The Commercial Break - It's Just Me, Loving On ME!

Episode Date: December 5, 2022

Self love, do it! Bryan has been doing research and he found the ultimate orgasm coach for men. But is the juice really worth the squeeze? When our "O" face looks like a contorted pig snout...why even bother? Bryan & Krissy try to answer the question. Marlin updates are rare these days...but TCB has one! Marlin goes on an adventurous vacation Are photos allowed at nudist resort? Eating nude, just don't do it! Strip clubs are not therapist offices Bryan recalls his friend crying into a dancers lap Let's all practice some SELF love Bryan learns his "O" face is a NO face! The Ultimate Orgasm Coach Bryan and Krissy learn the hard way not to watch porn on office computers LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us or leaving a voicemail at: 1.855.TCB.8383 Lululemon.com is for people who like comfort! Watch Us on YouTube Dumb People Town Is a Very Funny Podcast From Starburns Audio Use This Link For Unlimited Talk & Tex on MINT MOBILE! 1.855.TCB.8383  or 661.BEST.2.YO (1-661-237-8296) Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Written By: Bryan Green Exec Producers: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Content Production & Research: Tina Khano YouTube Producer & Editor: Morgan Please Audio Editing: Christina A. Executive Director: Astrid B. Associate Producer: Gustavo Much Gratitude to Our Supportive Friends, Family & Spouses: Astrid & Jeff Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I'm still a mom, but these are the years that I'm supposed to be naked with my titties out. Ass out. F*** yeah. On this episode of the commercial break. They've dropped it already. Yeah. Yeah, it's going on the ride. At one point when the vibrator came out, I knew I was no longer needed.

No. Yeah. It's just seen the four guys. And I do I was no longer needed now Like come back out and they're like going out at with a vibrator and he's like oh He was just looking at your porn through your computer. That's what he would do Hey, man, hit those hardcore sites once in a while. You know what I'm saying? I can't do it myself because I'm taking pictures of my own computer. I Try to look not even look myself in the mirror. I have ever masturbated, but it's unavoidable sometimes.

And it turns me off every time. I'm like, oh, God, my head settled down. And I have been to a few tantra seminars, and I have read a lot on tantra. And it's just a wonderful, wonderful practice. But what you can't get rid of is your ugly face when you're orgasm. As a matter of fact, I think it's making a wonderful, wonderful practice. But what you can't get rid of is your ugly face when you're a guest. It's not a fact, I think it's making it ugly here.

So what's happening? The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh yeah, Kassie, good morning. Welcome back to the commercial break. I am Brian Green. This is my dear friend and beautiful co-host, Kristen Joy, hopefully, best to you, Kristen. Aw, that's you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe.

How the hell are ya? Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of this, the commercial break. It's not for everyone, but Fag News or Fiction is guaranteed in 15 seconds or less, go to the TCBBodcast.com website. Take a like to your earnings. I have a Marlin update I wish I need to get that sound like what is that? Oh, you've you know

Volvo whatever they call it yet Yeah, that thing I need to get a Volvo We'll get into that in a minute Marlin update update, I've got a rare, but fantastic, Marlin update. So Marlin came back from his wonderful trip over there in Europe, all expenses paid, the top of the top, the best of the best. You know, they hired their own personal water taxi

for the whole time in Venice. Like they were just, like they just did it. They didn't large, right? Right on the canal, doing their own thing. So he comes back and you know, they have a little downtime and they kind of go back to their respective lives to do what they do. Like they're not on top of each other 24 hours a day

is how he explained it, right? And he likes that. I would imagine he likes that. I don't think he really loves this one. But anyway, that's my first living. He's having fun. He's having fun. So she's-

And he is too, apparently. Yeah, man, she's living it up. She's got that 20, she's got that 30 something dick all the time. Yeah, Viagra. This dick made by pepper. That's it. Right. So he says, he gets text message a couple of weeks ago and she says, I got another vacation

for us to take. And this one's super adventurous. Or, you know, I hope you're up for it. And he was like, well, yeah, just tell me where we're going. She's like, I will not tell you where you're going, but here's, you have to be packed and ready and it's going to be a long weekend and here we go. She takes him to a nudist resort. Did you, were you? I was just going to say it's a nudist thing. It was a nudist thing. It was a nudist thing. It was a nudist resort. Where the key- Would it also like a swinging resort too?

Well, I get into it. Okay. Well, I've read about this. I've read about this too. I've had friends who have done like heat in theism and stuff like that. Right, of course we have. Yeah.

I almost went to one, but then I was like, I'm not that desperate. I'm just not. But I know a lot of people who have been and they enjoy themselves fantastic fantastic, of course, who wouldn't when the vagina is just hanging out everywhere and you're just doing your thing. So I'm too afraid I'd get like the inappropriate

direction and that's why I'm so afraid. I like a little laugh to the imagination. Yeah, I don't need like full boner in my face. That's not what I need. Everybody make it all the time. Yeah, and I've seen videos of like these newtus resorts and there are guys walking around with half-heart. So you know what I'm saying?

They're just like, they're not quite all the way there, but they're kind of there, or they're like laying on a lounge chair, and it's just like, it's just, I don't know. For me, it's... Maybe not a good look. Not a good look. Yeah, but I don't know how to control that like how do you go down go down

Now you can't wait it's clothing optional of course you can wear clothes if you want to and I'm sure that there's plenty of men who do not have this problem They can control themselves just a little bit so He goes to the so he's then he's like okay. I'm game right why not okay? But he goes to the resort and to his surprise, everybody knows this woman at the resort. Woo! It's as if she was a regular.

