The Commercial Break - Such A Ball Buffer!!

Episode Date: November 24, 2020

Bryan and Hoadley scatting, Cap Calloway, bad supermarket music, swingers parties, Rudi Guliani's shoes and why men age so poorly and hang so low... this episode is a grower so stick with it! Don't f...orget to rate and subscribe so you never miss an episode! Text us or leave us a voicemail at +1-661-BEST2YO (+1-661-237-8296) LINKS: Get a FREE TCB limited edition collectible sticker Follow us on Instagram Follow us on Facebook Subscribe and watch the show on Youtube Join us live on Fireside New episodes every Tuesday & Friday everywhere you listen to podcasts! For advertising contact AdvertiseCast  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 I'm on an orange whip. Orange whip? Orange whip? Three orange whips! Coming up on this episode of The Commercial Break. I was at a party once, the night was getting long, things were getting weird, whatever was going around was going around, you know how it is sometimes when you get into those parties that you weren't invited to.
Starting point is 00:00:38 That you weren't invited to. Yeah, it's like one of your friends' friends brings you over and shit's just weird. You walk in the door and you know That many things have been going on for hours possibly days before you even show up Clearly none of my friends would ever go to a swingers party But what I found was is that the crowd was actually rather young They were like college age to 30. I would say most of them and I Have an email College age to 30 I would say most of them and I have an email
Starting point is 00:01:14 That's my ticket to the swingers part. You're so excited I must be mine. Siri just booked you My V.I.V. tickets The swingers party showing I think it was like E Harmony. Okay, I have a very similar application if you'd like to jump on whenever you get an opportunity. It's called penis harmony and it's for mainly men but occasionally with penis harmony. Find harmony with your penis. Or short or P harmony for short.
Starting point is 00:01:47 I don't know, but we get a lot of weirdo signing up. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. Now. Chachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachach Chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha, chacha,attie, ho. Hattie, hattie, hattie, hattie, ho. Hattie, hattie, hattie, hattie, hey. Yep, hey. Skip it to daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven, daven. That's old cap calaway.
Starting point is 00:02:35 You remember old cap calaway? Oh, right. Yes. You do. No. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, you know, I get it. Cap calaway was caught you in a lie, hardly. Must can see the election. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha But he didn't scout like that. He was like a scout. I was like, had it had it had it here.
Starting point is 00:03:05 Had it had it had it. Minne the mocha. She was a load down. Oh, check. Oh, so the end of the blues brothers like this big scene where the blues brothers got the band back together and they got to make some money to save the orphanage and then Cap Caloay comes out to kill some time while the blues brothers elude the Chicago the entire Chicago police force. It's a classic movie.
Starting point is 00:03:28 Cap Cowellowy's a famous scatter. He's a scatter daddy. Nice. Who a cat? Yeah. So it was a little monster on Spaceballs. He did it. He was a little scatter.
Starting point is 00:03:37 Oh yeah, that's true. I'm a baby. I'm a little, going on with like a cane and a top hat. Yeah, he was like painted orange or something like in gold. What a great movie. What a great movie. Yeah, famous scatters. I'd like to say that I knew other famous scatters, but that's it. I do know some famous scatters, but I don't think it's the kind of scatting we're talking
Starting point is 00:04:00 about. No. No, there's another kind of scatting. Oh god. I was at a party once. The night was. There's another kind of scanning. No, God. I was at a party once, the night was getting long, things were getting weird,
Starting point is 00:04:09 ever, you know, whatever was going around was going around, you know how it is. Sometimes when you get into those parties, if you weren't invited to, that you weren't invited to. Yeah, it's like one of your friends' friends brings you over and shit's just weird. You walk in the door and you know
Starting point is 00:04:22 that many things have been going on for hours, possibly days before you even show up. And so my friend and I are on the back porch smoking a cigarette and he says, I just can't find a woman. You know, like, there's one thing that I'm into and I can't find a woman. I just buy them online looking and I was like, what is that? I think he was going to be like, strap on or something. Something that would be a totally weird to me, but maybe not to him. Something I could digest,
Starting point is 00:04:48 but then he explained that he was into scatting. And I don't wanna know. I quickly went into the bathroom to pay, to pay surround in circles. You know what I am into? Do you wanna know what I am into right now? So I have a bit of an eating disorder, and I think a lot of people have the same eating disorder,
Starting point is 00:05:03 and it's actually an eating disorder Okay, which is like an obsessive-compulsive disorder where when you have a taste for something you eat it over and over and over I get that too. Okay, so it's it's an actually eating disorder Okay, it's it's obsessive-compulsive essentially is what it is It isn't just like a craving. I always thought it was just a craving that your body had it's a crazy because you're crazy No, it's a craving because you body had in your body was craving. It's a craving, because you're crazy. No way. It's a craving, because you have problems. I crave black beans the other day,
Starting point is 00:05:28 so I ate them kind of a couple times during the day. Yeah, but a couple times during the day, like many times during the day, or just like twice in the day. Twice. Okay, so that's just liking what you're eating. I'm talking about days and days on end, possibly months running into years.
Starting point is 00:05:42 Okay. Like I used to be on a cereal kick. I used to eat it with cream, like cereal with coffee cream. Heavy cream. Well, not whipping cream, but like, you know, the half and half, the stuff that you put in there. But now I have a taste all of the sudden for kettle corn. You know the kettle corn doesn't,
Starting point is 00:05:56 somewhat sweet, somewhat salty shit. But it's like a fucking plain Russian relette with your teeth. Yeah. I can't do that. So there's a couple of brands to get it right. And there's not many kernels in there. And then, but those brands are always sold out.
Starting point is 00:06:11 So since I have such a taste for it, I'm like, oh, I should get this other brand. And I swear, I think I cracked the tooth on one of those kernels. That's, as I get older, I find that my teeth don't want to work with some of the food products that I like used to eat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Well, and two during the pandemic times I've read and I've personally noticed an uptick in jockling gene and your teeth are hurting a little bit more. I read that dentists are getting, you know, overrun with people with cracked teeth because
Starting point is 00:06:38 they're just grinding their teeth or stressed. I had cracked teeth, but I went to the rehab and it fixed it. And then you ate kettlebell. I had cracked teeth, but I went to the rehab and it fixed it. And then you ate kettlebell. I had cracked teeth, but good call. Look at my cracked teeth. I knew some people with cracked teeth. They're at that party when they got to the scan. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:58 Hello, welcome to my party. Nice cracked teeth. Thank you so much. We're working on it for a while. Cocaine's first vag bedroom on the left, sex with strangers in the second bedroom on the right. Oh. What a lovely house you have.
