The Cryptid Factor - 41: #041 The Fairy Issue
Episode Date: February 25, 2019Wow - Haven't you been patient?! This episode comes to you direct from the far distant past - and has been in editing limbo on Buttons' laptop for quite some time. But at last - here it is. The Crypti...d Factor's Fairy Special! Probably don't need to say anymore - apart, perhaps, from the fact that old James Bond makes multiple appearances!!! Whhhaaaat??? Enjoy... please?!
Transcript
Discussion (0)
The Cryptid Factor with Rhys Darby and Dan Schreiber.
Hello and welcome to The Cryptid Factor.
I'm Rhys Darby and with me of course my cohorts Dan Schreiber.
Hello, hello.
And the one and only Button.
Hello.
I don't know what happened then.
I don't know how that came out of weird.
Sorry.
Where are you?
Are you sitting with the Queen?
Hell yeah!
You might be one of these people that assimilates to the person that they're with.
You know, you get these people that...
I mean, I'm a bit of one of those sometimes.
You hang out with certain people who've got accents or whatever
or they've got a sort of a way of being
and within minutes you sort of become them.
That's what I do. That's exactly what I do.
You do do that, don't you?
Well that's sometimes when I'm around you,
my voice goes all kind of squeaky and...
Oh, how dare you?
Well, I am around the Queen at the moment.
My friend Mike, I've come all the way to Vancouver.
So I'm in Vancouver now, guys.
Vancouver?
Gosh, you're...
Sorry, I'm talking.
Gosh, you're hard to keep up with.
What?
Why are you there?
I don't know just for excitement.
Top secret, is it?
Top secret.
I'm on the hunt.
I'm on the hunt for something.
Oh, okay.
I don't know what I'm hunting for yet.
Well, it's funny you should say that you're looking for something
because we're all looking for something, folks.
And this week, it's really...
I mean, that just sprung to mind as a nice springboard feature.
God, I wish I hadn't started this paragraph.
Paragraph.
When you're talking, are they counted as paragraphs?
I mean...
I think when you're talking that much, yeah.
Ah!
No, I think, like...
I mean, it's not written down what you say.
Imagine if you had to write everything down that you said.
Like, everything you did was scripted.
So you had to get up before you could speak to your wife or whatever.
You had to write it down.
And so...
And then all your conversations throughout the day,
you'd sort of type it out first
and you think about what you want to say,
and it's all typed out.
And then you've got to learn it.
And then you do it.
And if you go off script,
the other person can tell them, they go,
you didn't write that down, did you?
It'd be great, though,
because you could get people to revise your script
before you're talking like speech writers.
You know, that way inclined,
you could get people to make you sound a lot cleverer.
That's right.
You could, before you start talking,
just show whoever you're talking to,
show them your script that you've written.
And then they look at it and they go,
oh, no, is that what you're going to talk about?
I wouldn't say it like that.
Yeah, and then you say, you go,
hang on, how come you're talking?
But have you written this down what you're saying?
And then he hands you a bit of paper
and that's what he's written on it.
Oh, you're not going to say that, are you?
So he knew that your stuff was going to be crap.
I mean, look.
So let's pull it all back.
Let's pull it all back to what I was going to say.
Searching for things, searching for little things.
This week is the Fairy Special.
Are you Fairy Special?
Yes.
Then listen to this Fairy Special.
So this is the second in a group of shows
we're going to do that sort of hone in on one cryptid.
And this week we've gone with Fairy Folk,
which is actually, as you'll see as we discuss them further
in the show, a huge world that isn't as tiny
as you may think.
Yeah, it encapsulates a lot of different beings
from Fairyland.
But listen, that's all coming up.
It sounds like you're going to go,
well, there's Hansel and Gretel, there is.
Well, I'm just looking at what I've scripted.
Have you gone off script again?
I have.
And if you do go off script, you've got to write it in.
So I'm going to have to just write a lot of what I just said in now.
Hang on.
You guys take over.
Well, here's something weird.
Buttons, you just said Hansel and Gretel,
and it's just occurred to me that that's a fairy tale,
but there's no fairies in that tale.
And I just realised, I don't know why we call them fairy tales.
I have no idea.
I know why.
Oh.
And we'll be getting to that later on in the show.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
So remember that question, and I'll sort of,
I'll bring it up.
Re-ask it.
If you could re-ask that question a little bit later
and pretend you didn't script that question
and script it again a little bit later on.
Before we hone in on Fairy Folk,
let's kick off with our normal routine,
which of course is...
Weekly World Weird News.
It's crazy.
Freaky.
Watch out.
Okay.
Well, this week, we're just going to cover two news stories,
and they're both cryptid-related.
The first is there's a mystery kangaroo
spotted in Austria.
Did you guys read about this?
Certainly not.
Yeah.
Well, I saw it in the news.
Yeah.
It's gone viral.
It's everywhere.
BBC picked it up, so you know it's real.
It's usually in Australia.
Now, close, but no cigar.
Austria.
Oh, no.
I wonder whether...
Yeah, I wonder whether the kangaroo...
I like to think maybe it was either backpacking
or working in a pub in the UK.
Got drunk and, you know,
realised his two-year working visa had run out,
and someone said,
you got to better get back home, mate.
And so, and he's sort of got on a train
because he's an Aussie.
