The Commercial Break - Party (Hard) On!

Episode Date: March 5, 2021

Bryan and Krissy discuss Teen Mom, the early days of MTV reality shows and Bryan shares a story about a late night that was hard-on him for all the wrong reasons! It's a no where safe for work episode of TCB! Don't forget to rate and subscribe so you never miss an episode! Text us or leave us a voicemail at +1-661-BEST2YO ([phone]) LINKS: Get a FREE TCB limited edition collectible sticker Follow us on Instagram Follow us on Facebook Subscribe and watch the show on Youtube Join us live on Fireside New episodes every Tuesday & Friday everywhere you listen to podcasts! For advertising contact AdvertiseCast  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oh, hey, all right. Another fantastic Wednesday night bingo here at Happy Trails Retirement Home. Hey, Gene, congratulations on winning those. Depends. Looks like they'll come in handy right about now. All right. Now it's time to bring up John Lee Dumas for his weekly recorder band session. They've been practicing real hard. John, I heard that you lost an e-cappin' and unfortunate elevator accident down the hall. We all appreciate you not suing. Okay, John, if you would please quickly, it's John Lee Dumas and the happy trails recorder band. Here you go. I'm so late. And I've got a little while. That late, he's strange to you.

Kill him yourself. Okay, well someone check on Bob over there. I'm not entirely sure he's breathing. Thanks so much. We'll be back. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! That's the executive decision that has been made from the top on down. We're gonna be recording two episodes for you.

Every single week, Tuesdays and Fridays. For now, we may do more in the future, who knows? You demanded it. We responded. You asked for it. You got it. Careful with your ass score. In their car, so the light.

That's wrong. It's wrong to do. Crack,ack is wet. You have no authority how Jackie we even- You can't do that Jackie we even! Well, I think it's called just getting hot. I mean, it caught my strange addiction, but I think it's just called getting fucked up.

Like when you're huffing gasoline. And I'm like, dude, all the drugs you're taking, I'm sure you could go a long time anyway Like do you should have no problems? You shouldn't be mixing these three type of drugs together But he said I took three of them oh about three hours ago, and I've had a boner ever since and Because I'm just a curious guy. I couldn't help but then look down which made the whole situation even more awkward Because now I'm not staring at his boner through his sweatpants, right?

And I'm like, oh, you do have a boner, man, that's really unfortunate, right? But the thing was his girlfriend wasn't even there. She had left like two hours earlier. And so I told him, yeah, what I wanted to do is get some ice and like, rub it down. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. It's Friday and you're wondering why we're on Friday. Yes. Well, curiosity killed the cat. Oh, oh, oh.

And I am not a cat. So let's get right into it. I'm Brian, this is Chrissy, and Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Happy New Year to you. Happy New Year to me. Happy New Year to everybody. And in case you're wondering,

and we didn't record this in January 1st, we're just a bunch of fucking idiots. Just like to say, Happy New Year. Yeah, it wasn't. I think it could be on a t-shirt one day. Yeah. Happy New Year and people would be like, yeah, you're wearing that in July, why? Because the commercial break, that's why.

Well, fun fact. Fun fact. The Iads of March, part of the Iads of March. I have heard of the Iads of March. Yeah, Julius Caesar was killed on that day, but I was reading a little bit about it and it used to be the beginning of the New Year. The Romans.

Really? Yeah. I didn't know that. Well, I know that the Chinese have a new year that's in February, right? They have it. It's in February? Yeah, they just have it. Yeah, okay.

Yeah, we can just say, having new year. All year long. All year long. And we can get away with it. And especially when it's just kind of stuck in this time suck called coronavirus. Yeah, exactly. What day is it? What day is it?

Yeah. I've kind of gotten to do a rhythm though, like a coronavirus rhythm. Like I'm waking up. A run-a-rhythm? Yeah, a run-a-rhythm. A runa, what's that? Coronavirus sounds like something delicious.

Where you save coronavirus for breakfast? What's his name, Mr. Platypus? Vander Slute. Vander Slute. Vander Slute. Vander Slute. My name is Vander Slute. Perse. Perse Vandeschlute. That's first name is definitely... Perse Vandeschlute here! What's a here? Okay, so you don't know if Perse was born in the year 22.

Still alive to this day. He's seen everything. Happy New Year to you! Happy New Year to you! It's a New Year. New Year is on the third revolution of the moon On my wife's third cycle that's happening This is the commercial break welcome if you haven't joined us before well then you're in for a treat Join us before I think we think welcome aboard if you're wondering why we're Recort why we're here on a Friday It's because we're now gonna be here on Friday That's it. That's the executive decision that has been made from the top on down. We're gonna be recording

Two episodes for you every single week two stays and Fridays for now We may do more in the future who knows yeah, you demanded it. We we responded You asked for it. You got it. Be careful with your ass. Core. And, uh, yeah, you demanded it. So what we're doing, we usually record the Friday episodes for Patreon. We are retooling Patreon.

Uh, we've been in touch with all of our Patreon members. We're going to retool Patreon. Uh, yeah, for, for, for, for, for, for nothing. No, actually, you're going to get much more. And that's why we're retooling Patreon. Feel free to still send us. Yeah, feel free to sign up for nothing. No, actually, you're going to get much more. And that's why we're retooling Patreon. And we thought we'd go to two episodes a week because the show's growing. And that's what we thought we would do. And I will see how it all works out.

There's a man to there. That's right. You can still go to tcbpodcast.com, www.tcbpodcast.com, to watch all of our YouTube videos, get all of our audio library, get all of our audio, library, all of the most important of episodes, one through whatever we are on now. And text us at 40s. We're in the 40s. I think we're rounding, I think we're rounding toward 50. We this might be 49. Maybe I don't know. What depends on when I release it? We're releasing on Friday. So then I know, dumbass. The brains not working this morning.

