The Commercial Break - The Gnome Gnows

Episode Date: August 9, 2024

Episode #580: You gnome what they say, the little man in your bedroom at night is just an alien here to protect you and also maybe to have sex with you. Aliens! The old ITV crew Thank you to Gina Gershon Now that Bryan has Peacock, I petition to force him to watch Below Deck A pole vault punch 90’s ITV alien show Out of this world orgasm Smells like team spirit… Is she going to outer space or just dreaming? Work it out on the gang bang Who is Ian The Octopus Man? It’s lovely to imagine Cat Gran? Bryan’s sleep paralysis experience Come To Our Shows: Dania Beach Improv (Tuesday, Sept. 24th) The Funny Bone Orlando (Wednesday, Sept. 25th) Text us or leave us a voicemail: [phone]TCB FOLLOW US: INSTAGRAM:   https://www.instagram.com/thecommercialbreak/ https://www.instagram.com/bryanwgreen/ https://www.instagram.com/tcbkrissy/ YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/thecommercialbreak TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@tcbpodcast Visit our website:  https://tcbpodcast.com/ CREDITS: Executive Producer: Bryan Green Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Producer:  Astrid B. Green Producer & Audio Editor: Christina Archer Christina’s Podcast: Apple Podcasts & Spotify To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. I don't know what to say. So I'm hoping that the tone of my voice makes you think that I do, okay sweetie? Thanks Tays. On this episode of the Commercial Break. Maybe he's like, don't go out there. You'll be filled with sperm. Your life will be changed forever. The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the fence to my Harris, Kristen, Joy, Odley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. I think an appropriate opening for the show today is the aliens. Aliens.

Aliens clip or the aliens drop because we will be talking about aliens most of the episode. Yay. You know one of our most popular episodes by views and by downloads is the guy from ITV. Remember the morning show ITV? Holly and whatever his name were. Yeah, until he got, until he started dating

a 17 year old intern and forgot, failed to tell anybody about it. But anyway, so one of the morning show clips that we did from ITV was a guy who had sex with aliens and then claimed he had millions of space babies and he was visiting them all on a regular basis. They were in pods and space. Yeah, and we wondered, you know, is he saving for college? He better have started early.

That's right. Anyway, he enjoyed going to the tree, going to the Wacken tree down by the creek and fucking space alien. He just never happened to grab a picture. Anyway, he enjoyed going to the trees, going to the Whacking Tree down by the creek, and fucking space aliens. He just never happened to grab a picture. Yeah, he never, when asked if he had ever gotten a picture, he said, well, I never really thought about it, to be honest with you. I'm like, you never thought.

You never thought in the two decades you've been fucking space aliens. You never thought for one second to take a picture of the tits of a space alien. Come on. Yeah, why would you? Why would that be? It's not like cameras are readily available.

You gotta go down, run to your local Walgreens and get rolls of film and put it in that Canon 350. Anyway, later on we're gonna review, lest we think that we're being sexist about it that the only guys have sex with aliens. That's not true Women apparently do also and we have found one with Holly and what's his name? Which I can't remember his name Anyway, the morning show the original crew Because he gets so serious They both take it way too seriously, but I guess that's the joke right? The joke is we think it's serious or we want you to think we're serious.

But they're always giving sly looks on the side. They're really good at what they do, actually. I'm sad to see them go. But I guess at some point you got to bring in the new blood. And I've watched the new blood. It's not, it's not, but listen, maybe it just takes time. Like, you know, you and I, it only took us 500 episodes to figure out what was funny and what was not. And I think some people would argue that we still haven't gotten there. But when you, listen, you do six to seven hours of content a week and then you tell me

how easy it is to be funny. That's my favorite thing when people are like, oh, you do a comedy podcast? So we'll get a comedy here. You tell a joke. And I'm like, yeah, I can tell a joke. I'm grandpa. I'm grandpa joke master.

Shaving the haircut, two bits. I'm like, it's not a standup comedy podcast. No, no. It's just improv, we're just riffing off each other. Well, we'll see when we stand up to do our show live. Well, that's true. Dania Beach improv. But we're gonna have a lot of crowd interaction.

Yeah, oh yeah, we're gonna have crowd interaction. I'm actually gonna ask the crowd to do the show on our big act. Exactly. I get why people do crowd interaction. It kills time. It just kills time. I got to do is talk to people. Listen, lover hate Matt Reif. And I stand on the fence about it. I've seen a lot of stuff where I do laugh out loud. I think he's pretty funny. He's obviously got a great sense of humor and very quick at it too. And then I've seen some stuff where I'm like, ah, you're just trying a

little bit too hard. But he's a young kid and he's trying to make his way in the comedy world and whatever. Anyway, I did see like a crowd interaction that he did. It's like a five minute TikTok video where he did. And it had me laughing so fucking hard. Two people in the front of the crowd. Let me just give you like the specs on it.

Two people right in the front. He's, you jump into the video and he's already asking them questions. And he's like, so is this your wife? And they said, yeah, we're recently married. And he goes, oh, they're recently married. The whole crowd goes crazy. How long you guys been married? And he said, this time 10 days. And he goes, this time 10 days? What do you mean this time? And they're like, oh, we used to be married. And then ba ba ba, you know, I've got divorced. Like your parents, you know? And now we got remarried. We've been together, you know, again

for two years, just got recently married. And then he says, well, what broke you up the first time? And the lady goes, ask him. And he goes, well, we went to a high school, I went to a high school reunion and I ended up fucking one of my old flames. And then he's like, you fucked the old flame. And everyone goes crazy.

