The Cryptid Factor - 53: #053 The Blunder Issue

Episode Date: November 9, 2020

Welcome to Ep 53. In here you'll discover a whale eating canoes, Bear-scaring cyborg wolves, 3 men bullied in a tumble dryer, and some celebrity UFO sightings. Also, Rhys does some blunder deconstruction, Dan updates his Poltergeist haunting and Buttons gets a rare taste of fame - along with a new podcast! Plus - listen out for some very limited offers from Mike's Universe Cars!!

The Cryptid Factor, with Rhys Darby and Dan Schreiber. Well dip me in a bowl of piranhas, shake me about bring me out and see if I've changed back. Oh my god. I totally forgot about your new intro schemes. My favourite bit of the show. Hey Dan, are your parents still listening? What point do they normally leave?

Well we've stopped doing coronavirus updates so they don't really listen anymore. I'm not even into it now. The three-way virus? Seriously that was the best part for them. I think they liked it because it was never a certain segment, was it? It was kind of like we would just start talking and then if I remembered, three or four minutes in I'd just say, and that was the three-way virus update.

And we'd all go, oh good, yeah we did that. And then I could literally hear your parents leave the room. Let's get out of here. Well it's good to know the virus is still happening. You're going to do all the bullshit about the jet packs and stuff now. Nothing you can't hear on the news. There should be tons though though because where I am, London, we're back in it. We're locked down.

You are fully solidly back in and by the way we have just ourselves squeezed back into the three-way virus update. There's listeners that can tell. Of course London locked down for another month, although people believe it may even extend right then. That's right, that's my parents slipping the governments of money to extend it just so we can get this segment back. Hey we should quickly say to any of our listeners that didn't know this,

we've been sort of the three of us having little excursions recently on other people's shows. Oh yes. We were on Den of Geek, the great website. We were interviewed about the cryptids of the world and that sits up on their Facebook page. So that starts talking for like close to an hour I guess. And then we were part of some scavenger hunt that we were meant to judge

which we still have not had any of the entries for. And what I love though is that you guys are starting to, especially Buttons, feel what it's like to be a celebrity which is what he's enjoying. And that's whereby the phone doesn't stop ringing and you know once you're hot you get on other things and people are going, oh I want a piece of them. I want a piece of those guys and that's where we're at.

Isn't that exciting? I've always wanted somebody to want a piece of my ass. On that note Buttons before the show revealed to us some even more exciting news on this same kind of wave. But tell the listeners, Buttons. Well I didn't want to, I mean I was genuinely concerned about telling you guys because I don't want you guys

to think less of me because I'm becoming a little bit more well-known than you guys. You know? But somebody reached out to us and asked me if I would be on their podcast on my own, without you guys. They specifically said this is a request for Buttons to come on my podcast.

And what did I say before the show when I heard that? You said no way, there is no way that you are going on another show on my own. For fear of my health and safety was it? Was it health and safety? Well yeah that's right because I said what did I say? I said it could be a trap. Now I'm worried about you and the people go

let's get the naive one in. Well if we can grab one of them because clearly we're the greatest show in the world. It's like when the cheetah goes for the gazelle that's got the gammy leg. That's exactly it. Well hang on, hang on, no it's not like that. It is not like that at all.

I hope it's not, I hope it's not. That's why I think I should go with you on this. You can't go out on your own without Dad. Tell us what the show's about. Wow, it's about a band, a New Zealand band called Crowded House. The New Zealand band, yeah. I thought they were Australian.

No! How dare you Dan? That's why they didn't want Dan. His Australianness that comes through every now and again. Okay so it makes no sense. What do you know about Crowded House? Unless it's a sound engineer question. No well it could be, it's a little bit of all of that

Andy, this guy Andy who reached out to me, he said I thought he was Kyle. No, Andy. No, Kyle's the one who reached out to do some illustrations for us. The story's faltering. No, it's Andy. I meant to say Andy. I got confused.

When he called you, did he say, is Reese there please? No, no he's not but I could do this for you. No, no, no I know Crowded House. Reese has worked with Neil Finn. No, no I have. Reese has gone at the moment. I'll come.

Look, is Dan there please? Is Dan there? No, he's Australian. Yeah, you don't want him. It is true though that he did write an email and he got through to us through the Patreon and he says, I cannot tell you how excited I am. Wow.

Is that because he's actually not excited? Yeah. And so he can't tell you. If only I was excited, I'd be able to tell you that I was. But I can't because I'm not. But having recently heard that Dan and Reese are unavailable, please, if you're the last resort. I'd like.

I would almost like to chat with you about Crowded House. Okay, that's it, yes. Hello. Look, and the other message that he sent, he says, guys, it's Andy Lackertale in Brackett's past researcher. So he was a researcher. He's a researcher.

Exactly. And he says, I have a podcast Crowded in here. That's the name of the podcast Crowded in here. Okay. And he says, I need some star power for my podcast. And he says, so rightly, I'm inviting Buttons, the true star of the cryptid factor, to join me on my podcast.