So, you know, everyone, hello, Miss, whatever, you know, welcome to, I'm not even gonna say the name of the resort. I'm gonna like maintain just a little bit of privacy for him. But then he says that they, like, it's not that she has money and they're like catering to her. They know. Welcome back, right? Yeah. Da da da da da. So they get up into the room after a couple cocktails at the bar. They

get up into the room and did they immediately take their clothes off? I'm so curious. Well, he said no. They went, I asked the same question. I was like, what do you do? Like, like when you arrive upon arrival? Yeah, because I, I went to same question. I was like, what do you do? They were like, like, when do you arrive upon arrival? Yeah, because I, I went to a Swirz Club club and they asked your clothes. Hot. Like a coachek.

There's a cocktail of Viagra. Now give me your pants. This is an erection, we're pro erection. Yeah, no. And listen, anybody who's had experiences with this, I'd love to hear it. Dial us up and go to the website, send us an email and I'm sure we're gonna get lots of those, by the way, because that's just kind of audience we have.

Whether they're real or not. Oh, I know. So he said that, so I asked the same question, I'm like, so what is it, what is the whole experience? Right. And I've had friends who have done this before, so I kind of was primed for this. But there's an entrance.

Right. Yeah, right., my brain 3000 prime your pump So they obviously they they take like the whatever the transport they get to the place and it's not like you just walk in and you drop your clothes Okay, you have a check-in time, you know the majorities or whatever they're called they're all clothed and they will Take your bags upstairs and you're encouraged because it's all inclusive to go have a drink at the bar while Oh, of course, yeah, you gotta be yeah like what do you do? By the way, I was like Yeah, like what do you do? By the way, I was like, I'm gonna be drunk, I think when I got there. He probably, they probably were.

They're wild, there's a lot of stuff going on there. I don't even mention, but they're wild. She's well into her golden years and she's like not afraid to party down. Yeah, she's wild. So, and then I'm like, Marlon, what exactly are they taking your bags at? What bags do you have? you're going to a new answer

What do you need? Oh, it's definitely cut down some nuts? Sunscreen from the people brought you a library 3000. It's not sunscreen You probably SPF Sun penis fast. Yeah, I know So I know I mean this for this thing ain't never seen something. It's up to a couple times I had sex on the beach and that was a disaster. Right.

So he says you walk in and they encourage you to have a drink while they go, you know, do their thing and get your room ready or whatever. And of course, they're staying at the best room in the resort. So everyone's faunting all over them. But he says you go up and there's like a big bar at the lounge or some people are clothed

and some people are not. And he says, it's actually, when you get inside some of these resorts in like dining rooms and stuff like that, some people do wear clothes because they just don't want their balls hanging out while they're eating. Yeah, hygiene. But he says it's clothing optional all around. So he goes, there's only a few places in the resort. I know. Can you imagine? I mean, you could have fucking Emily Raddajowski show up at my local taco place, and I'm not interested in having her eat naked next to me. Exactly.

I'm just not. I'm just too grossed out. I don't care. I don't care what kind of ass you have. It's all dirty, right? And I don't want to sit in the middle of the door. I'll maybe wear like a robe. Yeah.

A lingerie robe or something. He said that people bring the men, especially, they'll bring towels around, and don't want to sit no other way. I'll maybe wear like a robe. Yeah. A lingerie robe or something. He said that people bring, like the men, especially they'll bring towels around and don't cover their hairy assholes. It's just, it's like, oh my God. It's something a whole situation. I don't want to be involved. I'm glad I didn't go.

I'm glad I didn't go. Yeah, you can just get the playboy. Yeah, not only have I have done it, like constantly monitor my boner meter, my bono meter. But then it's just whatever, anyway. Yes. So. I have to constantly monitor my boner meter, my bono meter. But then it's just whatever, anyway. Yes. So.

There's a lot of nuance, so you probably don't even think about it. But the one thing that I really am just reserved about is that this is a much older woman with all of the scars and markings to go along with age. Like we all do. Right, they all do. Like, yes.

Like, I'm kidding. The saggy balls and all that. But he said, you know, when I walk in, I realize that this is not like some old person's nudist resort. This is not like some nudist resort. It's on the beach. It's a well-established nudist resort. And, or, you know, like hedonism. Yes. But it isn't one of these like, you know, nudist resorts in the woods where you're a bunch of old hippies like Santa hippies. Sweat and around. Sweaty, sweaty trailer. And you're sweaty, sweaty camper. And so he's like, there's lots of beautiful

men and women that are hanging around like well, defa, you know, well, like the physiques on these people are just fantastic and everybody's having a good time. And he's like, what I really enjoyed about it was, there was all kind of different people, the persuasions there. He's like, there was like lots of guys with guys and girls with girls and guys with girls and girls and girls and guys with girls.

And guys and guys. It was a free for all. It was a free for all. I can imagine that photos are discouraged. You cannot take photos, you cannot take photos anywhere on the property according to Marlon, and that's Understand that. Yeah, look at that sunset. Nope, that's my nuts

No, that's just my girlfriend saggy tits So they go and The inevitable happens. What's the inevitable? Well the inevitable is, well, I think this is inevitable. The inevitable is like, Marlon's a, you know. There was a, there was, there was not jealousy. There was another woman that was on the campus, the resort that took a liking to both of them. And Marlon in his drunken idiotic state suggested

that they all hook up, they all get together. And then there was a big blow up, right? Oh. I don't think so. Yeah, I don't think so. I'm not giving that day a big up on anyone. Oh, so she shut it down. Oh, she shut it down.

Oh, she shut it down. She got upset. That was day number two. But on day number three, she woke up in a mood and she woke him up to like a blowjob and then she was like, you wanna get adventurous? Let's get fucking adventurous, right? Okay, so she's trying to change her mind.

She's like, let's go have some drinks and let's get adventurous. Let's find this woman, let's get adventurous. And they did, they had a threesome. And he said that, Brian, I should have listened to your show. I went into the bedroom because the inevitable happened. The woman was more attracted to the woman than he was to her.

So what ended up happening was it ended up being a fun time with the two of them. And Marlon was sitting there, falling his butt. He's like, dude, I went for one round. It lasted like 15 minutes because I've been having sex with someone that I really care about and that I like, but that she's not the most attractive person I've ever dated, right? He's like, I'm in this not just for the sex.

I'm in it for a lot of different reasons, but the sex is like the least of them. He's like, I've learned to enjoy the sex, but it's not my favorite. Then you bring this hot young, you know, skinny thing into the room. And he's like, you know, of course, I'm feeling excited about all this. Of course, he is just a human nature, right? I get it. It's I don't think he's

being like, show an Instagram. And he's just saying what's on what's the truth. Yes. And so they so then everyone starts getting involved. He's like, I go one round, you know, pump pump here, pump pump there, you know, do this do that go upside down sideways. He's like, I go one round, you know, pump here, pump, pump there, you know, do this, do that, go upside down sideways. He's like, it lasts for like 15 minutes. And then, you know, I- And they sent him out for takeout. That's right.

Well, he's like, I extricate myself to remove the protection and, you know, clean up a little bit. And I come back and they are full on it. He's like, by the way, we are so loaded at this point. He's like, we are so loaded. And I'm like, what do you load it on? And he's like, Brian the way, we are so loaded at this point. He's like, we are so loaded. And I'm like, what do you load it on? And he's like, Brian, like a literal party pack.

The Divided E-Dams, the Dinket Danks. Yeah, of course they do. You're at the fucking suite. You just asked the bell boy for whatever the fuck you wanted. And he was like, you know, this lady that I'm with is not afraid to party and she parties hard. And she goes sometimes, sometimes he goes to sleep, but she's still a party. Like, she's like texting people and posting on Instagram. And so it's a wild fucking

situation going on. Marlon's strap and he's de-is strapped. I guess he's strapped in already. Yeah. Yeah. He said, at one point when the vibrator came out, I guess. He's strapped in already, yeah. Yeah, I do. Go on the ride. At one point when the vibrator came, and I knew I was no longer needed. No, yeah. Right then. Just see the poor guy.

Like come back out and they're like going at it with a vibrator and he's like, oh. Oh. Poor Marlin. Oh my God. Poor Marlin. But, you know. I don't know if I'm gonna say poor Marlin. No. No, I think Marlin, but you know

No, I think Marlin's one of the luckiest sons of bitches in the world He's got no responsibilities everything's being paid for he barely needs his job anymore Yeah, it's like I think Marlin finds himself in a crossroads. What's it like I do? Like he's at a crossroads. Where am I focusing my energy right now? He said to me, he goes, I don't even need a job anymore. What am I doing? And I'm like, don't you do that, Dyer? Don't be that creep.

Like, stand on your own two feet. Do your own thing. Because you're gonna feel obligated to her and then she's gonna become resentful of you. And even if she doesn't seem like that now, it's hard. Yeah, there's a whole dynamic. Yeah, like if you had kids and you decided to stay home and raise those children,

that is a legitimate job that you should be paid for, right? Absolutely. And that's one thing, or if you make that kind of agreement, or it's like, I'm just gonna do nothing and sit around the house, but that's not ever what's been said, because I asked them,

I go, have you guys ever made that kind of agreement? No, well then don't start now, like. Yeah, keep your day job. Keep your day to keep your autonomy. Marlin is what I got to say because I'm like, dude, is there a wedding coming? He's like, no, she's not, she's never going to get married. Again, I don't think a wedding is coming. And I was like, you don't think a wedding is coming? Like, wouldn't you be the one to know? Aren't you going to be the one to ask? He's just clue. I think he's just out of the couple. Maybe I don't know.

They're with the two of them. It's like she would be the one to ask. I don't know. They're with said the two of them. It's like she would be the one to ask We were asked her and I were talking about this because Who was it? Somebody I think it was on like bachelor in paradise Somebody asked the woman asked the man to marry them and then asked her was like would you have been comfortable? If did that? And I would have been like, I fuck yeah, I would have married you either way. Whether you asked me or I asked you,

I would have, like the answer would have been yes. And she's like, you wouldn't have felt that you wouldn't have felt amasculated by that. And I'm like, Astrid, I don't feel amasculated anymore. I've learned that my balls are good for nothing except getting in the way. That's it. That's it.

I'm producing babies. Yeah. I'm producing babies. Yeah, I'm producing babies. But sex at least twice and a half. So I said, no, that wouldn't bother me a bit. And I just happen to be the one that asked you, but I don't, maybe she would ask him to marry, but according to him, her divorce was so traumatizing. It was so bad.

She said having fun. Yeah, apparently they were like in court for years. It was so bad. It was so nasty. Yeah, apparently they were like in court for years. Yeah, and this. I hate to hear about this. I know. And the shitty part about this is, the really shitty part about this is, about this particular divorce, the story that I've heard. This woman was married to a very successful businessman who was a nobody when they met and

she played a huge role in his success. Like she was involved in the day-to-day operations of his early business. She was making decisions. She was helping him find much like Astrid does for the commercial brand. Exactly. How could you go to court? And then he just argued that she had no right to any of this.

And that was such a shitty, and the judge obviously didn't see it the same way, but he had lawyers and he just made it. He just dragged it out forever and never froze the accounts, wouldn't talk to her. You know, it's like, I was nasty. And it's just seems such like, marriage is a contract at the end of the day. It's an emotional contract. It's a physical contract. It's a thing. It's a agreement that you make, right? And having been through this twice, It's an agreement that you make, right? And having been through this twice, not divorced, it's marriage. No, no, no, no, no.

Yeah. That's true. Bye, but I ain't, I'm leaving you. Not yet. Not yet. But having been through this once, divorce, once, it was really amicable because I think that I, yours was the most seriously amicable divorce

I've ever seen. There's a no must-no fuss. I mean, I'm never hanging out with both you and your ex-wife, like, one week and the next week, you're like, we have to work it out. We're getting divorced. And then you were divorced like two weeks later after that. I mean, we were separated for about a year,

but we separated like, that when we said we're gonna get a divorce, we separated like that day. Yeah. And then like, as a, and then we just kind of, we didn't sign the paperwork because I just think we separated like, that when we said we're gonna get a divorce, we separated like that day. Yeah. And then like, as a, and then we just kinda, we didn't sign the paperwork because I just think we were like too lazy too. It's like we were like, it was there and we, oh, whatever.

We loyered up, but we loyered up for nothing. Like they wrote the paperwork and then. Yeah, and you said that the paperwork. My ex-wife and I literally got a bottle of wine. We went through the house. For that house and we picked out the things. We were pasting posted notes on the things that we wanted. Is this important to you? No.

Is this important to you? Yes. We argued over one thing. That is like the best case scenario. It is the best case scenario, but it's how it should be every time. And I mean, I understand that when emotions get gone, there's a lot of hurt feelings. And when you have like, there's like, there wasn't hundreds of millions of dollars at stake

or even millions of dollars at stake. But I- And there wasn't betrayal. Yeah, all that. There wasn't. You just had to just grow apart. Yeah, I mean, she was sleeping with a lot of their people, but there wasn't, I didn't feel betrayed by that.

That was a bad husband. She wasn't. I'm kidding. That's a joke. I should be careful. I should be careful. People get the wrong impression about me. That's not true, I wasn't a bad husband. No, they were not.

And she was not sleeping with other people. But it really gets my go at sometimes, because I have, I know people right now who are going through the divorce process and they're trying to deny their wife, Alomoni, and they're trying to cheapen the kids up on the cut child custody, you know, on the dollars and so. Oh, it's awful.

And I'm like, Oh my goodness. Come on, yeah. I've seen what happened with Jeff's ex too. Yeah, no, it's bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We shouldn't get into details here, but just know that if you make that contract with somebody,

whoever it is, you make that contract with somebody, you should not make the end come true, but foresee the end and always be ready to remember how it was back then and how much you love them back then and how much they gave to you back then because when it comes time to separate, it is time to do it fairly. Yes. I'm asking. Well, I don't know why I'm asking that of Marlon.

I know. I was going to say just a circle back. Yeah. So what the heart wants. What? What? What? What?

What? It sounds like they're not getting married. No, it sounds like they're not getting married. But hey, but Kudos to them. He listen to me. I got a, you know, I just got a applaud Marlon and his girlfriend because they are, like, they're in uncharted territory just doing it. And I just...

At first, I was like, Marlon, you're an idiot. What are you doing? This is obviously not healthy for anybody. And now I'm like, I see you guys are really having a good time. Go for it. Enjoy yourself.

If you have experiences in New District, or I want to talk to you, so please, please dial me up. Speaking of naked, I wanted to talk about something that I found and I'm sure Astrid's gonna go for this, so I'm gonna ask her if I can do this. Hey everybody, let's take a short break from this commercial break for a commercial break. We love hearing from you, the listener, and man so many of you have been sending in questions, comments, concerns, and content ideas. Plus, you've been asking for our advice, telling us stories, and sharing a little bit about your world.

If you'd like to do that, you can at tcbpodcast.com. Go to the website, click the contact us button, and drop us an email I promise we'll respond. You can also send us a text message to 855-tcb8383. That's 855-tcb8383. It's toll free from anywhere around the world. Do us a favor and like, subscribe and review on your favorite podcast platform. It really does help grow the show. And if you want to see Chrissy and I in a different light, you can go to youtube.com,

slash the commercial break, and watch our full edited episodes a few days after they air. At the commercial break on Instagram and you can still use 661, the word best, the number 2, y-o-yo, to text or leave us a voicemail. It's not a spam text message line, neither of the phone numbers are, we will respond. Thank you so much for being a loyal listener of the commercial break and if you're ever in the market for our sponsors, products or services, please use our specialized URLs or codes. It gets you free shit and it tells our sponsors we're doing a good job. Speaking of sponsors, let's hear from them and we'll be back to this episode of The Commercial Break.

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get Lulu Lemon this holiday season. For anyone who needs a little comfort in their life Lulemon.com and we want to thank Lulemon for becoming a sponsor of the commercial break. I found a woman in New York who does naked therapy sessions have you heard about this? No. Her name is Sarah White. She been doing this for years.

I'm not surprised either. Of course this happens. This girl Sarah White does lit is literally not a therapist, but she does naked therapy sessions and she charges like $2,000 an hour and you do it over Zoom. And as she asks you questions and she talks you through your problems, she gets undressed.

She says it helps people lower their inhibitions. That sounds more like some type of porn, but I read the website. I read the website. And it's like, can I, I went to her website. Okay. And I started reading through the rules of engagement, right? She's like, I only do video calls. I no longer offer in person sessions. I can imagine why that's pretty dangerous. Yeah. She's like, you know, you, you, can I get a cheater? But she's not even at actual therapy. She's not an actual therapist. She's just someone who likes to talk naked.

