The Commercial Break - You're Putting Me In An Odd Position

Episode Date: December 7, 2021

Bryan is still sick, His Salmonella diet continues and includes a trip to the hospital. The upside of food poisoning is that there is plenty of time to watch old movies. Bryan tells Krissy he had a chance to re-watch Showgirls the 1990's camp classics soft core porn featuring Jesse from Saved By The Bell. They both agree the sex in that movie is less realistic than any porn movie. Bryan finds a list of best/worst sex positions. Finally, the gang goes in for part two of Sex ed month and reviews a rather forward and frank film from 2 sexologists. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And welcome back to WSHIT's news at 715. It's news you can use before you snooze. It's going to be a beautiful and busy weekend out there in Krabapple. So let's go straight to the WSHIT Weather Desk. Greg, what you got on tap for us this weekend? On a personal note, tonight after nearly three years as a weekend, fill in person slash reporter going to be any my position here at my goal has always been to be a full-time broadcast meteorologist and be on the air on a nightly basis but unfortunately being in the right person in the right place at

the right time is part of this TV game that I have not yet been able to master it was my intention to stay on as a full-time forecaster, and although I am grateful for the opportunity to be here on weekends, to continue in the present capacity just would only serve to say that I am in agreement and satisfied, but it's just not the case.

Basically, after 13 years of striving to grab the whole pie, it's no longer possible to keep settling for just a taste of the crumbs. I want to thank the people that I work with, the folks here in the studio and the back room, and especially want to thank my colleagues in the business and especially- What a beautiful and lovely tribute to the viewers of WSHIT. I wish I could say that anyone even knew your name, Greg, but that's simply not the case. Please leave the stapler on the way out the door and fuck you too. We'll be back after this commercial break.

Can anybody find Diane? I think we're gonna need a new wednesday person. For helping me do this job and for allowing me to forecast his weather. This is my last weekend show, but the plan is for me to be here one more night, tomorrow night, so I'll open the creative my last few forecast here with you. One more night, tomorrow night. So I'll open creative my last before catch you with you. On this episode of the commercial break. But I did have to take a trip to the emergency room the other day. And get some fluids because I started feeling a little peaked, a little not so good.

And I felt like I was going to kind of swirling around there for a minute. I know, you texted me. I was like, what time are we getting together for the show? Where are we going? Well, in the hospital, so two o'clock. Yeah, right, then you just still tried to do it. I was so mad because then Chrissy was like,

I'm not coming over. I am not recording today. You rest and we'll talk to you later. And I was like, but I want to record. And she's like, I don't care. I'm not coming. No, no, no. Go record, have fun.

What are the best and worst sex positions? What are the sex positions that we think are good, but they might look good on TV or in a form, but really aren't all that great. And then it reminded me that we have to get to part two of our sexual education, because all the kids out there are, they're waiting for us, they're counting.

That's the teeth of a bad sex. They're counting on these two unskilled motherfuckers to teach him how to get it done. I'm a part of when it comes to talking about sex with my children. A few bad stuff have scared me off completely. Now do you mean bad sex? I'm bad stuff.

That he said bad starts. The best dark clicky at the beginning. Hey Johnny. Yeah. Hey Johnny, you got a bono? No, okay, it's not going to. Yeah, yeah. Hey Johnny. Yeah. Hey Johnny, you got a bonus? No, okay, it's okay. Hey Johnny, what you doing with the bonus? Hey Johnny, clean up your shoes off the sink.

Thanks. Thanks dad. Thanks dad, that was weird. We'll talk about sex later. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Ah, another episode of the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is Kristen, hopefully, and best to you, Chris.

Best to you, Brian! You remember, and I remember, and happy all of it. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Welcome to another edition of the commercial break. The only commercial break you ever need for any of your Any needs whatever they are you want to go on a food poisoning diet, come you Day number three thousand and twelve in my new engagement my new girlfriend Salmonella. Yeah, holy shit. Oh, man Yeah. Holy shit.

She's a bitch. Oh man. Yes. She is my big favorite girlfriend so far. I have had a lot of, a few girls in my life have really torn up my ass up, but nothing like selling up. Hospital visit in 15 pounds later. I am still dealing with the food poisoning that came from something that I ate over on

Thanksgiving. And I just can't shake it. It's not going away. I don't know what to tell you. But this has given me a lot of time. A lot of time in the bathroom, a lot of time by myself. I'd like to play with my children, but duty calls, and then I gotta go.

I drink something almost instantaneously. I have to go to the restroom. It's unbelievable. Yeah, it's no joke. You're a pro, isn't it? Ugh. Ugh. I guess I should count my blessings because I know food poisoning can actually kill people and I'm not there

But I did have to take a trip to the emergency room the other day and get some fluids because I started feeling a little Peekid a little not so good and I felt like I was gonna kind of I was swirling around there for a minute I know you texted me. I was like what time are we getting together for the show? Well, not at in the hospital. So two o'clock. Yeah, right. I mean, just still trying to do it. I was so mad because then Chrissy was like, I'm not coming over.

I am not recording today. You rest and we'll talk to you later. And I was like, but I want to record. And she's like, I don't care. I'm not coming. So good luck. Go record. Have fun.

And then my wife was colluding with her, the two of them had a back channel going on. That's right. Yeah, I'm sure that made Astrid so happy. I didn't yell, I didn't get upset. She was like, you know how stubborn you are. I'm like, oh, I know. Yeah, I know.

I know. She talked about this in the last episode. I'm just a man. I'm just a man with the flu. It just happens to be coming out my ass. That's the food flu. Unbelievable. But this is giving me a lot of time.

A lot of time to catch up on some shows that I wanted to watch a couple of, I've read every periodical. I have to say periodical. Periodical. Remember that? When you had to go to the Dewey Decimal System to make this happen?

The card catalog. Yes, the card catalog. Is that still even in play? The DDS. What's that? That's still even in play. It's gotta be, right? There card catalog. Yeah, is that still even in play? The DDS, what's that? Is that still even in play? It's gotta be, right? There's libraries. Yeah.

I've been to libraries, but only, I don't think they have the physical card. No, no, no, no, no. I remember those. Yeah, I do remember those. I remember getting taught how we actually went and looked for a book. Uh-huh.

And listen, I never really understood it, but okay, I just knew if I could do the alphabet that I could probably find a book, but now it's all computerized. I'm sure of it, actually, I don't know. I haven't looked for a book in a library in years. No, why would I? I just go to Amazon and get it on Kindle.

Yeah, or read it online, like everybody else does. Scoring those poor authors out of money. I do love my Kindle app. I don't have to Kindle anymore, but I do love my Kindle app. One of the things that I was watching the other night, while I was sitting on the shitter, was pondering my existence.

I'll close, I'm coming to that. With your squatting potty? With my squatting potty, by the way, has been an invaluable resource for me during these times. Quite frankly, I've spent more time with the squatting potty than I have with my children over the last couple of days. Yeah, that's true. But as I was wondering how much,

how many more pounds I could lose before I actually started looking emaciated, I stumbled upon an old movie that I remember watching a couple of times. And it being quite frankly, maybe the worst movie I had ever seen, but it was so bad that it was funny. And that is Showgirls starring Elizabeth Berkeley.

