The Commercial Break - Nutfoliation: It's Skincare!

Episode Date: November 16, 2023

We’re always growing and learning here at TCB, and today Bryan is learning about shaving his balls. What a time to be alive! The extreme food contest! 9 *million* scoville  We’re backing away from the gummy bear challenge, but we will do the pocky one chip challenge Thanksgiving fare Slow n low baby A day old Pizza Hut thanksgiving The Lion in Rome Did this happen in Atlanta? Protect Astrid from the alligators! Florida’s really getting wild Jeff Bezos & his girlfriend’s cowboy cosplay Billions will get you a nice young looking face Krissy saw some butthole sunning! Bleached buttholes Bryan learns that bikini waxes are painful Bryan’s getting a vasectomy and his urologist is sending him a message Skincare! Nutfoliation! LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us at: 1.855.TCB.8383 Call 626.ASK.TCB3 and leave us a voicemail Speak to TCB LIVE by calling 775.TCB.LIVE (1.775.822.5483) Tuesday-Thursday 12pm-5pm EST Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Written By: Bryan Green Exec Producers: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Content Production & Research: Tina Khano YouTube Producer & Editor: Morgan Please Producer & Audio Editor: Christina A. Executive Director: Astrid B. Associate Producer: Gustavo Episodic Contribution: Marianne, Diane, Natalie, Will The Champ, Will D**  

If you have any concerns or questions you can take those concerns and questions and shove them up your fucking ass. Okay? On this episode of the commercial break So I was talking to a fucking asser and she's like, we look at it wax. I'm like wax my ball. I'm like a wax my fucking balls. Are you kidding me? I'm such a baby. I could never do that. It's not like one of my kids VF or I asked him to clean up. I don't want to shit my balls. I don't want to wax them. No! The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh yeah, Kazakins. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend Ohhhhhhhhhh! Ohhhhhhhhhh! Ohhhhhhh! Yeah, Kaz again, welcome back to the commercial break.

I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and co-host, Kristen Joy, old Leibhaz, to you, Kristen. That's you Brian. Best of you out there in the box, Kaz Unibhaz. Alright, it didn't go in the book, but it's gonna get done,

but I have to change it. And that's our little contest going on about the extreme foods that we want to eat. We want to have an extreme food contest, like an extremely hot food contest. And now we've been a little bit scared off, a little bit shy to wave by this. By recent reporting that people actually die doing this.

And so, not to make fun of those who have passed it. No, no, no, no, no, no. God. No, got no. But we're just sharing that, yeah, we're too chicken-chip to do it. So we're not going to do it. We're out of the game. Well, we saw that the hot gummy that you had purchased. Was 9 million. Was 9 million. It's scova.

Which is three times, four times? Yes. What was the one that the guy died? The guy. The guy. The guy died from a 2 million, 2.1 million Scoville. Okay. Yeah.

One chip challenge by Pac. So what I've decided to do, and then, so here's the story, in case you missed it on a couple episodes. Now we have 45 episodes a week, so you've probably missed it. Yeah. It's unbelievable. What are we doing? What are we doing all this for it's all in vain Chrissy?

No, no one asked for no one wants it no one's paying for it. Yeah, we're sticking to our guns We never go backwards only forward pretty soon. We'll be doing seven days a week Still making $7 a month So I did a little homework and I found that 9 million Scoville is indeed, it's 4X, what this one chip challenge is. And 9 million Scoville, at 9 million Scoville unit, it will deliver the hottest chili pepper extract on the face of the earth. This is called Mad Dog 357, number 9 plutonium.

It's what it's called. Not to be confused with mad dog, the 355. The... Yeah. Uh, I will tell you right now that this is probably the hottest thing that you could eat. Besides just eating direct extract into your mouth, which also would be ill-advised. So not too big of that. And I am a big, I love spicy foods. Love it.

Love spicy foods, but I have to have some flavor along with it to enjoy the spice. Shall I say? The challenge is not to enjoy. The challenge is to survive. Who doesn't die? Well, I'm not suggesting we die. Of course not.

I don't want to die. I'm not looking to die. That would be a I don't want to die. I'm not looking to die. That would be a bad episode of the commercial. Is that the challenge? Yeah, but that would stop all the extra episodes. Oh no. We might be relieved. If I die, you might be relieved

of doing a couple episodes of the commercial. You could go back down to three times a week. Yeah. I will say to you and to the audience right now, I think that's just way too hot to even attempt because I am not afraid of any spicy food. If you take me to any wing place and say, give me your hottest wings

and they're not using some crazy chemical-based chili extract, I will tell you right now that I could probably eat them and not really be bothered by it. I did that. And enjoy them? I didn't say enjoy them. Okay. But again, we're doing a challenge. We're not there to enjoy them. It's just the point of my life, I'm eating good things that taste good in that that are for enjoyment. You are going to eat something for enjoyment. Okay. We are going to do the one chip challenge by Pocky. It is not the one that the person had so much trouble with. This is a different one.

It's a little bit less intense. And we're going to, we'll do it here. So I ordered it. It'll be here. I think you can buy them at certain like Walmart and CVS's. I actually saw it one time at a gas station, like the one chip challenge. And they were fucking $15 for a chip or something like that. It was something crazy. It was very expensive.

But I paid like $12 and I'm having one like that. It was something crazy. It was very expensive, but I paid like $12, and I'm having one delivered. A graded discounted one. A discounted pocket chip. I bought on eBay. I actually felt a bargain. It had a bite taken out of it, but he put it back in. It was sold as part of an estate plan.

For somebody. Yeah. It's crazy. It's crazy. Basically, I think eating the world's hottest. As far as I'm in the state, I'm just a person that does. Yeah, you just think that no, no.

Crazy little slow, but she got it, I'm sorry. I got it, it's good with, but no, I'm just laughing. You're laughing again. Yep. So what is the exact challenge? Who can not throw up? who can not throw up? Who can not? Well, the challenge is really what you make of it,

but according to people on the internet, it's eat one chip. Wow, according to people on the internet. I know, but I'm not gonna follow their instructions. I'm gonna make it harder. So it's like eat a chip, hang out for five minutes, no water, no napkins, no nothing like that. Now, I think this is something that's doable.

It's gettable for us. Because I researched this world's hottest gummy bear thing, and it is no shit, serious fucking hot. It is like spraying pepper spray in your mouth. That's how it would be. I'm thinking that that might be a gag gift now that you can give for Christmas to your brothers. I think I can, and I hope that none of my children, you now that you can give for Christmas to your brothers.

I think I can, and I hope that none of my children you know that the, so we brought it out. Yeah, no, I've been seeing us with straight to it. He was just like, oh yeah, I want that. Coming. Coming, that's not really easy, does he know? I think about feeding it to blue tomorrow. Well, but I think it's just nine million

is too serious for us. We're not that kind of show. We're not here doing challenges. I'm not Mr. Beast. I'm not, you know, I'm not looking to make any ways. I'm too old for all that shit. But a good one chip pocket challenge. I think we can do this.

I think this is getable. There are so many people on the internet who've done this and with a little drama, there's gonna be a little a hotness about it, but I think we can do it. And then I think the loser has to do something. Now, according to the fans, the listeners, called fans, they're not really fans, you're a listener. The listeners, according to the listeners, they like the idea of the loser has to get a fake tan of the color that the other person chooses. So I think that's a

good one. It'll last for about a week. Well, look like it is who cares, whatever. Fantastic. So the Pocky one chip challenge is coming our way. And I just wanted to tell you that I just wanted to let you know I back down off the gummy bear challenge as soon as I read nine. As soon as I said I wasn't going to do it. Well, I would have done that. I would have done it if you're going to do it. But if you're not going to do it, I'm not going to do it on my own. I'm not eating that fucking thing on my own. There is no fucking way. There's no reason to do this, no reason whatsoever. I watched a video online of some guys who did the gummy bear challenge.

They each ate a gummy bear. The same one? No, they actually ate the same one you bought. The exact same one that I bought. Yep, and there are a number of videos of this exact same one. So this one is in lore and in myth. This one is legendary. But it really looks, these were young guys, you know,

like 22, 20, 20, 20, something. Yeah, I know. You've got your game on. Yeah. I don't know what they were thinking. And they didn't even get that many views. That's a part that sucks the most. Oh, yeah.

When you do something like that, and you suffer for like two hours, three hours, and then you don't get anything in return, you're just an idiot. I guess I'm not sure. And that's why I think it makes no sense for us to do it, because we're not gonna get any views on it either. The Pocky One Chip Challenge, however,

I think we can do that. We are doing Thanksgiving, and we normally don't do regular Thanksgiving fair. Have you ever done this like a different kind of do you do turkey? Yes. Okay, you like the whole turkey and trim and stuff. I love it. Yeah, yeah.

That's what we've always done. But we have three Thanksgiving's. So to have turkey three times in a week, that's usually not very well made because turkey isn't possible to fucking make correctly. And all the other Akutra months, like I love me some good stuffing, I love me some potatoes, O'Gratton, I love me some sweet potato pie,

and all that kind of shit. I hate cranberries. Do you like that stuff? I do. I like the canned. You like the canned cranberry? I do. Oh.

The jelly. Yeah, it looks weird. It looks weird, it tastes weird. You like it? I like it. Is it like cranberry, jello, do you, or something like that? Yeah, does it weird. It looks weird, it tastes weird. You like it? I like it. Is it like cranberry, gelo to you or something like that? Yeah, does it taste good? Is it taste good?

So what else are you gonna put there? At the Thanksgiving? At the Thanksgiving? At the Thanksgiving? Oh yeah, I do stuffing, dressing. Dressing? Yeah. You gotta do dressing.

The dressing in Japan. You gotta get turkey yourself. I have before, but it depends on who's house you're going to as well. You know you can't. Cup, was that talking with you about that? I was talking to somebody they all they went. I have before, but it depends on who's house you're going to as well. You know, you can't. Was I talking with you about that? I was talking to somebody they all they went and they brought a turkey to somebody's house who was making the Thanksgiving.

Yes, that was me. I don't want to get too much into it because it's just drama. It's unnecessary, but yes, just know that one time my parents had cooked a turkey and someone else decided they wanted to bring their own turkey because they knew better. And that was the most offensive thing that you could have done. Unless you're going to do like a deep fried or something, you know, people do this fried turkey. You should communicate that first. We absolutely can just show up to the front door.

Hey, I just thought up to the front door. It was the turkey. Hey, I just thought. I brought the main dish. This guy was like, this guy was like, not a side. I know, not a side. Not a salad or dessert, the main dish. I brought the main dish because I don't like the way you're going to put the main dish. So I brought it and everyone's going to like mine better.

So he decided because he was like some grill, KC masterpiece bullshit grill artist, which never tasted good in the first place. I had his barbecue. He was never great. But he showed up to the front door with a turkey. He had smoked and he offended everybody in the process because he just acted like king shit. And it was, we were all like, dude, you shouldn't have done that. Like, they went through all this trouble to cook this turkey and good, bad, or indifferent,

we should eat that turkey because that's the way it is. You either got a great turkey, you's the way it is. Yeah. You either got a great turkey, you cooked it well or you didn't. And it happens to all of us because turkey is fucking impossible to cook. No, I cooked a really good one. How did you do that?

We'd do that. It was a really secret. Good recipe. Well, you have to do the brine. Yeah, this is my brother does. Uh huh. You do the brine. Yeah, like five days of brine or something,

four days or three days of. Yeah, at least a day or two. And what is that? Like sugar and water is basically what you do. Salt. Salt and water, salt water. Yeah, salt water. You just inject it in there and then let it brine for a couple days.

It brines up, yeah. And then you gotta go, you know, kind of slow and low. Yeah, that's what I tell acid all the time. Just gotta go kind of slower low. Right spices, the right thing. Your turkey's gonna be dry, but it's time you want it. And the right size, the right size. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. You know, you do too big of a turkey, and that's really hard to cook. That's what I tell last year all the time too. So we, Ha, ha, ha. And I personally don't like dark meat. I know a lot of people do.

