The Commercial Break - Mr. Spirit, OUT

Episode Date: June 30, 2023

If you're a spirit trying to talk to Theresa, you better get in line and follow directions! For someone who never gives a clear answer, she sure seems to have some clear requirements for poor old Spirit. Scandoval Once again, Bryan’s Scandoval info is incorrect Bryan’s tiktok algorithm is exposing him! Hot girls taking baths in milk and cereal? Bryan had salmonella for 3 weeks Fleetwood Mac Drugs! Community! Krissy & her test kitchen The brown acid Theresa & Barb continue! It’s a week of Theresa This is just an age old con Calling yourself an empath makes you the worst She’s got requirements for Spirit! Spirit said text me when ur ready xx Get your story straight, Theresa!!!! Everytime Theresa laughs a spirit dies She’s humble! How does she chill? She binges Friends Bryan thinks its weird that she drinks water with a straw LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us or leaving a voicemail at: 1.855.TCB.8383 Speak to TCB LIVE by calling 775.TCB.LIVE (1.775.822.5483) Tuesday-Thursday 12pm-5pm EST Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Written By: Bryan Green Exec Producers: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Content Production & Research: Tina Khano YouTube Producer & Editor: Morgan Please Audio Editing: Christina A. Executive Director: Astrid B. Associate Producer: Gustavo Episodic Contribution: Marianne, Diane, Natalie, Will The Champ, Will D** Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I said to this woman, I'm like, do you have a squirrel problem? I'm like, what's with the squirrels? And she's like, I used to have a pet squirrel and the squirrel who died. And I'm like, well, your mother's showing me that she is the squirrel with us. She goes, yeah, because they're cremated and we have them together. I mean, who has a pet squirrel? And who has it on the mantelpiece next to their cremated mother? Exactly. Now she got a room, make she didn't ask for it.

their cremated mother. Exactly. Now she got a room made she didn't ask for it. On this episode of the commercial break. They literally tell us when we can contact her. In the agreement, it's 9-5 Monday through Thursday. Those aren't bankers, are they? What are we doing? I got shit to say. You don't think I want to talk to people? I've been dead! I'm dead! I cannot communicate unless I use this dumb bitch! It sucks!

Mr. Spirit out! The next episode of the commercial break starts now! Oh yeah, Kazakhstan's welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and best friend, happy best friend day. To Chris, enjoy, hopefully, best of you. Bestie, Brian, happy best friend's day. Well, thank you.

I couldn't imagine doing this with anyone else. No. Best of you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Uh, yeah, happy best friends day. I know. It's like, you know, it's hard to describe what exactly this podcast is, because I'm not sure we even know.

I hope we don't. We're making it up as we go. Yeah, we're making it up as we go. And as we mentioned on the last episode, even like at the very top of this podcast game, there's a lot of people who just like, they just cut and run. Yeah. Because they don't know where they're going with it.

Like, it's like, okay, well I said what I needed to say or I laughed at the jokes I thought I had, and now it's kind of over. There is, Pod Fade is real, and lots of podcasts fade. However, Chrissy and I are in constant pursuit of the next download, so we just decided to turn the microphones down and see what happens. Yeah.

And I only think that kind of longevity, 370 plus episodes in And I only think that that kind of longevity, 370 plus episodes in, I only think this kind of longevity could happen between two best friends. I agree. Because what else would we have to fucking talk about if we didn't know each other? I know, yeah. I mean, if we only know each other from the studio,

we would, I don't know, maybe it would be like a, I don't know, like a good reality show, a friendship being show, a friendship being born, but we just rehash all the old times. Yeah, that's right. There'd be a scandal of some sort. Oh, scandals. We're going to scandal Tom Sandeval is a...

Yeah, I don't know why everybody's making such a big deal about this. He cheated, okay? Yeah. All right, it happens all the time. There's nothing new under the sun. I know. I think people were so invested in the relationship. I guess when you put it out there, if it was even real to begin with, I don't know.

I don't know what's real and what is not. But the two girls were roommates, apparently. They lived in the same house. They worked in the same building. Tom Sandivall and this other girl is cheap. You know, behind this girl Rachel's back for the whole time. I don't know much about it because I've never seen an episode of the show. I'm only now watching Tom Sandivall do cover tunes with Tom Sandivall in the Dastardly duo or whatever the fucking call it. What is it

called? The Dastardly team. Tom Sandivall in the Incredibles or whatever. You remember we listened to his song? Yeah, yeah, and it wasn't bad. It was good. Right. It was actually good. I actually thought it was good. Now I think it was total-sinking on his behalf. I think they were running a track behind him. But okay, I imagine it was still his voice. He sounded good. Yeah. And then I've watched a couple of other videos. And the band's not bad. And apparently they're doing Tom Sandy Falls band is now on some tour, like an actual tour where they go to different states and they sell out different places, not like my friend on Facebook who goes to the same bar two weeks in a row and calls it is summer tour. You're like in the corner of the Mexican restaurant.

Yeah, that's you're showing up twice at an open mic. That's what's really going on. You're calling it your summer tour. One like on Facebook and it's him liking it. And I'm like, poor guy. Oh, wow. I know, but I'm rooting for him. Yeah.

I am not going to show up to any of those shows. I was going to say, are you going to go to this show? No, like I said know, but I'm rooting for him. I am. Not gonna show up to any of those shows. I was gonna say, are you gonna get a show? No, like I said before, we put on that picture and I didn't see anyone showing up. I'm not gonna go to Charleston, South Carolina to see somebody on an open mic night. I've done that. I've been to open mic nights.

That was my teenage years and my 20s. When you could go to an open mic night and just drink yourself silly and whatever came out of the guitar and the voice sounded good because of how hammered you were. Now I'm old enough to know better that open mics. Yeah, there are diamonds in the rough and that's where a lot of people start, but then there's a lot of noise you got to get through to get to one of those gems.

That's true. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah, no, back to Vanderpump though. So I went on this girl's trip this past weekend. Oh, Vanderpump. Well, and there's a couple of girls that are involved that really do like that show. They're in there, huh?

