The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Trump's Wild Rally for Rick Saccone & A Possible Sit-Down with Kim Jong-un | Junot Diaz
Episode Date: March 13, 2018Education Secretary Betsy DeVos gets schooled on "60 Minutes," Trump goes on a wild rant at a rally for Rep. Rick Saccone, and author Junot Diaz discusses "Islandborn." Learn more about your ad-choic...es at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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You're listening to Comedy Central.
Hey everybody, John Stewart here.
I am here to tell you about my new podcast.
The Weekly Show is going to be coming out every Thursday.
So exciting. You'll be saying to yourself, TGID.
Thank God it's Thursday we're going to be talking about.
All the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics. Earnings calls. What are
they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about
ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance,
it's probably second.
I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out
on Thursday?
I mean, talk about innovative.
Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. March 12th, 2018.
From Comedy Central's World News Headquarters in New York,
this is the Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Ears Edition. Thank you so much everybody.
Thank you so much and welcome to the Danny show.
Thank you for tuning in. I'm Trennau. Our guest and I are here to talk about his newsbook,
Ireland Bourne, put a surprise winning author, Juno Diaz is joining us.
Welcome to the show, people. Let's get straight into it.
First up, President Trump's housing secretary doesn't know anything about housing. His environmental chief doesn't think
man-made climate change is a thing. And last night we learned that his secretary of education
has a lot of learning to do. Betsy DeVos, the education secretary, admitting on 60
minutes, she does not know how schools are performing in her home state of Michigan.
Have the public schools in Michigan gotten better?
I don't know overall, I can't say overall that they have all gotten better.
The whole state is not doing well.
Well, there are certainly lots of pockets where the students are doing well.
No, but have you seen the really bad schools?
Maybe try to figure out what they're doing?
I have not, I have not intentionally visited schools
that are underperforming.
Maybe you should.
Maybe I should, yes.
Maybe I should, yes.
You know the fact that she never intentionally went to a bad school,
means she definitely walked into one by accident.
That's what that means.
She's like, this is the biggest check cashing place I've ever seen. Wait a minute.
I do feel bad for the next school that she visits now, because they'll definitely know why she's there.
We're like, wait, are we the crappy school?
Is that why my textbook is just a bunch of snapple caps?
Yeah, Betsy Dvass accidentally walking into a bad school would be the best sequel to Dangerous Minds ever. It'll just be her walking in like, hello students, I'm Betty. Oh,
hell no, I'm out. Charter school, bitches! But speaking of dangerous minds,
let's move on because over the weekend, the president headed to West and
Pennsylvania to help Republicans try to win a special election for a vacant
congressional seat in the heart of Steel country. Now, this is a district that Trump won by 20 points.
So normally it should be a cakewalk for the GOP.
And yet, Republican Rick Saccoan is struggling to hold off Democrats Connor Lamb, partly
because President Trump is so unpopular these days.
So Trump held a rally to remind everyone that before he was a terrible president, he was
a really entertaining candidate.
President Trump traveled to Moon Township, Pennsylvania, Saturday night, outside of Pittsburgh
to rally for state representative Republican Rick Soakone.
Connor Lamb, Lamb the sham.
He's trying to act like a Republican, so he gets, he won't give me one vote.
Look, I don't know him, looks like a nice guy.
I hear he's nice looking, I think I'm better looking than him.
I do.
I do.
I do.
And he's slightly younger than me.
Slightly.
No, I heard that, then I saw.
He's so okay.
Personally, I like Rick Sikone, I think he's handsome.
So one candidate is good looking,
and the other candidate is also good looking.
And that's pretty much as in-depth as Trump got about the race.
You know, most presidential endorsements don't take bangability into account.
I like this new approach.
I would smash him, also him. Smash them all. Now in theory, Trump was meant to be there campaigning for the Republican
candidates, but in reality, he was just there to enjoy himself.
You ever see the story? It's 1999. I'm on Meet the Press. A show now headed by Sleepy-Eyes, Chuck Todd. He's a sleeping son of a bitch, I'll tell you.
Now that's presidential.
Yeah! None of this yes we can, bullshit.
Sleeping son of a bitch! Ha! What a leader!
Only Trump can ridicule people for performing necessary human functions.
This guy sleeps, folks.
He sleeps sometimes. And what about
this woman? Her body is literally covered in skin. And the crowd is like, yeah, I hate
skin. Yeah, I'll tear mine off right now. Ah, take that, liberals! Ah! Like, whenever
President Trump holds a rally, you can tell he's back in his element, because he will riff
about anything that pops into his head.
Melania. Great, great first lady. you can tell he's back in his element, because he will riff about anything that pops into his head.
Melania, great, great first lady.
We take, she's great.
She's great.
She is great.
You think her life is so easy, folks?
Not so easy. Who thinks Melania has it easy?
The number one story in America right now is how her husband had an affair with a porn star
and then forgot to sign his own non-disclosure agreement?
Who has it easy?
Like poor Melania still has to pretend she's happily married, which is really hard.
I mean, Sally Hawkins had an easier job acting like she wanted a f-fick-a-fish.
That's the real Oscar right there.
So Trump goes to Pennsylvania to say how much he supports Rick somebody.
Bailey speaks about the dude, and then on top of that decides now is the perfect time to pimp his own re-election campaign.
You know, make America great again, right?
Make America great again?
Right?
So you know what, the new slogan is going to be, I won't tell you, we've got to keep
it secret.
But our new slogan, when we start running in, can you believe it, two years from now, is going to be, keep
America great, exclamation point, keep America great.
Oh man, that was priceless.
You do realize that halfway through his slogan, he realized his rhythm was off so he
try to improvise, right?
Because in his head, he was like,
make America great again.
So he wanted the same rhythm.
He's like, our new slogan is,
keep America great, exclamation point.
Like, he had to just finish it off.
He's like messing up a slogan. It's like, if someone was like, nationwide's on your side exclamation point.
And poor Jeb Bush!
First Trump stole his dignity, now he's stealing his exclamation point?
When will it end?
Now if Trump seemed like he was in an especially good mood, maybe it's because a few days
earlier, he had a big life event.
You see, Donald Trump got a new best friend.
Global Stunner, the president agrees to meet face to face with North Korea's leader, something
no president has ever done.
The decision to meet came suddenly and dramatically.
Once President Trump heard that Kim Jong-un wanted to meet with him, he quickly agreed.
The president was ecstatic, poking his head into the White House briefing room to announce that something
big was about to happen. This is the cutest story I've to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to the the the the to the the the the the thiiiiiiiii-a the president to to to to to to to the president the president the president the president the president, the president, the president, the president, the president, the president, the president, the president, the president, the president, the president, the president, the president the president the president the president the president the president the president the president the president the president the president the president the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thiiiiiiiiiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the White House briefing room to announce that something big was about to happen.
This is the cutest story I've heard about Trump in a long time.
He was so excited Kim Jong-un wanted to meet him that he was running around the White
House telling everyone.
It's like, did you guys hear?
I said, yes.
Rocketman!
Never had a lover like this before!
Now, a sitting US president meeting with the leader of North Korea is like a Sesame Street episode about group sex.
It's never happened. Which is why, which is why...
Oh, you can look at that for a moment. You can...
You can enjoy that. They have needs, too, you know.
It's natural. Which is why, like that S They have needs too, you know. It's natural.
Which is why, like that Sesame Street episode, nobody rarely knows if it's a good idea.
A lot of us feel that Kim Jong-un is a bully who needs to be handled by another bully.
I am highly skeptical of the idea of meeting with the head of a Gulag state in handing over legitimacy. He's not prepared, Jonathan, that's the problem. There's no one at the idea of meeting with the head of a Gulag state and handing over legitimacy.
