The Daily Stoic - You’ll Be Happier If You’re Realistic

Episode Date: May 22, 2019

We tell ourselves that if we just get paid more or get promoted, we’ll stop being so miserable at work. Or we dream for months in advance about some vacation to paradise, only to find, once we arrive, that the hotel was not quite as glamorous as the photographs on the website implied. Maybe we do get that promotion or that raise and it does alleviate some old problems—then suddenly there are new ones like jealous co-workers or additional responsibility.Our rosy expectations set us up to be disappointed. Our expectation that the modern world will not have any problems is why the so called “first world problems” are so vexing. Isn’t everything supposed to be awesome considering all that we’ve accomplished? People tend to think only about how amazing things are going to be...only to find that reality is more complicated. It is this gap—between what we told ourselves things were going to be like and how they actually are—that is the source of so much unhappiness and misery in people’s lives. It’s the reason that so many of us walk around frustrated rather than grateful and relieved.Naturally, a problem like that is something the Stoics zeroed in on resolving. Because the source of it isn’t the outside world, it’s our thoughts about the world that are the issue.“Whenever you are about to start on some activity, remind yourself what the activity is like,” was Epictetus’s advice. “If you go out to bathe, picture what happens at a bathhouse—the people who splash you or jostle you or talk rudely or steal your things. In this way you will be more prepared to start the activity, by telling yourself at the outset, ‘I want to bathe, and I also want to keep my will in harmony with nature.’ Make this your practice in every activity.”Basically, premeditatio malorum.Think about how things really might be in advance. Don’t tell yourself how you want them to be. Don’t lie to yourself as a form of motivation. Be honest. Be clear. Be realistic.If they end up being better than you expect (as things often can be), then wonderful. Enjoy the treat you’ve set up for yourself. If they end up being anything else? Well, you’re prepared now, aren’t you?Better to be pleasantly surprised than unpleasantly surprised. Better to be realistic than delusional.That’s the idea. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, prime members, you can listen to the Daily Stoke podcast early and add free on Amazon music. Download the app today. Welcome to the Daily Stoke. For each day, we read a short passage designed to help you cultivate the strength, insight, wisdom necessary for living the good life. insight, wisdom necessary for living good life. Each one of these passages is based on the 2000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women. For more, you can visit us at dailystowac.com. You'll be happier if you're realistic. We tell ourselves that if we just get paid or get promoted, we'll stop being so miserable at work. Or we dream for months in advance about some vacation to paradise,

only to find once we arrive that the hotel was not quite as glamorous as the photographs on the website implied. Maybe we do get that promotion or that raise and it does alleviate some old problems. Then suddenly there are new ones, like jealous co-workers, or additional responsibility.

Our rosy expectations set us up to be disappointed. Our expectation that the modern world will not have any problems is why the so-called first world problems are so vexing. Isn't everything supposed to be awesome considering all that we've accomplished? People tend to think only about how amazing things are going Isn't everything supposed to be awesome considering all that we've accomplished? People tend to think only about how amazing things are going to be,

only to find that reality is more complicated. It is this gap between what we told ourselves things are going to be like and how they actually are that is the source of so much unhappiness and misery in people's lives. It's the reason that so many of us walk around frustrated, rather than grateful, and relieved. Naturally, a problem like that is something the Stoics zeroed in on resolving, because the source of it isn't the outside world. It's our thoughts about the world that are the issue. Whenever you are about to start on some activity, remind yourself what the activity is like was epic teetis's advice. If you go out to bathe, he said, picture what happens at a bathhouse. The people who splash you,

or jossal you, or talk rudely, or steal your things. In this way, you will be more prepared to start the activity by telling yourself at the outset, I want to bathe and I also want to keep my will in harmony with nature. Make this your practice in every activity. Basically he was saying pre-metitatio malorum. Think about how things might be in advance. Don't tell yourself how you want them to be. Don't lie to yourself as a form of motivation. Be honest, be clear, be realistic.

If they end up being better than you expect, as things often can be, then wonderful. Enjoy the treat you set up for yourself. If they end up being anything else, well, you're prepared now, aren't you? Better to be pleasantly surprised than unpleasantly surprised, better to be realistic than delusional. That's the idea. If you're liking this podcast, we would love for you to subscribe. Please leave us a review on iTunes or any of your favorite podcasts, listening apps. It really helps and tell a friend. Hey, Prime Members, you can listen to the Daily Stoke early and ad-free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts.