The Daily Show: Ears Edition - TDS Time Machine | TDS Holiday Movies

Episode Date: December 23, 2024

It's the most wonderful time of the year, and The Daily Show has the perfect way to celebrate it. Take a look back at some of the best holiday sketches throughout the years.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're gonna be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to The Weekly Show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone, Desi Lydic here.

The Daily Show is on break for the holidays, but in the meantime, we put together some special highlights for you. We'll be back in the new year on January 7th with all new episodes. [♪upbeat music playing -♪ [♪upbeat music playing -♪ [♪upbeat music playing -♪

[♪upbeat music playing -♪ [♪upbeat music playing -♪ [♪upbeat music playing -♪ [♪upbeat music playing -♪ [♪upbeat music playing -♪ [♪upbeat music playing -♪ He was a poll worker doing his part in a local election.

No matter who you voted for, democracy wins. Shut up. She was a self-appointed election monitor. He's harvesting ballots! That's voter fraud! Ballot mule! Two thousand mules! Two thousand mules! Hey! I got one! I got one! But when a mandatory recount brought them together. Hey, you can't take these votes!

Like hell I can't. These are made of Chinese bamboo. You can't fool me. They belong here, underneath this randomly hung mistletoe. Now this holiday, they'll both be learning how to steal, each other's hearts. Wow. Wow. Oh. Oh. But how can two people share a life together when they can't share a democracy? Christmastown has a new mayor. It came down to one final ballot. And the final vote is for the Democrat. You rigged the election and ruined Christmas.

Honey, just because the Republican lost doesn't mean it was rigged. The only lost here is you losing me. Oh man, this is really a low part in our story. When elections hopes are lost, sometimes all you need is a Christmas miracle. Look at that! Stop! Good! Stay out! Get ready boys, we're going in!

Excuse me. You got room for one more patriot at this insurrection? You brought zip ties. If we're gonna do this, we're gonna do it together. This holiday season, make sure you cast... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa a She was a single mom hoping for a Christmas miracle. Hi, do you have time for a charity that's... He was a regular Joe trying to do the right thing.

And this Christmas, they're going to find love in the most magical place. How dare you teach my child about critical race theory? You are ruining America. Ma'am, ma'am, please calm down. How dare you teach my child about critical race theory? You are ruining America! Ma'am. Ma'am! Please calm down. Don't tell me to calm down, you woke elitist. And why don't you take that mask off? Take it off and face me like a man.

And keep it off. Looks like Santa came early this year. Now this holiday, they'll both be learning CRT. Christmas Romance Theory. You know, oat milk is more sustainable than almond milk. Ugh, shut your cuck mouth and kiss me. But can two people who don't agree on history ever have a future? Does your sweater say happy holidays? Yeah, it's more inclusive.

You never understood me. Or Christmas! Oh man, we're never going to end up together now. This season, one man will have to put Christmas over reason. Since our last school board meeting, which was only this morning, you believe that so much has happened, I've learned that one thing is more important than teaching children about their own country's history. And that one thing is love.

So tonight, the school board is announcing that we are putting love back into the curriculum. What? And it will replace all the lessons about slavery. No, no, no. We're overruling that. No, he doesn't have the power to do that. And why does he have a gavel? This is a school board meeting. Don't miss the movie event of the season. I got you this. To burn. Oh, Merry Christmas.

Fascists. A school board Christmas. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election economics ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to The Weekly Show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast. And she was sparkling with holiday spirit this year's

doc I just can't wait to go home and hide from the world. This Christmas season she had to leave the cold heartless city and head to her charming small hometown So what do you want to do kiddo I want to move to Canada dad I'm not kidding after all tis the season to fall in love. F*** me. Christine. God? You're back in small towns, Ville. Would you want to go ice skating with me later today?

No. I'm not doing this whole thing. Not this year. Bye. Sometimes the thing you need the most is waiting for you back home. Hey, it's in the neighborhood. Nope. Got me thinking that the cosmos is a complicate.

It might not be the Christmas she expected, but magic is in the air. Yum. The secret ingredient to all my pies is love. You know Christmas time is the best time to fall in love. Not this year. Not this year. Sometimes you need good friends to point out what's been right in front of you all along.

Guess who's here? It's Scott from high school. He's become quite the handsome widower. I think he likes you. Mm-hmm. How many times do I have to tell you people I am not down for a rom-com right now? And for the last time, I'm not joining your MLM. Christmas is when wishes come true.

And this year, she's wishing for true love. No, I'm not. But it's Christmas. Don't care. And you're home for the holidays, where the magic of Christmas romance takes hold. You know what? Read the room, buddy. Did you not see the election?

I only exist in Christmas movies. What's an election? Christine, there's someone here to see you. Christine, I know it's Christmas Eve, and I'm just a single dad with three adorable kids. Will you be our mommy? This is literally the first time we met. And I know you're a big city Christmas journalist,

and I'm a rugged man who works at every small business in town, but Christine, Christmas is about being with the people you love. That's what I keep telling her. That's what I told her, too. Oh, my God. All right, enough, all of you. Wait, why do I even have to go home for the holidays? It's not even my real mom. It's just some Canadian actress.

Hey, are you single? We wish you a Merry Christmas. We wish you a Merry Christmas. No, no thank you. No thank you. No thank you. No thank you. Nope. No thank you. So get cozy with the one you love, because this holiday season, the Daily Show Movie Network presents A Very 2024 Christmas. We wish you a Merry Christmas. And a happy new year.

Yay! the coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? Listen to The Weekly Show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast.