The Commercial Break - The COVID Christmas Castle
Episode Date: November 17, 2020Bryan and Hoadley discuss early 90's daytime TV, Dr. Phil, Gwen and Blake rumors, Bryan apologizes to Krissy, dating people for their looks alone and The COVID Christmas Castle. Don't forget to rate ...and subscribe so you never miss an episode! Text us or leave us a voicemail at +1-661-BEST2YO (+1-661-237-8296) LINKS: Get a FREE TCB limited edition collectible sticker Follow us on Instagram Follow us on Facebook Subscribe and watch the show on Youtube Join us live on Fireside New episodes every Tuesday & Friday everywhere you listen to podcasts! For advertising contact AdvertiseCast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcript
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Come on up on this episode of The Commercial Break.
Wasn't there a Paulina Servena?
A Paulina Servena?
Maybe.
Remember her dad was a big fat guy?
He played a lot of pasta and was in the Italian movies.
And long order.
Oh, Nia Servena.
Oh, Nia's Servena.
I don't even think we're saying our last name right.
We're the worst pop culture show in the history of podcasts.
Well, here's the thing about fucking Dr. Phil.
That kid is making money.
And I'll tell you why he's making money.
It's because there's a commercial every fucking two million.
There really is.
There really is.
It's crazy.
Yeah, you cannot.
He doesn't get through a thought before he's like,
we'll be right back. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- we'll be right back. Dan-an-an-an-an-an-an-an.
One of the guys that worked there with me, he, overnight, he went a little bit nutty, and
he just started scratching off lotto tickets, but he didn't have the money to pay for him.
But he got like five lotto tickets in, and he won like $250.
Oh wow.
Well, then he had the money to pay for him.
That's right after he scratched off an additional, like $6,000 worth of tickets,
because he thought he was gonna win.
He's like, in his mathematical...
I don't know, the gambler, the gambler, the gambler,
and the palatine.
In his head, mathematically, this was all gonna work out.
If he could just get enough tickets,
it was a big ordeal.
You know what they did?
They moved him to another location.
They didn't even fire the guy.
Wow.
That's not badly they needed help at the BP in the middle of the night.
Sure.
They moved into a bigger gas station,
a better gas station, but more like a ticket to anew.
The next episode of the commercial break starts now.
To-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to episode number 612 of the commercial break. We made it. We made it. I'm now 92 years old in the year 2020.
The year of our Lord 2020.
The year of our little baby Jesus 2020.
Welcome to the show.
I'm Brian.
He's Chrissy.
Trying to get this whole camera thing worked out there.
It's actually when you point to yourself.
It actually shows you pointing to yourself.
I thought it was gonna be like a mirror.
So I had to point to you and that was gonna point to yourself, it actually shows you pointing to yourself. I thought it was going to be like a mirror, so I had to point to you and that was going to
point to me.
TCPpodcast.com, you can go and you can watch the show on YouTube.
It's absolutely free.
We do not charge as of yet.
And most likely YouTube will not allow us to advertise our show.
So if I make grand money making scheme is out the window.
But you know what, we're just, we're here.
We're doing it for you. On a master's Sunday, congratulations to Dustin Johnson.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, for those of you who don't know what the master's is,
it's a big golf tournament here in the state of Georgia
and Augusta.
Usually held during April.
Yeah, usually when the flowers are blooming
is when you have the master's,
but because of the year of our Lord 2020 COVID,
they decided to hold it in November
with absolutely no fans.
Taking almost all the fun out of the masters,
I don't know, just wasn't the same for me,
but anyway, I'm not gonna go on about the masters.
Well, I'm very impressed though,
that they just randomly chose this time,
and it was beautiful.
It ended up being gorgeous.
Yeah, gorgeous.
Very impressive.
Well, I mean, they pay attention all that shit. I mean, it's the most manicured place in all of human history. Beautiful. Beautiful. Yeah, gorgeous. Very impressive.
I mean, they pay attention to all that shit.
I mean, it's the most manicured place in all of human history.
It really is.
Maybe besides the Walt Disney world.
Yeah, it's manicured.
It's beautiful.
They have like temperature sensors in the ground, and they'll like heat up the ground.
Wow.
If it gets too cold, and then they'll, you know, cool it down if it gets too hot, and I
don't know, this is a whole thing to find.
It's all very manicured.
Let's put it that way.
And since no one gives a fuck about the masters,
we're gonna stop talking about the masters.
But congratulations to Dustin Johnson
and his absolutely spectacularly beautiful wife.
Paulina.
Paulina.
Servena.
Wasn't there a Paulina Servena?
A Paula Servena?
Maybe.
I don't know like somewhere in the Marvel.
Like a big fat guy who ate a lot of pasta and was in the Italian movies.
And long order.
Servina.
Oh, Nia Servina.
Yes.
I don't even think we're saying her last name right.
We're the worst pop culture show in the history of podcasts.
Because we've never got, we haven't got a single fact right about any of our pop culture.
Speak for yourself.
Well, listen, I do, I, listen, here comes the Maya Copa, if you will.
The Maya Copa is, the last week,
Chrissy and I started off the show
with what I thought was a pretty funny punchline,
which was after a week of crazy news stories,
we finally got to the bottom of something
and that is that Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani
were not divorcing.
But then Chrissy told me that they're not divorcing
because they're not fucking married.
Well, I then published a video, which you can go and see.
I'm not taking it down.
I'm not at that stage.
I'm not conceding.
I'm not conceding because I haven't counted
all of the marriage certificates yet.
But I put up a video.
I put up a video. I put up a video.
Because so Chrissy says on air,
she even go back and watch the episode.
Chrissy says on air, well Brian,
they're not divorcing because they were never married.
And I said, well, that's your opinion, not my opinion,
because I read that they were married.
And so then I went and I found a magazine cover that said,
Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton wedding drama.
And I naturally assumed by looking at the cover only that they had gotten married.
So then I published a whole video basically pointing at Chrissy.
Making fun of Chrissy and saying, you know, see here I was right all along.
Well had I picked up, had I actually gone into the magazine and looked at it, I would have
figured out that they have not yet gotten married.
It was wedding drama that was yet to come.
Right.
They hadn't actually had a wedding.
So I'm sorry, I'm sorry that you lost on the clip.
I'm not conceding, had we done this fairly
and had every legal magazine been counted.
I was even at the grocery store and saw a little cliff and sent that text to you.
I know, she's text to me.
You fucker.
Now all of you too, things I'm an asshole, when actually you're the asshole, but that's
how media works.
That's how you spin it, boys and girls.
I'm giving you a masterclass on how to spin media.
I accept your apology, Brian.
Thank you.
Speaking of engagement, speaking of engagements. Speaking of engagement, did you,
did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you, did you I have seen him in the first place. You too, Gail. I spend years getting to the bottom of the truth.
On my television show, Montel Williams.
He's big for a while.
I know.
And now I finally figured out what the truth is
with your finances.
27% lapete loans are good for you.
Raise your credit score.
Get you out of debt.
Help lift you economically.
You too can borrow $200 and pay back
But I learned that Kamala Harris and Montel Williams had dated for a while in the 90s Okay, yeah during his heyday
During his during his cocaine days
I think she was like a prosecutor back then. So yeah, I think Montau, it's Montau Williams,
a lawyer, was he a lawyer?
At one point.
I think so, I'm like a politician.
Didn't he like this mayor of Cincinnati or something?
Oh, that was the other guy.
I can't.
That was the other asshole that had a show
in the middle of the day.
What was his name?
Oh, you know, the one that everyone went crazy.
Jerry Springer, he was the mayor of Cincinnati.
Oh, okay.
Well, how that qualified him to have a television show,
I'm not particularly sure, but it was the,
it was the, the winged in nineties
and we were all going crazy.
Yeah.
Ediveta was swinging from the rafters,
Ricky Lake and lost a bunch of weight,
and Jerry's finger came off.
Yeah.
Oh, good old Jerry.
What, I mean,
Montel was in the mix.
Montel was in the mix.
He was a lot of...
Oh, Sally Jessie Raphael.
Oh, Sally Jessie Raphael, yes.
The red glasses.
See, here is the thing is that if you, in case you,
you weren't alive back then,
because I know that some of our audience is younger
and then some are about to die,
um, somewhere on the back end of the curve like me,
back in the 90s, all of a sudden,
because Oprah became so very popular very quickly,
then the daytime talk shows came out of the woodwork.
This lady named Ricky Lake,
which I'm not sure what she was famous for,
but she had a television show that was kind of like an Oprah.
She was an actress.
Yeah, she was in a hair.
Hair, which I've never seen in my entire life, but she was in hair.
And then so this whole spate of pop culture,
like kind of talk shows came out of the woodwork, and you'd watch them if you stayed home sick from
school or in between shifts at work or whatever it was.
Ricky Lake, Montel Williams, I would say that they had a mix
between Jerry Springer and Oprah.
Now sometimes they had like real hard hitting type stuff on
and you were, you know, you sat around like,
you know, everyone was a big fan of bringing the neo-Nazis on
with the black activists
and then they put them in a room together
and watched the blood, watched the chairs fly like Harald O'Revara, who also had a date, oh, awful.
Also had a daytime talk show on.
And then there was the Queen, which was Oprah.
Sally Jessie Raphael was another one.
I mean, there's a bunch of them.
The Phil Donahue had a show on there.
But Montele Williams was one of those guys who started off like Oprah Winfrey, but then
quickly when quickly developed into Jerry
Springer, they all do that.
It was a race to the bottom.
Yeah.
It was.
It started off trying to be serious and then they have to do what it takes.
You got to do it today.
You take the thigh.
Yeah, you can't let all the dollars go to Jerry.
You got to spread it around.
So now, thank God, all of those programs are off the air and we just have a couple of
hard-hitting programs on that I really quite frankly
I'm glad that we now can have some serious stable daytime television programming like Dr. Oz
Dr. Phil
Mori povage
Mori povage if that isn't the shittiest fucking television show I have ever seen in my entire is it still on?
Mori povage is still on. Oh, they're still they're still finding out who's mama's who's mama
Lord isn't that crazy? Yeah, wow
okay, if you were watching episode of that
Yeah, not in a while, but
You don't you don't record that
And back to Dr. Phil
Dr. Phil's awful too now Dr. Phil turned into Jerry's friend real quick too.
And you know what I want, I was ill a couple of months back.
I had like a sinus infection or something,
and I ended up hanging out in the bed all day long,
and I watched an episode of Dr. Phil,
and here's the thing about fucking Dr. Phil.
That kid is making money,
and I'll tell you why he's making money,
it's because there's a commercial
every fucking two million minutes.
There really is, there really is.
It's crazy.
You cannot, he doesn't get through a thought
before he's like, we'll be right back.
And then what they do is they bumper it.
And what happens, what I mean by a bumper is
that they show a little video clip
coming into and out of the commercials.
So you never really get to the fucking point.
It's Dr. Phil talks for 15 seconds.
Then you have a one and a half minute bumper out.
Then you want to have a minute bumper.
And Dr. Phil has turned into trash TV and at first I thought he
was just this you know, Dr.
Dr.
Dr.
Dr.
Dr.
Dr.
Dr.
Dr.
Dr.
Dr.
Dr.
Dr.
Dr.
Dr.
Dr.
Dr.
Dr.
Dr. Dr. Dr. started. Oh, yeah. And then he has gone completely downhill.
Oprah is not afraid of making money.
Just gonna throw that out there.
She's done a good job at that.
She has.
www.tcbpodcast.com is where you can go.
You can read all the show notes, find out more about Chrissy and I.
You can join the break room.
I'll tell you why that's important in a minute.
After our break.
After our break.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back. We'll be right back.
Welcome back to the commercial break.
Chrissy and I were just here talking about Dr. Foo, we'll be right back.
And so like I was saying about Dr. Foo, oh, God, take a break.
Paying those bills.
That's right.
Paying those bills. That's right. Paying those bills and having some thrills.
Today on Dr. Phil, my transgender teenager wants to find rainbows in Hawaii.
Mom says no.
Crazy, crazy shit.
This man went on the internet, took his genitalia off with a dull, butter knife.
Dr. Phil gets to the bottom.
After this commercial.
Oh.
TCP5caz.com. Go join the break room,
and I'll explain why.
Chrissy and I are turning the new year here.
We are going to start doing two episodes a week for you,
but you have to be a part of the break room to grab.
One of those episodes, so you wanna do that now.
A couple of months ago, we said the first 100 people
who joined the break room would never, ever pay
for any content.
Well, most likely, most people won't pay for any content.
So don't worry about that part yet,
but go and join the break room
so that you can get access to that second show.
We also now, if you've noticed,
we've kinda sharpened up our TV image here.
You can see that on tcbpodcast.com.
And thank you, Chrissy.
We'll be right back after Chrissy does her make up.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Are these viewers?
After these words.
So it's a joint the break room.
And then you make sure you get it on that.
And Chrissy and I will also be doing live shows from time to time. No, we've promised this for a long time
But I actually fucking figured it out Chrissy
Look at it. It's working and so if it doesn't look like I'm staring at the camera
It's because I'm actually staring at this TV studio software. I've got running here
I've got great camera presence. We'll take it used to all of this. We are we're taking one step at a time
Maybe steps. Yeah at the commercial break is where you can find us on Instagram. Please go and follow.
We're adding new content on there all the time.
And email us info at the info at tcbpodcast.com info at tcbpodcast.com.
Ask us anything.
We're going to start doing a segment on the show.
We will where we will answer any questions regarding any subject because Chrissy and I
consider ourselves experts in almost every subject except for most of the stuff that we talk about.
Exactly.
Except for Gwen and Blake and Dr. Phil and Moripovitch and Mia Sorvino, which is actually
Mira Sorvino now that I think about it.
That was her name, wasn't it?
Mia Sorvino.
Yes.
So there you go.
I'm back on, I know you hate when I talk about shitty television,
because it just gets you started and Jeff gets pissed off at me.
But I got to throw, I got to throw another one into the mix here.
I do not, by the way, I want to clarify.
I do not watch this.
It did not start watching this.
This was not something that I picked up the remote and changed the channel to, but
Astrid has gotten hooked on the Bachelor, Bachelor at Series.
Plenty of people watch this.
Oh, millions and millions and there's a whole fucking... Myenty of people watched this. A million, a million.
And there's a whole fucking...
My best friend still watches it.
I had to stop myself.
I think I could hear you.
But you watched it?
Oh yeah.
So you know what it's all about?
Oh yeah, of course.
Who didn't watch it when I first came out?
I didn't watch it.
I had no idea what it was all about.
I mean, I honestly, until about,
until two seasons ago,
when they had the pilot on, pilot Pete.
Yeah.
Oh, you didn't watch it.
So it was, I don't know, there was a pilot on it.
And that was what he was cute, whatever.
His name was pilot Pete.
So that was like two seasons ago.
So now we've watched, so now we're on this like
COVID Bachelorette where there's a lady,
the oldest Bachelorette and Bachelorette history
and she goes on and they're all quarantined
at this beautiful resort.
And then she falls in love with a guy
within like six seconds of being on the show.
And so they kick, they kick the two of them off.
I heard about that.
Yeah, they just like, yeah, okay, see you later,
you're like, hey, if you're not gonna play the game,
then why are you here?
Yeah, but good for them for finding love.
Yeah, okay, whatever.
This is a fucking television show.
I'm gonna find it.
I mean, listen, I say that, like Astrid pointed out,
like Astrid and I have, we have a lot of fun
watching the show because I will make fun
of everything that goes on on the television show. Pointing out to her clearly that this is all highly produced and scripted, we have a lot of fun watching the show because I will make fun of everything that goes on on the television show,
pointing out to her clearly
that this is all highly produced and scripted, right?
But I mean, you know, I understand that there's some fun
in the thinking that you might find your romantic partner
on a television show or love it first sight
and all this other stuff.
Why not?
Hey, listen, I found my romantic partner on Facebook,
I mean, basically, right?
And so we were watching that one of these episodes, like the first romantic partner on Facebook. I mean, basically, right? And so we were watching one of these episodes,
like the first episode of this new bachelor at season.
And I guess the premise,
I guess the thing that goes on is there's a group date,
and then all the guys vie for her attention
for 10 or 15 minutes to pull her away from the group.
Is it the first, like when they're first meeting?
Yeah, when they're first meeting.
The first rose ceremony.
Yeah, the first rose ceremony,
but I think they do it like, it's called like the cocktail party or something okay, okay
So anyway the premise is that there's they start off with 30 guys
They immediately eliminate like 12 of them so now it's down to like 18 guys, okay
Within the first half hour of the episode or something like that so then they had this big group date
Which is just a bunch of guys standing around drinking cocktails, and then they all try and pull her away
for five or 10 minutes to get there a little,
they'll give you a minute.
Yeah, having a minute with you.
May it still you away?
Can I have some camera time?
Right.
I quit my job for this.
I was the mayor of Cincinnati.
We'll be right back.
Yeah.
After these words.
After these words. After these messages, we'll be right back.
So Guy pulls this lady away.
I can't remember her name, so I'm sorry, but Guy pulls this lady away.
He sits her down on the couch and she says, well, tell me, tell me about yourself.
Why are you here?
And he says, the second that I knew you were going to be the bachelor at, I knew
I had to find a way to get on. Wow. Because just finding out all about you and what you
like and what you dislike and the things that you're all about, I knew we would connect
in amazing ways. And she gets, she turns to him and she goes, wow, that's, that's profound.
What do you like most about me? The guy says the following, I shit you not. Well, I don't know much about you because I just mentioned. I mean, it's. And as I go, but the fuck you doing well,
he was doing it. He actually needed the bullshit. Yeah. Here's the thing about being a bullshit
or you got to keep the bullshit train going. Yeah, bullshit train. Can't stop. You've got
brown hair. Yeah. it. I love it.
I love how you love animals.
Right.
Because I mean, who doesn't love animals?
Right, exactly.
She's not going to come know I don't.
I hate them.
I love how you love animals and vacation and a good shit in the morning.
I love how you check your phone a couple of times a day.
Yeah, you got to go something general.
Everybody's doing. I love how you eat at least one couple times a day. Yeah, you gotta go something general. Everybody's doing. I love how you at least one hearty meal.
And the afternoon.
So anyway, so he says this and she immediately is like,
wait, you just said you knew all this stuff about me,
but he goes, well, nobody really knows anything about you.
We just met.
And she goes, I know, but then why did you make this whole
fucking comment, right?
And he says, well, listen, I don't know much about you,
but you're beautiful. And that's a good start, right? Basically what he says. well, listen, I don't know much about you, but you're beautiful.
And that's a good start, right?
Basically, what he says.
Yeah, he's backtracking.
And so I'm thinking to myself, holy shit, this guy is,
he really, he do just not have a great game plan here.
He went in with, he just shoveled a bunch of shit
right into him down her throat.
Yeah.
And then he had no more, nothing else to back it up with.
Right.
Got me thinking, all this guy wants, it's a good lay. He just wants the hot girl.
He just wants the girl that's on television. That's all he really wants.
Have you ever dated a guy for just for looks?
Let me think here. Yes.
How did that turn out? Not good. Not well.
And this was in high school. Actually, I remember seeing this. And I thought he was so good looking, so cute.
And he was.
We didn't have a cane, we didn't have a tucking,
and it had a dating going out on a few dates.
And then fortunately, there wasn't a lot going on
into the hood as far as the conversate brain.
I just couldn't connect.
Yeah, because I think-
I don't care about this stereotypical dumb joke.
I think had I asked that question,
you wouldn't have said yes
if there was something below the hood
because then you would have said,
well no, I didn't date someone just for the looks
because he ended up being a great guy.
Right.
I've really related to it all this other stuff.
Yes.
I, when I was like 17 years old,
I worked at a gas station,
overnight, a BP, overnight, like overnight shift,
graveyard shift, that a BP.
Oh my God, the stories that I could tell,
just my six months at the BP.
Over night.
A friend of mine that was working there, right?
It was been another story,
but I'm not gonna give the name away.
He worked one of the overnight,
he would work the other overnight shift,
like I would work for and then he would work three
and then we would flip-flop.
And it was a rather interesting time to be at a gas station.
You can imagine, right?
And in Georgia, at the time they didn't sell
the booze on Sundays.
So you could make an extra 60 bucks,
just selling people booze on Sundays out the back door.
I mean, you'd bring it up,
but you'd bring it up as like a six pack of Coke
for $30 and they were taking a suitcase out the back door.
And then they'd give you a 20 bucks for selling it to him, right?
Yeah.
That was a whole thing.
And just smog and pot in the bag.
It was just, and it was a tiny little gas station too, was like one of those little small
little guys.
That was right.
Not the big QT type things, but, you know, 500 square feet.
So one night, oh, so I was going to tell you about my, one of my, one of the guys that
worked there with me, he, overnight, he went a little bit nutty
and he just started scratching off lotto tickets,
but he didn't have the money to pay for him.
But he got like five lotto tickets in,
and he won like 250 bucks.
Oh wow.
Well then he had the money to pay for him.
That's right after he scratched off an additional,
like $6,000 worth of tickets
because he thought he was gonna win.
He's like, in his mathematical,
the gambler and the palatinate. In his head, mathematically, this was all gonna work out if he could just was gonna win. He's like, in his mathematical, that's right, in his head, mathematically,
this was all gonna work out
if he could just get enough tickets.
It was a big ordeal.
You know what they did?
They moved him to another location.
They didn't even fire the guy.
That's not badly they needed help
at the BP in the middle of the night.
Sure.
They moved him to a bigger gas station,
a better gas station,
with more lot of tickets, who knew?
So I'm working in the graveyard shift
in about 3.30 in the morning, a car full of women pull
up.
And sometimes we would lock the doors and sometimes we wouldn't.
It just really depended on, you know, who is supposed to, but you didn't, because it was
a different time and a different place and it was in a rather suburban area.
So the girls come shot.
1800s.
18, 19, 19.
Oh, horse and carriage.
Hold up. That's right. I used. Oh, horse and carriage.
That's right. I used to work at
British petroleum. It wasn't a
gas station. It was an actual well.
I'd be there pumping, pumping the
oil. I'd stick it through a little
filter. And then when you know, we
had we had torches, we'd get that
we dip it in the oil and we just light it up and we'd say, hey, we got a wheel.
0.77 shillings per gallon. Come on in. President Dwight D Rockefeller. Dwight D Rockefeller. Do I do rock a really?
President Andrew Amos.
The sixth president of these United States, Andrew Amos.
Forgotten, little known president thing, I'll say, hold it.
It had to be a lot.
So I quickly rent and unlock the door as soon as the girls start pumping gas because
I was not going to miss out on an opportunity to have these.
What I thought was incredibly attractive
women come in at the time.
And they did.
And they stayed around for a while,
and they popped a beer and they, you know,
what, yeah, they just kind of hung out for like an hour.
Yeah.
It was clear that they were incredibly
and ebriated on whatever, a lot of stuff
that they needed beer to then, you know,
smell it in out a little bit.
Okay.
And of course, the conversation in the discourse,
I find out that they work at the local circle.
Oh, yeah.
They were getting off work.
Solid A, Solid A, Brian.
So I exchange phone number,
so one of these young ladies, let's call her Tabby.
I don't know what I'm gonna call her Tabby,
but we'll call her Tabby.
One of these young ladies was very short,
but super, in my my opinion super attractive.
This group of girls then became,
then kinda intertwined with my group of friends.
Now they were in their early 20s, like 21 to 23,
and I was 17 at the time, living home with my father.
Tabby was living at home with her mother
working at the dance club.
Oh wow.
The disco tech.
Or as one of my friends would say, the shoe show, she was working at the shoe show. Oh wow. The disco tech. Or as one of my friends would say, the shoe show,
she was working at the shoe show.
That's right.
Because that's all they wear and you're paying attention.
And are...
At least the same strippers that you moved into
their house later?
One of the best.
Yes, that is.
And this is how it all kind of came about, right?
And, but Tabby was not part of the stripper
that we moved into their house,
but she was part of their friend group. They all worked at the same dance hall. Yeah, dance hall
Yes, and remember it was a 1917
If you saw if you saw young ladies in ankle hair, you got all hot and heavy. Oh, yeah, you got your self an oil well
If you know what I'm talking about
bumping and spitting Pumping and spitting, bumping and spitting.
So, for like, I feel like at the time that me and this young lady,
tabby, that we were being pretty flirtatious with each other.
The girl was a straight-up bitch.
I mean, there was nothing about her personality
that was attractive.
She was like, she's kind of miserable person.
But she was so attractive.
Yeah.
And I felt like we kind of had like this push and pull,
like this back and forth going on.
And I really wanted to date this girl.
I really wanted to hook up with her,
but it wasn't happening for the first couple of months.
Until one night she had a party at her mom's house.
Her mom would frequently go to her boyfriends' house
and then the house would be empty and...
Right.
And it happened, right?
We hooked up and I felt proud.
I was like, wow, I got this incredibly attractive woman
that's now my girlfriend.
This is what it is in my head.
We never really talked about it,
but I just assumed we're spending a lot of time together.
Now we're hooking up, you know,
things are looking up for old Brian.
Three days later, I get kicked out of my house,
the whole Wendy's conversation where my dad takes me
to Wendy's, buys me a burger and tells me,
I can tell, tells me this is the end of the road.
The last dime he's gonna spend on me.
And I think out of the kindness of their hearts, the mom and tabby, they don't let me
move in, per se, but they let me spend a connected bunch of nights in a row, right? So
it's kind of, I feel like I've moved in. I've got a small, I've got a book bag with nothing
but, you know, music lyrics for my burgeoning vocal career, change of underwear, lottery ticket,
lottery ticket cigarettes. That's six pack of Bud Light purchased on Sunday.
And so now remember, her and I have hooked up once.
Sometimes we hold hands, sometimes we make out. I'm assuming we're a boyfriend, girlfriend.
Right. But her and I had two different schedules.
I was still clinging onto the job that I had at BP. When I could, I didn't have a car, I didn't have a place to live.
I barely had a pair of shoes, right?
And so, if I could...
You're a real catch.
I'm a real catch.
I was like a solid A. 17-year-old Brian,
you should have known that guy.
Look at how the bullshit train.
So, we had these varying schedules,
and so we didn't have a ton of time.
