The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Chelsea Handler Tackles The Chinese Spy Balloon | Sen. Raphael Warnock
Episode Date: February 7, 2023Chelsea Handler tackles the latest news including the Chinese spy balloon shot down in South Carolina, Marjorie Taylor Greene complaining about her job, George Santos accused of groping an aide, and M...t. Washington being reportedly colder than Mars. Sen. Raphael Warnock discusses how his children's book, "Put Your Shoes On and Get Ready!" deals with the issue of race and honors the legacy of his father.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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you're listening to Comedy Central. From New York City, the only city in America.
It's the show that invented news.
This is the Daily Show with spend a week talking SHIT
to the Daily Show. I'm Chelsea Handler.
I'm Chelsea Handler.
This is where I get to spend a week talking shit about all the whack jobs and hot messes
out there, but I do it sitting behind a desk because I'm a professional.
There's a lot of exciting news that transpired over the weekend and I'm also on ecstasy so let's get this party started. Okay let's kick things off with the big story that burst into
the news over the weekend. Someone in China had a big birthday party and lost one of
their balloons. Another major story this morning, the ongoing drama surrounding that Chinese spy balloon
shot down off the South Carolina coast this weekend.
As Navy divers search for debris, this video shows what appears to be part of the balloon
being brought back to shore Sunday.
The balloon, with a payload the size of three buses, first entered US airspace
over the Aleutian Islands
last Tuesday.
It moved to Canada, re-entering U.S. airspace over Idaho.
Once the balloon reached the Atlantic coast, it was shot down with a single sidewander
missile from an F-22 fighter jet.
We got it.
Boom!
Oh!
Oh!
I ordered the Pentagon to shoot it down on Wednesday as soon as possible. They decided that the best time to do that was it got over water.
Wow.
Joe Biden really liked giving that announcement.
He hopped off his big strong plane and he walked over with his aviator, sunglasses,
looking like a real tough guy, popping a balloon.
Giving off some serious top gun maverick vibes.
The straight kind.
Honestly, though, poor Joe Biden.
Obama got to order the assassination of bin Laden.
And all he gets to do is murder a bag of helium. And as you heard, this balloon was the size of three buses.
I love measuring things in buses.
And for the rich people out there who don't know what a bus is,
they're those big yellow vehicles that bring Matt Gates Alaska and then into U.S. airspace.
And by the way, Canada, thanks for the heads up on that.
Canada, and then it went through Canada, and then into U.S. airspace.
And by the way, Canada, thanks for the heads up on that.
Canada saw the balloon and they were like, oh look, one of those Chinese lanterns.
And I hope that balloon was inspiring on Canada because
there is nothing suspicious going on there. Unless you want aerial shots of
moose getting each other from behind you can move on.
And as usual, America went haywire and brought out way too much firepower to
address this problem. They brought two fighter jets and shot a missile through a balloon.
Was that really necessary? Couldn't we have just hired another hot air balloon to
float by and shoot it with a BB gun? Or just waited for it to get stuck in a
ceiling fan? Did we really need the fighter jets to
turn this thing into the world's saddest used condom? But hey, why not shoot it when you have a trillion
dollar defense budget and all these rock-hard missiles lying around? Trump must be so jealous.
What I don't get is, why does China even need to send this balloon in the first place? They're already spying on us with Tick-Tock.
Is it possible that the Chinese spies became the first people ever to get sick of Tick-Tock?
Were they like, I swear to God if I which you obviously are, next time, why don't
you make your balloon the color blue so we can't see it in the sky?
Or, if you're going to make it white, at least write the moon on it.
No one here will know the moon on it.
No one here will know the difference. I certainly won't.
In other exciting news, Marjorie Taylor Green, aka Capital Storming Barbie, hates her job.
Which is so funny because the rest of us also hate her having her job.
Becoming a member of Congress has made my life miserable.
The nature of this job.
It keeps members of Congress and senators in Washington so much of the time, too much of
the time to be honest with you, that we don't get to go home and spend more time
with our families, our friends, you know, all in our district or maybe just be regular
people because this job is so demanding and it's turned into practically year-round.
First of all, you're not a regular person, you moron.
You're a Congress person because you campaigned and somehow won, which requires you to work year-round.
I also don't want to work year-round and
that's why I don't. To quote Kim K. For a second. Get your fucking ass up and work.