And then he goes, yeah, but ask her what she did. And she goes, I fucked my divorce attorney. And he goes, that's one way to get the house and the divorce. It was pretty funny. It was good. But it made me feel like it had to have been a plant, like right up front, really that story right up front. You just happen to talk to those people. Anyway, that right, rather funny. I wanna thank very much Gina Gershon for coming in earlier this week. I said it on the show when we were talking to her face, which I'm sure she didn't appreciate.

I said, you're a living legend. And asked her, go, does that mean you think she's old? And I go, no, but it might sound like I think she's old. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that. But Gina's- I thought it was a compliment. It was a compliment. It was the highest compliment that I could pay. I really do. I mean, it's not like she can get away from her age. It's all over the place. And she's been in so many movies, so many great movies. And that was part of the legend part. Yeah, that was part of the legend part is that she's been in, her body of work is literally,

her body and her body of work have literally been in so many movies and she's not only to me physically gorgeous, but then she is whip smart and I really enjoyed the conversation. She's got a lot of substance. Gina is one of those people where I, you know, we've done not a lot of interviews, but we're getting there. We're, you know, we're building up a nice little rapport of interviews and I'm feeling more, more comfortable talking to whoever comes on the screen, but you still get a little nerves around individual personalities because we've had a few people come in and what you saw was what you got, but not necessarily,

like in a surprising way, like, oh, okay, that's where they're going to go with this. The schtick, it's not as either it's not a schtick or the schtick continues one of the two. But Gina was like, and I built up a little bit of nerves feeling like every single, not every single, but 90% of her characters are sultry, sassy, smart, but like, you know, smart assy also. So I felt like, oh, is that like the, could that be her personality in real life? It was not.

She was very pleasant and really easy to talk to. So thanks Gina for coming out. And I just wanted to mention that because Borderlands comes out today. Borderlands based on the bestselling video game series, Borderlands, Kevin Hart. There's so many people. Gina Gershon, Yeah. Jamie Lee Curtis.

Cate Blanchett. Cate Blanchett. Jack Black. And so many others are in there. There's a lot of folks in that movie. So if you're interested in that kind of thing, go watch it to, oh, in your movie theaters, thank you very much.

So we're coming to the end of the Olympics, sad to say, because I've really been enjoying all of this. Oh, God, I know. And I'll probably be watching this for months to come. coming to the end of the Olympics, sad to say, because I've really been enjoying all of this. Oh, God, I know. It's so entertaining. And I'll probably be watching this for months to come. I'll probably be turning on that peacock since now I'm paying for it and watching all of the replays. I watched the other day, did you see that guy who did the, I think he's, is he Canadian or is he all, no, he's Swedish. The Swedish pole vaulter who got the world record at like six meters, 6.25 meters.

I did, I saw a replay of that. Un-fucking- I know. Believable. I remember people doing pole vaulting in high school and it looked like a real fucking shit show to me. And there were broken arms and broken limbs and shoulders and knees wrapped up in ice,

because no one seemed to know how to do it very well. They all just kind of fell backwards. Here's a stick, now go. Yeah, exactly. And they were doing like six meters. They were doing like a meter and a half, like three and a half feet. And they would try and plant the stick and it would break or they would fall backwards. I thought to myself, I'm never doing, fuck that. That just looks like an accident waiting to happen. So when I can see somebody doing it at that level, it's unbelievable. But the reaction to me after he did it was unbelievable. It's obviously just like testosterone filled, screaming and yelling, bouncing around, let's fucking go. Runs up, gives his teammate who is his girlfriend, but that wasn't

known until like days ago when some investigative reporter uncovered it or whatever, runs up, gives her a big fat smack on the lips and everybody in the stadium is going bananas. It's so fucking loud in there. And then one of his teammates comes up to give him a hug and gives him kind of like one of those punches in the chest that guys do that would probably break my ribs, but okay, that's a thing, I guess. Gives him kind of a punch in the chest and is like, yeah, man, you fucking did it. And then the pole

vaulter filled with adrenaline, testosterone, and whatever else courses through your body after you go 18,000 feet in the air on some skinny little toothpick, he punches him back and the guy falls and then like runs up the stage. He like walks away from him. Like, oh man, that really hurt. That really hurt. You started it, you bitch. He was, that's amazing to me. Congratulations to him.

There's so much good stuff going on. So much good stuff. The swimmers are doing well, the divers. Well, we're not doing all that great in diving, but there are divers that are doing well. No, I know. I saw this one this morning actually, and she was doing her own diving, which I was watching synchronized diving the other day, and that was amazing.

