 4.45

because the time change, yeah. And I'm used to getting up, like not as early as some people with kids, but I get up, you know, seven, seven, seven, thirty, something like that, 78. Seven, eight. So I pop up. And this is what makes me tell you

that I think Las Vegas is the true 24 hour town. Because it's 4.45, and I need a charger, and I want a glass of coffee, or a cup of coffee. And I'm like, I'm like, I love a glass of wine. I think I'm like, I'm the classic.

Go. That wine that they're serving at that particular casino, I'm not even sure what that is. Blanker. Yeah, it's grape juice with vinegar. It's fermented match juice. It's fermented. So I think to myself, well, there's like, you know, 15 stores downstairs. There's got to be a Starbucks somewhere close open.

I mean, if I had to walk over to the wind or whatever, I could you know, 15 stores downstairs. There's gotta be a Starbucks somewhere close open. I mean, if I had to walk over to the wind or whatever, I could probably get a room. I also put it on the room tab. Yeah, put it on the room tab. You were there with a conference. I was there with a conference. I thought to myself, I could go over to the wind.

I had the whole thing of bacon and coffee. I called the room service. Oh, I called the room service when I, like, you know, late at night, I thought, oh, let me get a little dessert, send up here, a little sweet, right, I called the room service when I like you know late at night I thought oh, let me get a little dessert and up here a little sweet, right? I called and she was like we close at 7.30 p.m. I'm like you close at 7.30 p.m What time do you I know and then I'm like what time do you guys open back up and she's like 9.30 and I'm like you're You have room service from 9.30 to 7.30?

After breakfast and before dinner is when you close You're smunch you have smunch available the 730 after breakfast and before dinner is when you close. You're smunch, you have smunch available. And they don't even have a menu. It's one of those kind of places. We're just calling a hope that they have something. But can I get a cheeseburger? How about a grilled cheese?

Sure, can I get sourdough? How about, we don't have any bread, sir. Just gonna put some cheese on the plate. I put it up. It's like the weed store. So I get dressed and I think to myself, I can go find somebody's got a cup of coffee somewhere and maybe the front desk has a charger.

I go downstairs and that could see me. You should just like, to feed yourself open to like a conference that was really going on like, because I got those nice crafts. They got the silver. The silver crafts. That was part of the problem with this conference,

which I liked the conference. I'm not knocking the conference. But and I think part of the problem with this conference which I liked the conference I'm not knocking the conference But and I think they have a deal with this particular hotel company that they do them all across the country Yeah, but they should have checked this one out beforehand. I mean honestly It was so bad that a lot of people didn't even stay there They were like we're gonna go to stay at another hotel It was so bad that on the on the flight there Somebody thought that they had miss booked my room like for the different dates.

And I was like, oh, well that took, I'll just go online and I'll look and see if I can get a room, right? $33 is how much the room costs for the night. $33. I don't care where you are. $33 might sound good, but it's not good. It's not. It can't be.

It's impossible. I get it right behind it can't be, it's impossible. I get it, it breaks the hundred. This, so I go downstairs. It takes me 42 minutes to go down the elevator. So I get down the elevator. There's, I can't even find the stairs in this place. I get down the elevator. I walk, the doors open and I walk through the little mall,

most things are closed, but they do have a little store that's open, I get my charger and then I go, oh, let me just like walk around the casino for a minute. The casino is as busy as it was when I walked in the door to go to sleep. It's just insane to me. I mean, I've been to Vegas a million times and I know this to be true.

There's no windows because they don't want you to know what time it is. There's no clocks because they don't want you to know what time it is. There's no pump and oxygen in there and booze. Oxygen booze and the weed that that weed store should have. It's FB. C-B-D.

C-B-D. Uh, so I'm walking through and guess who I see at the sports boat? Elon Musk. Bob and Tom. Sh, show me're fits. They're there? They're there wearing the same clothes holding the same bags that they took off the plane. They didn't even go to sleep.

They went straight to the shittiest hotel in Las Vegas. I decided to start gambling. Chrissy, this blew my fucking mind. I couldn't believe that Bob and Tom were just sitting there gambling at 445 in the morning. I can. You wouldn't think you wouldn't want to go and take a shower. No, I would. Would you? I wouldn't be Bob and Tom. I know, but with any, doesn't you think like any human being would say, let me get to the hotel room and freshen up a little bit? I'm going to get there quick to the gamble. Then 10 hours later. That's how they lose you.

I mean, you're lost. I don't even think Bob and Tom made their flight back. Probably not, because they sold their airline tickets. Neither did I. That's right. Okay. I go outside right before the sun comes up. I go outside just to get.

