The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Trump Fundraises with NFT Trading Cards | Mike Massimino

Episode Date: December 14, 2023

Kal Penn tackles Trump's NFT trading card fundraiser and COP-28's cop-out of a climate deal. Plus, Desi Lydic and Ronny Chieng weigh in on whether gerrymandering should be allowed by Democrats. Santa...'s been borrowing money for toys for 70 years and now it's time to pay up. With kids asking for more expensive gifts, Santa (Kal Penn) and his elf (Ronny Chieng) need to find a way to pay back the bank in time to save Christmas. And former NASA Astronaut Mike Massimino shares his challenging journey to becoming a NASA astronaut and the lessons that led to his book “Moonshot: A NASA Astronaut’s Guide to Achieving the Impossible”, his thoughts on the existence of intelligent life in the galaxy, and the extensive potty training required to learn how to poop in space.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 John Stewart here, unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show, we're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. From New York City, the only city in America. It's the show that invented news. This is the Daily Show with I'm Cal Penn and it's Taylor Swift's birthday! Yes! Finally, a day where everyone can celebrate her. It's about time. All right, we got a great show for you tonight, so let's get into the headlines.
Starting point is 00:00:55 Yes! Finally, finally, a day where everyone can celebrate her. It's about time. All right, we got a great show for you tonight, so let's get into the headlines. Let's begin with the 2024 presidential race, a decision that will come down to how deeply Americans hold the very democracy that sustains our society. And also, stuff like this. Tonight, the former President Donald Trump fundraising off his mug shot again. He's now offering people the chance to buy this quote historic gift just in time for Christmas, mug shot addition. That's what they call it, digital trading cards. And if you buy 47 of them, you will get a piece of the suit Trump war when his mug shot was taken.
Starting point is 00:01:40 To do all of that, it will run you about $4,600. My last two Trump Digital Trading Card collections sold out in just hours. And now I'm back with my latest series called the Mug Shot Edition. It is an authentic piece of the suit I wore when I took that now famous mug shot, and it was a great suit. Believe me, a really good suit. It's all cut up, and you're going to get a piece of it. I'll be autographing some of them. A true collector's item. This is something to give to your family, to your kids, and grandchildren.
Starting point is 00:02:12 Oh, yes. What a perfect gift for the dad you stop talking to. I wish that I loved anything as much as Trump loves scamming his own supporters. And look, if you're thinking, oh, this isn't funny, he's tricking people out of their hard-earned money for pieces of fabric from indicted men's warehouse. Let's be honest. Okay, it's not like this money was going to otherwise end up in a Roth IRA. It was either an NFT of their te. In fact, the popularity of these NFTs makes me think that Biden should run this video as a campaign ad. Because if you can afford to, right? If
Starting point is 00:02:51 you can afford to blow five grand on a piece of a suit with mustard stains, the economy must be doing pretty good. And I'm, I'm, I will, I will confess something to y'all. I actually thi thi thi thi thi thi th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. B. B. B. th. B. thin thin thin thin th th th th th th th th th thin thin thin thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to thi to theeee toe toe toe thee toeeeeeeeee theee theee the theee the the the the the the the the confess something to y'all. I actually think these are all really pretty cool cards. I got Trump as a soldier? Trump with lightning hands. Trump as a robot. But like, why don't any of these cards show off his amazing policy accomplishments? Like, like, where's a card showing Trump tackling a doctor who's about to perform an abortion?
Starting point is 00:03:30 Like, where's the one of him heroically catapulting a refugee child far away from his family? Oh, was that too much for you? Or how about one of him patriotically lighting a tiki torch for a neo-Nazi? Yeah, those was the days, the second term is tumumumumumumum.? tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha t a tiki torch for a neo-Nazi. Ah, yeah, those was the days, y'all. Those was the days. Second term's going to be great. All right, let's move on from something that's destroying America to something that's destroying the whole world. Climate change.
Starting point is 00:04:00 Very uplifting for you tonight, I'm telling you. Everyone knows that it's time to stop talking and do something about the climate crisis. And that's just what the nations of the world are talking about doing. An historic deal has just been announced to the COP28 climate conference in Dubai, it urges nations for the first time to transition away from fossil fuels. So the most significant thing about this is that agreement to the the the the the the tranition to tranition to to to to to thea to to thea to thea to to thea to thea thea to to to thea to thea to to to to to to thea to to thea to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to do soa toa to do soa toa toa thea thea thea thea thea.a.a. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. the time to transition away from fossil fuels. So the most significant thing about this is that agreement to transition away from fossil fuels. And in the 28 years of these summits, this is the first time the final agreement actually uses the words fossil fuels. Now other key points of this deal include a call to triple the amount of renewable energy sources worldwide by 2030 while relying less on fossil fuels, and achieve what's known as net-zero carbon emissions globally
Starting point is 00:04:49 by mid-century. And in the end, these are just words on paper. What matters now is whether or not nations quickly cut their planet-warming emissions. That's right. The world's nations pledged net-zero emissions by 2050, which is fantastic. But they also offered no plan to enforce it, which is not fantastic.
Starting point is 00:05:09 This agreement is basically like when you tell a former co-worker that you should get together some time. Yeah, we should totally grab a drink. Definitely by 2050. I'll take you. Even holding the conference in one of the oil capitals of the world was a major fuck you to climate change. It's like it's like celebrating Hanukkah Kanye's house. Like look I'm not I'm not saying COP28 was a bad idea itself like people's instapost looks super fun but maybe there should be some
Starting point is 00:05:40 consequences for not achieving your goals? Aside from, you know, like the whole world-ending thing. Either way, look, congratulations COP28. You may not have solved the climate crisis, but you didn't not, not solve it. And finally, let's talk about gerrymandering. It's the reason some congressional districts in America look like a Rorschach test. Well, that one just looks like my kindergarten teacher yelling at me. Germandering is when politicians draw districts to help their party win, because the alternative
Starting point is 00:06:12 is winning on your ideas. And that's like way harder. With Congress so closely divided, control of the House could hinge on which party gerrymanders the best, which is why a court decision in New York could change everything. New New New New the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their theirmanders the best, which is why a court decision in New York could change everything. New York's highest court has thrown out the state's congressional map, a ruling seen as a major win for Democrats. The new maps to be drawn by the Independent Redistricting Commission could give Democrats a shot to take back the US House. A high court ruled last year
Starting point is 00:06:40 that Democrats had unconstitutionally gerrymandered districts. A neutral court appointed special master drew new lines that help Republicans flip four seats last November. But judges today said those maps were only supposed to be temporary and in a four to three vote, the Court of Appeals upheld a challenge and tossed out the current maps. That's right. New York's highest court is letting Democrats gerrymander again, which is not good for democracy. Unless it helps Democrats protect democracy, in which case, being bad for democracy is good for democracy. I'm so confused. Oh, my kindergarten teacher was right, I am stupid. The question is, is it unethical for Democrats to engage in gerrymandering?
Starting point is 00:07:23 And to debate this moral dilemma, we turn to Ronnie Chang and Desi Liding. Ronnie, let me actually start with you. Should Democrats be doing the thing they've always criticized Republicans for? Of course not, Cal. And after that question, and I mean no disrespect, but I've lost all respect for you. Like Trump says, like Trump says about his sons, two wrongs don't make a right, okay? In the Olympics, when Russia gets caught doping, we punish them.
Starting point is 00:07:53 We don't let every other country start doping. All that would do is create a world of athletes with tiny balls the size of sesame seeds. Okay, that's a fair point. Desi, what do you think? Well, Cal, in my professional opinion, I think Ronnie should stop being such a little bitch. When your opponent plays dirty, you throw on your brass knuckles and punch him right in the sesame seeds. You don't stand there complaining about the rules. You take the rule book, you rip it in half, you shove half of it down their throats, and the other half up their butts,
Starting point is 00:08:25 and then the whole book is in their stomach, while your arms are still in there, and you're just playing them like an accordion until you win back the house. Desi, that's gross. Thank you. Okay. See, this is the problem with America. Okay, every solution is just more of the same problem. That's how you end up with an app on your phone to tell you you're using your phone too much, you're fucking children.
Starting point is 00:08:50 Where does this end, Desi? Where does it end? It doesn't end, Ronnie. In fact, why should Democrats stop a gerrymandering? Hell, stack the courts, steal the election, go to third base during Beetlejuice. Why do the Republican get to have all the fun? Desi, that is anarchy. Yeah, but they started it, Cal. It's like I said to that tow truck driver, if you're gonna take my car, I'm taking yours. And my car was already attached, so now I got two cars.
Starting point is 00:09:19 Math checks out. Cal, this is is is is is th is th is th is the slippery is th is the slippery slope I'm talking about, okay? This great nation that I've lived in on and off for a few years was founded on principles. And when we give up those principles, whatever they are, we give up on ourselves. That's a beautiful sentiment, Ronnie. Yeah, that's a beautiful sentiment, Ronnie. Too bad I just gerrymandered your box, bitch! Hey, what the hell?