They were trying to get me to watch a couple of them, and I was like, I can't because I know myself. If I start it, I'm gonna be sucked in. You're gonna go down the re-ad, reality whole? I'm exactly, I'm gonna hold up in the bedroom. Just gonna say, are you getting out of bed? I'll be like, just one more Vanderpump rule. What after this one?

After this one, I'll shower. What I wouldn't give to have a camera in your house and just watch you and Jeff interacting on a daily basis. It's endlessly fascinating to me what's going on over there at that house. I don't know why, but it is. It's like, it basically works. Yeah.

And then I watch my shows. So you're in the bedroom and he's in the living room. Is that how it goes? Or he's in the little office area? Yeah. And you're in the in the bedroom just watching terrible reality television show? Yeah, doing my work out. Yeah.

He's growing resentful as your... Oh, he's so supportive. Yeah. I told him last night I was like, you're so supportive. I don't know if that I would be that supportive. Yeah, thank you for being supportive of this job that I keep going to where no money shows back up. He just wants me to be happy.

Yeah, well good for him. I feel bad for my wife because she's got to explain to people what I do. I'm sure, Asherd, when I'm around, Asherd always seems very proud of what's going on. She's always like, oh, he's shy, but he has this episode, you know, he has this podcast called The Commercial Break.

And I just don't want to say anything to people because I want to save everybody the embarrassment of listening to The Commercial Break and going, what a potty mouth asshole idiot that guy is. You know, what a jerk off he comes across as. He's so nice and person and he listen to The Commercial Break and all he's doing is just bitching and railing on everybody else So I don't get into it because I want people to like me

So I'm like I don't want to tell you what I do. Yeah, but I'm learning I'm learning to just you know say it out loud and I usually just I'm proud of you giving your phone. I'll download it for you and you know, it's not for everyone. Yeah, listen to your laser Do you mind if I download all And you know, it's not for everyone. Yeah. Listen to your laser. Do you mind if I download all 350 six episodes to your phone? Because we can make money on that.

And then you can delete them later. I hate it. But I always figured that Astrid has like this, like this sl, when I'm not around, Astrid is always doing a dance also. She's like, oh yeah, my husband's in the digital media industry. Oh, what does he do? Digital media business business. He's a business person I'm a business person Brian Green business person nice to meet you

We need cards made up. We do need cards made up put that on the book. I'll put that in the notebook Oh my god that notebook is full of trash. Put that on the book. I'll put that in the notebook. Oh my God, that notebook is full of trash. Yeah, it's full. No, but it's full of shit. Shit that we're never gonna do. We can always go back to it. Yeah, we can always go back to it.

We always say that. We never do. One of these days, we're gonna actually spend time on this shit. Besides this 45 minutes worth of interaction that we do here. I've been watching the most fascinating TikToks. I think I've ever seen and it's just beyond me.

You know, we, here at the show, we have always had great fun with people's sexual percolivities. And we've always said, if you're into something, somebody else is into it. No matter what it is, as long as it's illegal. I'll say that. And we support, and we strongly support your right to love anybody at any time, anywhere,

how and where you want to. Right, however that looks. Not next to me in the booth though, it's who she left me. No, oh, was someone having sex in the booth? They were getting close. Oh, were they? Yeah., it's like that time on like the time we went to the restaurant and The guy who's that guy? Vince McMahon showed up with a

20-year-old prostitute remember I told you that yeah Wasn't really Vince McMahon don't't get your lawsuits out, Vince settle down. I was a little of Vince McMahon. Look alike. Yeah. So on TikTok, there is the strangest, I don't even know what to call it. I don't know if this is sexual perclivity

or just something people are into or I don't know what's going on. Hot girls taking baths in tubs full of milk and cereal nude and then Capturing the milk in the cereal putting it in a mason jar and selling it to people. Oh my god Brian This is your dream. You love that cereal. I love cereal if they would do it with cream. I buy all of it Yeah, who doesn't want a little pubic hair in their cereal and cream. It's all I'm saying Little k. Y. Jelly makes that stuff taste all the much better.

These girls are swimming in this milk and cereal like fruit loops and then they're capped and then they're literally scooping it up with a mason jar, putting a cap on it, signing it, sending it off to whomever was willing to buy it. And then there are people who are making TikToks out of them drinking the milk in cereal and how excited they're getting. Mainly guys who are probably disturbed in some way, shape or form.

Either they're disturbed or they see this as the joke that it is and they're just trying to ride on the high. I get that part, but there's a few guys that I saw. I think they're a little bit too into this. Now, whatever you're into, dude. What have you even transport the milk? Doesn't it go bad, like going through the mail?

I, that's why I'm allowed. That's why I'm, I'm a little suss about all this, you know what I'm saying? I mean, I'm sure there is a delivery service somewhere, DHL, DHL seems to carry all the drugs and narcotics for everybody, don't they? Didn't they go out of business and now they just ship large packages of gummies and weed everywhere Pain killers from Canada or whatever's going on whatever the kids are into these days Fenton all from the cartels so I'm kidding. I don't know anything about it We got to be careful now because you know if everybody wants to send you a cease and disassist letter

But I don't think D.H.L.s advertising on the commercial break anytime soon anyways, so like I give a shit But I know when I was getting my drug suit the mail it came to D.H.L. is advertising on the commercial break any time soon. Anyways, the like I give a shit. But I know when I was getting my drugs through the mail, it came through D.H.L. That's what happens. Yeah. So I don't know. I don't know if this is real or it's fake, or it's hard to tell sometimes

if people are collaborating on these things. But I just find it to be the weirdest, weirdest. What sexual pleasure could you possibly get out of drinking rotten milk and soft cereal that's been sitting in a mason jar for days that somebody put their body in? How do you know where that body's been? How do you know what's coming out of that body or into that body or whatever's going on? What in the world could possibly be good? How could you make the cereal taste better

by putting it in a bathtub? How could you possibly do that? I get nervous when I see a fingerprint on a glass, I'm like, give me a new glass. I don't know why you would want to drink out of there. And then to put your face publicly on TikTok, showing you, drinking that milk, it's just like, I would be more inclined to tell you

that I am the host of the commercial break than to tell you that I am drinking milk and cereal from some young ladies bathtub. That's all I gotta say. Now, I will say, and let's face it, milk is delicious. I think it's delicious. It is, I do like a good glass of cold milk. I think it's delicious. It is. I do like a good glass of cold milk.

