The Daily Stoic - Matthew McConaughey, Greg Harden, Morgan Wade, Casey Neistat & Dr. Samantha Boardman On Creating Better Habits in 2024

Episode Date: December 27, 2023

Today’s episode features clips from some of the best interviews in 2023. Ryan talks to Academy Award-winning actor and producer Matthew McConaughey, life coach, and executive consultant Greg Harden who is best known for his work with 7-time Super Bowl champion quarterback Tom Brady, American country music singer Morgan Wade, and YouTube personality, filmmaker, vlogger, Casey Neistat, the co-founder of the multimedia company Beme, and Dr. Samantha Boardman, a Positive Psychologist based in New York who received a B.S. from B.A. from Harvard University, an M.D. from Cornell University Medical College, about focusing on what’s in your control, Self Improvement and creating habits that fit your everyday life.If you want to spend time with more dedicated Stoics, if you want to join a culture full of people rising together, we invite you to join the 2024 Daily Stoic New Year New You Challenge. We did the first New Year New You Challenge in 2018, and year after year, we’ve realized more and more that one of the core benefits of the challenge is the community dynamic. Change and improvement comes fastest through culture, results through accountability, and wisdom through exposure to new people and new ideas.If you’re ready to join our own version of the Scipionic Circle, if you want to surround yourself with like-minded individuals and people who will push you, sign up to join this year’s group of Stoics taking on the New Year New You Challenge!Participants will receive:✓ 21 Custom Challenges Delivered Daily (Over 30,000 words of all-new original content)✓ Three live Q&A sessions✓ Printable 21-Day Calendar With custom daily illustrations to track progress✓ Access to a Private Community PlatformThese aren’t pie-in-the-sky, theoretical discussions but clear, immediate exercises and methods you can begin right now to spark the reinvention you’ve been trying for. We’ll tell you what to do, how to do it, and why it works. And when adversity inevitably comes around, you’ll be ready.Greg Harden Stay Sane in an Insane World: How to Control the Controllables and ThriveDr. Samantha Boardman Everyday Vitality: Turning Stress into Strength Matthew McConaughey, GreenlightsCasey Neistat, Youtube Morgan Wade, Website✉️ Sign up for the Daily Stoic email: https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail🏛 Check out the Daily Stoic Store for Stoic inspired products, signed books, and more.📱 Follow us: Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, FacebookSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast where each weekday we bring you a meditation inspired by the ancient Stoics, a short passage of ancient wisdom designed to help you find strength in insight here in everyday life. And on Wednesdays, we talk to some of our fellow students of ancient philosophy, well-known and obscure, fascinating, and powerful. With them, we discuss the strategies and habits that have helped them become who they are, and also to find peace and wisdom in their actual lives. Kind of stoic intention for the week, something to meditate on, something to think on,

something to leave you with, to journal about, whatever it is you're happy to be doing. So let's get into it. Hey, it's Ryan. Welcome to another episode of the Daily Stoic Podcast. I don't know exactly when you're listening to this, but we just put up our Christmas tree, got the Christmas lights up, had a nice relaxing weekend as a family and

did it without any yelling or stress. So I'm sort of proud of that. You know, there's something about stoicism, I think that is tested by family coming together, tested by the colds, tested by the shortened days. It feels like it's getting dark so early in my life and I'm just talking about how freaking tired we all are. And you know, you're coming to the end of the year and you're exhausted with who you are.

Maybe you've relapsed on some bad habits. You're staring down the barrel of another year and you're asking yourself, am I going to do this again? I'm going to be the same person again. Anyways, it's sort of what I'm thinking about. Like I felt like my eating hasn't been great. I feel like I have been on my phone too much. I feel like maybe I've plateaued working out wise. Like I'm getting it done, but I'm not into it. I'm not doing what I should.

Anyways, I wanna do better. Going into 2024, I've got some changes I wanna make. And so that's where today's episode is. We're gonna focus on self improvement in today's episode and I'm bringing you advice from Matthew McConaughey, Morgan Wade, who is one of my favorite guests this year. Greg Hardin, who is Tom Brady's mental skills coach at Michigan, Dr. Samantha Bordman, who was a great guest on the podcast too. Matthew McConaughey, of course,

needs no introduction. Morgan Wade, if you haven't checked out her music on Spotify, you absolutely should. Greg Hardin has a great book, which I'll link to in today's show notes. Dr. Samantha Bordman has a great book. I'll check out. And I think all of their advice, which is about habits and focusing on what matters. I think all their advice ties into and certainly informed the Daily Stoic New Year New U Challenge, which is on sale now. It's going to start on January 1st,

so you don't have much more time to sign up. You can do that at dailystoke.com slash challenge. It's gonna be me and thousands of other Stokes we're all doing it together. And like I said, I've got a bunch of habits. I'm trying to tackle things. I'm trying to change and I'm looking forward to digging into that on the live chats with all of you.

By the way, if you are thinking about doing the challenge and you want to sign up for daily stoic life, just do that now and you get all the challenges including new year and new year plus all the rest we're going to do in the year. So we've got a bunch going on. You can sign up now at dailyestoweth.com slash challenge. I'll mention it at the end of the show as well.

In the meantime, here's a compilation of some self-improvement advice as we go into a new year. I told this story before, but the first Airbnb I stayed in was 15 years ago. I was looking for places to live when I wanted to be a writer and we stayed at this house, I think, outside Phoenix. And then when I bought my first house here in Austin, I would rent it out when South by Southwest or F-1 or all these events. My wife and I would go out of town and we'd rent it and it helped pay for the mortgage

and it supported me while I was a writer. You've probably had the same experience. You stayed in an Airbnb and thought, this is doable. Maybe I could rent my place on Airbnb. And it's really that simple. You can start with a spare room or you can rent your whole place when you're away.

You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. Maybe you set up a home office during the pandemic and now you don't need it because you're back at work. Maybe you're traveling to see friends and family for the holidays. While your way, your home could be an Airbnb. Whether you could use extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun, your home could be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host.

Give yourself the gift of coho and take some of the sting out of your holiday spending this season. Get instant cash back and earn up to 5% interest on your entire balance on Canada's highest rated financial app. Coho lets you earn cash back, earn high interest on your account, build your credit history, and so much more. You can also get 20 bucks off when you make your first purchase using the code Daily Stoic 20. That's 20 bucks when you make your first purchase using the code Daily Stoic 20. Join over 1 million Canadians and sign up for your free trial now. Download the Coho app today or visit www.coho.ca for more details.

I like good. I can't. I'm not like a night out. I'm like an early, early bird. I get it early. So that's not a very musician thing. No, it's not. And my mom says that all the time. She's like, I'm so surprised because I've always been like,

that always good, but early get up early. Yeah yeah I did this book with these rappers this one time they're like let's read in the studio at one and I thought I was like afternoon they're like no it's meet there at I was like how could you be starting at this time this is insane yeah yeah I wonder how much of that is like sort of like acting like I wonder if everyone's actually probably not that way and And then they're just... Yeah, I don't know. There are some people that I've worked with and they're like that and they just get going like late at night, but I'm like, no.

Yeah, I feel like working normal, regular person hours is way better. Yeah, there are a lot of the LA people to write with an LA. They, you know, if you want to do like a co-write or anything like that, it's not, that it's not before lunchtime. Like some of them want to start like 3 p.m. Right. And I'm like, you gotta understand. I'm on the East Coast time.

You know, that's six for me. Yeah. I'm lying down at that point. Yeah, and then also I feel like that means, yeah, like if you're someone who wakes up early, you work out, you do stuff, you're not peaking at three. You're like already on the decline.

Oh yeah, yeah. You gotta figure out when you're, I think creatively you have to figure out when you're peaking and then you have to design your life around that, which I guess would be weird. If you peak at one a.m. that makes you into a vampire or something. Yeah, that's not me, that's not me.

So what time do you get up? This morning I got up like 445. So why? Why that? I just wake up early. Normally I get up and go to the gym early. I like to be to everybody else in there. So I don't have to fight for anything.

When I'm at home, I get up around that time and I get up, I make my coffee, I come sit back down with the dog, I read, and journal do all that stuff, and then I'll go hit the gym. Yeah, walk me through your morning routine. So what are you doing? So yeah, on the roads a little different,

but if we go like when I'm at home, yeah, wake up around five-ish, four-fourty-five-five-ish, wake up, around five-ish, 4.45-five-ish, sometimes a little bit, 5.15. I have my coffee, sit there with the dog, read, journal, just kind of like chill for a minute. Like what's a minute? Hi, like 45 minutes, something like that. So I'm out there, I try to be out the door by six o'clock.

Okay, I go to the gym. Yeah, I tell you it's about 15, 20 minutes to get to the gym. And then it's either, because there's a class there a few days a week and today like take up the whole gym. And so it's either get there like 430 or try to be there by seven to like, yeah. So it depends, but yeah, go to the gym for a couple hours.

Couple hours. Yeah, I'm in there for a bit. And then I go to the coffee shop in town, go sit and have coffee and meet my friends there, or whatever, and then go back home and I run. And there's a trail where I live, so I'm like constantly walking that trail all day. Wow.

And then that's not a, that's not part of the working out. That's just, you're on the trail just Being active to think yeah, I don't like to sit. I don't like to sit I constantly walk and I'm trying and I'm doing it's less than I'm on the way now November first weekend November 30 hour race. So I'm trying to hit a mouse. Have you done that before? No the most sovereign I've ran two 50 mile races and then a couple of weeks ago, I ran like 30 miles. So kind of that halfway, yeah.

Wow. So, but how often, I mean, that sounds, it sounds both terrible and wonderful. Like I get what it does for you. How often do you actually get to do that, though? I imagine that's the exception, not the norm, because you're on the road, right? Running or racist?

You're the whole routine. Like how many days a month are you actually getting to do it the way that you want to do it? It has not been like that as much lightly. I say lightly, the last year basically, but when I'm on the road, as soon as we get there, you know, and I prefer to get there early. First show, like the day before you mean,

or what do you mean? Yeah, so we roll in when you're on the bus, you typically leave midnight one in the morning, and of course I sleep, I get off the stage, I get in the bed, keeps me out of trouble. I'm like, I don't drink or anything, so it's like I go, I get in the bed. And we wake up, you know, sometimes it's like 7 a.m. just depends. And I get up, I have my coffee,

I find a gym, the headline tour, I had all the gym equipment, like squat rack, everything in the trailer. So I work out there. But I'll go, I'm map it out, find a gym, go work out for a couple hours, come back, you know, have my lunch or whatever. Well, sound check, get dialed in, sign all the stuff, and then I just walk, go run, walk for the rest of the day until time to go do the EP. So. So is it, is it, you like sort of idle hands or the devil's workshop kind of a thing like you can't keep yourself If you if you are have downtime you get yourself into trouble or is it that it's conducive to positive things no, it's not that I like to say get into trouble I just if I stay up like my day of getting in trouble is like staying up being junk food Yeah, sure

You know that kind of thing and I just think it's good. It's healthier just to go play, wind down and get in the bed and stay on a good spot. But I mean, to walk like, like why not hang on your hotel room or see, like so yours is walking, is it because if you're sitting, you're in distress.

Yeah, I mean, I can, I said it like I can't go sit. Like I'll go sit at like a coffee shop, read my book, or like do those kind of things, but you know, I listen to, I listen to an audible book, whatever, like, walking around. I just like stay moving, because I'm like, I don't know. I've, I've, the last couple of years really become like that,

just constantly like moving. And I think too, because I don't know, I don't want to just sit inside. It's been like really good for me. I know mood was, it's just I'm so much happier when I'm like out walking around constantly moving versus just I'm not gonna sit there and watch TV or anything like that.

So I'm like, why not? Is it meditated for you to walk? For sure. For walking meditated. Yeah, and I mean, if I have meetings or anything like that, I'm on the phone. Yeah, I'm just gonna walk. Yeah, because if I sit down, I'm like pacing. I'll get up like walk around the house and I'm like, go outside and try to walk and take those meetings. That's what I've hated from the pandemic is now ever wants to do fucking zooms for everything.

Yeah, I'm like, no, I'm like, that means that I can't do my other thing at the same time. So I was just, I'd be like, oh, I don't have good receptionist. No, right. No, totally. And it's funny because I, you know, if it's with my agents or, you know, with the label or whatever they know, I'm going to be walking around. Yeah. I know. And it's probably, I don't even, I try not to even think about what it sounds like to other people because there's always no with the especially with the air pods is taking everything else up and most of the time my managers like or were you walking on the highway like my wife said that to me the other

issues like you know it's like horrible like you can't hear anything they're saying I was like don't tell me that it's gonna mess up like the one thing that's right I have to stay more than when I'm doing it for you know I know, I know. Yeah, and it's weird. I think of all, most of that, so my routines are similar, is like the physical benefits are totally unintentional. Like it's actually all about getting to the right headspace, not getting into trouble.

It's like, you know, not going crazy. And then if it's keeping me in shape, that's just, that's extra, but that's not why I'm doing it. Right. Right. Yeah, you know, for me, it's just, and you can tell, like, my mood, I have to get, I have to work out it, I have to get up and work out. Yeah. Like, there's just, it has to happen or

it messes with my mood, it messes with my day. And I'm like, it has been good for me as far as touring to not be so married to the schedule. Because, you know, I have really bad OCD and there's certain things that I'm just extremely particular about. And so it was good for me to be like, okay, everything can't happen how you want it to happen. And to kind of like dial in and adapt to schedule. Because I mean, that's one thing that was really, really like shattering to me.

And it caused a lot of anxiety of being like in panic, which sounds dumb to a lot of people, but in my brain, it was just like, what do you mean? We're not going to be here at this time. I have to do this at this time, you know? Yeah, no, the routine is cathartic and comforting and conducive to getting in the right headspace, but it can have this effect of making you feel like you're in control when you're not. So like fundamentally, we all have certain powerlessness, right? And so the disruption of the routine like travel it can be good because it's forcing you to be a bit more resilient. You're having to figure out how to operate inside an environment where you don't get to determine how everything goes. It's not revolving around you.

And that's probably good. Because otherwise you become super fragile. Exactly. Yeah. And I mean, the biggest, it was like overseas. I just did the whole run over there and Germany and Paris and everywhere. It was just like, that's a whole other ball game of trying to find a gym over there. And instead of looking at it now as a stressor, I'm looking at it like, okay, this is cool challenge, you get to find out. And then I got to visit a lot of really cool gyms and stuff over there versus stressing over it. And I'm like, it's such a dumb thing to stress about. Like, you're going to the gym to better yourself and because it feels good and, you know, you, you really thoroughly enjoy it. So trying to look at it from a different perspective. Yeah, it can almost become like the superstition,

right? Right. And then, uh, and then it's not actually helpful or adapted. Right. Yeah. It's just an addiction like anything else. Well, and I kind of got to this place too where everyone around me, when my team was like, okay, we got it. Yeah. It was going to make sure we're going to get to the gym kind of thing. And I don't mind that as much either because it's like in my manager's always like stay on your routine, you know, as much as and I do try to stand that as much as possible because I know it's like good for me but I'm not a it can make you feel like a baby when people are like you gotta end it's like I can all figure it out. Right, yeah and you know too for people that don't work out yeah or don't they just like they're like you're crazy you're crazy and I'm like oh I mean I really

it's good for me like I know I know, I know what helps me mentally, but again, it has been like I said, really good to not have that ability every day, like to make it a challenge a little bit. This podcast is brought to you in part by Audible, presenting Anne of Green Gables, a timeless tale reimagined. Anne of Green Gables is an immersive new adaptation of the beloved Canadian classic. It features an all-star cast led by Sandra O. as narrator, Catherine O'Hara as Marilla Cuthbert, Victor Garber as Matthew Cuthbert, and Michaela Lushi as Anne Shirley. It's releasing now during the holidays, making it perfect for a family listening moment

that transcends generations and celebrates the universal journey of self-discovery and the power of imagination. And perfectly imperfect character teaches valuable lessons for every stage of life. Highlighting universal themes such as imagination, friendship, love, community, nature, and forgiveness. Plus, this audible original offers a unique immersive experience. Combining an original score, Dolby Atmos Sound Design,

and the richness of theatrical performance, and of green gables. Listen now, only on audible. We can't see tomorrow, but we can hear it. And it sounds like a wind farm powering homes across the country. We're bridging to a sustainable energy future, working today to ensure tomorrow is on. And bridge, life takes energy.

Hello listeners, this is Mike Corey of Against the Odds. You might know that I adventure around the world while recording this podcast. And over the years, I've learned that where I stay when I travel can make all the difference. Airbnb has been my go-to place for finding the perfect accommodations. Because with hotels, you often don't have the luxury of extra space or privacy. Recently, I had a bunch of friends come down to visit in Mexico. We found this large house and the place had a pool, a barbecue, a kitchen, and a great big living room to play cards.

Watch movies and just chill out. It honestly made all the difference in the trip. It felt like we were all roommates again. The next time you're planning a trip, whether it's with friends, family, or yourself, check out Airbnb to find something you won't forget. I can get a hole in one. Yeah. Can't do nothing else. But at one time, that's not enough.

Yeah. I can't consistently perform at that level. Right. But consistency is the key to who's going to be the best and who's going to be the winner. Right. But is there a difference between belief, confidence, and ego?

Look, why do you think I like you so much? Look, I'm already, I'm going gonna be giving you a book that I say. Yeah. And in that book, I'm gonna go to page 61. Let us turn now to page 61. We're gonna turn to page 61 in your book. In on page 61, you will see that it ends by talking about something very specific. If you look at letting your ego help you instead of just inflate you, you would think that

I'd talk to you because you look at that last line, the secret. What does this say? The secret is to make your ego your ally, not your enemy. And some guy wrote a book. So how is to make your ego your ally, not your enemy. And some guy wrote a book. So how do you make your ego your ally? Walk me through it. Well, it's important to understand that ego in contemporary society is this bad word.

