The Commercial Break - It's A Mystery Sweepstakes
Episode Date: July 26, 2023Stick it in, we're winning ten million dollars! Bryan & Krissy find a mandela effect mystery that Bryan solves! All for Gen X's trust issues... Podcast comment scams We get distracted too easily Br...yan loves to cry Barbenheimer Ryan Gosling Getting addicted to ibuprofen William H. Macy Bryan’s teeth (they’re bad) A very concerning oral surgeon Bryan, please get us the best dental insurance money can buy BBJ Why Gen X doesn’t trust anyone Ed McMann & Publishers Clearing House Is Krissy Bryan’s binky? The Mandela Effect Bryan solves a mystery LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us or leaving a voicemail at: 1.855.TCB.8383 Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Written By: Bryan Green Exec Producers: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Content Production & Research: Tina Khano YouTube Producer & Editor: Morgan Please Producer & Audio Editor: Christina A. Executive Director: Astrid B. Associate Producer: Gustavo Episodic Contribution: Marianne, Diane, Natalie, Will The Champ, Will D** Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcript
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I know what I ain't, I know what I ain't to sell, yeah!
You know it's your girl!
On this episode of the commercial break, I knew I better end up fast.
I knew I wanted to stick my dick in the envelope, that's what I knew.
I knew I better enter fast.
So I finished my dozen Christmas creams.
And I went to the post office and I got myself some two cents stamped.
And then I sent in, I sent it back in, and then before you know, and I'm $10 million richer,
I lost my wife, and all my children.
The next episode of the Commercial break starts now. Oh yeah, Cass again, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend
and beautiful co-host, the director of aviation services. Chris enjoy, hopefully, best to you,
Chris.
And best to you out there in the podcast universe.
Okay, I want to do an update from the last episode, because remember I was telling you
at the very end of the episode that someone had left the
comments on one of our reviews saying that Brian had appeared on a Patreon
episode of I don't fucking know what the name of the podcast is and I don't care.
But we were confused. We were confused because I'd never shown up on this
podcast. I didn't even know the name of the podcast they were talking about.
So in my inevitable internet research about this podcast, I didn't even know the name of the podcast they were talking about. So in my inevitable internet research about this podcast
and exactly what they do and who they are,
I figured out that it's a wrestling podcast.
I think there's so many, the name is so ubiquitous
that there are literally a million podcasts
with the exact same name.
So first dumb mistake you made is that you didn't spell out
which version of that particular name in the podcast.
There are 30 of them.
And so how would anybody know which one to go to?
Number two is I think I identified
that it's a wrestling podcast.
That's only had like 17 episodes,
but they were literally five years ago
that these 17 episodes came out
and they've rebooted the show.
Same name, different RSS feed, different cover art, and what they did is they went around
to almost every comedy podcast out there, and they put the exact same review, which was
Five Start, Love the Show, Loved the...
So, and so was very funny.
In our insert name here, there were very funny on the Patreon episode of this, hoping that
they could get someone, you know, catfish, essentially, into their Patreon.
Let me tell you something.
I know that the commercial break is not a good podcast.
I understand that.
I get it.
We're not dumb over here.
We actually, we are dumb over here, but we're not that dumb.
According to my, yeah, according to my, according to Chris, I Q test zero, zero,
point zero, Mr. Blue Towski.
zero point zero mr. blue talsky
But we're not that dumb and so what we just play one on the podcast Yeah, we just played dummies on the podcast. I did stay at a holiday in last night though
So these people didn't leave the name of the like they didn't leave any identifying
Information as to where you would find this supposed podcast on Patreon. And I don't think anyone's dumb enough to go sign up for your Patreon just because you left a comment
and review because I got news for you. We love the reviews and we're likely the only
ones that are reading them. So no one else reads who the fuck reads reviews.
We read them all. I read them all. Everybody else's reviews too. And I'm like, I can't say
that. Don't do that. It's like reading other people's reviews is like a good,
it's a good guide post as where you should go
and where you shouldn't go.
When I see a big controversy blow up
on another comedy podcast in the comments,
in the reviews, I'm like, don't go there.
Hence the reasons we now only do Frankie B
and Mountain Monsters because everything else
is too hot to handle.
That's it. But you didn't win this time, my friend.
You may have gotten your review in, and there's nothing I can do about that.
But if you see on our reviews, if you're one of the one people who actually read reviews
of a podcast, and you see that it says that I appeared on another podcast, I have never
appeared on another, I haven't appeared on another podcast in years.
So don't get fooled.
Don't be fooled into going to that wrestling podcast,
Patreon.
I don't wanna see them make the money.
However, I don't hate the player.
Nobody was trying to load gorilla marketing.
They, you know, he listened.
You got, I guess you gotta give him a little bit of credit
for the gorilla marketing.
But don't go over there, don't pay them $5 to not hear me.
If you want to hear me,
just turn on one of the 600,000 episodes
of the commercial break.
For free.
Literally for free.
You don't have to do a goddamn thing.
You don't have to pay anybody.
We tried Patreon.
You guys wouldn't pay for it.
So.
Well, we thought that they wouldn't accept,
you remember you didn't actually check the email inbox
that Jeff was coming to?
He. So. We shut it down. That's true. That was coming too. Hehehe.
We shut it down.
We were like, nobody's doing anything.
Nobody's listening.
Yeah.
And then, you know, like a year later, you said, oh, I did check that he ran.
Oh, but yeah.
And people.
About a year ago, we started realizing that some people were writing in and saying, I
would do an ad-free version of the show on Patreon.
And I was like, yeah, it's just a bad ad.
And I came and went. It was a good idea back then we don't like it anymore
It's too much effort. I don't want to put all that effort into it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah
Do you remember we're doing two fucking episodes for like a week we did
We did that's how we started off we did one episode on Tuesdays
I think it was and then we moved to Wednesdays because we couldn't manage to get up on Mondays
and do the show.
Oh, we changed it to Wednesday.
And then we did a second episode for Patreon only.
And I think there's like four episodes of that,
but you can really tell,
or this is what we would do.
We would end the show and we'd be like,
we're gonna continue the conversation over on Patreon.
