The Commercial Break - The Wrinkle Tinkle

Episode Date: April 19, 2024

You want to see Bryan's old body? Subscribe to our Friendly Fans Only (no creeps)! It's the only way we make any money. Soaking Soak it, don’t poke it! The prostate Bryan wants to get catfished ... He’s a super-soaker Friendly Fans Only A 27 year old has his first kiss Everything “butt” Never kissing a man We don’t think he is prepared for this They’re not in the same league He was too stunned The listerine strips are a bit much Poor bastard LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us   212.433.3TCB text or leave us a voicemail Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Producer: Christina A.  Producer: Gustavo B.  To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Get ready for puck drop at BetMGM, an official sports betting partner of the National Hockey League. From game-winning goals to spectacular saves, BetMGM gives you the chance to take those highlight reel NHL plays to a whole new level. BetMGM has something for every hockey fan, so you're sure to find a way to get off the bench and onto the ice all season long. Take your shot to light the lamp this season with BetMGM. Download the app today and find out why BetMGM is not only an official sports betting partner
Starting point is 00:00:31 of the NHL in Canada, but they're also the king of sportsbooks. BetMGM.com for terms and conditions must be 19 years of age or older to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have any questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you Please contact connects Ontario at 1-866-531 2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge bet MGM operates pursuant to any operating agreement with I gaming Ontario Get ready for Las Vegas style action at Bet MGM, the king of online casinos.
Starting point is 00:01:07 Enjoy casino games at your fingertips with the same Vegas strip excitement MGM is famous for when you play classics like MGM Grand Millions or popular games like Blackjack, Bakura and Roulette. With our ever-growing library of digital slot games, a large selection of online table games and signature Bet MGM service, there is no better way to bring the excitement and ambience of Las Vegas home to you than with BetMGM Casino. Download the BetMGM Casino app today. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. BetMGM.com for T's and C's. 19 plus to wager. ON only. Please play
Starting point is 00:01:42 responsibly. If you have any questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Bet MGM operates pursuant to any operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. That's unfortunate that you've never eaten one ass. That's not on purpose. I'm gonna be vulnerable for a second.
Starting point is 00:02:07 I have a thing called inverse psoriasis, which is I get psoriasis in the cracks of my body. So my butt crack is actually, it's like flaky, like dandruff on the head, but in my asshole crack. So if someone were to just go chomping down on my ass, they would just get skin flakes, like sprinkles, right down their throat. And it's not pleasant.
Starting point is 00:02:30 Get a ped egg. You want me to pumice down my asshole? On this episode of The Commercial Break. If anybody was looking for this old ass body, I would be on there in a heartbeat. There's something for everybody. There is something. Well, I can't, but I don't think that. I'm not going to get into the hundreds of thousands. break. I want a wrinkle tinkle. Show me your wrinkle tinkle. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this crazy show, Chris and Joy Hoadley.
Starting point is 00:03:21 Best to you, Chrissy. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. All right. All right, all right. Here we are again. The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. And fall off sometimes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:03:40 Get flat. The paychecks always come with zeros on the line, zeros on the line, zeros on the line, zeros on the line. And yet here we are. Our little passion project. Yes. Against All Odds is our theme song by Phil Collins. How could I just let you walk away, leave, leave, leave without a chase?
Starting point is 00:04:00 Oh, good old Phil Collins. Good old Phil Collins. Good old Phil Collins. What happened to my microphone? It kind of got scratchy there for a second. It did. Sorry about that. You had more stuff falling apart here at the studio.
Starting point is 00:04:12 Please send donations to dcbpodcast.com for Brian's new microphone so you can actually hear me during the show. Or maybe send donations and I'll keep the same microphone and I'll slowly just fade away. It'll be Chrissy laughing. Exactly. Oh, all right. Hey, I wanted to talk about something.
Starting point is 00:04:29 I think we've talked about this before, not a hundred percent sure, but I recently heard somebody on a vodcast talking about the very popular Mormon ritual of soaking. Do you know what soaking is? It is what it sounds like. I think we have talked about, is this where somebody else is in the room? Yeah, where someone jumps on the bed. So soaking, because Mormons, like a lot of other religions, don't believe in premarital sex, they have decided that there is a way around that. That
Starting point is 00:05:02 only the friction equals sex. That if you just stick it in and leave it there, then actually you're not having an intercourse. And I don't even know how that works in your brain, but Catholics believe do it in the butt and that's not sex. So, I'm not here to throw stones. I'm just sharing the information that I know. And this is a very odd thing. But, so the Mormons get in bed together, a couple gets in bed together, he slips it in, he soaks it, right? He soaks it. And then at some point, a friend will come in the room and then jump on the bed, because if you're not thrusting, then it's not sex. However, if the bouncing up and down causes little action, then everything's good.
Starting point is 00:05:43 Yeah, you can't get pregnant that way, right? You cannot get pregnant that way. It's been proven. It's science, baby. It's a little parental planning. Ask the scientist about this one. I just wanted to tell my kids, I'm gonna say, just soak it. Don't poke it, just soak it.
Starting point is 00:05:59 Now you poke it, then you soak it. Oh yeah, soak it, don't poke it. Or poke it, then soak it. And then don't stoke it. Don't stoke it, then soak it. Oh yeah, soak it, don't poke it. Or poke it, then soak it. And then don't stoke it. Don't stoke it, yeah. Make sure you don't stoke it. This is soak it, don't poke it. Soak it, don't poke it is the new commercial break theme
Starting point is 00:06:18 tagline. We've changed our tagline so many times. Currently it's the Cheesecake Factory podcast, but I'm gonna say the commercial break. So get down, folks. But when I remembered this, I think we talked about this like episode number four or something. It hadn't been so long ago. Yeah. But this just is a crazy thought to me. You just rethought of it? I just rethought of it.
Starting point is 00:06:40 Randomly. Yeah. Well, I'm old enough that after a couple of years, it just leaves my brain altogether. And then when it comes back, it's like a fresh idea. What made you think of it? These two people talking about it. They're like, you know, do they really do this? Do they really do the answer is yes, they do this. Yes, because I know Mormon folks.
Starting point is 00:06:58 And my best friend for a long time was a kind of Mormon. She was like on her own little room spring, a journey or whatever they call it. Okay. A room spring is not has nothing to do with Mormons. I'm totally full of Mormon. She was like on her own little room spring, a journey or whatever they call it. A room spring has nothing to do with Mormons. I'm totally full of shit, by the way, just ignore me. So that's, it's just like the thought of being in a girl and then having my best bud, like Raphael behind me, or you just jumping on the bed. Not that far out of the question once we're talking about Raphael behind me or you just jumping on the bed. I'm not that far out of the question
Starting point is 00:07:25 once we're talking about Raphael's world. Yeah, that's true. Raphael probably has bounced on a couple of beds. He's probably hacked us. Yeah. Love Raphael. I'm going to spread your butt cheeks so the stars, so the starlight can get in your hole and then I'll bounce.
Starting point is 00:07:43 That's what I love about him. He's always tried to be different and new. He is. This guy, Raphael, who I haven't talked about enough probably on this show, but he is my other best friend. He is the male version of Chrissy. But Raphael and I actually have had sex and Chrissy and I have. We didn't have sex. He just soaked it. He just was soaking it. No poking out. That's right. He jumped on the bed. Raphael, yeah, I love him and everybody
Starting point is 00:08:16 loves him. There isn't a person, there's not a damn thing wrong with the guy. He's always happy and he's always trying something new and always just, he just explores life. And he's intense about it. He's like a true Renaissance man. He's like, whatever it is, I'm going to give it a try at least once. And he usually drags me along with him kicking and screaming. He's like, come on, let's try this. And I'm like, I don't want to. And he's like, you'll regret not doing this. Every time Raphael has some kooky idea, like, I don't know, ayahuasca or, you know, come down to Costa Rica for a month and live with me, whatever, you know, go to this- We did that.
Starting point is 00:08:50 We did that. We did that, yeah, we did. Come down to this tantra seminar, you know, let's sun our bumholes or whatever. Anytime he has an idea- The cold plunge. The cold plunge. The fasting. All the fasting. He has all the ideas, and usually long before it becomes so popular, right? Yes. all the fasting, he has all the ideas, and usually long before it becomes so popular, right?
Starting point is 00:09:05 And so, but Raphael will tell you that this is the one thing in your life you cannot miss every time. It is the thing that you have to do. Raphael is really good. And he's very convincing. He's very convincing. Actually, he doesn't take no for an answer.
Starting point is 00:09:22 He just says yes. He says yes for you. He's like, we're going to this party in the woods, bro. I've been inviting you for 12 years and you've never shown up. So I paid for you. I got a ride for you. I'm picking you up at 9 AM. We're going. And I'm like, I have no interest in party in the woods. 10 AM, I'm sleeping in the back of a car on a four hour drive to some waterfall in North Carolina. I mean, it's, everybody in life needs that friend. They need that friend that just drags you along. I feel like Raphael is my that friend. I'm that your friend.
Starting point is 00:09:53 I'm like, come on, Chrissy, let's go to Costa Rica for two weeks. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about your job. And then I'm that person for Jeff. Yes. Yeah, you are that. Come on, honey.
Starting point is 00:10:03 We're going to this festival thing. He's like, oh, no. Me and Jeff are like this. I'm like are. Come on, honey. He's like, Oh, me and Jeff are like the same. I don't want to go. I just want to sit here and watch the masters. Uh, so soaking it, let's go back to soaking because I think it's a really interesting prospect that you would have. What is the conversation you have with the friend who's going to jump in the room? Hey, listen, I'm going to jump in the room? Hey, listen, I'm going to go soak my dick for a couple minutes. I mean, apparently it's a thing. So maybe you just come out and say it. I'm going to go, I need you to help soak.
Starting point is 00:10:35 I need, yeah. Is that what helps? I need a soak host, a soak co-host. Dude, would you be a real true friend? By the way, soaking does happen with people outside the Mormon religion too. It's called regular sex with Brian. You don't thrust? No, there's no thrust.
Starting point is 00:10:57 I'm too old for all that. I'm going to break my hip. Don't get on top of me. I'm going to break my back. I'm not going to thrust. I'm going to break a hip. What is that conversation that you have with friends? By the way, I have a Mormon friend that I was friends with for years, and like I was saying, she was like on this journey. She was trying to figure out if Mormon was the only thing out there for her. But she mainly stuck to the Mormon rules, including wearing the garment. You know, some
Starting point is 00:11:24 people refer to it as a magic garment, but it's not a magic garment, it's a garment that signifies purity that they wear underneath all their clothing all the time, and she would wear the garment, and she explained to me one time that this is a phenomenon that happens with the teenagers, is, I don't think she referred to it as soaking, because I think I clearly would have remembered that term being as funny as it is, but she said that there is a version of sex that doesn't include actual action. It's just literally slip it in and that's it. Listen, I've had sex lots in my life, mostly with myself, but on occasion I've convinced somebody else to come
Starting point is 00:12:02 along on the journey with me. And I will tell you that you could soak and probably still get off. I mean, men could soak and probably still get off. There's probably a big build up to it. Yeah, you got to imagine. You're so pent up. Yeah, we're going to do this. Do you take off the magic garments? I think you have to. Well, then what's that saying though? That's violating something. Well, I mean, they'd have to, they have to bathe, right?
Starting point is 00:12:29 So maybe you do it in the bath and then you have a friend come and like push you up against the wall. Yeah. What if you had like- Let's take a soak. Let's take a soak. In the tub.
Starting point is 00:12:38 In the tub. We all know water sex is bad, but I'm imagining these kids are too young to know the difference. They're adventurous. They still think the shower scene works, right? Right. Okay. They'll get older and realize, yeah, or the pool. They'll get older and realize
Starting point is 00:12:50 that that doesn't work at all. Sex in the ocean is the worst. Oh, God, no. That's the worst. That is the worst. I had sex in the ocean, and I'm not going to, I had sex in the ocean, and I'm telling you, it was not like the most pleasurable experience in the world. The waves crashing up against you. And we were at a crowded beach. Like, don't ask. We were just being a little adventurous.
Starting point is 00:13:10 No one knew. I don't think. Sand is going everywhere. Oh, sand, salts, all kinds of stuff. Fish. There's probably small octopus in someone's vagina currently. Yeah. What if you got, what if you did the soaking in the bath and you could get
Starting point is 00:13:24 like multiple friends to help? What if you had one friend that held up one leg and another friend that held up the other leg and then some guy who just on occasion came and rammed you up against the side of the wall, like the pusher, he just kind of pushed you every once in a while? That seems dangerous. It does. First off, second off, not comfortable.
Starting point is 00:13:41 But the reason why I bring this up is because I want you and Jeff to try this and tell me how it all works out. You guys are adventurous. Ah, we're adventurous moving forward. This seems like a step backward. Well not when you have a third person in the room jumping on the bed. That's all kind of adventure. What are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:14:00 That's true. Will they talk dirty? Do you want to be the friend? No, not really. I don't want to be the friend? No, not really. I don't want to ruin it. There's some things you can't come back from. Astrid has one leg, you have another leg. You just give Jeff a shove. I just jump Jeff in the back every once in a while. What if I just slap his ass? I keep slapping his ass. I do a little tickle
Starting point is 00:14:23 on his taint and he's like, ah, ah, ah, ah. We've got to do this for the podcast, honey. Yes. What if I give him a prostate massage while Astrid's holding up both of his legs and I just go deep in there? I'll press that button. You know, there's, you know, there is a lot of, there are a lot of men and this is is proven, like this is a fact that there is a special G spot for men in that prostate too. Of course there is. And you touch it and there, you just, off you go.
Starting point is 00:14:54 It's like instant cum. Yeah, soak it, don't poke it, remember that kids. For all those kids listening in the car, your horrible parents are allowing you to listen to this show on the drive home. They're like, next episode. Soak it, poke it. Poke it, soak it. This is fun. I like thinking about this. Yeah. Okay. So you and Jeff, me and Astrid in the shower, I think we should probably do it on the bed. So you guys get in there on the bed, you put the covers over your head, like to your shoulders. And then when you're ready, you just yell. You just be like, Brian!
Starting point is 00:15:27 I don't know why I'm picturing this happening in a weird hotel room. Oh, I was hoping it could happen right here at my house, in a weird hotel room, like the Motel 6. You just text me when you're ready, hey, Brian, all ready, and I'll come in with like a cape, You'll come in with like a cape and a mask. You'll have your magic garment. Magic garment and a mask on. And I'll start jumping. But because you want to make sure you respect the Lord, I'll have to do the dirty talking for you. So, I'll be like, oh yeah, Jeff, right there. Uh-huh. Oh, Chrissy. Oh, Chrissy.
Starting point is 00:16:03 Oh, yes. I'll text to you guys some things to say. Okay. And also I can record it for posterity sake because it's nothing if it's not content for the show. We need content for the show. Exactly. I think Jeff will be up for this.
Starting point is 00:16:16 Talk to him. Talk to him when you guys are doing like a naked cooking session and just say, hey, Jeff, we got a new idea for the show. I'll slip it in there. Yeah, literally. Literally, but I'll slip it in there. Yeah, he's literally, literally, but he'll slip it in there. You tell Jeff, well, you got that frock on
Starting point is 00:16:31 and your ass is hanging out. You say, hey, Jeffery, Brian had a great idea for the show. And I know since you're so supportive, you'll do this for us. You mind just soaking it while Brian jumps in like Superman? This could actually make us money, honey. This could make us money. I bet if we, there's gotta be soaking porn out there. Oh, God, probably. There's every kind of
Starting point is 00:16:53 porn. There's every kind of porn. Every single kind of porn. Maybe we should start the OnlyFans, you know. I'm telling you what, man, I see, like, sometimes I'll get those, you know, this, on the commercial break feed, we took all of the followers off except for the people that we interview. But now I'm getting like these random suggested for you, suggested for you. So since my commercial break account is filled with just, you know, half naked women. I get this constant feed of these girls. And they are in various states of undress, looking super sexy, super hot, good for them. And then they have their-
Starting point is 00:17:33 And I'm sure that's actually them. Well, it is some of them. Most of them, most of them. But I don't know, who cares? I don't give a shit if it's them or not. I'm not a detective. You watch episode after episode after episode of Catfish. Yes.
Starting point is 00:17:50 Okay. I'm ready to get catfished. Yeah. I've never been catfished. I feel like I'm being left out. I know, we could do that for the show too. You could throw out a line for the catfish to bite. Oh, that's true.
Starting point is 00:18:00 I never thought about that. What if I put like a Tinder profile together with like some hot fake AI photographs and I just say, I'm ready about that. What if I put like a Tinder profile together with like some hot fake AI photographs and I just say, I'm ready to soak. Soaking welcome. I'm a super soaker. That's what I am. I'm a super soaker.
Starting point is 00:18:16 I'm a double down poker. Okay, so I'm scrolling and then a lot of times you'll click and it'll be like, OF account, right? Link here. And when you click be like OF account, right? Link here. And when you click onto the OF account, OnlyFans account, when you click onto the LonelyFans account, there are some women that have been served to me, mainly women, that have 900,000,
Starting point is 00:18:39 700,000, 600,000 people that are on their only fans account 399 a month times just a hundred thousand people and you are making a holy shit fuck of money I know it's insane how much money you can make if anybody was looking for this old ass body I would be on there in a heartbeat. There's something for everybody is something well. I get but I don't I'm not gonna get into hundreds of thousands. I'm not going to get into the hundreds of thousands. I'm going to have like 10 really horny women and four extremely horny dudes in their mid-60s that are going to be like, oh, show me that wrinkly cock again. I want a wrinkle tinkle.
Starting point is 00:19:17 Show me your wrinkle tinkle. And I just don't want to take weird requests from even stranger people. Do you know what I'm saying? Imagine the kind of fan mail that those, the kind of fan email that those people get. It's got to be outrageous. That's the part, that's the part that makes me think twice about ever doing anything sexually related on the internet. Not that I'm above it, I am not above it.
Starting point is 00:19:40 But first of all, no one wants to see me. Second of all, I don't have particularly great skills in bed or on camera. So I'm not, if this show is any indication. So I'm not looking to, you know, be a superstar in that realm. But then number three, I don't want to deal with the kind of feedback that you would get being one of those, uh, only fans models cam cam guys, or whatever you call it, I think you're going to have to take this one on the chin for us. I've said I'll do the feet Yeah, I asked her and I were talking about that too. And she was like, well, let's put it. You got pretty feet
Starting point is 00:20:14 Let's go put your feet on there. Mm-hmm. And we started thinking it all through right not probably no one would ever know It was her feet. You could put a fake name. You only have to show the feet That's it smushing stuff bananas and all that kind of shit. Right. But at the end of the day, you've got to go into a really weird head space to get where these people are going sometimes. Right. Do you know?
Starting point is 00:20:35 And that's probably has to do with any kind of sexual activity, not just feet. I'm not knocking on foot fetish because apparently millions and millions of people have these foot fetish because there's people making millions of dollars on that fucking site. I know. But the thing is, when someone asks you to squash a banana or an orange or a dick or whatever it is, a dildo, whatever these strange requests are, you're going to have to get in the head space to respond to that. And if you really want to make money, you're going to have to oblige to some of that stuff
Starting point is 00:21:06 that you are willing to do. I see nothing wrong with squishing a banana with my toes. Yeah, but imagine the email that comes with that. Well, that's when you just have an automated response. I'm imagining. Thank you so much, I appreciate it. Yeah, that's true, you could do that, you just have AI respond to it.
Starting point is 00:21:19 Yeah, exactly. But I mean, I just like read one of these emails, like, you know, I imagine your toes have nipples and I want to stick it on my tongue and roll it around. And then I want to spit, spit, spit, spit on me and kick my balls and make them bleed. I'm coming in my own mouth. Wow. You've really thought about that. Yes, I have. You've gone down the road. Yes, I have. Crucify my dick, put nails right to the head.
Starting point is 00:21:46 I love you. I was thinking just about a little toe playfulness. Yeah, you think it's going to be friendly in that place? You think it's going to be friendly? Forget about it, Chrissy. Friendly fans only. Friendly fans only. That's a good one.