Get your fucking ass up and work! The point is, if you don't like being in Congress, then go work at Footlocker, bitch.
But that's not even the worst part of what she said. This is...
I have people come up to me and say crazy things to me, out of the blue and public places,
that they believe because they me out of the blue and public places that they believe
because they read it on the internet.
Well if that's not the pot calling the kettle Q&O-Non.
This woman thought 9-11 was a hoax that the Clintons killed JFK Jr. and that Jews are
in charge of space lasers.
But please don't come at her with some crazy ideas.
She might believe them.
Anyway, hoo-hoo, moving along.
Luckily for MTG, we can't spend the whole entire show talking about her because she has
a co-worker who is even more unstable.
I'm talking about the broke, millionaire, half-black, gay, Jewish volleyball star trag queen,
George Santos.
I believe it or not, his resume keeps growing.
Just this week, he's been accused of groping an aid.
And I will say, this is the first thing about him that makes him sound like he does belong
in Congress.
Things are really starting to click for him.
But before we could even let that sink in, we got hit with this other crazy lie.
Meanwhile, George Santos was also a Broadway producer.
At least that's what the embatted lawmaker allegedly told potential donors when he was
running for office in 2021.
Bloomberg reports Santos told supporters that he was a producer on the short-lived Broadway
production Spider-Man, turn off the dark.
The Office of the Play's producer confirmed that Santos did not work on it.
The play only ran for a short time and was plagued with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the Play's producer confirmed that Santos did not work on it. The play only ran for a short time and was plagued with technical issues and actor injuries.
It lost millions of dollars during its run and frankly a curious choice for Santos to
lie about.
A spokesman for the show said, quote, of all the tribulations, the producers of Spider-Man Turn off the dark had to endure, we are very pleased, proud, and relieved
to report that working with George Santos is not one of them.
I do not get this dude. How could he lie so much and not get better at lying? Why would you
pick the most embarrassing Broadway show to
lie about? That's like saying you heard of the Titanic? I was the captain. But
maybe this guy is smarter than he looks because each new scandal makes you
forget about the last one. I've already forgotten that he stole
money from a dead dog. That's right you heard me. He stole from a dog and then ghosted that dog. Who ghosts a dog? We've only known this guy for like thii th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to ti. I ti. I ti. I ti. I ti. I ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. I then ghosted that dog. Who ghosts a dog?
We've only known this guy for like five weeks.
How are we already on season 19 of his scandals?
I feel like I need to put his scandals to like, oh, we didn't start the fire so I can
remember them.
9-11, volleyball, Spider-Man, dead dog. And finally, some good news for all the people who have been waiting for the world
to end.
This weekend, we almost got there.
And now to the other big story, we are following the dangerous Arctic blast that is smashing
records across the northeast.
Many spots haven't felt temperatures this brutally cold in decades.
Windshills in Portland reaching minus 45, and in Boston, 39 below, uncharted territory
for both cities.
The once in a generation cold reaching the peak of nearby Mount Washington, where it felt
like a jaw dropping minus 108. I've got frequent gusts to there 80 miles per hour. Meteorologist Francis Terrazwitz measures conditions outside every hour.
Before I really knew what was going on, my legs seemed to have been knocked out from
a renecement and I was on the ground.
The Mount Washington Observatory's live stream showed the intense conditions.
NASA says the top of the mountain was slightly colder than the average on Mars.
I don't understand what colder than Mars means.
Use a reference that ordinary Americans can understand.
Was it colder than three buses?
I hope it's not so cold that Elon Musk won't be able to masturbate when he gets there?
For more to masturbate when he gets there.
For more on this extreme weather, let's go live to Mount Washington where Dulce Sloan is
on location.
No, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not. I'm in my bed. But you were supposed to report on
the record low temperatures in New Hampshire. Listen white lady, you got the wrong
one, okay? You needed me to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to to to to a to a to a to to a to a to a to a to a to a to supposed to report on the record low temperatures in New Hampshire. Listen white lady, you got the wrong one, okay?
You needed me to go to a mountain top to tell you that negative 108 degrees is cold?
You know how I knew it was cold outside?
Because the Uber eats man told me it was cold.