He's not prepared, Jonathan.
That's the problem.
There's no one at the State Department to brief him.
There's, we have no ambassador to South Korea.
Will he be prepared?
We don't know.
But Donna, you have to admit that the previous White House and the one before that had some of the most well-prepared, brilliant foreign policy minds that we've ever seen and it was failure.
Ooh, that's a really good point.
The experts have been trying to solve North Korea for 20 years and it's only gotten worse.
So if the smart people can't do it, why not try Trump?
It's like if you had a rare disease that the world's top doctors couldn't cure, so you
were like, you know what, why not let that dog in a hat give it a try?
Yeah.
How did he even get that hat?
He's got to be pretty smart.
Now many foreign policy experts have concerns about sending such an unpredictable negotiator
into a nuclear arms discussion.
But don't forget, that unpredictability throws off the other side too.
North Korean state media, which we have been monitoring very, very closely since this
announcement first came out a couple days ago about this potential meeting, hasn't mentioned
it. The North Koreans have been so eerily quiet on the topic. President Trump has
an unorthodox foreign policy, and I think he took the North Koreans by surprise, just like everyone else. Yeah, you see, North Korea made a th. th. thiiiiiiaaaaaaauuu. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thia, thia, thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. thr-n. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, to. to. to. toe. toe. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, th he took the North Koreans by surprise, just like everyone else. Yeah, you see, North Korea made the offer, but they didn't think that Trump was going to say yes.
So now they also don't know what to do.
Yeah, it's like if cat calling actually worked.
He was like, hey, sexy, my mustache is lonely.
Want to take it for a ride? And the woman's ask my boss, but I have all these nails to hammer.
Okay, bye-bye now.
So look, I know it's easy to presume the worst because Trump is basically a nuclear knowledge-free
zone, but what if he gets this right anyway?
What if he goes to North Korea?
Doesn't say anything racist?
Even bonds with Kim because they go to the same supercuts, right?
And then they reach a historic agreement to get rid of North Korea's nukes.
That would be amazing.
We'd celebrate.
Until President Trump gets home and we realize he forgot to sign the last page.
We'll be right back.
Hey everybody, John Stewart here.
I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show. It's going to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the the the the the the the the to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get the to get am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly
Show, it's going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting. You'll be saying to yourself,
TGID. Thank God it's Thursday. We're going to be talking about. All the things that hopefully
obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics, earnings calls.
What are they talking about on these earnings calls?
We're gonna be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches.
And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance, it's probably second.
I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go,
but how many of them come out on Thursday?
I mean, talk about innovative.
Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart,
wherever you get your podcast. Welcome back to the Daily Show. My guest tonight is a Pulitzer Prize winning author who has written his first children's
book called Island Born.
Please welcome, Juno Diaz. Welcome to the show. Thank you so much. This is quite an adventure for you writing your first children's book.
A lot of people know your work, the Pulitzer for the Brief Wonders' Life of Oscar Wow.
And you are an author who is prolific.
You are known for writing amazing stories that connect not only to the immigrant experience,
but to the American experience because everyone comes here from somewhere.
What made you go with the children's book? I mean that's that's
quite a departure for you. Yeah I have a lot of God children I've got two
God daughters who about 20 years ago asked me to write them a book about them. They're
Dominican, live up in the Bronx and I said I would and it took me 20 years to to actually write it. Yeah. So they like they're like they're like they're like they're like they're like. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. They're like. They're like. They're liked. They're liked. They're liked. their liked. th. th. th. th. th. th. that that that's liked. that's that's that's liked. that's tho. th. th. that's to to to their th. their their their their their th. that's that's that's their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I's th. I th. I's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I to to to to that's to to that's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to their their 20 years to actually write it.
Yeah.
So they like God parents themselves now.
Yeah, man.
One of them's like a lawyer, they're mad-grown.
I like the idea that she threatened to sue you.
She's like, I don't know if you notice here, you promised this and now you've been served.
I think she's just embarrassed.
She's like, man, it took took took, y'all. Yeah, but it has paid off, though.
You've written a story about a fascinating little girl.
And for those who've never read the book,
and for those who want to get into it,
what is Island Born about, in your words?
It's about a little girl who grows up in an immigrant community.
She immigrated from the island before she could remember anything.
And the book is about her teacher asking all these students to draw a picture of their
first country because it's the school of immigrant kids.
And she can't remember and she decides to figure out what this place that she comes from
but she can't remember was like.
And it's funny that she has to remember a place
that she never was, because in many ways,
although it's a children's book,
I feel like it touches on themes that we can all relate to,
especially if you live in a country
that you're not originally from.
In the story you've some of the experience inspired by the life
that you've lived or the life of the people around you?
Yeah, I mean, part of this has everything
to do with how many people we know
who carry other worlds with them.
They live one, two, three, four worlds.
And in the United States, it's sort of, you're encouraged to get rid of all those other worlds and to imagine that you only exist in one, but it's not true.
And so I kind of wanted to write about a little girl who's surrounded by people
who live in multiple worlds, trying to discover what it means to be able to join that,
to have other worlds to draw upon.
It's interesting that you say people are, you know, conditioned or encouraged to forget the other world. You're American now. This is America.
This is your, don't talk about the Dominican Republic.
Be and this is, this is the only country that matters to you.
Recently we saw the phrase, a nation of immigrants being taken out of
America's immigration, the departments.
When you see a nation of immigrants being removed, when you are an immigrant, when you grew
up in a community that calls America home and appreciates that journey, how does that
make you feel?
Is that something that scares you?
Yeah, I mean, first thing if they had removed that to just kind of give a more accurate
description, America is a white settler colony nation. That would have been nice, but really they did it to
kind of, no really they did it to sort of pursue this anti-immigrant kind of
racist line and look man, white people didn't just materialize in this
hemisphere. Right. You know all folks, if you're not indigenous,
you're part of this thing that we call immigration
and not wanting to recognize it,
not only erases the bloody history of why we're here,
but also such a rank attack on the communities
that have really powered this nation.
When we go back to the story of Lola, you realize that there is this weird melding of two ideas
in Islandborn, and that is bringing a piece of your world into America and then having
America influence what your world means and is.
Did you find that happening in your life?
Because you came over at a young age, and then you became a US citizen, I believe at the age
20? Like, how did you find that balance between going, I'm from the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi?? I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm from, I'm from, I'm from, became a US citizen, I believe, at the age of 20.
Like, how did you find that balance between going,
I'm from the Dominican Republic, but I'm also American?
You know, what helps is that so many people have gone through it.
You know, usually when you're experiencing,
you think you're the only one,
you're wrestling with the formula. You're like, how much much thin thin thin thin th. thin th. thin thin th. thin, th. thin, thi thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I's, thi. I'm thi. I'm, tho, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's, I's, I's, I I's, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's, I. I's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm th. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thrown. I'm th th th thrown. I'm thr much can I be from New Jersey? But if you look around, you realize lots of people
are wrestling with this.
There's a lot of precedents.
And what really helps is to think of it
not as some weird, bizarre buffet where you only get
one thea, thiau.
That's like a sinister, sadistic buffet.
How about you get to choose more than one thing. That you could literally be Dominican and from New Jersey, and there's no conflict.
Fill the damn plate, yo.
Fill the damn plate, you know?
Fill the damn plate.
Thank you so much for being on a show.
Thank you for writing an amazing day.
I am born.
Come out in March 13th.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much. The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Ears Edition.
Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central app.
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This has been a Comedy Central podcast.
Hey everybody, John Stewart here.
I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, coming out every Thursday.
We're going to be talking about the election earnings calls.
What are they talking about on these earnings calls?
We're going to be talking about ingredient-to-bread ratio on sandwiches.
I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out
on Thursday?
Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast.