The Commercial Break - That's a Big Sack Of Presents!
Episode Date: December 22, 2023Christina joins Bryan in the studio to discuss her favorite genre of music: Slutty Christmas. Let’s talk about sex ba-by! Hot tub streamers Toes only! Christina’s feetfinder account Pleasure, pai...n, and smashing bananas 2023 Pornhub Wrapped We love a mature cougar The Clermont Lounge Siri getting involved Kevin Costner and Jewel Big Power! Loose tongue baby talk Slutty christmas A Nonsense Christmas, by Sabrina Carpenter Drew Barrymore’s Oprah interview Jada Pinkett Smith Please stop telling us the details, girl Stroking that arm Who has cable? LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us at: 1.855.TCB.8383 Call 626.ASK.TCB3 and leave us a voicemail Speak to TCB LIVE by calling 775.TCB.LIVE (1.775.822.5483) Tuesday-Thursday 12pm-5pm EST Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Written By: Bryan Green Exec Producers: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Content Production & Research: Tina Khano YouTube Producer & Editor: Morgan Please Producer & Audio Editor: Christina A. Executive Director: Astrid B. Associate Producer: Gustavo Episodic Contribution: Marianne, Diane, Natalie, Will The Champ, Will D**  Â
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Discussion (0)
It's an absolute honor to be here today in full fucking glam at 8am on a Thursday morning.
On this episode of the commercial break.
Show it to me, Barnum!
Get me to me now!
That's how the kids are gonna be doing it.
They're gonna be like, hey Siri, Grande, area out of Grande! Bigest things you ever seen! Show it to me!
Sorry, I'm not able to make a phone call at this time.
Whoa!
But you can't ask me to place a FaceTime call.
The next episode of the commercial break starts now.
I get asked!
I get asked again!
It's walking back to the commercial break!
I'm Brian Reign!
This is the audio editor of ass.
Chris need us.
Some bitches.
Okay.
Vessio, Christina.
Vessio, Brian.
Vessio, I'm there in the podcast universe.
Christina joining us while, uh, Chrissy takes a couple extra days off to be with family.
Wish her all the best.
Yeah.
And her family too.
Okay.
I want to tell you a couple things. Sex
related because you know why not. Why not?
Why not? Because you're legally obligated to allow me to talk about sex per
our country. You're damn right. No, I'm just a department.
It's just a test. Yeah, we're lucky to have her.
So a couple of months ago, I was talking a couple months ago, a month ago, I
talked to I can't remember now because there's just you have where everyone's rotating through the seat for the last couple of months ago, I was talking, a couple of months ago, I talked to, I can't remember now because there's,
you know, everyone's rotating through the seat
for the last couple of months,
but I was talking to somebody,
I think it might have been Tina,
about the hot tub streamers on Twitch.
Uh-huh.
And then I got kind of sucked into a rabbit hole,
this girl that I follow on Instagram.
Doing research for the show.
I got sucked in a rabbit hole,
not sucked into a rabbit hole. I got sucked in a rabbit hole, not sucked into a rabbit hole.
I got sucked into this rabbit hole.
Yeah.
These four women that were in a hot tub, they had the camera set up, they were streaming
live, and people were making requests of them that I didn't understand to be English,
or even shorthand.
Like had it been ATM, then I would have known, asked them out, right?
Oh. Like you said, FIP, or FIB fing ATM, then I would have known, asked them out, right? Or like you said, FIP, or FIB, finger and butt.
I would have understood that stuff.
Not because I'm a perv,
but because this is what I do for a living.
I look at you.
I look at you.
Yes, I'm hiding behind the commercial break as a perv.
That is the dream job.
Yeah, listen, somebody comes in on this history.
If someone watches, looks at the history of that computer,
they're going to jail.
Basically, I'm going to jail. basically, I'm going to jail.
God, I hope not.
I'll be out of a job.
No, not that, I don't get that.
You just sit in the seat.
Stay where you about to keep it going.
Someone's going to need to send Papa some jail cash.
I'm going to need to buy those cupo noodles.
The jail of the guys from putting their finger in my butt, you know what I'm saying?
Oh, yeah, yeah, you'd be right for the pickin'.
Oh, I'm a cutie. I know you know what I'm saying? Oh yeah, yeah, you'd be right for the pickin'.
Oh, I'm a cutie.
I know.
Listen, I've been so fragile.
Yeah, my balls right now are fragile.
So fragile.
They're like little too little, like broken eggs.
So, I read this story that Twitch is now having to loosen up their rules around nudity
because so many creators are complaining that they're getting banned for not what they Twitch is now having to loosen up their rules around nudity
because so many creators are complaining
that they're getting banned for,
what they call non-sexual nudity.
And I think this really centers around hot tub streamers,
is what they call them,
or what they're being referred to as hot tub streamers.
Because apparently, and now I know,
there are a lot of women and some men who film themselves in the hot tub and then they skirt the lines of what twitch would consider
Decent behavior. Do you understand what I'm saying?
So now twitch is saying if it's artistic nudity if you're making art as long as it's not sexual which I have no idea where that line begins or it's not even defined that. But I guess that's kind of the point as they can't define that.
That's right. And so they're...
You know what? Good for them.
Twitch is, you know, making a loophole that everyone's going to jump through now. But apparently
this is a very popular thing and there is a young lady. And I don't remember her name
and I don't want to throw it out there anyway. But there's a young lady on Twitch that is
making millions of dollars a year
being a hot tub streamer.
Good for her.
So I am thinking that eventually when
this podcast comes to some end,
I'm going to be a hot tub streamer.
Yeah.
Or I'm gonna hire someone.
You're gonna be a hot tub streamer.
Why don't you hot tub stream
and then give some revenue to the commercial break?
You can use the commercial break's name. I'll be like the commercial right? I'll be like, you can use the commercial breaks name.
I'll be like Blair Saki.
I'll be like, no hole, see only.
I love that story.
I love that story.
Toes only.
Toes only.
Toes only, no hole.
What if I just say but only and I just, yeah, and I just bend over and the camera and I never
show my face.
I can put like one of those.
But then no one's going to want to like, you know, send you money. Give you tips you're doing too much, but not enough action.
You well, you have to like show the toes every so often too.
I'm just wondering.
This is why you never made it on feet finder.
I never even tried to make it on feet finder.
You don't know how to monetize your feet.
Well, no one wants my hairy feet on there.
Actually, don't have hairy feet.
I think we need to find my hairy feet.
I hate hairy feet.
Did you make any money?
I didn't make any of the account, but I never did anything.
Do you know what got me to start that Fee Finder account?
When I was drunk on a boat.
Drunk on a boat.
Yeah, I was drunk on a boat and we were all like,
yeah, I should do Fee Finder.
And then I made the account and then I never
followed up when I got scared.
You're, what?
Really?
But now that I'm hired by the commercial break, yeah.
What's the difference?
People are gonna know you're attached to this
for the rest of your life.
You're just going to go on the guy that's happy with me.
You can put a fake name on feed finder.
But someone can find your IP address.
I mean, they can. But this is like a, as a future employer, really going to go through
all that trouble to like docks your IP address.
And I'll do to find out if you've ever been on a feed finder.
That would be fucked up.
