The Commercial Break - She's Big Sac Certified!

Episode Date: June 26, 2023

She's got big hair and a bigger sac...Theresa's back and she's certified SAC! Um, Spiritual Awareness Class certified, that is. Bryan has to get a new car The blinker fluid blues Car Mom is the best If you ride with Bryan you’re sitting in a car seat Big sticks and small sticks Radio technology! In a limo! 96.7 The Legend Bryan used to call his mom from the radio station Ask Bryan’s Mom Theresa Caputo being interviewed by Barbara Corcoran  She’s got a microphone in her hair…yeah yeah yeah It looks just like a wig bRYAN & KRissy’s secret word She wasn’t scared, but she woke up with blood curdling screams What was missing for Theresa? She’s out here acting like she’s the first medium ever This is a well worn con! Barb is wildin with these questions She’s got a degree from SAC LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us or leaving a voicemail at: 1.855.TCB.8383 Speak to TCB LIVE by calling 775.TCB.LIVE (1.775.822.5483) Tuesday-Thursday 12pm-5pm EST Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Written By: Bryan Green Exec Producers: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Content Production & Research: Tina Khano YouTube Producer & Editor: Morgan Please Audio Editing: Christina A. Executive Director: Astrid B. Associate Producer: Gustavo Episodic Contribution: Marianne, Diane, Natalie, Will The Champ, Will D** Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whatcha doin' fuckin' da? I don't fuckin' know. Ya na na ya, stara. And I don't know, da, da. On this episode of the commercial break, Virgil, Awareness Clans. Well, now she's qualified.

Now we know. She's got a certified degree from spiritual awareness, a Academy of America. She's a jigger class. That's right. I don't know where. But, S-A-A.

Ta-a. I've got a degree from Sa. From Sa. Yes. Sa. Sa. I've got two sex. I've got two really big sex.

What a Yahoo. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. The Hurt Walks with the Hurt Bums! Oh yes it does and welcome back to the commercial break on Brian Green. This is my dear friend and gorgeous co-host, Kristen Joy. How they best of you, Kristen. And that's the ride. Best of you out there in the podcast universe.

I am in the absolute hellish nightmare that is looking for a new car. Oh yeah that's tough. Oh Chrissy. It's hours and hours and hours of research. But this isn't like buying a car because I really, because I have a bunch of extra money and because God knows I don't have any extra money. Please send money. We'll ask you many times for money.

It's the car fun. Now, get to the job of now. Get to Patreon now. We ask for money and our fans reject us. We give them three episodes and they download more than ever. So I'm just giving you this to you all for free, I guess. It's our service. Yeah, it's our service to you.

It's our gift to God. We're walking in the way of Jesus. It's not like I just came into a bunch of money or that I've been planning this for years or researching cars and I've finally got enough fuel in my tank to go buy a new car. It's because my engine blew up in the car that I was driving. Eight years old. I'm not going gonna mention the brand,

I don't, you know, it doesn't really matter, but because it happens, it doesn't really matter what kind of car you're driving. We had a V8 engine and the V8 engines are always known to be a little finicky, especially if you're driving them around the city and stop and go. And let's be honest about it, I am not exactly the easiest, I'm not the easiest person to live with,

I'm not the easiest person to work with, I'm not the easiest person to do the commercial break worth and then certainly not the easiest person to be driving you. So if you're a car, I'm not the easiest person to get along with because I drive a car as if my balls are on fire 24 hours a day. I drive fast, I drive hard, I stop quick, I go quick, I honk, I flick people off. I'm basically, I'm one of those guys waiting to be murdered by somebody over a road reagent. That's what I am. I don't get out of cars, I don't, and I actually don't flick people off.

And I, I will now cuss, but I cuss under my breath because my son repeats everything that I say. So when I say, what a fucking moron, he'll go, daddy, who a fucking moron? And then I go son, he's a fucking moron. Yeah, he's a fucking moron. But I just drive cars so hard, but I also bought that car used, so there's no telling who had the car before me. Could have been another you.

Could have been another me. Could have been some dude, hauling up and down a mountain. I don't know. But so I mean, this un-enviable position of taking the car into the shop because the check engine light came on, and I thought, I, you know,

it's probably like the gas cap or something. These things, the... Oh, yeah. You know, it's a code that it goes off. You hope it's nothing big. It went on six months ago, and it was the gas cap. So I was hoping that it was the gas cap again. Well, then the girl, who's like fresh-faced, she can't be older than 21 years old, sweetest young lady

and super smart about cars. But I think this is probably the first time she's ever had a call somebody and tell them that your car is basically totaled for no good reason whatsoever because you know I get I have like this I go to the service the dealership to get a service and then I have these text alerts and she can text me via these text alerts. And so on Saturday, I brought it on Friday, on Saturday, she text me and she's like, hey, Mr. Green, I just got an update from the service center. Can I call you? And I was like, I'm fucked. Because I look through that string of text messages and not one service advisor has ever called me ever. They're all like, you know, oil change done or you need to get rotors, you know, would you like to get that done

now? Yes. But she calls and she's like, let me read what the technicians said. I might as well hung up the phone right then. I might as well said trash it. Because you know exactly what's going on. And that is that the car is obviously needs a ton of work. So it needs $30,000 worth of work and who's going to put $ thirty thousand dollars into an old car. No one. And that's the dealership prices, of course. I could take it to, you know, like salmon Bob salmon Bob's ball hair ball hair wigs and foreign car service station. That's what got me in this trouble in the first place. I took the damn thing for an oil change. It was the pandemic.

We obviously have no listeners, so we have no money. So we're not, you know, we're just out here pissing and mowing. So. You want to get a good deal? I didn't have any money. Yeah, I've done that before. Rather than take it to the $1,000 dealership,

I took it to the oil change, move and express. It will be fine. It'll be fine. I tell my mom to go there all the time. They're always so sweet to her. She always needs a lot of work done because they see a sucker coming a mile away.