And then we were literally as boring as we could be
for 20 minutes and then we turned it
off. It's like the worst of the world. We try to we try to newsletter to remember that.
The break room. The break the break room where you get free content every week. So after
Patreon failed, we were like, well, we'll just give it to him for free, but they have to sign up for
our newsletter. I think we had many happy's from many potential scammers of the commercial
break that wanted our break room. Many happy's. Your podcast is many happy's. Thank you, sir. Your
podcast is many happy's too. I'd appreciate you. The break room was worse than
Fagerow because then we really didn't give a shit. We almost gave a shit when someone was
going to pay five dollars a month, but we never gave a shat when no one was going to pay. We had one meeting about it. You come
up with this content, I'll come up with this content and then it never meant to be. I wrote
a story for that break room. I wrote like a funny thing, a funny paragraph. I don't think
anybody opened the evening. Wasn't it about the review on, hold on, it's coming to me. Amazon, the candy, the candy.
The candy.
The gummy.
Yes, not consummated.
The other thing, they were running right through them.
Yeah, I don't know if anybody remembers this,
but for like a hot minute during the pandemic,
everybody was getting the runs,
and they supposedly from these Chinese gummies
were being sold on Amazon.
So we bought some and my kids ate them.
We never even followed through the experiment.
We're so bad.
Yeah, I was watching this Instagram clip that we put on the other day and it was like,
I forget what I was saying.
I was like, we do nothing.
We're the as lazy as we possibly can be.
I'm like, I'm going to a rousing endorsement for our podcast.
We're mediocre and we get even worse when you get our free stuff. I think we get sidetracked.
You think we get sidetracked?
I three year old kid has a better attention span than we do.
We tried with the notebook, but...
Do you know what happened sometimes?
Is Tina helping with the notebook?
Yeah, Tina's going to be in here tomorrow reviewing that notebook. You know what happens sometimes? Is Tina helping with the notebook? Yeah, Tina's gonna be in here tomorrow reviewing that notebook.
You know what happens sometimes I've realized?
I don't, you know, I used to listen to the show like three or four times, like a wee recording
episode and I listened to it three or four times because I edited the show forever and
ever until last year when we got Christina.
And Christina has been wonderful, but what she's done is she's taken me out of the loop
of listening to the show after we record it.
Essentially, I don't listen to it very often.
But when I was on vacation, I decided,
well, let me listen to a few episodes
and see where I think we can make improvements, right?
I'm making an effort.
Well, everywhere.
Everywhere.
What's the answer to that?
That's right.
There wasn't one episode where I was like,
ah, that's spectacular.
I was kind of like, well, there was one thing I laughed at there, but you know what? I got frustrated with us
You know I got frustrated with us because we really do get distracted very easy
I'll be on a train of thought you'll say something and we'll go off in a totally different direction
And I'm like wait, I wanted to hear what I had to say on that subject
I'm so interesting to myself that I wanted to know what I was thinking.
I don't even know what I was thinking because I didn't get the thought out.
So listen, I don't think that's going to change.
Look over here.
Yeah, anything over here, huh?
Squirrel!
Who's that dog, the dog from up?
Squirrel!
I see.
A squirrel. That was the bestirrel. I see, a squirrel.
That was the best movie.
I do love that movie.
Up was the first Pixar movie where I cried.
I was like crying like a little baby.
Oh my God, it's so emotional.
It's so sweet.
I gotta be honest, the older I get, the more I like crying.
I feel like I like crying.
I do.
When something gets me, I just don't feel afraid anymore
to cry.
And that's why I'm a little nervous about going to see
Barbie movie with us
because i know there's gonna be a moment that are on the like it's not a
little bit
got a barbie movie is going bananas barbenheimer whatever they call it well
that's the other movie but they call it barbenheimer together
it's the biggest opening for
cinema ever here in the center
four hundred fifty million dollars made between these two movies
I just think here in the United States if I'm not mistaken and it's Barbie
I'm definitely mistaken, but you know, I'm gonna pretend like I know what I'm talking about
Barbie and Oppenheimer, but that you know my brother went and saw Barbie and he said it was really good
He said it was really good. Our daughter went to go see it last night and she said it was incredible
And they dressed up they were all in their pain. Yeah, we're a pink shirt. Why not? I'm gonna give
a shit. I'm worried if I'm not sure right now. Yeah, I'm wearing a pink shirt right now.
We're pink shirts are shirts all the time. I'm afraid. Not afraid to go Z-Barbie. I'm not afraid.
It's going to turn my dick into a vagina. It doesn't work like that guys. It doesn't work like that.
You can't turn your vagina, your dick into a vagina just by walking into the Barbie movie.
You then have to sit through the entire thing. Then you turn into a vagina.
That's right.
So, and you know what? I'm gonna give the vagina a chance because I know.
It's Barbie.
It's a wonderful world.
What's not to like about the Barbie movie?
That's what I was saying too. I mean, it's so nostalgic for me and for lots of girls,
but also guys too.
You know what Ken was rocking it?
I liked La La Land so much.
Astrid didn't like it, but I liked it so much
that I'm willing to go see Ryan Gosling
in almost any movie where he sings.
Because I was impressed by the whole movie.
I thought it was really, did you like La La Land?
How can you not like La La Land?
La La Land was so good.
I'm very particular about my singing movies.
There's only one singing movie that I like. It's a lot of a land.
That's it.
That and Lion King.
I mean, there's only two singing movies that I really like.
And those are the two.
Oh Chicago.
I couldn't get into Chicago.
I just couldn't do it.
No.
Roxy.
I don't even remember the names.
That's how bad it was.
I watched that.
What's that one where the guy did the Hans, whatever his name was or whoever did, what's
that movie now, I can't think of whatever his name was or whoever did, what's
that movie now, I can't think of it.
Not ladies, Mizorah, but.
A lot of the old ones are classics, like singing in the rain.
There's that famous guy who's famous for making like, you know, like a pastiche, multi-colored
musical movies.
Wait, did he do the, yes.
Not like, yes, you know what I'm talking about?
You know what I'm talking about?
Mulan Rouge!
Yes, Mulan Rouge.
Mulan Rouge.