So. Well, we are truly living an unprecedented time. 20, 20. This is the ultimate. I'm just saying, I'm not making, this is just what people are writing. And I'm just relaying it. And so I'm going to be on the, I'm going to be on it.

I'm going to be on a thing. That's good. Okay. We'll give you permission, but don't get too excited. This isn't the start of a new thing. Okay. You're not going solo. You know, it's not the Buttons show.

Wow. Andy might needed a co-host for the, the cryptid, for the, sorry, for, not the cryptid house, the crowd. It's cryptid in here. It's getting, no, the, the crowded in here podcast. Maybe he's got an offer for me. See if you can get your name in the title sequence

of his podcast. That would be, that would be amazing. For one, but there's one exception I'm going to ask for. That would be hilarious. And on that note, we, the other exciting news this week, I guess is that we're going to do part two of our historical interviews section, the Brian Blessed collection. What's, give us a quick rundown on what he's going to talk

about today, Dan. Today, Blessed is going to talk about a story that he was told about a community that raised a big foot or a big foot like creature. Wow. And it's the, it's just a tale of the life of this one creature throughout a generation. So it's a very exciting tale.

It's a bit full on, but I look forward to playing it to you guys. That's awesome. Just hearing Brian's voice is enough for me. Can we just quickly as well recap one thing that has been constantly regurgitating through my mind, through the week. Yeah. It's a lovely image.

It doesn't probably a better word than regurgitating. Stop those ideas. Stop that. I don't want to, I don't want to think about that. No, it's the, the fact that in last week's Halloween special, where we all told spooky stories, that Dan revealed that he had been part of a poltergeist haunting. And if people haven't listened to that episode for whatever

reason, I implore you to go back and listen to that. Yeah. And that's the, that's also the best bit of the story, isn't it? So well, don't forgive in the end. If you haven't heard it, you now have. So you don't need to go back. You don't need to go back.

Let's just carry on. Let's go forward. Okay. But I have had a lot of response from that episode. People love the Halloween one and they particularly love Dan 's story and, and it was shocking. Big news as well. The entire extended Shriver family tuned in for that one episode.

What? No. Beyond the first section of the show. All together around the wireless. They all sat there and we counted the story. That's a great image. Did any of them write to you and go, no, that's bullshit. You've forgotten it.

You've mucked up the story. No. So Dean and Bettina heard it. Dean and Bettina, who are the lead characters in it. They said that's exactly what happened. More details came out. One of the main details was my mom was so scared of my sister from the fact that she had levitated this glass with her mind that

my mom actually tried to sleep in Dean Bettina's room that night away from us. She was too scared to be near her own kids. No, she, she thought it was going to be like, what's that? A TV series with an exorcist. But isn't that actually quite incredible? Imagine getting to that point where you're terrified of your kids experience that you, that you put them up for adoption.

No, is that what happened? Is that the story? No. Actually, one extra tiny detail is that the person who I was WWF wrestling with at the time on the bed, my best friend was Ash Gardner. Oh, no way. Who is the composer of our theme tune.

Yeah. Oh my God. Come on. This is weird. Yeah. And the person who did the audio recording for the Brian blessed episode you're going to hear later was Ash Gardner as well.

Oh, shit. This is how, this is how connected we are guys. Our whole world is just like a web of weirdness. And guys, I'm going to say it and you've got to join me because that's a free cat. Well done. Thank you. I finally got a section in.

Without even, didn't even know it. Didn't even know. Isn't this awesome that our podcast is basically a series of segments that we only realize that we have done at the end of the segment. Format schmormat. I want that t-shirt. Format schmormat.

Okay. Let's, let's do the, the, the one segment everybody knows. Weekly world weird news. Crazy. Freaky. Watch out. Okay. What do we got?

I got a headline. Should I, should I jump in? Yes, please. Terrorized Japanese city deploys monster wolf robot to protect them. Oh my God. Come on. How have I not seen that headline?

Published just today. By the way, I can already tell the story is not going to hold up. It's just not important. Okay. Here's my headline. Okay. Two kayakers almost swallowed by a whale. Oh, I saw this.

This is really terrifying. Yeah. And I've got video, video footage to show you guys. Two kayakers almost swallowed by a whale. Okay. Myli Cyrus claims she has made eye contact with an alien after being chased by a UFO. Wow.

That is very good. I like that. I like that. So many questions already just off the headline. Well, where to go to first here? Do you want me to lead things off with the whale swallowing? Cause I built up to Dan's crazy one. So this is in California.

Two women, Julie McSawley and her friend Liz Cottrell had been watching whales while they were kayaking off Avila Beach when suddenly a massive humpback whale rose up out of the water directly beneath them, grabbing their kayak in its mouth. The incident was filmed from multiple, multiple. Yeah, multiple. You know, when you say a word wrong and then you repeat that word with a different tone as if to say, oh, why did I say that?

And then you say it correctly. Well, what I did there was I did half the word wrong and then went to repeat it doing it in the tone of, oh, why did I say that? But as I said the second time, I actually said the word right. But it was in the tone of, oh, you know, why did I say that? Are we deconstructing your blunder? This is a new segment as well. Welcome to Blunder Deconstructions.

