The Daily Zeitgeist - AOC IS SKYNET, Forrest Gump 2 3.22.19
Episode Date: March 22, 2019In episode 354, Jack and Miles are joined by comedian and Yelling About Pâté podcast co-host Karl Hess to discuss Bill and Ted 3, Florida proposing restrictions on Felon Voting Rights Restoration bi...ll, Joe Biden planning to run with Stacey Abrams, Mike Huckabee thinking AOC is a robot, Jared Kushner being an out of touch idiot, the new Deadwood movie, a bloidwatch check in, the almost Forrest Gump sequel, and more! FOOTNOTES: 1. Bill & Ted 3 confirmed by Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter2. FL. Legislature proposes new restrictions on Felon Voting Rights Restoration bill3. Trump signs executive order on campus free speech4. Trump Wants U.S. to Recognize Israeli Sovereignty Over the Golan Heights5. Stacey Abrams Is Poised to Become the First Female African-American Governor6. Joe Biden’s plan for an early VP selection is a terrible idea7. Pete Buttigieg is the hottest candidate in the 2020 race right now8. Pete Buttigieg says he’s mayor of a turnaround city. Here’s how that claim stands up.9. Mike Huckabee calls AOC the 'best thing' for Trump10. The Very Best, Very Worst of Jared Kushner in Kushner, Inc.11. ‘Deadwood’ Movie Trailer Reveals Tense New Footage, Confirms May Premiere Date12. Lori Loughlin ‘Believed Her Heart Was in Right Place’ Helping Her Daughters Get Into USC13. I talked to Forrest Gump screenwriter Eric Roth about the sequel he wrote, and it would've been... interesting.14. WATCH: When I Go To Sleep - S.maharba Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Hello, the internet, and welcome to Season 74, Episode 5 of
Dirt Daily Zeitgeist, the podcast where we take a deep dive into America's shared consciousness.
It's Friday, March 22, 2019. My name is Jack O'Brien, a.k.a.
Oh! Apostrophe till, Brian.
And I'm thrilled to be joined, as always, by my co-host, Mr. Miles Gray.
I got miles on it.
Grab your takes, let's get keyed.
I got miles on it.
Gray is smoking in the weed.
I got miles on it thank you for that loonies aka at ludicrispy
man great one great great song i was everyone in the studio convinced me to not reenact the
us trailer to that but you know you got what you wanted it would have been great i had fun
fake blood and everything that That comes out this weekend?
I think it does. Sure.
I'm in the loop. People are talking about
it like it's going to be a... It looks like a
challenging horror film.
I don't know. It's complex
and a psychological...
I don't know. It looks like
it represents a lot of things.
I feel like Jordan Peele's movies
tend to have some kind of message.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I just thought Get Out was good from a pure, just a good joy ride.
Yeah, as someone at you and for you as someone who would have voted for Obama.
Right.
A third term.
A third term.
You're like, why do people laugh?
Well, we are thrilled to be joined in our third seat by the hilarious comedian, Carl Hess.
Oh, my God.
Great to be here.
I just want to say I already love how much singing has happened.
Yeah.
One minute in.
You can feel free to sing at any point.
Wow.
What's your favorite karaoke song?
Oh, my God.
I like to go Bon Jovi's Dead or Alive.
Oh, hell yeah.
You know, it brings a lot of emotion.
It's not that hard to sing.
It's pretty simple.
Okay, then let's hear it.
It's all the same.
I'm not going to get into the whole thing, guys.
I could take up the whole bunch.
Only the names are changed.
It's not easy to sing, but it's easy if you dig deep and connect with your heart.
As long as you're screaming.
And think about how you actually are kind of like a cowboy.
Yeah, that's true when you think about it.
Right.
We're all kind of like a cowboy.
Oh, hell yeah.
Right.
Oh, but the horse, the steel horse is the car.
There's so much good imagery in that song.
No, that's amazing.
A loaded six ring on his back.
How long did it take to write that?
How long did that take to write?
His whole life, man.
His whole life, Carl.
Well, we're going to get to know you a little bit better in a moment.
First, we're going to tell our listeners just a few of the things we're talking about today,
like Bill and Ted 3 coming at you, maybe.
I don't know.
It's not like they released a trailer.
They released Keanu Reeves and-
Alex Winter.
Ted.
No, no.
He's Bill.
Bill.
And Bill.
Keanu's Ted.
Right.
Well, whatever.
Alex Winter.
Whoever they are.
Keanu and Alex Winter at the Hollywood Bowl for some reason.
Yeah, it really didn't matter.
I wasn't sure.
It was charming, though.
Does the Hollywood Bowl tie into Bill and Ted's at any?
I'm not sure.
Well, because it is about music.
Face the music.
It's like Bill and Ted face the music.
But we'll get into that.
Don't worry.
All right.
Well, so that's coming out.
We're going to talk about Trump's stupid signature having a big Thursday, what's going on in
the Democratic field, and Mike Huckabee believing that AOC is too smart to be a regular Latinx
woman.
Or human.
Just assuming she must be a cyborg from the future.
Yeah.
We're going to talk about all that and also how Jared is an out-of-touch rich idiot, it turns out, which nobody saw coming.
I know.
Brace yourselves.
It'll be a heavy one.
But first, Carl, we like to ask our guest, what is something from your search history that is revealing about who you are?
Last thing I Googled was the price of the chicken sandwich at shake shack okay because i
tweeted about there was just this new report about uh chick-fil-a and all the money they give to
anti-lgbtq organizations so i tweeted about how it's not even that good right and you can just
avoid chick-fil-a so then i was looking up the price for to for comparable so chick-fil-A. So then I was looking up the price for Comfortable. So Chick-fil-A, their basic sandwich is like $4.95,
and the Chicken Shack at Shake Shack is like $6.50.
It's way better.
It's way better.
So it's just like, go to Shake Shack.
And Shake Shack, they're messing around with a four-day work week model, too.
Yeah, Shake Shack seems like a good company to work for.
Right.
They were started by an actual chef, right?
Yeah.
So it's like an artist.
It's got an artist spirit at the inception.
It's a united artist of fast food.
Yeah, plus, look, if you want to make that Chick-fil-A, look, the secret is they put it in pickle brine.
Right.
Okay?
Just, you can do that.
And I was, you know, for the longest time, I was like using the mental gymnastics.
Like, well, it was the founder that was giving.
And like, they're not overtly.
And then the report comes out and they're like Christian athletes against
being gay or whatever.
Someone told me the one in LA on sunset gives to pro LGBTQ charities to
like make up for it,
which is weird.
Like they're a rogue fact.
I got a whole thing on Twitter and someone,
uh,
wait,
can you verify that?
I didn't verify.
I'm going to pull up and be like,
yo,
what's up to the right people.
Right.
But even then, I mean, you're still.
Yeah, but even then.
I bet they still give some of the money to corporate headquarters Chick-fil-A.
Oh, yeah.
Half for and half against.
That would be funny, just rogue franchises that are like, we don't give them anything.
Get in touch with the Sunset Branch.
They're off the reservation.
Shut it down.
They've gone rouge.
That's how it's pronounced.
No, it was a mispronunciation.
I think it was Sarah Palin had the book called Going Rogue, and I had a co-worker who doesn't know how to read.
What's that book, Going Rouge?
Yeah, and it was like, Going Rouge?
I actually started reading Going Rouge.
She makes a lot of good points.
She makes a lot of good points in there.
I'm like, yeah, it would give me a little more life in my cheese.
Yeah, exactly.
She'd go rouge.
What is something you think is underrated?
Underrated.
You know, I've been thinking about this a lot.
I would have to say Spite.
Spite?
I've been realizing that Spite gets a bad name,
and it's actually one of the best motivators
that you can have.
Okay.
Because you know sometimes you're working on something,
and you're like, it's just not going.
You're about to give up.
But then if you think about all the people I hate and how bad they're going to feel when I do this, it really can lift you to the next level.
Spite is a great motivator.
I think it gets a bad rep.
Let the hate flow through you.
Yes, exactly.
You've got to let that hate flow a little bit sometimes.
Yeah, well, if you can do it in a healthy way.
Because you don't want to be operating on a tank of hatred.
Of course.
But I feel like the –
But sometimes the tank of optimism is empty.
