The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Ronny Chieng Reports On A Temporary Truce in the Middle East | John Oliver
Episode Date: November 22, 2023Ronny Chieng is at the desk to cover the day's top stories, including talks of a temporary truce in the Middle East, the ousted OpenAI CEO inspiring an employee revolt, and Ozempic's effect on Thanksg...iving. Next, Barnaby Durk (Ronny Chieng) has kept schedules for CEOs, titans of industry, and even that NXVIM guy without a problem, but Donald Trump is a whole other beast. Meet the person behind the person, Donald Trump's Official Scheduler. And former Daily Show correspondent John Oliver discusses the difficulty of doing comedy in America as an immigrant, offering Ronny Chieng words of advice as he began his correspondent career and why he enjoys the feeling of being in trouble when it comes to comedy.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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You're listening to Comedy Central.
From New York City, the only city in America. It's the show that invented news.
This is the Daily Show with your host Ronnie Jay. Thank you, thank you.
Welcome to the Daily Show.
I'm Ronnie Chang and I'm guest hosting.
Thank you, thank you, let's go.
We got a show.
We got a show.
I'm Roy Chang and I'm guest hosting.
For one day only, dreams do come true.
I just want to thank the network for believing in me
for 23 minutes only.
We've got a great show for you tonight,
so let's get into the headlines.
Let's start to have the big news,
who are apparently close to a truce in the Middle East.
That's right. I accomplished what no other
daily show hosts could. Sure, maybe if you gave me the job permanently I could
solve this but for now here's what you get. This morning a breakthrough in the
hostage negotiations is closer than it's ever been. U.S. officials say multiple
news reports quoting Hamas and Israeli officials are this morning outlining a
possible deal. A multi-day ceasefire with at least 50 Israeli and
international hostages freed in waves with more to follow and Palestinians
detained in Israel women and children released in exchange. Yes some good news I mean
it's not great news but it's the Middle East,
so we'll take it.
But that's right, Israel and Hamas are close to a temporary truce.
Israel will start bombing for a few days,
and Hamas will release some of the hostages,
specifically women, children,
and one guy who is just really, really annoying.
This guy won't shut the fuck up about his podcast, get him out of here. Still, for all the hostages who are being released, I just want to say congratulations,
and I want to prepare you.
Andre 3000 has a flute album now.
But let's stop talking about the war and start talking about something else that could destroy the world.
Artificial intelligence.
Yeah. And I know everyone has been freaking out about
this new technology, but don't worry, the people in charge of it obviously have everything
under control. This morning, an open revolt inside open AI. The company behind the ground-breaking
artificial intelligence chat bought known as chat GPT. Just days after the company's
board of directors fired at CEO Sam
Altman claiming he had not been candid in communications with them.
725 out of the approximately 770 employees signing a letter attacking the
board's competence and threatening to quit if Altman is not reinstated.
Wow the CEO of Open AI got fired and all the employees threatened to go with him.
I mean, these startups are such cults.
Who cares that much about their boss?
I mean, Trevor quit right in front of me and I didn't do shit.
I was like, all right, man, I'll see you later.
You're not supposed to care about your boss, okay.
No bus boy at Red Lobster is committing supuku because that manager got canned.
Asian references. That's what I'm here for.
I mean, it's also ironic that the people creating technology that's going to destroy everyone's
jobs are also fighting so hard to save one guy's job.
It's like seeing Ted Bundy perform CPR.
Also the world's top AI company is not the place you want to hear that people are fighting
over philosophical differences.
The stakes are too high.
It's fine when Ben and Jerry fight, I mean, worst case scenario, I get raisins in my chunky monkey. With AI, it's more like, hey, am, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, it's like, it's, it's, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's, it's, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's the the thi. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it in my chunky monkey. With AI it's more like, hey am I going to have a robot sex slave or am I going to be
the robot sex slave?
I mean just to be clear I'm cool with either one.
I just want to know.
The crazy thing is we still don't know why they fired him.
I mean my working theory is that humans from the future resistance came back in time to fire to fire to fire to fire..... to fire. to fire. to fire.. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A...... A. A..... A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. And. And. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, to. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. I. A working theory is that humans from the future resistance came back in time to fire this guy before he could destroy the world.