You were taking the red eye. No, this before I left. This is before I left it. So this same night when I got the charger in the coffee, I walk outside and I'm like, oh, let me just like take a quick brisk walk around. Get the legs, get the blood flowing. It's 4.45 in the morning, 5 in the morning, I'm feeling,

I go around, I walk outside the big, you know, valet station or whatever I walk in, then I go around and I'm going toward the big sign that's sitting on the street and I look back to the hotel and I'm like, wow, you know, kind of a big hotel that has all the lights that are on you can see directly in the windows there are no mirrors I have been but as naked for this entire time Everything could have been seen I'm nervous because you know how the paparazzi likes to follow us around.

They do. It's problematic. Yes. Specifically you. Specifically me. So conference goes on and. You like to do that by seeing my balls? But some of the girls were given strange looks.

Sorry to interrupt, but that's kind of my thing these days. If you're sick of me interrupting Brian, give us a call at 626-ask-TCB3, leave us a voicemail, and maybe I'll interrupt you on the show instead. You'd love that, wouldn't ya? You can also text us at 855-TCB-8383 and check out our website,

tcbpodgas.com, for all things TCB. You know what's coming next. Follow us on Instagram, at the Commercial Break, and on TikTok at TZB Podcast. And now let's listen to some sponsors because they're the real ones around here. When did they come back into the lexicon? You know what I'm saying? Feels like they were gone for a while now. They got some articles. No, I get their updates and news and stuff like that. When did they come back into the lexicon? You know what I'm saying? Feels like they were gone for a while now.

All of a sudden now they got some articles. No, I get their updates and news and stuff like that. Oh, you do? You were rolling stone kind of chick? Yeah, I mean, I peruse the rolling stone. Perouse, I peruse. I'm a peruse. I'm a peruse.

What does peruse mean? Such a weird word, pop root. For the way that I'm using it, and maybe it's not even currently. Yeah. I flip through. Okay, let's make a word up for what you do. Yeah. You know, like a lazy Susan of magazines.

Yeah, you keep turning the wheel and hoat. Well, I have Apple News Plus. And so I subscribe to quite a few magazines. And so I get the updates from those magazines and then I quickly read them and go on to another update because that's all this. I think I'm paying like $1,099 a month for that Apple plus, plus, plus, plus, plus. I think you get all the music and you get all the magazines

and you get all the things. And I remember your family can have it and you have two extra subscriptions for all this. Don't think not once, not once. Not once. Have I used Apple Music or red? I mean, I read the magazines on occasion, but I don't take it as good of advantage of it as I should.

Yeah, I'm an Apple News person now. I kind of got switched over. It's all there. That's. Yeah, but I still can't quite switch myself over to Apple Music and we were talking about this. A-A-A- now an Apple breaking news kind of girl. We were talking about this though. The song, whatever song that you have played or downloaded into Apple music, somehow

blasts Apple. Why Apple? Every time you get in the car, I'm like, I just wanted to hear the Charlie XC X new song. I didn't mean for to play every time for a year. Yeah. And I get into the car. I'm like, how is it still on there? I got to say, like the situation that the problem that the cap that Chrissy is is talking

about is when you have a funny story about it. Yeah, when you get into the car and story about it too. Yeah, I do. When you get into the car and you plug in your Apple CarPlay or connects to your Apple CarPlay for some dumb understood reason, that quite frankly shouldn't be understood because it's just a dumb, dumb thing that Apple has embedded into this operating system, is that when you plug in to Apple CarPlay or you plug your phone

into your car's radio system, the first thing that an Apple phone does is play a song from Apple Music. As if you want to hear the same song every time. There's no way to change it. There's no way to predict it. Sometimes it's a different song. Most of the time it's not.

Yes, it's so fucking weird. Yeah, it's not the last song you were listening to. No. That would make sense. Yes. But no, this is just a random song that's in your library that you then, yeah, you have to hear every time. I mean, it took me forever to get that YouTube album off of it,

but it would always play the YouTube. Listen, I liked Mumford and Sons and twelve when they came out with everybody else but i have four ever been listening to mumpford and fucking sons every time i get in the car every time and then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then i'm stuck in two thousand twelve in my car i've had four cars since that mumpford in sons album came out. And for the life of me,

I cannot figure out how to get Mumford and Sons off of my fucking phone. Well, you had a story. I know, I'm gonna tell it. All right, so the other day, because it is one strange, this room is strange. It smells weird.

It looks weird, there's wires all over the place, and Brian just sits at his computer all night long, staring at things that he shouldn't be staring at. In hopes that I'll find something for the show. So because we do sometimes do these preacher breakdowns, I was looking into the phenomenon of Christian music and it's history and where it goes.