Oh, I never actually watched it. You never watched Showgirls? It did not. I'm meant to, but then along the way that it got such terrible reviews, that that was so bad. It is so fucking bad. It got bad reviews, but now it's kind of like a cult classic. I can imagine.

Because it's so bad. It's good. It's like one of those, what's the one that the artist have you seen the artist? Yes. Yeah. Okay, the artist is one of those, it's so bad. Yeah, it's good. It's like one of those What's the one that the artist have you ever seen the artist? Yes. Yeah. Okay. The artist is one of those It's so bad. It's good It's like masturbating randomly in the middle of the screen right guys really weird But this is equally is bad and equally is over overly and unnecessarily sexualized as anything For those who have never seen Elizabeth Berkeley star in the movie showgirls Elizabeth Berkeley was in the original cast of Saved by Bell.

And then she kind of took a turn for the Ranchi when she did this movie, Showgirls, which was this huge ordeal when we were growing up. And my early 20s or something like that, everybody was talking about it. You had to go see this movie. And she was naked the entire fucking movie. Yes, she looked amazing, but yeah, amazing.

She's a gorgeous woman, she's amazing, and she is flat outnaked from the first second of this movie to the last second of this movie. And there are some rather graphic and raunchy scenes that were just unnecessary. She's like a scene where she's having sex on her period, and it's completely unnecessary to the plot. But then I'm thinking to myself, what is the plot?

Oh, showgirl. And they're varying away from what? Wow, are we talking about? Maybe that was the plot. Maybe having sex on your period is the plot. Could be. The general gist of the movie or plot, if that's what you want to call it,

Elizabeth is a small town girl who's a stripper who then gets to work working her way through college? She's... She's through law school. Ah, she's working her way through men. I think is what she's doing. There's a lot of sex with other men. She ends up going to Las Vegas to become a dancer.

And they pluck her from obscurity and some strip club to star in one of the casino showgirls things, right? Where the ones where the girls are topless and then tassels and running around. And I've been to a few of these shows out out in Vegas. And, you know, it's like artfully nude, I guess. Tall, linky, beautiful women, you know, with either tassels or no tassels on their boobs. It's usually just a topless, but in this particular version, everyone's just fully nude for some reason.

Yeah, all the vads you could want, just go watch Showgirls. And Elizabeth gets plucked out of obscurity and then the, the under, she becomes the understudy for the main character who is the Casinos big girl. She's the one who's bringing in all the revenue. She's the star. Yeah, I guarantee you now, if you go to Vegas, there are no showgirls that are the big star of the Casino. That's kind of the old days, but Elizabeth ends up being so good

that she becomes, yes. But then there is infighting and murder and yes, and people are dead. I think there's murder in showgirls. I don't know, I didn't get that far in the movie because I decided I needed some sleep. I forgot about the plot. I forgot about the plot.

I got as far as the sex scene in the pool. There's a sex scene in the pool with Kyle, I'm not Kyle Chandler, but Kyle's something or other who's in the movie, the actor Kyle's something or is in the movie and they are having sex in a pool. And she is thrashing about, right? Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. And she is just like, I don't know if she's trying

to murder his penis or something, but it looks so unnatural. She is such a bad actor. She is such a bad actress. But anybody's ever tried to have sex in a pool too. It does not work. We didn't even talk about this beforehand. And this is my point. Pool and water sex doesn't work.

It barely works in the shower. And that's if you can position yourself in the right way and keep everything relatively dry. Yeah. Because natural, it's not a great lubricator. Of anything, right? It's actually a really bad lubricator. Trying to have sex in the ocean.

That's like even, that's the worst of the worst. That saltwater roses rub you raw. But my point is that they make it seem so hot and sexual. And the truth is, if you've ever had to try to have sex in a pool, you understand that it's a really hard thing to accomplish that. It could be a sexy time. Sure, a sexy time.

A sexy time in the pool. Yeah, get a heart, get your sensual, massages, maybe a boob here there. Yeah, get under water, do a little scuba dive, and you know what I'm talking about. You know, get everyone all prepped and ready. Are they actual in and out? Now, you get out of the pool, you dry yourself off,

you do it in a proper place. That's what happens. That's what adults do, right? This is obviously the fakes sex scene that's ever happened. Not only because Elizabeth Berkeley is having sex in a manner that no woman has ever had sex, but I basically head banging to Kyle, whatever's name is Kyle.

I mean, just violently bouncing on his balls, but then you know that that cannot happen in a pool. Because there's no lubrication for that to happen. The water has taken over and there's not gonna be. So it got me thinking about a couple things. Number one, it got me thinking about, what are those sex positions, what are the like best and worst sex positions?

What are the sex positions that we think are good, but you know, that might look good on TV or in a porn, but really aren't all that great. Yeah. And then it reminded me that we have to get to part two of our sexual education because all the kids out there are, you know, they're waiting for us. They're counting on us.

They're counting on us to teach them about sex. They're counting on these two unskilled mother fuckers to teach them how to get it done. And so we will get to that in just a moment, but first I thought I would take a moment. This is a old ranking of best to worst sex positions. Oh, okay. And I just want it. It's an old ranking.

It's about seven years old. So I want to make sure that, you know, maybe there's new sex positions. I don't think there are new sex positions. It's kind of like a rock and roll chords. If they've already been used, you just use them in different ways. True. Right.

But I think that they're, you know, kids, you know, these kids these days, they might get other soaking. They're soaking and I didn't know that. The foreman's are soaking and I had no idea. That's right. Okay.

I forgot we did an episode on that. We did do an episode on that. And then a lot of other people didn't episode on that. Ah. Ah. Ah. Stop it. Stealing my shit. I'll tell you, I'll stop one moment to do a side. I know we do a lot of a sides in the show. We're like a family guy in that way. We're always veering off to

the left for some reason. There is another show that follows us on Instagram. And I like the show. I think they're funny people, but they also seem to be following a pattern right behind us of doing random topics that are very much the same topics that we do within shot of a doing it. Now, I understand this happens. I'm not angry about it necessarily. It just seems. Imitation is the best one. I guess so. I guess you're right about that. I should just stop talking about who cares. Okay, best to worst.

Ready? 21 positions. Here we're going to go through. And we can talk about it. We'll talk about it through. We do it real quick, because I want to make sure we get to the sex ed before the show is up. Aino is probably the worst sexual position. Now, I guess this still largely depends on where you're coming from.

Literally. No pun intended. Yes. If you're, uh, if you're, I mean, I know a lot of people who, who like anal sex, and I know some people who get pleasure out of it. And I know a lot of other people who have said that in, at least for heterosexuals, it's not the most comfortable thing to be going on back there. Um,'s the idea of it and the whole porn. You know, there's a lot of anal porn going on. Yeah, it's always seems like every hardcore porn video has an anal component to it. An anal angle. Yeah, I had a I did an anal angle. This breaking news now. It's got the anal angle. It's going to the anus cam. I'm the ass cam. Well, it's cladding with a chance of turd, too.

Jim, not back to you. No studio. Any anal studio. So I dated a girl once. Yeah. It's never been my thing. It's not my thing. If someone wanted it, maybe I would oblige,

but it's not, I'm not looking for it, right? I'm not asking for that. I'm not that guy. Maybe because I'm white. I'm not the anal guy. I'm not the anal guy. Not the anal guy. Stuff I think.