And I watched that movie and that was okay, but I couldn't get into it.
I had a friend and she just, like when that came out, that Mulan Rouge, she just burned
the fuck out of that CD.
And I was like, it's, it's not that good.
Like it's okay, but it's not that good.
What was the moment George Clooney and they were like, you know,
the constant
and he's
that one. That shout out
art thou, thou art. You know what I'm talking about.
We're so bad. I know. We're literally two senior citizens trying to remember
which musicals are done.
I came out a long time ago.
It did.
Where are thou?
Oh brother, where are the...
Brother, where are the...
Oh that was a good movie.
That was a good movie.
It was a good movie.
Any of those movies with those,
those, the Cohen brothers, is good.
There's not a movie in the Cohen brothers catalog
that I don't like.
Exactly.
If Fargo is one of the best movies in my opinion,
that's ever been made.
And Fargo is amazing.
Anytime Fargo is on, I will stop and I will watch Fargo
because the guy, I certainly don't ask me to remember
his fucking name, but the guy, oh, William,
William Macy.
Yeah.
How did I even remember that Brian?
That's amazing.
It's amazing.
I want to, I want to talk to my psychiatrist or my therapist
and tell her how much I'm remembering.
I thought I was getting early onset to mention one time.
No, everybody thinks that I think we're inundated
with so much today.
So then my doctor gives me a test.
So I go into my doctor, I'm having cluster headaches.
And so he says, what do you do for the cluster headaches?
Again, we're getting completely off track. And I want to get back to this. So I'm just putting headaches and so he says, what do you do for the cluster headaches? Again, we're getting completely off track
and I wanna get back to this.
So I'm just putting a post in this
because I know I'm gonna be frustrated at myself
that I don't get my mic.
I'll write it down, we went back to,
we're gonna get back to William H.
William H. Mason, okay.
So I go to the doctor, cluster headaches,
can't remember a fucking thing
and I'm really concerned.
Like I'm actually legitimately concerned.
Yeah, it's a tumor.
Yeah, it's a tumor. I'm dying, I have early onset dementia. That's what's going on. I'm gonna be. Like I'm actually legitimately concerned. Yeah, it's a tumor. Yeah, it's a tumor.
I'm dying.
I have early onset dementia.
That's what's going on.
I'm going to be on pile of motion five years
and I won't recognize my children.
I'm so stressed out about this for weeks.
I can finally get an appointment with the doctor,
a doctor that I really respect and like,
and he's very pragmatic.
He's very pragmatic.
He's a pragmatic practice.
So, just like me.
So I go in there and I say,
that dog, these headaches today. I can't remember anything. I mean, I don't even remember the guy's go in there and I say, that dog, he's headaches today,
I can't remember anything.
I mean, I don't even remember the guy's name actually.
I don't know my own doctor's name, so.
Hey.
I really don't remember his name.
So this is what I say to him and he goes,
stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Purple, George Washington, you know,
Turtle shell and I'm like, what? And he's like, purple, George Washington, Turtle shell. And I'm like, what?
And he's like, purple, George Washington, Turtle shell.
And I'm like, okay, he's like, just remember those three words.
And I was like, okay, he's like, continue.
And I was like, I got this cluster headache,
but it's out of that, you're not there,
it's not that.
And then he stops and he says, red.
And I was like, what?
And he goes, red, remember that.
And I was like, okay.
And so then he's like, continue.
He says, listen, you're taking ibuprofen
for your cluster headaches, Stop taking ibifrofen
You have bounce back headaches, and I'm like what he's like you're physically addicted to ibifrofen
And I'm like physically addicted ibifrofen
If I'm gonna be physically addicted to anything is gonna be viking and why ibifrofen? I'm that much of a pussy
I'm that much of a lightweight. I stopped drinking. I get addicted ibifrofen
That's my vice in life
I used to do blow on a Tuesday afternoon of strippers' tits.
And now I'm addicted to IV Provin.
Yeah.
What?
That's what happened.
I am getting early on said to mention from IV Provin.
So this goes on for half an hour.
He tells me all about this bubble, but Brian,
so then at the end of it, I say, okay,
stop taking IV Provin, do stretches for this,
but I just had to out, what's the four words I said? And I was like, you know, purple George Washington, you know, turtle
shell red. And he's like, you have no problems with your memory. You're good. He's like, you're
good. He's like, you're old. You're getting old. You're good. I tend to think though. It's,
I mean, it has to be something related to all. I mean, we're inundated with everything
on time. He said, yeah, he said, And like, it's so much the fact that like,
I can't even decide where I need to focus.
I mean, I want to read the news.
I want to listen to podcast.
I want to listen to music.
Oh, yeah.
And then there's this other thing that I want to go
to the museum that's got the thing.
It's the thing I wanted to see.
And then they're,
you're so right.
You are so fucking right about this.
And then try having children on top of that.
Yeah.
12 children, how many fucking kids
are running around in this house?
You have all these kids, and it becomes the center
of attention 24 fucking hours a day,
and you're so right about this.
Even if I didn't have children,
there are so many movies, television shows,
books that are half finished, audio, podcasts
that I starred and I never finished.
There's, and then put on top of that,
the pure nonsense that I'm researching
for this fucking show all the time.
My head is literally, I could tell you
every crappy dating show that ever existed,
but I have a hard time remembering my third child's name.
Like, that's how terrible my mind is right now.
And then I decided, and then I talked to him about this,
and I think this is true.
I think I did have a bit of this,
what they call, what they refer to as long COVID,
this brain fog, and I will tell you something. There is a moment, there is like two months of this, what they call, what they refer to as long COVID, this brain fog, and I will tell you something.
There is a moment, there is like two months
of this podcast, if I go back and I listen
to those episodes, I can tell I'm having brain fog.
I can tell I'm struggling to get some words out.
I'm speak so fast that if I make a mistake,
I just talk faster, like you know what I'm saying?
Like I just, I don't give you time to recognize
that I'm making a mistake, because I just think
so fast and talk so fast.
But there was two months period when I could tell
that I was struggling.
I can remember the day, February 15th,
day after Valentine's Day.
You can remember the day you lost your memory?