And the hypnotic, and the hypnotic weird buildup that they have that gets everybody feeling that they're feeling Jesus, but what they're really feeling is a pre-programmed response to this type of thing in your body, physiologically. So I download or I play, not even download, I play a song, a Christian rock song called

The Lion and the Lamb. The Lion and the Lamb! By this rock band, I play it in hopes that I can get a clip that we could play here as an example. Right. On my computer, I do this. So the next morning, I get in the car, I drive,

I'm stopped at the stoplight near my house, I plug in my phone at the stoplight, so I'm not as to get another ticket for holding my phone improperly. I plug it in, I the stoplight, so I'm not as, not as to, you know, get another ticket for holding my phone in properly. I plug it in, I put it on the thing and all the song song, not even remembering that days before the night before I had listened to this song because it's that forgettable. And so I was like, oh, okay, this is crap. And I look over outside my open window

to see that there is a lady next to me. And I mean, she's in her 70s. In her like, you know, catalact, you know, old catalact with her window down. And she's like, the lion in Cadillac, you know, the whole Cadillac with her window down, and she's like, the lion in the lion. Oh, man. She's dumb, she's getting me the thumbs up.

The lion in the lion. And I'm like, eh, eh, eh, eh. Eh, eh, eh, eh, accidents do you think have happened? Because you plug in your phone, you don't expect anything to come on and then, no! I'm a whine! We talked about it and I was like, I just need to take the time to go through and clean things up. But I guess that's not even the problem.

It just, yeah. Could someone in Apple explain this to us? Could someone in Apple please write in and explain as if anybody at Apple's Those things are stupid shit They're still trying to figure out how to get us off the charts So can someone at Apple please write in and explain exactly why this functionality is built into the iPhone or the Airplay or car play or whatever the fuck it is because it is really obnoxious and to my knowledge

There is no way to get rid of it. There probably is if I just googled it, but I have actually googled this before and I don't, I think everybody has this frustration. Well, well, sorry, 11. The reason that probably Mumford and Sons kept coming out of, because here's the problem, you know, kids these days don't remember iPods, but I had Mumford and Son on my iPod. That's right. And with your Apple accounts, a lot of that stuff got switched over, yeah merged into there.

So yeah, you're right. I'll listen to your stuff. I was in 2012. It's fucking insane. My old iPod. Yeah. When they got rid of iTunes, then they went to I music or Apple music or whatever it is. Somehow, some way, I'm paying more money,

getting less music and now getting a Mumford and Sons for the rest of my life. I mean, if you're gonna charge me $2,999 a month for that damn music service, can you do me a favor and switch it up everyone's in a while? I mean, rotate it or something. The, you're so right about this,

that this is, I'm literally stuck in a time capsule in Mumford and Sons. So I found a way to take the line and the lamb off there. And now what's what damn song is playing? I don't even know what damn song is playing. It's, oh, it's a falling slowly hope you reach me. I literally want to jump out of my car every time I hear that song.

I think I had a break up one time. It's like, there is my divorce song. I don't know you, but I want you all the more for that. It's like, shows right through me, goes right through me, and I can't forget. I don't do remember that. You have suffered enough. Yes I have, please take it off my out.

Ah, as if I hadn't jumped off a bridge 40 times in that song already, please stop. I know and then you have to make the difficult decision do you delete it all together or just leave it on there and hope it doesn't come back on. Well, I don't know, but I'm not gonna have another bad break up or I'm gonna have to pass the difficult decision. Do you delete it all together or just leave it on there and hope it doesn't come back on? Well, I don't know when I'm not gonna have another bad breakup or I'm gonna have to pass that song onto my kids when they have a breakup. Like here, listen to this as if you're not in a bad mood and no. Just send that song to Jimmy, Jimmy Fallon over there and tell him to be breaking up, buddy. He's not that bad.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't get it. I don't understand it, I don't know why we, why we have to suffer through the Apple music constantly playing that we don't want it to. But if you could, if you could change that, I appreciate it. Like they should have a function, though when you turn on Apple CarPlay, you have the choice to engage the music or not. And at least if you don't have the choice to engage the music, could we please at least have the choice of music? Could it be like a little sign pops up on your car? And it says, which song would you like to kill yourself to? This time, I'm like, you know what I'm saying? Well, I know my podcast. It'll, if I've been listening to the podcast in my house,

then when I get into the car, it's playing the same thing that I was just listening to. Yes. Same with Spotify. And I don't understand. Yes. If you've got a fresh slate, if you've been listening to something or watching something,

like if I've been watching a YouTube video, sometimes the YouTube video will start playing when I plug it in, right? But if I'm all closed out, if I'm using, if I'm energy efficient, if I'm all closed out, if I'm trying to hide things from my kids, if all that is, if I'm doing that properly,

and then I plug it in, then Apple music every time. Apple music every time. They choose. They choose. I don't get to choose I am absent it's as if I am going crazy in my head every time I get in that car and now I'm in like my son the other day He was like daddy. Why does that song come on every time? And I'm like I don't know and he's like can you put on the Mickey Mouse March? And I'm like no no Mumford and son no

