The Commercial Break - My Dog The Ghost!

Episode Date: January 19, 2021

Bryan and Hoadley share a Friday Patreon episode with you! (Lucky you!)... They discuss their new Friday show, play 20 in 40 and Bryan tries to determine if his dog Niko is alive. It's a fun filled show for the whole family... Don't forget to rate and subscribe so you never miss an episode! Text us or leave us a voicemail at +1-661-BEST2YO ([phone]) LINKS: Get a FREE TCB limited edition collectible sticker Follow us on Instagram Follow us on Facebook Subscribe and watch the show on Youtube Join us live on Fireside New episodes every Tuesday & Friday everywhere you listen to podcasts! For advertising contact AdvertiseCast  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

and you know, it's best to get all the time to meet with the world, but, man, this is it he's been this reading signals and has had to slow down lately. And he claims that his part time job is a great way to meet women. Please welcome Ray Bennett. So you have this great job that helps you meet women. Yeah, are you a bartender or a dish off you or a what? Better, better. A part time I promote for rock and roll bands on the Sunset Strip.

And I just have the option of just meeting women all day. I love it. Promoting rock and roll bands on the Sunset Strip. Yeah, you know, like a guitar or places like what are the things? A guitar is the true bed door, the rocks, so you, like a preserves or places like whatever that a gazar is the true bed or the rocks. So you're all passing out flyers all day long. Have any of these women that you've meant ever turned into a serious relationship?

Or is it all just kind of superficial? It's it's superficial, but gotta tell you that's if I've had like 40, 50 like one night stands, just meeting these women on a screw up. A lot of them ask you to define that. I just think you're working. And you say you had to slow down? Yeah, usually because with these women, I'm usually a very aggressive person.

But I usually now, over the years, I'll let them do the initiating. Because, you know, I've been slapped like a couple of times. It's like, well, I'm out. And they're sitting there going, I go, what'd you do that for? I'm not ready for it. So I'll just like, I'll let them do the initiating. Oh, thanks. Wow.

On this episode of The Commercial Break. Hey, y'all, it's Brian, host of The Commercial Break. And as you may or may not yet know, The Commercial Break now has Friday episodes. That's right, two episodes of useless information, boring conversation, and mediocre comedy per week. I'm much more excited to be. However, the Friday shows are broadcast exclusively on Patreon at The Commercial Break. That's patreon.com slash The Commercial Break.

We had a few people ask over the week, what are the Friday episodes all about? Well they're really just like the regular Tuesday episodes only they're on Friday and they're on Patreon. So Chrissy and I thought it would be a good idea to take one of our Patreon episodes and play it for you here on Tuesday. Now follow me if you can. We do a regular show on Tuesday and we do a Patreon episode on Friday. A regular episodes air on Tuesday here, which is the episode you're listening to now, but the

show that you want is on Friday at Patreon. So we thought we'd take the Friday show and put it on Tuesday's show, so you knew what the Friday show is all about. Only you can only get it on Patreon, but you're listening to it now here on Tuesday. You follow me? Okay, good. In either case, enjoy our Friday episode here, free for you on Tuesday. This is the commercial break Patreon episode. We'll talk to you next week. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. It's Patreon, bitches, bitch, oh.

Woo. Look at us, we're on Patreon. I'm out of fuel, tingly. That must be your wallet, growing bigger by the moment. We're now thousandaires. Hahaha. Hundredaires. We're tenonaires.

And that's because my wife and Gustavo signed up. Yeah. Jeff, Jeff will pay. And Jeff will pay. Yeah. I feel like I was like, Astrid, you know, we can just run a bunch of money through this. Like, you know, just to get.

Oh, longer money. You had just longer money through the Patreon. Brother's illegal activity. All the, yeah, you're doing pretty sure commercial break is probably an illegal activity somewhere. Somewhere in the world, the commercial break is an illegal activity. It's in Henry fond of. Yeah, Henry fond is all. Yeah, I don't even want to know what Henry fond is up to.

He's definitely into some illegal shit. Well, welcome to the commercial break, Patreon episode one. I'm Brian Green, this is Chrissy Hody, you probably know that if you're paying $5 a month. Or else I, I mean, and if you don't, God bless you, sir. God bless you. Just sign up.

Just go ahead and sign up. It'll be good, I promise. Don't worry about it. So here's the deal. Chrissy and I decided to, and we're just gonna So here's the deal. Chrissy and I decided to, and we're just gonna be real transparent with you. Chrissy and I decided that we're gonna jump onto Patreon because we like doing the show a whole bunch.

And I like jumping. Yeah. So does my son. He'll see me jump. And it bounce. That's a bounce. We bounced over to a Patreon. Because we love doing the show

and we'd like to do more of it, but with that of course comes scale and scale means that you and we'd like to do more of it. But with that, of course, comes scale. And scale means that you have to pay people to do things. And you hope that you can pay yourself at some point. That, of course, is not happening right now. And all transparency, I don't know that it'll happen anytime soon. But with all of this comes the need to have people

helping us do stuff and equipment and advertising and marketing and all that other stuff. So we decided, let's get on Patreon, let's do some extra episodes that we wanna do, we wanna do the content. And then for nominal fee every month, we'll give the people who would like to chance to listen to an extra episode.

And then we're also gonna go, you'll see when you've signed up, it says, TCB late night life. I'll tell you what that is. Chrissy and I are gonna get on once every three months. Is what we're going to commit to this year. Once every three months we're going to get on, we're going to do a couple hours on Twitch and YouTube later on in the evening on a Friday and a Saturday.

That should be interesting. So Chrissy, we just got to stay sober long enough. It's like, uh, yeah. I'm going to tell you, I'm going to tell you I'm going to tell you I could give you some Benadrolet like noon. And so by the time you wake up It'll be nine and you'll be slide right into the show Perfect. Um, so that's what that will be you'll get information on on all of that

Met you as long as you're here on patreon. I'll make sure that you're up to date when those are are coming on and you'll be able to join in the show It'll be an interactive fun show what I've games and all kind of stuff Yeah, the live show is gonna be fun. The live show is gonna be fun I'm actually really excited about that. We may dial into Clubhouse and see what they're up to. Yeah. And then you're also going to get access to our entire library. What does that mean?