I can remember the day that I lost my memory.
Wow.
I can remember the day when the fog lifted.
When I actually felt like I woke up
and like my brain was
Clear and I think that has something to do with COVID. Yeah, no, I think so too. There's stuff
They don't even know about that. I know that COVID
But we're all learning about it now. They the masks weren't working the social distancing was just made up
Listen, they were just doing the best they can with the information they had at the time. I ain't mad
What were they gonna do nothing? Just say say, we don't know, so don't do anything.
That's not what they were gonna say.
They had to say something.
They had to do something, so that's what they did.
So when William H. Macy.
Back to William H. Macy.
Back to William H. Macy.
Back to William H. Macy.
Back to William H. Macy.
Back to William H. Macy.
Back to William H. Macy.
Back to William H. Macy.
Back to William H. Macy.
Back to William H. Macy.
Back to William H. Macy.
Back to William H. Macy.
Back to William H. Macy.
Back to William H. Macy.
Back to William H. Macy. Back to William H. Macy. Back to William H. Macy. Back to William H. Macy. Back to William H. Macy. movie starts to come unglued because of his own doing that is a moment in a movie when
you either feel it in your bones or you don't feel it when he's sitting in his office and
someone has called him and they ask him for the venn numbers because he's been fraudulently
bar you know stealing the money and taking these loans out and all this other stuff.
When in that moment when you look at his face and he starts thrashing the office around, and he's really upset because he knows he just got his wife
kidnapped for absolutely no reason. It's not working out. In that moment, you either feel
that. You either know that feeling of, oh shit, I fucked up and I need to try and fix it
or come clean or whatever, or you don't know that feeling. Brian knows that feeling a million times over because I basically live my life like that.
Sorry, sorry.
So he is so good in that movie.
And the Cohen brothers directed that movie so brilliantly
that in my opinion, in my estimation,
you feel that movie, if you feel that movie,
you feel it deep down in your bones.
Like you just get that sense.
You know what you would have done in that similar situation.
I know what I would have done.
Had I had my wife kidnapped for money because the commercial
break was not making it, what did I just say?
Cars, cars, I meant the cars, the cars, not the commercial break.
If anybody's out there, the nose up. Chrissy needs to be kidnapped.
Don't worry, Chrissy.
You're just going on a ride for a few hours.
But it's my ploy to get people back on Patreon.
If we can get three Patreon members, I'll release Chrissy.
Could you imagine if someone could connect you
and the ransom demand was free additional Patreon followers?
If it was this podcast,
Chrissy would be gone forever.
No one wants to pay for us.
Everyone's happy to ride on their co-tails.
Jeff would pay.
Jeff would pay.
I'm not so sure.
I mean, I'm sure he would pay.
But for Patreon, you'd probably be like,
do I really have to get Patreon?
Can I just give you the $15?
But that's okay, you can go to Rocket Money
and cancel your subscription.
Rocket Money, sponsors this episode.
I heard you're doing that, yeah.
Oh, good, I'll go to Rocket Money.
Look, those guys are Rocket Money.
Yes.
I have to get a tooth pulled.
Oh, again?
Not again, when are you talking about again?
Well, you had a root canal.
I had a root canal.
I had a root canal.
What do you think I could just T-foam out of my head?
I don't know. Cause I have early onset dementia. It doesn't think I could just T-foil out of my head? Because I have early onset to mention, it doesn't
mean my teeth are going to. Is that the same tooth? Same tooth. Same tooth.
I can't save it. I had a root canal on this tooth back in January, January
February. Doctor, actually, let's go back a little bit. Doctor, November, I go get my teeth
cleaning. Every three months. Two cleaning. So every three months. Every three months.
You get your teeth cleaned every three months? Yes, I do. I know you're only
supposed to get it done every five months or whatever. What is it? three months. Every three months. Yeah. You get your declin every three months. I do. I know you're only supposed to get it done
every five months or whatever. What is six months? Six months? Or the insurance
allows you to get it done every six months. I get it done every three months.
And I'll tell you why. It's because I had so many issues with my teeth that I
no longer wish to have the issues with my teeth. I hate it. I hate people
putting their hands in my mouth. I hate dental work for people that have bad teeth
that have to get all that work done. It's terrible and thank you. I appreciate the sentiment. It's terrible.
I feel empathy for you. So thank you. So I go and they do the yearly, you know,
whatever the X-rays or the every twice a year X-rays. They do the X-rays and the doctor comes in and she says,
you got a crack in one of your teeth and I'm like what? And she's like, it's tiny. It's a hairline and it wasn't bothering me.
So I was like, well, it's not bothering me.
She's like, I know it's not bothering you now,
but it's a crack in your tooth,
and it's going to bother you at some point.
Well, lo and behold, you know,
during the holidays it started bothering me.
So in January, February, I go and I get a root canal.
Now, like the two other root canals
before that I've had in my life,
my roots are so deep, they're so big
that she has to use special drills
to get down to the bottom of that.
Yes, and it was a three hour procedure the first time.
I get out of the chair, I've been there for three hours,
she's had this thing holding my mouth open the entire time.
And on top of that, I have TMJ.
So now my entire mouth is just irritated and swollen.
So I let it kind of settle down over the next couple of weeks
and then it starts
hurting again. That same too. I go in, she's like, that's impossible. You have a root canal.
If you're having pain, there's something else going on here. So she goes in again. She
opens the tooth up again. She goes in.
I remember when you were doing all of this. Yeah.
She does it a second time. Then she gives me antibiotics and steroids. Everything goes
away. I come back, you know, back in the day, I would have gone to the dentist,
at least for some good pain killers.
You know what I'm saying?
I would have walked in and been like,
I need some viking it for this.
But now I'm just addicted to the IV profit,
so I can't have any viking it.
I'm a full-blown addict.
Whatever you've been just.
Whatever you've been doing for a while.
That's right.
So then third time, third time's the charm,
and still I'm feeling pain.
So I go and I get a second opinion.
And the lady says the same thing, you got a hairline fracture.
The Rookanelles beautiful, it's been done nicely, but there's a fracture.
And fractured teeth sometimes, they can't be combed.
The pain cannot be calmed.