I do. I don't drink a lot, and I just cut out the cream. No more cream for Brian. But I do like it every once in a blue moon, especially like something sweet or chocolatey, right? But milk after a hot minute starts to smell like the underside of my nuts. It's really a bad smell. And you know, because everyone here has either taste that are smelled bad

Dairy it just goes bad it smells bad and so for me I don't think there would be I don't think I would derive any pleasure whatsoever out of filling bathtub up with milk and letting it sit there for an hour while someone took a bath But I will say this one, but. If, let's say, I don't know, Emily Raddagowski wanted to take a bath in milk. Let's just say that the world was, we were in a totally alternate universe, Brian was single, he met Emily Raddag, I looked like Pete Davidson and had the same sense of humor. I met Emily Raddagky and we were sleeping together and she said, you know what really turns me on?

I wanna get into a hot tub of milk and you throw some cereal on me and then we'll do whatever. I would, then, then, and only then, what I consider it, but I still wouldn't need it. I still wouldn't drink it. Yeah. If you sit there own, I mean, people have a lot of different things that they like that turns them on.

Fees. I know. Farts and a jar. Farts and a jar was, that was pretty wild. That was straight up original. I gotta give that girl one thing. That was straight up original

and you can draw a direct line from Farts and a jar to rotten milk and cereal in a jar. You can definitely draw a direct line to that. She was a, that's a trend setting girl. She's a pioneer. She's a pioneer. Now, you haven't heard a damn word from her since last year, which she was, I don't know, successfully or unsuccessfully selling farts in a jar. But that's like how they have another question, just a woman question in general. Like, it's not a, it's a pretty complicated piece of machinery you got down there. Yeah. Yeah. It Yeah, you got to get an oil changes and looms

and take it in every 3000 miles and all that stuff. So, it's putting milk up there really the best idea. Do you think? I don't think so either. I don't think that, I don't think your uterus was built for milk in the jar. Well, it's good bacteria and bad bacteria. Yeah, that might throw things off.

Yeah, I think it's just a case of cell monella waiting to happen. And it's a guy who's had a couple cases of cellella, I'm telling you right now, that's no joy right. However, it is a great diet. If you're looking to lose 30 pounds real quick, get celmanella. You may die, but the good news is you're going to look really good on your at your wake. Yeah, I bet that guy that was eating the raw chicken wings got celmanella. Unbelievable.

They're still looking for that guy, just read an article that people are concerned about him yet they were like concerned about him we said we had a story a number of episodes ago I found a story uh... where a mall had captured a video of a guy going down an escalator he had just bought chicken he opened the package raw chicken he had opened the package and was eating the raw chicken while he was walking through them all. I know how fucked up is that. And people were actually concerned for the guy. They were trying to find him. It's like, have anybody knows this guy?

Let us know. I think a doctor wanted to smack his head. Yeah, just be like, hey dude. Did you go to like third grade science? She shouldn't be eating raw fucking chicken. Ugh. Ugh. I think I got myself an elephant raw pork.

I think that's how I got that. Yeah. Like pork loin, it's not meant to be raw. You supposed to cook it all the way through. A good pork chop at a fine dining restaurant. True. Medium, right? Should be pink and warm all the way through.

And in that situation, you could probably get away with it. Still would prefer that it be all the way cooked through, but I have had a few pork chops that have a little bit of pink in them. But I paid a lot of money for it, and because I paid a lot of money for it, I knew I could sue the restaurant if I got sick.

That's correct. However, I ate the pork at a family dinner, and it just frowned upon in general. Didn't it create a whole wave of sickness in this household? This salmonella is not contagious, so it didn't have a- I know that everybody ate it, didn't they? Yeah, but not everybody got sick.

Okay. Because most people were smart enough to stay away from the red pork, but Brian went right for it. I was just sopping it up. I was like, and by the way, I didn't really like it all that much, but I was really hungry. So I just took, it was like one of those huge loins or pieces of pork put in the oven, cooked for 38 hours, taken out, but it was so big, it was so hard to get it all the way

cooked through. So as we started pulling the pork off, I was just grabbing whatever I could. And it wasn't, and Astrid even said something to me. Like, in that moment, she goes, is that, she leaned over and she's like, is that a little pink? But you gotta understand Astrid. The one true picadillo about Astrid that I am totally against, is that Astrid likes everything extraordinarily well done.

Oh yeah, my family was like that. Her meat cannot have one bit of color in it. If it is, she wants to send it back. So she just tells the way to write out, and because she's not the type of person to bitch and complain, she just tells the way to write up front, kill it, like just kill it. If it's hard and black, I don't care.

That's the way I like it. And so anytime Astrid sees pink in any meat, she gets a little skewed out. So, but she did warn me She was like, hey, I think that looks a little pink without trying to alert everybody else at the table It's all the way through Hey dad You trying to kill me She don't want to ruin Thanksgiving dinner by saying it out loud

No one else got as sick as I did, but I was sick for three weeks, I was sick. That was crazy. I didn't have an appetite. Everything went through me. I lost about a bunch of weight. I came to right back. I forgot to sell a little bit.

But because my appetite came roaring back when I got better. But I was on a bunch of medications. I went to the doctor and I was a little bit a couple of times. Yeah, I had to get fluids. It was a whole fucking nightmare. God, I've got getting old socks. I'm sure I had some in L on my 20s too, but I just did a couple of rails and I never ate anyway.

So I just did a couple of rails and a bud light. And if I had the sh- I killed it. Yeah, if I had the shits, I just figured it came from the cheap cocaine. You know what I'm saying? Exactly. From that laxid in the laxid.

Favorite cut for a cocaine with drug dealers is laksative. Baby fucking laksative. So that's why you're always get, that the gag reflex comes from your stomach going instantaneously like, what the fuck are you doing to me? Gasoline, methane, coke a plant, and baby laksative. Down your sinus cavity, please stop it.

Yeah, let's get some. Yeah. Friday nights coming up. I know it. At least I was never blowing coke up my asshole. No. Like some people do. Right. That's a delivery method of choice for some people.

I've never been around anyone that's done that. I know Stevie Nicks is rumored to have done that. Yeah. But you're last. Well, she said she did it. You should have. Your last resort. That's a total last resort. Well, she had totally ripped her

Not her can't even get it up. Her septum was completely gone. She literally just has a big like hole in her nose It's like it's like Nostrils, but there's no separator there, so you if you even if you look at her You can kind of tell that there's something funky going on with that nose up there But she has good doctors. I would imagine yeah, she is and funky going on with that nose up there, but she has good doctors, I would imagine. She is, Stevie Nix is such a bad fucking ass. She is, I love her so much.

Yeah, and just the... She just had her 75th birthday. Oh, she did? I don't think going out in two or again, too. Didn't Christine McVee just die? She died in like a year ago, didn't she? Yeah, she did. What a shame.

What a great, great band. What a great band. Incredible, and I've read all these different autobiographies from different members of the band. It's so fun. It is relived. A pair of eyes and like piece it together. They said this and we said this and where they came from.

It's just a fantastic story. The 60s, 70s and 80s rock stars. Just did it different. They just did it different. Yeah, you mean they didn't just get instantly famous on YouTube. I'm not sure. Yeah, no, not on YouTube, but there were the powers that be that guided the hand. Like, I don't think Fleetwood Mac or Led Zeppelin or any of those bands got famous without influencers at the highest level.

Sure. Choosing them to be famous. Right? It was because they were just inherently really good. Yeah, they were really good. But you know, there's really good musicians all around the world right now. Yes. There's some musicians like, there's some people that I know that are so fucking talented,

but they're in their 40s and they're still waiting for their big break. Like the guy going on to a girlfriend. Right, I'm gonna say in Charleston. He's really good. He's actually very talented. Is it my favorite type of music? No, but I could see somebody in Charleston. He's really good. He's actually very talented. Is it my favorite type of music? No, but I could see somebody getting into it,

but the problem is, there are the challenges. You know, there's not everybody can make it at that level. And it's really difficult and you have to navigate, and guys, this is the conversation we had about Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift is a baddie. She's a fucking baddie. And she takes control over herself and her image

and her every detail of her image and every detail of her tour and every detail of her album, and she took her power back when the record company tried to fuck her, and I applaud her for all of that. However, did she like come out of nowhere, like, you know, Silver Springs, Oklahoma from some cardboard shack and, you know, make it this big? No, she didn't. She had some help along the way. What that is, I don't know, but I can only imagine coming

from an affluent family with prominent parents, that they made sure that she had the most opportunity. And then she went and ran with it. Her talent took her the rest of the way. Oh, yeah. But that's what happened to, I'm sure with a lot of these bands. And I'm sure there's the occasional organic breakthrough story. There's lots of them.

White spread panic, fish. Do you think anybody think was looking for a fish album? No one is looking for a fish album. You listen to some early fish or some early widespread or dead or I don't know about Dave Matthews, but any of those other bands, it's terrible. It's terrible. Yeah. Well, those are more about the communities too that kind of grow around the bands. That's right. Travel around and it becomes more about, oh, hey, I grow around the bands travel around and it becomes more about, oh, hey, I saw Brian, you know, and how you live in Texas, not live in Georgia, whatever. And we see each other.

We meet up at the show. That's right. Yeah, the communities take them to the next level. And those communities are super organic, right? People talking to other people, sharing like-minded ideas and like-minded musicians and all those stuff. Oh yeah, for sure.

And I do think that drugs is such a big part of that story. Like when you watch that Grateful Dead documentary on Amazon Prime, it is a beautifully orchestrated documentary. And part of why I think it's beautiful is they focus on the things that were really important in that story, which is drugs and community. Because those are the two things

that made the Grateful Dead, the Grateful Dead. And they didn't shy away from sharing that the Grateful Dead, Jarrigar, see a really being the ringleader and Mickey Rorke or whatever his name is Mickey Hart. He's a rock. Yeah, absolutely demanded that there be copious amounts of drugs around at all times.

Yeah, well that's when the drugs were really kind of forming into society too. Yeah. I mean, can you imagine being at the beginning of the LSD movement? I can't. You know, like I read this. I read this in a book.

You know, this electric, cool, laid acid. That is. Okay, so for those of you that don't know or don't care, the Grateful Dead, San Francisco band, hate Ashbury is becoming this like mecca for quote unquote hippies, kids that are basically disenchanted with the war efforts, disenchanted with the government, disenchanted with college, disenchanted with everything. Being under their parents' thumb, the man, the man, man.

And they have this idealistic view, like most young people do, idealistic view, that we can just go somewhere else, live the way that we want to, everything's all about love and all that other stuff. Now, reality will hit you in the face eventually. It's those same people that were in hate ashtray that are currently destroying the earth,

but that's okay. It becomes about money at some point, right? The Yuppies then become billionaires and they just kill us all with their AI, with their chat, chatty GPT. But anyway, so the grateful dead has a house in the center of hate ashtray and they start, they're really the, like the mu-

Nucleus. Yeah, the soundtrack to this, right? What's going on? They would cut shut down the street and have street parties and a grateful dead would play for hours and hours and hours, noodling around in the most terrible ways. But people were all fucked up

so they didn't care and they were having fun and having sex and run around topless and all this other stuff. So when LSD started being manufactured by Kim Keese and some of these other people, and Timothy Lerie and all this other stuff, when that started hitting this subculture that was going on in San Francisco, they had the series of parties where the grateful dead really started to take hold.

And that was called the Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test. And these were parties where the grateful dead would, or, and other musicians would get up and play for dates. Because what they would do is they would take a cool aid, dump a bunch of liquid, pure liquid LSD in it. And then everyone would just go out of their minds for days, and the grateful dead would get up and play for a couple hours,

and then they would take a break and take some more acid. Different people would step in, and yeah, it was just a big, huge party. It was a huge party. There's video of this, if you can find it online, there are many stories to be told, there's a lot of information about this, it's well documented. But what the part that gets me every time that I think about the electric Kool-Aid acid test is that a normal hit of blotter acid paper, and I don't know the actual numbers, I'm just saying,

this is just for storytelling purposes. Let's say it's one microgram per hit, per little tiny square of LSD. What in that is, how they make those pieces of paper, it's blotter paper, and they just take a dropper and they put it on all of the little squares. The great full dead. So if that's one microgram, if you were to take two hits, two micrograms,

you would be good for eight to 12 hours, and you would be in outer space. If you took three or four, you would be at a different universe. If you took more than that, there's no telling what could happen. I can't even imagine the state of mind that you were using. That's where the music came from, man.

These guys were taking a hundred micrograms at a time. I know, why not? They didn't know. They didn't know they were. It was a test. Why? I have my test kitchen where I test new recipes. Oh, yes, she does.

But they were having a test of drug testing. Chrissy's like, a little bit of DVD, da, a little bit of Crystal Mephies, a little bit of Sm daabs a little bit of crystal methies a little bit of Smicky smokies some mushrooms Brian ass Jeff the pork is ready It's pink yeah, it's pink, but it's also got a lot of liquid. I was doing it so Any foul effects you feel Would be mitigated by the fact that you won't be able to see in front of your own eyeballs. Or eat it. Yeah. Just lick it. Just lick it. So the part that just crazes me every time I read it, I've taken the first time I took LSD, I took four or

or maybe five hits and I took a strip because I didn't know when no one told me. And it wasn't until hours later that I realized just how twisted up I was. Hours later in your Dick Tracy closet. In my Dick Tracy closet. It's gonna be where it's me leads. Hi, Dick Tracy, it's me, Brian. Madonna shut up, I'm talking to Dick. Hey, Dick Chasey. It's me, Brian. Madonna shut up. I'm talking to Dick.

Hey, Dick. Oh, I think Brian's in the closet again. Talking to Dick. My mom already thought I was masturbating. He's talking to you with Dick. He's in the closet talking to his dick. Leave him alone. Leave him alone. Leave him alone. Leave him alone. Leave him alone.

Leave Britney alone. Remember that guy? Leave Britney alone. So anyway, this is just like a maze ball that this is happening. But these communities, these bands, I think drugs is a big part of that story. Because when you're getting fucked up with people, one of two things is happening. Either people are taking care of you because you're so twisted.

And they will take care of you. They will. They will. And or you're making deep connections in a different, like a different part of your mind that's very rarely used. Yes. And so all you have to do is look at Woodstock

to point to this. And I know that that's a happy, go lucky story that's told a lot, the Woodstock story that is not as pretty as everyone likes to tell it. But the truth is, half a million people, what it was, like half a million people that showed up or something,

I don't know, I don't know the real number. A lot of people showed up, and they all took care of each other for three days when there was no food, no water. The brown acid was bad. Don't eat the brown acid. My favorite part of the woodstock movie. Hey, brothers and sisters.

Glad we're all having a good time boogieing down. Listen, just got a note from medical 10. Do not eat the brown acid. The brown acid is bad brothers. And then you watch everybody in the crowd go, I should. I just I think the brown acid. If I was there, I just say that. I ain't no proud acid. Ah! If I was there, I'd just run immediately into the water.

Ah! There was nowhere to go. You were out in the field. You were out in the field. I'll never forget. So I'm like super young, probably 12 or 13 years old. And maybe, yeah, 12, 13, 11 11 something like that and I just it moved here I had one friend wasn't even really a friend. It was just a kid that my mom like

Talk to the other mom. This is with a one year. I went to public school and so one day the mom calls my mom It says I'm going to whitewater the local. Oh, I water the local big You know water park that's owned by six flags. Yeah, the local big, you know, water park. It's the water park that's owned by six flags. Yes. So it's like a, you know, six flags, but with water. Yeah, and it's huge. I have a bunch of rides.

It's, it's famous, at least down here in the southeast. So we go to whitewater for the day, and then we go back to this kid's house, waiting for my mom to pick us up. It was going to be a couple hours later. So we're all sun-fried. We've been swimming all day, and the mom says, sit down, I'll make you some snacks, and you got, and I'll put in a movie for you. You know what she puts in? Fucking Woodstock, the movie. This lady is an old hippie. And then in the middle of the movie,

she presses pause to show us where she is. She had been to Woodstock. And it's her, topless, in the water. And I'll never forget, looking at her, and then looking at the screen, and then looking at her again, and going, those are tits. I was like holding my boner down. I was like, oh. Oh.

What was that? I got a better. Oh, is your friend doing it? He was like, oh, mom. I don't even remember to be honest. I think it was still a long ago. Probably. He's probably mortified. Yeah, it's gonna be like when I set down to go.

Let me show you the commercial break. Come on, kids. I think she's some snacks. Yeah. Press play. I'll fix you some snacks. You listen to the time that daddy did six, eight balls of cocaine at sex with a couple strippers.

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So the last two episodes, we've been digging into the Teresa Caputo origin story. And I say origins in the story, I don't even know. I think it's just her just bullshit. I don't even know what we've learned. I don't care because that's all bullshit. So I don't. Yeah. We learned that she had she found out at three years old that she had this and she remembers being three years old and talking to ghosts in her room or seeing ghosts in her room or whatever. We also learned that she doesn't see ghosts, but she does see ghosts. She doesn't talk to them, but she does.

She doesn't get signals from them, but she will. She doesn't tell people what to do when the ghosts tell her what to tell them, but she does. She's just full of shit. This lady is just so full of shit. She also didn't actually decide to become a medium, quote, unquote, until she unblocked it at late in her 20s.

Which means she had children and wanted to get out of the house. Yeah, after she had children and her husband wasn't making any money, she decided, I gotta do something, don't blame her for that. And listen, $5 psychic readings, okay, all in good fun. You know what I'm saying? Who's that lady on TV, Like Ms. Clio? Yeah. Ms. Clio? Okay, I get it. If you're calling up Ms. Clio,

you either really believe in this stuff or you're just hanging on by a thread and you need someone to talk to. But telling people that you see and talk to their loved one, their dead loved ones, and that they're giving messages through there, is to me an extraordinarily painful thing to do to people and it's not true. How do I know it's not true? Because she is doing a time-tested age-old gypsy carnival.

