The Commercial Break - Traveling Bryan & 3 Vodka Krissy

Episode Date: June 12, 2023

Bryan finds himself amongst the plebes on an international flight, but Krissy gives him a hot travel tip. Phil from ITV has left the building The UK feels like home to Bryan King Bryan of TCB and his cardboard fort Bryan went to London The London Podcast Show Type D TCB has an agent! We love Matt! Thank you to AdvertiseCast Bryan is irresistible, irreplaceable, and irrepressible? Krissy orders three vodkas on an airplane Bryan was too good for the tube & played himself Which side of the street do you walk on? Britain is just better than the US at airporting Americans act like children at the airport LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us or leaving a voicemail at: 1.855.TCB.8383 Speak to TCB LIVE by calling 775.TCB.LIVE (1.775.822.5483) Tuesday-Thursday 12pm-5pm EST Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Written By: Bryan Green Exec Producers: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Content Production & Research: Tina Khano YouTube Producer & Editor: Morgan Please Audio Editing: Christina A. Executive Director: Astrid B. Associate Producer: Gustavo Episodic Contribution: Marianne, Diane, Natalie, Will The Champ, Will D** Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I was searching around the internet. Oh my gosh. Okay. No, I was searching around the mom. Mom. Mom. I was searching around the internet and all of a sudden I was downloading this thing and I got a computer virus.

I want to see it. Show me what you were downloading. I had a computer virus and I got scared that I had the virus. And when I was getting out of my chair, my hands were slipping and I was pulling them up and getting back on the chair. I got scared and my pants slipped down a little and I was pulling them off. I'm telling the truth! I am scared!

I am scared! On this episode of the commercial break. It seems like every time that that play that's ended came by, this guy needed something or that lady needed something. I've never met a couple who needed so many things on an airplane. You need an extra pillow, you need some warm socks, do you have an extra blanket? How do I turn on the TV? My earphones aren't working.

God damn it! Shut up, go to sleep! That's why I just go ahead and order three... Bloody Mary's? Yeah, three vibes. Right up. You do that right off the top? Yeah, right off the top. You just say... Say, give me three vodka. Oh yeah. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Ah yeah, Kazakins! Welcome back to the commercial break, I'm Brian Green.

This is my dear friend, Amcohose, the beautiful Kristen Joy, hold lay a best to you over there, Tristan. And why not, best to you out there in the podcast universe? How are you? I'm here, I'm alive. Welcome home. Thank you. I'm still suffering from jet lag, also known as Brian's a big baby.

So anytime I travel, I basically need three full days to get back operation. Yeah, you do. To which my wife says, fuck you, get up and watch the kids. Oh, you went to London and I'm just worried about you'd not in the trip. It's just sorry about the three nights alone in a hotel with room service. A full bed to yourself. God forbid Brian be inconvenienced. Oh, and thank you for the picture. You saw the friends that we have over there. I did.

The ITV. Oh, I did see the ITV friends. And that one guy left. I caught him in the morning. You have Philip. The guy Phil, he left. I don't know what happened. Yeah, what happened with him?

Do you think about it? I haven't sent you a article. I read, but it didn't get into much detail. No, I mean, somebody don't know what happened. Yeah, what happened with him? Do you know what happened? I had to thank you a article. I read, but it didn't get into much detail. No, I mean, somebody thought he was an asshole. Somebody thought he was an asshole. Wasn't his brother arrested on pedophile charges or something like that? Somebody was telling me that.

Some other listeners sent me something. You had the inside London info. Yeah, inside London info. London was like going home to the mothership because I just, I'm engrossed in British culture. It seems like 24 hours a day besides not 24 hours a day, an hour a day. I'm engrossed in 24 hours a day. I'm engrossed in this British culture. I didn't know this about you. I, I fan CT. That's what I do.

Cheerio. She is mate, except that's Australian I learned very quickly. I'm engrossed in, I love the British culture. I love the British television. I don't know why, but I just do. I like that brand of humor. And so going to London for my first time, actually outside the airport, I've ended he throw a bunch, but I've never been outside.

Going to London is like going home to the mothership. It kind of felt like home to me. First of all, it's so easy because they speak your language. If you can understand, if they're from certain parts of London, you can understand them pretty well. If they're from other parts of London, just like Astrid says, sometimes she has a hard time with the southern accent, the real southern accent.

She can't understand what they're saying. If you're from like Liverpool or something, it's forget about it. I don't understand the fucking word you're saying. But it was so wonderful. London was so awesome. I just really enjoyed my time there. And I was only there for like two days, but I walked 55 miles. I went and saw Windsor Palace. Yeah. That was interesting. They used to me than Downing Street pick. Downing Street pick. I just, you go to the Windsor Castle and I walk to there.

So you go there and London is, it's just like all the buildings and the culture and they have doorknobs that are older than any house here in the United States. That's Europe in general, right? So there's all this beauty that's very authentic. It's not like Epcot Beauty, which is the normal kind of culture I ingested. It's Disney Beauty? Epcot. It has walking from town to town. When I go to the U.T. like Epcot Beauty, which is the normal kind of culture I ingest. It says Nevy. Epcot. It has walking from town to town.

Oh right. When I go to the UK village in Epcot, it's just one building. And although it looks very UK, when you get to UK, you understand, it's such a difference in the authenticity. But then I walk all the way over to Windsor Palace and the immense amount of space that this one family inhibits in the middle of downtown London is just fantastical.

It's hard to imagine. I wanna be at a place in my life where my home has multiple buildings that are there to do nothing but service my balls. You know what I'm saying? Like I bet they have a whole, they have building after building after building on the grounds.

And for the life of me can't figure out exactly what those buildings are. They have ones for stay, they have everything, everything you can think of. And so my imagination tells me that in that complex, there is one building just dedicated to King Charles' grooming habits.

Ball cleaning. Ball cleaning, like he goes there and they have the best ball cleaners in the world and they, I, I really get to straight raise or ball shave. That's my guess because the king deserves nothing less. And the fact that the British monarchy in some total does exactly nothing, just it's symbolic. It's so awesome.

I just love it. I wish we had that here in the United States. King Brian of TCB. I have a building outside of my house too. It's a piece of cardboard that I built for my children. It's a cardboard fort. It's currently sitting out waiting to get picked up by the buildings. The buildings to service the buildings. It's just unbelievable. And I loved it. I loved every bit of it. Windsor Castle is immense. It's huge. Windsor Palace is huge. It seems like it. And I, some day we're going to get there,

Chrissy. Yeah. So Tcb live in London. Tcb live in London. Drop your drawers. Give it to me in pounds, kids. Tiorio, welcome to the commission, Breaks. I want to take up over Philip's position. I'm sorry, but if I TV called tomorrow and said we need somebody to take Philip's seat, I would do an heartbeat. In a heartbeat, Chrissy, I'd leave you in a heartbeat. Really that anybody who... Somebody texted me yesterday, like one of those strange numbers just texted me.

Hi, we're looking for this, you know, do you know anybody who would fill this position in a company I'm working for? But they said my name, and they spelled it correctly, probably the R.Y. Wait, they said does anybody, do you know anybody that would fill by and grain's position?

Yes, do you, do you anybody who would fit some position of co-host on the commercial break? And I was like is Chrissy leaving? The male the male one and I'm like am I leaving? Was that in the new contract? They texted they said my name Brian we would be Grateful if you sent us a few referrals for this particular job description in the podcast industry. And I was like, how did you get my name and phone number?

And then I asked, who are you? What company are you talking about? And so she sent me a link to the company they were talking about. And I thought to myself, if they're trying to woo me over to their company, they might want to send me a different like this, Chrissy. Just to like some local online newspaper. Oh, God. Wasn't a good fit, was not a good fit.

But, if you're looking for a mediocre, low-level, unqualified audience growth guy, I'm your guy. If you're looking for the real deal, I don't have any referrals for you. Chrissy, hoedally. If you're looking for the real deal, I don't have any referrals for you. Chrissy Houdley. Right. Right.

So one of the reasons I went over to London is because the London podcast show. That's right. So you know, we do a lot of self-deprecating. The conference. The big conference. It's a big London podcast conference. I do have to say we never shy away from the TikTok of the actual podcast. We're not afraid to break the fourth wall

because we're not ever sure that we built one. But, and if we did, it would probably be. The cardboard one. Cardboard, yeah. Remember when we had that studio full of highly flammable materials everywhere, right? With random wires hanging out connected to things. Yeah, we were doing a show one time when one of those,

when they fell down. And I was sure one time the studio was on fire. I felt like it was my white snake moment, which is terrible because lots of people died. But so we go to the London podcast show. I do have to say this, what a buttoned up operation that was absolutely from from beginning to end, top to bottom, front to back.

This was such a great conference that they put on for the podcast industry. In London, where the podcast industry is not as matured as it is here in the United States, but there was, I think, eight or nine, maybe 10,000 people that were there. That's incredible. I was on a panel.

I have given, how many? You've been to quite a few. I have given, I mean, I mean, you've been to quite a few. I've probably spoken at every podcast conference since we started the podcast, probably every single in person podcast conference. I've spoken at or been on a panel for that's that's how that's how wild west to the podcast industry still is Brian Green. with the commercial breaks is I've probably been on stage, you know, let's call it 13 times since we started talking about podcasting Most of those panels the people didn't even get my fucking name right

Now Oh Drop the dead body We were at one and they did that they were kept doing that outside of the door well There was a con there was a panel going on Death yeah, how did whatever it was you know authentic talk about death and podcasting or whatever and all you could hear these poor ladies All you could hear outside the door So she'd be like and when my mother died last September It was such a sad event They were saying the London one was not like that. No, no, no, no

It's not like this at all. Completely buttoned up. And part of the reason why I went there, we do a lot of self-deprecating humor on the commercial break. And I know some people like it and some people have said it's a bit too much, but I just want you to understand our mindset here.

Chrissy and I had absolutely no intention whatsoever. Period. That's just the end of sentence. No intention whatsoever. We live in mediocr the end of sentence. No intention whatsoever. We live in mediocrity, we do it down the middle, we do it as lazily as possible. We just do what we need to get by. That's our motto in life.

Just do enough. Just enough. You don't take sell it, anything? Stop it. You can be in an idiot. Overachiever. Overachiever. Fucking overachiever.

A type, my ass. I'm like a D type. I get, I got D's in school I'm type D type D I'm a dick. I'm a douche I'm a doppelganger of someone who actually does work. That's what I am But the the reality outside this studio is that there are a few of you that have been listening and we're super grateful for that. And the show has grown in success and and and yes thanks to you thanks to you. Yeah. I don't even know any other way to put this is that we're super grateful for every single listener.

And what that means is we actually got actually got an agent. We got someone else that believes our bullshit. Yeah. We got someone that believes our bullshit and his name is Matt Dyson. He's amazing. He's amazing. He's the guy who was responsible for bringing Joe Rogan to Spotify. It's so funny to say the same thing.

I know. It doesn't exist. Joe Rogan on Spotify, yeah, we're not sure what's going on with Matt's career, but something has happened, and now he's representing the commercial break. He went from Obama's, Joe Rogan, call her daddy to the commercial break. Thank you, Matt.