Now, in our latest episode, if we just go back and hear it again, it was quite interesting. Reese is pausing the universe to explain the blunder and then brings us back in. I'm so sorry, but let's get back into it. Yeah, so filmed from multiple angles. So there's a few videos here. Now, fortunately, both women were fine.

They were thrown into the water and they didn't end up in the whale's mouth. But let me share the screen for you guys so I can show how crazy this is. You see it? Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, it actually looks like the whale fully consumes them. Yeah. So where are they in that?

So what we're seeing is it's a yellow kayak that's sitting on the top of the water and this giant scoop comes out, which is a whale's head. But it looks like it takes the whole thing in its mouth. But is that not what's happening? It's a trickery trickery of the camera. It's like the angle on it makes it look like they actually go into the whale's mouth. See all the fish in the whale's mouth? So it came up, I think it came up to scoop up all the fish and had no idea.

There was just a yellow floating kayak with two humans in it right there. Wow. This is, I have to say, this story is amazing and I'm so glad you shared it. But I am a little confused as to why you didn't go with another story that is on your screen sharing at the moment of three men trapped inside a tumble dryer. How did you go past that one? I looked into it, but it is exactly as you'd imagine. Three guys basically pranking, deciding, you know, let's see if we can all fit into this tumble dryer.

And they did. The last guy is he goes to get in, got his leg caught on the door housing and it actually shut. No. And yeah, and they couldn't get out. So they were in there for, God knows how long, just bashing. And it was inside. It was like in a laundry mat. It was just dumb, dumb and the dumbest.

Their older brother turned up and they were just stuck in there. It would have been really unfortunate if their foot caught the door and accidentally hit the go button at the same time. And also, you know, some bully or someone in a bad mood could have turned up, saw what had, saw the three of them in there and just pushed start. Yeah. Imagine being the bully, right? What are the chances that that setup is just left there for you? You walk in three dudes that you would bully anyway. You look around for cameras.

You'd be like, what am I on? What's this prank show? Well, well, well, if it isn't Eugene, Mikhail and Irvine. Hey guys, I can't hear you, but you know what you guys need? A bit of drying. No, no, no. Veeek. Veeek.

Veeek. Veeek. Veeek. Veeek. Veeek. Well, teacher, for not giving me your lunch money yesterday, you dick. All right, well, that's enough about promoting bullish behavior. Yeah, yeah.

Bad bullies. Don't do that, bullies. Don't do that. If you see three guys in a tumble dryer, don't push start. No. And also don't get in a tumble dryer. You three guys, don't get in there. Dumb.

Real dumb. You almost deserve someone to push start. Okay, we've gone back into the bullying. Oh, shit. We've gone full circle there. We can't get out of it. Oh, I like that. We've gone full circle.

I like that with the tumble dryer. Very clever. Can I just go back to my actual story about the whales? Oh, sure. Yes, you can. You hijacked my own articles with another article you saw on my page. Sorry, sorry about that. So yeah, just to sum it up, they got away with it.

And there's always cameras around these days, which is good. But you're going to whale watch, do it from a distance. Don't do it amongst them on a kayak. It's a good boy. Well, it happens to Fair Chunk. I remember there was a story last year and I've just brought it up of a guy called Rainer Schimpf and he was scuba diving and he was amongst a bunch of sardines. And suddenly a whale ate him, just ate him.

Half his body was down. Rainer? It's gullet. Yeah. Oh my God. And so he was in there. He's a photographer and he was in there just going, well, what do I do? There's nothing I can do.

So I just have to be eaten. But at the same time, the whale didn't want to eat him. It was coming for sardines. So suddenly this human, that wasn't part of the meal. So he spat him out. Wow. What is that? And yeah, this guy, there's a great photo.

You can see him actually. In fact, I'll screen share it because it is worth seeing it as well. If you're on our Patreon, lucky you, you're going to see it now. Huge apologies. So that's him there. My God. Half in this whale. Oh my God.

Actually being eaten. Yeah. And he was just in there. He was just hanging out in there going, because he could think and he could breathe. He had his breathing apparatus. So he was just. His head is bummed there sticking out. That's his bum.

Yeah. Right. So the upper torso part of the body is in there. Yeah. And he's just lucky that there's no sharp teeth. Exactly. It's kind of more like a car wash, isn't it? Yeah.

They're all their teeth are like big, long brushes. Yeah. Yeah. And they only eat, you know, krill and small fish. So. His name, Raina Shrimp does. It sounds very close to shrimp. Oh yeah.

Raining shrimp. Raining shrimp. Yeah. No wonder the whale went for him. He thought, oh, here we go. It's on the menu. It's spelt slightly different. That's what happens when you go to a French restaurant, isn't it?

You look down the, oh, this will be in line with what I'm into. I'll choose that place. And what do you end up with? A bloody scuba diver. Oh, get that out of my mouth. What the hell? I thought I was getting a spring roll. No, but this is the bottom.

There's a delicacy. Bum of scuba diver. I don't like it. I like to go to that restaurant with the whales. It's in Wales too, which is great. Oh, that's good. Why don't they open up a restaurant in Wales called Wales? And it's full of whales.