Son you're gonna need this song when you break, when you have your first break up. Falling slowly, feels right through me. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Daddy, what does it feel like? I'm drowning in sorrow. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, I don't worry, son, that's the way you'll feel

any day after 13 years old. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, You'll feel that way twice a day for the rest of your life. As soon as you turn 13, you'll realize, as soon as your balls drop and your voice gets lower, you're gonna feel that forever. Don't worry, son. He, the man, they are obsessed with music.

They are obsessed with music, all my kids. Oh yeah, no, my nephews are too. They, they, they want to listen to it when they're in the shower. They want to listen to it on the playground. They want to listen to it on the playground. They want to listen to it in the bedroom. That's right. I love it. I am so excited about this.

Unfortunately, their musical tastes have not. And they have developed. I'm not sure my musical tastes have developed either. I'm still, you know, I'm coming in the night, mole. But there's some music that I just know is not for them. Like I, I'm not going to go playing them, rage and get some machine, right? Not yet. No, no, no, I, well, I just know is not for them. Like I'm not gonna go playing them, rage against the machine, right? Not yet.

No, I do see parents that do this. Like I have a friend who I went to high school with and he's got a son, cutest button. He had him pretty young. So I think the kid now is probably in his 17, 18, 19, 20 years old, whatever. But he has been letting him listen to some pretty heavy metal. Like this guy was into heavy, heavy metals, named Bob.

And Bob was letting his kid, he was listening to those songs with his kid when he was very young. And so from a long time ago, like I remember seeing a post about, oh, what's his name's first concert, right? I'm not gonna name his son, but his first concert. And he had the headphones on and it was like, you know, kill machete or something. Like kill machete. Ah! And so some parents do open the world up and musically like that.

I feel bless you. She. I mean, the first actual sneeze I've ever had to do. You've ever had, the first time you've ever sneezed? Oh, on air? Yeah. I'm waiting for a thwarp to come out. Like a throw up fart in a burp at the same time as a thwarp.

But I feel like I want to let my kids have their own musical tastes for a while in their own ecosystem. And then I occasionally drop in a song. Now, my wife, however, does not take this same road because my girls are already asking for Taylor Swift songs every time I get in the car. So, well listen, it could be worse, I guess, you know, could be worse, could be, I don't know, Charlie X, X, or whatever. Do you listen to Charlie X, X? Well, no, not really, but I like her, and I wanted to at least hear the new song that had just come out, and then now I'm listening to her. But it's three months when I get into the car. Oh my god, yeah, it's terrible.

How do we go from the appell? To the appell. I'm not really sure. Oh, because we were talking about Apple news, you read an article and then I said, okay, Apple. But my thoughts on Jimmy Fallon are this, in conclusion. I think Jimmy is a human being. He's going to have moods up and down.

I think when you're working for somebody that closely in that intensive environment, you are going to have to just chill out a little bit and understand that he's also got some pressures on him and there are going to be times when he's in a good mood and in a bad mood and you shouldn't count your day based on his moods unless that's just the environment that you work in. Like, you have to, I don't know, you know, follow all over him. But also, and I think this comes from the top down, not from the bottom up. Jimmy, you got to take a deep breath, bro.

You're in the best job in all of late-night television, whatever that means anymore, but you have a huge contract. You live a wonderful life, and you got a great job. You shouldn't take it out in anybody that works around you. You should just, you know, humility, like... In all fairness, he apologized. He did do like some big apology. Yeah. Maybe he didn't realize that that was what was happening.

He was making, he didn't realize it about the cry room. Yeah, it's hard to do that when you're drunk. You know what I'm saying? The other thing that it was in the article, alluded to, the article alluded to the fact that Jimmy Mayer may not have, has had alcohol on his breath on numerous occasions.

Well, he's doing late night. Didn't he fall and like break open his hand one time because he was drunk? Didn't he have to have like hand surgery one time because he fell and he was drunk or he cut, he cut himself open and he had to get stitches and his arm was in a sling for a while. I do remember this and it happened because he was drunk. He had had too much alcohol. So, you know, welcome to the club, Jimmy.

You know. Yeah. Here's a piece of advice. But yeah, he's in late night, but those late night shows the film that three in the afternoon. I know, I know, I know. They're not gonna film that.