But I'm also a sucker coming a mile away because I'm not a car guy. I know enough to be dangerous, but I'm not a car guy. I pretend to be a car guy. So when they come around and they're like, you got a deviated calf shank, you got a deviated cam shaft, you got two spark plugs need replacement and you got your timing belt in your wheels

are interconnected with your interlocking and your overhosen is doing some things to spilling out all over the ground, your overhosen fluid is, your blinker fluid is completely fucked. You need more blinker fluid than I've ever seen a man named blinker fluid. Usually those things should be good for about 2,000 turns. I don't know what happened to yours, but you need a lot of Blinker fluid. And I'm usually like, mm-hmm, exactly. And what kind of Blinker fluid are you putting in there? What about the ball bearings?

Yes, the ball about ball bearings. It's all about ball bearings. It's all about ball bearings. So I pretend that I know something. I'm like, well, I can probably get Blinker fluid at the Kruger, like, do I really need to pay $20 for it here? I'm just telling you, you go to croaker and get that you get that blinker fluid It's there'd be a discount on it now, but I've heard a lot of people who are stuck without blinkers

Because they didn't put the right blinker fluid in and I'll be like, oh, I guess you're right How much is the blinker fluid? It's $182 for the blinker fluid. It's $622 for the labor right to install it But we can do it right now. Five minutes, take us five minutes to do it. Hahaha. Ah, all right, I guess so. And then they give you the cabin filter every time. Look at this cabin filter.

I mean, your children are breathing in this out there. The filter. Yeah. It basically looks like a raccoon gizd all over your filter. What are you gonna do here, sir? I can't legally put this back on the road. I have an obligation to the United States oil change and lubricant service men of America. In the by-law says, I can't let someone drive a car that's unsafe.

I just can't let you drive this car unless you change cabin air filter and your brinker fluid. And while you're at it, a very important part of the car is basically completely shot. What's that? The Overhosen. The Overhosen's broken? Overhosen's completely fucked.

That's shot. Yeah, now you take this into dealership and they're gonna charge you $6,000 for a brand new Overhosen. I happen to have and aftermarket Overhosen, I get it done, tax tag and title, $4,909.42. We'll change it right now. You change it right now? Right now.

Payment plan, if you need it, you do have PayPal, you can do like PayPal Express or something like that. All right, what does the overhosen do? Oh, it basically controls the entire car. Oh yeah, everything. I don't have the software that you need to check these engine lights, but I'll tell you right now, it's the overhosen. I guess go get an overhosen then too. Need an overhosen on one. The bell

rings like a like the tip bell at a bar. Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding. He's a big sale that just got made. Yeah, that's right. That's wrong. Ha ha ha ha. So I am just in a tizzy. And as we're speaking, the guy from the car dealership text me. No way. Telling me I need to put more money into the transaction. Oh. Ha ha ha ha. So listen, so I'm in the market for a car.

I gotta be honest. How many times do you bought a new car in your life? Oh, a brand new car? Not a new car. Like a new car. Oh yeah. Not like a new new car. Couple times.

Couple times. Mm-hmm. Okay. So, my dad. Of course, I want my dad to come with me too. There is this woman that, and I'm gonna give her a big shout out here because I didn't hear about her until last night, and I am so fucking impressed with this lady that I can't stand it, and I'm just in love with her YouTube channel now. It's called Car Moms.

Nice. She's the Car Moms. And basically what she is, she's a mother who knows enough about cars to be really dangerous. She's super smart about cars, but she doesn't get into the weeds. What she gets into is here are the pretty features on it. Here is how it drives. Here are the safety features, and here's how your children will fit in this car. That's important.

You have, because if you have three car seats, or four car seats or 12 car seats, how many fucking car seats we have in that thing now. If you have that many car seats and you go to a dealership, finding the right configuration where those seats fit and are safe is the most important thing. And if you have 12 to 13 children, there is no car on it. They're like two cars that have the right configuration.

That's true. This car, mom, she's pretty, she's well-spoken, and she does it in a way that is interesting to me, to me. Like, and I'm obviously not her target market, but I found it fascinating, and she was it in a way that is interesting to me, to me. Like, and I'm obviously not her target market, but I found it fascinating and she was really knowledgeable. When we go to get a new car, I am scared, and I'll tell you why I'm scared, because I really don't know a lot about cars.

So this guy could tell me that this thing is a rocket ship to the press this button and you go to space, and it's only an extra $10,000, and you must have it because it's all the extra $10,000 and you must have it because it's all the rage or it's the most, it's a safety feature. If Putin throws a nuke over into Ukraine, you press this button and you go to outer space. That's right. Now you're flying around with the Tesla satellites.

Well, you got to go to consumer reports, right? No. Here's what I've done. Here's what I've done. And you tell me if this is good or bad or different. Or a car mom. Or a car mom. But so I go to car moms or asked her pulls of car moms,

and she's showing me this. And I'm just fascinated by the information that I'm getting, by the lady and by the information that I'm getting. So what the lady says is, basically, the car that I was looking at that is currently at the dealership, right? But the newer model is the best car that you can get for this configuration. So I have made the decision in life after buying a number of cars.

I've made the decision in life. There's one person and one person only that I trust to sell me a car. And I will only go to that person to buy to sell that car to me because I think he's shooting me straight. He says happy birthday, happy fourth of July, happy quanza, Jewish holiday. Customers, service. It's great.

Every year I get a birthday card from him. I don't get a birthday card from my own fucking brothers. I get a birthday card from a guy who sold me a car five years ago. But he shoots me straight and he always, at least in my experience, he's always gotten me the deal that I need. Maybe not the deal that I want, but the deal that I need.

Yeah, where there's a give and take. Where there's a little give and take, which mainly means he walks, he goes like this, he goes, brother, I got you. I got you, brother. He doesn't say boss. Boss. He doesn't say boss. He doesn't say she.

I've never been a telltale. Yeah, he says brother and I like that. And he goes, brother, I got you. What do you need, what do you need to fit into? Well, I needed to be less than $400, $500 a month. You know, if I got you six, could you do six? I could do six. If you get, if you get me six, I can do six.

All in. I'm gonna be right back. Let me talk to my manager. I got you covered, brother. Oh, the old talk to the manager. And then here's what he does. he walks around the building a couple times He smokes a cigarette and takes a cup of coffee. He says I'm gonna sell a car today. I got Brian in there You got green? You got my brother Brian my brother Brian

It's fair our mortgage this one You got green. Yeah, and then he licks his pen. It comes back in and he's like dude. I am so happy I'm so happy. I'm not happy about the price. I'm happy about this vehicle for you and your family. That's exactly what he said to me today. I'm excited for you about this vehicle for you and your family.

