The Daily Show: Ears Edition - This Week's Top Stories - Russian Attack Near Poland, Kanye West Harassing Kim Kardashian & More

Episode Date: March 19, 2022

Russia bombs a Ukrainian base near Poland's border, Trevor examines Kanye West's harassment of Kim Kardashian, and Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelenskyy gives a speech to Congress. Learn more about y...our ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 You're listening to Comedy Central. Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free at Zip Recruiter's smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, Zip Recruiter's powerful matching technology starts showing you qualified people for it, and you can use Zip Recruiter's pre-written
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Starting point is 00:01:29 the West over how to respond. Should NATO send Ukraine fighter jets? Should NATO enforce a no-fly zone over Ukraine? So far the answers to both of those have been no, over fears that doing either would spark a direct conflict between NATO and Russia. But over the weekend, it was Russia edging everyone closer to direct conflict. A war that many fear could spill into other countries has taken a dangerous turn, with Russia firing on a Ukrainian military base close to the Polish border and the NATO alliance. The sky turned red, witnesses say when roughly 30 Russian missiles struck the Yavariv training base in western Ukraine, leaving this smoldering crater, 35 people dead, and an
Starting point is 00:02:16 escalation of the war now only a few miles from Poland, a key NATO ally. The base was routinely used by U.S. and NATO trainers over the years. The attack came a day after Moscow warned it would try to destroy foreign shipments of weapons to Ukraine, calling them, quote, legitimate targets. Yeah. Believe it or not, for the first time, Russia bombed a military base very close to Poland's border. Just 15 miles away, which definitely seems like a warning.
Starting point is 00:02:47 I mean, 15 miles is basically nothing. According to my friend who can't stop telling me that he's training for a marathon, I get it, you run far. In fact, 15 miles is basically as close you can get to bombing Poland without actually hitting it, which means this missile strike was basically Russia going, oh, I wish a NATO would. And on top of that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that thiiii thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi's thi, thi's thi, thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi toeeeeeeean toean toeean toeeean toeean toeeeean thiii's is th of that, Russia is also warning that it's not going to just let the West keep sending weapons into Ukraine. It's going to start attacking those shipments, which is scary, but I mean of course they want to stop those shipments from coming in.
Starting point is 00:03:17 You know, NATO is sending Ukraine its most sophisticated weapons. Meanwhile, Russia is fighting with the equivalent of a flip phone So if you're a UPS guy who gets a package that looks like this You might want to watch yourself now Both of these developments are concerning because like I said nobody wants world war. We don't want to start for any reason I mean America hasn't even defeated all the Nazis from the last world war. And like my mom always says, you can't have more until you finish what's on your plate. But while everyone is trying to keep the war from spilling into the rest of Europe, as it turns out, it might already be spilling into China.
Starting point is 00:03:58 We're learning this morning that Russia has asked China for military support and other aid for this invasion, that is really concerning further west and could be a theeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuiiiiiiiiiiiiiuiuiuiuiole, thiole, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, thoomome, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th, th, concerning further west and could be a real blow to these Ukrainian forces if indeed this happens. U.S. officials tell us it's true and the White House National Security Advisor Jake Sullivan is traveling to Rome today to meet with Chinese officials and he says he will will warn them not to help Vladimir Putin. We are communicating directly, privately to Beijing. We will not allow that to go forward and allow there to be a lifeline to Russia from
Starting point is 00:04:31 these economic sanctions from any country, anywhere in the world. Okay look, I can see why America doesn't want Russia teaming up with China. There would be an unstoppable power couple, like Benifer but with nukes. But getting tough on Russia is one thing. How does America plan to turn the screws on China? Hey, you better do what we say. Or we won't let you sell us literally everything we need to survive anymore because we haven't made anything ourselves in 30 years?
Starting point is 00:04:58 Shit, I bet America would sacrifice three or four states just to keep getting new iPhones. And whether China decides to help Russia or not, you've got to admit, this is embarrassing for Russia. I mean, think about it. They're not even what, three weeks into this war? And they're already like, China can you help us? We ran out of war stuff. It's like when you were a kid at the arcade, and you used up all your tokens, tokes tokes tokes tokes to to to to to to toke to to to to to toke toke toke toke toke toke toke, toke, toke, their tho, tho, thi thi and thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th.. th. th.. thi. thi.. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thi. thi. thi. thiiiiii. thiii walk around, begging other people for their tokens.
Starting point is 00:05:25 And then when that fails, you spend the rest of the party finger-banging all the machines hoping someone left a token behind. You remember those days? But as Putin looks for the help on the battlefield, the fallout is also continuing to mount inside his own borders. Russia becomes more and more isolated from the rest of the world. They can't fly anywhere, they can't order anything off of Amazon, they can't even use Airbnb, which means now they have to film themselves going to the bathroom.
