The Daily Stoic - X Mayo on Discipline, Christianity, and Practicing Stoicism in Hollywood

Episode Date: February 5, 2022

Ryan talks to actress and comedian X Mayo about the difference between discipline and passion, the common misconception of Stoics as unfeeling and unemotional, how Stoicism relates to Christianity, the importance of being content to be thought clueless about some things, and more.X Mayo is an actor, writer, producer, comedian, and taco expert. Landing in NYC in 2013 with just 80 Dollars and A Suitcase, X has survived over 24 moves to now being an Emmy Nominated writer for The Daily Show With Trevor Noah. X is the Creator and Host of Who Made The Potato Salad? a comedy show/party made in 24 hours that only stars black people and people of color. You can catch X in the second season of, "Yearly Departed," and in the hit NBC sitcom, "American Auto."Our Daily Stoic Leatherbound Editions are back in stock! The Daily Stoic is the first collection of all the Stoics in centuries and the only book to ever put them in a page-a-day format—366 days of the best Stoic quotes, insights, and exercises. You can get your copy signed and personalized as well! Join Daily Stoic Life now! As a member of Daily Stoic Life, you get all our current and future courses, 100+ additional Daily Stoic email meditations, 4 live Q&As with bestselling author Ryan Holiday (and guests), and 10% off your next purchase from the Daily Stoic Store. Sign up at https://dailystoic.com/life/ As a participant in Daily Stoic’s Stoicism 101: Ancient Philosophy For Your Actual Life, you’ll not only learn all you need to know about Stoicism, you’ll learn it from one of the world’s foremost thinkers and writers on ancient philosophy and its place in everyday life!Sign up for the Daily Stoic email: https://dailystoic.com/dailyemailCheck out the Daily Stoic Store for Stoic inspired products, signed books, and more.Follow us: Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, FacebookFollow X Mayo: Homepage, Twitter, InstagramSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, prime members, you can listen to the Daily Stoic podcast early and add free on Amazon music. Download the app today. Welcome to the weekend edition of the Daily Stoic. Each weekday we bring you a meditation inspired by the ancient Stoics, something to help you live up to those four Stoic virtues of courage, justice, temperance, and wisdom. And then here on the weekend, we take a deeper dive into those same topics. We interview stoic philosophers, we explore at length how these stoic ideas can be applied to our actual lives and the challenging issues of our time. Here on the weekend when you have a little bit more space when things have slowed down, be sure to take some time to think, to go for a walk, to sit with your journal, and most importantly to prepare for what the week

ahead may bring. Hey, it's Ryan Holiday. Welcome to another episode of the Daily Stoic Podcast. This was way back in September. I got an email from Bird level, an agent that I've worked with going back, I don't know, 12, 13 years. I've known him since I was in college through another writer that I worked with. Anyways, Bird is someone I've done a lot of ghost writing projects with. And he's now one of the biggest agents in all of publishing. And he shot me an email. He said, hey, I was just on the phone.

He works at UTA. And he was like, I was just on the phone with an up and coming UTA client. And he's like, she kept talking about stoicism. I asked her if she knew of your stuff and he was like, she did. And he said, I couldn't wait to introduce you to. And he asked if I'd like to talk to her. And that's how I got connected with today's guest, X-Mio, actress, comedian, ex-Mio, actress, comedian, producer, self-proclaimed taco expert. She hails from South Central, Inglewood, California. She ended up in New York City in 2013 with literally $80 and a suitcase. And 24 moves later, she is an Emmy- writer for the Daily Show with Trevor Noah.

She's a creator and host of Who Made the Potato Salad, a comedy show and party. It's made in 24 hours. It stars only black people and people of color. And you can catch X on the second season of yearly departed in the new hit NBC sitcom American Auto. We had an awesome conversation. Her energy, you can tell, is just absolutely infectious. Again, there is this, there's a couple stereotypes about stoicism, right? One, that it's for men, two, that it's white, and three, that it's dour and not any fun. And today's guest is a critical and very fun reminder that none of those three stereotypes need to have any basis in

reality. And I've got to say this was one of the most fun conversations I've ever had on the Daily Stoe podcast. And you can listen to my interview now with ex-myo. You can go to her website at x. So letter x m a y o dot me and you can follow her on Instagram at $80 in a suitcase that's 80 and then dollars and a suitcase. I think you're gonna like this one and I had a great time myself. I thought I'd start with this, because it's something I don't understand about your business at all. It's the thing that frustrates me the most about it.

How do you manage the insane timelines and lack of control over the business, right? Like, I feel like Hollywood is the slowest moving, but also fastest moving business in the world, right? Like, I feel like Hollywood is the slowest moving, but also fastest moving business in the world, right? It's like one of my books got options to be a movie almost four years ago, and I'm not sure it's any, people are supposedly working on it every day. And it's no further, like I just,

I, it frustrates me, and it confuses me and baffles me. It makes me so grateful that I exist in a field where I get to control what I do, right? How do you deal with that sort of powerlessness day to day of not being in control of the schedule and the pace of things? Well, I've been doing it a very long time. So I've just gotten used to the fact that

this shit's gonna happen whenever it's supposed to happen. And for somebody, for somebody like myself, I'm someone that does not wait. So my lack of patience really works for me in this industry, so it's just kind of like, okay, I know I have these projects, it I like that that you guys say that you're working on, and I'm going to do my own shit. And if I still feel like there's no momentum moving here, I'm going to move it on my own and get shit done on my, and get shit done myself.

Yeah, but it is, the business really is hurry up and wait. That's like the name of the game. And as an actor, you learn very quickly that they literally pay you to wait, you act for free. We are literally getting paid to wait. Like we wait all day on set. And then you can't really, like, as I'm a writer as well. So it's like, I can't really tap into that writer brain and get to fucking writing because then they're gonna call

you on set and then like, what if I'm on set and I have to like, you know, play a fucking vampire. Like, you know, I gotta get into my vampire shit. You know, I can't be like, you know, jolly writing comedy and then just go like, oh, and becoming vampire. Like, you gotta get into it. So, yeah, it's difficult, but I love it.

It's difficult, but I truly do love it. No, that's interesting, right? Because it's not just like, hey, we're gonna make this show, we're going to make this show or we want you to be in this comedy or whatever. And then everyone gets all excited, there's meetings about it. And, you know, it gets announced in the trades and then shooting, shooting starts 18 months from that window or whatever, right? There's that way. But then, even when you're on set, you might be on set for 13 hours and be on

camera for 20 minutes. Yes. And you get paid a lot of money. To wait. If you're lucky, you get paid a whole lot of money. LeBron James was complaining about that on his show on HBO. He was just like, yeah, when he was shooting Space Jam, he was like,

cause I'm like him in the manner that, not that I can play basketball, I'm very bad. But I'm like him in the manner of, I am an efficient ass bitch. So I'm like, we need efficiency. I do this, then I do this, and I do that, he's like, there's so much shit I could have got done this and that.

It's like, yes, but we're waiting for a bug spiny to come to life on the green screen. So you have to wait, like, and he's just like, the fuck? I couldn't like fucking six all-star guys, what the fuck is going on? It's like, yeah, that's literally the business. And now he's like, his movie is like stamped and imprinted on little children forever. Yeah. Yeah, like I've written multiple books in the time it's taken to adapt to this other one. I could just see you Ryan because you're like so funny fish and you have so many demos I like I'm so envious of you of how well

and quickly that you write and get writing done because writing is like, it is like painful, annoying, lonely, annoying, takes a lot of fucking time. And every time I listen to you, every fucking morning, Ryan got another goddamn book. I said, God damn it Ryan. God damn it. Every fucking every time I look up, the boy who will begin, courage is God. I said, God, you know what Ryan, I'm gonna stop listening you because you make me feel like I'm not productive, shit. Well, how do you find a way to be productive in that time because I'm sure you're not just watching TV and you're a trailer, like how do you find,

how do you use all that time where you're sitting around? Yeah, well, the thing is is that, like, well, because I'm an actor, writer, and producer. So I have my own sketch comedy show, but it's also like a community resource hub for Black and Brown people called Who Made the Potato Salad. So I've been producing since I was 19, then I started writing and writing and producing my own plays at 19. So like I have a lot of things that I want to do and I also want to like tap into

the nonprofit space and then I'm always like you know people reach out to me which I'm very grateful and honored and humbled by to like mentor them. So there's always something for me to do but I have like a strict calendar and I have like this is when I'm on my dead time like there's there's dead time that I can get this done I can do this I can do that like especially like with the thing that I'm writing now, it's like, okay, well, I can be doing my beach sheet right now, I can be doing this. You know, like, but then also Ryan,

this whole fucking industry and all the opportunities you get is about relationships. So you can't just be tucked in your fucking trailer all day when you need to be fostering relationships, right? Because now I'm privy to certain projects and certain things that are on the ground that I'm now being considered before that I wouldn't have been if I wasn't talking to nobody. So you really have to find that like sweet sweet spot. Yeah, because you could spend your whole day networking and meeting people and then you wouldn't

have the material to go out and do stuff. But and also, if you just spent your time creating the material, it would exist in a vacuum and the reality is there's already too much material out in the world. And so that balances, I imagine, difficult. It is, it is, it was at first, but then it's not. Like I, um, am, well, I used to say that I'm an extrovert, and then I got my own place. I was like, I don't know if I'm an extrovert or I just had roommates.

Because I was fucking living in New York, and I was always living with so many people and I was always out, out, out, out, out, out. Like in New York, just out. And then I moved back home to LA and I got my own place. And I'm like, leave. I, we're in a goddamn pandemic, of course. But like even like, you know,

the little safety ways that you can meet up and stuff like that. I'm just like, I actually just wanna look out the window in the sun to science. Like I want to fucking, but I was just saying that to speak to the point of like, it's very easy for me to like balance it because I love people, I love meeting people, I truly, truly have a heart for people like I fucking love people,

I love talking to them, we talk to anybody, I love crowds of a lot of people and so I'm able to like go out there and do that and they retreat and do my work and because I give myself deadlines, that's how I'm able to do it. So I know if I've been like networking a few days on set and like being a little chatty cat, the okay, these next couple of days, they won't think they're like, oh, X is a bitch. Like I was talking to you the first three days of the week. So Thursday and Friday, Friday I can fucking be in the trailer.

And you know. Well, I think that's an interesting part. I guess maybe people can relate to it a little bit more now that the whole world is sort of on this work from home model. But one of the tough things I think about being a creative is like no one is actually, no one actually cares if you do the work or not. Right? So there's no one monitoring you to know whether you're like staying at home doing the hard, unpleasant, creative stuff that's ultimately the fuel for whatever your next project is. No one cares if you're practicing, no one cares if you're creating. And so you have to have this sort of because there's no one disciplining you the way that a boss is like, hey, I need to see this

by Friday, you have to be in charge of your own life and your own schedule. and it's tough because, as fun as creative work is, it's also really unpleasant. Yes! Well, the thing is, is that I've always been, I've always been a crazy little bossy pants. Like since elementary school, I was like, why is everybody walking out at the same time during our graduation song? Like, we did stop and I was like, okay, so I'm going to rap, I'm going to do salt.

And then you walk out first. I've always been, I had a one woman show where I played every spice girl and I make fake tickets and sent them to give them all to my mom's friends. I was like, and now I'm baby spice. It was very expositional. I was like, and now sporty. Like, didn't no costumes, nothing. So I've always been like very focused and I have a problem Ryan,

when I see something in my head, it has to come to fruition. You know how people are talking like, oh yeah Ryan, I got this, no, no idea. I'm gonna be a fucking app, we do this and that and you're like, oh okay, yeah, and then like yeah, just, yeah. And I'm like, well you're not gonna do it.

Like, there's nothing there. So I know that there are people like me that have been touched, but I believe discipline is a skill. I believe anybody can be taught any fucking thing. But I think a lot of artists get it fucked up and they think that your passion will automatically equate to discipline and the discipline does not come. That discipline is so separate for real.

Oh, I totally agree. I was just saying this the other day, I believe that sort of talking about your work and doing your work fight for the same resources. So people who are like, I'm working on this, check this out. I think that's what's so seductive about social media is you can get credit from people for talking about your work. When really you have to do your work privately at home, right?

Like you have to put your ass in the chair and make the thing, that's very unsexy and it's rewarding in its own way, but you're not getting public validation from it until it's done. And so I've always been a big believer and just don't talk about it, be about it. Like just do it, let the work speak for itself.

Yeah, people always say yeah yeah, in two years, we'll see who's really working. Like you know, like you don't fucking matter. Like, and that's the thing too, because I'm such a doer, like I know that a lot of people are dreamers, I was like, but don't just dream, do, I just posted that a caption about that on my Instagram,

because I just feel like this whole manifestation, like let me tell you, I know manifestation is real, but that type of shit really pisses me off because I know a lot of motherfuckers that just sit in the chair and they're just, I guess I'm manifesting, I'm manifesting. I'm like you're lazy, you're lazy and get me behind me because I can't have that type of energy around me.

You feel me right? Like it's just not, it's just like, just do the fucking thing. And I think so many people like to ask me, like, so how did you do this? Because you know, I worked at the daily show and was blessed to be in me nominated. And now I'm on NBC on American auto. And I just did yearly departed. And you know, I just wrapped on a movie. All these things that I've done now, right, I'm 34. I've been auditioning since I was 12, okay? So I've been at this a very long time.

So when so many people, I'm like, it's just reps. You just get better. Like, I think if we looked at it like basketball, if you never would think that you would hop on a court and immediately be Kobe, right? You'd be like, that's insane. Why would you think that? You like, no, I need to do reps.

And I think that's how I look at this industry as well. Like, I sucked. I was very bad at comedy for a very long time. And then it switched. And then the light came on and I got good. That was it. I think that is the really tricky thing about, sort of what we do in that,

like, you can't do your reps in private also, right? Like, you can't practice in front of the mirror. You have to practice on stage where there's the element of it not going well. You can really only get good in front of an audience. And so there is that uncomfortable part of like, are you willing to be bad at it in front of people? I think that that scares a lot of people off. They either think they're already good and they're not, or they're so paralyzed by their desire for perfection

that it prevents them from getting up and just like being good enough for a long enough period of time that you are getting better from the reps. 100% and I was bad in front of Trevor Noah. So you can imagine. Yes. I literally would call my mom

as like I'm getting fired. Like I would say jokes because we would have what's called like a morning meaning and Trevor had this shit that he like picked out that he wants to talk about. And our job is writers, you know, we just like pitch jokes or whatever to be like that. And when you pitch a joke and everybody's just like,

okay, and mind you, people probably weren't even looking like that, but it's just like I was so, like literally my voice would shake right in my heart. It's like I'm about to pitch a joke to somebody who does not need this. And, but that's the reason why he has like 12, 13 fucking different writers, because we all bring something different, you know? And so it was just like, I literally would pitch jokes and it would fail.