That's good to know. But I had a girl with time who just was like, just begging. Yeah, just, and we dated for a while girl with time who just was like, just begging. Yeah, just and was like, and we dated for a while and say, eventually I was like, oh, I guess, you know, you prepped, have you prepped, have you done your prepper? It's a colonoscopy, you drink your liquids,

and do you have cell no one? Yeah, and we were getting ready for this. Exactly. And I just didn't find it to be comfortable and I found it to be a little bit painful and all together. If you are into anal sex though, like if you're homosexual or if it's a kink of yours

or whatever, then I'm sure it would be good. But I understand the author's point here is that in some people's mind, I'm sure anal is better on porn movies than it is in real life. And probably less messy. So this is the X. Do you know what the X is? I don't. I lie on my back, you lie on your back, So this is the X. Do you know what the X is?

I don't. I lie on my back, you lie on your back, and then your limbs form an X, right? So you picture, I can see. No, I don't. But just imagine we're both not going to you and me. But somebody in here laying on our back, right? Two people. Yes, and then we kind of intertwine our legs. Okay.

And kind of get in there. Yeah, your hips kind of move together, right? And they just, you're just like, you know, kind of like trying it. Yeah. Now, I've done, I've tried to do this complicated position a million times. Yeah. And either if you imagine you end up just kind of horizontal facing each other. Right.

But trying to like get it in there, like, you know, sideways. Yeah, see the diagonal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm. I see it in porn all the time, right? But it's an extremely complicated position to actually accomplish. And that's if you don't have sciatic nerve pain like I do.

I do. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh, that old sciatica. That old sciatica. The wheelbarrow. The wheelbarrow. The wheelbarrow.

I also agree is one that I've seen a lot in porn. It's some other body strain. It sure does. How do you hold someone up like that and then thrust them at the same time? And I've done this, I've been involved in this once or twice. And one time, the young lady's arms buckle.

She's kind of like a dainty little thing. Her arms buckle, then her face go into the floor. I put a complete end to sex for the night. I mean, sex entries are a thing. It is a thing. The head rush, which is when a man lies on the floor with his legs on the bed, and you attempt to finish him off. Okay.

Before I pass out. That's the head. Yeah, I don't look good for anything where I'm hanging upside down. That's just my personal opinion. Yeah. So I can see how this is. You just, you know, you stand on the couch with the bed

and then you just kind of jump on top and in bags kind of a reverse cowboy only with my head hanging off the bed. Cowgirl. Cowgirl, sorry. Or cowboy, whatever you're into, these are mostly head roll sexual positions, by the way. T-bagging.

Yeah, we've talked about this before. Like I just don't think there's any reason to hit somebody in the face with this. Well, unless you're testing wine. That's where it's. That's correct, unless you're a T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T Chris and I reviewed many episodes back. This is probably almost a year ago. Yeah, I was a Christmas time, I think. Chris and I were reviewing an article that said that you had taste buds in your testicles. And so we took that and we just had it.

We took it to the restaurant. The DD canter. Do you mind if I taste your marminaries before I put it on my pork? I'm just, and that men would just have a little fucking accident. That's the year. You're both so incredible.

That's exactly. I've never seen such a palete. I've never seen such a palete. I've never seen such a palete. I've never seen such a palete. Oh, sir, your balls are exquisite. I've exquisite taste. Would you like the 14 Mama Shaman's?

Can you put that in my teeth, Taster? But there would just be two round cup, she had balls on the table, and then we'd just get up and just bounce their balls in it. Excellent. Excellent, Excellent. Serve. Serve. What is serve a table?

Can you bring a DD canter? And I'm just going to wash it over my balls and then it air out for a minute. That was fun. That was fun. Yeah. Love that one. The pretzel. The pretzel.

The good old pretzel in case of those, you don't know the missionary where she slots one leg between yours And one on the other side. It's just kind of a whole you get all involved with the legs and you know everyone gets all twisted up But it leaves no room for interaction like it's just the thrusting. Yeah, the thrusting. There's no Nothing to go off of yeah, that's right. Yeah, you're just there. You're soaking Right. Yeah, you're just there, you're soaking. You're soaking. Which for some people might be a thing, who knows? Number 15 is the 69.

Wow, the good old 69. Well, I think it depends on how tall you are, it's compared to the person around you. That's true, that's a good point. 100%. It's hard to bend over and try and get in there. I tried this with a short woman that I dated. You might actually know her, a short woman that I dated,

and it was just really difficult to kind of position yourself in the correct way. And then I don't really want my eyes and someone's ass hole. You know what I'm saying? Just feeling like I'm gonna get pink eye, that's something. You would. I get pink eye from the state guy. I know, I would.

I ended up with a hospital with a anal bacterial pink eye Sir you a brownie So you have a raging case of brownie So I had smells I did have my eye and my girlfriend's a It's the way it smells. It smells. It smells. It smells. It smells. It smells. It smells. It smells.

It smells. It smells. It smells. It smells. It smells. It smells. It smells. It smells.

It smells. It smells. It smells. It smells. It smells. It smells. It smells. It smells. It smells.

It smells. It smells. It, spoon, the spooning position. I like to spoon everyone's in a blue moon. I made a rhyme and I just couldn't even have time. Yeah, the spoon is a good one. I like sometimes back to back to back to back to back to or front to back yet. And then sometimes that happens when you're just watching a movie or something like that. I just slide it in there real quick. Oh, sorry about that.

Oh, did I get in the stink eye? I'm sorry. Oh, yeah, he does not have any control over direction. Number 13 would be the V. So you lay down and he has the and the legs, your legs are over his shoulders, right? So the V. So you lay down and he has the and I'm okay. Yeah. The legs your legs are over his shoulders, right? So the the position these are heterosexual positions by the way in case you haven't already Yes, and we can do I would love to do one on homosexual positions one time

Yes, maybe we'll bring some experts in So the V is one that yeah, yeah, Oscar could be I actually saw a picture of Oscar on Instagram today He had we're talking about Oscar Aiden, our good friend who's been on the show a couple of times, I hope to get him on again soon. We've been texting, by the way. He had a picture on Instagram, it was a throwback picture, and it was a Halloween costume,

and he was dressed as a, let's call it a, like a jazzer-sizer for the meetings, right? Neon tank top shirt, Neon headband, and then Neon, sweat, a biker shorts. Oh, the biker shorts, yeah. But he tucked his penis under so that just his two balls were hanging out and it gave him a camel toe. It was the funniest fucking thing I have seen

on the internet in a long time. And he's like reposting my favorite Halloween costume ever. I nearly spit out what coffee I had remaining in my belly. Kuda Lingus is, this author is saying this is kind of on the medium number 12, right? Now, I don't know. There's, you know, some girls are into that and some girls aren't. I don't get it, but maybe it's sensitive down there Maybe it's not their favorite position. I know some girls

I've spoken with say that I just don't want a man down there with his nose and mouth Because I'm self-conscious about how I may smell or taste Yeah, you have to kind of go forwards. Yeah, you know, I mean listen I don't whatever yeah, if you're if you're gonna play in the mud you're gonna get dirty You know I'm saying you got to be ready to get in there and and and get it now. I don't want brown I but if if I'm gonna get down there and I'm I'm ready for what's going on? I'm an adult. I'm a man right in my younger years I would have been a little scared off by a smell or a taste or something like that

But in my old age I can't smell anything anyway, so look at this shit But in my old age, I can't smell anything anyway, so what I give a shit. I think the key to all of these are communication, trust, and talking about hearing out what works best for the two of you. Listen, we don't need to tell you, it's only 2021. You got to communicate with your partner and say, you know, we're going to do this. I like this, I don't like this. We're going to do this. And you know, that's that kind of talk can be a real work up into sex, right? You don't have to make it like, you know, you don't have to. We do this and you know, that's that can that kind of talk and be a real work up into sex, right? You don't have to make it like, you know, you don't have to ask for formal permission.

