The Cryptid Factor - #100 The LIVE 100 Issue

Episode Date: October 17, 2024

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As the sun goes down and the lighting fades, the diggers of dreams collect their spades. For now is the hour, the veil comes free, the beasts and the creatures, the geeks and me. We're here together, it's taken this long, But thanks to buttons, I mean what could go wrong? The Cryptid Factor with Rhys Darby, Dan Schreiber and Buttons! And we are back! Yeah! Wow. 100. Wow! 100 years!

That is genuinely a massive surprise. For those that don't know, I've never been in the title sequence and now that was the first time. 100 and I took 100 episodes and I'm caught between being really excited and really sad because there was a curse that we talked about many years ago that when I'm in the titles this will be the last episode. Well hell of a way to finish. What an ending.

So thank you so much everyone for coming to this show tonight. This is our 100th episode largely because we just recorded five in Edinburgh and they weren't good enough That's not strictly true that's not yeah the whole coming over to the UK You know we needed to do number 100 Dan had a show on Edinburgh. He decided to Graciously change his solo thing the weirdos podcast which is crazily popular and you know, but it's not the cryptid factor so So we decided to do it We just bit the bullet and we thought let's do five shows in Edinburgh and make it our kind of

100 week where we work out what a live show would be because the three of us haven't done a live one together Yeah, there's been a couple of live ones you were on Zoom for one of them, which was weird. I was atrocious. Yeah. It was so bad, like largely because I was on the screen behind them. So they just couldn't see me. I was trying to interact, like, guys, OK, well.

And then anytime Buttons played a video on the TV, he would leave the video running. So I couldn't hear what they were saying on stage I was just listening to McDonald's adverts on the YouTube clip that he just let run over I like to call it the perfect episode we couldn't see him he was distracted for once we've always had technical difficulties it's been part of the show we We've embraced it buttons. If you don't know is the original technician. He is the sound He's the audio. He is the heart and soul of the show. He even made these desks They made out of cardboard

Went to Ryman stationery today. He was still building them on stage. That's why you know, we started a bit late Yeah today he was still building them on stage that's why you know we started a bit late. Yeah just out of curiosity how many here in the audience tonight have listened to an episode of The Corrupted Factor by noise? Okay that's a bunch. How many haven't by round of noise as well? We're sorry we we apologize now yeah it will. Yeah, hopefully by the end of this you'll be in love with what we do Well, we should explain what we do really well, if only we really knew So hopefully at the end you can tell us Brief history. It's a podcast about crypto zoology Which is the study of hidden animals that may or may not exist and are certainly not classified by science

of hidden animals that may or may not exist and are certainly not classified by science. So that's your Bigfoots, your Chupacabra, your Loch Ness Monster, those kind of things, and a thousand others that you've probably never heard of. When we first started, really, we didn't have many people that were into it. And now we have, well, all of you, and many people around the globe.

But really, it's not just about that. It's about weirdness in general. Now the funny thing was we started on an actual radio station in New Zealand. So this is before Dan's time. There's us two and a chap called Ferrier, David Ferrier, some of you may know him. And we, yeah, we started,

yep, yeah, he's all right. Um, but we started on- I like how you said his name like James Bond. Ferrier, David Ferrier. Oh, he'll love that. He will love that, he will you said his name like James Bond. Farrier. David Farrier. Oh, he'll love that. He will love that. But he's no James Bond. Now, so we're on this dance station in New Zealand called George FM, which played all through the night.

And you know, people were popping pills and shit. And you know, and then we got a slot at 8am on a Sunday morning. Got a two hour radio show where we talk about Bigfoot and shit. And people, we got so many complaints from these guys who were like coming down on them, you know. Like we would read out the emails when we're on the radio show. The most famous one was... The very first one was, stop encouraging bullshit. We proudly owned that troll and turned it into our byline.

Yeah, it's been our mantra encouraging bullshit since 2008. And so we are New Zealand's longest running podcast because of that. So then we got booted off that station to a student station, which was actually a bigger station called BFM in New Zealand. Do we have anyone that's been to Aotearoa in New Zealand? Oh good, good on you. You've probably heard of us. So we're on this radio station, the second one. That was more appropriate. But then we left that one, we actually started recording those shows when podcasting just became a thing around 2009. I think we actually started podcasting when it was officially called RSS feed. It wasn't even podcast, it was just an RSS feed. Yeah, have you seen our RSS feed?

So then we moved to another radio station which was simply because it was closer to my house and it was in Ponsonby in basically a food court. They streamed it right so you could watch it. So I would be in London and this was before I was on the show when you were a fan. I love the show and I tuned in and when he says they're in a food court they weren't in like a booth in a food court they were literally just standing there while people going to various different McDonald's and Thai place and the show was constantly getting interrupted by little old women going excuse me do you know where the shoe shop is in the mall. interrupted by little old women going, excuse me, do you know where the shoe shop is in the mall? And they even had guests come on the show, like Taika Waititi was a guest on the show.

He wasn't meant to be, he was buying sushi at the shop next door. Oh, good old bro, what are you guys doing? Oh, we're just talking about UFOs. Do you wanna have a chat? Oi. So it was very cool. The other wonderfully embarrassing fact about that was for some reason

we were our lovely cryptic factor t-shirts which had somebody print and raspberry berets White t-shirts back then with the logo on there the the OG shirts. You brought one with you, eh, but it's so stained. It looks terrible. I told you you couldn't wear it. I put it on, started walking down the street, people start coming offering me money. And I take it. Good on you, boys. Good on you.

I wore raspberry berets. I think that was my idea because I wanted to have like a special forces aspect to it. Special forces. Ah, My ankle just broke. I'm getting old. But then we basically, we all sort of split up with different places and around the world and he stayed in New Zealand. I went to LA and became a famous actor. And so then it became a podcast that, look, we really, a lot lot of you I don't need to tell you any of this but there's you know seven people that need to know That it became a cryptid itself because we never know when it was gonna appear and as of this year We've tried to go more regular for the first time ever and however long that's been since 2008 do the maths

No wrong guy. No, none of us Let's put it to the audience. How many years is there? Yes, correct. Well, thank you. There you go We thought for the first time we actually ended up getting some money from it, you know, which is so so modern, you know like Having a concert and then there's a lot of lost episodes we're only just sort of trip we actually left the fringe after one of our shows drove stayed in a castle overnight and then found our way to Loch Ness and went out onto the lock with Steve Feltham who is the number one

longest running Nessie hunters of all time so he's been doing it 35 years plus and then yeah we came back down we We've had many highlights Well, I will just say missing the opportunity. He said we had a trip we had an expedition These words are important at time. Yeah, and this is the difference between us another podcast We actually go out and do that. We've done Thunderbird hunts. We found the Chupacabra. Yeah, so what buttons? What was your highlight my highlight which is actually going up to Edinburgh Dan did this incredible? Feet of like I don't know I would say magic, but it was just organization. I think Where he went online and booked us accommodation is Airbnb. I went on Airbnb There's an app you can get on your phone buttons which

You say we're in this area gives you options please. I'm from New Zealand. It's Swiss Trying to work out the internet. So give us a hot second, but not just a Airbnb It was a castle he booked a castle for us to stay at and we left late at night And so we turned up to this castle when I say castle it was the moat house It was like the gatehouse It's kind of like the ruins at the front of the castle. No, you know when you go into a castle, you go over the bridge to get to the castle? We were on the bridge.

We just, we didn't make it past the bridge. Yeah. If we had castle vibes. I call it a castleette. Castleette. It was just a tiny bit, but it was very cool. Yeah, and I loved it. But of course, the one thing is that only had two bedrooms. Oh, that was, yeah, that I loved it. But of course the one thing is that only had two bedrooms and oh that was

So you're not that good with That was intentional yeah, it was back in the days before I was part of the title sequence. It's fine When the lounge yes, I was in the lounge. On the couch. He loves that though. So I was fine with that. The problem with it was is that the lounge where I slept is haunted.

And I know it's haunted because I had a hell of an experience there that night. There wasn't any rattling chains or anything like that. But I had the weirdest, most oppressive and sad dreams that were just so like layers of just Shittiness, I don't have dreams like that I'm like and then the next morning when we saw one of the owners Yeah, that there had just been a paranormal crew in there and they had gone everything's gone off the Richter scale Yeah, but what's weird is it was literally a lounge ghost because it didn't come and speak to me or Reese no it didn't come into

the master bedroom but I did shut the door heavily yeah so I thought ghosts famously can go through those like oh they can go through walls not doors not. Not doors? Not castle doors. Weird. And I also put a couple of pillows underneath so I couldn't sneak underneath. The old octopus slip. Just little army tricks. So that was your highlight. So well yeah, Barry the oppressive lounge ghost. Oh yeah, that's what he said in the morning.

We were like, wow, what was he like? And he went, he's called Barry. Right? Where did you get that detail from? Now interestingly we were driving up and we took a route that took us away from one area that we found out about when we were up in Edinburgh which is that there's a place called Bonnie Bridge which is left of Edinburgh and it's only a 50 minute drive but according to all the ufologists in the UK it is the most heavily visited

paranormal bit basically the Bermuda Triangle in the UK, it is the most heavily visited paranormal bit. Basically the Bermuda Triangle of the UK. They've had 300 encounters according to the local councilman who is collecting them all. And we found out, apparently, this is just a bit of advice for anyone who goes there, if you go there and you want yourself to have a UFO encounter, put a pack of cheese and onion crisps on top of your car because apparently aliens go nuts for it up there. You laugh at the serious... A guy called Craig was in our crowd he was like that's a fact don't you laugh. Yeah he was yeah. Cheese and onion and maybe more than one packet I just like surround the dashboard of your

car with beautiful onion crisps. But then you're effectively turning your car into a tin foil covered object. That might be why. That might be why yeah My quick highlight was I went to a Poundland shop, and I found a I Found a Peter Andre mysterious girl single For one pound Amazing how long has that been sitting there in that shop? He definitely didn't like this year ago Do you know we need more of in this shop? 1993's mysterious girl on CD so that has to be in there and what's amazing

It's a great detail that I think is lost inside this single you get three months of a calendar you get basically a third of a calendar so I've got October November in December and In previous singles released by Peter Andre, you get the rest of the months, and then you get to sellitate the calendar together, so that you have all three, and that's still in there. This is genius. Yeah, so anyway, that's my highlight. No, my proper highlight, I've got to say, is that our first night out there,

after we did our first show, we got extremely happy that it went well and we went out and got even happier with substances and we were in a... See alcohol! We did not! We did it. Were you guys just on alcohol? I was coked out of my tits. Thanks for sharing. And I think, so geeky, we're so trying to be cool talking about drugs, and we were coped

out of our tits. Not often. I couldn't work out what to say. Not often. We were so coped, we were out of them. You left your tits somewhere. Not up out. I'll take my tits off tonight, and I'll be fucked up.

You've never done anything like that in your tonight. I'll be fucked up You've never done anything like that You might get the odd person here that might think you know, I don't do drugs I don't I can't I don't know how Your dad's in the audience somewhere Tons of coke. No, yeah. No, he hasn't either. No, so we're in this bar, we're getting very, very drunk and Buttons was wanging on about something. It was like, it was a really long kind of deep thing. Making the desks. It's called entertaining. Oh, I was talking about making desks. I was talking about making desks. Oh, I built this desk. And so then what we noticed was this bar that we went to, it was basically

like 19 year olds who were working at the Fringe. This used to be the bar where all the comedians would go. Reese and I used to go there all those years ago Brooks bar when we were cool You know when we were in cool club and so we were just being quiet having our drink. We're like sketchy looking dead Yeah, we really were and so suddenly buttons are sitting here and a girl gets up behind him And she's suddenly in the very small space on the floor jumps up into the air and does the worm She does what Reese calls a dolphin dive and she does it like three or four times, right? The whole bar is looking and everyone's going whoa and then out of nowhere Buttons who's going so then Ryman sold me the cardboard and then he just went excuse me put down his drink took off

His glasses and fucking leaped into the air Excuse me put down his drink took off his glasses and fucking leaped into the air Did a dolphin dive did like three dolphin dives and everyone went ballistic It was the coolest thing Reese and I have ever seen it was the highlight of the fringe until five seconds later yeah, when someone else tried it and that became the highlight of the fringe because This is what's amazing I caught it on camera because I was trying to get him and I missed it so I got the aftermath but I wanna show you the highlight of the fringe of the guy riding off the enthusiasm that shit. Yeah, I'll have a go. You didn't get to film buttons unfortunately but there's

another guy that jumped up thinking fuck I can do it too now please the thing to focus here on is his face, okay? Follow his head. Here we go. There's buttons there. There's the girl who did it just before it. She like gave him high fives and hugs. It was amazing. Everyone's cheering. Let's see it. Look at him. He's like, come on, let's do this. Let's go. Oh my god. look at him he's like come on let's do this let's go he's like that old dude could do it I'm cool club Which just made him even fucking cooler.

I like that. That's... That's not how your dolphin died. But I can tell you that much. Yeah. Anyway, that's my highlight. You go on? Well, my highlight was definitely we did the haunted castle.

You got affected by it. I had no props. Then, you got affected by it. I had no probes Then the next morning The breakfast that we had on the way to Loch Ness was unbelievable So we stopped in a place called Mulan Mulan Mulan. Yeah, what was the name of the cafe? I'm a good pinch Mac and pinch Mac and pinch Mac and take that down because The Scramble D eggs was fucking amazing. I had like three bits of toast. It was, I went for whole wheat.

Is that the, yeah. I had the salmon, so I had Scottish salmon with it. Oh my God, I've never had so much salmon. Like it was like, that's a lot of salmon. And I had a bit of a laugh with the lady. And then I got these butters. You know, these little cute little butters and you open them up and sometimes they're hard,

you know, like when you're on a plane or something. So handy hint if they are hard, just keep them in your hand and just hold them there and just think intense thoughts and they will soften up. And that's not just butter. Anyway, no, sorry, I'm a comic. But anyway, my issue was there was only two, and after I used the entire,

like I squeezed all the butter out onto the two bits of toast, there was still one bit of toast left, and there was no butter for that. And so that was your highlight? That was your highlight? The third piece of toast was a bit dry Yeah, wow just a heads up for the people who've never seen us before the show hasn't actually started yet Case you're thinking wow, this is a bit loose. Yeah, we've not got there yet. I

Still can't get over we went to Loch Ness to look for a monster of which Reese has spotted he's you famously you may have seen in any of the many publications and then that was your highlight you went up and you met G Kelly the oh yeah, but I've been there three times already, so you know. Been there, done that. Now, no, in all honesty, the three of us on fucking Loch Ness, like it was the most iconic thing. Some of you have seen the videos of us out on the boat.

We were just, we couldn't stop smiling. We were like, oh my god. We kept filming each other and we went, hang on a second, we should be looking to see if there's any Nessie. But we were kind of like, it on a second, we should be looking to see if there's any Nessie. But we kind of like, it was just fun, just like boys adventure. It was so great. There's so many theories about how you can find Nessie. Just standing literally on the banks and testing out some of the ideas that have been written about by some of the greatest Nessie hunters of all time.

Like I did a thing, I didn't tell you guys while I was there, but I had to pay tribute. Ted Holliday, who's one of the great Nessie hunters of all time, wrote multiple books. He thought that Nessie had telepathy powers, right? He was telepathic. So Nessie would know when you're looking for it, so you had to trick Nessie. So Ted Holliday's method for finding Nessie was this.

Imagine you're the banks, right? He'd be like, oh, that's a little bit of trick. Wait, no! He would do that. I love that. Yeah, and then he would go, okay, that's a little bit of a... Oh! He would do that. Love that. Yeah, and then he would go, okay, just going to the car now. Bye, Nancy.

Hey! And so I had a few... While I was out there... I just thought you were having a little turn. I was actually going to have a chat with you later. He's got something wrong with his neck. He's going to get whiplash in a minute. You thought Barry had followed me from the castle.

Exactly. Barry? So we saw Steve there and honestly we're gonna start the show in a second, but Steve also sells these and he makes them himself and they're little Nessies, okay? Now I've got one here that I'm gonna give away tonight and I'm gonna do that a little bit later on. There's two little Nessie lovers there sitting on a rock. And that's made by the Nessie Hunter who's been sitting there next to the lock for over 30 years.

He's got binoculars set up and everything. And then in his downtime, downtime, he just, he sculpts these gorgeous little things. Yeah, they're beautiful. I'll give that away. And do you wanna explain that and why it's here? Yeah, this is... Oh!

For those of you that follow the podcast, this is the Aztec death wish-ill. Wish-ill? Fariya. Fariya. David Fariya. It's kind of scary. So I got this in a recent trip to Mexico, and when I blow this, that'll be the end of the show. So when that goes, please leave. So that's please leave. All right well we should get on with the show just for the people who are new to the show I should caveat by saying that once we do get into the show it is pretty much this anyway in case

in case you were thinking oh good like solid stuff is coming no it is this. There's segments and stuff yeah oh yeah it's fun things like the stings. Yeah like this one weekly world weird news Freaky watch out So, what do we have let's do some headlines, yeah, I've got a headline here Okay, you can unblock a donkey by pouring 24 liters of coke into it Yeah into it. Holy shit. Yeah. It's supposed to be weekly Wilwood news, not hot hints for donkey care, slash abuse. And he hints for farmers. That's a weird thing that's been

discovered. I like it. Blocked up donkey, you can fix it. Coke seems to be a running theme through the show so far. What's that a coke? The Cola type, yeah. You've changed since you got famous. Okay, couple mistakes, abstract painting for an interactive exhibit and paints over this artist's work. And it's pretty funny What have you got? Well I've got new research proves that dreams can predict the future

Oh Which is kind of terrifying because Barry the Lounge Ghost has some pretty dire shit in line for me Well I mean ever since the death was the episode a few weeks ago. Now, okay, so what we're gonna do is to see

which one we're gonna go with first, which article we're gonna get you guys to decide. So if you want Dan's one about the coked up donkey, let's give you guys the Bigfoot, which is basically. Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Okay, so we're gonna do that one, and we're gonna hear how loud that is, and so whether he goes first. Bigfoot which is basically... OOAAAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY win this. That's what you do on purpose every time. Yeah my articles are usually shit. Your one if you want his article to be done first it is the Thunderbird which is AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okay so let's hear first of all how many people can do the Bigfoot one if you're gonna vote for his to be the first article. I want to be the first. Wait, I'll start you off.

That was bad. That was bad. Okay, ready? Three, two, one. Ooh, lots of donkey lovers. That is, okay, that's a donkey. Okay, if you want mine to be the article, we do. Let's hear, what, three, wait.

Wait for it. Three, two, now I to do this the right way Using your technique of your mate where I'm just oh yeah When I when I suddenly turn around I want to hear these big nessies, okay? Okay, pretty pathetic. Okay, now if you want his one, remember, it's the big bird. Ah! That kind of thing. I know you don't have mics. You guys should have honestly brought mics. Okay, ready? Three, two, one. He always wins. Oh, it's like an aviary of thunderbirds. I did a whole fucking theatre piece.

Yeah, you gave it all. It took real well. Come on then, your article. Okay, thank you, thank you fellow dreamers. Okay, so a scientist has finished a 15-year-long study. Dr. Julia Mossbridge has been studying Precognition for these 15 years. She believes that the phenomena of dreams being precognitive

Saved her from being injured in a house fire the cognitive neuroscientist and experimental psychologist Experimental psychologist that's's where you're like, what happens if I do this? You're not allowed to touch the patient. No, exactly, she's experimenting. Let us study in the US and the results show that the human body

prepares itself for changes in the future. So it knows what's coming down. Oh, that's different though ha great no that's like me thinking what do I do if there was a fire and by the way the exits are that way because in case my thought will come true that's like me going what would I do in that situation so that when it happens I'm prepared for it because I've lived it So but that's not having a dream where it happens. No, that's right At least we know so anyway this donkey right was all bunged up

No, like what do we do and a farmer? Thought what if we poured 24 liters of coke down its mouth and try and get it across the border and that's how I swear officer it's all blocked up so I tried this thing took it for a walk yeah they always look for it up the bump never look a gift horse in the mouth. Alright sorry, go back to your story. Anyway, the research suggests that 15 to 30 percent of people have had precognitive dreams. Is that right? Precognitive? Yeah, precognitive. Don't labor on it. They've drawn attention to it. Dr. Julia shared accounts of people who have

seen the future in their dreams The expert also revealed how to tell if you have the ability to see in the future now There's something I didn't actually Reveal to you guys. Yeah is that One of the parts of the dream when Barry the lounge ghost just sort of like sat on me on the couch with all of those Bad juju. It was just terrible, there was a house I was living in that was all falling to bits and I had to fix it up before, you know, you would have loved that. Don't fucking tell me.

That was part of that. That's literally what you loved doing. Did you just start fixing it in your dream? I did! I did! I've got my little measuring tape that's falling down, I've got to fix it! Oh damn it, I love it, but I shouldn't be loving this. It is kind of true.

But one part of the dream, which was the worst part of the dream, was that there was this terrible little shitty dog that was running around, laying turds everywhere. I mean everywhere, there was dog dog shit everywhere and I had bare feet And I'm not even this is not a made-up bit for comedy. It's too scary. Someone's walking out So sorry, I'm so sorry. Yeah, but I did walk in the dog shit a lot before you leave it was squishing between my toes I'm so sorry. I'll just finish this once you leave oh it's disgusting cut to two days later once we're back I'm walking through Edinburgh yeah I stand in dog shit no yeah did you have

shoes on I had shoes on that's unusual for me yeah so it was like I haven't stood in dog shit in years. So that's precognitive. Precognitive. Precognitive. And so Barry. Precognitive. Precognitive.

