The Commercial Break - The Way We Were

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome back to WSHIT's public access news. WSHIT is proud to announce we've managed to get Bill O'Reilly back on the air. After taking a couple of years off due to a small kerfuffle at Fox News that were legally obligated not to talk about, Bill is back, joining us from studio number two. Let's go live. And that is it for us today. Okay, I don't know what, whatever it is, it's not right on the teleprompter.

Starting point is 00:00:36 I don't know what that is. I've never seen that. No, there is. We are gonna do sting, yeah. Okay, but, now I can't read it. There's no, there's no words on it okay there's no words there to play us out what does that mean to play us out

Starting point is 00:00:53 it's sting is gonna do it's a video sting video what is for? I don't know what that means to play us out. What does that mean? To end the show? Yeah. Yeah. All right, go. Go. In five, four, three. That's tomorrow, and that is a...

Starting point is 00:01:16 Again. Five, four, three. That's tomorrow, and that is it for us today. And we will leave you with a I can't do it We'll do it live Okay, well do it live fucking do it live. I can go write it and we'll do it live Fucking things sucks And five four three

Starting point is 00:01:44 That's tomorrow and that is it for us today. I'm Bill O'Reilly. Thanks again for watching And, five, four, three. That's tomorrow, and that is it for us today. I'm Bill O'Reilly. Thanks again for watching. We'll leave you with sting and a cut off his new album. Take it away. So good to have you back, Bill. The Contamin Professional.

Starting point is 00:01:58 We'll be back right after this. Commercial break. On this episode of the commercial break. Oh! I've been tabulated. Okay, it's close, big one. I'm going to have it there now. I'm here to have the hat. I do.

Starting point is 00:02:21 My name is Jimmy. This is my son, Todd. It's near Jimmy. Near Todd. Todd's Jimmy Junior, but his name is Jimmy. This is my son, Todd. It's me, Jimmy. It's me, Todd. It's Jimmy, Jimmy Jr. But his name's Todd. And look at this. We're gonna go on the...

Starting point is 00:02:31 It's never said. Because they're not gonna have gates. Did you know this crazy? They're not gonna have gates. So you just walk around here. You can just do it. It's basically just... They didn't have a sign.

Starting point is 00:02:41 But if it had a sign, they said, Well, come here everybody. Yeah. Come on in in we were all starting to learn how to how to wear masks oh incorrectly most people started off wearing them around their chin don't worry your goatee will not get coronavirus people are so doing that this is so fucking stupid why do you do that I'm like

Starting point is 00:03:02 just don't wear it like it's just, it's not helping. My ass. Not around your mouth, we're nose. We call that a go-t gun. Well, a go-t gun, the go-t gun, though, you know what that is? Keeps you go-t gun, check. You know, because, you don't, it might hurt.

Starting point is 00:03:18 That's our tact. In my day, you only got a bath every once in six months. And so your go-t would start to smell a little bit Chrissy, you'd be eating nox dail and certain things. And Vajanan, who knows us, and some penises? Sometimes people would eat penises. That's the way it was back then. That's where to do add to duty.

Starting point is 00:03:34 Chrissy. And so we had a go-t gondola. That's what I call it. Protective your go-t from getting in your soup or your milk. Oh, shit. Or semen. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Chacha-chacha-chacha!

Starting point is 00:03:51 Sounds like that's often excited. I responded. You responded. It wasn't. It went right into Chrissy's tic-tac machine Okay, I came back out Hey, I'm Brian. This is Chrissy and happy new year to you and to everybody else out there It's another episode of the commercial break. I'll see you're treating you so far. Hey listen seven months in I'm doing Are we done yet? Are we done with this year, too?

Starting point is 00:04:27 I'll tell you a funny story about how we... Okay, first I want to ask you a question. Have you seen this incredible video of the man, the gangster, who decided to take, like a gangster, decided to take his son into the elephant? Yes! Cage and show him what a real elephant looks like of close and personal. What's crazy?

Starting point is 00:04:47 A fucking stupid, do people have to, I mean, it's just, who is this genius? And why is he not running our country immediately if not sooner? Right. Who is this incredibly intelligent person? And why don't we have him in some position of authority? Those of you who have not seen this, I'll see if Gustavo, please put this in the show notes.

Starting point is 00:05:06 The link on TMZ to the man who was at the San Diego Zoo. I think it's San Diego Zoo. It looks like a lot like the Atlanta Zoo actually now. All these elephant, what do you call them? The elephant. Yeah, but it's an elephant. What is it? It's a showcase.

Starting point is 00:05:24 It's a habitat. It's habitat. The elephant. Elephants. Yeah, but it's an elephant. What is it? It's a showcase. It's a... Habitat. Habitat. The elephant habit. Catamount. It's talking for too long today. It's the... Jesus, I can't even come to the word.

Starting point is 00:05:31 Habitat. It's a show. It's a show. Anybody have a tooth? Does anybody know anybody have a tooth? It's an elephant tooth. It's an elephant tooth. It's a trunks.

Starting point is 00:05:39 A trusket. It's a trusket. A busket. A vaskin. A disket taskin. This guy is in the elephant habitat. They all look the same now. A trusskin. It's a trusskin, a buskin, a vaskin, a diskin, a taskin. This guy is in the elephant habitat. They all look the same now.

Starting point is 00:05:49 If you have, this hasn't come to a zooner you, it's coming to a zooner you, which is, there's no longer the big moats that separate these animals, like the elephants from people, what they have now is they have huge, almost they look like telephone poles. And then three just guide wires, huge wires that sit in between the telephone poles. Because an elephant obviously cannot jump the telephone poles with the wires. Number one, number two, I'm sure they are surging with electricity.

Starting point is 00:06:22 But what this, so it gets you closer to the animals, you feel there's less fencing and stuff, so you can see, get an unobstructed view of what's going on with these animals, which I think is great. This is the way they do it in Europe. In Europe, quite frankly, they have the tigers this thing. As soon as I went to a zoo in Switzerland,

Starting point is 00:06:39 where you've never been so close to animals in your entire life, they like trust people, not to be a fucking moron. So they will put the tigers will be right there. And then there's just a couple like little electrical wires. I heard some runes out though. One fucking moron in the United States of America is gonna ruin it for everybody.

Starting point is 00:06:57 This just happened in the Atlanta Zoo. This elephant, this style of elephant housing just came to Atlanta and I think it's beautiful. Because you can see these huge magnificent creatures up close. No, I love elephant without staring through 16 feet of fencing. But some more on it. I think fencing may be a good thing. Well, listen, this is the kind of fencing that they say that,

Starting point is 00:07:15 you know, you should just... Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, I guess those big ones, we can go in the habitat now. I mean, who does that?

Starting point is 00:07:30 I do. My name is Jimmy. This is my son Todd. It's me Jimmy, Nick Todd. Todd's Jimmy Jr., but his name's Todd. And look at this. We're going to go in the habitat. Because they're not going to have gates. Did you know this crazy?

Starting point is 00:07:45 They're not gonna have gates. So you just walk right in. You can just do it. It's basically just, they didn't have a sign, but if you're there, they'd say, well, come everybody. Yeah. Come on in.

Starting point is 00:07:54 Hard to move. Hard to move. Woo. I was just jumping right in the dolphin tank. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP B So you know I want to give real gangster shit and I wanted to go in I'm a sad Mr. Elephant so my son show my son Jimmy Jr. His name is Todd so I was his name is Todd but I call him Jimmy Jr. I should have just named him Jimmy but I don't know I don't know what I haven't Todd stuck so Todd was about to name I thought okay so me and Todd Jr., we were, even though there was no Todd Sr., we were in the other than I haven't said,

Starting point is 00:08:28 because it was nothing now. It's crazy. Except for these three big wires that had electricity. I feel like the wife too was going, wait, don't do it. Yes, she was like, wait, because what I did is I handed my phone to my wife and it's okay, me and Jimmy,

Starting point is 00:08:40 Todd Jr. are gonna go and take a picture with Mr. Elephant. Yeah. Mr. Elephant, eh? And guess what, that elephant got real angry with me. He said, he said, he said, which is like, fuck you an elephant, like,

Starting point is 00:08:55 fuck out of my house. Get out of my house. Yeah, I didn't give you an invite. No. So there I am with Lil Todd Jr. And when that elephant came, you know what I did? I got scared, so I told Lil Todd Jr. I said, Todd, you wait here.

Starting point is 00:09:10 God, I got that truck. So to be right back. I'm going to be right back. Daddy's going to be right back. He left the baby. He left the baby. Gee. Jimmy and Todd, Jimmy decides that these three wires

Starting point is 00:09:22 are an open invitation for him and his son. God bless that child and the way that he's gonna grow up To go into the compound of the actually where the elephants are living and standing and breathing With their tusks and everything these huge magnificent animals that can kill you with one step and he brings them in and He is not 15 fucking yards from a huge male elephant and I mean an enormous creature. And with soon his Todd gets and he's got his hat cock sideways and his pants down around his knees and he's like. Fantastic.

Starting point is 00:09:55 He's like, okay good, see the picture. Parcher mode, give it in Parcher mode. And as soon as he gets there and starts posing with his kid, this creature comes out and I mean just like turns around and it's like what the fuck is this guy do? Idiot. You idiot. Yeah, he made the most incredible noise. You could hear it through the video. You could feel it in your chest. It was like the He just put his ears up and flapping and just scooted that guy right out of there. But what Jimmy did was he left Todd Jr. on the ground. He just threw him on the ground. No, it's not.

Starting point is 00:10:25 Unbelievable. The fuck is going on through people's heads? There's something in the office. Look at the computing. This is going to the grade of my Instagram. I'm going to do a whole clubhouse room about this tonight. How would they? Oh, this pisses me off so much.

Starting point is 00:10:48 Yeah. TCPpodcast.com, the brand new TCPpodcast.com, you can go there, to find the entire media library, find out more about Chrissy and I, read all the show notes, listen to all the shows, watch all the shows on YouTube, whatever it is you choose to do on that website, it is beautiful, it is new, it is simplified, you can have, you can, there's a link. Between you and the website. Between me and the website, there's nothing else. No guide wires here. Just come right in. You want to get close to something, get

Starting point is 00:11:11 close to tcbpodcast.com. At the commercial break on Instagram, at Brian Green and at tcb Chrissy on Clubhouse, there are links on the website where you can go and join the tcb club on on Clubhouse where we'll be doing live recordings. Only people who are in that club are going to where we'll be doing live recordings. Only people who are in that club are going to get to go into the live recordings and interact with Chrissy and I on several occasions a month. And you can join the Comedy Podcasts Club which I started to support the Comedy Podcast. Category, lots of great comedy podcasters are in that club and it's growing every day.