Come on, Chrissy, get it together. You're in the business, you should know. We're in the business. Are we in the business? We might be in get it together. You're in the business. You should know we're in the business. Are we in the business? We might be in the business. We're barely in the business. On the edge of the business. I'm only a job business. Careful. That's going to play every time. Oh yeah. Now Apple music is decided. That's my new favorite song. That's right. Falling slowly in the edge of tomorrow or is that edge of tomorrow? Whatever that song is by Lady Gaga. an edge of tomorrow or is that edge of tomorrow whenever that song is by Lady Gaga.

Where's Lady Gaga? Haven't heard from her in a while. Oh, she's, yeah, she's still around. Oh, okay. Making music, doing films, morning, Tony Bennett. Tell her I said hello. Oh, well. When you get a chance. Oh, finally, I feel like I was waiting forever for my turn to talk. Now that I have you, go to tcbpodcast.com to find all of our audio and video content, and follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCPpodcast. Wanted to be your turn to talk? Call us and spill the tea at 626-ask-tcb3, and you may hear your voice on the show. You can also text us your tea at 855-tc-8383 and boy do we love to hear it.

Anyway, take a listen to our sponsors and let's get back to the show. I found a former porn star, now a preacher, online, because I was trolling on the internet. As you do. As I do like to do. Let's take a listen. Yeah, bruh. Right there, there to do. Let's take a listen. Rainer, there we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I grew up without having relationship with my father.

That was tough. And through that, I saw that. I found out I had a massive dick. This guy looks like a porn star, by the way. He does, and it showed the very beginning of him just kind of looking off. Yeah, looking for a lower and off in the corner. I'm looking for my savior.

Tension. And I started modeling when I was 15 or 16, and all of a sudden I was getting positive reinforcement from places that I normally didn't. And I like the way that felt. So I said, let me combine one feeling that's really good with another feeling that's really good. And that's me rubbing myself off at night.

And then I learned that's called masturbation. And I can make money doing it. I honestly, I was like, if I am successful and any time a genre of film or theater, I would be loved. So, I took my 50 bucks and I went to California and I spent almost every cent I had. And then all of a sudden

50 and I got a $50 what? What? That's not what I expected to hear. I took $50 million and I spent almost every time trying to make it as a porn star. You spent $50. What was that? A burger at in the end? Right.

Yeah. Like, she, I don't have any more. And I got a job at a, like a steakhouse, like steakhouse slash bar in Los Angeles. So it also happened to be a dick show. And they had Kianne de Klasica. The Kianne de Klasica. When they asked for the old 69er, you know, that 69 ounce piece of meat. Right. They asked for the old 69er.

I found out quickly. It wasn't meat that they were looking for. Not that kind of meat., that 69 ounce piece of meat. They asked for the old 69er. I found out quickly. It wasn't meat that they were looking for. Not that kind of meat. Yeah, not that kind of meat. After working in the restaurant for a few months, I met a girl who was sitting at a table and they were all dressed very provocatively. They said, you should do movies.

I was like, oh yeah, actually, I am trying to be an actor. No one ever said that out in California working at a bar. No waiter or waitress I've never heard those words before he must have gone what look? It's my day He's got the reverse casting couch going on here. It's usually some creepy guy that's asking some young bartender You should do movies Come to my house and I'll well review a couple scripts that I haven't written yet Listen that and I really know adult movies and

I was like what what are you are rated? Wait, what do you mean you get I'm gonna get paid to fuck you girls Later guys, I think that's working at the steakhouse. Thanks for the 50 bucks, I'll talk to you guys later. You know, I gotta be real honest. I think I've seen this guy in a porn movie. Oh. Yeah.

Okay. My dick is getting hard, but I think that's an indicator that... That's not workplace harassment when you work at the commercial break, by the way. Don't write me. I don't want to hear about it. Chrissy has signed paperwork. They're like having sex on camera. Actually, given Chrissy's sexual appetite, I had to sign paperwork. I'm just saying. It... my instinct instinct reaction was like wow. Yeah, that's that's awesome. So they gave me their

information. It was to meet with their agent. So I met with that agent. He's like if you can do it and you'll be very successful. You know, if you can do it and then you can become a preacher, then we can make a really cool YouTube video with some really sad music behind it and make you look like a total stud. You'll have a reinvention twice, and then you're going to run for president and probably win. That's true.

Yeah, praise, praise. You'll be great. You'll be amazing. Just do it. Just do it. I was like, well, if I just do one, it'll be amazing. Just do it, just do it. I was like, oh, you know, if I just do one, it'll be okay. I showed up and I was terrified and everyone's like, don't worry about it, just take this pill.

