The Commercial Break - TCB Infomercial w. Scott Seiss

Episode Date: September 12, 2024

Episode #599: We’re bringing you a very special extra TCB Infomercial! Tune in to our conversation with Scott Seiss (Angry Retail Guy and General Angel). Bryan don’t talk good Scott Seiss Cocaine Bear Hot dog races Service jobs Tipping The Customer Is Always Wrong Shitting at disney world Contractual laughing Scott wastes our time! x/twitter Recording your own audio book We’re all out here plugging Special Guest: Scott Seiss Watch Scott’s Retail TikTok Compilation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7KBcsdPhxA&t=1s Watch “Cocaine Bear”: https://www.peacocktv.com/stream-movies/cocaine-bear Follow Scott on Instagram & TikTok Come To Our Shows: Dania Beach Improv (Tuesday, Sept. 24th) The Funny Bone Orlando (Wednesday, Sept. 25th) Text us or leave us a voicemail: [phone]TCB Follow Us: IG: @thecommercialbreak TikTok: @tcbpodcast YT: youtube.com/thecommercialbreak www.tcbpodcast.com Executive Producer: Bryan Green Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Producer: Astrid B. Green Producer & Audio Editor: Christina Archer Christina’s Podcast: Apple Podcasts & Spotify To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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You're lucky to have this job. No, you're lucky I show up. Mentally, I'm always 10 seconds away from quitting and leaving a cartoon, me-shaped hole in the wall, so count your blessings. I work, you pay. It's an exchange, not a prize. That's why they give away new cars on Wheel of Fortune and not part-time jobs at Planet Fitness. We haven't quite gotten to that episode of Black Mirror yet. Luck is finding a $20 bill on the ground, not working a 10-hour shift getting underpaid and then still having to hope to finding a $20 bill on the ground, not working a 10-hour shift getting underpaid and then still having to hope to find a $20 bill on the ground. On this episode of The Commercial Break

Hey Podcast Universe! While you're sitting on your lazy butts, Chrissy and I are getting ready for our live shows in Florida. But we won't leave you high and dry without a fresh episode. A couple of weeks ago, we got to have a conversation with TikTok sensation Scott Cease. He's got a new book coming out, we talk about Cocaine Bear, and he's generally just a nice guy. We'll be back next episode to finish our Pwaa breakdown. You asked for it, you'll get it.

And now, Christina, let's start the episode. for it, you'll get it. And now Christina, let's start the episode. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. So 30 in the morning! Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this silly show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe.

How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us. It's a TCB infomercial Tuesday and so glad to have Scott Cease with us. The angry retail guy from TikTok. Very viral. He's a very viral guy. And I don't mean that like, I don't know what's going on down below, but I don't think he has syphilis saying he's viral on the interwebs.

That's what he does. That's what the kids do today, Chrissy. They go viral. Everybody but us goes viral. Maybe we just need to invite Bernie Sanders or RFK or Trump on and then we'll go viral. Yeah, I like it. Yeah, I do too. No, no, no, no. Nah, nah. Maybe not for us, but that's okay. In some other life, we're no, no, no. Nah, nah, maybe not for us.

But that's okay. In some other life, we're doing political interviews, Chrissy, in some other life. We're really good. That's right, parallel universe. We're political pundits. We're doing punditry, that's what we're doing. But now we're just doing mediocre improv comedy

to the masses, and by masses I mean 70 people. 30 of which are Venezuelan. Don't understand a fucking word we say, but they're going to be in Miami. Yeah, thanks for the support, but they're going to be in Miami. Dania Point, baby. Dania Point. So Scott Cease went viral over the pandemic for his angry retail guy bid. There's a super cut on YouTube. If you want to watch it, You can go check him out on his TikTok or his Instagram. That's C spelled S E I S S. I actually had to learn how to say his name as I was saying Scott Sice. I was going around the house saying Oh, we're interviewing Scott Sice. But the E before the I and that's

I'm so bad at grammar. I told you we have that one lady that just like Every time I say something, not every time, but she corrects me via text message. And I told her, I appreciate it. Cause I know I'm not good at that stuff. I'm good at talking. I'm not good at talking correctly, but I never have it. That's just the way I am. So Scott has a, he does, he headlines his own shows, scotseas.com. You can go there and check out some of the tour dates that he has. I think he does like here and there kind of thing. I don't think he's on an official tour. His brand new book, The Customer Is Always Wrong, Sounds About Right, is now available on Amazon and all the other

places you get books and audio books. So please do go check that out. And what else to say about Scott? I just, I'm excited. He's a funny guy. Oh, Cocaine Bear. He was in Cocaine Bear. That clinched it. When they asked if I wanted to have Scott on, I knew his bit from TikTok, but when I learned that he was the guy from Cocaine Bear, the ambulance driver, the paramedic from Cocaine Bear, I was like, fuck it, he's coming on. I got to talk to Scott about Cocaine Bear. It really is. It's going to be a cult classic. I think it actually did pretty well in the movie theaters because with a name like Cocaine Bear, how can you miss? Right? Of course. So I think it did pretty well in theaters, but then

I'm certain that's going to be like one of those movies. I went to go see it in the theater. You did? I did. Jeff and I went to go see it in the theater and we were laughing the entire time. Was there a lot of people in the movie theater? Yeah, there were. But I need to see it again. That was written and directed by the lady who... Elizabeth Banks. Elizabeth Banks. Yes, I love her.

