The Daily Stoic - Dr. Rangan Chatterjee’s Essential Daily Practices for a Healthier, Happier Life
Episode Date: January 4, 2025How do your emotional responses and daily habits affect your health? Dr. Rangan Chatterjee joins Ryan to discuss how intentional practices can create lasting change in both your physical and ...emotional well-being. Drawing from personal experiences and over 20 years of clinical expertise, Dr. Rangan Chatterjee offers incredibly useful advice for achieving long-term happiness and behavioral change.Dr. Rangan Chatterjee is a physician, author, TV presenter and podcast host of Feel Better Live More where he talks with leading health experts who offer easy health life-hacks, expert advice and debunk common health myths. Be sure to check out Dr. Rangan Chatterjee’s latest book Make Change That Lasts and grab signed copies of his other books: Feel Better in 5, Feel Great Lose Weight, and Happy Mind, Happy Life at The Painted Porch. You can follow him on Instagram @DrChatterjee, on X @Dr.ChatterjeeUK, and on YouTube @DrChatterjeeRangan🎥 Watch Dr. Edith Eger’s episode on The Daily Stoic Podcast: https://youtu.be/OKOiH1CujCcThe Daily Stoic New Year, New You Challenge is 3 weeks of ALL-NEW, actionable challenges, presented in an email per day, built around the best, most timeless wisdom in Stoic philosophy, to help you create a better life, and a new you in 2025. Why 3 weeks? Because it takes human beings 21 days to build new habits and skills, to create the muscle memory of making beautiful choices each and every day.Head over to dailystoic.com/challenge today to sign up.🎙️ Follow The Daily Stoic Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dailystoicpodcast🎥 Watch top moments from The Daily Stoic Podcast on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dailystoicpodcast✉️ Want Stoic wisdom delivered to your inbox daily? Sign up for the FREE Daily Stoic email at https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail🏛 Get Stoic inspired books, medallions, and prints to remember these lessons at the Daily Stoic Store: https://store.dailystoic.com/📱 Follow us: Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, and FacebookSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to the daily Stoic early and ad free right now.
Just join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts.
So for this tour I was just doing in Europe, we had I think four days in London and I was with
my kids, my wife and my in-laws. So we knew we didn't want to stay in a hotel. We'd spend a
fortune. We'd be cramped. So we booked an Airbnb and it was awesome. As it happens, the Airbnb
we stayed in was like this super historic building.
I think it was where like the first meeting of the Red Cross or the Salvation Army ever was.
It was awesome. That's why I love staying in Airbnbs.
To stay in a cool place, you get a sense of what the place is actually like.
You're coming home to your house, not to the lobby of a hotel every night.
It just made it easier to coordinate everything and get a sense of what the city is like.
When I spent last summer in LA, we used an Airbnb also.
So you may have read something that I wrote
while staying in an Airbnb.
Airbnb has the flexibility in size and location
that work for your family.
And you can always find awesome stuff.
You click on guest favorites to narrow your search down.
Travel's always stressful.
It's always hard to be away from home. But if you're going to do it, do it right. And that's why you
should check out Airbnb. Alice and Matt here from British Scandal. Matt, if we had a bingo card,
what would be on there? Oh, compelling storytelling, egotistical white men and
dubious humor. If that sounds like your cup of tea, you will love our podcast, British Scandal,
the show where every week we bring you stories from this green and not always so pleasant land.
We've looked at spies, politicians, media magnates, a king, no one is safe.
And knowing our country, we won't be out of a job anytime soon.
Follow British Scandal wherever you listen to your podcasts.
Welcome to the weekend edition of The Daily Stoic.
Each weekday we bring you a meditation inspired by the ancient stoics,
something to help you live up to those four stoic virtues of courage, justice, temperance, and wisdom.
And then here on the weekend, we take a deeper dive into those same topics.
We interview stoic philosophers. We explore at length how these stoic ideas can be applied to our actual lives and the challenging issues of our time.
Here on the weekend, when you have a little bit more space, when things have slowed down,
be sure to take some time to think, to go for a walk, to sit with your journal,
and most importantly to prepare for a walk, to sit with your journal, and most importantly, to prepare
for what the week ahead may bring.
Hey, it's Ryan.
Welcome to another episode of the Daily Stoic Podcast.
Let's see, what's happened since I talked to you guys last?
Kids finally got out of school,
so the holidays actually started.
I went later this year, like till like the 19th or something.
But yeah, I feel like it's not really Christmas
until Christmas break starts.
But we're officially that.
I went deer hunting with Philip Meyer,
who has a great episode on the podcast.
We got a nice buck together.
My shooting was embarrassing, but always good. And then to,
you know, sit down and have lunch with my kids today and have venison that we harvested and
butchered ourselves, you know, it made me feel like not just a primal parent in a way, but sort
of a true rural Texan who lives out here. Most of the time I don't, but that felt nice. Anyways,
out here, most of the time I don't, but that felt nice. Anyways, here we are, end of the year is insight,
very much insight.
And as you know, this is when we start to think about like,
who do I want to be next year?
Maybe you've got some last minute questions
from your accountant, you're, you know,
wrapping up some paperwork for the year
and you're thinking about who you were,
and then you're thinking about
how you wanna do things differently.
Again, kids not being in school, the commute's different.
Maybe you're in a different place, life's slowed down,
you got a couple days off, hopefully.
I don't know what all of you do.
I know it's actually been a bit crazy over here
with Daily Stoic.
This is like our Super Bowl, this crazy period of year.
Everything's crazy, especially now having the bookstore.
But I talked to James Clear
about building new habits in 2025,
how to stick with New Year's resolutions.
And I also talked to today's guest about exactly that.
He's been a doctor for 20 years.
He's the author of six books.
And he actually just wrote a book called
Make Change That Lasts,
Nine Simple Ways to Break Free
from the Habits that Hold You Back.
I'm talking about Dr. Rangan Chatterjee,
who I've known for a long time.
Actually, he did me a huge solid a couple years ago
that you were all the beneficiaries of.
He introduced me to one of my favorite people,
an author who changed my life, Dr. Edie Eger,
who wrote The Choice.
Yeah, just a lovely person, the Holocaust survivor.
I'll link to that episode.
She's awesome.
But anyways, back to today's guest.
He came all the way out from London
and we had an awesome conversation.
He's passionate about simplifying health.
He has a great podcast called Feel Better Live More.
And he talks about like really little things you can do.
Like he was talking about his five minute strength workout
that he does every day.
Like little things that can have a big impact on your life.
And that's what we're doing in the Daily Stoic
New Year New Challenge.
Also, which you can sign up dailystoic.com slash challenge.
That's why we do the 21 consecutive days of challenges.
It's to help you come up with little things,
little ways of thinking about things
that hopefully they stick.
Over the course of the three week challenge,
you pick up one or two things that keep with you,
compounded over the year that can be enormous.
I have my own like little pushups, squats workout
that I picked up from one of the days in the challenge.
I have a little note card here with words,
like little sort of core priority words,
like my epithets for the self as the stoics talk about
that's on my monitor from a daily stoic
new year new challenge day back probably six
or seven years ago.
So it's awesome.
You can sign up there at dailystoke.com slash challenge.
You can follow today's guest on Instagram
and on Twitter and on YouTube.
He has a huge YouTube channel.
That's Dr. Chatterjee.
I'll link to all of that in case you can't spell it.
He's at Dr. Chatterjee on Instagram.
And you can preorder his new book,
Make Change That Lasts,
which is out December 31st,
perfect timing for a new year.
He signed a bunch of his books
while he was here at the Painted Porch.
You can grab Feel Better in five,
Feel Great, Lose Weight, Happy Mind,
Happy Life at the Painted Porch.
Thank you to Dr. Chatterjee for coming out.
It was a great chat and I'll see you all
in the Daily Stoke New Year New Challenge
in just a couple days.
All right, be well everyone.
["The Daily Stoke New Year New Challenge"]
Usually it's like the first time you would meet someone,
you would hear their name said for the first time.
But then if you just interact with someone over email
for like years, you just have your own
butchered pronunciation of their name in your head. Yeah, you've even got a butchered pronunciation of their name in your head.
Yeah, you've even got a butchered interpretation of who that person is.
Like you have a perception based upon this two-dimensional communication.
You meet people, you're like, oh, you're completely different.
Like not in a good or bad way, just different.
Well, I realized like I've had relationships with people for like 10 years over email.
And then they come and they go like,
hi, my name's Tom Smith.
And I go, okay.
And they're like, no, Tom Smith from the email thing
for 10 years.
And I'm like, oh yeah, I like forgot you are a person.
You're just this like thing that pops up in my email
and I interact with you, we talk,
but then like, I'm not thinking of you as like out in the world.
Do you know what I mean?
Then like, I'm having to go, oh yeah, that's how your name sounds.
And this is who you are.
You're not just this like disembodied thing.
You know what I mean?
It's probably weird.
It's even like when you see someone and how they appear on social media and Yeah. And you get a certain impression of who that person is.
And then you meet them in real life.
And sometimes I've met people where I felt online, they're quite combative and argumentative.
And in real life, they're just really nice and human and kind and compassionate.
I've had that quite a lot, which makes me think
the online world is so different from the offline worlds.
Yes, well, I find that to be not a complimentary thing
to say about someone.
If your online persona is competitive
and aggressive or unkind, and then you're like,
and then they're so nice in person, I'm like well, then why why are you professionally being an asshole? It's like hey, I thought you'd be standoffish
And you're much nicer and funny or whatever that's different
But like there is something I think about the algorithmic world
Where it it really brings out the worst in people and some people are okay with doing that profession
I don't want to be my worst self professionally. That seems weird.
I agree.
And I'm very intentional as much as I can when I go online
because I would like my online persona
to reflect my offline one.
And I'd like to think by and large it does.
I kind of feel that I'm pretty kind and compassionate guy.
I don't really crave a disagreement or I don't need people to like me anymore.
I, I don't want to make other people wrong.
I just want to put my message out to the world in a kind and compassionate way.
And I'm always trying, you know, for me, one thing I've tried to do online is if
I'm ever not feeling in a good place or I feel that I've emotionally
reacted to something, I know now don't respond.
This is not the time to comment in a public forum, sort your own emotions out first before
you engage if you choose to engage and frankly, that's a good lesson that applies online and
offline. Yeah, there's something that seems even about like the sort of doctor world,
the doctor personalities, where the algorithm, like when you see where they started to where they end up,
it's not always a good trajectory.
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean? I guess it's true for all things, but you,
it's just fascinating to watch the work that the algorithm and fame
and being a personality can do on
a human being.
I've seen that loads.
And you know, you said before it's not complimentary.
And I get that.
At the same time, I think unless you're really intentional about how you live each day, a
lot of influences end up playing to the algorithm.
So they end up playing to what they know is going to do well,
which as I'm sure you've said multiple times on this podcast,
drives you to perhaps not being the person who you want to be.
And so I think for influencers, let's say,
but frankly it applies to everyone.
I think you can, let's say with the practice
of journaling each morning, you can reflect a little bit
and decide intentionally, how do I want to show up today in the world?
Yeah.
You know?
Well, also you should be making what you think is good, not what the algorithm says is good.
Now obviously, with anything that depends on an audience, you have to be aware of the
audience.
But I generally think like, stats should not be your compass,
just like money should not be your compass in life.
Do you think, I think about this a lot,
do you think at all it's easy to have that viewpoint,
because I share that viewpoint
once you've had a degree of success.
Because I think people might go,
yeah, Ryan, it's all right for you,
or Rangan, it's okay for you,
you guys are pretty successful.
So you can now make decisions from your heart.
Right.
But I do think about that.
You know, my podcast now we're coming to seven years since it started and we're
about to pass 500 episodes and what I've got really clear on over the years is
that the best way I serve my audience is actually not to think about them.
Yeah.
And it kind of sounds a little bit selfish at first, but I don't mean it.
I don't mean it like that at all.
I've learned that if I selfishly choose the guests that I really, really want to
speak to, that's how I best serve my audience, which is kind of what Rick Rubin
says in his book, isn't it? In terms of you cannot, you can't make the best art with the
audience in mind.
But it's funny because you said, you know, it's easy to say because you have an audience.
But I think, like, why do you have an audience? Like when I went to my publisher and said,
hey, I want to write about an obscure school of ancient philosophy, they were not like,
that sounds like the greatest idea ever.
Like almost every person who has an audience did so.
Because they follow the hop.
Yeah, they invented that audience, right?
They were uniquely themselves.
Very few people sort of backed themselves into an audience
by doing what everyone else was doing
or by following the algorithm.
So it's this kind of weird thing.
Like there's a famous Henry Ford quote where he says,
if I did what my customers wanted,
I would have just made a faster horse.
You know, like you get where you got by doing something new.
You obviously have to have empathy and understanding.
And I thought a lot about how do I make ancient philosophy
interesting to people who are not interested in it.
But I was operating by my own interests and, you know, like, yeah, following my heart in
that I thought it could be made interesting, right?
So it's like I have a good sense of my own judgment.
And yeah, like, you can't operate in total disavowal of the audience or in actively antagonizing the audience.
But if you are trying to tell people what they want to hear, I think that
gets very old, very quickly.
Yeah.
I think there's a, there's a danger also in becoming successful and having an
audience in the sense that, and I've seen this with many people is that you
start playing to the audience, you try and conserve what you have.
And I think that's a real problem.
And actually with this book, my sixth one, I actually had long chats with Penguin.
I said, guys, this is going to be a different book.
Okay.
And there was a little pushback in the sense that, of course, you know, in the UK, I have
very successful books and for Penguin, I'm not having to go at them.
There's going to be a conservatism where we want to play to that audience.