But after you fail in front of Trevor for so long, you're like an audience like, fine, I failed in front of like one of the highest-grossing, most talented comedians in the world. So you like, Marcy from Cleveland, fine. Like, yeah. If you love reading The Daily Stoke, good news. The leather bound edition of The Daily Stoke is back in The Daily Stoke store.

You can even get signed editions at store.dailystoke.com, genuine leather cover, guilt edge pages, vinyl in sheets, all sorts of awesome stuff, even some new illustrations. And logos comes with a cool custom box. Check it out store.dailystoke.com. Well, isn't that what I feel like, what's interesting about show business is that ego can be an asset in the sense like if

you don't care, if you think you're so great, you know, it doesn't bother you that you're bombing. That's obviously one way to do it. I think it's a fragile way to do it. But what you actually cultivate, as you said, from bombing in front of Trevor Noah, and then getting better as you do it and then eventually getting stuff on air, what you take from that is confidence, which I think is important.

You have to be like, I don't care what this lady thinks, because I know, because I've done the work, and I've seen it work, I know that the stuff is good, and I know you also have to get to a place where you know that you're not for everyone. I'll get comments from people,

and they'll be like, I don't like Ryan for X reason. And I'm like, yeah, but I'm trying, like, I hate that, like, like, what you're saying, you like, I am deliberately trying not to be. So we actually agree. Like, you're saying you don't like me because I'm not X. And I don't want to be X. So it's not that we don't like each other.

It's that we shouldn't be interacting with each other. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But anybody that isn't like you, Ryan, I mean, go to hell. I'm a believer. I know you're an atheist, Ryan, but I'm not. I'm a Christian and there is a hell and go there.

Go to hell. If you don't fucking like Ryan, how are you kidding me? Bitch, I'm not gonna say some other choice words because this is, you know, stoicism, we're gonna get into that and I am about that. I have, look it, I got it right here, Ryan. Where are you? Or you got the calendar, amazing.

I have everything. Ryan, when I tell you, I drink the blood, I'm in the cold. I got it, I'm in it, I got it, we're in it. But if you don't like Ryan Holiday, seriously, God, I'm not gonna say what I was gonna say. But God bless you and I will be, you, I'm putting you on my prayer list. I love it.

Well, how did you find Stoicism? Let's start there. Yeah, okay, so I found Stoicism because of my very good friend Novi. She is phenomenal writer. She's a nominated, hello, and is a writer at the Black Lady sketch show. And she is like, well, like she put me on

to really like Tim Ferris. I had listened to a Tim Ferris episode, but didn't know I wasn't like heavy into it, right? And so she really put me on to meditating. And because she's another black woman. And she also like, we come from the same upbringing as far as like church, the fact that she was into it. I was like, okay, let's see what the fuck is about. But stoic, when I hear stoic, I was like, okay, I'm gonna see what the fuck this is about. But Stoic, when I hear Stoic, I'm like, I don't wanna be like that. Like Stoic is like, you know,

you gotta stick up your ass or something. Like you just like, you sit there, you look, you don't emote. And you can see I'm an emoting person. I don't know if emoting is a word, but it will be today. And so it is, okay, great. And so when she was like daily Stoic, and then she was reading me, I was like, okay, this sound like commandments, but without that. Like I feel like stoicism is really like just a ting extra commandments, but there's no

thou shal. It's just like, okay, this is just what it is. And so I also like, Brian, I used to be like very self-righteous, very religious, like I would have never spoken to you. You were going to hell and I, in the, in the by. Like, I was just so, so self-righteous and in a box. And now moving to New York, I moved there, and I was there for eight years. I recognize that I believe what I believe, because I'm a black girl from South Central Los Angeles. If I was in Tokyo, I'd be Buddhist. If I was in Liberia, I'd be Muslim.

You said I'm saying so who am I to be out here and being like, fuck all y'all, all y'all are wrong. And some of the most deepest connections, and honestly, when I've like really felt like, oh, wow, this is like such an intimate connection is what people that don't think like me. Some people that don't have the same religious beliefs or are atheists, you know? And so literally listening to you and practicing stoicism was my way to open up my fucking brain and realize that there is so much more life out there and there is so much more, there are people that do

not necessarily believe what I believe but that is me what they're saying is not true. That is not me what they're saying is not correct and that doesn't mean that what they believe and what they're saying can't be applicable to my life. And stoicism, cha, rhyang, you would think that you was Jesus coming back. Because the way that I tell everybody about Stoicism, I'm telling you, I got so, that's my thing. I want to bridge the church and Ryan holiday and come together. My goal is for you to get on stage with TD Jakes, okay, with the bishop, okay? Because the shit you be be talking, it's like straight up, like some of it is like

Christianity or commandments in layman's terms. Does that make sense? It's like, I love the church. The church may need and I love it so much, but like everything, there is some holes in it. And I do believe that there was a lot of times when things were declared to me in church, but you didn't give me the tools to carry that out.

Does that make sense? It does. Did you grow up very religious? Yes. Oh my God. Church three times a week, four times if I was acting up. What's an obligation? I grew up apostolic, Pinnacosso, and apostolic,

we don't play. Apostolic, we were like, we like the Jehovah witness of the religions, of the Christianity, because it's like, you got Baptist, you got A and E, you got Episcopal, you got a, you got a, what is it? Full gospel Baptist. Now they, they don't win on earrings, Ryan.

They don't win. So, opera style, we was like the joke. We was like, we was the chosen ones because we were just like, what we believe, what we believe is that you must be baptized. Did you just name and feel with the Holy Ghost, speaking other tongues as Spirit of God give utterance to enter into glory?

Now, I no longer believe that, okay? I do not, I no longer believe that like, okay, if somebody didn't get baptized, that they'd go with somewhere else and I'm also, okay? Really gochewating. Hell. I said hell a lot earlier as a joke, but I have a very good friend of mine, Kristiana who's the smartest bitch I know and her, she's a believer and her husband is atheist and they were telling me about it And I was just like okay There's a lot of things that I just believed in the Bible that I didn't really read that I didn't really research

And now looking at it from this lens as a grown woman. I'm just kind of like okay So I'm definitely open to What is help was that a real place who were they talking to I'm definitely open to what is hell? Was that a real place? Who are they talking to? I'm definitely open to researching more versus just regurgitating what has been told to me my whole life. Does that make sense?

Yeah, have you read Love Winds by Rob Bell? No. I think you would really like it. I read it a couple of years ago. He's basically talking about the idea that maybe hell is not a place that you go in the afterlife. And this is to be kind of more of a stoic argument. I feel like the Christians and the Stokes

had a pretty clear alignment as far as like what one should or shouldn't do. Like that a pretty similar definition of what you might call sin. But I feel like the Christian argument was like, if you sin, you'll make God angry and you'll go to hell. I feel like the stoic argument is like, and this is more what Rob Bell is saying in love wins, is that if you sin, you will live in hell.

