The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Hasan Minhaj Talks Lab Leak Revelations | Giannis Antetokounmpo
Episode Date: February 28, 2023Hasan Minhaj kicks off his week as host covering the U.S. Energy Department concluding with "low confidence" that COVID was caused by a lab leak, and Dilbert comics being dropped from newspapers follo...wing its author's racist rant. NBA champion Giannis Antetokounmpo discusses his genuine love for his familySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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you're listening to Comedy Central Central. From New York City, the only city in America.
It's the show that invented news.
This is the Daily Show with your'm us and menhage. This is the American Dream, baby.
Look, I worked here for five years, just so I could substitute teach for a week.
Now, we got so much to talk about, so let's get right to the headlines.
Look, I worked here for five years just so I could substitute teach for a week.
Now, we got so much to talk about,
so let's get right to the headlines.
Now, look, there's so many pressing issues in the world right now.
The war in Ukraine, a train derailment in Ohio,
natural disasters in Turkey.
But we can't talk about any of that because apparently,
the biggest story in the newspaper
is on the comics page.
Newspapers across the country are dropping the Dilbert comic strip after its creator,
Scott Adams, went on a tirade this weekend calling black Americans a hate group and advising
white people to stay away from them.
The Dilbert creator referencing a poll that indicated 53% of black Americans agree with
the statement, it's okay to be white.
If nearly half of all blacks are not okay with white people, that's a hate group.
The best advice I would give to white people is to get the hell away from black people.
You just have to escape.
So that's what I did. I went to a neighborhood where, you know, I have a very low black population.
Oh my God! He just kept going. He's like, black people are a hate group. White people should stay away from black people. I stay away from black people.
And Kanye heard this and was like, whoa, whoa, my brother. Pace yourself.
By the way, Scott Adams, why do you have a podcast?
You have one of the most successful comic strips in the world.
But you're podcasting at YouTube.
to come, backslash, real coffee with Scott Adams?
Like, why?
Bro, you got rich off of doodles.
Take the W. Be happy.
The guy who created that cool S thing from middle school
wishes he could be you.
Now, I'll be honest with you guys.
It's been a minute since we talked.
And I've rubbed shoulders with the Illuminati.
And I've noticed one thing about a certain type of rich person.
When they don't have problems of their own,
they have to just make up problems just to make their lives interesting.
Right? They're just like sitting at home in the jacuzzi, like,
what if I tweet about trans high school swimmers?
I can guarantee you. J.K.Rawling had zero opinions about trans people when swimmers. I can guarantee you, J.K. Rawling had zero opinions about
trans people when she was on welfare. By the way, this is why I think we need a wealth tax. We
need a wealth tax, not for infrastructure, or schools, none of that Bernie shit.
Rich people, this is for your own good.
The wealth tax is actually a shut the fuck up tax.
Spend more time working, kissing your loved ones, getting groceries, you know, being
a normal person.
Because normal people don't hate black people.
We're all too busy hating that one squeaky wheel on the shopping cart.
But let's move on to one of the greatest debates of our time.
No, I'm not talking about how much cocaine a bear can do.
I'm talking about the COVID-origin debate, which is heating up this week.
And this just in, an updated, classified intel report saying that the U.S. Department of
Energy has assessed that the source of the COVID-19 pandemic likely came from a China lab leak.
But there is one major caveat.
Sources at the Department of Energy tells CNN that the report has, quote, low confidence.
Low confidence. How can you conclude something with the the U low confidence. Low confidence.
How can you conclude something with low confidence?
That's not a conclusion.
I think the word you're looking for is guess.
By the way, conclusion with low confidence is such a f-b-boy move. You know what I mean?
Like you're dating someone and they go,
babe, what are we?
And you're like, Sarah, I can tell you for sure,
I don't know.
Now, even though they had low confidence,
the Department of Energy came out and said,
COVID-lugge,
and now, every fucking idiot I went to high school with
is like, apologize to me right now, Hussun.
I told you I was right.
And if your hand is bigger than your face, you're gay.
Now, to everybody touchdown dancing about this,
how long have you been rocking with the Department of Energy?
Oh, you've been fucking with them since day one? Hey, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th they, their their their their thi, their thi, their thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thoes of thi, thi, thi, thoom and I'm thoom and I'm thoomoom. I'm thoom. I thoom. I tho, I tho, I tho, I I I th. I I I th. I I I I I th. I I I I I I I I I I, I, I I I, I I I, I I I, I, I, I I I, I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, tooooananananananananananananananann'aa'a'a'a'a'a'a, thin, thatu one? Hey, what's your second favorite report from the Department of Energy?
Now personally, I love their report on walk-in freezers and coolers, but hey, that's just
me, because I'm a real one.
But here's the key detail everybody's forgetting while they got the Twitter fingers.
The Energy Department is one of nine intelligence groups
that have assessed COVID's origins.
Two have said lab leak.
Five say it came out of natural causes.
And two say they don't know.
And you know what?
I personally side with them.
I don't know what the fuck is going on.
FBI says this.
NIC says that. I'm holding out until the fuck is going on. FBI says this, NIC says that. I'm holding
out until the DMV chimes in. Okay? Now, here's the thing I'm wondering, okay? Why did
this whole lab league versus wet market thing become the Yankees versus Red Sox
of the culture war in the first place? And to me, I think it's because when some people started saying it came from a lab,
other people were like, hey, you can't say the Chinese are trying to poison everybody
on planet Earth. That's racist.
You should say COVID came from a wet market where Chinese people eat weird animals. But that sounds way more racist.
And I say this as a kid who had to eat weird ethnic food in the lunchroom.
Every day I'd pull out my kimarote and everybody else would be like,
ewe! What is that?
All I wanted was lunchables.
But my mom would never buy them.
She'd be like, hussin, are you crazy?
You want lunchables?
Those things are made in a lap and they'll kill you.
And she said that with high confidence.
Now, for more on the lab week, we turn to my friend, colleague, and mortal enemy.
Ronnie. Ronnie! Amen. Thank you for joining us.
Look, let's get right into it.
Where did COVID come from?
Tell us.
What the fuck?
How the fuck should I know?
Why are you asking me, by the way?
I didn't do it.
We could be talking about the debt ceiling or racist Dilbert, but of course you want to pigeonhole the Asian guy to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to to the the to the the to the toe the to to the to to me me me toe the the to thoom of to me me me me me, to me me me, the to the the the to bea to to bea to to to to to to to to to to to to me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the thoom... thoome. thoome. thoomoomoomoomo. toecooome. Wea. toecooome. Wea. I. Ia. Ia. I'm toeckecoo. Ia. Ia. Ia. to pigeonhole the Asian guy to do the COVID story. Yes, yes, yes, yes, I'm going to pigeonhole you. You want to know why,
Rani? Because when I was a correspondent, I was pigeonholed. My hole was pigeoned
constantly. That's disgusting. Yeah, it was. Anytime there was a subway bombing,
they went to the Muslim guy, as if I'm on group chat
with ISIS.
My most viral clip on this show was a photo of me wearing a hijab next to John Stewart.
You understand?
So yeah, the Asian guy has to cover the Asian story and it has to be funny and it has to be
deemed comedically acceptable by Vulture.com. Go.
Okay, first of all, F. Vulture, all, all, why don't you talk about it? You're the expert
in lecturing us about the world despite never having left America, right? Aren't you Asian, too?
You talk about it. No, no, no, no. You said it yourself, Ronnie, you said it right
here on this show That Indians were not real Asians.
Why don't you roll the tape?
Let's be clear.
Indians are not Asian, okay?
I love how Indians try to have it both ways.
Like being Indian and Asian, pick a lane.
I brought receipts, mother-fix.
Okay, well, yeah.
How about you keep your receipts, mother-of-feeck. Okay, well, yeah. How about you keep your receipts for all of your 50-air Jordan shoe boxes, all right?
Yeah, I said it. You didn't have to roll the tape, because I'll say it again right.
I'm more than just Asian, all right? I also live in Australia, so why don't you ask me about kangaroos.
Fine. Rani, tell us about kangaroos. Alright, well I'm glad you asked. Well, there's red giant kangaroos and then there's gray ones. And the red ones can jump 10 feet high and they have claws and can rip your dick off
through your jeans.
No one gets the shit about kangaroos.
Okay, stop talking like an angry snapple cap.
You don't get to decide what is on this show Ronnie. Okay, the operative word is guest in my house, okay? I'm not your token Asian guy.
I'm in movies now.
I was in Megan.
Oh, oh, oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, you were in the movie Megan in the theaters right now?
Hey, what was your role in Megan?