It's a gypsy carnival type parlor trick which is called a cold reading. You ask extraordinarily generalized questions like does anybody in the audience, has anybody in the audience ever owned a watch? And then of course half the people, all the people raise their hand and then she goes, whose uncle had a watch? And then 10 people raise their hands

and then she goes, whose uncle had brown hair? Because he's, you know, he's farting on me and that's a sign he had brown hair, whatever Teresa's bullshit is. And then two people raise their hand and that's how she starts to narrow them. And then she just reads their faces. We've done this a million times,

ten times on the commercial break. We watch these cold readings with Teresa and she gets it wrong, more than she gets it right. But she engages in laughter and comedy and self-deprecation and in misdirection to smooth over the wrongness. And she looks like a carnival character herself. I mean.

She's a totally insane person. She doesn't look like a very professional, like, oh, buttoned up business person. No, not at all. Yeah, she's not a, yeah, that's right. She doesn't look like. She has a crazy hair, not at all. Yeah, dude, she's not a, yeah, that's right. She doesn't look like... She has a crazy hair of dark tan, long, curled nails, tons of rings.

If you met this lady at a bar, you wouldn't trust a fucking word she says. Right. You'd be like, this lady's a loony tune. And she calls herself an empath, but she's far from empathetic in my opinion. But that's just my personal opinion. You can disagree with me and that's okay.

We don't have to agree on everything. But we were into my personal opinion. You can disagree with me and that's okay. We don't have to agree on everything But we were into our origin story. We decided to go three for three on this. We're gonna see it all the way through Chrissy, I was scrolling on the internet as I do like to do let's finish this up so we can move on to other things I'm just kidding. I actually have a lot of fun I'm just kidding. I actually have a lot of fun. We have Barbara. Oh, yeah. Korka, korka, korka. Korka run.

Korka, korka, korka. Korka, korka. From Shokka. Korka, korka, korka. Yeah. Very respectable business woman, by the way. Barbara Korkrin. And she seems like she's trying to call her out. She keeps on telling Teresa.

Uh, uh, uh, she says, your wig looks great. And Teresa keeps saying, I'm not wearing a wig. And she's like, well, looks like you're wearing a wig. So I imagine that Barbara is doing this because that's what celebrities do. They glad hand each other. So Barbara is trying to pull some audience members away, you know, from Teresa into the Barbara Corcoran world.

But at the end of the day, I don't think that Barbara Corcoran likes Teresa. I think she's doing this under duress. Okay, here we go. Let's listen to some more of this origin story. Barbara Corcoran doing the interview with Teresa Caputa. Oh, office for your show. Oh, let me back that up.

I don't know why too, that Barbara's talking so low. And then I'll listen to like, booms out with Teresa's voice. Here's the problem. If you didn't see the first of the three episodes that we're doing here, this is a video of them doing a podcast in a room

at a child's desk. They are literally sitting almost on the floor. They're sitting in tiny children's chairs with a tiny table that's low to the ground. What I think is going on here is that the microphones are actually not connected to the audio. We're just picking up on the microphone in the video camera. So that's why it sounds so far away. And I've actually raised the volume to try and smooth that over a little bit. Can you remember you were in my office for your show and you were feeling the spirit of both my mother and father here?

I remember much of the detail of that after you know we spent, but was so shocking to me I remember is that you ended by saying that there had been a tree planted and my mother was so happy about the tree. You floored me knowing that after my mother passed from Alzheimer's, she was six so long that there was a, and you said a wrench tree, which was a Japanese maple, which is a name of Japanese maple, but you went far enough that you were able to tell me. Are all trees eventually red when they turned colors? I mean, is that really? Yeah, what time of the year was it? What time of the year was it? to tell you. Our old trees eventually red when they turn colors. I mean, is that really? Yeah, what time of the year was it?

I was at fall. Yeah, see, it's all so sneaky, but it's not really. Also, it's replanted in memory if somebody is pretty common. It's a pretty common thing to do. Detail. New spellbound. How are you able to get not just the spirit

that's relaying messages to their loved ones, but how are you able to get not just the spirit that's relaying messages to their loved ones, but how are you able to collect that kind of detail that in my mind? It's a great question, Barbara. We're at so much credibility to both, to everything else you were saying. Because that's one of my requirements for spirit. I learned that. Oh, you got an agreement with spirit now, Sarisa? You are so foolish shit!

By the way, I got some requirements here. I got some requirements. Let me tell you what they are. First of all, don't touch my hair. Second of all, you can only be in a positive mood. Second of all, third of all. I want you to spell out in detail exactly which kind of tree your mother planted. It's this is like you're requiring the afterlife to come through you in a certain way.

She's got requirements. Oh, she's selective. She's selective. She's put filters on what she can see and what she can't see. Sounds perfectly legitimate to me. There are a lot of common things. I'm the first one to say that what I do is crazy. Anyone can say what spirit has me say.

And there are common burdens and guilt that we carry, common ways people die. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Common ways people die. And common things that a lot of people have in common. Grief is common amongst all of us. We all operate kind of under the same MO.

And the part that drives me fucking crazy is that Teresa is, what she just said, you just heard her say it. I'm the first one to admit what I do looks crazy because she is disarming you. She is saying, oh, I know it sounds crazy, but it's true, right? She is telling you that it all,

this is, she's such a con artist, she's such a fucking con artist, drives me crazy. Killing message that they have, we deliver, they have to validate it with something you need to the person that they're speaking to. So that the person you're speaking to or relaying the message to believes you. Right, so important.

So now, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I was like, I had one eye in or one eye out for a cynic. Of course. After that, you have me all in. Of course. And I learned that. I'm going to ask for that. Of course.

Of course. Of course. Of course you're going to question me before you meet me. I'm just a lady with a microphone with a headset in my hair. Waiting for my producer to tell me what they found on Facebook. If I could interrupt your moment, you asked for that from the spirit like, prove to me you're the right spirit. You're really heard to see stars been by giving. Oh, sorry.

When is the negotiating with spirit? Well, she negotiates on the off-outs. Don't do that on my time. I'm I showed up to your show. I don't want you to negotiate with spirit. I'd like to see how these conversations go down. Yeah. Yeah. To be Teresa for one day, I'd like to see how these conversations go down. Yeah. To Pete Teresa for one day, I just like to see how she goes

to sleep at night knowing that she's just full of fucking shit. I know she probably just came to me. She probably was able to kind of hit on some things and then just took it from there. Yeah. And I was like, okay, I can make a business out of this. Well, yeah. And if I just do this and ask these questions.