We know what your audience is like, but I've really followed my heart and I'm
like, no, I'm not going to repeat what I've already said.
I have to break new grounds.
I have to go into new spaces and I want you guys to back me.
And they've been amazing.
So yeah, we'll back you.
And I said, I want everything about this book to be different because it feels like I'm now bridging the gap from sort of
a more traditional health book into a book that's a bit more about philosophy and happiness
and how these things all weave together.
But it's funny. I mean, it's the exact same size. You know, like, so you find the areas that you change,
like that you're gonna reinvent or experiment,
and then you also wanna find a way that it's palatable
and doesn't, you know what I mean?
You don't throw everything out.
No.
It's not a giant middle finger to the audience.
You still think about what's going on with them,
what their needs are, what's interested,
but you're looking for the overlap
between what's going on with them, what their needs are, what's interested, but you're looking for the overlap between what's exciting to you and what is going to resonate with people.
And that's different than, oh, X, Y, and Z is doing well right now, so I'm going to do
that.
Yeah. And the truth is, I don't know how interesting this is to people, but I know in this kind of online influencer, author, podcaster world, I know
full well that some people are literally choosing their guests based upon how they're going
to perform on YouTube. And I try to not judge anymore. It's one thing that I've realized
in my life. It doesn't help me, right? So I just observe and I'm like, Oh, that's interesting. Choosing guests like that is going to have a certain outcome.
There's going to be a consequence. The question for that individual or those individuals is
am I happy with that consequence? Am I happy with that outcome? And for me, I've realized,
no, if I only choose based upon how it's going to perform, then I'm kind of losing my soul
along the way. And I'm, you know, I was with a mutual friend of ours, Rich Roll, last week, we were chatting
about the same thing, about how do we go about choosing the guests who we want to speak to.
And this actually, it's not just for people who've got big audiences, right?
We all have a circle of influence in our lives.
It's how you interact in everyday life. How do you
make choices? In my previous book, I had this framework for happiness and I said there's
three ingredients to happiness. Alignment, contentment and control. Each one of those
is not enough in isolation. They're all important and you need balance between those three.
I think what we're talking about speaks to that alignment piece, right?
Which is when I say alignment, I mean when the person who you really are on the inside
and the person who you are being on the outside are one and the same.
So when your inner values and your external actions start to match up more and more, I
think at any point in our life, when we start to create a void there and a gap between
who we are and who we are being in the world, that will come to bite you at some point.
I really believe in that void that we create, there's a fracture internally.
And I believe having been a doctor for 23 years, that a lot of the problems that we
see to do with, let's say our lifestyle
and the habits that we're trying to change. I actually think that if you go to the root
cause, when there's that internal fracture in who you are, you will put in things like
sugar and alcohol and online scrolling for three hours or pornography, whatever it is,
it's there in the cracks to fill that hole.
Hi, I'm Lindsay Graham, the host of Wondry Show American Scandal. We bring to life some of the biggest controversies in US history, presidential lies, environmental disasters, corporate fraud.
In our latest series, NASA embarks on an ambitious program to reinvent space exploration with the launch of its first
reusable vehicle, the Space Shuttle. And in 1985, they announce they're sending teacher
Krista McAuliffe into space aboard the Space Shuttle Challenger along with six other astronauts.
But less than two minutes after liftoff, the Challenger explodes. And in the tragedy's aftermath,
investigators uncover a series of preventable failures by NASA and its contractors
that led to the disaster. Follow American Scandal on the Wondry app or wherever you
get your podcasts. Experience all episodes ad-free and be the first to binge the newest
season only on Wondry+. You can join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app, Apple Podcasts, or
Spotify. Start your free trial today. Yeah, in my first book, I riffed a little bit on this word disintegrated.
When you hear the word disintegrated in English, you think it means like coming apart, right?
Like it disintegrated upon entering the Earth's atmosphere.
But like, if you think about it more as disintegrated,
like not integrated,
I find that's the state that a lot of people exist in.
So you have different parts of yourself
and they're not integrated with each other.
So you might have a set of values,
like this is how I was in my twenties.
You have a set of values,
you have what you think is important,
who you wanna be,
and then you have your job,
which is maybe in an industry, or it's being done in a way,
or it's forcing you to perform in a way that is not,
those things are not integrated, right?
The other word for this is compartmentalization.
But you can't really compartmentalize, right?
You just have these different things,
and eventually they kind of, they find some way to conflict,
or you have to find some
way to reconcile them.
And so I think a lot of people that particularly in something like sort of the internet ecosystem
where where you're like, if I have this person on, it will get a lot of engagement.
It might not be true.
It might be bad for the world.
They might be a crazy person who's spreading a harmful message, but I have to get a certain.
So I think you see that.
And then what happens is those people tend to spiral because they have that person on,
they engage with this sort of energy and it does so well that it becomes harder and harder
for them not to do more and more of that.
And then you kind of watch that person almost get radicalized by the people they bring in.
And we see it. And so, you know, I used to be driven a lot by external validation as a kid,
as a teenager in my twenties. And over the last five or 10 years, I've really changed that by
intentionally, you know, doing daily practices to change how I show up in the world, to change how I see myself, to change my external actions.
And I kind of feel that a lot of us, because we have this reliance, this over-reliance on being
liked by other people, we start to change who we are in order to be accepted by others. But that's
very, very dangerous because, and I think the online world magnifies
this to a great degree. You can change who you are and get validation. So then you start
performing in life, rather than living authentically, you perform and you get rewarded for that
performance. So you keep doing that, but again, you're creating this internal void.
And I think it's better, the truth is it's better to be yourself and not be
liked by some people, but be authentic to yourself in the longterm.
And frankly, in the short term, you're going to feel better.
You're going to find there's a contentment, there's a piece.
And in terms of like this idea of making changes that actually last, I think it's going to
be much more likely when you're actually becoming much more aligned with who you are.
I mean, think about this with this idea of virtue.
Like, we tend to think of virtue or who we are as this thing.
It's like, I'm a good person, I'm a generous person, I'm whatever. We think it's this thing that we are,
as opposed to this thing that we do, right?
And Aristotle was very clear that virtue was an action,
not like a state of being, that it's a verb and not a noun.
Yeah, love that.
So people will say, well, I'm a good person,
but this is what I do professionally,
or this is what I believe, but I'm gonna engage with or interact or platform
all these things that I don't really believe.
That's not how it works.
As you're trafficking in this stuff,
as you're engaging it, as you're doing this thing,
because it's what the algorithm wants,
or what you think your boss wants,
or just how this industry operates,
you are becoming that thing,
and you're becoming not the thing that you see yourself as or
believe that you are because you're not doing that thing.
And so the idea is like, if you want to be something, if you want to see yourself a certain
way, it has to be rooted in the actions that you take the day to day.
Which the good news is, it means you can change positively also.
You can just start doing that thing.
It's like not faking it till you make it.
It's bringing it into being by doing it.