So sometimes she would get off at three in the morning,
and then I would get off at six in the morning
or five in the morning,
and that they'd still be partying
and I'd go meet them or something like that.
And then sometimes we were just to have two different schedules.
She was working, I was working, didn't happen.
And then sometimes she was working,
and I wasn't working,
but I couldn't really be at her house without her.
Wasn't like that type of situation.
So I would just like meander around the town,
from party to party or car to car,
until somebody would drop me off eventually.
One night, we had the night off,
and we sat and we watched a movie,
and then her mom bought us some food,
and then in then Tabby,
who had a pretty bad nose candy problem, had a pretty bad cocaine
issue.
Like all these other dancers did.
She said she started partying about halfway through the movie and didn't eat any of her
food.
And she was like, I was like, listen, I'm really tired.
I'm going to go to bed.
I'm stressed, I'm depressed, I have no money, I'm made no job, my family hates me.
I'm going to go to bed if that's okay.
She says, I think you should, yeah, go ahead.
I'm gonna stay up for while I think you should go
in the guest room.
And I was like, oh, okay, yeah, sure, okay, guys,
you're in party, okay, gonna do your thing.
A couple of nights earlier, I had noticed
that a gentleman that owned a landscaping company
had dropped her off a few times at her house
or at the gas station or at the party or whatever, right?
A long pony tail, long red hair beard.
He's like 22 years old.
God, that was a total douche can do, he was also a drug dealer.
And so I go to sleep in the guest room
and at about three in the morning I get up
and I go to the bathroom and I notice that
Tabby's room is open and the light is on.
So I'm like, okay, you know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna go smoosh with her, right?
I'm gonna go cuddle up with her.
I open the doors, no one there.
So I decide, she must be in the kitchen or something.
And she's partying, so she maybe she's out smoking a cigarette.
So I go and I cuddle up in the bed,
turn off the light, cuddle up in the bed,
the bed was against the window,
that overlooked the street, the front of the street.
So I go to sleep and I start hearing something outside.
And I was like, oh, and I peek open the curtains.
And there is Mr. Landscaper plowing my girlfriend, who I thought was my girlfriend.
They are like going at it on top of the, on, on, on the back of like the landscaping truck.
And I'm like, oh my God.
Oh no. But I'm not, oh my God. Oh no.
But I'm not gonna say anything
because this is my place to live.
I was like, what's the apple color?
This girl was such a bitch.
But, and I only dated, I only was dating her
because I felt like she had, she had good looks.
It was the only thing that was going for me.
Give me a break.
I had nothing.
And the only thing I had was this girl.
And a place to stay.
That's right.
So, two hours later, she comes in and I've basically been crying to myself in the bed. She turns on the light and she's like, oh, what are
you doing? And I was like, I'm just, I just thought I'd cuddle with you, but I noticed
that she weren't here. And she goes, yeah, I think you should probably go back to the guest
room because I'm going to be up for a little while. Oh, they never have I been so embarrassed, hurt.
So I go back to the guest room.
Your tail between your legs.
My tail between my legs.
Now being like a complete loser, right?
Because I now I really had nothing and I knew it.
And I knew she was banging the weed dealer.
It's like hot or pot.
She's like dealing, she's like the pot dealer is now her, you know, I do, they're probably
boyfriend girlfriend.
I'm just a guy living in her house.
So I eventually go to sleep a couple nights later, there's another party at her house.
And you know, landscape Jack comes over to the party.
And at some point, and now we're all partying and at some point during the night, he wants
to have a very serious conversation with me.
With you? With me. Okay. during the night, you want to have a very serious conversation with me. With you?
With me.
Hey, Brad, I wanted to say,
I'm Brad.
Hey, Brad.
Hey, Brad.
And anybody who calls me, Brad,
is instantaneously, I know you're a shit.
Right.
Hey, Brad.
Listen, I just wanted to get with you.
I totally understand what you're going through, man.
It's really shitty.
You know, when I was 15 years old,
I got a quarter vet from my dad.
He started this landscape and coming for me for me. You know, so I was 15 years old, I got a Corvette from my dad. He started this landscape and coming for me.
You know, so really, I've been
burgeoning pot business, a couple of,
a couple hundred thousand dollars in the pocket right now.
I know what a tough,
I know what a tough time you're having
and I just wanted to say that I, I feel for you.
I also talked to, you know, I talked to Tabby and I,
I don't know, I'd feel like she needs some space.
Like, maybe you stand here, isn't really a great idea.
And I'm like, what?
Are you, what are you, you were banging my girlfriend
and you're telling me I gotta get out of the house?
And I'm like, what are you, I go, what are you saying to me?
Oh listen, I mean, she doesn't wanna say,
because she doesn't wanna hurt your feelings.
I don't wanna hurt your feelings either, Brian.
But I think it's time that you should go.
You know, just kinda go, do your own thing, you know?
You can go stay in a motel or something.
I don't know.
They got a shelter for people like you.
Oh, God.
I got a couple trash bags.
You need to put some stuff in there.
Some lawn bags, they're real tough.
They won't break on the street or in the train.
Wherever you're gonna go,
like you're gonna ride the back of a train
or whatever you're gonna do.
Thank you, yourself, from the bridge.
I'm not sure what you're gonna do next, but.
I can help you.
I, uh, that's gonna do next. I can help you. I, uh, I did. Well, a couple nights later, I need to do a couple nights to get my plan together.
Right.
My plan was.
What was your plan?
Have someone else take me to the motel seat?
Or I would ask for a late checkout.
And if I late checkout, I mean, can I have an extra couple days? That's really...
That's a positive...
That was really a riser.
So I dated this girl.
I was never attracted to her personality ever.
And it just ended this poorly as it would.
She turned out that, I don't know, the stripper wasn't that faithful.
Well, a picture. She turned out that I don't know the stripper wasn't that faithful Well
We'll be right back after these messages. It's good girl Bodie. Oh
Good old Dean Dean Bodie. Whatever happened to him I bet he has a story about dating a girl for good looks
Probably yeah, I scoped his YouTube channel a couple couple days ago I bet he has a story about dating a girl for good looks. Probably. Yeah.
I scoped his YouTube channel a couple of days ago.
He's like sharpening up his look, his whole game.
Oh, nice.
He's got some thumbnails with picture of Bodie and him.
Good for him.
It's pretty good.
It's pretty good.
Yes.
So, the Bachelorette made me think about all this and the Bachelorette, it now it turns
out that she fell in love with this guy after like two days and then we're still talking
about that.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
But there isn't there a new one on there is a new one.
Well, I'm telling you the date.
The old girl fell in love.
The old girl.
The old girl.
I've been waiting here the old well for you. Whenever you stop taking it in the poop shoot from the landscaping guy.
I'll be here pumping the well.