It's what you need. And I'd be like, yeah, and, and, I talked to my manager and I got it down to $973. I thought we said 600. But brother, let me tell you something. For an extra $58,000, you are getting anti-lock breaks and a moonroof. Okay, you got it?

You understand? You like it? Is that good? And I'm like, yeah, that's really good. I got a moonroof for $58,000. The key is it fits three car seats. And I think I've rode in one of those car seats in the back. Yeah, that's the thing.

Because if you ride with me, you're riding in a car seat. I can't fit any extra people in there. You know what though? I actually like that. Because then it separates me for many bumps, bum and a ride to me. Hey, we're all going down to the, nor the jacks of it for the weekend.

You want to come? Yeah, bro, cool. I'm on my way. No, no, no, no, settle down on the mushroom gummies because you're driving your own car. And I like that. That makes me happy. That's right. Cause I want to fart and sing and watch, listen to bad television while I'm driving. TLC on the screen. I love this first dates, this UK program. I got this first dates.

It's the most amazing program. I just love it. And so it's on one of these like off-market streaming services to be or whatever. And so all the way on the ride home from the lake the other day, I had it sitting in the passenger seat and I was just listening to it because you can listen and keep up. Right. But then every once in a while, I kind of flash down to see what the people look like. You know, they're on first dates.

That's how it is. It's a show about first dates. Oh, imagine that. And then they put cameras all around the restaurant, microphones on every table. And so they catch the most interesting first. It's a restaurant full of first dates. They catch the most interesting ones.

Oh my god. I mean, think about the pressure anyways for a first date. Total fucking shit show. And then you've got cameras everywhere. By the way. I mean, think about the pressure anyways for a first day. Total fucking shit show. And then you've got cameras everywhere. By the way, I don't think, and then they don't give you an update afterwards. What they do say is did they go out on a second date? Right, okay.

I think the batting average there is about 90% of people never make it past the first date. It's a terrible way to meet people. But it's a fascinating thing to listen to. So I go, I see my boy Steve and Steve says, this is my brother. My brother, my brother Steve, my brother from another mother, from Chicago,

so at least exactly the same. I guess we were in the same zip code at some point in our life. You're from Chicago too? People from Chicago are extraordinarily weird. There is a line in the West Wing that I love. The president is talking to his chief of staff and the chief of staff says, well, I gotta go to Chicago.

And the president goes, it's weird. People from Chicago are always saying how they can't, you know, how they love Chicago and they can't live without it. And they're never from, they're never living in Chicago when they said that. No. People from Chicago are strange.

We all think it's our home, but none of us want to live there. But anyway, so Steve from Chicago hooks me up with a deal that's way too expensive for me, but you know what? I don't have a fucking choice. Now I actually got to buy the car. What is a boy to do? Well, I know, maybe if you don't have a working car, then you have to get one.

We don't have a working car. I mean, we have a working car, then you have to get one. We don't have a working car. I mean, we have a working car. It's my mom's car. No, I saw that. Yeah, that thing is not. That's the one I was going to stick the bumper sticker on. Yeah. New to stone board.

Oh, new to stone board. New to stone board. Hi, Brian. It's your mom. Hi, mom. Hi. I just want to let you know I started driving a car the other day. You know, Terry from Pennsylvania. I do know Terry from Pennsylvania. Yes, Mom. Hi. Um, I just wanted to let you know I was driving a car the other day. You know Terry from Pennsylvania.

I do know Terry from Pennsylvania. Yes, Mom, you don't have to tell me where they're from. You know what? Ah, we were riding in the car and then someone came up and flashed their penis right on the passenger side window. I can't figure out why. It's happened three times this week. She can't drive anymore, so we took her car.

But the only problem is that the only car she can get into is that one. So I'm driving her home last night. I'm telling her about this ca-fucked a situation with the car. I'm like, I'm so pissed because any available cash that I have is now gonna get sucked up by this transaction. And she's like, well, you know what you can't do, honey?

What's that? You can sell this car and then give me the money from this car so I could put in my bank account. And then you just buy another car that you can fit into Isn't that a good idea? How does that help me mom? And which car do you and I'm gonna go car shopping for the car that you can fit into? I can't even fit my four-month-old daughter in there. Why am I gonna then look for you? No, I mean, I love you mom But yeah, that's the extra. Yeah, my mom always was looking for, my mom is just like me, she's always looking for an angle.

I think she does it innocently enough, but she's always looking for an angle. And I do love her. You know what I thought about? I love her too. I think I mentioned this. Back in the 96, 7, the legend days. Oh, taking it back.

We did, so brief history for those of you that are new to the show. Just gonna, I'm sorry, I just got a memory of another girl So brief history for those of you that are new to the show. Just good. I'm sorry. I just got a memory of another girl and I won the sales team for the legend driving a van. Oh my God. And that had 96, 7, the legend on it. I mean, remember when they were giving those things plastered or wrapped. Yes, wrapped.

Yes, they were wrapped. Plastic. Yeah. And people driving the those things plastered or wrapped? Yes. Wraped. Yes, they were wrapped. Plastered. Yeah, and driving. People driving the car were plastered. The car was wrapped. We had this big, each van, like a passenger van. We were driving around trying to sell advertising. Look, we've got a van. Or legit.

I took that van all the way down to the road at Lansing. Yeah. And at the oil and loobings, the place down to the road at Lantern. And at the oil and moving stress, the place that fucked the car in the first place, I didn't even take the end of that story. They put an aftermarket oil filter in the car when I got it, and I think that's what fucked the engine because the technicians said that might have something to do

and that also devoid the warranty. So of course I can't get it paid for. So when Chrissy and I met, there was, we were in a cluster of radio stations. It's basically a central location where they sell number of radio stations and streaming properties. One of the radio stations,

they have big sticks and small sticks. Big sticks are what, exactly what it sounds like, what's in Brian's pants, and small sticks are exactly what it sounds like, what's in Frankie B's pants. Big sticks reach a wide area. Lots of people. All over it man. Yeah, you can get it up in Tennessee.

