The Daily Stoic - The Vow - From Kamal Ravikant's “Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It"

Episode Date: July 17, 2022

This episode features an excerpt from Kamal Ravikant’s book “Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It" provided by Harper Audio. The book is a collection of Kamal’s writings on overcoming depression and living a happier life. This first part talks about the vow that he made with himself and the practice that saved his life.✉️ Sign up for the Daily Stoic email: https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail🏛Check out the Daily Stoic Store for Stoic inspired products, signed books, and more.📱Follow us: Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, FacebookSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, prime members, you can listen to the Daily Stoic Podcast early and add free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Welcome to the weekend edition of the Daily Stoic Podcast. On Sundays, we take a deeper dive into these ancient topics with excerpts from the Stoic texts, from the Stoic texts, audio books that you like here recommend here at Daily Stoic, and other long form wisdom that you can chew on on this relaxing weekend. We hope this helps shape your understanding of this philosophy and most importantly that you're able to apply it to actual life. Thank you. your podcasts. One of my favorite stories about Clienthys is that he's walking down the street and he sees a man sort of talking to himself but you you know, like you idiot what we're doing you know talking very Cruel to himself and Client these stops him and says hey, I just want to let you know you're not talking to a bad person

Which I think ties into one of my favorite things from Senna go or Senna says how do I know? I'm making progress in this philosophy He says I'm becoming a better friend to myself and That's what today's episode is going to be about. And it's actually an excerpt from one of my favorite books, from one of my favorite people. I first met Kamal Ravikhan. I don't even know when.

Ten years ago, it could have been more. Could have been more, I don't know, a long time ago. But he is unquestionably one of the nicest human beings that I've ever met and has some of the best energy of anyone I've ever met. I talked about this when I had Gabi Reese on the podcast. I said she just has like the right energy. Kamal has that same energy and that's why I read his book when it first came out, love yourself. Like

your life depends on it. And watch to become this huge sort of runaway cult hit. And I actually connected him with my agent, Steve Hanselman, who was the translator on the Daily Stoke and Lives of the Stokes. And I said, you got to meet this guy. You two are on the same wavelength. I think there's something here. And they worked on a couple books together, one of which was an expanded edition of Love Yourself, Like Your Life depends on it, which is where today's episode comes from. And so I asked Kamal if we could excerpt a chunk of Love Yourself, Like Your Life depends on it, his book on overcoming depression and living a happier life and ultimately being a better friend to himself. And this first part talks about this vow that he made himself

in a practice that saved his life. And I think you're going to like it. I think it's going to make a difference for you. I hope you check out the book. The audiobook is really good, which you'll listen to a chunk of today. We also have copies of the physical book at the painted porch. So I'll link to that in today's show page. And you can of course get, love yourself like your life depends on it from Harper Collins publisher Harper audio. In any and all formats you like, I hope you enjoy this book. Do check it out. And I do hope to have come on the podcast at some point because I think we're going to have a great conversation. But in the meantime, listen to this excerpt of Love Yourself, like your life depends on it brought to you by Harper audio. Thank you guys. And I appreciate you listening. The Bahamas What if you could live in a penthouse above the crystal clear ocean working during the

day and partying at night with your best friends and have it be 100% paid for? FTX Founder Sam Bankman Freed lived that dream life, but it was all funded with other people's money, but he allegedly stole. Many thought Sam Bankman Freed was changing the game as he graced the pages of Forbes and Vanity Fair. Some involved in crypto saw him as a breath of fresh air, from the usual Wall Street buffs with his casual dress and ability to play League of Legends during boardroom meetings. But in less than a year, his exchange would collapse. An SPF would find himself in a jail cell, with tens of thousands of investors blaming him

for their crypto losses. From Bloomberg and Wondering, comes Spellcaster, a new six-part docu-series about the meteoric rise and spectacular fall of FTX, and its founder, Sam Beckman-Freed. Follow Spellcaster wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, prime members, you can listen to episodes Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Part 1 DeVao

