The Commercial Break - TCB Infomercial w. Hannah Berner
Episode Date: March 5, 2024Hannah Berner (icon, legend, giggler) joins Bryan & Krissy to gab about what it’s like being the queen of tiktok & comedy. Krissy’s back from Jamaica Hannah Berner is joining us! Hannah wants y...ou to jerk off and cry at the same time Des was voted off the island Having an old husband Younger men are like puppies She knows she dont know Hannah’s the queen of Tiktok Netflix Is A Joke show Netflix special! Her previous life as a tennis player Being mean is LAME! The algorithm & the internet Hannah’s favorite interviews Find Hannah: https://hannahberner.com/ Tour info Tiktok Instagram Berner Phone Giggly Squad Stay tuned for Hannah's Netflix special, coming later this year! LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us  212.433.3TCB text or leave us a voicemail Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Producer: Christina A. Producer: Gustavo B. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I don't wanna try to have sex in the shower.
I think more guys should cry in the shower.
Cause right?
That would be so good for guys to let it out.
Cause think about it, if you walk out of the shower
and your boys like, bro, were you crying?
You'd be like, no, I was jerking off.
And they'd be like, yeah bro, this fucking is sick.
["Sick"]
On this episode of the commercial break.
I just feel like young guys, like they have so much.
I always compare them to like a young puppy.
Like they're cute, but they're just like untrained, peeing on everything.
Every time you touch them, their little red wiener pops out.
It's a Tuesday at like 2 p.m.
Like what are we doing?
So I love an older man.
The next episode of the commercial break starts now.
Ah yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break.
I'm Brian Green, this is my long lost partner in crime.
Chris and Joy, hopefully best to you, Chris.
Best to you, Brian.
And best to you out there in the podcast universe. How are you? Thanks for joining us. We certainly appreciate it
We have the on today's TCB infomercial Chrissy. Let me announce this to all the world
We have the it girl of the moment. What is going on? It's your thing is going. Oh, it's I'm watching tiktoks of our guests
We have the tiktok queen of comedy herself Hannah Burner coming in and talking to us this afternoon
about all things wonderful and comedic and
white men.
Yes, I feel like I'm in her. I think I'm right in her crosshairs.
But that's okay. I actually like she's got a podcast called Giggly Squad and I actually like that podcast. I think it's pretty fucking
funny. And she's like very prolific on TikTok. Millions and millions of people
watch her. So she is in some sense just like us. Very good with social media.
Amassing hundreds of millions of views every single week.
I'll tell you who's popular on our social media is
Joanna Hausman. I feel like 90% of our audience,
no matter how big or small it might ever be, is
Venezuela. That's just a reality for us.
I love that.
If we could only find sponsors in Venezuela.
But I think it's generally frowned upon to do business
Corporations in Venezuela or I would hey, I'm not I have no shame in my game
You want to send me some of that some of those beliveries go ahead that sweet sweet beliverie?
Not worth the paper. It's printed on I'll take it. I'm okay with it. How was your vacation?
Oh my gosh, it was paradise paradise paradise. Jamaica Mon, Yaman.
Jamaica Mon, Yaman.
Yeah.
I drank a ton of red stripes, smoked a ton of weed.
That's it.
And learned how to play dominoes.
You learned how to play for the first time?
Yes, yeah, yeah.
You never played dominoes before.
Not in the way they're supposed to be playing.
I guess I was just stacking them up and knocking them down. Yeah, that's how I did it too. I thought that was just, you know, stacking them up and knocking them down.
Yeah, that's how I do too.
I thought that was the game you played with Dominos.
Right, no, no, no.
Until I went to jail,
and they taught me how to actually play Dominos.
Yeah.
The blast, ate a ton of seafood,
saw beautiful sunsets, listened to the ocean.
Yeah.
Fuck you.
I know, I'm sorry.
I'm sitting here slaving away in the studio
and Kristy comes back all sun kissed,
not from a tanning bed.
Not from a tanning bed.
I knew you were gonna be a little tough.
I am a little jealous because no matter,
it's like, I don't know,
I've never smoked K2 or K12 or whatever the fuck that shit is.
But I imagine it's like the cheap gas station
knock off weed you get,
and then the real weed that you get
from an actual weed dispensary, there's no comparison.
Sun in the sun is so much better than sun in a can.
It's just so much better.
With electric lights.
Electric lights.
The glowing disco ball of the...
The lure.
Oh, last time I went to the tanning bed. I know, last, the lure of the tanning bed.
I know, last time I went to the tanning bed,
they're supposed to alert you if they put in new lights.
Like, hey, there's new lights in there.
So you gotta calm it down.
You can't go the full 10 minutes
and then try and stretch it for an extra three.
You can't do this this time, Brian.
You gotta settle down, take it down a couple minutes.
And they didn't tell me that.
So I came out like, ah, I could feel it when I left.
We were pretty diligent about doing sunscreen.
Good for you.
Yeah, and we still got a tan.
So, and we didn't get burned.
Well, you're in Jamaica.
I did get like approximately 100 bug bites on my legs.
Well, I didn't realize I shouldn't be
putting on the smelly lotion.
Yeah, no, no, no, no.
You gotta put on the, what is that shit
that they got there, like the all natural,
have you tried those wrist things to keep the mosquitoes away?
No, but I showed.
I put them on my kids and it worked wonders.
I put them on me and it doesn't work at all.
I'm not sure.
Well, I was gonna say, it's no different
than sitting out in the backyard in the middle of summer
for me.
And Atlanta.
They just love my legs.
My feet, sweet.
They love that sweet, sweet, holy blood.
That sweet, those drippings.
Those holy drippings.
And when I was laughing,
cause I looked at my hand,
I'm like, oh, they just went directly for to the vein.
Yeah.
That's what they do.
They're smart.
Yeah, they're smart.
Christina, not Christina, but Tina
and I were talking about this.
I saw an Instagram video
where in some countries in Africa,
they make meat patties out of mosquitoes
because of how much protein the mosquitoes have in there.
And so they capture them with a net.
They have like this season, the season of mosquitoes
where literally it looks like a black,
like kind of like a gray black cloud
because there's so many mosquitoes in here.
And they just take big nets and they have the kids catch them
and then some guy makes them into little patties
and they put them on bread and there you go.
I'm not at that point yet.
New, but I'm getting close for other reasons.
I found myself going from Whole Foods to Publix to Kroger to Costco to Aldi
to the Chevron gas station with the broken sign and the fake weed.
If you ask the guy nicely, he's got a special meat store in the back.
Yeah, I got you covered now.
Those little Jamaican stores were interesting.
We went to two of them.
Like the little bodegas?
Yeah, yeah.
One wasn't even open,
but then when you saw a guy on the side of the road,
he was like, come with me.
Come with me.
I guess this is okay.
Sure, yeah.
When you're high and drunk, it doesn't matter.
You're like, why not?
Oh, yes.
It was hard.
It was like entering back into reality from a cannon.
I know.
That's the worst part about those vacations
where you're off the grid.
Like if I go to New York for vacation
or I go down to Orlando, not vacation,
but to take a couple days off for whatever reason,
I'm not getting away from the bullshit.
My head's still in the bullshit.
But when you leave the country,
especially someplace that's sunkissed,
and you generally are disconnected from your everyday,
it is literally like birthing.
It's like a birthing process.
It is. It's like you birthing process. It is.
Like you cry, you whine, you kick, you scream.
I did. I cried the night before we were leaving. I was like, I don't want to leave.
You're like, I don't want to check my email inbox.
I got 30,000 emails and everybody wants money for me.
Yes.
Well, I'm so glad that you guys had a good time.
But I did come back. Yes. And we I'm so glad that you guys had a good time.
But I did come back, yes.
And we did, we had an amazing time.
Yeah, and we'll talk more about this on yesterday's show.