Well, first of all, that means that you're going to get access to the Patreon show, which is part of our library, which you'll only have access to as a Patreon member. But additionally, we're going to start taking some of the older episodes on the commercial break podcast platform and pushing them over to Patreon only. And that's first of all because some of the episodes, some of the episodes are, well, you know, you have to start somewhere. Yeah, you gotta start somewhere. But second of all, it's just something that some people do. We're throwing that in for a bonus for you.

Yeah, that's just a bonus. I'm not sure you're gonna wanna listen, but, you know, if you wanna see where it all started, it started quite horribly actually. Oh my God, this first episode. Those first episodes are raw around the edges. That's for sure. They were the beginning. They were the beginning. And I look back upon them fondly,

but if you listen to that first episode, like going into that first episode. I was nervous. I, we didn't know how to work the equipment. We didn't know how to work the equipment. You threw me a microphone, like from the car, from your car into my car. That's right. Oh, yeah.

It was the beginning of the pandemic. I always. And you like, here's a microphone. Wait, actually, I just, just plug it into your paper. I'll see you later. No touch me. Bye. I actually think the first episode,

I think you had a headset on, actually. You did, you had your Apple earphones in because I remember we had a problem with it that then caused me to say, okay, you need a microphone. And I literally chucked it to her on the parking lot of our condo complex. And the rest they say is history. I certainly think episode 20 through 30 through 40

is so much better than episode 20 and below, but there are some funny moments in like the teens. In the teens, there are some funny moments. After episode number five, I think you're okay. It was just like a whole thing about the preachers. Oh yeah. She and Melinda Ding Dong is funny. We didn't want about the Crackhead Casanova,

the guy on online who's like teaching you how to stalk women and get arrested. That was pretty funny too. But we'll say this, we really appreciate all of your support. Thank you very much for becoming a Patreon member. You don't know how much it means to us. And hopefully we can continue this journey together. And who knows if this goes well, maybe you'll see even more of us.

Yes. And you know, I told Chrissy, I said, I'd like see even more of us. Yes, in your own town. I told Chrissy, I said, I'd like to do two of these a day, quite frankly. And she said, you know, I have a, No. That's exactly what she said. She said, no. I said, I think we get to the point where we do,

two of these a day and people say, it's like $600 a month and she was like, no. But $600 a month, who wouldn't want to pay $600 a month to watch two episodes of the commercial break every day? Three hour episodes, too. So we're... The thing about it is, is that I look all nice. All like, you know, pretty and things.

If we're doing two episodes a day. You're gonna start looking a little rough around the edges. I'm gonna hit it. There's... What's... No makeup hair. Don't worry about the makeup. That's wonderful. And my day, you used to take a couple, right cuz bears. what's no makeup hair. Don't worry about the makeup.

That's wonderful. And my day, you used to take a couple right cuz, but there is a shiny and nice and pretty red. There it is, Shani. How did you get all the leaves out of it? I didn't keep the rocks from getting caught in your ears. Oh. So here's what we're gonna do for Patreon episode number one,

because we were having so much fun with it We are gonna slide right back into our 20 in 40 which we more we did was more like 20 in 72 But okay, we're gonna do 20 in 40 our very first Patreon episode We want to give you we want to pack all the laps and so here is how it goes in case you haven't listened to the episode number 40 On the regular podcast might be that they haven't listened to the episode of the 40 on the regular podcast. It might be that they don't listen to, you know, who knows? I don't know. I don't know in which order you're listening to. We don't know this is all an experiment. Yeah, it's all an experiment. Who knows? Could be that no one pays up. Could we were doing

this for 12 months and we, and we have got like one donor, but that's okay. Whatever. We'll cross-separate. We come to it. Here Here's what I wanna do. I'm taking this bowl. It's got 25 things left in it. My wife and Gustavo and a couple of the people who listened to the show, they sent in words, phrases, questions, or pop culture icons, whatever it is. They sent them in, asked her to put them on a piece of the paper, she cut them up, she put them in a bowl.

I have not seen them. Chrissy has not seen them. They're thought provoking. They're thought provoking. So Chrissy and I are gonna take two minutes and we're gonna talk about each one of the following topics as they pop up I will I'll start this one. Okay, so this is what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna pick let me put my time around here do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Oh, what's that time sounds interested? How many springs are in the day? Is it night time when the flowers stop moving? Are we on the Mayan calendar? Did you know the Mayan calendar is 675 years for a day?

I'm two days old. That's mine. Here is the, I'm gonna stick my fat fingers in here. My fat sausage fingers into the bowl. Okay, I'm gonna pick a piece of paper out of here. Whatever's on here, we talk about for two minutes. Yes. This ended up to be a fun bit when we did it

on the episode number 40, so we're gonna continue it. Oh my gosh, I know my wife did this one. This is one, so sure my wife did this one. Hot or cold? Hot or cold? Ooh. Hot or cold? Hot or cold?

Oh man. So here's a couple of ways, different ways to interpret it. Yeah, I was about to say it depends. It's like, would you rather be cold at night or hot at night, or would you prefer hot weather, or do you prefer cold weather? Well, if you're asking, I would rather be cold at night while I sleep,

but I would rather be hot during the day. During the day. Yeah, I'm with you 100%. Yeah. As soon as I have this fucking competition that's going on, we have the nest systems. The nest systems are attached to our phones. They're their thermometers are attached to your phones.

Wi-Fi, you can send them all different ways, right? So I am typically the temperature setter in the house. That's been my job in Astrid. I'm the man of the house. I'm the man of the house. Woman, what's that? Step away from the temperature. What's that?

Is that that thing living in the cave in my back yard that makes me breakfast lunch in dinner? Bears my children. Is that the thing that's been licking my balls? It's an interesting creature. I think she said help the other day. I don't know what I could help with. She seems just fine. Little dirty. Here's the thing. Astrid and I, I was a temperature center for a while. After our second child, all of a sudden, Astrid is cold everywhere. If in any situation, Astrid is cold, it's always cold. So at night, it can be 70 degrees in our room,

but she wants to turn the temperature up. She wants to put the heat on to 72 or 73, which to me is incredibly uncomfortable, right? Because I'm hot, I want to get cold so I can wrap up under my blanket. It helps me sleep better, I think. It helps me out. The ideal temperature to sleep at is 65, every search.