That's what I tell last year all the time too. I don't like dark meat, so I tend to go more towards breast, and you can just do a breast. Yeah. Yeah, I agree with you. There are lots of ways that you could probably make your chances of having a good turkey. So I tend to go more towards breast and you can just do a breast. Yeah. Yeah. I agree with you. There are lots of ways that you could probably make your chances of having a good turkey improve.

And I've had a few deep fried turkey. I've known a couple of idiots who had the turkey fly right out of the deep fry because they were being thrown at. Yeah, you hear about bad accidents that happen. Yeah, I see. And you're like, well, we got a fry or one year during the pandemic. We got a turkey fryer still sitting out in that fucking shed back there.

We got a turkey fryer. We turned it up and I actually did cook the turkey in the fryer. And it wasn't bad. It wasn't good, but it wasn't bad. And then, you know, I thought, oh, well, we can do this. We can get better at this, right? But now it's just because it's so complicated because there's like three thanks-givings So yeah, and you have different cultures too. We do that are mixed into your

familiar Millial traditions nowhere in Venezuela is eating a turkey a thing I mean, it's there's probably people have had it, but it's not a thing. Yeah, there's no Thanksgiving It's not right. They don't know about stuffing and potatoes or grottin' and sweet potatoes with, you know, marshmallows on them and all that. It's a green bean casserole. Green beans, yeah. Green bean casserole is my favorite.

It is good. The crunchy, the, the crunchy's on top. The only time a year that I buy those onions, those French onions, the French onions. The French fried onions. French fried onions. But I will eat those things by themselves.

No, they're so good. You can't help but have, I know. I like cornbread too. Cornbread's delicious. Yes. So I'm thinking that I'm gonna take that gummy bear, whizz it on up until a little powder, and I'm gonna sprinkle it on.

That's sprinkling on. Whatever dish I don't like. Did I tell you about that one time I had to make like an oyster casserole for Thanksgiving? Did I tell you about that? Yeah, I think so. Oysters and a bucket or something, and they were all slimy and gross.

That's what I would have put the damn fucking gummy bear on. So the thing I'm oyster. First of all, I think you can whisk up a gummy bear. No, you can't. But if you could, I'm gonna cook it, dry it. Okay, thank you. Make it into a powder. To be hydrated.

Yes, and then by that time, everybody in the house will be sick at the hospital. Because the fumes are your- The fumes. Yeah. I'm going to cook my one gummy bear. It'll be my pepper spray guts right into the air. That's right.

I'm going to cook my one gummy bear as if it was a turkey. Dropping in a deep fryer, put it in the oven, mash it up, put it in the potatoes. I'm going to see everybody react. It's going to be a good time for everybody. But I am, you know, I get terribly excited about Thanksgiving, but when I think about having three Thanksgiving meals in a row, it's just too much. So.

What do you do three? Because there's one side of the family, then there's the other side of the family, and then sometimes we have another, like, not another side of the family, but we have like a thing here at the house, right? Sometimes. So we all agree, let's just do one Thanksgiving dinner.

And then we can do the rest, can be whatever. Okay, yeah. So my mom. Asian. We're gonna do Italian this year. Italian's good. It looks like we're also gonna do chili. Okay.

So Italian and chili. So again, the like we're also gonna do chili. Okay. So Italian and chili. So that again, the gummy bear's going in the chili. I gotta tell you about this one time. My mom in her loveliness, when my parents divorced, she was living in this apartment temporarily. And Thanksgiving came. We were all living out of the house at the time. So we all went to the small apartment.

We're sitting around this table, and my mom had already prepped us that, hey, I can't do the whole Thanksgiving thing, she was working at the time, she's like, I just don't have enough time. Yeah, that's a lot, one person. Are you okay with pasta, pasta in lasagna? Oh, there you go.

Sure, yeah, mom, whatever. I mean, you know, cool, we just want to be together. That's all right, no problem. So mom, we get over and mom brings out of the oven two trays, foil trays. One has lasagna in it and one is like some weird, breaded chicken with whites and blue sauce or something.

It's really like a disgusting looking dish. White and blue sauce. It's a Chrissy don't even ask me. It was like nasty, right? And we were all just trying to be polite. We were like, oh, great job mom. Yeah, yeah. We can eat the lasagna, the white and purple stuff.

I don't know so much about that. But listen to this. So we start eating and we're all like, oh, this is just kind of gross, right? It's kind of gross. It tastes like, I don't know. I guess the best example is, the best thing I can say is it tastes like the sauce was substituted

with like a pizza sauce or like a weird marinara sauce, it didn't taste good. So we suffer through this particular Thanksgiving. And at the end, my mom says, would you like some, I don't know what it was, like synabun strawberry something, right? Some weird concoction dessert. And I was like, everyone's like, sure. Why not? Maybe she goes into the oven, she brings out another foil tray filled with like these weird, like, cinnamon rolls things. And I'm like, where did you get these trays from mom? This is kind of weird. You've cooked in these trays and I did. It was hard, but I did it. My little brother goes to the bathroom and he goes to the bathroom. He goes to the bathroom.

He passes by the laundry room. He notices that there is a trash bag there full of pizza hut boxes. And so he's like, Mom, what are you doing? You're eating all pizza. That's not good for you kind of pizza. Oh no, no, I just had a couple of pizza to do it. You've had to, what we realize after we go digging through our trash, is that my mom ordered the pastas and the dessert from

fucking pizza hot. We were eating pizza and because pizza hot was closed down Thanksgiving, the meal was from the day before. Yes, it was pizza sauce. Yeah. Chrissy, it was taro. I paid for effort, mom, but it was really, really, terrible. I mean, I've had some bad Thanksgiving meals. We all have. We've all been to that one house where we're like, oh my God, this is disgusting. But you just eat it because you just want to be around the people that you love.

You know how difficult it is to cook for many people. And you just excuse it, right? And it's just one of those things. You don't get crazed about it. But I'm telling you what, we still to this day, we bust on my mom's so hard about this. We're like, you know, mom's mom will be like, hey, why do you want me to bring the Thanksgiving?

You'd be like pizza. Pizza. Hey mom. Can you bring some, you know, some of those shit sticks from pizza with that terrible sauce they have? Is that okay? Can you do that?