You'll be able to perform. You'll be able to do it. And I did. Boy, did I. Boy, did I. I said, you just taken one or how many you take it. If I was in those porn movies, they'd have to shoot my cock up. Because I don't think I'd be able to get it up

with a cameraman and all that stuff, fluffer and all that shit. It'd be so weird. Yeah. I mean, honestly, I don't watch a lot of porn movies. And I think I've said this on the show before because I think it ruins your idea of, I'm just not all that interested in porn movies.

Pictures are more of my thing, right? Sexy images are more of my thing, and I maybe it's just like the time that I grew up. We didn't have access to actual action. You had to look at it. So maybe my sexual preferences are tailored or are, I don't know, they're a reflection of how I grew up

and what I kind of materials that I had access to, mainly the Sears catalog. So I, you know, but if you put me in a room, and then he said for those old, you know, the magazines. Oh yeah. And what happened to FHM and Victoria's Secret catalogs and the good old Playboy where they showed you just enough to get you there, but.

Poor Nub. Yeah, and now, poor Nub, yeah. Here, pro laps fisting, you know, but. Porn hub. Yeah, and now Porn hub, yeah. Here, pro laps fisting, you know, squirter all over the, it's like the craziest stuff. Amster goes down on squirter. Yeah, there's anything in everything. Yeah, I don't know.

I'm gonna keep my kids away from that as long as possible. Matthias is now four. He'll probably be fine porn when he's six. Yes. And that changed your rest of my life. He'll probably be fine porn when he's six. Yes. And that changed your estimate. I...

I mean, it's all over Twitter. Like, even if somebody's on Twitter, you can just find porn. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, Twitter's going to head that way anyway. It's just going to be a porn... That's been like having it, yeah. Pretty soon.

This music is way over dramatic for the story that he's telling. It's not that dramatic. At least it did a little boom to a boom. I didn't have a relationship with my father. Yeah, it's stories not that dramatic. At least a little boon to boon. I didn't have a relationship with my father. Yeah, join half of the world. You didn't have a relationship with their father. Yeah, number one, number two, you came to Los Angeles with $50, $50.

Join 90% of the people working in Los Angeles right now. And number three, you got asked to do porn movies with sexy hot girls. Weng, weng. And sucking hot girls for a living. All I remembered about it was nothing that what I did, just the environment around me. I didn't have a conversation with the girl.

I didn't know her name. We never even made eye contact. I felt. Now they don't want those guys to talk. No, fuck no. It's a job, you know what I understand? Like, I don't care those guys to talk. No, fuck no. It's a job, you know, I understand. Like, I don't care how hard you try. I'm sure that there is a part of you that has,

I don't care how into it you are. There's a part of you that has to disassociate a little bit from those scenes because it's take after take, you have to ram jack for hours, you know, the different angles. It's like a real movie. Only you actually are inside of somebody. That's kind of hard. Yeah. I felt the camera guy directing me to do stuff. Why I was doing that. It just didn't feel real.

It didn't feel like it truly happened. And then some of my friends thought I was embarrassed even though they were like, you know, dude, that's so cool. And then I thought, you know, if these people can see it, probably my friends thought, well, I mean, did you tell? Were you the one who showed them? Yeah, how did your friends find your porn video and see a porn video? Exactly. I have a feeling that somebody told them, somebody that's a cat out of the bag. He's telling this story like this now because of course he's a preacher and he has

to make it sound like he was dragged into this, right? But and listen, I'm not downplaying the guy's experience. Whatever experience was, is what it was. I'm just from an outside observer. It feels just a little disingenuous to say, well, then my friends found it. How did they find it? Because you posted it all over your Twitter probably. Look at what I'm doing, fucking hot girls. Family's good. Because I was 18 months and I know what that's like, okay? And then,

I was thinking about embarrassing my mom. What was tough? Should have thought about that before. Yeah, when you're like, you just thought about that after it came out. Yeah, they offered you a job. They started giving you medication to help with your boners. The lights were on, the cameras were on.

Did you not think at that moment, like, Hey, mom, yeah. Hey, mom, remember how you wanted me to be a doctor? I'm a pussy doctor now. Even that I justified. I've already did one so what's the difference if I do another one and then all of a sudden you know I've done a few and all of a sudden I'm the most prolific porn star that I've ever lived.

I'm opinion avian. Oh yeah. He did by the way I looked it up. Of course he did. I think that does protest a little too much. Yeah. You know, three or four thousand dollars in less than a month.

And all of a sudden I was doing 20 a month. And our family did find out. Yeah. Of course they did. Of course they did. Because you're posted it on your Twitter and sending it to your friends. I mean, obviously you've got a ton of money

and you're making all of these, yeah, and your friends now. It's gonna get back to your parents. And your boner never goes down, not even a Thanksgiving dinner, because you're all pumped up full of dick drugs. Hey John, I don't wanna be rude. And I know it's been a long time since we talked about your penis, but as your mother, I have to to ask why are you so hard all the time?

It's my job mom. I pound pussy for 11. And I still didn't stop. I became this person I didn't even know and the more I was willing to care less about myself the more I was willing to do and next thing I knew I'd done a thousand movies. I'm crying. Jesus Christ. Look.

Listen, the slippery slope. It's a slippery slope and I have no idea what the porn industry is like. So I'm not here to tell anybody what the porn industry is like and I know that there must be sleazy shitty fucking fucked up things that happen in that business. But it's 2023. So I'm imagining you were doing these in 2015.

And even back then, porn stars are perfectly acceptable human beings. It's not like, yeah, it's not like you went and murdered people and then you were embarrassed about it. You had sex on camera. You chose to do that. A thousand times. No, like own it.

Yeah, own it. I was a porn star. I want a war. Yeah, now I got old my dick doesn't work the same So I'm gonna get preacher I had to figure out how to cover that $40,000 a month I was working and I figured what better scam than preacher Sleep paid for housing paid for housing car food bread wine. Yeah bread wine pussy It's all there for you I mean, food, bread, wine. Yeah, bread, wine, pussy. It's all there for you.

Just ask our prosperity preachers. Yeah, just ask Carl or anybody else who has been caught up in some sex scandal and it seems like they all have. Shower, I couldn't get clean enough because I couldn't wash off the hurt. Oh my God, this is so fucking traumatic. He's been a shower.

Water's running down his bay. What do you know what I'm imagining is that he's part of one of those newfangled Christian churches where they have the band and the coffee shop and a roller coaster outside, you know, the whole nine yards to attract people to come and spend a lot of time there and spend a lot of money. And this is probably playing on the, this is probably a movie, may or a short, it's been yet made for the big screen at the church. Yeah, we're right.

It's his confession. Yes. Yes, explain himself. Ha, ha. I sound. I sound. Yeah. I stand.

So, rather than tell you, I really enjoyed it. It was a great time in my life, and now I need a new job. I'm gonna make a movie where they fill me in the shower. All that embarrassment over being naked on camera. So now I'm gonna be naked in front of this camera, and I'm gonna play it for the church. He's in the shower.

What kind of fucking movie is this? And I truly believed at that point that I didn't matter. And that that went on for, you know, well over five years. And I was going to positive check and then Tyler looked at me and said, Josh, was there anything else I can do for you? And I said, yeah, give me a blumpkin. I said, my dick's still hard from the photo from the last shoot I did five years ago. Could you just get me off one time? I was Fifth-positing a check in the teller looks at me. First time I heard my-

Oh, sorry. You heard his name? Yes. Wait, I'm replaying. When the casting people call and say, hey, is this Josh? Yeah. Josh, you're a wall. I think it's what she said. I'm replaying. When the casting people call and say, hey, is this Josh? Yeah. Josh, you're well. I think it's what she said.

But, you know, for dramatic effect, he's saying, it's the first time I've heard my name in five years. And then Tyler looked at me and said, Josh, was there anything else I can do for you? That was the first time I heard my name in a long time. And I just lost it. And then when I looked at my home, I looked myself for the

mirror and I was like, what have I done? I changed my name to Josh. It's always been Joshua. What have I done? What have I done with my life? I haven't been home in two Christmas's. I wasn't taking care of my mom. I wasn't taking care of my brother. So I called the director and told him that I'm never coming back. He's like, cool. Call the next god list. What was your name again?

Joshua. Joshua. Well, I don't know when he's Joshua, but we do have a Josh that works there. Josh, is that you? Who is this? Same my name. Josh. Josh, I'm off. But we do have a Josh that works here Josh is that you? Josh

Okay, dude, you're being weird and I don't care if you show up cuz I'll just take your place Yeah, another guy waiting I get my own day card. Don't worry about it. You're cool So that's what I did Ran I ran for my life. I moved to North Carolina. I ran. I ran all the way to North Carolina like for his gun. I ran so far away. And I ran. I ran so far away.

I get and get away. I'm not doing no more for movies. Every night I'd have dreams of the things I did. So even though I wasn't know more about movies. Every night, I would have dreams of the things I did. So even though I wasn't doing it, I would have to say, I said, yeah, go to the therapist for that. You don't need this old confessional video. If they did my confessional video, it would be like three times as long and way more dramatic.

Yeah, I just tucked away, wasn't dealt with. The last thing I wanted to do was face what I did. And I'd ruin my relationship with my family. My mom, anytime I reached out to her, she's like, I love you no matter what. I heard it so bad. Then it's not like I was ruined then. Yeah.