Starting point is 00:07:12 Watch out for the naked lady in the front hallway. We found her on the street. It's a mannequin. Oh. So when I went to publics, I used to have a job when I was a teenager. I would stock shelves at Kroger. I lasted for about a week, which is, you know,
Starting point is 00:07:29 Ann Par was some of the other jobs I had when I was a teenager. And lasted about a week, mainly, I think, because there was no one in the store. It would be between two and five. The guys that I were working with were right out of Perl. You know, I mean, like, it was just a weird group of guys that I was much older than I was and they were off pearl Pearl oh
Starting point is 00:07:51 Right off pearl which is a boat that sails the chat of Huchi Get on the pearl first stop Krugger at Johnson's fairy hello my baby We're all first stop, Kroger and Justin Sparrow. Hello, my baby. Hello, my darling. Hello, my ragdum girl. But the one reason I think why I really had to leave the job because at the time we did not, there was no such thing as an iPod or an iTunes
Starting point is 00:08:14 or anything like that. You had to bring tape cassettes with you or a big conceded player that was the size of your head and like attached it to your belt somehow. And so you could listen to your own music but it was a rather inconvenient when you're doing the man you're a labor to have this thing hanging off the side.
Starting point is 00:08:28 And I couldn't take the music that they were playing 24 hours a day, and there's no like other stimulation whatsoever. You are literally moving boxes around, making sure that you're tricking the customers into buying the oldest milk first. You know what I'm saying? That was a mandate at that place.
Starting point is 00:08:44 You don't want the customers to buy the fresh milk, you want them to buy the sour milk. So push the sour milk first. You know what I'm saying? That was a mandate at that place. You don't want the customers to buy the fresh milk, you want them to buy the sour milk. So push the sour milk up front and push the fresh milk in the back. And then the fresh milk up becomes- I'm pretty sure people just know that. Oh, they do. I always do get there and get that.
Starting point is 00:08:55 That's what I would do. So I was like, clearly, I know that the fresh bread isn't the back and not in the front. So then I would put the fresh bread in the front to trick people. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Double psychology reversal. Bam!
Starting point is 00:09:08 Dropping knowledge. Baby, I had it all going on. Trust me. So the music was just awful and I felt like I had to, I had to leave. I had to, I couldn't do the job one more day. Because all they were listening, wow, what's some of the songs. Say, Lynn, it takes me away. I'm like, what, what sing that song? Oh no, Chris Cross is another duo from Atlanta.
Starting point is 00:09:46 They can make you jump, jump. They wear their pants backwards. If I remember correctly. One of them died. Why? Yeah. Why do you die? Problems.
Starting point is 00:09:54 Coronavirus? No. Oh, this isn't like a recent couple of years ago. Problems like drug problems? I think so. I met them at a party one time. No joke. Well, but Christopher Cross was amazing.
Starting point is 00:10:04 Christopher Cross. And I really love that song. Who's another one they can add? On the run, no time to do it. To be free again. And I've got this. Michael McDonald was making dirty butter and mixed girls. Like to win. Right, like they're wein. So these songs would play 20, I mean, they would play like for entire 12 hour shifts from like, I mean, entire eight hour shifts from like, you know, I think we got there like, but you said you worked two to five. No, it was 11. It was, well, in between two and five, there was no one there.
Starting point is 00:10:38 Like, you would start your shift actually at 11, but people would be shopping. But between two and five and suburbia, that lands back in the early 90s, that was no one there. So there's literally no interaction in all you're listening to. It's gonna be a good night. It's gonna hold you by the fire. I'm gonna go jump off a fucking bridge.
Starting point is 00:11:00 Woohoo. Yeah, listen to that. My dad was like the rocker in the family, so we'd take the car rides. And my dad would put on the rock station in Chicago, but my mom would put on the cock rock, like the soft, you know, the yacht rock, the soft, soft rock from the 70s, 80s, and today,
Starting point is 00:11:15 well, actually back then, it was soft rock from the 50s, 60s, 70s, and today. It was all this soft rock shit that drove me absolutely nutty when I would hear it. So I rebelled against it, I think, as a teenager. I didn't really want to hear it, right? Yeah, it wasn't your jam. No, it wasn't my jam. It wasn't my thing.
Starting point is 00:11:34 So I kind of got rid of the taste for the cock rock, but now it's coming back. Now I heard this song at Publix, and I was like, the sailing song, and I thought to myself, oh, that really is a good song. The way that he hired me is that whole thing. It's really a good one.
Starting point is 00:11:47 There was a reason he was a popular. How many listeners under the age of 22, do you think we just, do you think we just lost? We didn't have a lot to spare, holy, that's what I'm trying to say to you. Uh-oh. How you've done it? www.tcbpodcast.com is where you're gonna go to read
Starting point is 00:12:04 all the show notes, find out more about Chrissy and I. And now you can watch us on YouTube. All those episodes are available on our website. So go to tcbpodcast.com, make sure you join up for the break room, turning the corner into the new year, Chrissy and I are going to be doing two shows a week in order to get one of them. You'll need to be a member of the break room.
Starting point is 00:12:22 So go there and you can't miss it. It says join the break room and that's where you join the breakroom. We made it pretty easy. When we were going through our marketing meeting, we were having focus groups and stuff like that. We were like, okay, what should we say to get people to join the breakroom? I think we really came up with some spectacular marketing copy
Starting point is 00:12:41 when we said, let's say join the breakroom. Yes, spot on. Spot on. Spot on. Cheers. Cheers to that. Spot on. Speaking of cocks, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I like that segue.
Starting point is 00:12:54 Speaking of cocks, did you see where in New York, they broke up this, uh, swingers? Yes. I did. I did. There were like 80 people there, and there's supposed to be only 10 people. I mean, come on, I did. I did. There were like 80 people there, and there's supposed to be only 10 people. I mean, come on, swingers.
Starting point is 00:13:08 There weren't a lot of, I saw the pictures, and it didn't look like there were a lot of girls in that mix, did it? No. But that seems right. You think so? I've been to a swingers party. I have been to a swingers party.