I can't. That's why I'm going back to that. This is just like a form of, this is some form of getting off. Because way, way down in the rules, which is, you know, can I ask you to do this or to do that? And she's, yes, as long as I feel like it's going to help the therapeutic session, right? Yeah. So another of her kind of make requests of that. And she says yes, as long as I feel like it's going to help the therapeutic session, right? So another one kind of make requests of you. And she yes. And then it says,

can I masturbate? And she says, of course, if it helps you feel relaxed. That was so great. I'm going to ask my therapist this time. I'm going, hey, mind if I whack off real quick. Yeah, I just want to get in the mood. It'm good. He might have I whack off real quick. Yeah. I just want to get in the mood. It'll help me. It's just crazy to me. It'll help me open up. $2,000 an hour.

Some shit like that. Just to have this lady be naked as a man. I mean, I guess that's one way to do it. Instead of being on the crowded, only fans space. Yeah. Well, you know as you and I are looking for different ways to revenue, to monetize this silly stupid fucking show. I thought maybe one of the ways is we could just do some naked therapy So like when we do the STCB section session for if someone wants to donate a couple hundred dollars to us

We'll just take off our clothes while we eat But everyone who wants to see my dangly balls You'll have some wide-brown food. I got some wide-brown 3,000! I watched this lady and she's like talking across the internet. She was with our favorite friends at this morning. It's a boring interview, so I didn't put on it. Oh, our friends from England.

Yeah, our friends from England. And they were asking her all kind of quiet. They were being really funny about it, too. They were asking her all kinds of questions. She's not a certified therapist. She has no background in therapy. She doesn't know anybody that's a therapist. She said she got the idea because her friends told her

she gave really good advice and she felt, she felt like taking off her clothes would lower the inhibitions of the person across the room. But I don't find that to be true at all because I have been to strip joints and I don't feel like spilling my guts to a stripper. Until I'm in well-enhebriated. Yeah, I was gonna say, I've had a couple

spill their guts to me. Yeah, like I had a friend what? You remember that friend that I had smelled kind of funky? Yes. It was always just hanging around. He loved to freak with the strip joints. He loved it. He loved this one strip joint. He loved this one stripper because of funky. Yes. Was always just hanging around. Yes. He loved to frequent the strip joints. He loved it.

He loved this one strip joint. He loved this one stripper because of course he did. He always fell in love with some girl at every bar that we went to and then we had to go repeatedly. That's correct. Do you remember that? Yes, I do. So I remember there was like this period of time when there was this one dancer at this

one club and he just was head over heels because she would pay attention to him when he came in the door. And of course she would because the guy was fucking loaded and he would was head over heels because she would pay attention to him when he came in the door. And of course she would because the guy was fucking loaded. And he would spread his money all around. Very generous guy. I have to give him that. He was a very generous guy. He was. And he was nice. He was nice guy too. Yes. But he would go in there and I would be sitting next to him.

And this girl, I can't remember being with him like three or four times or we went to this particular club and it's late at night and we're a little trashed and we walk in and then he, you know, they eye each other and she comes over and of course he's just paying her money. She's like ding ding ding ding. He literally cried one time while he was telling her a story and I was like, do you know this brat. You have got to calm down a little bit because if you really think there's any chance by the way the most expensive thing in a strip joint is hope. I hope this girl gives me her phone number.

I hope she becomes my girlfriend. I hope she really likes me and you keep paying on that hope. And I'm like, it's a transaction. She is giving you a service. That's a business. You pay her for that service. It's a business. And it should be separate a little bit from your real life.

You can't go crying into a stripper's shoulder and expect that she's gonna to fall in love with you That's not what they're talking about back in the locker room. It's how cute. Yeah, they're talking about oh my god That guy just cried of my shoulder. I know and then she gave him his phone her phone number one time And it was just like it was bad bad bad all around yet she had changed her phone number Because I can imagine it's just bad bad bad bad all around. It's just one of those things. You can't, you know, you can't, you gotta be careful. Okay, so. You have to be careful on many levels.

Yeah, on many levels. And you know, like, I've, I never was like the world's biggest fan of strip joints. I've, I've enjoyed them. I've been to them lots and lots of times in my life. I've enjoyed them, I've been to them, lots and lots of times in my life. I've dated dancers, and I think that they are, it's a perfectly legitimate way to make money. Definitely. And God bless you, right?

It's a transaction that should be looked at as such. Yes. Everybody should have fun. Everybody should, everybody should have fun, but the girls that are, the girls are guys that are out there doing their thing, they're there to make money. So you shouldn't throw change out of number one. That's like you did. That's how you didn't do it.

I didn't do it. I wouldn't be clear about that. I had nothing to do with it. And my friend was an idiot, always has been still is to this day. But, you know, as who? Something, yeah.

Guess who? It's me or more on friend. It's got to the strip joint. I've got to throw peanuts on the stage. Never been thrown out of a place faster. Yeah, bad. Throwed out of a place faster that day that that happened. And I was so embarrassed, so mortified.

Yeah. I remember the car ride home like, what were you fucking thinking? And he was so embarrassed, so mortified. I remember the car ride home, like, what were you fucking thinking? And he was like, shoes, fucking talking shit. And I decided I was gonna give her a little bit of money. And I'm like, you don't throw quarters on the stage of the strip showing you fucking moron. You didn't think that was gonna be offensive? Oh, I don't know, it was like a 50-50 shot.

