The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Trump's Unhinged Border Wall Demands | Jacqueline Woodson (Rebroadcast)
Episode Date: October 23, 2019Vladimir Putin jokes about U.S. election meddling, Trevor reacts to President Trump's outrageous border wall demands, and Jacqueline Woodson discusses "Red at the Bone." Originally aired October 2, 20...19. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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You're listening to Comedy Central.
Have you ever been watching the news and thought to yourself, wow, the Supreme Court sure
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October 2nd, 2019.
From Comedy Central's World News Headquarters in New York,
this is the Daily Show everybody.
I'm Trevor Noah, thank you so much for tuning in and thank you for coming out.
Thank you so much. Wow! So amazing. Our guest tonight is an award-winning author and truly a fantastic writer, and truly a fantastic writer whose new book is called
Red At the Bone. It's going to be a wonderful conversation. Jacqueline Woodson is going to be
joining us everybody. Aphenomeral book and conversation. You want to stay tuned for that.
Also on tonight's show, Alligators could be joining the Border Patrol.
Vladimir Putin exposes a secret and Donald Trump is getting impeached. Thank you. Thank you. Yes, I, thank you.
Thank you. I have, yeah, I have lost a little weight. Thank you.
So let's catch up on today's headlines.
Let's kick it off with the story that has been blowing up online today.
It involves a zoo, a fence, and a woman who's seen the Lion King way too many times.
From the category of Lucky to be alive,
take a look at this video of a woman
who crossed a safety barrier at the Bronx Zoo here in New York
and had a close encounter with a lion.
The animal kept to itself,
but the zoo said the woman's action was unlawful and could have and could and could or death. You gotta wonder what the lion's thinking here.
Oh, I know what the lion's thinking.
He's thinking, what the fuck are you doing, lady?
There's a lion in here.
Can you not see it?
I actually feel bad for that line, because look how confused he is.
He's got that look, like, when you're not sure if you just walked into the wrong bathroom, you know, uh...
Actually, you know what I think the line was really thinking, the line's looking at her like, what are you doing?
What are you doing? You're black.
You don't need extra danger in your life, lady. What are you doing?
And what you're doing right now is technically cultural appropriation.
This crazy shit is for white people. You shouldn't be here. You shouldn't be here. You're now.
All right, moving on to some international news.
Vladimir Putin, Russian president and man who thinks the notebook was a comedy.
He has always denied meddling in America's 2016 election.
But yesterday, he was asked if he's going to meddle in 2020,
and his answer was refreshingly honest.
Is Russia, as Robert Miller,
alleged, attempting to influence the 2020 elections in a secret. Yes, we will definitely intervene.
It's a secret so that everybody can laugh and so we'll go big, but don't tell anyone, please.
Oh, you gotta love that classic Russian sense of humor, you know, threats.
Yeah, it's just like, we're sending you to Siberia. Then after you live in 40 years in Siberia, we're like,
that was funny, right?
Yeah, it's funny.
Actually, Putin is probably the funniest guy in Russia
when you think about it.
Because, I mean, it's easier to joke around
when you're the only person in the country
not afraid of being killed by Vladimir Putin. If you go on Russian Netflix, he's thak, he's thi, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, th. th. tho, tho, th, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th. th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to thi. the thi. thi. thooooooooooooo And his stand-up is great, though. He's just like, women die from poisoning like this.
Ah!
But men die from poisoning like this.
Ah!
White people drive car like this,
but the black people do not live in Russia.
All right, and finally, let's move on to Tesla.
It's the car for people who want to save the environment, but still want people to think their assholes.
And while every new Tesla is a technological wonder, there are still a few bugs in the system.
Tesla's smart summon promises to allow your car to drive to you or a location of your choosing from 200 feet away,
with no one behind the wheel as long as the car is in sight.
For Tesla, the ride of the future may have just hit a pothole.
This morning, videos of the car company's autonomous feature, failing and fueling online
criticism. Geez, what's the deal? With motorists shocked by near misses, costly clips, and potentially dangerous crashes.