Yeah. What? What? Can I go down on you? What? You can work it up into some sexy time talk. Yeah, you can. Like, hmm, I'd like to coup the lingus on you.

Coup de lingus is the worst fucking word I've ever heard in my entire life, by the way. Yeah, I hate that word. Hate it. It's like moist. Uh, standing. Standing is not a great position. I don't agree with this.

I don't think it's in the top 15 here. Uh, but I guess worst to best, maybe, okay. Let's again, that takes them like coordination and muscle stride. Yeah, I've done this just a number of times. It was one time where we were actually at my family vacation and we were like, you know, they're family vacation.

Family vacation. This is when you try to listen. And there was no, obviously in the house that we were all staying in, it was a cabin and there was no place to go. It's the cabin. You've been to the cabin, right? It was in the cabin. There was no place to go. It was a cabin. You've been to the cabin, right? It was in the cabin. There was no place to go.

It was a loft cabin. Like all the rooms were just kind of open right there. And so we ran out down the mountain, and see a little woods. And then just like, it was awful. It was painful and weird. And you can't stay, and again, you have to, there's certain height requirements to ride.

That's right. And you got to make sure that you've got some thrusting power there. Because they're also just soaking. And that's not sex, to ride this ride. And you gotta make sure that you've got some thrusting power there. Because they're also just soaking and that's not sex, according to most people, in certain religion. Number 10, going into the top 10 here, reverse cowgirl.

Oh, the reverse cowgirl. I like the reverse cowgirl. I think that's, that to me is a lot of fun. It's interesting. I like the view. Yeah. Someone's in it's, I'm like, it's not in your eye.

It's always not in my eye or in my cock. I'm okay with it. Number nine, the lap dance. Were you kind of sitting in someone's straddles you? Well, no, I mean, I know what a lap dance is. Okay, is this like a sex lap dance? Sex lap dance. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, this is a position, like sex lap dance. Okay, this isn't just like a dance. Like that. I like that. Yeah, not like a dance. Not like a dance dance. It's like a dance lap dance. Not isn't just like a dance. Like that. I like that. Yeah, not like a dance, not like a dance dance dance. Like a dance lap dance. Not like Elizabeth Berkeley high dance, where she's thrashing around with blood coming out of her.

God. It's so fucked up. It's such a weird scene in the movie. Yeah. All of a sudden, you know, you have to watch the movie. You even watch the movie. You have to watch the movie. Her and her dance partner are dancing.

And then all of a sudden they start having sex or start trying, they're going for it and he goes to put his fingers inside of her and comes out bloody. And then she says something to him and he's like, I don't care. And I'm like, oh, that's so graphic. Why did you have to put that in there? Yeah, the in the movie. Yeah, couldn't you have just like, not even, what, is it really necessary to talk about period? The George Lucas Directing Us.

Yes, George Lucas. Steven Spielberg. Steven Spielberg. Written by Steven Sodenberg. Mm-hmm. That's the devil. Face sitting. Nice eating.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I go there. I like that. Could be careful with the chin. You don't want to dislocate a jaw. That's true. Well, that'd be careful about the pressure. Yeah, you don okay. I go there, I like that. Could be careful with the chin. You don't want to dislocate a jaw. That's true.

Be careful about the pressure. Yeah, you don't want to smother somebody. I know a couple of guys who've died face sitting on each other. The hand job. Yeah, let's go back to go down to the classics. I mean, that's the old age of getting. Get back to basics.

Yeah, you know, when you're out of ideas, you go back to go down to the classics. I mean, that's a old big getting. Get back to basics. Yeah, you know, when you're out of ideas, you go back to what works, right, a hand job. And if you're good at it, you can just get it done with quickly and then, you know, who cares. I think it's both ways. You know, mutual masturbation is another one that I think is really interesting too. Yeah, that's not in here, I don't think anyway.

The regular cowgirl is also a good one. I like the regular cowgirl. That's just when you're laying down and a woman straddles you like that one. The blowjob. It's like a horse. And over, I go to my heli. Oh, snowflakes.

Oh, good old kid rock. I knew he blew up our YouTube channel, by the way. That YouTube video blew up. All press is good press. Yeah, the whole blow job. Yeah, of course. Sure, who doesn't like a blow job? Depends on who's giving it and how it's given.

That's true. We'll say in my time as a man on this earth, I have received many more pleasurable blow jobs than not pleasurable blow jobs. But I often remember the ones, that remember, I remember the ones that were not pleasurable because of those hurt. Yes. Yeah.

Please keep your teeth in your mouth. I was a woman for a long time. And I actually just stopped accepting blow jobs at some point because I don't know. I mean, there were conversations about it, but it just never seemed to stop. Like the teeth, the grinding of the teeth across my shaft was awful, it was so painful. Eventually I just stopped, like,

it would be a real sex killer, right? So be careful when you're doing that. The titwink, what is the titwink? Hold on. Oh, the titwink. What is the titwink? Hold on. Oh, the titwink. Oh, okay, the titwink. But, you know, tit sex. Yeah, boob sex.

Okay, yeah. Whatever. If you got big boobs, I guess that works. Missionary is number three. Classic. That's the classic, right? Missionary. Man on top just doing what he does.

Just acting like a dog in heat next to a couch Just acting like blue and on Nico even though blues a female dog blue hump sneaco I think she's just telling him who's in charge. Yeah, it's all about Nico's always scared Ha, Nico's always scared. He's like, what are you doing? What are you doing? And then occasionally I catch Nico licking blues vagina, like just walking behind it,

and blue will just stand there like this. A little quick, kind of link. They're like a queen, like, that's right, lick that, that's that snatch. Get it there. You're gonna lick my vagina, I'm coming around to hump you. I'm gonna embarrass you in front of everybody. Face to face.

Okay, face to face. Face to face, what's that? Oh, you're both sitting up. You both sit up together and then she comes on top of you. You know, she kind of straddles you. Okay, sit. Yeah, okay. Yeah, all right.

So I've done that. That's, but it's intimate. It's passionate. It's an interesting way to do it. It's tantric. I would say that that is classic tantra, right? That's where you want to go with it. You want to look each other up. You want to get to know somebody really well, sit in silence with them for 30 minutes,

just looking at each other's eyes. And if one of you doesn't, or both of you probably, doesn't start to cry at some point during that interaction And I'm talking like real silence, right? Or maybe some like Music like salt ambient music in the background. Okay, and with real intention and purpose staring someone's eyes Right, you're gonna giggle for the first three minutes is just gonna happen and then once you start to get into it It is transformative and I will almost promise you that one or both of you will start to cry. You can just with a stranger and I have done this with strangers. And you can cry. I cry.