Yes. But if it wasn't for ego, I wouldn't get out of bed anymore. I mean, so I've got to shape, I've got to have the ability to be able to be self motivated, to be able to push myself, to convince myself to not just dream, but to believe dreaming big is nice, but I have to believe big. And so I have to train my ego to be not something that just makes me lie to myself or fantasize that I'm the guy or be a narcissistic buffoon. I've got to convince my ego to be my best friend and to help me when I'm struggling for

my what self talk. I think what you're saying is ego is a kind of self-sufficiency, right? Like I think about this like when I I have tried to get to a place where I was a writer where I don't really care how the book sell I don't really care what other people think about them I'm I know what I'm trying to do and I try to evaluate if they're good or not based on whether I did everything I was capable of doing whether it achieved what what I wanted to achieve, whether I'm proud of it or not, and then everything else is extra. And so in one sense, there's kind of an ego to that, right?

Because you're saying, what I care about and think about matters more than what other people care and think about. But there's also kind of a self-sufficiency to that that's like, I'm playing my own game and that game is higher than the game of the crowd or the market or whatever. Because what we're talking about is having the ability to give 100% 100% of the time win lose a draw. Everybody, people get it when I say, give 100% 100% of the time to be the best. But they miss it when I say when lose or draw. And so if I am willing to push myself,

to believe in myself, and I end up being okay with it might work, it might not work, but I'm going to do the best I can with what I've got when lose or draw. That frees you and liberates you from the ego that's saying, you're nothing unless you conquered everyone. No, I'm going to go. Right. Yeah, you have to be able to shrug off striking out, losing bad call, except you had to be able to show that off. Right. Baseball is one of the most fascinating sports in the world. Yeah. Because if I'm good and I, in 70% of the time, I'm thinking up the place,

but 30% of the time, I'm that guy. Yeah. You that guy. Yeah. So you talk about shaping your mind differently because you can't afford to be tripping hard if you strike out or you don't get a hit. We have an ego of like, I'm the best

because I have the best batting average in baseball. I have the most home runs. That works for you while it's working, but what about when you have that slump and when you're striking out? Well, that's when we get to the whole obsession of trying to teach people the mental game. Yeah. And part of the mental game is introducing not just because remember, Desmond Howard, Tom Brady, they're not in my office because of mental health and depression and despair. They're trying to be the best.

Right, it's an optimization game. That's the name of the game. So teaching people to trust and believe that what they're doing is right and for the right reasons, trying to convince a judgment, Howard, that you've got to decide with or without football. Yeah.

Your life is gonna without football. Yeah. Your life is going to be amazing. Yeah. Imagine telling Tom Brady at 19, who's obsessed with being the starter on the team, that you, the most difficult thing I can teach you, Tom, is you've got to believe with or without football, your life is going to be amazing. Yeah, well, it's funny to say embodied,

because he says at one point, the stokes say, like, don't talk about your philosophy, embody it. So talking, hey, everything's great. That's well and good. But really what matters is, what are you saying with your actions? Are you saying, I have a will to live.

I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I believe this has meaning. The little decisions we make, like getting up and doing the dishes instead of letting them pile up in the sink, the decision to put on, like, take a shower and put on fresh clothes and go outside. These are statements that actually say, I think, a lot more than we think they do.

They say, like, things matter, like I care, you know, like I'll be here tomorrow. Like we're actually making little statements about, you know, our values and about the future by nature of these seemingly mundane actions we take in the present moment. Well, I love, I mean, it's truly, and that's how we're kind of closing that intention action gap when we're doing that. And I think that sometimes we don't even acknowledge those little things. Like we don't give ourselves even credit for showing up in doing the dishes or following

through or returning that call. And we never at the end of the day think of, oh, here's my already done list, of great things I did. And wow, but actually when we do take a moment to think of just like our daily lives, there's a lot that we put out and put into them and acknowledge it and recognize it. I, there's a wonderful poet who wrote a book about

basically delight hunting. It was called the Book of Delight book about the, basically, the light hunting. It was called the Book of Delight. And I read it during the pandemic. And it's by Roske. And he, he deliberately decides to the light hunt every day and to write a small essay on something that delighted him. And how he talks about how he builds his delight muscle over time and how he really learns sometimes the most sort of mundane interaction. Somebody asks him to hand a hold a plant on a flight

is there sort of trying to, you know, put their suitcase in the overhead band. Just these little moments of connection that we do fail to recognize or not see. And I think of Ellen Langer's work where she talks a lot about the essence of mindfulness is actually just noticing new things and how we kind of wear these blinders or we're just shutting down all the time. And she talked about when couples who've been married for 30 years, they come into our office

and just say, oh, I'm so sick of her. I'm so sick of the other person. Here she goes again. and how we start just predicting how somebody else is going to behave. We know the end of the movie, and this is the way they're going to be. And she said, nobody's ever come to my office and said, I'm, you know, so sick of my dog,

or I'm so sick of my child, or I'm so sick of my plant, even, because we're kind of expecting them to change. We're primed to watch them do something different or to be a little bit different in the world. Whereas with our partners we just sort of fail to see that and we're just completely blind to it. So her advice always was look for something slightly different about them. Find one or two things that you notice about them. It's not the same, but it's different. But the idea of delight is really interesting to me because, again, yeah, the point about sort of putting the values into practice, when you go through the world like a poet or an artist who

notices what's special or interesting or delightful about something, you see a lot more than someone who sort of takes things for granted. And some of the most beautiful passages in Marx's Realist's Meditations are him noticing the way bread cracks open or he talks about, one of my favorite ones, he talks about the way that a stock of grain bends over a stock of grain bends over hung by its own weight, right? The weight of the stock of grain as it grows tall, it starts to bend over. And you go, yeah, there's certainly moments of darkness in the writing and certainly he experienced warfare and plague and all these things. Yet if he's still noticing, you know, the way that, you know, bread looks in the oven,

there's something to that, right? Like I like when I go out to my car in the morning and it's like, oh, a cat's been here, you know, you look at like the little cat footprints like in the dust in your car. I always try to look for those little things that are special or cute or just sort of highlight the absurdity or daintyness of life.