She was gonna react badly. Like, 50-50, you gave it a 50-50. You gave, taking change out of your pocket and throwing it at a stripper. You gave that a 50, 50 shot of working out. You said dumb shit. Put my opinion on, but I never really like enjoyed it because there are lots of,

it just wasn't my thing, my particular thing. But I know guys throughout my time on this earth, I know guys who really looked at it like a therapist office, they would go there. Well, our IT, to rector it, to be my protect, was a very frequent customer.

So the guy would come in my office, and then he would, so I was in charge of all these guy, yeah, that guy would come in my office. And then he would all, so we had, I was in charge of all these websites, right? Making money on all these websites. And one of them, like the rock and roll stations, they had rather racy advertisers. Made them. Every strip joint in town wanted to advertise

on the rock and roll station because, of course, that made sense. Like hard rock, guy driven, you know, young, that's the people you want to come to your dance hall, right? And so every one of them had banners on our website. That's the big dollars changing place. But you clicked on the banner and then you would go to the site and the site inevitably would have some kind of like light pornography on it, you know, girls with tops off or whatever.

So part of my job was to sell those advertisements and make sure that they were working properly. Well, of course, I would end up on those So this guy would come in the office. Yeah, this is like a typical Guy working in it like he would come in and he closed the door and he'd be like I Notice you're on the Dance hall website. I notice you were on cheaters website. You know whatever was called it, right? Cheetah. Cheetah. Oh, yeah, Cheetah. Yeah. Yeah. You got I noticed you're on the cheetah's website. And I'd be like, how did you notice that? I got not on all the computers. I take snapshots every five seconds and whatever.

But he's doing it for corporate purposes. Yeah. Tell you what I'll take you out. Tell you what you want to buy me some lunch. We can go go over Oh, yeah, I was supposed to go with him one day. We talked about it and he was going to Tattletales. Oh my god, Tattletales. Yeah, geez. That's Rockin' in Atlanta at Tattletales. Girls, girls, girls. Wow. Yeah. Wow, girls, girls, girls. The girls there still have big hair for the 80s. I do, I hope they do.

Fatal tails is like the typical underground strip joint. But this guy, he was like, non-stop, he'd go there every day for lunch. He would. Yeah, he literally had like, remember that like the strip joint would give out like, let's, let's find, you know, shoe, the shoe show.

Well, let's call it the shoes, right? Shoes strip joint. He, sometimes some of these dance clubs, the shoe show. Well, let's call it the shoes, right? Shoes strip joint. He sometimes some of these dance clubs, they are these strip joints, they would have, like you would go, punch cards. Yeah, punch cards, or you could get shoes bucks, right? Shoes bucks, only good to use inside of shoes. You could literally swipe your shoes bucks card

and give the girls a tip or whatever. This guy had like a shoes buck card. Oh, for every strip club in Atlanta. Yes, it was unbelievable how much he really enjoyed those places. I know and he but he never would go because we were going at night. Yeah, well we went to promo events and stuff like that. Yeah, and we would go and that sounded wrong. Chrissy and I didn't. We weren't assholes. We didn't go for lunch.

We would go after we left for it. There was a whole thing we're like, half the office would go to these. We go to the we go to the Braves games, get hammered and then everybody ends up at the strip. So I was like, who was our client? Yeah, who was our client? So we get the preferential dreamer ends up with the strip joint. Who is our client? Yeah, who is our client? So we get the preferential treatment.

Yeah, it's a strip club. I never a dinner. It's a strip club. Never. Oh my god. Gross. There's so many members. Oh, man, when you-

What I can remember. I can't remember barely any of it, but I do remember. But he wouldn't go with us then. He was daytime. He was daytime because he had a family. it, but I do remember. But he wouldn't go with us then. He was daytime. He was daytime because he had a family. Married, I'm kids. I know. Yeah, three children.

He didn't have time for this trick of a night. Had to make his way during the day. Well, man, did he love those trick clubs? Yeah. He was the guy in charge of keeping an eye on everybody, men monitoring your porn intake. But he was just looking at your porn through your computer. That's what he was doing.

Hey man, hit those hardcore sites once in a while, you know what I'm saying? I can't do it myself because I'm taking pictures of my own computer. Oh my God. All right, speaking of Marlon and his older girlfriend, I don't even know if I don't even know if I want to go here now. Oh, let me tell you this. I am going to go here. I'm going to go. I saw the wildest video while doing the research for an upcoming show, and I got to tell you about it. I can't show it because it's entirely too crazy. Okay. So I was like looking up nudist resorts, nude beaches, nude stuff like that. On YouTube, right?

Seeing if I could find some usable video. Of course I couldn't because it's all like, there's a lot of nudity and then there's some of it's just copyrighted, I don't want to have anything to do with it. Yeah. But I found someone in Germany called the Masterbation Coach. And he is a Masterbation coach for men. And he teaches men how to have the most multi orgasmic experience

masturbating by themselves. So I took the time to watch the 20-minute video in German to see exactly what this guy was doing. Is he a credited therapist? Chris, this is the what? He has this whole pattern. He's like, stroke, stroke, pull, stroke, stroke, pull, stroke, stroke, pull, stroke, stroke, pull.

And then he's like, you got to stroke, stroke, then breathe, breathe, stroke, stroke, then breathe, breathe. He's like, it's like a little dance. Imagine, stroke, stroke, breathe, breathe, stroke, stroke, breathe, breathe. And then he gets into the show and tell part of this, where he actually does this.