470-5-848-449 is where you can go to text us or leave us a message, standing standard to text messaging. Standard text messaging rates do apply. There you go. I have been talking nonstop for like six days, hopefully it's driving me crazy. You have.

So for those of you that, I mean, how many of you would know this? I guess some people probably listening from Clubhouse, that might be, they're my, that's a good assumption to make. But we have been doing a lot of talking about podcasting, not the commercial break, but the like the practice of, or the art of podcasting. And so over the weekend, we did like a little podcasting conference. It just so many hours of those three days were spent talking. And I woke up, or I went to bed Sunday night and I'm like, I don't know that I could talk

about another thing having to do with podcasting for like two weeks, but here we are recording again, the train never stopped. And now twice a week. I mean, new year, it's new beginnings. We're going to talk about your changing body. I'm waiting for you. Body? Sounds interesting. If I could get under this beaver

fur, figure out what a body was. Is that what you wear beaver fur? Beaver fur. Beaver pelt. That's right, Chrissy. It's a beaver pelt. Covers my Holy Johnson. Do you have to wear snow shoes? There's like tennis racket. I put the snow shoes on the penis. Keeps me from getting frostbitten on the redhead if you know what I mean. I'm not even sure it's down there anymore. I don't know. Evan Cena since 1922.

Get a frozen off. First world war. That's the last time I saw a papina. At Brian Green is where you can catch me on Clubhouse at TCB. Chrissy is where you can catch me on Clubhouse at T.C.B. Chrissy is where he can catch her on Clubhouse and at the commercial break on Instagram. Please follow us.

We do lots of interesting content on Instagram and we thank all the people who have started to follow us. So let's, let me ask you a question. Have you been watching the Teen Mom? No. Why? Because it's no crack is whack. Teen mom, I just love this show. I don't know why I love this show.

For instance, the very beginning since the first episode, I wouldn't know what was going on. I mean, I'm sure people think I'm a total Yahoo because of my television watching habits, like, you know, thousand pound sisters, 90 day fiancee, and team on my strange addiction. Well, my strange addiction, I think everybody can get into because who doesn't want to see somebody with a strange addiction? That's why people that are outside the norm

that do things like eating rocks and pillow mattresses or bed mattresses are just kind of interesting human beings. We've all got to admit that. Drinking air fresner. Drinking air fresner. Someone else was actually, they huffed gasoline and so they always have to have a cup of gasoline in their car so they'll like.

That's wrong, that's wrong to do. Yeah. Crack, crack is wack. You have no authority here, Jackie Weaver. You can't do that, Jackie Weaver. Not for the rules. Well, I think it's called just getting hot. I mean, they call it my strange addiction,

but I think it's just called getting fucked up. Like, when you're huffing gasoline. Yeah. I'll cut up this episode. We'll do it for maybe next week. We'll do this. But I saw this. So, lady, an older lady, probably in the mid-40s.

And then you've got her younger daughters, probably 18 or 19. It's just my guess. And this lady is driving around, they stop at McDonald's, you know, to get a happy meal or whatever, good bullshit, they get, and then they have to stop at the gas station so her mom can fill up her cup of gasoline. Oh.

So she fills up the cup of gasoline, then just sticks her hand right in the gasoline and she's like, Oh my gosh, that's dangerous. She just like rubs it on her face and I'm like, holy shit, that cannot be good for you. No, while you're driving. While she's driving. Oh, God.

Luckily, she's not a smoker, because that just be by the usual together. Oh, my God. A lot of smoke, and if you got him. So, boom. Yeah, boom. I mean, it's like something out of a cartoon. The lady's like rubbing gasoline under her nose, and it just was so...

I really refused to get in the car with somebody who could be in the car. Her daughter was pretty embarrassed. I gotta say, if you're... I mean, the lady who's eating rocks. Was there a camera man in the car with somebody. Her daughter was pretty embarrassed. I got to say, if you're, I mean, the lady was eating rocks. Was there a camera man in the car? Yes, but I don't think they put a camera man in the car. They were like, I don't know, they got

to touch it to the windshield. Yeah, they're probably 200 yards behind going, well, I hope she doesn't explode. I hope this is not another one of those episodes where the subject explodes. It's one too many documentaries, we've seen people just explode, because you're eating rocks, you're huffing air freshener,

you're eating, there's one that, where the lady is eating mattresses, like literally she cuts up mattresses and then eats the foam out of them. And she eats like a pound of foam a day. How can that not kill you? That is so weird. How can that not kill you?

Honestly, how can that not kill you? So anyway, my. How can that not kill you? Honestly, how can that not kill you? So anyway, my TV habits are probably disturbing the most, but I digress. Teen Mom was a television show that was started back in the early 2000s, I think, or mid 2000s, like 2005, 2006, by MTV. They haven't played videos in a long time. And this is one of the hit shows that they had

was they followed a bunch of mothers, would soon to be mothers around that were in their teenage years, 15, 16, 17 years old. And then most of them had a significant other of some sort. And so of those six first young ladies that they recorded, they now have a show called Teen Mom OG, right? Which means the original cast, the original gangsters. And so there's still four of them are still around.

And it's just fascinating to watch them grow up like. Yeah, well, that's true. So if I jumped in now, I wouldn't know what they started off as. No, I think, give me a recap. Okay, well, I'm gonna give you a, they got pregnant, they had more children. There's amazing things, they had babies. And it's fucked their life up completely and then they had more children.