Schwarzenegger shows up like, you are terminated. Put your things in this box.
It's always tough to do this during the holidays. And finally, let's talk
about Thanksgiving which I still can't believe is a real holiday. I asked someone what happens on Thanksgiving and he said, well, we all get together and
eat.
And I was like, so it's dinner.
And it is.
Thanksgiving is when Americans clog up airports and the arteries.
But maybe this year, times are changing.
This morning, with Thanksgiving just days away, the new wave of prescription weight loss medications are altering how many will approach their holiday eating.
With the average American consuming more than twice their recommended daily calories on a typical Thanksgiving day.
Drugs like Ozemic, Wagovi and Mungaro can be a game changer for those battling with obesity.
Doctors suggest if you're taking these medications, be prepared to manage your feasting expectations.
They enable people to have a couple of bites
and then say, I don't need to eat a large portion of this,
that was enough.
This is the most American story ever.
Big pharma created a drug to help Americans eat less. And now they're having anxiety over what they're going to do on tho tho that tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho those tho tho tho tho those those tho tho those tho tho those tho those tho thoes tho tho tho thoes thoes thoes tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- thi thi thi thi the the the the the the the the the tho-the tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thoes thoes thooooooooe thooooooooooeat thooan thoan thoan thoan thooooooooooe thoo eat less, and now they're having anxiety
over what they're going to do on the eating holiday.
Although I will say OZempi is great for people whose parents can't cook.
I mean, no mom, I'm not hungry because of the Ozempi.
It's not because your dry turkey tasks like shit.
And it's good when you can get past the binge eating and focus on the real meaning of
Thanksgiving.
Friends, family, and remembering the time, the pilgrims and the Native Americans share
the meal and watch the Super Bowl and nothing bad ever happened after that ever.
For more on this Ozenpic Thanksgiving, let's go live to Michael Costa. Michael, Michael, how will OZempPIC affect Thanksgiving this year?
Michael, how will OZENPIC affect Thanksgiving this year?
Well, it definitely comes with its own problems.
If everyone in the family is eating less, that means most of the food is going to waste,
unless you take it to the homeless shelter, but come on, that's like a 20-minute drive.
Okay, but I mean, I guess the family could just make less food.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, let's not go that far, okay?
There's actually a much better solution.
Gluttonal. It's a new drug that dramatically increases your appetite during the 24 hours of Thanksgiving.
You inject Ozympic into your thigh, you inject glutton all the neck and boom, your
deep-throating Aunt Karen's fingerlings all night long.
Yeah, okay, but isn't that gonna fuck up your metabolism?
Oh yeah, big time.
If only there was a drug that could fix that, well, guess what?
It's called compoxo. You pop a couple of these pills up your butt and your metabolism is evened out for the day.
Okay, okay. Hold on, Costa. You're putting these drugs up your butt at Thanksgiving table.
Won't that weird out your family? Oh it will which is why you'll have to
drug your family introducing happy naral. It sends everyone's oxytocin
levels through the roof just slip a tablespoon of this in the gravy boat and
let the hugging begin. Okay wait isn't oxytocin the hormone that makes
people horny? Yes yeah a family orgy is a possible side effect.
Which is why you need demoralin.
Just put a few drops in your eyes and voila.
You're as flaccid and dry as grandma's brisket.
Now, you do have to take it at the same time as the butt pills, otherwise you'll die.
Okay, cause that stop, okay, this is dumb.
Instead of people taking all these drugs, why can't they just not eat as much?
Oh, I'm so sorry that some of us need a little help to eat less and then eat more and then talk to our family without having sex with them. Okay, okay, I'm sorry, okay? I guess I just just, I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just just I just just I just I just I just just just just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, that, that I just, that I, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, that, that, that, that, thi, thi, then talk to our family without having sex with them. Okay, I'm sorry, okay? I guess I just wish that was a way people could enjoy life without putting drugs in their veins and up their butts.
Well, there is Ronnie. Introducing cocaine.
Cocaine is one of the...