When you stood in it, did you go, oh, it's precognitive. Ha ha. I'm pretty much not into this. Fuck it. And somebody's a little further ahead, but their shitty little poodle going, no, it's actually its names Gigi

But pretty cognitive and go with that if you want No, it's a way legitimately and then I had to take my shoe off and wash it in a little puddle and try and get It off. We had seen You know how the streets are in Edinburgh they're just packed and Everybody is just walking along and just squelch and then I was trying to warn people Was I was washing my shoe and then one person turned around as well? Why didn't you pick it up then and I'm like What's not my dog? I don't have to pick it up. I was like it was amazing. Yeah, it was pretty full-on But it was pretty I'm just saying it was

Yeah, that was real. That's evidence You know, oh, I've got a really I read about a really cool mystery in the animal world to do with dreams, which is we don't know if octopuses dream. We have no idea. We haven't been able to do the experiments to see if they experience REM sleep, which is where you get dreams happening, right? In your REM sleep. So we don't know if they do it.

Is that affecting your new to be released book impossible things? It's not it'll be in the sequel I hope but only if people buy it so I can get a sequel Please but octopus is so one interesting thing I don't know if you've ever seen footage of an octopus its ability to camouflage of and yeah And literally not only camouflage to let's say seaweed But it can change the fabric of its skin as well to feel like seaweed So the only reason that we think octopuses might dream is because they were filming a sleeping one and in the middle of its sleep It suddenly changed color and its shape Very quickly for a second and then went back and they think it was having a nightmare

And it was trying to escape whatever was trying to eat it in their dream and that's the only evidence we have so far but how do we know that the octopus was definitely asleep wasn't just like had its eyes closed and was like faking it for that moment and was just like oh my god he comes someone yeah we don't that's a really good point I don't mean to be a party pooper. And I love octopuses. Oh, I know, yeah. Yeah. So, and I like that theory about them possibly being alien.

I think that they came here from another world. Yeah. They're just so fucking fascinating. Does anyone have an octopus? Oh, somebody's there. Does she have an octopus? Was that real? Or did you have it for dinner tonight?

There's a big difference. In the white shirt, it's a bit of a different story. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. have an octopus. Oh somebody's there does she have an octopus? Or did you have it for dinner tonight? There's a big difference. In the white shirt over there? Yeah. Is that real you have one? I don't have one but I get to see one every day to work at the Natural History Museum. Oh you're in the Natural History Museum? You don't have a living octopus though do you? No I just get to see them and just squint. Yeah, you've got Olly Crimin has the giant one. What's Archie, is it called? Archie, they're in the tank at the back. You saw it, we went on a tour. You don't remember seeing it? Of course I do.

Now, what else? That one's permanently dreaming. I think we all want to discuss this artwork that was vandalized. Yeah, definitely. So basically a young couple in South Korea made the mistake of a lifetime. They spent their Sunday at the Lot World Mall in Seoul and spotted a rather eye-catching painting in the street noise exhibit section of this gallery. It's like splatter art basically. And on the floor of the painting, there was all of these paint cans and stuff

and like things that were used to make it. But that was part of the exhibit because it was paintbrush and stuff on the ground with the paint tins. And that was kind of showing example of like what was used to make this thing. This couple and you know, they honestly did this innocently.

They decided that it must have been interactive and so they picked up the paintbrushes and stuff and then they started to add to it. I think you might, have you got the video? It was a security footage of them doing it. This is it here, right? Yeah. Oh God.

That's them doing it. That's them caught, they've been caught doing it. They're adding to it. And see, you can see on the floor there all the paint cans. You can see why they thought that. They thought, oh you must be able to just have a go at this and you can add to it. She's taking a little video of them. Oh you're doing a really good job there, Dal. Yeah, oh it's quite easy isn't it, being an artist. And so those black bits, that's what they added to it. Oh, it looks good.

But to be fair, no fucking difference. Yeah. If anything, better, right? But here's the thing, taking the paint buckets and brushes lying below the work as an invitation to collaborate, they happily contributed a few strokes of their own and ruined, I don't think they did ruin, and ruined a $440,000 painting.

Wow. I mean, that is fucked up. By the way, that Bill Burr bit's really funny. Should we just watch that? Yeah. You guys are getting a real good look into my browsing history here. Oh my god, we've been trying to talk buttons as they're coming back on Instagram because

we were like, you think we think you'd really like it. And you don't need to see that. We were sat at breakfast just doing a doom scroll in it and he was like, no, can't join it. We're like, why not? He's like, I found my weakness. I found the thing I'll just watch hours of. And then do you remember he showed it to us it's

videos of old men playing an accordion while a little while a little dog on a couch just goes like this the whole time and he was like I'm gonna lose my life all day. That's so cute. The dog is like an alien. That's amazing. You loved it, didn't you? Yeah, for a couple of minutes, but you were still there, you know, two hours later. I'll tell you what, another relevant news story to do with this, which I read earlier today but didn't think to bring it, but I just brought it up now, which is that there is a cave painting, which is thousands of years old, and you're allowed to go and walk past it and a guy who's speaking of social media Wanted to get a good photo of it for his social media thought it's looking a bit dusty So he threw water on it in order to get it a bit more clean and it's damaged it