Starting point is 00:13:21 But not because I was a swinger, because I was booking this venue one time. And the venue, well, so I was booking this venue with rock and roll bands. And I would go to the bar on my nights off. And one night I went there and there was another guy who booked other nights that I didn't dare but there was this big party going on in this huge event facility that we would book these bands in. What are these mattresses doing here? People dance on them.
Starting point is 00:13:46 So this guy came up. They do with their penises. They do the penis dance. I love a parade, a penis parade. So the guy comes up to me and he says, hey, Brian, you want to come check out the party that I'm putting on tonight. You're going to love this one.
Starting point is 00:14:00 And I was like, sure, yeah, why not? We get to the front door and there's a stand that's been put up there and there's a nice young lady behind it and there's all these cubbies, like, you know, like locker type things. Oh, okay, yeah. And she says, do you have any clothing that you'd like to check? It was winter time and I had a coat on,
Starting point is 00:14:17 but I decided not to give up my coat. No, thank you, I don't want to give up my coat. This guy knew that his was going to be a surprise to me, so he was like, he was laughing the whole time. And I turned the corner, and on the dance, there's a bar, and then there's a dance floor in front of the bar. You gotta walk over the dance floor to get to the bar. And inside of the dance area,
Starting point is 00:14:38 there are a couple of men that are dancing with women, topless, which is what my eye catch is first, that there's topless women dancing in the bar. But the next thing I catch is the oral copulation that's going on on top of the fucking bar. Oh! Woman on woman, oral copulation. Now, my estimation of a swingers party
Starting point is 00:14:59 before my experience being at, well, first of all, the room smelled awful, but second of all, my estimation of a, the room smelled pretty bad. Smell like cigarettes and, cigarettes and acid. Yeah, copulation. My estimation of a swingers party was a bunch of old guys
Starting point is 00:15:18 and a bunch of old ladies, right? It was just, I think it's swingers or for any age. But, but, that was very discriminatory of you, Brian. It was just, I think it's swingers or for any age. That was very discriminatory of you, Brian. Well, thank you, but I was a young kid. And none of my friends had ever talked about going to a swingers party.
Starting point is 00:15:33 So if none of my friends had talked about going to swingers party, clearly none of my friends would ever go to a swingers party. But what I found was, is that the crowd was actually rather young. They were like college age to 30, I would say, most of them. And I have an email. That's my ticket to the Swinger's Party.
Starting point is 00:15:56 You're so got excited. That must be mine. Siri just booked you. That must be my VIP tickets. But the Swinger's Party's showing up right now. You've been invited to the show. Siri heard you. I heard you say, swingers party, I'm searched and booked you for tonight. Can't get those tickets through public, so I'm going to tell you that right now. My estimation was old people. What I found was it was not. And I didn't stay for long. I just kind
Starting point is 00:16:24 of took a walk through, but they had all these separate rooms set up. And there was action going on in the rooms. Oh, yeah. It was rather weird. So when we, so New York, they bust this party, not because the party is illegal, not because they're all copulating with each other in the middle of this bar. No, that's fine. Yeah, that's fine. Don't worry about that. That's cool. It's New York, anything goes right? It's because they have more than 10 people gathering in a particular place. So the cops literally went in there and wrote tickets to all the men who were there. Because I didn't see any women in those pictures.
Starting point is 00:16:51 No, but what I saw, they had mattresses and balls of condoms and just kind of gross. I think I would be in my younger years. I think I would have been open to the idea of a swingers party, like attending a swingers party. I think I would have been open to the idea of, you know, a swingers party, like attending a swingers party. I think it would have been open to the idea if I wasn't so grossed out by the idea.
Starting point is 00:17:11 You know what I'm saying? I do, but you know, I'm a judgment-free kind of person. I totally, something that may not be for me, maybe right for somebody else, as long as you're not hurting anybody. Everybody's of age. It's fine. I'm good with it. I mean, at a 10. But's of age. It's fine. I'm good with it. I mean, at a 10.
Starting point is 00:17:27 But go for it. It just depends on which age that is. Of retirement age, I know you don't want to be there. But if it's up drinking age, okay, cool. And listen, I want to be, I agree with you. I'm not judging the fact that people want to swing. And people want to swing. Go for it.
Starting point is 00:17:40 Go for it. I'm saying for me personally, I think I'm a little too OCD. Yes. You know, 30 mattresses in the middle of a floor Go go go for it. I'm saying for me personally. I think I'm a little too OCD You know 30 mattresses in the middle of the floor with you know people copulating on the bar And then the guys like you want a drink and I'm like, oh, how about a steak? Do you have a fork and knife on get dig right in? Stop it right now. You're Ashkin for the bar Stop it right now. You're Ashkin for the bar. Trump was, I saw that I was trolling on Twitter. Now I have the new Twitter, TCB Brian. You
Starting point is 00:18:13 can go at the commercial break is our Instagram and then TCB Brian. And then you have TCB, Chrissy, don't you? TCB Chrissy just got started. TCB Chrissy. So join us on Twitter or Instagram if you want. If you join all three other additional people that are on our Instagram and Twitter pages and follow us, but I was tweeting around the Twitter sphere and I saw that Twitter, oh, the Twitter verse and I saw that Trump respawn, so here's,
Starting point is 00:18:41 guess what's the best way to explain this? There's a lady out there who was pretending to be Trump's sister on Twitter. And I guess for some reason she amassed some following and then one of Trump's fans retweeted at Trump this nice message that this fake sister had sent. Like, we're gonna keep on fighting the good fight whatever it said. So Trump responded to all 106 million people that follow him.
Starting point is 00:19:06 Even my sister loves me, thanks sis. Yeah, and then all caps love. Love you. Yeah, meanwhile, this is never existing. That's the danger about the internet. Yeah, yeah. Even if the president can be fooled and, you know, let's, okay, let's say this,
Starting point is 00:19:22 even our president can be fooled. Anybody can be fooled. That's why I don't online date. That and the fact that I'm married with two children. Right, that's the best reason not to do it. Yeah, but when I was single, I also didn't do online dating. It's too tough. It's too transaction.
Starting point is 00:19:41 It's not gonna work too. It's like Tinder, like describe yourself in one word or less. Hey, a lot of people have gotten, I found true love and gotten married. And I, again, judgment-free on this, but I know back before I met Jeff, I did dip my toe into it, tried it, and it was a lot of work. It's a lot of work. It's very transactional.