And that's all I need to know. Well, how are you supposed to report on the wind if you're in the the the the the the the the thua the thua thua thua the wind, thua, thiiiiiole, to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be o'er, to be to be told, tooke, okay, okay, okay, okay, tookeathea, okay, tookeathea, tookeathea, tookeathea, tolde, to bea, to bea, to bea, to bea, to bea, to bea, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, tho, thoomome, tho, the, thoomorrow, thoomorrow, thoomorrow, tooomorrow, tooomorrow, tooomorrow, tooomorrow, tooomorrow, tooomorrow, tooomorrow, to know. Well, how are you supposed to report on the wind if you're in bed?
You need to be outside.
No, ma'am, mm-mm, mm-mm.
I know your tricks, okay?
The only reason anybody wants a reporter out in this kind of weather
is to watch them fall and laugh at them.
Nope, nope, you're not slick.
I can't fall down if I'm laying down. Hi, checkmate. I'll try to the try.
You really think as a woman I would put another woman in that situation?
Bitch, I know you.
I'll know you.
I give you the benefit of the doubt.
Next thing I know, I'm falling off a mountain like a frozen Mufasa.
Hey!
If you want to report on a cold, you go outside blind lady.
Let me, you look like you can handle it.
You look like that bitch from frozen anyway.
But I have to be here at the desk.
But I have to be here at the desk.
You hear this woman, she says you gotta be at desk. Who are you talking to? Not in your business.
I'm not at work.
But you are at work.
Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, there's too much shit going on outside.
Okay, fires, floods, balloon parts falling from the sky like a bad porno.
I'm an inside reporter now.
Okay, like there's plenty of, there's plenty of to report on here.
It's 71 degrees.
I'm watching scandal on Netflix.
And we're sitting a massive pileup of dishes in the seat, which is not my fault.
I can't do the dishes. I'm at work.
Doolsey, you're putting me in a bad spot here.
I was hoping for some or any reporting on Mount Washington. Oh don't worry listen listen I'm professional okay listen I can
get your report on Mount Washington I got my sources right here let's see you
know my Uber each driver I sit him there to get the scoop I will message him
now what's up with that mountain is it cold as shit. Oh he sent me a video!
He fell down.
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!
I love when that happens because I tell you what, it won't be me, bitch!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Thanks for nothing, Dulce.
Dulce Sloan, everybody.
All right, when we come back, we'll talk about the latest diet fad that lets you lose weight
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If you are like most Americans, you love to lose weight while not losing any weight.
Welcome back to the Daily Show.
If you are like most Americans, you love trying to lose weight while not losing any weight.
But now, there's a new drug that really causes weight loss.
There's just one small downside.
You may have seen photos of celebrities and others showing off dramatic weight loss.
Some say it's diet and exercise, yet millions openly credit drugs used to treat obesity
and diabetes for getting so skinny. Ozemic is a drug that was developed to treat obesity and diabetes for getting so skinny.
OZempic is a drug that was developed to treat diabetes.
But in recent months, demand for that drug has soared because one of its side effects is weight loss.
Many are now calling for this trend to end because it's causing a shortage in medicine
that they desperately need. The company that makes OZempic blaze. The company that makes OZempic, the company blame the the th, blame th, blame th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, is thi, is thi, is thi, is thi, is, is the the the the the the the the the the the the the, is thi, is thi, is thi, is th. th. th, is is th, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th, is the th, is the thi, is the thi, is thi, is a thi, is a thi, is a toom.a, isa, isa, toge.e. tr-oomoomoomorrow, isa. theaui. thea. t said while doctors might be prescribing OZempic for weight loss, the company
does not promote doing so.
Come on, stop stealing medication from diabetes patients.
If you want to lose weight, just do a juice cleanse and spend the next three days
on the toilet like a normal person.
But I'll tell you what, if OZempic isn't going to be able to stop celebrities from taking it for weight loss, they could at least change their ads
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OZEMPIC treats blood sugar and weight loss. Thanks to OZEPIC, I have a ton more energy now, which I need to fight off the hordes of real housewives to the hivesivesivesivesivesivesivesivesives in to to fight to to fight to to to the hives. to to the hives. to fight off the hordes of real housewives try to steal my OZEMPIC. I said get back Lisa!
All it takes is one dose per week and a panic room to hide from all the Tick-Tock influencers.
I'm not going out like Billy.
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He even did a little Tick tick-d dance what they did. OZEMPIC is not for everyone.
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That's what everybody says.
OZEPT.