You have to go get it pulled.
So I go to the oral surgeon and he's like, yeah, you're gonna have to yank it.
That's he walks in the door and he's like, yeah, you're gonna have to yank it. That's he walks in the door and he's like,
yep, gonna have to yank it.
And I'm like, of course you would say that.
That's your job, I know.
He was amazing.
He was really nice.
His nurse was super nice.
Yeah, he didn't get a lot of.
She was making it up for him.
Yeah, seriously.
Well, I waited in a fucking line
to get into the dentist yesterday.
I guess Mondays and when they do all the consultations
and then they do all the surgeries the rest of the week.
So I waited in a line, everybody's getting pushed in
and out of there.
I walk in, literally the nurse spends 30 minutes with me,
you know, explaining what's gonna happen
or what could happen or, you know, she's,
but let me, the dentist will tell you,
he walks in and goes, yeah, I'm gonna have to hang in.
And I go, why?
And he goes, we mean why?
Is it hurting you?
And I go, yeah?
And he goes, well, you gotta pull it out.
And I was like, I know, but this is like,
there's something you could do to save it.
He's like, what do you want me to do?
I pull it out, I put it in a new tooth.
That's what I do.
That's how I save it.
Right.
And I'm like, oh, Jesus, he's like, but I'm gonna have
to also do a bone graft.
And I'm like a bone graft.
Bone graft, Jeff's mom had to have that.
Oh, I'm like, why a bone graft?
And he's like, well, because when I put the,
the peg in you, the steel peg in your jaw.
Yeah, it's a whole thing.
Steel peg in my jaw.
Yep.
What?
Really?
And he's like, yes, really.
I'm gonna swill this fucking steel peg
about an inch and a half up into your jaw.
He goes, but it's such a big opening
because you have such long roots.
I'm gonna have to do a bone graft.
Here's how I do it.
I take blood, I spin out the particles,
or the platelets, or whatever.
I just mix it up with sand,
and I stuff it in your mouth.
Your body will recognize it and grow new bone. And I'm like, that sounds awful. And he goes, yeah, it's her, whatever. I just mix it up with sand and I stuff it in your mouth. Your body will recognize it and grow new bone.
And I'm like, that sounds awful.
And he goes, yeah, it's not very pleasant.
But the good news is you'll be asleep.
And I'm like, I will.
And he goes, if you pay for it.
And I'm like, well, will you expect me to be awake?
I'll expect you to be awake.
I know.
And he goes, I don't expect you to do anything.
He goes, but if you want to be awake,
I'm like, I don't want to be awake.
But it costs more to go to sleep.
He's like, yeah. I got to get in there and see. He's like,
what, do you not know how this all works? And I was like, no, I don't actually. I've never
had a tooth implant. So he says, well, listen, you do this one of two ways. You do it awake.
I'll dope you up as much as I can. I'll make that now. This is my other's numb. But if I had
to put my knee on your chest
to pull that tooth out, it may be unpleasant.
Oh my gosh.
And I was like, you gotta be kidding me.
And he's like, why do you think we get a tooth out of the head?
And he's like, you just don't put a string around it
and close the door.
He's like, I ain't the tooth fairy.
This guy was such a character.
And I was like, okay, so if you have to put a knee on my chest
He goes well some people I know
So he says I film this for the commercial oh my god, I wish we could maybe I don't know I'll ask the guy
Yeah, it'll be a good. He seems like he's open.
Funny. I'm pretty sure that the reason why you don't see a lot of videos of dentists with
knees on their chest pulling teeth out is because it's a bad endorsement for their business.
You know what I'm saying? So I say to the guy, Hey, listen, if you get put to mind, if
you had to just use a little extra force, he's like, Listen, it's not about the extra
force. Yeah, you got to really yank those things out of there. That's a molar, it's way in there.
He's like, I'm gonna have to really do,
I'm gonna really get it out and he goes,
and the tooth cracks oftentimes,
and when you crack the tooth,
then you got to go dig around, get the extra pieces.
He's like, some people just find that holy unpleasant.
And I was like, I find talking about it holy unpleasant.
He's like, well, I think you're a good candidate
for anesthesia.
However, that does not come for free.
And I was like, oh man, how much is that? He's like, I don't think you're a good candidate for anesthesia. However, that does not come for free. And I was like, oh, man, how much is that?
He's like, I don't handle the finance,
but I'm just gonna want to know if you want to be awake
or asleep, like, oh, no.
I'm like, 10,000.
That's fucking $6,000 you get a two taken out of your head
and an implant put in.
$6,000, guess how much insurance costs?
I take of that zero.
You should have seen the look the financing lady gave me
when I go, does my regular, she goes,
you're out of benefits
So it's $6,000 and I'm like and regular health insurance doesn't cover this and she's like are you kidding me?
Is this whole office full of assholes?
Are you all smart asses? Did you go to church?
This is an act you're doing are you looking for a sitcom? Is there a pilot for reality?
Are you still going on here?
Everybody's funny in their own fucking way come on. Let's get it together.
So, point being, I gotta get this fucking tooth
yanked out of my head, and then I gotta go get a damn implant
and the whole thing either takes six months
or it takes nine months.
It just depends on how you keep.
Well, like the bone graph, the part that happens first
and it has to see how that takes.
Well, he said, if he goes in there, he yanks out the tooth and the roots
and he cleans it all out and it looks,
and it doesn't look, he's like,
if it doesn't look good to me,
meaning that there's tissue in there
that I see needs to be healed before we do anything,
he's like, I close it up with a couple stitches,
we wait three months, you come back,
I do the bone graft, then you wait another three months
and then you go get your implant fitted,
the actual top of the implant fitted.
And I'm like, this is how the fucking complicated procedure.
And here's.
Just mom's been going through this for like two years.
Did she pay $6,000?
Oh, she's paid more than that.
I mean, do you have a tooth pulled?
Well, poor thing, she fell.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, she knocked out all her teeth.
She hurt her face, yeah, I hit the, I hit the concrete and yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she knocked out all her teeth. She heard her face.
Yeah, I hit the grad hit the concrete.
And yeah, emergency dentist the whole thing.
Hey, girl, while you're down there on the ground with no teeth,
I thought you might want to get up and give me a biblically
adjusted blowjob, you know what I'm saying?
A biblical blowjob?
Hey girl, listen, I ain't asking for much.
I'm just asking for a nummy.
A gummy.
Bbj?
A bbj, a biblical bubble blowjob.
Bbb.
I mean, what would Jesus do?
I just got to ask it, sir.
He washed a lot of feet.
I'm sure he would have washed it.
Had a homo-se, sexual, you better think.
You know what I'm saying?
I go, call me back when you get those teeth fixed.
Ooh.
I can see Carl.
Carl, I'm a Carl.
I do miss Carl.
Carl'll be back.
Carl's around.
I like to, I like to,
I like to, I like to,
I like to circle in and out the characters,
mainly because I forget how to do their voices sometimes.
He's hanging out with the baby baby baby baby Satan.
No no no it's uh baby um Dante baby Dante.
Yeah.
Go go go go go.
The fuck is going on here.
Go go go go.
Fuck my dick.
Grandma. That fuck is going on here. Go go go go go! Fuck my dick!
Grandma?
Now it's your last song I was teething.
Hehe.
Or was it this?
Go go go go.
I think that was it.
I think that was it.
Son of a-
Yeah that sounds better.
That's my voice.
Go go go pee pee.
So your grins fell down hit her face and then what happened after that?
Well, she's been going through the bone grafting and
two years.
Two years.
Yeah, so be careful.
That's what 100% of my life's found.
What do you want?
I have had no teeth either.
Works out just fine for me.
I just grab all the way to whenever I see one.
Speaking of sex.
Can I borrow one?
Oh, it's blue back there?
Well good.
It's not the kids today.
They're gone.
So it's just blue.
Barking at whatever.
It's blue.
What a bitch.
Dante.
Dante. Yeah, speaking of Dante, that's the real Dante back there.
So yeah, I mean, listen, I know that this is,
it's a whole thing.
It's a whole thing.
She has a lot of her front teeth knocked out, right?
Yeah, you can help by, you know,
getting me some of that pain medication
your stepmom had, your mother-in-law.
Yeah, I mean, I talk, so I say, hey, what's the recovery
like? And she's like, well, listen, for a couple of days, you just relax, you take it easy, right? She's like, I mean, I talk, so I say, hey, what's the recovery like? And she's like, well, listen, you got, for a couple of days,
you just relax, you take it easy, right?
She's like, I have some stitches.
First day, you're gonna, you won't do anything.
Second day, just rest, take it easy.
Chair, she called it, you'll be under chair rest, right?
Not bed rest, but chair rest.
We just want you to relax and hang out.
Second day, and then third day,
you should be able to try and give back to some
of your normal activities.
So probably still be in some pain.
And I'm like, so what's the pain medication situation like here? And activities. So probably still be in some pain. And I'm like, so what's pain medication situation like here?
And she's like, we can give you 12.
And I was like, 12.
And she's like, 12 actual pills of whatever she said.
And I was like, okay, that sounds great.
Well, it's 12.
Sounds like a minuscule amount of medicine for a lot of damage being done to my teeth, too.
I'm not asking for pain medication.
I'm just saying that seems minimal.
And she's like, well, we can only dull out three days at a time.
So if you need more, you have to come back
and we actually have to see you and then blah, blah, blah.
She goes, it's a real fucking pain in the ass now.
I'm concerned about people who are actually in pain
and how they are getting their medication
because I know that I don't need pain medication.
Give me some might be profan, I'm already addicted to that.
But I feel bad for people who are actually like in pain.
And yeah, it's a whole thing to have to go through.
I don't know.
I never got into the pain pills, but I mean, it's a whole thing.
I've taken some pain pills for them.
And people are in chronic pain.
Of course, they're in chronic pain.
And one of the only things that can help is this is opioids,
because we don't have a better solution than opioids.
They're like, literally, the universe's gift to our pain tolerance.
And so, but then you make this blanket statement
that you can't do anything for anybody
unless you have 55 pieces of paper
and doctors are getting arrested all over the country.
And some of them should be arrested.
But others of them are just trying to manage
the pain of really chronically sick people
who need the pain medication.
It's like if you get to a point in life
or you cannot function because of pain
and pain medication gives you
then ounce of hope to have some kind of normal day,
you should be able to take that pain medication
like fucking syrup, just drink as much as you want
and people who are dying or who have cancer.
Those three people and people who have surgery,
you should be able to get the adequate amount of pain
relief that you need.
And I know the CDC or whoever makes these rules the fda
they're lifting some of these guidelines understanding that people are getting
called in the crosshairs
i don't want to see kids dying in the street either from
pill parties or whatever the fuck is going on
i don't want to see kids dying in the street either what i also don't want to see
is people unnecessarily in pain
uh... you know that's it i don't want to go to the internet and buy that what is
that fucking shit that people are right
what's that shit that people buy at the gas station?
It's like this this leaf the tea that they make with a cranium cranium cranium cranium
That's it. Cranium. I see it at the local gas station
They have 50 different kinds of cranim.
I saw a guy there the other day.
He looked really itchy, by the way.
He looked like the kind of guy who needed cranim.
Yeah, like you could get a dosage in it.
Yeah, he had like a, it's 107 degrees
in the Lanto right now.
He had a hoodie on and sweatpants and shoes.
And he was like, like this.
And he was asking the guy for like three different types
of cranim.
And I was like, dude's going through bad
with your all's right now. craters. And I was like, dude, it's going through bad withdrawals right now.
And apparently, craters is like, uh, and can turn, I guess it turns on your opioid receptors
or whatever.
And it helps people with withdrawal and with pain.
And thank God, at least this one thing that federal government hasn't had their, their
claws into.
You know what else the federal government should keep their claws out of?
I'm going to tell you right now.
What?
I was trolling on the internet.
As you do.
As I do like to do.
D-C-B!
Hey everybody, it's your favorite part of the show where I pine for more of your attention.
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Let's listen to those sponsors for a few minutes, and then we'll be back to this episode of The Commercial Break.