The way that we're recording this,
but we are super excited to have Hannah Burner.
It's very nice of her to come in
and spend some of her very valuable time.
She is the it girl of the moment in comedy,
as you may know, Chrissy.
Well, look at us getting the it girl
Hey, listen, I again, it's certainly a mistake, but we'll take it. She's probably already done all of the right
I bet you've been a smart list Conan. Yeah, she's been on all the other ones. So they're like, well, I guess I
Have an extra hour on Tuesday. I guess I'll go with the commercial break
But you can check out Hannah on Hannah, Hannah.
I'm gonna say Hannah and she's gonna make fun of me
for saying it like that,
but that's my speech impediment coming into play right there.
Hannah is on Instagram, she's on TikTok,
she's got millions of followers, she should follow her.
She has the upcoming Netflix as a joke
and the comedy special on Netflix.
She's got lots of stuff out there on YouTube
and we'll talk to her about all of it if we can,
if she'll allow us the enough time.
We'll talk to her, we'll talk about most of it.
Let's put it that way.
We'll talk about most of it if she'll allow us the time
and it certainly is nice of her to come on the show.
So let's do this.
Let's take a break and then a TCB infomercial
coming up with the TikTok comedy sensation herself, Hannah Burner. What do you think? I love it. Let's take a break and then a TCB infomercial coming up with the TikTok comedy sensation
herself, Hannah Burner.
What do you think?
I love it.
Let's do it.
What do you think?
Like I'm asking like.
I'm ready.
You ready?
All right.
Let's see if we can technically figure out how to get Hannah.
Let's see who we get.
Hannah on the line.
We'll be back.
I know you're already on your phone, so pull up Instagram and follow us at the commercial break
and then follow us on TikTok at TCB podcast.
Done?
Perfect, thank you.
Since you're at the ready,
why not text us hello at 212-433-3TCB?
Or if you've got some drama in your life,
a little fun story, or anything really,
we're desperate for content,
call and leave us a message at 212-433-3TCB.
And don't forget to check out tcbpodcast.com
because that's got it all.
Speaking of having it all,
let's listen to our fabulous sponsors
and get back to the commercial break.
Let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the commercial break.
It's after bedtime, the kids are asleep and the moms are out to play. We're Dina and Kristen, the duo behind the Instagram account, Big Little Feelings.
I'm Dina, I'm a child therapist and mom of two who nerds out on all things neurobiology and psychology.
And Kristen is a parent coach who wrangles three kids on a daily basis here to give it to us like it is.
We weren't meant to do this parenting thing alone.
Consider after bedtime your village.
Follow after bedtime with big little feelings
on the Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hannah, thank you for being here.
Thank you very much.
That seemed weird.
We were just talking about the pronunciation of Hannah.
Hannah. Hannah. Hannah. I do, I could give less of a shit, which you call me. It's, it's, that's close enough.
Hannah. Thanks, Heather. Hannah, I'll now, I'll now go into my Midwestern accent. Hannah,
was just explaining this. Sometimes people call her on the emails and how they get Heather from Hannah
I have no fucking clue, but
Congratulations to you for having so many names. I feel like Heather is even like a I'm like, oh, they think I'm prettier than I am
I love that
No one's ugly named Heather
That's true Beauty is in the eye of the Boulder though. That's true. What's that think about it? Yeah, that's true.
Beauty is in the eye of the boulder, though.
That's true.
In fact, you are such a superstar right now.
You're like the TikTok queen of comedy.
You're an Instagram sensation.
You are really...
I know it's hard to see the forest through the trees,
and I don't know if your agents told you yet,
but you're a bit of a thing.
So thank you very much for joining us here on the commercial break.
As we say often, you've either done the rest or you're now coming to the best.
So, you know, hey, we got to make that the commercial break at some point.
I have to tell you something that has been on my mind for the last couple of days.
I or the last day or so, I completely agree with you.
Like five minutes.
Yeah.
Since I just checked your Instagram.
Sound way more important than I am. I have to agree with you about something because I do this.
I think more men should cry in the shower.
I think that should just be a thing.
We should be allowed to just let it out.
Let it out there.
Wack off, cry.
The shower should be our place of solace.
And then we can meet up with our bros as your Instagram does and say,
What's up up dude?
Just jacked off and got a good cry in.
No, I definitely have been thinking a lot about
like the male emotions, the woman emotions,
and my husband will joke with me
because he's like men are hormonal,
as hormonal as women, just in such different ways.
And I'm like, and we don't talk about that.
Like sometimes men are just having a PMS moment and they need to deal with it differently and we should talk about it
Or like they just channel it all into anger because it's more so socially acceptable
Yep, so I'm out here like trying to figure stuff out for everyone because we're all coping with emotions
We don't want to deal with and
Yeah jerk off and cry at the same time and maybe that's how you become like Gandhi. Ben there?
I've done that.
I think...
I'm not afraid.
I'm not afraid.
I'm just a different kind of boy.
No, that's iconic.
That's iconic.
I'm built different.
I'm built different than those phones.
You are.
And you love your showers.
Most people think I'm on the down low.
I'm really not.
But most people think I'm on the down low.
Let's just be real about it.
I love it.
I think it's a great idea.
Here's...
Are you into the crown?
If you watch the crown, you're gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna be like, oh, I'm on the down though. Let's just be real about it. I Love it. I think I think it's a great idea
Here's are you into the crown if you watch the crown this this show little show
Okay, so the other night Astrid Astrid my wife and I are watching the crown and
There's a there's a gentle scene between William and Prince Philip
and they're like talking about the Charles or whatever.
This scene, that's about five minutes long.
My wife fell asleep during,
and I literally wept like a baby for 15 minutes
after the episode had concluded.
And so Astrid wakes up and she's like,
what's wrong?
And I'm like, Prince Philip, you're so great in that moment. And she's like, what the fuck are you talking about?
And I'm like, great. And my wife was like, you're such a girl. You are like such a girl.
What are you doing crying over the crown? And I'm like, it was just a moment. It was a touching
moment. I had to do it. I gotta be honest, crying makes me feel better. It's a thing.
It does. It does. You should cry more.
I love that. I love that so much.
My husband is not a crier,
except we can't watch Love on the Spectrum
without him sobbing the entire time.
That's a great show.
When he sees the parents be like,
I never thought my kid would be able to
find a connection with someone and the kid's hugging,
you know, the girl, the guy down the day.
His body starts shaking.
I'm like, what are you shaking for?
And he's sobbing.
And I find it hot.
Yeah.
Not the person necessarily.
It's him just like being in touch with his emotions.
I find it so fucking hot.
Because then a second later, you know,
he's jerking off the meds.
Yeah, jerking off, cursing off the meds. Yeah, he's jacking off Chris about the Mets.
I like a full spectrum.
I love all that, no pun intended.
Yeah, no pun.
No.
So your husband is quite the thing too.
I have to say, I am an admirer of your husbands.
I think he's really funny.
Well, he's having a moment right now.
He is also having a moment.
He's a huge comedian in Ireland who when we met during COVID,
it was because he like wanted to spend COVID in Long Island
where he has a place and we met, we fell in love.
And then he's like, I guess I'll like stay in America
and build a comedy career here.
I love that.
And he's like, I guess I'll just,
he plays at the Cellar all the time.
Yeah.
He's like, I guess I'll put out a special on YouTube.
And it's kind of popping off right now.
And yeah.
I love him.
I just think he's great.
I think he's so funny.
I think his comedy is so, it's like,
Observe, he always has an angle on something.
There's like always an observation there
that makes me laugh.
And he is from across the pond.
And I just am jealous of everybody from across the pond.