Starting point is 00:09:47 This is my box! Hey, Tao, do something! See how to me, Kaler, I'm coming for your district next! Sorry! You've made me complacent, Desi Laniardic and Roddy Chang, everybody! When we come back, we discover Santa's terrible secret so don't go away. you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, it's going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting, you'll be saying to yourself, TGID, thank God it's Thursday. We're going to be talking about all the things that hopefully obsess you in the same
Starting point is 00:10:37 way that they obsess me. The election. Economics. Earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the Daily Show.
Starting point is 00:11:27 It's almost time for Santa's trip around the world, and if you've ever wondered how he makes all those toys, well,, oh, Merry Christmas. Oh, oh, oh, oh, mary Christmas. Wait, yeah, why are you so skinny? Oh, it's epic! Santa's got a revenge body! Wait, hey, what happened all the toys? Yeah, listen, Santa, we have to talk. Um, there are no toys. We don't have any money leftthe toys? Yeah, listen, Santa, we have to talk. There are no toys.
Starting point is 00:12:05 We don't have any money left for toys. Money? No, no, no, we make the toys. You're a whole little trains and dolls we build from wood and dreams and lead-based paint. This isn't the 1820s anymore, old man. Kids want iPads and game consoles, and Roblocks, what what the fuck the fuck the fuck Roblox, whatever the fuck that is. And we need to buy that shit, okay? You think I can hammer on PS 5 of this? Huh, what do you say? I'm saying this workshop is a ho-hoax. We've been borrowing money for 70 years to buy real toys that kids want, and now the bank is demanding repayment.
Starting point is 00:12:43 Well, how much do we owe? Oh, Jesus! want and now the bank is demanding repayment. Well, how much do we owe? Oh, Jesus! Oh, holy shit! I'll have to sell my body. Okay, we don't have to go right to that. Okay, okay. What if I kill myself for the insurance money? No, maybe.
Starting point is 00:13:02 If you're gonna do that, you might as well sell your body and then kill yourself. That way you can get twice the minute. Jingle, jingle, Nicholas. It's the bank. Shit, it's the bank rep. I thought we had more time. What's the bank know where we live? All the mail just says North Pole. Hi Santa. Just stop and by to see where our fucking money is. It's coming, okay. It's coming. We just need a little more time. Oh, do you? Do you need a little more time?
Starting point is 00:13:30 Yeah. Oh, my face! Don't hurt him! Okay, this is my fault. We just don't have the money. Oh, okay. No problem. That's what collateral's for. Repo the sleet, this this place into a cinnabot, and sell the elves to Apple.
Starting point is 00:13:46 Okay, listen, listen, Mrs. Bank, please. Think of the children. You're gonna break their little hearts. Hey, what do we do with these reindeer? Shoot them! Sel the meat! No, no, no, don't do that. What about the Christmas. Wait, what's this? It's a list of which gift each good boy and girl is going to get this Christmas.
Starting point is 00:14:11 Do you realize the insider treating we could do with this thing? Is that like super illegal? Like they would ever arrest a finance executive. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! How about this? You give me this list and I give you more time to get our money. And so, Santa and his merry elf, chopped up the body of the thing. Okay, deal.
Starting point is 00:14:43 And so, Santa and his merry elf, Okay, deal. And so, Santa and his merry elf chopped up the body of the banking executive and fed it to the rain game. And Christmas was saved. Until next year. But that's next year's problem. Merry Christmas to one and all. When we come back, Mike Massimino will be joining me on the show, coming out every Thursday.
Starting point is 00:15:27 We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about ingredients to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. Welcome back to the Daily Show. My guest tonight is a former NASA astronaut and New York Times best-selling author, who's here to talk about his latest book, Moonshot, a NASA astronaut's guide to achieving the impossible. Please welcome Mike Massimino! Man, okay, I am a huge space nerd, okay? So my, my, most of my tattoos are space-nirc'er. Man, okay, I am, I am a huge space nerd, okay?
