The Daily Stoic - Would You Actually Be Able To Change? | On Handling Haters

Episode Date: September 19, 2022

Breaking news: an asteroid is hurtling towards earth and could destroy the planet. The judge rules: you have a year to get your affairs in order and report to prison for the mandatory maximum sentence. The doctor calls: you have a short time to live. The sirens sound: nuclear war has broken out and the end is near.📕Pre-order Ryan Holiday's new book "Discipline Is Destiny" and get exclusive pre-order bonuses at https://dailystoic.com/preorder ✉️ Want Stoic wisdom delivered to your inbox daily? Sign up for the FREE Daily Stoic email at https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail📱 Follow us: Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, and Facebook See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, prime members, you can listen to the Daily Stoke Podcast early and add free on Amazon music. Download the app today. Welcome to the Daily Stoke Podcast. Each day, we bring you a meditation inspired by the ancient Stokes illustrated with stories from history, current events, and literature to help you be better at what you do. And at the beginning of the week, we try to do a deeper dive, setting a kind of stoke, intention for the week, something to meditate on, something to think on, something to leave you with, to journal about whatever it is you happen to be doing. So let's get into it.

Hi, I'm David Brown, the host of Wundery's podcast business wars. And in our new season, Walmart must fight off target, the new discounter that's both savvy and fashion forward. Listen to business wars on Amazon music or wherever you get your podcasts. What would you actually be able to change? We all think it would change everything. You're informed suddenly that an asteroid is hurtling towards Earth and could destroy the planet. You're given a year to get your affairs in order and report to prison.

A doctor gives you a short time to live. Nuclear war breaks out and we know for certain that the end is here. Those minutes would be so precious to us. We'd focus. We'd get over our fears. We'd make a change. We'd finally be able to, as Marcus advises and meditations, to live and act like a dying person. Or would we?

Might we instead go right back to our phones? Barry our heads in the digital stand and pretend it's all a bad dream or that someone will figure it out before it's too late. It's a cliche in sports and in the military to point out that people don't rise to the occasion. Know they fall to the level of their training. So what makes you think that you'd be able to magically get it together just because death was now real and imminent? You've been a dying person this whole time since birth.

What makes you think you'd suddenly shake off your stupor and get serious? Did the pandemic do that for you? The Stokes knew that habits die hard, even in the face of death. They knew that progress was impossible without training. Just as you can't expect to run a marathon if you have not run a mile, you can't just trust that you'll get serious when things get serious. You have to practice that now. You have to flex those muscles, build that strength, develop that capacity now.

Memento, Mori. That's my Memento Mori coin. I think about it all the time I'm playing with it on my desk right now. It's on that carry always. It's probably the thing I get asked about the most when I get bumped into people in public. It's just been a game changer for me. I have a bunch of different Memento Mori reminders, of course. But if you want to get this one, which we make here in the US and a mint and Minnesota that's been in business since 1882, you can check it out in the daily store or if you're in Bastrop, you can stop by my bookstore here, the painted porch on Main Street where we sell them as well.

It's game changer. Check it out. On handling haters, the Stoics taught that kindness trumps hate. They believed that those who engage in hate are prisoners to a destructive passion, one that hurts the practitioner not the intended target. There's no reason to hate a hate are there, already suffering enough. In fact, when we see them this way, it makes it easier to be kind, good, nature, genuine, and useful. Remember that line in the Bible about how loving their enemies is like pouring hot coals on them, because it's so unexpected. Well, what can surprise you that way? whose enmity can you meet with kindness and compassion and how much better

do you feel when you've done so? You know, this is something I've struggled with a bit recently, just having watched my stuff on social media get attacked by a brigand of sort of crazy anti-vaxxers and COVID deniers and weird trolls. And you know And sometimes I have fun with it, sometimes I like to stir it up a bit. I try not to get angry about it. Something that makes me angry, but there is a part of it that makes me really sad,