I played a token Asian guy in the tech company, but it was satire.
Oh, that's weird because I could have the the the tech company, but it was satire. It was satire. Oh, that's weird because I could have sworn that I'm your boss right now because it says
my name on the desk.
It says, The Daily Show with Hassan Minhaj which, by the way, that's my real name, Ronnie
Chang.
What's it?
Ronnie to...
What is it?
It's on my birth certificate. Or should I be like you and get a name
that you refuse to spell phonetically,
and then when everyone mispronounces it,
you cry to Ellen.
Oh, it's spelled her son,
and they called me Hasan.
Eh, I'm so appraised.
Yeah, yeah, fine, Ronnie. I express some emotion. I showed some vulnerability unlike you. I showed some other emotion besides
anger. It's something you might not be familiar with. Oh, no, no, no. I know you know all
about anger. You love a job where you can rage about evil corporations in America. But
as soon as the NBA reaches out about the celebrity all-star game, you jump at
the chance to score zero points. Zero points. Ronnie, stop it. Ronnie, Ronnie, stop it. Come on. Stop. Stop this.
Stop it right now.
We can't be fighting like this.
There's white people here.
How are we going to stop Asian hate if we hate each other?
Oh, you're right.
I'm sorry. I'm just slashing out because I actually love the daily show and I'm scared you're going to get it canceled like your Netflix show, whatever it was called.
It's called Patriot Act.
It doesn't matter, okay?
Because despite our differences, you're right, we do have a bigger responsibility to the Asians,
and the Asians watching this.
Because when we fight, the white people win.
And we can't have that.
Exactly.
We got to bring this segment home.
So let's each say something nice about each other
and show some emotional growth.
What, are you serious?
I'm dead serious.
F.
All right. Hassan, you're good at managing hair.
Your energy is not always annoying.
And, you know, I've seen you at the daily show grow to become this force of nature,
and I'm actually really happy that you're hosting this week. I think it's really good. Shut up everybody,
shut up. Thank you Ronnie and I just want to say I want to take this moment to
tell you we're out of time Ronnie Chang everyone.
All right when we come back I'm going back to school soell you, we're out of time. Ronnie Chang, everyone.
All right, when we come back, I'm going back to school, so don't go away.
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It's been said that nice guys finish last.
But is that really true?
I'm Harford, host of The Cautionary Tales podcast,
and I'm exploring that very question.
Join me for my new miniseries on the Art of Fairness.
We'll travel from New York to Tahiti to India on a quest to learn how to succeed without being a jerk.
We'll examine stories of villains undone by their villainy and monstrous self-devaring
egos and we'll delve into the extraordinary power of decency.
We'll face mutiny on the vast Pacific Ocean, blaze a trail with a pioneering skyscraper and
dare to confront a formidable empire.
The Art of fairness on cautionary
tales. Listen on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you listen to
podcasts. Welcome back to the Daily Show.
You know, we live in a polarized era where nobody wants to sit down and have a conversation.
Well, I did, and I regretted it. Take a look.
As the culture wars ripped through America, one thing that always comes up is the children.
We have one job and that's to protect our children.
Protecting children from sexual indoctrination, critical race theory, things like that.
Banning books, especially these books, endangers our children.
But as the father of a child about to start school, I wanted to know how they felt about
the culture wars. And more importantly, I lokey wanted to know if they thouk, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to, their, to, the, the, the, th. th. th. the, thi, the, the, the, the, th. th. the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th.... And, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thin, thin, thin, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, togean, tean, tean, thean, thean, the instead of tweeting about the kids, I decided to talk to them.
I don't know if you know this but I'm a little bit older.
And there's a lot of, okay, you'd have to laugh at that part.
There's a lot of stuff that I'm not aware of.
So I'm going to name something, and then you tell me th me tho lot right now about what you should be learning, what subjects you
should be taught, what books you should be reading.
But we never asked you, how do you feel about school?
What are your favorite books?
What books are you guys reading right now?
I love like racial justice books because I feel like I can relate to that a lot,
like they hate you give or like blended?
How do you feel about people wanting to ban those books?
Not good, because like I feel like you need to,
this is what's happening in the world right now.
Like racial injustice is happening right now
and these books are about racial injustice,
so people need to learn about it if they want to do something about it.
Do you feel like your teachers are trying to indoctrinate you? No. No. Do you know what the word indoctrinate means? No.
Bruntley, let's talk about this. Thoughts on the president and the current
administration? I think it's good. Yeah, I like it. I feel like he's a lot better
than Trump, in my opinion. Sure. I feel like he's not the best president. We definitely
had better presidents, but he's a big step up from Trump. What about this era feels different from other presidential
terminal? He's definitely older than other presidents. How old is too old to be president?
Too old to be president is an age where you're scared that you might not live to see the next day because
a country is depending on you to see the next day because a country is
depending on you to run them. Also, as long as you don't have any like mental
health problems, like say you have dementia and you're sort of losing your memory a
little bit and people with dimension, they're perfectly good people but they're
probably not the best kind of person to run a country because they might not remember everything.
Yeah, you're eerily describing what Joseph R. Biden is going through right now.
But despite their scathing ageism, what surprised me is that the kids I talk to aren't steeped
in the culture wars like the adults.
They're too busy trying to figure out how to be kids. This is something a lot of men in their 30s don't talk about.
Feelings.
How do you process things when you're sad or angry?
I kind of get mad at my parents.
Whenever I get mad at them, I kind of don't like it.
I don't only go to my room, but like, they'll come in, and they always think they're right so they're never going to apologize. They want to be right when sometimes they're not right like they just can't say sorry sometimes. But
if parents said sorry then that means parents and children are equal but you
can't have that. We can't.
Are the things adults tell you that you're like, no way, I don't believe that.
Sometimes, like, when they said something when I was younger,
I thought they were lying.
Like what, what did they say that you're like,
that's not true?
If you wrote your eyes too much,
I used to cross my eyes, I would do it like as a joke of those.
And then my dad my dad their they would would they would they would they would they would be my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad would they said, they said, when they said, when they said, when they said, when they said, when they said, when they said, when they said, when they said, when they said, when they said, when they said, when they said, when they said, when they said, when they said, when they said, when they said, when they said, when they said, when they said, when they said, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my dad, my dad would would would would they said, my dad would they said, my dad would they said, my dad would they said, my dad would they said, my that way. Is that not true? Wait, I thought that would actually happen. Go ahead, what's up? So has any of your parents ever told you when you turn the car, like the
car light on, like that it's illegal to like leave it on? Yeah. I found out, it's not illegal.
How did you find out? I saw it on like YouTube. I'm like, what the heck? Let's talk about social media? Let's the. tian. tian. tian. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. their th. th. th. th. th. their th. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. th. tick-tock, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter. I feel like Twitter is old. I think it's like from old people.
Yeah, for old people.
Really?
It's turned into like, you know how like Facebook like died?
Twitter is kind of like dying.
My dad is obsessed with Twitter.
Do you think Twitter's good for him?
Maybe a little less would be good, but I don't think it's getting out of hand. Got it. Do you want to join Twitter based on the way your dad uses it? Not really. I don't have much interest in social media.
Are your parents on the phone too much?
I feel like my dad always says I'm on the phone too much, but kind of every time I look at him, he's always on like
Slack or something. I just want to tell him, get off your phone, Dad. Get it off your chest. This is your chance to tell us off. Go to that camera and just tell them what's up.
Get off your phone, Dad.
You need to maintain a better work-life balance.
You heard him, parents, stop watching this on your phone and go hang out with your kids.
All right, stay tuned.
Because when we come back, the one and only Janis Antzacompo
will be joining me on the Daily Show, so don't go away.
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the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on zip recruiter get a quality quality the quality the quality the quality to to the quality to the quality to the to to the the to to the to the to to the to the to the to to to the to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the tip. to to to tip. tip. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. their. the the to the the t. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the t. t. t. t. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip tip tip recruit. tip recruit. tip recruit. tip recruit. tip tip tip tip tip. tip. tip. tip in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on zip recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at
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It's been said that nice skies finish last but is that really true?
I'm Tim Harford host of The Cautionary Tales podcast, and I'm exploring that very question.
Join me for my new miniseries on the Art of Fairness.
We'll travel from New York to Tahiti to India on a quest to learn how to succeed without being
a jerk. We'll examine stories of villains undone by to succeed without being a jerk.
We'll examine stories of villains undone by their villainy
and monstrous self-devaring egos
and will delve into the extraordinary power of decency.
We'll face mutiny on the vast Pacific Ocean,
blaze a trail with a pioneering skyscraper,
and dare to confront a formidable empire.