Enough, enough. Michael Costa, everyone.
Hey, save some for me.
When we come back, we'll find out how Don't Trump measures all his court gates, so don't
go away.
Go and try to that.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
He's back. Streaming soon on Paramount Plus.
This is Dr. Frazier Crane.
I'm listening.
He's back again.
Hey dad, I got a question about punctuation.
Ooh! No, stay on task.
And he's more Frazier than ever.
How do I look?
Rich.
Just what I was going.
Oh my God, they traded your baby for wine.
Do you really think we would trade John for white Zinfandel?
Or any wine?
Frazier, new season streaming September 19th on Paramount Plus. Welcome back to a daily show.
Let's talk about the only man who's seen more court time than LeBron, Donald Trump.
Yesterday his lawyers asked the court to release him from a gag order so he can call the judge
a fat Mexican or something.
But that's just one of his four billion court cases.
And you might be wondering, how is Trump able to juggle all these court appointments and run for president at the same time?
Luckily, we found the guy who helps him do it.
Donald Trump has another court date on the calendar after pleading not guilty for the third time in four months.
God damn it.
Another lawsuit?
My name is Barnaby Dirk and I am Donald Trump's official scheduler.
And I want to die.
I have a color-coded system that falls apart every 10 minutes.
But red is for state court prep.
the blue is for federal court cases.
But red is for state court prep,
blue is for federal court cases, yellow is New York City court cases,
purple is for time he spends with his kids,
but I also use it for fraud charge cases because they basically overlap.
Then each morning I input a daily schedule into a common electro monthly calendar
from the 90s, so President Trump actually reads it.
Please don't ask me about the ketchup stains.
Oh yeah, yeah, sure, we can put a deposition on the books. But could you just please remind
me, what day comes between Tuesday and Wednesday? Oh, really?
Well, then I guess I'll have to invent one to fit it in, won't we, you fucking asshole?
I've kept schedules for CEOs, tons of industry, that Nexium guy.
It's never been a problem, no matter how much they get sued or how many secret families they have.
But this is like nothing I've done before.
Sometimes I have to get creative about scheduling two things at once.
Like one time Mr. Trump had a round of golf that he refused to cancel, but he also had
to bury his ex-wife Ivana.
So I figured out how to have him at both places at once.
There are reports that Ivana will be buried in New Jersey on the grounds of the Trump National
Golf Course in Bedminster. I want a golden calendar for that. My profession is top award.
As you can see, sometimes I have to schedule down to the minute. When he's going for
the court case, bathroom breaks, when he comes out, when he stands outside and goes on a rant about how the stenographer is rigging a case,
or that the clerk really wants to bone him or something.
I haven't left this building in six months.
I pretty much live on Logan Paul's energy drink and Don Jr's leftover coke.
I think I have kids. Do I have kids?
Feeke, I don't remember. But I dream about the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the I have kids. Do I have kids? Feeh, I don't remember.
But I dream about the day when there's nothing left to schedule.
I did it. I scheduled it all.
A former President Trump now has another court date.
I'm Doug Lusader in Washington.
We'll have more...
No!
Stop, damn it!
No!
No!
No!
Yeah!
Two many court days!
Two many court days!
Please! Who is this? Wow, that guy seemed cool.
When we get back, John Oliver will be joining me on the show, so don't go away! Streaming soon on Paramount Plus.
This is Dr. Frazier Crane. I'm listening.
He's back again.
Hey dad, I got a question about punctuation.
Ooh! No, stay on task.
And he's more Frazier than ever.
How do I look? Rich.
Just what I was going for.
Oh my God, they traded your baby for wine.
Do you really think we would trade John for white Zinfandel? Or any wine?
Frazier, new season streaming September 19th on Paramount Plus.
Welcome back to the Daily Show.
My guest tonight is a former failed correspondent at the Daily Show.
He's done nothing since then. Please welcome Mr. John Oliver.
Oh my God. Thank you. Good. Thank you. Hello. Good evening.
Yes.
That's...
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
that's it's enough.
Enough.
I agree with you more than I agree with them.
Well, well, well, well, look, who's come crawling back.