He's not too sure how to get home.
I thought he'd go, you know, via Europe,
which you can, obviously, from King's Cross,
ends up over there, and he starts talking,
oh, where's Australia?
And next thing he knows, someone's pointed to Austria.
They can't understand his accent.
And he's hopping around Austria.
Well, you're not too far away from the truth
because there is legit stories of people
who have hopped on a plane,
turned up in Austria in the middle of the snow
and had nothing but board shorts and t-shirts and flip-flops,
expecting to have gone to Australia
where it's hot and warm.
And one story was actually covered in the news
where a young guy actually had to then call his parents
and get his parents to wire him money
and explain to them how he had accidentally
bought a ticket to the wrong country.
What a terrible phone conversation to have with your dad.
Hang on. Just because that happened,
that doesn't confirm Reese's theory
about the kangaroo coming back exactly.
I thought so. I thought that was, you know,
I thought it legitimised it.
That's not, no, no, this is probably true
because I know this guy who...
But look, isn't it great that there are
that many stupid people in the world
that that kind of stuff happens?
There's a little video of the kangaroo in question
jumping around in a paddock.
So you can see it here, right?
Here's the video. There it is.
There it goes.
Amazing.
Wow.
So that's definitely a kangaroo.
It's only a small one, as you can see.
This is an interesting point that it's small
because I was wondering what size it would be
because in New Zealand,
I found out that they actually have wallabies.
And wallabies are effectively a little
small rodent of a kangaroo
who has exactly the same...
Are they part of the same family? They must be.
Yeah, absolutely.
They're the small ones.
Yeah, but they're a lot smaller.
And I only found this out because many years ago,
I was riding my mountain bike through
the forest in the middle of New Zealand
and I came around the corner
and there's this little kangaroo jumping in front of me.
And I had no idea that these creatures
were in New Zealand.
I all of a sudden had thought I had found a cryptid
and I got very excited and I started
whooping and hollering and yelling at other
mountain bikers and they pulled up and said,
yeah, it's a wallaby idiot.
And then kept riding on.
And so it could well be,
is it a wallaby or is it a kangaroo?
Yeah, it looks wallaby-ish to me.
No, well they say it's an actual kangaroo.
They say it could be a Bennett kangaroo
which can withstand cool temperatures well.
And that's someone from the
Schmidding Zoo.
So the theory is that
it escaped from a zoo
either in Austria or perhaps even Germany
and has crossed the border.
That's not the first time that's happened.
Apparently in 2015,
local media reported
sightings of the exact thing
and escaped pet
from Germany which had
and you can see here this one
on a
soccer field as well.
Are they breeding now then?
Are they actually breeding
and is there a population of them there now?
No, no, no, no.
This is just two
single instances.
2015 and 2018
could be the same one.
The return of the kangaroo.
There was another one in 2016 actually.
Oh, news Justin, is it?
Yeah, Justin
from two years ago.
Possibly a pet called Paul
who escaped.
Ah, Paul the kangaroo.
And the 2015 one was called Anton.
Anton, that's amazing.
But see, this is my question.
How do we know that there's
not a population of them?
They're presuming it's just one off.
But there could be a population of them.
How would they know?
It's possible, yeah. You never know.
When Europeans first saw kangaroos,
they thought they had two heads
because they'd see the Joey
coming out of the pouch and assumed
that that was a sort of second mini head
that belonged to the kangaroo.
Oh, yes. I love that.
I love that. So cool.
Now, here's the weird part
that I didn't bring up.
Whilst a kangaroo has been
spotted in Austria, you're never going to guess
what's happened in Australia.
There's a Nazi
who's been spotted.
Well done, Dan.
That is the joke I was going for.
But I wasn't going to bring up
a Nazi
because, first of all,
well, first of all,
that was...
Nazi Germany was a long time ago.
Now, we need to move on from that.
I'm Austrian, so I could say that.
Oh, you are? You're part Austrian?
Yeah, Schreiber. My grandfather's Austrian.
Oh, of course.
Was he... He wasn't a...
No.
He wasn't... No.
I'm probably going to just...
Actually, funny story.
No, I mean, a kangaroo.
He wasn't a kangaroo.
What did you think I was going to say?
I mean, he wasn't... God.
I think we need a new segment
called Shribes Gets Away With It Again.
And
whatever we're talking about,
he'll pop in a little Nazi bit
and I'll start going,
hey, come on now.
And then he'll go, come on.
I'm from Austria.
And...
And my grandfather was a...
Anyway...
And in the little tune...
Shribes does it.
Shribes gets away with it again.
Shribes!
No, Nazis were hurt in this recording.
So, let's move on
to the next cryptid sighting.
A mystery sea serpent
filmed in
Tynemith, in the UK.
Have you guys caught up with this one?
No. No, no, I haven't.
I do everything. What are you guys actually...
What have you been doing?
I've been reading about fairies like I thought we had to.
Oh, that's right. Good, good, good.
Forgot about that.
And we're going to get to that very soon.
I know there's a few
big fairy fans who are just on the edge of their seats.
All right, well, who cares about sea monsters?
When are we going to talk about the fairies?
Get to the fairies already, bloody hell!
Let me just briefly update you guys
on this mystery sea creature scene.
In a river
in the UK in
Tynemith, there's a little video here.
I'm going to do another...