Well, she said that she comes from a long line of people who are, quote unquote, in touch with spirit. Yeah. My guess is that means she's in a long line of people who have been doing this parlor trick forever. Yes. Right? Maybe she's the first one to be a billionaire out of it, but, you know, this has been happening for a long time.

And lay that spirit thing, remind her that a treat was planted. Well, for instance, spirit knows when I give a speech, or when I do my little mental preparation, they know when I'm ready to communicate. My rules are I need to feel the bonds in relationship that they shared with the person. I need to know how they died. And you ask the person who has not,

that you asked the person, I'm still alive. This is not speaking. I'm not speaking this in my head speaking this is all in my head. Oh, this is all. Sorry, so it's me, Mr. Spirit. What? You're not ready. What? You think I have all data sit around and and wait for your negotiate terms of a contract? I've got something to say to you Teresa. I'm going to go piggy-front someone else. Get back to me later.

You know my number. Text me when you're ready. Oh, MW Teresa, oh MW. My preparation of when I read somebody, nobody, well you know you have the experience, you didn't ask me anything, right? Are you sure it's all real? Your loved ones told you. Yes, well said, but it seemed to have such credibility because of the amount of detail

you've been. Correct, but that's what they have to do. So when every healing message, they have to validate it with something. You don't think somewhere in Barbara Quarkerins Facebook Instagram. She's a public figure. 180,000 appearances on Shark Tank speeches, conversations with CNBC and MSNBC, whoever that she has not ever said when my parents died I planted a tree at their behalf. It's so unique that there's no way I would know about, could find out about it sometimes. So because this is what's happening.

I'm on the cusp now of trying to do an interview with you, right? And trying to block out things that I sense and feel. Because this is also what happens. I walk into a room and immediately the spirit either starts coming or people know who I am and they start asking their loved ones, oh, this is an opportunity, please step forward. So when you were sharing the story to me before

about seeing the tree planted, I kept seeing a quarter. about um you know uh seeing the tree planted i kept seeing uh a quarter that's my a quarter i just googled barber corcoran plants tree for dead mother and the first thing that came up was a tribute page on a website called tribute archive oh my god where it tells you that when her mother died and that Barbara planted a tree for her, hmm how suspicious. Before where someone carries something of their departed loved ones with them, maybe it's a quarter, maybe it's a key, it's something that their loved one carried her, they carry in memory of them.

A lot of times it is- I'm carrying my grandfather's dead fingers I've got him an amazing job I am carrying milk and cereal from the last bath my loved one took or someone did have a coin collection or they put quarters in memory of their departed loved one but there is that an L- Quarter. Quarter? Quarter is that like something you put nickels on somebody's eye like double

nickels or whatever? I think it's nickels and not quarters. Why would I carry a quarter around that one of my people owned? I put that in an eventing machine the first chance I got. You know what I'm saying? I throw it in my coin jar or something? I wouldn't carry that around. That's ridiculous. I'd carry carry that around. That's ridiculous.

I'd carry the most common thing in the world. Let's think. I carry a bottle of water around in my deceased loved ones. Memories. It's ridiculous. Well, she said too, she said a lot of times it's jewelry, which is correct. Like, that is a very common thing.

Do you have jewelry from your mother? A necklace, yes. Okay, so it's pretty common, right? Yeah, and my grandfather had a coin collection and he left us the coins and, you know, there's other stuff that the people in my life who have passed away. I have some memento from them.

Yeah. I don't carry it around with me every day, but it's somewhere, and if someone asked me the question, have you ever had anything of value from your dearly but departed loved one? I'd be like, yes, I do. Yeah, what is it? Coins?

Sure, Teresa, what kind of coins? Which exact coin, what year was it processed? What does it look like? What's on the coin? Like, if you can answer those questions, but she can't answer those questions. Because that's not the contract she made with the spirit. I'm just waiting for my attorneys to review the agreement on Teresa. I'll get back to you ASAP.

Because I've got all the time in the world. Actually, I've got all the time in the world. Actually, I've got all the time in another world. You're at that father figure, so whether if it's a grandfather, one's father could be an uncle that was like a father to them. The laboring of the chest is my simple for that. They passed from something of the heart, lungs, or chest,

and then there was also something about change. I don't know. So I don about change. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know how I come up with this bullshit. I just do. I literally wake up in the morning and I go, wow, I got more bullshit. I thought you said to do something to do with her heart and lungs was it somebody

had drowned like she just just says she says I fill up with fluid. When she fill up with fluid. As I'm talking to your fucking brain is full of fluid. That's what I see. I see flashes of things and I just sense and then feel other things. It was also. I thought you said you don't see anything. In the last episode, she claimed she does not see dead people. She does not see ghosts. She doesn't see anything she doesn't see anything she just feels it lost is being very general i see flashes and that's not that then she quickly changes the subject now okay over here now over here look i see it i see a dismembered penis floating around in a jar of milk and cereal tells me that he was a tiktok fan that has to be something of a stunning issue or something.

That might be me. Well, something he's been selling at home, not going to kick the block. Barbara. That might be me. That might be me. Yeah. What a barber just fell over right there.

Then I might go. Yeah, I'm deleting all episodes with three cyclopods. Yeah. By the way, this is her producer signaling her that he's found something about somebody in the room and a stomach. Yeah. So my aunt just asked me that on the way over here and they're not coming from me. Are they sure? So I'm like, no, it's not. She's like, well, I'm 90. You're not schoolty person. She's like well, I am 90 you're not spooky persons Theresa I just got a phone call from the other spirits

We are not in agreement with your agreement and by the way every time you laugh of Spirit dies. It's a double death Theresa stop with that Casual dinner frankly Stop with a packling. Or a casual dinner frame. Do you give me that face? No. That's why I have no friends, the whole dead barber. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Is it my hair? You might know all your hair's perfect.

I'm sweating. Ooh, yeah. Yeah, I bet I'd be sweating too if I'd answer all my bullshit. And by the way, what a poorly edited video. They've got producers running in and fixing hair. That looks all he has. I know fixing hair. I know. Look at his knees. Yes, you have to see this. YouTube.com slash the commercial break. You have to see

that they are actually sitting in children's chairs because there's a man that just ran in to fix Teresa's microphone. And the table is at his shins. It's a one-foot table. No wonder she's sweating. She had sat in a table like that since she was in third grade. Oh, my God. That'd be problematic. Do you want to run your fingers to my hair, Barbara?

I don't think that it is not a way. I just want to run it. It's not to be a way. I do. I love the fact that Barbara goes, no, I just want to get done with this interview. The people think that I wear a wig. Sorry. Back. We're OK. Teresa people think that I wear a wig. Sorry.

Back. We're okay. Yeah. Teresa, how do you get a long time? How do you find peace? How do you click off? And just find a green man of norm. She literally tells us when we can contact her.

In the agreement, it says 9-5 Monday through Thursday. Those aren't bankers, are they horse? What are we doing? I got shit to say. You don't think I want to talk to people? I've been dead. I'm dead. I cannot communicate unless I use this dumb bitch. It sucks. Mr. Spirit out.

We'll see. I'm just starting to learn that. How do you do? I started by starting to really take care of myself. It's a hard thing because I think we look at things as a selfishness. We're being selfish, we're self-absorbed. And I've learned that I deserve quiet time. I deserve peace. And I think spirit also realizes that also

because along with everything, because I'm always channeling whether I'm filming for long-end medium or during the live show, I'm always channeling. I'm always. Whatever I'm making money. Yeah. It's open for business. Whenever I'm making millions of dollars, I say it's selfish of me, but I just have to learn to have some quiet time. And that's why I only stay at Ritz Carlton's. She does, by the way, only stay at Ritz Carlton's. That's the word on the street. She has two assistants and they're the only people that can touch her clothing or her hair. Well, I mean, you've got to have one person that's doing your hair strictly. Yeah, strictly because you're putting headphones in.

And so you talk to your producers. Yeah. Thanks, Oscar. And it's interesting on how over the years, Spirit has learned how to kind of step aside a little bit because they're not needed at yourself. I need it. So you dictated that with your own thought.

I needed that. I needed it. I'm a little embarrassed that you dict needed it. You dictated that. You dictated that. Yeah, what does she tell her? Dead dad. She can't come around anymore. Dad, I'm sick of you.

Shut up for a second. Uh-oh, but that's a reason. I told you not to get involved in this shit. Now you what are you going to do? Now your TV show is canceled. Your husband's left here. What are you going to do? I saw it and realized that it was becoming very taxing.

I make what I do look very easy. It's the hardest thing that I have to do. Oh, don't pat yourself on the back, Teresa. What humility. To feel someone's emotions, a pain, a sorrow, a loss, and a grief, and then in the next moment, have me do something to give them the gift of laughter.

That is one thing, another thing that I require them to do because that is the best medicine for the soul. You mean you require that the spirit give you something to get their loved ones? Oh my god. Oh my god. I just wish I could go to a Teresa Caputo show. Just have one of these buttons. I think we're bad. We're definitely bad. Oh, we are never getting into a Teresa Caputo show. And as much as I'd like to think that we could get somebody else in there, I think these

producers are probably well versed at all the tricks of the trade at this point on who's coming in, who's coming out. When you sign up to go to a Teresa Caputo show and you buy tickets, you can be almost assured that they are doing a background check on you, at least a cursory one, right? To see if you've ever talked about her posted content about her, whatever. Mm-hmm. Laughing about. Or just a smile. Yeah, of course. It's the greatest gift. But then how do you really chill out? In other words, what would be, give me a picture of how you chill out. You have a whole afternoon,

you don't have any spirits visiting. Sometimes I'll just sit and I'll just like binge watch, like friends, and not on the couch next to you. No matter what. We're all sunraged, we'll break up, Teresa. Can we talk now? Can we talk now? Of info for you, Theresa, while you're binge-watching friends for the first time, friends reunion sucks. She did suck.

I mean, it was like a walk down memory lane, but who cares? Yeah, I'm sorry. Oh, what is she doing? She's drinking water through a straw? Yeah. Is that just do people do that? She does. That's weird. That's why we can edit. I can go see that. Um, yeah, that's why you can edit, but you didn't. I know. I know. I need a text to Barbara. And if I had a phone number, I need to detect Barbara and say, I can help with this. But put me in touch with Teresa and I can help you with your editing.

Just sitting, you know, I'll just literally go with my bed and just lay down and just close my eyes for it. But not taking that. But just kind of, you know, think about things that I want to accomplish or just kind of let go of anything, any type of stresses. Even if it's just like the two or three minutes, and you just taught yourself that I'm talking about myself. And what caused that to happen?

Why that life change? It's a big one. Because it's important. I realized that it's important. You know, after losing my grandparents, my grandmother was just 10 years, my grandfather, five, my life was so busy and hectic and crazy. And realizing with me being away,

how important, you know, family is and how important I can shop with. Yeah, Barbara Shuffling papers, because Jesus bored us, we are, because the truth is, no one cares. Yeah. All right, I think that's about as much as I can take of Mr. Rezikaputo I can take a Miss Theresa Caputo.

We've been, we've been, we've been, we've been, we've been, we've been, we've been, we've been there, we've saw it, we've bought the plane tickets, I got the t-shirt, I'm done with it. Next time we see Theresa, it's going to be in her natural environment, cold reading somebody. So, but we'll give it a little breath because three episodes of the road is enough. I was just trying to figure two Theresa, coming out of a pool like with the hair Down down. Yeah. Oh, it's a whole thing. Yeah, I wonder if anybody has any pictures of her with her hair undone I mean, I think she's got some videos like Instagram videos where her hair is not done up like that

Okay, well yeah, cuz she doesn't have had fun then That's true. She doesn't have invisible ear. Ultimine ears in. That's right. Speaking of ultimine ears, I'm going to get some of those. We'll talk about that later. So I don't want to ruin what little hearing I have left. I'm just blowing out with these damn cans. All right, listen. I don't know what else to say.

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All right, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today. I think so. So I will tell you that I love you. I love you. I will tell you best to you. And best to you, best friends. I will say best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say,

and we must say goodbye. Good bye. Good bye. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say and we must say goodbye. You're the best, baby You're the best, baby You're the best, baby You're the best, baby You're the best, baby You're the best, baby You're the best, baby you