Starting point is 00:16:36 So, my, most of my tattoos are space-related from Voyager 1 on. I knew when I was backstage that I needed to like come up with very smart engaging questions for you. You've been to space twice and so I wrote a bunch of them down but I just got to ask you how cool it is to go to space. It's awesome. It's pretty cool cool. It's pretty cool. Yes. It's really cool. It's really cool. It's pretty cool. Yes. It's really cool. It's really cool. It's really cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's really cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's really cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's really cool. It's really cool. It's really cool. It's really cool. It's really cool. It's really cool. It's really cool. It's really cool. It's really cool. It's really cool. It's really cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's I would say the coolest part though of it was getting a chance of spacewalk. You know, it's pretty cool inside the spaceship. You're doing some work and looking out the window, floating around, it's kind of cool.
Starting point is 00:17:10 But you go outside in a space suit, now the whole world opens up to you. You can see the planet and how beautiful it is. And when I first saw the planet from a spacewalk, you can'tthe curvature of it. And I thought to myself, it's so beautiful. It's more beautiful than human eyes can withstand. I shouldn't be looking at this. And I actually turned my head, don't look at it. And then I said, you idiot, of course you're supposed to look at it. What else you're gonna get here? So I looked again, and I have to admit that I was crying.
Starting point is 00:17:47 And there's no crying in space. Your friends will make fun of you. But the third time I looked at the thought that went through my mind was, this is a view, this is a heavenly view, and the thinness of the atmosphere. You're talking about global warming. That atmosphere, that thin line, if you think of the earth as an onion, the top thin layer of the onion is the size relationship of our atmosphere to the rest of our planet. That's the only thing that's keeping us alive. You look the other direction, you see the the earth, the earth, the earth, the earth, th, th, th, th, th, th and, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, and, thin, thin, thin thin thin thin thin thin thin man. We got no way to go. We've got to make this planet work.
Starting point is 00:18:26 When you're up there, look, you gave me chills when you're talking about that. When you look at the world, I think most of us, you know, we feel like things are kind of shitty right now, you know, there are a lot of problems. at things that sounds like you only focused on the beauty. Yeah, absolutely, because I think you see the earth the way it's supposed to be seen from that vantage point. You just see a beautiful creation and I have the sense, I really do believe we're living in a paradise. Now, people will mess it up, right? We do lots of bad things to each other and there's a lot of bad stuff going on. But I think there is that possibility thapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapap in th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi that that that that that that that that that that that th that that th th that that that that that th th th th th th th th th th at th th th at th at th at th th at th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that that thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thiii. thiiiii. thiiiiii. thi. thi thi thi. thi thi thi th is that possibility for happiness and love and beauty. And we should try to remember that every day. Every day I try to remember that view and apply it here on Earth. Whether I'm on the New York City subway or I'm looking at the ocean, you know, wherever it is, there's beauty everywhere.
Starting point is 00:19:16 Okay. You, I was reading this, you got rejected from the NASA space program three times? That's right. Did you have a plan that at a certain point you were going to give up or how did you persevere through it? No, I'd still be trying now, I think. I don't think. I was at first, so NASA puts out a call for astronaut applications every couple
Starting point is 00:19:37 years. They still do that for no, right? I applied again and I got another letter back a few years after that first time that said no with an exclamation point. I kept try, third time I got an interview. So the interview is not just an interview but it's also a bunch of medical exams and I was medically disqualified because of my eyesight. I couldn't pass the medical exam, the eye exam and it was pretty disheartening because once you're disqualified, they said they wouldn't even read my application again. And they didn't accept any medical procedures,
Starting point is 00:20:09 but I found out about vision training. So little kids, when their eyes are still developing, if they have eye issues, they can go through training and improve their eye muscles in their vision. And I made an appointment with an appointment appointment I said, Dr. Hopping, I can be so immature, you won't know the difference. Please, I begged her to help me. And she did, and I was able to pick up a couple lines just so I could try again, at least I could submit again.