She's always like, I was trying. Yes, you were. She gives it as just as good as she gets it. If you heard my mom, then you know. My mom would be back on the show in a couple of weeks, but we got a couple more ask Brian's mom's. So we're going to be back on that. So I'm super excited about Thanksgiving.

We're putting away the gummy bear for now. We'll do the Fockey One Chiff Challenge. We'll have milk on the stand by just in case the heat gets too much I don't want you to worry. I don't want you to feel like we're gonna we're gonna die because we're not It's two million Scoville, you know only a couple people have died so far I don't want you to worry about it too much Chrissy. Hey, let's take our first break and then we'll be back with More Thanksgiving fun here on the commercial break Yeah, yeah, Brian, we get it.

But back to me, I mean, this T-C-B promo. Leave us a voicemail at 626, ask T-C-B3, and you might just hear yourself on the show. Want a text us instead? Lucky for you, we also have a number just for that. Text us at 855-TCB-8383 and give us compliments. You can also always go to tcbpodcast.com for all of our audio and video. Find us on Instagram at the Commercial Break and on TikTok at tcbpodcast.

And find us on youtube.com slash the commercial break for fully edited episodes. Now that that's done, let's listen to a few sponsors and get back to this episode of The Commercial Break. This episode is sponsored in part by Regain, Couples Therapy, by Better Health. If you've listened to five episodes of The Commercial Break, then you probably understand that Chrissy and I are big proponents of therapy. We both go, we both go, we've done it for a long time.

I personally foresee myself doing therapy well into the future. It's great to have someone independent of me to share my thoughts with and just relieve some stress and get some guidance. But what do you do when you're experiencing problems in your relationship? Stress around your relationship or maybe you just need a third party to talk to and share your feelings with. Couples therapy is the greatest gift someone gave me via advice, and couples therapy is a gift you can give your relationship because even the best of relationships have moments when a therapist can help.

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Book with your local travel agent, or... Alright, we're back. You know, I was just reading this while we were on the break, that actually the Pocky One Chip Challenge has been taken off the Pocky website as they have also recalled all of the Pocky One Chip challenges and they are offering refunds to anyone who bought it. I did not buy it on the Pocky website. So we'll do further investigation on this. I think because of the one child's death, I mean, he was a teenager, which is a terrible, terrible thing to happen,

but apparently he had some kind of unidentified, harder or lung problem, so just feel terrible for his parents. Did you read about the lion that escaped and was walking around Rome? There was a circus in town. Yes. Did you read about this?

I did see that. I'm not fucking insane. That's wild. Can you imagine a lion just roaming the streets of Atlanta? I know. I mean, Rome is a very crowded city. It's not like there's a lot of extra room in Rome for a lion to roam around.

There's no way. This did happen in Atlanta years ago. It did? Yes. What? It was right about the time you and I were first meeting. And yeah, there was something to do with it. It was, I don't know if it was specifically a lion, but it was an animal from the zoo.

Oh really? That had gotten loose. I think I remember it was a gorilla or something? Maybe I. I don't know. But it's, that's just scary to me. That's just scary to think that these animals can just be walking out in the wild accidentally. We've had horse horses that have gone loose.

I think one time we had a pack of cows running down 75 or something like that. But a lion with a huge mane, like a healthy looking, huge lion walking around the streets in and amongst parked cars, just minding his own business, just kind of hanging out, walking up and down the street. Yeah, checking things out. Checking things out. Everybody wants to see Rome. Of course. I mean, when in Rome, right?

Yeah. In Rome, Rome. When in Rome, eat small human beings, I guess. I'm not sure. I just can't even imagine how that, how you must feel when that is happening to your neighborhood.

It must be exciting in a little bit, in some sense. But then it just reminds me of that sign that I saw on the door at the Pigeon Forge cabin, be bare aware, close and lock doors. Because those things, they get the little paw, they can go right, just open the door right up and then all of a sudden they're downstairs. Yeah, they're smart. They've just reading an article a couple weeks ago about an alligator that made his way into someone's home in Florida and the lady came home and the alligator was in a kitchen.

What? Those alligator stories happen a lot, I feel like. Alligators are like the squirrels of Florida. They're everywhere. They are everywhere. You have to be ultra aware when you're in Florida around anybody of water. And even in South Georgia, you have to be aware because those little suns bitches, they are sneaky like mother fuckers, and they just wanna take a bite out of your leg. That's what they wanna do. If you get too close, they come up out of the water real quick,

and they snap you. We've all heard the terrible stories about people who have actually been eaten by alligators. But in Florida, it takes it to a whole nother level. I don't see a body of water in Florida. Like, I was in Naples one time and I was riding through these neighborhoods. Beautiful neighborhoods, beautiful homes, but they have a lot of water in Florida. Like, I was in Naples one time and I was riding through these neighborhoods, beautiful neighborhoods, beautiful homes,

but they have a lot of these retention ponds because Florida is a swamp. And so you have to drain that swamp in order to get dry land to build your home on. So they have a lot of these retention ponds in these neighborhoods. They're beautifully lined by palm trees and certain things, but you just know.

Lurking underneath the water is some silly little fucker who wants to get you and I don't want to have anything to do with it. I actually was nervous one night when I was walking in this neighborhood like back from a movie Astrid and I saw yeah, and I was a little bit nervous. Astrid was way. Come upon one. Yes.

Astrid was like way scared. She was like grabbing onto me tight. She's like, what about the alligators? I'm like, ah, don't worry about him. I'm also terrified right now. You know, like the gentlemanly thing to do is walk on the outside of the street Right, so if someone gets hit by a car it's you first and then second Yes, I never understood but anyway, I get it I get the premise

So and I always do it. It's just like that. It's like I have it You know I put Astrid on the inside and so but this time she wanted to be on the outside because she didn't want to be near the water And I was like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let me be a gentleman through and through. Alligators could come from the street too, honey. They could eat you from anywhere, basically. Am I scared of you enough? Well, I just read something about, you know, Florida man as a thing.

This was Florida woman, and it was a story about a woman who had her head bitten by an alligator. By an alligator. And as you read further into the story, she had gone like scuba diving in a swamp in like one of those retention ponds. What are you fucking thinking? Yeah. I'm not. What are you thinking?

You're not. Why would you go swimming in any of those things? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,. Do me that. I told you how my ex-in-laws, my ex-wife's, some of her extended family, they lived down in Veldaust on this huge piece of land. And right in the back of the house, probably two football fields in the back of the house,

straight-shot from the back door. They had this very big retention pond. It was in the middle of nowhere, like wooded area, South Georgia, in the middle of nowhere. And there, I know. It's creepy, isn't it? Yeah, they have the critters. I know. All the Spanish moss on the trees. It was made for a perfect opening to a lifetime murder. Murder story.

So it's just like a picture of the moss swing. The moss swing and a disdiscid, Bible party. Yeah. Hey. So I always remember being back there and the kids were like, whatever they were doing out by the pond. But I always, I noticed that they never swam in the pond.

And this is like my first time in South Shore. And I thought to myself, the alligators are down in South Florida or whatever. No, no, they had years before, pulled out and had pictures of, pulled out a seven and a half foot alligator from that pond and had to repurpose it or put it somewhere else or whatever. And that scared the holy shit out of me.

And so whenever there were parties over at that house or I was smoking cigarettes at the time, so I would like go, I would not go out back to smoke the cigarette. They had a dog pen with all these hunting dogs. So I would go smoke near those hunting go out back to smoke the cigarette. They had a dog pen with all these hunting dogs So I would go smoke me those hunting dogs figuring They could save me they'll know before I do when something is a miss. Yeah Unfortunately, what I didn't know is those dogs were bred to kill also so that they got now

They're probably what it eat me also It didn't seem to go a little crazy when I was back there smoke and cigarettes But it just like it boggles the mind how dangerous Florida really is. There are pythons down there because people are putting them in the water apparently. They don't like them as a pet, so they put them in the water. And there's nothing to stop them from growing 15, 20 feet long. I've seen those ones that are huge, huge.

They now have malaria is making a comeback down in Florida. It's like everyone's sounding the alarm. Malaria is back. Malaria is back. I don't know if I want to malaria. Malaria. Malaria has been eradicated for many, many generations. And now all this stuff we got to worry about it

on our trip to Disney World, like this is so fucked up. And then the spiders, the creepy Caroleys, the everything. I'm starting to feel like Florida is our little old Australia. Right? It's something. It's really nice to think about visiting, but when you get down to it, it takes a long time to get there

and everything can kill you. It's just like, you don't want to go down there for any reason. It's Florida. And I love Florida. I love Florida. I love Florida too. I love Florida. Especially living here growing up in Georgia,

you know, that's where you took family vacations a lot of time. So yeah, you get it. It's Georgia's backyard. On memories of Florida. Everybody has fond memories of Florida. But that's probably because you just haven't had an entanglement with a alligator, you know. Just saw a picture of the other day.

On the beach, the beach, where typically, crocodiles and alligators are not hanging out on the beach, they don't swim in the ocean necessarily. They make swim in salty brine water, but they don't swim out in the open ocean. This island down in Florida that we visit a lot. Someone put up a picture on one of these Facebook groups. It must have been, I'm guessing it's hard to tell

because there was no point of reference. The person in the comments said that it was eight foot long, Gator, just laying on the beach, just stunning itself on the beach. And I thought to myself, holy shit, I've been to that beach. I've laid in that spot. I've sunned myself also. We have similar skin, me and the crocodile.

Can you imagine laying out? No. With your eyes closed and then all of a sudden you feel a little something come up next to you. Yeah, he's just like nudging you. Yeah, he's like over. I mean, wow. Hey, dog, you got extra butt and I. Oh, no, no, I don't. Wait, I'm going to have to eat you now. I'm very sorry. You don't mind if I take a leg, do you? Take a leg. Go ahead, take a leg. Not near the head area. I make my living up here.

Can you do it down there? Do you have my penis? I don't need that anymore. It's just, to me, it's just wild when these animals are... I read some more that because of the way that we travel now, the way the world is so small, that it's really becoming very difficult to keep species of animals where they're supposed to be, or where their natural habitat is. It's probably a better way to say it. In Chicago, they got the flying carp or whatever. Do you see that? In the Chicago River, where they'll drive

a boat down the river, and all these fish will just come flying into the boat and hitting people in the face. They're big fish too. They're like foot and a half, two feet long. They have had to build dams near the Lake Michigan to keep the flying carp from getting in Lake Michigan because there is no natural predator in that environment for these carp. So they are just eating and killing everything that they see, you know, procreating it at an amazing level and then jumping into people's boats. I don't want that.

That's not an experience I want. I don't want malaria and Atlanta. That's not a thing that I'm interested in. I also don't want to find 20 and a half foot pythons underneath my porch. I like my black snake. He keeps to himself. Occasionally he tries to eat the birds off the door,

but you know, I caught him. I caught him right hand. And what did you do? Don't you remember that? Yes, I did. Remember for like a month we had those birds, the baby birds made a nest. In the wreath.

In the Christmas wreath, this earlier in, actually in 2022, we put up a Christmas wreath and we left it there through January and in January, late January, we started to notice that Robin, or a Robin, had made a nest, and nested her eggs in there. So every time we opened the door, we had to be worried that one of the eggs were gonna fall out, and one of the eggs did fall out one time,

when I slammed the door accidentally. So when they were starting to hatch, I don't know what it is about those snakes, but those damn tongues can smell a mile and a half away, because he started crawling up the side of my house. I remember that. Making his way from the back he started crawling up the side of my house. I remember that. Making his way from the back of the house

to the front of the house on the wall. He was on the wall, stuck to the wall. And he was huge. He was like, I don't know, I'm guessing six feet long. He was a big bad boy. And he was making his way toward these little baby birds. So I was out there and I had to put Mia on the ground. She was just a baby.

