The Commercial Break - NoNo Siwa
Episode Date: June 13, 2024The Summer Olympics You tried! Kids learning to swim Lake Lanier is HAUNTED FLOAT POSITION! Bryan, please stop talking about women's bathing suits An amazing dog story Bryan defends his Blue bi...tchin' Jojo Siwa Bad lip syncing Is Madonna lip syncing? Maggie Rogers is a star Acapella Siwa LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us  212.433.3TCB text or leave us a voicemail Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Producer: Christina A. Producer: Gustavo B. Download & Listen on the Audacy app To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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On this episode of the Commercial Break, Celebrate summer with Chick-fil-A.
On this episode of the Commercial Break. Listen, I know I talk about this band a lot. I really like them.
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What is that? Kung Fu fighting? I don't think that was my Pearl Jam. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. It's 2.30 in the morning!
Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break.
I'm Brian Drain, this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley.
Best to you, Chrissy.
Best to you, Brian.
And best to you out there in the podcast universe.
Thanks for joining us, Chrissy and I, here in the studio getting prepared for the Summer
Olympics by watching a little US Women's water polo.
That's right.
I get so excited about those Olympics, man.
Summer Olympics. I know, it's exciting.
Winter Olympics, eh, okay.
I like the Winter Olympics too.
I do, but I don't think they come with as much, like,
Summer Olympics, 24 hours a day,
all Olympics, all the time, all the sports that you like.
I guess maybe Winter Olympics
because I'm not into winter sports,
like I never played them as a child. I never played any sports as a like. I guess maybe Winter Olympics because I'm not into winter sports. Like I never played them as a child.
I never played any sports as a child.
Me either.
Because I'm really bad at it.
I played soccer.
I tried to run track.
Yeah.
I'd like to think I could have run track
because I like to think that I was fast,
but that's just my little 13 year old.
That's me stuck in my 13 year old body,
thinking that I'm really fast.
But that is all the testosterone that comes with being a 13 year old body, thinking that I'm really fast. But that is all the testosterone
that comes with being a 13 year old boy,
thinking you can do anything and everything.
Right.
So I only played soccer, a little bit of basketball,
baseball when I was younger,
but I think the coaches just took pity on me.
I was one of those kids where I got like a show up award.
Oh, you showed up.
I'll never forget.
One time, one time, I won the soccer team MVP.
Wow.
Fantastic.
We won the game like 12 to nothing.
Half the team didn't, half the other team didn't show up.
And so we were just like running around,
scoring goals, scoring goals, scoring goals.
I didn't score any goals, but I got the MVP.
And I was like, oh, that's amazing.
Why did I get the MVP? And the coach was like, you did a really good job trying.
I did a really good job trying.
Well, that's all you can do sometimes.
You get the MVP in like a hard fought battle,
you know, like a three to four or two to three,
and you won the goal and you scored it.
The coach recognized this was the,
if it was ever going to be in a word time.
If it was ever going to be a moment for Brian, this was it.
Yeah, you ran really hard back and forth,
not doing anything particular, just running back and forth.
But I do get excited about those Summer Olympics.
They're fun.
What are you most excited to see?
What is your favorite Olympic sport, Summer Olympic sport?
Oh God, well I don't know, speaking of track,
I do like to watch the track.
I like to watch volleyball. Love volleyball. Gymnastics. Yeah, I don't know, speaking of track, I do like to watch the track. I like to watch volleyball.
Love volleyball.
Gymnastics.
Yeah, gymnastics, of course.
You gotta win the gymnastics.
Of course.
Gotta watch the gymnastics.
You know, I like the water polo, actually.
I'm kinda into the water polo.
You know that-
I mean, as we're sitting here watching it right now,
it's such an athletic sport.
Chrissy.
I mean, you have to be.
Not only are you just treading water and swimming
and doing all of that,
but then you're actually playing with a ball.
Yeah, you know, I was firmly convinced
when I had these children
that I'd throw them in the water
and they'd start doggy paddling.
Because they make it seem like that on TV.
You know, they put six month olds in the water
and all of a sudden they're floating.
That's not exactly how it works. It takes the kids a really long time to learn
how to swim. And it takes a lot of muscle coordination to do so, and you've got to
teach them. So, we have the pool in the backyard, so I'm trying to teach some of my kids how
to swim. And it's like, okay, kick your legs and move your arms real fast. And then they
just sink to the bottom. That's all they do. They just sink, sink, sink. You know, it's
hard to teach them how to swim.
And then…
Do they have the little floaties?
One of my kids doesn't, he doesn't want to wear the life jacket, but you got to understand
about my pools. It goes from three and a half feet to 10 and a half feet deep in like a
four foot, it just goes straight off. It's an old pool. It was built back in the sixties,
I guess, when deep, deep pools were a thing. I'm not sure. I don't know. But it's horribly dangerous.
And so there's only like one square foot of my pool
where this child can actually stand
and have his chin above water.
So he never wants to wear the life jacket.
He always wants to go in,
he wants to raw dog it every time, you know,
okay, let me take the life jacket off.
But he tries to like float on top of the water and swim, but
then his bottom half just kind of eventually sinks down and I say, kick your legs, kick
your legs, kick your legs. He doesn't really do that. And so he just kind of falls down.
So I'm always jumping in the pool to grab his arm and push it back up. It's a whole
exhausting thing. So we go to my dad's lake house this weekend and I'm like, okay, you
know, you're definitely not taking that life jacket off for any reason.
Right.
You're within 50 yards of that lake and I want that life jacket on for all my children.
Quite frankly, I think everybody, I think, you know, anyone who goes to the lake because-
That is why it's a rule.
Yeah.
It's a, lakes are murky.
Most of them are.
And even if you can see a little bit, it's like kind of clearish water.
You can't see the bottom. And you hear about deaths all the time too, at the heights.
All the time.
I know.
At Lake Lanier.
Lake Lanier, I was going to go to Alatuna earlier, but I don't know, Lake Lanier does get a bad rap
by that.
Well, it does. And I'll tell you why I think it might be. This is my,
when there is no such thing as a natural lake in Georgia. They are all manmade.
And that's a fact. And two of the biggest lakes, Alatuna and Lanier,
Lanier is probably the one you've heard of,
you know anything about Georgia,
Lanier is huge.
It's where they filmed.
What was the show?
Ozarks?
The Atlanta Shore or whatever it was
they were trying to do on MTV.
Oh, that's...
The Georgia Shore. The Atlanta Shore, that's right. The Atlanta Shore or whatever it was they were trying to do on MTV. Oh, that's. Ha ha ha ha, the Georgia Shore.
The Atlanta Shore, that's right.
The Atlanta Shore, give me a break.