Yes.
Where all started. I know. It's pretty weird come crawling back. Yes. Where it all started? I know.
It's pretty weird to be back.
I do not like being in that guest room at all.
Oh really?
That was the one room where I worked here you were not allowed to go in,
and I don't like being in it now.
It feels like I'm doing something wrong by being inside it.
Yeah, you never, you never sn were never allowed to really be in there because it had to be kept nice for the guest.
And it never really occurred to me,
one day, I might be that,
and I still don't feel it.
So I put my bag in there and then stood in the corridor for the rest.
I don't want to be in there at all.
Yeah, but this place to bring to bring to bring to bring to bring to bring to bring to bring to bring to bring to bring to bring the reason I came to America. And I was here for eight years.
Yeah, same.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's why I was so happy you came on, because we, people don't know by looking at us, but we
actually have very similar backgrounds.
Because we both joined the show.
I moved to America to do the show, just like you. And when I first joined the show, you know, the Daily Show Alumni show, the Daily show, the Daily show, the Daily show, the Daily show, the Daily show, the Daily show, the Daily show, the Daily, the Daily, the Daily, the Daily, the Daily, the Daily, the Daily, the Daily, the Daily, the Daily, the Daily, the Daily Show, the Daily, the Daily, the the the the Daily Show, the Daily, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the Daily Show alumni network is so strong I asked to meet up with Mr. Oliver yeah
and I thought this Mr. Oliver and I was like there's no way this guy's gonna
let me meet up with him and you were like no come before work there's
nothing there's nothing I like more than talking to people who
have questions about how to make feel peace yeah because it's the it's there it's there it's there it's there it's there it's there it's there's there's there's there's there's there's the the their their their their their their their no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. there's no. there's no. there talking to people who have questions about how to make field pieces. Yeah. Because it's the, or it's that it's such a narrow set of
skills. Yes. And all you had all of your questions were great. That was, I remember
you leaving and thinking, oh you're gonna be fine. Even though you don't have the
answers yet, all your questions are right, so you're gonna be fine. You do not have a problem. Oh, thanks. Oh, oh, thanks. Oh, thanks. Oh, thanks. Oh, thanks. Thanks, thanks. Thanks. Oh, thanks. Oh, thanks. Oh, thanks. Oh, all. Oh, all. Oh, all. Oh, all. Oh, all. Oh, all. Oh, all. Oh, all. th. All, all. All, all. All, all. All. All th. All th. All th. All the they. All they. All they. All they. All all all all all all all all. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All, all. All. All. All, all. All, all. All, all. All, all. All, all. All, all. All, all. All, all. All, all. All, all. All, all. All, all. All, all. All the. All of. All of. All of. All of. All of. All of you. All of. All of you. All of. All of. All of. All of you. have that unique skill set of not minding being
a dick to people.
And that really, at the end, that is the secret source.
Well, that is the, I mean, you know, you have to really not care to do satire sometimes.
Yes.
Yes.
I don't think people know how much you don't give a fuck.
Yes.
Like you truly don't give a fuck you. You all go hard. In the marrow of my bones, sometimes when our lawyers say,
they're going to be upset, you go,
I'm not having a physical reaction to that at all.
Yes.
I don't know.
It is no concern to me whether the sackler family are mad with me or not.
To be honest, I'm a little bit.
There's a tii. I like the feeling, I like the feeling of trouble. Yeah, you did, yeah. In comedy, because I'm probably a natural coward in many ways,
but when it comes to comedy, I do like the feeling of being in real trouble.
Yeah, it's weird.
You talked about, you said pushing the button.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
And what was interesting was when I met with you.
. the th you, th you, the th you, th, th, th, th, the th, th, th, th, th, I th, I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. I th. I th. I that, I thi. I th. I th th th th th th th th th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to a.m. first of all, which is, yeah. Which is extremely early for comedians. Yeah. I mean,
wake up. That is true. There's the amazing thing about doing jobs like this. When you
get into comedy, it's not generally thinking that you will see a human beings breakfast time. No. Yeah, that's right. You came, you came, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you came very very very very very very, you came very, you came very very very, you came very, you came very, you came very, you came very, you came very, you, you, you came very, you, you, you, you, you, you came very th. You, you came, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. th. th. th. to and I have very specific questions and one thing you told me I've been using this in my
podcast rounds I don't know if you if it's come back to you but like when you
told me it took you two years yeah to relearn how to do comedy in America. I think that's probably true. You were spot on to the day I was a to? the the. to. to. to. the the. to New York City gigging at some comedy club, and it was two years in literally almost to the day.
And I remember things just trying to click a little bit of like relearning how to do comedy.
Because again, like you like me, we were doing comedy outside of America before
we really came here. Yeah, and so I think the outsider perspective in comedy always works. The thing with being an immigrant here is you kind of have to learn the exact ways
that your outside of perspective can translate.
So you kind of have to learn basically how that can work.
And once it does, you're fine.
But until that point, it does feel a little bit like uncharted waters.
Yeah, it's a bit like, you know, you can come here and you can come here and you can joke about America on a very
surface level and you can you can and that will do well for you for you know if
you have a 15-minute set maybe 30 minutes set but I feel like after nine months
or a year in America the audience can kind of smell the bullshit of like
like you've been here long enough yes right like guns shouldn't be weird to you
so so really what when the the profound your two year thing was like it takes like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like it you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you th th th th th like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like th th like like th like like th like th like like thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi you you you you you you you you th't be weird to you. So really, how profound your two-year thing was, like it takes two years to learn the
nuances of America so you can make fun of them in ways which...
Yes, exactly. They appreciate.
Exactly. Like, don't tell us we have guns, we know we have guns.
Tell us something else. If we know nothing else about ourselves, is that we have guns to a genuinely problematic
extent.
That is not a fresh insight.
We genuinely know.
Yes, exactly.
So you were like going deeper and deeper into it, which you know, that was like a tiper and
that was my guiding light as well when I first tell you.
I'm so glad.
My incredibly insightful advice of wait. Yeah, I just deep down didn't want to hear from you again again the the to to to to to to to to the to to to to the to to the to to the the to to to the the to to the to to to to the to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to me to be thoombeck. to be to be to be to be to bea. to bea. to bea. to bea. I to bea. I to bea. I to bea. I to be to bea. I to be to be to be to me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me to be to be the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. tho. thoome. the. thean. thean. trean. truoooooooomean. toean. that's. that's. that's. that's still can't believe it. I just deep down
didn't want to hear from you again for two years. I mean that's all it was.
Come back with the same question in two years and then we'll talk. Yeah.
You respond. And I wonder like do you feel like satire in 2023 is that you know
you've been at the show you've seen the daily show kind of evolve over a lot of times and when you join the show I don't there wasn't anyone
else doing it kind of there wasn't tick-talking it today there wasn't
Instagram oh no there wasn't those things right there so so it wasn't a
bunch of people on
I think you're now attacking the entire population of tick-to-try yeah
yeah no I'm down I got I'm hosting for one day come at me tip-tock
I was distracted but is that a monogram shirt
if you have a monogram shirt oh yeah yeah yeah that's a very fancy shirt oh yeah
yeah this one is I got this shirt made in New York City Chinatown. And he, no he's a girl, he's a legit tailor.
And then he asked me if I wanted my Chinese name embroidered on it. I was like, go for it. And
then now it just looks like a mustard stain. Yeah, it doesn't look like a mustard stain. Yeah, it doesn't look like a mustard. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I the. I the. I theat theate. I theat the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. It does look a little bit like a mustard stay.
Yeah, did you guys get fancy suits when you...
No, we got no suits.
We got... I cannot, we were not given any... I've never owned a suit.
Check out this boomer.
Coming on a daily show telling us how good we have it now about camera.
We didn't have a desk. We had to go...
to go to a place a place a place a place a place a place a place a place a place a place a place a place a place a place a place a place a place a place a place a place a place a to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to buy a- We have cameras, we had to go to a place to buy a suit and we're
doing filpies, you wrecked them all the time. For years here, we did not, there's nothing
that made ex-correspondence more angry than hearing that we got free suits when we did.