If someone didn't hire you, but they would never tell you this is the trouble. It's like,
someone could definitely not hire you because you were like on-feet finder
or whatever it is that you were doing.
Yeah.
But then they don't have to tell you
why they can come up with some other arbitrary reason.
And then you won't know that like your privacy
is being violated or whatever.
Yeah, or you just have a really creepy future employer
that maybe you don't wanna be with anyway.
Yeah.
Here's the thing, I think that employers
are gonna have to get over this. HL departments are to have to get over this because there is an entire generation.
Multiple generations. The world is different. There are hot tub streamers out there that
maybe future Supreme Court justices. We do not know. That is a world I want to live in.
Amen, dude. Get those stodgy old fuck notes off that fucking bench and let's get some
fresh blood in there. Hot tub streamers is a good place to start.
Yes, I'm with it.
Seriously, let's get the hot tub streamers in Congress.
If some of these assholes, if George fucking Santos can be a goddamn member of Congress,
then you can be on feed finder and find future employment.
That's a good point.
It is an absolutely and tell them that when the HR department calls to check on your IP address for your feed finder. I work in podcast.
Yeah, I work in podcasting. I also smash bananas to make old men's
will give them half hearts. I would smish smush bananas with my toes. Why not? What's the big deal?
It's kind of fun. That's what everybody's into. That's what that's what is that what people are
smashing is this thing? Is that what people are into? Smash the bananas with your toes.
I think what they want is they want you to smash their penis with your toes, but a banana
is a good thing.
I know, I've seen it.
I have seen videos in research.
A lot of the penis.
Christina, there are people who get kicked in the nuts and they pay women to do it in high
heels.
This is a thing. This is a thing.
One time I had a lover text me,
let me buy you a pair of boots,
so you can step on me with them.
You're fucking kidding me.
No, I'm not.
Did you do it?
Well, we didn't end up working out.
We lived in different states.
He did fly me across the country.
So that was fun.
If you flew across the country
I'd get the boots, just so you could kick him in the balls
because you had some fun.
I actually would have loved to do that.
We just got the thing we got distracted.
We had a packed itinerary.
Oh, things to do.
Smashing him in the balls with your brand new boots.
It wasn't included.
It didn't make it.
It didn't make it.
Obviously it wasn't high on his priority list,
or he would have made it a thing.
I think there were other things happening,
but we're better.
I had a dominatrix tell me once that getting
your balls smashed is like the,
she said it was in her top 10 requests.
She feel like that makes sense.
Getting stepped on,
getting like directly kicked in the nuts,
like flasopenus that then would become hard.
You know, like weird shit.
And I wonder, you know,
I know there are like our sexual proclivities
are probably from what I've read are probably formed
very young in our formative ages.
But who's getting kicked in the nuts
and deciding they like that?
I'm gonna tell you right now, ahead of a sec to me,
I feel like I've been getting kicked in the nuts
for seven fucking straight days.
And I wish it would just stop.
It's like a two-thake, it never fucking stopped.
But what if it was astrid?
Kicking me in the nuts?
Yeah, every day when you wake up. Just giving me one big kick in the nuts big kick
When you're like thank you for being in my life
Thank you Astrid
Thank you, man, I have another thank you mother of my children
creator of world
creator of world give me that good good. I think that good good
The nuts first so I know I don't deserve it.
Tree me like the, yeah, tree me like the weak piece of shit I am.
I think this could work for you.
You guys should try that.
There's a weird dynamic going on for sure.
But yeah, I would definitely not going to report back.
I was going to kill me.
She killed me.
But I'm wondering what, who, which dude got kicked in the nuts
and decided that was a pleasurable experience.
It's an awful fucking feeling.
Pain and pleasure are very closely.
I agree.
I agree.
But this is like, just like it is,
I imagine for women, it's a very sensitive area.
And you go kicking it.
It doesn't feel good.
Like biting on the neck, nibbling around the ears,
like even a slap once in a while, I get it.
You know, I get it.
As if it's slapped me all the time.
It's usually not having to do a sex,
but she's asking me all the time.
And my kids punched me in the balls all the time
and hit me and kick me and listen, I get that pleasure and pain.
There's like a super fine line.
It's in the ethos, right?
It's like you're breaking the veil sometimes. However, that said, there's nothing in my mind pleasurable about kicking the balls, but
there are so many people that are into that apparently that it's a thing. I just watched
a video on Instagram a couple weeks ago, dude paid two dancers coming out of the strip club,
two dancers, high heels, full nine yard. Yeah. He was standing outside the club.
He had been in there and he's got $100 bills
and he says $300 kick me in the nuts right now.
And the chick's like, no, not doing it.
Uh-uh, nope.
And he's like, I'll say to the camera, it's okay.
And she's like, I don't wanna get in some fucking
kind of trouble, I don't wanna kind of game your run.
And he's like $500 kick me in the nuts right now.
She's like, and then she's like, say in the camera, you're not gonna assume me for something.
Send me, arrest me.
And he's like $700, kick me in the nuts right now.
I'll say it to the camera.
He gave her this chick $700, and she took a running start.
He was like in front of his car, and she just was like,
with her high heels, and the dude fell to the ground,
and he was like, I love it, I love it so much.
He loved it so much that the girl that came out with her
was like, give me $300, I'll kick you in the nuts.
And he gave her $500 and he got another kick in the nut
and I'm like, holy fucking shit, this is a thing.
I can kick people in the nuts for $501.
Yeah, I wanted to do that.
I wanted that to be my new career path.
Listen, it's all happening on Instagram and TikTok.
I'm telling you what, there's a weird world out there.
Get into it.
And you'll make some extra cash. I'm sorry, I'm not into that, but I'm telling you what, there's a weird world out there. Get into it. And you'll make some extra cash.
I'm sorry, I'm not into that, but I would pay you.
Speaking of weird trends, I have the 2023 porn ups searches.
And everybody waits for this.
It's like mainstream now.
You know, they do this like, you know,
AM radio in the morning.
Oh, do they?
Yeah, they do.
I guess because porn is such a big part of our lives.
PornHub is YouTube.
I don't listen to radio either.
I just was reading that.
Yeah.
They were announcing this on May 3.
That's pretty crazy.
PornHub is YouTube for sex.
And in so many ways,
PornHub has changed the sexual landscape of our lives
in good ways and bad ways, right?
But like everything, in good ways and in bad ways.
You ready for this?
Yes.
Okay, now it's a long report.
I don't wanna get into every single thing,
but let's go over a couple important topics, I think.
The number one trend that defined 2023 is the golden age
as the word mature searches grew by 77%
and became the second most popular category among men led by mature kugar quote unquote, grannies, grammars.
Do what in the fuck is going on out there in society?
I want to hide my children.
I want to hide my wife.
Something's going on.
Wait, that's awesome.
I don't know.
Why not?
Why shouldn't the old ladies be getting some action?
I'm not saying the old ladies or the old men
shouldn't be getting some action.
But are like the young dudes looking at it?
Like old grand.
What's wrong with wanting a mature woman?
Hold on, I want to make the distinction between long
and twisted.
Like there's wrong.
I don't think it's twisted.
Well, come on.
I guess maybe it's a little like mommy issue.
Maybe that's really the trouble here
is that it's giving mommy issues.