Starting point is 00:05:51 And every day, the Russian people become more cut off from the truth about the war. All the independent media has been shut down. So the only thing that they have now is state TV. Although tod today tod today tod today tod today tod today tod today tod today tod today tod today tod tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the thi thi tho- to tho- tho-m. tho-m. tho-m. thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thi the thi the th, the the the the their their their their their their thu. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the tooooooooooo. toe too. toe too. toe too. the the the the thi thi the to only thing that they have now is state TV. Although today, an anti-war message managed to slip on the air. Provocative and courageous move from an anti-war protester in Russia. Watch her bold and brave act during a primetime broadcast on Russian State TV this evening. colleague. The Russian Premier put coutn, need to their own cuneum-to-signing in the government. At sign reads in Russia, in quote, no war, stop the war, do not believe propaganda. They tell you lies here, unquote. The last line of the sign read, quote, Russians against war, unquote.
Starting point is 00:06:39 The program appeared to quickly cut away to video at this hour. It's unclear what happened to this woman after her onset protest. Russia of course does not allow freedom of speech. Wow. That is either an incredibly brave protester or a very horrible cue card person. No, for real, for real, that was actually an employee at that state TV channel, which is brave. It's one of the bravest things I've ever seen. Although knowing Russia's propaganda machine is probably going to find a way to like twist this whole thing, they'll be like, you saw the sign, no war. There is no war. Everything is normal, all good.
Starting point is 00:07:14 But this protest aside, it's almost impossible for Russians. And now, there's no cat photos. Instagram has gone dark in Russia. The country shut down the social media platform at midnight. Russian regulators gave people 48 hours to save all their photos and videos before the service ended. So there's all these influencers in Russia with like 23 million something followers that are like sobbing and very upset that they're losing all their followers. Reality TV star Olga Buzova posted this video of her crying and saying, it feels like a big part of my heart and my life is being taken away from me. Yeah, if you thought being a Ukrainian refugee was bad, imagine being forced to pick up your whole life on Instagram and move it over to cameo. That's tragic. I mean, for real, though, Instagram shutting down in Russia
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Starting point is 00:09:06 in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address. Zip Recruiter.com slash zip recruiter. The smartest way to hire. One of the strangest things to try and wrap your head around, I find especially in America is when a story stops only applying to the, not the industry that it's in, but sort of like
Starting point is 00:09:42 the sector that it's in and when it starts affecting everybody or speaking to everybody. You know, what I mean by that is there are some stories that are purely like entertainment. It's tabloid, it is, it is what it is. There's some stories that are only in the world of fight. But then there are some stories that I feel transcend everything and then speak to larger conversations. And I honestly think the Kim Kardashian, Kanye West, Pete Davidson situation is turning into that.
Starting point is 00:10:11 You know, it started very much in the land of tabloid, but I feel it's creeping and has crept into a world that more people should pay attention to, but not for the reason that you may think. For those who don't know, Kim Kardashian was married that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thia thiae, thian, thian, thian, thiiou is thiola, thioliom is thiomorrow, thiomorrow, thiomay, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the thi, the thi, the the the thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, thin, thi, thin, thin, thin, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thi, thi, thi, that you may think. You know? For those who don't, for those who don't know, Kim Kardashian was married to Kanye West. If you don't know that, I really envy your life. I want to know how you roll and how you avoid all these things. But they were married, they got divorced.
Starting point is 00:10:37 And over time, Kani has become more and more belligerent in how he tries to get Kim back. Like when it started, it was, you know, some would say romantic, oh, I want you back, and you know, here are roses, and this is my dream. And some people like, oh, okay, it makes sense. You're trying to win somebody back. We understand that, but over time, it's become more and more belligerent. And one of the most extreme examples examples examples, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th, thi., thi, thi, thi, thi, thi., thi., the., the the the., the the the., the thean., thean., thean., toooo., to the., to the music video, he, like it's a claymation music video, I should say, he chops off Pete Davidson's head. And I mean, we all understand the
Starting point is 00:11:11 subject, he's like, I wish this guy was dead is what Kanye is saying. Now, Kanye, you know what I mean? To be fair, Kanye says, no, this is just art. I don't actually want to hurt him. This is just art. Don't judge my art. But here's here, this is, this is, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He th. He the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He is, th. He is, th. He is, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's th. He's th. He's the. He's the. He's th th th theeeeeeeeee. He's th th th theeeee. He's the. He's th. He's art. But here's the thing. First of all, just like from a rap perspective, I was sad that now like rappers, like claymation and rap beefs are a weird combination. I'm not gonna, it's pretty hard in my opinion to be gangster with claymation because you have to do like one frame at a time, you know, I do understand that art can be therapy. You know what I mean? I do understand that art can't th. I th. I th. I th. I th th th th th th th, I th th th th th th th th thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu-a thu-a thr-a thr-a, I thr-a. I that that that that that that that that thu- thu- that thu-a, I thr- thr- thi, I thi, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th th th th th. I th th. I th th th th. I th. I th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thr-au. thr-au. thr-au-au-au-au-au-au-au-au-au-au-au-a. thi. thi th But I also understand that therapy can be therapy. Do you know what I mean? And what's weird about the situation is, Kanye West has told us that he struggles with his mental health. So I get it.