And yeah, that was the thing that bothered them the hole every year just to get a presentable suit. Now look at you, you're
spiffy. Did the show pay for that? Yeah, the show... Oh, fuck. There's monograms?
They... You get monogrammed shirts now? Yeah, well, you know. Comedy Central has changed. I know
things are a little choppy here, but monograms shirts? No, I told them if they didn't monogram it, they were racist.
And then they just did, yeah.
Oh, that's a move that I can't make.
Yeah, but like, that's the thing, like, we're both immigrants in America.
And do you ever, I guess my question is like, the people who are like, if you don't like it here, leave.
Because I get that a lot.
Yeah, I mean, I guess they took,
I mean, it's a horrible point, but it's a fair question.
I guess now my answer would be,
I'm a citizen, you can't do that.
But I think, I, the tricky thing is I felt ownership,
it's very dangerous, a British person saying, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th the tricky thing is I felt ownership, it's very dangerous, a British person saying
I felt ownership of this country historically does not go well. It's amazing, I just went to
India and I felt like I belonged. But I felt at home here long before my legal status
was solid. That's the tricky thing as an immigrant. The more I felt at home here, the more cognizant you are
of the fact that it's not up to you whether or not you get to stay or not.
So it was a massive relief to get my green card.
And an even bigger relief to get my citizenship.
So, yeah, despite the fact, immigrants t I only really talk shit as a way of expressing love.
Professionally.
Exactly. I don't really know how to express myself sincerely.
Right, right.
I like you. I'm never going to say that.
Fck you, Ronnie. There you go.
Yeah. Yeah. Ff, you're your show. That's all you know. That's it. I was back on that earlier point.
Do you feel that's a place for satire?
Like, basically, the news is so crazy right now.
Reality is sometimes matching up to the news sometimes.
In that environment, do you feel that satire is still possible?
Like, you know, when you're trying to ironically be the bad guy in some, you know? Oh, I see you mean like if you're doing filpies?
Because we used to play the bad guy in filpies, right?
You would say things you did not mean just to embody an argument that you do not agree with. Yeah. I mean, in field pieces that's the way that we would operate all the time. In general, in general, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the the the, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, the, because, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the th.. th. th. the the th. the the the the, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the th. thi. thi. thi in the yeah I'm not asking about your show I'm asking about what for me but this show we get
out you know fucking you figured it out I'm talking about for me like I
think I think there'll always be a place for satire I mean there was a
place for in in Germany in the 30s it didn't seem to work out that well they gave it a go yeah yeah so no I think thi I I I I I I they they th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I thi thi thi thi the the the the the the they'll they'll the they'll they'll they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they, I think there will always be, and I, unlike you, I'm happy for people
online to try and do it as well. Ronnie, really would it like nobody to have a voice? Nobody...
No, all about earn your voice, like me. I did. I had to fucking get on this show
to get a voice. You don't get a voice just because you're in your underwear. That's right. That's right. Rony regrets, you know, I really the under the under the under the under under under under under under under under under under under, their. their, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th. th. th. th like, I their, I really, I really, I really like, their, their, th like, th like, I th like, really like th like tho, really like nobody, really like nobody, really like, really like, really like, really like, really like nobody, really like, the the the the the tho, really like, really like, really like, really like, th. th. th. th like, really like, really like, really like, really like, really like, really like, really like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, their their their, their, their, their, their, they. they. the their, the their, the they. the the the the the the the. You really like the gates. I love the gatekeeper. Yeah, it was so tough to come here. You know, it was very tough for me
to come here. I like you, I also really wanted to come here. I don't think the thing. I don't think
Americans understand how rough the U.S. immigration process is. When they say come to people come in the right way. I don't think think think think think think tho. I tho. I tho. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I to thi. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to come. I was to come. I was to come. I was to come. I to come. I to come. I to to come. I to to to to to to to come. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to come. I to to to to to come. I to to to to to to to to to to to to me. I to to to to to to to to to me. I to come here. I to to to come here., they brought it to me in my office upstairs
and they gave me a Budweiser and an apple pie with a little American flag in it. I think
they were giving it as if like here's a joke, right? Oh you got it, you're always going to get it,
here it is, and I nearly cried. And for a British person, nearly crying is crying. That's as close as I can come, but I was so relieved because I was worried about it so much.