Crazy as Javi ever had BP no doubt.
So she tells Chris Harris and is the guy who does this show yeah
This guy makes like he's been there for like 32 years however long this damn shows
For a long time he
At least 20 he's making like $10 million a year this guy because it's the most coveted franchise in reality television
I think he's been making like $10 million a season is what he negotiated
But on every other season that I've watched,
which is like two or three, he comes in.
This is what he'll do.
Ready?
I want you to watch.
Drama, drama, drama.
All the guys are getting together.
They're all fighting, or all the girls are all fighting.
Drama, drama, drama, drama, drama.
That show kind of narrates itself, right?
And then at some point Chris Harrison walks in the door.
Hahaha.
And let's say Julie is her name right. Julie it's
time for the Rose ceremony. And then he backs out the door and then so then she'll go to
the Rose ceremony and he'll be like gentlemen there are 19 of you here there are only 18
roses. Julie will begin the ceremony now.
Process.
Right?
Okay, so now he's shown up twice.
And then the third time he shows up
is when there's one rose left, and he'll be like,
there are 12 of you standing there.
There is one rose left.
Julie, please present the last rose.
Now this guy gets paid $10 million a year
to basically speak 62 words in episode.
However, I think he's gonna have to renegotiate his contract because on this season,
he has had to get intervened quite often.
The newest, newest?
This newest one because he had to have a whole conversation with the lady.
He had to say, you know, you're blowing up the bachelor at.
Like, we don't know what to do here.
We have no idea what to do.
We have to reshuffle the whole show
because basically she wasn't even coming out for the dates.
Like she would ask for, and she wouldn't even come out
of her room.
She was just like, no, I like this guy.
Yeah, that's it.
I found him.
So, you know, Chris Harrison had to really go to work.
Well, this poor bastard who she fell in love with
is like forced to get engaged with her after like
Knowing her for 36 hours. They expect an engagement and he did. I think I went through that whole part
It was a whole fucking thing. I got married. Yes. Oh my god. I'm not married, but engaged. Okay
Which seems like I don't know yeah, yeah, it's a little quick. Don't you think it is we'll have to follow up with those two
She's
42 or something like that, isn't she?
For 38, 42.
She's the oldest bachelor in history.
Good looking woman.
Nothing wrong with that, right?
But this guy is probably in his early 20s.
He's maybe 22 years old, 23.
Really?
Okay.
This poor bastard, he's like a one.
He just wants to get some tape.
I won!
I won! We'll be back after these messages.
Oh man, I'll tell you what. Well just so now that was the old season and then there's a new. Well that's the, it's not an old season, it's just now it's a new part two of the same season.
With a new girl? Yeah, they brought in a new girl.
Okay. With same guys. Same guys. Now here's the fun.
Really? Yeah. So Chris Harrison, who's now talked more
than he's ever talked to, is not like, well, I was about to say, I think where he makes
his money is on the like, it's towards the end when they do the,
Oh, yeah, the brinjal people to tell all's, yeah. Yeah. And he has the hard
hitting question. He's the hard hitting journalist.
I can do that job. I mean, listen, I like Chris Harrison. I think he's a nice
enough guy, but I could do that job. I mean, listen, I like Chris Harris and I think he's a nice enough guy,
but I could do that job.
The fuck is so hard about that?
Yeah.
Julie, you have 72 and a half men left.
You have one rose.
Make a fucking decision.
So I can go to the green room, get some food.
So Chris Harris and comes and there's still like 20 guys left. He comes out and all the guys
are pissed. They have no idea what's going on, but they know they haven't seen the bat
florette in like a long time. Right. At some point she comes out and she tells the guys herself,
but after that, they're all like, oh great, what do we do now? I just wasted my, you know,
I just put my job. I just put my job. I planned on being a reality store star show.
We'll be right back. a reality store star show. So, shh. Brrr.
We'll be right back.
I planned on being a reality show star.
Right.
And now all of my dreams have gone to shit.
Now, some of these guys are acting like they're really attracted to this lady.
Even though they had zero time with her.
Right.
So there's one guy.
Other tears?
No. I mean, when you have your heart set up something, So there's one guy. Are there tears?
I mean, when you have your heart set on something, then it just goes away.
Without any love, without any attention,
I'll be as supposed to switch like that.
How do you do that?
I mean, some people might know, I don't do that.
That's not what I do.
Chris Harrison comes out.
I need you all, your journey has not me. That's not what I do. Chris Harrison comes out. I need you all. Your
journey has not ended. Oh, I need you all to make a decision about whether or not you're ready
to continue your journey toward love. And that's all I can say. And this guy back in the back.
I mean, how long do we have, man? How long do we have? And faster, that's right. Now, I just
say to ourselves, how long do you have? How long do you need? What do you need? Can I take a couple of weeks and think about it here at the resort?
Go ahead and take it.
I'm paying for my lunch and I'll go home.
Chris Harrison says tonight,
you're playing major decisions like 530.
So this guy's like, then they show a whole scene with him, you know,
I had a carol. What's her name? Carole? Carol? I don't know. I had a carol with her name, carol?
Carol, I don't know.
I had a vision of Carol and I walking down the aisle
together because I thought we were really connected.
And even before I came on the show,
I knew she liked dogs, I knew she ate food,
I knew she had hair.
I knew all these things about, I studied.
I studied what it's like to be someone with hair
so that I could have empathy for her.
Heal it.
Feel it, that's right, Chrissy.
Chrissy hair.
That's your emotions out.
But I guess I'm just gonna like,
trudge on it and keep on going.
Yeah, of course you are, you shithead,
because you don't have any ass feelings.
Yeah, I'm a feelings for this girl.
You just want to be on television.
That's what happened in the first place.
No one quits their job to fall in love.
That's not logically, I mean, if you fell in love
and then someone asks you to quit your job
to keep that love, I can understand that.
Yes.
But if someone comes to you and this guy was like a prosecutor
for like a VA, he actually got voted into office,
and he had to quit his job.
He quit his job because he wanted to be a reality show star.
Right.
I said it right that time.
He did.
Good job.
So, new girl shows up, and all of the sudden,
this guy's woes are all cute, right?
He says all shits and giggles.
Until they bring an extra six guys in with the girl behind her, right?
And so now it's back to the rhythm of the spicy food up.
We've all been waiting for our chance to love.
Classic Harrison.
Classic Harrison.
You devil.
Meanwhile, because I don't believe anything that happens on these reality shows anymore
after our interview with Michelle from Marriott Firstight.
I read that the new Bachelor Ed
had been at the resort the entire fucking time.
Oh, like waiting in the wings?
Waiting in the wings as if the production crew knew,
as if the producers knew that something funny
was going on already before the show even started.