I had to put Mia on the ground while I went and found various different things I could spray and throw at the snake. He was none deterred. This guy was undeterred. I was spraying like cleaning solution in his eyes and it was like, whatever. So eventually I got a brain in my head. Went and got the pool cleaner,

like the big thing with the basketball on it, the net. And I scooped him off the side. And I took him a half a mile down the street and made him somebody else's problem. But he came back and he lives under my porch. But you've got the ship lap now that goes around the year of the ship lap. That's right.

So I don't have to worry about the state when I can't see the snake. Yeah, my neighbor did it for me. Joe, I was actually surprised I handled the snake thing on my own. I should have called him because he probably would have figured it out in two seconds. But that is about as wild life he is all I want to get. I know.

It's like a voice in your head sometimes says, if not, if not me who. Yeah. Is that me? It's me. It's me. It's gotta be me now. There's nobody else. I can't ask any of you.

I hate those situations. I can't ask anyone else. I hate those situations. I hate being a grown-up. When you're in those situations, you don't know what to do, and there's no one else to rely on. I don't do it, then it won't get done. I just have to do it on my own, I guess.

And that it's in those situations when I'm most terrified, because I don't trust myself in a lot of situations. But I didn't know what to do with the snake. I didn't know what to do with the snake. I didn't know what to do with the ship lab. I don't know how to change the light bulb. I'm not sure what any of this studio stuff has to do with. I'm just hoping when I press record, it actually records.

And a lot of times it doesn't. So there you go. Yeah. I don't want new wildlife in my environment. I'm okay with the snake as long as he stays where he is. I know there's raccoons. I don't like to look at them. I know there's squirrels. I like to look at them. I know there's squirrels.

I like to yell at them. I know that there's a little chipmunk. They're awful. They're awful. And the chipmunks are making a whole fucking thing out of my backyard. Oh yeah, Swiss cheese. Do you remember those that show, The Gummy Bears?

Remember when the cartoon show The Gummy Bears was on? I think so. Back in the late 80s or mid 80s, it was a show called, a cartoon called The Gummy Bears. But they weren't actually gummy bears. They were like, you know, furry little bears. But the coolest thing about The Gummy. Here bears.

No, this was gummy. This is gummy. Yeah. Uh, running here and there and everywhere. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da. We are The Gummy Bears. Okay, I think it's gummy bears. They had in that show,

which I thought was the coolest thing that ever. You could open a tree trunk, it was a door. You could open a trunk of a tree. Like a Kebler else? Yeah, like the Kebler off. But guess what was in there? A whole roller coaster system underneath the ground. Oh, well that's kind of like a crackle rock.

Yeah, really cool, right? So that's what I imagine every time I see one of those fucking chipmunks. I imagine that they're just tearing up building a little roller coaster systems underneath my porch and it drives me crazy! Crazy! I don't know which, I, that blue out there, but I think blue is just gonna make friends with them and they can spire against me. Yeah, just make more noise and make my life more miserable.

Sons of bitches. Alright, let's take our second break and we'll be back with more commercial break after this. Alright, let's take our second break and we'll be back with more commercial break after this. Okay podcast besties, time for one more quick break and then it's back to the drama. Check out tcbpodcast.com for all of our episodes and youtube.com slash the commercial break for fully edited video episodes. Find us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at tcbpodcast. And of course, if you want to get in touch with us, which like, of course you do, leave us a voicemail at 626-ask-TCB3 or text us at 855-TCB-8383.

Now, let's listen to some sponsors and get this show going. Nobody goes on vacation for the moments that are just... Okay, that's why sunwing vacationers go all in like it's a buffet of fun. Whether you're skimming the tree tops like Tarzan's long-lost twin, or deep-end swimming with your flippers and fins. Or maybe you're just perfecting the art of doing absolutely nothing. Whatever vacation you are, with Sunwing, you save more, so you can do more. Book with your local travel agent, or... ...B

Did you see this? Let me show this to you because I think this is, I don't know what this is. People are upset because they think it's very cringe. I think it's just two people who maybe think everybody wants to know about their love more than they do. Do you know what I'm saying? Let's see here.

Jeff, I wanna show this to you because I think you'll get it once you see it. This is a long... How can I miss that? I don't know. I read the news every day. But all day long. No, but you don't read the same trashy news website

that's the problem. Oh, I can't find it now. Anyway, so they take this picture together. They're like in an old beat up pickup truck on one of his ranches And she's like straddling him on the seat and he's like and he's got huge buff arms You know what I'm saying? Yeah, and he's like got that skinny black t-shirt like I do only I don't have any muscles So just imagine just imagine like this but much more pronounced, right? And he's holding her and he looks young.

Man, does he look young? That's what, yeah. Billions will do for you. I guess so. You just can get whatever you want done. Jeff Bezos looks younger now than he did when he started Amazon. I saw a picture of him in a single office at a desk. He had literally printed out with one of those old printers like,

jing, jing, jing, jing, jing, jing, printers like, like, the dots on the paper, dot matrix, he had literally printed out Amazon.com for all the best books or something like that. It was sitting behind him on this sad looking office. And you look at him, he looked older than then he does now. Well, he was struggling then. It's true. It's just starting. It's so yeah, he was stressed out. No, this is God. All the time to relax in the world. Can we only hope that that happens to the commercial break? Can we only hope that it was manifested? Yeah, let's manifest it right

now. What do we need to do? We need to son our bum holes or something like that? Remember those idiots? Oh yeah. I saw people doing it in the park, it was crazy. Sending their buttholes? Yes. They're actual assholes. It wasn't, they weren't naked, but they had on very short shorts and we're doing it. And they were like, they had their heads be,

their legs behind their head. Yeah, yeah. No way. That's like, whoa, okay. Do you think Jeff Bezos' sons is a asshole? Probably. Why not? Listen.

When you're on your $100 billion yacht. True. When you're on the biggest yacht in the world. In the middle of the Mediterranean, why not? If I? It's on everything. If I have the world's biggest yacht, you know what I'm putting in there? I'm putting in a landscaping room where I have a team of people that are just there

to trim up my shenanigans. Okay. And then I'm also having a man-scaping room where I have a team of people that are just there to trim up my shenanigans. Okay. And then I'm also having a butthole tanner. I'm just putting a butthole tanner. I'm having someone hold a black light to my bum hole all the time. And then I have a third room for bleaching my butthole. Because that, you know, why not? If you have billions of dollars, why wouldn't you bleach your butthole?