Yeah. So I start each day with several practices as part of a morning routine, okay? And one
of the things I do at the end is a journaling practice where I answer three questions, right?
Which I'll share in just a moment. But going back to what I said about happiness before
and this kind of deep, what I call core happiness,
as opposed to junk happiness,
the happiness that I think we're all really looking for,
not the happiness that we might think we're looking for.
Yeah, but not the happiness of smiling or laughing,
but of contentment and self fulfillment.
Yeah, exactly.
And so those three ingredients that I mentioned,
alignment, contentment and
control, I think they're all important. They're all equally important to me, but that control
one I think is really, really important, particularly in the world in which we live today. When
I say control, I'm talking about a sense of control. I'm not talking about controlling
the external world, which is fundamentally in so many ways uncontrollable. And a lot of people I think get really frustrated and disempowered by the
state of the world, politics, the news headlines, you know, whatever it might be.
And I understand that, but there are ways around that and giving yourself a sense
of control each day through your actions is a very powerful
way to ground yourself and insulate you.
And we know from the science of research, people who have a strong sense of control
over their lives, they're happier, they're healthier, they have better social relationships,
they earn more money.
There's a very strong relationship.
So I have been teaching my patients for years about little 5, 10, 15 minute rituals that they can do each morning that helps to ground them. And
even while I'm in America now, I'm traveling on this book tour. I've been in LA for 10
days. I'm in Austin for a couple of days. I bring a few things with me like my coffee
pot on my cafeteria. So I make coffee in the hotel room and in the five minutes that it brews,
I do a little strength workout in my pajamas. It's something I do at home and it sounds
simple and it sounds a bit unnecessary, but actually it's very helpful for me because
it's a grounding practice that helps me feel, oh, I've got a sense of control over my day.
So those three questions that I ask myself each day, I think really speak to your point, which is this idea that justice, virtue, being the person you want to be is an action.
So I start off with my coffee. And the first question is, what is one thing I deeply appreciate
about my life? Okay, really simple question. There's a lot of science on gratitude and so
as to what it can do do and humans have this negativity
bias that's kept us alive for many, many years.
But the truth is that we take in nine bits of negative information for every one bit
of positive information.
So I say to a lot of my patients that you do have a morning routine, even if you think
you don't, the question is, are you intentional about it? Right? If you wake up and in bed, you scroll the news and Twitter and your work emails.
You're entitled to do that, but it's going to have a consequence.
If you infuse your brain with negativity first thing in the morning, is it any
wonder that half an hour later, you're a bit negative about the world?
You're a bit reactive with your children or your partner.
Sure.
Right.
I'm not saying that's the only thing, but if you put that input in first thing,
of course, the output 30 minutes later, one hour later, is going to be hugely dependent
on what you put in. So instead, if you, let's say, start off with this practice of gratitude,
what is one thing I deeply appreciate about my life? It changes the focus. And it's so simple. I can
never say I don't have time to write that down. And I really challenge anyone. And I'm sure your
audience, Ryan, are already familiar with journaling and I'm sure much of your audience already are
doing a journaling practice, right? But hopefully these three questions might give them a bit of-
What's the third question?
So the first question is, what is one thing I deeply appreciate about my life? The second question is what is the most important thing I have to do today?
Which I love, probably my favourite question.
And the third question is which quality do I want to showcase to the world today?
And I tell you those three questions are so simple, but they really change your relationship
with your day and your relationship with your day
and your relationship with yourself, right?
So that second question,
what is the most important thing I have to do today?
It's incredibly powerful because what I would see
with patients and I've experienced myself is that these days,
we often only do the important things
when everything else is done.
But after you've sucked out all the energy and yeah.
But our to-do lists are never done, right?
And I've been heavily influenced by these regrets
of the dying over the past few years.
And I had a beautiful conversation with Bronnie Ware,
the palliative care nurse on my podcast,
maybe three years ago.
And she wrote the book, The Five Regrets of the Dying.
And she basically said, at the end of people's lives,
they all say the same things.
I wish I'd worked less.
I wish I spent more time with my friends and family. I wish I'd lived my life and not the
life that other people expected of me, et cetera, et cetera. Right? So for me, it's
like, okay, that's what people say at the end of their lives. Yeah. Commonly. I've also
with my clinical experience, seen many, many patients who kept thinking they
could push through, work through evenings, work through weekends.
And for many years, I would kind of see a lot of autoimmune disease.
And in over 95% of cases, when you do a detailed history of their lives, you would see within
the six months leading up to the diagnosis, heavy, heavy stress.
I'm not saying it was the only cause,
but a huge contributor to the onset of symptoms.
That's why I think, well, what is it about us as humans
that we have to get sick before we start addressing the reality of life,
or we have to wait till our deathbed to affect the reality of life?
So for me, that question is a very simple way of focusing my attention on what is the
most important thing I have to do today in a world where there are infinite things that
we feel we have to do.
And I think you may already know this Ryan, given sort of all the research you've done
over the years, but I learned from Greg McEwen a few years ago that when the, the word priority came into the
English language in the 1500s, that it was only a singular word.
Like it didn't exist.
And it's full of reform.
Priorities is funny.
Yeah.
Sure.
And so I think many of us are drowning in, in our, um, to-do lists.
And that question just cuts through all the noise and goes, what is the most
important thing I have to do today?
So in the week before I left for America,
as I knew I was gonna be away for two weeks,
which is quite a long time for me
to be away from my wife and kids.
I was just gone for two weeks, yes.
Yeah, it's the longest I've been away from them
in a long, long time, okay?
So I remember on the Monday of that week,
when I was answering that morning question,
it was a work deadline, right?
So that's what I put down. I wrote down, I've got to get this blog back to Penguin that they need for the book,
right? That doesn't mean that my relationship with my wife wasn't important that day or
my kids or my other work. No. But the focus that day was, that's the most important thing
I have to get done. On the Tuesday in the morning, again, this takes minutes to do,
it was, you know what,
my wife is away at the weekend, I'm going to be away for two weeks, I must make sure
when the children are in bed that I spend some quality time with my wife.
On the Wednesday, I remember clearly because I was working from home that day, I thought
to myself, and this is what I commonly put down on working from home days, I put down
at 4pm when the children walk through the door from school, the most important thing
I have to do today is make sure my laptop is shut and my phone's in a different room
so I can be fully present with what they have to tell me.
So it's a very simple question that just helps me focus each day on actually, you know what?
That's the most important thing. That's the most important thing.
That's the most important thing.
And I would challenge Ryan, your audience, and say,
listen, if there's nothing else you take
from this conversation,
but just answer that one question each day,
and you then act on what you write down,
it is inconceivable to me that your life
will not feel different in seven days.
One thing I would add to that,
obviously some of them are more personal than professional,
but like whatever your important professional thing is
that you have to do that day,
the thing I add to that is one of my sort of rules
is I do the hard thing first.
Exactly.
