The Commercial Break - The Enya-Trap Comedy Club

Episode Date: February 20, 2024

Bryan takes us through some of his recent life dramas, and gives his opinion on Pete Davidson's new material. People having public sex? Edging The EVOO coffee Wifi drama at Starbucks Bryan’s new ploy to save money Bryan’s not an outside dumper We have a new phone number 212.433.3TCB Bryan is giving crotchety Bryan went to see Petey D! Things were very strict at the show A weird and disgusting room Bryan has a soft spot for Pete! LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us   212.433.3TCB text or leave us a voicemail Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Producer: Christina A.  Producer: Gustavo B. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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My dad's been talking about Rebelsys. Rebelsys? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that's- That's right. Did you know it's also covered by most private insurance plans? Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsys is right for me. Rebelsys, ask your doctor or visit Rebelsys.ca.

Order up for Rebelsys. Isn't it funny? I'll wear it, but if you won't let me bat in my face and I'll beep out words without hesitation. Isn't it funny, our waymates? But if your mum would let me bury me face in a d***, I would, without hesitation. Isn't that weird? I've never really thought about it, mate. Would we really not be mates anymore? We'd get through it.

I suppose, yeah, bro. I thought you'd ever come over to your gendarmes. No. She know that's a problem. Cos your mum makes a shit full of casserole. Oh, not after we think. It's just shit-pulled castle. Oh, I love to rethink. On this episode of the commercial break...

There's a DJ booze in back, and the guy is playing like a weird mix of trap and enya. I swear to God he is. It's on just loud enough so you have to speak up when you're talking, but just, you know, low enough that you can't really make out which song it is. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, this is the Diggity Diggity Dank. Chris and Joy Hoedley, best of you, Chrisy. Best of you, Brian. Best of you out there in the podcast universe. Hello, hello, Ariel.

Oh, good. I think we're approaching episode number 500. Of course, I really don't know because I don't know. But I feel like we're in the 500 range. And I would say that we should do something special, but then I know it's just not going to happen. So let's just make it a regular episode. This might be episode 500.

I'm not really sure, depending on how many we throw away between here and there. Exactly. Yeah, sometimes. I think we're like maybe 20 episodes away. 20 episodes away. 20 or yeah, maybe a little less than 20 episodes away. I think we'll do something special, but you'll just have to wait for the 500 episode to figure

out because we'll also figure out on the same day as the 500 episode. What special we're going to do? I am just, you know, there's a week after Super Bowl inundated with all this content about all the after parties and all the junk that went on afterwards. I'm not gonna speak the name. I'm just not gonna speak the name anymore on this show because I'm over it.

But Travis Scott was doing some after party pre-show, whatever concert. and he's doing it in this like weird I don't know where this was But he's doing it in this Let's call it a courtyard of what must be a hotel and then there are hotel rooms that are overlooking Court yard, but rather close and so somebody's filming Travis Scott and then they pan up and they notice that one of the rooms has a window wide open and these two, a guy and a girl, are fucking going at it Chrissy and I mean banging hard, right? So everybody starts looking. Now the

security guards are pointing, now people in the audience are pointing and Travis stops the entire concert and he's like, can we give it up for those two going at it? Ah! And everyone's like, whoo! These people have no idea. Either they're doing it because they know that people are going to be watching them. Exactly, which is what I think.

Or they're just so fucked up, they have no idea what's going on. It is a 50-50, I'm like. It's a 50-50. Or 50 both. Yeah, and I kind of felt a little jealous. I was like, wow. No one's ever going to find out who they are, right?

Unless mom and dad see them on, or friends see them on Instagram. Unless this was like a lady of the night and this guy just was wild that night. You know, he was like fucked up. He's like, oh, that's six, six, seven bunny rancher, whatever, and get this girl over here. Chrissy, they were like multiple positions. Him giving, you know, her giving him head, or even taking him from behind. It was fucking outrageous.

And I thought to myself, at first I was like, wow, they should close the windows, like holy shit, they should close the windows. Then as the video went on, I found myself getting a little jealous. I was like, this guy's got stamina. We're already like two minutes into this reel and he's still going.

Two minutes. Do tell, show me. Do tell, show me the secrets. Two minutes. Do tell. Show me. Do tell. Show me the secrets. Oh, Yoda. Well, I guess you just could have watched. You shall come. He does. Pretty come.

Edging is the... Edging, he will. Edging, he does. I'm learning all about the edging. Have you heard about the edging? Do you know about the edging? I have heard about it. Are you guys practicing the edging at your house?

Safe edging. Have you heard about the edging? Do you know about the edging? I have heard about it. Are you guys practicing the edging at your house? Safe edging practices over there? We haven't delved into the world of edging yet. When you do let me know so I can imagine it here at my house. I just pretend that now I'm just gonna start.

I've heard about it a lot. I've known it. Not a lot, but I've known it under a different name for a long time, right? There's like a yogatic, like a teacher of practice. That's what I meant. Yeah. And you go, go, go, go, go, go, but don't go all the way, right? And then you come off the edge and then you go, go, go, go, go, and you come off the edge a little bit. And then that's practices. Your stamina keeps everybody happy. Didn't Sting do this practice? Sting did this for like seven hours he claimed one time. I also have a friend who claimed he had sex for seven hours once and I was like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. I know you. I know you. You drink entirely too much whiskey to go anywhere for seven hours. I just don't

believe it. I don't believe it. Seven hours is a long time to have sex. It is. Yeah. Now I can understand if like multiple... Like there's a stop and a start. Yeah, there's interludes. Interludes. Yeah, intermissions. Intermissions. Yeah, and by intermissions, I mean start. Let's take like a typical seven hour sex session. This is how I would do it. This is how Brian would accomplish that. session. This is how I would do it. This is how Brian would accomplish that. Foreplay at noon. Sex at 12.03. Cigarette at 12.05. Lunch. Nap. Watch a couple episodes of The Office. Come back to it at 6.45. I'll probably go a little bit

longer the second session. You know what I'm saying? That's a benefit of the second session'll probably go a little bit longer the second session. You know what I'm saying? That's the benefit of the second session. You go a little bit longer. So now I'm thinking we're like at 6.51 by 6.57. We're done. Everything feels good. Another cigarette, go put the children to bed.

That's how I imagine my seven hours. If that is a seven hour sex session. What a day. Then I have done that plenty. That's what a day. If I could actually accomplish two things in a day with all these children, I would be proud of myself. Me too. Yeah, you'd be proud of me too.

Yes. Yes. I go to Starbucks a couple of days ago and like totally off topic, sorry, just change topics real quick. I go to Starbucks a couple of days ago and it's like totally off topic. Sorry. Just change topics real quick I got a star. Yeah, your favorite place. Yeah, my favorite place I go to Starbucks a couple of days ago and I Ordered the drink

Talked to the people. No, I had the EVO and I do well. Let's just talk about that for a second I had the EVO last time we talked you were going to try it Yes, you hadn't to try it. Yes. You hadn't yet. The Olayid or the Olaydi or whatever they call it. So someone made it for me. They just made it for me. They were like, here, just try it.