Yeah, it was bad.
I didn't see a season two of that one.
No, I remember you were like,
Chrissy, watch it, we're gonna talk about it on the show.
And I couldn't.
Yeah.
I just, I watched 10 minutes of it.
I didn't get through half an episode.
And I was like, I can't.
Yeah.
I can't watch it.
It was a terrible, terrible show. It was awful. of it and I was like, I can't. Yeah. I can't watch it. It was a terrible, terrible show.
It was awful.
Yeah, nothing like Lake Lanier to,
Lake Lanier is shitty, trash-filled, garbage rot.
What a beautiful lake.
No, it's not, it really isn't.
It's half filled with Budweiser, I think.
Yeah, oh.
The people who are swimming in it
are definitely half filled with Budweiser.
Oh, there's that.
Yeah.
I mean, they've had so many incidents and accidents.
Just a little side note, we used to go to Lake Lanier.
I hung around this group of people.
I think you went up there one time with me, maybe.
We hung around this group of people.
Lovely people, but they were the epitome of Lake Lanier life people. What do I mean by that? I mean, there's
a Jimmy Buffett's, you know, whatever, pirate cove up there. It's been there for years.
And it's just a complex of bars, restaurants. They are so rednecky up there that they take
the band, the cover band that's going to play at the Jimmy Buffett bar and they float them out on the dock in the middle of the fucking lake
with all their amplifiers and electric music. Literally, you are in the middle of the lake
with some hot wires going to the dock. These guys play all your favorite cover songs from
Leonard Skinner to Leonard Skinner. Yeah. Yeah. It's all there.
It's all for the taking.
Now I'm not knocking the culture.
It was a lot of fun when I went.
Trust me, I had a lot of fun,
but I was also way deep into the Bud Lights.
I guess I could have been fun.
People park their boat, boat to boat to boat to boat,
tie up together.
Party barge, like the whole thing.
And I, during the morning, you could probably get
away with maybe having your kids there. By three o'clock, you had better, you better
be sheltered in place because this place is going to turn fucking nuts. And it did. Because
once everyone got boozed up, it's 107 degrees, you know, 98% humidity.
No food, just beer.
The water is literally urine. That's what it is. It's warm
because everyone's peeing in it at the same time. It's disgusting. Smells like sewage
water. Music blasting, bikini tops are coming off. Oh, the whole thing, you know. If they
were ever on. Every guy in their sixties is all beefed up on steroids and just red as they can be like a tomato
and while I'm looking like a tomato right now because I was just at my own lake.
But and they all have those huge yachts. It's a fucking lake. You don't need a 78 foot
and Stanley Cruiser. You just don't. But they have them. They have houseboats. They tie them up.
And then what you do is just go from boat to boat. You just, you can sometimes literally walk from boat to boat
until you get yourself in trouble. Swinging to swinging. Swinging to swinging. Yes. There are a
lot of, there's a lot of plastic in the crowd. A lot of swapping and switching. A lot of gummy bear
boob jobs. It's the newest and lightest and greatest.
Yes, but you are not the newest, latest and greatest. You are 67 years old.
And your skin looks like leather. It's a whole scene. And I loved it. By the way, I loved it.
I'm not making fun of it. I loved it. No, no, no. Every once in a while, it's fun. Yes. By the way,
those water polo suits are very cheeky. They're very cheeky.
They are.
That's the style.
Yeah, I guess so.
Get ready.
Oh, no.
I don't even want to think about it.
So we would go up there all the time and it was a ton of fun.
But those lakes, the reason why Lake Lanier, I think a lot of people drown in Lake Lanier,
is the
Army Corps of Engineers put a dam up there.
They dammed it for hydroelectric power and they took, like, I don't know what it is,
a hundred square miles or however big that lake is, and they just emptied it out.
They took everybody and they moved them somewhere else.
They, you know, commandeered the land.
They do what the government does.
I know, it's so kind of creepy too,
because there's towns.
There are entire towns, power poles, stop signs,
houses that are just sitting at the bottom of the lake.
They were never demolished, they were never taken away.
Yeah, they just flooded.
They filled it up with water.
So I think what happens is, first of all,
I think people don't understand that when you're in a lake,
you cannot see past three feet. And in Lake Lanier's
case, maybe past three inches, because it's so fucking murky, that red clay, that mud,
it just gets turned up. So once someone gets in trouble and goes down, good luck finding them.
So this is why I tell my kids, you cannot, not ever, for no reason, can you take off that life
jacket. There's one thing that I'm not going to have happen to my kids is that they get lost in some body of water. So, anyway, so I'm telling
these kids, I'm like, hey kids, keep those life jackets on. Meanwhile, dad is running off the dock,
jumping, splashing, diving, backwards dives, I'm doing the whole nine yards. I think I'm 14 again,
right? I'm doing the whole nine yards. But what I don't realize is that I should probably have a life
jacket on too. Because the second that I dive in the water, my kids come hurried up next to me
with their life jackets on and they're hanging on me. And I'm in like 30 feet of water. So I'm
kicking, I'm swimming, I'm kicking, I'm swimming. Chrissy, I'm tiring out after like five minutes.
I'm like, okay, daddy's got to get back to the dock. Here, let me hang on to you. Now I'm kicking, I'm swimming. Chrissy, I'm tiring out after like five minutes. I'm like, okay, daddy's got to get back to the dock.
Here, let me hang on to you.
Now I'm hanging on to my kids.
Now we're all pulling each other down under the lake.
Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kids.
Bring me over there.
Daddy's old.
My back don't feel so good.
Turn me over.
Float position, float position.
One of my kids is yelling, float position, float position, which is what their swimming
teacher tells them when they get tired to turn over and play dead.
That's amazing.
Yeah.
So when my kids are yelling, float position, I guess I'm not as strong as I used to.
When I was a teenager, I took one of those lifeguard tests where I tread water for whatever
it was, 15, 20 minutes, however long they make you tread water for.
I'm telling you what, I am not that same Brian Greene right now, because I do a couple
dives and a couple flips and I tread water for three or four minutes and I'm like, well, that
was good. That was fun. I'm going back up to the house. So I have a lot of appreciation for this
water polo where they do that for whatever it is, 10 minutes straight, 15 minutes straight.
Well, wait, I mean, how long is this? No, it's longer than that. Well, I mean, they do it by quarter, right? So I think they get a break every quarter, but I'm
telling you what, those swimsuits are barely there. And in the Olympics, in the actual Summer
Olympics, they have underwater cameras. I don't see them, they have them on this particular channel,
but underwater cameras. I don't know. I guess that's what you sign up for when you do water.