Starting point is 00:11:52 You want to have artists therapy. But here's what's weird that Kanye doesn't understand. It's like, what we're seeing is, it's, it's, it makes you uncomfortable, man, because here's a thing, Eminem was Eminem from the beginning. I'm gonna kill my ex-wife, I'm gonna, but it was his shiq, and we knew it was his stick. He wasn't that person. With Kanye, we don't know how to feel, we don't know how to worry, and I think Kanye doesn't to that he goes, well, leave me to create my art. Yeah, but Kanye, you told us you have problems. Now when we worry about that, you say we shouldn't worry
Starting point is 00:12:27 because it's not problems or it is problems. Which is it? It puts society in a precarious position. And the reason I say that is because of his harassment. thi. Which I know is crazy to say, because there's a lot of people. Kardashian, she loves publicity, she loves celebrity, she loves all of this, she does the Kardashians, this is her life, this is her thing. Yeah, and I get it, but there's also an element of a woman saying to her ex, hey, please leave
Starting point is 00:12:53 me alone. You know what I mean? Please leave me alone. And so like this story keeps on escalating. You've got Kanya West who's harassing Kim Kardashian. And then you've got Pete Davidson, who's now embroiled in the whole thing. And the story escalated to a new level when now Pete Davidson leaked texts that he sent back and forth with Kanye.
Starting point is 00:13:16 He sends a selfie to Kanye. And Kanye said, where are you? And he said, I'm in your wife's bed. Funny. Right? And we also don't, because I mean, we don't know what the person's doing. We know what he's implying. But because of the pandemic, in your bed could mean anything. But because of the pandemic, in your bed could mean anything.
Starting point is 00:13:36 Like my bed used to be a place for sleep and sex. Now it's also like my living the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thoombue. thi. thi thi. thi. thoombu. thoombu. thoombue. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. to to to to to to to toe. toe. toe toe. toe tooooo toe the the the the. the. So in your bed could mean anything. But we get what Pete was going with, right? We get what Pete was going with. Going, I'm in bed with your wife. Then after that, there's a whole bunch of text ways, says, hey, listen, Kanya, let's talk as men. Let me help you with your mental health. I've also your mental health. Yeah, now you've added to the mental health of the person that you're trying to help them with.
Starting point is 00:14:08 Do you get what I'm saying? It's a little bit crazy. It's a little bit like roasting somebody while you're giving them CPR. And now this thing, it's, it's spun into a story that that that that seems that seems that seems that seems that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's fully that's fully that's fully that's fully that's fully that's a little more awareness from the general public. It's because it touches on something that is more sensitive and more serious than people would like to admit. I know everyone thinks it's a big marketing stunt. Oh, look at the coincidence. Kim is launching a new show. Two things can be true. Kim likes publicity. Kim is also being harassed. Those things can be happening at the same time. Because I'll be honest with
Starting point is 00:14:48 what I see from this situation, I see a woman who wants to live her life without being harassed by an ex-boyfriend or an ex-housand or an ex-anything. You may not feel sorry for Kim, you know because she's rich and famous because of the way she dresses, because she appropriates black culture, because she tells women they're lazy, because she broke the internet and then didn't put it back together, whatever, you hate or whatever. But, but what she's going through is terrifying to watch and it shines a spotlight on what so many women go through when they choose to leave. You know, people always say that phrase to women, they go like, why, why, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their,to women, they go like, why didn't you leave? Oh, why didn't you leave? Why didn't you leave? Yeah, because a lot of women realize when they do leave, the guy will get even crazier. And when I say crazy, I don't mean mental health crazy.
Starting point is 00:15:32 I'm like, it's, you understand what I mean. You know what I mean. The point is that Kim Kardashian and countless other women, they find their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, when the the the the guy the guy the guy the guy the guy the guy the guy, when the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy the guy, the guy the the guy the the the guy the the the the guy the guy the guy the the guy the guy the guy thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the guy will will will will thoo, the guy will will will the guy will the guy will the guy will the guy will the guy will the guy the guy the Because asking Kanye to stop clearly isn't helping. But at the same time, he hasn't broken any laws, you know? So can she get him arrested? No, I don't think so. Would she even want to? I mean, you know, she spends half her time helping black people come out of jail. So now she can't be throwing Kanye's thinne.
