The Daily Stoic - This Is The Only Acceptable Form of Anger | Impulse Control

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, prime members. You can listen to the Daily Stoic podcast early and add free on Amazon music. Download the app today. Welcome to the Daily Stoic podcast. Each day we bring you a meditation inspired by the ancient Stoics illustrated with stories from history, current events and literature to help you be better at what you do. And at the beginning of the week, we try to do a deeper dive, setting a kind of stoke, intention for the week, something to meditate on, something to think on, something to leave you with, to journal about, whatever it is you happen to be doing. So let's get into it.

Starting point is 00:00:41 Hi, I'm David Brown, the host of Wunderree's podcast business wars. And in our new season, Walmart must fight off target, the new discounter that's both savvy and fashion forward. Listen to business wars on Amazon music or wherever you get your podcasts. The stillex talk about death a lot. Memento Mori, remember you will die as Senaica says, every night you go to bed, tell yourself, I might not arise in the morning.

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Starting point is 00:01:31 And when you're done, you'll feel better knowing you and your family are more secure. Head to policygenius.com to figure out how much coverage you need. Compare quotes from policy geniuses license agents and their zero hassle. Since they work for you you not the insurance companies You can save 50% or more by comparing quotes and when your life insurance policy is sorted out You know your family is protected just go to policygenius.com to get started policy genius when it comes to insurance It's nice to get it right This is the only acceptable form of anger. There's an expression popular amongst basketball coaches.

Starting point is 00:02:08 A coach doesn't get a technical foul. They take one. If you've ever watched Greg Popovich coach, you've seen it. When his team isn't playing with enough passion, when the rest are getting complacent, when the crowd needs to be fired up, or when he's just planned hired of watching his team not do what they're supposed to do, he'll pick a call to get angry about

Starting point is 00:02:29 and then take a technical foul. Sometimes he'll even say to his assistant coach right beforehand, you're going to have to coach the rest of the game and then he'll keep yelling until he gets a second technical and has to head back into the locker room. The crazy thing is that this calculated explosion of anger often has the desired effect. The team wakes up, the refs start paying attention,

Starting point is 00:02:51 the fans get drawn into the game. Needless to say, it is a difficult balancing act and fundamentally different than the kinds of technicals most players and coaches get where their temper costs their team points with no upside. The Stoics who spoke often of the perils of anger warned against that kind of passion. The one you can't control, the one that bursts out at inopportune times, the one that's all about you. But this intentional direct anger done for effect would they be okay with it?

Starting point is 00:03:21 Maybe. Surely Marcus Aurelius, as Emperor, had to yell at some folks. Sometimes that's the only way to get through people's defenses to wake them up, to establish authority needed for a position like his to continue. An Emperor who never gets upset, who shrugs everything off, is not the one that people respect for long. In fact, to be so nonchalant might cost millions of lives. Still, there is a big difference between anger to make a point in the anger of Hadrian, who once got so mad at a secretary that he stabbed them in the eye in a fury. We also know of a quote from the early still-at-filos for

Starting point is 00:03:57 Diogeny's, who, while giving a speech about anger no less, was heckled and spit on by a person in the crowd, I'm not angry Diogeny's a person in the crowd. I'm not angry dionities replied with a smile, but I'm not sure whether I should be. And there you have an admission of the very idea we're talking about that sometimes anger can be used for effect that as long as we have it under control, there is a big difference between appearing angry and actually losing your temper. Anger then is generally to be avoided, to be contained. But once you have it contained,

Starting point is 00:04:29 perhaps like fire, it can be used as a tool. But only when the proper training has been done beforehand. If something is making you upset, write it down, and look at it. What happened? Who caused it? Now think about your reaction. What did you say? What did you feel? Did this make it better or worse? Marcus Aurelius' emperor clearly had many people and causes to be upset. He also had real power and authority. Even so, we find that he would would tell himself you have power over your mind,

Starting point is 00:05:06 not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength. So too with what has happened to you, you did not control what happened, but you do control which impulses you will follow in the wake of it. And this is this week's meditation in the Daily Stoic Journal titled Impulse Control. I do hope you check out the journal. It's a little journal I do every morning. We have three quotes here to go along with it. Epic Titus says, we must discover the missing art of Ascent and pay special attention to the sphere of our impulses that they are subject to reservations, to the common good, and that they are in proportion to actual worth. It's Marcus Realius' Meditations 1137.

Starting point is 00:05:49 I just love that it marks Realius quoting Epipetus. You say, good fortune used to meet you at every corner, but the fortunate person is the one who gives themselves a good fortune. And good fortunes are a well-tuned soul, good impulses, and good actions. It's Marcus Realius' Meditations 536. Frame your thoughts like this.

Starting point is 00:06:10 You're an old person. You won't let yourself be enslaved by this any longer. No longer pulled like a puppet by every impulse. And you'll stop complaining about your present fortune or dreading the future. To me, journaling is just such a great way to do this exercise of impulse control. I usually do it in the morning, but you could do journaling at any time, but I think, what are you upset about?

Starting point is 00:06:38 Why are you angry? What are you holding on to? What's that thing inside you that you really want to say to that person? Say it on the page first. And Frank talks about how paper is more patient than people. Sometimes I find that the thing that I was writing down, I hadn't quite worked it out yet. And if I had said it the way I was thinking on the paper, it would not go well. Or I find that having said it once, I'm done. I don't need to mention this to anyone. It's probably better than I keep it to myself. So to me

Starting point is 00:07:10 journaling is really a way to work out some of those urges. Just because you say something, just because you think something doesn't mean you need to say it, I'm always amazed at these athletes who, you know, after a loss rushing the locker room and tweet something, as if, dude, you're not going to be in a small metal tube with the person you just talked shit about for the next eight hours, as if you don't have the show up to work with them every single day. You need to develop this emotional impulse control, but that doesn't mean you just stuff it down and you don't deal with it.

Starting point is 00:07:42 You got to deal with it on the pages in the journal. That's the idea. You let it out. It's a place to do some spiritual combat, but it's also a place for your ideas. You're competing impulse. You're competing opinions to battle themselves out, to fight for that limited space. So spend some time with your journalized therapy. That's what it's therefore. And if you're not taking advantage of it, chances are you, you are just taking

Starting point is 00:08:10 those feelings out on other people or you're taking them out on yourself. And that's not a good way to go through life. So, use the journal as an instrument of impulse control. It's gotten me out of trouble time and time again. I can think of a moment when one of my books was coming out and I got sort of royally screwed over by a journalist. I wouldn't even say screwed over anymore. Let's just say someone did something to me that was quite unethical and quite petty and annoying. And actually the prompts in the Daily Stoke Journal, it caught me day after it was like three prompts in a row. I didn't rush into saying something,

Starting point is 00:08:45 I was gonna wait a few days. And at the end of the three days, at the end of the journaling, kept it to myself and even now, I don't need to tell you the specifics, I've moved on. And it saved me some headache, probably saved me creating an enemy for no reason.

Starting point is 00:09:00 And then I can move on. And I hope you can do the same. Thanks so much for listening to the Daily Stoke podcast. Again, if you don't know this, you can get these delivered to you via email every day. You just go to dailystoke.com slash email. So check it out at dailystoke.com slash email. Hey, prime members, you can listen to the Daily Stoic early and ad-free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple podcasts.

The Daily Stoic - This Is The Only Acceptable Form of Anger | Impulse Control

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