Like your life itself on earth will be hell. And I think conversely that also means that like heaven isn't this reward that you get at the end of life. Like heaven is where you live now according to whether you live rightly or wrongly. Do you know what I mean? Yeah and I believe I believe that there is a heaven. Yeah, and I believe that there is a heaven. I do, and that's the thing too. I think based on my experience is wide though too. I, I wanna think with anything, like, you know, like, why do we recommend restaurants?

Like, why do motherfuckers drive Uber? It's like, or ride Uber. It's like, yeah, it works. You should try this app. And then, you know, so for me, it's just like, God has shown himself to be real and true in my life so many times. And I think, I felt him the most

when I moved away to New York, when I got out of this religious routine. And I really felt him and experienced him through people that were gay, through people that were atheist. Like, even though I know that people are atheists, I feel like I'm double talking, but I believe God can use anybody.

You know, hope I'm not disrespecting you by saying that. But I just, I really believe that there are some people who have come in contact with, I'm like, that is God. Like the way that you love me, how kind you are. And I'm serious, Ryan, I believe that God is using you. Like, there is, there is so many times when you said something, like I remember, I, I'll tell you where the fuck I was when I was, I had to close the daily stone journal. Everybody who's listening

to this, when you get to this part, I swear to God, you might have to close it and come back some months later, like I did. When you fucking said, well, you didn't say it, but it's written in the journal, but it said, are you content with being clueless about the things that do not matter? When I tell you, Ryan, Ryan middle name holiday. What's your middle name? Clark. Ryan Clark holiday. I fucking died. I had to close the goddamn book. I close no seriously. I haven't it's been six months because that right there is enough that is a word. Now I know that's a still a principle but as a as a as a Christian that's a word

that's a bar and so that spoke to me and I was just like, wow, I cannot fucking, and once you really break that down, Ryan, nothing matters. A lot like my family matters, okay, I have my water here, drinking water matters, okay, okay. But my thing is just like, are you content with being clueless? Like you can't, you don't need to know a fucking thing about the thing, and there were so many things at that point, Ryan, that I was focused on that did not matter.

And I think it is a byproduct of working in late night because I was required to not mind my business. Right. Yeah, you had to follow the news because it was your job. Yes, I have to know. Ariana Grande just have a pony tail today. Okay, what's Trevor's take? The fuck, I don't care about this. I don't care about, now Ariana, I have to know Ariana Grande does have a ponytail today. Okay, what's Trevor's take? The fuck, I don't care about this.

I don't care about, now Ariana, I love you. I'm a pony, I love your music. God bless. But I don't give a fuck that you ain't got no goddamn ponytail. That you're here, down, that you have a bob. But it's like, it's hot off the press. Everybody talk about it on Twitter. So yeah, so it was, that was very hard to hear that principle

in the pandemic while I had to continue to do my job because it was like, fuck, I, I can't be cool. Like I have, so it was, it was great. And that was a word God used you right. That was a man. Well, that's, that's very kind of you to say. No, I, I think, I think there is, there is something weird about the, the, the daily stroke and the daily stroke, and that I wrote

it like five years ago now, and obviously it's 365 entries, so I wrote 365 entries. I had obviously I wasn't like, hey, March 1st, it should be this, and then May 3rd, it should be this. I just wrote 365 things, and then I kind of loosely shuffled them around in a way that I thought it wouldn't make sense. But then I'll hear from people and they'll be like, how did you know? Like, how did you know I needed this one today? And it's like, I didn't, like, at all. Like, I have no idea who you are and there was no planning behind this whatsoever. But I think, when the Stoics talk about fate or when you talk about seeing God or God's

hand and things, I think that's what that is. It's sort of the randomness of life. Somehow often gives you exactly what you need even when you don't think you could need it. Yeah. 100%. And I think that too, like Witt Stoic is in the reason why I've shared it with so many other people that are believers and they have literally been like,

X, this shit has changed my fucking life because it's like, it's, it literally takes it a step further beyond just like, faith over fear or don't pray and worry, like you give like actual, tangible tools and also too when I focus on tangible tools. And also too, when I focus on what I can control, it's kind of like Trevor Moead, his philosophy about neutral thinking. May he write some keys? He has a new book, he has a book coming out about that. I just heard from his publisher. It was like the last thing he wrote before he died. It's on neutral thinking. Yeah, I don't sure when it comes out, but I'll, I'm writing it, I'm writing it down. I'm going to make sure that they give it to you. Oh my God, you're so sweet. Thank you Ryan. Yeah, it takes what it takes. I'll, you know, I'm writing it, I'm writing it down. I'm going to make sure that they give it to you. Oh my God, you're so sweet.

Thank you, Ryan. Yeah, it takes what it takes. I mean, I listened to that. I'm audible like each chapter is like 45 minutes to an hour. I mean, I'm listening to that every fucking day, but that he, he, I feel like it's, it's stoicism ish. Yeah. When he talks about how you don't focus on what you can control and not how you feel

and that way you focus on what you can do and then you're in control you do the thing to attack the thing that you can control on and then it's over. You know because positive thinking you know sometimes it's like she does not posit like this fucking pandemic that we're on to everything that you know that she does not posit. Like this fucking pandemic that we're on, to everything that, you know, that she does not posit, but then negative thinking, it's like, okay, that always works, like, so I could just think negative. But what about neutral? And I think that's another thing too,

Ryan, listening to you and the daily stoic and practicing stoicism is that growing up as a Christian, everything was black and white. And I didn't realize until I started listening to you that I'm very judgmental I put things in a binary as a defense mechanism to make myself feel safe So it's like it has to be black or white right it has to be this or that and because I was raised with people who would use ambiguity as an attempt to manipulate me and would do it successfully when people tried to say new want like

I just started using that word a year ago because I didn't even like that word. I was like, what do you mean new ones? No, it's bad or it's good. Like, you know, and it's like, well, things are complicated. And I realized that I was living in the new ones of things when I was making declarations like I believe this thing like, because Ryan, I was totally against smoking.

You know, I was like, don't smoke, we're not gonna smoke. And then my cycle got to be so bad to where girls were like, girl, you might want to pop a edible. And I have fibroids and it's very bad. And so I started doing that. But then it's kind of like, people are so shocked to hear me say that because I was so lying in the sand like, fuck weed.

So it just, and then I feel like I lost unfortunately I feel like I lost trust to people because it was like what she's saying one thing and she's doing another you know so I've learned within the past like two years about how because I have a tendency to be judgmental I need to be quiet because I'm talking I want to put something in a binary I'm like but then there are some like rap is bad. You know, like rap is bad. You know, like racism is bad.

Like there are some points where you know, we're not gonna be nuanced, okay? But I do that is one thing that I have learned while listening to you. I was like, oh wow, he's like talking things. He's not really judging things and I'm like so judge I'm like no that's bad that's good which isn't the case a lot of the time. Hey there listeners while we take a little break here I want to tell you about another

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no topic is off limits. Follow Baby This Is Kiki Palmer, whatever you get your podcast. Hey, prime members. You can listen early and app-free on Amazon music. Download the Amazon music app today. Yeah, I mean, it's kind of a strange reading

that a lot of modern Christianity has on Jesus. Like, I can't imagine if Jesus came back today, he'd have a really, that he'd have a lot of negative opinions about trans people or what, you know what I mean? Like, he'd be very chill and very calm and very focused on generally loving, helping, being kind to people, being patient with people, forgiving people.

