The Daily Stoic - Ask Daily Stoic: How can I get my partner interested in Stoicism?

Episode Date: January 25, 2020

In each of the Ask Daily Stoic Q&A episodes, Ryan will answer questions from fans about Stoicism. You can also find these videos on the Daily Stoic YouTube channel.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, prime members, you can listen to the Daily Stoke Podcast early and add free on Amazon music. Download the app today. Welcome to the Daily Stoke. For each day, we read a short passage designed to help you cultivate the strength, insight, wisdom necessary for living good life. Each one of these passages is based on the 2000 journaled philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women. For more, you can visit us at aleystonec.com. Hey, it's Ryan Holiday. Welcome to another episode of Ask Daily Stoke.

You send in your questions about stoicism, markets, really, it's about reading, writing, philosophy, ancient history, whatever it is. We kick stuff around. You can send those questions to info at dailystoke.com. More specific questions, the better. Steve wrote in and he said, how can I get my wife interested in stoicism?

Why do you want your wife to be interested in stoicism? I think the stoic quip would be like focusing on yourself, leave other people to their own development. Sometimes I think we project our own needs on other people. Like there's a zen saying like when the student is writing the teacher appears, I think like stoicism is not an evangelical religion, you're not supposed to convert people. It doesn't need to be this thing we force on other people.

It's there for the people that want it, but it's there primarily for you to be interested in improving yourself. So I could only think about how I got my wife into stoicism. I remember when we met, I think we met in 2007, I had actually just read Mark Serelias. I remember I bought it at borders. No, I bought it on Amazon. And I was reading it and I was talking to her about it. And she was so interested from my conversation that she went to borders and bought a copy.

Borders no longer in business, but we went through the copy a couple months ago and you can still see like this faded out receipt inside the book. The point was, she went and got it because she was interested in it, not because I forced it on her. I don't think this is something you can force on people. And even if you could, I don't think it would work. And my evidence for this is Seneca, one of the greatest jokes ever was supposed, was like assigned to teach stoicism to Nero. And it didn't work out well.

We wrote the Staley Stoke email about a famous statue of the two of them. You can kind of see the statue is like Sennaka trying to teach stoicism to Nero. And he's just like sort of sitting there like, this is Nero and he won't pay attention. And he's, to me the lesson of that statue is like you can lead a horse to water,

but you can't make them drink. And so when I think about how you might teach it to a wife or a friend or a kid, I think it all comes down to, the material is there, the wisdom is there, you model it, you can tell them about it, but you can't do anything more than that. And ultimately, you want to focus on what you control Which is what is the philosophy doing for you?

All right Karen wrote in she just graduated from college She's heading out into the world What sort of advice would I have for someone getting started? And is there anything sort of the the stoics specifically have to say about that? Well, I don't know. I think when I think about my path, obviously education was important. Obviously, luck and privilege was important,

but the big sort of movers in my career were people that I met, that I talked to, that I developed relationships with, that ended up becoming sort of mentors or advisors to me. So, what I would think about is in this sort of your fresh graduate, you're young, you're just getting started. I'd think about like, who's worked you in Meyer, who has done what you are trying to do and what advice could you reach out and ask of them. So the fact that you wrote into this thing is exactly the kind of thing that you used to kickstart a thing.

So a mentorship isn't this thing that magically happens, but it's also not an official ordained thing, it's something that evolves. So when I think of my relationship with Robert Green, who taught me how to write, who gave me a lot of my big breaks as a writer, it was like that started from sort of random email exchanges. And then they built from there and I took like a little job working for him and I did well and then a bigger job. So like you don't magically get your dream job. In many cases, you make that job. And so, you know, the willingness to start small, the willingness to sort of, you know, try things out and reach out without any sort of ulterior motives is, I think, really key to developing the network or the relationships

that ultimately, you know, set up where you're trying to go and what you're trying to do. So Ben, Ben wrote that he's laid up with a broken leg. How does he sort of make use of this time, what you're sort of stuck, upset, sort of any thoughts on sort of recovering from something like that. I'm just writing now in this book, Lives of the Stoics, there's a philosopher,

