The Daily Stoic - Ask Daily Stoic: How Do I Deal With Imposter Syndrome?

Episode Date: May 9, 2020

In today’s episode, Ryan talks about the new box set (https://geni.us/A6gX) of his first three books on Stoicism. He reads from Seneca’s Letters from a Stoic (https://geni.us/GMzk) and tackles your questions, too.This episode is brought to you by WHOOP. WHOOP is a fitness wearable that provides personalized insights on how well you’re sleeping, how much you’ve recovered from your workouts, and how much you’re stressed out from each day. It’s the ultimate whole-body tracker for someone who needs an all-in-one solution. Visit WHOOP.com and enter STOIC at checkout to save 15% on your order.This episode is also brought to you by Future. Future pairs you up with a remote personal trainer that you can get in touch with from your home. Your trainer will give you a full exercise regimen that works for your specific fitness goals, using the equipment you have at home. It works with your Apple Watch, and if you don’t already have one, Future will give you one for free. Sign up at tryfuture.com/stoic and get your first two weeks with your personal trainer for just $1.***If you enjoyed this week’s podcast, we’d love for you to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It helps with our visibility, and the more people listen to the podcast, the more we can invest into it and make it even better.Sign up for the Daily Stoic email: DailyStoic.com/signupFollow @DailyStoic:Twitter: https://twitter.com/ryanholidayInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/ryanholiday/Facebook: http://facebook.com/ryanholidayYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/dailystoicSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, prime members, you can listen to the Daily Stoic podcast early and add free on Amazon music. Download the app today. Welcome to the weekend edition of the Daily Stoic. Each weekday we bring you a meditation inspired by the ancient Stoic, something that can help you live up to those four that can help you live up to those four stoic virtues of courage, justice, wisdom, and temperance. And here, on the weekend, we take a deeper dive into those same topics. We interview stoic philosophers, we reflect, we prepare. We think deeply about the challenging issues of our time. And we work through this philosophy

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Download the Amazon Music app today. I'm holding in my hands and then I've sort of had this dream would one day exist, but honestly had no idea it ever could or ever would. I'm holding the box set of the obstacles the way ego is the enemy stillness is the key. It's crazy to me to think this is basically six years in the making maybe more. I wrote the obstacles the way in 2013. It came out in 2014. Ego is the enemy came out in 2016.

Stillness came out in 2019. And I remember once I saw a Malcolm Gladwell box set of Blink Outliers and the tipping point. It was this beautiful cloth bound box set and I was just, I was like, man, that's the dream as an author. And here it is. The way the enemy and the key, on the top, I have one of my favorite quotes

from Marcus Aurelius, which I think summarizes the whole series, it says, objective judgment now at this very moment, unselfish action now at this very moment, willing acceptance now at this very moment of all external events, that's all you need. But you know, it's interesting, right? So I worked all these years on this box set, and here it is.

I don't want to say it came out with a whimper, but life intervened, right? This came out late March in the middle of a quarantine. News was overwhelming. There was no chance of publicity. Amazon hasn't even been shipping it particularly timely. It's not in any bookstores, as you can imagine, because all bookstores are closed.

You know, life intervenes while we're making plans, as they say. And so, you know, my publisher had been working on this. I had been working on it. I thought it was sort of the culmination of this whole series. And then, boom, Murphy's Law, fate, as Sena Kodese fortune, behaves exactly as she pleases. Which is why I think, you know, my strategy

as a writer, I've talked about this idea of perennial sellers before. One of the reasons you want to make timeless work, or you want to make your work at least have a longer expiration period than sort of the breaking news cycle is because, you know, that gives you a greater chance at success. It's a bunch of bigger target. And so, yeah, this book came out and maybe for the next couple of months, the media cycle is going to be overwhelming and it's not going to reach all the people that I hope. But eventually it will. And I don't think the idea of overcoming obstacles or the the perils of ego or the power of stillness is

going anywhere. You know, the title of the box that is the way the enemy and the key. Because I think those that will always be the way, you go, will always be the enemy, and stillness will always be the key. And so I think that's sort of what I'm thinking about for this box. It's available if you want to check it out, of course. You can also just get the individual books. But I think the point is that you can't, you can't put your hopes or your expectations on anything going the way that you want it to go, because that's not how it works. And when Marcus is saying, you need objective judgment, you need to see it realistically. So that's me reminding myself, hey, this book has a big target.