Like, that's been a weird part watching during the pandemic, just how much of Christianity seems to have missed. What I think the most important tenant in all of Jesus' teachings are, which is love thy neighbor. Like, actually just care about and give a shit about other people, even if you don't like them, even if you disagree. But Ryan, you've regained the other part. Love thy neighbor as I love that self. What if you don't like them, even if you disagree. But Ryan, you've forgetting the other parts,

love that neighbor as I love that self. What if you don't love yourself? You can't fucking love your neighbor. You feel me? It's not just love that neighbor. So a lot of people don't love they self. That's why they out there. Now I say this because I know a lot of Christians,

we get a lot of bad rap, a lot of people be like, you guys are hypocrites, this isn't that. But I love what T.D. Jake said when someone tried to tell him that, he was like hypocrites, okay, but what about when you go in a strip club? That girl don't love you, that girl dancing on you, she's a hypocrite, but you go to the strip club, right? Okay, thank you, God bless.

So that's what I'm saying. For me, I feel like the church is a hospital and we all sick, so I just feel like, I feel like we all contain hypocrisies. As much as I wanna be like, capitalism is bad. Amazon is gonna give me a Roomba and some titty tape in 24 hours. So I'm gonna go on Amazon because I need to wear this dress. I need to take my titties and I need a Roomba period. So it's just like you feel me right? Like we all contain hypocrisies. Like we're all it's just this

complicated. What the fuck you want me to do? I'm one person, that damn it. I'm not a billionaire. Okay? I can't. I don't go trolling nothing. So I just, I really believe that, like, if people, if you really want to believe in Christ, you will.

Like it's not based off of people. It's not. And I think that there are a lot of people that are doing the will of God and that are trying their hardest, but there are some, especially, you know, the Caucasians, okay? That are out here, professing that this is like the message of Christ not to get vaccinated, not to wear a mask, that racism is okay, you know, like that's awesome bullshit.

And you can quote me on that. Yeah, one of my favorite things from Marcus really, he says like, you know, you just don't have to have an opinion, right? And that's where I've tried to get like as far as other people's behavior. It's like, I just don't, I don't have to have an opinion about what you do for a living.

I don't have to have an opinion about stuff I don't enjoy. I don't have to have an opinion about your you do for a living. I don't have to have an opinion about stuff. I don't enjoy. I don't have to have an opinion about your private life, even if it's weird to me, even if I think it's unhealthy. Like I just don't have to have an opinion about that. I know Ryan, and I opened the book, and then you said that, and then I closed it again. You said, what if I had an opinion about this? I'm like, Ryan, I'm a fucking black woman in America.

I got a opinion about every fucking thing. I got a opinion about every goddamn thing. I got a opinion about every goddamn thing. I got a opinion, why the fuck is McDonald's? Why is the M like that? It should be longer. Why is it gold? What does gold mean? They want us to get gold, because we're from Africa.

No, it's split. Like, I'm just like, I'm just like, when you said that I was like, damn, and then I'm in a job where I'm required to have an opinion. What if I came to work and I'm like, Trevor, you know, I don't really have any thoughts about that. I just don't know. Like yeah, no, stoicism does not work for comics.

Like it's just, it's fucking hard. Like that's a lie. I've done it. That's a joke. I've just, it does work. But I'm just saying it was very hard in my line of work, especially when Ryan I'm required to make jokes eight to 10 hours a day for three years.

You know what I mean? Like it was just, yeah, it was, it was, it was where it was hard. But once, once I left it, it was like, it was like stoicism all day. Like, oh my God, I was in a goddamn stoic topia. Well, it's like, you can be a stoic, but your environment that you're in can be very un-stoic. And one has to figure out how to navigate that. And there's nothing wrong with being on Twitter or being able to joke about what's happening in the world.

It's just, I think the problem is when people start to actually really care. Do you know what I mean? Like, it starts to become part of their identity. Like, this is, you know, I'm sure you know comics who just, they just spend way too much time on social media. It's become, it's become like the lens through which they experience reality and that's just not healthy. And I disagree with you Ryan, you said it's okay to go on Twitter.

It is not. That is where demons roam. Now that's hell. We can agree on Twitter, it is not. That is where demons roam. Now that's hell, we can agree on that. Twitter is hell. That's the hell that we're talking about. When I say go to hell, go to Twitter, period. Cause it's trash. But I totally agree with you.

And as far as like what is that balance there? And that's where my faith comes in because it's like listen, I'm never gonna miss out on any opportunity Whatever is for me will never miss me. I don't give a fuck if they DMed me Also, I have representation. You can Google me. I have a website like I remember when Instagram went down a lot of people We're like where's my career? And I'm like bitch you better figure the fuck out Some like you don't have a website. You don't have representation You don't have it's like you could find me

So yeah, you definitely do need to have that balance because I know a lot of people who live and die by the internet and it's just truly not real. And I started the Twitter machine, I had it to put it down because I was like, wow, this shit, cause you see how you, I am the fucking little, what is it called? The little lab rat that they're using,

like in this thing. And when I saw an article that said, like the top tech people don't fucking let their kids use the fucking apps that they made, I said, well, what is in the app? What, that was it okay if I'm using it? But yeah, it's a, it's a, it's a gift in the curse because we needed to promote our shows to promote our,

I mean, that's how I find you and I'm always sharing your shit and like it's always in my stories and people like started following you and they love when I repost your shit. So I'm just like, it is a gift in a curse, but I think you use it for good and not evil Ryan. Well, thank you.

No, I try and I try, I think it's about boundaries, ultimately, right? Like how do you, how do you have it in your life, but make sure that you're using the technology, not that the technology is using you. Yeah, my home girl, Novi, who I told you about who introduced me to you, she had sent me an article about how to make your iPhone work

for you and it's been like so seamless and I deleted stuff. It's crazy, you don't even know all these little trackers, all these little things, or how to manage pop-ups, like different shit like that. It's just, it's really helped me a lot, especially in the pandemic, like it was just, we're all just on our fucking phones.

But I just, I have to put it away, especially because now I have deadlines, I have shit to write, like I'm very grateful where my career has gone, and like I'm really trying to attack this year, and it's just like, I gotta be focused. So I delete Instagram, I upload it on Mondays to promote the show. American Auto Tuesdays on NBC APM followed by Grand Crew, produced by my friend Phil Jackson. Okay. And

Grand Crew is an all black show. It's phenomenal. I know some of the writers and the actors call Tart Nicole, buyer, Echo, they're just killing it. But also American Outlet, the show I'm on is created by Justin Spitzer, who also created Superstore and he came from the office. So he just makes nothing but the hits. And we have like Anna Gasire leading who's SNL royalty.

So yeah, so I log on every Monday. That's what I'm doing now. And I like upload and promote the show and then delete it. Because it's like, yeah. What I do is I, most of the stuff for me is either managed by someone else or it's all scheduled. So like, I go like, hey, this would be a cool post and I'll send it to them, but it'll be like two weeks from now. So then if I change my mind or if I think, you know, I think one of the problems with social media is that it's really reactive.

So it's like, yes, stuff that's happening in the world that's terrible and frustrating and annoying and weird, you don't want to be like responding in real time because that's when you say stuff that you regret or that doesn't age well or that's coming from a place of anger or fear or frustration. And I just don't think that's a good way to manage your public self. Yeah, and also to run, I've never been one who argued on the internet.