Yeah, empty.
That's when the hatred booster kicks in.
Exactly.
It's like hitting that Nas tank.
Yes, the Nas.
The hatred Nas.
Yeah, that's right.
The hate Nas.
Just like Nas, you don't want to cruise around on all the time.
But if you need real quick just to kind of get you a little bit ahead.
They can hate me now because I just succeeded.
Ooh.
Right.
Because I won't stop now.
Because I can't stop now.
But, yeah, the reason I got into comedy was being broken up with.
There you go.
And I started putting videos up on Funny or Die like the next day.
And obviously in comedy, there's a lot of jealousy, like professional and otherwise.
There's looking at someone getting something.
And it's like, it's easy to get caught up in that.
But it's also easy to be like, I'm going to push myself in everyone else's face.
Yeah, if you have it together enough, you know, tap into that hate a little.
There you go.
And you showed her
Right
You fucking showed her
Yeah
What's uh
When she broke up with you
Was she like
You're just not that funny
Or something
I'm gonna be on a podcast one day
You have no idea
I was on
I was in college
And she was like
I just need
Her
She didn't even tell me
She totally ghosted me after
And then her friend was like
She just needs someone more established.
And you're like, I'm a...
Established?
You want established?
I'm about to get a fucking degree.
No, not even.
So then I was...
And this was like 2007.
That was like right when Funny or Die came out.
It's like, there's this website
where you can just like upload funny shit.
And I was like, get to camera.
Where I could establish myself?
Yeah.
Watch me do this video about me
drinking a bottle of Bacardi in one take.
We'll call it Mother's Day.
You're sending her the link.
Two million views.
Who's unestablished now?
That's a very L.A. thing for a college girl to break up with somebody over.
You just don't have the clout that I'm looking for.
And I was fucked up.
I was like, oh, okay.
More established than college?
Yeah, well, it was a different world, you know?
You don't even have 10K followers yet, and you're about to graduate.
I know.
I'm so sorry.
I'm going with someone.
I'm pivoting to video, actually.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I hate to break it to you.
Like, wait, you're five years too early.
Right, right.
This doesn't even make sense.
That doesn't even make sense.
What is something you think is overrated?
I come back to this time and time again.
It's got to be bacon.
Obviously, in the internet culture, we saw the whole epic bacon thing take over.
And it still is overrated.
It's overrated as a foodstuff.
It's overrated as a meme.
If it comes down to breakfast meat, I'm a sausage man every single time.
Sausage is the superior thing on the breakfast plate.
Wow.
Also, people that are still making bacon references, those are the people that reply to Elon Musk's
tweets like, epic work, good sir.
It's like, if you're still out here talking about bacon, your corny as hell.
Shut it down.
We're done with this.
I think it's one of those things where it had its moment.
We got it.
We're done.
And we can say that bacon is delicious.
Bacon's great.
Bacon's great.
But it's like, it's not a lifestyle.
It's not a personality.
And sausage is fucking better.
The only way sex could be better is if it was with bacon.
With bacon, bro.
Although, I'm just trying to think of like, oh shit, a pizza that had like crumbled like
Farmer John breakfast sausage on it.
Okay.
That sounds good.
That sounds like good.
But would it be as good as a sausage pizza?
Yeah.
But I love breakfast sausage.
Okay.
I'm totally with you. I love breakfast pizza. But I love breakfast sausage. Okay, okay. I'm totally with you.
I love breakfast pizza, so I'm with you.
We're like trying to start the sausage wave, like to go against the bacon wave.
Yeah, exactly.
We should try that out.
Yeah, because I'm the same.
I love bacon.
I love the fucking bacon.
Yeah, sure.
In great moments, it's like that.
But if I'm picking, it's like blah, blah, blah.
I always ask them, do you make your own sausage? Yeah, and a lot of places sausage yeah and a lot of places do and a lot of places not a lot of places make
their own bacon so it's right it's common to get really good house-made sausage so you kind of go
sausage sausage is unfuckable for the most part like it is basically a highly highly good shit
in there right it's a it's like the most spiced meat so So it's just like, you know, it's meat that they used to,
like that's how meat used to be served back before they had refrigeration.