Starting point is 00:11:40 Lots of special surprises coming up with the Comedy Podcast Club too. So you don't want to miss it. Don't want to be left out. if you need an invite to Clubhouse, you let us know and we'll be happy to do that. What do you think about them, Apple's Chrissy? I love it. How do you feel about that? I'm down.

Starting point is 00:11:54 Are you part? Are you down? Are you down? Are you in an orchard? An orchard. Is it an orchard or is it an orchard? I said an orchard. I said an orchard.

Starting point is 00:12:02 Orchard. Those apples. Okay, so, you know, let's, okay, I just had to get it out of my system. I said it all right. Sure, or churred. Those apples. Okay, so, you know, okay, I just had to get it out of my system, the guy with the elephant. Yeah, but it's just absolutely crazy. Crazy, that this guy, and he got arrested.

Starting point is 00:12:17 And so now, yeah, and so now, not only, not only, is he a fucking moron, but now his son is gonna be without a father for a period of time because that guy is looking at serious jail time for doing what he did and so now this son is gonna be Fatherless for at least some period of time. He's gonna go to jail for I mean it could be 10 days But he's gonna go to period for period of time and you know life doesn't get easier after you go to jail Let me tell you life does not get easier after you go to jail so I wanted to talk about Matias and after you go to jail. Let me tell you, life does not get easier after you go to jail. So,

Starting point is 00:12:52 I wanted to talk about Matthias and some things that have happened over the last couple of days with Matthias. We decided we were going to send Matthias to school. It was about time. We felt like, you know, the pandemic was calming down a little bit. People are getting vaccinated, you know, it doesn't seem to affect children the way that it does. We made a calculated decision that Matthias' mental health was probably more important than the small risk that he was taking going to a school where they were practicing all the things you need to practice

Starting point is 00:13:16 to make sure that you don't get COVID. Yeah. Well, you know, we're almost out of this fucking thing. And when you know it, we got a phone call from the school that someone in his class tested positive for COVID. Now they didn't say whether or not this was a child or an adult. They don't say that. They can't say that. So they just say your child was exposed to the coronavirus. We know it for sure. It's a plus. There's a plus sign involved. And it doesn't mean you passed, right? And so now you have to quarantine with your child for a period of time until

Starting point is 00:13:48 everybody gets tested negative. And so we were like, oh, shit. I mean, we went all this time for a year and a half, for a year and some change. We've been playing a cool, as everybody has told us to do playing cool wearing masks, wearing masks, is, masks, is wearing masks, hand sanitizer, hand washing, shower taking, washing my penis twice a day, all the old things that you need to do to keep yourself safe from this dreaded coronavirus. And then right before we get out of the pandemic, now we're in it. And wouldn't you know, at the same day that they call and they say, you know, hey, you

Starting point is 00:14:19 got to keep it cool and quarantine for a little bit here are the protocols that we want everyone to follow. Matias gets the sniffles. He starts getting the green snot coming out of his nose and I'm like, oh shit, shit, right? One day after that, our daughter starts to get the sniffles and I'm like, double shit. Day after that, Aster gets the sniffles

Starting point is 00:14:39 and doesn't feel well. And I'm like, quadruple, shit, here we are, right? Everyone's now everyone's feeling bad and we had a known contact, a known positive sign. So one of the things we had to do is we had to quarantine for five days and then they didn't want you to get tested until five days.

Starting point is 00:14:56 So I thought it made no sense. If the kids were exhibiting symptoms, which it's not, he knows it's really not a symptom of coronavirus, but you know, probably should be anything that you're sick, anything. That's right. Have a headache. Do I have an eyelash in your eye?

Starting point is 00:15:08 You should go get tested, right? So we're like, okay, but you can't get children tested. That's not a thing that happens. You have to go to the children's hospital or a place where they know how to work with children. And so we go to this children's health care here in Atlanta, which is a wonderful hospital. It does all kind of wonderful thing for wonderful people. Yes. And we go to a child-specific testing site

Starting point is 00:15:30 where we already know this is gonna be a nightmare. We already know that the kids aren't gonna like this. But we're trying. Do you even know what? Do you know what? Do you know the nose thing? Did the nose thing, but luckily they were so snottied. I mean, snows, so fucking snottied.

Starting point is 00:15:44 They didn't know this. Just shit, just green shit coming out. No, they didn't notice, but they were just like literally just, first of all they asked. They said, would your daughter, since she is so young, would you mind being involved in a test we're doing to see if we can just swab the very top of the nose. So we don't have to go all the way in the back. We're doing this test with these new testing kits.

Starting point is 00:16:03 Would you like to participate? We'll even give you a gift card for doing so. And we said, yeah, of course, we do it without the gift card. When you think it can help, right? And they're like, okay, but we're gonna have to swab twice once and the back and once in the front. And I'm like, oh, that doesn't sound so great. She's not gonna like that, but whatever.

Starting point is 00:16:20 And the kids were so, I can't even say it, so snappy, that they didn't even have to go deep into the nose. They just like took it out. Okay, so listen. So then, okay, they do Matthias, they stick that thing way back in his nose, but they only have to do one nostril because as soon as they pull it out, it's just like, it's just like gobs of snot coming off that little thing. They throw it in the vial, they do it. They do Mia with the one in the front and then the deep one, she they don't have to do both of her nostrils either because she's a green stony.