Starting point is 00:15:58 It's a bit of a paradox. But still, she's being harassed. And I get it. Society's like, ha, you deserve it. This is funny. This is that. And I get it also from Kanye's side. In like, the parts of Kanye. There's parts I understand. I understand Kanye saying, I don't want my daughter on TikTok. I get, I agree with that part of what he's saying.
Starting point is 00:16:17 I'm not involved in other we're seeing, though, is one of the most powerful, one of the richest women in the world, unable to get her ex to stop texting her, to stop chasing her, to stop harassing her. Just think about that for a moment. Think about how powerful Kim Kardashian is, and she can't get that to happen. I grew up my whole life in an abuse of household, right? Most of my, let's say, from the age of nine to whatever, 16.
Starting point is 00:16:47 One of the things I found most interesting was how often people told my mom that she was overreacting. What I found interesting was how many times people told my mom, people told my family to calm everyone, you know, and everyone had different reasons. Oh, I remember once we went to the police station and they said to my mom, oh, but did you talk back? Is that why you're here? You know, oh, but what did you say to it? It's all these questions, all these questions. I remember seeing this as a child, by the way.
Starting point is 00:17:12 You see this as a child, you know? And you see a world where women are questioned what is happening to them, as opposed to people questioning what is happening to them. And for years, people said this shit, ah, no, this, ah, you know, this, this happens, this, that happens, everyone. Police, some family, stranger, whatever it was, whatever it was, and I'll never forget one day, I got a call from my brother saying,
Starting point is 00:17:40 hey, the mom has just been shot in the head. She's in the hospital now, she's just been shot. And I'm not saying it to make it about me. I'm just saying maybe that's why I look at the story differently, to be honest with you, is I go, it seems like nothing. And again, I'm not saying Kanye will, please. I'm not saying he will. Not saying that. But you see it in all these stories where people people people people people people people people people people people people people the stories.
Starting point is 00:18:03 these stories where people say we saw it but we didn't so we whether it's the people around him whether it's the people in their lives whether it's us as society condoning or not condoning and I know it's nuanced I know I'm not saying Connie is just a bad guy please but just the society we have to ask ourselves questions do we wish to stand by and watch a car crash when we thou th thought we saw it coming or do we at least want to say hey slow down let's put our hazards on because there's a storm right now and some shit might go down let's just let's just put our hazard if it doesn't happen hey the worst thing we did was we all had our hazards on
Starting point is 00:18:35 like idiots I'm I'll be fine to say I was an idiot nothing happened I'd rather be in that situation than to be in one way I say man to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in to be in one where to be in to be in one where to be in one where I'm to be in to be in to to be in th. the the to be in a th. I'm th. I'm to be thi. I'm the the the thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thrown. I'm thrown. I'm thrown. I'm thrown. thrown. I'm thi. thi. I'm thi. I'm thi., man, I wish we didn't think the whole thing wasn't worth looking at. And all I'm saying about the story is, if Kim cannot escape this, Kim Kardashian, if she cannot escape this, then what chance do normal women have? Even as Putin continues to push into Ukraine and kill civilians, the world is uniting to fight back. Today, the International Court of Justice in the Hague ordered Russia to halt its invasion of Ukraine. So you know that should get results quickly. And here in the US, the Senate is advancing a bill that would give ordinary people a reward
Starting point is 00:19:22 for snitching on oligarchs and helping to identify their assets. Yeah. So you snitch, you snitch, you find, you find, you find, you find, you find, you find, you find the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their theircocococococococococococococococococococococococke, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their thiiiiiiia. thia. thia. thiia. thi. thii. ti. tia. t tia. t today. thea. today, oligarchs and helping to identify their assets. Yeah. So you snitch, you find an oligarch and you get money. Which is really interesting and it's probably going to mark the first time that people are going to call the cops like, hey, 911, I just saw a very suspicious yacht sailing by and look, some of my best friends have yachts, but there's something fishy about this one. Yeah, I'm, th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, so, th. So, so, so, so, so, so, so th. So, so th. So, so th. So, so thi, so thi, thi, thi, so thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thr-s, that's, that's that's thr-s, thr-s, thin, thin, thin, thi. thi. So, thi. So, some, some, some's something fishy about this one. Yeah, I'm in danger. Also, yesterday, the White House announced that President Biden himself will travel to Europe next week for a series of diplomatic meetings with other NATO leaders. And in response to that, Donald Trump, Jr., yeah, remember him? He tweeted that his dad should go instead, saying, quote, if you want to get something done
Starting point is 00:20:03 right, send Trump. Which, I actually, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that, that, that, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that, that that. that that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. thee. the. the. theee. thean. the. that Trump which I actually agree with yeah if your goal is to confuse the hell out of everyone in Europe send Trump that'll definitely stop the war Russia is stealing Ukraine's land just like Black Lives Matter still the voting machines and the toilets they don't flush anymore they don't flush and that's why we gotta ban windmills. Gotta get rid of all of them. Now, Vladimir Putin is not happy about any of this. In fact, today, he gave a speech in which he complained
Starting point is 00:20:36 that the West is trying to cancel Russia. Yeah, which is pretty rich coming from this dude. A man is over here as the only person person person who's ever sent an army to kill a comedian. And guys, can we agree? Can we agree that the term cancel has lost all meaning? Right? Because first cancelling meant that people were getting mad at you for what you said online. Now you're being canceled if people don't want you to invade other countries? I feel like we're a few months away from archaeologists being like, and then 66 million years ago, a giant asteroid hit the earth and canceled all the dinosaurs.