Yeah. Fucking cry. Everybody cried. The whole room was crying. We were all doing it. Yeah. Thank you. But it's to really see yourself is actually what's going on. Right? You can't help about think about what an asshole you are when you're looking at somebody else's eyes, you think, wow. I'm a shitty human. Ha ha ha. Had number one position on the list of sex positions. Oh, yes, that's new. Stupid D or WG, and back to Dre or at your dowel. Ha ha ha. Coming in.

Ha ha ha ha. Coming in the back. Coming in the back door, Snippy WG. Oh, G. I, that was really interesting. That was really interesting. Now I don't agree with the positioning of the last 10. Coming in the back door, Scooby-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-D We've probably left out a few. You can go ahead and email us or text us and you've got that information. Go to tcbpodcast.com. I want to take this time to inform... Take this in for the whole break. I want to take this moment to remind you that we have a brand new YouTube series.

I want to take this moment to remind you that we have a brand new YouTube series called In the Studio. It's tcb in the studio. Only available on youtube.com slash the commercial break. Please subscribe and like and you can tell My dehydration is getting to my mouth Crazy my brain doesn't work the same when I haven't had any foods since Friday. Yeah, going on a week. That's crazy Okay, when we did the sex ed video we got so into that first sex ed video about the coach teaching the boys After class about

Johnny let me tell you a little bit about a Yeah, yeah, your bonus just fine Johnny now go get dressed I just had a wet dream oh really I wish I had a wet dream such a weird video honestly Really? I wish I had a wet dream. Such a weird video, honestly. But it was a 1947. Yeah. I was interested in figuring out what were the first videos

that were being shown in classrooms in the United States of America regarding sexual education. I'm sure Sexyhead was taught in some form or fashion by probably, you know, like rebel teachers somewhere in classrooms. And he's got to know about this stuff. But when the government federalized the school systems, not federalized the school system,

but when there was an actual, you know, Department of Education, what did they start pushing as the narrative around sex, especially being such a puritanical, you know, religion, you know, Christian kind of country that we happen to be. Yeah, it's just coming out of like prohibition. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so I found the very first authorised video film regarding sex produced by the in conjunction with the US government. Oh, well, they know. Would you like to hear this? Oh, yeah, they're always the best. They know it's best for us. Clearly, fucking twads, all of them.

It's all I gotta say. I don't, okay, I can't believe we're so angry with each other. These idiots got us all upset with each other and the truth is they're all idiots. Oh, fucking morons. And your opinions are boring. And yes, I like oat milk.

Another thing. I'm an almond girl myself. Yeah, you're an almond girl. Okay, I mean, just to be clear, I drink creamer in my fucking cereal. Yeah. So I am not sitting around defending oat milk on Reddit Jimmy two eyes or whatever your name is. Okay, here we go

You don't even know we're talking about I'm sorry. I got off on a rant there Hey guys, it's that time in the show for the commercial break. It's the commercial break inside of the commercial break Go to www.tcbpodcast.com to learn more about Chrissy and I, read all the show notes, listen to all the audio and watch all of the video. Also you can get your free TCB collectible sticker right there on the website. Click on the button that says, I want my free sticker. We'll tell you how to get one. You tell us where to send it.

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Thanks beachbound. I was trolling on the internet. As you do. As I do. And I wanted to follow up with our sex ed video. Remember we had the sex ed? Yes, absolutely. Coach Jean or whatever's name is.

Come here boys. Yeah. We're bonus. Johnny get around the circle. Exit the circle. Get in here in the locker room. Take your clothes off and let's talk to Jean about your bonus. Yeah. Mr. Jean's going to come in and do demonstrations. Don't worry boys. This is all school approved. I wanted to find some more sex ed videos that were interesting to play here on the commercial break and I stumbled upon one that's back from the 50s. I wanted to understand when did sex ed turn from kind of this, like we're afraid of it, we don't really know how much we should teach about it.

Like the coach Jean one was pretty upfront about a lot of stuff. And the nun, she had her version. She had her version, which was taught you nothing about it. The nun needs a woman to get together and they have a little giggle. Then he comes all over face and he leaves. That's it. That's it. Two best friends in love.

Two best friends in love. He's gizzing in her. She's accepting it. And that's it. Don't use condoms. That's against the Lord's will. I found a video in the 50s where to really, like, forward thinking sexologists, prominent sexologists at the time, I think that's what they call them, sexologists, but psychiatrists who would then be helping the kind of the sexology department to get formed, I don't know where it's got formed, but you know what I'm saying?

I'm a dehydrated. There's a curriculum. There's a curriculum. That's right. They wanted to teach parents how to talk to their children about sex. That's nice. Right? And I thought that that was very nice of them to do.

And this is actually a pretty forward thinking video for 19, I say it's 57. I meant 1967, okay? 1967, this is before the year of love and peace and all that other stuff. Here are these two gentlemen teaching and talking to parents and children about sex in a very forward way. So some of this is funny and some of this is interesting.

Now listen to you, right? Okay, here we go. And go what you can hear first is apparent having a conversation on camera almost it's like almost like reality TV way before reality TV happened listen to this is kind of weird how they frame this whole thing today everybody tells us we should talk about sex-trot children but nobody tells us just how i'm a part of the to talking about sex with my children a few bad stuff have scared me off Completely now do you mean bad stuff? He said bad starts Yeah, yeah, like hey Johnny yeah, hey Johnny you got a bow No, okay, yeah, yeah, hey Johnny, what's you doing?

Hey Johnny clean up you doing in the bow-daw? Hey Johnny, clean up your juice off the sink. Thanks dad. Thanks dad, that was weird. We'll talk about sex later. I was hoping when it came to sex I could just show him a porn or video. Yeah, easier. Snag film. What do they call them?

Snuff. Snuff, oh no, snuff film is when someone dies. Oh okay. What do they call it? Snag? A smut film. when someone dies. Oh, okay. Yeah, uh, what do they call it? A snag? Uh, a smut film. Smut film. Smut film. Smut film.

Smut film. Smut film. Smut film. Smut film. Smut film. Smut film. Smut film. Smut film.

Smut film. Smut film. Smut film. Smut film. Smut film. Smut film. Smut film. Smut film. Smut film. Smut film. Smut film. Smut film. The things that are normal and to be expected in the development of children in relation to sex Mary the baby doesn't come out of your navel. Let me tell you how it is Out of your navel. Oh, your navel. It doesn't come out of your navel. No, you're tiny little belly. It comes from the stalk

God Mary get you a shit together. How do you think you were born? Who's giving you all this click-and-a-clack I Heard this in a video one time and I can't stop saying. I'm not sure this is what they said But somebody said it was clicking it clacking over there I think it was us I know but I said that because I heard something similar in a video But I'm not sure they said click-and-a-clacky. Yeah, I just in my head. It sounded like click-and-a-clacky Sex means yeah, no, it means talking too much hammering right and so now I tell my children stop all that clicky clacky Matias is going like clicky clacky. Yeah, he calls Harry Potter Pahata. It's the cutest thing. I'll show you after we get the okay. We're gonna ready here. Yes

There's a special opening just in front of the place where you have your BM your beam. Your beam. Oh, bomb movement. That's what she meant. Your be a place in front of your beam. Couldn't she have said that a little differently? Yeah. Yeah. That's the place where you poop. There's another hole.

No, I mean, it takes you. Have it notice. It takes you. Have it notice. Which you have. Yes. Everybody notices. Yes.

It's very, very tiny, a little girl, but as you grow, it grows too, right along with the rest of you. Yep. She's talking to like a nine-year-old child. I guess that's when you start having to have conversations like this, huh? Yeah, nowadays. I'm so scared. I'm a view may become somewhat uncomfortable as parts of this film unfold, but I think if you listen carefully, you will agree that the concepts will contribute to the rearing of a mature person who has a healthy, responsible attitude toward the sexual side of his life. I like what he says. That's true.

Yeah, he's starting off in the right direction. There's a real turn in attitude in this video from a lot of the videos that I watched pre-1965-ish say. And it was just like, it was so, not taboo, but they just kinda skirted around all this stuff. Yeah, well, it isn't embarrassing subject, but. Yeah, but isn't it really? I mean, it's just sex. I should say it.

Yeah, it's just sex. It's hard to talk to a child about it, I'm sure. I don't know, but I'll figure it out here shortly. Well, because then the child started to realize how they were made. Yeah. Is that what they were doing? Ah, yeah. And then they probably realize all the times that they were actually probably in the room when that was happening and they're like,

Ah, daddy. Every so often I get a strong sex urge. And the only way I can take care of it is the masturbate. Oh, that's okay, Jimmy. You have that urge right now, Jimmy. Why don't you show me? You like to talk to me about it? I show you what you do. Let's see if we can write it down.

By the way, Jimmy looks like he's about 26 years old. It's not a child. He looks like a man. Uh-huh. And he's talking to this, like, they're on a couch. And he's like, I got to do her to masturbate. I did. And the psychiatrist is like, hmm, how do I handle this one? Well go ahead, whack it off Billy, you'll go blind, that's

what you do, you'll go blind. That's poison. That's poison, get it out boy. And what I do, I feel awful. It's just like I committed a crime or something. I do that same way in my age. I look at my straddle balls and I'm like, I'm committing murder. I'd rather be robbing a bank than looking at myself in the mirror. Of course, after all this cell manila, I'm looking pretty good. She was saying.

It worries me, I say, well, I won't do it anymore. And when I do, it goes away for a while. And I come back and do it again. Oh, the shame. Don't worry, that's going to go on for the rest of your life. That shame will be felt in so many different ways. Yes. Welcome to being Catholic, Jimmy.

You feel shameful for the rest of your life. And when I do control myself for a while, I end up with a wet dream. George, I'm really pleased that you can tell me about this. Perhaps it's because we've known each other for so long. You perhaps it's because we've been boyfriend, boyfriend, for a number of years. So do you. I wish you would have told me earlier,

I could have helped you out, do you? Could have made you feel better about those feelings you had. Can I admit something here on the commercial break? I don't think I've ever been to anybody. Yeah, I haven't had a little confessional. Yeah, okay. Here, I'll put up my hand. All right, thank you.

I'm like a father. Oh, father, I'm here to tell you about all the bad shit I did. I forgot how it goes. It goes, you know, oh, forgive me, father, for I have sinned. Forgive me, mother, for I have sinned because you're not a father. Forgive me, mother, for I have sinned. Okay, talk, you can tell me everything. I have sinned, bro.

Thank you, mother of duels. Tell me about it. Tell me about it. Let's have a little giggle. Let's have a little giggle. It's your penis starting to grow erect. Because I've got a special feeling too. I'm ready to accept you.

Get some of that water. Thanks, mother of duels, but you're really not my type. I'm ready to accept you But you're really not my type You scared me You have coffee and cigarette You smell like my I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like,

I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like,

I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like,

I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna've had lots of sex dreams. Yeah, I've had lots of dreams I've woken up with the boner. I've not lots, but still to the day. I'm still that's still happening right? Yeah, that's just the way of the way of the world I think they say men get like 72 boners in the course of one night or something like that some shit like that

I don't know. It's a lot. I don't have 72 but it's a lot But I have never woken up to ejaculate. Not when you were young. Not even when I was young. Not that I can remember. No, I remember masturbating when I was young. Yeah, maybe that's why you didn't. Yeah, maybe that's why. Maybe it was all the masturbating.

That's what Jimmy said. He gives me a spot. When I control myself. I just end up with a wet drink. Then you get the wet drink. Yeah, listen, I think Jimmy might be right. It's down there. Yeah.

I just got to set it out. I think my body just, it's like, like it is now, it's all dehydrated. It can't go anywhere. Yeah. We have talked about the importance of answering the questions of the curious child. Equally important is how we react to his behavior. As children get a little older, there is a behavior pattern of this common tool tool almost all boys and a large number of girls I'm referring of course to masturbation the only thing I can tell you as a doctor is that what you're doing

is just part of growing up it's something you probably will do once in a while whether you once in a while tell them the truth doc you're a man day what's a day every three to six hours. It's like a medication, Jimmy. You're gonna have to take it every 48 hours. Yeah. When and if needed. And he says, I notice he says all boys and most girls.

And some girls, right? Oh, okay. Well, this is all girls and all boys. Come on, let's get it together. But I guess that guy understands. It's 1967. We got to be cautious about what you let out of the bag, right? I think it's a good idea or not.

I hope I can reassure you so that you aren't concerned. From a medical point of view, George, I only wish society could look at it in its proper light. There are two basic objectives to which we would like to draw your attention. First, note the many things that you should not do because they can be damaging to a healthy attitude. Don't damage a being. Stop touching your cock!

It's really red. Come over here, I'm gonna smack it with a ruler. No. They're not beat on your child's agenda, tell me. I don't know if you remember there was a case here in Georgia, I mean, this is not funny, but there was a case here in Georgia many years ago where there was a preacher who was telling his congregates that when children played with themselves, the best way to stop that was to either hit them in the genitalia or hit them in the hand with a heart object

when they were touching themselves. Wow. And so this kid ended up with broken hands because his dad was, can crack in his, like, this, I up with broken hands because his dad was can crack in his Like this So I mean talk about shame. It's still listen this these these attitudes still I know seriously you're gonna fuck up children one way or the other Yeah, you don't have to like take it to the extreme right make it be the regular kind of fuck up Yeah, where they realize you're what a loser you are and they go later on in life that kid is going to have to have pain for fucking sure.

Yup. It may sound funny to you but why when I change my pants I'd like to crawl in that locker I feel so undeveloped. Poor guy. What kind of conversation is this? By the way he's talking to another guy in the locker room. Man my dick is small. Like how did the transition just happen?

It's just as a weirdly chopped edited video, right? I don't know what, you know, they probably had no budget for this film because no one supported this kind of, you know, conversation back then. But what happened was they, you know, we were talking about masturbation and then he was explaining that it's just normal.