The art of fairness on cautionary tales.
Listen on the IHart Radio App, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to the Daily Show.
My guest tonight is an NBA champion, defensive player of the year in two-time league
MVP, but you may know him as the Greek freak.
Please give it up for Janice Ante de Kuntze! Thank you. Thank you for coming. Thank you for coming. Thank you for coming.
Thank you for coming.
Is this a cup?
Is this coffee?
There's a little bit, a little bit of coffee or water, something like that.
I want to be coffee, man.
How are you doing, man.
How you doing, man?
I'm good.
Thanks for coming to New York. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. th. th. th. to th. to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. th. to. to. th. to. to. th. th. th. to. Thank you. th. Thank you. to. th. th. Thank you. to. to. to. to. to. to. toda. toda. today. today. to. today. to. to. to. to. to something like that. I want to be coffee, man. How you doing, man?
I'm good, I'm good.
I'm good, thank you for having me.
Now I should be calling you head coach, you coached me and the...
Yeah, I'm the coach, yeah.
Yeah.
But, uh, you had like zero points. Yeah. But your defense, you're the defense, the energy, you, then, then, then, thin. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. thin. thin. thin. thin. to. thin. to. to. th. to. thin. thin. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. tha. to. th. th. th.ate. That's what people tell me all the time, but that didn't really translate to online props.
I got roasted bad.
Look, I just think in the future we got to divide it up.
We got pro athletes over here and then civilians.
Because we got D.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.
I mean, how's the knee feeling?
I gotta ask you that.
Uh, feels good.
It feels good.
Okay.
Okay.
So you're gonna recover?
We're good.
I feel no pain.
I'm good, man.
So, yeah.
Yeah.
We're here.
We're here in New York.
Because we're obviously here to talk about an amazing foundation that you have. And one of the things you are so proud to share with the world
is how much you love your family.
I don't know if you know this about Janice,
but I kind of find it annoying at times.
You're always like, my name is Janice.
I love my family.
I love my brothers. And then my family gets mad at me. And they're like, he's took, took, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. thi. tho. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. I'm th. I'm th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I to to to to to to to to to to th. to to to to to to to to to to to toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I'm the the the the. I th. the the the mad at me, and they're like, why don't you talk about us this way? And I'm like, he's hiding something.
That's what a person with a secret does.
No, I wouldn't be here.
I wouldn't be in this position that I'm sitting today
without my family.
You know, without the sacrifices that,
without the sacrifice that my parents made every day to provide for us. To to to to to their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, and I, their, their, their, and I. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their........... And, their, their. And, their. And, their. And, their. And, the. And, thi. And, thi. And, ta. And, together. And, toda. And, today, tha. And, tha. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, to provide for us, to put us in a position, to have an opportunity to go out there and accomplish our dreams and go to life, you know, I wouldn't
be here without them.
You know, obviously, it's been six years now, 2017, six years, that my dad has passed
away and it's, you know, in honor of him, and as I've said in the past, and I've said a lot of times, like he had no money.
He was poor. He came from Nigeria to have a better life.
And we were his legacy, you know, and I could feel like growing up like he was the richest person in the neighborhood
because he always felt rich because he had us, you know, and so
we decided we decided as family to come together and, you know, build
this foundation to basically just do what people did for us.
You know, just pull our hand out there and give them an opportunity to be great in whatever
they decide to do.
And kind of help them be that step for them to go out there and come as a dream, the same
way I did.
You know, it's a beautiful thing, man.
It's the Charles-Onto-Dacumbo Family Foundation.
And what's so cool about it is you're focusing on three different places, Milwaukee, Nigeria,
and Greece, which is such an integral part of your identity. Now, as a child of immigrants, you're an immigrant. Is it weird being
here in America and then being around people who don't love their family? You know what
I mean? When people are like, my mom is toxic. Like, is that weird, dude? Yeah, you know,
you know, when you see mom sell on your phone, you pick it up, right? I have to. That's what I'm, the that, I'm, that's a th. th. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. they. that. they. that. the that. that, that, that, that, that, that, to be, to be, to be, to be, the their, that. to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to to to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be to be to be to be, their, the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their their their their that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that thooooooooooooo. th. th. th. that that that that that that's what I'm saying. But people think we're crazy. I'm like
I'm there's no way this is going four rings. Are you crazy? You have to pick it out.
Yeah that's what I, yes. You say you're 37? I'm 37. What was the last time your mom
whoop your ass like 35? Yeah I mean. Yeah I mean. Well she emotionally. Yeah, I'm emotionally. So, yeah. Well, she emotionally emotionally emotionally emotionally emotionally emotionally emotionally emotionally emotionally emotionally. Em emotionally. Em emotionally. Em emotionally. Em emotionally. Em emotionally. Em emotionally. I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th this this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is th th is th is th is th is thi thi thi thoooooooooooo- th is going thoooooo. th. this is this is this at the daily show? I'm like, mom, I'm busy.
Yeah, no, she suplexes me emotionally all the time, but I gotta, I gotta take it.
Yeah, me too, but I'm gonna pick up the phone, you know, but at the end of the day, like,
as a, you know, it's some, not only relationship are the best, you know, but then you just got to make it work.
But for me, it's easy with my brothers.
We slept in the same bed, you know, like I was, I had this feet on my face, you know, I had
this.
You know, so.
No, you guys don't know that.
Like when you go back to the motherland, sometimes you got to do head to tow, toe toe toe ahead. Yeah yeah you like it's like reverse Lego logs. So so we we're very close we try to protect one another as much as we
came we try to advise one another and that's how my dad raises not my dad
let's just see and my mom also my mom and dad you know if one don't eat
nobody eats if like like he not me because I'm the third one,
but like, and as us backstage,
like he had the most pressure all of us,
because like, my dad was on him, like,
protect your brothers, like, look after your brothers,
you know, make sure your brothers get to school,
make sure your brothers, like we were raised to be together.
So that's why our family has been this way. But you know, there's a lot of times that, you know, sometimes it gets crazy.
But we just have patience.
You got five brothers, bro, that's nuts.
And I was roasting you the other day.
And my brother guys in your face.
I know, I know.
Because I was telling, we were playing horse back and forth. And I was tel it, I can't tell the the think, think, tha, tha, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th gets, th gets, th gets, th gets, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. It's thi. It's thiiii. It's thi. But I was like, I gotta defeat him mentally,
so we're playing horse.
And in the middle of the game, you're shooting a free throw,
and I'm like, what's it like being the middle child?
That means you're the least loved by your mom.
And I did my research, I'm like, you know who your mom loves the most?
Alex.
And you were like, clank, I'm like, let's go! It's crazy, that's true.
It's crazy, man. This is what this is what people love about you, Janus. You love
your family. You have humility. I'm talking smack to your face and you're like,
it's cool. Then I don't know if you've seen this about Janus. There is the
groundbreaking tweet you had in 2014 and you talk about your love
of sweets. You love American sweets. Let's talk about the smoothie. Oh, the smoothie. Yes.
You go, I just taste for the first time a smoothie, God bless America. All right? I was so excited.
Dude. It's crazy. And since then, you may have not seen this, but like, I think it was a recent
press conference, you're like, I didn't know you could dunk Oreos and Milk. This is crazy.
So you're just enjoying all of these American sugary sweets.
But I wanted to open up your world a little bit, and I wanted to introduce you to more
sweets because there's nothing more world a little bit. And I wanted to introduce you to more sweets,
because there's nothing more American than diabetes
and early onset obesity.
So, you obviously talk about Skittles.
Skittles is your candy of choice this year.
I saw that on IG.
Obviously you love smooth smoothies.
We've talked about the dunking the Oreo situation.
Have you had these?
This is a fruit roll-up.
No.
I have a game tomorrow, man.
Come on, let's go.
We gotta do it right here on TV.
I need your ta-
Yonix, we've seen you play.
We need the Yannis taste test.
Does have a bite.
No, no, no, there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's the the the the the the the their their taste test. Is that a bite? Is that a bite?
No, no, there's a rapper, there's a rapper, there's a rapper.
There's a rapper.
There's a rapper.
There's a rapper.
Okay, oh, okay, he's a rapper.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Thought. Here you go. Thoughts?
Taste.
This is good.
Yeah, let me get the other one too, man.
You have the other one?
All right, here we go.
Tickets are later.
Yeah. Now look, growing up, as a Muslim, I could not have these,
but I brought them for you.
This is a hostess snowball.
And I've always wanted to eat one of these,
but they have pork gelatin in them.
And so I brought them here for you so you could eat the devil's candy. Tell me what you think. I'm just going to live vicariously through
you.
No.
No?
No?
So I'm not missing out on anything?
Okay.
No.
You know what year they made that?
What year?
What year?
One year?
These things can survive the zombie apocalypse.
This is good.
This was good.
I'll be honest with you.
All right. Let me ask you a question.
What's your cereal of choice?
Fruit loops or the cinnamon toast crunch?
Okay.
As an NBA vet, that's kind of a rookie choice.
Yannis, have you had Reese's puff?
No.
The time is now.
I'm going to un-deass this right now.
You need some milk?
We need the ball.
No, I just want straight up.
If you, do you like Reese's pieces?
Do you like Reese's peanut butter?
The chocolate one?
Yeah, of course.
Yeah.
What else would I be referring to?
I don't know.
Go for it.
Let me see. Just straight up, thoughts? It's good.
Now imagine this with milk.
Do you rank it up there with your top two?
Yes.
This is really good.
I like this.
I like you.
This is not there.
All right.
Keep it.
You keep that.
You keep that.
That's all you. That's all you, bro. I told you if you come to to the show the show to the show to to to the show to to to to to the show to to to the show to to to the show to to to to the show the show to to the show to to to to to to too.. I too. the took. took. too. too. too. I'll too. I'll too. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to the th. to to the the the th. to. too. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I the. You keep that. That's all you. That's all you, bro.
I told you, I told you if you come to the show, I'll hook you up.
You didn't think it was going to be like this.
Look, I got to do something for the culture.
I'm hosting the show, and I can't just be given you these American products.
I got to blow your brain up. I didn't say that right. I didn't say that right. I didn't say that.
I didn't say that.
I didn't say that.
I didn't say that right.
I didn't say that.
What if I got nervous and be like,
I gotta blow your back out?
I was like, wait, wait a minute.
I've got to it's a good idea. This right here is a personal delicacy.
On behalf of all of South Asia.
This right here, Janus, is what we call a galabjaman.
And what?
Do you like donuts? Yes. Now imagine. Who don't like donuts?
Everybody loves donuts. Now imagine if you took a donut hole and you were like go
harder in the paint. Let's take that donut hole and douse it in syrup. That my
friend is a gulabjaman. Here you go. You made this? I didn't make this. This is from methe... I'm not gonna lie. I can't lie to you.
Here we go.
Let me see, man.
Yo, this is a historical moment.
Yeah, I like this.
Yeah, I like this.
You're gonna.
You're my maybe?
Yeah, keep going.
You can get both.
You can have both?
You want to have all three?
What?
Do you just something?
I didn't do anything to have it.
This isn't MJ with the pizza and the last dance.
This is all, this is actually from love.
I want you to succeed.
Let's go.
Man. Is that probably the best tasting thing that you had out of all of them?
It's very rich.
I like that.
It's a lot.
And if you've noticed, if you've seen Indian men in their 40s, 50s, and 60s,
and they're kind of shaped like ET.
It's because of stuff like that.
I got one last thing to talk to you about. ET? It's because of stuff like that.
I got one last thing to talk to you about.
Can we clear this real quick?
Can you do this for me?
We're going to clear this real quick.
One of the things I love about you, man, and the reason why I wanted to bring you
on the show to plug the foundation is your humility.
Is your humility. You are humility. You are humility. You are, you are humility. You are humility. You are humility. You are humility. You are humility. You are humility. You are humility. You are humility. You are humility. You are a a a a humility. You are a humility. You are a humility. You are a humility. You are a humility. You are a humility. You are a humility. You are. You are. You are. You are. You are. You are. You are a humility. You are. to. to. toehihihihihi. toe. toehihih. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. theiiiiihehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehea. thei. they. they. they. they. their their their thi. thi. toeauuuuu. their. their th.auu. th. their th. the world but you're kind, you're
empathetic, you're humble in a league where that's not incentivized. But I gotta be
honest with you. You were in a press conference recently and they asked you, you're a
two-time MVP and they asked you, who's the best player in the league?
And this is what you said, let's play the tape.
Do I believe I'm the best player in the world?
No.
The best player in the world is Steph Keri.
Until the next player.
I hate that.
I hate that.
You look, you got this immigrant dad, green card, energy. But you're a citizen, bro, you deserve to be here, all right?
And this whole being nice to everybody else in the league?
Yannis?
They're going head-hunting for you.
You think those guys want to be nice to you?
I don't think so.
No.
So you got to talk that talk right here right now
in New York City. Now I know talking trash isn't your strength. That's my strength.
So you do it for me? So I wrote you some trash talk right here to some of the top players
in the league and I want you to go to camera three right now.
Talk that mother fuck talk!
Let's go head hunting, yonnas.
Okay, there we go.
Listen, Luca.
Yeah.
Even though you're running with Carrie and you have more your team,
I'm coming for you guys.
Over, I can't say it.
No, no!
Give the people what they want, Yannis!
Let's do this.
Let's do this.
I'll do it.
I'll be your shit talk translator.
Let's do this.
Get it on me. Let's go.
Yeah. What's up, Luca. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll, I'll, I'll th. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll th. I, I. I, I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll be your shit talk translator. Let's do this. Get it on me. Let's go. Yeah.
What's up, Luca?
Even though you're running with Kyrie,
the scouting report is out on you.
You got sausage arms and cankels.
My man.
For a dude from Slovenia, you sure look like a dude from Alabama.
And you're gonna get this work in the postseason. That's
what you got to say! All right, all right, fine, fine, fine. He likes Luca, he respects
his game. What about Jokic? We got to talk about Joker. I wrote some stuff about Joker.
I wrote some stuff about Joker. Right here. Here you go. This is Janus. Giving Jokic that, trash talk.
Joker, how are you going to make it through the finals where you look like you can barely make it through a Burger King drive-through?
Let's go.
Let's go.
This is what we want!
This is America!
Yes!
Keep going.
Look it's, I love your game.
No, no!
No, it's like this.
Go back, Promter.
Hey, Yokek!
Joker!
How are you going to make it through the finals when you look like you can barely make it through
a Burger King drive-through?
You shouldn't be on the court, you should be checking IDs outside of a hookah bar.
You gotta say it like that.
All right, let's keep going.
Let's keep giving these people this work.
Kevin Durant, let's go.
You keep joining super teams to win an NBA title. to how to their today, to to to to their, their, to to to the, the, the, tie, the, the, tie, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, to, to, their, too, the, the, to to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttogether, together, together, together, ttogether, together, together, together, ttogether, together, too. together, together, together, together, title. How about we work out together some time so I can teach you how to carry your own team.
Oh!
You know what I'm saying?
I like that one. It was like a little simpler.
KD, where's the camera?
KD, you're one of the best scored to ever play this game.
I respect your game. You know, you've lead by example for
fifteen years. So you are my favorite player growing up. I hate this. And entertain me.
I respect your game. I'm sorry.
Come on. No. No. All right. Do the LeBron one, we're gonna get out of here.
But make this one count.
LeBron, I love your game, man.
Oh, no, no, no.
Hey, you're, you're, you're not part of it.
I love your game.
You're the king for a reason.
Goat, just broke the old-time,
scoring record.
Keep doing what you're doing, man.
He's a blueprint, you're a blueprint, man.
And we, we, we, we, all right, listen, man.
All right, all right, listen, man.
Everybody, we talked about in the NBA, please don't come kill me.
Yonis is what we love most about you, man, in all seriousness. Everybody we talked about in the NBA, please don't come kill me.
Yonis is what we love most about you, man, in all seriousness.
Thank you so much for the work that you're doing in the league.
You're setting such a great image for kids around the world.
I'm so honored that I've gotten a chance to get to know you, and I can't wait
to see all the amazing work you and do for the Charles On the Cumpo Premier Foundation.
Thank you so much.
Yoness I'm in Dacumpo, everybody.
Okay.
I want to take a quick break, but I'll be right back.
After this. It's been said that Nice Skies finished last.
But is that really true?
I'm Tim Harford, host of The Cautionary Tales podcast, and I'm exploring that very question.
Join me for my new miniseries on the Art of Fairness.
We'll travel from New York to Tahiti to India on a quest to learn how to succeed without being a jerk.
We'll examine stories of villains undone by their villainy and monstrous self-devaring egos,
and we'll delve into the extraordinary power of decency. We'll face
mutiny on the vast Pacific Ocean, blaze a trail with a pioneering skyscraper and
dare to confront a formidable empire. The art of fairness on cautionary tales.
Listen on the Iheart radio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. That's our show for tonight, but before we go,
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