Oh, you know what I love? Diving. Diving is one of my favorites. Oh the dive on the swimming and the diving swimming in the diving
Let the swimming in the diving. There's really nothing that I don't like. Yeah, watch whatever's on
Yeah, I don't like that like cross-country skeet shooting put whatever you run ski another I guess
I have skateboarding too, right? Oh, they have skateboarding they have
They've lots of stuff.
Everything's an Olympic sport, boxing, they have the whole nine yards.
And so as we turn the corner and get ready for this year's 2024 Summer Olympics, I find
myself really excited.
Plus, I think it's the first Olympics where some of my kids might understand what's going
on.
And so I'm really excited to miss all of that coverage because I'll be watching Disney Junior
here at the house.
Disney fucking Junior. I told my kids already, I said, hey, listen, the Olympics, we're going
to watch it and it's going to be on a lot in this house. We're going to watch it and
watch it and watch it. So they're excited, but they're excited because they have no idea
what the summer Olympics coverage is all about. Once they start watching, I'm sure I'm not
going to get to watch any of it. But hey, at least Father's Day is coming up.
You've got a couple of TVs in this house, so you can keep one on. Oh, if you don't think for
a second when you're not here that TV gets commandeered by Disney Junior, you're wrong.
My kids come in here. They come in here. They come in here, they ruin the road caster, they play with
the microphones, they turn on Disney Junior. Sometimes I come in here, I'll, yeah, Astor takes
the early shift and I take the late shift with the kids. What that means is that Astor gets up with them when they get up at the ungodly hour of like 5 45,
6 in the morning. I usually sleep for another hour or two, then I get up and then after 5 o'clock,
it's my turn. Now I got to, I'll usually do the bathing and then I help to put them to bed and
the whole nine yards. So, yeah, so there's a whole world of my family. There's a whole universe that I don't know
or understand. It's before 7, 4, 8, 5 in the morning. I have no idea what's going on. I'm
blissfully unaware. But how do I know things are happening? Because I come in here and
the door is open, the lights are on, the computer screen is not on what I left it on last night,
the Disney Junior is on the channel. My microphones are at different levels.
Apparently Astrid just hates me so much
that she just says, go in the studio
and play with daddy's a-
That's right.
Well, because if you try and keep them away from it,
then it just becomes a whole bigger thing.
Well, that's true.
I still say you need the box that goes over the road caster.
Some guy was making them.
He was like making custom boxes that went over the road caster. Yeah, there was some guy was making them.
He was like making custom boxes that went over it.
The very least.
But I'd need a custom box with a lock and an alarm.
Like if you don't think those kids are gonna learn
how to take off a box in two seconds,
kids are gonna take, kids are smart.
There's much smarter than I am.
You know what I'm saying?
True.
I wish, I wish I had the intelligence
of some of my children.
I do.
No, right?
We go to the grocery store. Real quick. We go to the grocery store the other day. It's like seven o'clock at night, some kids' bed time is at seven, some kids are at eight.
One of the older kids, I sometimes I let them stay up till night. But one of the things you learn,
dogs and children, they absolutely need routine. You cannot break that routine for almost any reason, maybe the exception of vacation, birthdays,
special events or whatever.
But you better-
Which are all about to come up.
Yes, which are all, yeah, the entire summer is one big special.
But I'm trying to hang on to normalcy as long as I can.
I'm just hanging on to it.
Seven o'clock at night, we realize we need something
at the grocery store, actually at the pharmacy.
So I say, let me go to the grocery store,
I'll get some milk for the younger kids, right?
I'll get some milk, because I know we need some.
Well, all the kids.
I wanna go, I wanna go, I wanna go with daddy,
daddy, I wanna go with you, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy.
And for one second in my miserable fucking life,
I decide, okay, fine, but, daddy. And for one second in my miserable fucking life, I decide, okay, fine.
But we're only buying one thing, and that's milk and whatever else, you know, baby Advil
or whatever we need.
That's it.
We're buying these two things and that's it.
And so I say to Astrid on the way out there, I'm taking the kids, you know, these kids,
taking these kids.
Okay, thanks.
All right, what do you need?
Anything from the grocery store?
Just text me.
Well, Astrid texts me the list. Oh, yeah. Right? Oh what do you need anything from the grocery store? Just text me. Well, Asher texts me the list.
Oh, yeah.
Right? Oh, it wasn't milk that we went for. It was pasta, because we're going to have
pasta for dinner, and we don't have any pasta. We're already running late on this whole routine,
and I'm really upset, and I'm really worried that I'm going to be bothered by my kids going
to bed later. And I don't want to be bothered. So, we go to the grocery store. I get them
out of the car, which is a whole fucking production.
Oh, yeah.
Get them out of the car, put them in the basket, drive them around.
I want this, I want that Gatorade cereal, Cheerios, you know.
Of course.
They want everything on every aisle.
But I keep on, I stay focused.
No, we're getting this thing, we're getting this thing.
And relatively, they're pretty good for most of the grocery store.
So good, in fact, that I say, okay, you guys can go pick a box of Band-Aids,
box of $3 Band-Aids that have some character on it.
They always have boo-boos.
And I just got a secret for defacts
or whoever's looking into my children.
They don't really have boo-boos.
They just say they have boo-boos
so that they could get the characters.
Yes, that's right.
One of my kids has 12 Band-Aids on right now.
No blood has been shed.
I noticed that one time.
Well, by the way, we went into Publix
and two of the kids had band-aids on their forehead.
I was like, what happened?
Nothing.
Yeah, you're like nothing.
Nothing.
So we get in, we go, I get them out,
get the groceries in the car, put them back in the thing,
buckle them up, do the whole thing.
On their forehead.
Hold on, I'm scared.
On their forehead.
On their forehead. She's got. On her forehead. Hold on. I know. On their forehead. On their forehead.
She's got two on her forehead.
People at the grocery store are looking at me like,
meanwhile I'm like, no, we came here for one thing.
And they're like, oh, geez.
Now go pick out some more band-aids.
Isn't that Brian Green?
Yeah, now go pick out some more band-aids.
They better be good.
You're gonna need them.
You rotten little shits! You're gonna need them. You rotten little shits.
You're gonna need them because daddy's giving you boo-boos all over.
You're gonna be colored, head and toe in boo-boos.
I'm gonna wrap you like a mummy in Mickey Band-Aids.
Oh god.
So get them out of the store. Get them into the car, buckle them up, 10 minute routine
to just get them in the fucking car.
And I'm like, okay, let's go.
One of my kids, who is probably the most intelligent human being in this building right now, honestly,
seriously, we get half a mile from the grocery store. And him and one of the other kids are talking at me,
but I'm ignoring it,
because I'm trying to listen to the song
that I put on to ignore them, right?