Starting point is 00:22:00 Friendly fans only. FFO, we're starting our new website right after the gambling site for the NFL. Brian's sister co-host idea and then, you know, FFO. Everything that's in the notebook. By the way, we got a few people that said they were willing to be a sister co-host. Oh, good. Yeah. A few people responded to that. So if you ever want to take some time off, let me know.
Starting point is 00:22:24 That does. I do need to do that coming up. Jared Sonska Yeah, that's true. Nicole Soule-Nagant Jeff's got a couple of festivals I'm going up there for. Jared Sonska I would say that it might not be a bad idea, like a terrible idea to put together a raffle or a contest of some sort, where someone gets to be a guest co-host for the day when you're out
Starting point is 00:22:41 or I'm out. And then they just come in and you just randomly have a conversation with them. So I've already picked that person and they're gonna be here for the next six to 12 months. Let me know if we have any paychecks that could show up. And see you later. Christy's like, bye. As Jeff says, whenever I leave to come here, be careful and be funny.
Starting point is 00:23:02 Yeah, be funny. That's my favorite part. Now be funny. I know, I've got this friend and I funny. Be care, yeah, be funny. That's my favorite part. No, no. Now be funny. I know, I've got this friend and I love him to death, but he is so, and we were friends before the podcast became popular, quote unquote, whatever that means. And now you're not friends anymore. No, I'm friends with him, but I get a little shy because whenever anybody else besides him is in a room, like I told you that one time we were like somewhere and he introduced one
Starting point is 00:23:28 of his friends, he's like, this is Brian, he has a podcast, it's so fucking funny, you got a video, Steve-O is on his show, Margaret Cha was on his show. He like makes it a big deal. It's not a big deal. I'm just like a dude with some kids and I'm trying to fucking hang out, right? But he does this, but it gets a little, um, I don't know. I know it's hard to respond to that because what are you supposed to be like? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm the best. That's right. Yeah. Everything he's saying more.
Starting point is 00:23:54 I have women come up to me and they go soak me, poke me. Women, women want to be, Women want to be me. Men want to fuck you. Men want to be you. Women men wanna fuck you. Men wanna be you, women wanna fuck you. You're Brian Green. Look at you, look how you cried across the strip club floor. I'm gliding because I'm so fucking high on cocaine right now.
Starting point is 00:24:16 My feet won't touch the ground. That's why. Shut up! That was a funny night. That was a funny night. But he back to your friend. Okay, but in what I say, like sometimes then you. Are you gonna be like, oh no, oh shucks.
Starting point is 00:24:31 No, I get so embarrassed. I'm so embarrassed about this show. I just like turn red and walk away. What am I supposed to do? Because the other thing is, is then he's like, oh, you have a comedy podcast? So like, what kind of comedy do you do? Right, no, I get that too.
Starting point is 00:24:43 This one guy was like, oh, so you do like jokes and stuff? So you're like, give me an example of a joke. And I'm like, no, I'm not going to do that. I'm not a fucking monkey. Knock, knock, who's there? Shut the fuck up. That's the kind of stuff we do. That's the kind of stuff we do, yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:59 You should do that next time. No, I just, I like open up my Apple app and I'm like, here, you can listen to yourself. Like, what do you want me to do? I do the dance around and be funny for you? I'm not even funny on the show. Dance around and be funny. Yeah, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that.
Starting point is 00:25:15 I do, yeah. I spin it around with a top hat. You got a cane? I'll show you. I have a big coat on and a top hat and I spin the cane. A monocle. Yeah. Ha!
Starting point is 00:25:27 I know it is. Have you heard about Rosy Rita? It is like an awkward. She's got super sexy feet. Hey! Da da da da da da da da da. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:40 It's hard. It is kind of awkward. It's such a hard life being a podcaster. Well, I do the same thing though where I'm like, here it is. It is kind of awkward. It's such a hard life being a podcaster. Well, I do the same thing though, where I'm like, here it is. That's what I do. And then I say it's not for everyone. Just to preface it.
Starting point is 00:25:51 Yeah, I always have to be careful about it. Not everybody's brand of humor. I know. Yeah, we just, like at the school sometimes I'm like, oh God, I mean, I've said this a million times. And I love, I love almost everybody at the school. Your secret's safe. I know your secret's safe with me, but everybody has said that.
Starting point is 00:26:08 Like it's a big secret that everybody has a secret that I have a secret podcast that no one can talk about out loud because it's really not funny and he's quite obnoxious and he says stuff that's way not cool with the school. Right. Right? And like now there's like, I'm not even gonna get into this. I shouldn't get into this. Okay.
Starting point is 00:26:24 All right. So let's do this. Let's take a break. I have got a dating show that I found that is outrageous. It's a TLC. I can't believe I've never seen this before It's on TLC. It's called Date at first kiss. Oh, can you believe this you want to leave you? We have to take a listen I would love to this is right up our fucking alley. Okay, never seen it not seen the video How you submitted to us? I know I're a TLC fanatic, super fan. They, sometimes they run shit late at night. And by the way, there's like 12 different TLCs around the world, like the UK version, the Canada version.
Starting point is 00:26:53 And so there's a lot of those different shows. And I'm not sure sometimes where they come from, but someone actually submitted this to us and was like, you gotta review this video. It's really funny. Thank goodness. Yes, keep the content coming. Yeah, please. Please, please. Yes, if you literally think of anything,
Starting point is 00:27:07 I should be on your favorites on the text message, 2124333TCB. Just send it. If you fart loudly, record it and send it to me, it'll fill five minutes. All right, let's take a break. We'll be back. Hey, Podcast Universe, it's Astrid. While Brian and Chrissy are here messing around in the studio, I'm here doing the important work behind the scenes. So who better to tell you where to go
Starting point is 00:27:33 than your favorite Venezuelan producer? That's me. First, go to tcbpodcast.com and check out the website I helped design. Then hit the contact us button and send us your address to get your free TCB sticker that I also designed. You can text us at 212-4333-3TCB and it's likely I'll be the one to respond. And one last favor, follow us on Instagram at The Commercial Break. It takes me a lot of time to create all those posts. You can watch the show at youtube.com slash The Commercial Break and see how I made Brian and Chrissy look good in that studio.
Starting point is 00:28:08 See Brian, you're not the only one I boss around. And now let's hear from our sponsors while I go back to work. Do you wake up in a cold sweat from your work dreams? Have a coworker who keeps inviting you to do escape rooms? Can't get a co-worker to agree to do escape rooms? Or are you just genuinely not sure how to take the next step in your career? I'm Kate and I'm Kin and together we run Amy Poehler's company Paper Kite Productions. We've been friends and colleagues for years so we know how important it is to feel like someone has your back at work. And we want to be that for you. So we're hosting
Starting point is 00:28:42 a weekly advice show where we answer all your work-related questions. Something amazing happened. I got offered my dream job. How am I supposed to bring this up to him without hurting his feelings? What should I do? I want to like, stifle the pleasantries without being an a**hole.