Thank you, Matt. Yeah, honestly, we don't know what happened, but somewhere along the way, we picked up a podcast agent, Matt, is the best in the business. He's a class act all the way. And what we have been going through for the last three months is what a lot of podcasters

and radio people and television people go through. And that's a contract re-negotiation with our network. The poster syndrome? Way in poster syndrome. Way in poster syndrome. I was talking to our good friend, Allison, hair. When I was over in London and I was saying this is all just really hard to wrap my head around. It is. How many people are listening and then how much other people are willing to pay

to have us talk. I mean, my wife might pay it. I have someone to shh, have me shut up. That's why she suggested you start the podcast. That's right. So I would talk here and not in her. Exactly. Yeah. She's like, perfect. He's so worn out for the rest of the day.

That's right. I don't have to hear his dumb musings about everything. So Matt is representing us and he just did a lovely job of working with the network that we've been with really since the podcast started. Since we started monetizing the podcast, putting ads in the podcast is a company called Advertise Cast, Dave, Trevor, Rick, Brad, all the people over there have just Anthony. They've been wonderful to us over the years.

And I just want to take a moment to say thank you very much for extending our contract another year. We're happy to be with advertised cast. They've always been good to us. Yes, thank you. The relationship won the deal. And I'm happy to report, Christy, that we have signed that new deal. And we are guaranteed 86 pounds and 90 pence

over the life of the contract, the 12 months. Or on the B. It's unbelievable. I negotiated in pounds. I got one over on that. Why not? Because if you will realize there's a $1.7 for every pound. So what we're really making is $90 over the course of the contract. Which means that yes, road, we will be able to make our monthly installment payments now

on the one roadcaster that we bought at the beginning of the show We got one overall. Yeah, it's right and the microphones Mr. Mike Smith owes you for those microphones Mike Smith from the commercial breaks go find him Not sure what his address is wriggly field I think So when we were over in Wimbledon I think Wimbledon. I think Wimbledon was... When is Wimbledon? Tennis. I know what it is.

When is it? Do you know? Oh, right. Is it like right in... Right in and out now? Yeah, I think it's warm weather. Yeah, warm weather. Yeah, you don't want to play tennis and cold weather.

You don't want your cold balls and your cold balls. The way that those people dress, you want nice warm weather. Thank you, dear. Because those girls are wearing the shortest of skirts and those guys, those are nut huggers, fantastical nut huggers, a lot of those guys wear. I don't know how you're not afraid when your, put two tanks is just not going to, like your tea bag is just going to fall out. I'm sure it's happened.

It's got to happen. It reminds me of the basketball shorts from like what the 70s, or they were super short. I know. And like Dr. J apparently had like a 10 foot cock and I don't know how he got away with that. Shockstrap. I met Dr. J. He owns a golf course here. What? Dr. J.

Yep. Dr. J Julia serving. He owns a couple golf courses. A golf course I think maybe two here in Atlanta near the Atlanta area. So we did sign this new contract. We are happy to be with the advertised cast. Thanks to Matt Dicer. I just had to shout that out loud

because it's a trying process. It's stressful for everybody involved. And I didn't make it any easier being my stupid ass. So I really appreciate everyone on both sides of the fence coming together to get it done. This means that we're contractually obligated to never end this fucking show. We we're contractually obligated to never end this fucking show. We are now contractually obligated to sit here

and do more episodes of the commercial break. And so, one way or the other, you're getting your 144 episodes and I may not be a part of all of them, but you'll get your 144 episodes. Chrissy, have you found a suitable replacement for me? I have not. You're irreplaceable, bro.

I know. I'm irresistible, irreplaceable. You are. And irrepressible. What does irrepressible mean? It's that type D. Yeah, type. Personality, the UK.

The UK. You can't find. That's right. Triple D. I'm here in Wisconsin where they fry up cheese. Like nobody's business. It's time for another episode of Dinos driving to end. Ha ha ha.

We're giving him the sham wow factor here in Wisconsin where they've been making these cheese curds for over 60 years. Let's go in and meet Betty and Dave who are desperate to get customers in the door. Ha ha ha. Tell me about how you started the restaurant. Uh, word, we're about to file bankruptcy. Don't worry. Words were about to file bankruptcy. Don't worry, diner's driving the dives.

He's gonna make you super popular. You are gonna get crushed by the weight of popularity. Apparently there is a spike in this. He makes people crazy rich by just showing up. It was hot to knock that guy for a while, including me. Well, I said he should have been at the raised machine going flavor town, pound town flavor town, whatever the fuck he would say. The rage exhibition concert. He was at the raising in some machine concert and that stupid hat upside down. I said, hey, let everybody

go see some rage against the machine. I know, but I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I wish she'd just would have like, can you tame the hair a little bit, but I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I on a Saturday afternoon, like let's say you check into a hotel room, right? And you're looking for something familiar on the TV just to kind of be background noise when you're getting ready for dinner or something. It's perfect for that. Triple D is awesome.

And then there's also Diner Dive's, Dive's Twitter for the fuck that show it's called. So I say that even though he may be a little bit obnoxious at times, he is kind of comfort food for our eyeballs. And I have to tell you that I don't mind watching a couple episodes of Triple D. No. No, in between my British comedies, of course.

Of course. G-C-B. Hey you, guess you. I hate to interrupt all the fun, but I just want to remind you that tcbpodcast.com is where you find all the audio and the video, plus you can contact us to get your free 21 EPM sticker. Just go to tcbpodcast.com, hit the contact us button, tell us you want to stick or drop us your address and off we go. Plus you can write to us at 855-TCB-8383. That's 1-855-TCB-8383 for all of our international listeners. We'll pick up the toll.