And finally I start tuning in to what's going on back there,
and I'm like, what, what did you say?
He goes, you forgot the pasta.
And I was like, oh shit.
So now there's this decision going on in my head. Do I suffer the wrath of Astrid? Or do I suffer the wrath of my children? Or both? What do
I do? Okay. So I decide to suffer the wrath of the children, because that's much easier
than Astrid.
And the cards.
That's right. Well, I go back to the grocery store, get them out, get them back in the
basket, get them all in this one thing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
By the way, then I get another thing for them.
And so now we get them in the cart and then we got this.
They get them back to the house and I said, okay, just don't tell your mom that we had
to do this, you know what I'm saying?
It was a little secret between us.
Okay, so we get to the house.
First thing that one of the kids says is, daddy forgot the pasta.
And Astrid's like, what?
And I go, no, I didn't forget the pasta.
I got the pasta. We had to make a trip back. Yeah, daddy forgot the pasta. And I told him. And when he did,
he said, oh shit, I did forget the pasta. And I'm like, get back to your room. I'm going to give
you another boo-boo. Pick out one of those band-aids. Pick out one of those band-aids.
You're going to need it. All right, let's take a break
and we'll be back.
What? Oh, hi, it's Christina again, here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast.com for all
things audio, video, and TCBDO. Give us a follow on Instagram at the commercial break
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I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCB phone number you will
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That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. It is hard to believe that half the year is gone,
and each year seems to go by
faster and faster but at this halfway point I think it's a good time to stop look at some of
the accomplishments and of course it's also important to check in and see what kind of progress I can
make for the other half of the year. One of the people who's been instrumental in helping me do
this and stay focused on the tasks that feel important in my life is my therapist. We talk
about therapy a lot here on the show.
Chrissy and I are big proponents of it.
We do not shy away from sharing our excitement around therapy
because it really does work.
Therapy can help you smooth out the rough spots in your life,
but it can also be a place where you can stop for an hour
and think about the things that you are doing right.
I've said it before and I'll say it again.
Therapy is awesome in the bad times,
it is awesome in the good times, and everything in between. And so if you're thinking about starting therapy,
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All right, byline. meet Blue, the dog who traveled four miles to get help for owner trapped in
ravine. At first I thought, oh, this must be about my Blue, but then I wrote, then I read the word
helped, and then I said nope, that's not my dog. Local authorities have published a photograph of a hero dog who ran four miles to get help for his owner
after a car crash left him trapped in a ravine in Oregon.
Blue, whom the New York Times identified as a whippet,
is credited with...
Oh, I know about whippets.
Smart as a whip.
Yeah.
That's a good one, Chrissy.
That's a good one.
You like that one? Is that a good one for you?
Blue, identified as a whip, it is credited by rescue services with helping save Brandon
Garrett after his truck fell off a remote road in a heavily wooded area in a part of the state
close to the border with Idaho on June... Ohio and Oregon are not together,
on June 2nd.
Garrett was driving with his four dogs
when the vehicle plummeted at a curve in the road.
One of the dogs later identified as Blue traveled four miles
to the campsite where Garrett and the dogs had been,
which alerted the friends of Garrett
that something was wrong.
Prompted by Blue's appearance,
Garrett's family started searching for him.
They finally found his vehicle the next day, but couldn't reach him. And then the 911 call,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He's got a cracked ankle and his body is just really bruised and
battered like my kids. He added one of the three dogs that remained at the site of the crash,
had surgery for a broken hip and is expected to be okay. After widespread coverage of Blue's
valiance, the sheriff's officer put a photo of Whippet on the Facebook page. Oh, I'm sure Whippet
really appreciates that.
Did you get with Blue's consent?
I just think to myself, dogs are such amazing creatures.
Yes, they are.
Most of them are such amazing creatures. You run four miles back to the campsite where you had been hanging out for the weekend
to alert the other people at the campsite that something is wrong. Can you imagine? I also read
about the cat who traveled like a hundred and thousand miles or something cross-country. Did
you read about that one? I did not read about the cat. There was a cat in New York, family moves, some suburban New York somewhere.
Family moves, but the cat wasn't in the house
when they moved and they were looking furiously for him,
like this cat, oh my God, oh my God.
Seven years later, the cat shows up in California.
In the neighborhood where these people lived
and someone puts up signs, found cat.
And the found cat was then found by the family because they looked at the photo and they
said, that looks like the fucking cat that we lost seven years ago or five years ago,
whatever it was.
Made its way across the country.
How did it do that?
Did it jump on a truck?
Is it like one of those movies that Disney makes?
It jumps on the truck and it makes friends with the trucker, but it says, I have to leave
you because I got to get to my family now.
It's hitchhiking across the-
Hopping on a train.
Whole boat.
Turned a few tricks at a truck stop to make some money.
Hit up a boat at Lake Lanier, crossed over.
Crossed over Lake Lanier, got on a train,
went through Alabama, stayed in Alabama for a while,
said, this isn't for me, got on a truck,
headed across Texas.
I like picturing that.
I like picturing that too. Probably someone stole the cat, got on a flight, the cat
to California with the cat, and the cat decided, I don't like this, and he lived in the same
neighborhood. Probably the same people who stole it and put the found picture up. But it is amazing.
These dogs, these animals are fucking amazing.
They really are.
I just wish I had one of those.
No, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
You know, I get so, I'm starting to get a lot of pushback about my reactions to Blue
and the comments and the text messages.
And I want to make this clear, and I've done this before and I don't want to belabor the
point, but I do love Blue.
There is a reason why Blue is still in our lives,
and that's because I have a responsibility to Blue.
I took her in as a little puppy.
We are bonded.
If you could see me when I'm not in this studio,
then you would know that there are moments
I certainly get angry with Blue.
All the shitting and pissing and barking
drives me up a fucking wall. But that dog is moments I certainly get angry with Blue. All the shittin' and pissin' and barkin' drives me up a fuckin' wall.
But that dog is at my hip 24 hours a day.
She really is.
So we go to my dad's lake house and we gotta leave.
And she's got such a funny personality too
because she does her whole bark, bark, bark
when anybody's coming out of the front door.
Then I'll come, she's going crazy barking,
I walk into the studio and she just-
Jared Sifton
Lays there.
Beth Dombkowski
Lays there, licks me.
Jared Sifton
Yes.
Beth Dombkowski
And so sweet and kind.
Jared Sifton
Yes.
Beth Dombkowski
It's very funny.
Jared Sifton
There's been entire episodes.
Is that a hurricane outside the door?
Nope, it's just my 12 children.
Beth Dombkowski
Running.
Jared Sifton
In a pack. Like wild bison up and down the hallway of my hardwood floored house.
Oh, there they go.
The thing is is that Blue is a funny creature.
She can be absolutely insane one moment,
and then the next moment, the sweetest dog in the world.
And you should see how she interacts with my youngest.
If Blue wasn't good with the children,
it's likely there would be,
I would have to find a new home for Blue.
No, but she has been great with all the 30 kids.
She's amazing.
My smallest loves the dog,
like none of my other children love the dog.
It's attached to the dog,
like none of my other children were attached to the dog.
She literally wants to know where Blue is 24 hours a day,
if Blue's outside in the backyard.
She gets upset, she wants to be with Blue,
she tries to ride
Blue. Sometimes I catch them in my bedroom. I'll catch my youngest, who's like one in
some change, cuddling with Blue. And you can tell that Blue's very uncomfortable because
the baby doesn't really know how to cuddle. She just grabs her skin and start pulling
her hair. But Blue just sits there and is like, I know. Either she's too old for it or just doesn't care,
or instinctively knows that as part of this family,
I better get along with this kid,
or else I'm gone.
Maybe that's it.
I do love Blue.
And the second that Blue is gone from our lives,
Oh, it'll be a huge loss.
It'll be a huge loss.
It will be a huge loss mainly because the noise level
in this house will go down by half.
But I was sharing that we went to my dad's house over the weekend and we left her at the vet to
board, right? And so, they're not open on Sundays. We get back on Sunday afternoon and Astrid and I
are commenting, how lovely is it that there's no barking going on, there's no jumping up and just causing general
stress and mayhem.
I get out of the shower yesterday morning
and we haven't picked Blue up yet.
I get out of the shower yesterday morning.
There she is, she's made her way.
She jumped, she adventures of blue. She's not
there. I take a shower, I go to get out of the shower, I open the door to the bathroom, and I notice my anxiety level raises
by like 30% and I become real self-aware real quick that I'm anxious about something, but I don't know
what it is. And a little bit more tapping into that anxiety, and I know that the reason why I'm
anxious is because I expect Blue to be right there outside that bathroom door to jump on my legs with
her, you know, ginseng-knife nails to cut my legs all up and to bark at me about something that she
wants, like, you know, a treat, a food, whatever, go outside, do whatever. And so, I realized that
Blue is such a big part of my life, so ingrained into my life that she can't be gone for one day
and my body already realizes that something can't be gone for one day and
my body already realizes that something isn't right. Like there's a disturbance in the force.
Yeah. There's a disturbance in the force. So as much as I do protest about Blue, and I do,
I will stick by my, I will stick by my bitching and complaining about her barking all the time.
But I will say this, I do love the dog. She is well taken care of.
She is well fed. We do not hit her. We do not ignore her. She stays in nice hotels when we're
gone. How do I know? Because I pay an arm and a leg to put her up. I got this friend, he's like,
ah, I just take her down to the Yoko Loko boarding place and they put her outside and run and, you
know, it's $5 a day or whatever. Meanwhile, I'm paying $180 fucking dollars a day
the dog's got a TV in the corner on Animal Planet.
Like Blue even cares about animals.
Blue doesn't even know she's an animal.
She wants to come with us to the Ritz-Carlton
if we stayed at the Ritz-Carlton, which we don't.
Right.
She likes the fire and things in life.
We gotta take this trip in a couple of weeks to go see family.
So Astrid's trying to plan the trip.
It's hard to plan a trip when you don't have any money, but anyway, she's planning this
trip and she's, you know, that, that, that, that, that, that.
And she's like, well, where should we stay?
And I, well, not the Ritz Carlton, that's for sure.
We got too many kids for that.
So I'm looking for like an embassy suite.
Yeah, those are good.
Some place, I agree with you. Right? Like a suite type deal. You know, the old embassy
suites back when I was a kid, we used to stay at embassy suites because there was six of
us in the family. And what would happen is you would get two bedrooms and then-
Like a sitting room, a living room, and that pulls out into a couch.
A couch. Right. And so the kids got one room in the living room, and that pulls out into a couch. Jared Sussman Right. And so, the kids got one room in the living room, and we'd have
to figure out amongst us who was going where, and then my dad and my mom would get the other
bedroom.
Beth Dombkowski Right.
Jared Sussman So, I said, look at the embassy suites. It's economical, you know, they get
free breakfast, free snacks.
Beth Dombkowski They're nice. Yeah.
Jared Sussman They're nice, right? And they're not the nicest hotels in the world, but they're
also not bad.
Beth Dombkowski No, they're not. Jared Sussman There's an indoor swimming pool in every embassy suites. It's like part of
their deal. And I said, the kids will love it. We can bring the life jackets. They can swim.
It's a solid choice. Solid, solid choice. So we go and we start looking. She finds an embassy
suites and she's like, where is the two bedroom ones? And I'm like, I don't know. They all have
them. I know they do. I haven't been in embassy Suites in a long time. And so she's looking, she's looking,
she's looking. And the normal Embassy Suites room is one bedroom with a sitting area. Those
are like, I don't know, $350 a night, right? Not cheap, but you got a big family, things
aren't going to be cheap. She finds one with the two bedrooms and they're like $989 a night. And I'm like,
holy fucking shit, a thousand dollars, a thousand dollars for an extra bedroom. You got to be kidding
me. What happened to the good old embassy suites where every room was like that? I don't know.
It's so expensive to have children in 2024, to have a big family in 2024, and then add on top of that, I got to put my
dog at the fucking Waldorf Astoria of dogs for no reason, because she's a brat and she's pampered.
I don't know. Wouldn't she be fine? I said to Astrid, I said, let's hire the neighbor to come
over and feed her.
Lauren Ruffin There you go. When I was young, I used to do that for our neighbors.
Jared Sarr You did the dogs?
Lauren Ruffin Yeah. You did the dogs?
Yeah.
Dogs?
They would kick over.
Yeah, they would kick some money and I would go over there and feed the dog, take the dog
out, you know, be sure the dog's okay a couple, few times a day.
I wish that I had that dog.
I bet blue the other blue, the Whippet blue is like that.
I did come home one time though.
I did go over there one time and they, the dog had chewed through chewed through the entire library of the family photos.
And I was like, oh, oh.
You were like, hope you got those backed up.
No, this wasn't for backup.
This was when you got the film developed,
carefully placed them in order in a photo album.
I came over and I was like, oh no.
Oh my gosh, that is too funny.
You guys should be fine though with digital age.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll be fine with this.
We'll be fine with the digital age.
I called my mom, I was like, oh no.
Oh shit, what do I do here? Look what Benji did. Yeah, yeah. on the digital age. I called my mom, I was like, oh no.