Yeah. If they turn it up enough, the small sticks reach very limited area. We're talking like 10 square miles. I'm very targeted here. Very targeted area. It's basically like one, an antenna, the old antenna you see on some people's roofs.

That's what a small stick station is. It's like that curved one that's an arrow on the back of limos. Yes, that's it. From the 80s. The boomerang looking thing. Yeah. And when you saw that, you were like, oh, they have radio technology With the most sophisticated you HF television technology built in

Mean about they have like a black and white clunky television like taped up to the roof of the Of the limo at least that's what we got for my homecoming all right We thought I got I ordered is I'd never forget being so excited to order that stretch limo. Oh yeah. And I got it. You know, I've got my dad's approval and everybody agreed to pay X amount of dollar. All the guys agreed to pay X amount of dollars. And so I was the first one that got picked up because my dad had had. I believe your dad approved that. He approved it and he'd regretted it the second that he did because we were all smoking cigarettes in the back and we made a bunch of burnholes and I think he had a pay an extra $400

to get the carpet cleaned. It was like, it was a whole mess. And the guy didn't even wait to, like we ended up going to a party afterwards. He was supposed to be there until midnight and the guy didn't even wait till 11. He took off when we were in the party. Anyway, that's not the point.

But we get in there and Chrissy, everything is taped together. There was literally duct tape everywhere, including the television being duct taped to the center console and it's black and white. And even though that limo had the antenna on it, he also had the two little rabbit ears sticking out of it. But we still thought it was the coolest thing ever that we could watch television in a car. And it like changed lights probably inside. So that was a cool thing.

Yeah, you could, well, no, there were lights you just had to press the button to turn them on and off and they were all white, like that awful white light that would come out of there. So. Okay, so back to the small stick. So we were on this, I convinced the program director of this cluster of these 12 or 13 radio stations,

the cluster, fuck, that's right. I convinced the director of programming, the guy who's in charge of putting stuff on the air and what got put on the air, it took me months and months, but finally he got irritated with me enough, I was begging him to get on the radio. And so finally he said, 96, 7, the legend, which is a classic country station with a qume, that means how many people it could possibly reach of 20,000 people. I was going to say 10,000 but yeah, I'm doing that. And I think they were overestimating there.

I think they were also counting people who could get a... I was out trying to sell it. Crowd. I know. That station made like $13,000 a year. But no one cared because the antenna was on top of some guy's house and they didn't have to pay anything for it. They just ran, classily, country, music that had no one cared because the antenna was on top of some guy's house and they didn't have to pay anything for it. They just ran classic country music that had no copyright anymore because it was so fucking old. Not 967 the legend. You're listening to Atlantis classic

country leader 967 the legend. It should have said, you're listening to South Georgia's only classic country station. You're listening to peach tree cities and maybe not even all of peach tree cities, classic country, only station, 967. So he says, okay, dipshit, you can be on from one in the morning to four in the morning on 96, seven to legend. If I get one phone call, one complaint, or someone downstairs, meaning the business office, tells me that it's distracting from your regular job, the game is over, bro. I basically don't want to hear from you or see you in that studio ever.

And so, but you would record it ahead of time. So I wasn't actually on from one to four in the morning. I was recording it after I would get out of work. You recruited me to record on that one too. I did. Chrissy was in the radio station with me a couple of times too. But when I got on 96.7 the legend, I was by myself at first and I wanted to start doing some stuff that was fun.

So because the radio station didn't have a phone line that could take calls, I started calling out. And who I would call out is I would call my mom and I would talk to her on the phone. And this was endlessly entertaining because my mom is not on purpose, endlessly entertaining. She's just like one of those people. It's just the way she is. She's just kind of a goofball. She's just like a, I don't know. I don't know.

A misfit toy. Yeah, and she doesn't, I gotta get her on here. I don't even wanna try and explain, I've done the voice a million times. I don't even wanna try to explain what my mom's personality is. But I think she would be good to answer emails from some of our fans. I think so too.

Like if someone had a sexually explicit question or they wanted to know something about their partner or they're looking for life advice on something, ask my mom. Ask Brian's mom because she may not know the first thing about what you're asking but she will make it up and that is where I get it from. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Steve just convinced me to spend $58,000 more than I intended to Brother actually Steve did a great job. I don't I can't yeah, I think we got it I think we're getting a good deal. I don't know though. I don't know Car mom says we are that's all that matters in my mind now. Well, you can't take it back to Billy Bob's place now anymore.

No, there's no more Billy Bob's. But I'm never going to another oil and lubricant express ever because they put an aftermarket filter in my fucking car. How do you do that? You literally went and bought a, I don't know. Tywinese filter for a car that's not even made here in the United States or driven here in the United States

and stuffed it inside of my oil filter cage. Feel like a coffee filter. You stuff it in my overhosen? You broke my overhosen. I took it to the dealership and they said the overhosen was improperly installed. As well as the brake fluid. As well as the blinker fluid.

Well, let me tell you what, brother, I'm so sorry about that. We are definitely going to take care of that. You just got to pay for the labor, $3,000. I'll eat the parts you get the labor. It's not like a deal. Sure, buddy. Let me see if we got any more of that premium brinker food. Brinker.

Braving a breaker, for real. Right, right, right, right. I talk for a living, leave you alone. Ah! Good luck to you. Best to you in your car. And best to you in the entire podcast universe. Yeah. All right, I know everyone's settled down.

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This is a product that we use, we're falling in love with it and the kids know it's time to go night night when they see the nightlight of Hatch. Thanks Hatch for becoming a sponsor of The Commercial Break. It's been a long time since we discussed one of our favorite topics, Teresa Capuda. Oh, I. I, you know, we recorded an episode yesterday where we talked about another like, hot seven signs that your kid might be psychic,

but I don't know if that one will ever see the light of day because it wasn't that good. And I was late for a phone call, so I just cut the episode off halfway through. I know, all of a sudden you were like, I was, and panicked. I got panicked, yeah. I literally was like, yeah.

I do this whole song and dance to make sure I hit the post and I was like, ccbpodgast.com, all right. Until next time, good bye. Like, whoa, that seemed short, but okay. Yeah, it was, it was, and it was not good. You come in here, you shoot six, a week or eight, a week or whatever it is.