I'll do another share screen.
He's going to do another share screen.
Wish money money.
Yes.
Who is?
Reese.
What's he doing in here in the headquarters?
He's going to do a share screen,
for sure.
Okay, James.
Oh, look, I've spent
so much time on that, but I can't
work out how to do this share screen.
Oh, here we go. Here we go.
Oh, wow, that's really good.
It's pretty good.
Kevin Burton gets the credit.
Wow.
That's the guy's name.
What do you reckon that is?
Is that an or...
It looks like an or fish.
Or an eel, but wait till you see.
It's a weird shape
and
he eventually zooms out
so you get to see the scale of it
and it looks like it's about six foot long.
Some people have
thought that it's just a bit of
something, you know, a driftwood
or not so much wood,
but a bit of just something.
See, look at it move there. Look at that.
See?
No, it's not driftwood
because it's moving and it's
snaking.
It is doing a slow
serpentine movement,
but there it is again
and you can see it almost looks
long and flat
in a vertical way.
And you can see from
when he zoomed out there that
it's of a decent size.
And he was apparently just having
a cup of coffee and just
filming that.
Now, here's my question. Why not get up
at this point and go down?
You can see how he just needs about
10 meters away,
even scale that fence and get in the water
and pick the goddamn thing up.
If that's the ultimate
moment of someone capturing something on
and the guy decides in all
the wisdom to zoom out.
I tell you what, people probably need
to see this from a distance.
I've got what I've done, my
problem here is I've gone in too close. You've got too much
detail.
Yes, you should zoom out.
It's Miss Money Penny.
What's she doing there?
I forgot I was in Miss Money Penny's office.
So, you've come here to
show me that, have you?
Yes. Why?
Well, I'm hoping I can be a secret
agent. Yes, well, I met him
at the pub when I said to him,
look, calm down
to Money Penny's. And so,
can you do a screen share?
And I was like, yeah, I can do, yeah, absolutely,
on zoom. And so I said, well, bring
your computer. Bring that down
to Miss Money Penny's office
and do a screen share with her and see what
she thinks. Sorry?
She what she thinks.
Sorry?
She, she what she thinks.
No, I'm not following
that.
All right, this is him. Oh, god, it's
him. Look, it's him. Who's that guy?
It's me, Reese.
Oh, great.
Come through.
Great.
I'm in. Yep, you're in. You're on the next
level. Oh, I don't know about
us.
What?
Are you saying, James? I don't
know. I don't know.
She's, oh, I got you.
I took
my, I took my
teeth up today
this morning and I haven't put them back
in. Oh, god.
And that's
why they're, that's why he's retiring.
Is it? Yeah,
they're looking for a new bond.
How much would you
pay, Reese, if you put a monetary
value on it, to become a
008 or whatever it
would be, like to become a James Bond?
Yeah. Well, here's, here's, here's my
question for you. You're saying, let me
get this straight, that I would have to
pay money to be cast
as James Bond. No, no, I can't.
I'm a professional actor.
I've done huge movies
and you're saying how much would you
pay to be cast?
That's the only way I'm going to be
Bond? No way.
It's just, I know a few producers,
few film producers and
they've told me that if, if
you give them a little bit of money and
mate, you, sometimes
I think you're away with the
fairies. Oh,
hello. Nice
transition
saved me from my own fate.
That's exactly right. So now
fairies.
Now how this is going to work, we're going to
do a little bit of history. What, what fairies are,
what, what are you thinking of them? Dan's got some
facts, Buttons has got some eye witness
accounts of
people who have seen and
little people. And by the way, when we talk
about fairy folk,
we're also sort of expanding that out
to anything mythical
of a, of a small nature
that has been around
on this planet since millennia.
Is that, is that a, is that something
people say? In the territory, yeah.
Okay, cool.
And, and then
I've got some, what I'm calling
fairy fairies,
which I thought was quite clever.
Imagine saying that in a hurry.
I can not only imagine it, I can do it.
Watch, fairy fairies, fairy fairies.
Yeah, it's not, it's not that hard.
Yeah. And then we're going to end,
of course, on, on another poem,
another cryptid poem, which I've written.
That's exciting. These poems, that was
the best bit of the last show.
Yeah. To be honest with you, I'm tempted to just
skip to the poem now. But if we want to do a bit of this
hoo-ha,
we might as well, might as well give it a whirl.
For the first time, I've actually done
some research and prepared, and you want to
skip straight to the poem.
I will say one more thing
before we dive into,
into fairies, and that's some unfortunate
news, but this week
Derby's Disclosures has been pulled.
What? What? Yeah.
I actually, I've had to cut the segment.
I actually got a letter
from an unknown source.
Let me, I'll read the letter. Yeah.
Oh, no. I've got it here.
This is a real problem, because when I say
I had researched, what I meant to say was
I was going to research whilst you were doing
Derby's Disclosures.
So, this is a real problem for me.
Oh, that is classic buttons.
Oh, no. It spends eight hours
getting the technical sides of things
wrong, and then
when we start the show
he then does his research.
You know, there's other podcasts
in the world that are completely prepared.
You know, I've listened to a few
and they're, they're scripted.
They've got people who are, you know,
sort of... Professional?
Professional? I can't even
say the word. I can't even come up with it.
It's not even in my realm.
But I think, I think
you'll agree this is way more fun.
Now, here's this letter.
Now, let's imagine getting this in the mail.
This is, I just, I've got it here.
I'll show you. Oh, it's an actual letter.
A real letter.
I'll read it. Dear Mr Derby,
it's no name available here.
You may have
seen me following you
around lately.
It's not because I'm a fan,
although I am. I particularly
like your latest work
on TBS's Wrecked
Tuesday nights,
10, 9 central.
He's given a few details there.
However, I regret
to inform you that
your must-see
segment, I don't know why he's put that in there,
which by the way is excellent.
Oh, he's fully into it.
Derby's disclosures
must be taken off air as soon as possible.
Your life,
and more importantly,
your career, is at stake.
What? He's put here.
More to follow.
I love how your career is more important than your life.
Look,
I'm just reading what it's written here.
He says, he ends with more to follow.
See you tonight.
Oh, what?
So that's where he ends it.
Who's that? Who do you think?
I don't know.
Apparently, he's been following me around
and he's got a little...
Oh, he's put a stamp here.
MIB.
Men in Blacks.
He'd be the guy that ran into me at that Alien Con.
The thing that concerns me, though,
is if you're so prepared
to become a double O,
which is a spy,
which there's somebody spying on you
and you don't even know. Surely this is something...
How much would you pay to be one?
Because, clearly, your skills are lacking.
Look, somebody's writing you a letter
and following you everywhere.
Yeah.
Look, for a start,
you're asking me to become the world's most famous spy.
Yeah.
OK.
So I think receiving the odd letter from someone
is not really going to bear the truth.
We're talking about James Bond here,
who can't leave the house without people going,
Morning Bond.
Hello, James.
Shaking not stirred, mate?
No, I'm not having a drink just yet.
And you'll notice from that sketch,
it was my voice as Bond, which is...
I wasn't told no teeth.
Yes, well, I wasn't...
I wasn't asked to be on that sketch.
LAUGHTER
Can you get out of my house, please?
Yes, actually, I was just passing on a message
from Mr Money Bunny.
Yes, what does she want?
She liked the screen share
and she's sorry she had to go.
OK, fine, thank you.
I was actually taken through to Im's office
if you remember what was happening.
What...
Why did she have to go?
No, she's on lunch.
She's on lunch. Well, that's great.
I'm glad she's gone to have some lunch.
Can you leave my house?
Yes, sorry. Sorry, good to see you again, sir.
LAUGHTER
God, bloody, he's following me.
Maybe he wrote the letter.
Did I think he...
LAUGHTER
Now, Ferries.
Ferries. Oh, my God, we got here at last.
Oh, God.
It's just a couple of minutes
and then I've got to get on to this poem.
It's just a couple of minutes.
Oh, for goodness' sake.
So when we decided to do Ferries,
we're basically for the poetry
because you had a really good word
that rhymed with Ferries.
LAUGHTER
I know which one we should do next week.
Yeah.
Yeah, and by the way, we won't be doing Bigfoot
because I couldn't think of any rhymes.
LAUGHTER
So don't... You listeners, don't get upset.
Don't expect it.
Think of cryptids that are easy to rhyme with
and then we'll probably talk about them.
Hmm.
Trooper cover, no show.
Absolutely no...
No shafts.
Sasquatch, though. Sasquatch, easy.
Yeti. Yeti, easy.
Yeti's, yeah. I think we should do Yeti next.
It's like, I just want to know
how you're going to link the Yeti
to spaghetti, though.
How's that?
He's holding their breath.
LAUGHTER
OK, so, Rhys,
if we're going to start with Ferries,
I think it's only fair that you start
in explaining exactly what Ferries are.
Well, it's a big question, isn't it?
I mean, most people, when they think of Ferries,
they think of Tinkerbell these days.
They think of a little...
a little pixie thing with wings
that flies around.
And of course, you remember back to that very famous photograph,
which I think turned out to be a hoax.
I'm not sure
of the Ferries that were found
in the back of someone's garden.
Yeah.
Remember that? I think the photo,
do you know, Dan, the date of that?
Yeah, yeah. They were called the Kottingly Ferries.
And they were found
by two girls.
One was 16 years and one was 9.
And that was taken
in 1917.
And they were little...
amazing photos to see online.
They're black and white, obviously, in 1917.
They had a couple of days of photos.
And it's two girls in a garden
with little Ferries around them.
And at the time,
very convincing to a lot of people,
including Arthur Conan Doyle,
author of Sherlock Holmes,
who was completely...
completely that they were real.
And unfortunately, they were
proved to be hoax.
In fact, the two girls were,
I think, almost ready to admit
that it was a hoax immediately,
to admit it, because once
Conan Doyle had said he believed in it,
they thought, oh, God.
We're going to make him sound like a complete
mental.
Now, I wonder, as a
side, did he lose any
credibility after...
Or maybe in his lifetime,
the hoax was not...
When did you say the hoax came out on that?
I think he passed away by the time they admitted to it.
I think people knew it was a hoax at the time,
but he was very much into spiritualism
and the afterlife.
And an outspoken person
for clairvoyance, and his wife
believed in that as well.
So he was very much part of the mystic world.
And so if it did damage his reputation,
I don't think it bothered him, because
at that time, mysticism
was a bit bigger as well, wasn't it?
You weren't seen as mad.
You were almost seen as mad
for being the skeptic.
Oh, absolutely. I mean, yeah, mysticism,
the afterlife,
being
able to talk to spirits, that was the
new rock and roll while he was alive.
It was a big
deal. And I was just thinking
why we're talking about that, that
he won't necessarily
be turning in his grave
with the idea of the new animated
movie Sherlock Gnomes.
Because you think, you know,
maybe he would, but what
have they done with my books now?
But
but because he's actually into these
kind of things, you'll probably go, oh, about time,
about time. I was actually going to write that.
He'd be like, dammit, I missed a trick.
Yeah, absolutely.
That's what I should have been doing.
So cool. So just getting back
on track, you know, this folklore
on fairies seems to have been
around forever.
One might even argue that they
are the original cryptid.
Because, you know, it's
really, we're looking
round about
right back to the Middle Ages
and even perhaps
even earlier. And back then,
of course, they weren't necessarily
just the little tiny things we're talking about now.
In fact,
they are the same size as humans.
And even
bigger, even bigger back
in those days, well, these are
this is what they've derived from.
And if you think of
elves, okay, because elves
derive from the fairy folk.
Elves, really, really Tolkien
is responsible for kind
of helping that
idea of making them bigger,
creating the elves,
the elf people.
In fact, from Elfland, if you
do a bit of research, you'll find Elfland
and Fairyland is often the same thing.
Really, what it is, is it's
mythical or mystical, I should say,
beings
who live in a parallel
universe. That's really what fairies
are all about. They live in
another world, but can
crossover into our world.
They're in the same vein as also brownies,
have you heard of brownies?
They're kind of like an uglier,
hairier version, they're like a household
spirit.
And they're thought to be
shape-shifting and
interdimensional. And it's the same
with fairy folk, and that's why
we're branching out even to gnomes.
It's really the whole
little people realm.
And if we think fairies as
cryptids, then we see them
as a race of
hidden people. And this is another
idea going back
to the 15th century,
where fairy folk
were actual
humanoids living in the forest
that were perhaps
an offshoot of humans.
So if you go into the forest, don't go
in there, you'll be taken
by the fairy folk, these mystical
people who will capture you.
And probably the fairies are probably sitting there
saying, don't go out into the open, because the humans
will get you, those
scary human things.
Yeah, and they have round ears. So don't go
The scary round ears.
The scary round ears, and
they're not as pretty as ours. So that's our thing
with fairies, they're always
depicted as quite beautiful.
And when you look at the elves,
that's the same thing with their very, very
beautiful faces,
large eyes, which helps with
their alluring quality.
So if you get caught up
with these elf and folk
and get drawn into their world
because you're attracted to them
and if they say, come, come here,
come and have a look at what I've got.
And you'd probably go, wouldn't you?
And then you'd be gone.
Be hard not to.
Anyway, I felt like I've spoken too much.
Buttons, what have you got?
Well, the thing that I found
about fairies is that
it's really quite important to, you know,
sort of know that there is these
two different levels of good
and evil going on between them.
And then going on to all of these
other fairy tale creatures, if you like.
There's actually a lot
of dark and evilness to them.
A lot of the eyewitnesses that
I've been looking up, particularly in
around gnomes, have some
terrifying, almost kind of ghost
story type elements to them.
Really? Yeah. I have actually
found an eyewitness account of
a couple of fairies
that's on YouTube. And I thought maybe
we could kick off with that.
So I'll just, if you could just get
Miss Moneypenny back in the room, because I just need
to share the screen.
Well, I'm at my place now.
I could kind of get hold of her.
I mean, she's at lunch.
I mean, I could get, I guess I could
get old Bond to come back.
Could you? No.
I'd prefer he didn't come back, actually,
if that's all right.
Do you watch me?
Where were you?
Just outside the door.
I told you to leave that. Well, you've just been
literally outside this door?
Yes. She said I had to go away.
Well, that's weird.
We were sort of waiting to come in, were you?
Yes, just in case you needed me again.
All right.
Well, now that you're here, can you go?
We're interested, Buttons wants to talk
to Miss Moneypenny.
Yes, I will. She's on lunch.
Yeah, I know that.
Could you grab her and bring her back here
before she's got a shoot back to work?
Yes. Good. Well, off you go. Thank you.
Well, I shall get Miss Moneypenny.
Thank you.
Right, well, he's gone to get her.
Thank God he's gone.
Does he scare you?
He scares the shit out of me.
Old Bond.
You don't like old Bond?
No.
Yes, hello.
Oh, God, he's back.
Sorry, no, we're just talking about you.
Oh, yes, you didn't want to shoot me again?
No. Now you go and get Miss Moneypenny.
Yes. Yeah, good.
God, he hangs around
that door.
I'm kind of concerned.
He's the guy that's supposed to be saving
the world from
the evil geniuses
with nuclear bombs.
He can't even get
the secretary from lunch.
Yeah, but he's very old now.
He needs a daughtery. That's why he's retiring.
That's why they're looking for a new Bond,
which I have had a meeting about,
which I'll discuss later.
How much did that cost you for the meeting?
You're kidding me.
OK.
OK.
OK.
This is a very encounter
that happened in Perthshire,
which is in Scotland.
And so,
this is a gentleman that had
had, well, I'll let him
say it in his own words.