Starting point is 00:21:10 HASHTAG woke. But, the big news today is about Ukrainian president Vladimir Zelensky and his speech to the United States. Yeah, appearing live via satellite in Congress's home theater, Zelensky pleaded with the US to send more weapons and enforce a no-fly zone over Ukraine. And based on his references to American history, it was clear that Zelensky knew his audience. I remember your national memorial in Rushmore. The faces of your prominent president, those who laid the foundation of the United States,
Starting point is 00:21:48 of America, as it is today, remember Pearl Harbor, terrible morning of December 7, 1941 when your sky was black from the planes attacking you. Remember September the 11th. A terrible day, our country experienced the same every day. I have a dream. These words are known to each of you. Today I can say, I have a need. I need to protect our sky. I need your decision, your help, which means exactly the same, the same you feel when you hear the words, I have a dream. Yeah, that's right, Zelensky brought out all of America's major moments. I have a dream, 9-11, Mount Rushmore. You know he was on
Starting point is 00:22:38 Wikipedia last night planning this out. Okay, Pearl Harbor, Boston teap should I mention Hulk Hogan's sex tape, maybe? And by the way, props to him. I mean, he knows way more about America than most US senators know about his country. Can you imagine how they would sound if they had to give an inspiring speech using Ukrainian history? People of Ukraine. Remember the vision of your founder. I want to say, Daniel Ukraine? I'm also impressed that Zelenski was that's, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props props props, props, props, props props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thooma, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, props, the the the the the the vision of your founder. I want to say Daniel Ukraine?
Starting point is 00:23:07 I'm also impressed that Zelensky was able to dodge so many landmines in his research. Because you realize this could have gone very wrong. And now to 9-11, which as we all know from YouTube was inside job. I see you, Bush. No, for real, it was a really impressive speech. Although, you know, these days people on Twitter will complain about literally anything. So of course, there was one economist who tweeted, I understand times are hard, but doesn't the President of Ukraine own a suit? Damn, what a weird criticism.
Starting point is 00:23:42 This is the kind of guy who'd see Jesus come back and be like, really? Sandals, my guy? But anyway, most people were impressed by the speech, especially the powerful ending when Zelensky switched to English and addressed President Biden directly. Today, the Ukrainian people are defending not only Ukraine. We are fighting for the values of Europe and the world and at the leader of my nation. I am addressing the President Biden. You are the leader of the nation,
Starting point is 00:24:17 of your great nation. I wish you to be the leader of the world. Being the leader of the world means to be the leader of the world. Being the leader of the world means to be the leader of peace. Thank you. Slava Ukraine. That was inspiring. I'm pretty sure that was the first time in history people applauded a zoom call. It's also impressive that Zelensky was able to deliver that message in his non-native tongue. In fact, when you think about it, his English is better than the past two US presidents.
Starting point is 00:25:01 And also, how a ray is it, how rare is it to see everyone in Congress all stand and applaud for the same thing? You never see that. I mean, almost everyone, almost everyone. Because I don't know if you noticed that one congressman who, I guess, didn't realize that everyone else was doing a standing ovation? My man, we're on the brink of nuclear conflict. You can fill out your bracket later. Now, it doesn't look like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like th. th. th. look like America is going to support a no-fly zone over Ukraine anytime soon because again a direct confrontation between American jets and Russian jets that could end up spiraling into World War
Starting point is 00:25:33 3 and that's a sequel that nobody wants except for maybe the History Channel. You think they want to be talking about aliens and shit? They hate it as much as you do. But America's government has been ratcheting up its support in other ways. Today, Biden announced that America would be sending another $800 million worth of military aid to Ukraine. And aside from the American government, the American people have also taken it upon themselves to step up and help Ukraine. And I'm not just talking about the usual ways, by the way, like donating money and putting a Ukrainian flag in their Twitter handle. And don't get me wrong, the flag emojy is making a huge difference. But people are also finding more creative ways to help.
Starting point is 00:26:12 Inspired by these images of Ukrainians displaced, their trace to Shmorkovsky created an Amazon wish list of items needed in Ukraine the response overwhelming one truck after another dropping off donated goods 40,000 and counting people are booking Airbnb's in Ukraine with no plans of staying there the initiative which gained popularity on social media is a way to get money to Ukrainians impacted by the war more more than 61,000 nights were booked in just 48 hours, raising almost $2 million for hosts in Ukraine. Two Harvard University students are doing their part to help Ukrainian refugees find homes
Starting point is 00:26:57 around the world. They have launched this website, Ukraine Take Shelter.com. It's designed to help refugees find hosts with spare rooms, condos and dormitories. Wow people that is heartwarming, huh? These two students are helping thousands of Ukrainian refugees find places to stay. That's amazing. It's amazing. I mean we should keep in mind though that the website was built by Harvard students in their dorm room so a few years from now it'll probably lead to an attempted coup. But for now, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, with th, with th, with th, with th, with th, with th, with thi, with thi, with thi, with thi, with thi, with thi, with thi, with tho, with tho, with tho, with tho, with tho, with tho, with th, with th, with th, with th, with th, with th, with th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thi. thi. thr-s, thi. thi mind though that the website was built by Harvard students in their dorm rooms. So a few years from now, it'll probably lead to an attempted coup.
Starting point is 00:27:26 But for now, it's all good times. And I also love that people are renting Airbnb's in Ukraine, but not staying there. They're just doing it to send money to Ukrainians who are in need. That's one of the one guy who actually shows up. Just being like, really disappointed, Wi-Fi was spotty, and sound of missiles exploding, kept me up all night, two stars. And it turns out, Americans aren't just helping refugees and ordinary civilians. No, they're also directly contributing to the war efforts.
Starting point is 00:28:03 The company in Wisconsin is donating a million rounds of ammunition to Ukrainian forces. The company's close ties with the U.S. military makes workers confident the ammunition will get to where it is needed most. A growing number of police agencies across the U.S. are jumping in to support Ukrainians with combat supplies. This box full of gear used to be for law enforcement in Colorado. Soon, it will be sent to protect to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to protect to protect to protect to protect to protect to protect their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition to protect to protect their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition to their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition ammunition their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition their ammunition their their their their their their their their their their their ammunition to to to to their ammunition to protect to to protect to protect to protect to protect to protect to protect to to protect to to to be for law enforcement in Colorado. Soon, it will be sent to protect people a world away. The Cincinnati Police Department is pitching in to help Ukraine defend itself against Russia.
Starting point is 00:28:34 It is sending 950 ballistic helmets to people fighting to defend their country. One New York County executives organizing a collection drive for guns, asking gun owners to donate their weapons for the cause. We could get a million guns to the people of the Ukraine. The Ukrainian people want to protect themselves. So let's give them the resources to do that. That's what I'm talking about. America's police forces are sending their military-grade hardware to help Ukrainians fight a war
Starting point is 00:29:06 in Russia. That's dope. And if you're asking, wait, why do our police have things that you can use in a war? You're not asking the right questions! The question you should be asking is, at what point does America realize it has too many guns? Because you realize that guy just said, we can get a million guns and we can send them to. That's when you know your country has too many weapons.
Starting point is 00:29:28 It's when another country needs weapons and everyday people in America are like, yeah, we can give them the spare Glock in the gasroom, honey. But I guess this is just a beautiful example of how an ecosystem can balance itself. You know, one country's solution. America has too many guns and an over-militarized police force send it over to Ukraine. Hell, throw in some mass
Starting point is 00:29:48 shooters too. Go get them, Tyler, Hakuna Matata. But look, whether or not it says something terrifying about the states of America, it is still a nice gesture for Americans to be donating their own weapons and they're gear to Ukraine. Still, for some Americans, sending guns just isn't good enough. No, they're also volunteering to be the ones shooting them. Ukraine's government has actively recruited foreigners to join the fight. Over 20,000 have reportedly expressed interest, and many Americans are showing up daily. Harrison Josephowitz is 25 and was a Chicago police officer.
Starting point is 00:30:25 Harrison spent five years in the US Army and did a tour in Afghanistan. You just quit your job and got in a plane. Pretty much. Why? This is the right thing to do. Dennis Diaz is a former Marine when he watched Russian tanks pulling into southern Ukraine. His gut said he had to do something. As Americans, we take on the big bullies.