You're probably here. All right, stay tuned because when we come back, Senator Raphael Warnock will be
joining me on the show, so don't go away.
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My guest tonight is a U.S. Senator and Senior Pastor of the Historic Ebenezer Baptist Church.
He's here to talk about his new children's book. Put your shoes on and get ready.
Please welcome Senator Raphael Warnock. I'm just, how are you?
Welcome.
How are you?
Who are you?
Who are you?
I'm just, I'm so delighted to be sitting down with you.
You are just a star of the Democratic Party.
Hi.
Hi, how are you?
I'm just, I'm so delighted to be sitting down with you.
You are just a star of the Democratic Party and I am just so delighted to be sitting here with
you because who wasn't rooting for you that I knew?
No one.
That was a very, very tight race that you were in.
Well, thank you. It's great to be here and I'm proud of what Georgia did.
Yeah. And now you don't have an election, you don't have a runoff or a special election or any
election for the next six years? That's right. My name was on the ballot five times in two years.
So clearly I wanted this dog-on job.
And finally I have a six-year term.
Yeah, that's very refreshing news for all of us so we never have to deal with that sort
of chicanery again.
I'm excited that you wrote a book.
It's called Put Your Shoes On and Get Ready, which is about you growing up in a
household you were one of 12 children. That's right. And you were number 11?
One of 12 children in my family.
I'm number 11 out of 12.
My parents were both preachers.
Clearly they read the scripture.
Be fruitful and multiply.
Yeah.
Well, it was also nice of you.
I mean, did you write a children's book so that Herschel Walker would be able to read it.
So I have two small children.
So I have two small children.
My daughter is six and my son is four.
And the title of the book, Put Your Shoes on and Get Ready is something my dad told me every morning.
He had a fierce work ethic. You didn't sleep late in his house.
And every day he said, get up, put shoes on and get ready.
And it's something I passed on to my children.
For me, it represents preparation but also a sense of purpose.
And the recognition that all of us have a place I believe, I the, I the, I the, the, thiiiiiii, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put tho, put tho, put tho, put tho, put tho, put tho, put tho, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho,that all of us have a place, I believe, in the world we've got gifts
and things we're supposed to do.
And I'm fighting every day to make sure that every kid has a place in America.
And you're also fighting pretty hard to be able to work across party lines and
work with a lot of Republicans that would, a normal person would think was too hard to work with.
People like Ted Cruz, you're working with him on something I know.
I want to ask you like, how do you operate that?
Like how does that work for you?
Well I'm a pastor.
So, you know, I'm used to inviting whosoever will. I'm used to working with all kinds of folks.
And I have found that in the Congress, yeah, we have our differences.
They're real, but you're right.
I did an amendment with Ted Cruz.
He and I are on the Commerce Committee together.
I disagree with him most of the time.
Honestly, some days I'm sitting there listening, like, really?
But as it turns out, one day, there was something he wanted to get done,
that I also wanted to get done.
We couldn't get it done in committee.
We had to take it to the floor of the Senate.
And the night we passed a bipartisan infrastructure bill, he stood on his
side arguing why he thought we should also do it.
And then I close with words I'd never imagine hearing myself say, in closing I'd like to
associate myself with the words of the senator from Texas.
My colleagues, I think half of them didn't know what was in the amendment, but they
said if he's for it, let's pass it.
It passed overwhelmingly.
And it was really, it was just an amendment to get us closer to building a highway out
that goes through Texas, but it also goes through Georgia.
And even in this divided time, I think that there's a highway that runs through our humanity that's big th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th Georgia. And even in this divided time,
I think that there's a highway that runs through our humanity,
that's bigger than partisan politics,
it's certainly bigger than race,
and if we build out the highway,
everybody can get to where they need to go.
I think that's my job as a legislator,
and I think that's the job of every citizen, to try try try to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to to to to find to to to to to to to to to to try to find common ground to get the work done. And how, yeah.
And considering the state of politics and the divisiveness of, you know, where we are right
now in this country, I mean, are you hopeful about voting rights? I know that's something
that you're working hard for and that you're also with police brutality that you guys had a caucus with the president. How do you see these things playing out in this thi? thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. the the the their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, and the, thi, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, you guys had a caucus with the president.
How do you see these things playing out in this time?
Look change is slow, it's difficult, it comes and fits and starts, but we have to keep working
at it.