65. 65, I want to tell my wife that. She'll. She wants to be at 85. So now we've got this nest system, and I used to be the one with the nest on my phone, and what I would do is I just, I'd program it, and it was perfect for both of us. And whatever I to be the one with the nest on my phone and what I would do is I just, I'd program it

and it was perfect for both of us. And whatever I was doing was working. Can you make this for you? Well, no, she would always say, yeah, turn it down. It's, I like it, it's, whatever. Now all the sudden, literally, I will set, she'll go to sleep before I will and then right before I go to sleep,

I'll put on the air conditioning to turn it down a little. And then she'll get up to feed the baby and I'll realize the heat is on, so then I'll go to the bathroom and I'll turn it down Yeah, so I asked her and I are playing ping pong with this fucking thing because we no longer are temperature agreeable Well when she gets up to feed the baby that's when she's moving around in the house and she's chilly Don't don't defend her

She's a woman No, I got it. You you two have vachakras together. No, I get it because when I'm actually in the bed and sleeping, I want it cold, but if I get up, I'm moving around. I hear you. And I'm cold. I'm going to frickin' crank up the heat. No, she didn't really get out of bed to feed the bait, but okay, I get it.

I got it. I'm not going to. So now we've agreed that we'll keep it out of certain temperature, but I had a suspicion. It was a couple nights ago we made this agreement. But then last night I had a suspicion that the heat had kicked on again. It's just my suspicion. So I went and turned the air into snow. I smelled it.

Okay, two minutes is up. That was actually three minutes. Okay, here we go. Chrissy Haudley, sticking her beautiful hand model fingers. Chrissy Haud, they missed Tennessee three years in a row. Isn't that right, Miss Tennessee? Miss the ball time in Tennessee.

Miss football time, is that what it was? I wasn't the magazine. Were you? Yeah, okay, here we go. Would you rather only have food or only have drinks for the rest of your life? Oh, wow. Wow.

So now does this mean cocktails? Well, if you only had drinks for the rest of your life, Oh, wow. Wow. So now does this mean cocktails? Well, if you only had drinks for the rest of your life, your life would be a little bit longer than if you only had food for the rest of your life. You know what I'm saying? Like, if you only had food, you'd last. I have to have food. Like, I mean, I love the taste of food.

I really love a cocktail. Don't get me wrong. I hear you, sister. But if I had to absolutely choose, I mean, I'm gonna go with food. I've become a big cook. Yeah. Ever the panda. Yeah, you enjoy it.

Yeah, I love it. And so I've tried all these new recipes and things, and I love it. So I know I'm gonna have to go with food too. I would say food because I think food is- But you need water to survive. Yeah, that's the food. So we're talking survival? That's what I was gonna say is, is like, your life would extend a little bit longer

if you had drinks instead of food because you can do without food for a while. But you can't do without drinks for a while. You have about three days, five days, you need a little bit of water. Water, three days? Wine. It's a weird cocktail. But isn't beer the only beverage that you can live off of? That might be true. Wine, maybe, too. I don't know about wine.

Grape juice. That might be true. Wine, maybe too. I don't know about wine. Grape juice. It's grape juice. But it's got no carbohydrates. You've run out of energy really quickly. It has carbs. Oh, it does? What kind of carbs do they have in it? Sugar's.

Oh, I guess that's true. I was thinking like, there's no corn in wine. There's no bread in wine. I asked Jesus, yes, there is. Turned all that wine into bread. Isn't that how the story goes? Yeah Okay, so we both agree food be if if if you could live without one of those substances now if we're talking Specific foods like if you're gonna tell me it's celery. Oh, no, no, I'm going wine Listen, I think under which circumstances you had to choose food or drinks to live.

It's probably celery that's left. Celery and dandelion root. Which I dated a girl once who could live off of that. She did. Dandelion butter and celery sticks. Salsa and what was it? Oh, salsa. That's right. Yeah, salsa and paint cleaner. I think is what she was living off of. Pain center. That's right, toothpaste. We were going through a bottle of toothpaste a week. That's crazy. Saltha and toothpaste.

Saltha and toothpaste. It tastes so good, but you can spit it out. Perfect diet. Okay, here we go. Brian's put it in. No, no, no. I know you are. Okay. What would the world look like if you ruled it? Ryan's but. No, no, no, you're okay.

What would the world look like if you ruled it? If I ruled it? What would the world look like? That's a pretty broad question. That is a broad question. It probably look like the world, probably still be round. I would imagine.

Yes, it would be round. But I mean, what would the world look like? It would be love, peace, kindness. I mean, something along those lines. I'm going to start there. Yeah. I agree. Good, good, good. Do you do one to others? Yeah. I think I instantaneously. Lots of wine. Yeah. Lots of, Chrissy Lutz over here. Everywhere. Box one? I can see. Box of wine on the Vikona. Come on down to COVID Christmas castle. I love those vineyards, they're beautiful.

Yeah, they are. I've been, it's gorgeous. I think that I would, the world would, there would be a lot more empathy injected into the world. Yes. I would say that there would probably be some kind of economic disparity would go away. I do, I'd make an effort to make sure

that there's not such a huge disparity between halves haves and have nots. Still opportunities for those who work hard to get up, you know, to make it in the world, but economic disparity. And- To help care universal health care. I universal health care. I think that's a for sure. I think that's a god-given right, right, that you shouldn't die because you can't afford a kidney or whatever it is. that you shouldn't die because you can't afford a kidney or whatever it is. I think we would focus on people around the world not being hungry. And I would say that there would be national strip club day. It would be Friday.

Yeah. Friday. Friday. Yeah, that's right. National strip club day would be Fridays. National wine day would be Thursdays. National make sure no one goes hungry. It would be Wednesdays. Yeah.

National steak and a blowjob day would be Monday. Steak and blowjob days. Thanks. From your friends at Povaka. Povaka. I have no friends at Povaka. I'd like to introduce you to the Jack Rabbit 3000. Would you like a cock ring that also makes you a steak and gives you a blow job?

Yes, please. Provaca 3000. We make you dick go hard. Oh, your turn. Okay, ready? Here we go. We're going or you know, I'm sticking to the time for this time. Trying to.