Starting point is 00:16:49 Okay, driving home, telling the kids how good they did really good, proud of you, you know, did good. You know, we want to, we'll maybe we'll get you a prize on the way home. So we are driving home and Astrid turns around and Matias is sitting behind me and Mia is behind her. Mia is facing backwards. Matias now faces forward because he's old enough.

Starting point is 00:17:08 And so Astrid turns around to tell you know, hey, good job. But what? Oh my God. And I'm like, what? She's like, honey, honey. And I'm like, what? What? She's like, what happened? What happened?

Starting point is 00:17:17 What's going on? I adjust the mirror. I look back. Matias's entire face is green. Like bright green and red. There's blood coming out of his nose and his whole face is green, like bright green and red. There's blood coming out of his nose and his whole face is just green. And I'm like, but holy not like a normal green color,

Starting point is 00:17:32 like the color of bright algae. And I was like, holy shit. Then we thought, what did he get into? What happened? What did they do? Was there some kind of reaction to the test? You know, usually your skin doesn't turn green, it turns red like mine did,

Starting point is 00:17:46 but I'm like, holy shit, what happened? So we immediately pull over and I'm like, oh my God, what happened? And we're like, buddy, buddy, he's kind of laying like with his head caught to the side. And now we're really thinking something happened. Like he's in trouble, he's having a allergic reaction to some shit.

Starting point is 00:18:02 I'm freaking out on the side of the road in this park that I just parked out. Freaking out, what happened? I'm wiping them off, you know, blood's coming out of his nose. Ah, what happened? You know, when you go to Chick-fil-A, they give you the little presents.

Starting point is 00:18:14 Oh, there's a green marker. No, not a green marker, but they have like, it's a little piece of paper. And on the piece of paper it's got red, green, and yellow. And it's little bit of paint. And when you get it wet, you can paint the chicken or the cow, right? Let's take us about three and a half minutes to figure that out. If three and a half minutes, I thought my son was dying. I was like a coronavirus. That stuff, forget out on the side of the road. I'm like,

Starting point is 00:18:37 what do you do when a child turns green? I'm googling it. What happens when a child turns green? Did you just get some kind of a prize? Have you read? Did you get a prize? Have you recently had chicken nuggets? Yes. One time he ate barbecue sauce from Chick-fil-A and he turns like, it's face-to-ring purple. I don't know what happened,

Starting point is 00:18:56 but he had an actual allergic reaction and now all he wants is that fucking barbecue sauce. And I'm like, ah, dude, can't have the barbecue. Have some ketchup. He calls it cat-toupe. Cat-toupe. Okay, so we're almost a year in. We're year into the pandemic, I see. Wow, I can't believe it.

Starting point is 00:19:16 Look at this. I can't believe it's Friday. I think we should go back. I can't believe it's Friday. I can't believe it's Friday. You didn't see that one coming to reset? No, I did not. For those of you that don't know,

Starting point is 00:19:28 we were, our last episode, we had, we were playing some clips from Teresa on her Instagram account and she was like, oh my God, I can't believe it's Thursday. And I'm like, you can't believe it's Thursday. You didn't see that one coming? It's, I can't believe it's Friday. I'm like, you didn't see it coming from Thursday.

Starting point is 00:19:45 Let's go back in the way way back machine, Chrissy. Let's find out what we were doing before. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Okay, ready? Ready to go back to the way back machine? All right. If I can find the way back machine.

Starting point is 00:19:59 Ha, ha, ha. I think a doctor who, just like a doctor who. Yes. It's like a doctor who? It's just like a doctor who. What were we doing before COVID? Tell me a few things. Having fun? Yeah, okay. We're gonna be more...

Starting point is 00:20:20 Given massless hugs and... Paths now, people's gouches. Back at this time lack Doing drugs sharing straws I Wonder if that's a thing I wonder if people that are doing cocaine are sharing straws still do you think so? Do you think like when they're passing around the dollar bill now? I actually think so I actually think because you know it's hard to find a dollar bill these days who use it? I know cash is gone. They don't even have cash some places are like we're out of money Yeah, like you're out of money what I actually went to a place and they were like we don't have any nickels or fives And I'm like okay, well, I think it's my debit card anyway, but that's right. We had cash before then you know

Starting point is 00:21:00 What else we were doing Chrissy? This time last year we were all starting to learn how to wear masks. Oh, yeah. Incorrectly. Yes. Most people started off wearing them around their chin. Don't worry, your goatee will not get coronavirus. People are still doing that.

Starting point is 00:21:20 This is so fucking stupid. Why do you do that? I'm like, just don't wear it. The kids just, it's not helping. My ass. Not around your mouth or nose. We call that a go-t, a go-t gondol. A go-t gondol, you know what that is?

Starting point is 00:21:34 Keeps you go-t in check. You know, because you don't, it might hurt. It's our tact. In my day, you only got a bath every once in six months. And so your go-t would start to smell a little bit Chrissy, you'd be eating nox dail and certain things.

Starting point is 00:21:46 And Vajana, who knows us in some penises? Sometimes people were eating penises. That's the way it was back then. That's where to do add to duty, Chrissy. And so we had a go-t gondol. That's what I call it. Protect your go-t from getting in your soup or your milk. That sounds good.

Starting point is 00:22:04 Or semen. That's what I callmen. Whatever it is. Whatever else it was. You know what else we were doing? We're talking about Q. Q was just a crazy letter that your uncle talked about back back way back in 2012. Uncle Quincy. Uncle Quincy. That was cute. Cute. I think I am cute. I started posting random shit on that internet machine. 22 45 George Bush. It'll run in Clinton. 612. Go find it. I was watching that cue documentary on HBO. Have you seen it? Oh, my God. It's brilliant. It's brilliant. You got to watch it. There's just two episodes in Yeah, Q was just a letter. We the letter that your crazy uncle was talking about now. It's all over the place in the pandemic Q set on fire

Starting point is 00:22:54 What? Q set on fire like it literally like blossom That was crazy Think you and I that's what I'm talking about Only fans was still a porn site was still a website for real porn stars. Right. Yeah, not that girl. Podcasts were reserved for NPR. That's right. And our dessert. Our dessert. Now you got, let's just flood it with it in the air waves with idiots like us. That's right. Only fake. We're stuck at home. Let's start a podcast.

Starting point is 00:23:27 Let's start a podcast. I Brian, it's your mom. That's how it all started. That's my mom was like, you should do a podcast, whatever that is. Or he said, folks, I started with your friend, Rafa, and then you pivoted to me. I wanted to, yeah. I thought, well, let me get Rafa on here. But then, youafa, and then you pivoted to me. I wanted to, yeah. I thought, well, let me get Rafa on here. But then, you know, God.

Starting point is 00:23:48 It was a real estate forecast. Well, we were gonna do the commercial break was gonna be about real estate. Yes. That's right. And I thought, well, let me bring Rafa on with me because he's working in or in and around the real estate and we'll talk about things.

Starting point is 00:24:00 But then I just, I couldn't see myself doing this, doing this about real. If the commercial break about real estate had half the success that the commercial break about comedy had had, and I felt the pressure to do two shows a week about real estate, it probably would be under the six feet under right now. I'd be talking to you through Theresa Caputo because I don't know that I could talk about real estate. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:24:22 On and inside of work and outside of work, it's just not, I like what I do, but it's not my favorite subject to talk about all the time. And who even knows if that would have been interesting. But who doesn't like to laugh? Who doesn't like to laugh? That's right. That's why they call us a broadcast because there's a very broad audience.

Starting point is 00:24:40 I mean, we probably knock some people out with our type of humor, but generally people like to laugh. Yeah, so only fans was a website still for real porn stars. Yeah, not for that girl on Facebook that you barely know that offers 10% off or three dollar a month nude collection and by the way, I mean, well, we're at it. I see like there's now these two girls on my on my Facebook that are offering 10% off like they're all it's always 10% off Right, there's never not a special going on Which is such a minimal amount when you especially when it's three dollars a month what guy is sitting back going

Starting point is 00:25:15 That's it 70 cents now I can feed the kids The kids and look at that old girl from high school in the against. Right. Right. Two 70. That's the number where I can pay the mortgage and whack off to my old neighbor.

Starting point is 00:25:33 I still have no idea who this woman is. Like how we got became Facebook friends, but she's still doing the same thing. 10% off my lonely fans page for that's only $3 a month. New content coming all the time, picture of a half-eaten chicken. It's just the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen in my entire life. I don't understand it. But back a year ago, it was still reserved for actual porn stars who you might want to see naked, just saying. Yeah. Hahaha. Hahaha.

Starting point is 00:26:05 Hahaha. Back in 2020, the only thing we were sticking up our noses were pointing to that pinky finger that your drug dealer had at the widespread point and a concert. Fingered it, fingered it, fingered it. Fingered it. Hahaha. Hahaha. Ever, is it the cocaine nail? Is that still a thing? Do people still do that? I see it every once in a while

Starting point is 00:26:28 I see it every once in a while you identify the people If you have a cocaine nail, I mean come on never hang out with people who have a cocaine I know some people who have had a cocaine nail. I know some people No, and a hanging out with a different well, I hung out with some people who have a cocaine. And a hanging out with a different. Well, I hung out with some people who had a cocaine. But just know this, I never did cocaine from their cocaine nail. Never, never did it not once. I just, I felt it to be a gross thing to do because I keep

Starting point is 00:26:56 my nails super short because I keep, if I get one piece of dirt under there, I always the worst. I drive me bad. Yes. I will never forget that aster and I, when we first met, she was doing... Did Kukoffa Kukai? That's right.

Starting point is 00:27:09 That was your body, that's very... I was on the train to Paris. And the conductor came through and said, take it, please. And I noticed his cocaine nail. And I said, made me in the bathroom. Made me in the cafe. I tried to get something to show you. Yeah. I had a dream the other night that I was at it'll get something to show you. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:25 I had a dream the other night that I was at a drug dealer's house doing cocaine. It was the weirdest thing. And the weird thing was, is I, in the dream, I was getting too high. Like I felt like I was too high. Like I was getting, I should stop doing lines because I was getting too high. I was feeling paranoid. Take the nail away. Take the nail away.

Starting point is 00:27:42 Take the nail away. Cut the nail. And the funny thing was, is I think the drug dealer was the lead singer from the Zach Brown, Zach Brown. Not 33p. Not 33, not 33p. And guess your 33p. And it shows here. What did he do? He dropped the new 33p album. It's so much cockin' that out. Called for inches. There are bites called for inches.

Starting point is 00:28:14 Fjord just a fjord just a fjord. Fjord inches. Cockin' row. You can just see us on inside like an access Hollywood. It's a new 33 PL, four inches to fun just. We sat down at this figure of Brian Green to talk about his member. Yeah, I just felt like we had to take the band in a new direction. I wanted it to be more organic.

Starting point is 00:28:44 So I let my pubes band in a new direction. I wanted it to be more organic. So I let it grow. So I let my pubes grow up a little bit. I just let it flow. I came from the bottom out, from my penis chakra. I feel like this one really comes from the penis chakra. I felt like the last album was over produced and all I wanted to do is just get back to your roots.

Starting point is 00:29:08 That's right, my roots. My roots. My roots, which is right in my tank theory. This time I went into the studio and I just couldn't even take it from my mind. I just pictured my penis. Great, deeply. Feel the two inches grow to four. I'm gonna make sure my penis. Great, deeply. Fill the two inches grow to four. Excuse me.

Starting point is 00:29:29 Can you turn up my penis microphone? That's an odd time here. That's an odd time here in my penis chakra. Is that thing on? Is this thing on? Can you imagine just slapping your dick against the microphone? Is this thing on? 33P can. In Tim and Eric show they have this episode where Tim's cheating, Eric is sleeping with Tim's

Starting point is 00:30:01 wife and next to this guy who comes in, he's got like real curly, like Jerry Curled hair. And while they're making these love scenes, right? This guy just kind of swoops in every once in a while. And he's singing the song and the song's like, six shoe romance, six shoe romance. It's so now I'm thinking about 33 Venus singing the song six shoe romance. That's off the album, 33 Venus singing the song 6 shoe room.

Starting point is 00:30:25 That's off the album. For instance, that's that's four inches to fuck. Growing taller by the minute. Yeah, we talk about Brian's break. We talked about we talked about Brian about their breakouts. Sink. Do you see what I see? I felt like I wanted to take inspiration from a Christmas tree, a little sprout and it just grows. Do you see what I see? A cock, a cock growing in the night.

Starting point is 00:31:02 a crack growing in the night. It's true. You need, hey, you might need to get the band back. I think I do need to get some fresh calling all 30 TV members. Got some fresh ideas. 33 P you need pink. You guys have fresh ideas. That's right. We're going back to the old days, boys.

Starting point is 00:31:25 No more songs about teenage angst. We're going to talk about our growing prostates. A child, a child, a man, a man, being in the 90s, being so much in the night. His past is big and his broad. Is this the Christmas album? Well, it's telling you. It took inspiration from the Christmas tree. Oh, the old 33.

Starting point is 00:31:53 Just the time now to get you recording that for Christmas release. I'm going to be right out there. Call your old band members up. Once again, the barn. To get one of my board sponsors. Better help.com. Once again, the barns again welcome aboard sponsors Better help dot com YouTube could be a part of the commercial break My god, thank you. Let's go back in the way back machine We were still shaking each other's hands even though we didn't wash them after we beat. Hey, nice to see you.

Starting point is 00:32:27 Just took a shit in the QT bathroom. Every time I see someone come out of one of those, one of those nasty bathrooms, and then I'm like, oh god, did he wash his hands? I hope you, but then sometimes I look at the sink and I'm like, I don't know, maybe it's just, maybe I just might as well let my penis germs be, they're probably better than whatever's going on in that sink. Yes, and that's why you have hand sanitizers back up. But just going back to a year ago, hand sanitizers was a small little bottle

Starting point is 00:32:56 that I had in my purse that I carried around for just those instances when my hands were really dirty. And it was kind of like, I'd touch, I'd shook someone's hand who could have possibly been touching their hands. That's right. And so, you know, it was emergency only, but now it's a part of every day of life.

Starting point is 00:33:13 Let me tell you what probably will not happen again, right? We probably will never go back to shaking hands as a common form of saying, yeah, me too. I'm okay with the bow or even the, just the bump. The fist pump, yeah. I'm okay with the bow or the, or even the, you know, the fist pump. Yeah, I'm okay with that or doing the thing. We'll never go back to shaking hands with strangers. That's for sure.

Starting point is 00:33:32 We're probably gonna get out of the habit of hugging strangers for sure. I'm a hugger. I'm a hugger. Yeah, I'm not back up bitch. I'm a little weird. Every time someone comes out and we go with the hug, I'm a little weird. Every time someone comes out and we go with the hug,

Starting point is 00:33:47 I'm gonna be like, are they clean? Are they clean? Are they clean? Are they clean? Is it going to be back up for a minute? Yeah, back up for a minute. Hold on. I got a little sniffle thing.

Starting point is 00:33:55 I don't know. I'd be coronavirus to part two. I don't have a variant. Yeah, I've been hanging around with bats lately. I'm a bat researcher. You don't want anything to do with me. That's probably something we'll never do. And washing hands is probably gonna be something

Starting point is 00:34:11 more people do more of. Yeah, and I know my lotion consumption has gone way up too. From all the stuff we're trying. So has mine. I'm just getting ready for the new 33 BL. Yeah. I need to get familiar with your forests. In fact, to my roots, that's right. Four inches in grow.

Starting point is 00:34:32 Show or not a grow. Telling me there's a chance. I'm telling you there's a mcgrower not a show. I don't have to show off. It'll happen when it needs to. Or maybe not. Organic. Oh, back a year ago, we still had tickets to concert.