Now luckily for me, the viewer, he's not showing his actual genitalia while this is going on, because I guess the YouTube probably can say that born. But everything from the belly button up he's showing. This guy has veins coming out of his neck. Fasel reactions. I just realized just how fucking disgustingly disturbing

men are when they orgasm. Disgusting. We're disgusting human How could you ever want to sleep with somebody like me? How? How do you enjoy the Say it's gross. It's gross I am I try to look not even look at myself in the mirror. I have ever masturbated, but it's not avoidable sometimes. And it turns me off every time.

I'm like, oh God, Brian, settle down. Girls are like, oh, oh, oh, oh. You make the most lovely faces in your hair is flowing and we're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. You make the most lovely faces and your hair is flowing and we're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Sound like three-year-olds beating each other up. Ah. It sounds like we're punching our penis, not having fun with it. It looks like we're in incredible pain.

It is highly disgusting. Now, imagine that amplified 300 times, because this guy's a masturbation coach. and he's teaching men how to have the most multi orgasmic experience. I don't really think he's... Did you try it? Of course I did! Hahaha! Name it.

Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha! Oh my god. Hahaha! Hahaha! Oh my God.

Yeah, I can imagine that you can't watch those and not try it. Well, you got to go like, hey, let's get you on the action, right? I got to make sure that this guy's talking the truth. I got to investigate this. Because if it's real, this guy's having a great time. It looks like his head's about to pop. His veins are sticking out of his neck. He's like a really skinny fit, like 50 year old, right?

His veins are popping out of his neck, his eyeballs are all red, his nose is bleeding. I mean, the guy is like, he's an outer space. It's time. Right. Now, a lot of what he teaches is very tantric, right? I think it's, even though he doesn't say it, it looks to me to be tantric, which I kind of understand at the first. I'm like a bad tantric, right? I think even though he doesn't say it, it looks to me to be tantric,

which I kind of understand at the first. I'm like a bad tantric, right? I'm like conveniently used tantric, and I want it, right? Um. Um. So I'm gonna tell you right now that this guy looked like he was having a ton of fun,

but I'm not sure there's any real validity to his technique because it's just doesn't work for him. It worked for him. It did not work for, maybe because I was looking in the mirror. Yeah. Ha. Ha. Which is what he told you to do.

He's like, look in the mirror. Look at the mirror. He says, look in the mirror because you want to, you need to be in touch with your body and understand what's going on. And by the way, this is on the heels of some research that came out just days ago, saying that men, every man on earth should ejaculate 20, at least 21 times a month

to avoid or delay prostate cancer. That cleaning out the tubes, a couple, you know, once every other day, really helps keep the prostate down, gets away the bad juice, get the poison out. Basically, it's what I'm saying, Chrissy, get the poison out. Yes, it builds up. It does.

What? You gotta do what you gotta do. You gotta do what you gotta do. And so I thought, you know. There's nothing wrong with it. Those fights, man. Wow. That's exactly. You know, as a younger man, I would be like, you know,

when I live with women that I dated, I'd be like, oh, I gotta sneak around would be like, you know, when I live with women that I dated, I'd be like, oh, I got to sneak around the house and, you know, under the covers and in the closet and clean up and, you know, soundproof the bathroom while I go in the shower. Like, I was so embarrassed about all of it, right? Because that's how I was, because that's what happens when you're growing up.

Oh, and your cat, but guilt. Go, yeah, my cat, the guilt is high. Like, even my therapist is like, you got, you got cataclysm induced anxiety that's like at 11. You need to bring it down a little bit. But that's the way it was. Like, you know, you don't touch yourself.

Sexuality is bad. You know, keep that stuff. All that stuff is. That means to change. That means to go, you can't go there. But the truth is, you should go there. Not only can you, you should. And I don't know how.

It's for your health. I don't know exactly how you present a welcoming masturbation environment in your household. I'm not there yet. But the truth is, is that I don't give a sh- Wack off, have fun. Do your thing. God bless. Just don't do it in front of me or near the food.

Right? That's all I'm asking. Just don't do it in front of me or near the food, right? I know that's all I'm asking. Just don't do it in front of me or near the food. So I figured, hey listen, I gotta up my whack and off. If I gotta do that, I might as well have the most fun possible. And so what I realized is, for you. Did you light a candle and did some music and scatter some rose petals. Ah!

Ah! I did. I drew myself a warm bath. I dimmed the lights. I put on a, you know, a vage candle from a goop. Goop. Yeah, I had to get my goop candle. I turned on the fart fan, so there's a little bit of ambient noise. I played you know

Binaural beats on the Spotify because I wanted to be in like a meditation mood and What I find all these yeah, and what I took I unscrewed the light bulb I put in a really dim red light bulb So you know, I was just like really in the mood. Yeah. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! for years, years on this show I've been making fun of one poor woman who made gobbled like a turkey and then I realized that I am no better, I am no better Chrissy. It's good to be just aware. It's good to be king.

Oh yeah, I really thought when you dub yourself, the master patient coach, you should really have some tips and tricks. But there wasn't anything particularly life altering in there. He just had a pattern. Yeah, he had this stroke pattern and he was talking about breathing

and then he was saying that you know, you should feel it from your toes to your head. I feel it from my toes to my head. It's like I'm not missing that feeling, but I think he was like trying to incorporate some tantra. And tantra is basically this, for those of you that don't know.

Tantra, of which I am an expert. Tantra is like, it's a form of, it's a yogatic form from way back in the day, focusing on the art of... The yogatic. Yogatic. So that's yoga? No, that's a type of goat. on the art of... The Yogadic. Yogadic. So that's yoga? No, that's a type of goat.

Oh. Ah. Okay. The Domatocogadic. Domatocogadic. The Domatocogadic. The Domatocogadic. The Domatocogadic.

