The Daily Stoic - Love Them as You Love Yourself | Practice Letting Go

Episode Date: November 23, 2020

"Other people. Ugh.They are all the things Marcus Aurelius said, and more: Dishonest. Arrogant. Envious. Frustrating. Shortsighted. Selfish. And yet? Other people are not hell, as the expression goes. They are all we have. They are not even 'other.' They are us. We are all part of one whole, the Stoics would say."Ryan explains why we need to work for the common good, and reads over the week's guidance from the Daily Stoic Journal, on today's Daily Stoic Podcast.This episode is brought to you by Neuro. Neuro makes mints and gums that help you retain focus and clarity wherever you go. Made with a proprietary blend of caffeine, L-theanine, and other focus-building compounds, Neuro’s products are great for anyone who needs help focusing in these trying times. Try out Neuro’s gums and mints at getneuro.com—and use discount code STOIC at checkout to save 15% on your order.***If you enjoyed this week’s podcast, we’d love for you to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It helps with our visibility, and the more people listen to the podcast, the more we can invest into it and make it even better.Sign up for the Daily Stoic email: http://DailyStoic.com/signupFollow Daily Stoic:Twitter: https://twitter.com/dailystoicInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/dailystoic/Facebook: http://facebook.com/dailystoicYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/dailystoicSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, prime members, you can listen to the Daily Stoke Podcast early and add free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Hi, I'm David Brown, the host of Wondery's podcast business wars. And in our new season, Walmart must fight off target. The new discounter that's both savvy and fashion forward. Listen to business wars on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. on music or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast. Each day we bring you a meditation inspired by the ancient Stoics, illustrated with stories from history, current events, and literature to help you be better at what you do. And at the beginning of the week we try to do a deeper dive, setting a kind of Stoic

intention for the week, something to meditate on, something to think on, something to leave you with, to journal about whatever it is you're happening to be doing. So let's get into it. Love them as you love yourself. Other people, they are all the things Marcus are really said and more dishonest, arrogant, envious, frustrating, short-sighted selfish. And yet other people are not hell as the expression goes, they are all we have.

They are not even other. They are us. We are all part of one whole, the Stokes would say. The rabbi Halal was once asked to explain the Torah, love thy neighbor as thyself, he said, all the rest is commentary. Love thy neighbor as thyself, nothing could be more urgent right now

during a pandemic and a global economic crisis and when civil unrest royals are streets. In a time when individual decisions have massive health consequences for other people, no message is more fitting. When we are debating and fighting over what equality under the law means, nothing is more fitting. Why should you wear a mask and wash your hands because you love your neighbors?

Why should you donate to food banks, pay your taxes, treat the people who work for you or serve you food or deliver your package as well? Why should you care about civil rights? Because you love your neighbors. Why must we rise above these petty, fogging political distinctions, this enmity and bitterness and dunking on the other side? Because we love our neighbors, because the other side is made up of our neighbors,

and it is us. Everyone we meet is an opportunity for kindness, Senika said, the fruit of this life is acts for the common good, Marcus said. That's all that matters. Everything else is commentary, or less. Practice letting go. We suffer when we lose things we love.

We suffer most when we lose people we love, a natural and unavoidable part of life. The stoic say this suffering is increased by our belief that we possess the objects of our love, that they are, as we like to say, a part of us. This belief doesn't increase our love or care for them, but rather it is a form of cleaning that ignores the simple fact that we don't control what will happen, not to our bodies, let alone to the ones we love.

Epic teetus taught a powerful exercise that every time you wish a dear child, family member, or friend, good night, remember that these people are like precious, breakable glass and remember how dramatically things can change while you sleep. Marcus too struggled to practice this with his own family as he took them in at night. The point isn't to be morbid, but to create a sense of appreciation and a kind of humility. Don't take anyone, especially someone you love, for granted this week. When you experience the pangs of losing someone, don't treat it like a part of yourself, but as a breakable glass. So that when it falls, you will remember that and you won't be troubled.