I don't believe any of that shit.
Hard to believe that shit. Hard.
That's why I-
It's very addictive though, and that's why I stopped watching.
I figured out the formula for me was if I just didn't watch
the first episode, then I could be free of it.
But if I watch the first episode, dang it.
It gets me every time.
I'm like, I want to know what happens.
Well, it's hard not to watch out for that. I'm like, I want to know what happens.
It's hard not to watch.
It is.
Yeah.
And now I don't turn it on purposefully, but now it's being recorded and my wife will watch
it.
So if I'm not here in the studio doing something with the podcast, I'll watch too, because
I hate watch it.
I'm just, I find it fun to make fun of everything.
Sure.
Yeah.
And I got to say, I know, I mean, I'm just going to be like, don't know They what do they call them bachelor head bachelor heads or something? I don't know bachelor nation whatever they call it
But these are some of the homeliest looking brothers. I've ever seen in my entire life really yeah one guy's got a forehead the size of like mine
I mean though they all look a little strict they all look a little strange. I just got to say the new guys are just the crop. The crop.
The general crop.
Yeah, the crop.
I can understand why she wanted to leave.
It's like you.
She's like, I like you.
I like you.
I'll do that.
You're the only normal look a guy.
He looked like that baseball player, the one that's married to Jennifer Lopez.
They're not married.
Oh, they're not married.
I don't believe you.
There's going to be a video about this too.
I think they are engaged though.
A-rod.
Alex Rodriguez.
Yeah, he got to look like A-rod.
Straight up with like a young A-rod.
Yeah.
So I guess out of the 37 individuals that showed up, it would have been my choice too.
Yeah.
I'm in A-rod.
Just like anybody.
And pick one.
Are you getting the sense here in the first week
or two of November that Christmas is coming earlier
and earlier every year?
Yes.
Yeah, because I saw the Christmas stuff
going up before Halloween.
Mm-hmm.
And now we went to Target yesterday.
Oh, yeah.
And it's like full on.
It was packed.
People were in and out of the Christmas house.
I think this goes one in two ways. Either
you really want to decorate for Christmas badly, like you're going to spend a lot of money
because you know it's the only holiday. It's the only chance you have left of having some
semblance of normality. Normality is to actually have a Christmas and make it really special.
Yeah. Or this is the last Christmas you ever think you're going to have ever because
the Civil War is coming. Well, those two things could probably be the case.
I noticed people I've noticed people getting all decorated out.
Already yeah I went well we got in the Christmas mood because we took the kids to go see Santa Claus.
Oh yeah it went about as well.
I always love those pictures. One of the kids, what are the kids?
It's just like, one of the kids.
Both of the kids banded me.
All three of us.
Look on my face.
I hate those pictures.
I never know what to do with pictures.
Like, I'm not comfortable.
I'm comfortable behind a mic,
but I'm not comfortable in front of a camera.
So I always have this goofy look at my face
because I'm trying to give the blue steel look or something. I want to have some kind of a camera. So I always have this like goofy look at my face because I'm trying to give like the blue steel look
or something, I want to have like,
I want to have some kind of nice picture.
So I'm like, you can see that online.
I'll put that up on the YouTube's.
Yes.
My son is, they,
You were making some funny faces
while we were doing some picture taking recently for the podcast
we'll put some of those out takes a lot of good stuff that was that was funny we do yeah we
were taking pictures for the podcast that's going to go on podcast magazine in December and if you
feel so inclined I'll remind you again that you can go to the hot 50 which is a podcast go to
podcast magazine.com and then look at the Hot 50 and it says,
vote for Hot 50.
You can go vote for the commercial break.
If you choose to do so, that'd be super great.
I guess we get in the podcast that is the Hot 50 podcast.
Yeah.
And you get some recognition.
It's a neat thing.
And if you want to do it great,
and if you don't want to do it, I totally understand.
Yeah, that's cool.
Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, that's cool.
Classic podcast magazine, classic.
So we get there, and we get there 15 minutes early, and of course, my main concern is that
there is a raging fucking pandemic going on here in the United States.
Yeah, it's up like 80 something percent.
200,000 new cases.
Wow.
On this day that we are recording, which is Sunday before the Tuesday when this will be broadcast.
And so I'm really concerned about this because now I'm going to put my son and my daughter
in the lap of a strange man who's been touching, you know, thousands of other children
over the course of the week.
Yeah, how are they making that safe?
They're not.
Well, here's how they make it.
They're not.
We should have done that. Come on, then. Oh, my co-vib Christmas. safe. They're not well here's how they're not we shove them all down. COVID Christmas
are Santa Claus are Santa Claus wearers plastic and nothing else. No clean and no sanitizing your
kids will give COVID. Don't worry. Herd immunity right around the corner. COVID Christmas.
corner. Govin Christmas. It's the covin Christmas castle. Come on
down. We have 12 Sanas 11 of
died. Do your kids hate Santa?
Way to do. We permit him to not
wear a mask. No, it's saying
Santa Taddard. And we require
that he be wrapped in plastic.
Nothing else. We require that he be wrapped in plastic. Nothing else.
Yeah, was he wearing a mask?
No.
No, I was saying to wear a mask, please.
It's like a gesture.
It could have been disguised underneath like a beard.
Could have.
Yeah, that would have been a little weird.
Santa's got no mouth.
Cause the kids aren't scared enough
Santa's got no pupils
Santa boxes young man cauliflower eyes no pupils his mouth is missing
Santa boxes young man cauliflower eyes no pupils his mouth is missing
Step right up step right up
He's got a broom for an arm
Look lost to me bag for being um
Remember that hair Michael Jackson had same hair
His hair melted in the Pepsi commercial
Come on down the Christmas go me a castle take our view
My gosh, that sounds like a great outing. Woo! Wee!
Uh, look all of Sickle-Sale Santa! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh my gosh. I'm picturing it.
Yeah, I know.
Every time I would say something, I would picture like another missing piece of his body.
They weren't sanitizing our master.
We got cornbread pants for knees.
advertising our master
Sgt. Lee attached lizard feet material
Come on down your kids a love
It's like the Walmart Santa
Did you have to make an appointment? Yeah, yeah, you got make an appointment because this is like the best Santa in the whole nation.
Okay.
There's one at Fips Plaza here in Atlanta.
It was one of the highest paid,
maybe individuals in the history are.
I think he gets a base salary of 250,000.
It's been reported.
I don't know.
I know some people have disputed this.
And I've read it and then another place
is I've heard it disputed, it gets a base salary of like $250,000.
And then it costs, you know, 26 bucks just to sit on the guys lap.
I mean, you know, well, after all of that for six weeks, it might be well paid.
Yeah, they'd be well paid.
You've got to have a like, it's COVID.