And I will tell, I will confirm that putting olive oil in coffee is like coating your stomach with super slick. Do you remember in Christmas vacation how he put that stuff on the bottom of sprayed the bottom of the aluminum sled and then he went flying down like this, whatever was, preservative or something. Yeah. Like a flash of light. That indeed is what happens to your stomach when you drink the olive oil infused coffee. It just coats your stomach with super slick, slidey stuff. So anything that's trying to stick to the walls of your gut just runs right out.

I am telling you, cleaned me right the fuck out. And I wasn't necessarily like, when someone makes the drink for you, you can't then just walk out the door when they're saying, Oh, try this. You got to try it. Tell me how it is. It's really good. It's so good. It was good. It was extra creamy.

It was extra frothy. It was extra creamy. I liked it very much, but I had to go. Like I drank two sips of it and I was like, whoa, see you later guys. I'm getting a call. Yeah, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that. It was gone.

From my stomach. I was out of there. I swear. So I'm gonna stay away from it because You never know when that's gonna hit sometimes it goes instantaneously But sometimes you're like in the middle of a meeting and then you're like, oh Is is that a fart? I hope so. I Hope so. Yeah, excuse me for 30 to 40 minutes. I'll be right back. I gotta go have a press conference. But I will confirm that it was good. Okay.

And I will also confirm that it helps you pass your morning pleasures. Pass your morning pleasures. Maybe from the dinner last night. Maybe from dinner two weeks ago. I mean, it really felt like a colonic is what it felt like. Like that time I had the high colonic and they had the bathroom right next door

and I could barely make it three steps after I got off that table before I just emptied the contents of everything I had ever eaten. This also felt like that. So, Greg, congratulations, Starbucks. You have now, you have a- You need to lose a quick five pounds.

Awesome diuretic. Yes, a five pounds. I think I lost 12. So I go to Starbucks the other morning and I'm just standing there. I go and I sit, I stand there saying hello to everybody and then I go and I sit at the end of the counter. I say hello to everybody.

I do, I say hello to everybody. Hey Jennifer. It's like cheers in there when I walk in. Hey, everyone's like Brian and I when I walk in. Yeah. Hey, everyone's like, Brian. And I'm like, hey, good morning. Hello. 30 minutes later, I said hello to everybody. Did you know he's a middling podcaster?

I feel like that's what's coming next. I feel like Starbucks is safe too, because I don't think anybody's on to me over there. They're entirely too young to be onto the commercial break. Yes, so I say hi to everybody and then and then I'm as I'm standing there I noticed that there's a gentleman in the corner at one of the tables He's I'm gonna guess it in 60s. He's got very disheveled hair. He's got big old Like I don't know Walmart type t-shirt,

like long sleeve t-shirt. You know what I'm talking about? Like a worker type shirt? Yeah, like a pastel shirt. Oh, okay. That obviously has seen its better days. Probably could use some washing. He's got those khaki pants on that often times

men of a certain flavor will like and then they're all dirty, you know, the knees are all dirty and everything. But he's over there with a brand new Apple laptop. So at first I thought, is he de-honed? No, he's not de-honed, he's got a brand new Apple laptop. Like, he's okay over there.

But he's like banging on the count, he's like banging on the table. Ah! Ah! Ah! And I was like, uh-oh, here we go. I've been waiting for someone to come shoot up the local Starbucks, here it comes. And he's like, ah, ah, ah.

And so then I go and I sit down at the end of the bar and I can hear him continue. God damn, every so good state has a different rule. And I'm like, what? Every state has a different rule? What is he talking about every fucking state? Why does Starbucks do this and I was like every state is a different rule? I'm not I'm not understanding now. I think clearly the guy has mental illness, right?

So I'm trying to put my empathy hat on right okay guys a little disturbed over there. He's having a bad day every state Is a different rule. I agree every state is a different one. I just can't keep up with all of them So I'm like just thinking to myself. Well, I hope this doesn't escalate He gets up. He walks over to the barista counter and he's like excuse me Excuse me And I was like whoa dude and I'm standing right next to the guy because I'm at the end I'm at the end of the counter One of those seats and he's like excuse me And so finally someone's like turns around and says, yes sir can I help you?

I don't understand why I cannot connect to your internet. And the guy was like, well you just all you have to do is just no no no no no no no no no no no no Don't tell me how to do it. Come do it for me. Ow. And I was like, jeez, that's a little demandy of you. And the gentleman behind the barista says, I'm sorry. Just let me, I can explain to you. No, no, no. Every state has a different rule at these goddamn Starbucks and I don't know how to connect. And I thought, well, change my oil while you're at it.

I mean, while you're at it, can you change my oil? Give me a prostate massage, brush my teeth. Also, maybe don't go to a Starbucks if you're so frustrated. Chrissy, I couldn't understand for the life of me why this guy was asked all of a sudden, like, are these, we're at Best Buy? Is this the geek squad?

I know. Why are you asking him to connect your internet for you? If you can't do that, you probably should not have a computer where you're getting on wifi. So... What about your old hotspot? I don't know.

Yeah, or like anybody else in the world, go home and use your computer. All right, exactly. Yeah. Like anybody else in the world, go steal your neighbor's internet. Right. FBI.

That's my favorite. When people put FBI. We put virus on ours one time. You put virus? Yeah. My dad put fuck off or something like that. It's pretty funny. So here he is, pounding the top of the counter, just, God damn it it every state has a different rule I don't

understand why you can't connect why can't I connect you have to do this for me so finally someone walks around the counter the manager walks around the counter and says I'm sorry you're having trouble connecting sir I don't think I can touch your laptop but I would be happy to stand there and see if you're connecting correctly. Right, I mean, I don't think as soon as if he touched it, then something could be broken or whatever. I was one second away from getting involved. I was real close to getting involved.

I was real close to being like, hey dude, you gotta settle down just a little bit. Like I'm happy to explain to you how to use your laptop, but then, you know, he seems so disturbed about this that I felt it was best left to the professionals. Yeah, I don't want to get involved in any or draw. I don't want to be on TikTok or anything like that, you know, arguing with an old man about how you get on. No, you want to be on TikTok parking in the hotel.

Yes, that's exactly what I want to do. I want to be on TikTok with a large, long getting action in Travis Scott's concert, which conveniently happens to be in the middle of a hotel. I don't know, I've worked out. So bam, bam, bam, slamming like this. Okay, I'll, let me go over there. So now I'm like, well, I better stay here and pay attention and videotape this for posterity. You see, no, I didn't.

But he goes over there and this is, the guy goes like this the manager is like Sir you got to turn your Wi-Fi on Ha you got to turn the Wi-Fi on you got to actually have it on your computer You got to be able to connect you have to turn it on and he's like I didn't have to do that at the last Starbucks The guy was like I don't know. I don't know what to tell you and he's like that's generally the way it works He goes you should be able to connect automatically. And the managers automatically, like what?

Like there's some magic wifi genie that's just gonna connect automatically to every internet. Yes. You're online. Starbucks internet. So finally the guy, they connect and the guy says this and the manager goes, well thank you very much. Have a nice day.

You just let me know if you need anything. And he goes, well I think I need a cup of coffee. And he goes, okay well just come up to the thing and order it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I should get a cup of coffee for the trouble Starbucks has put me through connecting to their internet. So then I noticed. Are you serious?

Then I noticed the guy has no drinks, has no water, has no food. He does not, he's not even a patron of the Starbucks. He's sitting there and now he's demanding a free cup of coffee because he could not connect to the internet. The balls on this guy, the cojones on this guy. Now let me tell you the kicker. Let me tell you the kicker.

So I leave, I come back an hour later to get a refill on my coffee, because I spilled my coffee. So I come to get a refill on my coffee and the guy is leaving. And to get away from the kids. And to get away from the kids. Okay.

Which is my favorite part of the day, right? I Come back and this guy is packing up and he's leaving and I thought to myself well I now I got to say and see what the punchline is here, right? And where is this guy going? Is he walking down the street? Does he have a shopping cart somewhere full of his stuff or is he getting into a car that's got like Alabama? License plate now. I just need to know some more about this guy. Now I'm so fascinated because it's been stuck in my head for the last hour.

Why would that guy demand that someone connect him to the internet, then demand a free cup of coffee because he couldn't turn on his Wi-Fi? This guy gets into, I shit you negatively, a brand new E-series Mercedes Ben. Shiny fucking tires and all brand new E-Series Mercedes Ben, shiny fucking tires and all, brand new, 2024. I know my Ben's, this was one of them, 20, I know my Ben's cause I would desperately want one someday.

And this guy got into a brand new E-Series Ben's with his brand new Apple laptop. And he was, I think this was all a ploy to get a free cup of coffee. Now, some of you might say to yourself, God, Brian, that's really shitty of that guy who probably has money to go in there and bother everybody to look for a free cup of coffee.

But as they say, as our friend Mark Cuban would tell us, it's not about how much money you make, it's about how much money you save. So in my advanced stage, I think what I'm gonna do is get, go get myself a pair of Dickie's crackers, you know, the khaki slacks. I'm going to get some crackers, an old Walmart t-shirt, and I'm going to start walking around demanding free stuff because I cannot connect to their Internet.

It's my new ploy to get rich, Chrissy. Well, let me know how that goes. Let us know how that goes. Here's the only problem. You know when they say that it's not about how much money you make, it's about how much money you save? We actually have to make money in order to save it.

So if you would do us a favor and send in donations to my GoFundMe page, Brian can't connect. GoFundMe page, Brian can't connect. That's my new employee, I can't connect. That's why you get rich quick scheme, Brian can't connect. That's my new Floyd. I can't connect Anybody who get rich quick scheme, Brian can't connect With listeners or to the or to the Wi-Fi I'll donate. Yeah, I just I just had there was a moment at the Starbucks I thought I've been going to that Starbucks for years

Never had one strange thing happen There was that one time when they shut down for like a week because it was a crazy person stalking one of the employees or something, but I didn't see any of that go. I mean, I saw, I knew who the guy was, I'd seen him in there before, but I didn't, I wasn't a party to any craziness. And besides the really handsome dude that comes in everyone

some how that smells like an angel. There's nothing particularly ordinary, extraordinary about this Starbucks until this couple days ago when this guy was making a big stink for a fucking free cup of coffee. Is this where society is at? Yeah, I bet they see all kinds of stuff. I remember I used to have to go to Starbucks

to meet people for when I was doing recruiting and just to meet them and talk, be sugar over the resume, that kind of thing. And I would see a lot of crazy stuff at Starbucks. Oh, you did? Yeah. No, well, I mean, you live in that part of town where there's crazy stuff happening anyway.

Like every big city has its issues, right? And Atlanta is no stranger to kind of its weirdness. And so you live in that part of town and I probably know which Starbucks you go to. Well, maybe not at your new house, but at your old house, I knew which Starbucks you went to. That was the Midtown one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I went to that Midtown one a couple times. It's scary, scary in there a couple times. Very nice people there, but there was some scary, scary, scary people there. That can only imagine with people that work at Starbucks, see, they're all the day. They're closing Starbucks left and right over there in California and other places because it's just like the situation's out of control And people you know they lock the bathrooms here at this Starbucks

Yeah, so I think I've used the restroom one time to pee like I'm not gonna take a dump at fucking Starbucks It's just not my thing. I'm just not an outside dumper. Are you an outside dumper? I'm not an outside dumper unless there's an emergency Yeah, unless there's a poop urgency. Yeah, I don't go to outside dumping. I don't know I had a friend one time he had to visit every fucking bathroom we ever went to like every time we went somewhere Oh, not unless you have to let me for me go to go drop a noose and I'd be like I have got like it's an emergency Yeah, I do No I want the comfort of my own bathroom. I had this friend in like privacy privacy

Let the smell of paper exactly The comfort of knowing my ass germs or my ass germs And my fecal matter stays here in my own fecal matter world stays here in my own fecal matter world. Right. You know, I hate, I hate, it's like my nightmare. When the urge comes and I'm somewhere out in the universe, I'm like, oh, how quickly can I get home?

Right, exactly. I mean, I have been in Spain before and literally been like, how quickly can I get back to North of Atlanta before I really have to do this. I'm just not an outside dumper. I don't know, really have to do this. I'm just not an outside dumper. I don't know, I can't do it. I can't do it. I have to be inside my house.

I will go days without pooping. Sometimes there's hotel rooms I'm not comfortable. I'm like, eh, eh, eh, eh. Well, it was nice while I knew. I've been on cruises before and I was a tiny little room and I'm like, oh, it's a seven-day cruise. Keep the food light. Juice and ice cream, that's all we need, Brian.

Well, no, juice and ice cream is going to make it go through you. So, cheese platters and rye crackers. Let's do that. Cheese and rye crackers. Let's go that direction. I just feel so discomforted by the knowing that other people have used the facility. So they locked this Starbucks bathroom and one time I asked, why do you lock the Starbucks bathroom? Has there been a plenty of Starbucks where there's not locked

bathrooms? And she said, well, it's a corporate policy for most stores now because people will go in there and they will do drugs, people will go in there and they'll be in there for two hours and we don't know what they're doing. And then it's just a general safety issue. Like, you know, we don't want people just like hanging out in the bathrooms for days at a time. And that's a terrible reflection on society.

My first job at McDonald's, not only were the bathrooms wide open, but there were a lot of outside dumpers Lot of outside dumpers. It was two or three guys who came in every fucking morning. I worked mornings came in same thing Bacon egg and cheese shit bagel or whatever, you know give me four packets of mayonnaise and a cup of coffee And they just be like Nerve and we had the free newspapers. That's right, they take their newspaper, they take their cup of coffee,

they go in there with an ashtray and a cigarette, and then my manager would be like, let's do a restroom check at 10 and 20 after. 10 after 20 before, and I'd be like, oh man. Can someone else do the morning bathroom check? You're 14, it's your job. I don't want it to be my, I think that's honestly where I got some of my fear of poop.

Probably, probably. The things that I saw. Well founded. It was like a war, PTSD. I bet that's why if I'm on the road, you know, you're traveling and you've gotta go and I normally think, goodness, don't have to go number two. Yes.