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Tina and I were trawling on the internet together, not in the same place, but together, going
back and forth, about a content idea.
Tina sent me at the most interesting Instagram reel.
I've seen it a long time.
And it was a lady who said, it said,
this is why Gen X doesn't trust anyone.
And then this lady goes on and she says,
I can't believe you mother fuckers
are trying to make me feel crazy again.
And I was like, starts off kind of weird, right?
I thought she maybe Tina was sending me something about
a video of someone coming on glued,
well she does come on glued.
And she comes on glued because she says,
I spent my entire childhood almost every week
looking at the male that came in the door
because that was a form of entertainment
to look at the male that came in the door,
the actual male, physical male.
And every fucking week for however many years of my life,
Ed McMahon was on the front of the publisher's
clearing house sweepstakes, came to our house every week.
And now the internet is trying to tell me
that that never happened.
Ed McMahon was never part of publisher's clearing house.
So I'm like, what the fuck is this lady saying?
She's like, it's been wiped up the internet.
Ed McMahon clearly was the publisher's clearing house guy.
Did you remember Edmick main?
Giving away publisher clearing house checks at front doors.
Yes.
I'm about to blow your fucking nuts off.
No way.
Never happened.
It never happened.
He never worked for publisher's clearing house ever.
He never gave a check on behalf of publisher's clearing house.
He was just like a paid actor.
He was never a paid actor. He never had anything to do with publisher publishers clearing house he was like a paid actor he was never a paid actor he never had anything to do with
publishes clearing house he was never on the mail he was never who was the
guy there was another guy he was an old gray-haired guy but ed mcman had
nothing to do with it yet millions of us remember it differently how is
that possible mandela in full effect mand Mandela in full effect? Mandela effect in full effect.
Wow.
Ed McMahon was known for two things.
Oh, right.
It's our search.
It's our search.
Yep.
And publishers clearing house.
And then he happened to be Johnny Carson's guy,
but Johnny Carson was gone when we were kids.
I mean, he wasn't around for very long.
But he was Johnny Carson's wingman on that show.
He said almost nothing.
He laughed loudly like Santa Claus.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
At anything everybody said, he was basically a stool pigeon
for Johnny Carson.
He was like just a guy who sat there
and laughed at Johnny Carson.
So he was, he was Johnny Carson's binky.
That's right.
He was Johnny Carson's binky.
Chris, he's my Edmick man.
Only she actually talks.
He never, I don't think he was allowed to talk, actually.
I didn't contractually.
Johnny didn't like it.
Johnny was like, go fuck yourself in.
You're right on my co-tails for 50 years.
So Edmick Mann is Johnny Carson's wingman when Johnny Carson was the to host the tonight
show way back in the 50, 60, 70s and part of the 80s.
Then he starts to do a show called Star Search.
That was huge.
Which is like an early voice.
Or American Idol.
Or Americans got talent, right?
There's a bunch of people that would go up,
there would be a panel of judges,
they would audition, the judges would judge them,
and then they would go head to head, two singers,
two dance groups, comedians, and famous people.
Got their start.
Jerry Seinfeld was on there, I think.
Jerry Seinfeld was on there, I think.
A bunch of people.
A bunch of people.
And a bunch of people lost, by the way.
A bunch of people lost star search became very famous.
True.
So that's the second thing he was known for.
Then the third thing that we, Gen XZ,
whatever you wanna call third thing that we, Gen XZ, whatever you want to call us,
that we knew, and McMahon for, was that condoms, publishers clearinghouse.
I did. And let me explain why we all think this.
Okay. I'm about to solve this for everybody.
I'm about to solve this problem pragmatically, because I'm a pragmatic pragmatist.
I'm a husband, a father, pragmatic pragmatist,
host of a mediocre middling podcast.
Number 312, I'm a chart.
Wee!
I went back and listened to one of our episodes
and we were celebrating being number 70 in Germany.
We thought that was the best thing in the world.
It was the best thing in the world.
If we could only get back to that high point,
not really.
That was like the high water mark
for the commercial break.
Number 70 in Germany.
Oh, okay.
Okay, I'm about to solve it.
You ready?
Yes.
Let's for evidence number one.
You don't remember
Johnny Edmick Mann being a part of publisher's clearinghouse.
You remember Edmick Mann being a part of Publishers Clearing House, you remember Edmick Mann being a part of American family giveaway.
American sweepstakes. American family sweepstakes, I think is what it was called.
Was that like a competitor?
It was a competitor. It was very similar. It's a matter of fact, it was similar in every single way.
They basically sent coupons to you. They tried to get you to sign up for one of the services.
So here's how it went. They would send a big mailer out.
Ed McMahon would be on the front of that mailer,
not PCH, but the other one.
They would send a big mailer out.
It had a bunch of coupons, like hundreds of coupons in there.
Yeah, for like gutter removal.
Grudge doors.
Yeah, it was like a lot of home stuff.
A lot of home stuff, like as seen on TV, bullshit,
services, you know, stuff you could buy,
and then you had a coupon for it.
They also tried to get you to sign up to magazines,
publishers clearing out specifically,
was trying to get you to sign up
for year long subscriptions of magazines,
and they sold millions and millions and millions
of magazines this way.
This other one was more about the coupons,
and then you would fill out your form,
you would send it in, they would pick one winner every couple of months to win a million
dollars, two million dollars or ten million dollars depending on which and all you didn't
have to purchase anything, all you had to do was send in and then they would film them
giving away these fake, big, fake, check.
Surprisingly people would knock on your front door.
Hey, you want a million dollars
so i present to you the evidence that conclusively puts this one to bed
and this is a big internet sensation right now people are going crazy they can't
believe that ed never was a part of p c h
but he wasn't he was a part of this watch
oh here's it let me start over again
that Eggman and Dick Clark? yep has it really been 10 years in?
sure has 10 years of American family millionaires
and some have actually won 10 million dollars
oh yes more 10 million dollar winners than 2 million dollar winners
here's our latest 10 million dollar winner Andy Biggs
congratulations are you glad you added?
you bet
you bet I got a room full of hoars and cocaine right now. What do you guys say we party? Come on dick?