Oh, what have you got there?
Oh, great. Another eyewitness account.
Account.
Account. Account.
It was 4 or 5 o'clock in the evening.
It started getting
kind of remarkable.
And then out of this blue sky,
I kind of whispered loud, came across
and
it gaws like, I think, would describe it.
You could easily see through it,
but it kind of just kind of
sort of drifted in.
And so I was watching that
thinking, yes, that's nice.
I enjoyed the scenery.
And then a very
small amount of
dew vapor sort of came down from that.
You know, you could just do that sort of tiny drops.
There was some behind me,
Shahalyan before me.
It cast a rainbow sort of right over Shahalyan.
It was like, yes. It was wonderful.
It was, um,
there was a stream between me and the mountain.
And then I was kind of
tinkling away.
And I started to
hear it as music as, you know,
I suppose what you'd term as fairy music
or kind of Irish harp music
or sort of some Scottish music
or some kind of sort of stuff.
And
on the edge of my vision,
there kind of caught a movement with my eye,
looked down,
and there's this, um,
small guy, a wee fellow,
I suppose you'd call him,
be about four-four high,
but what it's about is
is rolling my shadow up.
It's at my head. It's about halfway down the head.
It's just like rolling away at the
at my head.
And then kind of lower down,
I saw it, he kind of looked at me.
And then, you know, his eyes dropped.
My shadow's quite long, 40 yards or whatever.
But, you know, I could perceive that
his, he kind of looked down at my feet.
And I looked down to my feet,
and there was this female counterpart
a pair of silver shears,
what do you call them, scissors really?
Sort of like sheep shears or something,
old fashioned things.
Like my tongue.
My sensation was, you know, like,
what's going on here?
This is outrageous.
And then, you know, I just sort of went,
Oi! You know, it's...
Yeah, it's just like that.
Oi.
And he looked at her,
and she looked at him,
and puff, you know, they'd gone.
They'd just gone.
Do you remember what they looked like,
to have a detail?
There was some facial hair.
There wasn't being close,
and I could see the facial hair on her,
and it was substantial, if you like,
but not what you'd call bearded.
Felt like, you know, like,
you know, I'm a builder, my hands get dirty
with these fingernails,
but, you know, they were seriously,
seriously in bad shape, could do with a wash.
The clothes were all made of
leather of some kind,
kind of like chamois leather,
with small hats,
tied around the middle,
with some kind of fabric underneath it,
and equally manky.
I've many times tried to recreate,
you know, the kind of feeling,
I've wondered through the holes,
you know, in a laxityzical fashion,
waiting for something like this to happen again,
but nothing, yeah,
drawn up blank every time.
I've seen rainbows, you know,
I've heard streams,
but I've never heard, you know, like that music.
I've never seen a cloud appear
in the sky from nowhere,
and then produce a rainbow
to entrance me.
Wow. Yeah.
So just to clarify,
I mean, my connection wasn't great,
but did he say that they,
two of them appeared,
one from across the way,
and then a female counterpart
down by his feet,
and she had some scissors,
and was trying to cut
out a shadow or something?
So the male gnome
was at his head,
rolling up his shadow,
and then there was
the little female gnome
down by his feet,
starting to cut out the feet,
like they were cutting out his shadow.
It was almost like Peter Pan-esque,
you know, they're trying to steal the shadow.
And the thing is,
this is actually from a documentary,
that's an excerpt from a documentary
called The Fairy Faith,
which is a little short documentary.
It's really good though,
because it has these people like that,
that you look at him,
and he looks like a totally credible guy,
he doesn't look like he would be
on hallucinogenic drugs,
and he's just going for a walk in the Highlands,
and he's had this experience.
And apart from the fact that
he sounds like he should be
mates with your mate Bond.
Old Bond?
Old Bond,
incredibly credible and legit
experience.
And there's actually a society called
The Fairy Investigation Society,
and they've been around since
basically about 1912,
and have
amounted
450 odd fairy encounters
over the years. So there is still
lots and lots of, like,
fairy gnome type
encounters.
They're still happening today.
But notably, a lot of them are happening in America.
Really?
Yeah, particularly gnomes.
And there's some really
spooky encounters
in and around barn
houses on farms.
And it's quite a common thing.
There's one example
of a farm that had
some people move into,
and around 2004
a family moved into a farm.
All of the animals
just wouldn't go near this barn.
And they would give it a wide birth when they're
walking near it. If they tried to take an animal
into a barn, it would be, you know, rearing up
and freaking out. And then
after a little while
the occupants saw this little
gnome, this really ugly little
gnome with a really sort of
jaggedy teeth, brown smile
and deep, sunk eyes
and was just sitting in the air
laughing. And they saw this gnome multiple
times, terrorizing them.
After a while they moved out of that house.
And very much like all of these
great ghost stories
another family moved in
in 2010. And without
knowing any of the previous stories
of that family
they had started having
exactly the same experiences.
They put in a fish pond, they would sort of see
this little gnome there giggling away
at the side of the pond and eating
the koi fish
straight out of the pond.
And even going around and messing with
they had actual garden gnomes in their garden
and they would see it over by the other
gnomes sort of mucking around with them
and smashing them and what have you.
So like these are
as recent as 2010
in America. So
the eyewitnesses are still happening.
It's amazing. I just didn't
factor in that globally
that would still be a big thing
fairy sightings
just. It's amazing
that that's so
prominent in their societies
looking for them and
it's very cool. Yeah and of course
back in the day
like I said earlier the fairy folk
were sort of encapsulated
as the other.
So you've got to get hard to get that kind of
tinkerbell image
out of your head but if you
disregard Disney whatsoever
and even
with gnomes I mean
what made them less evil?
How could they
what did popular culture do?
They put little funny hats on them
you know
and even gave them miniature fishing rods
to
you know to make them
more fun.
But the reality is
and like this chap here from this eyewitness account
is that you know
if these things are real
and they can transcend dimensions
then
like any species there's got to be good and evil
and if some bad ones
there's a guarantee that some bad ones
are going to come through at some point
and steal the fish
from your pond. That's probably where the fishing rod
thing came in. I bet that's part
of the folklore
is that they do love
eating our fish.
And they say it's interesting
there was a study done
in 2014
on fairy sightings
and
they said that there seems to be
a trend more recently
that alleged fairy sightings
are getting nastier, more sinister
and ominous as time goes by
with reports of small but aggressive
fairies, tree monsters and grumpy
gnomes dressed as
Oxford scholars.
You know I mean when was this
published?
2014
I was going to say because they did
film the Harry Potter movies in Oxford
largely
some of the
some of the names
outside the trailers
I wonder
more I'm hearing about
fairies and thinking about
Tinkerbell in Peter Pan
I do actually wonder
which way round it is
did J.M. Barry in Disney do a lot of
research that is actually incorporated
because if this guy is saying
that he saw two fairies
trying to cut a shadow off
has he been influenced by Peter Pan
or is it the other way round?
Is that a thing that fairies do?
Do you remember in the movie Hook
there's a moment where Tinkerbell
wants to kiss Peter Pan
Robin Williams
and she's able to grow herself
in an instant
and it takes a lot out of her
but she manages to sort of break
into whatever
she needs to do
so I wonder if that's actually
an incredibly well researched
story
or is it people feeding off there
I don't know. It's definitely
that way around I think intense research
is done and it's also folklore
but particularly
when you are creating anything fantasy
you need to
you sort of you deal with
with historical
facts
and myths because
that's the
base of the character
that's where and so yeah the cutting out
of shadows and also the
shape-shifting which is what I mentioned
earlier is what these mystical
creatures who come from another realm
are supposed to be capable of doing
Hey a little
movie nugget just while we're talking about
hook
so the screenplay was
written by someone
but the script specifically
the dialogue for Tinkerbell was written
by someone else do you know who wrote it
no it was Carrie Fisher
Princess Leia
yeah she was a script doctor
outside of being an actor and an
author she used to go and rewrite
scripts and she was brought in specifically
to do Tinkerbell and hook
Wow that is awesome
it's nugget all you needed to do there
if you could have just dropped a Nazi
in their shrubs then
then we could have done
your little sting
just got away with it again
shrubs
I do also
have a couple of fairy facts my favorite
I've discovered I quickly
get to that before the poem
yeah okay I've got
two favorite fairy facts here's number one
between
1658 and 1663
there were four deaths that were
registered in Cumbria in England
and those four deaths
that were registered in the record
read as frightened to death by
fairies
what you're kidding me
officially there were four casualties
written down in a book
in the parish of Lample
a lamploo in Cumbria
wow fairies
I was just going to say that
ties in nicely
with the idea that
seems to be almost more
evil intent from the fairy world
than a positive nature
you know what I mean
so these people were scared
to death by them
at the same time
we don't necessarily know
they might have been nice fairies going
hey how's it going but the shock of seeing them
frightened to death
also yeah they might be evil
well actually now come to think of it
maybe the tooth fairy all along
you're not supposed to be leaving the tooth
that have fallen out under your pillow
maybe the tooth fairy is actually something that came
and just ripped teeth out of your mouth
at night time
maybe we got this all wrong
thanks very much Stephen King
you know
children listen to this
sorry
sorry no that's not true
that wouldn't happen at all
fact number two
fact number two is that
do you guys know the dog Corgis
you know how like the Queen of England
used to have her Corgis
it is said
that
in Wales
the same way that we would ride horses into battle
fairies used to ride
Corgis into battle
oh wow
cute that is a very cute image
well I mean and it's
a very tied in image to
the possibility that there's a
the myth of it is
sort of it's not someone just saying
oh wouldn't that be interesting if this was the case
the word itself Corgi
is G
which is dog in Welsh
and Cor is dwarf so it translates
as dog of the dwarves
there you go
the story is that there were two
tribes of fairies who were going into
a big battle
the twiwith tag and the guillian
and it resulted in the death of the
twiwith tag
so two children
who were walking through the woods
in Wales happened upon
a tie with tag funeral procession
that was going on
and the gifted
the little surviving tie with
twang gifted these Corgis
that were no longer needed by their warriors
to these two children
and
yeah and the markings on a Corgi
they say if you look at the pattern
on the side of a Corgi it's in the same shape
of what a saddle would look like
because that's how the saddle used to sit on them
which the fairies used to
ride them on into battle
this is fascinating and
isn't it great that
it seems to be
obvious now that why the queen
has Corgis because they were a gift
from the fairy folk
and when you think about Corgis
there's not many other people who have Corgis
no they're not the obvious
dog to go for but also
they're actually really quite an aggressively dog
I mean they
well they're a battle horse for fairies
yeah
my sister had
her lip chewed through
by a Corgi when she was a little kid
they just jumped up and bit her through the lip
it was like you know like
cute cute angry bite
how old was she
you know 11 or something
oh she's quite tiny
was she into fairies
did she have a fairy
vibe because
a lot of young girls do
and those battle Corgis
they're just harking back
to the day of running
through the forest and
attacking
that's quite possible
that is quite possible
see how everything's linked guys
well we can see that now
alright well just a couple of
last sort of fairy theories and ideas
first of all
I'll say that
fairy folk
little people
any of that nature
are more likely to be found
at either dawn or dusk
did you know that
and usually around sacred places
and dawn and dusk
is the time when
the dimensions converge
if you ever want to travel to another dimension
you're more likely
to find
the entrance way
at dusk or dawn
the bridge between worlds
is accessible at that time
I've never heard that before
okay
so that's just news
Justin
what's that from is that your theory
well no that's
written down
in the ethos
in the internet and stuff
and the other thing I'll say is
and this is more of my theory
is that we hark back now
and I've been saying
get that image out of your mind
but if we go to tinkerbell
again
we've started with tinkerbell so let's end on her
also have you heard of willow the wisp
yeah
little lights
so that's a similar sort of thing isn't it
when you think of tinkerbell willow the wisp
ghost lights they call them
in america
jack o lantern
type lights in ireland
but without going too much into that
you can actually also
think about orbs can't you
you think about orbs
very similar kind of thing
all related
and then when you think about orbs
you think of crop circles
because they're done by tiny lights
by tiny orbs
and basically what I'm trying to say is
it's aliens
wow
you got there you got the aliens
wow
have you just received another letter
another letter's coming
oh no it's another letter
from
dear mr. darby
available here again
just heard what you said
and if I was you
I'd make a run for it
oh that's and he's just delivered
that
see you tonight he says at the bottom
how did he get past bond
yeah that's what he gets past bond
bond
old bond isn't he
he hasn't shown up again
hello anyone there
old bond does you die
it's right in front of your face
he's your guy following you around
I've been saying this since the start
you think it's old bond
hello
old bond
yes what's going down
are you writing these letters to me
no
oh yeah
let's have a look at the handwriting
oh no I haven't got handwriting that good
your voice is changing too you've gone weird
yes my teeth are coming out
I've got to go to the dentist
no listen
I've got mish money printing here for you
oh okay good
hello hello mace
I'm just having lunch I've got a couple of minutes
good
here's your receipt
your receipt
don't talk about that
remember you paid me
to get an interview
to be bond
air here
get out
sorry mish money
you weren't supposed to reveal that information
he paid
$900,000 to have an interview
get out both of you
oh god
it's okay
did you
my picture fell off the wall
oh no
it's okay it's not damaged
lucky
okay
I better go as I say
things are really happening here
I've got a poem to read
okay here we go
one more thing before you do
how do we get the word fairy tales
ah
because as I did
thank you Dan for remembering this
well done
as I did hint on this earlier
that fairies
is the original cryptid
so when
you're talking about the tales
you would always
it would be called a fairy tale
because it was always about the mystical
or mythical creature that could usually
come and take you away
and that's what they were kind of
stories to scare kids
yeah so they were called fairy tales
and then as we're going to other stories
yes exactly
that makes total sense
alright so here's a poem
I've written
I hope it's good it's going in the book
I stood beside the garden
deck, eyeing the flowers below
when suddenly I fell away
to Elfland I did go
great to see you Mr Man
we've been expecting you for a while
the fairy folk have been watching you
ever since you were a child
what is this realm
I said to Plonker
the tiny little elf
it's where us tiny people live
beyond the garden shelf
we want you pleased to be our king
now that you've come of age
and all the things you say and do
they really are the rage
listen listen Plonker I can't
stay long I'm a big deal
back at home
so off I went
with him in hand my brand new garden
no
that is amazing
I'm a big deal back at home
now off to Elfland
I've got an interview for Plon
can all of your poems from now on
just get that line in there
I'm a big deal back at home
what I'm going to try and do is
without these different cryptids
usually I'm going to star in them
and I'm going to meet them or whatever
and then it's about me trying to get back home
because you know I'm a big deal
they all want you to be the lord
of their kingdom
that's the loose theme
that we're going to
it's a great poem
I can't wait for this book to come out
and it's worth just saying to everyone
that we try to start the show
we took about 15 minutes
working technical problems
and you just started writing that poem
that's incredible
well thank you
that's it for this week that's fairies
I think it was a fairy interesting
well and the truth is
we only really scraped the top
of the fairy issue
because we didn't even talk about Reykjavik
and Iceland and the fact that
they've made highways around
rocks that they believe
have fairy communities in them
so there's so much more to go into depth on
but
we're going to have to do the subject again
I think we've proven that there is a lot of content here
I love it and there's a lot more rabbit hole
to go down
and I think you're right a part 2 on fairies
would be great at a later date
and if anybody's seen any out there
make sure you touch base with us
yes that's right
and hopefully I'll be back
next week if I'm not the new
Bond
or the king of the fairies
it depends how much money I've got in the bank
bye
bye
you