Yeah.
So I think you tend to find, like when we were talking before the green card,
exactly, when you find out someone just got the green card,
you can kind of almost feel the relief coming off it, because it's such a concern.
It's not easy. No, it's called the extraordinary ability visa.
Yes.
You have to prove, first of all, that you have extraordinary ability, which I challenge
anyone to do, unless you're freaking an NBA player, 7-foot, and then second of all,
it's like if you don't constantly prove that you're, they can deport you. Like if I have a bag segment on the Daily Show, I'm...
Yeah.
You did not demonstrate extraordinary ability.
That was at median level ability.
That is the worst thing about coming in on a visa is like occasionally they'll look at
the visa and say what do you do?
Because they're expecting a surgeon.
Yeah. Someone with a marketable skill.
And the moment you say comedian, like, that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the moment you say comedian like that's this is not for you that's not and also then if it's all go tell me something funny like or what is this
a fun bit or is this the moment I get deported yeah I need a joke on hand
top it demonstrates extraordinary ability in terms of word craft yes it's
incredibly stressful in a way people don't understand yeah so in a
way I'm with you in that like in immigrants to America who come here th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that actually th th th th th th th th th th that to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. I the. I the. I the. I the. I'm the. I'm theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat theeeeeeeeeee. I the. I way I'm with you in that in that like immigrants to America who come here actually want to be
here and were the ones who get shit done here. Yes. Because we had to
f-improve it every single time. That's right. Immigrants.
Immigrants. That's right. We get the job done. Yeah. I would say what is more
quintessentially American than coming to a country you don't
belong in and deciding you're going to stay.
Yeah.
And at Thanksgiving of all times.
Yes.
All right.
So, we get it.
You know, every interview I've researched you on, you've professed your love for America.
Yeah.
Okay, so can you shut the fuck up and be American for one minute instead of constantly complaining and talking like a ffiii f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f fc. you you thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi, thi thi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I I I. Yeah. Yeah. I I I I. I. I. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's. I's. Yeah. I's. I's. I's. I's. th. I'm. th. th. I'm. Yeah. I th. I'm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. Okay, so can you shut the fuck up and be American for one minute instead of constantly
complaining and talking like a fucking foreign all the time?
I mean, I challenge you. You challenge me to be American? Yes. I want you to prove. I want
you to eat this hot dog right now. Oh boy. And then I want you to throw this football. And first of all, you have to call it a football. to throw it,. I call it an American football. Okay, American football.
And you've got to throw this to me. So you're going to eat that first and you throw this
to me. Okay, like like this? No, no, you got a tight spiral. We're going to go over there. Okay, alright. So eat this first. We got to from a bodega so you might. Oh no. This is this. This is this. This is this. This is this. This is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this. Oh, this. Oh, this is this. Oh, this is this. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, so you're th. Oh, so you're th. Oh, so you. Oh, so you. Oh, so you. Oh, so you. Oh, so you. Oh, so you. Oh, so you. Oh, so you. Oh, oh, oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. you th. you th. You th. You th. here you got to throw a tight spiral how
all right all right can we all right can we can we can we can we can we can
can we go drum a drum roll? Drum roll. For you? For you?
Ready?
Yeah.
Go?
Go?
All right.
We proved it.
All right.
All right.
Yeah, it's last week.
too'r.
Yeah, that's not.
This.
Last week, tothrow to a break. We're gonna take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.
Thank you, John.
How do you do it?
You go up.
Take it from the thing.
Oh, it's okay.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
the together.
Oh.
that's This is Dr. Frazier Crane. I'm listening. He's back again. Hey dad, I got a question about punctuation.
Ooh! No, stay on task.
And he's more Frazier than ever.
How do I look? Rich.
Just what I was going before.
Oh my God, they traded your baby for wine!
Do you really think we would trade John for white, Zinfandel?
Or any wine? Frazier, new season streaming September 19th on Paramount Plus.
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