It's not ruined. Ever do I read to my parents, you say I'd love you no matter what. Yeah, but I think, I mean, I don't want to, I don't want to claim to know what's in this guy's head or, or, or even what the purpose of the video is, but because I don't fucking know, I don't care. I really don't. But this just sounds like you had a, you had a job that other people were embarrassed, other people felt judged you for. And then you walked into the most judgmental place on earth, is church and then they were like wait you were a fucking porn star and he's got to find a way to make it sound like it was so miserable and now that I found Jesus Christ our Savior

our Lord now everything's better and the truth is I think he's just pining for the camera like he used to. I heard it say no matter what because I knew I embarrassed her. And then I met someone else. When I met Hope, I was like, like even though she likes me, like she doesn't, she doesn't know what I'm talking. I was like, yes, now we can finally start doing some of those streaming channels I've been looking

to make money on. You know the kind where you just pop on, chat or bait, where you pop on and they're live, fucking each other. There's no way that she could accept me for who I am. She asked me if I believe in God. And I said yes. And after she asked me, I felt like I had to tell her something. I did point out every time, you know, over five years. It's you looking at the face and said, that's not who you were.

God's forgave you for that. Why can't I? I was like, wow. That's what's been Christian. You had a big smile. Yeah, she had a big smile and she said, that's not who you are. And don't tell my parents

Next, let me see your dick yet now Let's put some of that experience to good use take this pill So not not long after that together we went to hope And when I want you met her name was Hope and then you went to the Hope Church? Hope. We were sitting there and Mike's talking straight to me and he's like, no matter how bright you are, it's never too late. And I believe that my whole life changed.

Here I am. It's so undeserving that he stood down, he picked me up, and he brushed me off, and I was clean. It was like it was never happening in his eyes. Okay, let me point this out because I just really drives me crazy about religion. That he in some way was a broken, empty, undeserving man because of choices that he made as an adult to make money and provide for himself and follow, you know, somewhat of his dream,

maybe it wasn't his perfect dream, but hey, listen, you got it, you got it, use it. It why should someone feel undeserving because in the eyes of someone else, that's not good enough, that's not the right thing to do. That we shouldn't be doing this. Not illegal. He didn't hurt anybody.

He's just going around having sex with people on camera for money. Is it everybody's choice? No. Do you want your son or daughter to end up being a porn star? I don't know. Maybe some people do. Maybe some people don't.

According to the search history on PornHub, but a lot of people do want their daughters to do porn. But especially their step daughters. But I think the problem with this type of, think this type of mentality is that we put people down for what we perceive they should do. But the truth is this dude isn't broken. He just, he was young, he was dumb, he was full of calm, and he decided to get paid for it. And you know what, there's nothing wrong with that. You're not broken around deserving, bro. And you don't need church to tell you that you're anything better than you already know

that you are, which is a perfectly healthy, happy, worthwhile human being. Strapping man. Strapping on young man. You're a perfectly happy strap on young man. Looking Chrissy getting all excited. She's finding a way to get over to that Hope Church. Her and Jeff are gonna have a four-some with Hope, Hope and Johnny Be Good or whatever his name is.

Oh my God. Why? Each of their own and if it made him feel better about himself, okay? Listen, if church makes you feel better about yourself, great. I'd say go for it. What an amazing turnaround for that young man. I don't think he should be embarrassed about his past. I think he should be embraced and say,

it was bad in my life. Yeah, like my kids are going to ask me about the commercial break. Yes. We're going to have to. I'm going to be a preacher one day too with a sad video. They told me I was gonna make money. Someone told me I was gonna be a millionaire. So I made a series of increasingly bad decisions.

I've been here for five years. Over five years. And when I was finally broke and left with nothing, I decided to... I met Hope. Not the actual person, I mean Hope, you know. The most expensive thing in the strip club. Hope! Oh man.

Alright, ccbpodcast.com. That's where you go to find out more about Chrissy and I. Read all the show notes, all the audio and all the video. It's right there. You don't have to leave the website. You can listen to it all, watch it all, all that good stuff. And 21 EPM stickers. We're giving them away for free to you.

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Full-y edited episodes every time they air here on the audio feed. Go check it out, subscribe, please. Do us a favor. Do us that one favor. Go to YouTube and subscribe to the channel. Alright, Chrissy, as you can hear by my voice, I think that's all we can do for today. I think so, Ryan. So I love you. I love you. Best you.

Best you. Best you out there in the podcast universe until next time. Chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say. Good bye. Good bye.and we must say good byeI'm aI'm aI'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a

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