No doubt.
He's got no mask.
He's no protection against those.
Yeah.
You know, naughty. Peat tree district. Children are nothing around. It was snotty noses. He's got no mask, he's no protection against those shitty little naughty,
peachy district, children running around.
It was snotty noses.
So we get this, so we make an appointment and we get there.
It's like Monday, I don't know, seven o'clock at night.
And we get there, it's a huge line.
And everyone's social distancing enough
and everyone has a mask on, but when you get up there,
how they're really handling this is,
Santa is sitting in his chair,
and then there's a couch next to Santa.
They don't let you sit in the lap.
But Santa will, you know, kind of lean in and talk to the kids.
What do you want for Christmas?
I can't hear.
I can't hear you.
I got my cauliflower here.
He's got one of those tin horns from 1920.
Would you say so?
I wanna Mickey Mouse scooter.
You wanna walk a gay me to pewter, what?
So we decided we're gonna do a family photo
instead of the kids and the individual photos.
Because we can't get the kids to sit still.
Right.
I might get my two year old son to sit still.
He's so excited about Santa when we get there.
He's looking at all the pictures
and he's saying Santa, Santa Christmas, Christmas,
you know, likes the Christmas trees and the lights.
He's running all over the mall,
up and down the escalator, up and down the escalator,
up and down, we went on that 70 time.
But finally they call our name and we take off our masks
and we go and we sit.
As soon as my son gets even close to Santa, it's like full bloom.
He doesn't even know what to do.
I don't know why Santa is so scary to see him.
And live in person.
Yeah, live in person.
That's what it is.
That's what it is.
It's all cartoon.
It's a lot like when you see one of those characters at Disney World, they get scared
of that too because they're like, hold on a second.
It's not as small as it is on the TV. Right. And why don't his eyes move?
That's a wrong with that. So we sit them down and they are all over the place. I mean, you know,
Mia's got her dresses flying up over her head. Matias's pants won't like cover his socks. It's
up on his ankles. Yeah. So the lady keeps saying, you want to pull his pants down't like cover his socks. It's up on his ankles. Yeah.
So the lady keeps saying, you want to pull his pants down?
You want to pull his pants down?
And meanwhile, there's a guy behind her, you know,
a guy who's an elf.
Yeah, an elf, right?
Who's a little feminine, right?
And he's like, hey, hey, look over here.
Look, it's ammo.
Do you like ammo?
And he's like running around. He's got a horn, he's got a bell.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Wow, you're so cute, we do little curls, smile.
Meanwhile, my son is like, he's like, f**k you.
Yeah, right.
I don't know, you're having a conibction fit back there,
but this is, all the mom is like, give me the phone,
with, right.
I want to watch 60 minutes.
My dad's phone. Is that okay?
And everyone's running around trying to make the kids pay attention, They're right. I want to watch 60 minutes. My dad's phone. Is that okay?
And everyone's running around trying to make the kids pay attention, but they don't want to pay attention.
And all my mom does,
I mean, all my, my wife does,
is she is just trying to get Matthias just to sit still
and the guy keeps on saying,
hi, you want to pull his pants down?
So it looks a little bit better and I'm like,
no, I don't want to pull his fucking pants down.
I want you to take a picture.
Take a picture.
Take a picture. Meanwhile, Santa wants to have a, I don't want to pull this fucking pants down. I want you to take a picture. I'm gonna take a picture.
Meanwhile, Santa wants to have a whole conversation
with my son.
My son is not talking.
He doesn't want to have a conversation.
My son doesn't know what he wants for Christmas.
He doesn't know what he wants in the next minute and a half.
He's two.
He doesn't know what he wants.
You know what I want?
I want to get up off this fucking COVID couch.
And I want to go somewhere.
I want to have a drink.
Negative $180.
You have a drink.
You can pay $180 to get, you know, reprints up,
just to get a disc with the pictures on it.
Wow.
And all of them are like me like,
me trying to look like it's my,
hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.
I hate pictures.
I hate them.
I defy people out there to find a good looking picture of me.
And circle it, circle it and send it to me
because there isn't one out there.
One time, I had a lady tell me,
she was an endocrinologist and she told me
that I, she thought I had a thyroid problem.
And I said, why do you think I have a thyroid problem?
Well, I've been looking through pictures of you
and every picture, your eyes are wide open like this,
like bulging eyeballs.
That's a sign of a thyroid problem.
And I'm like, no, this is a sign of a guy
who doesn't ought to take a picture.
I'm just like, oh my God,
totally.
That's a surprise.
Too much, too much.
The kids don't care about Santa Claus.
No, but I understand, my wife said,
there's a one normal thing that we're gonna do.
This year is we are gonna go
and we're gonna take a fucking picture with Santa Claus.
There you go.
And then, you know, we'll leave the rest to,
we'll be right back at no pinning.
We actually into the show.
That's the problem when you do that on a show.
Now people think you're gonna be back in a few minutes.
Right.
We will be back in a few minutes.
If you belong to the break room,
TCBpodcast.com's where you go to find out more
information about the show, read all the show notes, you can watch us on YouTube, you can
hit up, hit us up on Instagram at the commercial break, please do, we're publishing new content
on that Instagram. And who knows, we might do an insta live, whatever they call that,
Instagram movie or Instagram live. Yeah, we might do that now that we figured out
the television software here, only took me six months to figure that out. Yeah, that looks good. It does. It looks better. Let's
put it that way. It's better. It's a work in progress. Yes. So go to the website and then, you know,
join the break room. When you join the break room, you get access to the after show. The after
show is a show we do. Afterwards, only available on YouTube and only available to those members of
the break room. So we don't send the link out to everybody because then you don't feel special.
That's all I gotta say.
Hi, I'm Montel Williams.
Ha ha ha, you too.
Are you in debt?
Do you wanna be in more debt?
You wanna be in more debt?
Good.
You too could be temporarily out of debt
to be in much more debt.
You know how good it feels to be out of debt
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That'll cost you. I spent 22
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If there's one thing I know, lots of people are in debt. So who cares?
File them on!
Jerry Springer. So cheers. Yeah. So Christine and I are recording in the studio again.
Together. Together. Isn't that nice? Yeah. I like it. I think I like a little bit better than
looking at you on the screen. Yes. Yeah. I think I do. I like it. Yeah. So don't forget to
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You want to do that because Christine and I are going to start doing two shows a week and
to get access to those two shows a week, you must, you need to sign up to the break room
and we'll follow up with more information.
So join us on the after show.
We're going to be right there in just a couple of minutes.
Click on the link and yeah, what else do I have to say?
I'll be right back after these messages. Bye!
Bye!
Bye! you Yn yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n gweld. Yn yw'n gweld. Yn yw'n gweld.
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you