Sometimes there's blanks. You're gonna shoot some blanks. That's just gonna happen. You try talking for it. You try doing this. I was talking to another person in the podcast industry and she says quite frankly, what is most amazing about the commercial break

is that it's 370 episodes deep. And I was like, I know and she goes, because do you know how many, this is like a big wig in the industry, right? Handling a lot of different shows. Big wig. Big wig. And she said, you know you know I have there are so many podcasts where we offer them a bunch of money well I she's welcome to do that to me too by the way if she's listening

they offer them a bunch of money and then they ask for some upfront cash and she's like when we almost exclusively never do that and here's the reason why because even with the shows where they were there under contract for a lot of money, I can't put a gun to anybody's head and make them make content. So a lot of times, they just walk away from the show. They're like, well, I didn't really have a good idea of what it was gonna be in the first place,

and I have no idea what I'm doing now. I just don't feel like there's any like meat and potatoes to the show. Same. Join the club. Just roll with it. Just pretend you know what you're doing. You think Chrissy and I put any thought into this whatsoever?

We keep saying every contract period, we're like, this is it. We're gonna get the big bucks. We're gonna sit down. We're gonna take this more seriously. Really big things out. Bring in some comedy writers, actual, you know, an executive producer type

that come in and whip us into shape. And then we don't get the big dollar. So we're like, maybe we'll pick up some people that are on strike right now. It's not on strike, it's the people who are being laid off. Spotify just laid off 300 podcasts. Now I'm talking about in the movie. Oh, the SAG after?

Yes. Yeah, I just read an article that everyone's now, all the celebrities are gonna start running to podcasts because SAG after it does not have anything to do with the podcasting. In other words, their contract, the union doesn't touch the podcast usually in most contracts. So what's gonna happen is they think this person was speculating that all the sudden people are gonna flood the zone with podcasts and pay Riders big money. I got news for you. There's not a lot of money in podcasting right now

I don't know if you notice that he's not at this level. It's really hard. It's a really tough thing to do Even when you have 40 to 50 listeners It's a really tough thing to do. Even when you have 40 to 50 listeners. If I'm gonna spend an extra $58,000 on that car, you know what I need, an extra 58 listeners. To stay with me for the next 13 years, so I can make that money back. You're on the 13 year month plan?

Yeah, I wish they would give me a 13 year car loan because that would be down in that $600 range I was looking for. give me a 13 year car loan because that net would be down in that $600 range I was looking for. Okay, Chrissy, I was throwing on the internet. As they do like to do, I found the most, the I think one of the craziest videos that I have ever seen from what I would call a rather professional entertainer. Have you ever, you know, Barbara Corcoran is? Yeah, of course, from Shark Tank. Barbara Corcoran, she's like a real estate mogul. She was, a really estate mogul.

She had her first business was bought for $300 million. I think it was back when she was in her 40s and she stayed at home to be a mom and she said I did that for three years and I couldn't do it anymore. They should tell me there's a chance. Yeah, so they were telling me there's a chance. She's like, I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't handle those chills a chance. Yeah, so they were telling me there's a chance. She's like, I couldn't do it anymore.

Couldn't handle those chills. That's right. And I think she had one child. No. No. You don't have to be a mother. I'm not that's not what I'm saying. Please don't mistake what I'm saying.

But Barbara Quirckeren is by all accounts of pretty sharp business woman. She seems like it. Yeah, and pretty well respected in general. I'm gonna talk about the Shark Tank one episode. I was gonna say, I don't think Mark Cuban had on anybody that was gonna make him look bad. So.

No, that's true. And Mark Cuban, let's be honest, is the reason why that show exists. Yes. Currently, because the first two seasons were not good. That Kevin Harrington got, anyway, not a Shark Tank thing. I wanna get into Shark Tank one day, but I don't wanna get into it here.

So Barbara Corcoran is doing a podcast that has been recorded and then saved on YouTube for posterity. This video has hundreds of thousands of views, and it is completely unprofessional. Well, I mean, the only reason everybody is viewing it is to look how high her hair is, my God. Barbara, wait, the first...

And she's so tan. She's taner than I am. I know. I mean, it's great. And I try. You think she's injecting that stuff into her skin? Oh, my God. You know, you can inject like a darkener into your blood veins.

And then, yeah, I do. I'm looking into it currently. I can't do that sunbed anymore. So now I'm looking for alternatives. But it has turned some people rather dark. And then that's a whole nother conversation. It looks like you're in blackface and you don't want that. No.

All right, so Barbara Corcoran's podcast, this is a number of years ago with Theresa Caputo. To set the stage, they're sitting at a child's desk from kindergarten. Yes, they are. Am I wrong about that? No, it's a tiny little table. It's a tiny little table. And they're sitting in a child's desk from kindergarten. Am I wrong about that? It's a tiny little table. It's a tiny little table, and they're sitting in tiny little chairs on the floor, basically.

So, I can imagine everyone's already on the table. I just find her. Yeah, well, she's on the box. So, there you go. Oh, she's on the box. Yeah, I think it's one of those things you buy at, like, you know, a gift shop, an opera land or something like that. Okay.

Theresa Caputo, being interviewed, Biberbar Corcoran, listen to how this starts off. I have to imagine this is a mistake that they didn't edit the video. Let's talk a little bit more. Sure. Yeah. You don't have to tell me to stop talking.

You're gonna be more impressed with how my hair bounces back on these headphones and my name to you. So you guys will talk for about 30 minutes with how my hair bounces back and these headphones and my nantibio. So you guys will talk for about 30 minutes and then we'll call the two callers in. I'm going to advise people. So this is a video of her podcast and they're literally showing all the lead up to this. Like, don't you think that Barbara would put somebody in charge that would think enough to at least cut off the beginning of this episode? I would think so.

You're a vice-culture. Even we here at the commercial break at that part, right? Maybe it's the rogue employee. A rogue employee that could have there just run over. I never thought about that. But it's on her channel. Well, maybe she hated Teresa so much too. She decided to just put her in the worst light because listen to what happens here.