Right? I don't want to bleach butthole. That was a thing for a while. You remember that? Everybody was bleaching their buttholes holes getting vaginal reconstructive surgery. I always thought that was ridiculous. Why would you believe your but holes? Why do you even care? Listen, let me get, there's a little news flash. I don't know how I went from Jeff Bezos to but holes. But let me just share what my opinion is on this. If you have someone that's going back there

in that direction, if they're willing to put their mouth, or their vagina, or their penis, or whatever it is you're into back there behind, they don't care what color your butthole is. They've already understood in their brains. I'm going back there to do the dirty deed, and I don't care. I'm just getting back there.

You know what I'm saying? So having a bleach butthole is not gonna make any much of a difference. I don't think so. And I've seen some before and after pictures. And I'm telling you what, an asshole is an asshole. It doesn't really matter. If it's brown or if it's white, it's an asshole.

It looks like where poop comes from. That's it. That's the only thing you gotta know. But if I have the world. How does it even hold on to that? I'm going back to the bleach. But how does it even happen? Is there just a paste that you maybe put on it?

Or is there a ring? I don't know, but pretty soon. How long does it take? Does it burn? It must. Are you putting hydrogen peroxide back there? Are you bleaching the hair back there? Are you bleaching the actual asshole?

It's like a clean ass, I don't know what they put on there, but we might find out pretty soon. We might have to take a second job bleaching assholes. We might hear from the studio. We'll make TikTok videos out of it. I still, I got this person on my Instagram. I do not follow, but she keeps on popping up. She is a wax specialist for down there,

like a French bikini or something. Yeah, I think I have the same person popping up to mine. Do you? And all you see is like, she'll put like a little cucumber, like a tiny little cucumber over the vulva, but the rest of the vagina is clearly there. She's getting around the Instagram filter very, very, very slyly, but she's basically showing the vaginas

that before and after what these people do. And the butt too. And I'm like, wow, is that, that's a lot of work going on down there. That's a lot of work going on down there. And it seems like it's all just painful. Like, when you get a bikini wax, is that painful? Yes.

Yes. They're ripping, literally ripping hair out of the roots of your skin follicle. And why not shave because it doesn't last as long? Is that right? Different people do it for different reasons, but yes, it doesn't last as long. But I'm a shave fan.

Hi, I'm a shave fan too. Yeah, you're gonna catch me fucking. But I'm a, I'm a shave fan. I'm a shave fan too. Yeah, you're going to catch me fucking. I've, I've done a lot of it. But wax on my pp. This pp is a prize right here. Anybody to get that is going to come with a little extra hair, you know what I'm saying? I was going to go get my, uh, my tubes tied a couple of weeks ago, but I didn't because it's ever ongoing flu and cold situation here at the house.

No one's ever healthy 100% of the ever ongoing flu and cold situation here at the house. No one's ever healthy, 100% of the time. So I called and of course I had to say, hey listen, I gotta move my, my, my, the second to me because I'm sick and I don't wanna get everybody at the office sick but as a part of the prep of that, I have to shave my, yeah you do.

A couple of, yeah, a cup, oh yeah that's right, he did. A couple of days or weeks was what the, the guy said to me, he said, listen, start shaving maybe's right. He did. A couple of days or weeks was what the guy said to me. He said, listen, start shaving maybe a couple of weeks beforehand. I don't know if he was talking, because on the paper, it says, she'd shave a couple of days ahead of time. But I think he was trying to tell me something.

Just get my habit. Yes. It's already the same. I'm pretty sure that my urologist is a gay man. And so I think he was trying to tell me something like, hey, you really got to do some trimming up down there. I'm an expert at this and you just got to get some of that stuff out of the way. You might want to start shaving.

It might take you that long to start shaving. So let's get you ahead of the curve and let's do that. So I was like, oh, okay, Chrissy, I'm telling you what, first of all, it's very hard to shave a pair of balls. I think it's not an easy thing to do. And second of all, it's an unfamiliar feeling okay, Chrissy, I'm telling you what, first of all, it's very hard to shave a pair of balls. I mean, it's not an easy thing to do. And second of all, it's an unfamiliar feeling because, you know, shaving your balls is like not something you do on a regular basis. So I was talking to, I was talking to Asher and she's like, well you get it waxed and I'm

like waxed my balls. I got a waxed my fucking balls. Are you kidding me? I'm such a baby. I could never do that. It's not like one of my kids is after I asked him to clean up. I don't wanna shit my balls.

I don't wanna wax them, no. There's things that you can use. Yeah, but that wasn't me. Oh, okay. Did Jeff put some chemicals down there or something? No. You just thought of Jeff, but I had to approach this. He may have dipped his balls and like some kind of solution

that dissolves the hair. Well, there are those, but that's burn and burns. So I didn't get the, the sack to me. So now I've got this whole stubble situation going on down there that's not very comfortable. He's making me a exfoliating. A exfoliating. We do, we get a scrub it.

My balls? Yeah. Really? You're gonna have to scrub around. I was talking to Astrid, and she was like, I have this exfoliating cream that I got from this. Okay, and you know what exfoliating is? For my face, I don't know what it means for my balls.

I didn't ever see a ball exfoliator, but I did do one time get that like hair, like ball hair for men thing, where you put like the powder and the, all right. Yeah, okay. So, I was telling Astrid, I'm like, I got this whole stubble situation going on down here,

but then she started fixating on the exfoliation cream that I have. Oh. And she was saying, how many times a week do you do that? I said a week, I do it like once every other month. And she's like, you exfoliate once every other month. And I said, yeah, she's supposed to like, this is the special stuff you put on every once a month.