It doesn't need to sell right away. It will reach people over time. It says, unselfish action. The idea that I'm going to make this about myself right now, that I'm going to be upset that my book isn't reaching people or that my launch got stepped on by a thing that sent millions of people out of work that's already killed 10,000 people in New York City alone. That's one of the most tragic things that have ever happened in the United States. It's a global pandemic of historical proportions. No, that's ridiculous. I would much rather, if you told me, hey, this book will sell zero copies, it'll be a total failure. But, you know, you could less

in the impact of this by 0.001 percent and help people. I've taken that in two seconds. So I've got bigger things on my mind. And then stillness, which is like, you got to be at peace with this, you got to calm down and you got to have the wisdom to know, hey, this is going to be all right. That's just how I try to think about these things. And when we talk about stoicism being something you practice, it's something I'm having to practice always. Being a writer is much less dangerous and stressful than many other professions,

but it has its ups and downs, it has its obstacles, it has its difficulties. And so I try to always be applying these philosophies in my own life, however I can. And I would say the last thing, one of the things I feel very fortunate about what I'm very lucky to be able to have is that I don't need bookstores to sell the book and I don't need media attention to get the word out because what I have is this platform, the fact that I'm able to deliver this message to you that subscribe to the Daily Stoke email or you

follow us on social or you subscribe to this podcast and you listen to it from time to time gives me direct access to the audience. And that was a lot of work to develop. And obviously there's a lot of moving pieces and cost and energy that goes into keeping this podcast up, keeping the videos we do on YouTube up. I realize we've probably written something like 200,000 words as part of the Daily Stoke email since 2016. That's not free, that's not easy. But the upside is it insulates me from the swings of fortune and media and that direct audience. So I think that's why independence is

so important and why I've talked about that more in my marketing capacity, but why everyone needs to be developing their own platform. If you think about, you know, I look at some of the retail shops on the street on my window and it's like how many of them, you know, were dependent on random foot traffic and that went away and now they're stuck. And so the more you can cultivate this direct idea or audience, the better. And so I appreciate you guys listening. I appreciate the support. If you want to support us or me back in turn, maybe check out this box set, the way the enemy and the key and get on an Amazon.

Hopefully you can support your local indie as well. I'm sure they can order it for you, but I appreciate it. Check it out. These are three books. They've now sold hundreds of thousands of copies. They're in all sorts of languages. But here they are in one cool box set

and give it as a gift. You can put it on your shelf. I appreciate the support. Check it out. Thank you. The obstacle is the way. Always true. Ego is the enemy.

Always the case. Stillness is the key. I hope you can overcome your obstacles. I hope you can keep your ego at bay. And of course, I hope this time is giving you some much deserved stillness. This is the May 9th entry of the Daily Stoic, which is available on Amazon and everywhere audiobooks are sold. Let us therefore set out wholeheartedly, Seneca writes, leaving aside our many distractions

and exert ourselves in this single purpose before we realize too late the swift and unstoppable flight of time and are left behind. As each day arises, welcome it as the very best day of all and make it your own possession. We must seize what flees. You will only get one shot at today. You will only have 24 hours with which to take it and then it is gone and lost forever. Will you fully inhabit all of today? Will you call out, I've got this and do your best to be your very best? What will you manage to make of today

before it slips from your fingers and becomes the past? When someone asks what you did yesterday, do you really want the answer to be nothing? Carpe, DM. All right, so our next question comes from Karrissa. How would Marcus really, as for the stoets approach, composter syndrome? Certainly Marcus was 100% qualified to be the emperor.

And she says, in my own job, I go through the motions and have been promoted, but I feel I'm into deep that maybe she'll say something someday that reveals how little she knows. And I know you talk about this in your books, this idea of like, am I a writer or not? Can I call myself a writer? So there's that imposter syndrome that people feel I'm just curious, but what do you think about it? That's another great question. I don't think there really is such a thing as being an imposter. Okay. You know, I think if you're just on the spectrum of getting better and getting better, but I do think that we're sort of led to a calling or to something that we do. And I think that the trick to me is just is self belief is

just believing that you that you're not an impostor. Who says you're an impostor? That's the voice of resistance in your head. You're trying to sabotage you. And I think a lot of times you can once you get into the moment of it, you'll be amazed at what comes out of your mouth. There's almost some ego in an impostor syndrome because you think people are thinking about you. Yeah, right. Yeah. When really nobody cares. Like nobody is trying to catch you as an imposter, is what I like to say. They're not thinking about you at all. They're thinking about themselves. But the question about Marcus really is interesting because so Marcus really says not,

it's not like he's born knowing he's going to be emperor. His father, there's five Roman emperors in Rome who don't have a male heir. So he's selected to be emperor as like a little kid basically as a teenager. So you can imagine like a teenager is going to have two reactions. Either you're going to be like, of course I'm meant to be king. Or you're going to be like, what? This is not like, and so Marcus is the second reaction, and he doesn't think that he's suited for it at all.

It supposedly he like breaks down in tears. And as he thinks about it, he sort of thinks about the emperors that come before him, how bad a job many of them have done. And he ends up having this dream, and that night he has this dream that his shoulders are made of ivory. And most of the symbol that he could bear the weight of responsibility.

I think the truth is we all struggle with that doubt, but then it's the question of like, are you going to identify with that doubt or are you going to sort of push past it? So in a way, imposter syndrome is sort of identifying with the wrong thing. It's identifying with the doubts to me, rather than identifying with the confidence. And when I set out to write my first book, I don't know about you, but it's not like,

by definition, your first book, you've never done this before. Right. So how do you know that you can do it? If you're like, of course I can write a book because I'm me and I'm a genius, I don't think that's the right way to think about it. I think that's ego. To me, it's, okay, well, what do I know about myself that creates, that gives me the impression

or is evidence that I can write this book? Right? And so for me, it was, oh, like, I'm a hard worker. I don't quit. I ask questions. You know, I've written other things. So I think you focus on the traits that you know that should qualify

and do whatever you're doing. The other thing I think is that if you have the idea to write a book, where did that idea come from? You're being called in some sort of way. Like a dream is calling, you're unconscious of the muse or whatever. Yeah, and it wouldn't be given that idea.

You wouldn't have the idea unless you were capable of somehow enacting it. No, that's very beautiful. I love that. Alright, next one. Anabel. Anabel says, how does this dough go about dealing with people who are different than them in terms of lifestyle or work ethic? There are people in my life that are constantly complaining, have little work ethic, and sometimes

be simply the opposite of how I choose to live my life. I know I can't control them so I roll it off and remind myself that their actions don't determine what I do and feel, but sometimes I struggle with this. I don't want to be arrogant, but I feel that. So she's asking for a basic, how do you deal with people who are not as talented as skill as driven any advice? Um, actually, I just had kind of an instance of this. And, um, where I got into this real negative spiral in my head of thinking about someone and thinking, you know, they're lazy, they're bummed, they're letting me down, that, that, that, that, I just thought to myself, you know, this is, this is my

stuff in my head. And I decided to instead to reach out to them in a really positive, trusting way. Yeah. And it really worked. So I think that probably doesn't work all the time. Sure. But most people I think are trying their best. And I think I sort of thought, this person that I'm having a problem with, I did if I heard his side of it, he'd probably say, tell you know, things I'm doing,

or screwing him up, you know. So I just tried to make it a positive. And I think that's probably a pretty good way. Obviously some people can't work with, like to go back to another Israeli story, Moshe Diane, the famous Israeli general, he broke people down into two categories. Those who were possible, and those who were impossible.

Yeah, and the possible ones, those people that he worked with, he would give them all the leeway they could possibly. Yes. And the impossible, once you just said, you know, I'm not working with them at all, they're impossible. I remember in Gates of Fire, because I wrote the quote down,

I think you were quoting him, he was talking about too though, he would rather have a horse you have to rain in than one you have to prod. And so, yes, if you're choosing who you're going to work with, you want someone to help. Yes. But the reality is we don't get to choose what's the son. And that's one of the things the ancient historians, or credit markers, really is with, is like,

a lot of times like really smart, brilliant, talented, dedicated leaders have trouble, like this was a problem Obama had, where it's had trouble. It's like people were not as good as them. Right. Our Kobe Bryant, trying to get his statement. Right, yeah. Kobe Bryant could not wrap his head around the fact that not everyone says Kobe Bryant. And so one of the things that Credit Mark is really with is he had this philosophy is like,