And then they cut to a locker room scene where there's two young men, you know, probably at 11, 16, 17 years old, I'm just guessing. And they're, you know, getting changed into their regular clothes. And the one is like, every time I change my pants, I feel so bad. I have never heard a conversation like that in any locker room ever. No. Well, maybe the one of LA fitness, that's a little bit of a different story. I think people, I think the men who walk around the LA fitness with

their balls hanging out actually want you to see their balls. I do. Yeah, what the fuck is up with that? Can we stop all that bullshit? You put a towel on. I understand if you like drop your towel to put your underwear on, that's good. But there are full grown men, right? In all different shapes and sizes and colors. It happens when the women's in the women's locker room.

Why? Why are we in this mess? You're comfortable with yourself, okay? Yeah, but you can not show me your old man, Wrinkly Bulls? Seriously, every time I go into the LA fitness bathroom, I feel like I'm being assaulted. I'm like, ah, ah! Cock!

I wasn't ready for that. I don't care about your cock, and I'm glad that you, and listen, I have been to parties in the woods where no one is wearing clothing. And I feel similarly, right? And nude beaches and places like that. And it's like, you know, that is the purpose.

You've been doing nude beaches. Huh? I've been doing a couple of nude beaches. You have. Yes, I have. And I've been to nude resorts. Oh. Not I've stayed there.

I've walked in there. It's perfectly neat. You're at a date house. Yes, but after in one time. There's a really good place that has these amazing cocktails. Cocktails. Cocktails. And we've got a good try this. I've heard all kinds of, oh my god.

Oh, yeah. That's a new resort. It was a resort right next door to the family resort. And so I'd walk over there to smoke a cigarette. They had an adult section, an adult pool, right? And I always be over there gawking. But there's nothing I mean, you know. Listen, Heidi Klum is not hanging out at the new beach in Miami.

That's for sure. Now there are there are attractive people that you go to Miami. You don't have to go to the new beach. People are moved all over the place. There does. Yeah. I remember we went out to a day with the family over it in Miami. We all invite we went we were down there staying in South Beach.

We invited all her family to come for the afternoon. Beach was fucking packed, right? We got one of those like Kavanaugh things. Right. And I stepped out of the Kavanaugh to think right? We got one of those like, cabana things. Right. And I stepped out of the cabana to, I think I was smoking at the time, or, you know, vape or whatever I was doing.

And I turned around to just kind of look at my phone. And there are three, probably no older than 21 years old. Three girls, ladies, women, right there, laying fully in the buff. Okay. Just right there, just nude right next to heart. Was there a Van Halen video that was shooting? That's like, I'm around. No, okay. Go to Spain and any beach is a nude beach, right?

There's plenty of naked people around there. It's not that I'm offended by nude. Who wants tan lines? Who wants tan lines? Who wants tan lines? In Spain, it's a point of pride. You show your tits, right? And then occasionally you'll see a dick hanging out. It doesn't happen as often as the tits do. The tits are pretty, there's lots of tits in Spain, right? There's lots of tits in Spain.

And then occasionally you have a penis. But they're just not, they're not upset by nudity like we are. And I don't want it to sound like... They don't make it weird. Right. The repression. The repression, that's it. And I don't want to make it sound like I'm repressed and that I care about seeing a penis.

I don't give a shit sound like I'm repressed and that I care about seeing a penis. I don't give a shit about seeing a penis. It's just so in your face. Yeah, I'm like working out, all pumped up, ready to go. I walk around, there's Harry Bob, 72 years old, with his things hanging down. He's like, hey, how you doing?

Play. Hey. I noticed you. I noticed you pumping 30 pounds over there Oh I noticed your balls near your knees I guess I got that's a look for a conversation Yeah that's it too is like you know they want to look in the eye They're being aggressive about it

Like subtly aggressive about the nudity and the LA fitness That's all I got to say anyway back to the sex That's not so funny He said he even told me, that's not so funny. She cut that bit out. That wasn't so funny. Brian, yeah, so. Before we moved here, I used to go to a school where we had to go swimming in the bear.

I was so embarrassed about the size of my penis that we used to dread the days we had to go swimming. Even though it was my best sport, I was good at it too, like you. Swimming in the bear? Swimming in the bear. What does that mean? That means in the nude. What school do you go to? Oh, yeah. Were they make youimming in the bear? Swimming in the bear. What does that mean? That means in the nude. What school do you go to? Where do they make you swim in the nude? That was a

very progressive school. I don't think it was a progressive school. I think you know. Remember those Catholics were paying all that money for all those children? Yeah. That's probably the kind of school that guy went to. He's like, it was my favorite sport. What's sport? Swimming in the bear? Yeah. What's your favorite sport in the bear? Boy, what I wouldn't have given for a fig leaf, even from a small tree.

Oh, fig leaf. Probably was a small tree, Jimmy. Yeah. What parents should do is to reassure their boy that his eventual physical appearance has little to do with the vast differences that occur at puberty. What's more, every boy should realize that the size of his genital organs has nothing

to do with fertility or his capacity as a male. Oh, it doesn't. Shit, I've been thinking about it wrong this whole time. Here I've been it I'm just I'm not I'm not I'm not even going to pretend that I have a large penis. But it works. It works. That's it. Yes. And I'm 50% sure they're mine. Yep. I never had a good enough understanding myself to really explain things. I don't even know at what age to start. When should I begin?

When my kids ask me anything, I get butterflies in my stomach. I suspect my husband does too. I throw up and I run outside and I take coding for the pain. Can you prescribe coding doctor? You drink alcohol, cutting. Yeah. I'm married to that guy from Mad Men. No, no.

I'm not. You know, that was going around in the 50s and 60s. Oh, yeah. Listen, if we think that doctors prescribing opiates and speed and, you know, all these pills, diet pills and all this shit is like a secret that just got, you know, uncovered from the two early 2000s. There's been, Dr. Fio Good's have been around forever. And they will continue to be around.

You wanna know why? Because everyone likes to get high, that's why. And the doctors know it. And they like to get high too. They're like, oh shit. I one time had a dentist. I don't take pain medication, but I, if I don't have to.

But I one time had a doctor, a dentist, who was literally like, what do you prefer? Hydrocodone, oxycodone. He asked me the question. And I was so taken aback by this. He was a young dentist, right? He had a dentist. He was a dentist. Oh, God. Okay. And he had to fill a cavity that he had mistakenly done something wrong. So he didn't do it the right way the first time. I went back there because I was feeling still feeling some pain. He didn't kill the root or the nerve or whatever, right?

And so when I went back in there the second time, he asked me the first time if I wanted pain medication, and I said, no thank you, I'll just take some Tylenol. The second time I went in there, he's like, well, the bad news is I'm gonna have to go back in there. So it's gonna be like an hour, hour and a half. We'll get it done. The good news is, I'll give you some good drugs when it's done.

And I thought that was, I was like, you know, this is kind of comment that I'm sure 90% of people would have been like, sweet. But then he was like offering me a litany of medications at the end of yet. He was like, which do you prefer? Do you prefer like oxy-cutten or hydrocodone? Cheese.

Or percuset. And I was like, I don't prefer my, by name, but you know, Viking and if you got it. But and then he was like, I can also give you something to help you sleep, like a value or his annex or something. Wow, he was loading you up. Dude, the guy was like asking me and I just said, thanks anyway, I'll stick with the ad fill.