You have to practice with that person for so long to be able to even think about being in sync. But this was a person on their own, and she got up on her hands and did the dive like she stood on her hands. Yeah, that's the hands. Other people were just doing it where they were just, you know, standing and then diving. But this girl, I mean, she just got on her hands on this little ledge and put her feet directly up. They like body walk their hands and then stand on it. So, the commentator was saying, and I've seen... I mean, people who do

yoga can't do that. I know. And this is the thing that like they do to add a degree of difficulty, obviously. Try to jump off a three meter diving board, because you say to yourself, oh, that's not the, oh, I don't do that. Fuck no, you can't do that. Go up to a three meter diving board, especially if you have any kind of fear of heights, go up on a three meter diving board and tell me it doesn't look scary looking down at that water. I have dove off of three meter diving boards and it took like minutes for me to get up the courage. I was just scared shitless. I have been up to the top of a 10 meter diving board because I, you know, again, Brian, someone challenges Brian's fear of heights and I have to show everybody that my balls are bigger than my fear. I didn't even get halfway out to the ledge

and I turned back. I was like, no fucking way. In your head, you know, if you hit the water the wrong way, it's like cement. Yes, and controlling your body all the way down to the bottom is not as easy as it seems. Right. It doesn't, yeah. It's like very seamless with the whoosh. Yeah. Just this tight little splash. They're getting like deducted points because there's a little tiny splash.

And those Chinese divers They make the water disappear like you're going into like one of the commentators that you're going into quicksand. Yeah, it's fucking weird It's just weird But then add on top of that that you're doing it upside down while you're doing a handstand and add three double twists in the Turn right whatever the fuck it is. It's and add on top of that You're in a thong and all the camera people are taking a picture of your ass It's like it's all the camera people are taking a picture of your ass. It's like, it's all the fears together.

All of them just jumbled up into one. And these girls, some of them are only like 17, 18, 19, 20 years old, they're incredibly young to be doing this. I guess you have to do it when you're young. You just made the point. When you're young, you have something to prove and no fear. You also have knees and joints that aren't yet broken. Yeah.

As you see some of those divers, they're all taped up. Oh, I know. It's insane. There's a lot of tape going on. Yeah, man, God bless. I really am enjoying the Paris Olympics. I gotta say, Paris is putting on a show and the athletes are putting on a show

and thank God for it. It's kinda occupied most of the summer. I can otherwise not be depressed about everything else in my life because I... I know, I thought the same thing the other day. I was like, feeling kind of a little melancholy about something and then I was like, wait, let me turn on the Olympics. Turn on those Olympics. Get in a good mood. See what the best, see what it's like to actually have a body that works. Not a body that fails me after 15 minutes of sleep and I wake up and I'm like, oh, my back, oh, my hip, oh, I gotta pee for the 15th time, oh, one of my kids' knees is in my balls, oh.

These people are like highly finely tuned machines. Heather Kp, MPH, CD, MPH Even if they hurt something, they get right back out there. Yeah, the doctor shoots them up with something and they're right back out there. Yeah, they're all taped in a shot in there. Doctor shoots me up with cortisone the other week. I feel like I have to take a nap for five days. I know.

I do. It's crazy. But you were saying about the synchronized diving. I think I said this on an episode you may or may not ever hear, but those synchronized divers are insane. Astrid and I cannot hold hands together walking down the street without changing position four times because we can't figure it out. How are they doing that?

And, you know, they talk to each other under their breath, they're like, ready? Yeah, they do the count. One, two, three, but it never starts on three. Then they take a beat and then there's like four bounces and then they do the count. One, two, three, but it never starts on three. Then they take a beat and then there's like four bounces and then they do it. It's like, what clock are they using? Because if I'm on mine, I'd go one, two, three, you just bounce on three. Yeah, but no, it's like a song going on in their head that only they understand. It's really quite fascinating and amazing. And I'll be sad to see it come to an end, but at least I got it forever and ever.

I haven't watched half the sports I wanna watch. And when does that break in? Come on. Oh, it's this weekend. Oh, it's this weekend? Yes, I'm already queued up for that. Okay, I guess it's like a short competition. Yeah, it's like a test trial.

And apparently they're not gonna have break dancing in LA. I didn't know you could choose. I thought like once something's in, it's in. I thought so too. Yeah, not so. Why wouldn't the Olympic committee be the ones who choose that? I don't know. I in it's in. I thought so too. Yeah, not not so why wouldn't the Olympic Committee be the ones who choose that? I don't know. I guess it's per city and I did not know this but they were doing a whole thing on the breakdancing this morning I was watching one the news things and they said yeah, LA is not gonna have it now

Well, that's hot. So you just pick and choose which ones you want to have. Yes It's not like very much fun. And why wouldn't LA choose to have breakdancing? LA's got a great street scene going on. Isn't LA like kind of where break dancing started? New York, LA, yeah. What the fuck? Come on, LA, you're already disappointed. Come on, get it together.

I better see a horse riding down that rain channel you got down there where the Terminator was filmed. I better see a silver horse with a fucking big eagle riding down that for 58 minutes before you like that thing or I'm gonna fall asleep on you It better be as crazy as Paris. It better be twice as crazy as Paris And I know and I know what you just fill it with a bunch of celebrities saying things and doing you know doing Acting pieces or rap video whatever I want true bat shit crazy bullshit. That's what I want. The unknown artist.