I don't know why I'm into British comedies and not into their food, but I think he's
Like men from the UK make me cry. He's so he's actually from Queens, New York
I know I read this and then he moved yeah when he was looking me just like I'm his spokesperson
Go for it. He was really naughty when he was 14. So his parents just sent him abroad
to go to like a school in Ireland. You're an asshole. See you later. I don't want to
deal with you. The mom had like three boys and she was like, you're like voted off the
island. I was sent to Ireland and he just stayed there and then became like an incredible
comedian in Ireland speaking of kind of that
like fish out of water type thing and now he's like has a thick Queens accent which
not a lot of people still have but then he'll say words like bloody and quite and like lovely
which I was guys don't say lovely in America he's's just like, yeah, he's very fascinating.
He's an interesting person.
He's very interesting.
Go check him out.
We actually wanted him and we got Hannah instead.
But she's his spokesperson.
You, my wife, and Chrissy all have something in common.
You're all attracted to senior citizens.
So I'd like to applaud.
A senior citizen would like to applaud you too.
I like an older gentleman.
He's a silver hair fox.
Yeah, he is.
But it's funny, cause I never was like
into older guys growing up.
I never had like a crush on a teacher,
but he was a random,
I actually had a psychic tell me
I was gonna fall for someone who wasn't my type.
But I was like, oh no.
And then I met this guy's older
and at first I wasn't sure,
but then I now like have all these comedy bits
about just how I love an older man because they're tired.
And like, they're just like,
they're not even gonna fight with you.
They're like exhausted.
They're just like, yeah, whatever you want.
I'm gonna take a nap and can you hand me my Advil?
And I'm like, yes, babe.
And it's like a simple, beautiful life that we live.
You are so right about this.
You know, I'm too exhausted to fight with my wife about anything.
If there's...
I'm glad that my wife and I met as I got a little older
and I had children as I got older,
because I think that I now know which hill's not to die on,
which is almost everything.
Anything that my wife could possibly be upset about.
I'm like, no problem, babe. I got you.
I'm an asshole going to go hide in the corner.
Gonna take the kids out for a couple hours
Go do your thing manicure pedicure. What do you need?
Because you've been pre-trained that's right
You've had previous relationships that just fucking pummeled you to the ground to be like I've done this fight
And it doesn't end well and I don't care so it's like I don't know if we're even compatible
Person he's decided to rest his tired head on my shoulder.
But I also like I learned things from him which is cool and I just feel like young guys like
they have so much I always compare them to like a young puppy like they're cute but they're just
like untrained peeing on everything every time you touch them their little red wiener pops out.
and peeing on everything. Every time you touch them,
the little red wiener pops out.
You're like, it's a Tuesday at like 2 p.m.
Like what are we doing?
So I love an older man.
And I think like older men are like,
yeah, they're just, they know who they are.
And I'm like, that's nice.
Yeah, we're trained.
You're in your cell right about this.
We've been, not, I would say beat into submission,
but probably beat into submission.
And then also, we've just learned our lessons.
That time and time again, knocking our heads in a wall.
Our wieners don't work like they used to.
Like I'm not getting a fourth grade boner
at the chalkboard, you know what I'm saying?
I have some measure of control over my own body parts.
I get poked all the time and also like,
he's seen enough boobs, he's like, I got it.
Yeah, so you're sick. I know.
Exactly.
I don't attack my life.
I also, I personally am not a caretaker.
Like, you know some girls who are like,
well he basically went from his mom to me.
Yes.
That's not me.
Like I was never that person.
I'm not doing your laundry.
I don't do my own laundry.
Like I don't know what's going on.
So I think I had to find someone
who was really like independent on his own.
And I think when two people live two independent lives,
it's like, it's healthy unless you find like your perfect
fucking imagine you grow together from like childhood
and just like more to one human, which we're not.
We're just like two people who happen to both be like messy
and enjoy similar things.
I think that's such, I think you found the one. I think you found the one and you can tell him I said so. It's pretty early on. It's early on?
You guys only been married for what?
A year and a half?
Two years?
And several minutes.
Call me in six years when you're finding us nursing homes.
That's a lot of facts on it.
Well, the thing, we don't have that much longer to last.
No, you don't.
I think I could do it.
I think I can outlive him.
I think I can outlive him.
Also, he's 48.
I'm not talking about like a 72-year-old.
No, no, no, no.
He's not a good guy. He's not a good guy. He think I could do it. I think I can outlive him. I think I can outlive him.
Also, he's 48.
I'm not talking about like a 72-year-old.
No, no, no, no, no.
He's young guy.
I'm 32.
And I really think anytime you're like over 26 and your brain is fully formed and you're
like independent in your own way, it could be fun to like, I recommend an older man,
maybe.
Yeah.
Like when you're younger, I think there is a weird order power dynamic, cause you don't know what's going on.
Like he has money, you don't, you're like 22.
So that could be weird, but I, dating in your 30s,
I'm like, let's see you guys in their 40s.
Yeah. Do you, I have a question, you mentioned it,
you touched on it, but I get, I get the sense.
Do you believe in like psychics, tarot card readers,
zodiac signs?
When I'm going through a dark time, yes.
Yeah.
It's like, it's comforting.
You start praying to God when times are hard.
I'm the kind of person that says,
I know that I don't know.
So like, I was raised not religious from Brooklyn, New York.
I'm not gonna tell anyone what to believe,
but I'm also not gonna tell people things don't exist
cause I don't fucking know.
Okay?
And there are moments where like if someone wants to like,
it's kind of fun to think about like spirits
or like intuition and like if someone has a feeling
and but I'm not gonna base all my life decisions on it.
But I just, I know that I don't know a lot is all I know.
Fair enough.
That's a great way to look at it.
We have like-
We have like-
For the same way.
We have like a little running tit for tat
with Teresa Caputo.
She doesn't know it, but we don't.
That's so funny.
She doesn't know it.
My husband famously doesn't support any of it,
but a psychic told me that my husband was a psychic so I'll ask him and he'll give
me really good advice and I go because you're a psychic I'm like that's what
a psychic would say that they want me to know he's like in the matrix
he's like I don't believe in that shit and I'll be like should I film my special in March or December and he's like March I'm like, I don't believe in that shit. And I'll be like, should I film my special in March or December? And he's like, March.
I'm like, thanks.
Thanks, you're the Oracle.
I don't know if you remember the scene in the Matrix
where he gets in the elevator after seeing the Oracle.
And he's like, yeah, he told me I wasn't the Oracle.
And she goes, no, she told you exactly what you needed
to hear in that moment.
You are the Oracle.
He is the psychic Oracle.
He just doesn't want to admit it. He doesn't want to know it. So I love to, I don't like being that person that's like focused
trilogy, don't believe in that shit. Because everyone has things that they believe in to keep
life more interesting. But my thing is like, if a psychic is like, you should do this, and I don't
do it and things go wrong because I don't believe in psychics, then I'm gonna feel like an idiot. She told you what to do, you didn't listen, so.
That's how I feel about religion.
I'm like, I think anything's possible.
Muhammad, God, Jesus, I'm not sure.
I just, I'd like to say they're all really nice people.
So that way I'm covered in case, in case.
Yeah, I'm not denouncing heaven.
No, I'm just not currently there. I just, that I know. You haven't seen me in church in years, but I'm not saying itcing heaven. No, I'm just not currently there.
I just, that I know of.
You haven't seen me in church in years,
but I'm not saying it's not a thing.
Look, whatever people need to do to survive
this meaningless life.
Yeah, that's right.
To give some meaning to this meaningless life.
Yeah.
You, I think, have predicted my divorce, by the way.
I just wanted you to know that.
You, I think, are a second kid in and of second of itself and i have told astrid yet this yet i'll get around
to it more signing the papers
but here's the thing uh... you said that a guy on the guy is sus
on valentine's day when he sends you lots of roses
he puts a picture of the utu tongue kissing or he uses the following words
we've been through so much together or
are ups and downs.
I have posted that literally every Valentine's Day,
birthday and Christmas for the nine years
that we've known each other.
Why? Why have you posted it?
I'm kidding.
I was about to get into it.
I'll be like, what is this taught this through?
I know a divorce lawyer.
Yeah.
I always feel like I'm so grateful
that this woman is even in my life like this super powerful human being
Decided to come rescue me from the drudge of my you know
Former life and so I feel like I want to say something nice. I want to let the world know that I don't use the words
We've been through so much because that's our personal how much we argue is our personal business
because that's our personal, how much we argue is our personal business.
And no one else.
So I'm not saying you can't post anything.
There are just certain things which is like
an absurd amount of flowers, he cheated.
Saying the ups and downs thing,
again, like you guys hate each other.
And then like the over kissing,
but like I so support like being proud of who you're with
and sharing it to an extent.
Yeah, to an extent.
I agree with you.
I have these friends on Facebook and Instagram
and they're like, literally post everything.
They're together for 10 years too.
And it just seems to me to be a little strange.
There is no picture without the two of them together.
There is no picture where they're not madly in love.
There is no picture where their children
are not going to the best private school and certainly getting into Harvard. There is no picture where they're not madly in love. There is no picture where their children are not going to the best private school and certainly getting
into Harvard. There is no picture where their world is broken and it makes me upset. It
makes me upset.
Well, it's not real.
Yeah, because it's not fucking real, because I see them together and they're like two miserable
human beings just dogging around their house.
Exactly. So I think I posted that because on Valentine's Day, I know that it causes depression.
Like there are people who are either single or you're in a relationship that like you you like enjoy but you're like
But should it feel like that like we're not like we're not like that
Yeah, so I just try to like with a little comedic tone raise awareness that people are full of shit
I love it. I love you. I like your brand of humor.
It's, I think it's a good, like your crowd work is good.
I just, I don't want to get into technicalities
because I don't want to bore everybody to sleep,
but I like your brand of humor.
And I think you're super hilarious.
Obviously social media has done wonders for you.
And that's, you've kind of become like
the comedic queen of TikTok. I think that's my that's my term for it
I'm gonna you're welcome to put that on your website if you'd like
You can put in parentheses we don't know who they are either and he also mispronounced my name the whole entire pod
No, it is it is, because I think subconsciously,
that was a dream of mine to be like,
Tiktok became my TV show,
and I felt really free posting on it,
and I felt like I was hitting the right people.
And I was like, if I keep posting here,
maybe people will enjoy my comedy.
So for someone to be like, wow, you're, you're really like being seen in this space.
It's like cool. Cause that was the goal.
It's super fantastic. And so when you get invited to, are you doing Netflix as a joke?
Right? Yes. And May. And where are you filming that?
So I'm actually not filming. I'm just doing a show at, it was the East Theater,
but I think they just changed the name,
but it'll be like a really,
my first ever Netflix is a joke show.
And then I'm filming my special in March in Philly
at the Film War.
Oh my gosh.
Yes, yes.
So it's all happening.
It's all happening at the next film.
This is crazy for you.
This is crazy for you. I asked that question because Chrissy and I were curious.
We were talking about this.
Do you, I know you were at one point a professional tennis player.
By the way, are you knocking down a house?
Is someone, are you okay?
Oh my gosh, sorry.
I'm just a low-reside.
I'm making fun.
I'm just making fun.
I'm just having fun.
This is the most quiet place I've been at and I'm not right now.
I'm sorry for the fact that I'm not. It's just giving me... It's just knocking I'm not right now. I'm sorry for the crowd. No, it's just giving me.
It's just knocking out a building next door.
That's just.
I'm just giving you a shit.
That's just casual.
My favorite thing about New York, I was,
yeah, last, oh, their night.
They started drilling at like midnight
and I know that's illegal, but I also don't know like.
Who to call?
I'm like, do I?
I'm not gonna, should I call?
I've never called 311.
I'm not, who do people actually call 311 and then someone like five minutes later. Just yells shut the fuck up
And they stopped and I was like that was the most new city moment
So I can't tell you the shut the fuck up if you want me to that
You probably litter that guy stopped someone from chopping up a body or something
Really bad was happening and the New Yorkers were like, I'll handle this.
It's funny, I realized though I haven't done a comedy podcast to talk about, so like I
have since the announcement, so this is actually a cool moment I realized.
I've just had my own pods just like not talking about it.
Well we're like, we're like proud of you by osmosis.
Yeah.
Oh my God, thank you.
Yeah, I think it's, I'd love to watch people succeed at what they do.
I think comedy, not that we do it, well, we're just sitting behind a microphone.
We don't stand up in front of people and actually talk.
But I also think it's a bit of a noble profession.
I think it allows people the relief that they need from their everyday drama and stress.
And God damn do we need that right now.
I mean, really fucking crazy world that we live in.
But let me ask, I wanna go back to like the Netflix
is a joke moment.
When you secure that special,
you get that Netflix as a joke invitation.
Were you were a professional tennis player at one point?
Is that correct?
So professional is a strong word.
I played professional tournaments when I was like 16
and then I decided I wanted to go to college
and I got a full scholarship to University of Wisconsin.
The thing with becoming a professional tennis player
is that it's so financially draining and difficult
because if you're not tough 100 in the world,
you're not making a living
because you're paying for your own travel, you're not your own coach,
your own stuff.
So I got to the point where like I played a little,
then I decided to go to college and then after college,
I could have gone on tour.
And I just, but I just felt burned and empty.
Even though I spent my whole life
to become a professional tennis player.
And like, yeah, I played pro tournaments,
not enough to, you don't make money.
Yeah.
And it was a moment of like failure.
Yeah, it was definitely a moment of like,
this is all I cared about since I was seven years old.
And it wasn't making me happy anymore.
And it took like years for me to admit that to myself.
And then I was like, I want to move back to New York
and just figure out who I am without tennis.
And then you kind of find some success
in the comedy world is when you think back on it,
like would you, if you had to make a different choice,
and I know this is a difficult question
to ask any human being, but if you had to make a choice,
if God came right now, whoever she is, and says,
hey listen, you can be a professional tennis player or you can do this whole comedy thing,
what would you have chosen? This is what I'm meant to do right now. It's crazy because tennis,
I was very athletic and I won a lot and I was like good and it's it's a weird thing to preach
But just because you're good at something doesn't mean it's what you're meant to do
But like I really had like so much anxiety when it came to
Performing with tennis. I put a lot of pressure on myself
I let fell a lot of pressure from external forces from like my parents like financially
me draining them to like be a professional tennis player and try to make it on tour. And I mean, I did get
a scholarship to college, thank God, but like it wasn't easy. And then in general, just like I
dealt with a lot of anxiety. And I'm a perfectionist. And I was just that I kept thinking I was crazy because I was just struggling
so much on the court, but I was also winning a lot.
It just, I wasn't happy.
You weren't happy.
I thought that's what you have to be to be a champion.
Like you have to push harder than other people
and yeah, you're gonna be miserable.
Sorry, there's a-
That's a tough one for me.
All good, all good.
But like that's the thing with sports.
They're just like push yourself beyond belief and that's how you become a champion
So I had a lot of voices that I was very confused about in my head of like what's me being like
This isn't right for you versus me just being a pussy
I mean like I don't want to do this
So like I just learned how to mute my brain and just like work like an animal and
Finally the universe like I got hit by a car in my senior year of college.
Oh my god. Like things happened that I was like okay like this is becoming a little too difficult
and also I just I was so it became like a drug where the only time I'd be happy I wouldn't really
be happy I just if I lost I'd be miserable and if I won I'd be like thank god I won and like
that's not a way to live but that,
and I'm watching, I have a tennis channel on right now,
like I always,
I love tennis, it's my favorite thing,
but I don't think it was who I was meant to be,
but I definitely didn't catch,
I almost quit a couple times, but I like loved the sport.