Starting point is 00:20:05 And in this day and age, I think people really hide behind the computer screen. So they don't feel any sense of responsibility or culpability. It's no accountability whatsoever. That's the difficult part about. Do I give a shit of people the online day? I don't care, I think it's fine.
Starting point is 00:20:19 I did it. It was fun. Going through Twitter and swiping left and right for hours on end, it was fine. When I was on Twitter, I mean, when I was on Tinder, Tinder was new. And so it was kind of like a game. It was a game that you played, essentially. You went by and see if you matched with anybody or anybody that you knew any ex-girlfriends, anybody, any of your friends ex-girlfriends, that was always fun. Play that game. But I know too many people who have been like totally
Starting point is 00:20:50 Ghosted by people that they dated on those dating apps and that to me seems I don't know seem tartful It does I mean, that's your dick Yeah, luckily. I'm not a dick But I did get Luckily, I'm not a dick, but I did get ghosted a couple of times. Yeah, yeah I think I when I was on Twitter Tender tinder I keep not saying Twitter. I just got on Twitter. I'm no longer on Tinder. That's TCB, right on Twitter, not on Tinder. When I was on Tinder, I probably swiped hundreds and hundreds of times and maybe got matched
Starting point is 00:21:23 like with 15 different people But what I found was is even if you reached out and said something very rarely did anyone respond Really? Yeah, I mean, I think three or four of them respond maybe five of them responded I actually went on four separate Tinder dates two of which just ghosted me but I listen I think in my circumstances it was a little understandable why they ghosted. Did you do something crazy? I asked him to pay for the bill. I showed up his Henry from podcast universe. And I said, you got to pay the bill. Henry does do that. Yeah, he does do that. He's a cheap son of a bitch. When I went in the first day, I was a girl that I actually went
Starting point is 00:22:06 to high school with and she was, but she was like two years older than I was. So we didn't really know each other in high school. So I get to the, to the bar that we went to and we quickly realize that we both went to the high school around the same time. This girl immediately, immediately, as soon as we sat down nice afternoon in Atlanta, Georgia outside on the bar immediately start ordering tequila shots, which is the sign someone's in for a party. Like when you go on a date and someone starts ordering tequila shots, you get a pretty good indication of who they are. That's right. Yeah, especially a first date.
Starting point is 00:22:40 Yeah, a first date. Yeah. We know each other, we have the same friends, you know, you don't want to at least the way that I would think about it is, I really don't wanna make a fool of myself here. Or maybe, she was like, we've got the same friends, you kinda know me. So you know I like to say, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha.
Starting point is 00:22:59 He's heard of me. Or maybe, or maybe, she says, this is not the guy that I was hoping would show up. We have the same friends. I'd better get shit face because I can't leave because then he's going to tell everybody that I'm rude. She starts taking shots. I'm not following it. At some point, I'm just not following because, you know, I'm not going to take six tequila shots two hours. It's not going to happen. Yeah. But then the night progress, but we have her having a good time. It's nice conversation.
Starting point is 00:23:24 We're laughing a lot. So then the night progresses into this other have her having a good time. It's nice conversation. We're laughing a lot So then the night progresses into this other bar that was close to where you live actually and So so we're sitting at the bar. We're not we're not there for long. She orders another shot You know like a jello maker whatever the fuck in Heymaker whatever the fuck she was drinking That's a jello maker. I'd like a jello maker please Yeah, give me a two I've heard of dillermaker. Well, you a Jellermaker, please. Yeah, give me two. I've never heard of Jellermaker. Well, it's just because you haven't been there, sister.
Starting point is 00:23:50 Give me two bread makers and a wine cast. I'll be right back. Give me two bread makers on a coin counter. Put it on the tab. I know how to pump. I know how to pump. Put it on the tab. So she orders yet another round of heavily, you know,
Starting point is 00:24:07 sedating alcohol and I decided I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette and she leans in for a kiss and so we kiss and she's relatively attractive. Women, I'm like, oh great, this date is going good. Yeah. So I'm gonna walk outside and I'm gonna call probably Chrissy Hothay, tell her that I'm hammered down at the end of the street,
Starting point is 00:24:25 as soon as I can do it here, I'll be over there. Right? So I'm walking up and down the street. And I notice, now I'm like, I don't know, maybe half a football field away down the block. And I notice that there's a kind of a crowd gathering around one of the trees that is directly outside the bar, but they're like looking up. And I'm like, oh, the most of them in a cat of it.
Starting point is 00:24:43 It must be a beautiful bird. It's a lost pussy up there. That's a beautiful bird. It's lost pussy up there. That's a beautiful bird. What a nice night sky. What was actually going on is that my date had come outside for whatever reason she had come outside and decided to climb the oak tree that was sitting outside of the bar. And by the time I got there, she was almost two stories in the air. She was literally scaling this tree.
Starting point is 00:25:04 I don't know even what know for what reason. I don't know that anybody egged her on. Like you would think that, okay, you get drunk, you do stupid shit, but there's usually someone that's egging you on to do that. I don't know if it can climb that fucking tree. The chicken.
Starting point is 00:25:16 This girl's just doing it on her own volition. She's riding up the tree. Now there's people from the bar, like employees are telling her to get out of the tree. They're like, hey, get out of the tree, try to help her down. It took 30 minutes to police officers, security guards. I think the fire engine showed up in one point.
Starting point is 00:25:31 Oh no. But you got stuck in the tree. She couldn't figure out a way down. And she was, by the time she got down from the tree, this girl was like passing out on me. She was, you know, kind of falling asleep on me as I just put her in a cabin and went. So she didn't ghost me in the traditional sense.
Starting point is 00:25:45 I think she might have been a little bit embarrassed about what happens. That makes sense. So she ghosted me in the traditional sense. And I bet you were kind of glad, right? I would have been willing to go on a second date at that point. I am not a proud man.
Starting point is 00:26:02 I'm just gonna tell you that right now. Not a problem. I would have gone on a second date with the girl for sure. Did you go on any online dates? No. You know what you don't want? No, I set up like a profile and that kind of thing. This is 10 years ago and I set up a profile and kind of got into it. I was like, I'm gonna find that special someone. You know, special someone. And now, it was just too much. There was all this
Starting point is 00:26:28 inbox. You had a separate email for the dating app and I don't know. I didn't have that much time. What was your email? Tell me your email and I thought I could talk it up real quick and make sure it's disabled. Okay, the email the profile has been disabled. Why would you tell me? I don't understand why you would do that. I got married, Henry. Well, listen, when you get married, you make more profiles.
