The Daily Stoic - Ask Daily Stoic: January 4, 2020

Episode Date: January 4, 2020

In each of the Ask Daily Stoic Q&A episodes, Ryan will answer questions from fans about Stoicism. You can also find these videos on the Daily Stoic YouTube channel.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, prime members, you can listen to the Daily Stoke Podcast early and add free on Amazon music. Download the app today. Welcome to the Daily Stoke. For each day, we read a short passage designed to help you cultivate the strength, insight, wisdom necessary for living good life. Each one of these passages is based on the 2000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women. For more, you can visit us at aileastoic.com. Welcome to another episode of Ask Daily Stoic. You send in questions, we answer them inspired by stoicism. I'm dropping my papers like crazy.

So today's question is how can I get better at saying no? This is something I'm really bad at, and I get the feeling that the stokes were not graded at naturally anyway. I mean, Santa could have been too good at saying no because he agreed to work for Nero and he refused to leave for far too long. But in meditations, Marcus really says,

ask yourself in every moment, is this essential? Do I need to do it? Is it a real obligation? Is it actually important? And the truth is a lot of the things that we get pressured into doing are not necessary. They're things that we're doing because everyone else is doing them.

We're doing them because they showed up in our inbox. We're doing them because somebody offered us some amount of money for them. We're not really asking, is this essential? Is this what I was put on the planet to do if this was by the last day of my life? Would I do it? And so if we can ask ourselves this question, I think generally will be better. I have a sign above my desk that a guy named Jonathan Fader. He's a brilliant sports psychologist. He sent it to me. It's a sign above my desk that a guy named Jonathan Fader, he's a brilliant

sports psychologist. He sent it to me. It's a picture of Oliver Sacks. In his office, Oliver Sacks in the pictures on the phone, and then above him is a sign and it just says, N-O exclamation point. And it's just a reminder to me, like, I have to say, no. Early on in your career, you have to say yes to everything because you're trying to get established. But you get older you realize like oh man, I don't have an unlimited amount of time I don't have unlimited resources. I have to say no to things and I will say that one of the things that having kids has helped me with Is realizing I think before I was okay harming myself and harming even my wife or my health By saying the rest of things I didn't need to be doing that was too much for me to do.

But now that I have kids, I realize like, oh, I am taking this time from them. I promise them all my time. Now, obviously, I have to cross some of that back for work, right? But beyond that, beyond the things that required to survive, to, you know, to feel fulfilled as a human being myself, everything left over belongs to my two sons. And so the idea that I'm just going to fritter that away because

somebody wants me on their podcast or someone sent me some random email or someone wants to pay me $10 to go do something is ridiculous, right? You are saying yes, you're saying no to something else. So one of the things I always think about is one am I saying no to and is that actually a more important thing. So one of the questions we get the most often, this is a comment, it's like, how do I teach my kids about stoicism? Well, the Stoics, like do you look at Kato's life and Sena Kus Life and Marcus Releases life, one of the things they had, it wasn't their parents teaching them about stoicism, although Kato clearly taught his daughter Porsche about it, is that they had really great tutors.

So that's one of the things I'm thinking about with my kids, is obviously school is important. Obviously, it's legally an obligation, but like who are teachers or tutors I can bring into their life on a one-off basis or for a month or for a year. Who are really great instructors I could bring in and have them teach them?

And so obviously there's not really like a whole contingent of stouters, but maybe there are people who are experts in specific things that are pertaining to stoses. And so if those four virtue, maybe a way to think about this is like the four virtues of stoses are wisdom, justice, temperance, and courage. Who is a teacher you can bring into your kids' life that can teach

them about those four things? Or if you can't afford that, what are four books, or four movies, or four stories, or four historical places you can go to teach them about those four concepts? And how can you do that on a regular and recurring basis? So I think teachers is really important. Kato had a stoke teacher, Seneca was a stoke teacher, Epic Titus was taught by Musoneus, Mark Surrealist was taught by this guy named Judy

as Rousticus, so who is your stoke teacher for you and for your kids? That's a really important question. The other thing is, don't think about stosism as this thing you know, and you are teaching to your kids. I think a better way to think about it would be thinking about it as something you're learning together. So, Seneca talks about how he says, like,

when you're reading my letters, assume that we are laying in the same hospital ward together. We're both sick, we're both trying to get better. So don't think about stoicism as something you've mastered and you're passing along to your kids Think about it as something you're learning with your kids that you guys are like learning this together You're like studying together. You're reading you're listening this podcast together You're sharing the Instagram clips together. You know, you're your emailing passages back and forth

You know, you're going on a trip to Rome together like you are doing this together because you're both sick and you're both trying to get better to me That's the great way and then the ultimate way to teach your kids about stosism and this seems obvious But it needs to be said is by example don't tell your kids about justice and temperance and wisdom and courage Prove those things to them embody those things. That's what epic TTC says Don't talk about your philosophy. I body it. Don't talk about your philosophy, embody it. Don't talk about it, be about it. And so at the core of Stoicism, the way I think it's best expressed

is ultimately, by example. So the question, the last question for today is, how do I start a journaling habit in 2020? So I'm a little biased that we make the daily Stoic Journal, can't recommend it highly enough. Hopefully, you know, I'm talking about don't we make the Daily Stoke Journal, can't recommend it highly enough. Hopefully, you know, talk about, don't talk about it, be about it. I do the Daily Stoke Journal every morning. There's a question in the morning,

and you reflect on it as you begin the day, and the idea is that you end the day by reflecting on how you did, you know, per the intention that you set. But I think the easiest way to start a journaling having, I've recommended this a bunch of times, I use a journal called the one line a day journal. I'm on my third year of it. But you go through and you, you just write one sentence every day. So there's a mothering version, a father version, an parenting version, and a college, or there's all these different

versions. I just have a one and I write one sentence every day. It is really easy to write one sentence per day. So instead of thinking about this, how do this, how do I start journaling? How do I have a journaling habit? It's more like what is the least amount of journaling that I can do and start there, right? And so I think that's an easy, nice one. It could just be writing down a quote from one of the stills each morning and then kicking it around. It could just be keeping a workout log. Like start with something really small or easy and I think that's a way to start the journaling. As far as other things are journaling,

there's some other great journals. The bullet journal is great. The five minute journal also really easy. Like starting a journaling habit is hard. Journaling for five minutes is easy. So when you think about these habits that are intimidating or difficult or that you've tried and failed that before, I think what the Stokes would recommend is start with something really easy and build on it.

EpicTitus talks about fueling the habit bonfire. Like how can you just get a spark going and then add to it from there. So it doesn't have to be this intense journal in conversation with yourself or pages and pages and pages, it takes years to work. It's like if you wanted to start meditating, meditate for 30 seconds. Don't try to meditate on a 30 day silent meditation retreat. That's gonna be really intimidating and hard.

So start small and then build. You know, my journal account is probably seven or eight years old now. And as a result, I'm worked myself up to a place where it's natural and effortless and when I don't do it, it's almost painful. But it took me a while to get there and this one line of day journal was a big breakthrough for me. So thanks for listening.

Keep your questions coming. You can send me an info at dailystoke.com. And we will keep doing this every weekend for you on YouTube and on the podcast. Hey, Prime Members, you can listen to the Daily Stoic Early and Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Is this thing on? Check one, two, one, two. Hey y'all, I'm Kiki Palmer. I'm an actress, a singer, an entrepreneur, and a Virgo. Just the name of you. Now, I've held so many occupations over the years that my fans lovingly nicknamed me Kiki Keep a Bag Palmer. And trust me, I keep a bag love. But if you ask

me, I'm just getting started. And there's so much I still want to do. So I decided I want to be a podcast host. I'm proud to introduce you to the baby Mrs. Kiki Palmer podcast. I'm putting my friends, family, and some of the dopest experts in the hot seat to ask them the questions that have been burning in my mind. What will former child stars be if they weren't actors? What happened to sitcoms? It's only fans, only bad. I want to know. So I asked my mom about it. These are the questions that keep me up at night, but I'm taking these questions out of my head and I'm bringing them to you. Because on Baby This Is Kiki Palmer, no topic is off limits. Follow Baby This Is Kiki Palmer, whatever you get your podcast. Hey, prime members, you can listen early and at-freak on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today!

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