But if I have to pee, I have to pee. So I will usually go to a Chick-fil-A because they're good. Yeah, yeah. They're good. They're gonna be good. You're so right. Tino Venturi, my mentor in all things Italian tortorias and, wine. Used to say, Brian give them a bottle of Guianzi classical, give them some soft shell claps.

Come on Brian, what are you doing? And remember, when someone goes into the bathroom, it is the cleanliness of the bathroom that determines the cleanliness of the restaurant. And I thought to myself, this bathroom looks pretty good. But that fucking restaurant back there, you are literally using old bread to make croutons. There's nothing cleanly about that back there.

It's all unsanitary. But it felt true to me, and I've carried that with me through the rest of my life. And you're right, the Chick-fil-A's, Chick-fil-A just does it different. I don't know what to tell you. They have flowers on the tables. They have flowers on the tables.

They make two things, chicken and french fries. And they're both goddamn good. They're so delicious. And so I don't agree with all of Chick-fil-A's, Cummings and Go-ings and Musings about this and that are the owners or whoever it is, the Cathy's or whatever. But the food is delicious.

And so I will separate the chaff from the whey or whatever you say. The chick. The chick from the filet. We chick. The chick from the filet. Well separate the chick from the filet. And say to you now, the chick filet just does it different. That's why there's lines out the door every time they fucking open a fucking chick filet.

They even do a great job with their drive thru's. Yeah. What's up with that? Yeah. Go to a Wendy's. Yeah. Go to a Wendy's. Yeah go to a Wendy's And try and get anything

Correct in your order. I'm not knocking on the people that work on these. I know it's a tough job You're slinging fucking burgers and fries for nothing. Yeah, I get it But go to a Wendy's at 11 p.m. And see what's happening See what's doing at that Wendy's and then go into into their bathroom and see if you wanna be an outside dumper. You wanna be an outside dumper after you visit a Wendy's bathroom, that's on you my friend, not for me. I go to the Ritz Carlton and I'm afraid to take a shit.

You know what I'm saying? I wanna tell you about seeing Pete Davidson. Oh, that's right. Over the weekend, seven or a couple of Saturdays ago. Yeah, it was. All right, so let's take a break and we'll be back. What? Oh, hi, it's Christina again.

Here to remind you to go to TCBpodcast.com for all things audio, video and TC video. Give us a follow on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCBpodcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCB phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-433-3TCB. Once more for the people in the back, that's 212-433-3TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at youtube.com slash the commercial break.

That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show. Okay. Okay. You know, I'm not 100% sure, but I think Christine has the new phone numbers in the liners now. She has new liners, but just in case case you're still stuck on that old phone number, I want you to remember that due to phone.com's incompetency,

we are now have a brand, we now have a brand new phone number, our fifth one in the history of the commercial break. It is, and it's ours. We own it forever and ever. Amen. We'll probably not be a show forever and ever. Amen. Maybe not for two more weeks, but two one two four three three three TCB That's one two one two four three three three TCB questions comments concerns content ideas you get it, okay? And it goes directly to a phone. It does our studio phone. Yeah, sitting far away from us sitting far away from the studio Right there. Yeah. I'm sitting far away from us. Sitting far away from the studio. Yeah.

I don't know who it was, but one of our guests the other day was like, now I'm talking to you guys from your basement. And I was like, does it look like we're in our basement? Most people are complimentary, but someone saw right through us. They were like, ah, from your basement. So I am scrolling through Instagram a number of weeks ago as you do as I do. Oh man, do I?

Yes, you do. Yes. Well, before I tell the Pete Davidson story, I'm scrolling through Instagram and I follow this person who is the anti-influencer influencer. Her whole life has on social media has been dedicated to being the anti-influencer influencer. She will make duck faces, she will stick her ass out in pictures, and she's generally trying to be, I think it's like she's trying to be a little satirical about this and say that, you know, I can't believe all these girls with the fillers and the liners and the hairs and the blah blah blah blah,

they're all trying to be influencers, you know, so thirsty thirsty thirsty thirsty this. And then I wake up the other day and the blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah She's the anti-influencer influencer, but why are we showing, you know, why are we posing like this? Why, I believe she's embarrassed by her own behavior, so she has to make it look satirical because even she feels like she's a little thirsty. And whatever you do with your Instagram is up to you. I don't give a shit. I'm not a hater. I'm just find it very funny

because the other day I wake up, now I'm not gonna describe the pose because I don't want necessarily like, I don't want this to come back in any way, shape, or form. I don't wanna embarrass anybody in any way, shape, or form. But we've talked about this before on the show. I wake up and this girl is half fucking naked on Instagram and GMJAM!

on Instagram and GMJAM! I normally don't post pics like this, but I wanted you to see the results of my working out. And I mean, this was a rat, am I right? It was a rather risque photo. Yeah. It was not something that I think- I mean, I wouldn't send my dad that picture and say, hey, look at me. No. Look at, I've been working out. I think she's married. Look at me. Yeah, I think. I mean, I wouldn't send my dad that picture and say, hey, look at me.

No. Look at, I've been working out. I think she's married. Look at me. Yeah, I know. Look at me. I've been working out. Here is the under, here's my undercarriage, which is basically what the picture was of. Yes. Undercarriage, like, you know,

not even a good, you know, cleavage pick, it was undercarriage. It's the kind of post, you know, the girls who are on Instagram doing the yoga poses when it has nothing to do with yoga and everything to do with the fact that you can see their vagina through their fucking yoga pants. You get it, you've seen it, we do it. Some inspirational quote down behind it.

And I just thought to myself, the fucking hypocrisy that we also probably do all the time too, but the fucking hypocrisy. It was probably do all the time too, but the fucking hypocrisy. It was so fucking funny to me. I had to send it to Chrissy immediately. I was like, Chrissy, look at this. Thirst trap, thirst trap, thirst trap. Oh, yeah. I guess we've gone from anti-influencer to a full fucking influencer. By the way, she got like 12 followers. I don't know who she's influencing, but so do we. So I'm not going

to throw stones in a glass house. So I got scrolling. Well, if you're gonna go to me, and I think I brought this up in the text back to you, to me, if you're gonna go full thirst trap, go all the way. Amen. Show your face, show the whole thing and say,

look at me, go and hold the knife. She was covering her face. Yeah, don't go halfway in. Well, I don't think you go out tonight without pants on. But I mean, that's just, and it's another bathroom selfie, which is the most, which is the strangest part about all the postings

of this particular person. They are always in public bathrooms somewhere. So she's in a public bathroom. Maybe she's an outside dumper. She's an outside dumper for sure. She takes pleasure in outside dumping. She's like, let me take a quick shit and then I'm going to snap a photograph of my ass and send it out there to the world. Just lost 12 pounds outside dumpers. Hashtag outside dumpers.

But listen, no shame if you're an outside dumper. It's just not for me. It's not for me. I'm an inside dumper. I like to dump inside my own house. I like to remove the contents of my tummy here in the comfort and privacy of my own home. So a couple of weeks go scrolling through Instagram

and I see Pete Davidson's mug. But it's one of those sponsored posts. And I was like, oh, it's a little peed up too. Yeah, which is hot and chic as he's dating now. And it says down below, working out new material. And click here. And I was like, working out new material, click here. What is that?

Now I'm thinking it's just clickbait. But I'm bought in now. I see Pete Davidson. And I'm like, okay, let me see. So I click over. I took the bait. I did. I took the clickbait. Absolutely. It's Pete Davidson. I'm like, okay, let me see. So I click over. I took the bait. I did. I took the click bait.

Absolutely. If it's Pete Davidson, I take the bait. I don't know. Seems like the kind of guy you take the bait for. So I click over and what happened or where I went was this tiny little comedy club north of Atlanta, not in the city of Atlanta, north of Atlanta, definitely not in the city of Atlanta, north of Atlanta. And Pete is putting on two performances. And I guess working

out new material is either the name of the show or what I'm really assuming is that he's working out new material for his next special. Right. He's going to do that in small rooms where he can kind of throw stuff at the wall. Of course, everybody does it. Jerry Seinfeld still does it. You know, he says, I'm going to do a new hour. I hit the clubs and I go around New York and, you know, Chris Rock, everybody does it because that way

you have to figure out the timing. You have to hone in the jokes that are working. Sure. Yeah. Absolutely. I just saw Rolling Stones the other day at Buffalo Wild Wings. Right. Yeah, they're working on their new album.

Eddie Vedder's over at the Shake Shack tomorrow night for his new solo record. So, how I meant, they do it in like obscure cities to start. Yes, and I do remember when Rolling Stone did like that tour of small club. They had out, they have 75 albums, but they had this one album, I don't know, maybe like 10 years ago, and they were going to these tiny little rooms to play acoustically, to work out there in new music. And I think that if I'm not mistaken, they came here to Atlanta

and played one of the small rooms around here. And that's an amazing opportunity, right? If you can actually get a ticket, what an amazing opportunity to see someone that you like up close and personal. Well, I mean, Pete Davidson is the rolling stones of comedy. He's the rolling stones of people who got famous for dating famous people.

But he also was on Saturday Night Live and he has gotten a chuckle or two out of me. And I generally think Pete's an okay guy. All right, sure. I don't feel anything about Pete one way or the other up until this performance. I don't feel anything. So here we or the other up until this performance. I don't feel anything. So here we go, tiny little club, North of Atlanta.

You got tickets. I got tickets. Pete's gonna, I got tickets. There's only a hundred tickets in the entire room. It's a tiny room. And so I managed to get two seats. Astrid and I decide we're gonna go. The show's at 10 p.m.

So we get a babysitter, unbelievably. I know. Unbelievable. I can't believe it. The babys So we get a babysitter, unbelievably. I know. Unbelievably. I can't believe it. The babysitter will be important here in a second. So we get a babysitter for this, like, you know, let us go out between eight and midnight. There's a second show at 11.55 I should also mention.

So I thought, okay, for this amount of money, which wasn't a small amount of money, but it wasn't crazy either, for this amount of money, I'm gonna get 30 to 40 minutes of Pete Davidson working on new material. At the very least, it's going to be entertaining. It might not be hilarious. Sure. And in person. That's always better in person. And we're right there. We're sitting 15 feet from Pete. So he's going to be working out some new material. I'm sure he's going to have something interesting to say. I'll be

entertained at the very least. And if I get a Chuckler too out of it, well then that's good news too. I don't think anybody would argue that Pete, as a stand-up comic, doesn't exactly have a huge long resume. It's not like he had 13 Netflix specials or something like that. I know he's got the one special. But I thought, well, okay, let's go give this guy a try.

It's interesting, he's here. I'm 15 feet from like seeing the Rolling Stones, and not like seeing the Rolling Stones, but it's kind of like's here. I'm 15 feet from like seeing the rolling stone and not like seeing the rolling stones But it's kind of like seeing the rolling stones right there So day comes around Saturday night Aster and I pop in the car kids are sleeping lovely jump in the car and we drive I don't know maybe 30 minutes from the house. Yeah to a part of Atlanta That is maybe not known as the best part of Atlanta, right? It's not the rolling hills of Hollywood, California.

It's not Buckhead Atlanta. It is off the beaten path. Well, it's part of the Metro. It is, it's part of the Metro, but it's seen better days. How about that? Yeah, I think so. It's seen better days or it will see better days.

One of these two is happening. It's in a transition. It's definitely better days or it will see better days. One of these is happening. It's in a transition. It's definitely a transitional neighborhood. But I explained to Astrid, I said, these comedy clubs, they don't have Pete Davidson every night. So they don't make a ton of money. You get 100 people in a room paying $50 a ticket. You've made $5,000, a two item minimum.

Maybe you make another $5,000 on cheap food and cheap liquor. So you're making $10,000 on the best night of the year inside of this comedy club. So you got to have cheap rent and you just got to hope you survive from one show to the next. Because probably most shows it's less than 20 people in the room. So we pull up to this strip mall in this not so great part of town and I am telling you what, Chrissy, I am instantaneously nervous because there are a lot of people that are mulling around and I think to myself, wow there's a lot of people mulling around at 11 p.m. at night and here I am pulling up with Astrid and I just

hope that I'm safe. Not that I had any reason to be like concerned but it was unfamiliar territory. Let's put it that way. So the strip mall has like coin laundry mats, you know, empty lots of empty spaces, what look like it once may have been a coals is now like a thrift store owned by the guy who collects a lot of stuff. You know what I'm saying? Old washer and dryer parts. Just in case you need them. So we pull up and outside there's a number of police officers. So you're like, okay, at least they know this. You got to put, you know, let's, let's be safe about this. Yeah. Let's add a little security. Pull up. We're a little bit early, but they told us to be there early. They said, be there early. It's going to be a process to get

in the show. You got to be there early. Be there at least 30 minutes early. Aster and I are there, 45 minutes early. We're one of the first people inside the club So here we are imagine this walking into this dark dingy strip mall you know Place and we walk in the front door. There's a big come on Astrid. Yeah taking you Hey, baby, I Got one hell of a night plan We're gonna go to the gun range.

Only it's not a range. It's just where people shoot. And everybody shoots because we're all out to carry guns in Georgia. No matter what, don't worry about it. Carry your gun everywhere. I probably should have carried a gun. So we walk up, we get get closed parking so that's good and the police officer right there So that's extra good because they you know Astor doesn't deal well some of these situations She's got some PTSD from Venezuela

So we walking in red velvet rope, but we didn't have to wait because we're one of the first people in there We go in they scan they ask for our ID the ID has to be connected to the name on the ticket Like it's a whole process getting in. And then we go through security, which is a very nice off-duty police officer, I must mention, but he gives me the full pat down, up into my crotch and everything. As if I'm being arrested.

Just, I just didn't have to put my hands on the wall. I just had to put them directly up in the air. And trust me, this is a, this, I know this position. So I'm like, all right, don't reach for anything. Don't make any sudden movements. I've been here before. I've been here before. I know how to do this.

I'm a, hey, I'm part of the five time club. Here we go. All right, hands up. So I put my hands up. He gives me the full, you know, proctor exam. Like he's just giving it to me. And he's like, I'm sorry, man. And I go, hey, listen, if you're buying me a drink later,

I'm cool, but he goes, no, I got to do with everybody. I'm like, no'm sorry man. And I go, hey, listen, if you're buying me a drink later, I'm cool, but he goes, now I gotta do it with everybody. I'm like, no, I understand, totally cool. All right, so we get into this room. Now imagine a room, let's call it 20 by 20, not a particularly bigger, a little bigger than this studio that we're sitting in here right now, which is tiny by the way. And there's two couches lining each end of the wall.

There's a big desk, like a desk, the hostess desk for a restaurant, but it's big. There's a big desk, like a, desk, the hostess desk for a, a restaurant, but it's big. It's like six feet long. And it has two double doors behind it. So I'm imagining, there's the club, it's in there. There is a guy standing behind. There's a lot of security in the room.

There's a couple of us that have come for the show. And then there is a huge, and when I say huge Chrissy, he must have been 600 pounds guy standing behind that desk and he's like all right listen up absolutely no phones sold out show buy your food early get your check 50 minutes before the show ends. Do you understand? Oh wow.

And we're like, yeah, okay. Watches, cell phones, electronic items, security cameras, you know, pacemakers, brain implants, screws and plates and legs and knees all need to go in a bag, a yonder bag. Absolutely no telephone communications during any part of the show. And I'm like, all right, dude, we got it. And then out come the yonder people, you know, the yonder bags. You know what I'm talking about? Those locked bags that they do.

We have a babysitter. So I'm like, oh, shit. You know, we got a babysitter. So instantaneously So the lady comes up and need to check your phone and met and then your watch I thought I thought I'd get away with the watch watch. So you know what I did I had this coat on so I kind of slid it up my arm a little bit I kind of did this number like what she wasn't looking I like shook my hand a little bit You know she's like this yeah, and then she goes do you have a watch on and I was like do I have a watch on?

That's what I said I'm holding my hand up like this, yeah, and then she goes, do you have a watch on? And I was like, do I have a watch on? That's what I said. I go, do I? I'm holding my hand up like this. Like I'm holding the coat on my fingers. Like a, yeah, like a three year old. I got my coat over my hands. Do I? I don't think so.

I don't remember. I can't remember if I put on a watch today. Let me check when I get in there. I'll let you know. All right. So I give her the watch, we stuff it into this yonder, this poor yonder bag, it's like, oh, I can't take any more.

I've got my watch in there, I got my phone in there, but I quickly like dial through the phone and I'm like, okay, I got the baby's there's phone number. Let me turn that on emergency contact real quick. So at least we'll get some kind of notification. Astrid says, well, make sure that it's on buzz. And I go, yeah, yeah, yeah. The lady's standing right there.

And I'm like, yeah, it's on buzz, it's buzz okay. And she's like, well, as long as it doesn't make any noise, right? As long as it's buzzing. And I'm like, and she goes in, you can always come back out. I'll open it for you if you get, you know, if you need to check or whatever. And I'm like, oh, thank you so much.

But I know, I know, she doesn't know, but I know that when I put on my emergency contacts, that phone is ringing. It is ringing and I will hear it and I don't give two fucks who said what? Cuz it's my children. Yes, and I know my babysitter is not gonna call unless it's an absolute emergency Okay, so phones on buzz except for emergency contacts watch is away. Everybody's happy we go We sit down at the table. They open these doors and Chrissy, it is the strangest comedy, it's the strangest room I've ever been in period in the sentence. There are paintings on the wall of people, all like, you know, the face paintings of people with these weird colored bubbles around their head. It is surreal painting, but I can't make out who one of

those people is. I'm sure they're supposed to be famous people, but I cannot make... Bubbles like small bubbles or like they've got a astronaut bubble head? No, like small, like I don't know if you know like imagine if my head is the actual picture. The bubbles are like this big, like the size of my hand. Okay, bigger than your eyes. Yeah, way bigger than my eyes. They're placed all around the face. So you can make out the face, the silhouette of the face, but you're not, it's not like immediately apparent who it was. I spent the next 20 minutes trying to figure out who any of these people were. Like has someone

famous or they were painting, but they were like, you know, pretty realistic renditions. If it had been someone famous, you they were like, you know, pretty realistic renditions. If it had been someone famous, you know, I don't know, Chris Rock, somebody, you know, if somebody you would have known, I would have been able to tell, but I could not for the life of me figure out who it was. Now, the room has seven tables up front, seven tables right behind them, two foot tables, two feet wide, and then five chairs along each table. So we've got like, I don't know, whatever it is. Do the math, that's, carry the one, seven, sixteen thousand people in this one room and

and I am sitting right next to, right across from Astron on this table. Are they round tables? Nope, they're straight, like hard tables. Oh, okay. But like hard tables that have been cut in half. Oh. They were just, there was no, like hard tables. Oh, okay. But like hard tables that have been cut in half. They were just, there was no room. You could barely put your elbow.

It's like a, you know the airplanes, how they have those little dividers? It felt like that width. Like you were uncomfortable. Like if I put my elbow there and then these terrible chairs. Listen, it was just, it wasn't great. There was a smell in the room.

A smell like dirty feet, you know? There was a bar on the side. Smoked from ten years ago. Oh, God. It was just like weird and disgusting. But I'm not here for the room, and I understand it's got to be hard to make a comedy club work. I'm here to see Pete Davidson. There's a DJ booth in back, and the guy is playing like a weird mix of trap and enya. I swear to God he is. It's on just loud enough so you have to speak up when you're talking, but just low enough

that you can't really make out which song it is. But it's like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I I don't know what's going on. I have no idea. I'm like, uh, the D, he looks like he's doing a having fun back there. He's like, he's got his one earphone on like, there's no wiki wiki wiki going on. It's just him like playing this weird music on top of other weird music. And I thought, okay, it's a vibe. I don't know what kind of vibe it is, but it's a vibe. Something a confusing vibe,

because you can't help make out who's on the walls. Well, I was confused. And you can't make out the music. It was so strange. He did put your elbow down. Yes, it was so strange. So, stage up front, two, three feet riser, and then on the back wall,

there's two red velvet curtains to the floor, and then this big sign that says the name of the comedy theater, right? And I'm like, oh, okay, you know, interesting. The decor in there, it looked, I don't know how to explain it. It looked like, it looked like my basement when I was 13 years old. Like I had got, you know, we get really high, put a couple of those, you know, glow in the dark posters, yes, some, you know, mood lighting, and then just really like paint the walls black

because I don't know, that's just the thing to do. There's really a weird essence going on in this room. And the mix in the crowd is that people start filing in, it was some of the most fun people watching I've done since I've been to the airport because it was all kinds of people, black, white, yellow, green, big, small, short, tall. It was everybody, everybody was there.

Guys with guys, girls with girls, the girls out, single girls out for one. There was one girl who, there were seats up front and there was one girl by herself that she made it known when she came in the club that she was there by herself. I thought to myself, this girl wants to get that P. She was like dress, boop, cha-chows out the whole nine yards.

And she was like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey to everybody. And I thought, oh oh There she is There's Pete stalker walking right in the door Kim Kardashian to walk it in the door or maybe she was someone famous and I just didn't know then you had the four White guy comics and you know that there are white guy comics because you know two were already seated and two came in the door You know be seated and two came in the door, brah brah brah brah, you know, give me a brisky, you know, 420, and they're like cracking jokes that each of you can hear them like cracking jokes.