Starting point is 00:28:58 Careful, money and friends, they don't mix, babes. They don't. And don't work with your friends, make your friends at work. All right, I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but that was actually million dollar advice. Whether you need advice or just love to listen to other people's problems, this show is for you. Listen and follow Million Dollar Advice, an Odyssey podcast available now for free on the Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:29:31 All right. So, listener submitted video from TLC, the noted favorite channel of the commercial break. Brian. Catfish, TLC, and old white people pontificating about political news. That's what Chrissy and I watch here. No, that's what you watch. No, that's what you watch because I have an honor to come in the studio. Well, I know. That's what I have to watch. That's the only way I know about any of those things. Oh, you love catfish. Don't lie. You love catfish. You get into it. You're like...
Starting point is 00:29:50 Well, it's hard not to... Of course! ...be what happens. Now, you know how Jeff feels when he walks in and he catches you with one of these shows. Or I walk in on Astrid in The Bachelor. I'm like, oh, fuck, now I'm sucked in. What am I going to do? I can't get out of here. I know. Oh, fuck, now I'm sucked in. What am I gonna do? I can't get out of here. So listener submitted video from TLC. I don't know when this was done, but it's called Date at First Kiss.
Starting point is 00:30:10 So I'm as unknowledgeable about this as anybody in the room. So let's just put it on and we'll see what happens. I was trolling on the internet. As you do. As I do like to do. And here's a handsome young fella looking to spray some of that shit in his mouth that never makes your breath smell good
Starting point is 00:30:26 Just makes it smell worse. Yeah, Bianca. Is it Bianca? Was that what's it? What is it called? Something like that. Bianca, Bianca. I never even see that in the checkout lines anymore. No, because I think it had like heavy metals in it. Everything's spraying. I know you're just spraying like I don't know, asbestos in your mouth or something. And by the way, never made your breath smell good. You did two squirts for one, if you happen to kiss someone within three seconds of putting that in your mouth, maybe they too would taste that weird metallic-y taste. But besides that, it wasn't doing you any good.
Starting point is 00:30:57 All right, let's take a listen. Let's see what he's up to. It's going to be great. I'm Josh. I'm 27, no pressure. And today I'm going to kiss a girl for the first time. Oh. I can do this.
Starting point is 00:31:10 I'm ready. No, you are not, bro. You are definitely not ready. Look at those eyes, he's so scared. He is. This has gotta be a tough one. It's nerve-racking, your first kiss. Oh, it's his very first kiss?
Starting point is 00:31:19 He said he's 27. He's never kissed anybody. And this is my first kiss. Jeez. Yeah, you gotta get the first kiss in under 27, I think. You do. I think under 21, actually. Otherwise the pressure just builds and builds.
Starting point is 00:31:29 Yeah, it builds and builds, and then you're just talking yourself out of it all the time. You're anticipating something. I mean, honestly, I think a good first kiss time is like 15, you know, 14 to 16 years old. That's my opinion. Don't write in.
Starting point is 00:31:42 Stop with the stupid Apple reviews about every fucking thing I say, please. Thank you. Well, I wonder if he's one of these guys that's actually done everything but kiss. Oh yeah. Everything but. No pun intended. Everything but.
Starting point is 00:31:58 That's what they teach sometimes in some of these parochial schools. I don't even know. How I made it 27 years without kissing a girl. It's really crazy actually. Like none of my friends have waited that long. I don't think anyone probably in the human history have waited that long. Oh no, there's, I know a lady who just turned 100 years old last week. I know her personally.
Starting point is 00:32:22 She turned 100 years old last week. She has never, ever, according to her, ever been with a man in any kind of romantic way. So she is likely to die without ever having touched a man in a sexual way. Beth Dombkowski Some people are asexual. Brian Smith Yeah, I don't think that's it. I mean, I could tell the whole story, but I won't. But just know that... Beth Dombkowski You continue to amaze me, Brian. I mean, we've
Starting point is 00:32:44 been friends for so long and you still. Yeah, you know her too. You just. I do? Yeah, you do. Yeah, you know of her. You've met her. You've met her.
Starting point is 00:32:52 I do what? Yes. Yes. I'll tell you after the break. Is that a family member? What's that? Is that a family member? No, family member.
Starting point is 00:33:01 He has my twin brother. He's a hundred years old. He's never kissed anybody. And by the way, he's a she, so there you go. He's shy when it comes to talking to girls, so hopefully this can lead to something. Might be a little freaked. Okay, that's enough.
Starting point is 00:33:17 Spray. Yeah, dude, whoa, that's 12 sprays in there, bro. You're gonna open your mouth and hot ass is gonna come out of there. I mean, can't be good. At some point it starts working against you. Kiss in the world are my mom and grandma but there's no way I'd kiss my mom and grandma. Like I'm gonna kiss this girl. Are you sure? Come here mommy can I practice? Practicing and trying to watch videos of people kissing. Grabbing like the cheek and face is kind of a big thing.
Starting point is 00:33:46 Wrapping the arms around. Maybe do something with the hair. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get all that complicated, dude. Don't get all that complicated. If this... If you don't know this woman, a little, uh, my opinion, a little nice face grab, right? So you've got some tender touching. Make sure your hands are warm. And then stick your tongue... just start darting your tongue directly into her mouth. Yeah, like a snake.
Starting point is 00:34:09 Yes, like a snake. Make sure it's forceful and heavy. You want her to choke onto your tongue. That's how you do it. Yes, I'll pucker my lips in. I don't know, I just kind of push them forward. Oh my God, he's in a TV studio, just to let you know those who are listening. He's in a TV studio, big white backdrop, and this has got to be so nerve-racking. Yeah. I don't know what I'm doing. My heart is actually racing.
Starting point is 00:34:33 My palms are actually sweaty. I really want to fall in love. Also, he's on TV. What if she's the one? Yeah. Why did you agree to do this on TV, dude? You obviously have a little anxiety around this. Why does every... Let me get a camera crew? Yeah
Starting point is 00:34:46 Watch me do you get TLC and millions of viewers to watch me fuck this? Why does everyone think it's a good idea to do stupid shit on TV for the first time? Well, I'm from Beverly Hills am I an experienced kisser She's an experienced kisser. Oh my gosh, this girl is gorgeous. She is. Wow. She's, they're bringing in the heavy. Why did she agree to this?
Starting point is 00:35:14 I don't know. What is she up to? To be on TV. To be on TV, that's right. I was 13 when I had my first kiss. She's taking a shot of tequila. Good idea. Yeah. She is an experienced kisser. She knows. She knows. a shot of tequila. Good idea. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:25 She is an experienced kisser. She knows. She knows. I'm gonna have to be a little drunk for this one. I made a goal to myself. That I can be a great kisser. Took a lot of practice, trial and error. And I must say I developed a couple of tricks in my bag.