Go ahead and text us. If you have comments, questions, concerns, content ideas, we're taking them all at 855-TCB-8383. If you want to view the commercial break in a whole new light, go to youtube.com slash the commercial break to see the fully edited episodes. You'll love it, or your money back, I promise. While you're at it, hit us up on Instagram at the commercial break and TCB live on TikTok. So let's take a minute to hear from our sponsors and then we'll be back to this episode of the commercial break. So we signed this new contract over in London, but let me tell you about how I have to get

there, because you know going anywhere for me is like a super anxiety inducing ridiculous, just anytime you have to travel through an airport in the United States, it is an absolutely miserable fucking experience. Well, you take those drugs through too, so. Well, that was a bit of a concern to me. I had to call up a friend and ask him how exactly I get the drugs through customs and he said, just carry them. And I'm like, yeah, but how do you do that?

So I was having this conversation legitimately, not for me, but I was like, how do you get, yeah, for a friend bringing them over there, right? So I'm like, aren't you afraid in an international airport that you, are you fucking kidding me, man? I rolled up 20 dubs. I got like 60 mushroom chocolates, and then I put like, oh, I got a whole jar of gummies.

And I'm like, how do you not afraid that like one of those drug-sniffing dogs is just not gonna be around somewhere and Bust you, man if you get busted you just throw that shit away and I'm like, huh? You just throw it away you just oh, I'm sorry. I left that in my bag and just toss it on the thing. I'm just gonna ignore you It's not mine first one of touches it wins I Mean it's a ridiculous concept to me. I'm so paranoid. I would never do that.

But this person does it all the time everywhere, everywhere they go. They're rolling joints, they're bringing mushrooms, they're, and they don't have any problems. They've never had any problems. They do it for 20 or 30 years. No problems whatsoever. Me, I'm terribly frightened. I think I'm going to get busted for my melatonin and nose spray. I'm like an old man. I actually did get my nose spray checked one time when I was, oh my god, I'm a Dominican Republic. I think they thought I was bringing like liquid cocaine or something, which is a thing by the way. So yeah, because that's what I got in my nose spray.

So, so I get to the airport, you know, every flight going that way is usually at nighttime. I get to the airport. It's a three, four, three combination inside of the plane. Oh, in the plane, yeah. Oh, three, three, three. I'm sorry, three, three, three, because I'm sitting in a comfort. Three, three, and three.

Right. In the back, it's three, four, three, but because you're in comfort, they have extra room. Yes. They call it extra room. I fly Virgin Atlantic to operate it through Delta. Never flown Virgin Atlantic. Oh, I've heard Virgin's fun.

It is absolutely spectacular. It was a very enjoyable experience. I've not done that. And I got to fly one of their new planes. They're called A380, something like neon or something like that. It's all got, it's like the whole inside has got this weird coloring that changes colors as the purple and pinks.

And at night, it's supposed to help you and do some sleep. But I will say this about every fucking flight that I've taken on the way there. They turn the air conditioning down so fucking cold. And I know what they're doing. They're trying to get your blood to slow down. They're literally trying to slow down

with blood pressure. Yes, they want you to go to sleep. They want you to be calm and sedate. You might as well give me a fuck out of that. I know me. I mean, I like it called when I sleep, but not 55. Not shivering. Yeah. It's 55 fucking degrees in there. I say, give me a Xanax and a bud light on the way in the door and leave it at 72. I'm cool with that. But on the way back, because the sun is beating on the plane, it's fucking 90 degrees, you can't get it cool enough. So on the way there, I am just so fucking cold.

All I wanna do is sleep, but I have a, I know this is gonna happen. I have a long sleeve shirt, I have a hoodie on, I've got my hoodie up, I've got the blanket that they give you wrapped around me, and I am desperately trying to go to sleep, but I can't, you know, wanna know why? Because every five fucking minutes, somebody's coming, the to go to sleep, but I can't, you know, wanna know why? Because every five fucking minutes,

somebody's coming, the guy next to me, and the lady next to him is asking for something to drink. Well, there's two aisles, but they always come to my side of the aisle. They can't go over where the couple is actually gonna order it. They have to go to my side and they have to reach over. So now I'm playing- So where you were in the middle?

No, I'm in one of the, I'm in the middle. I mean, in the middle aisle. I'm in the middle. I'm in the middle? No, I'm in one of the, I mean the middle aisle. I mean the middle. I mean the middle row of seats. And I got an aisle seat. And you got that on. Right. So on the left side of the plane, I'm sitting on the left side of the plane. But that's where the stewardess is. The flight attendants keep walking up and down. So it seems like every time that that flight attendant came by, this guy needed something or that lady needed, I've never met a couple who needed so many things on an airplane. How many cups of orange juice can you have? How many cups of, how many refills and coffee?

You need an extra pillow, you need some warm socks, do you have an extra blanket? How do I turn on the TV? My earphones aren't working. God, damn it, shut up, go to sleep. That's why I just go ahead and order three... Bloody Mary's? Yeah, three rides. You do that right off the top. Yeah right off the top. You just say

Say give me three vodka Do they do that for you? Yeah, they do. Oh, yeah, they just like give it to you No, I'm kidding. I haven't done the three-bed doubles double. I can understand double. I get but if you do three I haven't tried three now. I'm gonna try three an air marshal or something that's gonna approach you Well that way I don't have to keep asking. Well, no, they think that's considered, I really do. Because if I'm the guy, it's sitting in the middle. They're obviously a couple.