She's been in so... She's done so much. What's the whammy one? What's the whammy? No whammies. No whammies. The game show. Press Your Luck?

Press Your Luck. And one of my kids loves Press Your Luck and he just gets the biggest kick out of it. And that to me feels good because when I was a kid and I faked being sick to stay home way too often, that's probably why I didn't do well in school, Press Your Luck was one of those games that I was like, fuck, I want to watch Press Your Luck. Yeah, it was all the daytime game shows. That was so fun. I was a big Price is Right fan. Price is Right, Press Your Luck, That's awesome. Yeah, it was all the daytime game shows. That was so fun. I was a big Price Is Right fan.

Price Is Right, Press Your Luck, $10,000 a Pyramid, The Newlywed Game, Love Connection of course, but that came on like in the late afternoon. So you could even see that if you went to school. All those like 90s game shows. I just loved it. That was my favorite reason to stay home so that I could watch old 90s game shows and- The talk shows too? And the talk shows, Jenny Jones. Speaking of Phil Donahue just died. I know when this comes out, Phil Donahue will have been dead for a while, but okay, we'll

share that Phil Donahue did just die and he's like the OG of OG of daytime talk shows, if you know what we're talking about. And I was young when he was on. And so I don't, but I do remember my mother watching a lot of Phil Donahue, because I think he was syndicated in Chicago, like not first, I think he was in Cincinnati, actually, when it was, when he first came out, whatever. Anyway, Phil Donahue passed away now six weeks ago, but Phil Donahue passed away six weeks ago. And it's good to mention it because he was, you know, he's a part of your, like the fabric of what you remember on television. At least for us.

That's right. So Scott Cease is going to be on in just a few minutes. Please go to scotcease.com because he was, you know, he's a part of your, like the fabric of what you remember on television. At least for us. That's right. So Scott Cease is gonna be on in just a few minutes. Please go to scotcease.com, go see him if he's coming close to you and then make sure you pre-order his book. The Customer is Always Wrong. This is gonna be a book that I'm gonna enjoy

because as a guy who spent 12 years in the restaurant industry. You can relate. Yes, I started to feel that way. You know, we feel that way. There'd be signs in every restaurant that said, the customer is always right, the customer is always right. That's a Ray Kroc thing, I think, from McDonald's. He would say, the customer is always right. That's just plain bullshit. It's just plain bullshit. It really is. I don't know anybody who would believe that today, but back then, when I say back then, five years ago, that's what they used to say to you.

So let's... Chrissy, I have a feeling that we're going to do something right now. Magic? Into our awkward transition phase where we tell you to listen to our commercials while we get Scott on the line through the magic of tele-podcasting. Chrissy, what do you think if we take a break and we come back with Scott Sees? I'm for it. I love that Chrissy's always getting for my awkward transition phase. All right, let's take a break. We'll be back. Okay, you guys, I have an idea. Why don't we take a break? Gotcha. This is the break.

And you already know when you hear my sexy voice, it's time to whip your phone out and follow us on Instagram or skip the ads at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB podcast. And of course, you know, if you want to get involved, you can always give us a call or text us at 212-433-3TCB. That is 212-433-3822. And guess what? I finally have information on TCB Live.

So the links are in the show notes, but let me tell you right now, you can come see us at Daniel Beach Improv on Tuesday, September 24th, or at the Funny Bone Orlando on Wednesday, September 25th. It's gonna be fab. So go buy your tickets and we'll see you in Florida! It's not just about watching the game, it's about betting on it. I'm Mike Valeni and on Cash the Ticket, Jim Costa and I break down every college football and NFL matchup like it's the last game we're ever going to watch. From the best bets to the sneaky underdogs and of course, as my co-host likes to say,

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Scott, thanks so much. We appreciate you being here today. How are you, man? Hi, Scott. Thanks for having me on. I'm great.99 a month. Scott, thanks so much. We appreciate you being here today. How are you, man? Hi, Scott. Thanks for having me on. I'm great, I'm great. How are you guys? Where in the East Coast are you?

I am outside of Baltimore, in Baltimore County. That's where I'm from. I'm from a place called Dundalk, Maryland. Dundalk, Maryland? That's an interesting name. It's a place most famous. It's where like the waste treatment plant for all of like the Baltimore region is.

So everyone makes fun of Dundalk because it's like you drive past on the highway and everyone's like roll your windows up because the whole, it smells, you know, bad. But I love it. It's called character. Yeah, I love Baltimore. I've been there a couple of times.

Oh, wonderful, wonderful. Get some crabs. What's that? The crabs are good. I did eat some crabs. Exactly. Very cool. Are you an Orioles fan? Yes I actually just went to a game the other night. I gotta be honest though my favorite parts of the game are the hot dog races. You know what I'm talking about? My favorite part is just the hot dogs. They do it I guess they do it at multiple stadiums where it's like people dress up in a hot dog costume and it's like they just catch up mustard and relish and it's like,

you know, everyone's like, we hate mustard. Really? I like mustard. But I'm from Chicago. We're weird up there. And you know what? Here, since we have our porn overlords that own the Atlanta Braves. We have the Home Depot, instead of the hot dog racing around,

we have Home Depot. So we've got like a saw, a hammer, a nail. Yeah, sponsored, everything sponsored by Home Depot. Everything sponsored, yeah, that's funny. That's funny, I can't wait for like the Alexa races. It's gonna be the Alexa, it's gonna be an Amazon warehouse race. It's like, yes, I love this corporation.

