The Daily Stoic - When It Comes To Family, We Have To Be Kind

Episode Date: January 17, 2020

Marcus Aurelius’s step brother Lucius Verus was hardly a great man. Unlike Marcus, he was not as driven or as a smart. He was not always so diligent in his responsibilities. We hear that he liked to party. But still, Marcus loved his step-brother and not only found a role for him leading the troops, he celebrated his accomplishments as well, sometimes at the expense of his own. Would Marcus have treated his other generals so generously? Doubtful. In Rome it was said that “not all men could be Catos” and that included Cato’s own brother, Caepio. Caepio was more Stoic than Lucius Verus, but he also loved luxury, at least compared to his brother. Did it bother Cato that his brother wore perfume? Would he have judged other men harshly for doing the same thing? Probably. But as Bruce Springsteen put it in one of his greatest songs—“when it’s your brother, sometimes you look the other way.” Is this Stoic? To hold people you love to different standards? To let them get away with things you wouldn’t do yourself? Maybe. Maybe not. It’s also life. In Epictetus’s famous metaphor that “everything has two handles,” one which will hold weight and the other which will not, he actually references this exact kind of situation. You can choose to grab hold of the fact that something wrong has been done to you, or you can choose to grab hold of the fact that it was done by your brother, someone you were raised with, someone who loves you and has a good heart. Which one of those is a better handle? Marcus Aurelius and Cato could have looked down on their brothers. Instead, they loved them. When Cato’s brother died, he told a friend he’d rather part with his life than his brother’s ashes. And they were willing to look away not just for brothers, but with all the people they lived with and were related to--regardless of the transgression. Marcus did this with his wife, who was rumored to be unfaithful, and of course with his son, who clearly went astray. Cato did this with his sister who had a torrid affair with Julius Caesar, his worst enemy. We must be kind to our family. We must forgive. Because they are all we have. Like us, they are not perfect. Not by a long shot. In fact, they might be obnoxious or deeply flawed. But they are our blood. We share a past. If we want to share a future, we need to see what is good in them and encourage that. Up to a point of course, but now, let’s grab the kindness handle, the forgiveness handle. Look for it, look for love...then look away. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, prime members, you can listen to the Daily Stoke podcast early and add free on Amazon music. Download the app today. Welcome to the Daily Stoke. For each day, we read a short passage designed to help you cultivate the strength, insight, wisdom necessary for living good life. insight, wisdom necessary for living good life. Each one of these passages is based on the 2000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women. For more, you can visit us at dailystoic.com. When it comes to family, we have to be kind. Marcus Arelius' step-brother Lucius Varis was hardly a great man.

Unlike Marcus, he was not as driven or as smart. We hear that he liked a party. He was not always so diligent in his responsibilities. But still Marcus Aurelius loved his step-brother and not only found a role for him leading the troops, but celebrated his accomplishments, sometimes the expense of his own. What he have treated his other generals so generously, it's doubtful. In Rome, it was said that not all men could be Kato's, and that included Kato's brother. His brother was more stoic than Lucius Varis, but he also loved luxury, at least compared to his brother.

Did it bother Kato that his brother wear perfume? What he have judged other men harshly for doing the same thing? Probably. But as Bruce Springsteen put it in one of his greatest songs, when it's your brother, sometimes, you look the other way. Is this stoic to hold people you love to different standards, to let them get away with things you wouldn't do yourself? Maybe, maybe not. It's also life. An epictetus is a famous metaphor that everything has two handles, one which will hold weight and the other which will not,

he actually references this exact kind of situation. You can choose to grab hold of the fact that something wrong has been done to you or you can choose to grab hold of the fact that it was done by your brother, someone you were raised with, someone who loves you and has a good heart, which of those is a better handle? Marcus Aurelius and Cato could have looked down on their brothers. Instead, they loved them. When Cato's brother died, he told a friend he'd rather

part with his life than his brother's ashes. And they were willing to look the other way not just for brothers, but with all the people they lived with, and were related to. Marcus Aurelius did this well with his wife, whose rub rubric to be unfaithful, and of course too well, or not well enough, with his son, who clearly won a stray. Kato did this with his sister, who had a toured affair with Julius Caesar, his worst enemy. We must be kind to our family, we must forgive, because they are all we have. Like us, they are not perfect, not by a long shot. In fact, they might be obnoxious or deeply flawed, but they are our blood. We share a past.

And if we want to share a future, we need to see what is good in them and encourage that. Up to a point, of course, but now, let's grab the kindness and forgiveness and love handle. Look for it and look away. Hey, Prime Members! You can listen to the Daily Stoic Early and Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Is this thing on? Check one, two, one, two.

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