I use this line on the, and they were talking loud enough that you, that everybody around them knew that they had been on a stage before, like oh yeah, one time I used that set at the punch line, it was like, it's hard to, one time on my podcast, That's what I thought. I thought, okay, I'm gonna go for it.

Let me start screaming about the podcast. All right, so we're getting to the show. Let me tell you about it, and we'll do that right after these messages. I'm using this against you now. I'm wielding it as a tool. Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath and now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand-new phone number. That's right. It's 212-433-3TCB and you can text us anytime you want or you can call them leave us a voicemail

And we might just use your message on the show once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course use your message on the show. Once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB podcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com. Now I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G and here they are. and here they are. Okay, so the witching hour is upon you can tell like they're now it took a long time for the room to fill up but I think that was because it was like this four step process to get inside. And so in that sense I was glad we were the first ones in the door literally and so then

in that sense I was glad they were the first ones in the door because you know how much I like waiting around in line, like I hate it. Did you get to choose your seat? No, it was a signed seating. Oh, okay. So we're on one of the back tables where if you're out at the stage looking right where like right side,

we're over near this right hand bar, but we are right in between, like we're at the end of the table where the next table starts and the hallway or the walkway to get between those two tables is not but two feet wide. And I have these gangly fucking legs. I mean, I'm not particularly tall, but I'm like all leg. And so, you know, I'm trying to get to a comfortable

position, but everybody's stepping on my feet. It happened every three seconds of waitress was stepping on my feet. And at some point I just had to give up. I was like, whatever. And I couldn't move backwards because it was a girl literally breathing down my neck the entire time.

I had like three sorority sisters behind me, and then a single guy who had friends in the room, but they were at a different table. He like got that extra ticket, you know what I mean, the last minute extra ticket, and he was hitting on them hard. I mean, hard. He's like, so I'm bringing it inland.

And they're like, well, we live here. And he's like, oh, yeah, I live here too. I got some friends are over there What do you guys do after the show and these girls are like I don't know Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're not I am you will see you later This guy was like oh and he at one point he went to the bathroom And he like he was like waving at his friend and his friend was waving him back And he's like he's pointing toward the bathroom and then they get up and go to the bathroom and he was like waving at his friend and his friend was waving back and he's like pointing toward the bathroom and then they get up and go to the bathroom together. It took them at least 12 minutes to get back to the room.

And so I knew exactly what was going on. A little toots Newton boogie, you know what I'm talking about? A little toots Newton boogie. All right. So now I can feel the witching hours upon us. Room's filling. There's not a particular mood. Everyone's just talking and mingling, the guys playing weird music in the background, they're trying to figure out who the paintings are.

Everyone's trying to figure out who the paintings are. And then, you know, finally the guy says, in five minutes, you're gonna see the show of a lifetime at Pete David's head. Remember absolutely no flash photography. Anybody who has flash photography will be arrested on site, shot and killed. Ah, blah, blah, blah, blah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah They have menus on the table, but they only put two menus per table. So we've got to share the menu around. You have to buy two things,

but they do have convenient table toppers. You know those little table top? Yes. With the QR code says scan here for menu. Oh, great. I'm like, how the fuck do you want me to scan here for menu? Yeah. So, wishing hour and then,

and then I asked her to say, oh no. What? The phone is buzzing. And I'm like, okay. All right, the phone's buzzing. Where could be? Could be the babysitter.

Could be. Could just be American Express reminding me that I haven't paid my bill in a couple months. I don't know, you know, what do we do? And so she's like, and I'm like, the obligatory husband thing, I'm like, do you want me to go outside and check? You know, because it's a whole fucking production.

Do you want me to go outside and check? You know, because it's a whole fucking production. Do you want me to go outside and check? Would you? Sure, babe, no problem. So I scoot myself along this two foot path while everybody's, it's like a plane. People are coming toward me and I gotta move over to the side inconvenience everybody. Like sense of my lap.

Exactly, yes, I know, yes. I'm basically on my ass in someone's face while so weird and uncomfortable. It just really was. The comfort level in this place was zero, but I was optimistic that the show was gonna be good. So I get out, I check it. Of course, it is American Express.

And then I come back and I'm like, nope, just someone we owe money to, talk to you later. And so lights go down, you know, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage Pete Davidson and Friends. And I was like, and friends? I didn't buy an and friends ticket. I bought a Pete Davidson ticket.

What do you mean and friends? And I think everyone was a little stunned because we're all like and friends. Who are the friends? Right? Now welcome from all the way from New Jersey, Shmuckity, Boogity, you know, whatever, whoever the guy's name was.

I'm not gonna mention the comic because I'm about to tell the story and I felt really terrible for the guy. Guy comes out, he's obviously out of his element. He comes out, this may be his shtick, I don't know, I've never seen him before. The face looked kind of familiar, but I don't know.

He comes out and he's like, hey Atlanta, is this whole town kind of cracky or is it just this side of the town? And everyone's like, oh, you know. And then he goes, I'm serious, this is the weirdest fucking place I've ever seen. I don't know, I've done comedy for 26 years and I've never seen a comedy club shittier than this.

And I thought to myself, wow, way to ingratiate yourself right out of the door. Not gonna give his whole set, but the guy bombed spectacularly to the point where he was telling jokes and I was the only one laughing in the entire room. I got his vibe. His vibe was like a little bit off kilter. He kind of wanted to like catch you

on your back foot a little bit. His timing might have been a little bit off but I actually thought he was very funny but no one else did. And I mean no one else. So then he started with crowd work because I think he thought he knew his set had gone sideways and he didn't do a great job of like connecting

his jokes so he started telling these one-off jokes right and then he started doing crowd work and not even the people he was doing the crowd work with were engaging with him and I thought to myself geez this poor, this is gonna be a long fucking night for all of us if no one's laughing, no one's laughing. So this guy bombed, at the end of the set, he goes, honestly, this is the best show I've ever done. This is as good as it's ever been, and I just could not stop laughing.

I thought it was so funny how self-effacing he was. He gets off stage, next guy comes out, this is his shtick. His shtick is, I am going to shock you and then make you laugh. So he gets out there, he's kind of got this dopey, like, you know, stone personality. He's probably in his 30s and, you know, cute looking kid. And he's like, cute looking kid.

Like, like I'm 80 years older than him. He goes, Israel, Hamas, yeah, I'll talk about it. And then he starts going into it. And then he's like, I'm giving an example. I don't want to give a set away, but he was like, abortion. Yeah, right. Why not? Let's talk about it. So his whole shiitake was, let's talk about super controversial things.

Right. And then, yeah. Okay. He got the crowd worked up. Now the crowd is laughing and oohing and laughing and oohing and like, oh, ah. Right. Oh. That genocide is funny. and laughing and oohing and like, oh, ah. Right. Oh. That genocide is funny.