The Domatocogadic. The Domatocogadic. The Domatocogadic. The Domatocogadic. The Domatocogadic. The Domatocogadic. The Domatocogadic. The Domatocogadic. The Domatocogadic. The Domatocogadic. The Domatocogadic. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, interest in our and I have read a lot on Tantra and it's just a wonderful wonderful practice but what it can't get rid of is your ugly face when you're orgasm. As a matter of fact, I think it's making it ugly here.

What's happening? I wish, see, guys get the short end of the stick. Just on this, most of the time we get the long end of the stick, but we get the short end of the stick, especially when you're a guy like me, three or four inches. We get the short end of thing, especially when you're a guy like me three or four inches. We get to short end this thing in this sense God The universe mother nature whatever you want to call it really built us very ugly now We might have a nice up here, but we have a bad down there

It's stuck a big stick on front of us to some two little dangly balls down there and then gave us the ugliest face in the world We're having the best moment of our lives, right? Women, women have the opposite. They have the most lovely bodies and everything's all neatly packaged and feeling great. And I don't realize that there's a lot of drama that comes with that package, like I'm not playing that down. But when it comes to this particular moment between a man and a woman, when it comes to this particular moment, between a man and a woman, when it comes to this particular moment,

there is no comparison. Women do it better. They do it better, they look better doing it. It probably feels better because y'all have all that, you got actually like somebody and all that shit going on up in your face. They're actually got to give a shit, not that shit.

You got all that shit going on. You got like a thousand times better. You've got receptors all over the place. Yeah, I gotta get it. You gotta all get a ton. Like a thousand times better. You've got receptors all over the place. Yeah, I got one receptor. I can't control it, it just goes all over the place. Meanwhile, you guys are like, you know, turning dials and pulling levers and all this other stuff. And then your whole body goes into outer space

for like a minute and for 15 seconds, we go, ah! Looks like we're sticking our head outside a car window in a hundred miles from our utilitarian is what it is Women are the ones that you know mother earth. Yeah, that we bear life. We should be a woman just for just for one day their life. I wish I could be a woman just for just for one day. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! He was standing at the counter waiting for his drink as soon as I met as soon as I made my order and I turned around there He was and I walked by his Yeah, I won't like this As I walk by On his neck Was it cold? Did he have a fabulous pee coat on he did have a lovely jacket on he was just like he had a little Little stubble this time. Oh, yeah, he'll stubble on like he looked like he had been shaved and maybe a day or two.

And he looked twice as good as he did today, but the time that I saw him when he was fully shaved. Just unbelievable. It was unbelievable how handsome this guy is. I can't believe it. And by the way, every woman that was in that Starbucks and a couple of the men were all staring at him. Everybody.

No, it didn't allude anybody that the world's most handsome man that just walked in the store for a second time. I mean, you should have seen the barista. She's like this young girl. She's like spilling drinks all over the place and tripping and a little bit of drool coming out of her mouth. And then there's, you know, there's,

there's one of my favorite baristas is they, that's how they refer to themselves as they. And they literally were standing there like rocking, I think, trying to make, yeah, trying to weirdly make conversation. Like, how's your day going? I was like, he's good. He sounds like he's Egyptian, by the way.

He goes, he's good, like that. And I don't think I recognize that when he first held the door for me. But I just, I like popped up on a seat at the at the little barista bar and I was just like staring at him like I just observed got damn your handsome oh my god I'm you know? I will say this. I'm sorry, turkey girl. I'm sorry, turkey girl. It's taken all that.

Yes. I was twice as loud and obnoxious as you were. I should have never made fun of you in the first place. Oh. But at least I wasn't goblin. I mean, it's still a funny story. It is. Oh my gosh.

It is. I had so much more to get into, but then we go on the path of Marlin and the nudity and the therapists and the strippers. Just goes everywhere. The IT guy. Yeah, the IT guy. This is why we need to spend a little time focusing on the commercial rate. Season number four. I don't think we can ever rain it in. No, we're never going to rain it in. No, we're 2 ADD to rain it in never that's never gonna happen Chrissy and I were talking about eight and season number four we're gonna get focused. We're gonna you know spend a lot of time on content creation

That's not gonna happen You know what I thought about today was that I'm gonna bring a notebook Karen I'm gonna write down all of the things You should do that. Yes. Or we should have somebody. Don't aren't we big enough now that we should have somebody that does that on our behalf like they just write notes. Remember at the beginning when Gustavo was helping us with editing we were like, hey Gustavo put a picture here. What a what a great experience for the listeners. Hey Gustavo, find out what a nomadic go-matic looks like.

But a picture of that. A no-matic, a nomadic, a nomadic. Oh my god, we're so stupid. And thanks for listening. Yes, we love you, thank you. We do. We love you. Thanks to everybody who's been writing in season number four,

coming right around the corner. That means Chrissy and I are going to take a holiday break. But fear not, we're going to bring new episodes and best ups to you. We want to know what your favorite clips or segments or shows were from season number three. That's right. Anything, you're like, go back and whatever you thought was

funny. Let us know. Go back and take notes. Go back and take notes on our behalf. Wherever we say we're gonna do something send us that list. You got next year. 855-TCB-8383-855-TCB-8383 text us or leave us a voicemail. We may use your voice in a best of episode. Go to youtube.com slash the commercial break to watch the full episodes. A couple days or a week after they there after they air and I promise you It's a whole new layer of funny also tcb podcast.com. Okay, Chrissy. I guess that's all I can do I think so, but I want you to know that I love you

I love you and best to you best to you out there in the podcast universe until next time, Chrissy and I always say we do say and we must say bye! I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, you