It's four whales, right? They're not serving whales. No, no, no. No, it's on the beach and whales come up. And eat scuba divers. They get fed. They get fed their normal stuff. But now and again, a scuba diver jumps in if he's got that name.

You wouldn't want to go there if your name sounded like krill. Let me just check your name before you come through here. We've had a couple of guys with similar names to what the whales actually eat and I've ended up being eaten. What's your name? Uh, it's Krill. Oh, that's going to be... Yeah, that could be an issue.

How do you spell it? K-R-U-L-L. Oh, yeah, that's very similar to krill. There's nothing. Yeah. Okay. How about my wife, Sarah Dean? That's a bit Sarah Dean-like.

Very close to Sarah Dean. All right, well, that was a ridiculous bit. Now, let's move on to your story, Buttons. Shall we do mine? Because I feel like Buttons is going to have my one. You're worried that the big build-up to your one's going to be a flop. Yeah. Let's put yours in the safety section then, Dan.

Put yours now in the middle. Yeah, put yours now. Get rid of it. Well, mow through this one. Like a little speed bump. Top headline, though. So, good headline. All right, so Hokkaido City in Japan have been having a huge problem where their town

has been terrorized by bears that are coming in from the forests and they're walking around all the residential parts. And obviously that's petrifying these massive bears going around. So, a firm has developed a monster wolf. And the idea of the monster wolf is that it stands outside the houses of all the residents in the city. And it has red eyes that scare off the brown bears. It flashes the eyes of the bear.

It can roar at the bear. It's this newly designed, brilliant wolf. And I'll show you a picture here of it. Sorry, what did you say? You said, brilliantly designed. This is amazing. I mean, it's a cyborg robo wolf, isn't it? Wow.

How big is that? Well, it says it's 90 centimeters tall, which is not very tall at all, right? That's like three foot, I think. But the angle they've taken it on makes it look like it's bigger than the trees. It makes it look like it's 80 foot. Yeah, it looks huge. It looks like it's got some sort of like flamethrower system for a tail. You can imagine a huge flame bursting through there.

It's got metallic legs. It has a very wolf-like body. But then its head looks like a B movie werewolf. It looks like a Halloween costume. A cheap one. Yeah. And is it always facing that way? Like it's just looking to the right?

Or does its head rotate? It must do, because what if bears come from the other side of it? It has to do a full 360. Quick, turn around. Turn around. You shot your face. The article says that the robot was developed through a project involving a company. It's a precision machinery maker.

And it made its debut as a product in 2016. The finished product resembles a wolf with a body measuring 120 centimeters long, standing a height of 90 centimeters. When its infrared sensor detects that a wild animal or human is close by, the robot shakes its head and lets out a roar to threaten anything in its surroundings. At present, a total of 62 monster wolves are in use from Hokkaido to the south islands of Okinawa to ward off deer and wild bulls. So they're populating these around all over Japan now.

It's so Japanese. It's brilliant. Wow. Good on them. And I would love to hear how loud and ferocious they sound. Because I'm sure there's a noise will be a big part of it. And the flashing eyes, obviously, to scare away an animal. Yes, exactly.

The thing is, though, is we're getting to the point where we're making these kind of mechanical animals that are going to be sitting out in the wild because people are putting them to scare people off. And they're going to turn into their own cryptids. People are going to mistake these things for actual monsters. Especially when they get a few levels of progression up on that one that you just showed us with the megaphone strapped to its belly. You know, when they're actually robots. And then they are doing a job with their protecting crops or whatever.

And then, you know, someone puts a little extra chip inside them. And next thing, they head off into the woods themselves. I like this movie. This is a great movie. And the robots become cryptids. And people are like, I'm sure I saw that old robot that was released, you know, in 2062. And this is in 2200. And they're like, no, that's that will be long dead.

Now the batteries will be out. No, maybe they can recharge the mega wolf. No, that thing recharges. It rubs up against a tree with its friction powered ass. And it keeps going. Battery full. Yeah. Do you know that TV, remember that TV series that was out last year, something called Years and Years.

And it was the future in the UK, looking at the future. And there was that girl that was getting sort of cyborged and turned into one. I wanted a chip inserted in her so she could be part machine and text. Yes. When that eventually happens, I want to put my hand up as the first person to get an itching rechargeable ass. Scratch up. Scratch up against.

He got that wrong. He said itch. He wants a rechargeable ass, but you've got to. It'll be the same thing. Rub up against the tree. Scratch it. I mean, I scratch my ass so much already. You might as well put some technology in there.

So why don't you just start saying that now to people when you start scratching your ass and people go, why, why do you do that? And just go, I'm recharging. This is me just getting the friction going. I'm just going to go see that tree over there. I just need a little bit more power. I'm just going to go rub my ass against that tree. Scratchy, scratchy ass.