Fortunately, it hasn't washed it off, but it happens all the time. It's a yeah humans are dicks Humans are dicks humans are dicks yeah anyway these guys didn't get prosecuted so the authorities have named the couple and I won't name and shame them here the organization has decided not to press any charges and to be honest with you pretty stupid leaving paint cans and everything at the bottom yeah like and this is what we use to make it fuck Everyone knows you use paint to make a pint Although the huge big kind of skeptic on me goes well that would be an amazing way

to get their painting on the cryptic factor and like Really if they set it up and did a painting like that adding a few black strokes to it doesn't make any difference set it up and did a painting like that adding a few black strokes to it doesn't make any difference and there just happens to Be a security camera position just in the right space and there's all the paint down there and they go this painting is worth $50,000 and then Somebody comes along and they paint on it accidentally and then it makes the headlines and then it gets talked about right? It's true a great idea. Even if it wasn't that if there's any artists in the crowd you can take a good trick from this Yeah, you know you guys have reminded me of the scariest nightmare I've ever had so it's to do with ruining a painting so it's combining both of your stories here

But I was stuck in the dream it felt like I was awake in the dream So it was one of those ones where I was slightly playing a part in it And what I'd done was I was at my friend's house whose dad has priceless paintings, and I was over there and I ruined it. I messed up, I'd like got something on it. I remember the whole dream, freaking out, going, what do I do?

I'm gonna go to jail, this is horrible. And I suddenly decided as I heard the door opening, fuck it, I'm gonna fix it myself. So I got out a pen and I started drawing on the painting, trying to get the face back. And then in the dream, I had the best incredible realization ever that made the whole dream just lovely from then on in.

As I was desperately drawing this face on the thing, I went, hang on a second. This is the plot from the Mr. Bean movie. I was just gonna say. Yeah. And then I was just awake in the dream. And I was awake talking to my friend going, that's so crazy. I thought this was real life, but I'm in a dream.

And that was the Mr. Bean thing. Wow. Oh, man. Do you realize that when you're in the dream? In the dream. That's amazing. And then you just enjoyed that fact. I hung out in the dream enjoying the fact.

The dad came and I went, don't worry, it's a dream. It's fine. Oh, right. So you realize it had to be a dream because of the dream. In the the dream I realized it was the plot of the mr. bean movie in the dream and then suddenly I was active in real life and then you suddenly realize that what you've done you've seen in a movie it doesn't mean you're in a fucking movie this is just me in the dream yeah yeah cool man well how are we going for time? Um weirdly not great. There's way too much

time left and not enough to talk about. Oh well that intro was so long. Yeah. Who the hell we are. I know. Okay so let's move on to the next segment. What are we gonna do? We're gonna do a eyewitness encounter. Oh excellent. Yeah. Okay. Oh, what have you got there? Oh great, another eyewitness account. Account. Account. Oh. Okay. So this is a story which you brought up the other day in Edinburgh and as this is our hundredth episode we thought we would read it. This comes from the BFRO website which is a big foot field research organization. Yeah. People send in reports when they see Sasquatch in the wild.

And it's all taken very seriously because Sasquatch is real. And so this is an actual report that someone has brought in. So you'll say the report and just to make it a little bit more fun, I'm going to add the sound effects. And let's see where we go with it. and just to make it a little bit more fun, I'm gonna add the sound effects. And, uh... Let's see where we go with it. And buttons, is it possible to get any kind of spooky music underneath? Oh, of course it is.

Ooh. Hey! Good volume, too. Okay. I was laying on my back, ready to fall asleep, when an unbelievably powerful stench filled my tent. UGH! It was bad.

SHH! It was real bad. It was a mixture of unpleasant aromas, a combination between really nasty B.O., feces, skunk, and most of all, smelly feet. Oh!

Oh! Oh! I sat up in my tent and thought, what the hell? What the hell? I was confused. I'm confused. I cannot overemphasize the absolute power of the stench. Still!

It was completely overwhelming and I could barely stand it. I tried breathing through my mouth and that was even worse. That's worse. I tried breathing through my mouth and that was even worse That's worse as it was so strong I could taste it on the tip of my tongue Then I heard them slowly walking off the path into the woods to my left It was the unmistakable noise of a person cautiously walking through the woods. My heart started pounding. I figured it was the police or maybe some- Woo!

Police? Are you supposed to be camping here? There's no camping here. Please? Are you supposed to be camping here? There's no camping here. Hello? Who's in the tent? Dispatch? Yeah, I've got a guy in a tent here that's breathing really loudly.

I just farted when I turned up. Brian, can you get back to the station, please? Yeah, sure. See you soon, Susan. Or maybe some local homeowner. Hey, everybody! Just bought a house round here! Yeah, it stinks but fuck it's good view! I should have looked into it. I'm right on a swamp, what an idiot. Anyway, proud owner. Proud, aren't I? My stomach dropped. I had made it all week unnoticed and now someone was going to cause me grief I really couldn't afford on my last night there.

It was my last night. Life was hard enough at the time. The last thing I needed was trouble with the cops or some guy breaking my balls and calling the cops I'm gonna break your balls, bitch My balls are broken Right my balls The footsteps came closer I could hear deep horse breathing.

Like a man catching his breath. And the footsteps came forward and right up to the very front of the tent. With the tarp covering my whole tent, I couldn't see a thing. But whoever it was, was right there. Breathing. The footsteps then continued around to the right and stopped again. As unlikely as it seemed, I thought maybe it was a bear. Mm-hmm. Right up.

How you gonna move, boo-boo? There's a big big dog. There's a big big dog in the basket. Bears are very rare in the Pine Barrens, and I was positive that whatever had walked into my area was on two feet. One, two. But what else could it be, right? So at this point, I decided to say something.