How it started In December of 2011, I was a participant at Reddesson's Weekend in Charleston, South Carolina. Now, what do you think? No jostling nights are fair maidens. Instead, a conference attended by CEO of Silicon Valley in New York, Hollywood types from LA, and politicians and their staff from D.C. It's like Ted, but everyone is assigned to participate in panels or give

a talk. The application asks for awards one and recognitions received, and as an example, listed the Nobel Prize. Really. I have no awards to speak of, or I pre-agree. No Goldman Sachs or Morgan Stanley on my business card. When the founder of the event introduced me to the audience at a talk I gave, the topic assigned to me, if I could do anything, he said, Camel cannot keep still. Whether as an infantry soldier in the US Army, or climbing the Himalayas, or walking across Spain on an ancient pilgrimage, he's always moving. He done his research.

I don't remember the rest, but I remember his last line. I'm sure he'll have something interesting to share with us. I had exactly two minutes to stand on a podium and address an audience of scientists, Pentagon officials, politicians, and CEOs. I'll farm or qualify then I had to talk about pretty much anything. The speaker before me had been the youngest person to graduate from MIT. Full honors, of course. It's interesting what goes through your mind and moments like these. Time slows down, yes. But that's almost cliche.

There's only the podium in the microphone. You step up the audience gross blurry as if out of focus clock starts. And then I knew what to do. I would offer something no one else could. My truth. Something I learned purely from my experience, something that saved me. The audience came into focus. If I could do anything, I set into the microphone, I would share the secret of life with the world, laughed at from the audience, and I just figured it out a few months ago. For the next two minutes, I spoke about the previous summer when I'd been very sick, practically on bed rest. The company I'd built from scratch four years ago had failed.

I'd just gone through a breakup, and a friend I loved suddenly died. To say I was depressed, I said, would have been a good day. I told them about the night I was up late, surfing Facebook, looking at photos of my friend who had passed, and I was crying late, surfing Facebook, looking at photos of my friend who had passed, and I was crying, miserable, missing her. I told him about waking up next morning, unwilling to take it anymore, the vow I made, and how it changed everything.

Within days I started to get better, physically, emotionally. But what surprised me was that life got better on its own. But in a month, my life had transformed. The only constant being the vow I had made to myself and how I kept it. Afterward, and for the rest of the conference, people came up individually and told me how much what I shared meant to them. When women told me that sitting in the audience, listening to me, she realized that this was the reason she came. All I'd done was share a truth I learned.

A month later, a friend was going through a difficult time, so I quickly wrote up what I'd done that summer as sent it to him. It helped him a lot. Months after, I shared it in an email with James Altichature, a dear friend and my favorite blogger. He replied, offering to feature it as a guest post on his blog. Naturally, I refused. Truth be told, I panicked. Lots of my friends read his blog.

I'm an entrepreneur in Silicon Valley. It's fine to write about startups, but this stuff? You have to, James wrote back, this is the only message that's important. I shared my fear with him, but what people think. His response, something I will never forget, I will always be grateful for. I don't do a post now unless I'm worried about what people will think about me. So I struck a deal with him. I'd kept notes about what I'd learned to practice, how it succeeded and failed.

I would put those together in a book and send it over. If you liked it, I'd publish it. And that's how we ended up here. What is this about? Loving yourself. Same thing your mom told you. Same thing self-help books repeat enough times to be cliche. But there is a difference.

It's not lip service. It's not a fire and forget type approach. It's something I learn from within myself. Something I believe saved me. And more than that, the way I said about to do it. Most of it, simple enough to be idiotic. But in simplicity lies truth. In simplicity lies power. Starting with the write-up I sent to my friend.

This is a collection of thoughts on what I learned, what worked, what didn't, where I succeed and where I failed daily. As a wise friend likes to remind me, this is a practice. You don't go to the gym once and consider yourself done. Same here. Meditation is a practice. You don't go to the gym once and consider yourself done. Same here. Meditation is a practice. Working out is a practice.