Well, wouldn't it be great if instead of sleeping, we all just sat on charges for eight hours? I mean, eight hours is probably too long. You'd want to do a fast charge of 30 minutes. You didn't need sleep. I think that's what people are going to try and get to. Yeah. Those geniuses that are out there, like, you know, must what have you, you know,

they, their sleep patterns aren't normal because they sleep when they fall asleep. Yeah. I must be a genius then because I also sleep when I fall asleep. Yeah. No, I was, I was thinking, as I was saying that, I was thinking, this can't be right because buttons does that. So, you know, there's two ends of the scale, isn't there with everything. So I think that's what we're seeing here.

Yeah. There's genius and then there's genius. The one that you've got to rub. That's the name for that technology. You've got to trade like that. Genius. Yes. And so we inch buttons as I ask.

Yeah. You've got to rub it to, you know, to, to power them up. I tell you, when this goes into painting, genius. Oh, genius. Yeah. Hey, I was, I was thinking about sleep the other night and I had a theory about the world. Can I tell it to you guys quickly?

Yeah. Yes, please. Well, I've been thinking that, you know, we always think of ourselves as aliens on this planet, separate to everything else. Yeah. We still in our heads think of ourselves separate, right? We don't think that we're born of earth. But the fact is, is that we live on this living planet.

We are part of this earth. So I just saw, it's really interesting that if this planet wanted us on it and and it needs us, isn't it interesting that there's a whole universe out there, but during the times that we're awake, it makes it so the sky is blue and we can't see the universe. So we can't dream about going out there and leaving the planet. It's like it's saying, don't look, don't look beyond here. Yeah.

And the only time we're able to actually see it is when it's nighttime, but then the planet has designed it so that we have to fall asleep for that whole period. So we don't, we don't stay up to marvel at it and go, what are we doing here? We, we miss it. We miss the universe entirely by, I don't know. I'm working on the theory. And it's also very uncanny that, you know, there's 24 hours and 12 of those are light

and 12 of them are in darkness. And we need eight hours sleep so that we are pretty much as soon as it starts to get dark, you know, it's like, oh, we better go to, better go to sleep, guys. You know, it's a little bit too predictable, isn't it? Why do we need eight hours? Why can't we have four? Why can't we do two sets of four? I mean, of course, you know, there are no exact rules and some people do only sleep for four

hours and then they work and then they fall asleep later. But I, for one, struggle to, to sleep during the day. I'm very light sensitive. Really? Okay. I'm just a man of the universe created amongst the stars. I landed here on Earth. And soon I drove your car.

Universe Cars 215 Mike Street. Hi, I'm Mike from Universe Cars. Thanks, Rhys. You can go now. Do you need a new car? Is your car running down? Come and see Mike. We've got up to three different types of cars.

Blue and two yellow. Mike's Universe Cars. Rhys Dubby did not get paid for this. Oh my God. The musicals that we're going to be able to have at the back end of this. Cut them all together. Put a CD out. A CD.

Yes. Jingles, Stings and Funny Sings. Welcome to the Cryptid Factor first CD set. Sorry, you better start talking, otherwise I'll... That's all we needed. If we're chopping them up, that's all that was needed. Have you got everything you guys need? What about this?

Have you got a photo of me outside my tent when I was 12? Are you kidding me? That is awesome. Look at those shorts. Are they shorts? It's my cowboy tent, yeah. Those are my little skimpy shorts. They're quite high, aren't they?

They're pulled up quite high. Wow, and you've got legs like those, mate. You've got to show them. I mean, this is five years before this kid was a soldier. Really? Yeah, you could see he was heading that way. I mean, you wouldn't mess with him, would you? Did you bring that tent when you joined the military?

I've got my own tent. What have you got? It's a new cowboy one. It's got cowboys on the side of it, and they're on their horses, and they've got lassoes. No, we'll be fine. We've actually got our own. You sure?

It's a two-man. No, we'll be fine. Anyway, that was a little for the Patreon. Yeah, lovely. It's a new thing we do now and again. All you audios only, that's not for you. You AOs. We've got the AOs and we've got the cryptid knights.

The cryptid knights are the... Yeah, that's the name I came up for. No, I came up with. I was meant to say came up with, but what I did there is I said come up for. There we go. The blunder. As soon as I said it, I thought,

oh, I'm going to have to do the analysis on this one. So I did, and I'm doing it now. I'm just coming out of the analysis of it now. Finishing now. I might hear from universe cars. You might have seen our advertisements in the paper or on the cryptid factor podcast with Rhys Darby from Blunder Analysis.

No, what I was supposed to do there was, I was supposed to say blunder. No, I can't even remember the word. I can't even analyze this one. You're analyzing a blunder of an analysis. You're now going to have to deconstruct the blunder of you blundering. Yeah, this is getting bloody.

It's inception. Oh, I'm so sorry. Do your story. Do your story. Here we go. Here we go. I'll get us out of this. So Miley Cyrus says she made eye contact with an alien

after being chased by an actual UFO. So this is hot off the press. This happened late this morning. This is about to happen. She doesn't know it yet. This is news from the future. So Miley Cyrus, as we all know, the wrecking ball singer-songwriter,

Megastar, has claimed she made eye contact with an extraterrestrial after it chased her down in some sort of UFO while she was driving in California. So speaking to Interview Magazine, Miley Cyrus said she saw... Wait, there's a magazine called Interview Magazine. It's my care from Interview Magazine. You may remember me from Universe Cars.