I know Paris has up the ante. Yes, they have. When China did theirs in Beijing, we all went, oh shit. But then Paris blew it out of the water. China did the precision. They had a precision show with thousands of drummers and flag waivers and fireworks and all this. But then Paris just took some acid and decided to go crazy. And I'm here for it. I love it. I think it's great. Yeah. And I know a lot of other people are loving it too from our audience because we're getting a lot of feedback on the Olympic content. It's not my Olympic content. There are the

ones actually doing it. I'm just talking about it. It's the Olympic of the mouth here at the commercial break. All right, when we get back, we're going to be introduced to a lady who claims that she has been having sex with aliens for many years, giving her incredible orgasms and Holly and whatever his name is will bring us, I can't remember his name. Alex or something. Now Mike, Paul, John, John. We'll find out.

We'll find out. Let's all find out together. We'll all find out together when we come back. You already know who it is. Christina here to keep you actually informed, unlike some people we know, Brian. I've got certified, verified factual information about our Florida shows, so listen up. We are coming to Daniel Beach Beach improv on Tuesday September 24th and the funny bone in Orlando on Wednesday September 25th and

Links to those tickets are in the show notes So go get them in other completely new and interesting news You should follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on tik-tok at TCB podcast And of course go to our website TCB.com for all of our audio and video content. And finally, if you want to tell Brian and Chrissy that I am a pretty pretty princess or that you hate me, text us or leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Bye! at 3822. Bye. Studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically

located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. No matter what you're going through, you are never alone. Join me on my podcast, From the Heart, with Rachel Breitham every Friday. Each episode is like sitting down with your best friend for a cup of coffee. From self-care tips to inspiration for healing, this podcast offers the chance to return to nature, return to community, and return to who you are at your core.

Straight from my heart to yours. Listen to and follow From the Heart with Rachel Braitham on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, so let's just get right into it. Here is ITV Morning Show. This is one, I think this is from the 90s, if I'm not mistaken. Yeah, they don't have the beautiful view of the city behind them.

No, it's like a weird ET tent behind them. Remember an ET when they covered everything in plastic? That's what it looks like. I think that's for effect. Either that or they're really literally doing renovations on the set and just decided to leave it alone. All right, here they are. Let's listen in and see what's going on. Stephanie Cohen. Stephanie claims that she is often visited by aliens who help to guide her through life. Not only does she claim aliens sneak into her room at night, she also

says that she has sex with them and has out of this world orgasms. Professor Christmas. Out of this world orgasms. Oh, I see what you did there. He says it so politely. Out of this world orgasms. And he made a joke there. He slid it in.

You see it? Out of this world orgasms. By the way, the woman that they're showing is lovely. Yeah, and she just laughed while he was saying it. She's heard it all. If you're claiming you're having sex with aliens and you're willing to go on TV about it, you've probably heard it all.

Believes there is a rational explanation and welcome to you. Oh good, we brought a doctor on set to talk about the alien sex. What set? I do have to say this is wild. It looks like a video. I don't know.

Like one from the 80s video. This looks like a Liberace sex room or something. It's weird. Yeah, there's like a bunch of clear plastic around them, like Saran wrap and I don't even know. You got to go to the youtube.com slash the commercial break and check this one out. It's utterly fascinating. And we should say, Stephanie, we're glad to have you here this morning because as you've been in this morning talking to us, last night did you – You got boned by a big fat alien dick. Just last night they came, I came, we all came. Traveled out to the solar system. Where did you go and how did you get there?

Oh, she travels out. Oh, she goes there. Well, yeah, it makes sense, you know. They come and scoop, they pick her up for the date. Yeah, when you're making the booty call, you gotta do the drive, you know what I'm saying? That's what I've learned in my life. If you pick up the phone to make the booty call,

you better be ready to get into a cab and Uber or drive yourself over there. Well, my group, I call them Team Spirit. And- Oh, what a cute name. Smells like Team Spirit's been jizzing all over me. We have a UFO, a flying saucer. And we've got a photo.

Well, no, it's not a photo. It's a picture I drew. This is a drawing. I was about to say, what, we have a photo? I was kind of excited. It was a picture I drew. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, you know that if there was an actual photo of this, this lady would be way more famous than ITV. It was a picture I drew. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, you know that if there was an actual photo of this,

this lady would be way more famous than ITV. It's a picture I drew. My kids draw pictures of UFOs all the time. They draw pictures of something, I just call them UFOs. Yeah, I drew this. This is the UFO that you went to. Yeah, sure. Beth! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha That looks like a big marshmallows kind of stack.

It looks like it's about to be on a cake contest. With rainbow lights coming down. Yeah, rainbow fire coming out. It's like they've got some French double doors there. Well, you gotta make it nice. Couple windows. Designed by Joanna and Chip. That's really funny.

I didn't know you could make it. That does look like you could draw that. Yeah, that looks like Disney World fireworks to me. And you know when they do those cake competitions, they always draw what they're going to do first, but they're not artists in that way, so it always looks very childlike? That's what this seems like to me. Why not the photo? That's what I asked.

And we go off to planets within our own solar system, but also to weigh out into the solar system Do you go in mind or do you go in body? Are you fucking crazy? This is her head, you're fine Are you fucking crazy or are you on some kind of absolutely spectacular narcotic? In mind because it happens when my physical body is asleep, but my spirit will then leave. Oh, that's called a dream! Exactly!

That's called a night-nighty. A dream? I mean would that be what most people think a dream is? A dream is a friendly way of letting you know what you've been doing without scaring you. Oh, that's what? Dreams really are. Oh That's interesting way to look at dreams and interest Friendly way of showing you what a murderous asshole you are Because people would be afraid to actually Yes, I would be afraid to travel to other planets in or outside of our solar system

to have sex with large slimy-like creatures. That would be a definite fear of mine. Be afraid if they were face-to-face with, say, an alien. Yeah. So, the different species, let's talk about them. The different species. She has sex with more than one kind of alien. These different beings, you say that they are cat people, they are reptilians.

Are they all, they're not part of the same race, so these are separate entities? No, they're very separate, but they do come from the same... They work together on the gangbang. That's right, Chrissy. We have a, if you will, an intra-web dating site where we can all swing around with cats. Yeah, they work together on that. Stick figure, whatever kind of alien you're into. Reptiles. Oh, do I love the reptilians, for they have multiple penises to hit you in all the right spots, Chrissy. The solar system that they come from, which is within the Cannis Major.

The Cannabis Major! Oh, I go to that solar system a couple times a week. So that's where they originate. Yeah, they're different planets within the Cannis Major system. So you, I assume, have seen... Wow, she takes this very seriously. She looks like she's fully convinced of her own story. In life and other civilizations on other planets. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And how prolific is life in the universe?

When you look up at the stars at night, that's how prolific it is. Who is Ian the Octopus Man? Ian the Octopus Man. He just jumped right in. He's a new cartoon character on Disney Junior. Ian the Octopus Man. He had the octopus! He just jumped right in. He's a new cartoon character on Disney Junior. Ian the Octopus Man. He's an octopus man.

He stays an eight-peen eyed reptilian. It's what he sounds like. He's an octopus man. That's right. What do you mean? It's pretty self-explanatory. His name's Ian. Yes.

He stays quite close to me, sort of like a spirit kind of boyfriend, but not really boyfriend, I don't call it boyfriend, just a… I don't want to be tied down like that, I mean, there are also cat penises, cat alien penises I like to have sex with. A good spirit friend, and he happens to be from the octopus race. I mean, all of them indulge in insects, but particularly the cat. Incest or insects? I think she said insect, but we might want to replay that. Yeah, let's see if we can hear what she's saying and maybe we'll get some clarification

from Holly, but probably not. Octopus race. I mean, all of them indulge in insects. Insects. Insects. Insects. Insects. They all have sex with each other. Oh, okay. I think. Yeah. Incest, insects, or yeah, or maybe that's just like you, like instead of

having a phallus, you're going inward. I don't know. Let's find out more. Particularly the cat people are extremely highly charged sexually. Now. J.F. Fucking cats. I knew it. They could kill me and they're highly charged sex creatures. S.K.

You know, and it's part of our culture, the cat people culture. S.K. This guy. J.F. There's a doctor on set, by the way. He hasn't said anything yet, but he's very much calculating in his head how crazy his client is. What do you make of this? You're not convinced, are you? I'm not convinced, no. I mean, I think the viewers at home

have their own mind up about what they think about what we've just heard. Do you think the viewers are gonna make their own mind up? Thanks, Doc. The obvious question is, where's there any kind of external proof for any of this? I mean, and there's lots of claims being made about... I think Doc wants to see her undressed. That's what I think, Doc. Is there any external proof? Come to my office. She already said it just happens in her mind. Well, she said it happens in her mind, but that is... Her spirit. Yeah, the dream is just an indicator of what's going on with her body. Various kind of expeditions to this solar system

and elsewhere in the universe, but it's all happening in Stephanie's head, basically, as she admits it. It says, Professor Chalmers, supernatural skeptic. Professor. Now, I mean, there is this thing about the orgasms, that's clearly a very physical event, which we wouldn't choose to,

but one could actually observe that. Oh, doctor, professor, you know, we wouldn't choose to, but one could actually observe that. Oh, doctor, professor, you're such a naughty man. Let's see what he's suggesting. By the way, the professor looks like right straight out of casting for an English professor at like Cambridge or something. He's got glasses on, the gray, you know, fading sides. Yeah, he's, he looks like he's never actually seen an orgasm in person. It's been a long time.

It's been a while. So again, there are alternative explanations. There is a disorder known as persistent gentle arousal disorder. It's quite rare. Oh, I've got that. Interview someone on here with that. Absolutely. And very often, usually people kind of don't find it very enjoyable.

Good luck to Stephanie that she actually seems to enjoy the whole experience. Good luck. Cheers to you. We've got a little trophy for you behind stage. In terms of explanations, for absolutely everything that Stephanie's mentioned. But it's a lovely thing to imagine though, isn't it? No, it's not. What are you talking about?

Getting abducted by aliens and having sex with cat people? But we are all, we happen to have a sort of flesh aspect, but there's a spiritual side to us that could travel the universe It's it's not it's not a new claim by any means. I mean claims like this for Centuries she's getting irritated because she's like now this shit is real if my Froot Loops color hair doesn't say Doesn't tell you how serious I am By the way, the woman has dreadlocks and the dreadlocks are really fruit-flavoured. They're wrapped with different rainbow colours. Or dyed or something, yeah.