You will never catch me in the comments. I don't go in the comment section when American auto came out, like some people knew about some of the negative press we were getting, I don't go, like if you look on my Twitter right now, it's literally repost a project that I've done. I only got it because I started working at the Daily Show and they were like, if Trump takes his dick out,

you gotta have a joke. I was okay, so I gotta be ready, you know, because he was, you know, his dumbass, he was meeting with the tally band, he was just the dumbass. And so I was just like, okay, let me get Twitter, what is Trump doing, what's Lil Trump, Baby Trump, all the Trumps, I don't know their names, I'm gonna fuck. And I had to learn all that.

And so that's the way I have Twitter, but I don't go on there ever, Ryan, you just can't, you can't. It serves no purpose to me. And I also too feel like, who are you? Like I genuinely, when people go back and fork with trolls, I'm like, who the fuck is this bot? This bitch that's a way. Yeah, right. It might not even be a real person. You could be arguing with a computer. You idiot. Yeah. I'm just like, I just don't care. I just don't care. My mama thinks I'm funny,

but we're done. That's it. That's the first last only critic. My mama, she loved it. Great. Moving on. How do you keep a sense of humor about all of it? There's a quote from Senaqa, like what he's saying, there's two paths. You can laugh about, or he says, you can cry about how terrible the world is, or you can laugh about it. it and he says the stoic should sort of laugh about it, which I think is funny because you know we have the sense that the stoics had no emotions, but I love the idea that they actually laugh that the absurdity or the awfulness of the world. How do you, how do you keep a sense of humor about all of it? Um, childhood trauma. I have been through so much shit, Ryan.

Like, let me tell my guy, my auntie was a pimp. She was out here doing shit. Everybody's on drugs. It was not that harmonious growing up. And so I had an amazing mother who really sheltered me and shielded me as best as she could from that. And my mama is top tier. I love my mama's dad.

She raised me very well, worked her ass off. She's the reason why I have my work ethic and I'm so focused and I've always been career-driven since I was fucking born. Literally, I would like sign everything for the field trips. And I would like, I already raised my money. I sold candy bars. I just need to sign this so I can go to the getting museum. Like I was, I was finding clippings of auditions and stuff. So for me, I've always just had that I have always seen

sometimes in ways that I should be taking things seriously. But because in high school, I was always in trouble. Like X, you are always making jokes. You are never gonna get anywhere in life making jokes and Mr. Hodgey Marcos fuck you, okay? Cause I did. And so I think like also training that muscle being around comics, like doing improv and sketch.

I did that at UCB for like two years. And then being at the daily show, like constantly being and sketch. I did that at UCB for like two years and then being at the daily show, like constantly being around comics and it's just really a skill. And I think too, like as a black woman in America, like if you can laugh at this shit, like I'm black, I'm plus size. I have an effort.

Like, you know, like I don't have like the typical like curvy shape, like if I really take in all of the bullshit every day, right, I never leave my house. I would never, and the Bible says the joy of the Lord is your strength and it really is. And I cannot lose it. It really is my strength truly. Yeah. And what, who is it rewarding by deciding to be cynical

and sad or bitter about how awful everything is? I don't want to second-write, I'm sorry. That's what. I had a family member who recently got the COVID, they were calling me, they were fine. Yeah, but they're fine. They're boosted, they're waxed, they're waxed. It's great.

It's just the, it's just the Omarion. You know, it's out here. It's just the Omarion. The Omarion. But you know, we call it the Omarion. Did you know that, Ryan? I didn't. I didn't.

I love it. I put you onto it. It's called the Omarion. Do you know who Omarion is? Yeah, yeah, of course. Because you know, Omarion is who is he? Who is he? He's a sinner, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Of course. Are you good? Like, right? I'm a big joyous. No, no. He's like early 2000s, like rapper. Are you guys? Yes. Yes. Well, not really rapper singer. He was the star of B2K. Yes, yes, yes. Oh my God. Ryan. Wait, wait, you'll love this. So I did Google him. I knew who he was,

but I did Google him. But this is a variety headline. Oh, Marian, I am an artist, not a COVID variant. Yes, Ryan, you got to come up on black Twitter just for five seconds. So you have your ear to the streets, you know what the fuck is going on? Because a black people, you know, we have to laugh at everything. Like we have to, like to keep from crying. And I always say this, black people, we have to laugh at everything. Like, we have to, like, to keep from crying. And I always say this, black people, we tired, but we were really in a period.

Like, we get over racism and all the bullshit and all the shit that white people have fucking, it's like, we gotta laugh. So that's when the Omokron, it was like, this Omorion is out here, like, we had to do it. I love black Twitter. I had a weird experience. I like being like not in the in-group, right?

Like I went and I saw Hassan Minhaj's show and he was in Austin. I love him. He was on the daily show, yeah. And it was really weird being in the audience and realizing like most of the jokes are not for me, right? Like, like, you know what I mean? Or that like a lot of the jokes were like about white people, which is, you know, because how American culture historically has been like most things on TV in art or whatever

are for me, right? Like they're about like my people, right? Like all the jokes and the assumptions are about like what it's, you know, the worldview of a straight white person essentially or a straight middle class white person. And so it was fascinating. Like, you know, he's doing all these jokes about like how your parents really wanted you to be a doctor or whatever and they were really strict. And I'm like, what are you talking about? That wasn't what it was like for me. You know, like, like, it was, it was like, actually, I love different kinds of humor that are, like, you have to think about to get because you're not just naturally speaking that language.

Like, I'm not a moron fan, so I don't immediately get that reference, right? Because like, the spanner, oh no, he takes it back. Wait, black Twitter gonna the factor. Oh no, he takes it back. Wait, black Twitter gonna light you up. No, he takes it back. Black people, listen to me, listen to me. It was a little knee jerk reaction.

Okay, he takes it back. Ryan Holiday is in a Marion band. He is going to the concert. He is downloading on Teraj as we speak. Amen. Amen. Do you like R&B Ryan? What's the type of music you like? I like heavy metal.

Heavy metal. Okay. Not for me. I'm not the audience. Exactly. I'm not the... I'm not... Ryan said exactly.

But this is the thing Ryan, I've tried. I have dabbled in corn. Oh, oh, oh, oh, okay, oh shit, corn ate the lick. I thought I was doing something. See, I thought I was connected. Oh shit, okay, kiss, kiss. Yeah, I mean, these are, they're different, they're different levels of heavy metal

that appeal to different types of items. Oh, it's level city sheep. I can't see something. Okay, red hot chili peppers. That's a good band. That's not really heavy metal, but that's a good white person band, yeah. Oh, okay, no.

No, I was working really hard, Ron. I ain't gonna fuck you up and be like, Maroon five. Oh, no, I would never disrespect you like Ryan. I ain't gonna fuck you up and be like, Maroon five. Oh. Oh no, I would never disrespect you like that. It's just so shit like that. At least, they got dammit. If I know nothing about heavy metal,

I know Adam Levine is not in. Okay. That's right. Talking about Sunday morning, Rain is coming. Ryan's like, turn that shit off. I want to hear something. Oh. Okay, so I'm gonna, okay, so you're gonna listen to a Marianne

and I'm gonna listen to some heavy metal. Who do you suggest? Who should I listen to? I'll send you some Iron Maiden and we'll trade off. Some Iron Maiden, I'm not asked one. You know what's funny? I think like a black Twitter, I liked when that was more of what Twitter is instead of of just politics, like all of this,

I remember when people would talk about pizza on Twitter or whatever, instead of just like the most vial political, pointless political arguments that you could imagine. Do you know what I mean? I think that's the other thing about humor is that at least humor brings us together in a way that it doesn't when we're just arguing over stuff. Well, that's another thing too.

Also, we have a lot of self-appointed critics. Like somebody will read it one fucking article about space and now they're an astronaut. Now they can tell you anything and everything about fucking space and I'm like, you are not well read enough to enter these conversations. And I know that about myself, I know what I don't know.

And I don't know a lot. Okay, right? Okay. There's a lot of shit that I, that's why I read. That's why fucking read because I'm like, let me learn, let me find out. And that's another thing too. Like when we were writing jokes and stuff

at the Daily Show, I was very blessed that we had researchers, producers, studio. Like everybody would bring the whole thing together, like a goddamn pie. And they're like, my joke is truly the cherry. But they're bringing the pie, but they're like, excellent. But they're bringing me, I was blessed to have all that information now. Now the bitch that's fucking working at Duck and Donuts does not have a studio producer, does not have a researcher, does not have 12 other brilliant writers that are really fucking smart,

that bring this thing together, that you have all the facts to make a goddamn joke about or on. So yeah, I totally agree with that. It's gotten so political and it's just kind of like, you get lost in that damn rabbit hole and now you're arguing about, I'm with that. It's gotten so political and it's just kind of like, you get lost in that damn rabbit hole and now you're arguing about, I'm with you. Let's bring back pizza wars, Papa John's versus Domino's. Let's have that. Let's get into that. Let's have that be on Twitter. It didn't shit that they got on

right now. I totally agree. So let me last thing I was going to ask you about. I did not Well, so let me last thing I was gonna ask you about. I did not, I did not assume you would curse such a delightful amount, which is, which is, which is, Oh my God, I'm so sorry, man. No, no, no, no, no, here's what I was gonna say, because too funny things. So I curse a lot, and that's like, that's just like how I think, and how I write.

And one of the notes that I got when I wrote the draft of the Daily Stoke is that my editor was like Ryan, I think this book can be sold in Christian bookstores, but not with all the cursing that you have in it. And so they had me take all the cursing out of it. But that's probably the criticism that I get the most. I get angry emails about it and whatever people get mad, especially on the podcast, when get the most, I get angry emails about it and whatever people get mad, especially on the podcast,

when I'm writing I can control it, but when I'm talking it just comes out, I think it's just being from California or whatever that's just sort of the mentality that I picked up. But how do you think about that? To me, I almost feel like there's like a swear shaming, like we like shame people for cursing,

but we're not supposed to judge people's moral and personal choices, but we can decide it's not okay to curse, I don't get it. Yeah, well I was one of those people, and I think the reason why I used to do it, like I can tell you when I started cursing, I had so much cursing built up and so much judgment. I was just saying like mother fucker for like two hours straight.

It was just like vomiting out. I started cursing around 2016. I remember I was like, just like, it's just fucking language. And I remember I said that I was like, it's just fucking language. Like, what the fuck, whatever. And it just felt so good in my body. But I know that I was like, it's just fucking language. Like, what the fuck, whatever. And it just felt so good in my body. But I know that before I did it because I was very self-righteous

and I used to do it. And I'm not saying this is why everybody else shames. You gotta put that out there. I'm not speaking for every fucking body. But I know I used to do it because it's like, I'm big, you're small, I'm right, you're wrong. I'm above you, I'm better. Look at me.

I can choose other choice words besides fucking damn and shit. And you're just like, just so less than. And it's just like, bitch, get out of here. It's not. And honestly, Ryan, I don't know this to your publisher, manager, whoever told you that. A lot of Christians, cuz. So your shit probably would have sold quicker

if you had some other fuckers in it. So if you would have put the damn daily stock Black people I'm like, what is this? Oh? God damn he said the damn. He's serious about this shit Let's let's go back to Jesus. I don't think Jesus would be around policing what words people use that doesn't seem like a very good use of his time No, David was a murderer and was killing people and, you know, having sex with naked women that were in the window, you know, and you know, he was, he was hanging. First of all, Ray Hab was a prostitute who got used. The Lord fuck with everybody. Jesus kicked it with everybody. He loved everyone, which is always so jarring to me when people are just like, no, you are a lestin. Now, I think that if somebody

is not kind, right, if they're not loyal, right, if they're like, hey, somebody comes up to you, Ryan, they're like, Ryan, I want to have sex with your wife. Yeah, Ryan, you shouldn't have, you shouldn't hang out with that person. You should not. We're not talking about that. But somebody who curses is like, what? That is not indicative of their entire moral compass. Like, get out of here. But that comes with growth run. That comes with leaving your bubble, right? These are a lot of things I learned because I fucking left LA and I went to New York and I was around so many different people that were kind of like, hey, the way you think is really small-minded.

And I literally had enough open of a mind to be like, I think you're right. I think you're right, yeah. I also think it's more fun. It's more fun to curse than to knock. Yeah. Just period. Just period.

Did you ever used to do that as a kid? I remember we used to do that all the time. When I was little, not around my mom, I used to be like, damn, like, damn was my word. Like I just knew it was just the worst thing of all, damn it. No, it's, and there's honestly nothing funnier than hearing a child curse. Like my five year old the other day was like,

this is fucking bullshit. And I just, I like fell over laughing. I remember when my brother didn't have my, my, my, my, you know, my mom was old school. She does not play that nothing, that is not funny to her. Okay. So I remember my brother was on his phone. And he was like, shit, right? He was a, and I'm in the front dying laughing. And my mom was like, what did you say? And he was like, no, something messed up. I was like, shoot.

I was like, Steven. And in my head, I wasn't going to stall him out. Because my mom has turned over a new leaf. But during that time, she was still whipping ass. And I was like, I don't know what my brother could just ask me. And I don't want to have to grab my mother's hand and be like, you will not. But she kind of like, she kind of like let it rock.

And I let it rock too. Like, yeah, my mother, he says shoot, but I'm like dying fabric inside. But it was so funny because it was real to him. His phone messed up and he was like, shh. When where did he learn that word, right? It's like in a Christmas story. He's like, who taught you that word? Yeah, no, they learn it from it and

where did you learn it from your parents right like exactly as much as I saved as my mama was I said oh mama because let me tell you once the Lakers lose because you know mama's neck skin my dad's black Mexicans we don't fuck around when it comes to the Lakers the Dodgers and J love okay don't don't that's a holy Trinity okay Lakers Dod-Lo. Don't you talk about any of those people? Kobe literally when Kobe died me and like some of my family was like how are we gonna tell your mom? Like literally like Kobe means so much to us and like but my mom she like loved the Lakers. So like the Lakers were losing her like you remember when we lost to the Celtics or Shack Missifrito? She's like god damn it Shack. I said okayito, she's like, God damn it, Shack, I said, okay.

What's that? That's where you learned it. Yeah. Yes, right. Oh my God, right. I could talk to you for two hours. I could talk to you. No, this is amazing.

I'm so glad we met. This is hilarious. Right. I was, and I was really trying hard. I was like, do not curse because because I listen to you every day. So I listen to the other people. I'm like, the vibe is very calm, ex-be-com. No, this is way more fun.