So the problem is people say,
say if they write something, you have to review something,
you have to sit down and go through some, you know, bit of paperwork.
You're not gonna bring your best self to that task
at three in the afternoon.
You know, you have to do it,
from what I understand the studies
that sort of willpower and concentration,
these are like finite resources that we have,
you have to bring your freshest self to that thing.
And so for me, it's usually like,
hey, what is the writing thing I have to do?
Because that's my job.
I don't schedule breakfast meetings and podcasts
and running to the DMV.
I don't schedule administrative bullshit
before I have to do the hard concentration heavy task.
I do that first.
So the other thing is when you have a,
hey, what's the most important thing I have to do today,
professionally, personally, whatever,
if you do that thing, you won the day.
Yeah, exactly.
How many people win their days?
Very few people.
So by lowering the stakes,
by making it about the one thing, the main thing,
then you not only, it's reasonable you're gonna do it,
but then you build the identity and the sense of momentum
that you're just like several days in a row, I'm fucking crushing it.
Momentum is the key force, right? That's the key underlying energy behind any of this long-term
change that we're all looking for. And connecting this to what we said earlier about the negativity
bias, there are always things for most of us that we haven't done. Right? So your brain is hardwired at the end of it.
Oh God, I didn't get that done.
I didn't get that done.
I didn't get that done.
Okay, okay.
You need to do something.
You need to take action each day in some way to sort of insulate yourself against that.
There are always going to be things that you don't do, but you identify the one thing,
you do it, and it means you start to change your relationship with yourself because you start to feel like yeah
I'm a winner like I'm winning each day
And what were you having those little practices say this is what I do
Well, the coffee's being made, you know
Those are small wins that you're front loading your day with it's very unlikely that the day is going to be so haywire
That from the second you woke up you didn't have five minutes to do pushups or five minutes to do this gratitude practice.
By making it small and simple and entirely in your control, then again, you can give
up on the momentum, but no one can take it from you.
Yeah.
And this works on so many levels.
Let me just finish on that third question.
And then I want to explain why I feel that these five minute practices are so powerful.
Yes, I've experienced it myself.
I've seen it with patients year after year, even patients in the depth, suicidal patients.
If you can, for some of them, help them with these five minute actions each day, you build
momentum, you build self-esteem, they change the way that they view themselves.
That third question, which quality do I want to showcase to the world today?
What I love about that is we often think that the way we are is the way we have to remain.
And it's simply not.
Most of what we do each day is just repetition.
We're repeating our past behaviors, our past thought patterns, and
we can change that with intentionality. So for me in the morning, if I spend a minute
going, what quality do I want to showcase to the world today? Okay. Like today, when
I wrote it in my journal, it was compassion. I want to show the world today, the quality
of compassion. That means I'm just a little bit more likely when I come across maybe an email that I don't
like from my team or someone who pulls in front of me if I'm driving or whatever it
might be, yes, I could react.
But the fact that I've said this morning, I want to show the world the quality of compassion,
it makes it a little bit more likely that I'm not going to react.
Now the power isn't doing it once. You do that every single morning for seven days, for 14 days, for 21 days.
You start to change the person who you are.
You become, I would argue, more aligned with the person you want to be because
the truth is, yes, we're all different, but there's some really good psychological
research showing that actually when we're kind and compassionate and we practice and show patients, we just feel better about ourselves.
We do improve our self-esteem.
That's who we ultimately are.
I believe underneath all the societal conditioning, underneath what the
algorithm is driving people to do, like you were mentioning earlier, I think
we all feel better when we're kind and compassionate.
So I love those three questions and I've shared them with my patients over the years. I've shared them with my Instagram
audience, my podcast audience, and the feedback I consistently get is that they really, really
help. Now you don't have to do those three. You might have a better version or, you know,
in your journals, Ryan, you've got other options for people, but do something. Do something
and just bring in the science of behavior change for a minute because I
think it really adds to what we're talking about.
I do several things each morning in my ideal morning.
I have a framework called the three M's, mindfulness, movement and mindset.
The journaling practice, those three questions come under the mindset piece for me. Right.
But the one thing I haven't missed in probably five years now, that's rarely been a day is my five minute strength workout every morning.
And it's got nothing to do with willpower.
Absolutely nothing to do with willpower.
I apply the same principles that we all apply to brush our teeth every day.
To have a five minute strength workout.
If people go, what's five minutes going to do?
It does a lot.
It's momentum.
It makes me feel that even if my life is super busy and my wife needs me and my children
need me and my team members need me and my patients need me, I still found five minutes
for myself.
And what I do is the two most important rules for any behavior in my view.
A number one, make it easy.
Yeah.
Number two, you stick on that behavior onto an existing habits.
Right.
So I make it easy by making it five minutes.
I can never say I don't have five minutes.
Right.
I'm in my pajamas when I do it.
So I don't have to get change or anything fancy.
It goes somewhere, you know, in my kitchen at home, I have a dumbbell, I have a kettlebell that they
are in the kitchen. Yes, a few years ago, my wife said, Hey baby, you're going to like
keep this stuff in the kitchen. I was like, yeah, it's going to stay in the kitchen because
if it goes in the garage or the cupboard, it's not going to get used. And the funny
thing now is that my kids use it, she uses it, right? So you make it easy.
And number two, you stick onto an existing habit.
So what is that?
Like, you know, a habit is an, is an action that you do without conscious thoughts, right?
So my coffee is going to get made at 5 30.
I don't need my assistant to phone me to remind me.
I don't need a Google calendar notification.
It's going to happen.
Right? to remind me, I don't need a Google calendar notification, it's going to happen, right? So by sticking on the workout there, it happens, but it's the same thing that we do with tooth
brushing.
Do you know what I mean?
It's so small and simple.
And again, that's the kind of stuff I've had so many patients over the years with depression,
with bad anxiety, suicidal thoughts.
And yes, there are many things that you might have to look at.
So I'm not trying to oversimplify. How do you get movement going in the right direction?
Exactly. And that for me is one of the best ways to do it.
What do you think about New Year's resolutions? Because I think when people are thinking about
change, they're like, I want to be a different person in 2025, or I want to be a better person.
I want to be closer to the person I know I'm capable of being. How do you think about resolutions?
Because the reality is a lot of people have that sensation, that feeling, that desire,
and then most resolutions go nowhere and people spend another year as exactly the same person.
I mean, I spent a long time thinking about this because why is it that, you know, depending
which research study you read, 80 to 90% in news resolutions have fallen
by the wayside by the start of February.
And I've got 23 years of clinical experience.
So I've seen tens of thousands of patients.
So I kind of feel I've got a good steer, certainly from my own experience and what I've seen.
I think there's a few things that people get wrong.
I think they try and make it too big too quickly, which
I have seen people do that. Generally speaking, the people who can transform
their lives overnight, they've generally had some really, really big life
experience, a divorce, a bereavement, they've lost the house, something big, yeah,
you can do it. But if you don't have that driving you, I think if you make it too big, you're
never going to make it last in the long term.