Starting point is 00:35:41 Tonight be a bit confident. I love a man. Oh, I think you think a little bit too much of yourself here young lady. That's aggressive and it will pull me in and just grab my face and just kiss me. I'm ready. He is literally going to faint when he sees her.
Starting point is 00:35:57 Well, right, yeah, she's got on strappy high heel shoes, short shorts, tight short shorts, tube top. Yep. Yep. Wow. She was applying lipstick, getting ready, tube top. Yep. She was applying lipstick, getting ready for the kiss. Wow. This is like me and Tiger Woods going to Augusta National and saying, hey, it's my first time playing here.
Starting point is 00:36:18 He'd be like, cool dude, see you later. She's walking down the stairs. He's sweating like a maniac. I haven't had this experience, so I don't know what my body's going to be like. His palms have to be so sweaty. Why is he in an all white room? Are they in a padded psychiatry room? Because they're trying to make it anxiety inducing. They have to get good TV here, so they just make it as unnatural.
Starting point is 00:36:44 No one's going to kiss in front of six cameras and a white backdrop that looks like you're filming fucking Avatar 4. It's never going to happen. And then they're gonna bring in the sexiest, sultriest woman you've ever met in real life. I mean, I'm sorry, but I'm sorry to put it like this, but I'm not sure this guy would naturally meet this woman and kiss her on his own. Like, I'm just not sure they're in the same league.
Starting point is 00:37:09 Zone? Yeah. I'm not in the same league. He's not in the same league. Do it. What? Wow. This could not be more panic inducing right now.
Starting point is 00:37:23 Okay, here she comes. It's the weirdest set. It is. Hi. Hello. Hi. I'm literally about to blow your dick off. Oh, he's frozen. Do you mind if I give you a kiss?
Starting point is 00:37:43 Yes. You might. Yes! Yes, please. Oh, he's frozen. Do you mind if I give you a kiss? Yes. You mind? Yes! Yes! He's had full attention. He's like, oh! I've never felt this way about anybody before.
Starting point is 00:37:56 This is going to suck for him. You know, want to know why? He's going to fall in love with her instantaneously. That could be the truth. Yes. Well, I never forgot my first kiss. He's 27. He's certainly, he's been thinking about it all this time. This gorgeous woman walks in, he's going to kiss her and you think he's just going to forget about that? No, I see
Starting point is 00:38:15 a restraining order coming in this girl's future. What's that? Kiss and run. No, no, I don't mind. Oh, they just went straight for it. Oh my god, dude, no! What? Chrissy, let's watch the replay on this. I'm gonna explain. They're not even doing tongue, it's just that she's just kissing him. Because he's not opening his mouth, he's not even moving his body. His eyes are wide open. This is the worst kiss I've ever seen. Look at that. Okay. So let me explain to the listeners.
Starting point is 00:38:50 His lips are pressed tight together. Yes. She walks in with that sultry walk. He is frozen. His eyes are big as saucers. She walks right across the room and says, do you mind if I give you a kiss? Can I kiss you? And and says, do you mind if I give you a kiss?
Starting point is 00:39:05 Can I kiss you? And he says, ah, yes. And she goes up, grabs his face, pulls her toward him. His lips are locked, his eyes aren't moving, they're wide open. And she's got her eyes closed. She's obviously an experienced kisser. She knows what's going on. She's a pro. He can't believe this is happening to him. He's taking mental pictures right now, instead of focusing on what he needs to focus on, which is actually kissing.
Starting point is 00:39:30 Poor guy, poor bastard Chrissy. I feel so bad for this guy. Oh. Are you nervous? Yeah. Don't be. Okay. Can I try it one more time?
Starting point is 00:39:42 Yes. You sure about that? He's enthralled. This is. Can I try it one more time? Yes. You sure about that? He's enthralled. This is awesome. Let's try it. Okay, loosen them up a little bit. Okay, the lips are coming open. Loosen them up, there you go.
Starting point is 00:39:56 Loosen up. Thanks. What? Did it go? She just walked away. He said thanks. Where is he? Now there's a breakdown. She's talking to the camera.
Starting point is 00:40:11 I love this show. How do we get more of this? I want all of it. All of it you can handle. I think this is awesome. I kissed. It felt like I kissed his teeth. Kiss tells everything.
Starting point is 00:40:22 She's like, I can't work with this. No, I got it. She's like, I can't work with this. No, I got it. Where's my manager? I can't work with managers like this. It's unprofessional. He wanted me, not that he was terrified of me. I was hoping it would go a lot better.
Starting point is 00:40:38 I feel disappointed at myself and wish I would have done things a lot differently. Oh my God, Chrissy. His mind just went blank. Poor bastard. He forgot everything that he was learning. He literally forgot everything ever. I mean, like. His name.
Starting point is 00:40:56 Yeah, I can't imagine if I was this guy. It's hard for me to put myself in his shoes, but let's just try for one minute. You're standing there, first kiss, anxiety all over the place. Obviously, you haven't had a lot of luck with women in your life. You're a nice, plain looking gentleman, right? What do we say here? Like a six, right? He's a cute guy. He's cute. He's not bad looking, for sure. But he's obviously a ball of nerves. They come in here, they put 75 huge bright lights in front of you, put you on a white
Starting point is 00:41:28 backdrop, throw five cameras in the room, probably no one's saying anything to him, it's just dead silent. She walks in. Now go. Now go. She walks in and without any conversation just comes up and says, I'm going to kiss you, and then grabs you and pulls you toward her. I can't say that I would have done any better at 27 years old had I never had a kiss before. But now, the regrets,
Starting point is 00:41:51 I mean, I might as well have gone and done two eight balls of cocaine and three bottles of tequila over a three day period and had less regret than this guy did about this kiss. Poor bastard. I want to have this guy on the show. Yeah. Chrissy, kiss this guy. Show him how to soak, Chrissy. I think I would have felt more confident if the first kiss went well. Hopefully he gets another shot. I think he's going to get another shot.
Starting point is 00:42:26 You should have embraced her. Like, you should have just wrapped your arms around her. Yeah, he was just standing there stiff. With his arms at the side. Yeah. Oh man. Maybe she sees potential, like, oh he's actually a good guy, and who knows? How does she know?
Starting point is 00:42:39 You guys didn't even say anything to each other. How would he know? Yeah, he's a good guy. Hopefully it develops into a relationship, maybe even my wife. I told you, I told you this was going to happen. No, no, no. You're telling me there's a chance. There's no chance. Zero chance. I'm not sure you want this girl as your wife, bro. You're a nice guy and I'm not sure you're gonna get eaten up by this one, eaten alive by this woman. All right, let's take a break. We'll watch the end of it. We'll see what happens. Okay? All right. What? Oh, hi, it's Christina again, here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast.com for all things audio,
Starting point is 00:43:18 video, and TCBDO. Give us a follow on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB podcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCB phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-433-3TCB. Once more for the people in the back, that's 212-433-3TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at youtube.com slash the commercial break.