really frustrated because it's not that I can't take it. I can take it, but what I understand is how these ideas are rippling through and influencing other people making them fall prey to misinformation or participate in anti-social behavior. But I do try to remember this idea that hurt people, hurt people. And as a great expression, I found it to be very true in my life. But I thought I would give you that thought as we get into today's quotes. The first is from Mark's Relias Meditations 113. What if someone despises me? He says, let them see to it. But I will see to it that I won't be found doing or saying anything

contemptible. What if someone hates me? Let them see to that. But I will see to it that I'm kind and good natured to at all and be prepared to show even the hate or where they went wrong. Not in a critical way, or to show off my patience, but genuinely and usefully. So when I respond, I try to have fun with it. And if it doesn't always come off as I'm having fun, I assure you I am having fun. Because I think that's, you know, the stokes talk about

you're gonna laugh or you're gonna cry. I think if you can't have fun with it, if you can't troll the trolls back, then in a sense they are winning. But let's go to meditations 11, 18, kindness is invincible, but only when it's sincere with no hypocrisy or faking. For what even can the most malicious person do if you keep showing kindness? And if given the chance, you gently try to point out where they went wrong, right? As they were trying to harm you. This is the hard part. And I talked about this with Brad Stone in his book about Jeff Bezos. You know, Jeff Bezos heard very early on from his grandfather that it's easier to be

clever than kind. And I would say this totally drives with my experience. It's easy to have a witty comeback. It's easy to be sarcastic. It's easy to dunk on someone to point out the obvious and ridiculous flaws or contradictions in their argument or even to focus on the horrific implications of what they're saying and point out the cost of their behavior. But kindness is almost certainly what is going to convince behavior, but kindness is almost certainly what is going to convince someone, right?

Patience is what it's gonna take to convince them. And when you attack, you're almost certainly making them dig in more. And I have to remind myself of this. And then finally, we have epictetus is in Coretin 20. Keep in mind that it isn't the one who has it in for you and takes a swipe that harms you, but rather the harm comes from your own belief about the abuse.

So when someone arouses your anger, note that it's really your own opinion that's fueling it. Instead make it your first response not to be carried away by such impressions. For with time and distance, self-mastery is more easily achieved. And that's something you learn when you put out stuff into the world. I talked about this with Malcolm Gladwell on the podcast. The people who dislike what you do are almost always louder than the people who are like, oh, it's pretty good, I liked it, right?

Most of the things you like, you just sort of nod your head and move on, but it's the things you really hate. That's what seems to get us riled up, and that's what we seem to talk about most. We complain about most. So anyone that puts anything out in the world has to understand how to handle haters, not to be triggered by them, not to be distracted by them,

not to be made bitter by them, not to be made worse by them. I hope you're not a hater. I hope you can find some more courage in your life. Talk soon. Being able to control your anger is a difficult but worthwhile goal. We'll take time and effort, won't be free, but by changing your perspective and developing techniques to control your temper, we'll ultimately be achievable in life-changing. So take the first step on the path to a calmer and more fulfilling future.

Check out Taming Your Temper, the 10-day Stoic Guide to controlling your anger, you can just go to dailystoic Early and Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Hey there listeners, while we take a little break here, I want to tell you about another where you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus in Apple podcasts. them from the ground up. Guy has sat down with hundreds of founders behind well-known companies like Headspace, Manduke Yoga Mats, Soul Cycle, and Kodopaxi, as well as entrepreneurs working to solve some of the biggest problems of our time, like developing technology that pulls energy from the ground to heat in cool homes, or even figuring out how to make drinking water from air

and sunlight. Together, they discuss their entire journey from day one, and all the skills they had to learn along the way, like confronting big challenges, and how to lead through uncertainty. So, if you want to get inspired and learn how to think like an entrepreneur, check out how I built this, wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen early and add free on the Amazon or Wonder yet. your podcasts. You can listen early and add free on the Amazon or Wonder yet.