Right.
So, so there's a couple of things to say about these resolutions, right?
So one thing I don't think people understand enough is that every single
behavior in our life serves a role.
Too often we try and change the behavior without understanding
the role it plays in our life.
So I'll give you a really practical example. If your alcohol consumption is your way of managing stress,
you can white-knuckle it for the first two or three weeks of January and you will stop.
And you'll think, yeah, I've got more energy, I'm sleeping better. Great, great, great. I have no problem with that. But if it's your way of managing stress, the only way you'll change it in the long term is by
one of two things. Either the amount of stress in your life has to change, so then you'll
no longer need the alcohol, or you need an alternative behavior to alcohol to help you
manage the stress. It sounds so obvious when I put it like that, but most people in my experience
are caught up in their lives and they're, they're focused too much on the behavior.
Instead of being focused on what role does behavior play?
And so I've come to the conclusion that, and this is really one of the primary
theses in Make Change That Last, my new book, is this idea that it's not necessarily
the behavior you need to focus on. It's the energy behind the behavior.
What's it doing for you? Why are you doing it?
Yeah. And the other way I look at it for news resolutions is all behaviors, I believe,
come from either love or fear, right? At their core.
Sure.
So if you feel bad about who you are,
you're consumed with guilt and shame and jealousy
and envy or whatever it might be.
These are all things that come from the energy of fear.
If your changes are coming from that kind of energy,
I don't think they're gonna last in the longterm
because you're trying to overcome,
like the behavior is in conflict
with who you consider
yourself to be.
This was me a few years ago, right?
So I would say, right, this year I'm going to meditate and I'd do 20 minutes of meditation
every morning until like the 16th of January.
Then I'll miss a day because work gets busy and I beat myself up in my head.
Negative self-talk, I'd be, wrong, you couldn't do it because you're this year, you know,
you're a loser. I used to have a really negative inner voice. I've completely changed
that over the years with these kind of intentional practices. And now I find behaviour change
really, really simple because I've focused on the underlying energies behind that behaviour
change. And one of the things I try to kind of address
in this book, Ryan, is I'm a doctor, right?
So through the lens of health,
I think we're living in a world
where we've got more information than ever before.
More health podcasts, more health books, more blogs,
whatever it might be.
But why, despite all this increase in information
and knowledge, is it not translating
to better health outcomes?
We know what we should, most of us know what we should do or not do.
Exactly. So, you know, I really tried hard with this one to go, no, no, no, there's a
lot of what we should be doing out there. I've written books on what we should be doing.
This book addresses the why. Why are we still doing the things that we know are harming us?
Yeah. And I think a lot of it is internal.
Of course.
It comes to our internal world.
And people don't want to go there, but that's where the gold is.
It's funny.
So every year for Daily Stoic, we do this thing we call the Daily Stoic New Year New Challenge.
That's like 21 days of stoic inspired challenges.
It's different every year, but it's just a bunch of cool stoic practices.
And the idea is like one or two will stick with someone and they'll
take it through the year. One will get them to think about something
differently. But it's funny. Like we'll start talking about it in early
December. The first day you announce it, a bunch of people sign up. Second time
you announce a bunch of people sign up and then it sort of dips and then the
it starts on January 1st,
but like the second biggest signup day
is always like January 2nd.
So like people want to change,
like at some level they heard about this,
they wanna change.
And then what we do,
I think this is the most insidious part
of what gets in the way of so much
of what we're capable of doing,
is we go, okay, I'm gonna do it tomorrow.
They go, okay, that starts on January 1st,
so that's a couple weeks from now,
so in a couple weeks from now,
I'll get serious about thinking about signing up,
and then I'll miss it, which is the Stokes talk about,
about how we know what we need to do,
but then we say, we tell ourselves this huge lie,
which is like, I'll do it in the morning. I'll do it after this. I'll do it when things calm down by just moving
the timeline up a little bit. We let ourselves off the hook and then most of us don't do
it.
I completely agree. It's what I've seen in patients for years. It's always next week
or next Monday or next month.
When the kids are older.
Yeah. It starts today. So another five minute practice I try and do each day is what my wife and I call the
five minute tea ritual.
Like many people, if you're not intentional about it, you can live in the same house,
but you get so busy with work and the children and you're like passing ships.
Right?
So a few years ago we decided, yeah, listen, yeah, life gets busy from time to time, but
we really need to intentionally focus on our relationship.
So we have this practice called the five minute tea ritual.
Every night when the kids were younger, and we still try and do it now, when they've gone
to bed, before we do anything else, we come to the kitchen, we make a pot of mint tea,
so non-caffeinated, and it's not the rule, the practice is that
for five minutes, we catch up.
So it's only five minutes is the requirement.
So we're just gonna ask each other about our days.
Instead of, we gotta get a babysitter,
we're gonna book a restaurant reservation.
You make it too big and then you're like,
we can't do it this way.
Yeah, and it's like, before you know it,
it's a few months before you did anything.
And what's really interesting is,
and I think this builds on this five minute action
each day principle that we're talking about.
It's not that some days those five minutes
don't become 30 minutes or an hour.
More often than not.
More often than not they do,
because it's actually, oh, this is much more fun
than going on Netflix or YouTube, whatever it might be.
It's like, oh, this is why I married you, right?
We actually want to spend time together.
We like each other. Yeah.
Yeah. But some days, one of us will say, actually it's just going to be five minutes a day.
Like I've actually got a few emails to do or whatever it might be. Whenever we felt
either one of us, oh, we're too busy. And it's been a few days without that practice.
It's really interesting. You can feel it in our relationship, the niggles, the small things start to bother us. There's less intimacy, there's less connection.
But when we are quite disciplined about the five minute tea ritual, everything else in
our relationship and therefore our lives and our health starts to get better.
And so I'm a huge fan of these small things that we do consistently. I have
found time and time again with me and with thousands of my patients, these are the things
that I think move the needle for most people. I mean, there's a writing rule of two crappy pages a day.
It seems like the opposite of how you would get good writing to set a goal to do bad writing.
But what it's doing is it's dramatically lowering the stakes, it's making it attainable.
And it's actually hard to do crappy pages. So, but the idea is, you got to do crappy pages, and to do great pages, they share one similarity, which is that you have to show up. Yeah. And so by lowering the stakes, you can create the room to create positive momentum. And then the other thing, which I think is a rule we don't, or I guess, a, or a fact of life we don't talk about enough,
which is that I think quantity is a way to get to quality.
Yeah, yeah.
So it's like, let's say every day for a month,
you sit down with your spouse and you have five minutes.
A lot of those are gonna be five minutes of nothingness,
but one of those, or a handful of those
are really gonna be significant,
which you only could have had
by having the larger number, right?
And so the more you sit down and do the thing,
what you're doing is increasing your chances
of having those really transcendent days.
And so, but people focus on, you know what?
For writing, they're like, I'm gonna rent a cabin,
I'm gonna go there, and I'm gonna have
two great weeks in a row.