Starting point is 00:34:45 Oh. Like pop-a-roach and Fred Derrish. Yeah. Hahaha. Summer slam concert brought to you by proud boys. Yes. Yes. Hahaha.

Starting point is 00:34:55 Now I had tickets to the Doomy brothers. I had to get that money back. I had tickets to Pearl Jam. I still haven't gotten that money back. I don't know. Take it Master Gussage is holding it from me. I had good tickets to Pearl Jam. Yeah, sometimes they're holding it for when they come back. I had to, I had to get to Pearl Jam. I still haven't gotten that money back. I don't know, to get Master Guest is just holding it from me. I had good tickets to Pearl Jam. Sometimes they're holding it for when they come back.

Starting point is 00:35:09 Yeah, but I mean, come on. It's gonna be 2022 before any of us. I mean, actually, I think 2020-21 is one the concept to come back. I think Menfos gonna happen. I think Menfos gonna happen. But those of you who don't know about Menfos, check it out.

Starting point is 00:35:21 We'll have Jeff on and talk more about Menfos we get closer to that. Yeah. Hey, who knows? Maybe we'll even be there. That's our main broadcasting line. But men foes looks like it's coming together. Beautifully broadcasting live. That's right. Guess what else we didn't do? We didn't get in like the old grade school tornado position every time someone sneezed in the grocery store.

Starting point is 00:35:40 Yeah. I felt bad for a lady the other day. She sneezed like four times. Oh. And people literally scattered like roaches. They were like, boom, they were out. And I think the poor lady was just sneezing, honestly. No, it was allergy season right now. It's horrible. So, I noticed the other day I had my mask

Starting point is 00:35:57 going in the house in the store, and I had a sneeze and I did everything humanly possible, not a sneeze. You're like, I was like, ah! Yeah. I was running out of the door. Everything humanly possible not to sneeze Running out of the door I can see Chrissy like running out of the door like diving out of the door to sleep She doesn't God bless you. Thank you. It's allergy season. It's allergy season.

Starting point is 00:36:27 It is. It's so bad every year. Yeah, listen, and it's cold season two. I mean, no, I got no cold. This is funny. I was going through a medicine little box these other days. I've got a little bug. You've got stuff.

Starting point is 00:36:41 Yeah, I got my ex. Yeah, I got a box. You got a box. You got a box. You got a box. You got a box. You got my ex. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got

Starting point is 00:36:49 all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys. You got all the good guys and see if all these things have expired and stuff them had through those away. And I thought, you know, I've got these cold medications that did not even come into play this year because I remember I was wearing a mask and so I don't think that many people got sick.

Starting point is 00:37:14 Like, you know, my kids did. My kids did, but I think that's because, yeah, kids always get sick. And we took them to the playground a few times. And I think that's probably where they, or they might have, he might have picked it up at school or whatever, but yeah, like no cold, no flu season flu season this year actually I looked at the cold and flu map Which usually this time of year is like red right at least in 25 of the states and it's 100% green

Starting point is 00:37:34 There is no one hot spot anywhere. I know it was mask wearing it's all that mask wearing that's right And you know what ugly people were not getting laid last year, but now they have a fighting chance. My wife's even asking me to keep the mask on during love with you. She's like, you know, it's really sexy. That mask. Yeah. You know, it's really sexy. You wear the mask and I'm going to put Luis Fonsion in the back.

Starting point is 00:37:58 Thanks, babe. For vodka, do it. For vodka, cool, $3,000. Jack Rabbit vibrating. Vibrating. Cockroach. Lips extend. That's an fucking thing. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star.

Starting point is 00:38:06 Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star.

Starting point is 00:38:14 Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star.

Starting point is 00:38:22 Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Provoccas, you're a three-star. Hey, hey, you're not gonna get laid over 50. Let me tell you something.

Starting point is 00:38:26 The way you get laid over 50 is to wear a mask. Because if you wear a mask and you put pure retina on your face 24 hours a day and then go to the tanning then you're gonna have a red hue. You'll be noticed a mile away and they'll be like, is that guy 25 and sunburned or is he 80? There's 80 and ugly. They won't know the difference.

Starting point is 00:38:48 Right. And when they ask to take a mask off, say, I will not have a bad ass. I'm a bad ass, I will not do that. I don't wanna blow you away with all of this. Look at my body. I spend a money on you taking you out. Yeah, I spend the money on taking you out.

Starting point is 00:39:05 You know what, yeah. I'm going to eat through my mouth. I'm going to eat through my mouth. I'm going to eat through my mouth. I'm going to eat through my mouth. I'm going to eat through my mouth. I'm going to eat through my mouth. I'm going to eat through my mouth.

Starting point is 00:39:15 I'm going to eat through my mouth. I'm going to eat through my mouth. I'm going to eat through my mouth. I'm going to eat through my mouth. I'm going to eat through my mouth. I'm going to eat through my mouth. I'm going to eat through my mouth. I'm going to eat through my mouth.

Starting point is 00:39:23 I'm going to eat through my mouth. I'm going to eat through my mouth. I'm going to eat through my mouth. I'm going to eat through my mouth. I'm going, it's almost as if Frank is listening to our show and going, how can I help these guys make fun of content? Because Frank is just teeing it up for us left and right. I wonder if he's gone over into hits on his videos since we've been talking about it. Don't know, I'm sure people are, I'm sure that some people are demanding it.

Starting point is 00:39:40 People are demanding it. Yeah, unlike our Theresa Caputa videos where people are just hate us. I don't understand. Like, do you really believe in Theresa that much? That you feel like you got to tell me that Jesus doesn't love me. We got to we got to comment after we did a Theresa Caputo breakdown video where I just kindly explained to everyone that Theresa Caputo is full of fucking shit. And I, and then we got, you psychic on demand. Yeah, that's right. That doesn't, doesn't work like that. And so one person commented that Jesus doesn't love us.

Starting point is 00:40:13 And I was like, wow, do you think Jesus, do you think this is how Jesus operates? Really hits him though. Really hits me in the, in the 33p. What you call mashed potatoes. It's a full full full. Yeah, that's right. In his country, that's from you're getting ready to make a baby And the 33p What you call mashed potatoes Full boom. Yeah, that's right in his country. That's from you're getting ready to make a baby when you hit right in the thing Yeah, and a year ago

Starting point is 00:40:36 Our family was just strangers they were sharing the dinner table with us now We actually have a day to do more of these people in my house. I guess I'll get to know them I guess I shouldn't figure out of these people. my house? I guess I'll get to know them. I guess I should figure out of these people. There's been, I've heard there's been so many divorces. Oh, I know, you know it's happening. I mean, listen, even the strongest of marriages has been bending under the weight of the pandemic.

Starting point is 00:40:56 I think Asher and I have done remarkably well. We have two young children. That's no, you, I mean, you can get divorced just for that. Yeah. Yeah, just for that, just for having, just for that infraction. I had, we get divorced just for that. Did you know you read it? Just for that, just for having, Just for that infraction. I had, we had children and I don't love you anymore. I read an interesting statistic that having a baby girl,

Starting point is 00:41:14 first, when you have children, the first born is a baby girl, is a high indicator of divorce when that girl becomes preteen or teenager. They call it, they call that the divorce child. That's what they call it because it's a problem. That's what I put in guilt. I know.

Starting point is 00:41:33 Betterhelp.com. Betterhelp.com. I don't know why I read a whole article and it made a lot of sense to me. I don't want to get into all of it here, but listen, I mean, it's a problem. Yeah, people get divorced because they weren't meant to be together in the first place or because things have changed.

Starting point is 00:41:46 And you can still live a lovely life after you get divorced. Look at me. I've been divorced once, maybe twice after I get them with this episode. That's the truth is, is that, you know, I lived, I'm living a wonderful life. Yes, Jeff and I flourished too.

Starting point is 00:42:00 Look at my mom. Yeah, that's true. And we nested in too. So I think that's been a big thing too with everybody Changing their environments that home they they're they're moving or they're staying in place and they're re-epping They're redecorating they're adding a deck. They're I've been re-epping every couple days of my dealer Yeah, no, it's true. You There's two ways you could handle this pandemic. Either you went in and decided to figure it out together

Starting point is 00:42:27 or you went out. I hate it too many ways. Yeah, you were miserable in the first place. Everything was fine. When I only had to be around five hours a day. Everything was fine. We had a limited time together. When I came home at eight and we went to bed at 11,

Starting point is 00:42:40 everything was cool. That was tired. I tired didn't do anything. And then on the weekends I went golfing and you went to whatever. Yeah, the spa, that, you know. Or the guy went to the spa and the girl went golfing. That's right, that fit-bit class that, you know, you're sleeping with the instructor.

Starting point is 00:42:55 Salsa lessons. Salsa lessons. Personal salsa lessons with Henry Fonda. He'd be good at it. He doesn't know salsa. Yeah. Hey, thanks so much for joining us on this episode, episode whatever it is.

Starting point is 00:43:11 We're well into the 50s. Thank you. Go to YouTube. Yeah, go to YouTube. Watch some of the YouTube clips, or you can watch them right on the brand new tcbpodcast.com. That's tcbpodcast.com.

Starting point is 00:43:21 Listen to all of the audio, watch all of the YouTube. We certainly would appreciate it. Remember to follow us at thecom. Listen to all of the audio, watch all of the YouTube. We certainly would appreciate it. Remember to follow us at the commercial break on Instagram 4705848449 is where you can leave us a message or text us. Standard text messaging relates to do apply and remember to follow us on Clubhouse at Brian Green at TCB Chrissy and we have a commercial break club there that you can join if you want to be a part of future live episodes. Yeah. Over the comedy podcast club. either way. We might do them in both clubs So yeah, that's all I got to say. Let's go both ways. Yeah, I'm not I'm not sure this episode went exactly how I wanted it to go

Starting point is 00:43:55 But it ended up being pretty funny For some reason my brain was all out of sorts after that meeting that we had and I know yeah, but we. And that's all that really mattered. I hope you did too. That's right. And so, until next time, bye! We love you. We love you. Bye! The commercial break, new episodes on Tuesdays, and now Fridays, new YouTube clips dropped daily at youtube.com.

Starting point is 00:44:21 Slash the commercial break. Visit tcbpodcast.com for access to our entire media library. Follow us at the commercial break on Instagram and join the commercial break club on Clubhouse to join in live recordings. Each episode is written and produced by Brian Green, co-hosted by Chrissy Hodley, with additional content provided by Tina Carnol. you

The Commercial Break - The Way We Were

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