Okay. You're present in line, which we'll make in the evening. Really? I always say to my kids, I would say, you life, which we'll make in the nearest. Really? I always say to my kids, I would say, you know, people painted here what I have to say. You guys run for me, you hear my voice? They run for the hills. I would look to get adopted if I was Theresa Caputa's child,

just saying. It sounds like you kids are normal. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, when are you already ready? I'm ready. Okay good. So this is only my third podcast that I haven't done many podcasts. I did one years ago with Pat Monahan, he's a friend of mine from Train. Yeah. And train. What? When a band to train Licks up there from the atmosphere. She's got a microphone in her hair

Friend of mine She stands all black and she looks all blue. She'll talk to ghosts that are fucking you Yeah It was at Kim Zoolsey actually I was promoting my show and I did one so but I never did one like this So this is you never did one like this You mean in children's chairs and a desk that phones in a microphone. I know she's With the headphones Yeah, be sure you're comfortable on that head because I want my headphones are slipping off your wig She's such a plot. With the headphone comes. Yeah. Be sure you're comfortable on that head,

because it's like the headphones are slipping off your wig. No. That's because I don't have a go. So they're not. Ah! Barbara. Barbara, getting a slide little jab in there. Yeah, I get the sense that Barbara really doesn't like Teresa,

but she's just, you know, this is years ago. So she's probably just piggy, you know, piggy fronting off the fame. Yeah. She goes and have a wig my ass. Alright. It looks just like a wig. It looks just like a wig.

No, it doesn't look real. It looks just like a wig. It's a little high compliment. Yeah. Okay, so, let me, where am I going to start? Okay, so what's it like to talk to dead people? Well, today we have with us Teresa Caputo, who you probably all know much more, or you probably all, today we have with us Teresa Caputo, and you probably know her as the long island medium. She's going to share with us how she handles this gift she has, or I might even call it

a superpower. She talks to dead people. Let's hear what it's all about. She talks to dead people. First of all, Barbara is making a mess of this intro. Did she even read this before? Something in episode of the commercial break. I know.

And it's like so unedited. She's very unedited. Yeah, mm-hmm. She does that actor's trick. She goes, mm-hmm. She gets out her crutch words when she does the retake. I think that's an actor's trick. OK.

I think I made that up in my head one of the two. It's a new acting trick. Brian Green's School of Acting and podcasting and car buying. Do I think that's any? That was great. Okay. No, it's great. No, it's great.

That was great. Well fix it and post. Fuck it. Well fix it and post. I'm almost frightened for sitting with you. I'm afraid you don't call my mom. Dad didn't even call me from the past or something. Absolutely.

At nothing like that. Nothing like that. I don't offend anybody because then I don't get them to come back to my show. So, off limits, just for the information. Off limits, okay. But tell me what a medium really is. Because a lot of people have their own idea

about what a medium is or isn't. Yeah, I have doubts. What, let me tell you what my interpretation of a medium is. It's not someone who's totally bullshitting you and it's not someone who's being really honest with you. We're somewhere in the middle. We're medium bullshiters. That's what we are. We're trying to be nice to you.

Do you do and can you really talk to dead people? Talk to dead people. Well, I have the ability to sense and feel our departed loved ones. You know, people always say you're psychic, I don't predict the future. I don't want people's loved ones telling them what they should or shouldn't do with their life decisions and choices.

I, from a very young age of four, I four. I'm pretty sure she has told people though in passing that we watched. Yes. That they're loved ones wants them to do this. They want to move on. Go on that trip. Yeah. And do this. Fuck the pool boy. Like you have been since before I died. That's what I'll be saying to Hesterin. She tells people what to do all the time. This is all horseshit. I wanna come one day with my hair like that. You do? Yeah. I'm telling you right now, if anybody knows,

and I don't think you do, and I think there's a few people who have said they're Theresa Caputo fans, they've been to the shows, and I understand there's some of our listeners like Theresa Caputo. If you believe in this, cool. If you think it works for you, cool. I don't, and that's obvious by now. But teach their own. Like we don't all have to

agree on everything. But if you know to reach a Caputo and you think for the any reason she would come on this show, I would gladly have her and hear her out. But she has to be ready to answer the tough questions. And the tough questions are not, when did your psychic medium powers start? Because that just gives her room to bullshit. I wanna know what our medium psychic medium powers are. Talk to a person. I want you to talk to a dead person right now,

and I want you to talk to Chrissy. Chrissy, when you're, when I'm dead, you go to Teresa Caputo and you tell her that secret word. Remember what the secret word is? I know we have one. You don't know what it is. But I forgot.

She probably write it down. OK, let me write it in the notebook. Do you know what it is? Is that it? No, I just made that one. But I don't remember it either. I'm putting it on the treaty. I've had the ability to sense and feel things

that nobody else was in the room that and I was. I would see, so I can remember a clear vision at four years old. So we're seeing a woman standing at the end of my bed at night. And to me that was normal. But it's a bad boy. You're a woman. You're a lady. So right.

So right. Well, you can talk to dead. I'm going to do this to my kids. Oh! So right there! You can talk to dead people! I'm gonna do this to my kids. Hi kids! You can talk to dead people! With TLC producers! So make sure we have a good agent!

Keep talking to dead people kids! It's gonna pay off big time! Woo! That's my last word to try to put the kids to bed if I needed something on the bedside table. But we have this sign, when the kids aren't quite asleep, you don't want to interrupt, we don't want to walk in because then they get all excited,

daddy, daddy. So she's like waving me off and so I hit the floor and I crawled over to the bedside table. And I thought, I'm gonna scare the shit out of my kid. They're gonna be like, Ah! Yeah. Laying any bed at night,

and you see somebody at the foot of your bed, I would think any child will be frightened to death. That didn't frame you. My, well, remembering it at that time, no, at that exact moment. But my mom would say that I would wake up with blood curdling screams, screaming. And like somebody was literally scared. I'm getting bed head.

Bed head is all started. Attacking me. And there would be no one in my room. I didn't sleep walk. I would just get up and would just have extreme anxiety and felt like I needed to get out of that room, out of that bed, and I just didn't want to be in there. And you actually remember that as a child? I remember that as a child.

I do. I do remember three years old, being three years old. Who remembers being three years old? No one. Yes. That would they bed people in the room? No, I found out. No, they would have perfectly lovely kind of ghosts. You know, they kind of float around and jump on one knee. That's what I was screaming. Yeah, can you imagine?

All these ghosts jumping around and fucking a horse or whatever sign she gets for whatever piggy-fronting. What I found out later in life, it was my great grandmother who had passed before I was even born. Oh my gosh. That was the first soul that I can remember seeing. And when you, let me... I know, we never communicate with her. I would always just see her and feel her. When you were feeling her and waking up with a scream.

Hey grandma! You got tight buns grandma Hi, it's me little to resec a poodle Hey grandma, come here. Let me feel your breath I could feel you grandma. No, shit, I'm still alive I'm sleeping in your room I can smell a great mighty wind. That's your grandma, all that prune juice. And being so frightened as four-year-old, were you actually thinking

there was someone there to harm you or was it a good energy or was it simple? You were afraid because you didn't understand what was going on. I didn't understand what was going on. What did you tell? I would just say this, someone in my parents. Did she think you're crazy, Emma? No, because I come from a very spiritual and a strong. Oh, that's it. She comes from a long line of bullshit, I was like, yeah.

Exactly. It's the spirit. It's the spirit. Oh, Teresa has the gift. How did she do? She's got the gift. She's on a period? No, that's psychic gift. She's got the gift. She's on a period. No, that's a psychic gift. Yeah, that's all I was about to say four years old a little young

But with all the hormones they putting in the milk these days you would never know You mean she's gonna be a bullshit or two good because you ain't making any money. I don't know if you notice Five dollars of reading my ass Family I mean my brother still tells the story of one night that I convinced my parents Looking in my window wait hold on I want to hear that big green eyes that it like three o'clock in the morning He had my dad out there on the ladder on the roof of my brother and it turned out to be my neighbor's cat morning he had my dad out there on the ladder on the roof of my brother and it turned out to be my neighbor's cat. No, I swear. Turned out to be my neighbor's cat.

With big green eyes. That was her dad. You know, I'm a ladder. Is that on a lot? She's not out on the ladder. She's four years old. What did she know? This is all horseshit.

It's a made up story. I'm just sucking for the night. That's like, but I, but I But what I was sensing and feeling was. I'm assuming her father has passed away. Yes, he has passed. Of course, because he can't verify that story. That's right. He was.

He was real and I can feel that watching over. But no one ever really made a big deal. That's actually, I think that her parents are still alive. She mentioned that and another thing. I don't know how long ago this was, but. She's probably like, Mom, Dad, I just need you to agree with this one totally bullshit story. And then I promise I'll leave

you. The time when you thought the cat was a person. No. Do you remember? You will fall to reason stop with the Kashbukta. Things that I would say might bring up people that have died in the past, or I would just see things, and nobody ever really made a big deal about it. They just embraced it. I would just see things also when I was a child, because I was a child who had a vivid imagination.

Who turned into a teenager who had a vivid imagination. Who turned into a 20-year-old who lost his vivid imagination but gained mushrooms. So there you go, vivid imagination returned. You have the perfect family to welcome your difference. I did, but you can't say that a lot of families. No, you might, it just as easily been labeled a freak, so come on.

Oh, I say that all the time. I might have been diagnosed maybe what's schizophrenia or some other type of disorder. It's not over yet. It's not over yet. Theresa. It's never too late to be institutionalized. That's what I always say.

If I was with a different family, I say this all the time also. I know my path has been chosen and this is my soul's destiny because I feel that I've lived a very privileged life. And when I say privilege, I don't mean by financial means, privilege. But that too. Let's add that to it. Teresa, your whole life, your whole adult life, at least since we've known you,

which is going on 20 or maybe 30 years now, has been geared toward making money. It's not helping people, you don't give a shit. You know what it is? It's about scamming people into believing that you're helping them so that you can sell tickets to your performances and make sure that people watch your television show,

which I noticed is conveniently not around anymore. It's not I don't I haven't seen it a long time I'm at least not on TLC which it used to be on which is the net or I am Jude Loving and supportive family. I only lost my grandparents within the past 10 years So I was well into my 40s still having my grandparents here. I still live right next one of my parents and even the Wikipedia says I'm 53. Don't leave everything you read. I'm 52 not 53 who gives a fuck who gives a fuck. looks like an old 53 though she looks like an old She looks like an old

63 I can classify. I mean with the tan and the hair and the nails and everything. Yeah She makes herself look so much older than she actually is Different as a year make exactly a lot Tell me about the dead yeah? Tell me about the dead. Yeah, I've been collecting them in my backyard. Carp, right. I like them as a grave site. Into the point, tell me about the dead people.

What I would ask her is when you drive by a graveyard, do you see extra dead people? Mm. Yeah. Got to. That seems like a place for everybody to hang out. Yeah, maybe that should be where your next show is. I'm literally raising the dead Typically about the dead people are they happy to be dead? Barbara who's writing these questions for you? I've always wondered

Yeah, I'm sure that's like oh my god happy to be dead Yeah, I'm sure that's like, oh my God. Happy to be dead. If they're happy to be dead, yet they're constantly pining to get at their old relatives. And if you think about that question for two seconds, it doesn't make much sense. Well, I think this is again, one of the misconceptions that people have of what I do,

that they show me the other side that I have this untold vision or story about heaven or what the souls of the special artists maybe. But what it is, and this is why I'm explaining this to Barbara, is because- It's because I need you to believe me and it's really quite frankly a lot of horse shit. So I need to open your mouth up wide's really quite frankly a lot of horse shit. So I need you to open your mouth up wide while I shovel the horse shit right in there. It all came to the process of me accepting who God intended me to be here

in the physical and my soul's journey because growing up I never felt complete. I always felt that there was something missing. And I share this part of my story. Oh, poor Theresa. I meant money. Yeah, that's right. What was missing is the tour bus with 50 versions of your wig in the back.

Because I found out a lot of people might feel that way. Maybe it's with a relationship, a job. Oops, sorry about that. And it wasn't until I embraced my gift is when I felt complete. That's why I know that it's my destiny. So I struggled with why was I chosen? What am I supposed to do with this? Who's gonna wanna come and see a meeting

and speak to their relatives that have died? And this is- Oh my God, come on Teresa. Who's gonna wanna come to a meeting and see that their relatives have died? That's been going on for thousands of years. It's been going on since this fucking 1400s, I think, as these psychic mediums

that pop out of nowhere, there was a famous guy who, psychic medium back in the, I can't remember when it was, he lived in every decade and he was traveling around, telling people they're fortunes and dead people and all this other stuff. This is a well-worn con. It's been going on for...