Okay, here we go. D-D-D-D-D. When is the end of Christmas? Oh, it's the 26th. I always feel like it's the 26th. Yeah. I never feel much, I don't, I don't want to listen to Christmas music after the 26th, not because I wouldn't like to listen to Christmas music after the 26th, but I feel like it's very anti-climactic.

It is. I'm listening to Christmas music, but clearly I'm going to have to go to work today. Because I start listening to Christmas music probably like beginning of December-ish. I listen. Second week in December. Thanksgiving. Thanks, giving is my start. Yeah, first week in December.

Okay. Yeah, so by that point, by the 26th, it's done. So when is the end of Christmas? Now do you take down your tree, though? Is that it? Astrid took down the tree like the night of the 25th this year. Okay. Usually we keep it up.

Usually we keep it up. I kept it to the second this year. Yeah. You know, the Zabalas. I have a good friend named Raphael and Chelsea's a ball. Hi, Raphael, hi, Chelsea. I think one year they kept their Christmas tree up till like June 7th.

And it was a real Christmas tree too. It's pretty. I know. It's like the light. It was nice. Like in May, it was nice to see the Christmas tree because it made you feel Christmasy as the weather was getting hot.

But the truth is that I think, I know a lot of people celebrate Christmas right through what they call boxing day, which I think is the second. That's a 26. 26? I thought it was the second of January. I think it was. Why do they call it boxing day? Is that because gifts come in boxes and you box it up? It's like a London holiday.

Yes, yeah, it is. I would say that the 26th, midnight at the 25th, my feather for Christmas, feather. My feather for Christmas goes away, and over 26, I just don't feel it anymore. I just don't, as much as I'd like to, I like to keep the spirit going, I can't. I don't know what it is. Like the tree going in the decorations,

but just after the first year. On the 26th, I start beating my children again. Throwing lumps of cold. I call my mom a bitch. That's right. Go fuck yourself. You'll get holiday Brian when it's time. My kids love me. Okay, here we go. Oh, yeah, two 11. We're resetting. We're going Brian's dipping his hand into dipping his hand into the cocktail bowl, pulling himself out a nice thick piece of paper and he's saying the sexiest accent is French. It should be the sexiest accent is what? But I'm going to say the sexiest accent is French, not for me. I think Latin American accents and British accents are sexy on women. That's what I have to say.

I think that that's the French accent is beautiful, right? It goes a little something like this. Hello. What would you like today with your grip? Would you? Would you? Would you like an espresso? Wow, we we welcome to she la la la. Welcome to she la la la. Yeah, would you like some today

our special is stone crab would you like some stone crab? Christie. Today is special. I mean, like that's a Henry Fonda. I mean, it's down to French. A French and a Boll. There's only so many accents that I could do. I think the accent is sexy, but I don't know if it's the sexiest. Italian accent is really sexy. Italian is, it really is. Yeah.

To me. Whatever accent Leonardo DiCaprio has, that's the sexiest accent. That's right. Or Morgan Freeman. What kind of accent is that? I guess, that's the sexiest accent. That's right. Or Morgan Freeman. What kind of accent is that? I guess we don't want to go there. Okay, stop, go. What's the next one?

Nope. Sorry, we just got to keep you on time here. I'm gonna take the tick tick tick tick tick tick tick. Okay. Ah. Well, I think we might have a choose another one on that just because it'll be. Okay, we'll tell them what it said. It said Georgia is flipping blue.

But I can talk about that. Yeah, we can talk about that. We all day. Yeah, but we're not going to because this is a politic free zone, especially we want to give you a break from everything that's happening. Okay. So thank you, Acer and Gustavo for the effort. But on that one, we'll move on. Oh, why do rock stars break their guitars on stage?

Because their cocks are small. Yeah, rock stars. Yeah, that's it. That's it. The only thing I broke on stage was my eardrum. And one time I fell off the stage. I tell that story. I fell off the stage.

I was in a little place in Alabama called the Nick, the Nick Rocks. You know the Nick, okay. So many famous bands that played the Pearl Jam, Jane's Addiction, yeah, like all before they get, Nirvana. My friend owns that. He does?

Really? Oh, I'd like to go back there. I haven't been there since. Yeah, but so we got a gig at the Nick. And at the time I didn't realize what the Nick was. Nick was quite a famous place. And like I said, Jane's addiction, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, it's Stone Top of High. They all played there when they were kind of like, you know, right before their album's got big.

Just trying to make it. Yeah, just a little dumpy little club, but, you know, a well-known dumpy little club. And a total dive ball. Yeah. And so we got up there. We were the first ones to play. It was like Friday night. No one was in the crowd. It was like 62 people, but you know, but none of zero were there to see me.

Like two hundred. That's true. I guess. Okay, so it was less than 62 people in for sure. It was even like 30 people. And I get up there and I start singing and I think I told you that some guys are, Hey, man, go fuck yourself. And I was already so nervous. I'm so drunk and I was like, oh my God. So the lights were so blaring on my face. I had yet to be on a stage where the lights were that hot, like they were really hot on my face. And so I was singing a song and I was getting into it and I kind of kneeled down with a microphone stand and when I kneel down, I just took a dime off the and I fell right on my shoulder my head. But I had the microphone in my hand and I was like, I just kept going. Some guy pushed me back on the stage, bleeding profusely from the eyeball.

Were you trying to get intimate intimate like try to get low I was I was trying to get low like like the guy from tree like the guy from Creed Let's go there Let's be your escape Wow like I was committed. He took it higher. Can I take you higher? I guess you took it lower. I felt like I was elevated above the stage.

Like an angel, rock and roll angel flying through the food. Until my head hit those pavement. Yeah, that's a little embarrassing. Yeah, so that's why rock stars break things because we're generally not incredibly intelligent people. I like three-year-olds. I'm reading Nicky Six's autobiography now. Oh, Gary, he's a fucking mess like I

unbelievable. He used to be for sure. He used to be, yeah, that's for sure. Okay, Brian's next. Brian's picking the topic. What is the topic? The older the cheese, the older the cheese smells, the better it tastes. Wait, the older the cheese smells, the better it tastes. Okay, so I guess that means the stinkier the cheese,

the better. Well, I just told the story on the last episode that for me, stinky cheese is a big. I can hell. Yeah, but one of my dogs smells like I want to put my dog taste like if this holds true, then one of my dogs is going to taste the beefy cheese. I have a dog and the dog is probably 12 years old. It's a maltease. It's white and it it just It's a ghost. It's like it smells like a like a decaying body But it's still walking around the house So I've called it. It's like it's like a ghost dog. It's a dead dog walking around

The other dog even thinks that it is like. The other dog sniffed it and is like, wow, you should take a shower, dude. You have no respect. Do you have no respect for yourself? No. Me, my other dog, the hump smile, I can't reach out.