But we've got a new magazine now, and it's full of interviews. It's Mike's Interview Magazine. First up, Miley Cyrus sees an alien. We promise. It hasn't happened yet, but it's going to this afternoon. I've just looked it up.

It is called Interview Magazine. Genius. Genius. Genius. Genius. Genius. That's crazy. Well, it makes sense, doesn't it?

They're just telling you what they do to make the magazine. Yeah. So what do you have to do to make this magazine? Wow, we have to interview people. Oh, so what should we call it? Wow, I mean, you know... Let's use Interview Magazine as a placeholder until we come up with another idea.

Oh, shut up. It's already gone out, yeah. Oh, that's it. That's what we're called. I hope the first article's good. It is. Don't you worry. All right, so who did you interview?

Well, we didn't actually interview them. They just sent in a story. Oh, so it's not even an interview. Oh, no. Can we call it Interview and Stories? No. Too late. Anyway, Miley Cyrus said that after this incident happened,

she was shaken up for five days, and it really fucked her up, as the quote says. Is that right? I got chased down by some sort of UFO. She couldn't say what sort it was? Well, she does, and it comes into that, so I won't ruin the surprise.

She said there were a couple of other cars on the road, and they also stopped to look. So I think what I saw was real. She didn't feel threatened, but she did lock eyes with a being, in quotation marks, sitting in the front of the aircraft. Wow.

It looked at me, and we made eye contact, she said. I think that's what really shook me, looking into the eyes of something that I couldn't quite wrap my head around. Wow. The 27-year-old said she couldn't look at the sky the same anymore after the incident. I thought they might come back.

So she said what she saw, she described the UFO that she saw, she said it looked like, wait for it, a flying snowplow. She said the front of it looked like it had a big snowplow on the front, and it was glowing yellow. Right.

She doesn't say it was snowing at the time, and she was driving along, but she did say, she says I'm pretty sure about what I saw, particularly because other cars pulled over and looked at it, but she does reveal that she had also bought weed wax from a guy in a van in front of a taco shop. So it could have been the weed wax

that made her see something. What is weed wax? I don't know. That's what I thought. I thought you learned people of the world. I thought you guys would know. Yeah. You thought Mr. Cool over here would know.

Yeah. I can tell you now, Dan's not going to know. So I'll play the role of someone who could potentially know. It sounds to me like something you put on your surfboard, but it's got cannabis in it. Oh, that makes sense. The sheer surfer? So I'm on weedwaxwayoftheleaf.com.

It's a concentration of cannabis. It's one of the most sought after concentrates because the highest quality version contains a THC content equivalent to 15 to 20 joints. So it's a sort of intense high. Wow. That's intense. Okay.

Well, that kind of helps with the story. Well, the only thing that I find disappointing about the story and I'm a little bit concerned about is that back to my very popular theory about UFOs being time travelers from the future. Time traveling humans from the future. Yeah. Thank you. Hang on.

Do you get five bucks every time we say that? I've forgotten. No, I have to pay you guys five bucks every time. I talk about it. I knew there was a good deal there somewhere. If they're coming back from the future specifically to do things like get some information or to right some wrongs or to do something important.

Yeah. Why reveal yourself to Miley Cyrus? It kind of undoes my theory a little bit. Yeah. Unless in a different universal timeline, they were so high on this weed that there was potentially a horrible accident waiting to happen and someone came back to prevent them from that exact moment.

Good. Because they knew Miley Cyrus needed to survive for some important future work she's going to do. Well, she's just collaborated with Stevie Nicks, hasn't she? So that'll be it. That'll be it. Yeah. That's it.

Yeah. If there was any other witnesses, that would be really interesting. If there isn't, then did she just see it because of the state she was in or... Well, she does say that she had a friend in the car and the friend saw the same thing that she said. She doesn't say whether the friend was also on the... On the weed wax. Wacky wax.

On the weed wax. Yeah. I would say the friend was. Oh, I'd say she was. Yeah. You're not having any of that? You're not having any of this stuff? It's just for me.

I'm going to get freaky on this while I'm driving. Oh, my God. There it is. I've seen it. A snow plow alien. Why couldn't I have any of your weed wax? Because. Can you see it?

Yeah. All right. Well, then that's confirmed. This is our interview magazine. I love that she saw through the window. Like I haven't heard of many encounters where a UFO has gone so close that you can see the alien driving the UFO. Like that's pretty cool, right?

Yeah, that is really cool. Yeah. This article from News Hub says they also reveal that just over this last weekend, Demi Lovato has put on her Instagram to encourage her followers to communicate with aliens through this alien app, which I'd never heard about before.

What? Yeah. There's an alien app that she has, that she sounds like she's kind of endorsing in some way. What's it called? Hang on. Hold there. I have the name of it.

Hold the line, caller. Hi, it's Mike from Universal Cars here. Just while you're holding the line, don't forget we've still got those. Oh, we've got two. We've only got two cars now, but they're both yellow and they're amazing cars. They've got steering wheels, the whole works.