Well, and it prays on everyone, including everyone from two years old, up to a hundred of why. Yeah. Why? Why? Why what happened? What happened?

The team has just set it out there. Why? Yeah. Can I not get my special toothpaste? Why can I have my toothpaste? For me, I was on it. Today. And that's what the adults want to know too. Why? Yeah, why, to why why why why why that's what we're all looking for the big why

When trees are when I was this or you're already grown up out Yeah, I was grown it was later in my 20s raising a family raising a family. It just had my daughter Victoria I just had my daughter Victoria. She also has the gift. And then my husband was going out of my mind. That's right. I couldn't take it anymore. Just like you, Barbara, we weren't cut out to be parents. We're more of yet I'm more of a free spirit. No pun intended. I love using that one. I'm free spirit. So I told my lazy husband, you've lost your fifth job this week. I am now Going to sell readings for $5 a piece on the corner You have different spirits welcome themselves into your life and then you finally said one day

Hey, this is a gift. I should do something wrong with it and bring it to other people Yes, because I need to realize how life changing it was And how were you using an up until then? I wasn't using my gift. I was blocking it. The spirits were still visiting. I was blocking it. Yeah, that's to that's so she in her biography she can cover that convenient part of her life when she wasn't in fact a psychic bullshit medium She was just a regular human being it was in her late 20s when she saw that other people were making money doing this that she decided she could do. Yes, she unblocked. Yes, she unblocked. I'm unblocking now too, Chrissy. There's a man behind you whacking

off with his ghost penis. And that's him telling me that you need to buy a new car. Any time I see a jizz, any time I see jizz, I know it has to do with a car, or a trip, or a house, or a makeover. I was blocking them out, so, and I was ignoring what I was sensing and feeling. So if a spirit wanted to visit you, for example, if you back in that chapter of your life, they don't find down the door, they don't say, let in. I'm going to kill you. No, it's not.

Sorry, it's all. It's me, Mr. Spirit. You better let me in. You've got a lot of questions to answer. My wife who's still on earth is running around my grave, I'm going to kill you when I get my hands back. Not even sure how I knocked on that door. The only thing I found that works in the real world is in a wrecked penis. I can do that with my head, my dickhead. It's amazing, quite frankly. It's really quite fascinating how these penises work in the afterlife. In either case, I'm coming to kill you to raise up.

They just will graciously leave if they're welcome. I used to write like I would just not answer them or acknowledge their presence. So what happens is I start to feel certain things and then with a spirit that's my spirit Venus. I'm poking around What's your head so hard to reach out? Shes me enough to get me to say something is when I know when to proceed with what I'm sensing and feeling. Well I know when you know and then proceed is when you start just throwing out general statements and saying has anybody ever had somebody that had legs? Yes, we did.

Okay. Now then you start narrowing it down. You do your proceeding. Who here sees colors? You've got a gift. I've got your uncle right here. You have an uncle? No.

Give a dead. Don't give a dead end. No. I've seen a pair of glasses. Oh, there's someone back there that has a dead aunt. That's you. That's what I meant Yeah, I'm sorry. Sorry you. I make you yeah, it's very general. That's right. Who he has ever had hair Spirit's telling me something They're waving them They're waving them. Their chest is literally on fire. You know what that means? Time for breakfast. I'm hungry. Anybody got Chick-fil-A biscuits? Chick-fil-A biscuits.

But I just want you to understand why I also chose to do what I do is because I found out from sensing, I had gone to a spiritual awareness class to learn how to... Spiritual awareness. Client. Now she's qualified, now we know. She's got a certified degree from spiritual awareness, Academy of America.

She took a class. That's right. I don't know where, but... S-A-A-A. Sa. I've got a where but a a a a I've got a degree from saw from sack. Yeah, yeah,

class. Spiritual awareness, accreditation committee, the sack. I've got two sacks. I've got two really big sacks. What a y'all. Um, relax. I had a lot of extreme anxiety. I couldn't leave my house because I was, I was, I was, I'm in pathics, so I feel how other people feel they will I feel the soul how they died What they want to communicate to their loved one just walking around the street So you go to your local delicatessen, but you just said that you don't do that

You're so full of shit. You can't keep your bullshit straight Teresa I don't tell people what they want to hear that their relatives are saying and it's unbelievable. Alright, rather not against the hour. Let's continue this next episode because this is good. We never heard the origin story. And so far it doesn't matter. It's still all bullshit. Yeah, sack.

Sack! It's me, Mr. Spirits! I just wanted to say hello. Welcome to the newest Sack Packer. Welcome to the Sack Pack. I am your host, Mr. Spirit! Oh my god. Tries, I know. Barbara, what are you doing? I don't know what's happening. Don't give this lady a platform. Oh my god, it tries, I know. Barbara, what are you doing?

I don't know what's happening. Don't give this lady a platform. See, everybody's struggling to find content on the podcast. Just got a pick. And that, my friends, is how you do a call back. C-C-B podcast.com, that's where you go for more information about Chrissy and I. You can watch all the videos Listen to all the audio get the show notes special discount codes from our sponsors all that good stuff

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855-TCB-8383, that's one, 855-TCB-8383. It's all free from anywhere in the world. We'll be happy to pick up the charges. Just leave us a comment, question, content idea, or concern, we'll take them all. And if you want your free 21-Ajaculations per month sticker, 21-EPM sticker, you can get that at the website go to the contact us button Leave us your physical address tell us you want the sticker if you want anything else written on it or whatever and we'll do that for you at the

Commercial break on Instagram TCV podcast on Tiktok you got to follow us stay engaged. Please do it. Okay. Well, this has been a good one. We'll pick it up next episode. That's right. But you know, I got other things to do. I got to go drop a shitload of money on a car. That's right. So until next time, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I think so.

So I love you. I love you. Best of you. And best of you out there on the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say. And we must say goodbye. You're the same, you're the same Same, same, same You're the same, you're the same you