I know, I know. No. You can just walk right through Niko. He's a ghost. We all the other dog hump smile like every time you're the dog. You can just walk right through and he goes just put your leg right through poor dog. We've done everything that we can to try and make the dog smell better. We get him haircuts.

We have professionally cleaned. We put him through a car wash in the dog. Like the dog we've done everything. I don't know what I can do. I even asked the vet, I said, why does the dog smell like that? And she goes, sometimes animals smell. I said, is that unusual to you?

And she goes, it's not unusual, but it's not a great smell. Does that smell like a dead dog? Can you check its pulse again? Yes, it's dead. Yeah. Does that have like a dead dog? Can you check its pulse again? Is it dead? Yeah. Does that have a pulse? It keeps walking around. But I'm sure it's dead.

Oh my god. Oh, that's too funny. Oh, whoa, two minutes. OK, it's your turn. Go. OK. What was the last question? The older that she smells the better it tastes the older dogs the

other dog smells the more dead it's likely to be we've got interesting ones but plugs well I wish I had one for my dog. Pervocco tour. Pervocco. Pervocco or 3,000 brings you the best in butt-pudology. Newdology. Yeah, a Newdurist. Is that what it was?

A Newdaterian. A Newdaterian. A Newdaterian. Our in-house Newdaterian. Yeah, let's ask the Newdaterian. Yeah, okay. I'm a Newdaterian. All right, all right, in house new deterian. Yeah, let's ask the new deterian. Yeah, okay. I'm a new deterian. Okay.

My name is Jason. I'll be a new deterian. I'm Jason. I'm a new deterian. I mean, but plugs. I don't really see their point, but sure, why not? I don't either. I don't.

Who wants to plug their butt? I don't. I mean, I get that there's, there's, there's, there's, I mean, if you have a virus like a sickness I want to plug that dog Listen, I get it. There's there's nerves in your ainess. Yeah, there's nerves in your ainess and that can be pleasurable Yeah, not necessarily my thing. I've never had a butt plug put in my butt So I can't say whether or not it's pleasurable or not. It doesn't sound enjoyable to me but you know who knows. Yeah could be apparently they're popular. Yeah you know it's gonna tell a story about a girl I dated

once but I think I'm just gonna move right on. Yeah let's move on. At 40 seconds it's time we're gonna spend two minutes on that one but says, butt plug, I'm moving on. Okay. Because she's afraid I wanna start asking questions. Oh, man. Oh my God. What the hell is a filler but jibbit? Okay. Flibber to jibbit. A flibber to jibbit.

What is a flibber to jibbit? I don't know, let me see. Flibber to jibbit. To jibbit. To jibbit. Flibber to j it to give it to fill it flipper to give it That sounds like what happens when you put a butt plug in your ass That sounds like the guy who pumps oil Flip it again. I'll tell you what a flip of the game. It is You don't know the flip of the game it is it's a coin

It's the name of a lot of control, woven. There goes that flippin' to give it. Look at her. With her panting hoes up to her ankles. You can see her ankles. You can see her ankles. It's scandalous. Damn, I flippin' to give it. I flippin' to give it. Damn flippin' to give it. I'm scared damn flip it again

Damn flip it again, it's running all over the place I got the flip it a given show Pop in it. Yeah, I feel like I'm flip it again It would be the name of that guy would use for a vagina I don't know the room was dark and then I felt a Flip it to give it bit my penis Let's stay but a stop that don them let that flip it to give it loose Smells like a dead dog You think you'll take yourself a bath out and that pond out there woman

Oh, I've seen a couple flip it to give it to my dad Okay, here we go, that is funny flip it again. It's my day. Yeah. Oh, okay, here we go. That's funny. That is funny. Flip it again. Are we even saying that right? I think we are. Flip it again. Oh, the worst gift you've ever received.

Oh, the doll that they don't want to write. I choose to wipe out. I choose to forget them. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know that I want to say on air and what the worst gift. My mom had this habit for many Christmases of getting my brothers and I,

we're talking about in our 30s, of getting my brothers and I, matching Gene Jack. Oh. Gene Jack. That was sweet. This is like 2010. I thought that was a sweet look.

Yeah, I mean, we had to make fun of it after a while. Yeah. My grandmother's also under the delusion that all of us, she used to be under the delusion, that all of us are the same person, because we get everybody would get the exact same thing. We'd all get a sweater from Coles and a Coles gift certificate.

But until three years ago, there wasn't even a Coles and Georgians. I just had this collection of Coles gift certificate. But until three years ago, there wasn't even a coals and georgians. I just had this collection of coals gift certificates. That was pretty bad. I think one time I think we got a couple wedding gifts that were on the shit list. My first wife and I know we got a couple wedding gifts

that were on the shit list. They were really bad. I mean, we got like a, what do we get? We got a, you know the round cakes, like I don't know what you call them, like the fruit cakes that you roll up, like the roll up fruit cake that you make. Fruit roll up?

But it's like a fruit roll up, but it's a cake. So you've spread like jam, and then you put a little whipped cream and then you roll it up, right? And then you cut it and it's like swirly. Someone gave us a display case, a display tray for a swirly cake. And it was like round it out.

And I was like, what is that? Why not? That is a bad gift. Yeah, I mean, I guess you could have put your joint in there. But sometimes when I thought that I have received a bad gift, I'll just give it a shot though. And sometimes it turns out good. Give me an example. Well, so there was a gift that I was received a bad gift. I'll just give it a shot though. And sometimes it turns out good. Give me an example.

Well, so there was a gift that I was given of shoes and when I first saw them, because that's a pretty hard gift to give anyway. I agree, I don't think you should be given someone shoes. But I got a shoe that was like, I don't know, I don't think I'm gonna be anything. Yeah, I don't think I'd like those. Turned out to be great shoes.

They're versatile. They can get wet. They can be tried. They're they can't bad. They can slip them on. They're shoes. I have laces. They're great. I've ended up loving them. I don't know. Sometimes when you think it's a lot of... Have you tried the Prove of the Year 3000? Did you try the roll-up? No, I didn't try the roll-up. Might have tried it and looked it. Maybe we would have had we might have tried it and looked. Maybe we would have had we even understood

what it was for. Like we actually had to look it up. But you know, hey listen, I don't know that person any more, they gave me the, I don't even remember who gave me the gift, but I just remember thinking like us, and then when we got a divorce, like us looking at each other,

thinking like he takes the fruit roll up dish. It's just where I put my cocaine. Okay. Brian goes next. I like this. I love this game. I feel like the commercial break should just turn into a show. I don't know. I think I could just talk about random topics for 40 minutes. Oh, this is one of my favorite topics in the world. Chris Harrison the bachelor. Oh, that is your topic. my favorite topics in the world. Chris Harrison the bachelor. Oh, that is your topic. It is. Ladies. I don't watch the show. Ladies. There's one rose left. Thank you. And then he literally makes a million dollars a year for saying that. Chris Harrison from the bachelor says absolutely nothing on any program until this last season. I actually didn't think he was a,

he like even had to be at the show during the filming. I feel like in the beginning seasons, he played more of a part and then it morphed into kind of just, he comes out for those he haven't seen. Like one thing. You know what the bachelor is. I know you've seen it. Unless you're out of the country,

the bachelor is a show where one girl or one, it's a bachelor of bachelor one girl, or one, it's a bachelor or a bachelor at, one girl or one guy, they whittled down from 20 men to one person that they get married to. It's a popularity contest. It's a popularity contest. It's a beauty contest. Yeah. Chris Harrison hosts it.

One of the ways that they whittle people down is they have like five roses and they'll be like seven guys left. It's like musical chairs. And then they give out the roses until, you know, it's obvious that there's no more roses and those two guys have to leave. Chris Harrison, the host of this, up until a couple, this last season or the season

before that, the only thing I ever saw the guy do was pop from behind a curtain, step out and go. Hello. Hi, gentlemen. I'm sad sorry to inform you, there's only one rose left and 13 of you. Julia, your choice. And then he'd like walk back and then she would go, well, Tom, I'd like to get

somebody else to do that. Right. And there'd be 12 guys who were bummed out. And Chris Harrison would come back and he'd go, gentlemen, if you did not receive a rose, which is everybody else, if you did not receive a rose, I'm sorry. It's time for you to go say you're goodbyes, right? And then he'd be gone and then occasionally like you know, somebody there'd be a sad moment and he'd get called in and he'd go

This is really sad I have to go I'm off the clock now I have to go he is like the most elusive Host I've ever seen on and any one of these shows. He really shines when they do those talk after the after the rose after the rose. That's correct. And he actually does sit up on a stage and talk and he does have a voice. He is a human being. He can't talk for more than one sentence at a time. Chris Harrison, you stay you. I like you buddy. Okay, ready?

Here we go. It's all hoedaly. Here she goes. She's picking it out of the bowl. Okay, here we go. To the patient. Farting preachers. Farting preachers.

I don't. I wish, okay, farting preachers is the life. Yeah. And the rest. Yeah, farting. And the rest of our paper on viewers. I'm sure by definition all preachers are farting preachers. Yeah. But all I got to say is that you must go and you must Google the farting preacher. Because the farting preacher is simply one of the funniest YouTube videos that has ever

existed. You've never seen this. Really? Now. There is a preacher. I can't remember the guy's name now, but there is a preacher he's very famous. And he's very demonstrative, so he'll be like this.

And then on the seventh day, God created a world. Woo! And so what they do is they take the opportunity in between like, you know, and God, Woo! created, they'll take the opportunity, the space, and they'll play a fart, no, it's right. And so it's clearly not him farting,

but it looks as if he's farting because of the looks on his face. And I have to tell you, whoever put these videos together is spot on with their fart timing because with their gas timing, because in my day, you just let them fly. It's a gift from God is what it is.

Right. Hey, honey, God's, you know, we didn't have heat back then. So what did we do? We filled the room up with fire. And that's where you got healing. That's exactly it. You could either make a balloon fly. As a matter of fact, we were flying hot air balloons long before you knew it.

I would just fly it into, I'd save them up for a couple of months and then I'd weigh out with it. Like, peach dragon on a little mishit on a land. But if you need some warmth in the middle of the night speaking of a cold blanket, you'd take your hay blanket, you'd put it over you and your, your flimited gibbet. And then you just go ahead and pass gas, raise the temperature 10 degrees. And that is the farting preacher. Well, the farting preacher, just I don't understand what the big deal is. I'll have to look it up. Just part of God's way. It's better to be loud on the outside, to cry on the inside. I'm sorry, I took the

commercial break to a whole new level. Yes, but you know, what what is what is a good comedy show without a couple of fart jokes? Yeah, that's all I got. That's always a safe one. Okay, here we go. We're resetting the timer. Brian's next. Dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip.

Oh, I wanted to talk about this. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's divorce. Oh, yeah. Well, I think she just got sick of the schizophrenic husband that she had running around all over God's green earth. I mean, clearly the guy has mental issues. Yeah. Didn't he, isn't his story that he got like hit

by a truck or something when he was a kid and he had like reconstructive surgery and that's why his jaw looks so weird? I've never heard that. I think. That's quite the story. Or did I make that up in my head? It's quite.

Or is that something I just totally made up in my head? I've never heard that, but that could be true. I feel like he got, okay, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna repeat it because I don't know that it's true and I don't want people to think I'm an idiot, but I thought that maybe he got hit in the head as a kid. When do we have depression issues? But I think he's got, yeah.

And bipolar can make you hallucinate. It really, you'll be high in one minute, you'll be low the next, that someone who has family members with these kinds of issues. And when you're high, you're a fucking high. You think you could carry the world on your shoulders. And you could be very creative.

Very creative. Like a lot of the best artists in the world, probably have had some form of mental illness and that's borne out by the fact that they died from drug abuse. And I think drug abuse oftentimes comes hand in hand with mental illness. You're trying to self-medicate.