That's the thing that I'm thinking.
It's like mommy issues, but not even mommy issues
like old mommy, like grandma issues.
But what was the search term?
Mature Cougar.
Okay, see that doesn't, to me, scream grandma.
Well, milk is the second most search term
worldwide while dill terms including muscle dill. Muscle dill. Muscle dill. Wow. Yeah,
hey, hot dad, you'd like to fun. Group by 71%. Granny. Big growth searches. Oh, and gilf searches collectively raised by 168%
with sexy granny and hot gilf following right behind.
Hilarious.
Hilarious?
Hilarious.
Are you a little sexy granny?
Sexy.
Well, I'm just like, why?
That's what I want to know.
Like, not the grannies are not sexy.
Obviously, granny can be sexy.
But like, actually, I met this woman today
at the teachers' office who told me she had a daughter my age
and had, that her daughter had three children.
So she's a granny three times over?
Yeah.
And she has kids with other children too.
And so she's a grandma, I'm probably five times over.
OK.
And I was like, what the fuck?
I said, whatever you have, I want it.
Yeah.
And she said, yeah, that's the thing.
I want to say, I don't know.
And I was like, it's just good genes.
I was like, you're stunning.
It's there.
I would've guessed 35.
I've seen the, I've, listen,
anybody can look good at any age.
Well, yeah.
But I was just shocked.
I get shocked sometimes too.
I was like, you're a grandma.
I know.
Esther and I were, I forget where we were.
We were watching something.
And the lady that was on the TV said she was like 67 years old
or something.
And she was stunning.
Stunny.
It's beautiful, right?
Great skin, looked good.
Fantastic.
And she had a lovely personality from what I remember.
I think we were watching something from what I remember.
I don't think it's wrong that you look at Granny porn.
I'm just wondering what's going on out there.
Yeah, well, why has it increased so much?
Why has it increased so much?
Are we passing around Granny porn now?
As like a joke or is it really,
we're getting off on it?
Probably a little bit about.
Anything so.
I think we've passed it around as a joke
because we're getting off on it.
We want our friends to think.
Is there like a deep deep problem of like a deep problem of like baby boy baby man
Yes, yes, I think this I think this is what's really going. Yeah
But from what I read and I've been keeping on this for years Chrissy and I've been talking about it for years
The younger generation, your generation,
is having less sex than any other generation before them,
like less sexual encounters.
For a lot of different reasons,
probably the pandemic being one of them, right?
But then just the fear,
like you get pregnant in this country right now,
holy fucking shit, you got zero options, right?
You're fucked.
You're fucked.
Also, it's just that, you know,
sex can be a scary thing you got to meet
somebody in person and a lot of people don't do that kind of meeting on a relationship level
anymore they're just all online and you get of course I'd be nervous too right there's some real
world things but like why the granny searches it proves so much there were no there was this lady
on the stern show I think it was years ago.
Her name was Blue Iris, and she was known as the Granny porn queen.
This is long before Granny porn was a thing, right?
This was the Claremont Lounge.
This was Claremont Lounge.
This was, for those of you that know the Claremont Lounge, it's the world famous strip club
here in Atlanta.
There's probably every celebrity that's ever been has shown up. It's iconic.
It is a literally a dive bar, a small thin sheet of cocaine covers everything that you see
along with all kind of bodily fluids. Blood tears coming everything, right? It is a nasty,
nasty dive bar and it is the best fucking place in the world. You go there late night because
that's all they're open.
You walk in, you get cheap fucking beer,
and then you have grannies that, not all of them,
but some of them.
Yeah, they're well known for their grandma strippers.
That's right.
The old saying was where strippers go to die,
is the clear amount of lives.
Yes.
But they are so entertaining and so lovely.
Fucking love them.
And so wonderful that you can't help but be
Impressed by what's going on in the book. It's the only strip club I ever want to go to well
It's it's probably the strip club that I belong at
But I love the Claremont lounge. Yes, Blue Irish is like one of those dancers, but she was doing the real porn with young men.
Wow.
And so do a little homework on Blue Iris,
and that's the kind of granny porn that I think about.
But she is not the 67 year old woman
that I saw on the television.
She's not the, however old the woman was you met today.
Yeah.
She looks like a granny, like a typical grandmother.
She's passed away now, but she looked like a typical grandmother. She's passed away now,
but she looked like a typical grandmother. And I'm just wondering what's up with the guys.
Why are we doing this as a joke? We think this is funny, or are we just interested? Are we
peaking our curiosity? Or is there some, something out there in the collective psyche that has
made us start to think about grandmas in a more sexual way, not grandmas, but older,
yeah, you know, older than you women that are, I don't know,
I feel like I need to ask my guy friends and see,
if any of you guys ever watched grandma porn,
we please do and report back to me.
I will. I want the reasoning. Yes.
I don't know if any of them are really that adventurous, to be honest,
really kind of vanilla. I'll ask some of them
I like some of the younger folks that I know I'll say yeah, we'll ask around if you looked at granny porn just be honest with me
If you look at granny porn or text us are you in a therapy session?
I do have therapy on a weekly basis. All right. You ready? Yes. Number two
Super size the overarching bullet point is here. The by line is super size. The terms big, bigger, biggest grew by 177%.
Huge tits, huge cock, huge dildo.
Huge, huge, not just big.
Cock and dildo.
Not just like big tits.
Yeah, huge tits.
You know what I think this might,
you know I'm just thinking about something.
I think people, I think the world in general
is like so polarized at extremes
that I think we're getting to the extreme levels, right? So I want the biggest in general is like so polarized that extremes that I think we're getting
to the extreme levels.
So I want the biggest cock you've ever seen
to go in between the biggest tits I've ever seen
and they're using the biggest dildo I've ever used.
But when someone wants that in real life,
it's just cumbersome.
Of course not.
Well, I mean, let's speak for yourself.
Uh, speak for yourself.
But maybe the reason why granny porn is becoming so hot,
it's because it's something extreme in and of itself.
I like older ladies, let me go as old as I possibly can.
Maybe it's just the thought.
I don't know.
Uniforms, excuse me, number three, sex machines, Android,
the term Android in a porn search up by 1690%. ninety percent and what's from nothing from nothing yes android
and what is it phone and what is it phone porn or does that mean like robot porn you can't afford to know phone you're getting it i what is going on
and right for it for it i want to see my phone get fucked that's what what I really want. Android cosplay, Android roleplay,
robot, sex robot, 3D roleplay. You need that name like like Star Wars Android. Yeah,
I'm thinking this is like yeah, because it's the year of AI and all you can make anything
you want to. Yeah, I know. Put Arianaide. Android.
Ariana Grande with
Dolly Parkinson's
Yeah.
Grandmont.
Ariana androide.
Grande.
It's just like this guy
with huge tits and a dick
this big robot.
And then Ariana Grande said
that he's a robot.
Giant ponytail.
Oh, man, I love it.
Ariana Grande. Yeah. love it Ariana Grande. Yeah
Grande Ariana Grande that's what I want show it to me part of
You give it to me
That's how the kids are gonna be doing it
Show it to me
Siri Grande area to Grande biggest things you ever seen show it to me
Sorry, I'm not able to make a phone call at this time.
But you can ask me to place a FaceTime call.
I will didn't do existence, I did.
You're not in that way.
I know, serious taking over.
I can't say that name again,
because now she's gonna pop up a little bit.
All right, number four is for uniforms,
cop uniform, military uniform, soldier,
gay soldier, uniform cosplay.
Yeah, I don't want to mention that.
Five is sexual healing.
Okay, now we're getting somewhere, guys.
Now we're getting somewhere.
Therapy searches were up 344%.
They're on porn site, so they want their therapist to put some.
Yes.
Well, that's exactly what's going on.
Therapy sex.
It's also giving mommy issues.
Foot therapy grew by 219%.
Watch out for my feet find root issues. Foot therapy grew by 219%. Oh, watch out for my feet finder account.
Foot therapy.
There you go.
Massage therapist grew by 516.
Yeah, I know, but that's the kind of thing I can understand.
That I understand.
Like I get it because I've seen it.
Yeah.
But you've seen it?
I'm foreign, I've been a part of it.
But like I as someone who like enjoys to getting a massage.
Yeah.
I'm just like ew.
Yeah, you know what it's gonna be?
Quick, try to ruin the massage industry.
I know, you know, I tell this story a long time ago,
like I went to one of these Jack Shacks
as I referenced to them as I went to a Jack Shack
with a friend, it was really late night.
We're all fucked up.
He had that he was like had this hankering
to go to one of these places.
It was a famous place down downtown Atlanta called like the, I don't know, 21 rooms or something.
Like that was way back in the day.
And so it was a huge building and they had 21 fantasy rooms.
And it was literally like a brothel.
You walked in.
Yeah, that's kind of fun.
There were a bunch of ladies perusing around this small little bar, like a, like a teaky
bar.
And then you'd go up and you'd talk to the lady and if she was available, then you'd go to one of the rooms. Well, my friend went off to whatever bonded room. I can't even
remember what he did, but I was so like not into it that I picked the only thing that I knew
that I could probably get away with not having to physically interact. Right. The hot tub
on the roof. So I go to the hot tub on the roof, everybody disrobes,
and I have a very pleasant conversation
for like an hour with this young lady.
And so afterwards, I say to my friend,
I'm not gonna name her, I said, what happens?
He's like, oh, I went into the bondage room
but she ended up giving me a massage
and I'm like, did you get off and he's like,
no, it's just scared to.
And I'm like, dude, you just paid $400
for both of us to walk in here and talk to somebody for him. He's like, hey, therapy, and I'm like, I'm like, what, you just paid $400 for both of us to walk in here and talk to somebody
for him. He's like, hey, therapy. And I'm like, what?
Exactly. You know those, like, it was the best night of those ladies' lives. They were like,
thank God. But I also had like these guys are too thanked up to come anyway.
I know. And we probably were. And, you know, but I had somebody who was in that business,
a young lady tell me that 70% of the time, when she went to a client's
house, they just wanted a chat.
That's all they want to do.
They're lonely.
And I think this is what porn hubs revealing is, is that there is an epidemic of loneliness
going up there in the world.
All right, so let's take our first break and then we'll get back to talking, you know,
more stuff you probably had to turn off because your children run the car.
We'll be back in a second.
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All right, back here with Christina. Christina takes a few extra days off to be with family.
You know what I didn't have on my bingo card for 2020-23?
What?
Kevin Costner and Jewel dating.
Did you hear this?
I did not.
You know Jewel the same?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Popular 90s singer, you know
What song that is
Oh, I actually don't think that's jewel. I see that will save your soul
Maybe it is but jewel in Kevin Costner the very famous movie actor director television guy who's in
Bodyguard he was in Bodyguard.
He was in Bodyguard.
Our love Bodyguard.
He was in one of my favorite movies of all times,
Dances with Wolves.
If you can get through three and a half hours
of dancing with, well, Dances with Wolves.
But I loved the movie.
I really did.
My mom took me to see it when I was like,
12 years old, 11 years old, 12 years old.
And I sat through the entire thing, Nizmerized.
And I don't know why.
I think Tautanka, have you ever seen the movie?
No.
Okay, it's about Buffalo or something. I don't know. But think to Tonka have you seen the movie? No, okay. It's a lot about Buffalo or something
But it's really good. He was really good in that but he also did fucking shit house flops like water world and some other stuff
But kept him in your bag. Yeah, you do well
He's making his bag because he was like an executive producer on that show Yellowstone
Wow, so I think it was him and the creator kind of put this thing on TV and it only lasted for four or five seasons
They ended it because there was some dispute about yeah, let's know yeah, let's know
Yeah, I never watched it, but I heard great things about it. It was like the most popular television show
Yeah, all five seasons that it was on it was like popular by two
But Kevin Costner in jewel Kevin is 70 years old. I think jewel is
48 years old. I mean, that's not the age difference that matters, right?
But I don't know, Kevin Costner and jewel
just don't seem to go together.
I'm making some assumptions about Kevin's personality
and some assumptions about jewel's personality.
Of course.
I met her one time when I worked in a radio business.
She was lovely as she could be,
saying a few songs for a couple of us in a small room.
She was super lovely.
But I think of her as maybe
like a super liberal type of person because of her music
and where she came from and kind of the rough life
that she had and the causes that she got behind
in the 90s, and then I don't think of Kevin like that.
Yeah, I know what I mean.
It's just a weird parent.
It's a weird parent.
It's a weird parent.
Well, I don't know, for me, like 22 years is a bit much.
Like, calm down.
Yeah, so well, I mean, yeah, yeah.
Okay, I think when you get to that age,
like she's over 45, he's 70.
I don't think they're getting married.
Well, that's the thing is that,
for me, at that point, I'm thinking about,
well, he's obviously dying first.
Yeah, you want to be changing his diapers?
Yeah, no, no.
I mean, unless it's love, you know?
The whole month, what the hell?
The whole month, the whole month, the whole month,
the whole month, the whole month, the whole month, the whole month.
But also,
they met on Necker Island.
Isn't Necker Island,
I think that's the one that Richard Branson owns?
Sure.
When you own your own island,
and you decide to name it Necker Island, Richard Branson owns sure when you own your own island
And you you decide to name it Necker Island. I don't know. It's too close for comfort to me Yeah, I don't like it. I made something else all together. You know what I'm saying? I don't like it either
It's all a Branson Island. Yeah, Branson Island. That's the best thing
You're right. How did they get electricity to that island? Do they have like their own power station there?
Chris Tina and I were talking about this.
I can't say I know.
I can't say I understand how electricity works, you know?
Tina and I had this whole conversation
and I said I would want a private island
but only if there was infrastructure there
because if you buy your private island
and then there's no like running water or electricity,
you gotta do all this stuff.
But then again, like if you have them
on you to buy a private island,
I guess it's not that big of a deal to add infrastructure.
Yeah, you get your own power station.
You probably, you're probably with big power.
That's probably what's happening. You have relationships with big power and big water.
That was a rat bastard. Those rat battered bastards keeping my iPhone charged all the time.
My Tesla plugged in and these beautiful computer screens. Oh, man.
Fuck big power. No more big power. No more big power.
No more big power.
Down with clean water.
Down with clean water.
Down with clean.
I don't support that either.
Fuck clean water.
Down with clean water.
Down with clean water.
Make it all that money with your clean water.
Just get the clean water.
Yes.
Just give it to everyone for free.
Be nice. That's right. Taking get the clean water. Yeah. Just give it to everyone for free. Be nice.
That's right.
Taking my shit away from my house
all the way to the sanitation station.
Quit trying to make us pay for things
that are basic human needs.
Well, there's an argument to be made there for sure.
But, you know, I get it.
This takes a little bit of money to make this.
I don't care.
They're rich.
Give it to us for free.
Yeah, I think the water companies are,
are the big power, we can talk about that.
But the water companies, I think are just like municipal,
so that's big.
Yeah, I find with the water companies.
Yeah, I wish I could just pay my tax.
I'm not fine with the power.
Big power.
Big power.
Stop burning all that cold and make my iPhone turn on.
I do agree with that.
With the shit they mind to get the iPhone.
Oh, yeah, I know. That's just terrible.
It's all so bad.
I know, it's so bad.
The world is grumbling.
Yes, it is. But hey, listen, we're having fun here
at the commercial break.
So as the end of days comes closer,
just know that you can tune into the commercial day,
bake nine days a week.
Dicum, d bake. Definitely that dirt.
David, David, dude, dude.
Turn under the commercial bake.
You know, I'm having trouble sometimes with my tongue
and I figured out why.
It's because I'm talking baby talk all day long.
And I think that it's all that like loose,
you know, loose tongue like that, that's easy.
That's that pee pee poop.
Pee pee poop.
It starts getting mixed up in my head.
Children will do a number on your head. I've. Yeah. Children will do a number on your head.
I've learned this.
They will do a number on your head.
I don't want that.
No, okay.
Well, I'm not arguing with you.
You don't want it, then don't have it.
If you don't want it, it's probably best.
It's scary.
It's so scary.
It's very, listen.
Like, like, pregnancy, children,
they just mess with you, man.
They do, but.
Mess with you.
I will say, there is something beautiful
on the end of the risk, right?
There is that, I mean, people have been doing it,
but it's like that chemical in your brain
makes you forget everything bad about pregnancy.
It makes you forget everything bad about birth.
Like, Astrid and I had a bad birthing experience
with one of our children, but she barely remembers
what happened while me and her mother,
who was in the room for part of it, are no joke.
Traumatized.
PTSD.
Yeah.
No joke.
I like, I went to therapy for it,
because every time I thought about it,
I started crying and breaking down,
because it was just such a terrible experience.
But it's terrifying.
According to Astrid, everything was fine.
And I'm like, no, no.
It's worse.
It's definitely, it was not fine.
Look at our fabulous children.
Oh, everything turned out wonderful.
I don't even remember.
You're being over dramatic.
It's over dramatic.
Did he?
So, you don't want children?
Don't have them.
But according to me, unfortunately,
the government may see it.
I'm gonna do what I want.
I think that's a good thing.
And just hope you live in a state where you can do what you want.
Just remember that.
You brought to my attention, Christina Carpenter.
No, I know, I'm just joking with you.
I'm just seeing it.
I was like, damn, Brian.
It's Sabrina Carpenter.
Yes.
World-famous musician, and that's all I know about her.
She's a philicist.
So, here's the thing.
Okay.
I want to talk to you about my favorite genre of music,
which is what I like to call slutty Christmas.
Slutty Christmas.
Slutty Christmas is my favorite genre.
Baby, it's cold outside.
That's pervy Christmas.
Those are different genres.
Let me put a roofie in your dream. Pervy Christmas. Those are different genres. Let me put a roof in your dream.
Pervy Christmas. So slutty Christmas, which I honestly, I don't know where slutty
Christmas began, probably at the start of times. So, um, Mariah Carey.
Yeah, I feel like even before that. I don't know. There's probably some slutty Christmas
songs from back in the day. I think the roundettes were hot. That's all I got to say.
I don't know who that is, but I believe. They sang Christmas songs, you know.
But they didn't sing like slutty Christmas songs,
but they were, they were like slutty for the time though.
Not them, the songs.
Yeah, they're like dressed up in their little, you know,
this is called the love dance.
But like, slutty Christmas is a genre.
It's a bad bitch genre.
Love it.
So, I mean, for me, the number one, like,
purveyor of the genre has always been Ariana Grande.
Ariana Grande.
Ariana Grande.
Ariana Grande.
Ariana Grande.
Yeah, so I'll take an L Grande.
Ariana Grande.
Androids first.
Because she came out with this album called Christmas and Chill, which obviously, Netflix
and Chill.
You got it?
You get the reference.
I do.
We're slitting it up this Christmas.
I love it.
And there's this one song called, like, Whittit this Christmas. And I I a shit you not the lyrics are are you down for some of these milk and cookies?
Whoa, yeah, wow I fucking love it. It's like be my drummer boy and I'm the only drum that you're gonna play
And I'm a shit. I know slutty Christmas. I fucking love it. So Sabrina Carpenter
Whips out a little Crimbo album. Okay.
Crimbo.
Crimbo.
And I am so here for it.
So there's this, so her song, my number one Spotify rap song this year was Nonsense
by Sabrina Carpenter.
Okay.
Which is like, the premise is kind of like, looking at you got me thinking nonsense,
so I just want to fuck.
Basically, like, I'm so into you.
Wow.
So, yeah, I love it. I didn't even know there was slutty Christmas was a genre, like, I'm so into you. Wow. So, yeah, I love it.
I didn't even know there was slutty Christmas
was a genre, but now I'm totally into it.
It is for me.
I'm gonna play at Christmas Eve
with all the kids gathered around the Christmas table.
I get on this North Pole.
Every year, I typically have a disco Christmas party,
which is essentially code for slutty Christmas.
So I play all my slutty Christmas songs and disco
and everyone has to dress disco.
It's great.
I love it.
It's a really good time.
And when do you put this disco Christmas on?
It's typically around this time.
Okay.
Around this time.
I'm actually not doing it this year.
Why?
It was too much work last year.
Okay.
I love it.
It was too much work.
And I was like, maybe it doesn't have any inner this year.
Okay.
So now Sabrina has come out with a nonsense Christmas,
which is the first song on Fruitcake,
her Christmas album.
I have it.
And let's listen to it.
We're gonna break down the lyrics
because I've only heard like one line of the song
and I'm already partly disturbed,
and then partly enjoying myself way too much.
I'm really excited.
I think it's a great song.
Great lyrics.
Great lyrics.
Nonsense by Sabrina Carpenter.
It says you're almost there.
Let's start at the beginning here.
It's the holiday remix.
Oh, I think I only want you under my muscle toe. I'm change your contact to has a huge North Pole.
Yeah.
Honestly, that's relatable content.
Thank you, Sabrina.
No, it's for Astrid, but you know, I know.
No, she's not going to get huge hurt, Paul. No, she's not gonna get huge hurtful.
No, she's more like, I'm gonna put it as, has a okay candy cave.
Skinny.
Skinny candy cave, another big curve.
To the left.
That's right, the small ones you get at the bank.
You know what I'm saying?
That's the sad one, yeah.
For three months after Christmas, they're sitting at the bank.