With startled pedestrians chasing after empty vehicles.
It's okay.
Tesla's latest cutting-edge software is driving concern into high gear again.
Oh man, I love how that guy's chasing, that car is driving itself! Hold on!
But this is, this is really a problem. I mean I thought Uber
drivers were bad at picking me up. Now you got to call up your own car like, hey it's
me, it's me. I'm at the corner. No, just south of the people you just mowed down
on the sidewalk. Yeah, no go straight. No, that's a daycare center. Keep going. Like here's the thing. Cars are not smart enough to give thr thin their their their their their their th. thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to thi, to to thi, to to to to to to to thi, to thi, thi, thi, to thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thin, thin, thin, thin, thi. thi. to thi. to tttttttttthauuuuu. tthau. thi. thi. thi. th, cars are not smart enough to give them this feature. And people are definitely not smart enough to have this feature, all right?
Because think about it.
People already drive drunk.
Now, what if you're drunk inside of like a casino and then you accidentally summon your car?
That's just not going to end well.
Honestly, I think we should stop giving cars features you don't need. It's cool that a car that drives their their their th is is is is is that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th is that's th is that's th is th is th. th. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown in the parking lot. You know it's useless features like when they put speakers in the trunk of a car.
Huh? Why do I need my grocery bags to hear Adele? I don't. I don't need my ice cream
getting that emotional, all right? Just leave it normal. All right that's it for
the headlines. Let's move on to our top story. If you've ever watched President Trump, and if you've watched him lately, it's clear
the impeachment battle has been getting to him.
For one, he's tweeted 276 times since Pelosi announced the impeachment inquiry last week.
And he's been in such a bad mood that even watching Fox News hasn't cheered him up.
He's just like, yes, I am the best leader, Judge Jeanine, but why does everyone hate me?
Well, today, Trump's rage moved from his Twitter feed to real life,
where during a press conference with the leader of Finland, he did not react well to the barrage of impeachment questions.
His son walks out with millions of dollars, the kid knows nothing.
You know it, and so do we. Go ahead. Ask a question. The question, sir, was what did you want the the the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. thr. the. thr. thr. thr. tr. truu. tru. tru. tru. tru. thr. th. th. th it, and so do we. Go ahead, ask a question. The question, sir, was what did you want President Solensky
to do about Vice President Biden and his son, Hunter?
Are you talking to me?
Yeah, it was just a follow up of what I just asked you, sir.
Listen, you ready?
We have the president of Finland.
Ask him a question. I have one for him. I just want to the the the th. I th. I th. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to tho. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. tooi. tooi. tooi. tooi. to follow up on the one that I asked you, which was, what did you want? Did you hear me? Ask him a question. I will, but-
I'm giving you a long answer.
Ask this gentleman a question.
Don't be rude.
No, sir, I don't want to be rude.
I just wanted you to have a chance to answer the question.
Ask the president of Finland a question I double
dare you mother-fee ask him a question ask him a question
ask him a question you know what you know it would have been amazing is if the
Finnish president got a question but then threw Trump under the bus
like actually I would be interested to hear your answer on the Finnish president got a question, but then threw Trump under the bus. It's like, actually, I would be interested to hear
your answer on the Joe Biden's guy.
You screwed me again, Finnish guy.
Now, please, don't get me wrong.
I don't want you to think that Trump
didn't want to answer questions at this press conference.
No.
He only wanted to asking two questions.
Well, you're going to want to answer me.
Do me your favor.
Ask, ask one of the finished...
John, I think you want to answer this question.
John, ask one of the finished president.
And then can I come back to you?
Because I think you want to ask you. Maybe for the first time in three years I'll have a good question and I'll love it. There is a report that came out just before you and President Ninochstow walked out here
that the whistleblower met with a staff member of Adam Schiff prior to the complaint being filed.
It shows that Schiff is a fraud and I love that question. Thank you, John. Thank you, John. That has to be one of the quickest emotional U-turns I've ever seen.
Because one minute, he wanted nothing to do with that journalist question.