So too, whenever you kiss your child sibling or friend, don't layer on top of the experience, all the things you might wish, but hold them back and stop them, just as those who ride behind triumphant generals remind them that they are immortal. In the same way, remind yourself that your precious one isn't one of your possessions,

but something given for now, not forever. It's epictetus, the discourses. But the wise person can lose nothing. Such a person has everything stored up for themselves, leaving nothing to fortune. Their own goods are held firm, bound in virtue, which requires nothing from chance, and therefore can't be either increased or diminished. And that's Seneca on the firmness of the wise. Look, obviously I hope that nobody loses anyone this week, but the reality of being in the middle of this pandemic is that people will lose people.

I mean, already more than 200,000 Americans have died. I imagine by the end of us, all of us will be just one or two degrees removed from somebody who lost somebody if not having directly lost someone, ourself. We had a cat go missing this week. Obviously nothing compared to that. But the reality is nothing is here forever. Things can be taken from us.

The things we love can go missing, can get hurt, can be lost. The possessions we cherish can break, be stolen, be damaged beyond repair. The Stoics wanted us to be prepared for this, not callously not, it's kind of detached, but we think about this exercise of Marx-Rillius and Epictetus who are reminding themselves as they tuck their kids into bed that this could be the last time they see them. Look, the point of that wasn't to make the pain of losing the children, and Marcus really did lose many children before adulthood,

which is an incredible expression to even be able to say like, it's like more than five, probably less than seven kids. We're not totally sure, but had to bury not just one child, but more than one child. The fact that he did this exercise did not make that less painful.

That's not what this is about at all. It's that he got every minute that he could with those children. When I think about tucking my children into bed and I do this, it reminds me not to rush through it. It reminds me not to prioritize getting back to Netflix or answering my email as somehow being more important than reading another story to my boy or just laying there and listening to him sleep, it's to fully drink in and be present while we're here. So obviously, I hope that no one loses anyone, but I can't guarantee that. No one can prevent that fully from happening. That's just the reality of being a fragile human being. What we can do is not take those people

for granted while they are here. What we can do is tell them what we feel about them while they're here. What we can do is be our best selves while they are here. And we can, when we do lose them or lose things, have to accept that this is a part of life. This is the bargain that we made at birth, right? Nothing lasts forever, nothing is ours fully.

And that these are all rentals, and the bill comes to, or they have to be returned at some point. I do recommend if you are struggling, if you have lost someone, the stove, the stoke doesn't say, stuff that grief down and pretend that it doesn't exist. It's process that work through it. I would strongly recommend some of Senaqa's essays, his consolations. He wrote one to his mother. He wrote one to a friend who lost her father. You can also just Google Senaqa grief daily stoke. And I think our sort of piece on it comes up. But I've returned to those essays over and over again.

Plutarch has a beautiful little consolation to his wife after they lost a child. The ancient world was cruel, but the modern world isn't that much kinder or less capricious. So be safe, be smart. This isn't to say don't wear a mask and go around and be stupid. No, it's saying that do everything you can that's in your control. Just be aware that good chunk of what happens is not in your control. And that's why we can't take anything for granted. So I can't rush through.

It's why we can't waste time. Gotta be there. Be there for people. Be there for yourself. Be smart. Practice letting go. Be prepared and love, love, for yourself, be smart, practice letting go, be prepared, and love, love, love. Well, you still can.

Also, there is a great Philip Larkin poem about, I think it's called the Hedgehog, about loving and being kind while there's still time. So if I leave you with one more recommendation, it would be that. And we will talk next week. If you're liking this podcast, we would love for you to subscribe. talk next week. Daily Stoke, Early and Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music App today, or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus in Apple podcasts. Hey there listeners, while we take a little break here, I want to tell you about another podcast that I think you'll like.

It's called How I Built This, where host Guy Razz talks to founders behind some of the world's biggest and most innovative companies, to learn how they built them from the ground up. Guy has sat down with hundreds of founders behind well-known companies like Headspace, Manduke Yoga Mats, Soul Cycle, and Codopaxi, as well as entrepreneurs working to solve some of the biggest problems of our time, like developing technology that pulls energy from the ground to heat in cool homes, or even figuring out how to make drinking water from air and sunlight.

Together they discuss their entire journey from day one, and all the skills they had to learn along the way, like confronting big challenges, and how to lead through uncertainty. So if you want to get inspired and learn how to think like an entrepreneur, check out how I built this, wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen early and add free on the Amazon or Wondery app.