There were claims, you know, back in previous centuries of people who had gone to other planets and observed things, but of course now we've actually been there ourselves and we can see what is actually there, we know that all those claims were wrong. So, are they with you all the time? I mean, are they here now, for example? Yes. And what is the reason for them being? I've got one under my dress right now. Yes, she just very matter of fact said, yes, I can.

Why are they here? Why did they choose to come in today? Well, they want to be on TV. Everyone wants to be famous, right? Hello Ian. Hello. Ian the octopus. I want to bring out Ian. What if she just lifted her dress and out came an octopus, started talking. And he was like, let's see, what would he sound like if he was, uh... I mean, I think he'd be British.

Hello, my name is Ian the Octopus. I am a multi-penis, multi-orgasmic giving octi-pie. Chrissy, what are you doing for the next 10 to 15 minutes? Would you like to travel to Jupiter? Yes. And I'll give you eight bucks. orgasmic giving octi-time. Chrissy, what are you doing for the next 10 to 15 minutes? Would you like to travel to Jupiter? Yes.

I'll give you eight boners at a time. Let's go. Okay. Hey now. Because I'm here. So they follow you wherever you want. They've been coming all week, actually. Okay.

Just keeping it honest. My grand has been sitting on the sofa over there doing her knitting. My cat grand, grandmother. What? Your cat gran? Cat gran is also having sex with you? This is getting a little weird for my taste. Wow, it's hard to keep up. Hey, listen, I got an open mind about anything, but having sex with cat gran. My gran is just right over there, my cat gran. Cat gran. I forgot to mention you're related. Cat Gran. Cat Gran. We forgot to mention you're related.

Well, she takes on the human form. She has been in human incarnation. Why don't they show themselves? If they're here now, and one of the greatest things, one of the greatest revelations for mankind would be one of these beings to manifest themselves right behind me now, why don't they show themselves? Because then they don't really, they're not into showing off their genitalia, which is huge and rock hard. I'm picturing like a little cat grandma knitting. Like knitting? With a big boner? Like a big cat boner?

Well, they do show themselves actually. I don't know if you know of the Olympic pole vaulter, but he's a cat gran also and he's got a huge member. Quite reserved in themselves. Well, they have sex with you at a bus stop. That's not very reserved. in themselves. Well they have sex with you at a bus stop that's not very good. Oh my god. Yes. Well played sir. Well played. No no no what I mean is they don't. Philip his name is Philip Philip and Holly. I just thought of that I don't know. They don't show themselves to the world like that they tend to deal on a personal level with individuals because they are we all have guides our own guides and they are my guides and so they interact with me

um If you wanted to hold on. Did you see that? I did in the middle They've got a tv set up, like wheeled out, and they just had an alien face on it. Yeah, like a kid drew an alien face you know and love. The big eyes and the weird, like, cone-shaped head. Even, they would do that through your guides, or your guides would allow them to come through

so that you can see. I do have to say this. I think this might be a time now to admit something to the audience here. There was a night, and maybe I've shared this with you, maybe I haven't. There was a night many years ago when I lived in an apartment by myself. And my friend, my best friend, Raphael, had come in from Costa Rica where he was living at the time and he was spending a couple of weeks with me. He was on the couch and I was in the bedroom and we went to sleep. It was one of the nights we decided not to drink and drug ourselves to death. And so, I was in the bedroom, we had fallen asleep and I got paralysis, sleep paralysis. And I had had this

a number of times before. I haven't really had it since, but I had it a number of times before. And I really chalked it up to drugs and alcohol is what I chalked it up to. But I floated out of my body and saw myself sleeping as some people do when they have sleep paralysis. But in the corner, there was a strange alien-like short, tiny little dark-skinned man, I can only describe, that was telling me that I couldn't go outside the door. He's like standing by my bedroom door. And he was telling me, you can't go out this door. You can't go out the door. He's like standing by my bedroom door and he was telling me, you can't go out this door, you can't go out this door. And I tried to scream for Raphael because I was getting scared that I was dying, right? I thought maybe this was it. And I was

consciously aware of what was going on to the point where I can think about it right now and still remember that feeling. And I fought and I fought and I fought to either get myself out of the door or back in my body. And after what seemed like minutes, 20 minutes, I finally fell back into my body. I woke up, I took a huge breath, and I picked up the phone to call my mother, to tell her that I thought I had just had a heart attack. It was one of the scariest things I have ever been through. Wow. And I know that sleep paralysis is very scary.

There's lots of people who haven't, lots of people who describe what I'm describing. I've had it once or twice before, yeah. It's terrifying. It is. Yeah, you can't move. You can't move. Sometimes it's described as an out-of-body experience. And oftentimes people will include small, dark-skinned creatures in these sleep paralysis moments

in these episodes. Had you guys just come back from the party in the woods or were you on your way there? I actually reconsidered. That's what it was, Raphael came in town so you guys could head off. I might have been at the party in the woods and just not remembered it.

And that was, it just went like, my memory of it was just that 15 minutes. But I do have to say, this was a rather strange and odd experience, and it happened as if it was real. I swear on all that's holy, I am not hokey pokey in that manner. I don't think that, you know, I don't see ghosts and I don't have visions and all this other stuff, but I tend to be a very spiritual person. And this was one of the most intensely scary moments of my entire life. I remember it clearly and vividly to this day, and I only afterwards did I learn about sleep paralysis and understood what I had gone through.

But many people describe this same woodland-like creature with fucking dark skin, warding you off in some direction or the other. Lots of people describe that. And there's no conclusive, like no, not that I've ever read, no psychologist, therapist, you know, sleep specialist, whatever, has ever been able to conclude why so many people have seen the same type of, Crete described the same type of creature. A little dark gnome.

A little dark gnome, keeping you from bad things or keeping you from good things. I'm not really sure, but it was really fucking weird. Keeping you from Raphael. Keeping me from Raphael is right. Yes. Maybe I was having a moment of interlockery, sexual, whatever they fucking call it. Maybe he's like, don't go out there. You'll be filled with sperm.

Your life will be changed forever. But it was weird. And I do have to say that, you know, ever since then, I thought that there might be something a little funky about sleeping and dreaming, but I don't know, because I'm not a scientist, I can't conclude that, nor am I going to go making some big grand claim that I don't really understand. So it's not that I 100% disbeliever, it's that I find it hard to believe that you're having sex night after night with aliens and they're sending you off in a spaceship that you never took a picture of, you know, with multicolored flames on the bottom. But hey, listen to each their own.

Exactly. Everybody's got their own experience, their own energy, their own mind. That's right. Have you ever experienced sex with an alien? Call now. All right, let's take a short break and we'll be back. Hello, my fans. I mean, Brian and Chrissy's fans. Boy, have I got news for you. We are officially coming to Florida for TCB Live. That's right.

You can come see Brian's bald head shining under the stage lights at Daniel Beach Improv on Tuesday, September 24th, and at the Funny Bone Improv on Tuesday, September 24th and at the Funny Bone in Orlando on Wednesday, September 25th. If you can't make it to see us in person, text us or call us at 212-433-3TCB and leave us a little love note instead. As always, please, please, please follow us on Instagram at The Commercial Break and on TikTok at TCB podcast.

Our content is shockingly good. So get after it. And you already know I put every single one of those links in the show notes. You're welcome. All right. Back with the ITV crew, Phillip and Holly on the morning show, talking to a lady who claims to have sex, a lot of sex with a lot of different alien species. Go on.

I mean, if these spirits are actually here, that would be a very easy way to test that. If we could get the spirits to go into another room just outside the studio and tell us what's come back in and tell you what's in there and then you tell us. By the way, the alien picture is back on the back of the TV and all of a sudden he's a very handsome man with a weird-shaped head That would shut me up that's all it would take Go tell him to go into my dressing room right now and tell me what's in my briefcase Poor lady

Tell me what's in my briefcase. Tell me what kind of color boxes are there. I don't know. Apparently a young intern. I don't know. I'm trying to myself to look into a briefcase myself. No. I'm trying myself. I'm trying myself.

I've been looking at briefcases on Amazon for weeks. I'm trying to look into one. What do you see? I see papers. Green sticky notes. Pencils. Lube. Oh, she's gone into outer space. Mickey notes? Pencils? Lube?

Oh, she's going into outer space. She is, her eyes are fluttering. She's got a rapid eye movement. By the way, is there water running in the background? What is going on in this set? It's so weird. Or is it all the plastic crackling? This lady is. The professor is just looking over at her like.

I know. Yeah, you wanna cut the bullshit now or should we keep it going? Right, I got it. I can stay here all day. I think you've paused for effect. Do you think we should just keep going? Wow, she's taking up two and a half minutes of airtime. Yeah, well. I tried. It didn't work this time, but if you invite me back, I'll do this weird eye thing again and

we could try. Oh, it's a staring contest. Yeah, everybody's looking at her. I don't know. I just see the briefcase, but I'm not... What color is the briefcase? He's about to ask her. I'm seeing a briefcase. I'm seeing a briefcase, but it's colorless. Has no properties whatsoever. Lady, I would not have even gone here.

I just been like, listen. No, yeah, they can't do it. Do what the other dude did. Been like, I'll try and get a picture next time. Yeah, exactly. I'll let you know. It's dark in color with a silver strip. I'm seeing a briefcase. I'm not necessarily saying it's necessary, but I'm not actually going into the briefcase. I let you. You're allowed. You can snoop in there. I give you permission.

I'm not actually, I don't know why, maybe later on they will show that to me. So I'm not claiming that I... So give me your number and I'll send you a text message when I get that info, okay? Cool. Can we move on with the interview? Back to the sex with the cat people. See, again, again we fall at the final hurdle where proof was possible right here on the telly. I know. They fail once more. I know. But I mean, I am psychic and I am mediumistic and yet I am actually saying it doesn't always work when you want it to work. Which one's in these?

Yeah, which one's that one? No, it's just a copy from a book about aliens. They're pointing now to the alien in the screen. Yeah, they're pointing to pictures of the alien and they're asking her who's this from. And that looks like half man. That doesn't look like Ian. No, definitely doesn't.

It's not octopus. No, it's not octopus Ian. That's for sure. Image. It's not octoorgasm Ian, that's not octopus. No, it's not octopusian, that's for sure. Image. It's not octo-orgasmian, that's for sure. When I first, when the greys first came to me, that was how they appeared, with the large dark eyes. That's quite an established view of the way aliens have been visualized on the planet. This is how greys look.