Long story short, people are like,
oh how do you do comedy? Like in front of
thousands of people, that's my biggest fear. Like my biggest fear was like second serve
playing Duke. Yeah, like I would just fucking crack all the time. And I was but I feel like
I've got I actually pushed myself so hard considering my mental state where I actually
didn't love competing. Like I just wanted to make everyone laugh on the team.
Like if you said Hannah,
you have to make your doubles partner smile
and keep her positive during this match.
I could do that in my sleep.
But if they're like Hannah,
you have to make sure you hit solid forehands
and like don't get tight.
I'd be like,
It crushed you.
I could never.
But I, and I also like,
I don't have a driver's license.
Like I have like parts of me that like I can't handle.
But like comedy for whatever reason,
I feel at peace with it.
And I remember my first show being like,
oh my God, I'm gonna find out right now,
am I this anxious, can ever perform under pressure person?
And I walked to do my first ever set.
And I, this calmness came over me.
And it was like the universe was like, like this is what it was supposed to feel like to do my first ever set and I, this calmness came over me
and it was like the universe was like,
like this is what it was supposed to feel like
when you were serving.
I love that.
But I never felt that on the court.
I mean, I did sometimes you'd have moments,
but I also would argue that tennis is similar to stand up
in terms of traveling every weekend,
being on your own out there.
So like all the struggles I dealt with with tennis
that like I really did cram myself to sleep.
And I'd been like, why did you waste all this effort
and time on, I was, I think that's why my comedy career
has had this kind of quick acceleration and arc.
Cause I feel like it's not my first career.
It's like my third, my fourth life.
The pressure is off.
It served its purpose for that time. It served its purpose in the
moment. And I've said this to you probably. I've said it to a lot of people, including myself, which is
expectations are sowing the seeds of our own misery. Like when we put so much pressure on
ourselves, it smothers us. Oh my God. And when it's clearly not the choice, when you're putting so much
pressure on yourself to do something and do it well that it's miserable it feels to me like that's probably not the
right thing for you to be doing.
When I was on the court I really didn't know who I was playing for like I
needed for my coaches I needed other players to think I was good I needed my
parents to be proud of me like I sorry so loud no idea who I was playing for
where with comedy no one made me do it. No one even,
my parents didn't even know that I wanted to do it. I never even wanted to do it. So I had this
kind of like very not ego filled relationship with it where tennis was very ego for me,
where comedy, whenever I get off, I'm like, wow, like that's pretty cool. You just did that. Or
like if something goes wrong, I'm like, wow, you just like grew as a comic
and you learned from that like difficult situation.
So I talk to myself the way I wish coaches
talked to me when I was a kid.
Very interesting.
Yeah.
Very interesting.
Yeah.
Do you still, do you get nerves when you walk?
I mean, I know that's a ridiculous question
because I think the nerves probably drive the ambition.
Right?
Yeah. There's something about, it's like people that like to jump out of a plane right?
There's something about that adrenaline that moment that's seven what do they
call it the seven foot walk or something like that?
You need a little adrenaline. I do have to say sometimes my husband gets worried by
how little nerves I get. Part of it is because I'm always I'm tired.
When you're doing two shows and I have tonight and I'll do like because I'm doing a
City each night sometimes like you like you know what's going on
But you need that little you get the natural adrenaline from the crowd like it really is that a dance like it's not me
Giving a speech. It's it's this connection with the audience that like wakes me the fuck up
I do get nervous for Like it's not me giving a speech. It's this connection with the audience that wakes me the fuck up.
I do get nervous for things that are filmed
or things that have industry involved.
Cause comedy's so funny where something could literally
not matter at all and then they're like,
oh this one person's here and they're gonna,
and they're gonna read.
They're gonna make a break, you're gonna read.
They're always like, this is the most important set
of your life and you're like, okay.
So it's like you kinda, at the end of the day, what they always said with tennis
is just like, let muscle memory take over.
But I would have trouble with that because I was so in my head.
But what what I think made me two in my head with tennis is good for comedy.
Because when I'm in my head, I know exactly like that guy with the backwards hat over there.
And I know which joke I was finishing and what joke I wanna say next about,
like so my ADD and stress almost is good for comedy.
Yeah, I totally agree.
I think for the best comics in the world,
I'm making this observation myself,
nothing that they've said,
and we've talked to quite a few of them,
and I think we even talked to Heather McMahon about this.
Love Heather.
Yeah, she's the best.
Oh my gosh, I really look up to her.
She's another one who's just so talented in so many ways.
She's a champ.
We loved her.
She was on a couple of months ago
and we just fell in love with Heather.
But I think that God is really flows through
in those creative moments of those comics.
It's like that's where God is.
God is not in the church.
God is in the creation of things that touch and affect your life or other people's life.
And comedy is one of those places where I see the best comics in the world.
It's almost like they're not there.
It's coming through them, right?
They're not there.
Oh my God, yeah.
It's coming through them.
Well, I always, they say like people don't remember what you say.
They remember how you made them feel.
Yeah.
And I try to remember that with comedy, that it's not about like, obviously there's all the like,
nuances of my voice and my tone and my timing,
but that comes with just like over and over again.
That's muscle memory.
That's muscle memory.
But the way you're making someone feel is,
yeah, this magical connection that is honestly such a high,
like it's giving cult leader, like you're just like,
yeah, and it's like, it's pretty cheap,
and you're making dick jokes,
but it's like all, there's a meaning behind it.
But yeah, I do feel like with comedy,
I'm like kind of a comedy nerd,
where I do feel like the people,
you get to kind of say things and be free and be unfiltered
and say things that other people are afraid to say,
and I just kind of get off on that a little bit. I think it's awesome. And you are free and unfiltered and say things that other people are afraid to say and I just kind of get off on that a little bit I think it's awesome and you are free and unfiltered on stage and that's why I think
You may be channeling
Because you say some outlandish shit, but the the fact is like in your crowd work especially is that it's always
Seems at least I don't think you would post anything or someone like got up and told you to fuck off and walk away
Or maybe you would I don't know but in that crowd work in what I've seen is like you you're really
Punchy and good at that and you you have a way of saying it that most people they don't seem all that offended
They're just like this is funny. I like this roast me. Most people don't like being roasted.
How many people take offense to your,
like does this happen often where people are like,
dude, what are you doing?
Have you ever had like an interaction in the crowd
where it just went south?
I do think like old school crowd work was like
looking at people and just being like,
you look fucking gay in that shirt.
Like it was very like,
just like a high school bully like pointing shit out.
I do think especially nowadays, like it was very like just like a high school bully like pointing shit out.
I do think especially nowadays, it's like being mean
is such a cop out.
It's passing.
It's hacky.
And being mean is like the lowest form of comedy.
And especially since I have podcasts
and I talk about people, I realized like being mean
is just like, oh, you're being mean for clicks.
Like that's so lame.
So I just, my thing is I like people
to feel like they're in on the joke with me.
And I also talk to people like they're my friend.
Like, we're just two people and I happen to have a microphone
and a lot of power with that.
But you're a person that came to the show
and we're having this experience together.
I do, I definitely have that mindset where I see someone
who I could tell, like maybe the boyfriend
who maybe doesn't know who I am,
who isn't sure if he's having fun.
And I like to be like, I'm gonna win that motherfucker over.
I'm poking at this guy.
And then I like to say I build them up,
I break them down, I build them up.
So they don't even know how they're feeling.
And then people be like, girls started, first my my show was all women then they started bringing their boyfriends because they wanted me to make fun of them
Yeah, then I started joking that like at the end they're always like she wasn't wrong about something
I'm like growing the relationship and now do like more guys are coming to the show and I think it's fun because
There's always that battle of like to to guys think girls are funny but it's like I never tried to sell it like that it was more like
this my shtick and if you want to enjoy it with your girlfriend you can yeah and if you don't
want to you don't have to but I do have to commend the internet because being a woman in standup in
New York City and coming up is fucking brutal.
Yeah, I can imagine.
I think of, I know so many funny girls who are like,
I wanna try stand-up.
And they sign up for a couple open mics,
one in the Bronx, one in Brooklyn.
It's always like 2 a.m.
All these dudes who are drunk.
Drunk ass clowns, yeah.
They go, you know what?
I don't think this is for me.
And that's why it ends.
It's not because they aren't particularly funny.
It's because the scene is not necessarily like a safe space.
Friendly to them.
That's not a safe space, yeah.
I do think me coming from a sports environment
where I trained with a lot of guys a lot
gave me a little bit of an edge where I felt like,
oh, I'm like competing with the guys.
I've done this before.
I can do this.
I can hang.
But you shouldn't have to feel that way
to make it in a career.
So that's where the internet's so important
because a lot of these girls are like,
okay, I don't wanna go to the Bronx at 2 a.m.
But I do, I can post a TikTok today.
And then actually, you know, you're posting TikToks
and then the algorithm's going to girls
and I'm very lucky that a lot of the girls
who come to my shows have never seen comedy before.
Never live comedy before.
Oh, wow.
Because they're intimidated, I think,
by the scene, the setting, and the comics themselves.
Exactly.
Yes.
So it's actually like more girls, I think,
are gonna show up to comedy clubs
if they can have this experience.
Like, how many times are you like,
oh, let's go to the comedy club?
Like, I remember I did when I was younger,
because I was a nerd, but like, most girls are like, let's go to the comedy club? Like I remember I did when I was younger because I was a nerd,
but like most girls are like,
let's go to a nice cocktail bar.
We feel safe.
Yeah, fair enough.
But it's an exciting time with the internet
for more people to have a voice
and you don't have the traditional ladder
that you had to climb
that had so many blocks for certain people.
So I think it's just a really exciting time.
And some people blow up and then they don't like
performing live and it doesn't work out.
So there's just a lot of different avenues now.
But that's okay because maybe that's the medium
upon which we don't go and do stand up.
Yeah, they start a podcast, they write a script. Exactly.
So I think it's actually like such a freaking fun time.
I think the internet is like the Shiva,
destroyer of worlds and equalizer of worlds.
You know what I'm saying?
The internet is also the worst thing
that's ever happened to us.
Well, but it is the great equalizer.
It is the great equalizer in a lot of ways
is because I think it has just,
the world is so small because of the internet
that it's, you know, traditional stereotypes,
people who may not have gotten the attention
from traditional media outlets,
they're able to embark on a journey
and give themselves a chance because of the internet.
I was watching, one of my favorite,
and this is, I'm just giving you an example,
one of my favorite incidents and this is and this is I'm just giving an example one of my favorite Instagram
Accounts is a gentleman who is in Bangladesh who fixes?
Burners you know like the cookers the burners he fix them them in this weird wacky really fast way
He'll test it. He'll throw it on the table. He'll chop it up. He'll make it better
He has two and a half million
Followers and his videos are hypnotic very
Notic and I'm like this dude is in one of the poorest countries in clearly making five cents per whatever burner
He's fixing every single time. He is an internet fucking sensation
Tell me that his father or his grandfather ever had that opportunity
No, they fixed burners lived and died with no one knowing them except for
The people on the street who had yeah
And I think that's like so great like I'm following this guy and bangladesh you fix it like can you can you fix a burner yourself?
Now I have to be honest with you. This is a bit of a running joke
honest with you uh... this is a bit of a running joke i even i am
uh... my father-in-law
is macgyver and i am the opposite of whatever that is yeah i will
the happy you know i am great
i'm creative in the sense that i pay other people to do my handiwork for
my wife has to hang a painting first of all should do it herself because she's
so much better at it than i am but it is a really complicated painting to hang you know one of those three posters or something like that First of all, she'll do it herself because she's so much better at it than I am. But if there's like a really tricky, complicated painting to hang, you
know, one of those three posters or something like that, you know what she'll do? Literally
wait until my father-in-law flies from Venezuela to visit us. She has a list going. Well, Brian
can't hang a painting, so could you do it for us?
So no, you can't fix a murder.
I can't fix a murder. That's a better i cannot fix the better yeah i that's like me watching like one of these cleaning shows you know i like to
analyze yes i love it while my place is a fucking mess yeah i guess it's exactly
mean osmosis clean out the room is covered like a cooking show okay i know
it's very relaxing like if i only could yeah so let me ask you just a couple more
questions so uh... are when you get the invitation i'm sure your agent sends you It's very relaxing like if I only could so let me ask you just a couple more questions
So are when you get the invitation? I'm sure your agent sends you the invitation or something
You know hey Hannah you got Netflix as a Joker. Hey Hannah special you want it you got it. Are you just like so?
Proud of yourself that you did this you killed it you made it here
You are yeah, because I think I think having a Netflix special is the equivalent of...
It's a big deal.
I don't even know.
In the 80s, I guess, HBO specials.
I'm not even sure what they did back then, but...
Yeah.
Are you proud of yourself?
You should be proud of yourself.
I'm definitely proud of myself.
I do think...
I'm worried about you.
I'm like, is she proud of herself?
Not to relate everything back to tennis, but I think it's...
I learned a lot in terms of,
with tennis I was very result oriented.
Like I was like, if I don't win this match,
I am gonna be depressed, I'm not worthy, I suck.
And I think I went into comedy, like,
I don't, I wanna just be happy
and I wanna enjoy what I'm doing
and I really fucking love creating content.
I love writing, I love writing.
I love performing and that has, I think, the reason why I've started to actually get results.
Like because I'd see other tennis players like all these good things were happening to them
and I'm like, what are they doing to me?
I'm working so hard.
But I do think that I really do love the process.
Like when TikTok first started, I was like, I'm posting, or I was actually late to TikTok,
but I'm like, I'm posting three to four videos a day
and we're gonna do it.
And I like really got lost in the sauce
of like loving the process.
So I got, my first like big get was getting JFL new faces
two years ago where I was like, oh, the industry's like,
they like what they see.
And I never cared to get industry approval,
but I was like, but this feels fucking good.
I'm pretty happy about this one.
This is nice.
And then the times have changed so much
where I was fully expecting like,
I'm gonna put out a great YouTube special.
And like, that's how Shane Gillis did it.
That's how like so many other great comics have done it.
So when I got, I think some Netflix had seen me,
they've been watching me over time
and they finally saw like my full hour.
I think like a year after New Faces
and that's when they were like, were interested.
But I also, I told them I wanna wait
as long as I can before I put it out.
Because they were like, do you wanna put it out now?
And I basically was like, I wanna finish my full tour.
Because the crazy thing with stand-up is that because it's art it's
never really done. Yeah you're always creative. Yeah like there's no
winner loss like I can keep doing this hour forever and keep cutting fat adding
more. Yeah. So there's a point where you just have to be like like come March 23rd
I'm gonna be like that's it. This is when I'm gonna present it to the world.
Cause up until that point, I'm still like testing cones
and cutting and I could think of a tag the day before
and I'll add it.
So that's the weird thing about comedy.
Like it's never really done,
but you just are kind of like this work.
It's like the brush stroke, right?
What is the last brush stroke?
And I know people who paint, yeah, and they're like,
the last brush stroke is, it's literally can drive you paint yeah, and they're like the last brush stroke is
It's literally can drive you crazy because you go to sleep at night and you say it's finished look at it
It's beautiful. It's finished. There's the one guy that I know
He's a beautiful painter and he's just like he's so good at it
And he's always talking about the last stroke like and I talk about the last stroke in a different way
That's when I'm crying in the shower. But this guy, which is also a beautiful moment, but I know what
I'm done. I know what I'm done. That's the difference.
I got it. Yeah.
You know.
He's always talking about the last stroke. I think that this is just wonderful for you,
Hannah. And like I said, we're proud of you. And I have one more thing to say to you before.
I know that I always feel like we have such little time with these people. I know. I wish one of them had two hours with you.
But my wife is slyly angry with you,
because you got within three feet of Joe Jonas,
and she has not.
So who's your favorite interview so far?
You've done these funny, clippy interviews and interviews.
I mean, I don't want you to, you know,
make anybody feel bad, but I also am interested to know
who your favorite interview is so far.
So it's crazy, I was doing these hand on the street videos
where I was interviewing comics,
and then randomly, some like celebrities would be like,
can she interview a celebrity?
And like, that never was the plan.
Like that, I wasn't trying to be like a celebrity host.
That was just like talking crap with comics on the street in New York
We know the feeling
The Jonas's were my first big interview so I will always like I just remember you go into a room
There's like 15 like people working there the Jonas Brothers standing there and they're like you have six minutes with the Jonas Brothers
Do whatever you want because this is a new time where like the press don't they're like, you have six minutes with the Jonas Brothers, do whatever you want.
Cause this is a new time where like,
the press don't, like, I'm the press
and I'm a TikTok video.
Yeah, there's no junket.
There's no like press junket.
I'm directing it.
Yeah, like I didn't even know, I freaked out.
I forgot to get a photo with them.
Like I finished and I was like, thank you.
And then I was like, how the fuck did I get a photo with them?
But the funny part about me, the Jonas Brothers was I was,
I had to ask them some questions
about their new song, Waffle House.
So I was like, do you prefer sweet or savory for breakfast?
And Kevin was like, savory.
And I think Joe was like, savory.
And then Nick was like, savory.
And finally I was like, Nick,
like you're not not manly
if you have something sweet for breakfast.
And he looked at me and he goes, I have diabetes. And I was like, oh're not not manly if you have something sweet for breakfast. He looked at me and he goes, I have diabetes.
And I was like, oh my god.
And the whole room went silent for a little too long.
And I remember feeling that moment with crowd work,
where I'm like, I could lose the crowd right now.
And I immediately start dying laughing.
The guys started dying laughing.
They had such a good sense of humor.
And I was like, oh my god, I just made fun of your diabetes. And I was like, I'm so sorry. And then afterward, I'd like saw them they were leaving
house, like I'm sorry about the diabetes thing. And he was like dying laughing. So it's like
embracing the awkwardness that comes with meeting celebrities. Because like, I then I met Jennifer
Lawrence. And I was she knew who I was, she knew who you were. She's like a Bravo fan and I did some Bravo in my past life.
And she like my phone buzzed
and she was like, is that Des, your husband?
And I was like, I can't actually hear him.
You can't process things right.
And then I remember just,
I like knew someone she knew in the podcast world
and I dropped the name and she was like amazing.
And I was like, I know me, Schumer,
I know your friends with her.
And she was like, oh, do you know Amy?
And I was like, no, I don't know friends with her and she was like, oh, do you know Amy and I was like, no
I've embarrassed myself in front of everyone Haley Bieber was like amazing because I spent like an hour with her
Yeah, but she's super interesting
Chelsea Handler was probably my
My most fun interview because when I first graduated college, I was teaching tennis in Long Island
and I randomly was hired to like play doubles with a bunch of people and Chelsea was one of them.
I don't know, wow.
And I was a huge, like Chelsea was at its height.
Yeah, oh yeah.
I didn't even know I wanted to be a comic at that time.
I was like 22 and I spent all day with her.
I was shaking.
I asked her like, do you have any advice to be a comic at that time. I was like 22. And I just spent all day with her. I was shaking.
I asked her, do you have any advice to be successful
in general?
And she was like, I got lucky and we were laughing.
Fast forward, she asked me to be on her podcast
and I'm like, Chelsea, we've met before
because I was your tennis pro 10 years ago.
Oh my God.
It was this beautiful full circle moment., it's honestly the whole celebrity stuff.
It's very hard to process.
Yeah.
And then having them see something nice to you, you're just like, okay, this is, okay,
I don't know what's happening.
Yeah, we know the feeling.
It's a little weird.
For three and a half years we did this show and purposefully did not accept invitations
or give invitations to come on the show because we were like, who the fuck is gonna come on this show?
It's so stupid.
Why would anybody come on our show?
And then we get Hannah Burner in here.
No, no, no.
Like the commercial break, I feel like,
like I hear about it all the time.
I feel like it's a very,
yes, we pay people to do that.
You guys should be so proud.
He's like, we have bots, we have a lot of bots.
We have a, we pay Conan a lot of money to talk nice about us.
It's just crazy time where when you're putting out content,
celebrities are consuming content.
Yes, just like everybody else, that's right.
They're arguably seeing someone who's going viral
on Netflix more than someone who's in an Oscar movie.
And it's this very weird time,
but I hope anyone who's an entertainer listening,
it's like keep creating and you never know.
When people ask me, like, you know, inevitably everyone asks you if they
learned you're a podcaster, they're like, you know, who, how, how do you do that?
I really wanted to start a podcast.
How do you do this?
It seems so complicated.
And I'm like, get a microphone, turn it on, do it until you feel good about it.
And then go just run, just run as fast as you can.
And if you're meant to do it, it'll turn out.
And if you're not meant to do it, it'll be a fun thing for a little while.
Yeah.
You're so right.
The hardest thing is starting.
It is.
The hardest thing is pressing record.
And you know, remember,
and we don't do that very often.
Oh no, it's happened to the best of us.
Oh yeah, it's happened to the best of us.
Hannah, we have 500 additional episodes.
They're just somewhere else.
Is there an ethos to become back to it someday?
Exactly, you stayed together through that trauma, because I can see why you're
being like, you know what, fuck this, it's not meant to be.
It just happens that we were really best friends for years before this.
We didn't realize the podcast world was going to be worse than the radio world as far as
money and talent was concerned.
All right, Hannah, I know you've got a lot of things to do
and we appreciate your time.
Thank you so much. You're such a superstar.
We'd love. Oh my God, thank you for having me.
You guys are great interviewers
and I love talking shit about comedy.
Yeah, yeah. We love having you to talk shit.
So when you get done with all of your big stuff
that we'll be watching and applauding for you,
we invite you to come back
and please put in a good word with us for your husband
and with Chelsea Handler.
Oh, it's great.
I love them both to come on this show.
And the three brothers.
And the three.
I wouldn't saw them in concert. I'm good. I'm good. I mean, unless Nick wants to come
on.
You're like, I've had enough.
Yeah, I feel like Nick's the one who needs to, we need to talk to Nick. Let's talk to
Nick. I'll go, I'll be like, I know Hannah offended you with the whole diabetes thing.
We would never do that.
We are syrup free. Hannah Burner, she's got an apple. I'll be like, I know Hannah offended you with the whole diabetes thing. We would never do that.
We are syrup free. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ticket then go boys don't be afraid she's gentle she's a gentle lover she's a gentle lover she'll be gentle I promise and she likes the older guys so you
know don't if you're in your 40s don't be afraid Hannah Burner check her out
thank you so much Hannah for spending time with us. Thank you Hannah. Thank you!
The amazing Hannah Burner Hannah Burner. I'm gonna do that. Me and my fucking lazy tongue. How could you be lazy on the A's?
Lazy on the R's maybe. Lazy on the A's maybe. But lazy on the A's?
Some people do want to be called Hannah. Well I think it sounds much more sophisticated
I'm being honest. It sounds like I'm British. She's probably used to it at the house since
you know, Dez is running around probably saying, Hannah, do you, Hannah?
Waky, Waky, eggs and Vaky, Hannah.
Yeah, she was like, call me whatever.
Call me whatever.
Heather, Hannah.
Oh, she was so sweet.
I love her.