They've got warrant of fitnesses. Oh, the second one hasn't. One of them's got a warrant of fitness, so it's ready to go. Registered. And as I say, yellow. Is that... There doesn't...

Mike, I'm interested in one with a snow plow front that flies. Universal Cars, Universal Cars. Whoever that is, this is an advertisement recording. You can't call up during an advertisement. This has been pre-recorded for the hold system on the cryptid factor. We're not taking calls right now.

Do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do. I'm just saying I'm in the market for a snow plow, OK? OK, so the app is called CE5. Oh, yeah. CE5 Contact app. It's $10 in the app store,

which purportedly helps users make peaceful contact with extraterrestrial civilizations as well as locating others in your area who are interested in making contact. So CE5. I've got the app up here. Oh, yeah. Three and a half stars.

Yeah, three and a half stars. Do you know what that means, CE5? Because I hadn't heard of that before. No. Yeah, it's close encounters of the fifth kind, right? Yeah. That's right. And isn't Dr. Stephen Greer behind that one?

That's right. He's the creator of this app. So CE3, so close encounters of the third kind, a sighting of an ET life form. So that's the Spielberg movie. CE4, experience on board an ET craft. But CE5 is human initiated contact with the ETs. That's the name.

There you go. That's quite cool. That's really cool. All right. Well, look, I'd love to keep chatting with you guys, but I think we need to hurry things along with the Brian Blessed interview, because that's... Ah, yes.

That's what I'm actually excited for. Okay, so just as a quick reminder, this was an interview that I conducted with Brian Blessed for the very first episode of The Cryptid Factor back in 2009, but failed to edit it until about three weeks ago. So... I've just realized people complain about when we record a show and I take two or three weeks to edit it and get it up.

You waited, like, nine years, ten years. I think the longer you wait, the better it is, though. There's a moment of two or three days. It's like, oh, guys, he's taking forever a week. Oh, he's useless. But if you wait nine years, it goes the other way and you go, oh, wow, this is going to be great. Nine years of making.

So Dan went the other way. He probably got to the two or three year mark and went, no, I'm going to have to wait another couple of years now, otherwise it looks pretty bad. Exactly. Also, I actually wasn't part of the show, so I had to wait seven years to be invited to be the actual member.

That's right. That's a good point. That's very clever. That is very clever. I mean, when I think about it, I'm like, what was I doing? I was going around conducting interviews for a show that I wasn't a part of.

I was like, hi, Dan Treiber, official correspondent for The Cryptid Factor. Really? I haven't heard you on it. It'd be great for the interview magazine, man. You should apply for a job there. I actually interview without being asked to interview on that good. Basically, I'm interviewing you right now.

Well, funnily enough, all the people they take on, if you want to work for interview magazine, you've got to come with interviews. You've got to already have a backlog in your backpack of interviews that you've already done. Have you done interviews? I've got a lot of them. All right. Has anyone heard them?

No. I've got years and years worth of interviews here of people that no one even cares about. Oh, brilliant. All right. We're going to get you on board the magazine. Okay. So here's the story that we're going to hear.

This is a two-hour recording that I did with Brian, and it went everywhere. Brian, he just finds a new thread as he's talking in a story, disappears into a new one. This is one of the threads. It was the story of someone who married a Yeti, I believe. So I'm going to play it to you now, and then we can dissect it on the other side.

Here we go. When I was in Bhutan a few years ago with JP, we met the emperor and so forth. By the way, he says wonderful things like he wants happiness for his people. You never hear of leaders in other countries say that. He doesn't want a high standard of living. He doesn't want material things.

What do you want for your people? I want happiness. So there's a country of complete truth. A young woman near Bontang about 15 years ago she was by the river with all her people, and the big hairy man came down about six and a half, seven feet tall, and abducted her. He took her away, and two or three years later,

in a river nearby, he appeared with her again, carrying her, and they managed to see if he wasn't an aggressive guy. They scared him off, and she was rescued. She was spent days trying to get back to him. She had scars on her back and so forth, because when he made her do it, it wasn't the missionary position, but he had sex with a dog he wanted.

She described living with him in caves. The Yeti shagged her. The Yeti shagged her. Yes, he mated with a doggy style. She said he was kind. She started a lot now, because she had not... She imitated his language. He was rather like Hot and Tot.

He talked in clicks, and he laughed, and things like that. But he was amazingly gentle. She had one of his two scars on her back and so forth. She described that she was very happy with him. He lived in a cave, and they moved always from cave to cave. She told the emperor this,

and she had put it in front of the emperor. She's there in Bungtang. You can go and meet her. You can go and talk to her. She misses him. She found him wonderfully gentle. He was covered in hair. He was six and a half feet tall, don't shake head, dark eyes, dark face.