Starting point is 00:20:34 And I got another interview and then camp, I was the shuttle commander at space camp, I wanted to be an astronaut and then they told me there the whole vision thing at the time. At the time. I wore contact lenses. So I was like, oh, I guess I can't be an astronaut. And then later I was like, oh You recently I think commended Congress for investigating UFOs. Or at least sort of reporting on all that. Whenever I see these stories on
Starting point is 00:21:18 TV I feel like everybody just thinks of like aliens coming down here right. And no one ever talks about the difference between life that that seems to exist to exist to exist to exist to exist to exist the to exist the to exist the th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the thrake thrake thr- thr- try try try try thr- thi. You're try try try try try try try try try try try you you you try try. You you try. You you you you you you you you you you you you th. You th. You th. You th. You try. You try. You try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try and try and try try and try try try try try try try try try try try. You one ever talks about the difference between life that seems to exist, Drake equation and all of that out there, versus intelligent life and the possibility that intelligent life could have visited us. Can you walk us through what each of those things are and why there's so much hype around? I think, well, the congressional thing, what NASA's been doing is looking into UAPs....S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.I.I.I. And, the, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, their, well, well, well, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their.... their.. their.. their. their. their. their, their, their, their, their, their.S.S.S.S.A.A.A.A.A.A. And, th. And, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. th. th. th. th. th. APs. There used to be UFOs. I kind of like UFO, right? But now they're UAP, unidentified aerial phenomenon. And so they put together a pretty good committee on that, very, very reputable people. And they came up with the finding that about 95% of the sightings can be explained
Starting point is 00:21:57 but there's still that 5% we don You know, it's probably a weather phenomenon or maybe some other aircraft they don't recognize or a drone or something. So I think it's good to try and find out what that 5% of whatever they don't know is yet that's flying around here. The intelligent life versus the signs of life, the intelligent life is like ET showing up. There's no real evidence of that happening yet. And we don't really have the ability to go that far to to find to find their. that, that, to that, to come, to come, to come, to come, to come, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the ability to go that far to find anybody. So they've got to come find us. We need, you know, they need, whoever it is, they've got to come and find us. I think that day will probably happen sometime. It hasn't happened yet. But the search for life, even within our own solar system, which I find very intriguing, we thought that, the way, the out there around Jupiter, we thought they were just frozen blocks of ice. And what we find is that they're warmer than we expected and there's probably oceans
Starting point is 00:22:48 underneath that ice and we think that life began and the oceans here on our planet so who knows what could be going on there. Probably not any real life that we would think or intelligent life, but even just those building that close to us, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thoes, thi, probably, probably, probably thi, probably thoes, probably thoes, probably, probably, probably thoes, probably probably probably probably probably thi, probably probably probably thi, probably probably thi, probably thi, probably probably thi, thi, probably probably thi, thi, thi, probably probably probably probably thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the the their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. And, thi. And, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. And, probably thi. And, probably there's probably somebody else out there. There are billions of galaxies with billions of stars in each, most of which have multiple planets orbiting around those stars. I think, I can't imagine we're the only ones here in the universe, but we still haven't found each other yet. That's really exciting. I'd be very excited when that happens.
Starting point is 00:23:20 That's going to be big news. I wanted to ask I to ask to ask to ask, I to ask, I to ask, I, I to ask, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I to to to to to, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm thi, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, to, thi. I, thi. I'm, to, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. th news. I wanted to ask you a huge news I mean I was secretly just hoping you you roll in here like alright let me tell you something no I don't have in the program I can tell you what I said no I wish I could no I have nothing like that. Oh that's fine well fine big news me I don't just go hard to cover how do you poop in space because that's childish. Yeah. I am going to ask you how do you poop in space because I'm genuinely interested. Yes. It's actually a pretty interesting process and requires a lot of training. Really? So yeah, we would get trained. So we'd show up on your schedule when you're going to fly in space.
Starting point is 00:24:01 You get rendezvous training and robotics training and space. There would be potty training. That's what they called it. Potty training training. And we had simulator, we had the space shuttle toilet that we would get trained on. And in the simulator, in the little training facility we had, we had the real toilet that you could actually practice pooping in because you could actually actually actually actually actually actually actually, because, because, because, because, the the to practice, the to practice, to practice, because, because, the to practice, because, because, to practice, because, the to practice, because, the to practice, because, to practice, because, topiheuiakhea, topiolate, topiolate, because, top-a, top-a, and top-a, and theyp-a, and theyp-a, and theyp-a, and theyp-s, and theyp. they-s, and, and, and, and, and they-s, and, and, and, they-s, and, they-s, they-s, and, and, they-s, they-s, and, and, they-s, they-s, they-s-s-s-s-s-shotymea-shauliolate-shatiary-shihiiolate-shiiolate, the-shiiolate, the-shiiaul-shiia, the-shiiii-sthat you wouldn't poop in, that was used to practice alignment. Because the key for pooping in space was getting a very small target. It's not a big flush toilet. It's a little opening. And you'd like open this little window to it and you look, you look down, it's very small, so you've got to be properly aligned. Okay. So to practice that, thr-o'-so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so the, so their, so their, so their, so their, so their, so their, so their, so their, so their, so their, so their, so their, so their, so their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they.o.o.o. their, their, they.o.oom. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, this is where the instructors would leave the training for the area, you'd lock the door.
Starting point is 00:24:48 There was a camera inside of this training. Oh, come on. Just looking at your hole. Look, I can't, I don't have nothing for you on aliens, but I've got this. Okay. This is the true. These are the real secrets. These are the the deep dark secrets at VASA. They want you to talk about UFOs because they don't want you to know about this stuff. Okay, so this is real stuff. Okay. So you have to, with
Starting point is 00:25:09 this camera looking up, right, you have a short circuit TV right there, a little TV, and you practice your alignment to make sure that you're right in the center of where that opening is. And then the instructors, what they they told, what to to to to they. they. to to told, they. they. they. they. they. they, they, they, they, they, they, they, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, they. We. We're, with, with, they. With. With, with, with, with, they. With, with, with, they. With, with, with, with, with, with they. With, with they. With, with they. With, with, with that body position. Because when you get to space, you want to, you can't see what's going on. Is that going to be a camera down there? You have to, so what I remember was, I'm riding a chopper. That's what it felt like. I'm riding a chopper.
Starting point is 00:25:34 And I replicated that in space. was very important. I was cued into this, Calvaya, very famous astronaut, John Young. John Young, went to the moon, he flew in space six times, there's the first commander of the shuttle. He walked on a moon, only 12 people walked on a moon. He was still an active astronaut. He was in his late 60s when I joined NASA. I'm flying in a T-38 with him, just just the two of us. And we got to know to know, and we got the the the to know, he he he he. And we got to know, he the to know, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he to the the to the to the to the moon, he was, he was to to to to the moon, he was, he was the moon, he was the moon, he was the moon, he was the moon, he was the moon, he was the moon, he was to the moon, he was the moon, he was the moon, he was the moon, he was the moon, he was the moon, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's, he was the the the the the th. He was th. He was th th th th thr th th thr th th thr thr thean. He was th th thrown the. He went th thean. He was the. He was the. what was the moon like, John? I finally worked up the moon. What was it like on the moon? And he says, Mike, I tell you, the best thing about it is you can finally take a shit. You can finally take a, and I go, what, you know, what's out?
Starting point is 00:26:14 He goes, Mike, go find out in space. You know, your gravity, gravity for a couple days and you just can't move anything, you get on the moon, that one sixth gravity is just enough so you can let go. It's like very helpful advice. Very important. Very important. Very important. Your book is fantastic. I read it the day it came out.
Starting point is 00:26:38 I would love for you to quickly talk about the 30-second rule. Yeah, so 30-second rule is if when you make a mistake, you don't want to make mistakes, but you are going to make mistakes. You don't want to ruminate over them for a long period of time. Take yourself out of living, you know, because you're so upset with yourself with yourself. But it's okay, I think to be upset. to be upset. their mistake. And I use thrownse this in mistake. thii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the mistakes. thi. their. thi. thi. thi. thrownea. thrownea. thrownea. throwne. their throwne, their their their their their their their their their their their their thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. their their their their their their their their their their thi. their thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thr-a. thrownea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. t call yourself names, just be brutal to yourself. Don't vocalize any of this because you'll scare the people next to you. Just keep it internally. But after that 30 seconds is over, it's over. You've had your little rant. It's time to move on. I had an acting teacher who had a similar rule, she would say, if you screw up an audition and you will screw up many, give yourselves 24 hours to get over it.
Starting point is 00:27:30 Because we're like super dramatic. Actors are fucking crazy. We're just crazy, right? So you'd go three weeks beating yourself up over something. She's like, no, 24 hours. It sounds like the 30-second rule is like perfect for actually smart scientist people. The rest of us are too self-absorbed. We need a full 24 hours.
Starting point is 00:27:48 So thank you for sharing that. Try the 30 seconds. Yeah, I'm gonna try that. I'm gonna try that. Mike Massaito, everybody. Thank you. Thank you. Mike, th is really awesome.
Starting point is 00:28:05 Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast. The weekly show is going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting. You'll be saying to yourself, TGID, thank God it's Thursday. we' the thire. thio' to yourself, TGID. Thank God it's Thursday. We're going to be talking about all the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics. Earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches.
Starting point is 00:28:47 And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. That's our show for tonight, but before we go, please consider supporting Make the Road New York. They provide legal support and advocacy for immigrant and working class communities. If you can, please donate at the Road, New York. They provide legal support and advocacy for immigrant and working class communities. If you can, please donate at the link below.
Starting point is 00:29:29 Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly show coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday?
Starting point is 00:30:14 Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast.

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