She's like, you should do that once every other day. And I'm like, every other day. This $40-$4 bottle of cream, you want me to put on my face? Every other day, skin care is a whole fucking thing. And now that I'm getting into it, it's a whole, I got a whole routine. Now, it takes me like an extra half an hour. I'm spending two hours in the shower. Now I have an half an hour out of the shower, too. Welcome to the world. Brrry. Brrry. Welcome. Where's the sound effect? How much time do you think you spend? Oh,

yeah, the time, the time sound effect. The thing is, I've got so many sound effects in here. I have to scroll for pages and pages before I find it. Yes, it's fully in your balls. The world of skincare. Nut-foliation. We're just putting lotion on your face doesn't work anymore. Brian, welcome to Nut-foliation.

And Nut-foliation. We're gonna nut-foliate right now. Get out some of that cream, put it on a plate, scrub your balls all around. I don't know how I would exfoliate my balls, but maybe I need to do that. How long do you spend on your skin care? Well, you could do it with like a lufa. Oh, I could do a lufa? Yeah.

I could lufa up down there. Scrub around. Scrub around. The lufa and the hair, I probably won't be able to find my penis between the lufa and the hair. Okay. around. There's a lufa in the hair. I probably won't be able to find my penis between the lufa in the hair. How much time do you spend on your skincare routine on a daily basis? Do you think? Oh, I mean, not a ton of time. I've got my go-to creams, lotions and potions that I use in the morning and at night. So, you know, I don't know, 10 minutes, the morning, 10 minutes a night. How is it that every woman I know takes

an hour and a half less than I do in the past or the past? Because I've been doing this for a long time. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Let me show you this picture of Bezos before we go, because I think it's, is that him? Well, just look at Bezos. Just look at him.

Just look at him. This is his mom and dad I think, but look at him. Look how young that guy looks. He's got a life of leisure. Is he in his 60s? He's got to be in his 60s, right? 50s are 60s I don't know. Oh god if he's 50 we're fucked. We got to, we tried way too late to get rich. 50 were fucked. We got we tried way too late to get rich. We needed to start back in our 20s. We started way too late. We're working for your channel. Everybody else before us seemed rich. Everybody was getting rich. Payouts, take in orders, doing lines, margarita machines. Margarita machines, yeah. We got there in all the fun stuff. Exactly. Welcome to hell.

We paved the way for you. Hi. Welcome to hell. You will get none of our old accounts. None. None of the ones that are actually billing and making money. Now, go find new business.

I tell you what, yeah, it's your job to do all the cold calls. Yeah, new business. All the people who call and give you orders, fax them in and send them by email. Yeah, that's for me. We're all in charge. Yeah.

But you're 70 and you're a millionaire because of the heyday radio games. Yes. I'm working till I die. All right, why? Because I spend all the other money on cocaine. I got to keep taking fax machine orders. But do you really? Yes, I do.

Oh! Drives me crazy. You make it me crazy! You make it me crazy! All right good luck shaving your balls. Oh I'm gonna shave it fully. I'm gonna nut fully ate pretty soon. Nuts fully ate it.

It's a new thing. Have answered help you. Oh that's a good idea. Yeah. I never think about that. It's like hey You. Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah. I never think about that. It's like, hey, babe, can you trim me up a little bit? Because I don't want to- It's just a spot you can't see or whatever,

you might need a tortoise to kind of. Yeah, maybe I just stick one leg up on the shower wall and just show her. This is it. Yeah. Hey, babe, do me a favor. While you're down there, bleach my asshole. Right.

Ha, ha. It gets everybody in the mood. All right, we're now four days a week. Tuesday through Friday, we actually had a couple of people that emailed us, we're recording on Monday, we had a couple of people email us, hey, what's up, why isn't there a new episode? I wonder the same thing.

Yes, so did that. Yes, sir. Sir, I was like, where's the show from today? Am I the only one who's not paying attention? Well, I knew we were going to four days a week, but I thought maybe it was Monday through. I thought it was just any four days you choose. Yes. Is the way that I am turp with it. Okay. Well we'll try to stick to some schedule here. And so it's not to

make Christina's head explode. Tuesday through Friday, new episodes every single week. We love you. The best audiences and podcasts with the best audience in podcasting. We know it. So do us a favor. Get more involved. Go to add the commercial break on Instagram or tcb podcast on tiktok You can follow us there short little funny little videos or clips of the show that we put out everyone's in a blue mind Brian, please she is like Brian beaching my asshole. That's the next YouTube sensation as if as if YouTube is not demonetizing us enough Let's bleach my asshole. Yeah YouTube.com slash the commercial break full episodes you can go there subscribe like comment on your favorite video Please subscribe to that channel even if you don't watch it all the time just subscribe to do us a favor Be a friend do us a solid

You can also go to the website and get your new piggy fronting sticker number five in the series The Teresa Caputo piggy fronting sticker is available So go to tcbpodcast.com hit the drop-down menu on the contact us page, leave us your address and we'll send you that sticker. You can also listen to all the audio and watch all the video right from tcbpodcast.com. 626, ask tcb the number 3. That's 1. 626, ask tcb the number 3. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, we are taking them all, send them our way,

we love you. And oh, the audio challenge, audio scavenger hunt coming in December, more information, thousand dollar price. That's awesome. Alright, that's awesome. Okay, so, I guess that's all I can do for today, but I love you, Chrissy. I love you. And best of you, Chrissy.

And best of you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, we always say we do say and we must say goodbye. Nobody goes on vacation for the moments that are just, okay, that's why sunwing vacationers go all in like it's a buffet of fun. Whether you're skimming the tree tops like Tarzan's long-lost twin, or deep end swimming with your flippers and fins. Or maybe you're just perfecting the art of doing absolutely nothing. Whatever vacation you are, with Sunwing, you save more, so you can do more.

Book with your local travel agent, or... I'm gonna be a little bit more I'm gonna be a little bit more I'm gonna be a little bit more I'm gonna be a little bit more I'm gonna be a little bit more Nobody goes on vacation for the moments that are just... Okay. That's why sunwing vacationers go all in like it's a buffet of fun. Whether you're skimming the tree tops like Tarzan's long-lost twin,

or deep-end swimming with your flippers and fins. Or maybe you're just perfecting the art of doing absolutely nothing. Whatever vacation you are, with sunwing, you save more, so you can do more. Book with your local travel agent, or... Nothing. Whatever vacation you are, with sunwing, you save more so you can do more. Book with your local travel agent or...