There's a famous zana, of course. It's a zana. People say, well, come on, Brian. Mentioned names. Zana was a member of a tiny village situated north of the Caucasus Mountains in the USSR. The Mukhavi River, that way. She was found there in the mountains and so forth,

and rolled up. She was about seven, eight feet tall. She could imitate. She was, again, dark, fur, black face, black eyes, and so forth. Not aggressive. She could run faster than a horse. They really just captured her and used her

for plowing the fields and things like that. And, of course, distastefully, you might say, one or two of the farmers mated with her. So the children, you can go and see the children there. Professor Portionov of the Russian Institute of Moscow went to see the children of Zana and the grandchildren of Zana. Yeti mated with a human.

That's right. And they had a child. On this occasion, Zana fought a bear in Tikina near the Mukhavi River. When she was captured, they found her at Mount Zadan. Sorry, they found her when she was a baby. A female almas under a rocky ridge.

They brought her up and kept her in a hut, which she rebelled against. She once saved a child she fought a bear off and saved a child. So she was very popular in the village, but they used it for all kinds of menial jobs and plowing fields, immensely strong. Zana's skin was a reddish-black color.

Her body was covered in red hair, longer on her head than elsewhere. She was capable of an articulate cries but never managed to take on human speech patterns. She had a large face with huge cheekbones and a jaw that jutted out slightly. Her long eyebrows covered her blue eyes and she had a permanent fierce expression.

She could easily outrun any horse and she soon learned to defend herself against the village dogs, which continually tried to attack her. She was also an expert at making flint knives. And as late as the 1960s, flints were being found in the hills of Mount Zadan. Zana was taken in as a slave by one of the farmers

and eventually became pregnant. She had about four children. She died in 1889. The grave has never really been satisfactorily found. She had all these children. You can go there and you can see the children. They're very large heads, very ape-like. They're dark and hairy

and they are brilliant at mimicking birds and animals and they seem to get on wonderfully well with animals. They're much more civilized now. I'd like to go and see them. The children and the grandchildren have these peculiarities. Her two sons and grandsons are formidable powerful and for fun would break barrels

and big thick glass with their teeth for entertainment. So she had all their children there. That's amazing. There we have it. Quite astonishing. There is a lot to unpack in that. All I remember really is the doggy style. Not that it was doggy style, that's fine,

but that was a fact that came out of it. I had heard of this, the Russian almas, almas-ty, that sort of Neanderthalic creature that was thought to exist, that did mate with humans and babies came from it. So he actually went there. He did an expedition in Bhutan. It was when he was going to Mount Everest.

He mentioned a name J.P. And J.P. is a BBC producer, I believe, who made a lot of Brian's documentaries of going up Everest and so on. And so they pit-stopped in Bhutan. Bhutan, of course, and I think we've mentioned on the show before, has an official Yeti hunter there

who looks after the Yetis. There's a big national park that is dedicated to the preservation of Yetis. And he is the head keeper of this park. So I'm not sure if Brian met with him, but obviously Yetis are seen as a completely real thing to many people in Bhutan, to the point where that Yeti hunter

is the king's appointed Yeti hunter. So he reports to the king of the latest finds and so on. But also, you know how anthropologists can determine a lot about civilization by looking at a lot of the traits of the abilities of the humans that are the descendants of an original population and the skills and what have you

that are transferred almost through DNA. Was that if these children do have a really unique ability to be able to mimic noises of other animals then surely those traits that you'd be able to sort of date back to something like that. Guys, I was just trying to bring some science to your story. Sorry, I drifted off there. And to anyone else that's out there,

this is an example of Bhutan's on his own. So please don't book him on his own. You've just been showing there what's going to happen. Oh, and that's the theme music I can hear. I can hear the theme music coming in. He can't. He's just saying there to try and wrap it up. I just want some science in the show. Buttons, don't you think then that if you have come up

with the theory of the time traveling humans revisiting us, if you are the founder of that, surely to your theory about tracing back to an original source of where all these abilities come from, surely there's a time traveler that should be revisiting you as the creator of this theory. And there's your other podcast. It's me trying to basically just invite time travelers

to come back and see me that they listen to in the future. Yeah. And go, you know what, let's go do it. I like this idea. Yeah. Every episode of this idea is just you sitting in a room on your own waiting. Well, they've not shown up again.

We'll see you again next week. Not even interview magazines going to take that. I like the fact that you've got your shed and then out from your shed is like a helicopter pad, but it's the UFOs to land on. And you've got a red carpet leading to your little interview booth. And each week you just wait and see if anyone turns up.

I'm going to do this. This is a great idea. Build it and they will come. Yes. Call it back to the buttons. Back to the buttons. And it's a lot easier to edit, isn't it? Because it's just me silent for...

Not entirely silent because I think in the background, you're going to have hold music. Oh, yeah. Hi. It's Mike here from Universal Cars. This is our last update. I know you're on hold here waiting for someone to come back from the future to talk to buttons,

but we've got big news. Our final car has been sold. We are out of cars, folks. Thanks, everyone, for joining, listening and purchasing those three cars that I found out the back of an old concert in Western Springs. Mike's Universal Cars are no more.

Mike? Here? I think it's all over, Mike. Give me your hands. Get in the back of the car. Oh, this is a nice one. See you next week, everyone. Bye.

Bye. Thank you.