And Kanye's very sick. And you know what? I can't blame Kim. Kim is saying, you know what, enough's enough. If you're not going to get help and you're not going to take your medication and you're not going to at least try, then what else can I do for you? I don't want our children, I don't want us and our children.

And we don't know what it is behind this. Yeah, we don't. I mean, I'm surprised they lasted this long. It made me too quite frankly. But, and I got four children. Wow, that's a lot of kids. And to defend Kanye, who knows what it's like to live with Kim Fock and Kardashian?

No, you're always in the camera. Always in the camera. The mom's always around. The sisters are always, you know, and then they've got that, whatever his name is, run around. Remember the husband of the one sister? Oh, Scott Dys.

Scott Dys. Who's not like, you know, it constantly dating a new 17-year-old. Yes. Just unbelievable. It's so weird. It is. Him and these fucking TikTok stars that are all getting accused of sleeping with 15 to 16 to 17-year-old girls, I got to ask you a fucking question.

You're 24 years old, you're a TikTok star making millions of fucking dollars. And the only, excuse my language, the only ask that you can get is a 15 year old. I find that highly suspicious. It's fucking sick, man. A 15 year old does not have the mental wherewithal to understand, to make those kind of decisions, especially not when you're a famous TikTok star. But you're fucking cockback on your pants and you should be prosecuted to the full extent to the wall, the law.

And Scott Dysik, grow up. Yes. Wow, I was going to get so passionate about that subject. Okay, here we go. It's Chrissy's turn. She's got to take her beautiful award-winning hands. Okay, let's get this. The best gift you've ever received.

I got the worst and the best gift I ever received was an introduction to Astrid. Well, I was gonna say, yeah. I think so, yeah, or the two children. Yeah. Yeah. That in this roadcaster I got for podcasting. Yeah, tied.

Yeah, tied. That's why. Coming in a close second Astrid in the kids. The dead dog walking through my ass. gonna close second Astrid and the kids. The dead dog walk it through my house. Coming in a distant forest. Let's put aside family. Okay. A minute.

Okay. Let's just say like a big It's like the actual gift. Like a product. A product. A product. A thing. What do you think?

I mean, for me, for you, I so many blessed with so many good gifts. But you know, Jeff is a really good jewelry picker out. And I'm not talking about like diamond chokers or whatever, although I would take that. But he likes like the interesting different kinds of jewelry and artistic jewelry. And so he does a really good job picking those out. So some of those have been my favorite. Wow. Yeah, okay.

Astrid one time got me a record player, which is sitting right up there with a couple of records. That was a great time. If we were, you're really putting it. Yeah. I got kids. All they want to do is throw it on the floor. I'll start using that 18 years from now.

No, you should start using it. We've amassed a huge record collection and there's something else I'll tell you. I got a, yeah, I have a fairly big record collection But unfortunately half of them my child is broken. So that's why it's up there But that was that was a great gift. Yeah, I think some of the gifts that Astrid's given me have been really have been really spot on really spot on So you know, I'll say that some of the musical gifts that I've gotten from Astrid that guitar was a gift I'll say that some of the musical gifts that I've gotten from Astrid, that guitar was a gift.

That's beautiful. Yeah, so okay. Cool. Reset. Start. Ryan goes. Here we go. Amazon reviews. I don't trust them. I don't trust them either. I mean, there's so many of those farms where people are paid to go do this and if you get, and I've even gotten it in the mail too, where I don't worry, something for Amazon,

they say if you like it, get all Amazon, give us a good review, we'll give you this. Oh, really? Personage off of your next thing, or? Yeah, listen. Cubans, or? But Amazon reviews can also be really funny, right? They are.

Is that when someone gets in trouble, like someone's book, a pop culture star, or something like that gets in trouble. And the Amazon reviews can be a place of great comedy. You know what I heard about? One time I was listening to an episode of a podcast where the guy was an interviewer and he was telling, he's like a famous interviewer.

I'm giving his name away because I don't really like the guy, but he was being asked, how do you do such good in-depth interviews? And he goes, you know, one of the places that I go is if someone has written a book, I'll go look at their Amazon reviews. Because it's a plate, and I'll go look at Wikipedia unverified, meaning the unverified information gets submitted to Wikipedia.

He says, because often there are nuggets from people that know them or have different perspectives where I can get in information. That's a great idea. It is a great idea. So in other words, spread the fake news. Yeah. That's misinformation. Yeah, exactly.

Which is how we got ourselves in this fucking mess in the first place. Very true. Okay, Amazon Reviews, don't trust them, but like to read them. Yes. Chrissy's sticking her trophy handling fingers. Oh, gas station bathroom.

Well, it's where I like to listen to my Rachel McGrath. Every now and again, I just take a short drive down to South Georgia. If I want to hear my friend Rachel McGrath, I take a short drive down to South Georgia and I find the most random gas station I can find. And I pop in to listen to some of Rachel's most current work. Forget calling her. Yeah, forget calling her. Listen to her in the gas station.

In between sermons, you can hear her. This is a funny topic though, because sometimes there's real necessity. Sometimes you gotta go. In the age of COVID. And so you're trying to look, well COVID separate, but I'm thinking like non-COVID, you're you know, you're going down, you're on a road trip, six hours, seven, eight, whatever. You're going, you have to go to the bathroom.

You're automatically going to try and find like a cutie. Or like the, you know that's safe, but probably a lot of people have to go to the bathroom. But if you're in a remote area and you have to stop, I mean, you're taking a huge chance. You are taking a huge, don't know that's right. I have seen some really bad bathrooms.

I know you have. And I know the women's bathroom a lot of times can be worse than the boys' bathroom. For reasons we're not going to talk about it. But the farting preacher was as far as I want to go with that conversation. But I will say this is that we recently took a drive down to the panhandle of Florida. And there's not a lot of highways getting there. You've got to really take back roads. That's pretty much how you get there.