everyone can be of service to the empire in some way. How do I get that out of those people? The empire is not going to be staffed with philosophers, basically, you know? And so realizing that like these are your standards that you hold yourself to and that that's what matters, but that you are not only going to be miserable, but you're probably not going to get the best out of other people, expecting others to live up to standards. They never agreed to live up to in the first place. So I think the really great leader is like Lincoln is a great example to where he's like, how can I get the best out of all just different kinds of people, especially flawed people, even people that don't like me. This to me, this is a, for Annabelle, this is a great, this is an opportunity to grow as a leader,

right, which is like the leader's job is to get the most out of the people around them, not to bully or intimidate or judge people for not being something other than they are. What I'm about to say is not gonna answer Annabelle. Okay, I'm gonna ask you, but I think maybe this applies to you a little silly. One of the reasons I'm glad I'm a writer is the only person I really have to worry about is myself totally. Totally. I can crack the whip over myself.

And that's actually a great point too that I think it does answer a question. Maybe you're someone who can't work with other people. You like you should just like there are a number of writers that we probably both know that it's like Because they've had success as a writer you can assume oh I would be great running a company and actually Right for that at all And so really knowing your strengths are you an introvert or your next year or can you work with other people?

Do you like working with other people? Yeah, do you have a lot of patients do not have a lot of patients? Yeah? There's a great book, Quiet. Yes. That might be a mental street. Yes. Yes. About introverts and the strengths of being an introvert. I think your point is a good one is that like some of us are more self-driven, solitary figures. And the great news about how the world has worked out is that now you can, that's a viable career path, I think it wasn't before. And so maybe that's for you. Great. All right, Aidan's question, and this is almost perfectly suited for you, Steven, says, how do I stop procrastinating? Says he wants to write a book, he's been thinking about it for almost four years, but he's not started,

he's even bought a new card box and index car resistance. Hours, researching how to improve his writing, but in the end, he doesn't write anything. What do the stoics say or what do you say about a bad overcoming procrastination? I mean, there are some problems, and I'm sure you don't agree with me, Ryan, that it can only be solved by the will,

by just making up your mind to do it and do it. I mean, there's many sort of hacks. I hate that word. Yep. And tricks. I mean, you could certainly set a schedule and just say that every morning at seven, I'm going to write for an hour. I'm going to do something. But then if you're a procrastinator, you'll go back to bed. Sure. Whatever it is. But I think there's no, it's like the Nike slogan just to do it. There's no substitute for strengthening the willpower. However, you have to do that. Habit is a great thing.

You know, Twilight Arps book, The Creative Habits. Yes. I wouldn't know what to do if it wasn't for habits. In fact, a lot of what I do in the day is a writer is just to try to strengthen the habits that I have. Remember, there are professional habits and there are amateur habits. And procrastination is an amateur habit, par excellence, you know. So like for me, when I first started, the real bugaboo for me was finishing something. I could go for two and a half years, you know, get this far from the end

and then and I just, I just said to myself, I'm going to you're going to kill myself? Or I'm going to solve this thing and just will power. The one thing I will say for that thing and maybe this will apply to Aidan's question of procrastinating is once you beat it, you'll always beat it from then on. Yes. I think one of the things that I see people because they read books, they love books. The books are books and writing are synonymous to them. And they're not the same thing. And so, you know, like if you wanted to start running, you wouldn't commit to doing a marathon tomorrow. If you did, you'd just be put, if you're like, I'm going to run a marathon, you'd just be putting it off over and over and over again because it's so hard.

Like I wrote almost every day for six years before my first book was done, you know? And thanks. Not just journaling or where you are. No, no, I mean, I wrote online. Like I wrote articles and wrote on a blog. Like, there's no way my first book would have been my first book if I started from there. Right. So you don't just, you don't set out to run a marathon, you run a mile, and then you run two miles, and then you run 20 miles in a week, you know, and you have to build up muscle. So I

think this goes to a point about how to the idea of starting with the largest end of the obstacle is not the way to do it. I think you want to start smaller. So you know, he's saying in the end, I don't write anything. Well, commit to writing a tweet or you know, an Instagram caption or an article or answer questions on Kora, you know, like, or write emails to your friends, you know, like, just start writing. Seneca has this point, he's like, like, the path of wisdom is like, just pick one thing every day. Like, find one thing every day that is as like, fortifies you against poverty or gives you wit, like, or helps you fear death less. Like, he's like, just look for like, one quote, one insight, one story a day, and that this pads up. And so I think to be a writer, obviously, it's the accumulation of days.

To do a book, it's the accumulation of days, which you're asking the chair. But to be a writer, you just have to start publishing. So you start writing, you know, I don't four years, you could, you could, if you'd written a page a day for four years, you'd have four or five books, you know, I don't, four years, you could, if you'd written a page a day for four years, you'd have four or five books, you know, at this point. So I think I'd start sort smaller, and another book recommendation, James Clear's book, Atomic Habits,

he talks about like what's the smallest, the smallest habit you can start with. And Twyla talks about that in her book. She's like, for me, it's like getting up, getting downstairs, getting in the cab. That's putting me on the path to the habit. You know, James clears like, if you wanna go running,

lay out your running clothes in front of your bedroom door the night before, and then you have to step over them to not, you know what I mean? Like you're putting obstacles between you and the procrastination. So, you know, if you decide to, you know, write one article a week,

that's gonna be easier to do than writing a book which you've never done before. And so of course it's intimidating. The other thing I would say, is a couple other things. I have a saying that says, put your ass for your heart and wants to be. Oh, that's beautiful.

And which would mean in age's case, sit in the chair. Yeah. Don't do anything else other than, don't assign yourself any more than that. Sure. Just have the typewriter or whatever is in sitting in the chair. Yeah. And then just, you know, that's where you want to be. Yeah.

The painter getting in front of an East. The other thing I would say is if it's been going on for four years, don't feel too bad about it. For me, it was like seven years before I could finally kind of break through that thing. And also, the monumental scale of AIDS resistance tells me that there's something really great in there, because there wouldn't be that big resistance. If there wasn't something, you know, a dream of a vision, a book, a number of books, so I would say that would be discouraged. Okay, so John has a question here about saying no. For the Stokes, you know, the idea of like, you know, Marxist-Rose is like, say,

only say yes to what is essential, ask yourself, is it's necessary? So the art of saying no and separating what you should be doing from what you shouldn't be doing, given the no one wants to read your shit, is so great. You must have millions of requests coming your way, but you seem even more than me very disciplined in what you say yes or no to. I wonder, do you have good strategies for saying no to things?

Wow. I wish it's been it's been a real problem for me my whole life because I have this idea that I want to be thought of as a nice guy. Yeah, and so you know when when requests come in that are from obviously well-meaning, good-hearted people, are they really sure. But you absolutely can't do that. I have, I once got a chance to visit a security company, like the kind that protects celebrities from harassment and stuff like that.

And one of the things that they do is they will, every piece of mail, or email, it comes to the celebrity, goes to them first. Okay. And they absolutely screen it. Yeah. And so we are not celebrities, maybe. Sure. We sort of have to do that ourselves.

Right. You don't just say, if I were the security firm, would I throw this in there? And remember, there was a display they had at the place and it was a plexiglass case that went up about 10 feet high, had four compartments and it was all full of letters that one person had written to a celebrity, thousands of them. Sometimes they were 18 a day. Yeah. And the security firm, the celebrity never saw any of them. Does this day? They wouldn't tell me the name. Yeah. He doesn't need you or she doesn't even know. They intercepted them. Yeah. Put them off. Put them

away. So there's a great quote by Dickens about, it's a note from those days you would write a note to your friend about a friend that asked him to lunch. And he said, you know, it may seem like nothing to you. It's only an hour. But my thinking about it through the day, it's going to screw me up in the morning before I go. Then when I come back, I'm going to have to try to get back. So I hope you understand, you can say, I just can't do it. That's it for me. It's like, so it might seem like it's like an hour, but now my whole day is pivoted around that thing. Because for me, the sign of success is an empty calendar,

not a full calendar. That means I'm living my life how I live. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not like, the stoves are talking about how we're just as slave to these responsibilities and obligations, and then there's no time left for ourselves. And then we're exchanging this time for money But you can't get the time back, you know, and so yeah, it causes me a lot of stress and anxiety. I heard a

Steve cam runs nerd fitness, which is a great website. I know he's a fan of yours He was telling me recently. He's like if you phrase it as you have a rule, people are much more understanding because they understand that it's not personally a rejection of them. So like for book blurbs, he's like, you don't say, no, I won't blurb your book. You say, I have a rule against blurbing books.

Someone just two days ago asked me to write a forward to one of their books. And this is true, I don't rule against blooming books. Someone just two days ago asked me to write a forward to one of their books. And this is true. I don't write forwards for books because I only want to write books. I only want my name on Amazon to be on my own books. I feel like a forward is a very big endorsement. Like it's just, and so I said, look,

this is a great request. Thank you so much, I'm flattered. But I have a rule, I don't write book forwards. Welcome to send me the book. I'm happy to look at it. You know, and I'll maybe I'll tell people about it when it comes out, but I have a rule against him. And he was like, done, you know, but if I if I was I don't know if I like your book, you know, that whole thing. So, so the idea of rules, that's something I'm okay now. And it's a good one. And, and the black and whiteness of it is really. I guess I want to ask you to write it before.

and it's a good one. And the black and whiteness of it is really good. I guess I want to ask you to write it before we're talking about it. The other thing that I heard once is also a really good way to think about this is when you say yes, just some request that comes in, your simultaneous will be saying no. Yes. Just something else like your kid as a soccer game? Yes. Okay, I'm not going to be able to go to see Janie's soccer game.

Yeah. And which is more important. Or I think sometimes for me, this is a tough one. I'm sure you do the same thing. Sometimes for me, it's just what I want to do is just daydream. Yeah. Or I want to sleep. Or I want to watch some dumb thing on TV. That's so valuable.

Yeah. You know, that counts. You know, I also don't like forwards because it's just an incredible request. I mean, the rest of your brother, you know, forget about it, right? You know, there was a, oh, sorry, I didn't know that. But this was, you know, that show the shop that LeBron James does with the barbershop. And they were talking about, since you got famous, has your family started wanting you to buy the houses? And everybody was just laughing, wanting after another about how, yeah, yeah, yeah, everybody

comes out of the woodwork, right? And how they just kind of learned to laugh it off and say, no. Yeah, but actually, and I know there's different schools of thought, what writers about, you know, is having kids make it harder to be a writer easier. You know, I've actually found that having kids is very clarifying for me as far as saying no goes because, you know, apparently I have an unlimited tendency to steal time from myself. And my wife is pretty patient, so she'll let me steal time from her. She's not like, hey, you're doing this. We were supposed to have

dinner. She doesn't care. But realizing that saying yes to writing this forward or saying yes to some dinner or things like that, that I'm stealing that time from a three-year-old, it embodies it in a visceral, heart-breaking form that forces you to be much stricter, which is ironic, Sennaka would say, because like, yeah, sure, you obviously don't want to make a child sad, but like, it should be enough that you're giving away life that you can never get back, but it's not enough for us.

And so we end up just, you know, say yes, yes, yes, you don't want to be a bad guy. And then we sit on our deathbed and wonder where all the time I was reading, touching obituary of Kobe Bryant who recently just died in this tragic car accident and helicopter accident. And the reporter was talking about her old career covering Kobe and that about a month before he died, she emailed him, she was doing a story on Phil Jackson and the triangle offense and she

wanted to interview Kobe for the story. And so, especially if you become a public person, this is like, you want that's so flattering. That's like you want to be interviewed. Like you want to talk about your things. You want to manage your legacy. It's all, you're financially motivated to do it. All these things. And so she texts him, and he texts back, and he says, hey, sorry, my girls are keeping me busy. Hit me up some other time. And you know,

when he said that, he had no idea that he had one month left the list. But he, you know, maybe in that moment as he's like, it touches me very deeply to think like he maybe he maybe he recognized as his life was flashing before his eyes that that hour or 10 minutes or five minutes on the phone. He gave that to the people that mattered rather than to some other thing that no one, no, we wouldn't be sitting here and going, I'm really, I'm really glad Kobe was quoted in that. Right. Yeah. You know what I mean? But that five minutes that he's spent with his daughter instead, she's going to remember forever. And so you, you know, you don't have an unlimited, the stokes, they do not have an unlimited amount of time to do your work,

to your family. And so you're saying no, feels, but also if you're what you do is important in the relationships that you have important, it's actually, it's actually more selfish to say yes. Yeah, yeah. But it's a hard one. It's hard to do. It's so hard. It's so hard. Yeah. Yeah. And you wrote a whole book about that. All right, so that's it for the Ask Daily Stoke Questions. We'll talk to you soon. If you like the podcast that we do here and you want to get it via email every morning, you can sign up at dailystoke.com slash email.

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