Craities of Malice, M-A-L-L-U-S, not Malice, although that would be a cool place to be from. He's in Rome on a diplomatic mission, and he falls in a sewer grate, and he breaks his leg. He's, I think he's from Rhodes or something. He's not from Rome, but he's in Rome, falls, breaks his leg, and he's laid up for several weeks. And it's being several months,

and being laid up for several months is when he starts giving discourses on stoic philosophy. The philosophy is sort of so relevantory and new in Rome that it's a sensation. These pamphletes, this may well be the introduction of stoicism to Rome. It had been popular in Athens and in Greece,

but it had not made its way all the way to Rome. And so it may well be that stoicism's first introduction to the Roman Empire, which the philosophy had sort of incorporated into the DNA of the empire that changes the course of the world. And history comes from the exact scenario you're in. So I think one of the things that still looks would think about is like, sure, it sucks you broke your leg. It probably hurts really bad. I'm sorry that this happened

to you, but they'd say like, what good can come of this? How can you use it? And I remember in 2011, I quit my job in American Apparel. I moved across the country. I was all set to start writing this first, my first book. I wanted to write a book on media. And I was all set to start writing this first, my first book, I wanted to write a book on media. And I was writing my bike to the gym in New Orleans, and the tire got stuck in the street car track, and I went over the handlebars, and I landed on my left elbow, and I fractured a bone in my elbow. And so it was in a sling for something like six weeks.

I couldn't exercise, I couldn't swim, and I had to type with one hand, and I was going out of my mind. And so it was in a sling for something like six weeks. I couldn't exercise, I couldn't swim, and I had to type with one hand. And I was going out of my mind. But I used that time. I went on these long walks, because that's how I got my exercise, that's how I got outside. I couldn't do as much writing.

I had to do a more reading and I had to do more research. And I don't think that book would end and would have ended up being the book that it was if it wasn't for that experience. I wanted to rush right into it. I wanted to get it all done, but it forced me to take it slow. It reminded me of, you know, it just it made me overall better writer and a better person. I am almost certain that you will look back on this injury as being sort of less painful and more meaningful than it feels to you now. But the question would be like, what can you get out of this experience?

What can you learn? What can you do? Who can you reconnect with? There's a study that I talk about in the obstacles the way they did the study on Canadian athletes about how sort of potential career ending injuries, often were the fodder for what they call post-traumatic growth. Even if it didn't make them better, the rehabbing process didn't, they didn't emerge stronger from it. They appreciated the game more, or they appreciated their teammates more, or they understood the power of leadership more, or made them more patient,

or made them more grateful. Like, this injury can do that for you if you choose to let it, but that ultimately is up to you. So that's what I think. I'm sorry. I hope you feel better soon. Great question though. Appreciate everyone who wrote in. Talk to you next week. This was awesome. You can send your questions at infoatdailystoic.com. follow us at Daily Stoke, pretty much everywhere, subscribe below on YouTube, leave a comment if you want, and of course, as always, I hope you get the Daily Stoke email. You can check out at DailyStoke.com, thanks.

Hey, prime members, you can listen to the Daily Stoke early and add free on Amazon music. Download the Amazon music app today, or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus in Apple podcasts. Is this thing all? Check one, two, one, two. There you are. I'm Kiki Palmer. I'm an actress, a singer, an entrepreneur, and a Virgo.

Just the name of you. Now, I've held so many occupations over the years that my fans lovingly nicknamed me Kiki Keepa Bag Palmer. And trust me, I keep a bag, love. But if you ask me, I'm just getting started. And there's so much I still want to do. So I decided I want to be a podcast host. I'm proud to introduce you to the baby

this is Kiki Palmer podcast. I'm putting my friends, family, and some of the dopest experts in the hot seat to ask them the questions that have been burning in my mind. What will former child stars be if they weren't actors? What happened to sitcoms? It's only fans, only bad. I want to know, so I asked my mom about it. These are the questions that keep me up at night, but I'm taking these questions out

of my head and I'm bringing them to you. Because on Baby Mrs. Kiki Palmer, no topic is off limits. Follow Baby This Is Kiki Palmer, whatever you get your podcast. Hey, prime members, you can listen early and add free on Amazon music. Download the Amazon music app today. Ah, the Bahamas.

What if you could live in a penthouse above the crystal clear ocean working during the day and partying at night with your best friends and have it be 100% paid for? FTX Founder's Sam Bankman Freed lived that dream life, but it was all funded with other people's money, but he allegedly stole. Many thought Sam Bankman Freed was changing the game as he graced the pages of Forbes and Vanity Fair. Some involved in crypto saw him as a breath of fresh air from the usual Wall Street buffs with his casual dress and ability to play League of Legends during

boardroom meetings. But in less than a year, his exchange would collapse, and SPF would find himself in a jail cell, with tens of thousands of investors blaming him for their crypto losses. From Bloomberg and Wondery comes Spellcaster, a new six-part docu-series about the meteoric rise and spectacular fall of FTX and its founder, Sam Beckman-Freed. Follow Spellcaster wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, prime members, you can listen to episodes Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. you