Starting point is 00:30:49 Right now, Russia is the big bully. Their resumes range from combat experience to no military training at all. I worked at a place called Taco Ball. It's a fast food restaurant in the US. I did something similar when I was 19. I went to Iraq to join up with the Yvese. I saw everything that was happening here. I just decided to take that money, buy the plane ticket and come out here. Yeah, you heard that right.
Starting point is 00:31:13 This guy left his job at Taco Bell to go and fight the Russians. I'll tell you now, he's got way more balls than me. I also think he's got the perfect the perfect the perfect the perfect the perfect the perfect the perfect the perfect the perfect the perfect the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to be tooeckhea tooeckhe's got way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way. tooomorrow. tooefficefficefficeole. tooen. tooen. tooen. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. tooen. I'm. I'm. toe. I'm. toe. toe. I'm. I'm. toe. toe. toe. to beaa. to bea. to bea. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. the toe. toe. the. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. t. toe. ta. ta. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. t me. I also think he's got the perfect experience for war. If you've worked at a drive-thru, you've already seen the worst of humanity. Those have probably gained a lot of hand-to-hand combat training. Shit, have you seen what people do at 3 a.m? But yes, thousands of people around the world, including many Americans, are heading to Ukraine to join up with the Ukrainian resistance. And these people are heroes. They're no, no doubt. But I think we can also admit it's probably a few of them who made this decision partly because of COVID. I don't care where it is. I just want to travel again. Yeah, but seriously, good luck to all these people who are risking their own lives to go and defend democracy.
Starting point is 00:32:01 And don't forget, you're headed headed into an active war zone. So please remember to pack a suit. Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free at Ziprecruiter.com slash Zip Recruiters smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, Zip Recruiter's powerful matching technology starts showing you qualified
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Starting point is 00:33:07 While Russia's military hasn't had a lot of success recently in terms of capturing Ukrainian territory, that doesn't mean the military hasn't been successful at killing Ukrainian civilians. Every day brings new reports of a hospital, school or shelter being hit by a Russian airstrike. Or entire cities under siege with no access to food, water or medicine. And I honestly don't know what the point of it all is. Unless Putin's plan is to win over the Ukrainian people with the world's largest case of Stockholm syndrome. What is he doing? But either way, Ukraine has been saying for weeks that Russia is guilty of war crimes.
Starting point is 00:33:48 And now it looks like the President of the United States agrees. Now to Washington, where President Biden has called Vladimir Putin a war criminal for the very first time. He's a war coming. The White House says President Biden was, quote, speaking from the heart about Vladimir Putin's barbaric actions when he made that declaration. The Kremlin responded to that charge just moments ago, calling it, quote, absolutely unacceptable, and inexcusable, and pointing to the U.S. bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki
Starting point is 00:34:17 during World War II. Ah, seriously, Russia? You're going to bring up something America did in the 40s? America's committed plenty of war crimes since then. Keep up with the times, y'all, come with that old shit. And just because America committed war crimes, doesn't mean that you have to as well, Vladimir Putin, okay? I mean what, if all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do? No, seriously, would you? I'm just brinkl-I's th whole thing. I just want to know what you'd do, you know?
Starting point is 00:34:46 Now, despite being under constant bombardment, Ukraine's president, Vladimir Zelensky, he's made it clear that he has no plans, zero, nada, to ever surrender to Russia. Yeah, practically every day he releases a new video reassuring Ukrainians that he's still in charge, he's still in Kiev, and he's still making olive green t-shirts the hardest fashion item of 2022. Although, if you were watching Ukrainian news yesterday, you might have heard a very different message. A video claimant to show Ukraine president Zelensky calling for the Ukrainian people to surrender to Russia was aired on news station Ukraine 24.
Starting point is 00:35:21 It then circulated on social media. In the deep fake video, a phony president Zelensizezezezezezezezezezezezezezezezezee, Zel, Zel, Zel, Zel, Zel, Zel, Zel, Zel, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, he's, he's, he's, thi, thi, he's th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, the th, he he, he, he, he, he th, he th, he he th, he th, he he th. He, he th. He he th. He he's th. He's th. He's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's the, he's the-he-he's still the-he's still theateat, theat, theat, theat, theat, the-he's still the the fake video, a phony President Zelensky tells Ukrainians to put their weapons down in their war with Russia. Digital forensics experts quickly picked it apart catching a number of visual and audio glitches. The official Facebook account for Ukraine's land forces posted a warning that more videos like this may be coming. Yeah. You know what's funny is the first time I saw a deep fake. The first tip I wonder I wonder tho tho thi thi one thi thi one th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. A f. F. A f-ffffff, a f-ffffffffffff. A f. A f. A f. A f. A f. A f. A f. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. A the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the the the. You know what's funny is the first time I saw a deep fake, the first time I wondered when it would finally be used for something dangerous in the world, like something actually meaningful. Because you realize like some Ukrainians could have seen this video
Starting point is 00:35:53 and actually surrendered. And the only reason they spotted this was because of small discrepancies and also because the fake Zalensky says that Putin had a big dick and he's a karate king. I mean that sort of gave it away. But you realize why deep fakes are so scary, right? It's because they can make you think that anyone was doing anything even if they weren't. Like for instance, for instance, have you seen, there's a video of me online where they make it look like I was crying at the end of Jurassic world, which is ridiculous. Why would I would I would crythat one dinosaur fought with other dinosaur? Like, like dinosaurs.
Starting point is 00:36:28 Why are they killing each other? Why are they doing that? You see, they did it again! That was... The point is, the point is, this was a bullshit way for Russia to try and win this war. Yeah, which is why we at the Daily Show decided we're getting back at Putin by releasing our own deep fake video. It's me, Vladimir Putin.
Starting point is 00:36:50 I made boo-bue in Vied in Ukraine and I just pooped my pants. Ha! Checkmate, Putin. Now, we don't know for sure who's behind this deep fake, but it obviously wouldn't be shocking if it was the work of the Russian government, since fake news is kind of the whole thing right now. In fact, if you turn on Russia state media, you'd probably hear that Ukraine was the aggressor in this war, and that Russia had no choice but to defend itself, and also that the war,
Starting point is 00:37:19 the war is thi. And if a the war the war the war the war, the war, the war, the war, the war, the war, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is? is? is. Is. Is. Is? is? Is. Is. Is? Is. Is. Is? Is? Is. Is. Is. Is? Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is thi. Is thi. Is thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the ta. the the the thi. the thi. the the thi. the the the the thi. th a few thousand Russian soldiers never come home, it's not because they're dead, it's because they're on a permanent vacation. You know how it is. And believe it or not, believe it or not, the Russian government is being helped in this propaganda effort by conservative TV networks in the United States. Yeah, as wild as it sounds, channels like Fox News, Newsmax and OAN, they've been so friendly to Putin's narrative that Russian TV stations have even reportedly been ordered to play clips of Tucker Carlson on its broadcasts. And that's a smart move by Tucker. You know, you might be like, why is he defending the Russians? Yeah, it's a smart move. You don't want to put all your eggs in the Trump propaganda baskets. You've got to diversify, you know? Think about other bad guys you could roll with, the, the, the Trump propaganda baskets. You gotta diversify, you know?
Starting point is 00:38:05 Think about other bad guys you could roll with Putin, Kim Jong-un. Hey, maybe the joker. Are we really supposed to believe a Batman as keeping our streets safer? Why is that? But the point is, America's conservative media is doing almost as good a job at spreading Russian propaganda as Russia itself. Which is why we thought, now's the perfect time for a good old-fashioned propaganda off.
Starting point is 00:38:32 So, I theen to theen was the today. So, their modern Ukraine was the thing until 1999. Ukraine was created by the Russians. It was, you know, they speak Russian. Skrate facts of ectrine the eczeufelogic program financed by theinabom of S. So yes, we're funding secret biolabs in Ukraine. Putin youm said, infrastructure NATO, on the the t 97th to the today.
Starting point is 00:39:07 We have just no one other possibility to to sotii their people, just like we would not want Russia to come in and start putting their tanks and missiles on our borders on our borders. Russia says, hey, I don't want US and NATO come in and making their military outpost on our borders within Ukraine. Pro-Nazis, regime in Kiev, could get in their hands of their handsoge rampant neo-Nazism in Ukraine itself. There were Nazis in Ukrainian divisions and they still are Ukrainian Nazis. You can find pictures of them online holding up the NATO flag and the Swatika. Razad, Gadda fascism. Remember that Zelensky is a fun. Remember the Swazka. Razadadden fascist. Remember that Zolinsky is a thumb. Remember the Ukrainian government is incredibly corrupt and it is incredibly evil.
Starting point is 00:39:50 The illegal coup in Kiev in February 2014, with the support of the United States, where the legitimately elected president of the country was overthrown. A country which government only exists because of the Obama State Department helped to overthrow the previous regime. Trying to to to the the West sarvall all the masks of prilitia, started to actistavits. Look, Russia is now being cancelled. Before we go, families in Ukraine are fleeing violence and urgently need emergency aid.
Starting point is 00:40:23 CARES immediate crisis response aims to reach 4 million people, prioritizing women and girls, families and the elderly. So if you can, please donate at the link below to rush urgently needed water, food, hygiene kits and ongoing support in Ukraine. Watch the Daily Show, week nights at 11th, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.

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