To me, that's something that can always balance out whatever dark shit is happening at the same time. But you have to be looking for it and that that's the thing. I think you have to override yourself and your inclination to look down, to certainly look at our phones, and be primed to see it. And when you are delight hunting, you're much more likely to see it.

And then you want to share it with somebody. And it is as a little moment, I try to take a different walk to work every day, or just to see something that's slightly different. And you're right, that sort of internal smile you get, or just just something funny or amusing, that you wouldn't have seen otherwise. But it's only when you're looking for it,

you know, or when you're feeling fully present. Somebody said to me the other day that, you know, be wherever your feet are. Sure. And I love that idea. It just sort of says it all, but kind of that sense of noticing what's around you, soaking it in, kind of absorbing that, and with wide eyes looking around you. I think so often we walk

into, we're sort of walking around Blinderson, or at least it's as though we're always walking into a dark room, and with a flashlight in our hand, we're just sort of looking into the corners to look for where the cockroaches are going to be. And we don't lift it up and we're not seeing, maybe there's a painting on the wall, maybe there's a window, maybe there's another doorway to something beautiful. And it's kind of how do we remember? And it doesn't come naturally to most of us. It's not something that is just that obvious sort of experience that we're seeking.

And I think it's why I was talking about deliberately, like, you know, deliberate vitality and deliberate resilience. Consistency as a parent, I've found to be one of the kind of most rewarding things from the child's perspective. It's very hard to get into a mind of a four-year-old or an eight-year-old, but when there's consistency at hand, you can really see the response from them. Yeah. What's interesting, right?

Like, you can see if your kid's routine is disrupted. You see how disrupted they are, right? Like, if you normally do things a certain way, or if your life is chaos, you see how it manifests in their behavior. And then we're not that different. Like I realize that if I don't have a routine, my behavior suffers and my willpower suffers and my equanimity suffers. And so I think the idea is like everyone should be

on a sleep schedule, everyone should be on a routine. It's a human thing as opposed to a kid thing. Yeah, also there's like no easier way to lose someone in the eye and say, I'm better than you. Then what time you will be up? I'm waiting at that five in the morning, as you get.

That is a powerful... I think I've read all of your books. I don't know if I've been able to do that. Well, I just came out. And you shouldn't be more than one page into it, just to be clear. It should take you a year. If anyone says they finished, they already broke the rule

and didn't make it through the intro, it's very clearly. It's one page of deck. But I've been, you know, Ryan has a very interesting history where we met at this outrageous, are we allowed to talk about this? I don't think so. I don't think it was secret. We met at this outrageous, brutal event at a castle in England where they had like,

like when I say Ryan and I were the least important people there, I mean like if there's a spectrum of one to a hundred, everyone there was in the 90 to a hundred range and we were in single digits. Like we were so out of our league at this event at this castle that they had ripped up. And we had to spend a lot of time together.

Well for some reason it was you me and like to other people we had to stay in lot of time together. Well, for some reason, it was you, me, and like, to other people, we had to stay in the castle. Like, they didn't put us in a hotel. So then, all the adults left. And then it was just us in the castle. And it was a castle, but it was more like, it was an English estate. It was called Clevedon.

I don't know, it's this like thing. It was the craziest house that I've ever been in. And then they just left for very irresponsible people to stay in the castle. What was that? It was Tom Hooper, the guy who had just directed in one of the Academy Award for the King's Speech. And I remember like three in the morning,

we got in trouble through all. Kissed drunk, playing on some like construction site outside. Wasn't there a slide for some reason, like a slide from a circus, you know, like the one that was the shoot with the construction workers that took on the job. But when the management yelled at us,

I remember Tom fought that. It's like, how did he do that? I was like, how rude is she? This is fantastic. But we've known each other since then. Oh, actually to give people a sense of how this event was, if you go to conference, sometimes it's like, and then we're all gonna do a joint run in the morning,

and it'll be like, we're all going for a one mile run together, because it's like a low-scob in the denominator. And then who, they had like, the guy who just won the Olympics for lunch. Yeah, boom. Yeah, the most for parents, or whatever, but the guy who just won the fucking Olympic gold. Yes.

That was who Google paid to come in just to leave this one front of Google executives. And that's assholes, yes. But we have to know each other that. Anyway, I think it was an interesting sort of reflection point in both of our careers And it was before I had both of my two daughters for your show you'd just been married or just about to get married And I think that our our friendship

personal friendship and our professional relationship Sort of grew from there. And it's been really interesting for me to Learn about you personally as a friend, but then also learn about you through your writings. And like conspiracy was a all-time favorite because so fucking comfy and just like gossipy and page shirney and fun. But then I learned about the Stoics and learned about stoicism through your writing.

And I had like the impact that it's had on my life has been profound, beyond certainly your specific writings, like understanding what stoicism is and how that can be applied to your everyday life. And I'm curious about how you dovetailed those themes with a book about parenting. Yeah, so I think it was 10 years ago, I was just thinking about paraget. Yeah, so, I think it was 10 years ago. I was just thinking about this, almost exactly.

So, yeah, very. But I think the obstacles the way had just set them out. So that would have been my first book about soap philosophy. And then the Daily Stoke would have come out a little bit later than that. I got so much out of writing the Daily Stoke Philosophy and then the Daily Stoke would have come out a little bit later than that. I got so much out of writing the Daily Stoke, like the idea of doing one page of Stoke Philosophy every day and then obviously I've kept that going

with the email. So I basically written that book, a new version of that book every year since 2016 that when we had kids, I was like, I think that would make me a better parent to do that same process. So obviously the book is for you, but writing it was very much for me,

the idea of like, what do I think, what are my sort of principles, what are the lessons that people should do or should not do from figures from history and philosophy? That was the idea in the book, but I think what's weird, if you went to the parenting section here, Barnes and Noble, you would see a lot of books, some of which are interesting, some of which are not.

I would say most of the books for dudes are very patronizing. It's like, let's put a cowboy hat on the cover or something. It's like, we'll make it camouflage. And I actually remember, Adrian's, my publisher is here, and he was, when I was proposing the book, he was like, men don't buy parenting books. That's what he said.

That was a fact of the industry, which is true. But I think the reason that's true, and the reason why parenting books are, with the exception of saying what to expect when you're expecting, not great sellers, is that it's insane to read about some problem you might have 22 years from now, right? So you're reading a book about this thing that you never stopped doing. You're always a parent once you become one.

But how could you, how could you read about that in the course of a week and then retain that knowledge? So I, I think there, what I think is special about this format or what I'm trying to do is that it's a book not only that you read in small chunks, but ideally you read over and over again. I don't know. I don't know how to put this into a question, right? Something that's interesting is like, my wife had read a number of parenting books. She highlights a page or a fold's down to page's like, how do you have to read this?

And that is sort of shifted. We're now, she and I are in this sort of perpetual state of sending each other, don't laugh, because this is serious, TV and laugh, and it's like we're ridiculous. Send me each other, TikToks. Do the same things. Sure. From pediatricians, and then just from like, people who think they know something, and they usually do.

And they're good at compartmentalizing into these little videos and it's interesting and it's helpful and it makes me feel understood. And I think something that you've done that has been very interesting for me to watch as someone who's sort of built my own career on social media is like, you're an author. I think we called you a media strateg on social media is like you're an author. I think we called you a media strategist, but I see you as an author.

I see someone who's able to take ideas and put them on paper and communicate those ideas in a way that people are able to digest them. But in the last decade, you have leaned into social media into podcasting. I follow all of your multiple feeds that you or your entities produce on. If you do all that, then I don't know when you sleep. No. But on social media, and I'm curious about that transition, about that. It's not a transition, because you're still writing.

I'm curious about how you came to that and what it's like when people come up to you saying, I love your Instagram videos, or I love your YouTube videos versus I've read all your books. Yeah, I'm like in the same way that, so when you write a book, obviously it gets translated into different languages. I don't also write the Spanish version, or it would be unintelligible.

I don't even see the German or the French and these other versions, they just ship them to you after they're done. You're like, oh, that's an interesting choice. It just happens. The idea is that obviously there's people who read primarily in French and people read in German, people read in Czech, people who read in Russian, any language. That's how you expand the reach of what you're doing.

And the way I have come to understand is like, I'm a book first person. That's how I consume information. If I wanted to learn, I'm becoming a parent, I'd go read a parenting book, right? Or if I wanted to learn about this country I was going to, I would read a book about that thing, or I want to learn about the Civil War.

I'm going to read a bunch of books about the Civil War. But that's not how a lot of people learn. And that's certainly not the easiest entry point into stuff. And so I think about it, it's like, I write the books, and I think primarily in long form, and then I have a team that helps me translate that

into shorter and tighter things that bring people in. And it's weird, the books have been this sort of slow, steady climb, and then somewhere around 2020, we started doing more in the social media stuff. Like, I guess we've had the Instagram account for daily soaks since 2016, but we really invested especially in like video stuff. And it's just been explosive because the same thing you're saying with the parenting ones. It's actually a great medium to encapsulate an entry point into an idea

or a concept. And then if someone wants to go further from there, that's what they do. And I think I really learned from your stuff, which is like, how do you like respecting whatever the medium is and deciding to do it at a high level. So actually figuring out what works, what doesn't, actually investing in quality and all those things. So yeah, it's been a slow journey, which I'm not, to this day, I'm not sort of naturally comfortable in, but it's been a stretch out of my comfort zone.

But usually when you find that you've stretched out of your comfort zone, but usually when you find that you've stretched out of your comfort zone, you end up learning and experiencing and usually read just for a cool benefits from that. family experience at CF Sherway Gardens. So what is it? Step inside and find out. Visit the Camp Cube now through January 21st at CF Sherway Gardens. Leave you there. Hey, I'm Michelle Beato. And I'm Peter Rosenberg.

Hey, Peter, tell the people about our new podcast. Right, it's called Over the Top. And we cover the biggest topics in sports and pop culture using Royal Rumble rules. That means we'll start with two stories. Toss one out on its ass and dive into the other stories with ruthless aggression. Oh, but it never stops because every 90 seconds after that. While God whose music is that, another story comes down to the ring.

Rinse and repeat until we arrive at the one most important thing on planet Earth that week. Follow over the top on the Wondering app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to over the top early and add free right now by joining Wondering Plus. For the record, this is not a wrestling podcast. No, no, but it is inspired by wrestling. Isn't everything inspired by wrestling, Beetle? Fair point. Yeah!

No! I've been learning about the world through my computer since I was a teenager, opened up so many things. He learns about something, and then what you do, you take the green light when they're open or interested in something, and you say, I take the green light when they're open or interested in something and you say, I can help you see that in person. Let me take the neck. Let's take this up a notch. Let's do this. Let's get in the camper and we'll go there. Yes. That's a, well, there's a great

way to use the tool and access of information in places, the virtual access, to then go... Let's go see it in reality. Yeah, let's go experience it. Yeah, in reality. Now, I want to pivot here for a second on a note on that, and not because I'm loving our discussion on the assets of it, assets of digital and medium, et cetera. And I agree with you. I'd be just old fashioned nostalgic fool to be sitting here going like, oh, I don't know if I want to be that kind. I'm not that guy. But what about? What about? I have a fear when you see that when we see that, that our children and myself, I'm guilty of it. I see that, say, and do in a mon of hand.

And get in the car when we go eight hours to go do it. We're so excited. And the reality is it'll let down. Mm-hmm. car when we go eight hours to go do it, we're so excited. And the reality is it'll let down. The hill wasn't as steep. The, the, the, the, the, the, the, didn't go as fast as it looked like they were going on the video. The sand's too hot.

And five minutes after one run down, I'm done. Well, we did it. That, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that more existential level of, I mean, realities, a bit of an underdog right now. But not just the beautiful sights, right? I think about how much beauty we take for granted all around us, right? Like, you know, you go, oh, I can't wait to watch the sunset over the ocean in Hawaii, but the sunset in Austin is pretty good too. And how often do I make the time to see it? Or another road trip we went out to Big Bend, you're looking at the stars. They're obviously brighter and bigger there because there's less light pollution. But I was taking out the trash last night and I looked up and I was like, fuck, it's pretty good at my house too.

I can look at this every single night, but I get to strap, too busy looking at the ground or at my phone. And so I think it's a general practice you gotta have to go like, what is magical and amazing? And what am I taking for granted about this moment, about this environment? You know, like a poet, a poet doesn't write about roses

and sunsets all the time. What they find the ability to do is to find beauty in the mundane and the ordinary. And I think that's the skill you want to cultivate. So you'd be saying, hey, Mankind, no reality is not an underdog. It's just what we're looking at. What we're seeing. Yeah. What's reality? What do you see in it? How you seeing it? Well, you know, I was just telling this story recently, you know, the movie Gladiator, one of the greatest movies of all time.

And I don't know why it didn't hit me until I was rewatching it, but the opening scene in Gladiator, right, comment, sorry, Maximus is standing there and it's cold. You can see the steam coming off the ground. He looks at this branch, a bird lands on it. He touches the wheat bending low under its own weight to borrow a phrase from Mark's Relious and Stoics. It's this beautiful scene, right?

You think it's beautiful. And then it zooms out just a little bit and you realize he's on the front. They're about to fight this terrible battle in this nasty, violent place. And to me, I love that idea. You think about movies as a metaphor here. You choose the lens, right?

The zoomed in lens, it's beautiful. The zoomed out lens, it's not beautiful. But sometimes it's the opposite. Sometimes you're too zoomed in and you got to zoom way out and you see the beauty. It's all about the lens and the angle of the camera that we decide to look at at the world. Hey, man. And our aperture. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's, I love that. I would say that myself and most of us, if we're gonna say which one of those schools should we start on,

would be, I think it'd be most healthy for us to move forward with wider lenses. Right now, then close to the lenses. My brother, I got a brother rooster. He got the cat and a cataract surgery and forget what it was on his eyes. And he hates it. He hates it. I'm like, why?

He goes, man, I miss all the fuzzy edges, man. Get all these damn details, man. It's like, oh, I got anxiety he's I never had before. Oh, yeah, sometimes, man. Sometimes that eight K, we're talking about that high diff in the zoom close up of 120 lens. Like, uh-oh, oh geez. I didn't want to see that.

But we also, in the very own version of head down, tighter lens. Yeah. Oh, wow. Look outside. The wider lens, the macro lens can just, at least get to relax us, you know, and help us see, see differently. The one thing that's almost certain in the wider shot is that you are smaller. Right?

It shrinks you down proportionally, right? This is, you know, the shot of the of the earth from space, the blue marble shot. Every astronaut has spoken about how the most life-changing psychedelic understanding overtakes you when you look at earth from a distance and you see that everything is connected, everything touches each other, everything is small, none of the things that you think matter, touches each other, everything is small, none of the things that you think matter, actually matter, and the things you have been putting off feel so urgent and important, and the oneness of everything is there. That is one of my posters for selfish right there. That's what I'm getting at.

That's what I'm working to define and explain and understand, right there. You just said it. And you said it. Oneness, singularity, self-ish in all those things where, you know, as a, there's a, that view, that point of view does two things. And if you're a believer and someone would call that, oh, I'm a the tiniest of a speck and God's palm. Yeah.

You can either be, and then with that comes humility. And you can either be, and then with that comes humility. And you can go for, I know for a long time, my life, that feeling made me feel like less. Huh. That made me, made my shoulders crunch over, made me lower my head, lose confidence, feel like, oh, then what's it all for? But something, I don't know, or something, I guess, spiritually, 20 years ago or so, hit me like, obviously, that felt quite empowered selfishly with that. Yeah, blue dot, with that speck and then, ah, to pressure off.

Oh, beautiful. Oh my gosh. Yes, that's right, nothing that it do matters. Oh, that's why it all matters. Thank you. Now I'm, now I've come alive. More of me is coming out. Yes.

Oh, this little blip of time we're in. That's how it's a speck. Who cares? Yes, that's why it matters so much more. And to feel that way, and not having a lot of intellectual feel that way, to understand and actually feel that way is a magic place to be if we, when we can. Yeah, Stoke philosopher called that the oceanic feeling. So the paradox of it is that you feel very small,

but you also feel part of something very big. And that's the paradox and the beauty and the overwhelmingness of it is that you are humbled and elevated at the same time. Yeah, yeah, humbled and elevated at the same time. Yeah, yeah, humbled and elevated at the same time. Well, look, I wanted, I wanted to ask you a couple questions about the course because I loved it. You are like the king of the one-liners, right? The sort of little, almost Zencomans,

little paradoxes of your own. I wanted to rift on some of them with you. One of my favorites is you said, I want to be less impressed and more involved. What does that mean? I love that one. I'm kind of glad I can laugh when you said that. So that's something that came to me soon after my dad passed away and left his life.

I was finding career in Hollywood. I was so happy to be there, or at least so thankful. This is that line of what we got with gratitude, that an over exaggeration of it or a alliance on it can become a debit. I had a reverence for where I was, people, wow, possible, start them, successful actor, fame, whoa. Possibly start them, successful actor, fame, whoa.

And to the extent, and I was just telling, I had this conversation with one of the co-un brothers, and I've always loved the co-un brothers. And I was just telling Joel this story the other day. I was like, you know, I had a meeting with you and your brother and John Maccavitch, early in my career, he's like, oh, you did, I said a meeting with you and your brother and John Maca-Vitch. Early in my career, he's like, oh, you did. I say, oh, yeah, remember that? I go, probably easy to forget because I was an absolute dud

in that meeting. I came in that meeting so with such reverence for you and your brother and Maca-Vitch, and I was at the table. And I mean, the natural gap to enter the conversations, I was like, I'm afraid to put my foot in my mouth, could no rhythm, didn't have the confidence. I was just, and then when they did say,

so what do you think Matthew, I gave like a stock freaking chat, GBT answers. Just a stock, it was not within the moment. It was like boring. Not in, and I walk away, I blew it. Well, I blew it, so I wasn't involved. I was so impressed with being there. And so around that time, and with the courage,

and clarity, and sobriety that you get when you lose a loved one, like I just, my father just moved on. The world becomes flat. Things that you, I revered. Wow. Lowered him where I level. I was like, oh, that's mortal.