Starting point is 00:26:54 That's the way it works. Why you want to keep your options open? Why limit yourself to that? That's what you did. Well, listen, I don't want to get it all the specifics. I'm going to the record case right now. A very embarrassing time for me and my lovely wife, Ariana Grande. Fine.
Starting point is 00:27:10 I'm going to tell you this. There is a rule in my country, from where I'm from. When you get married, open your options. When you are single, keep them limited. And not sure why that is, but we have a very low birth rate in our country. We're not having many children, but it's okay. That's why we've been marrying a lot of foreigners. Now listen, can you explain to me which application were you on? I think it was like e-harmony. Okay, I have a very similar application if you'd like to jump on whenever you get an opportunity.
Starting point is 00:27:42 It's called penis harmony, and it's for mainly men but the case only with penis harmony. Find harmony with your penis. Or short a P harmony for sure. I don't know why but we get a lot of weirdo signing up. Let's take a look here. Here's a nice young gentleman. He calls himself Golden Shower 30th Century. He says he's looking for that woman. Oh, to pee on him. I'm sorry, that's not a great fool for you. Anyway, I'm chock full of men on this website and we need just a few additional women. So maybe you call Jeff, you say, hey listen, Jeff, I'm going to, I'd want to keep you on your toes. I know things are good between us now, but probably not going to be for very long. So can I get please get on P Harmony.
Starting point is 00:28:34 I'll consider that marriage advice from you. Thank you. And refund. But let me give you if you're talking to the harmony. The harmony. It's like e harmony. Only it's p harmony and the p of course stands for penis. Yes. Just in case anyone is wondering. Is there v harmony as well? No, what are you getting women on a website by themselves? This is craziness. You are craziness. You have a wild ideas about women in their place in society. I think you're missing out on an opportunity, Henry. I know I'm missing out on an opportunity to get you to clean my closet. I am good at organizing closet.
Starting point is 00:29:18 That's why I want you over there. Post-taste please. Okay, so if you want some advice, we can go through a little bit of a marriage advice that I've been giving people for years and I have at least two successful divorces under under my belt. If a man decides to, it has a wandering eye, allow him to sleep with other women. This will make him less stressed in your household. Oh? Yes. How do you like that piece of advice? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:50 It's not speaking to me right now. Okay, but maybe I need to think about it. Jeff, I hope you're listening to this episode because this is directed or right. I do. Come on, P Harmony, free membership. You can have a VIPP... P-P... Never. If if you like, no problem. Okay, because if you let Jeff go off and do his thing, he will come home much happier.
Starting point is 00:30:13 I'm just going to tell you this right now. Additionally, I always give this marriage advice to new young people in love, newlyweds. Sign a divorce decree immediately after you get married. Keep it somewhere, keep it close, and that way when you get into an argument you can say I'm going to file this. You want me to file this? It keeps the argument down to a minute. Let me give you one last piece of advice. It is important that you get your wedding dress and It is important that you get your wedding dress and a marriage ring appraised immediately. What I like to do is I like to give it to a pawn shop, get some money, take it, you use that money to get a membership on P-Harmony or whatever it is. And then when Jeff asks where the ring is, say, I pawned it. And he will know that you're being your very upset about the message. Very serious. He will really make his best effort.
Starting point is 00:31:07 He will make you what? What is a good dish that you guys cook at the house when you're having an argument? Let's say you and Jeff, Jeff comes in the door and he says, you know what, totally, I'm not liking you right now. You are my worst enemy. What would you cook him in order to satisfy his loins? Oh, white, speaking of loins, I do a really good pork loin. Pork loin indeed. Yes. With white wine sauce.
Starting point is 00:31:28 White wine sauce. Look, you are just. Parade's a little bit. You're a medic. And homemade pasta. Oh, homemade pasta. Mm-hmm. So, this is what I would do.
Starting point is 00:31:36 I take a little bit of saline solution or X-lax, and I put it into the pasta. It doesn't bother the taste one bit, but it gives the holy shits and he will you will have your revenge Manta zoomers revenge. Okay. Yes, but if you really want to make Jeff come back to the table sort of speak with love and affection Cook for him three lama balls. These are these are my mom Lama balls, but they're not what they're not what you think. They're actually just llama meat chopped up. It's like a meatball, but it's with llama meat. Do you need a llama?
Starting point is 00:32:13 We actually have a couple of llamas on p-harmony. You do. Well, yes, it's a thing. The people are into. So, okay, listen, I don't want to give you too much marriage advice because of what I'm afraid is you're going to take it and then you know, you Jeff are going to have the perfect marriage. So just calm down now Additionally, when are we gonna go on date? Well, we've got a holiday coming up. Oh, yeah, that's right. This is a perfect time for you come back
Starting point is 00:32:37 You might maybe we could look like a new years type. Yeah, listen, I'm gonna put together a swingers party in the new shoes. I just sent Brian his invitation. I don't know if you heard it or not. Did I heard that come through? Okay you Brian Jeff Astrid the whole game you all show up and we'll have a good time okay? Okay all right thank you. Bye. We hear P Harmony are always up to here. Oh always here to help. Here you go. Talk to you later. Bye bye. Wow Henry Henry's's got all kind of ideas, doesn't he? He does. He's very confident. Well, I mean, he's from that, you know, he's probably from a country where things are a little bit more machismo than they are here.
Starting point is 00:33:13 So you have to understand where Henry is coming. The harmony. The VIPP. The VIPP. We've got VIPP tickets to the P Harmony party. Ooh, sounds like there's sounds like fresh fruit and llamas. That's what's gonna be there. Sweet. Oh, excuse me, I'm melting.
Starting point is 00:33:33 I'm sorry, I have to wipe off my forehead. Oh, are you pulling a jelly on it? Did you see that? Oh my God. Oh my God, this is over, like a week old, by the time people are gonna hear this, but. Yeah. And there's no way that you could have not heard
Starting point is 00:33:46 that Giuliani started melting at a press conference. You saw the pictures. What do you think that was actually? I don't know because at first it would seem like it was hair dye, however, and many people color their hair and that doesn't happen. So what I've heard is maybe it was like a little bit of touch up like mascara, maybe something around the hairline.
Starting point is 00:34:06 And then he was sweating. To kind of define the hairline a little bit. To define the, that's my wife thought. She didn't think that it was hair dye. Yeah, because you would think if they make hair dye, they got, it's got a like, protect against sweat. That was tan. But something that's just temporary
Starting point is 00:34:22 that you're putting on. Yeah, like mascara, pen, squid ink, the spray. Squid ink. I could have been dry shampoo. They have those and they're colored. Crayola. Crayola. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:38 He seems to me as he seems to me like a crayola crayon. Quick. You know what the little black crayon look right on? Dup, dup, dup. You know what the crazy part to me is about Giuliani? 9-11 comes around. What a terrible time for our country. What a terrible moment to live through.
Starting point is 00:34:55 How terrible it is for all the people that lost family members and loved ones. And Giuliani is like a ray of sunshine in his room. He emerged. Yeah, as just the. He emerged. Yeah. As just the nations may. Yeah. So he in a really shitty situation, for those of you who may not be old enough to remember
Starting point is 00:35:11 or don't live in this country, Rudy Giuliani spoke up. He took center stage. He became this guy that led us through this terrible time in the nation, not that he was like, you know, leading the charge to get us on a bit of long. He was leading the charge to put the nation back together to make it seem like everything was okay. The city where, you know, really was ground zero. It was literally so.
Starting point is 00:35:32 Yeah. So we all felt really good about Rudy Giuliani. I did personally. Yeah, I loved him. People were, you know, run for president. People were talking about that. Yeah, and here's the one thing that I'll never forget. How far he has.
Starting point is 00:35:45 Well, how far he has, the one thing that I will never forget is the time that Saturday Night Live went off air, all everyone went off air for a long time, all the live programs, like David Letterman at the time, Jay Leno at the time, they all took a break because it was really hard to, they felt like to be funny and during this incredibly serious time
Starting point is 00:36:04 in our nation's history. And so I think that that break may have lasted two weeks. I'm not sure. And so did Saturday Night Live, who was in the middle of running live programming. But when they came back, Rudy Giuliani opened up that show, if I'm not mistaken, he opened it up or closed it down or... I think... It really is no difference.
Starting point is 00:36:23 It's just, you know, one opens the door and one closes the door. Yeah. There really is no difference except for two hours difference. There's one host. And then there's a person who, and then there could be, you know, how sad a night live works. So he closes down the show and he's, what did he say? Like, we'll be back or we're back and better.
Starting point is 00:36:43 Very inspiring words. I remember. I remember. And since ever. Very inspiring words. I remember. I remember that. Very inspiring words. I remember that. I remember them being very inspiring. I don't remember exactly what they were, but they were inspiring. And now I kind of picture it as a reverse. You know the thing on the prices right, we're the tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, you're climbing up.
Starting point is 00:37:05 How do you, li, li, li, li, li, li, li, li, li, I feel like it's reverse. Yes. He's gone tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, down. And it's not, listen, I don't, whatever, legal challenges to the election, I'm not talking about that. It's kind of like how kooky he's become.
Starting point is 00:37:19 Yes, it's just like, it's weird. Totally fucking off his rocker. Did you see his shoes? He's basically, I mean, he was the one that was involved in the Russian stuff. The God be Trump and beach. I don't know why Trump still has any kind of affiliation with him.
Starting point is 00:37:31 They grew up in the New York, you know, they kind of ruled the Roost in New York for the same period of time. I think he's got something on him. Something on him. There must be. Those two are like bosom buddies. They must have something on each other
Starting point is 00:37:42 because they are really attached to the hip. And Julianne is doing Trump absolutely no favors right now. I mean, he just booked a should be just put to press conference of the four seasons landscape. Well, the four seasons landscape and press conference facility. It was insane to me the way that he conducted himself during these last two press conferences, but what's more insane is the shoes that he was wearing. Did you see that? They were blocks of shoes.
Starting point is 00:38:11 They were literally rectangle shoes. And they had right angles. There was no curvature to them. They were right angles. I'm going to put a picture up on the website. You have to. You have to see these shoes. It's like Fred Flintstone made those shoes.
Starting point is 00:38:22 Yes. It's insane. So now he's bleeding mascara all over the place. He's got Fred Flintstone shoes. It's like Fred Flintstone made those shoes. Yes. It's insane. So now he's bleeding mascara all over the place. He's got Fred Flintstone shoes and he's talking about Hugo Chavez. No, it's crazy. Unbelievable. And booking press conferences for season landscaping. Four seasons left. How do you get that one wrong?
Starting point is 00:38:40 You don't pay attention. You don't follow through with exactly. You don't get that one wrong. Exactly. Absolutely not. You don't pay attention. You don't follow through with exactly. You don't get that one wrong. That's the thing. Absolutely not. I went to, so my mother-in-law has this computer, right? My mother-in-law has a computer and she dropped it. It got pushed off the...
Starting point is 00:38:57 Oh, no. I don't know why this just came into my head. So she pushes the computer on accident off the table and it breaks. It won't turn back on So we look around the city for a computer repair guy computer repair guys are in high demand right now As you can imagine everyone's working from home the other own personal laptops So most of these guys are saying that you know they can either come to your house or you can come to them But it's $129 just to diagnose it and they can't see it's on next Thursday and Which just wouldn't work because of my mother and I had to work on the computer.
Starting point is 00:39:28 So we looked around and locally we found this place that for $29 they would fix the issue. They would diagnose it and fix it and they would do it in an hour. It's unbelievable. For $29. $29. $29. So, I was a little bit suspicious. My wife found this place.
Starting point is 00:39:44 I was a little bit suspicious that you're found this place. I was a little bit suspicious that you're gonna end up like. They're putting some dollar in your career. Yeah, that's like you're gonna be true. Of course, you're gonna show up and it's gonna be some homeless guy. Like I've booked a computer with some tin foil and I'm a siloing on it.