And I love when she lied to us and told us,
I hear about the commercial break everywhere.
And I'm like, but do you, but do you?
We don't hear about the commercial break everywhere.
We're on the show.
We're known in some circles.
We're known in some circles. I imagine this is how it goes. Ready?
Hannah's agent is probably like, okay, well, I got to drop the good news and I got some bad news too.
So, hey, Hannah, great news. Read Hastings once an hour on Netflix.
And she's like, oh my God, best moment in my life.
And don't worry about this,
but the commercial break is coming up tomorrow.
Oh, what?
I thought we agreed to this, no commercial break.
I know, but we gotta do it.
It makes Reed happy.
Maybe Reed is watching us.
Maybe that's where she hears from it.
Well, she didn't even know who Reed was.
So yeah. And you know what to be fair, I don't know who the. Maybe Reed is. Maybe that's where she hears from it. Well, she didn't even know Reed was. That is true.
And you know what to be fair,
I don't know who the CEO of Odyssey is.
So I should maybe, I don't know.
I like you very much whoever you are.
You're a really nice guy.
Thanks for hiring us.
Or a girl.
Or a girl.
Oh yeah, that's true.
I think it's a guy,
because I saw it in like a magazine.
He was like, he's been the, he's been the seat.
It's like a family thing.
Anyway, Hannah, Hannah was awesome.
I think she just, we have had a string
of really very cool comics on the show
and I couldn't be more jazzed about it.
I love it.
I love it.
It's always fun and it kind of breaks up some things
and gets us out of our comfort zone.
Yeah, it's easy.
You're a little nervous.
What's that? You know, you get a little nervous before.
I got nervous about Hannah.
I'm just gonna be honest.
Like I didn't get nervous about Heather.
I wasn't nervous about Felicia or Joanna.
I got a little bit nervous about Reggie,
but Reggie is a guy you should be nervous about.
He could go any which way at any time.
You know what I'm saying?
Knowing Reggie, being a fanboy of Reggie,
I knew this could go any direction at any time,
but we found our groove, drugs and drugs.
Which, hey, if all else fails, talk about drugs, which I thought was great.
He ended up being fantastic, loved it.
And then, but I got a little bit nervous about handing it here.
Let me explain why.
Because I've been keeping up with Hannah on her social medias
and she's a very sharp comic.
She's like sharp mentally,
but then she does such great crowd work
that I felt like she could have come in here
and done a master class,
telling me all the things that were wrong with me.
But-
Well, but she kind of explained that though
with when we were talking to her.
Yeah, she's not mean spirited about it.
No, no, but she said too, you know, a lot of women were coming to the show and
they were bringing their boyfriends and she just kind of made it her mission to
get them to like her.
Yeah.
And so she would build them up, tear them down, build them up.
Build them up, tear them down, build them up.
I love it.
I love her philosophy.
She was, I think she was a really interesting guest to have on and what
in, what like a super, you know, everyone talks about like Shane Gillis and all these other people who
are blowing up in comedy.
And I think Hannah should be right there with them.
And I think she is in a lot of circles because she is fantastic.
And so you should go check her out.
You can go to her Instagram or her TikTok.
She literally can't throw a rock into the TikTok comedy world without hitting a Hannah
post. And then
on Instagram, she's just really funny. Go check her out, Hannah Burner. And then hannaburner.com
where you can find out about her dates, her tour dates that are upcoming. She's going to
have a few more shows. She's going to do that Netflix thing. And then she's going to change
it all up. She's going to send it to the world and change it all up. And we'll be right there
rooting her on, I think. And hey, thank you for being here with me.
I just wanted to tell you that I appreciate that.
No, no, thank you.
People get all upset when you leave, so I get nervous.
I'm like, well, they don't like me, so I better get Chrissy back in the studio
as quickly as possible.
I have no more time off plans.
OK, that's good, because we are now contractually obligated to do so many more episodes
But I do I do want to say this thank you to Christina. Thank you to Tina and thank you to Astrid for being in here while Chrissy was away
It's not the most natural place for for especially Astrid right to be but you know what people love her
They like texted in and go go bust his balls, you know get on them
Here's what I think, in my life,
I think we have a lot of female listeners
and I think those listeners generally have
a kind of a love hate relationship with Brian.
Like Brian's a big dumb oaf, but he's one of us.
And so we'll just like pat him on the head.
He's good, he's one of the girls, don't worry about it.
But then when you or Christina or Astrid or Tina,
they kind of bust my balls a little bit,
people go wild, they love it.
They love it.
When people are dressing me down.
That's just the nature of the show.
Maybe that's where she's hearing.
Maybe that's where Hannah's hearing about it.
That asshole.
Yeah, I listened to his show.
I listened to him sound stupid.
That's what I do.
The guy doesn't check a fact, he doesn't know anything.
And he just bloviates for 38 minutes at a time.
That's us, that's the commercial break.
Chrissy and I, thank God you were here.
I thank God you're here from the beginning
because otherwise this show would be terrible, terrible.
Now it's just mediocre, but it could have been terrible,
Chrissy, had you not come.
So it's good to have you back, don't ever leave again.
Don't ever leave again.
Okay, okay. Yeah, but take out insurance on you. So it's good to have you back. Don't ever leave again. Don't ever leave again. Okay.
Yeah, but take out insurance on you.
I want to clone you just in case.
I know.
I'll keep her in the corner.
It won't be unnerving, I promise.
This living, breathing.
She's the one that can come back from vacation.
Yes, she can come back from vacation.
You can go on vacation and she can stay here with me.
That's the way we're gonna do it.
All right, we got all the information on hon.
I don't need to give it out again,
but I will just in case. HannahBernard.com, TikTok, Instagram. I don't need to give it out again But I will just in case hannahburner.com tick-tock Instagram few shows left go check it out
Go check out her husband while you're at it. There's Bishop. He's really really
Yeah, we're gonna try to get him on the show too
I think we just I think we might have secured a angle there because I think we've asked him before and he has said no
No, that's not sure I don't think we've asked him before but I I
Didn't even know that two of them were married until recently when we were doing some homework and they're just
newly married. But I was like, oh, I love Dez. I think he's so funny. And he's British.
So I instantaneously have a little bit of a, you know, an across the pond boner for him.
Oh, I think he's British.
Yes. I have an over the pond, hopping the pond boner for him And I'll tell him so when he comes on the show
That and Chelsea Hammer
And okay, I guess if the Jonas Brothers want to come on
We'll suffer through 15 minutes
Can you imagine?
Can you imagine the Jonas Brothers?
No, either could I?
They have no reason to come on the commercial right?
Their agent is like, stay away
Yeah Alright, tcbpodcast.com That's where you go that they have no reason to come on the court right there agent is like stay away at all right
uh... tcp podcast dot com that's where you go you find out more about the show
christian i you can also
watch all the video watch all the audio that's available out there on the
internet one location tcp podcast dot com here's what else you can do
get your free piggy front and sticker it's available to you right now
you can have this beautiful one by one inch sticker. It's larger than that.
Brian with his Theresa Caputair.
It's not as big as this huge 21 EPM.
No, I like that size, but we couldn't get that size.
We didn't get that size. No, we couldn't. We didn't get that size.
It's like two inches by two inches.
You can get it by going to the website at the contact us button. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha two one two four three three three TCB questions comments concerned guest ideas Content ideas whatever you got send it our way if you have a question for one of our pass guests
We'll put it in the book and we'll ask them next time they come on
Uh add the commercial break on instagram tcb podcast on tiktok
Please don't start comparing numbers between us and hannah because 100 versus two and a half million. Yeah, it's not a fair fight
No, we should actually post something on there and maybe that would make it better. But anyway, all right, Chrissy, I guess that's all I
can do for today. I think so. But I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you
out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say, Bye! I gotta get some cocaine!
Gotta be crazy!