I'm in that. I'm engaging in that. I'm gonna be myself in that. I'm gonna listen and I'm gonna reciprocate back and forth with the present moment to watch him front of me. At the same time, things that I looked down upon, things that I was patronizing and

then he got, that's not worthy. Rose up. And I was like, oh, I'm on, I'm eye to eye with that, that's human. That's real, don't you dare judge that, McConaughey. Uh-uh, you put that down, don't you be little that, look that in the eye, engage with that, quit being such a whooose. And that's where that came to me in a dream one night. I'm gonna not carve it in a tree.

And I know exactly the tree at the end of where it is. It's in Santa Monica. Less impressed, more involved. And it comes from, it's great to have gratitude. It's great to have, we need to have respect. But we have to be more than just happy to be here. Yeah. If I have such a reverence for you,

if I'm so impressed with talking to Ryan Holiday today right now, oh my gosh, man. This last hour we've talked would have been a hell of a lot more boring if you didn't find a boring. It would have just, it had been stuck. I would have, I wouldn't have been here.

I'd have been like listening to what you say and then trying to go follow up and add a little thing onto what you said and go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, conversation kind of boring, didn't have dynamic, it wouldn't have been real, I wouldn't really been myself because I've been so impressed, I would have been not been involved. So going forward with respect and gratitude but not such a reverence for mortality and mortal things as to not being gazed with them, to be able to give more of ourselves to. So we have to be less impressed and more involved

to give more of ourselves to our life, to our relationships, to challenges in front of us, to pleasures and promises and wins and losses. Be there with them. They'll be impressed. They'll be so impressed with the mortal. I love that. It's the idea of like, if not me, then who?

Right? Why should, I'm just as good as any of these people. Why can't I be involved? Why can't I do it? Yep. All right, so what is majoring in the miners mean? majoring in the miners.? majoring in the miners. Oh, well, I think this comes from something

the course I was talking about balance. It's also part of in the course about defining more of what we value, more value. And we have to measure, well look, I have a lot of hobbies that I'm really spinning about not really fair dynamic amount of my day too much of my day on and less on my career. And I've seen in too much time on the miners and not majoring. Am I majoring too much in my miners? For me, like in my life, I had it was around, I don't know, somewhere in the late 90s.

around, I don't know, somewhere in the late 90s. I got a phone call from my office where I had a bad ass office, production office, and Venice had a staff of six, payin' the rent, payin' the salaries, and I'm in Texas, my phone rings, back when the phones were not our mobile device, but the number would come up as it did on my phone. Then we're coming up. I see it's from my office. I reached out to pick up the phone and my hand stopped. And I remember looking at the phone and then looking at my hand going,

why'd your hand stop mid-grab? Yeah. And I went because I don't want to pick up the call from my office. And then I let it ring out, and I went, you don't want to pick up the phone call from your office, from one of your employees that you're paying, from have the office and then it's that you're paying

the rent for, what are you doing? What, that doesn't make sense. Yeah. And I let that phone ring out. And as it did, I picked the phone back up, thought my lawyer and said, I want to shut down my music label and I want to shut down my production office. I want to pay a solid severance to everybody. But I want to be work on my charity, work on my family, and I wanna be an actor for hire.

And so what that did was I got rid of, I had like music label, I had movie development, I had a couple other things that I was kinda doing, minors, little kids. And so I had like eight proverbial campfires on my desk every morning, including my chair, including my acting career. They were all campfires.

So what I did is I got rid of about five of the campfires, and I was left with the three things that were most important to me, and those three campfires turned into bonfires. So I majored in my majors, and I got rid of five minors that I was majoring in, trying to major in, and I was kind of making C pluses in everything. When I got rid of five classes and concentrated on the three that I really wanted, I started to make it eight. Majority in my majors, quit majoring in my minors and got rid of them. Do less better basically.

Do yes. Yes. I got more after I, when I got, when I've had less things that I said that, look, I only got, we have this conversation with my, I talk about parenting again. I got teenagers coming up, their life's starting to get big. They're starting to have, well, I want to do this, but I also got this thing. I was like, yeah, 24 hours in the day. They ain't given any more. For the first time, you're starting to have to go,

there's a consequence here. I can only do this or this. Yeah. How do we balance that? You're gonna have to, you can't do it all. Up until a couple of years ago, for my kids, I was like, you can do it all. Sure.

When you want to. And now things are starting to overlap. And interest is just starting to overlap. So we're going, don, and now things are starting to overlap, and interest are starting to overlap. So we're going, don't have to have the answer right now, but you're going to have to start measuring, which one do you want to give time to? If you want to kick the year off, hopefully get your charcoal lit.

Well, then I would love for you to join us in the 2024 Daily Stoic New Year New Year Challenge. We did the first New Year New Year Challenge in 2018. And year after year, we've realized that really the community is the biggest part. It's the most important part of the day, and it's really what takes you to the next level. And even me having made the challenge,

I'm telling you, hey, here's what I did today. Here's how it went, getting feedback, and encouragement. It keeps me accountable, right? I get something out of it. I know you'll get something out of it. If you want to join us in our version of the Scipionic Circle, one, you can join Daily Stoke Life right now and get the Daily Stoke New Year New Year Challenge for free. You can do that at DailyStokeLife.com or you can just join us in the challenge. You can just start small, do the challenges. 21 days of Stoke Inspired Challenges, it's three live Q&As, that's the community aspect, it's this community member platform where you can hold yourself another's accountable, and there's this cool calendar

that shows you all the progress you're making. It's not going to be theoretical abstract discussions, but real Stoic's talking about real ways to get better, and it starts on Monday, January 1st, so stop delaying, head over right now to dailystoke.com. So I challenge to sign up and I'll see you there. Or as I said, sign up for dailystoke life. If you do, you can get it for free. Hey, Prime Members, you can listen to the Daily Stoic early and ad-free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Welcome to the happiest place on Earth, where you're a new kind of happiest every time and casts.