Starting point is 00:39:58 So we show up and it's this little, in a little next to a Dunkin' Donuts, in a little place. And, Asher drops it off and then the guy calls and says, hey, it's ready to be picked up. So I go into the place, I show up, they have a counter, and then they have this little area, which has some computers on it,
Starting point is 00:40:16 and then there's a big, you can see, back room in the back. And in the back room, there must be 20 or 25 college age kids that are all back there. I assume working on computer stuff. Chrissy, I shit you not, that when I walk into this place, it smelled like Doritos and wet farts.
Starting point is 00:40:37 I mean, it was like the... That sounds about right. It smells so, so bad in there. It was awful, awful. So luckily I had, and I had a mask on, right? So I have a mask on the guy. Yeah, when you smell something through the mask, you're like, oh, that's got a bunch of, yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:54 The good news about the mask is, in my opinion, is now you know if you have bad breath and you're not subjecting everybody to it. But you immediately know if coffee breath is on, is on board. I'm so triggered. Yeah, you're like, oh. The other is on board. I'm so triggered. Yeah, you're like, oh, the other day, yes. What's that stink? Oh, it's me.
Starting point is 00:41:13 Oh, she's you. So when I walk in, not only am I dealing with my own coffee breath, but then this overwhelming smell of literally Doritos and Farts, smells like my son's waist like my son's Dipper with Dorito cheese on it right oh my god Oh, I could barely stand in there for like two seconds But I'm super sensitive to smells and I was like oh my god It smells so awful and all I could imagine let me leave my computer here
Starting point is 00:41:41 Let me leave my computer here. What's he's like, is that sperm on my computer? All I could imagine was, there's a bunch of college kids in the back, you know, playing doom and watching porn on my computer, computer eating cheetos, stinking the place up, it smelled like a fucking fraternity else. I don't even know how to explain it, but it was the most awful smell. But they did fix the computer for $29. On time as they had promised. So they've also
Starting point is 00:42:14 installed spyware. No, I know. They did. Of course they did. Don't you think? Like that's the kind of the gig. Yeah, they install some. They will be blackmailing you with some point in the future. They're watching my wife walk around the house naked. I often wonder about that little camera right on the top of my computer. I'm like, huh, I wonder if someone's watching right now. There are places on the internet where you can go on the regular, not even the dark web where you can go. And all they're showing is cameras that they can.
Starting point is 00:42:42 That's why I put a little piece of tape. Oh, you do, you do that. I do. I figure, you know, I'm not all that attractive. and they're all they're showing is cameras that they're... That's why I put a little piece of tape. Oh, you do, you do that. I do. I figure, you know, I'm not all that attractive. I'm getting old if someone wants to get their rocks. I'm gonna go ahead. Yeah, knock yourself out.
Starting point is 00:42:55 Here's my balls of hanging low. Feel free to take a picture. Bag and 18-22. My balls were fresh. Sit right there, right on top. You were pumping. My balls were were fresh right there right on top my balls were so fresh they were on top now they're knocking my kneecaps on but I say I say if you want to take a picture feel free there's a bit about that the new Chris rock special about low hanging balls
Starting point is 00:43:24 yes it's true balls dropping yeah it's true it happens it's There's a bit about that in the new Chris Rock special. Well, low hanging balls. Yes. It's true. Balls dropping. Yeah, it's true. It happens. It's gravity. Yeah, it's gravity.
Starting point is 00:43:31 So I was dying laughing. I'm like, is that happening? 100% It's like, not to me, but it is. It's part of it. Not to me. Don't lie, Jeff. It's not happening to some exaggerated degree.
Starting point is 00:43:44 But when they were fresh, they were just like right there, they were with you. It was all connected, right? It was one big unit. And then... When they have the thing to do. Yeah, when they have the same thing. Same problem. Gravity takes... Every year, they just start to creep.
Starting point is 00:43:56 Yeah, you feel them a little bit lower down on your leg. And here's the other thing too. Is that you have to go to the... You need a ball bra. I'm genius. I think men need ball bra. I'm kidding. I mean ball bra. I need a nut sack, literally. Oh, it's that.
Starting point is 00:44:10 There's this show on HBO. There's a show on HBO. I don't know what it's called, but it's this guy who just runs around New York filming stuff. Have you seen that? I wish I could have a... I love HBO. I will promise you that I will talk about this next episode
Starting point is 00:44:25 because you have to watch this show. He asks a question then he runs around New York, randomly filming people trying to get to the bottom of this question like how do we fairly split the bill, right? But then he randomly is just filming people all around New York and pieces it together in documentary style. It's so fucking funny. I don't even know.
Starting point is 00:44:44 The guy was talking about how to properly cover his couch, right, with plastic. Because in New York, people cover their furniture with plastic. My grandma did it when in Chicago, too. I think it's a thing for old people to do, because they don't want to ruin their furniture. But then you can't even use it properly. Well, that's the whole point, right? That's what the comedy of it is. Even fresh.
Starting point is 00:45:02 But he goes so far off the mark when he goes and he meets him, he starts talking about things that are covered up. He goes and he meets a man that has invented a device that poll, people, men who have been circumcised, it slowly pulls their skin so much that they get on circumcised, it makes it like an actual four skin that wraps the head of their penis. So this thing is like two clips
Starting point is 00:45:25 that clip onto your skin of your penis and then you hang it on the headboard. I think that's the sex thing. No, it's the, I'm not sure. That's where I got the guy who invented it is sitting naked in his bed with just a t-shirt on his dicks all over the restaurant.
Starting point is 00:45:43 Oh my God, it was the funniest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. I need that. I need that. I just attach it to my balls. Or a ball bra. Yeah, it's a nut sack. A ball bra. Here's the other thing that fucking sucks.
Starting point is 00:45:57 And I will tell you this right now. What sucks is getting up and pee in every 15 fucking seconds in the middle of the night. That's what stinks. I drink a lot of liquid during the day. I'm a big water drinker. So I just keep you know, I keep cleansing. Yeah, I don't know if it's cleansing. I'm just thirsty. Yeah, some cleansing, like thirsty taste in my mouth. I keep on drinking water. I'm water, water, water, coffee, tea, whatever I can get my hands on. I'm always drinking. So it's inevitable that in the evening, you know, all that water's gotta go somewhere.
Starting point is 00:46:26 When I was a young man and I didn't drink quite as much liquid that was healthy for me, I would just drink beer. Howdy, I could sleep for 11 and a half hours, wake up with a rock hard morning boner and then just pee for 10 hours. I mean, I literally stand there for like 15 hours. That's a whole day. 11 hours sleep, 15 hours sleep.
Starting point is 00:46:42 11 hours sleep. 11 hours with a morning boner, 11 hours peeing that morning boner away, just like this whole thing. You had one good hour. You were out doing something. We're going on the next morning boner. I just stand in the shower and just be straight up. Hey, but now, yeah, it's like, you know,
Starting point is 00:47:01 at two o'clock and at five o'clock in the morning, my, whatever you call it, my prostate like, you know, at two o'clock and at five o'clock in the morning, my, my, whatever you call it, my prostate's just telling me you have to go to the bathroom. You have to get up and go to the bathroom and that part sucks. So falls hanging low, big old prostate. What are we going to do? Speaking of sleeping, that brings up the sleeping thing because I'm a really hard sleeper. Hard sleep.
Starting point is 00:47:22 My, my hard sleeper Jeff says he gets jealous because I fall asleep, I am out. Sleeper. I sleeper. Sleeper. You too can sleeper. Sleeper. Oh, I sleeper. Don't trust me.
Starting point is 00:47:35 I wake up hard too. So. So my point was that it's really been through the pandemic and then now with the election that my sleep patterns have to politely change. And I know yours have because you have two young children. For sure. For sure.
Starting point is 00:47:54 But I don't. And I've always been a night out. I can let you borrow. And then I kind of sleep in, you know, in the mornings. Now, I mean, my body is exactly on some kind of a weird five to six hour schedule. So you just sleep for five or six hours. Yes, like this morning I woke up at five a.m. I went to bed at 11 woke up being five a.m. And I can't go back to sleep. I'm like this is too early. Yeah, that's awful You know, then I'm trying to read. So what do you do fall back asleep? That's yeah, do you fall back asleep?
Starting point is 00:48:24 sometimes really after like two hours so you get so you go to bed at 11 you get up at five you go back to bed at seven Then what time are you waking up? Maybe like 9.30 9.30. That's not too bad. No, but it's just throw me off Yeah, I think it's just the anxiety and it's the whole everyone's all Feeling this way Info at the whole everyone's all. How else is feeling this way? Can someone info at TCD podcast? Let us know how you're feeling too, because I feel like it's other people too. It's got to be info at tcbpodcast.com is where you can email us your questions. And the first of the new year, we're going to do a segment every single show where we
Starting point is 00:48:55 answer your questions no matter what they are. And let us know if you're as upside down. I would love to get some, well, we'll talk about this a different time, but we're going to do start taking callers to in the new year. So maybe we can talk about that because the pandemic will still be raging, they'll still be raging through the first of the new year. But you mean we're all maintaining, just as best we can right now. It's a forced interruption and no one really knows what the fucking do. I mean, no one's dealt with this in a hundred years and those people still aren't around. That's for me.
Starting point is 00:49:25 Here. You are. You're still kicking it. I'm still kicking it. Nothing and down right on top of my ankles. Every time I walk, I hear a sound, a thud, thud of another ball. Ballong.
Starting point is 00:49:38 Ballong. What is that? My wife's name is Nancy. When I say Nancy, what is that sound? She says, those must be your balls hitting the top of your loafers Sometimes my nuts give my shoes a shine Occasionally I step on them. I can't feel them so far away It takes about an hour for me to feel the pain. I'll step on them up to a clock by three. I like I'm so I don't know what's going on
Starting point is 00:50:06 I'd be so walk. I'm so I don't know what's going on I'm so much up those That's right. I take one of those contraptions. I just put a little buzzer put a little buff and wax on the bottom of my balls I just let him go to dad. I kick my feet now Now that is what I call multi-task. That's right. I got an important meeting coming up. I just go ahead and wiggle my feet around. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Ha! Ha! I've peace so much, I fell asleep on the toilet.
Starting point is 00:50:34 Man, Nancy never slept in the same bed. That was rude back then of course. You know, I sleep in one room, she sleeps in the other. So what I do is I just fall asleep on the toilet. I don't get a morning boner anymore. I don't get a morning boner anymore, I don't get a morning boner anymore, sunshine. I call it the perpetual downward dog. Yes.
Starting point is 00:50:51 I let my balls hang out in the water. And I just gotta care for not to flush them. I gotta stand up. Oh my God. Well, this has been fun I've learned a lot I've learned too much I've learned about my own sound It's like I it's like one of those old puberty movies exploring your body Skit sk. To do that? Mm.
Starting point is 00:51:25 WWE, I'm sorry, this is laughable, or WWE, the TCB podcast. Dot com is where you go to find out more information about Chrissy and I. You can read all the show notes. All of our YouTube videos are accessible through the website. Join the break room if you want access to the second show coming up after the first of the year.
Starting point is 00:51:41 You'll need to be a member of the break room. There's no charge. Not yet. And to get it. Keep preparing. Yeah. Free suicide. Yeah. And hey, we wanted to say something and I want to say two things. Number one, we just reached 50,000 listeners. So thank you to everyone that is out there listening out in the
Starting point is 00:52:01 world out in the United States everywhere around the world. Thank you very much for listening. Number two, we're gonna be in podcast magazine in December, on December 1st, that issue. Go to podcastmagazine.com. You can sign up for a subscription there, and you can vote for your favorite podcast, which would be this one, to be in the Hot 50.
Starting point is 00:52:20 The Hot 50 is a monthly chart of trending podcasts, and we've recently been on Chartable and Apple's Trending Podcasts, which is a super happy party emojis. I know. So excited. Never expected any of this to happen. Never expected any of this to happen. So it's just insane. We're a long, great full that we can lend a laugh every now and then. So, from my balls to your balls. Ha ha. From my balls to your balls, Chrissy HODLY to Brian Green.
Starting point is 00:52:52 We'll talk to you next time. Oh, join us on the after show. To get access to the virtual week after show, go to tcbpodcast.com and join the break room. You'll get access to the after show. YouTube Extras, live shows and much more. Follow at the commercial break on Instagram and Facebook. It's that squiggly little email thing at sign the commercial break. The commercial break is written and produced by Brian Green,
Starting point is 00:53:17 co-hosted by a Curricie Hodley. The commercial break returns next Wednesday with an all-new episode. We are available on most podcast providers. co-hosted by a Chrissy Hodley. The commercial break returns next Wednesday with an all-new episode. We are available on most podcast providers. Tune us in and ride it out. you you

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