No, you're not. First off,
you're not going to do it. And then second, you're going to have five of those days be
crappy and as a result, you're not going to return with the things that you needed. So
it's more about the day-to-dayness, the consistency and the quantity that gets you the quality.
You see this with health, right? So let's use the example of working out, which is a desire that many people have at all times, but particularly at the new year, right? It's
like, I want to move my body more. I'm spending too much time at the desk. People start to
get paralyzed with choice, right? Oh, what, you know, am I going to run? I'm going to
do yoga, I'm going to do Pilates. I'm going to, you know, what is that I'm going to do?
And I've had patients before where they've literally got angina pains in their heart.
We talk about physical activity.
A month later, they're still coming back saying, hey, I can't decide which one to do.
Right?
And I understand that I have sympathy.
But the point is, frankly, any of them are going to help you.
You could have just walked here and that would have solved this problem.
Through the lens of my five minute strength workout, people say, what do you
do the same thing every day?
Actually for many years I did because if you have to decide every morning, oh, what am
I going to do today?
That's procrastination.
That's choice.
That leads to indecision and inaction.
And we know this in business, right? In the business world,
when Amazon moved to one-click ordering about 10 years ago or so, estimates say their profits
went up by $300 million a year. Because back then, I don't know if you can remember this,
but there were four or five steps to take before you could purchase. You have to confirm
order, put in your card details on a new screen. There's three or four steps each time you have another
option. It's a reason that you can pull out of the behaviour. And so the reason we brush
our teeth each night, well, one of the reasons is because it's the same action every day.
On Tuesday evening, we don't go, you know what, I brushed yesterday. Let me do something
different today. I'm going to floss today. And then on Wednesday, we don't go, I brushed and I'm just going to rinse today. We don't
do that.
What if you had to assemble the toothbrush or you had to unpackage it, if you had to
make the toothpaste?
Wouldn't do it. And so that's why my dumbbell and kettlebell lives in my kitchen. My cafeteria
is there. It all works together. It is so easy. I can barely not do it.
Now, go to news resolutions as another, I think for me, it's a big idea that I don't think we're talking about enough.
Right.
And I think it is a way of connecting a lot of your writings and
practices with health, which, and I think sometimes people don't see the connection.
Right.
So I believe that a lot of the reason why we can't make
changes that last is because we don't understand the internal drivers that are leading us to
those practices. So let me give you a really practical example. Let's say someone's trying
to cut back on sugar, right? Which is a lot of people, right?
Right. It's not great.
So you've got the knowledge that too much sugar is affecting your teeth and your liver
and your skin and your health, whatever. Right. And you think that just knowing
that is all you need to make the change. But most people who were trying to cut back already
know that they don't need another book telling them on the negatives of sugar or the negatives
of alcohol. They already know that. So the way we interact with the world massively influences our behaviors.
So let me try and give an example. If you are the kind of person who you're driving
to work in traffic and another car cuts in front of you, you think that you're entitled
to react in a certain way. And of course you are entitled to, but if you start making all
this mental noise in your head, stupid driver, they shouldn't have a license, you know, and
you start screaming at them, you can do that, but it's going to have a consequence. What
people don't realize, Ryan, in my view, is that you are generating emotional stress in
that instance by the way you've reacted with an external event, that emotional stress is not
neutral.
You have to do something to neutralize that stress.
And what usually happens is that you get to work, you could do it a healthy way and walk
around the block, but most people don't.
They go to the vending machine, they get a chocolate bar, they get an extra coffee.
The donuts are sitting there.
Yeah, they get the donuts or they need an extra drink of alcohol after work because
they need to soothe the emotional stress that they generated by the way they
responded to that events.
Now you can cultivate with practice and I've had a practice for years since my
conversation with Edith Eager on my podcast, right?
The choice.
The choice.
Yeah.
Like that you chose to interpret it this way and have this feeling about it.
The thing, I mean, that's the definition of stoicism.
It's not events that upset us.
It's our opinion about the events.
Exactly.
And, and we can hear this stuff and people who've read your books will know this.
This is a central idea in my new book, but I don't think people are connecting
that to their health and their health behaviors.
And I can say with my own experience, since I spoke to Edith Eager, and your audience
probably knows who she is, 93 year old lady when I spoke to her a few years ago.
Now you connected me with her.
I did, yeah, over a year, I remember.
And she was like, when she was 16 years old, shall I just briefly tell the story or your
audience familiar?
Out of 500 conversations on my
podcast, I would still say this is the one that has impacted me personally the most. Right? And
that was because I was ready for that message at that point in my life. Maybe if I'd heard it 10
years earlier, in through one ear, out through the other. But at that point I was like, oh, I get it
now. I can now see life for what it is. Every event in life is essentially neutral.
It's my interpretation on that event that determines this outcome.
So Edith, when she was 16 years old, growing up in Eastern Europe, she was excited.
She was going for a date with her boyfriend that night.
She was trying to think about what dress is she going to wear and her family get a knock
on the door.
Her sister, her and her two parents get put on a train to Auschwitz
concentration camp, right?
Within two hours of getting there, both of her parents are murdered.
An hour or two later, she is a 16 year old girl gets asked to dance
for the senior prison guards.
And there's many things from that conversation that have never left me,
Ryan.
One of the things is what she said to me then.
She said, she said, wrong.
And I never forgot the final thing.
My mother said to me, Edith, nobody can ever take from you the contents
that you put inside your own minds.
And then she says, wrong.
And when I was dancing in Auschwitz, I wasn't in Auschwitz in my mind.
I was in Budapest opera house.
I had a beautiful dress on,
the orchestra was playing, the crowd were cheering. I thought, okay, this is pretty incredible. Then
she tells me, whilst I was in Auschwitz, I started to see the prison guards as the prisoners. They
weren't free in their mind. I was. And there's much more to that story, right? But I thought,
this is pretty incredible. And the final thing she said to me, and I kind of feel Ryan that
these, you've got these tattoos right on your arm. I feel that these words from Edith are
internally tattooed onto my soul because they literally changed how I view the world. She
said to me, Rangan, I have lived in Auschwitz and I can tell you the greatest prison you
will ever live inside is greatest prison you will ever
live inside is the prison you create inside your own mind.
And why the penny dropped for me, like it literally dropped for me in that moment.
Oh my God, we're all creating these stories every day.
We're going online, we're taking offense to these posts by the people, we're getting
annoyed by the driver or our boss. We we don't realize that we can train ourselves, right?
It's a skill that you can cultivate, get better at.
You can train yourself to not take offense.
There's a whole chapter in this book saying it's basically don't take offense, right?
And I explained the health outcomes and the health benefits for your behaviors.
What people don't realize is that no event is inherently offensive.
Because if it was, we'd all be offended to the same comment or the same event.
But the fact that you didn't hear it, you wouldn't be offended either.
Right.
You know what I mean?