I guess that's the way that it is though. But are any of them with the same guy that they had the traditional kids with? Yes, one of them is. One of them is. Her name is Kaitlin and his name is Ty Tyler. And to me, the most fascinating of the couples because they are literally still together from when they were like 13 years old. They got together when they were 13. Now they're getting close to 30. I would imagine. And they're still together and they're still having children. And they still

have some kind of love for each other. Okay. What amazes me is I understand just how hard it is to have a child now. And I'm in my 40s. And I understand how hard difficult it is to have children are no fucking joke Just for any of you out there contemplating children. It's no fucking joke. It's a big responsibility Huge responsibility a Every minute of every day is occupied with children. There is not a minute except maybe at night when they're sleeping But besides that there is an in-threat school There's not a minute of the day where they are not occupying your ever loving time.

There is no more time for anything because now children are there, right? Work children and then you can throw in an occasional fun there. What amazes me about these young ladies is the fortitude that they must have had to have children when they're teenagers. Now I'm 44 well-established, you know, got shaken all the crazy, well, shaken most of the crazy. Yeah. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

Not crazy. But I've gotten all that wild shit out of my system and now I'm having children, and I feel like I'm equipped to handle what's going on. When I was 16 or 17 years old, I can't imagine that I would have been prepared to have a child. Now it's not just a little doll.

And no, some of those mothers treated them like little dolls. But I can't imagine how difficult that must have been hoody, like the constant nurturing that's needed, the diaper changing, the, to the everything, the every moment of every day that they're just tugging on your shirt, asking for your attention, because that's what they need,

because they're just little growing humans, and they don't know any better, and then to be 16 or 17, and have to deal with all of this. Yeah, it's a lot. Yeah, now I guess it's a much easier when you're making $25,000 an episode from when TV that's true. Yeah, that probably makes life easier.

But it's fascinating to me to watch these girls now that the show has evolved from a show that was focusing on the pregnancy of the teenagers to now a show that's focusing on the fame that they've acquired because of the show. Yeah, because I used to see them on the grocery store tabloid type things all the time. Yeah, that's the other thing. They really have to grow up in front of the show. Yeah, because I used to see them on the grocery store tabloid type things all the time. Yeah, that's the other thing.

They really have to grow up in front of the tabloids. One of these girls, Amber Portwood, is one of the original OG mothers. And she has had some, she struggled with some mental health issues along the way. She's been to jail a couple of times. She's been addicted to drugs. She's got arrested for heroin one time. And she has just been slayed by these magazines. I mean, slayed.

She's always on the cover for something or other. I can't imagine the pressure that this woman is under and then to have a mental health issue on top of it must be really difficult, but you know, they're all still there and kicking. They're all doing it. And now what is fascinating about this new season or these new couple of seasons that have been out is that now that the producers are involved in the show So the people who have been with them since the beginning producing the show are now on camera themselves asking questions like that it's now a relationship between the producers and the children and the producers They've grown up with them too and so now it's like they've You know you they've broken the fourth wall now they've broken like the sixth and seventh wall

I even know how to explain it's just a show about a show now and it's really really fascinating. I bad Well, though speaking of MTV are they just did a reboot of the original real world. They did yeah really? I've seen a couple new things about I don't know if it's out yet, but I'm gonna now is that show with the original cast Yeah, the original cast from the original real world There's some of you that I weren't even born when the show came out. I mean, all you know. That was the original like a little reality

so I think that's what it is. All you know is reality television. That's how you grew up. You grew up on reality television. To you, by the way, reality television is not really reality. It's just, you know, it's cut and pasted to make it interesting for your consumption.

And I think that anybody who watches reality TV must at some level be aware of that. But back in the day, probably 1992, I want to say, like right when the grungeers were starting, 1992 or 91, MTV, who had been up till then just really playing videos, that's all they did was play videos back to back. But what they, what the people at MTV, the good people, I just want to document you on this, the good people at MTV figured out, is that if they were starting to get the viewership numbers that were serious, advertisers were starting to take them seriously.

But how they sold advertising was in quarter hours, every 15 minutes. So they would look at the numbers every 15 minutes. Were you keeping someone's attention for one quarter hour or five quarter hours on a particular television station? Yeah. And what happened was that MTV was playing videos just back to back to back, someone's attention for one quarter hour or five quarter hours on a particular television station. And what happened was that MTV was playing videos just back to back to back, which was incredibly

popular. But if you didn't like the video that was on, you just turned the channel and you might come back later. So what was happening is people were tuning in for an average of like three or four minutes, not like 15 or 20 or 30 in some cases. So they figured they have to start competing in some way, shape, or form. How can they do this? So they started to put these ideas together where they would do like, you know, headbanger's ball, where it was all heavy metal, figuring that people that listen to heavy metal would

tune in for longer. Yo MTV wraps. Yo MTV wraps. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah. Hundred and six hundred and eighty minutes, which was another like super alternative, all the super alternative music.

But then they said to themselves, you know what we really gotta do is we gotta start making some television shows that are 30 minutes to an hour long. So the first one that they came up with was remote control. Remote control. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh would pull away. What was the guy's name who he died? He died young.

Ken Ober, Ken Ober. And Adam Sandler, that was the first television that Adam Sandler ever did was on remote control. Colin Quinn was on there. So a bunch of famous people, not yet famous, but soon to be famous, people were on that television show and it's basically just like a jeopardy for dumb dumb. It's like a game show.

Yeah. Yeah, and they're sitting in these big chairs. It's a jeopardy for dumb dumb. What it is? A jeopardy show for dumb dumb. Yeah, like a jeopardy show for the MTV generation. You don't know anything. You probably know these pop culture questions that we're about to ask you.

And then what they, then somebody in the programming department said we got a, had this like revolutionary idea. What if we just, they had done a couple of contests where people would win a house. It was a big thing on MTV for like four years. Win a house and, you know, John Cooper. A party house. A party house, correct.

And then John Cooper Mellon Camp would come and play with you, John Bon Jovi or whatever. And they won this house, literally the deed to a house. And like, no, where Indiana was not a great house, but whatever you had, now you had a house. Yeah. And I was wondered,

did people like move to that house? Like what? I don't know, this whole house give away. I was, I was so young. You had to pay, you had to pay the taxes, the transfer fees, and yeah. Most people don't keep them. They probably never took hold of them in the proper person. Transferdies. Most people don't keep them. They probably never took hold of them in the first place.

MTV ended up just selling them. Burning it down. Sends on the doll. And burning it down because they paint it pink with a big MTV symbol on the front of it for one week and worth of recording. And then you have this shitty house that the neighbors hated you. Police department was over there every five minutes. So they would literally give away a house every year and this was the MTV's big thing,

a party house with John Bon Jovi or Van Halen or whoever it was. And I remember being such a young kid tuning into MTV when cable was first in our house and thinking to myself, how fucking cool would it be to be a win a house with Van Halen or Guns and Rose is or whatever it was. Yeah, that was your goal in life.

That's right. It was to eat there. When that or goes to a party there. Yeah, some party. Spring break. Spring break. Spring break. That's right.

Was another one where you, like, I always waited for from TV to spring break because it was just nothing but non-stop hot women and bikinis. Exactly. And I was like, you know, 12 years old. Yeah, the head DJs. That's right. That's right.

So, someone had the genius idea that they would record, they recorded these party houses for like, you know, 48 hours. And they were like, what if we did that for like four months? What if we put a bunch of random strangers in a house together and then recorded them for a period of time, just see what happens, just let it unfold. And that was actually what they said, exactly what you said. What they said on there.

What happens when 12 strangers get together. We'll find out what they found out was was fucking fascinating. Yeah, because they pick a bunch of people. They'd obviously random backgrounds. They personality profile them. There'd be the shit talker and the guy who liked drama and the girl who was quiet and the version from Indian I would do guys are gonna lie. That's right. That's right. And man was it fascinating.

It was. When it first came out, no one knew what to think of it because it was a brand new genre of TV. It was reality. Like a camera following you around. Uh-huh. And it became one of the most fascinating things on television. I remember that first season. Yeah myself, how this is fucking insane. They're just living, and then I remember thinking to myself, I need to be on this. I actually tried out for the real world. True story. True story.

I have not surprised in the least. I tried out for the real world. I was too young at the time. I mean, listen, I never got a response, but I was too young and I just gave it a shot anyway. It was like 17, you had to be like 21 or something. Or no, it was 19 and you had to be 21. I just gave it a shot anyway. It was like 17. You had to be like 21 or something or no, it was 19 and you had to be 21. I just gave it a shot anyway.

Yeah. Yeah, I never heard back from anybody, but I remember thinking for two months, I think they're going to love me. They're going to love me and I'm going to be a show. They would have loved you. They're going to love me. I know why I thought so much of myself. I never thought much of myself in my teenage years, but for some reason,

I felt that it was like serendipity that I was going to be on the real world. I was going to on the real world. I was gonna be the next big guy. In 2021, you would probably have your pick because there's so many. There's so many. Yeah, I mean, at this day, I definitely would be on the real world because they were probably hunting for talent. Everyone's famous now. Look it up. The demand of going to a clubhouse room sometimes and people are like, Oh man, listen to commercial break.

I'm like, no shit. Yeah. No shit. You actually listen to my show. That's kind of cool. Thanks for that. So then this started this whole genre of reality show programming on it. Like, is it within like 20 seasons or something of the real world?

I just got to know more. I'm crazy after a while. Well, I mean, then what happened was, in my opinion, so then for a long time, there was this debate about is reality show television, is reality TV killing regular television? Right. There was literally people were debating about

whether or not they should cancel reality shows because it was just bad for society and bad for TV. And now everything's a reality show. Basically, it's very fused. Compared to reality shows are relatively cheap to make. You can make anybody a star. You can edit it any way you want to to make the drama. And opposed, as opposed to getting high priced talent,

having new sets every day, writing scripts, you have writers and producers and all this other stuff. Yeah, friends and all of that stuff. For you're paying people's $20 million in an episode or whatever, crazy shit like that. So MTV really pioneered reality TV. What happened was the reality show stars, the people that were starring in the show, ended up becoming stars in and of their own right.

So now people were not as authentic on the reality shows because they just wanted to be TV stars. They knew that fame was coming with this, so they started acting differently. They acted for the cameras, and that still continues on to this day, keeping up with the Kardashians. What's that one that I've been watching

that I really, really like? Redneck Riviera or something like that? You know what I'm talking about? You don't know which one I'm talking about. Panama City or Florida, Bama Shore. Florida, Bama Shore. Florida, Bama Shore. Have you seen that? That's fascinating. I think about like the New Jersey, what, Bama Shore. Florida, Bama Shore. Florida, Bama Shore. Have you seen that?

No, but I mean, think about like the New Jersey, what was the Jersey Shore? Jersey Shore. That's still going on to this day. Yeah, no. They just rented an entire hotel during coronavirus. Oh, no. And it's higher fucking hotel.