Your name's dick. You're dick fucking Clark. I know you've had a few snurched snorts. I mean you did American bands stand in the 70s
Tell me that George Clinton didn't give you some cocaine for your little nose
Clinton didn't give you some cocaine for your little nose. Lievable.
Well, I'll tell you what, watch your mail for the envelope with my picture.
I'll announce the $10 million number before you know it.
Don't miss out.
Enter now.
They paid those because a lot of money.
They paid those guys a shit ton of money.
Now here's where I think everybody where kind of where this gets a little funky in people's
heads.
Snopes, which I trust most of the time,
says that he definitely had no relationship
with publishers clearing house.
However, since he was known for being this guy
that was giving away money on this American family sweepstakes,
he got lumped in with the publishers clearing house
and a lot of news reports, places where he would show up like the tonight show the Tom Green show the RCM. Yo-Haul show you know their interviews
He did they would say it's amazing. You've been doing this publisher's clearinghouse thing for years
And you've been giving away millions of dollars to unsuspecting people who got in this thing
He would never correct them. He wouldn't correct them. They would say it
He wouldn't but he would not correct them for whatever reason
He just kept he kept it rolling. I think whoever's paying me
He doesn't even know. Yeah, he doesn't even fucking know
It is like I don't give a shit. What does it matter to me? Fill out one of them, you know?
Fill out both of them. I don't care
So Ed never made it clear in these interviews that he was not in fact working for publishers clearing
Look that was from 1994.
This is from 1992.
Dick, I'd like you to meet David Brumbelon.
Hi, David.
He's a marketing family's first $10 million winner.
What did you think when you saw Ed's picture in your mail?
I knew I'd better enter fast.
You didn't.
I knew I wanted to stick my dick in the envelope.
That's what I knew.
I knew I'd better enter fast.
I knew I'd to stick my dick in the envelope. That's what I knew. I knew I'd better enter a phase.
So I finished my dozen crisper creams,
and I went to the post office
and I got myself some two-cent stamps,
and then I sent in, I sent it back in,
and then before you know it,
I'm $10 million richer.
I lost my wife and all my childrens.
I guess it was that before like,
the lottery's took hold.
No, lottery's been around for a long time
in one way, shape, or form.
Like the lottery in Chicago, the Illinois lottery,
since I was a kid, right?
But Georgia didn't get theirs until the 90s,
like around the Olympics.
Yeah, but they became popular, I would say,
in the 90s, almost every state had some kind of lottery.
So yeah, you might be right,
before they kind of took hold in all places.
This was a way to win big money.
A way to win big money and you had to do, you know.
Well, now I'm going to a casino.
Yeah, look at Bill Blundelblugger here.
Yeah.
Blundelblugger.
It looks excited, doesn't it?
He looks like Bill Blundelblugger.
That's what he looks like.
You had the winning entry. No, but I sure wanted to $10 million. That's what he looks like. You had the winning entry.
No, but I sure wanted to $10 million.
That's the spirit, David.
Why let all that money go to someone else?
Yeah, why not?
Interest. The best thing I ever did.
Right.
Yeah, why not?
Interest. The best thing I ever did.
He looks like the lost member of the mountain monster's cast.
Doesn't he?
It doesn't mean to be mean, but...
That's $10 million
but the good use of immediately.
He went to McDonald's and bought one.
Not a burger, a McDonald's.
Return your sweepstakes entry from Dick and me now.
Ed's gonna announce the winning number
for American family soon, real soon.
Well, that's cryptic, real soon. He's pointing to the camera, real soon. Well that's cryptic real soon. He's pointing to the camera real soon.
It's like subliminal messaging. Like old ladies across the country wake up. Start
murdering cats. Munched murder, Edmick Mann's cats. That's... Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah Ah! Ah Ah Ah! Ah Ah Ah Ah! Ah! Ah Ah stars searches because why not? I'm bored, I'm here all alone, no one's with me.
Oh man.
I'm here.
I know.
You're going to be here when I'm toothless wonder.
I will help you.
Luckily it's on my non-camera side.
I'm a good nurse.
Yeah.
I know you are.
I know you are.
And you know what else you can do?
You can nurse your hangover and go to our website, tcbpodcast.com.
That's where you find out more information about Chrissy and I.
Read all the show notes.
You can watch all the video.
You can listen to all the audio.
It's all there, one location, right there,
tcbpodcast.com.
Amazing.
It is amazing.
But more importantly, if you want to send in your full name
and address, we'll enter you into our sweepstakes
for a free stick.
I agree, guaranteed to win.
A guaranteed winner.
You can get a what would Frankie do sticker.
You want to collect them all.
Don't be shy.
If you have a series one sticker, you'll want a series two sticker.
These are going to be worth real money someday folks.
Who needs Ed McMahon?
You've got commercial break, series one, and series two stickers. This is actually series three if you're lucky enough to get a
guitar pick sticker. So do this. Go to the website, hit the contact us button, drop
us your name and your full physical address. We will send you a sticker. The next
one coming out is what would Frankie do? W-W-F-D. W-W-F-D. You're gonna want one of
these. So go drop us your name and your address and we'll send it on YouTube.com slash the commercial break
Morgan does such a great job editing these episodes for YouTube. You'll find them funny a lot more interesting than
Then not looking at our faces is looking at our faces. You want to see how ugly we are ugly?
I am go to youtube.com slash the commercial break and do us a favor
We'd love to get to 5,000 subscribers guys.
I mean there's a lot of you that listen to this show.
I think we're close.
No or not.
No.
So, but if everybody would go and subscribe, we'd be there in a minute.
So, please do it.
Go to youtube.com slash the commercial break, subscribe and like on any of your favorite videos.
Add the commercial break on Instagram and the ever popular CCB podcast on TikTok.
Also, 1-855-TCB-8383-THATS 1-855-TCB-8383-TOLF-free
from anywhere in the world.
Text us your comments, questions, concerns,
or content ideas we'd love to hear them.
And yeah, okay, so listen, I debunk the myth
that's all I can do today, Chrissy.
I think so.
So, I love you.
I love you.
Best of you.
Best of you out there in the podcast universe.
Until next time, Chrissy and I do say, we always say and we must say.
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