We're amongst friends. We can laugh about it. Ah. He also makes mention. He's like, I don't know who decorated this place, but I felt like it's my blind grandpa He goes, I don't want to talk about the art, but and then everyone starts laughing. He's like, oh y'all are already talking about the art You know, I don't need to say it Such a funny line y'all are already talking about

So he gets a crowd worked up for ten minutes, and then on time for the big show. It's Pete Davidson. I'm not going to repeat his jokes because if he's working on new material, I don't want to be the asshole who's out there repeating his new material. There's a reason why he didn't want phones in there, and I'm not going to be, besides,

I'm not, it could never be as funny as Pete was because I do have to say this. I didn't expect much, but I came out of there really fucking rooting for Pete. I mean, Pete, entertained. He was sincere at moments. He was entertaining always. He was hilarious most of the time. He told stories about his personal life, including Kim and Kanye.

He told the story about how he drove into the house. Remember he drove into a house about a year ago? Yes. Yeah. He told the story about how he drove into the house. Remember he drove into a house about a year ago? Yeah. Yeah. He told the story about how he drove into the house and how that all happened and what actually got reported, but what actually happened, which, you know, it's his out of the story, I'm sure. The time he called PETA and said, fuck you, you bunch of cunts.

You remember that? Yeah. Yeah. He explained why that, you know, he's, he needed a hypoalleric dog, and he's like, you go to the pound and try to find a fucking labradoodle. I dare you. And he was so funny. He was so good.

He was so engaging. It felt like you were talking to him. It felt like you were just having a conversation with Pete Davidson. He had a way of really making the room much smaller than it was, and trust me, it was already pretty fucking small. Pete was spot on and he lit up the room. I mean, people were dying laughing and I was one of them.

He won me over. The guy won me over. Maybe we can get him for the interview. I'd love to have him on the interview, but he doesn't have a cell phone, so it's hard to reach him. He doesn't have a cell phone. I didn't know this because of his mental health. He doesn't have a cell phone. He talked a lot about his mental health issues, right?

He said he doesn't drive much because he's always fucked up. Some other people should follow in those. Yeah, probably Brian should be one of them. Or maybe an American Express. Yeah. Seems like they have a problem too. You're so stalky when it's time for my bill to come due.

I've gotten less text messages from eight crazy ex-girlfriends. Swear to God I have. I have to tell you, Pete fucking killed it. He absolutely killed it. Sometimes when you go in with a lower expectation, you are pleasantly surprised. Yeah, and so Pete comes out and now I'm thinking to myself,

I don't have a good sense of time because I have no watch I've checked in almost two hours, right? But I know he's got another show at 11.55. So my thought is they need at least 30 minutes to turn the room. They got, you know, so they got to get everybody out, clean it up and then do it all over again.

So I'm thinking, you know, 11.15 is probably the latest to this show is going to go. And now these first two guys probably took 10 to 12 minutes themselves. And they started a little bit late in about the story about the car. And I thought that was it. He's just working on this piece of his hour long special, right? This is going to be the piece that he works on. He kept going and going and going and going. And he even asked somebody on the side of the stage, he's like, can I have five more minutes? I want to tell one more story to these guys. Can I have five more minutes? He was feeling it. He was feeling it. He was feeling it. He's like, I really wanna tell this one more thing. I really wanna say this about Kanye.

You know, blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada. He's feeling it. We get out of the room and we get that. First of all, it's like de-planning, right? Everyone's gotta shuffle out. Of course, we're the first ones in, so we're the last ones out. We're trying to squeeze through this crowd.

I have to, you know, then you got your yonder bag opened up. So the time we get our yonder bag opened up, it's 12 fucking 15. Oh wow. And when we leave the club, that velvet rope, that red rope sure did come in handy because now there are people like lined up

down the strip mall to get in. You can tell they're not too plus about having stood out. Like the show's supposed to start at 11 55. It's 12 fucking 15. they probably got off stage at 230 in the morning But I wanted to mention one more thing I didn't want to say one thing about what Pete said and I'll repeat this and Pete

I apologize to you if this is like a super thing you want to keep secret Pete mentioned his story about Kanye about how in him and Kanye got into it. And he said this about Kanye. He said, you know, Kanye has Grammys, he's written albums, he's got more money than God, he married Kim Kardashian, he's got children, he's got that clothing brand that you guys keep buying, I don't know why. And he says, but at the end of the day, Kanye is a human being. And everybody fucks with him. He goes, Kanye was one of the first people that made other people feel comfortable

celebrities about coming out with their mental health issues. And he goes, and when people found out, they spent about a month going, good for you, Kanye. And then they started fucking with him. And fucking with him, and fucking with him. He's like, there is no good day for Kanye. No one says anything nice to him. No one comes at him in a nice way.

They're all looking to prod him into some kind of action that makes him look like an asshole so they can get clicks. And he's like, so in this sense, I feel for Kanye. He's bored, he's stressed, he's tired and there's no good energy coming his way. So when Kanye says, I love Hitler, he doesn't really love Hitler, he's trolling you. He's bored.

He wants to have, he wants to garner some kind of reaction that's gonna make his day a little bit more exciting than the normal bullshit he goes through. I'm not sure I believe 100% of what Pete said, but it made me think about the whole Kanye situation just a little bit differently. Because yeah, he's a human being with mental health issues and everybody fucks with him.

And good night. Hey. That's that. Everybody keep up with your mental health. Yeah, keep up with your mental health. Yeah. If you need medication, there's no shame in taking it. No.

No. One other thing he said, I don't want to give too much away, but one other thing he said is, imagine me without medication. He goes, I'm like this with medication because I take my medication. He goes, imagine me without medication. That's Kanye, right? And he goes, Kanye just won't take his medication.

A lot of people do that. A lot of people. We know this from our own personal life experiences. People close to us. Christy and I, we both have mental illness. Well, a lot of times people get on medication and then they feel better, so they think they don't need it. But the reason they feel better is because they're taking it.

Yeah, because they're taking it. That's right. Keep taking it. Yeah, I've seen that cycle a couple of times. With people that I know, with people that I've dated, you know, they feel good because they're taking their medication. So they say, oh, I don't need my medication anymore. But what's making you feel good medication i'm not saying everybody should take medication

now every little issue but i am also saying that if you need it there's no shame in taking go ahead take you know i'm saying yeah especially if you're displaying erratic behavior and saying awful thing i think khanye is on the

like high high end of erratic behavior Yeah, yeah, he really says some shit that's way out there that I completely don't agree with But then he'll say a few things that I do agree with he'll be like Well, I don't want to get it He said some things and you're like wow Yeah, absolutely. You're right Kanye, but then he says like something really fucking crazy And this is kind of along the lines of something Pete would say he says something really fucking crazy and everybody's like oh Yeah, I agree with two of the three things

Well, that's good to know about Pete though, and I'll be looking forward to saying the new special if you get a chance And he comes to a town near you. I promise he won't disappoint. That's my two cents. I'm throwing it out there. I walked in feeling like, eh, whatever, you know, a night of entertainment. I got a night of fun. All right. Tcbpodcast.com is where you go to find out more information about Chrissy and I, read all the show notes, get all the sponsors codes. You can also get your free piggy fronting sticker. Two one two, four, three, three-3TCB. That's 212-433-3TCB. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, YouTube.com slash the commercial break at the commercial break on Instagram. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for right now. I think so.

But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, me, Chrissy and Pete Davidson must say we will say and we should say goodbye. I get assed!