Hello? If indeed it was a black bear, there was a 90% chance it would run for its life as soon as it heard a human voice. Aargh! Pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt pt p It took two steps back and then let out a long, very deep growl. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Wow. My blood ran cold. I grew.

Minus twenty. cold. I grip my blade tightly and poised for some kind of attack. Then it simply walked off into the forest. I could hear Grrrr. Grrrr. I could hear its two legs crunching through the leaves, getting further and further away until it was gone. Grrrr. Grrrr. I started to breathe again. Hhhhhh. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha The putrid stench began to fade. Once... Oh... Oh...

Oh... Oh... Once the adrenaline wore off, I was exhausted. I don't know how, but I remember sleeping well that night. Bwawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawaw The next morning I packed everything up and got the hell out of there. Eee! Pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh-pshh A few months later, I'd gotten my life squared away and all but forgotten that night I shrugged my shoulders and told myself must have been a bear. Of course now I know exactly what it was the end Dan Wow Wow Wow yeah so what was it it was a bear that's a classic bear yeah yeah down the line classic bear it happened in where was it it was in New Jersey it's called Egg Creek of course it's gonna smell course that's gonna smell terrible egg three yeah so you know if you yourself have an account that Of course it's gonna smell. Of course it's gonna smell. That's terrible. Egg Creek.

Yeah. So, you know, if you yourself have an account that you need to log, where do they head, Reece? The... B-F-R-O... No, yeah, but in the UK you're not really gonna see Sasquatch. But look, here's the thing. Well, I don't know if anybody's seen Sasquatch in the UK. I would say more importantly, if you come across an account, don't make one up. But if you want to send us something like that, we can play on the show and we can do this little thing where I do the sound effects and it's

pretty fun but yeah what we do is that was an actual account so we try and find them we find ones that you know might have noises and stuff in there so yeah this we this was this was so good guys thank you oh my god you know what we're gonna do now what are we gonna do now. What are we gonna do now? It's another segment. Oh So many segments guys. How lucky are you? Wow, this is something from way back in the day. We used to get sent fan art Now we get truckloads of that kind of stuff But when we're on the radio station in New Zealand, we'd get like maybe two things

Yeah, a couple of things that some of your kids would do the drawings mostly from my kids they would do things yeah so we had this segment about art and it was called the art so it sounds horrible it's got and it's hole. So what I thought we'd do is I'm going to draw something. Dan is going to come up with an obscure cryptid. Well, not one of the classic ones, something that maybe we haven't heard of, something you may have heard of, that I have to draw because I've never really come across this thing before. And then you've got a description of it and then you've also got an actual drawing of it.

And then I'm going to compare with the one that you'll put up on the screen with what I've come up with in my drawing. Yeah so I've been looking up into the archives to see if there are any obscure cryptids that I didn't know about. I remembered a tiny detail which we'll come to later about this cryptid which led me into reading about it. So just by a round of applause, how many here have ever heard of the Japanese cryptid called the Kappa? Okay, so a few of you, okay, but not enough of you that it makes this a bad section. So, Buttons, you've got a photo which you'll be able to put up, well, a photo, you've got a drawing that we'll be able to put up.

I just took a photo when you've got a drawing that we'll be able to put up in a bit. I just took a photo when I was calling through Japan. And so what I'm going to read now as a description for Rhys has come directly from the Encyclopedia Britannica. Okay? So this is... That old thing. Yeah, this is... so that makes it legit. We used to go door to door selling those. Did you?

Yeah. No, not me, I said people. Oh, people, oh. Encyclopedia Britannica. All right, so here we go. Before the internet, that was the world's first internet. It was. Encyclopedia Britannica. It was, yeah. Put your hand up if someone used to come around

or you know about people coming around to your house to sell those massive encyclopedias. You're too young. And put your hand up if you used to do your speeches at school just by writing out encyclopedia Britannica. Yeah, word for word. That was a big hit. The night before your speech was due,

I don't know what to think about. And then the teacher would go, that's straight out of the encyclopedia Britannica. No, you changed every other word. It's like basically the AI now kids do that, right? We were just doing it. We were the OGs. Yeah Cheaters. I was in Carter. That was mine Yes, I'm in Carter massive in the crowd. Yeah, let's all do coke after the show

All right, here we go Kappa Japanese folklore a type of vampire like Lettris creature that is more intelligent than the devilish ony It is the size of a ten-year-old child This is encyclopedia Britannica Yeah, so you got that race is the size of a ten-year-old yellow green in color and resembling monkeys But we're still doing the child thing. Okay Resembles monkeys, but with fish scales or

tortoise shells Instead of skin. Oh, so like multiple I guess once a tortoise shells on it. Have you seen one buttons? Do you know what I'm talking about a caappa? Well, I've just googled them now Yeah, and I knew about Kappa, but there are a lot of different images like this obviously been Drawn many times, but there is a theme. Okay, so on the top of their head they have hollow Indentations that are filled with water Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay? Yeah, I can see that.

If the water is spilled, they are said to lose their supernatural powers. So I looked into that a bit more, and outside of the Encyclopedia Britannica, they often describe it as having a sort of metal plate. And so they live in water, and what they have to do is if they're going to come to land, it's almost like taking an oxygen tank with them. They have to fill their if they're going to come to land it's almost like taking an oxygen tank with them they have to fill their indentations with water and So if you come into contact with one of them

That's what you have to get rid of in order to get them to lose their superpower The one way they say to try and do that is to try and get them to bow to you exactly So trick them to put their head down the water spills out and then what they'll do is they will tell you their secrets. So that's, they love collecting secrets, the Kappa. One of their superpowers is the capacity to keep a promise and to keep a secret. So, but, just smash the water out their head and then they just tell you anything that you need. Yeah. It's like, a spell to each other. Yeah. Does Dan really do cocaine? According to encyclopedia Britannica, they have a taste for cucumbers

Yeah, and so perhaps a suggestion if you do come across a capper you offer it a cucumber and then just drop it to the ground You offer it a cucumber and then just drop it to the ground That's really for them to grab it they lose their powers Have you seen what happens when cats see cucumbers by the way? Oh my god. That's why I had to go off Instagram God damn it. It's very funny. Oh god. It's hilarious freak. Well, it's crazy You know, I saw a massive thing like that on the ground, I would freak out too. Like, especially if they just suddenly appear. Like, as like, you know, the size of a bus to us.

Like a green, massive, long bus out of nowhere. And it looks so alien. So if you want to stay- I love them in sandwiches, those. If you want to stay friends with a cat, but what you need to do is you need to throw cucumbers into the body of water that they live in. And you do want to be friends with a kappa because that's where the Encyclopedia Britannica

article stops, but there's more to their story, which is they're quite demonic, they're very dangerous and they are obsessed with a small ball that contains a person's soul and in Japanese mythology there is the idea of this small ball and the way they get this ball is that we each have this ball that contains our soul, the soul of a human, and it is hidden just a bit far up our anuses just just like a finger and a half up our bums is where our soul is in a tiny ball and they love eating this soul as well as cucumbers. Ladies and gentlemen, you'll find this fact actually on page 42 of Impossible Things, Dan Shiver's latest children's book.

Children's, suitable for eight year olds, yeah. So that's what in the Japanese myth they called the Shurikodama, which is what the spirit soul ball is that you find up your bum. And we, by the way, cannot survive without our little ball of anal soul. And so we die and the kappa is responsible for killing us.

So that is why you want to knock out their head bowl of water. You should see what Reese's drawing to bear with to depict a finger and a heart yeah alright I think I've pretty much got my my kepper okay I just sign it and someone's gonna win this and I regret some stuff I've written on it because of it. So if you could just keep it to yourself, they'd be good. By the way, just one final detail, which I just find the wording really nice. As well as killing people, cappers also have a mischievous side. Like looking up kimonos as people enter the water.

Is that as like fun loving as it sounds? I think they're looking up to see where your anus ball is. That's so mischievous. That's so mischievous. They love sumo wrestling as well and love watching sumo wrestling fights. Wow. So, you know. Okay, done.

By the way, my cucumber doesn't look like a cucumber. I don't know what it looks like. It's not good. It looks... Shall I take a bite? It looks like he's got a mess of... Oh my God. What do you call it?

You smoke them? The bong? No, the... A reefer. He's having a reefer, yeah. Ask Dan. He's into drug paraphernalia in a big way. Oh my god, what do you call it? You smoke them the bomb? Us Dan he's into drug paraphernalia Say the first thing you said this is like really intelligent We've got a lot of these ideas. So the first thing I did was a massive light bulb above his head, which just makes no sense But it's kind of cool. Yeah, anyway, So you made a big TV show in Japan. Had you heard of the Kappa when you went there? Yes.

Did you go hunting for one? Well, hunting's a strong word. I don't know if that was actually in the show. I don't think so. There was a little bit of... We delved into the traditional monsters and stuff. I just think of the producers like, just let him film it and then we'll just be waiting.

Yeah, that was during my fucking day off, actually. And it never surfaced. Okay, let's have a look at the actual camera. So I've got a few examples. Okay, so there's that. Oh wow, yeah, that's it. There's also that. Oh wow, that's good. That's great. That's cool. Okay, well you know what, I'm kind of up there.

Yeah, you are. I think let's go, that's great. Yeah, okay well you know what, I'm kind of up there. Yeah you are. I think let's go with that one there. Yeah that's kind of like Kermit the Frog. Yeah, and then. Oh. Hey. Yeah. Hello, hello.

See what I mean about the cucumber? It's a little bit, he's holding a cucumber. That's a cucumber. Ah... Ah... Ah... But you can see where the soul ball goes, and he knows your secrets. And see what I mean about the light bulb?

There's really... There's no need to have that. It's like it's shot out of his head. He rolled that cucumber himself. He loves having a cucumber. He loves that cucumber. Look at the 10 year old child. 10 year old child. Yeah all right thanks for your time. There you go. Well there you go now you all know about an obscure kapa. Thanks for your time. Now we're going to give this away. about an obscure capper. Thanks for your time. How are we gonna give this away?

Well. All right, so the last thing we're gonna do, basically, it's almost time to blow the death whistle. Yeah. We can't end the show without a big ending, and what we haven't experienced yet is the famous Darby Beatbox song. Yeah, yeah.

So I think what we'll do is we'll go out on a Darby beatbox and what you need when someone's beatboxing is someone to dance. Oh yeah! You mean someone that can dolphin dive? Someone who can maybe... Yeah! That's it everyone! Thank you so much! We love you! We love you! We love you! We love you! We love you! We love you!

We love you! We love you! We love you! We love you! We love you! We love you! We love you! We love you!

We love you! We love you! We love you! We love you! We love you! We love you! We love you! We love you! We love you! We loveop! Whooooop! Whooooop! Whooooop! Whooooop! Yeah!

That's it everyone! Thank you so much! Thank you so much for coming to our live show everybody! We love you! Goodnight! The End I'm still living in the moment