Oh shit, what do I do here?
Look what Benji did.
Yeah, we did that one time.
Kevin and I babysat like one time for neighbors down the street.
And when we babysat, I think I've told this story, we babysat and of course, being the
little shitheads that we are, the second that the kid, the kid was like already asleep when we got there,
you know, the parents thought we'd put him to sleep.
He was like a three year old or something.
And they were like, just make sure nothing sets on fire.
Call 911 or call us.
Here's a phone number you can reach us at.
They did it back before cell phones.
Here's some cash for a pizza.
Exactly, right?
Yeah, here's some cash for a pizza.
And so we ordered the pizza,
but then Kevin started this, you know,
I'm blaming on Kevin.
Kevin started, Kevin started like, you know, going ordered the pizza, but then Kevin started this, I'm blaming on Kevin. Kevin started like going around the house,
opening doors and cabinets and stuff like that.
I think just curiosity, you're a kid, you're curious.
Well, he eventually makes his way to the bedroom
and I'm sitting in the room next to where the kid is sleeping
like a bonus room or something with a TV.
And I'm just watching TV.
Kevin's running around the house investigating and he comes back and what he has is a smorgasbord of things that children should
not find in their parents' house. A dildo, a copy of the Kama Sutra, a porn movie, weed.
And this is before we even knew what weed was. We were like 12, 13 years old, right? I mean,
we knew what weed was, but we'd never seen it in person. That was for sure. And Kevin's like, oh my God, look at this,
bag of weed. Here's a boner. I didn't even know what this is. This is a dick. And I'm like, oh
yeah. He's like, here's a porn movie. Let's put it in. So, you know, you'll put in the porn movie,
that, you know, the whole nine yards. So here we are with all the things that these people
never wanted us to see in the bonus no, no. In the bonus room.
We didn't smoke the weed or anything like that. We just had it out.
So it's like this really weird scene going on of me and my brother watching a porn movie with a
dong and some weed and a compass. And a pizza.
And a pizza. And a Domino's pizza next to a sleeping kid
who has no idea.
Well guess what?
Ah, they came out.
Parents came home early.
Kevin rushed to put it all back, right?
You could hear the garage door opening, so, you know, Kevin rushes to put it all back.
And no harm, no harm.
They probably didn't even come back early.
They probably came back home early.
They probably did.
But you were so engrossed.
Yes, in the porn movie.
So you know, first time seeing hardcore porn, first time seeing, you know, weed in person.
I didn't even know what the fucking Kama Sutra was. Forget about that.
I still don't know what the Kama Sutra is. I mean, I know what it is. I just don't know
what it says or I'd probably ask her to be happier. Anyway, so, parents come home,
Kevin rushes back. It's like one of those movies, you know, Kevin's
throwing everything back.
Well, a couple of days later, we get this phone call from our dad, who's at work, and
dad puts us on the speakerphone, and he explains that we wouldn't be back.
Oh no, he's calling from work too?
Yes, he called from work.
Uh oh, you knew you were in trouble.
Oh, anytime dad called from work. Because there was knew you were in trouble. Oh, anytime dad called from work.
Because there was communication from work.
Yeah.
Couldn't even wait.
Couldn't even wait to get home.
No.
He couldn't wait to whip our asses face to face.
He had to let us know that it was coming later.
He had to give us time to worry about the ass-whipping we were getting.
I just got a phone call from Steve down the street.
Did you guys go through their personal effects
in their bedroom? And we were like, no. What? No. No, no, no, no. It wasn't us. It wasn't
us. And he says, well, they seem to think differently because apparently a few items
were moved around and a couple are missing.
Did you take anything from that house? We're like, no, no, not us. What? Dad, crazy. These
people are like, woohoo. We don't know these people.
We heard they smoke weed.
Yeah. We were too high to take anything from the house. What are you talking about? I was
jacking off in the corner and Kevin was ripping bongs. I don't know. So eventually it comes out that the weed was
misplaced, the comma suture was misplaced, and the porn movie was still in the VCR.
And yeah, we never got-
You weren't invited back.
No, we didn't get invited back for that particular babysitting job. But I didn't like it anyway. I
didn't like those people. They were weird. I just always thought they were. Well, I mean, because when you're a little kid,
then you see all this weird stuff. And we told our dad, we said, hey, listen, dad,
you know, eventually the truth came out, right? And we said, hey, listen, yeah, we got, you know,
a little curious and we went and we, you know, there's some things in there and we saw it,
but they had drugs. And my dad was like, drugs. And he was like, they had drugs, dad, drugs.
Drugs.
That, you know, they were doing the weed. They were doing the weed, Dad. They were on the weed.
And he was like, what? And marijuana, Dad, there was marijuana in the thing. How do you know what
marijuana looks like? I've seen it on TV. You know, McGruff the crime dog? I've seen it.
They taught us this at school. They showed us pictures. We know what we looks like, dad." And he's like, well, okay, no more babysitting over there, but you still
shouldn't be going through people's personal effects.
Meanwhile, we did that every single day my dad was gone at the office. We went through
his personal effects. Just looking for something. I don't know what we were looking for. We're
looking for. This all comes full circle that when the kids come in here, of course, you can't, there's no secrets. I have a place that is locked and fireproof and bulletproof
and all that stuff, somewhere where I keep the most eccentric, our biggest eccentricities.
Everybody needs a safe.
Everybody needs a safe and the kind you can't get into, not the cheapy one you buy at Walmart
that you just pop with a fucking half dollar bill. I'm talking about the real deal safe.
Combination.
Yes. And that is going to be my defense against my children finding anything weird. So, Aster
and I's old home movies, you know I'm talking about home movies. Of course, they're on my
phone and it's probably seven, I'm probably on YouPorn right now.
You probably are because you know that if it's on your phone, then it gets synced to
if they're looking at an iPad, which we found that out the hard way.
Oh, no.
Really?
And your kids are older.
They know what they're looking at.
Oh, yeah.
Was that embarrassing?
No, we figured it out before I think there was any kind of weirdness, but we definitely
had to hide those photos. Bring your iPad next time. I'm going to sync it with my iCloud. We'll sync each
other's iCloud. We'll see who's freaky. Let's see who's a bigger freak. All right, let's
take a break, and we'll be back.
Well thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath. And now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number.
That's right. It's 212-433-3TCB.
And you can text us anytime you want.
Or you can call and leave us a voicemail, and we might just use your message on the show.
Once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course.
Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram
at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB podcast. And of course, all of our audio and
video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com. Now I'm going to thank G one more time that we
have sponsors. So thank G and here they are. Okay, I want to follow up on Jojo Siwa, who we have defended publicly here saying that
Jojo Siwa is in fact just a child star trying to make a transition into adulthood and everybody
goes through it and we've seen everybody go through it and it's just one of those things you do. Everybody, I mean, listen, I guess to be fair
to the general audience, everybody busted on Brittany and Christina and Miley and everybody
who's gone through this. They've all had that awkward phase and the public, as the public
never does, gave them no grace either. But, and I'm just defending Jojo Siwa in the sense
that with hindsight, having seen a couple of these teen stars go through adulthood, and by the way, she was on
Nickelodeon, not on Disney, I said she was a Disney kid, she's not, she's Nickelodeon kid,
and a dance moms kid, she was like in Dance Moms with that crazy human being, like Lady,
I don't know, I never watched that.
I never watched that, I knew of it.
But I think there are a few famous dancers that came out of that. There was like one that danced in a
in a Lady Gaga video. I don't know. Whatever. Anyway, so Jojo Siwa, we're just giving a little
grace. We talked about that video that was going around of her in Epcot drinking from location to
location. She was really drunk. While she was turning 21.
Yeah. Well, she, we had the day of her 21st birthday. She was in Disney World and she was
trying to get everybody to sing along to her song and no one knew the lyrics because, you know, while it's not
necessarily an earwig, it's also not like, the video's been watched a lot, but no one
was singing along with it because they didn't know the lyrics. Well, I think I'm turning
on this a little bit, and I'll tell you why. It's because I can appreciate when an artist
goes through, has a moment like this, but if you're going to go full bore
and be your new self and do your new thing,
be a little bit authentic about it
and sing your own fucking songs.
I've been watching videos of JoJo.
She's been at multiple, I think, multiple Gay Pride parades,
like events where she's singing, she's doing a deal,
a concert,
and she is lip syncing so incredibly poorly.
She's got the, she's got a microphone on a stand
like Freddie Mercury used to have,
you know what I'm talking about?
Like one of those big stands you hold in your hand.
And she's literally got the microphone up above her head
while she's singing the song.
It's clear as day that she is lip syncing
the entirety of the song. Not one word
is sang by her. It's all sung by a track. That's it. No band, no nothing. And listen, I don't expect
like a pop artist like that to have a full band on a quick little, you know, three song number,
but I do expect you're going to sing at least some of your song, like that would be the right thing to do. But JoJo is not even singing one inch of her song. And that just like reminds me of all the bad lip
syncing things that we've encountered in our life. Let's name a few of them. Remember that
girl on Saturday Night Live, What's Her Name's Sister, who got caught on Saturday Night Live singing with the backup track.
Yeah, was it Britney Spears? No, not her, but her sister? Or was it Jessica Simpson's sister?
Ashley Simpson. Yep, it was Ashley Simpson. Ashley Simpson got caught lip syncing because
the track started to skip while she
was live on Saturday Night Live. And then she said she had a cold and she had to do
the backup singer, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But one of the biggest lip
syncing controversies right now that's going on out there, along with Jojo Siwa, is Madonna.
Apparently Madonna is doing a lot of lip syncing to her own tracks also. And I got to wonder.
At her concert?
At her own concert.
This is what people are saying, right?
There's like lawsuits now against Madonna because she's showing up five hours late
and pissing everybody off and taking her dear sweet time and all this.
And I have to agree a little bit with the people who are, listen, Madonna is Madonna.
She's going to do what Madonna does.
If Madonna is notoriously late,
don't expect her to show up on time.
But I also don't expect her to show up five hours
after the concert was supposed to start.
If you're supposed to see a show at 7 p.m.
and at midnight, someone's just coming on stage,
that might piss me off too.
Five hours is a long time to wait for somebody
to show up on a stage, getting hammered in an arena
full of other people. I was gonna say, it's a long time to wait for somebody to show up on a stage getting hammered in an arena full of other people.
I was gonna say, it's a long time to drink waiting.
It is a long time to drink and to wait
and to just kind of be miserable while you're trying
to figure out if this lady's gonna come on whatsoever.
Revved up.
Revved up, rev down.
Let's say Chrissy says rev down while everybody's revving up
because she's too drunk waiting for Madonna
to sing her old hits.
What do you think about lip syncing in general?
Would you be angry if you went to go see your favorite artists, let's say widespread panic,
and John was singing?
Yes, I think so.
I think there's different cases for it.
So yes, if you go to a concert, somebody's concert that you paid money for to go see them specifically.
Girl, girl.
Then I think no lip-syncing.
No, especially not the main person, the main singer.
But I think there could be cases made for it
at different other like events, maybe, you know?
Maybe like a little, like an integrated lip syncing.
I think a backing vocal, right?
In situations where there's a,
like it's a highly produced track
and you're just not able to sing everything.
Like you can't sing five tracks at one time.
So having a backing track, I can understand.
Right.
If I pay,
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
If I pay $109 to go see someone
in the fucking nosebleed section.
109 is cheap.
Cheap.
If I go see a hundred,
pay 109 to see someone in the nosebleed section
and I find out that they're lip-syncing,
that might piss me off.
Yeah, you know, Vince Neil didn't even do that.
Vince Neil is bad.
He is as terrible as he is.
He's just not lip-syncing.
Listen.
It is what it is.
You're out of breath.
That's right.
You forgot the words.
Out of breath, having a stroke, eating a turkey leg on stage and he still sings his own songs.
Yeah.
If there was ever a case for lip-syncing, Vince Neil would be it.
Yes.
Yes. And I'm telling you what, Corey Feldman, that guy is out there singing every one of his songs
terribly. I mean, he's so bad, but he sings them and I gotta give him props for that.
Yeah.
He sings them and people show up to
watch him. Even if it is for a joke, they still show up to watch him. I don't appreciate the
lip syncing thing. I think if you're gonna ask people to pay the enormous amount of money it
takes to put on a live show these days, the charges for a live show, that you, at the very
least, should show up and be your authentic self, even if it's not the best. Listen, I know I talk about this band a lot,
I really like them.
Pearl Jam, I've seen Pearl Jam a lot.
Eddie Vedder is not the same person he was 20 years ago.
He's not the same singer he was.
Oh!
Everybody was good.
Whoa, whoa, what is that, kung fu fighting?
I don't think that was my Pearl Jam.
Oh!
No, that was trash-touch my project. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Yes, but at least he sings his own songs.
Now you got to be authentic at your own concerts.
Absolutely.
You got to be authentic at your own shows.
And you know what?
The crowd will roll with it.
I'm telling you that they will.
I promise you they'll roll with it.
I don't know what Jojo Siwa sounds like without lip syncing, but you got to do it on your
own.