Loving yourself, perhaps the most important of all, is a practice. The truth is to love yourself with the same intensity you would use to pull yourself up if you were hanging off a cliff with your fingers, as if your life depended upon it. Once you get going, it's not hard to do. Just take commitment and I'll share how I did it. It's been transformative for me. I know it will be transformative for you as well. Beginning. I was in a bad way, miserable out of my mind. There were days when I lying bed, the drapes closed, morning outside sliding into night and back to morning, and I just didn't want to deal.

Deal with my thoughts, Deal with being sick. Deal with heartache. Deal with my company tanking. Deal with life. Here is what saved me. I'd reach my breaking point. I remember it well. I couldn't take it anymore.

I was done. Done with all this. This misery, this pain, this angst, this being me. I was sick of it, done, done, done, done. And in that desperation, I climbed out of bed, staggered over to my desk, opened my notebook, and wrote, this day I vowed to myself, to love myself, to treat myself as someone I love truly and deeply. In my thoughts, my actions, the choices I make, the experiences I have, each moment I'm

conscious, I make the decision I love myself. There was nothing left to say. How long it took me to write this? Less than a minute. But the intensity, it felt like I was carving words onto paper through the desk. I'd been disgusted with myself. I could love another, but what about me? From now on, I would focus only on this thought, for me.

How to love myself? I did not know. All I knew was that I'd made a vow, something far greater than I want or a desire, and I wish or a nice to have a vow. I had to go all in and destroy myself trying. There was no middle ground. In my bedroom and the darkness, with the city outside I had no idea of the decision that had been made, I set I was a simple thing I could think of. And importantly, something I could do no matter how bad I was feeling. I started telling myself, I love myself. I thought I would repeat again and again. First, lying in bed for hours, repeating to myself,

and then I would say, I would say, I would say, I would say, I would say, I would say. I thought I would repeat again and again. First, lying in bed for hours, repeating to myself, I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. The mind would wander, of course, head down radholes, but each time I noticed a return to repeating, I love myself, I love myself, I love myself, I love myself, and it continued. First in bed, then showering, then went online, then when I'd be talking to someone inside my head, I'd be going, I loved myself, I loved myself, I loved

myself, I loved myself, it became the anchor, the one true thing. Then I added anything that could work and if it did, I kept it. If it didn't, I threw it away. Before I knew it, I'd created a simple practice that took loving myself to a whole new level. I was all in. There was no going back. I got better. My body started healing faster. My state of mind grew lighter.

But the thing I never expected or imagined, life got better. But not just better. Things happen that were fantastically out of my reach. Things I couldn't have dreamt of. It was as if life said, finally, idiot, and let me show you that you made the right decision. People came into my life, opportunities arose, and I found myself using the word magic to describe what was happening. And through it all, I kept repeating it myself. I loved myself. I loved myself. I loved myself. I loved myself. I kept doing the practice.

In less than a month, I was healthy, I was fit again, I was happy, I was smiling. Amazing people were coming into my life, situations were resolving themselves. And all that time, whether I was at my computer or in a meeting in my head, I'd be telling myself, I love myself. To be honest, in the beginning, I didn't believe that I loved myself. How many of us do? But, it didn't matter what I believed myself. How many of us do? But it didn't matter what I believed. What matter was doing it, and I did it the simplest way I could, by focusing on one thought,

again and again and again and again, until it was more on my mind than not. Imagine that. Imagine the feeling of catching yourself loving yourself without trying. It's like catching a sunset out of the feeling of catching yourself loving yourself without trying. It's like catching a sunset out of the corner of your eye. It will stop you. Why love? Why not, I like myself, or I accept myself.

Why or why or why does it have to be love? Why not, I like myself, or I accept myself. Why or why or why does it have to be love? Here's my theory. If you've ever been a baby, you've experienced love. The mind knows it on a fundamental, even primal level. So, unlike most words, love has the ability to slip past the conscious and into the subconscious where magic happens. What if you don't believe that you love yourself?

Doesn't matter. Your role is to lay down the pathways, break upon break, reinforce the connections between the neurons. The mind already has a strong, wiringful love. The body knows it as well. It knows that love nurtures, that love is gentle, that love is accepting. It knows that love heals. Your job is not to do any of these. Your job is purely to love yourself, truly and deeply.

Feel it, again and again. Make it your single-minded focus. The mind and body will respond automatically. They don't have a choice. Here's the best part. When the makes me smile as I write this. As you love yourself, Life loves you back.

I don't think it has a choice either. I can't explain how it works, but I know it to be true. When you find yourself using the word magical to describe your life, you'll know what I'm talking about. The practice. I've tried to break down exactly what I did that worked, and how one can replicate it. Comes down to four things that I will show you how to do. and how one can replicate it. Comes down to four things that I will show you how to do. One, mental loop. Two, a meditation.

Three, mirror. Four, one question. All four gently return me to self-love. That's the beauty of this practice. It's simple, it's practical, and there results are far greater than you can imagine. After all, if you loved yourself truly and deeply, would you limit your life to what you previously thought possible? Nope. You blew your own socks off.

There is one requirement, a fierce commitment to loving yourself. This, I'm afraid, can't be skipped. What if you don't believe that you love or heck even like yourself? Doesn't matter. If you have to build up to it, that's okay. The practice works in the way that mind is designed to function. The mind has no choice but to adapt and respond. Just remain open to the possibility of loving yourself. The rest is easy.

Window Darkness is the absence of light. If you remember this, it will change your life. Change mine. It is this concept that the practice is based on. Any negative thought is darkness. How do you remove it? Do you fight fear or worry? Do you push a dry-n-away sadness in pain? Doesn't work. Instead, imagine you in a dark room and

it's bright outside. Your job is to go to the window, pull out a rag and start cleaning. Just clean. And soon enough, light enters naturally, taking the darkness away. It's that simple. Each time the mind shifts to darkness, fear, worry, pain, you name it. When you notice, clean the window. Light will flow in. 2. A Meditation Even if you don't do anything else, please do this. It will make a difference.

Each day, I meditate for seven minutes. Why seven minutes? Because I put on a piece of music that I like. One that is soothing and calm piano and flute One that I associate good feelings with and it happens to be seven minutes long. I Seven my back against a wall put on my headphones Listen to the music and imagine galaxies and stars and the universe above and Imagine all the life from space flowing into my head and down into my body, going wherever it needs to go.

I breathe slowly, naturally. As I inhale, I think, I love myself. Then I exhale and let out whatever the response in my mind and body is, whether there is one or not. That's it. Simple. Inhale, I love myself. Exhale, breathe out what comes up. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. Natural, the music flows. The mind wanders, that's the nature. Each time it does, I just notice where I am in the breath. If inhaling, I shift to, I love myself.

If exhaling, I shift to letting out whatever is in the mind and body. Occasionally, I shift my attention to the light flowing in from above. Sometimes, I do that each time I inhale. Before I know it, the seven minutes are up and the meditation is over. There is something to this that thought of life flowing into my head from galaxies and stars. The concept of light itself, just like love, the subconscious is a positive association with light. Plants go toward the light, as human beings we crave light. We find sunr rises and sun sets and a bright moon beautiful and calming. Once again, there's no need to consciously

create healing or anything positive. It's subconscious to scare of it. All I have to do is give it the image in this case, light, give it the thought, in this case, loving myself. It does the rest. This is an intense practice because it is focused, but does it feel intense? No, quite peaceful actually. I think that's what real emotional intensity is, when it creates peace and love and growth. Instructions. Step one. Put on music. Something soothing, gentle, preferably instrumental. A piece that makes you feel good. Step 2.

Siv it your back against a wall or window. Cross your legs or stretch them out, whatever feels natural. Step 3. Close your eyes. Smile slowly. Imagine a beam of light pouring into your head from above. Step 4. Breathe in, set yourself in your mind.

I love myself. Slowly. Be gentle with yourself. Step 5. Breathe out and along with it, anything that arises, any thoughts, emotions, feelings, memories, fears, hopes, desires, or nothing. Breathe it out. No judgment, no attachment to anything. Be kind to yourself. Step 6. Repeat 4 and 5 until the music ends. If your attention wanders, notice it in smile. Smile at it as if it's a child doing what a child does.