So I'm not about to lose hope. I mean, if the preacher loses hope, then we, you know, we're in a dangerous
place. So I'm not about to lose hope. I was John Lewis the p the p the p the p th. I th. I th. th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi, you're thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. theeee is theeeeean. You're thean. You're thean. You're thean. theananan. theananeananeaneananeaa. thea. we're in a dangerous place. So I'm not about to lose hope.
I was John Lewis's pastor.
He didn't have any reason to believe that he could win.
I think we look back at the civil rights movement
and we act as if these victories were inevitable
when in fact they were quite improbable.
They kept fighting a good fight.
He fought until the very end, who am I to give up?
And I was disappointed that we didn't get voting rights done last Congress.
But I'm not about to stop fighting.
The last time we passed voting rights in this country, it passed on the Republican president.
It passed the Senate, I think 96 to zero.
Some of those folks are still in the Congress. And democracy for me, it's not just one the th th th th the the th the thi one thi one thi one the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they the. the an theeeeeeeeeat, theeeat, theeeeat, theeat, theeeat, theeate an theate an the an the an the an the an to zero. Some of those folks are still in the Congress.
And democracy for me is not just one issue alongside other issues.
It's the framework in which we get to fight for everything we care about.
Climate change.
The issues around police brutality, giving people access, affordable health care.
All of these things are fought for within the framework
of our democracy and so I'm going to keep fighting until we get voting rights
done.
And with speaking on the subject of books we have a you know us governor in Florida who is trying to ban books and try to
ban critical race theory and let's just talk for a second about how damaging that. And let's just trying to ban books and trying to ban critical race
theory. And let's just talk for a second about how damaging that is for little children
growing up in this country.
Oh, I think, I think it's quite unfortunate.
And we have to reject the idea that our children will be so traumatized by the truth of our complicated American
story that they can't bear it.
You know, the script, forgive the preacher for quoting scripture, but Jesus said you
shall know the truth and the truth will set you free.
And all stories are complicated.
All families have complicated stories.
And so does the American family. And all of us have to push back against this idea that that's that story that story that story that story that story that that that that thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi thi thi thi toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo thi thi stories. And so does the American family.
And all of us have to push back against this idea
that education is the enemy.
All of us, red, yellow, brown, black and white.
This black history is the American story.
And that's why I wrote this book.
I deal with the issue of race in this book.
So I don't know if my book would be banned or not.
But I'll tell you, as a dad, I was trying to figure out how to talk to my kids about what I know they will encounter.
And I think I deal with it in a way that honors the legacy of my dad, who, as I talk about in the book, was a, he served in the Army during the World War II era, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. But thate. But, but thi. But, but thi. But, but thi, but thi. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but that, but that, but that, but th.. But, but th. But, but th, but th, but th, but th, but th, th, but th, th, th, but th, th, th, but the the the thi. But, but the the the the the the the the the the the thi. But, but I thi, but I thi. But, but I thi. But, but I thi. But, but, but, but, as I talk about in the book was a, he served in the Army during the World
War II era, all stateside, and one day he was asked to give up his seat on a public bus
while wearing his soldier's uniform. For some, the skin he was wearing was more important
than the uniform he was wearing, and so he had to give up his seat. That's a part of the skin he was wearing was more important than the uniform he was wearing,
and so he had to give up his seat.
That's a part of the American story.
But here's the other part of the American story.
My dad had to give up his bus seat.
Now I have a seat in the United States Senate, a kid who grew up in public college.
Oh, hi.
That's right.
That's right. Only in America is my story possible.
And we can't give in to the demagogues.
We can't give in to those who peddle in division because people who have no vision, traffic
and division.
We have to fight for that grand American covenant.
E Pluribus Unum out of Mini I.
That's what makes our country great. And I'm deeply honored to represent that grand American covenant, Epluribus Unum, out of many one. That's what makes our country great.
And I'm deeply honored to represent the people of Georgia.
Yeah, yeah.
And the people of Georgia are honored to have you
because you instilled so much faith in them
when the race was tight and you had another election.
you had another election,
you said I believe the people of Georgia will make the right decision and they did make the right decision. So it all ends up in the way that it should.
And so yeah, you're a pleasure to have serving in the United States Senate.
It's great to watch you.
Thank you so much.
Yeah.
Thank you. And get ready is available now. Senator Raphael Warren. And we're going to take a quick break and we'll be right back after this.
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