The next minute, it was Trump's favorite question in the entire world.
Like Trump treated that journalist, the way people treat waiters, you know, who keep offering
the same hors d'oeuvres over and over again. People like, I told you, I don't want, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, is, is that, is that, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, is, is, th. th, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, the, is, is, the, the, is, the, the, the, is, is, the, the, is, is, the, is, is, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the..... tr. tr. tr. true, is. true, is. true, true, true, true, true, true, true, true, true, true, true, true, true, true, true, true, oh, mm-hmm, thank you John. So, the past few weeks
clearly haven't been Trump's favorites. Impeachment is consuming his life. His
poll numbers are dipping again and on top of all of that, the failing New York
Times has reported this. Wellbreaking news tonight, an exclusive report in the
New York Times documenting the lengths to which sources say
president Trump was prepared to go to stop migrants crossing the southern
border.
He wanted the wall electrified, with spikes on top that could pierce human flesh.
The New York Times reports that privately the president had often talked about
fortifying a border wall with a water-filled trench stocked with snakes or alligators. That's right.
The New York Times is reporting that President Trump wanted to build a moat along the border wall,
which was going to be filled with snakes and alligators.
Which I know sounds crazy, but to be fair, it's been very effective at keeping him out of Melania's bedroom.
That's probably where he got the idea.
I mean, it's either that or it's because he's top immigration advisors and actual reptile.
Great idea, Mr. President.
My cousin could use the work.
Now, according to the report,
according to the report, Trump wasn't just coming up with World of Warcraft upgrades to his wall.
No, he was also lashing out of his aids when he felt that they weren't making progress
on securing the border.
In late March, President Trump publicly threatened to close the U.S.-Mexico border.
But according to the Times reporters, in a March meeting, the President's advisors tried
to turn him away from such a drastic move.
He responded, you're making me look like an idiot and shouted, I ran on this, it's my issue.
The president reportedly berating then Homeland Security Secretary Kirsten Nilsen saying,
quote, Lou Dobbs hate you, Ann Coulter hate you.
You're making me look bad.
Wow, that is so sad.
Imagine caring that much about what Lou Dobbs and Ann Coulter think of you.
I mean, that's one step away from being like, you better not embarrass me in front of the Mousinex booger.
I swear to God.
Ask him a question.
Now, the part of the Times report that's really blowing up
is that Trump apparently suggested shooting migrants in the leg to slow them down
as they were trying to cross the border, which is not just a crazy idea, it's also illegal. And apparently Trump had a
lot of illegal ideas. In fact, my favorite example is when he told a room of
Border Patrol agents to just turn away every asylum seeker who showed up at
the border. And then get this, as soon as Trump left the room, the head of Border Patrol told everyone else to ignore
the president.
Yeah, that's wild.
Just like, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
You realize the only organization where the top guy gets ignored like that is McDonald's.
Right?
Yeah, no, because Ronald is always like, remember how top priority is making people smile.
Whooo Hoo! And then he leaves, and the manager's like, forget that shit, we're here to move beef, you hear me?
Now go kick the soft serve machine
and make sure it still doesn't work.
Now, some of you might be hearing these reports
and thinking, oh, I'm sure the president didn't really mean all this stuff,
and maybe he was just joking about the tooke the snakes, but it doesn't seem like that. Like, the moat fooled with snakes and eligators.
Apparently it was real enough that his aides actually went out
to seek a cost estimate.
Yeah, they actually got a quote for the moat,
which also sounds like the name of the most xenophobic Dr. Seuss book ever. I mean, can you just imagine being the Trump aide who had to call around to figure out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their theiruss book ever. I mean, can you just imagine being the Trump aide who had to call around to figure out
how much it would cost to fill a border moat with snakes and alligators?
Well, luckily you don't have to imagine because here at the Daily Show, we have the exclusive
audio of that call.
Thanks for calling Petco, how can I help you?
Can I get a quote for how much it would cost for 2,000 miles of snakes?
Uh, we don't really sell snakes by the mile?
Okay, how about alligators?
I need a southern border amount of alligators.
Make sure the alligators hate Mexicans.
What do your alligators think about Mexicans?
We definitely don't sell alligators.
We have birds, fish
and gerbils, stuff like that. All right, fine. Give us 2,000 miles of gerbils.
Hate Mexicans. Jerbils who hate Mexicans. Breaking news, we'll be right back. Hey, I'm Ben Mycelus.
I'm Brett Mycelus.
And I'm Jordi.
We are the hosts of the Midas Touch podcast, the top rated Topwat podcast for Pro-Democracy
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wherever you get your podcast. That's the Midas Touch, M-E-I-I-I-D-S-O-C-O-CH-U-C-H-H-H-H-H-H-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-S-T-T-T-S-S-S-S. th, and th, and th th th th th th th th the Day! Welcome back to the Daily Show.
My guest tonight is the best-selling author of more than two dozen award-winning books, including
the National Book Award.
Her new novel is called Red at the Bone.
Please welcome, Jacqueline Woodson.
Welcome to The Daily Show. Thank you. And can I just say as someone who grew up
living in books, I like nothing gives me more joy than seeing the writers Show. Thank you. And can I just say, as someone who grew up living in books,
like nothing gives me more joy than seeing writers treated like rock stars.
Genuinely, I love it.
Like, we like, people love what you do.
People really love what you create.
This book is just being met with so much praise and so many accolades,
read at the bone.
It's a story of two families who are brought together because together the together because because to to to to to their to to to to be to toades, read at the bone. It's a story of two families
who are brought together because of a pregnancy.
But it's also the story of class and of race.
And when you're compiling a story like this
and you're telling this tale, is it hard for you to combine all of those elements?
Or do you just tell the truth and it comes through? I think it just th th thi thi th thi th th th thi thi thi th thi th thi th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the thi thi thi thu thu. thu. thu tho tho thi. thi. tho tho tho tho tho-a' the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho....... tho tho tho. tho tho. tho. tho. thu. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. to? I think it's a combination. It's hard and I tell the truth and it
comes through and I think one thing that happens is the story begins to
evolve. The more I put those characters on the page, the more I figure out about
them, the more complex the story becomes and that became a very complicated
story. It also feels like when you tell the story you're the reader to do work for themselves. So. So. So, you, you, you, the the the them, their, their, their, their, their, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thi's thee is the is theee is thi theeeeee is thi theeeeeeee thi thi thi, thi, thi, th story, you rely on the reader to do work for themselves. So for instance, if you're reading this book, it starts in a familiar place.
You know, it's human beings.
I mean, that's what most stories are.
It's human beings.
It's love, it's family.
And then there's the conflict.
You know, there's this pregnancy. But what people would think thin, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi's tho, tho, tho, it's tho, it's tho, it's tho, it's tho, it's tho, it's tho, it's tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.. ttha. the, the, another black family and they're separated by class. Yeah, and it happens.
I think one thing that I was trying to talk about in Red at the Bone is black wealth
versus black income and mainly how this country has again and again annihilated black wealth.
And so when someone is able, oh shucks.
Yes. Oh, no, no worry.
We can see who hear you. That's fine.
When someone's able to hold on to their wealth, what does that look like?
And when someone is not, what does that look like?
And so it made sense to have these two families come together to create that conflict.
Right, you talk about black wealth or you tell the story.
But what are you hoping the reader the reader the reader the reader the reader the reader the reader the reader the reader the reader the reader the the the the the the the the the the th know, like what are you hoping a young kid who might read the book would take away
from the story?
I'm hoping first and foremost that they have a good story.
I think one thing that happens when you read a book that makes you think it changes you
as well.
It creates empathy.
It creates understanding of people who you might not otherwise meet in the world. And so that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the their their their their their th you thi. thi. their their their thi. thoomoomoomoomoomorrow. thoomoomorrow. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thiuu. thoooooooooooooooooooooomorrow. today. today. thooooooooooooooomoeses.the world. And so that's what I hope the takeaway is.
I hope there's a great scholar named Dr. Rudin Sims Bishop,
and she talks about the importance of kids
having both mirrors and windows in their books.
And so this is an adult book,
but it creates windows for the people who come to that book.
And also windows for people who would never meet characters like the ones that exist in that book. It is interesting because you're known for children's literature.
And I know it sounds weird to say,
but it feels like you wrote this book for the child in us.
It's not a difficult read,
but it is a difficult subject for many people to talk about.
Some people say, oh no, why do you write about
why do you write about thothings? And I mean, it's similar topics that you write about in your children's books as well.
Why do you feel it's important to have those topics spoken about?
Why do you write about difficult subjects?
Because they exist.
And I think one thing that happens when you have a book
that can tell a story this way,
people have someplace to go to begin a conversation a conversation. And I think that's what books are so great at doing,
is getting us to talk and kind of taking away some of the fear
about the conversation.
I think people are, it's hard for people to talk about race,
it's hard for them to talk about economic class, sexuality, gender,
all of these different points of views.
And when you have a book, you can start, well, let's start by talking about red at the bone and what happened in there. And maybe this happened to me, or maybe this happened to my friend.
And so you can begin to gather and have these conversations
across difference.
Right, it really is.
I mean, that's how I've seen the world.
That's how many people see the world.
Like, you read a book.
you feel like, like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like their their their the characters, and interestingly enough, you become more, you become comfortable with it. Yes. You know, I used to think that magic was a
horrible thing and then Harry Potter changed my views on all of that. Now I
understand it. I genuinely am more open to it. It feels like that is what you're
doing with race, with sexuality, with with genders, with identities, it's a
powerful story to tell. If somebody reads this book and they just love the story,
what is the one thing you hope subconsciously will happen to them
when they think about the journey black people have had in America
with regards to their wealth?
Ooh, that's such a great question.
I try.
I would love for there to be more empathy in this country. You know, I would love for people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to there to be more empathy in this country. You know, I would love for people to really see each other.
And what I hope people take away, again, is first and far most a good story
that really makes them feel something and think something and change some kind of way.
And so I hope they fall in love with the characters in there,
and it makes them want to create some kind of change. Whether that's change around people's economic status. And, and th. And, and th. And, th. And, th. And, that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's the. And, that's that's the. And, that's the. And, that's the. And, I's thi. And, I's the, I that's thi. And, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I I the, I I I I I I I I I I I I the, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I the, I I the, I the, I the, I thi. I's thi. I's thi. I's thi. I's thi. I'm thateateateateateateateateateauuiauiauiauiauiauiauiauiauiauiauiaugh, I'm thi. I thi. I thi it makes them want to create some kind of change.
Whether that's change around people's economic status, whether that's change about how they
look at people from different economic statuses, whether it's change about how, you know, if
it's white folks coming to this book, how they think about black folks, whether it's
black folks coming, that they know the history of what happened in black communities around economic struggles. So lots of different stuff depending on who's thee, the, the, the's the's the's the's the's the, the, the, thiii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi's thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi, whether thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that, that, thateea. thatea. thatea. thatea. thatea. thatea. thatea. Whether thatea, whether thi. th they know the history of what happened in black communities around economic struggles.
So lots of different stuff depending on who's coming to the narrative.
I honestly think you'll achieve that and a hundred more things.
It's one of the most amazing books ever.
Thank you so much for being on the show.
Thank you.
Thank you.
What at the bone is available now.
Please, go and get the book. Go read the story. Jack and Wilson, everybody. The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Ears Edition.
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This has been a comedy central podcast.
This election cycle has already been quite a ride.
Scared, nauseous, wishing this thing had seatbelts.
Pod Save America is here to help.
I'm John Lovett and each week, me and my co-host,
John Favre, Tommy Vitor, and Dan Fyper
break down the political news that makes you laugh, cry,
and scream into the void to help you figure out
what matters and what each of us can do about it.
Pod Save America, the context you need for next week.
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