What a like these people are living. Unbelievable. Yeah. Florida, Bama Shore. Come on the show. Um, so Teen Mom is one of these successful shows that came out of there, and now they're still alive and kicking,

and I just think this show is so fascinating. I can't believe you're not with me on this one. I just never started watching it. You gotta start watching it. Okay. Can you pick it up? Can you pick it up real quick? What do you think?

I'll test it. Change the mood. Change the mood. Next thing you know, Jeff's fine. Me and the bed. I'm a guy of the bed and day. Jeff hate me watching teen mall. Let me ask you serious boss. Does Jeff hate me? Do you ever get that podcast look from your spouse?

Like, are you talking about podcast again? Ask it. That does not hate you. Okay, let's go. Because I like it. We're all friendsed. That does not hate you. Okay. That's good. We were all friends before. We were all friends before. I just don't want to ruin the friendship over this silly little show.

You could if you had me watch Teen Mom. Okay. So back off the Teen Mom. Watch it in the bathroom. Like when you're doing your morning business, just like give it a quick scroll. Okay. That's my life. Yeah, because Astrid sometimes, she has been so supportive.

I mean, she does so much stuff for the show. She is on a part of really part of the growth is is Astrid big part of the growth and Gustavo too But but sometimes she gives me that podcast. I call it the podcast look and she's like really more podcasting more commercial Break shit And I'm like, can you watch the kids for another 12 hours? I'll be in the studio watching Teen Mom editing code unquote. I just gave away my secret. Now she's going to be keeping an eye on me. She's popping in every else. I got about four more episodes. Can jump on. Close. Yeah, on what tie and whatever name are. They're having another baby. Can you imagine?

I wanted to this week I wanted to get on one of those apps and figure out if I heard the app whisper or secret. I think I've heard of it. I don't have it downloaded. It's an app that literally does what it says. It's going to do. You can write secrets and then it's just out there to the world and you can do an anonymous. Oh, okay. All right, so I thought this was interesting. I had read about it in, I don't know, Forbes or something like that about one of these apps and how the young pre-teen pre-teens are out there on Whisper.

Oh, don't, can I just pause for a minute? I'm picturing you thumbing through Forbes while watching Teen Mom. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Forbes are you wearing pants either we either we listen Forbes is that's I'm a man of the time I don't know what I was when I was a man of the time I'm a Renaissance man Renaissance Body training These said that they, people on the floor in the late. Yeah, some people are like, I like golfing and traveling long walks on the beach.

And I'm like, I like potty training for the teen mom. We should have put that in the podcast magazine. I know. Podcast magazine, by the way, love podcast magazine. If you, if you're a podcast enthusiast, you can go get yourself a subscription to podcast magazine. I think they give them out for free now. I'm not really sure, but go to podcastmagazine.com and you can you can figure it out. So, um, so I go on one of

these apps and I found a string. I know this is an article, but I found a string called worse sex stories ever. Do you want to hear a few of them? Sir. Would you be brave enough to tell your worst sex story? Is that too much for you? No, that's too much for you. Okay, I'll tell my worst sex story. Okay. You want me to tell my worst sex story? Yes. Why do I always have to be the one that goes out

on a limb like this? Oh, they, oh, they long. Yeah. I like Chuck Muller in the back, listen. Oh, they, yeah. Yeah. I think that my worst or most embarrassing sex story is I was dating a girl probably in my early 20s and we had just started dating and we went back to her house.

We had a few drinks, we went back to her house, we started having sex. And at some point I just noticed that everything was all wet, right? Everything was all wet. And so I thought to myself, wow, I'm really doing a great job here, right? Like, I must be just like killing it right now. I must just be murdering it right now. I'm just like literally slaying that ass. And afterwards, I say, wow, like, you know, that was a,

and I didn't know that I, you know, her and I had been dating for just a couple of weeks. And I think this might have been the first or second time we were having sex. So I was like, wow, we, you know, wow. That was amazing, you know, it was amazing for you. And she was like, yeah, yeah, good, you know, great. And I said, well, that was really wet.

And she explained to me, she goes, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I think I was just really getting very horny, and I was like, okay, that's great. But it never happened again, right? It never happened again. And so my assumption was that I just got peed on. That one time. That one time.

That I just got peed on. What's that? I said, some people pay for that. Some people do pay for that W.w.w.w that tcb podcast.com you like to get p-dong give us a call tcb p tcb p podcast tcb p podcast I love tcb p podcast

Henry fond is totally in on that one. Yeah, he's using Eastmean. Okay, so ready if so I just I've been p-dong during sex That's my thing there are much worse stories, but I'm gonna save it for a different day. Tell other people, so. Yeah, I'm gonna tell other people. Okay, and some of these are short, and some of these are long, ready? Okay, here's the one called,

she tried to eat my cock. Are you ready for this? I was at a party. I mean, my friend were getting chummy. We were both drinking, and I got a little bit more drunk than her as the party dies down our immediate friend To our immediate friend as the party dies down to our immediate friend don't understand that she takes me back to a room and asks if I want a blowjob I spit out yes, and she starts going to town I'm not sure what happened next, but one of us moved in and suddenly her jaw clenched on my dick and she broke the skin

but one of us moved in and suddenly her jaw clenched on my dick and she broke the skin. My dick started gushing blood and I started freaking out. But at that point I was so drunk that eventually I thought it was hilarious. I wrapped my dick in some tissue and it stopped bleeding and I headed back to the living room to show my friends. I was showing my friends. What the...

What the... What could just happen? What? Hey! Hey! It has to be that bomb. She got it, yeah. What was hell? What? Hey! Hey! Pass me that bomb. Also, what does that happen? You get me a buzz out of the fridge bro.