It's not, it's not like, uh, it's registering on the seismic machines.
Like it's only cause you heard it and you decided it meant X, Y, or Z a rude
tone does not register in, a, like a recording device.
Exactly.
You know, you can't see, if people look at the audio of this podcast, you can see the sound levels,
but you could not tell from the sound levels whether we're having a nice conversation or not.
Exactly. It's an interpretation. So you can train yourself to go, oh, nothing is inherently offensive.
Something in me has been lit, has been activated by that comment.
I wonder what it is.
So after that conversation with Edith, I would do a practice maybe for two or three years.
I don't do it anymore because I feel I had to consciously do it.
Now it's, now it's my unconscious.
Right?
It's there. It's my default. Like I, like when I'm 47, I can honestly,
hand on heart say I've never felt this good.
Yeah, that's amazing.
Like I feel I've got this inner calm these days that I didn't have before.
And a lot of it is from these kinds of practices. So for a few years, I would basically in the evening in a journal, I'd write down, oh,
where today did you get emotionally triggered?
And instead of looking at the outside world and the person who sent the email or the person
who left the comment or the driver who drove a certain way, because frankly, if I'm reliant
on those things to go well, to feel good, I'm going to be waiting a long
time to feel good. I end up being a puppet on a string. I'm just going to be blown around
by the actions of others. And I thought, that's a very vulnerable place to be in. I don't
want to be dependent or overly dependent on the actions of other people. And so I would
write down, why did that situation bother you? What was brought up inside of you?
Oh, it reminded me of what my mom said to me when I was a kid.
Oh, it reminded me of how my boss treated me or whatever it might be.
Like both of us, Ryan, we have pretty large public profiles, right?
So if we choose to look, we can see a lot of comments on us, good and bad.
And in the early days when my BBC one TV show first came out in 2015,
where I went into family's houses and helped them all reverse their conditions using nutrition,
lifestyle and mindsets. Like when I did that, I'd never experienced public commentary before until
that show came out and whoa, was I not well equipped to handle it? Right? No one is. And
people say you need to grow a thick skin. I don't think that's necessarily the way I would frame it.
I don't think it's about growing a thick skin.
I think it's about really being able to emotionally detach yourself from that comment and looking
at it rationally.
So for example, I've, I've learned over the years one, and I'd welcome your perspective
on this.
I've learned that for me me and I think for many people
that criticism only bothers us to the extent we believe it about ourselves.
If you think it's preposterously off base, it doesn't register.
It doesn't bother you.
It's got to be in the ballpark.
If there's something in it, it's like, ah, maybe they've got a point there.
And actually, instead of pushing it away, if they do have a point,
and I've had posts before where someone has criticized and I've, instead of pushing it away, if they do have a point, and I've had posts before where someone has criticized and instead of pushing back, I've gone, actually, you
know what?
They've got a point.
They've got a point.
Next time I post about this topic, I can take a little bit more care.
So you can use criticism to learn, or you can go, you know what?
I don't see it that way.
They've got a completely different perspective on the world.
They're entitled to, but I'm
very happy with what I've done.
I think it's this inner work that the Stoics talk about that you talk about.
I think this is the missing link for our health.
I really believe that, that we're still wanting more external knowledge, like sugar, alcohol,
what sort of diet should I eat? I'm not saying
external knowledge has no value, it does, but it's not enough in and of itself. We need
more internal knowledge, more self-reflection, more insights.
No, I think that's an interesting connection because I think most of my audience would
totally buy the connection that if you have an opinion about something that's not up to
you, if you've interpreted something negatively, you've chosen the least that like, if you have an opinion about something that's not up to you, if you've
interpreted something negative, you've chosen the least charitable interpretation, the offensive
interpretation, that's going to cause distress or suffering in you. And I think both the Stoics
and the Buddhists say this, right? That our opinions, our expectations, our judgments are
the source of our suffering. But I think what you're saying is that it's not just kind of existential spiritual suffering. You're creating a need or an energy that's going to have to find an outlet.
And if that outlet is going to be food or bad habits or addictions or whatever. And yeah,
just the idea that, okay, because you, you interpreted this thing as
affecting your value as a human, then when you see some tasty thing that's going to make
you feel good as a human, you're going to be much more susceptible to doing that.
I have seen this with so many people and when I've really experienced it myself, like I,
a few years ago, I thought, well, why are you still eating a bit too much sugar when
you've written three Sunday Times bestsellers so far, and each of them at the ago, I thought, well, why are you still eating a bit too much sugar? When you've written three Sunday Times bestsellers so far, each of them at the time, I was writing about the problems
with excess sugar because external knowledge is not in and of itself enough. It's that internal
knowledge, right? So you will need an outlet for the emotional stress that you generate. So it's
not just about how you feel, it's then about how you act. But let me give you some research to actually present it from a different perspective.
Professor Fred Luskin at Stanford University, he's in charge of the Stanford Forgiveness
Project.
Right?
And he is shown with this research that actually, if you are unable to forgive and let go of
things that have happened in the past, which is kind of
the similar things that we're talking about, that can have serious health outcomes.
So he has shown that when he can teach people to forgive, your blood pressure can go down,
anxiety can improve, depression can improve, all kinds of things.
I've shared research in this book, Gabor Matej has shared research where actually there is
ample research showing an association with people who hold onto resentment, can't let
go of things, which is a lot of things we're talking about, have, there's an association
between those traits and things like autoimmune disease, things like cancer.
Now I say that very cautiously, I'm not blaming anyone. These things are chronic
diseases. There are multiple inputs. There's genetics, there's food, there's stress, there's
sleep, there's environmental pollution, but there's also emotional components. So these
things are all linked and we have enough clinical experience and there's enough published research
evidence to show us that these things really matter.
Because you know, Ryan, you know, I've been a doctor for 23 years, right?
I've already written five books before this one and I wanted to write something fresh.
I didn't want to, I didn't want to write something that I feel was already out there.
Otherwise, what's the point?
And I thought there's more and more health information out there, but it's not translating
to better health.
Yes, there are structural reasons for that in society for sure, but that's the external.
There's also the internal reasons why we're not able to on an individual level.
And once you understand the things that you write about so beautifully and the things that I hope are going to connect with your audience in this book,
once you understand that you can actually cultivate a karma in a world,
not only are you going to feel better, you're going to act better with your
behaviors as well.
No, I think that makes total sense.
Yeah.
It's not your lack of change is not due to a deficiency in raw willpower.
It's something deeper than that.
The behavior serves a need.
Want to go check out some books in the bookstore?
I'd love to see.
I've got I've got to get a couple for my kids as well for sure. Thanks so much for listening.
If you could rate this podcast and leave a review on iTunes, that would mean so much
to us and it would really help the show.
We appreciate it.
And I'll see you next episode. If you like The Daily Stoic and thanks for listening, you can listen early and ad free
right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts.
Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music.
And before you go, would you tell us about yourself
by filling out a short survey on wondery.com slash survey.