I don't need to go to rehab next month, doctor. Right, go top of everything. Yeah. I know he does. He veys these discussions like the plague. see that bill i don't need to go to re-app next month i don't have everything i know it is he vades discussions like the plague unless you're an extremely unusual audience you will welcome some of this help because most people parents or young people who are concerned about their own

attitudes have not in their own lives had the opportunity to gain this kind of insight let me at this point make a clear cut scientific statement. Mastervation is not harmful. The young child often plays with his genitals, and after puberty, masturbation is a common release mechanism for the sex drive. Yeah, true. Yeah, I like this guy.

Yeah. He's talking some sense here. Exactly. He's a straight shooter. I wish he would have been around my family when I was young, told, you know, you've given me some, given my parents some advice. I was, I feel like I was sneaking into a bomb shelter. Got to cover a darkness.

But I also had, there was six people living in the house. Yeah. So we've really, I had to be quiet and I, my brothers have this running joke, right? Is that, you know, Brian will take an hour in the bathroom. Huh. He'll take a 45 minute shower and then bubble it.

And it all started when I was a teenager. My dad had a pretty strict requirement because we were a big family and we all had to get ready in a short amount of time. That you had to take like a three to four minute shower so that everybody else had hot water, right? I didn't like that because I'm a slow waker upper and I like to feel the warm water on me for,

you know, 30 minutes. I like to feel the warm water on me for you know failure penis 30 minutes I like to feel my penis I like to wake it up and say hello and yeah a good morning good morning good morning do you a good morning good morning let's whack it on through do a penis hey good morning. How you doing? I'm great. It's going to be a great day. Thanks, Mr. penis.

Hey, can you do me a favor? Can we not show up in math class today? I don't know. It depends on what we do right now. I know, dad said, you only take a three to five minute shower, but you can take an extra three to five minutes and make sure But I'll come back during first period. Okay, Mr. Venus. I guess I'll advise Spring. Yeah, use the good blue

I wish I had With my penis throughout my life just to to figure out what he was thinking, as if it was a different human being. It is a different brain. It is, in some sense to it. It is, what's it meant? And you get more control over it as you get older, but it's still, there's something else going on down there.

Everything, yeah. Yeah, you have no control. I mean, we have control over, you know, I'm not saying that we overpowering people with day rape and stuff like that. I'm saying that just in the sense that it goes up and down all on its own, right? It does things all on its own. And it's like every time I go for a fucking massage, I love massages.

You know, I love massage. I talked about this. I love massages. It's the best thing in the world to me. They're very healthy. And they're they make, yeah, they helped. There's so many health benefits and I'm so tight in my back and got back problems. I just love when someone just puts their hands on me

and rubs out those knots in my back, and especially my lower back. But I'm so petrified of being petrified. I'm getting them bound. I'm so petrified of being petrified in my lower region that it causes me some anxiety every single time I go, right? I'm like, it's not something that like,

like I used to think about a lot when I was going for massage when I first started getting massages, but now it's less of a concern because I figure, well, because it's happened a few times and it's just the way that it is. And you know what, it hasn't happened with the beautiful 27 year old, you know, brand spanking new massage therapist, you smile good. I get it, it's got a mind of a massage year old, you know, brand spanking new massage therapist.

You smell good. Yeah, you know what it happens to? It happens to the 78 year old woman from Geneva who's just, you know, been doing this her entire life, right? Because for whatever reason, the motion or the just the relaxation or the fact that, you know, I'm sitting laying on the table. Yeah.

I have even gone so far as to Google this. Like how do massage therapists handle this? How do they feel about it? Yeah, I mean, I think it's something that just happens. It comes up. It depends on how you react to it. Correct. The general consensus I've read from like, you know,

these message boards and stuff like this, the four massage therapists is, this is completely normal. This happens a lot, right? And in some people were saying, sometimes if it doesn't happen, I wonder, am I if I've done something wrong? Are they still stressed out or whatever, right? One lady said that it happened,

I remember her saying that happened over 60% of the time. She imagined she'd been massaging people for 40 years and that it happened over 60% of the time. And there was only one reason to ever address it, and that was if someone was getting aggressive about it. Like they were trying to like, you know, do something about it. Or grind themselves into the table.

And why not off that way, right? Or something like that. I've known quite a few massage services in my life at different times, and I have heard that, yeah, stuff can get weird. Stuff can get weird, but if it's just, you know, you just kind of, but it's bound to happen at some point, but it's how you react to it.

Or you give them a busco, a booscollo, and you know, just head down south. Start massaging their own lower abdomen. I got a bar massage one time. You got a what? Boob massage. Yeah, you were telling me that at one time. Italy. Yeah, that's where I got my booscollo massage, which was really weird.

This girl was just kept going lower and lower and lower. I know, I had a guy, I had a guy massage you, my baby's always like, oh my god, what is happening? It's you. This is European. No, it's just creepy. No, just creepy. I would like to turn to an entirely different subject.

Want a particular interest to the girls? Okay, now they're going to get into a whole thing about menstruation here, and I don't know. To turn to an entirely different subject. Want a particular interest to the girls? Okay, now they're going to get into a whole thing about menstruation here, and I don't know if we need to, if we want to go into that. Yeah, we can watch so girls for that. Showgirls, a classic, you must. Alright, well I made it through. You did without pooping or throwing up. No, but I'll do that right after we're done.

Okay. So there you go. Let's take a quick break. Oh my God, sex ed is so much fun. There are hundreds of these videos out there. So we'll pepper it in as we go by. I appreciate you taking the time to listen and yeah. And so there's a couple things that I wanted to mention.

Man, I'm going to say one more time. Go to youtube.com slash the commercial break for our brand new series in the studio. We talk about timely topics like Astral World. What else we talk about? Kid Rocks video, we talked about Taylor Swift, we talked about Charlie, we talked about Pete and Kay, Kim Kay, we talked about a bunch of stuff. So it's YouTube exclusive, you can only get it there, five to ten minute videos.

Please go check it out and subscribe if you get a chance. I'd like to thank our good friends at Castbox. They're always so friendly to us, Calvin and Diana and Catherine, they're wonderful people over there. Yes, they're wonderful people. They're great and I love that app too. It's a great app, actually. Yeah, I've transitioned from Apple to Castbox now. I only listen on, I mean I listen on,

I like, we'll test it out on a bunch of different ones, but I mainly only listen through on CastBox. And let's face it, our largest audience is over at CastBox. And so we appreciate that. Third largest podcast, publishing app in the world. It's an Android. It's built for Android, but you can use it on iPhone or on Android.

So download CastBox if you get a chance. It's a great application, great people over there. And YouTube, does YouTube say YouTube, Instagram, at the commercial, but I wanted to say that. Yeah, there's content you can only find on Instagram also. Okay, so I think that's all we can do for today. What else is needed? I think that's a brand new.

Best to you, Chrissy. Best to you. I love you. I love you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. As always, we in the show by saying bye! The commercial break, new episodes on Tuesdays and now Fridays. New YouTube clips drop daily at youtube.com.

Slash the commercial break. Visit tcbpodcast.com for access to our entire media library. Follow us at the commercial break on Instagram. Each episode is written and produced by Brian Green, co-hosted by Chrissy Holtley, with additional content provided by Tina Canno. you you