Quantum AI, oh. You recently put out a reel where you said, I find this so relatable actually, and I wish I had heard this seven years ago, but he put out a reel where he said, people wonder why other people aren't having children anymore. It's because I don't have $300,000,

an extra $300,000 lying around. This is true. Yes, exactly. Yes, you can relate. Yes, by that math, I'm about $6.5 million in debt already. I haven't even gotten started yet. It's a worry. It's a worry.

Yeah, I think I say in the video, it's like I don't want to spend money on kids. I still freeze my bread to make it last longer. Yeah. Do you understand me? I've got a frozen loaf behind me in the fridge Yes, I have children. So we're freezing our bread. Also, we just differences you buy yours at the store I buy mine at Sam's Yeah, that's right

Scott what you do? I think probably At least this is how I know you, is because of your whole viral TikTok, kind of the angry retail customer bits that you were doing, and I find them extremely hilarious. They're so funny. And one of the reasons I think we find this relatable is we have worked in customer-facing jobs. Oh yeah.

And so we know what dickheads we all can be under the bright lights of our favorite big box store or restaurant. I'm assuming you also have experience. Yes, yes. I did work at IKEA. I worked in the call center for IKEA and then I did like other in-person jobs. I worked at Domino's for a long time.

I worked at, I say a long time, I mean two weeks and then I quit. I worked at IKEA for like about a little over three years and then I did, I mean I did like, I did like improvised murder mystery dinner theater, which was like the most bizarre customer service experience where it's like, you know, someone's like, something's wrong with my food. And I'm like, it's poisoned. And they're like, no, it's cold. I go, oh, I'm so sorry. Um, uh, you know, I'm pretending like I'm living in 1929 or something. Uh, but yeah, I know I have a ton of experience in it and I started making those videos and it turns out a lot of people don't like their jobs, which is great for engagement, you know, what jobs would you all have? Oh God, man. I mean, yeah, 12 years in the restaurant. Yeah, sales, you know, sales,

Mase mainly restaurant business. I think it's we did add sales too. But you know, I guess that could be considered business to business in some way, shape or form. But I think restaurants, what I learned early on, I worked at a McDonald's and then a series of other, like I kind of worked my way up into what people refer to as fine dining, what I refer to as like drug hubs. But anyway, high class drug hubs. But I think what I learned early on is that people are generally terrible. And when I say people, I mean all of us at some point are terrible when you work in one of those customer facing jobs. You become un-terrible because you realize

just how terrible people are when they have to interact with someone who is serving them something. And especially when it comes to the restaurant business, it's like everybody has to eat three times a day. And everybody likes their food exactly how they like it. And some people are just really tone deaf and shitty to the people that are serving them that stuff that is going to then give them life.

And it makes little sense. I'll give you an example. We have family members, and I'm not gonna name who, but you know who you are if you're listening. Name them. Name them. Name them. Bring them out.

I don't have very many family members left, so I'm sure they're gonna figure it out pretty quick. They don't tip at restaurants. They think that like a 5% tip is something that is good for the waiter or the waitress. Like a nice restaurant. And it drives me fucking crazy. After it was going behind them. Go behind and yeah.

Here's a 20, here's a 40, here's a $100 bill, sorry. Right. They ask for, oh, I asked for my iced tea without any ice so you want warm tea is what you want when he just asked for that enough in first place but it's just like people become little monsters when other people are serving them it did you experience this at like customer service for IKEA oh my god yeah I mean there's so many instances well going off that off of that, one of the things that I love about when I go out on the road and do stand-up, the people that come out and see me, they're all mostly like former customer service workers. Yeah. So I will leave a club and the staff of the club will be like, your crowd was so nice.

Like they all know, they're like, well, these servers are working hard, you know, let's treat them with respect and dignity or whatever it's like they were all in the same position but yeah I love that but yeah I mean at IKEA I heard a ton of you know just people just being entitled you know I mean my favorite one that I ever did was the one that's like I've been a customer here for over 40 years and it's like oh good then you'll be dead soon you understand like that's the kind of thing just get something in my skin where it's like these, and I understand where it's like,

maybe they have a bad day. They're coming in with energy. Maybe they feel like they are, you know, powerless in their own kind of economic situation. So when they get in a position of power, like, and they can exercise it over a server or like a cashier, whatever they feel like, okay, I'm gonna take it out on this person because they're below me on the ladder.

And it's like, dude, they're just trying to help you. And like in, in this book, by the way, the customer's always wrong. In my book, the customer's always wrong comes out on September 10th. I talk about it where it's like, it like working in customer service. It's like, you know, that thing where it's like, working in customer service, it's like, you know that thing where it's like you're changing a baby's diaper and then all of a sudden the baby just starts pissing on you and you're like, what? Yes, I do.

Yes, I do. You're like, I'm the only one in here trying to help you. That's what it's like working in customer service, basically. It's a really can be a very thankless job. There are certainly exceptions to the rule. Like, I think for my, for me, after 12 years in the restaurant business, for me, there is, you really have to shit the bed for me to give you less than 30% on a tip. Because I understand just how hard it is to do this job, and I may be the only one tonight that gives you plus 20%.

And so I just want you to know I'm appreciative of you serving me in any kind of way, and I try and the only one tonight that gives you plus 20%. And so I just want you to know, I'm appreciative of you serving me in any kind of way, and I try and make it easy. I don't return food, I don't complain if it's bad, it's bad, I just let it sit there, you know, I mean, listen, it's like, I find a roach in my food or something like that. Or poison.

Poison, yes. Oh yeah, green smoke, yeah, just green smoke that turns into a skull. You're like, should I eat this? Yeah, I will eat anything that's put in front of me, just because I'm the same way. But also, I don't know anything about food, so I'm like, this must be right.

I'm like, if it was... But I interact with the people at the coffee shop or you go to a doctor's office and the lady at the front desk or the person at the front desk, and then you realize that your whole life, or 50% of your life is going out there and interacting with other people who are there to serve you why make their day miserable even if you're having a bad day but I do get what you're saying because I did start to take this attitude toward the end I got a little

bit more empty like the last three or four years I was waiting to even though I was way more irritated than I had ever been bit more like the last three or four years I was waiting to even though I was way more irritated than I had ever been I was like well maybe they have a shitty life or maybe they're having a bad day or who knows maybe their mom's sick or their dad's day I don't know who knows right right right but it's really hard

to do in the moment so I can't be I have empathy for you but I will still spit in your food yes I am still will still spit in your food. Yes, I am still going to spit in your food and hope that you tip me well. Yeah, and then obviously I'm sure, you know, some people are just nasty, but it's like, it's this weird thing where a lot of entry-level jobs or minimum wage jobs, whatever, it feels like some people think that an aspect of them is like well they exist to be bad and to be like you know being humiliated or overworked and underpaid that's just a part of those jobs and it's like well if those jobs exist then we need those

people to be taken care of if we as a society go I need a Coles cashier and then it's like okay then that person deserves respect and like don't make them feel like shit you know that yes and i think it's all in this book the customers always wrong dot he does not work it and i think your book is very timely actually and i do believe it will get it will ride a little wave here because there's a lot of conversation given the nature of the uh...

and you know what's going to call it. State of the. The hell that we're in in the election. Hell. Given the nature of it, there's a lot of conversation around workers' rights and the middle class and how, somebody pointed this out. Let me share with you a reel I saw today. Remember Al Bundy, and I know you're young,

but do you know who Al Bundy is from the Fox television show, what was that called? Married with Children. Married with Children. Oh, Married with Children, oh yes, yes, yes. Al Bundy is from the Fox television show? What was that called? Married with children. Oh, married with children. Oh yes, yes, yes. Al Bundy worked at a shoe store. He worked at a fucking shoe store,

but he had a nice house and he fed two kids and he had a wife who stayed at home. Yes. Yes, so the point is, is that he worked at a shoe store and it was believable that he lived in a in a middle class way. Yeah. That he lived comfortably, right? Right. At least comfortably and miserably. But you could never do that now. You'd have to work at a shoe store, be a programmer on the side, you'd have to do work on Fiverr, you'd have to take two jobs on Upwork. Uber

driver. I'm doing freelance graphic design while I'm working in the public gas station. Yo, you're totally right. It's like if you you know however many years ago decades ago it's like you work at a grocery store alright you're buying a house in a couple of years. Now it's like I can't afford to read more than five vulture articles a month. How the hell am I getting a house? You know like people are in that situation man it's real. Yeah they really are. So when did you start doing the series of videos that kind of set the internet on flame?

Yeah. So I started doing them back in 2021. I think. Yeah, that's when I made the first one. And so, you know, I've, you know, I've been doing standup for like 10 years. And then when, you know, we were all kind of in the, you

know, the pandemic was happening in 2020, I stopped doing standup for a little bit and kind of pivoted to TikTok and started experimenting with stuff. And I did these customer service videos and then that just kind of took off. And then I made like a bunch of them on TikTok. And then someone who wasn't me took them all

and put them in like a little like- YouTube compilation. Yes, a YouTube compilation and put them on Twitter. And that's when it like really kind of went crazy. That was nice of them. That was nice. It was like a meme account. I owe them like a fruit basket or something.

I swear to God. Isn't technically he also doing service for you? He's doing service. How much did you tip him? Yeah. If I knew this person's actual name, I would send them money, but I think their account got deleted because they were stealing content, but obviously I'm a... Listen.

It helped you though. It helped you. It worked for me. I'm a fan of stealing content. I've come here to steal content. But it really took off, and I've just been doing it ever since and then doing and then started like headlining and acting and writing. So it's just been like, it's just been a wild ride since then.

You are another in a long string of comics that we have had on that has this relationship with the internet and with the people on the end. I mean, I guess it's kind of like a prerequisite at this point, right? Even Lewis Black has a great social media following. But it's like a prerequisite, but you're one of these comics who's been doing it for a long time, but then something that you do, it really resonates with the audience.

With a group. With a group, and then that group is all of a sudden your very hardcore fan base. You even say that they come in, they're customer service reps, they're retail workers, they're people I'm sure who work in the restaurant industry and that is a fucking great crowd to have. It really is.

It's a great crowd to have, Scott. They are so nice. Yeah, thank you, thank you. Yeah, it's the Scott Cies hive. Let's just say, let's just call it what it is now. I've never used that term before, it felt wrong. But I think it's been really cool, especially because I go out on the road

and I'll use like a portion of my show just to kind of like, you know, do crowd work and ask people like, what's the most insane thing that's happened to you at work? And I've gotten such great stories, like people being like, I mean, most of them are like, okay, someone came into Target and took a shit in a shoe box and put it back on the shelf. And it's like, no! And then other times it'll be like, like in, I did a show at

Magoobie's at my home club and someone was like, oh my manager, like literally had a manager invite them to like a mask required like sex party. Just like delivered her like a format invitation. Eyes wide shut. Been there, done that. The person was like, well, I went, but only for like the food. They had just Tupperware. They just started putting the food in the thing. But I was like, God, people really do deal with so much more than they should have to at work.

From the boss, from the customer, from everybody. Yes. The thing that I think stands out the most to me, like the people who I think have it the worst, are the people who work at like Disney World. Because you know, you go down to a place like that, and it's supposed to be the happiest place on Earth, and what it really is is the most miserable fucking place on Earth. And while it is magical in its own way,

you have to ignore all the other 50,000 human beings that are down there and then maybe you'll get a little joy out of it. But those people, they really take a beating. I mean, they are, they are, it's like the people are at their base nature. They're hot, they're miserable. They've been standing in line. They just took a fourth mortgage out on their house to visit Disney for the 15th time. They got blisters on their feet. The kids don't stop crying. And then they take it out on the people that work around them. And I know that people who work there, some of them are real, like, you know, hardcore Disney fans.

But just think about it, if you had to just be the, hey, I live in central Florida. I just need a job. I couldn't even imagine working at one of those places. Have you been down to Orlando? Have you done shows down there? No, I've been to, I did some shows in Miami. I've actually never been to Disney World or Disneyland

or anything like that before. But my wife used to work at the Disney store in the mall. Which is kind of similar. Like they still, they keep that in the stores. They're like, everything's magical. Even in the mall, even next to, you know, even next to the Spencer's gifts. This is magical.

This is a magical experience. And it's a Victorian secret. It's magical. It's magical. Don't look at the boobs. But there'd be, you know, I know she, she has a whole bunch of horror stories, but it's like, it's hard to like keep like the smile

on your face when it's like a kid will just take a cup and just smash it on the ground in front of you like not breaking eye contact. Yes I went to Disney World one time and they have this I guess what they call like an omni mover so it's always moving and then you just step on a moving platform and you get on it and I think it was the Haunted Mansion if I'm not if I'm not mistaken and they had to shut the ride down right before I got on it the reason why they were shutting it down is because a woman had shat herself if I'm not mistaken. And they had to shut the ride down right before I got on it. The reason why they were shutting it down

is because a woman had shat herself and shit all over the seat. And rather than get up and say, oh my God, I'm so sorry this happened, let me help you clean it up, like any other decent human being would do, people ran over, a couple people ran over with this hazmed suit or whatever she's been cleaning. Yeah, bodily fluid, yeah.

And she was like, can I please get some towels for myself? Like she was yelling at the guy, and I was like, oh my God, I am seeing the worst of humanity here in the place where you're supposed to be like the best. Yeah, wipe my ass. It's like, oh my God. Everyone has a shitting story that's worked

in customer service before for some reason. People shit. That's funny, I thought you were gonna say, I thought for a second the woman passed out. I thought you were building to a joke. I thought you were gonna go, she had the indecency to just go unconscious after she shit herself. Now clean it up.

You were stand up for 10 years. You also acted in, I think, what will become one of the cult classics of our time, Cocaine Bear. Oh, yeah. Cocaine Bear. Cocaine Bear. That was a great one. Tell us about that experience.

That was the best job I've ever had. Absolutely. Even though, you know, I'm spoiled, I was killed by Cocaine Bear. Pretty quickly, yeah. A lot of people were. It's funny, I was listening to some of y'all's past episodes, and I know you all always talk about,

you don't like when Hollywood isn't creative. Well, guess what? A bear on cocaine. How about that? Have you ever seen it before? Scott did his homework. Fuck twisters too. Cocaine bear too is what we're looking for I would totally watch every sequel. Yes cocaine bears Yes, I know I keep saying like resuscitate me for the sequel somehow, um, you know, it was like the best job ever had I

You know Elizabeth Banks who directed it is amazing. I love her. She and her husband who was a producer on the movie, they both kind of saw my videos and just thought like, we have to kill this motherfucker. Like honestly. Like, so they, you know, I had the casting director, this was like before I had like an agent or reps or anything,

they kind of reached out on just like my Facebook, I got a Facebook message that said cocaine bear in all caps. Why you have to open that? Yeah, I was like, okay, what's this? And I saw it was like an audition and they said like, oh, can we send it to your agent? And I said, I don't have an agent, I have a Gmail address. And they said, okay, we'll send the script

to your Gmail address. And then I did the audition and got the part. And I'm doing like stunts. I was hanging off the back of an ambulance, driving down the road. Oh yeah, that was a great part. I had a very talented New Zealand motion capture actor named Alan who was like being the bear.

He was sitting on top of me in the one scene. It was amazing. I was laughing so much throughout that whole movie. It is so fucking funny. Yeah. It is great. When I first saw the trailer, I was like, is this, am I being, like, could this possibly be real? What the fuck are we talking about?

And then you have to see the movie because it's named Cocaine Bear. And then you see Cocaine Bear, and you're like, oh, this is brilliant. This is really brilliant. Because it happened here in Georgia, right? I think it happened in Kentucky, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It kind of involved both states a little bit.

But yeah, this bear really did eat cocaine. But no one actually died. Except for the guy who was dealing the cocaine and crashed in the plane. But yeah, everyone else was fine. Yeah, because I read the story of the whole way that it happened. And yeah, and then the way the movie interpreted it and spun all the way off was so amazing. Well, it's kind of boring if cocaine, a bear does cocaine, a bear dies of a heart attack.

Yeah. Yeah, the movie was basically like, what if the bear wanted more cocaine and would do anything to get more cocaine? That was the premise of the movie. So it was so much fun. It had to be. It was so much fun to be in.

You know what else? Did you ever see that movie? It was kind of similar to this, but Violent Night. That was another movie, universal movie that I thought like- No, but I want to watch it now. It was Santa. It was like Santa in Die Hard basically. I think I remember a scene.

David Harbour, he shows up as like he's Santa Claus and he visits a house on Christmas Eve that's like in the middle of a hostage situation so Santa like becomes John McClane like taking down bad guys. Oh my god. Another great I feel like it's right it's a great double feature with Cocaine Bear I think. Nice, okay this holiday season. This holiday season children. That's what I'm gonna be watching at my house. The Grinch stole Christmas, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Violent Night and Cocaine Bear. Yeah, now we need Cocaine Bear versus Die Hard Santa. Yes, you gotta get Elizabeth on that.

So tell me, you're out touring right now? You're just doing a few shows? Are you out touring right now? Yeah, basically. I'm not doing like a formal kind of tour. I just go out and do like headlining dates as they come up. But I'm one of these guys where I like everything, man. I like to do stand up. I like to write. I like to act. So right now, it's all about.

I hear you have a book. That's all. I don't know if you heard about this. I love how you raised it up. I don't know. The customer is, you'll have to flip this in your own time audience maybe. You flip the screen.

But yeah, the customer's always wrong. But yeah, I spent like a year writing it. It's kind of like, like I said before, I would go out and do these shows and I had so many people would come up to me after the shows and be like, dude, I could fill a book with what I've experienced in the retail industry. I could fill a book. And then I thought to myself, I could fill a book too. Maybe I should write a book.

Yeah, you should. Yeah, it's just filled with like a bunch of rants and bits and it's just a fun, meant to be like a fun book to kind of flip through whenever you have a bad day at work, meant to be given as a gift for like an office secret Santa. It's just, I tried to make it funny, as funny as possible. And I treated it like a standup set where like, so I would have my wife read drafts of it and I would sit next to her and I would time the laughs, Like how long it took her to laugh reading a page. That's really smart, dude. That's really smart, actually.

So, and you did the audio narration for this also, too. I think that's the coolest fucking thing. I love that, I'm really big into audiobooks right now. Our agent approached me once and he's like, you need to write a book. And I'm like, no one wants to, I already told it on the podcast, no one wants to hear it a fucking again and, you need to write a book. And I'm like, no one wants to. I already told it on the podcast, like no one wants to hear it a fucking get it. I don't want to write a book. But then I think if I ever did write a book, my favorite part would be doing my own words

on the audio narration. Is that, was that fun? Oh my God. It was the, it was the best. I mean, I mean y'all, y'all have the podcast voice for it. You got to do an audio book. But, I mean, y'all have the podcast voice for it. You got to do an audiobook. But it was the most fun because, you know, I consider myself to be like a performer first. Like obviously I write my, you know, my own standup and I wrote the book and everything like that and I love to write, but I love to perform more than anything else. So to be able to kind of perform the book in the audio booth was really, really fun. And, you know, cause with standup,

it's like you do standup and you know if something's funny immediately. You will know in half a second if something's funny. And then when you're writing a book, it's like, I'll find out in 18 months if people like this. And so when I was doing the audio book though, you know, I'm looking over at the engineer, I'm looking at the director, like through the zoom screen. I'm like, it's working. It's working.

They're laughing. The contraction obligated to laugh at me. They're laughing and they are getting paid to laugh, but also yes, but I think it's working. Yeah, we feel this. We feel the same way. Yeah, because we kind of put out our stuff and we don't know. You have no clue. We don't have any immediate reaction. I mean, if I make her laugh, I figure something's going on.

But she laughs at anything. So I've learned not to trust her anything, either. There's no laugh track button on that little board you got there. That's just Chrissy. My road cast. It's just Chrissy. The book comes out September 10cast. It's just Chrissy. I love to laugh. The book comes out September 10th. So like, do you have a goal in mind?

I've always been curious about this. Do you have a goal in mind for how many pre-orders you want to sell? What's a good sales rate for a book these days? Like if you sell 5,000 copies or 7,000 copies, 10,000 copies? Yeah. I mean, I think if this... I want this to be in every hotel nightstand. Yes. No, I don't really have any expectations for, I try not to like think about that as much.

I mean, I'm like a super anxious person. I just care about like, if people find it funny, like that's kind of the metric I feel where it's like the sales numbers, it's like I see pre-order numbers and stuff like that and it's like it's great and you know it's super cool but I I get way more satisfaction from just like a comment telling me like is it funny? Like did you laugh at it? You know what I mean? That's kind of like the ultimate kind of goal when I think about the book. Obviously I wanted to sell them. That would be great, that would be wonderful. Go pre-order this book.

Where can, on the website, scotseas.com, right? Yes, yes, scotseas.com. Oh boy, hold on, let me take a sip of water. No, go ahead, please. Yeah, go ahead. Please, we're not just here on the podcast. You rude mother. Our sponsor's precious ad dollars

just going to waste right now. I'll take a sip too, Scott. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. She'll drink for you. No, I'm kidding. I get choked up thinking about it, how much work I put into it. Many people cry when they come on the commercial break. Only it's usually after they come on the commercial break with their agent. Going, I'm sorry, I have to let you go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. scotseas.com. So last name, S-E-I-S-S, and you can pre-order the book, and after you pre-order it, you can go to the HarperCollins website, which there's a link to it on my website and through all my social media, at scotseas, but you can then sign up to get like, you know,

a signed copy, I'm signing book plates that'll be sent, you can put them in the book, and you get like a little exclusive video of me talking about the book and a little sticker sheet. So there's all kinds of pre-order bonuses if you want to do that. That's nice. That's a nice addition. Well, here's a little secret. I'm going for the audible version. Yeah, me too. I'm gonna listen to it while I run. Heck yes.

I really do enjoy your stuff on social media. I really have had a good time watching you for the last period of time. Scott, where can people go if they want to buy tickets to see you live? Scott Seis, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The

New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The

New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New York Times, The New Everything you can see my tour dates. I pop them up on there And yeah, that's why haven't they turned it back to Twitter Why hasn't Elon turned it back to didn't he put out a? Pole one day and he was like do you want me to keep it as X or do you want me to put it as Twitter? I think I've no overwhelming majority of people said Twitter Yeah, what's going on in that guy's head and why does he control so many things in the sky and? Why does he have so many satellites up there? Why are there so many satellites and what are they doing to us? And what are they doing to us? Yeah, I don't know. It's like

That's how you know that like there's no conspiracy to brainwash us because it's like we would they would have made us call it X by now and we're all like no We will call it Twitter. Even my friends who are the most hardcore, I guess, X users, Twitter users, they just refuse to call it X. No, everybody still calls it Twitter. I think it's a failure in branding there by our good friend Elon.

Well, that's the thing. Everyone called it like a tweet. It's like, that was the perfect branding. It's like Kleenex or whatever. It's like, that just is what you call it. And it'd be like if Kleene it's like that was the perfect branding, you know, it's like Kleenex or whatever, it's like that just is what you call it, and it'd be like if Kleenex was like, we're actually called nose jobbers now, it's like what the fuck are you talking about Kleenex?

No, jobbers. Get your nose blow sheets here at Kroger. That's your local Kroger, get your nose blow sheets. I thought it was Kleenex, let's just call it Kleenex. We are. Let's just call it Kleenex. Yeah, I think you're right about this. I think Elon may go down as a person who tanked one of the most recognizable brands in history.

But hey, listen, when you've got billions and billions of dollars. You're not thinking about that. When Scott sells six and a half billion copies of his book. You have naming rights for the commercial, but I call it whatever you want. You can call it the Mediocre Podcast Show. Yes, the Scott Cease Hive Meeting Center. No, no. I like the hive.

I like the hive. Scott Cease, very funny standup comedian. His book is now available for pre-order, all the places where you pre-order your books and then the audio version will be on September 10th also the audio version. Yep, yep, same day same day you can pre-order that too and it was just so much fun to make. I actually lost my voice for days like a couple days afterwards. How long did it take you? It took me a full, it was like a full day and then like another, like maybe four hours, like the next day too.

But it was literally just a full kind of, you know, like 12 hours of just reading the book straight through and then like going back and kind of being like, oh, I didn't like the way I said that or whatever, but a lot of lemon, a lot of tea. Yeah, honey. Did the director or the producer like make you go back and read certain lines over and over and over again or are you nailing it?

Like was it a tedious process? Yeah so it wasn't tedious it was actually like I didn't have to do as many retakes as I thought I was going to. There's a few bits in here where they're almost like sketches, so I'm kind of like acting them out a little bit, which is super fun, but I thought I was going to have to retake them and I would go, did that make sense? And my director, who is great, Sydney, she was like, oh no, that was perfect, let's just move on. And in my mind I was like, I can do that like 20% funnier. You know what I mean?

Maybe I'll do that again. I could see second guessing. Push back to the producer, you're like, wait, hold on one second, I've got more in me. I got more in me, let me out of the cage, let me out. Scott turns into Marlon Brando. I can do it better. I get a little obsessive with that, where I'm like, I can do it better. I get a little obsessive with that where I'm like, what if I did it 1.5% funnier in this

one spot? And they're like, please let us move on. Please let us move on. That would be me for sure. I'd be like, let's do another take. Because I do these commercials in here. And I swear for a one minute commercial, which is always a minute and a half because you can never get all the bullet points in in a minute.

And the sponsors know that, and that's okay. But I'll spend an hour reading and rereading and rereading and rereading, I'll do it a different way, I'll say something here different, and I get so obsessed about making it okay for the sponsors, but for myself too, that I just do it over and over again. I think if I was doing an audiobook, it would take a lot longer than a day and four hours. Yeah. You're like, no, no, no.

The code was, you know, HelloFresh1 or whatever it is. HelloFresh less TCB. Free breakfast for life. Go there now. There we go. We're all plugging. We're all just plugging over here. Scott Sees, very funny. ScottSeis.com for show information and of course

to pre-order the book. I wish, I hope this sells a million copies my friend. You're very funny and you're welcome back anytime. Thank you so much for having me on. I really appreciate it. We'd love to come back. Thanks Scott. Thanks. Oh my god, Christina, you're an icon and a legend. That's my impression of you when I tell you that you can officially get tickets to Come See Us in Florida. We'll be at Daniel Beach Improv on September 24th and the Funny Bone Orlando on September 25th. And both of those links are already in the show notes. So come see us and giggle your way into our little hearts. If you can't make it to Florida to win our love, don't worry, we're easy.

All it takes is to follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast. Or you can text us at 212-433-3TCB. And check out our website, tcbpodcast.com, for all of our audio video content and any sneaky links we might share. for all of our audio video content and any sneaky links we might share. This episode is brought to you by CIBC.

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Visit td.com slash small business match to book an appointment with one of our advisors. So nice to talk to Scott Sees. I loved him. Well, it's nice when someone comes on that you're like, you know, you have a flirting familiarity with, but you don't really know them all that well. And it's nice when you get a nice person on the other line. I'll keep on saying that because we had one bad experience now forever. I'm traumatized. I'm traumatized for life. I'm like, what if he's mean? So scotseas.com, go get your tickets to any upcoming events that he might have. As he mentioned, he's not exactly on tour right now, but he does do headlining shows when they

come up. And of course, order his book at Amazon. Now, we said pre-order on the interview, but the truth is by the time this comes out, he will actually have the book out so you can go buy it on Amazon, listen to it on Audible, get it at your local bookstore, whatever it is. The customer is always wrong. I'm sure that if you worked in the retail customer

facing business, this is gonna be a funny one. Yeah, you can relate to it. He'll regale you with stories about his days as a Ikea phone man. I can only imagine. I can't imagine, actually. I'm sure that that's like the shittiest job in the, I mean, there's a lot of shitty jobs.

How many people do you think we're calling up saying, I can't put this together correctly? Oh, are you kidding me? Every third person? Yeah, every third person. Because people are terrible. People are terrible, they just are, I'm sorry. Every third person. Because people are terrible. People are terrible. They just are.

I'm sorry. And that includes me. I'm terrible. I think, as I mentioned, I think sometimes we, it's just like our base nature to push people around and we can't see them or hear them or we feel like we've been taken advantage of in some way, shape or form. Yeah. So, but then there's also terrible customer service people too, because they're sick of

dealing with guys like me. Right. So anyway, Scott sees the circle. May the circle be unbroken. scotsees.com and go get that book. Do him a favor, get his book, follow him on Instagram and TikTok and all that. We want to thank Scott for being so gracious with his time today. Also, just days away, we're going in daniel point for the dania beach

I keep on saying dania point because some people say points of people say beach dania beach improv Go get your tickets if they're still available You can find links on our website on our Instagram or on the show notes right down below where you're reading this or where you're listening To this you can read the show notes and see those links. Click on through. Buy yourself a ticket. Come see it. Hell, even if you're not going to be there, just buy a ticket anyway. Support the cause. You know what I'm saying? And then the very next night, if you want to make it like a two-fer, you can drive a couple of hours. Want to go on tour with us?

Yeah. Drive to the left a couple of hours and you're going to be in Orlando. They have a small little fish tour. Shakedown Street. Make yourself a little Shakedown Street out there. If you make a Shakedown Street, I will be there. Swear to God, I will. I want to get a veggie burrito. Oh, veggie burrito.

I want to get some kratom and some sea-less-ivan. 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822.. That's 212-433-3822. Text us questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. Ask Brian's mom, ask TCB. We do it all right there on the phone line. Also please do us a favor. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break.

TCB podcast on TikTok and youtube.com slash the commercial break. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for right now. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. and youtube.com slash the commercial break. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for right now. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. I'll say best to you. Best to you.

And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for Scott. Thanks to Scott for coming on. Until next time, we must say, we will say, and we do say. Goodbye. This episode is brought to you by Dyson On Track. Dyson On Track headphones offer best in class noise cancellation and an enhanced sound range, Bye! Dyson On Track, headphones remastered. Buy from DysonCanada.ca. With ANC on, performance may vary

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