If I'm that, if I'm those two people, I'm recognizing that the poor bastard next to me is trying to sleep and I'm saying, like, can we get it all in one shot? Yeah. We take care of all the problems in one shot. So then finally, there's like a two hour low where none of this is happening and everybody's asleep.

It's like two in the morning, right? Three in the morning, whatever it is. And I just cannot go the fuck to sleep. My head keeps bobbing. I keep falling. The bobbing head. It's so annoying who could solve the bobbing head. And it doesn't. The only you have your supposedly you have that pillow thing that goes. It didn't work. It makes me uncomfortable. It does. It gives me a quickening. I want it to work and I keep it in my suitcase.

When I put my suitcase up after I've been somewhere. It's there. I think about taking it each time and I don't. Yeah, because I remember that. It's so good. I just wasted and you know what? I bought three of them. Every time I fucking go on a long trip, I walk into one of those stores because I got

way too much time on my hands because of course I'm paranoid, I'm gonna miss my flight, especially the international flights. The domestic flights, I'll show up an hour before 45 minutes before I don't give a shit. I'm gonna make it, I know it. I got that special walk through whatever clear bullshit, right?

It's the best thing I ever bought. Best thing I ever did. Yeah, best thing I ever, they didn't even look at your shit. They didn't even care, they're like, what happened? You don't take your shoes off, nothing, you just fuck. Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, whatever, they just walked through. don't even care. They're like, what? You take your shoes off, nothing. You just walk through.

Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, whatever, they just walk through. Doesn't really matter. They're like, I always check to you. Yeah. So I'm just like so freezing cold and the head bobbing in the whole nine yards, I cannot get comfortable. So of course, I do not sleep. I get to Heathrow.

It's a lovely airport. They have like the automated customs. You just put your passport down and if you're not causing any trouble or they don't think you're called, I automatically, I automatically assumed that what was gonna come up on the screen was like, the commercial break, stop, stop, stop, stop. F***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f*** Stop him now. Stop him! These are crimes of indecency and boredom!

Ha ha ha! So I go right through. I get, it took me, I get in a cab. Did you get one of those special cabs? I get one of the special cabs. The black, is it the black cabs? They're black now. Yeah.

So they're black cabs and they're all brand new and they're all electric or hybrid, all of them. Like it's this new law, you have to pay money. If you don't, if you have an older vehicle and it's not up to snuff with their high emission standards, like the very low tolerance they have for carbon monoxide, if you're not, when you go into this zone in London, you have to pay a five pound tax for driving your car at a certain time when

you don't have the lowest of emissions. So these cabs, they're all highly efficient. So what it is is you open the door, backwards like they do, right? Open the door and it is a bench, a three person bench in the back, then the driver's up front and then there's all the space in front of you is, it's like a minivan, but it's just empty with carpet, but they have these fold down seats against the wall where the driver sits. So there's like a wall and then there's the driver, right? The wall has plexiglass, I'm assuming for safety, and then there's these chairs that just

fold down off the wall in case you have more people. But it's just me. So I'm loving this. I get in the cabin. I'm like, this is just lovely. Spacious. I kick my legs out. I ignore whatever the cab driver's saying. I put my headphones in and I don't have a conversation about it. But, yeah, I don't like, you know, I'm not all about having, sometimes,

but not normally. Yeah, sometimes, but not normally. But I'm a little, like, I don't want to be so rude that I write it on the Uber request. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, if the Uber request, it says, what is your preference for talking? Yeah.

I mean, do you really want to be a dick right off the get? You might be missing an interesting conversation. So I always put no preference. But then if I sense that something's going sideways, like I really don't want to, I put my headphones in, and I said, I got to watch something for work. It's a British comedy television show. That's a good, yeah.

That's a good tactic. I got to sharpen up my language skills. Language. Yeah, as hope, you didn't land it. It took me in morning traffic, one hour, 38 minutes to get to my hotel. Wow. One hour and 38 minutes,

I probably could have walked there faster. I mean, not really, but it was, we, we, That seems really long. Never sat in more traffic in my entire life. It was awful. And it was going like three miles per hour, the entire time. That's why everybody takes the tube.

I should have taken the tube. I don't know why I didn't take the tube. I just felt like I'm too good for the tube. And if the commercial breaks, pay in the bill, mine as well just swipe that credit card. They're not getting paid back anyway. That's just a matter. Free money. Free money.

They're stupid because they gave me the credit limit. It was really high. And now that I'm reaching that credit limit, they're stupid because I'm not gonna pay them back. I get to the hotel and I'm like, okay Brian, you're feeling good, large and in charge, first thing you got to do after an international fight, you take a fucking shower because that's what you do.

Yes. Take a fucking shower and I'm like, great, I'm gonna hit the town, it's now noon, I'm gonna get a bite to eat, I'm gonna hit the town, I'm gonna walk it. I got a burger. That's what I got. I ordered a burger from Room Service, they brought it up post-taste, lovely hotel the standard in London. I get this burger. That's what I got. I ordered a burger from Room Service. They brought it up post-taste,

lovely hotel, the standard in London. I get this burger, it's delicious. It's exactly what the doctor ordered. It wasn't whatever they were serving on the plane that just didn't even look edible. But, so I eat this burger and I'm like, okay, let's go, we're gonna get ready. I turn on that fucking ITV.

There's that ITV, the UNI have sat and watched so many times. And now I'm watching it live. And they have on you know Some lady who broke a knee writing a vibrator or something. I don't know what it was But I thought to myself this is what it's all about. I'm in London I'm watching British television live as I do in my own studio. How amazing is this and Chrisy? I just lay down just for one second to watch this. Two seconds, I was done. Oh yeah.

I was gone. I was in the fall of the land. The phones ring in, I don't care. I got my shoes on, I'm just dead asleep. And I woke up three hours later, three and a half hours later. And I was like, fuck, I fucked myself. Now I needed it, but now I know that I'm probably. Present to your body.

Listen to your body. My body says, please do exercise. Stop accelerating aging with your silly habits. It's sunshine on the sunbed. They had a tanning place right next door. I thought about sleeping in. I swear to god I did. So I get up and then I decide I'm just gonna hit the town and I'm gonna walk around. It's such a wonderful place. The train stations oftentimes are the places where you go where there's all the,

you know, there's a lot of action happening. But then I'm slipping in and out of these little alleyways and you know, I stop by for this and I'm eating that. I love the little alleyways. It was just a wonderful, wonderful day. But the next, so I get home, I walk back to the hotel, let's call it, let's call it 730. I get something to eat again.

I go back up to the room, take another shower, and I'm like, great, I'm feeling a little tired, let's go to bed. It takes me three fucking hours to go to sleep. So now it's like 10, 30, 11, 30 at night, in local time, 10, 30, 11, 30 at night. And the anxiety makes you stay up anyways, because you're like, I need to go to sleep.

I need to go to sleep. I need to go to sleep. Even though I had one, like that, I had a Tuesday that was like the day after the day that I got in was just for me. I had nothing to do, no conference, no nothing. I was just gonna see London, but I wanted to wake up early to do that.

So I go to sleep at like 10, 30 or 11, 30 at night and Chrissy, four, 51 in the morning, all of a sudden, I don't know, the best way to put this is here. Let me do this. I'm gonna do this with our music. Okay, 451 and the more. Imagine the TV just pops on. And it's just got this music.

And every 15 seconds, it just goes on. It just goes on. End up. End up. End up. End up. Until it is full bore. Three minutes later until it is full bore.

Three minutes later, it is fucking blasting. It's at the top volume. You can see the volume button just raising itself. I'm trying to turn it off with the remote. I'm trying to find the plug so I can unplug the wall. I'm ready to take the goddamn thing off the TV off the wall. I swear to God damn.

That was like the alarm function on the TV. It was the alarm function on the TV, but I didn't know this. I had no idea what was going on at the time. So they have one of those like cordless phones in there in the hotel phone, the cordless phone. So I take the cordless phone, I run and I open the door and I stick my head out there

because you can't hear a fucking thing when you're in the room. It's like, you know, it's just blaring loud. And so I'm like, hey, I got this TV, it turned on, it won't, and oh, oh, sorry sir, we'll be right up. My remote doesn't work. We'll be right up, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So I hang up the phone, but now I'm staying outside the room because it's so loud, I can't stand being in there. Guy, then all of a sudden, the guy next door to me, opens the door, he looks out, and he goes, everything okay over there. Then all the sudden the guy next door to me opens the door. He looks out and he goes Everything okay over there And I'm like, yeah, I'm so sorry. It's my TV. I know it's your TV. I can hear it clear as day in my room I said yeah, I know it's something's wrong with the TV. I'd say so I'm like all right dickhead I know it's something's wrong with the TV Chrissy I woke up the entire half of the building. I'm sure of it people were poking their heads out the door

It's like what the fuck is going on? Why do we have ITV blasting? One hundred outside the door finally somebody came up and turned it off, but now it's 451 and I am fucking up. Here's the good news about London They are so far north that 451 in the morning is when the sun comes up. Oh, it is sunny at 515 in the morning there wow sunny fall sunny at 5.15 in the morning there. Wow. Sunny, full sun, going on, 5.15 in the morning, and it still doesn't get dark until like 7, 8 at night.

So I thought to myself, okay, I'm just gonna ride this out, you know, let's just do it. Let's get up, let's go get a cup of coffee at one of these train stations where they have everything, and then let's go hit the town. And that is exactly what I did until straight back to see the morning, the morning dew. I did get to see the morning dew.

Yes, and a few strange people on the streets. London has its problems too. And here's my question. Here's my, the biggest challenge that I have in London. I'm going to be real honest with you. The biggest challenge I had, which side of the street do I walk on? Oh, the sidewalk treaty. The sidewalk treaty,

because it felt like everybody wanted to, I felt like they should be walking on the left since that's how they drive. That's where they're taking their visual cues from. Let's be on the left hand side. But every time I would be on the left hand side, people would give me fucking looks and they're looking at me like I'm an asshole.

And I'm like, I'm just doing what you're doing. Like, you know, isn't this thing? You just think I was opposite. And you can't tell because some people are walking on the right and some people are walking on the left. It's so confusing and people really give you ugly looks. Like, they're British looks, so they're not that ugly. It's not like an American ugly.

Yeah, it's not like I'm gonna take out an AR-15, but it's, you know, it's, you're briking decorum, you know. It's, it's root. But I honestly had no idea what side to, I would love somebody in the audience because I know we have a lot of... Did you google it? No, google it. What do you mean, google it? Which side of the street should I walk on?

In London. I think they walk, my personal opinion is, I think a majority of people do walk on the right-hand side. I think that's what I learned over my course of five days there is that they do walk on the right side just like we do here in the or you should. Just like we do here in the United States, but man, it's really hard to tell. Yeah. And I caught a lot of bad looks. It could have been that or the could have just been that I'm Brian from the commercial break and people are like don't bring your brand of insidsy here, sir. Don't bring your brand of insidzihisah. So, London was beautiful, man. Oh, wow.

London was beautiful. And on the plate. So we do the podcast conference. I head back home, that early morning flight. Did they get the commercial break, right, this time? I was the moderator, so yes, I got the commercial break right actually you want to know the truth is that I forgot to tell everybody Why was from the commercial The one fucking reason I'm up there. I didn't even intro myself. I was just like I'm Brian Green. I'll be your panel moderator

After all that I talked about advertise cast but I forgot to say the commercial break After all that. I talked about Avertise cast, but I forgot to say the commercial break. And man, after I got out of that stage, I got like 30 LinkedIn requests, which is great, but I don't know what that means. I don't know what we do next. I don't know what we do next.

What's the appropriate thing? Do I say hi or do I just wait for them to contact me, I guess? Yeah, they just wanted to be connected. Yeah, I never quite gotten linked in. Like I understand it's an online resume and then it's like there's a social function to it. Yeah, but I used to use it so much because that was a recruiter for years. And so I used to use it so much to try and find candidates to recruit to the companies that we worked with.

And now I never want to see it again. and now I never want to see it again. I don't think that this on my current resume, like co-host and creator of the commercial break, sounds really unimpressive because no one knows who we fucking up, so it's like, what? I even put that. So I just put business owner. I'm an entrepreneur.

Business man. What was I get one guy? Start up founder. I do business. business owner. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Like way the first episode or second episode of the commercial break we we were talking about this and We were gonna get business cards made it's Brian and Chrissy Business people I still want to execute on that we're in the business of business. That was the name of one of the episodes I think like our second or third episode. Wow. That's going way back I think almost 400 episodes into this dumb thing. Can you believe that?

I can not. Crazy. I now have more hours of the commercial break than I do attending my children. That's not counting the lost episodes. Oh my god. We don't think we talk about the lost episodes. I'm having all of our employees sign legally binding

not disclosed or anything. Yeah, because they never get it done. We're dead. So I pleasantly report that I thought I was going to take an hour and I have to get back to the airport. So I ordered the Uber like four hours before my flight figuring that it only took 20 minutes to get the airport. I was in a zone early situation.

Yeah, and here's, I wanna tell you something about London Heathrow that I think needs to be adopted here in the United States. I don't know if it can be adopted, but I would like it to be adopted. In Atlanta, at least, when you check into your flight 24 hours ahead of time, you likely know which gate you're going to.

It says it right there on the application. In London, it does not work that way. Here's how it works. You show up to the airport and only when they're ready to board the plane, do they tell you which gate you're supposed to go to? Not even kidding. Everything is a common seating area in a mall, kind of like, right? A airport mall, but a very nice airport mall. It's all common seating. And then on the outside of that mall, they have two hallways, and those two hallways are for the plains to park and for people to come in and out. So each gate has its own little area, but it's not really supposed to be a sitting area. So I was, so I get to the airport and I'm a little bit confused as to what's going on. I'm like, well, whatever am I supposed

to be? But it says go to terminal F. So I go to terminal F. I go look on the board again. Gate, to be announced 9.50 AM. We're supposed to leave at 10.50 AM, 10.40 AM. So at 9.50 exactly, it then says. So an hour before it leaves. An hour before it leaves. Only when they're ready to get people in the door.

And then it says, please proceed to gate whatever, 13. So I just happen to see this on the board as I was walking by as it turned, right? So I'm like, okay, let me go to gate 13. So I go to gate 13. I'm in group two or three or whatever it is. I go to gate 13. There's not even nine people that have showed up for the flight yet. And the lady's like, we're ready to stop start boarding off flight for a land to anybody that needs

more time down the jet way and our first class passengers. Only one person approached in a wheelchair. That's it, one person. And she's like, we're now ready to seat first class groups two and three. I'm the first one on the plane. That sounds nice. I'm like literally one of the first five people on the plane. Chrissy, no getting up like when I was on my way to London.

Everybody, everybody has to stand in a goddamn line. I hate the standing and the line. I refuse to do it. Me too. Stop it. And like there's no reason. Stop acting like a two year old. Stop it.

Vying for a position. Yeah, and then people cut each other off and the root is fucking, they don't say anything. Stop with your bullshit, you know who you are. You're rude as fuck and no one likes you because your behavior is obnoxiously spoiled. You have a place on the plane. I know that's my point with Jeff.

Yes. He always wants to get to the gate early, go do all this early. And I'm like, we have a reserved seat. We have a reserved seat is not going anywhere. And if you're fearful that your luggage is not going to fit in there, you're probably carrying too much luggage in the first place. And they'll put it under the plane for God damn free.

We all know the gig. If you don't want to check your bags, just wait until they tell you, if anybody has any bags, they want to check. That's it. It's free. There you go. I just gave you a workaround. Brian just saved you 25 bucks. When you come off the plane too. That's right. They literally literally throw it up there for you. You're the idea of the pack too much. Here's a special privilege. People are assholes. Stop it, guys. If you're one of them, I welcome you over into the land of civility. Come on over. You're welcome. Anybody who ignores what I'm saying is a flat out ass clown. Stop it. When they call your number, then you stand

up and you walk and go get on the plane. That's what you do. 55 to 100 people standing in front of the line, making it harder for everyone who's supposed to be getting on the plane to do so is just causing more drama and time to be spent getting people on the plane. Well, I know and there's not only the line that's before you get your scan, you know, you get scanned, then there's the line when you just get into the tube. That's right. Yeah, so where do you think you're fucking going, Speedy, Jolly?

Some lady, and I'm sorry, ladies and guys, you know, if a lady was to walk in front of me, I would say, yes, ma'am. Yes. Or somebody who obviously needed help or an older person was to walk in front of me, but some lady Literally, there's like 15 of us standing in line to get on the plane after our number has been called Appropriately and some lady just walks right in front of me and stands right there. Turn to her head has her earphones on talking to whoever

I went on a date when he said that He didn't even want to pay for dinner. You know what I'm doing to pay for dinner? Because you fucking, ROOT! That's why, never gonna get married. Ha ha ha ha ha. No one likes you, stop it. Because you're one of those people.

And those people, they've trust me. Their life is not siloed into just, I'm just rude when the plane comes. No, you're just rude in fucking general. You're entitled, you're general. You're entitled. You're spoiled. Fucking stop it. People with children.

People in wheelchairs. People who need special time. Those people go first. Then and only then when they call your number, do you actually go get on the fucking plane? And you know what you do? You don't stand in the front of the fucking line waiting for your number to be called.

God forbid, your 500 pound fucking ass doesn't get free Cheetos before everybody else stop it stop That's that god damn it Put it on the treaty. Oh, I think we already have it on the treaty. Don't we? I think we already have it on the treaty, don't we? We already have it on the treaty. We've got a no-foot thing about the... No, no, no, I think we already have this on the treaty because I think you, if you remember, I'm like, look at the treaty.

One time on the way to Vegas, our plane was delayed and delayed and delayed and delayed, and when we finally got on the plane, they sent... they sent... Fucking Mary... Things we have on the treaty are funny. When we were gonna get on the plane, they sent Mary fucking,

we do have the airplane gate treaty. Oh, there you go. It's on there. They have Mary fucking poppins show up to board this plane and Chrissy, I will tell you what, everybody was right in fucking toe. This lady was like, when people were standing up, she's like, why are you getting up?

Why, remember that? Remember the story I told her? She was like, why are you getting up? And, remember that? Remember the story I told her? She was like, why are you getting up? And then when they said extra, people need extra time to get on the plane. Some old cratchy-dass Karen gets up and she comes and walk and, you know,

I don't know. I'm just assuming too many Popeye's biscuits. I don't even know why she needed extra time getting down the airplane. But this fucking lady, I criss- Chrissy, she was driving me crazy. And this, but this fucking lady I cru- Chrissy, she was driving me crazy, and this, this Mary Poppins of an attendant

put her right in her place. She was like, why'd he, and she was on the microphone too? Ha! She's on the microphone. We're now just going to board, just going to board, not children, not parents with children, we are just boarding those who need extra time

to get down the jet weight. No one else needs to stand up. No one else needs to be in line. Excuse me, sir, sit down. No one else needs to be out. I love it. And then she's like, ma'am, ma'am, why are you getting up? Why are you coming here?

And you can hear the lady. I need extra time. Why do you need extra time? She's doing it on the microphone. Why do you need extra time? No, I'm sorry, ma'am, being slow is not a reason to need extra time down the jet weight. And she's like, I go down every time.

I get on every time. Not this time, ma'am, sit down. And she's like, I wanna talk to your supervisor. I am a supervisor, sit down. When your number gets called, what number are you? Four? Well, we still got four more to go because we haven't even started.

There you go. She was awesome and I was like, holy shit. Everybody, I mean, most common sense people around me were like, yeah, that's man. That's man. That's man. Yes, man. Do that.

Tell that Karen to go back to Idaho, wherever she's from. It was a sight to behold. And in London, by not telling you which gate you're supposed to be at until the moment when it's ready to port. It prevents everybody standing there and you know what? Everybody got on the plane. It's amazing how that happened. Everybody got on the plane. They didn't leave anybody behind. You had a reserved seat. You fucking twad. Swear to God. Oh, and then I'll say this briefly because you know, I know we can't go on forever here, but I'll say this briefly next episode or some episode

remind me to tell you about the people who literally make the airplane their apartment by just making themselves at home in every which way to Sunday. Putting their socks in a drawer, they're folding up their clothes and putting it on my knee, it's a whole thing because you know what, that's what this all about. Is you making sure you're as comfortable as you possibly can so

that I'm as uncomfortable as possibly can be? It's unbelievable. I'm back from London. Wee! In a great mood. I'm glad you had a successful trip. I did. We did have a successful trip. Thank you to everybody who's been so supportive of the commercial break over the years. We really, really appreciate it.

I know there's some of you that have been listening from episode one. I don't know who you are, but I mean, I do know a couple of you. But whoever you are, thank you so much. Thank you, Autobot, for listening to FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF Every week and downloading the show, we are just in love with our fans. We're in love with the nice things you say about us online and to our faces. Thank you so much. And if you have a treat, you suggestion? Let us know. Yeah, if you have a treat, you suggest to send it on in. We'll throw it on that piece of paper. Nothing will ever get done. Don't worry about it.

Exactly. We're changing the world one nonsensical request at a time. But you know what you can do, and I get so many questions. I've had these sensitive beginning of the show. How can I help the commercial break? How can I help you? You know what you can do and I get so many written questions. I've had these since the beginning of the show. How can I help the commercial break? How can I help you? You know what you can do? You can leave us a review on Apple.

Go there. Say a few nice words, click five stars, whatever, how many of these stars you think we own. However many stars you think we deserve. Go do that. It really does help the show. It gets the word out to new people and we certainly would appreciate it. Monday, Wednesday and Friday, brand new episodes, tcbpodcast.com is where you can listen to all of them, all the audio, all the video right there from one location, and if you want your

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They like it. It is a thing, I hear the kids are doing it. All right, Chrissy, well, I guess that's all I can do for now. I don't think so. So I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you. And best of you. Best of you.

And best of you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say we do say and we must say goodbye. you You