Greys. Greys, that's what they call them, the greys. There's different types of aliens. And I know about this because I spend way too much fucking time on the internet. Is that we look slightly different in color or? It's striking when I was on on Monday actually and you were saying, you know,

why is it that they keep on abducting people and putting probes here and there and everywhere? I mean, what they need. Here and there and everywhere? I mean, what the need for that? Here and there and everywhere? Is that a medical term? Sounds like a children's rhyme. A copy of Grey's Anatomy. There you go.

Been waiting since Monday to say that. Well done that you found it. Yeah, I'll be here all week. Thank you. It's absolutely fascinating. It is fascinating. Thanks for coming in. Thank you very much.

Thank you. All right. Bring something back. Yes. Yes, I want a little... And I might actually tell you what's in the briefcase later, but for some reason they're not... He's like, yeah, you won't be here later. Or I won't be here later. We're not going to be together later. I'm not giving you my contact info. No way. This moment... Well, you can forget the briefcase if you can bring me a little bit of Saturn and that will be proof enough. He just wants the Earth. No, I've got that. I want Saturn. For further information on our Supernatural Week or anything we just discussed.

For further information on alien orgasms, give us a call. I don't, you know, oops sorry I just turned off the camera. I can understand that some people, you know, go there in their head, here's, I'm like Philip on this one, show me any evidence whatsoever that you were probed, that there were scars, marks, you know, can you just steal a piece of furniture or something like, isn't there anything that you can bring back from? And if you can't, then don't, maybe, maybe don't broadcast it. Yeah, exactly.

Or if you can't. Well, I can understand that if this had happened to you, you'd want to get the information out to the world. Like, you'd want to let people know, this is happening, this happened to me, I really want you to know what's going on out there. But there has to be some sort, I mean, it doesn't have to be. Maybe the aliens are really good plastic surgeons and they can

cover it all up. But it just seems unlikely. I believe in aliens. I 1000% believe in aliens. And I believe that aliens have visited Earth. And I believe maybe on one or two occasions, it has been caught on camera. We all know the famous, you know, Navy video or the fucking, you know, spacecraft or whatever it is, is flying a million miles per hour in multi-different directions. And it's hard to explain how that happens with the physics that we understand. That's possibly one of them. So, I believe in aliens and I believe that aliens probably are on Earth or have visited Earth, but if they are so advanced that they can get here undetected for the most part, don't you think that they can also probably blend in pretty well?

Oh yeah. Like, are aliens amoeba? Are aliens actually octopuses? Are aliens dolphins? I don't know. Are we aliens that have landed here on Earth from some ancient ancestry DNA or whatever the fuck. I don't know, but these kind of really insane stories, I just have a hard time wrapping my head around because like you don't have one bit of evidence. Like the guy who was fucking multiple aliens had the thousands of alien babies. Could you not have honestly, he's Philip was right on this one. Could you not have honestly taken a picture? We all

have cameras on our cell phones. If you freely go back and forth to fuck hot alien chicks, then can't you essentially just snap one photograph, have her text? Seems like there would be something. Yeah, a sex messenger or something. Like, could you get a Snapchat or something like that? Can daddy get a OnlyFans account

where I can go check out alien patootang? I mean, honestly. Maybe some people can just tap into another like dimension of their brain or their another universe type. I believe that. You know, like I think you said earlier, I'm not saying it's not true. I'm not saying it's not true.

But it would be helpful. If you could prove to anybody that this might actually be going on. It would help us all. We would all feel better about it hey if she's happy then listen she's got a great at least someone's giving her multiple she's doing well that's more than some of us can say she's got a grand she's got a cat grand that's got an any I guess it's over there knitting a dildo or I don't know how it works in space They really get to the sex part. Yeah, I bet if you're that advanced you just have like an orgasm on command

All the time you're probably in a constant orgasmic state. Yeah, like the first time you took ecstasy Feels really awesome all the time I'd love to think there were aliens who would take me up and have their way with me. Yeah, sure, especially if it was pleasurable, you know? Yeah, why not? Yeah, they don't have like, you know, claws for vaginas or something. They're not probing you every which way and that. This way and that way and every other way.

I do not like those aliens in my anus. This way and that way and every other way. I do not like those aliens in my anus. I do not like those aliens on your anus. I do not, I do not. All right, hey, please come to our comedy show. We'd love to see you. It would just be grand. We'd love to see you. It would just be grand Dania Beach improv on the 24th Orlando at the funny bone on the 25th of September

Tickets now available on those websites. You can google the actual, you know, Dana Beach improv or the Orlando funny bone Go to those dates on the calendar and you can purchase the tickets there or Astrid should at this point have those links available on our website and Instagram. So we'd love to see you and if you're going to come, let us know. 212-433-3TCB that's 212-433-3822. We'd love to hear from you questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. We will take them all on voicemail or text message. Also TCBpodcast.com, the aforementioned links should be on that website. More information about Chrissy and I, all the audio, all the video right there from one location. Get your free sticker, contact us button. I want my free sticker on the drop down menu. Give us

your address, we'll send you a sticker. Please follow us on Instagram and TikTok, add the commercial break on Instagram, TCBpodcast on TikTok and youtube.com slash the commercial break for selected episodes and interviews. Chrissy, that's all I can do for right now. I can so, but I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there on the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say, Goodbye! I have it!