Starting point is 00:43:52 That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show. All right, we're back. we're watching, what is it? Date at first kiss here, and we've got our friend who's never kissed anybody, 27 years old, just had his first kiss with a very sultry, very sexy, very beautiful woman. It did not go well to say the least, but I mean, I guess what can you expect from a 27 year old in his first kiss? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:23 So let's see if he gets a second bite of the apple. I hope he does. Amazing. So now he's sitting on the couch. Yes. In a more relaxed environment. I mean, that was just weird though with the white room. I don't know that I... In a huge TV studio like that? Jeff and I might be awkward as well. That's true. In that setting. Did you, you didn't have a big wedding. I mean, you had a wedding, right? But you didn't have a huge wedding. Did you feel awkwardness about your first kiss? No. No?
Starting point is 00:44:50 I didn't either. I felt no strangeness whatsoever about my first kiss, even in front of 112 people or whatever. Yeah, everybody's rooting for you. Yeah, no one's rooting for this guy. They're all rooting for him to fail because that makes good TV. Now they put him in a green room to sit on a couch
Starting point is 00:45:05 and he's probably just has to sit there and just like replay this over and over again. Come on, give them a second chance. I'd be really disappointed for sure if she doesn't show up to the speed date. Hopefully like- Oh, now they go on a speed date? Oh, now they go on a speed date.
Starting point is 00:45:21 That's an interesting twist. I like that. Okay. You start with the kiss and then you do a speed date speed date. That's an interesting twist. I like that. Okay. You start with the kiss, then you do a speed date. Start with the kiss, go backwards. I like that. And here she comes, I think, down the hallway.
Starting point is 00:45:30 Yep, that's her. She's nice. She's not going to bail. She's going to be like, I just kissed this dude. I might as well spend another 15 minutes. Plus, it's camera time for my... Right. And I've been paid.
Starting point is 00:45:41 It's camera time for my reel. Will she? Won't she? She's opening the door. She did. Oh, she's opening the door. It's camera time for my reel. Will she, won't she? She's opening the door. She did. Oh, good for her. Hi.
Starting point is 00:45:51 Hey. How's it going? Guyon, how are you? Good. How you doing? Let's not kiss again. Let's just hug. Yeah, let's take it a little slow.
Starting point is 00:46:00 Let's walk this backward, all the way to when we didn't know each other. So cute that he was nervous. It was different, it was awkward, it was sweet. One thing that people don't realize about me, I love a nerdy, good guy. And when I saw him, like, oh my gosh, he's so cute. One thing that no one knows about me, including the guys that date me, or any of my friends or my family members, is that I really love a sweet guy. I don't actually want to be seen in public with him,
Starting point is 00:46:29 but if I happen to meet one on a television set, I'll be happy to hang out with him for five minutes. Come on. How are you feeling? It was very nerve-racking for me, I must say. Yeah, that was actually my first kiss ever, so. So you've never done a random kiss before? I've never kissed anyone before, that's...
Starting point is 00:46:44 Stop it. Yeah Oh my god, what did she not know what show she was doing? Yeah, did not someone not prep her for that? Wow, that's weird. That's even weirder Love that first kiss date at first kiss, whatever It's like you could give a brother a heads up. I'll give a sister a heads up Hey, we're sending we're literally throwing this guy to the wolves and you're the wolf, okay? Go out there, do a good job.
Starting point is 00:47:08 See you later. Josh's first kiss ever. Yeah, we heard. Ever. I can't even tell you how I feel. Wait, so this is your first kiss. I can't get over it. First kiss, yeah. First kiss ever.
Starting point is 00:47:22 How do you feel about it? Was it at least exciting? Definitely something that I got out of the way, I can't get over it. First kiss, yeah. First kiss ever. How do you feel about it? Was it at least exciting? Definitely something that I got out of the way, so it's good to have. Definitely something I got out of the way? That is not the answer. Will you marry me? She was like, yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:34 I see you as my wife, will you marry me? What if he just gets down on one knee? There's my grandmother's ring. There's my great-grandmother's ring. She stuffed it in her ass on the way to Ellis Island 300 years ago. We have those fireworks, you know, so that was a big thing. Yeah, it'd be cool like I guess to try again. Okay. Would you be willing to? No, not really. Not now that I know. This again or? You know...
Starting point is 00:48:03 Are you looking at that time? Oh my god, time is up. We can't like press replay. What? We had a good conversation. It was only two minutes, but she wanted to reset the time, which was definitely in my favor. It was such a pleasure meeting you. It's great meeting you too.
Starting point is 00:48:19 I hope she wants to get to know me better and best case scenario is she's my first girlfriend. Oh God, dude. No, that's not going happen bro I'm sorry I mean was she looking for love too is this that kind of show? No! I'm a little confused. She got paid 50 bucks to kiss some dude. Okay. I don't know I don't know for sure but that's my guess my guess is hey you can be on a... So it's not like an actual dating show. I wish it was I don't know much about this at all like I said it was sent to me I said you know what I'm. Like I said, it was sent to me. I said, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go in blind because that's what I always do. So I'm just going to go in blind. I just said, I'm going to go in blind so I don't like, you know,
Starting point is 00:48:53 spoil it, spoil the magic. I just want to see it first take. And that's what happens. But if we can find more of this show, we will certainly put it out there for you guys. put it out there for you guys. I'm really looking forward to actually seeing Annalisa today and meeting with her and talking to her and hopefully knowing her on a deeper level. Oh, they're going on a second date? Wow.
Starting point is 00:49:16 He's outside too. I was wrong. Yeah. Ready to do this. I can do this. I had my first kiss with her and it wasn't what I expected. It's just so weird. I thought it was wonderful.
Starting point is 00:49:29 Aw, he brought her roses. Good for you, dude. Your mama taught you well. Today, I'm meeting Annalisa and we're gonna have this full date, not two minutes. So maybe I'll kiss her for a second time and maybe it will be more passionate than even the first time.
Starting point is 00:49:46 I wouldn't count on it, but okay. It's nice that you started with the roses. We probably shouldn't tuck in your flannel casual shirt, but that's okay. It's your first date, obviously, so. On the speed date, she wanted to reset the time, which was a good sign. So I'm really just hopeful she shows up to this.
Starting point is 00:50:06 Oh, I thought he brought a ring. He took something out of his pocket. Now he's loosening those strips. Oh, the strips are even worse. Yeah, dude, don't be so obsessed with your breath. It's okay. Unless you got like, really like a chronic problem, you're going to be okay. Everybody has a little off-breath here and there. It's part of the kissing process. You're going to kiss people that have off-breath. Because I know what it feels like to get stood up and I don't want that to ever happen again.