I was trying my heart is Ryan, but you know, it's, I gotta be me, unfortunately. So, I mean, what else could you be? I mean, that's true. that's who you should be. And that is a weird thing too, I think, as far as it's like advice, I try to give people it's like, you're the only one of you, right? And so to try, it seems like it's a bad strategy to go try to be like someone else because now there's competition, right? Like just be yourself and who gives a shit

when anyone thinks? Yeah, but it takes you a minute. Like it's something about turning 33. Hey, my Jesus year. It was something about then, because especially your Jesus year in a pandemic, you truly think, oh, I'm gonna die. What?

What I'm saying? Well, you, my mentor, Mari. Yes, bitch. That was, I turned 33. I was like, looking around to my left and my right. I was like, I love y'all. It's been real. There was like, ex, please.

I'm like, listen, we ain't a goddamn panini. I don't know what the fuck is going on. Listen, I don't know. And I think another thing too, Ryan, like, the reason why stoicism helped me so much too was that my brother died when I was 16. Oh no. He died due to a drunk driver.

That's why I don't drink. And I was also raised around alcoholics and drug addicted family members. So losing him and then I've lost three other cousins and my family, like, there, my mom has nine brothers and sisters, all my cousins. My mom is like the oldest and is the auntie that's always like had her shit together.

So at some point, some cousins live with us. So my cousins are like, my brothers and sisters, they're very, very close. So I've lost three other cousins as well. So I've lost four very important people in my life and starting with my brother. I hate that it happened, but like the Bible says, all things work together

for the good of them who love the Lord. And I think what it taught me immediately, because he died at 25, and at 16, 25, so far away. It's like, that's like 40. I was like, oh, life is really short. I don't have a lot of time down here. So when you talk about my mental moriages, like I'm gonna die, I always think about death,

and I really felt like there was nobody I could really talk to this about and to know that there is a group, like there are still folks who believe, who know that and talk about that. I talk about it so much and I think about it just because it's been so real for me. And I know that it is what everybody got to pay taxes

and die. Like that's it. Like everybody, well, if Wesley's night, but you know, you're near there, you're near there. He's working on it. Wesley's working on it. But it's just, yeah, I always think about death and I always think about like, hey,

I don't have a lot of time down here, so I don't have a lot of time to waste. So that's why I go all gas no breaks, because I'm always thinking about like, you know, Ryan, knock on wood, prayerfully, we'll make it to 75, maybe 80. And we're in the year 2022. That's not 80 out of two, that's not a whole lot of fucking time. You know, so I just don't, when people just sit on their dreams,

when they sit on, I'm like, oh, you really think you have time. But somebody like me who's experienced death so soon and so quickly, I'm like, bitch, you know, I'm hoping 45, but we'll see. And I don't, not in a negative way. I don't want you to think of like as a mourner or really like sad, it's just realistic. Well, to me, it's about getting to a place

where you're just always good. So if you get to 70 or 80 you're like that's awesome but you also aren't sitting around in your 30s feeling like you haven't already lived a full life. Like to me I feel like very blessed to be like I've done up until now I've done everything I could do. Right, that's not to say I couldn't do, if you give me another 50 years, I'll give you 50 years worth of stuff. But I can very confidently say that I've given you 34 years,

like I've been alive for 34 years, whereas a lot of people are 50 and they've maybe lived cumulatively like 10 of those years, you know, because they wasted so much of it, either trying to be someone else, working a job that they hate, being addicted to this or that, right? Like they've wasted that time,

and so it really doesn't matter how long you live for, what matters is how much you live in the years that you have. Which is why I can take every risk because I'm just like, I, this is tomorrow, really, is not promised. I literally open my eyes and take a breath and then turn on daily, stoic as I'm doing my bed. And I do that because I'm just like, I am so grateful for this moment for today. Like tomorrow truly is not promised, which is why my name on Instagram is $80 in a suitcase because I went to New York on vacation and just stayed.

Because I truly believe in myself and I believe in the God in me, truly. Like I really know that there's a purpose and a plan that he's put in me and he's rules over my life. So if he brought me there, why wouldn't he provide for me there? So I hustled my ass off. I was there for two weeks, worked fashion week. And when I got there, I was supposed to be working

with this girl doing makeup. She's the reason I bought my ticket, never heard from her again. So I was like, fuck that. There's a reason I bought my ticket. I'm about to talk to every goddamn person I know in LA, who do y'all know in New York? And I started dressing the models. And then when I got like, fuck that, there's a reason I bought my ticket. I'm about to talk to every goddamn person I know in LA. Who do y'all know in New York? And I started dressing the models. And then when I got there, I kept talking everybody

crying, everybody's broke. Everybody was like, yeah, I came here with 10,000, now I'm broke. Somebody was like, yeah, I had 2500. Now I barely got 700. You know, I met people, they were like, yeah, I'm a professor at NYU, and I also work at a bar.

Like everybody's poor. I was like, oh, what's it right in? I ain't got no money either. So if you could fucking do it, why can't I do it? And so, you know, but that's why, if you really wanted, you can get it right. You feel me like I applied to eight jobs in person and 12 online and in three days, I got a job.

You feel me like I, you just figure it the fuck out. Like if you wanna make it happen, you will. And then I went from $80 in a suitcase to being an in-be-nominated writer at the Daily Show with Trevor Noah. So it, it, it, it. You did it. It was, yeah.

Yeah. Well, I'm so excited to see what you do next. And I'm so glad we met. And let's, let's make this a friendship. Oh Ryan, you're stuck with me. I, I went to Texas and I was like, damn, if I knew Ryan, Let's let's make this a friendship. Oh Ryan you're stuck with me. I Went to Texas and I was like damn if I knew Ryan because I know you have you share it told me you're Austin I know but I didn't know you at that point like my my booking agent is the one who connected us both so yeah When I cuz he was like ex how are you ever do this and that cuz I'm writing a book about I had 24 different roommates in New York

And he was just like we I want to I was like I want to write a book about then he had 24 different roommates in New York. And he was just like, I was like, I wanna write a book about that. And he was like, X, how have you been able to withstand and do this? I was like, stoicism, Ryan Holiday. That is my captain, my captain. He was like, oh my God, I fucking know Ryan. I said, don't you fucking play with me.

You really know Ryan Holiday. And then you emailed me and I was like, oh my God, this is insane. But I've known Birds since I was an assistant at a talent agency in Hollywood. Wow. And also, too, I have to let the people know. So please watch American Auto. It's on NBC every Tuesday at 8 p.m. followed by Grand Cru,

you have to watch them as well. And also I am in the second season of yearly departed that premiered on Amazon Prime. It's on there right now, and I'm in a new movie called The Black Need that should be out sometime this year. So, and I'm also starting a podcast with another Black girl who stands for Stoicism. So you got to come on.

All right, have me on anytime. Okay. Done. All right, thank you. I'll be lost in and everyone should check out your stuff, and I'm gonna get you this neutral thinking book, thank you. I'll be lost in and everyone should check out your stuff and I'm going to get you this neutral thinking book. Thank you.

And follow me at $80 in a suitcase on Instagram and who made the potato salad show. Hey, it's Ryan. Thank you for listening to the Daily Stoog podcast. I just wanted to say we so appreciate it. We love serving you. It's an honor. Please spread the word. Tell people about it. And this isn't to sell anything. I just wanted We love serving you. It's an honor. Please spread the word, tell people about it, and this isn't to sell anything. I just wanted to say thank you.

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