And with that smile, return to your breath. Step 7. When the music ends, open your eyes slowly. Smile. Do it from the inside out. This is your time. This is your time. This is purely yours. Why music?

Since I listen to the same piece of music each time, it now acts as an anchor, easily pulling me into a meditative state. A crutch perhaps, but a nice one. Do this meditation consistently. You will notice the magic that occurs. 3. Mirror This one, I'm little scared to share.

People will think I've lost it, but it is powerful. Step 1. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Step 2. Stand in front of a mirror, nose a few inches away. Relax. Breathe. Step 3. Look into your eyes. It sometimes helps to focus on just one. If so, try your left eye. Breathe slowly, naturally, until you develop a rhythm. Step 4. Looking into your eyes, say, I love myself. Whether you believe it that moment or not is an important.

What's important is you saying it to yourself, looking into your eyes, where there is no escape from the truth, and ultimately, the truth is loving yourself. Step 5. Repeat I love myself gently, pausing occasionally to watch your eyes. When the five minutes are up, smile. You've just communicated the truth to yourself in a deep visceral way, in a way that mine cannot escape. If anyone ever looked in your eyes knowing that you loved them, this is what they saw.

Give yourself the same gift. 4. One Question It's easy to say I love myself, I locked inside my apartment, recovering from being sick. Tougher when I'm back to the land of the living, interacting with people who have their own issues and mental loops. That is where the question came from. In dealing with others and reacting to their negative emotions with my own, I found myself asking this question, if I loved myself truly and deeply, would I let myself experience

this? The answer always was a no. It worked beautifully, because I had been working on the mental loop the step after no was clear. Rather than solving the emotion or trying not to feel it, I would just return to the one true thing in my head. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. Discussion is deceptively simple in its power. It shifts your focus from wherever you are, whether it's anger or pain or fear, any form of darkness, to where you want to be.

And that is love. Your mind and life have no choice but to follow. Thought If we are made of atoms and molecules, and they in turn from smaller particles that are empty space and energy, than what are we? Are we are thoughts? I recatch your mind in a mental loop, replaying some old story and old hurt, the same pattern? Who are you? The thought of the observer of the thought. If you're the observer, then what is the thought? Or are you a thought observing another thought? Perhaps we just a thought observing another thought?

Perhaps we just biochemical storms within synaptic connections and a brain that evolved over millions of years. Or maybe there's an observer, a deeper self. No proof, by the way. I'm fine with that knowing. I enjoy thinking about it, but mainly to remind myself that ultimately everything is theory. I care about what works, what creates magic in my life. This, I know, the mind, left to itself, repeats the same stories, the same loops, mostly ones that don't serve us. So what's practical, what's transformative is to consciously choose a thought, then practice it again and again, with emotion, with feeling, with acceptance.

Lay down the synaptic pathways until the mind starts playing it automatically. Do this with enough intensity over time, and the mind will have no choice. That's how it operates. Where do you think your original loops came from? The goal, if there is one, is to practice until a thought you chose becomes a primary loop, until it becomes a filter through which you view life, then practice some more. Sounds like work, perhaps, but the nature of mind is thought. Choose one that transforms you. Makes your life zing.

The one I found, I love myself, is the most powerful one I know. You might discover another. Regardless, please do it. It is worth it. You know, the Stoics in real life met at what was called the Stoa, the Stoa, Poquile, the painted porch in ancient Athens. Obviously, we can all get together in one place because this community is like hundreds of thousands of people and we couldn't fit in one space.

But we have made a special digital version of the Stoa. We're calling it Daily Stoic Life. It's an awesome community. You can talk about like today's episode. made a special digital version of the stoe. We're calling it Daily Stoic Life. It's an awesome community you can talk about like today's episode. You've talked about the emails, ask questions. That's one of my favorite parts is interacting with all these people

who are using stoicism to be better in their actual real lives. You get more Daily Stoic meditations over the weekend, just for the Daily Stoic Life members. Quarterly Q&As with me, cloth bound addition of our best of meditations, plus a whole bunch of other stuff, including discounts, and this is the best part.

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