First of all, second of all, when I was a kid, you have to have a decoder ring to figure out
when Nirvana or Pearl Jammer Sound Garden was saying,
Nope, not with that whispering, a change of color.
Right at it.
That is, that is right on the face right there.
He says you like my stockings better on the floor.
Oh, I've been a bad girl, I guess I'm getting cold now.
I'm getting cold
That's it's going on. I you were not kidding. Okay, let me repeat those ears I yeah, you said I you said you like my stockings better on the floor hilarious boy. I've been a bad girl
I guess I'm getting cold. Let me come warm you up.
You've been out in the snow.
Baby, my tongue goes numb.
Sounds like, oh, oh, oh, oh.
This is great.
I love it.
It's like Weird Al Yankovitch.
I will say she also has a different song
that literally like the first,
one of the first like three lyrics is like,
I can't say good. It's like like you try all the ho ho ho's and put me on top or something and i'm like oh go off girl oh ho ho ho ho ho me on top three two It's all three, it's a little camera that roll, it's about you and me. Let me down.
I'm always list, looking at you got me thinking Christmas.
So fixin' my stomach on my kiss, just do you.
And when you come and down into me, I'll always feel so good.
And I need those tickets.
Ah!
Yeah, we need that child's dickiness.
We need those kids.
We need those kids. Take me to hot stuff as such. I mean, how do you make this, like Christmas Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I need that Charles Dickens. This is great good for her. I am dying every time I listen to this. Okay, let's go through a little bit more because I think I'm reading ahead
I think it's fun. There's so many good lines. I know I'm talking Chris I'm talking I'm talking
I'm talking
I'm talking
I'm talking
I'm talking
I'm talking
I'm talking
I'm talking
I'm talking
I'm talking
I'm talking I'm talking Even though in my soul, in my tongue those love, sounds like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I'm sure. I mean, there's no actual like, explicit words.
Well, it's a little crazy, but I mean, it's all in UNDO.
Yeah, and it's also, I feel like it's deeply funny.
It's hilarious.
Like, it's so clever.
It's a Christmas sex song.
Yeah.
It's a Christmas sex song.
She's a sexy Christmas.
Yeah, she's begging for that big dick.
Yeah.
She's begging for that Charles dick.
We need that Charles dick in. She's begging for that spike dick. Yeah, she's begging for that Charles dick. We need that Charles dick. She's begging for that spike I'm talking. I'm talking. I'm talking.
I'm talking.
I'm reading a hood.
I'm talking.
I'm talking.
I'm talking.
Yeah.
Look at all those presents.
That's a big sack.
With a package just to be the gift wrap
Work up this morning thought I'd ride a Chris mash
How quickly can you build a snowman think?
Oh my god
I mean doesn't slutty Christmas just warm your heart. I gotta be honest with you. It's like it's a good jingle
It's got a good tune. It's got a great beat and the lyrics lyrics are fucking hilarious. They're so good. I'm talking cherry nuts.
Oh my God, good for this.
Good for Sabrina.
I love her.
She really, she's doing it.
She's doing it.
My new favorite genre too.
When she sings nonsense normally,
she normally ends it with like an ad lib
for whatever city she's in.
Okay.
And actually she did, whenever she did a show
like for the BBC, she actually got in trouble
because it was too dirty.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
So she said something like, the BBC has a search term, like porn.
So she essentially made a quip at the end that was related to that.
And that was too dirty. And so the BBC took it off the air,
took it off YouTube and all that stuff.
Yeah, you can't offend me, Queen.
But it's her thing, every city she goes to
she'll come up with the ending line,
how quickly can you build a snowman?
That thing, she'll take that and switch it up,
depending on...
And it's always sexual, but... Because none of it's like a big song. Okay, depending on, and it's always like sexual,
but like, because none of it's like a big song.
Okay, now listen, this is where I've seen this.
I've seen this.
Oh, like on Instagram?
Not on Instagram, yes.
I've seen her switch the lyrics and a bunch of them.
That's how this song sounds familiar now.
Yeah.
Now I know, this girl's also opening up for Taylor Swift
at all of her South American and European tour stops,
which is like amazing.
I mean, great work.
Yeah, we saw them and they were,
oh, who was opening, I forgot who was opening up
for Taylor when we went on the salt Taylor,
but I'm telling you what, this is my new favorite
Christmas song and I'm gonna play it for the kids
and I'm gonna wonder, do you even know,
you couldn't possibly know, they probably do know
because at age, you know,
two now, they're learning about sex.
The thing is they won't be having it
by the time that they grow up.
It'll be all out of style.
So, you know, I was talking about that Christmas and Chill album
from Ariana Grande.
So she actually recently released one of her other Christmas songs.
She did a re-release and it's Santa Tell Me,
which you've probably heard.
I've heard it. And now it is Santa Tell Me, which you've probably heard. I've heard it. Yep.
And now it is Santa Tell Me per indices, naughty version.
Oh.
But I was very disappointed.
It wasn't that naughty.
After knowing Sabrina Carpenter's work.
Yeah.
After knowing about the big balls and this charge ticket.
Yes, that's a big sack.
Boy, that package is too big to gift back.
Uh. I was very disappointed. It's a big sack. Boy, that package is too big to gift back.
I was very disappointed.
It's like she only changed one little section
where it's like, get on top of him by the fireplace
or whatever, and I'm like, girl, no,
we were picturing that anyway.
Anyone who was already there,
that's not, you can't call this the naughty version
and only change one verse.
Okay, but hear me out.
There's a difference between being known
for your dirty verse, right?
I feel like Ariana's known for her dirty verse too.
Yeah.
She puts out like some slid-song.
She really, I mean, I got it.
Break up with your girlfriend.
Yeah.
I'm bored.
She, that's slid-y in you window, right?
This is like more on-
Is that an in-do-in-you-wendo?
Break up with your girlfriend on board.
Yes.
It's indy window.
It's not break up with your girlfriend
I want to fuck your dick.
That's not what it is.
You know what I'm saying?
That's not a screener, the carpenter either.
Yeah, but I mean, when you're talking about balls,
Charles Dickens and her kids.
I need that Charles Dickens.
Yeah.
She just wants to hear a Christmas Carol.
Okay.
Orion.
Okay.
Get it together, old white man.
That's a big sack of presents.
That is funny.
And here's what I have to say.
I love it.
I'm into it.
I like it.
I actually think it's interesting.
I love slutty grits.
Listen, one of my favorite things in the world,
you will not relate to this,
but one of my favorite things in the world,
maybe one of my favorite things in the world
was when weird Al Yankovik put out new music.
Now he was not slutty, but his music was good
and it also was funny, right?
And so good and funny music to me, it's great.
And this is like, this is perfect.
I love it.
You both put up a whole new world for me.
I've seen the Instagram videos,
but I've never heard the whole song.
I've just seen the part where she switches out the lyric.
Oh, now he's only heard the Christmas version.
Look at that, the young kids come in and you learn something. Now, you've only heard the Christmas version. Look at that.
The young kids come in and you learn something.
See, two old people sit here and we just forget everything.
We're like, who said that?
What's happened?
Who did that?
I'm sitting there, everything like, dammit, Brian.
Yeah, I know.
Chrissy, it puts the corrections in the show notes.
You're an idiot, Brian.
That's right.
It'd be nice.
I didn't know.
All right, let's take our second break and we'll be back with more.
OK, Brian. Shh. Let me give the people what they want. Our social media handles.
Follow us on Instagram at the Commercial Break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast. If like all my
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Alright, back with more.
Hey, I wanted to get your take. Did you see the droop?
What? I want to get your take. Yeah, I hate it. I don't know. I'd like live editing the
show. Like, now we're doing the show live editing. So I fire off the commercials and stuff.
Like that, which is something I should have thought about three and a half fucking years ago.
I don't know why I didn't. I should think hours of editing and just wasted life.
Well, wasted life, almost of bankruptcy, almost divorce.
I could have the entire time been saving myself at least an hour,
just live editing.
It got me out of it, so you know.
I know, that's good.
You're not going anywhere.
Okay.
So, but I still feel I'm still trying to feel out how to come back
and go to the breaks, you know, we're all learning together.
There's only 6,000 episodes of this damn show.
And 3,000, 38,000 more to go.
So there you go.
I wanted to note if you had seen or heard about the Oprah Winfrey Drew Barrymore interview,
because I had talked to Tina about this
right after it happened, but now I'm seeing
like more and more comments and clips.
I have seen the whole thing, but I have seen clips of it
of very, very, very, very, fucking weird.
Weird.
All the clips I've seen are like a true Barrymore,
like all up, basically sitting in Oprah's lap,
like stroking her arm and everyone's like drunk girls
in the bathroom. I'm like's like drunk girls in the bathroom.
I'm like, yes.
The late of all.
And it's like you're the best friend that ever had.
She is, I think she's trying way too hard.
Being weird.
I agree.
But I don't, it's like giving that she's really trying
to be vulnerable.
Yeah.
But it's trying too hard.
I think it comes across as very needy.
It just comes across as strange.
How are you doing this?
This is like what you do when you're absolutely shmacked
with your girlfriend.
When you're on ecstasy kind of shmacked, you know what I'm saying?
You're like, I just want to like...
I just love you.
I love the way your skin feels.
You're so beautiful.
You've always been so beautiful.
Yeah, that was weird.
Oh, my friends are girls. I know this I know this whole hand holding thing
I've been you know, I've been in a few girls
Lesbian. Oh, I'm a lesbian. All right. I just wish they love me back
but I
Looked I watched the interview and I thought to myself how uncomfortable for Oprah must this be.
First of all, she's probably not used to getting touched
by anybody except for Stedman
because her security won't allow it.
But second of all, there's nothing Oprah can do
but sit there and be the Oprah that we all know love,
which is she will not be rattled by this.
But you can tell, like you just watch her eyes,
you can tell she's a little bit rattled by this.
It was weird.
It was weird.
I wonder what was going through Drew's mind.
You know, after the Jada.
She's had like a weird few months.
Jada Pinkett Smith.
Well, first of all, she wanted to break the sag after a
picket line, which I thought was pretty shitty.
That was so bad.
It was just stupid.
It was just dumb thing.
Like I get it, you want to feed the families.
Yeah, you want to feed the families of the people
who do want to come back to work,
but then there's tens of thousands of people
that are relying on every single person not
so that they can have, like that's the strength and negotiation.
We're never going back to work until you sit down
at the table and we negotiate this out.
So it was a dumb move.
She pulled back really quickly.
Then she has this Jada Pinkett Smith interview,
which is very similar in nature.
She's sitting on the couch super close.
They're like grabbing each other
and they're talking about coming out of their mother's vagina.
And it's just like a weird...
The Jada Pinkett Smith stuff in general is like,
girl, this is a story, no one.
None of us want to hear anymore.
Please, someone stop her.
You put it in your book to call attention to it,
and then you run around.
All she wants to do is fucking talk,
and we're like, please no.
No one wants to hear about your relationship anymore.
Go back to your reticle.
It's so weird.
Yeah, I agree.
It's a concerning relationship.
Every time you go on one of these talk shows,
all you're doing is further yanking Will Smith balls,
who has not had a particularly great three years.
If we all got to be honest, it's just strange.
It's strange.
I do not understand her motivations.
It feels so weird.
Like it, I don't know.
It's just super weird for me.
I think I understand, I appreciate what they are going through.
Like the marriage is tough.
It's a long haul.
When you have kids, it throws in a whole nother thing.
And I watched this Instagram video,
and I thought this guy was telling a story
about what his grandfather said.
And it is what his grandmother said
about his grandfather.
It is the most amazing way
that I've ever heard marriage described.
Oh, okay.
It's grandmother said, and the guy's retelling the story,
my grandmother used to say,
I've been married to 51 different men.
Okay.
And the, and no, you have been married to grandpa.
Exactly.
He's been 51 different men since I've met him,
and he'll say the same thing about me.
Everybody changes, grows, moves on, people,
they don't stay the same.
And she's like,
you know, I'm on my 51st version of your grandfather. So I get that, that, I get like wanting to tell
people that marriage is tough. It takes different forms. You can go through different things. You don't
have to be together all the time. You can sleep in different beds. You can have different arrangements.
I understand that. I'm down with 100 percent. Whatever makes you happy, whatever's cool in your own
bedroom. But you, you wrote it in the book. We got it. it. 100% whatever makes you happy, whatever's cool in your own bedroom.
But you wrote it in the book.
We got it.
Now you don't have to go and double explain yourself.
You put it in the book for a reason now.
Yes, stop.
Now, stop.
And this one, it almost feels like invasive of us.
It is like, we do not belong this much inside of your relationship.
Like, you have to keep some things private.
Please, for the love of God,
stop telling the public about your relationship.
Please.
You cheated on Will.
We don't bring her into your fucking reticle.
And my God, it's all she can talk about it.
And fucking talk about it is how much fucking
she loves Tupac.
And it's like, please stop.
I know.
You're just slapping Will in the face in front of us.
Every time.
That was not intentional. Me saying slapping him on the fire
Pun intended no pun intended, but like it at this point it's like this is embarrassing for everyone involved
I totally were her him their family. It's like
That's the other thing too is that I agree with you like will is getting
Amasculated at every single turn and listen, while I do not ever condone
violence under any circumstance unless you're defending yourself or your family, what he
did to Chris Rock was terrible.
That was a wild.
And he should never be allowed back in the academy.
He deserves all kinds of repercussions because of that.
But that's for other people to decide because it's not, I'm just a viewer at home.
However, you start to wonder if Will is kind of losing it because his wife just keeps on
talking about who she wants to sleep with instead of her husband.
But like, they've been separated.
It's like, it's just like, why would he get so upset in the first place if they technically
weren't even together and hadn't been together for a while at that point?
And it's just like, why are you guys bringing this up
all the time?
Honestly, if you'd stop fucking talking about it,
Jada, we probably wouldn't care.
We wouldn't.
Like, I just, I don't know.
I'm just like, please.
But you know, Drew's sitting there smothering her
during this interview and she's spouting off
more of the same stuff that we're hearing.
And by the way, Jada Pinkett Smith has all the right
in the world to say whatever she wants
to say.
I'm not telling anybody to shut up.
I am.
I just don't want to hear it any more.
But I watched that interview on the backs of the Oprah interview because I saw that both
of these interviews have the same pattern.
Drew is obviously a little bit star struck.
She wants it to go well.
She wants people to open up.
She desperately wants this to be the place where people come and be vulnerable
and get the interview of the lifetime.
She wants to be Oprah.
That's what she wants to be.
So she meets the queen and she grabs the queen's hand
and she does not fucking let go.
And she strokes her arm, which like for me,
I don't know, I think a lot of people of my generation
we tend to talk about things like sensory issues,
and stuff like that.
And for me, stroking of an arm is something
that gives me the fucking HBGB.
It's like, I don't know.
I don't know.
It's just a sensory thing.
I really don't know.
I hate if someone puts their armor on me
and rubs their thumb, I am like,
fucking stop touching me.
Really?
Yeah, I don't know.
I just hate it. I hate what it's saying. You don't know. It like, I just hate it.
I hate it.
You don't feel it as a, I mean,
obviously get a strange person.
I know that the intention behind it is totally fine,
but I remember finding that out when I was like 17, 18.
And like, I guess it's never really been a thing
within my family.
Maybe it's just people outside of my family.
I don't know.
But like, I've noticed with with partners or just people in general,
I don't like, you can put your arms around me,
but don't then rub your arms.
You don't like the extra stroking.
Yeah, I don't like it.
You want a solid touch, not something to move.
I don't like that.
It's disgusting for me.
That is so interesting.
So watching her hold her hand
and hold her arm hostage like that
and stroke her arm like that had me cringing,
so hard I'm actually cringing just thinking about that.
Wow.
It's to me that felt so invasive, I don't know, I hated it.
You know a lot of people that are younger than I am
have explained to me that they have sensory issues
of some kind.
Certain types of music, loud noises, feeling a certain, like a certain touching, a certain
way.
And I wonder, like, yeah, okay, cool.
I just wonder why.
Why does it come from?
Why?
What is it?
I don't know.
You know what I can't do?
I can't put cloth in my mouth.
Watching somebody, my child,
put take their shirt and put it in their mouth,
I'm thinking about it right now.
Excuse me, chill.
That's interesting.
That's like, to me, that's a sensory thing.
I used to like that as a kid.
Oh, I think every kid did, putting their, you know.
I used to like, putting like a washcloth
or something in my mouth.
He's good.
I tell my kids to stop it and then I realize,
I don't wanna throw my anxieties on you.
So you do what everyone, I'm gonna turn my head.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry, you're disgusting little thing.
I just remember being so grossed out
when a boyfriend did that to me once.
And I was like, I was like, please,
I was like, don't rub my arm like that.
I was like, I just don't like it.
Like I really don't like it.
Hey, fair enough.
I mean, if you don't like something, you don't like something. I think God Oprah
Probably doesn't emphasize that's activity because Drew really did give her arm a hand job and by the way
She got an arm job, but by the way love Drew. I mean, I think yeah, and she's having a Renaissance and that's great
I think that's wonderful. No, I like Drew Barrymore, but I did I don't like the format these interviews are taking no
I think she's got it back off a little bit.
You know what's weird?
She has Corey Hamon, right?
Which we review.
And they're sitting on opposite sides of the stage.
Yeah.
And then only for certain interviews,
does she come into the couch?
Yeah, it just feels like a broach of boundaries.
Like I wonder if beforehand she discusses
their positioning with them?
With Oprah for sure.
With Oprah for sure.
Oprah's security wants to know where she's sitting. Yeah, it just, it had a weird vibe, that interview. It did. for sure. With Oprah for sure. Oprah security wants to know where she's sitting.
Why would it, it just, it had a weird vibe,
that interview for sure.
For one I saw, obviously I didn't watch the whole thing.
So, I don't know.
And I'm sure had Oprah been that bothered by it,
she probably would have said something.
She probably would have said something.
Also like in front of an audience.
Yeah, you don't want to be a bitch.
Yeah, and you don't want to come off as I think,
I'm better than you, I need to step away.
It's true, it's true.
But I do like Drew and I'm rooting for Drew,
but I think these interviews, like Oprah,
you used to have a couch too.
And you know what, Oprah sat on one side of the couch
and the person sat on the other side of the couch
and they had a discussion.
So I know you have like this show is kind of an homage
to Oprah Per Drew.
I think you just need to like back off a little bit,
but maybe that'll come with maturity
and finding a way on style.
I know this.
I thought it was better early on
when it was more like lighthearted.
The kind of intense stuff is not really for me.
No, well, but daytime television has always been like this,
right?
That's true.
That's true.
There has been goofiness and seriousness
on all sides of the aisle.
Like through the 90s, you had, you know,
Jenny Jones, who sometimes would take on a more serious take,
you had Oprah, who sometimes would take on a more serious take,
then you would have Mori Povish and Ricky Lake,
who would definitely not be taking anything seriously.
Love watching Mori Springer.
Shari Springer.
Yeah, oh, Mori's the worst.
Oh, I'm sorry, I loved it.
It's the worst.
They were not the fault. You know love that. It's the one.
You are not the father.
You know, I say he's the worst and then I have always wanted to do that on this show.
Like show those results to somebody.
It would be fun.
But finding two, three consenting adults that that conversation without getting into a fist fight here in the studio
might be, I don't know, might be challenging, might not.
He seemed to be doing okay.
Is he still on?
I don't know.
If Mori had that made that.
I don't, who has cable?
Actually I guess he wasn't on cable, was he?
No, he was on like CBS or something.
Who has TV?
No, I do.
I mean, I've got some streaming channels
and my dad pays for.
I got YouTube TV and I got that direct TV,
but it's the app.
Wow, bougie.
It's the app.
So I don't have the fancy hook it up to the back of your thing. Yeah, it's the app. Wow, bougie. It's the app. So I don't have the fancy hook it up to the back of your thing.
Yeah, it's the app.
Either way, I do like my cable stations.
Amazing.
I only watch three of them and I pay for 300 of them.
So whatever.
And that's the problem with cable.
Yeah.
It means that you got to pay for so much stuff you don't want.
Right?
I live exclusively off of peacock and my bravo shows.
Ah, your bravo shows.
Yeah, you know it.
I was watching, yeah, below shows. Yeah, you know it.
I was watching, yeah, below deck.
We'll get into that.
Yeah.
You'll be back here tomorrow.
Yeah, and so we'll get into peacock, because I want to talk about that below deck.
Okay.
Chris needs a big fan of that also, but I'm reading about some really serious drama, and I want
to know your thoughts.
Oh, from Down Under.
From Down Under.
Yeah, there you go.
All right.
Okay, listen, thanks so much for showing up today.
I really appreciate it.
You and your Charles Dickens and your big snowballs.
Thanks for having me.
And your granny Poles Dickens.
And your granny Poles.
And I wish you the best on taking that foot and slapping somebody in the penis.
Thank you.
And making some money on it.
I will.
Yeah.
Penis slapping with your foot.
That's what we're going to call it.
Foot slapping.
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Alright, Christina, I think that's all I can, my balls can do today.
God yeah.
Yeah, but best of you.
Best of you.
And best of you out there in the podcast universe until next time.
Christina and I always say we do say and we must say goodbye. I take a dick and a keep on liggin'
you