Look, I'm missing the tip of my dick. She's got the tip in her mouth literally. I just see her like, nah, like we're rolling it around in her mouth. A Don Wayne bobbit. Ever John Wayne bobbit? Oh yeah, John Wayne bobbit got his dick cut off. Be careful, the rain is after you. A John Wayne Bobbit. Never John Wayne Bobbit. Oh yeah, John Wayne Bobbit got his dick cut off. It would be careful.

The rain is after you. Apparently, I burst into the room, I pants around my ankle screaming. She tried to eat my cock. She tried to eat my cock. Hi, Othedario. She tried to eat my cock. She tried to eat my cock. She tried to eat my cock.

Hi, Othedario. She bit off the top of my cock. Ah. After my performance, I went to bed in the dining room, the girl left crying in shame because all her friends now knew that she bit off, she bit into my cock. When I woke up, I had blood all over myself and the floor, I had to go to the emergency room for 62 stitches and 62.

Wow. Wow, you got a big cock dude Yeah, that is impressive 62 I if you're Don't use teeth, but I mean that's just like that's just a this is rule number one You have to be told that then you probably Here's the thing I think, I think everybody these days

thinks they're a fucking porn star and they do that porn star move, or they're just like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you know, they think somebody wants to be like, stabbed in the back of the throat of the clock. Don't do that, guys, you're not a porn star. Porn stars are porn stars. They do a very specific, they do a great job

at a very specific type of sex. And that is like super aggressive sex. And that's why they're porn stars is because they can do that and they're talented at it. But most people I would imagine in my personal experience, either I don't even know that anybody's enjoyed sex with me, but let's just put it this way. In my personal experience, most women at least that I've been with

don't want that kind of aggressiveness. I'm sure that a few have, I'm sure if you do, right? But I think most people don't want that kind of aggressiveness where you're like, what do you think Frankie says about it? Or what's the kind of Frank? Hey guys.

You think he has any thoughts? When you've got to send my hearty, when you've got a pudgy softcock and you really want to go to town, grab her by the back of the head and just throw her into the front of your crying. They love that. When you're 72 years old, remember that you only can go down to 62, but you can add a extra five years if you want to. You've got his voice.

Yeah, thanks. Appreciate it. Hi. Ah! Thank. I thank. When you're 72 and you're with your 61 year old girlfriend, make sure you just push her forehead right into the top of your stomach.

Quick, quick, quick. Quick motions. That's right. When you're 72, you just get it over with this quick as possible. You don't, you know, you don't want to go soft. Ha, ha, ha. There's a pill for that. There's a pill for that. That's right. But, you know, I don't know. One time I had a friend who took like three of those recreationally and he had to go to the hospital. Literally had to go to the hospital. That is funny because

when I used to work at the sales team in Nashville, we had a guy that I worked with, and he was hilarious. And so one time he was like, you know what? I'm not feeling well today. I think I'm gonna call it and say, I have it, I have it, I have it. I have it for a pie, isn't it? It won't go down.

It won't go down? Ha, ha, ha. We were, I was like 25 years old, and I was running with like a pretty fast crowd, right? And there was an older guy, and he was like the drug dealer guy. He was older by like five years. So he might have been like in his early 30s.

And he was like the drug dealer guy, but he was a cool drug dealer guy. And he was my like actual friend too. And so he's just like a really cool guy that happened to sell drugs. Yeah, and just have to be like a scusy drug dealer. But and so one night I was over it, it's oftentimes we'd be, you know,

at the after party we'd be at this house, we'd be up late, you know, to like, three o'clock, five next afternoon or whatever. And so we were all there playing video games, listening to music, hanging out, and he's like, come here man, come here, come here. And then I went back in his bedroom, this apartment, and I was like, what?

What? What? What's up? What's up? What's up? I was so paranoid. You know, and he was like, man, I got a boner. And I'm like, whoa, cool.

That's it. Did you call me back here for that? I didn't know it was that kind of party. I'm not prepared. I'm not prepared. I haven't showered today. You don't wanna touch me. And he said, he said, no, no, man, listen,

I got a boner. Like, I took some Viagra. This is just when Viagra had just come out. He's like, somebody gave me some Viagra. They told me it was fun. When you did it recreationally, you know, you go a long time with your girlfriend and a pub, and I'm like, dude, all the drugs you're taking,

I'm sure you could go a long time anyway. Like, you should have no problems. You shouldn't be mixing these three types of drugs together, but he said I took three of them, about three hours ago, and I've had a boner ever since. And because I'm just a curious guy, I couldn't help but then look down, which made the whole situation even more awkward, because now I'm not staring at his boner through his sweat pants, right?

And I'm like, oh, you do have a boner, man. That's really unfortunate, right? But the thing was, his girlfriend wasn't even there. She had left like two hours earlier. So. And so I told him, yeah, what I wanted to do is get some ice and like, rub it down. But I did not do that. I was like, oh man, well, it'll go down eventually. He's like, it's been like this for like three hours. And I think that's an emergency. I think I read that somewhere. And at this time, there's no, we don't have cell phones

and we have cell phones, but it's not internet connected. So there's no way of knowing. And I was like, I've never heard of this. He's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called,

it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called,

it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, five hours, right? So he stayed back in his room, and what he tried to do was he tried to make it go down. Like, you know what I mean, right? He was trying to make it go down. But periodically, he would come out because we were, it was like 16 people in the apartment. Yeah, he'd come out and be like, you'd cover enough and,

I just remember this happening like five or six times. I know. I know. Like, I throw a towel over my thing and I come running.'s up coach some more ice I've got some icy hot Here's the cat. Puppies. Baseball.

What do you think? Here, I'll drop my pants and I'll drop my pants and then you'll really get turned off. Meanwhile, someone walks in and I've got my pants down. He's got a boner and they're all like, what happened? I'm trying to make his cock go down. We're trying to chill out his cock. It's on fire.

His cock won't listen to us. We've been telling it for hours to go down. Nothing, nothing to see here. Nothing to see here. He's just me trying to convince my friends to make his motor go down. This is a true story by the way. I did not, I did not drop my pants, but the true story is he had a motor

and he would call me every couple of 20 minutes. I don't know, we were all so fucked up too. It was just like, it was a weird night, you know? And I kept running back there and he'd be like, I don't know, man, it's just not normal. Look at it. And again, I was like staring at it for a few minutes, not knowing what the appropriate amount of time

was to be staring at my friend's cock. Or the reaction. Yeah. My reaction was like, wow, it's impressive. I don't think I've had a boner for five hours. But eventually after some time of doing this whole dance back and forth, another couple people found out and one of the girls.

Yeah, I guess they thought it was, yeah. Word got around. The Dean kept on coming out with a boner and one of the girls. Yeah, I could say that. I thought we were going around. We're going to go around the Dean kept on coming out with a boner and Brian following back in. Wait, I wonder why I never got laid in that group. Now let's start to think about it. I think it might have to do with that one night where I kept following this guy back into his room with a boner.

I could have been. And yeah. No, it's a big deal. That gives the money an impression. Yes, that'll give somebody. We'll be back after these words. Oh, man. So he went to the hospital.

He went to the hospital and I don't know what they did from the games. I'm kind of medicine. Never saw him again after. Never saw him again after. He died of an erection. He died of a heart on. He died. Heart attack?

No, heart on. Heart on. Yeah. So I mean, listen, it's, you know, it must have been horribly embarrassing for him, but he had to walk in. I wasn't there with him. He had to walk into the emergency room. You didn't go with him after all you'd been through.

No, I was too fucked up. I was like, no, I am walking into those bright lights. No into the emergency room. You didn't go with him after all you'd been through. No, I was too fucked up. I was like, no, I am walking into those bright lights. No, the hospital lights. Yeah, I've literally one time dropped a friend off at the front of the hospital, like pushed him out the door. Like they do it, like the gunshot, when victims, they just like pushed him out the door, don't tell anybody anything.

Heard. My friend was having a panic attack. It's like all of us loaded into a crew. It's like, and it was like nine in the morning, right? Or like whenever the sun comes up, like eight in the morning during the summer, right? And like everybody was like all fried and weird and the whole situation was weird.

And she was like, I think I'm dead, I'm dying. And I was like, oh no, this sucks. And so after a while, we just made the decision that she has to go to the hospital because she's really looking pretty bad. And we literally like, we got there. And she's like, okay, who this sucks. And so after a while, we just made the decision that she has to go to the hospital because she's really looking pretty bad. And we literally like, we got there and she's like, okay, who's coming with me? And we were like, no, no, no, no, no, I can't,

yeah, you're on your own. We got you here. Do you have insurance? We got you here. Call your mom. It was a shitty thing to do, but if you've ever been fucked up, then you know that at some point you gotta cut your losses.

You just gotta say, you're in good hands. That's right, you're with sober people. We're gonna do you no good. We're just gonna confuse the situation. We all might end up in a hospital. Well, we're paying a contract. So we didn't do it poor girl. I can, yeah, I remember that.

Okay, let's, we'll get to one more because now we've wasted an entire 30 minutes talking about my, my my friends boner Hey coach what do you need? Get in here, Brian. I need ice to my see hot in the hand with Vaseline get in and out All right, son turn on big big beautiful women turn up the volume real loud and go to town I'm going as fast as I can Game-k-game full full full to the right to the left go go go

Those little ants are marching I can feel them Victory's like a whiteboard like play Yeah, you're gonna rub it a little bit to the left, you're gonna rub it to, rub it twice to the left and once to the right. Then I want you to juggle my balls a little bit so and slap me in the ass. That's the old Hail Mary. Yeah, now if we get to the fourth quarter

and we're just about to score some, if we're just about to score on the times running out, you know what I want you to do? Stick a finger in my ass. Stick it. We're gonna do the old poop and chuten. I call this the old poop and shooting stick it right up my head Sorry coach

Let you down. I'm sick and stirring. I don't know what to tell you. I tried everything We're gonna have to I'm just pinched and pinched and coach. I'm not theing his pitch and coach. I'm not the normal, I'm not the normal batter. Oh, you know, we should have done that entire time. Probably should have called his girlfriend back. Yes. But I think the problem was, is I think there was,

like I think there was attempts to make it go down. And then she's like, I gotta go. Well, I don't think she was a part of that because I think he was, I think he noticed like our number, he was in the back room for a while. And his girlfriend, who we all knew, had left many, or not many, but a couple, I remembering a couple hours earlier.

Yeah. And so, I mean, you know, maybe it just didn't work. Maybe. I don't know, but that's gotta be incredibly uncomfortable. I gotta say, if you go more than an hour with an erection, that's probably the kind of, that's probably kind of painful. I would be concerned also. Well, especially in a party setting.

Yeah, and it's your house too. It's not like you can come out wave the flag. Yeah, everybody, I got it. I got a heart on them, oh, go away. Party's over. Clear out. I hate to interrupt your game of madden over here, but I don't know if you noticed.

I got a raging boner that won't go away. Anybody got any ideas? Anybody familiar with a raging boner that goes on for hours at a time? I make fun, but you know, people, this happens. They say it right on that Viagra commercials. They do. If you have a direction,

last thing, more than five hours, five doctor immediately, go to the hospital, go to the yard. Because I mean, I think that blood gets stuck down there, eventually you get blood spots and stuff. Yeah, I wonder what they did. I wonder, they're trying to get in some Xanax or something, and it was like, come down, dude,

you're all fucked up. Cause we were fucked up. I mean my twenties were you can you reach out doing like on Facebook? I wish I knew I wish I knew I fear that he's dead. Yeah remember me I was in the bedroom with you trying to make your boner go down I should post it on his Facebook law It's me I was trying to make your boner go down that one night. Good to see you again. Good to see you. Did you have a good rid of that erection?

Remember we were in your room a couple of times trying to make that boner go away? But a be a true story like it would be. Good time. Oh yeah. I like that. Oh yeah. Do you ever see you in years? That's time I saw you. Oh, yeah Dude I've seen you in years last time I saw you you were helping me get my erection down You were talking to my dick last time I saw you okay buddy time to go bed time to go to sleep 90 put a little hat on it wrap it into blanket play the call mouth Read it a little book The. It's wrapping the blanket. Play the call map. We did a little book. The little boner, the good.

Oh my God. This little boner went to this little boner went to market. And this little boner went to town. This little boner said, hide this little boner and this little boner went down. That's a good one. Thank you very much. Do you want to class water a little boner? It's time to go to bed.

Dad, go to sleepies. Oh my god, we wasted 40 minutes talking about my friend's boner. It's time to go to bed. Now, yeah, I'm counting boners there. I'm counting, I'm counting, I'm counting, come, little cum shots. What? Jumping into the fifth.

Yeah, jumping over the fifth. B, B, B. Ah, ah, ah. Oh my. Yeah. This is the kind of quality of a table that you can expect on Friday. Here at the commercial break.

Our advertisers are thrilled with us. 1800 flowers. 1800 flowers is like, wow, thank God we decided to advertise what those guys. Just took a shot. I know. Yeah. Well, 1800 flowers, maybe this is an occasion.

Maybe Valentine's Day is a bit of holiday. Get well soon. Get well soon. Get limp soon. Get limp soon. Get rid of that heart on day. I heard about your heart on and I'm really sorry. I heard about your prize. I just want you to know that it's a serious condition that we hear it.

One 800 flowers takes seriously. Maybe they have like a little balloon that's like half filled with air. Like a little dick balloon half filled with air that's kind of like this. Like the one you twist into a hot guy. Yeah, yeah. But it's like, it's not all the way full. It's kind of like, that's a perfect one. Oh my god.

Wow. This has been an interesting episode of the commercial break to say the week. It's like a turn. It took a turn. I felt I had to be honest with the audience. That's what happened. Wow.

Hopefully they laughed too. Hopefully they did. I'm sure we got to giggle out of somebody. Probably not the person that was listening at work. All the show notes out the window again. There you go. This is Chris and Brian going off on his tangent. Started off with team mom ended up with me trying to convince my friends boner to go down. Come on coach. He got this coach. You got this, coach. I got this, coach. Put it in the airs now! Run the Hail Mary!

TCPpodcast.com is where you go to find out all the, and that's more about Chrissy and I. You can read all the show notes. You can watch all of our YouTube videos and find our entire audio library there for now. You can find our entire audio library on our, on our website. More about that coming up in the future.

Chrissy. Call us too if you want or text us. Yeah 4705848449 call even message text us. Standard text messaging rates do apply but we we will get back to you promise and it will be one of us. One of us here on the staff will get back to you. Yes. Unless you're just you know unless you're just calling to tell us to fuck off. Well we'll still get back to you. No, we'll know that. We'll know that. We'll still be spotted. We'll know that.

It's most, it's a lot of Chrissy and I going back and forth on that. I don't know why I go with it. It's a test. Did you get this? Did you get this? Did you get this? We actually have had some people that have texted us, so I appreciate it. Awesome.

Thank you. And what else? More news. Patreon's going to be revamped. We'll tell you more about that in the upcoming weeks. Well, that's really exciting. We've got a new Patreon platform. I think that's gonna be better value for everybody

and hopefully people wanna jump on in. But we also are now releasing Friday episodes. That's why you're hearing us on Friday. And... Friday. Yeah, Friday, Tuesdays and Fridays. We are here for you. What else can I say at the commercial break on Instagram?

And yeah, catch us on Clubhouse, where they're come there all the time. Not there all the time. But also, I want you to know that TCP, the commercial break is going to start recording episodes, couple episodes a month live on Clubhouse. That means you can interact with us live and the way that you get notified about those

because of course we're recording this, it's not live. The way that you get notified is you go to Clubhouse if you're a member and find me at Brian Green, be our Y-A-N-G-R-E-E-N and follow me and hit the little bell next to my name and then you'll be notified whenever we open a room and that way you can follow us or you can go to TCB Chrissy with a K-R-I-S-S-Y.

So that's it, that's all I gotta say. I love you. We'll get through this. Two episodes a week now ladies and gentlemen Thank you very much follow and subscribe on YouTube if you're so kind until next time The commercial break Friday episodes can now be found on patreon at patreon.com Slant the commercial break new episodes are available on YouTube every Tuesday new episodes are available on YouTube every Tuesday. Visit www.tcbpodcast.com for more information on all of our contents.

Follow us at the Commercial Break on Instagram or leave us a message at 470-584-8449. The Commercial Break is written and produced by Brian Green. Co-hosted by Chrissy Hoatle. The commercial break, tune it in and write it out. you