And there is some remote ass roads that you take to get down there. And you find a gas station, maybe once every 50 to 60 miles, I mean, it's not, and it's one gas station. And it's one of those gas stations that's as big as this room, and they might have a bathroom out back, right? And in the age of COVID, this has all become very weird, because the further south you go, the less masks you see. And so you know that if you're going into a high traffic gas station and you're going into the restroom, then it's likely that these people aren't wearing masks in there either. These tiny, little enclosed places. We stopped at one of these at one of these restaurants. Astrid had to go, I

had to go, Gustavo had to go, everyone had to be, right? So I said, I'll go first. So I go in there, you know, like a mother fucking murder scene in there. I mean, it was awful. And so I came back and I said, Astrid, it's not the worst I've ever seen, but it's pretty fucking close. And she was like, I just can't do it. I'm not gonna go.

Yeah. You know, places I dislike using the restroom, gas stations. Of course. Airports. Mm-hmm. Airports are actually not bad. My children's bathroom. This is the places I don't like.

I don't know for some reason I just can't concentrate on my phone as much in my child's bathroom as I can in my own bathroom. I think everybody would agree. We'd like to be in our own toilet for doing our business. 95% of the time. Gas station is our last choice.

The last. And some restaurants too. Total last. I had a guy told me once you want to know which restaurant is clean when you walk in and you don't know if the kitchen's clean, go into the bathroom first. That's right. And he was a restaurant tour. It's a good, that's a good thought. Is that the same as a provago tour? A provago? Do you need a provago? 3000? Hey, a Jackrabbit vibrating cock ring. Toilet with optional

extended and vibrating butt plug. What about have you heard of anal have you been of anal scanning technology, Chrissy? Look at this. So the movie we were just talking about this. Yeah, so Chris, so the soul soul the new movie is a new movie from Pixar. It's the first movie under their new CEO. I just read a story about him under the new CEO and I have to say that I really enjoyed this movie. If you've got Disney plus watch it. It's absolutely.

I watched it again tonight actually. Yeah, me and my son my son starts it three times a night. He started for five minutes so turn it off and start it again. But soul is basically a story of a musician who dies and then what happens after he dies, what happens with his soul. And it's really well done. And I think for children, maybe it's too much for my youngest. I mean, my son, he's not going to really understand those concepts. But I could see a five or six year old wrapping their head around spirituality because of this movie sold. Absolutely. And it's fun to look at. I mean, kids, it's, it's for all ages really because the kids love to just look at Pixar movies. They're so incredibly

done. And then the adults see the, the message. Yeah. It's a great movie. So soul. I'm all about it. Okay. Here we go. Ready? And, Chrissy, I think we've got one more each. I think you've got one and I think I've got one. Toilet paper, over or under, over. I- Absolutely over. I go over my balls with it. No, I don't think this is me.

What happened? Toilet paper, like on the roll. Toilet paper? What's that? The toilet roll, the roll. roll. Toilet paper? What's that? The toilet on the roll. I'm so cute. You roll it over. Okay.

It's a thing you roll. It hangs there. It hangs there. You're putting it there. I've got a thing that hangs there. Is that what toilet paper? I've been calling it a fidgety snip from my entire lab. A fidgety snip. A fidgety durnable. Oh, what is it called? a fidgety snit from my my entire life a fidgety snit

fidgety Oh, what is it called a fidget a bit? I've got a fidgety snit an a fidgety bit But those two things together that's what babies come from like to talk to you about your changing body Toilet paper I'm all about it above or above or below. It's got to go above got to go above Yeah, you can't do To the paper, I'm all about it. Above or above or below, it's got to go above. Got to go above. Got to go above. Yeah, you can't do one. Not under. Under the finest hotels in the world.

Like the Ritz Carlson or wherever, right? When you go to the finest hotels in the world, like the holiday in on I-285 and Beafront Highway, they put it over. You know why they put it over? Because that's the universal way to do it. It's a worldwide way to do it. If it's under, it's like hastily done.

It's yeah, you can't just hit it. You just need to shove it in there. I can't. That's all I'm favor. Speaking to shove it in there. Oh my God. Oh my God. Uh, well, okay.

We got one more. Here we go. Here's. Bing, bing. This is crazy. We ended the last one with Vaginoplasty, and this one we're ending with Peno Plasty. That is crazy. I've had it.

It works. Thumbs up. You gave a review on Amazon. I gave a review on Amazon. Yeah. It hangs over. It looks great. I put on my O-hair Jackrabbit 3000.

I put on my penis bump. Yeah. I put on my penis bump. Yeah. I put on my penis bump. I put on my O'Hare Jackrabbit 3000. I put on my penis bump. The thing about Pino Plasty is it does not, you cannot get in the direction after you've had Pino Plasty. It could be a problem.

Yeah, that could be a problem because they just essentially stick a fluid tube, you know, like I think they stick a... I don't know what happened to it. You know what? Actually, I really don't know what happened to that. Okay. You know what? Actually, I really don't know. Anyways. If you know, if you know how to do Pino plastic,

it's right on Instagram. Yeah. Please follow us on Instagram. Hey, listen, we thank you for being a supporter of the show. We really do. We promise live shows coming up. And you just check the Patreon page,

keep in touch. Stay informed. And this show will roll out every Friday on video, so we're so happy that you joined, Chrissy and I really appreciate it. I take it from the bottom of our heart. Remember, if you haven't already, at the commercial break on Instagram, info at tcbpodcast.com is where you go to drop us a line, an email, if you have any questions, concerns, comments

about the show, you want to be a part of the show, let us know. Please be a part. Please be a part of the show. We would love to. We have a phone number two, but I'll give it away next week. I don't wanna end it in a date you wish you much. Are you gonna flash it up on the call now?

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all, all that good stuff. So again, our first Patreon show in the game now. Season two, Underway, Patreon, Underway. We love you. Until next time, Happy New Year. I'm going to, that should actually be the end of the show for the rest of the year. We'll say Happy New Year. We love you. Until next time, Happy New Year! I'm gonna... That should actually be the end of the show for the rest of the year. We'll say Happy New Year! We love you! Until next time, bye!

Bye! The commercial break Friday episodes can now be found on Patreon at patreon.com Slash the commercial break. New episodes are available on YouTube every Tuesday. Visit www.tcbpodcast.com for more information on all of our content. Follow us at the Commercial Break on Instagram or leave us a message at 470-584-8449. The Commercial Break is written and produced by Brian Green, co-hosted by Chrissy Hothley.

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