Starting point is 00:50:30 I mean, I didn't really get to practice last night, but with this second kiss, I'm gonna take more control. I think I want a little tug action today. Luka just like grabs her head and rips it off like, ah! I'm here to destroy you. Ancy just waiting here. So he's waiting like a nature reserve or something.
Starting point is 00:50:49 He's in a park and he's on a bridge. It's a very beautiful setting. I sure hope she shows up. I wish I understood a little bit more about the premise of the show. Cause it could be that they're both trying to find love. It could be. And maybe she really does like sweet guys
Starting point is 00:51:03 and maybe Josh fits the bill. It could be, and maybe she really does like sweet guys, and maybe Josh fits the bill. Oh. Oh, don't say she stands him up. Please don't say she stands him up. Well, they're going to make it seem like it. Yeah, of course. Then she's going to pop around the corner.
Starting point is 00:51:16 Taking so long. I'm waiting here for Annalisa to come in. I'm going from really excited to, like, anxious, nervous. She's not showing, so I so kind of the nerves kick in No, oh Here she comes. Well you we think They change the music change the music Three old ladies
Starting point is 00:51:39 Three old Karen's Can I kiss you? I've never kissed before. Oh, poor bastard. Am I going to go on a full length date with this guy? Is that even a question? No. Oh.
Starting point is 00:51:59 God, that's cold. I took Josh's kiss for genity. All I can say is you're welcome. Oh. Oh. Bitch. Well, all those nice things you had to say about, I like nice guys, I like sweet guys, and you're sweet. Can we reset the timer so we can have some more time
Starting point is 00:52:15 to talk? And the truth was, you were never gonna go out with him in the first place. Aw, poor bastard. He was ghosted. Annalisa not showing up, it's definitely taken me by surprise. I don't know why she said she wanted to get to know me better and then, you know, not show up. Maybe she just didn't want to hurt my feelings. Honestly, I'd rather have her told me she doesn't want to go.
Starting point is 00:52:39 Yeah, for sure. Like, just send a brother a text and say, hey, listen, it was great meeting you on the set, but it's obvious this this is not gonna work out between the two of us I don't have those kind of feelings towards you, but you know I wish you luck, and thank you This is this is why dating these days And I mean this is a weird way to date so don't get me wrong But this happens all the time on all those apps we hear about it all the time it's happened to me It's happened to you everybody gets ghosteded like this and it's a terrible feeling. So if everybody knows that getting ghosted is a terrible fucking feeling, then why do we continue to do it?
Starting point is 00:53:12 A text message could save the day. It really could. It could save someone's psyche. It could make someone feel just a little less shitty about the fact that you're not going to go on a date with them. That's all you have to do. Just send a text. Yeah, because now I bet he feels worse than he did when he started this whole journey. This bro took 27 years to get up the courage to kiss somebody. He had to do it on a television show. It obviously wasn't a great kiss. It was not hard to see that. But, you know, and listen, if the roles were reversed, if this was guy, guy, guy, girl, girl, guy, whatever it was, I would say this exact same thing. Don't go, bro. Don't go, bro.
Starting point is 00:53:47 Second date really, then did not show up. Aww. Thank you. He's giving the ladies roses. He's giving the old ladies that are doing the power walk roses. Well, maybe one of them is up. Maybe one of them is divorced. That's what I was thinking. Yeah. That's what he needs. He needs a good sugar mama is what he needs.
Starting point is 00:54:05 He needs a lady that's kind of a mom, kind of a date, because obviously, I think guys like this are very sweet, that he's very sensitive, he's very anxious. He needs someone that's going to take that kind of mom control, right? And I know that's not everybody's like favorite type of role to play in a relationship, but there are some people that do like to, you know, be more matriarchal, I guess. The teachers. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:30 You know, it just has to be with the right person. But at least finally, I can check off the list that I've kissed a girl, you know, so something under my belt. I finally did it. Well, that is a great attitude to take. He threw the roses down on the ground. He has all those nice words to say, but the truth is, feelings being hurt are feelings being hurt.
Starting point is 00:54:52 That's all you gotta say. All right, there you go. Quick little episode of the commercial break. I like that. I like that. I'm gonna find more of that. There's gotta be more. Well, there's also the show that Paul Shearer
Starting point is 00:55:02 was telling us about, like, Sex Box. Sex Box. Yeah. Oh yeah. We need to find something like that because we were talking about the- Text that to me. Don't put it in the book because then it'll never happen. That's true, but I think I wrote it in the book
Starting point is 00:55:12 when I had them on. Is it Sex Box or Sex Bot? Sex Box? Because they go into a box and they have sex. Oh, that's right. Paul knows all the good stuff. I know. Paul was doing like an old, on his show,
Starting point is 00:55:27 he was doing old tape record, you know, remember the voice messages on the actual voice machines and how they had those tapes, you could play the funny ones? We did a show about that many, I don't know, many, many years ago. But I say many, many years ago, we've only been doing this for four years.
Starting point is 00:55:43 But then Paul did it and I saw an Instagram clip of it. It's so much funnier than us. We should probably just change the RSS feed to just direct right over to his podcast, which is so much better than our podcast. Gotta love me some Paul Scheer. Got to love me some Paul Scheer. All right. Hey, did you go check out Neil Brennan's special yet?
Starting point is 00:56:04 Check it out. NeilBrennan.com. You go to Netflix, you can watch it. It is wonderful. Thank you very much to Neil. Thank you to this week's guest, Preacher. Preacher Lawson was just on. Jimmy Kimmel, I saw that. That's right.
Starting point is 00:56:17 So good for Preacher. He's really making quite a name for himself. I really liked him. Preacher was so cool. Yeah, he was so cool. Where was he? He was like on a balcony in Las Vegas or something when he did the interview, I feel like. Somewhere. Isn't that true? I really liked him. Preacher was so cool. Mm-hmm. Yeah, he was so cool. Where was he? He was like on a balcony in Las Vegas or something when he did the interview.
Starting point is 00:56:27 Yeah, somewhere. I feel like. Isn't that true? It was a hotel somewhere. Anyway, so check out Preacher, PreacherLawson.com. He's on tour currently forever and ever, like a lot of the comics we talk to are. Check out his Jimmy Fallon special. And he's also got some material out there on YouTube that he wants everybody to watch.
Starting point is 00:56:44 So, besides all that, TCBpodcast.com. That's where you go find out more information about Chris, he and I, all the show notes, all the audio, all the video, links to all of our guests' shit you can get at the website, plus your free TCB sticker. Go to the Contact Us page, hit the drop down menu, I want my free sticker, send us your address, away we will go. 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, you wanna be on the show, let us know.
Starting point is 00:57:12 At the commercial break on Instagram and YouTube.com slash the commercial break. I laugh every time. I know. All right, Chrissy, I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy, I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe.
Starting point is 00:57:26 Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say, Goodbye. Goodbye. Yeah, boy!

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.