Fly without a net. That's the way you make it or break it. And if you have a few big, bad concerts, well, join the
club. I had a few bad concerts too.
Yes.
At the retirement.
You know who, you know who's a good example? That Maggie Rogers. You know who Maggie Rogers
is? Oh man, she's amazeballs. Maggie Rogers is amazeballs. You don't know about Maggie
Rogers. Check her out. She's amazing. And she's up there on stage and with every note,
she is giving it her all. She is dancing her entire bodies into it. It's fascinating actually
to watch her on stage. I've only seen videos of it. I've never actually seen her live,
but she's a maze balls. And sometimes because of all of the energy she puts into the show,
she's a little off. She's flat or she's sharp or energy she puts into the show, she's a little
off. She's flat or she's sharp or whatever. It's not exactly, she's not exactly hitting
the note. Now she's much more talented than I am. Don't get me wrong.
Yeah. Well, I mean, I think you go to see the essence of the song.
Yes. I don't give a shit if Maggie Rogers is off a beat when I'm watching one of those
because you know what?
It's real.
It's real. And the performance is electrifying.
Very few people can get it right note after note every single time.
Like Prince is one of those people, right?
Bruce Springsteen.
Not even at John Bon Jovi, he's starting to sound like he lost his hearing.
I mean, that guy, it sounds awful.
Well, he lost his voice.
He had like a whole vocal cord situation.
Oh, he did?
Yeah.
Oh, he didn't know that.
Yeah.
Oh, well, now I feel like an asshole. Well, now Oh, he did? Yeah. Oh, he didn't know that? Yeah. Oh, did that? Oh, wow.
Now I feel like an asshole.
Well, now I officially feel like an asshole.
Thanks, Chrissy.
Sorry.
I thought I was going to leave this episode and go, look,
I didn't really piss anybody off too bad on that one.
Well, no.
He's working his way back, though.
Hey, listen.
Anyways, moving on.
Moving on.
What I was going to say is- Very few people can, and Hey, listen, you know, anyways, moving on. Moving on. What I was going to say is-
Very few people can, and especially too with the way that songs are now produced. I mean,
there's so much production that goes into it, whether it's auto tune or taking this,
the other, making it, whatever. You know, you can't, you cannot reproduce exactly what's
on the album in concert life.
No, it's almost next to impossible, unless you're one of those bands who records live
and everything that you do is intended to be live.
But even that's going to be different each time.
Yeah, I mean like, you know, FISH. Like FISH is a band that a lot of people like. Goose,
Goose, FISH. These are bands that like a lot of people like, but they don't focus on that.
They put out nice albums sometimes.
They put out albums, yeah.
But really what they're-
People go to hear the nuances.
Yes.
He said this instead of that, and he normally said that.
They played it this way and they said it that way.
Yeah, yeah.
And every time, it's a different experience
because they're kind of, that's how they learned by fire.
They went out there and they did it.
And I've heard a lot of fish, a lot of live fish. And I'm telling you right now, Trey ain't always in tune either. I mean,
there's a lot of not great singing that's happened in that course that year. You can
appreciate that the guy does a hundred live shows a year, he's getting older. He's not
always going to sound the way that he sounded on the album because the album allows for
perfection or as close to it as you're going to get. But JoJo Siwa is not fish, nor is she Prince,
nor is she Bruce Springsteen or Bon Jovi or whoever.
She needs to-
She might need to lay low.
Fly out within the wildinette.
Yeah, now I'm saying if she had a manager
that was worth his weight in anything, his or her weight,
you know what they would do?
They would say, JoJo, take a fucking break.
Let's take a five years off. Let's live on your royalties from Dance Moms and Nickelodeon or
whatever and this one kind of not great album you put out there. Let's do that and let's be real
specific about when we choose to go out there in the world and put ourselves out there publicly.
And in five years, everyone will have forgotten about you and that's a good thing because then
you can come back and start fresh.
And we're going to start authentically.
We are going to put together an album of just you singing.
That's it.
Acapella.
Acapella Siwa.
That's what we're going to call it.
Acapella Siwa, we're going to prove to the world that you can sing.
In those five years, you're going to take some singing lessons so that if you, in fact,
do sound shitty, because we don't know because she only lip syncs, then if in fact you do sound shitty,
then what we're going to do is we're gonna put you
out there in the world and present you
as a wonderful, beautiful singer,
because you're gonna have learned and trained
and gotten it right if that's what you choose to do.
And so now I'm starting to side a little bit
with the general population on CY here.
I'm like, ah.
So you like to say, give it a little break
for the rest of the summer maybe. Yeah, a lot of people. Enjoy yourself, girl. That's right. Go to Lake Lanier. I'm like, ah. She's like, say, give it a little break for the rest of the summer, maybe.
Yeah. Enjoy yourself, girl.
That's right. Go to Lake Lanier.
Go to Lake Lanier. Only five people a day drown there. They get caught in the roofs
of the houses. It's terrible. It's terrible. What a terrible way to go. Apologies to all
people who have lost someone.
Perished.
Linear.
God.
Yeah.
They say it's haunted.
I don't go there anymore.
I just don't.
No, I don't either.
We're gonna go to a lake, it's not linear.
Yeah.
I don't know why, but I just don't.
I just, it gives me weird vibes.
Yeah.
And it's a perfectly lovely lake.
I've been to, I'm sure.
It is, it's a beautiful home.
I saw it on MTV.
It looks wonderful.
Yeah, but yeah, it's not for me anymore.
Been there, done that, if you will.
Been there, done that a lot.
And so, you know, I'm gonna watch it on MTV now.
That's where I'll see it.
Or not.
Or not, because it's-
It's back.
Because I don't think season two is coming up. I don't know, maybe they did do season two. I just never'll see it. Or not. Or not. Because it's, It's fact. Because I don't think season two is coming up.
I don't know, maybe they did do season two,
I just never heard about it.
Did you read that the average,
You watch more MTV than anybody I've ever known.
The average age of the MTV watcher is 57 years old.
Yes.
Huh.
Yes, they had that out on Adweek.
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
Wow. Well, not 57, I'll tell you that later.
Isn't it just all catfish?
Yeah, it's all catfish.
It's catfish and Teen Mom,
but the Teen Moms from the first season
are still the ones that are on Teen Mom.
They have no fresh episodes of Teen Mom
with actual teens in it.
Which is kind of a good thing, I think.
I agree with you.
Let's not glorify it.
No.
All right.
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Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I'll tell you that
I love you. I love you.
I love you.
Best to you.
And best to you.
And best to you out there in the podcast universe.
Until next time, Chrissy and I always say,
we do say, and we must say,
goodbye. Good bye. I gotta get some cocaine!
Time to be greedy!