It's just like grind up a bunch of salt in there
and you won't even notice that it's crawling with whatever.
Who cares?
I mean, look, I got my eyes, my vision's back to normal.
But bacon is so easy to fuck up, man.
What do you mean?
I mean, I think sausage, too.
You could under-season some shit, and then it's like, ugh, this just has the texture of sausage.
Because also, dried-ass sausage links, breakfast sausage, fuck that.
You're right.
No, it's true.
And then the same way with bacon.
I like crispy bacon, but don't give me a fucking artifact.
I'm not a crispy bacon guy.
I like some chewiness to this.
I do not like chewy.
I like the little, the fat's like just a little more unctuous,
melting in your mouth.
Grosses me out.
What is a myth?
What's something people think is true you know to be false?
This is something that I discovered very recently.
I feel like I might be super late to the game on this.
So I loved the original Iron Chef.
And then when Iron Chef America started,
the guy who's the chairman on Iron Chef America.
Mark Dacoska.
See, they were like, he's the nephew of the chairman from the original show.
And I just thought that, I didn't think they were lying to me.
So I was just like, oh, he's the nephew.
That's great.
They're continuing.
He's just an actor.
He's not the nephew of the original guy.
And then I looked it up.
The original guy was an actor. He's not the nephew of the original guy and then i looked it up the original guy was
an actor he's not a chairman of anything i thought there was some like storied culinary council that
he was like so they're just all actors i felt like a fucking betrayal oh man i was ready because
that's japanese tv for you right there mark dicasco yeah he is in the new john wick and it looks
fucking great and a lot of people say i look like Well, that would be racist to say. Well, I saw it.
I did a side-by-side.
Actually, no, I see it.
Yeah, I'm like,
I'm not Filipino.
I'm black and Japanese.
So apparently,
I'm so late to this
because I told multiple friends that
and they just laughed at me.
They're like,
you thought there was a real
chairman of what?
I'm like,
a culinary council.
I don't know.
The Council of Iron.
I feel betrayed.
Also, he's really playing it up, the Japanese-iness.
He's super serious.
Is that offensive?
I guess he is Japanese.
He's not.
He's American.
Even the Japanese guy took it super seriously.
Right.
Because that's also the theatrics of the Japanese TV version.
He does a great job.
Shout out to Mark D'Casco.
Have you seen the movie he's in, Only the Strong?
No.
It's about this dude who like teaches capoeira
to these kids in Miami
and they fight like
a Brazilian street gang.
Oh no.
That sounds awesome.
How's his Japanese-iness
in that?
Yeah, how's his Japanese-iness?
Because that is my new favorite word.
Oh no, he's more like
just this dude.
I think he's like military
or something.
He doesn't go like
in Brazil.
Go up again.
No, no.
He comes in with the beating bow
and just starts doing
like the mestre,
you know,
of the capoeira.
I love Pizza Hut's Japanese-y bread.
Oh, boy.
That was a problematic campaign from the start.
They had to shut that down really quick.
Yeah, I had no idea that Iron Chef was not a... I thought it was a reality show.
I thought that was a reality show.
I guess I never really watched reality shows, so I was just shocked to be lied to.
They're like, oh, it's his nephew.
I'm like, oh, cool, his nephew.
Got it.
That's a complete fabrication.
Just putting that directly into my brain.
You're like, great, The Matrix.
It's a betrayal.
It was a betrayal.
Neo, right.
We're batteries.
Good.
Well, so you mentioned John Wick 3.
I'm so excited.
I'm a huge Keanu John Wick guy.
Yeah, and Jason Manzoukas apparently is in John Wick 3.
I didn't know that.
Oh, really?
Yeah, and there's a poster of just Jason Manzoukas for John Wick 3.
That's awesome.
Which is strange.
Dream job.
Yeah.
I know Angelica Houston's in it.
Right.
Yeah, they really kind of seem like they're going big.
John Wick 2 was just so good.
Oh, my goodness.
Okay, Jason.
I didn't know that.
He's not in the trailer.
But yeah, but he definitely has his own little thing.
He's probably part of the Bowery King's retinue of guys.
I don't even know what those words mean, but I'm going to agree with you.
He's Laurence Fishburne's character who controls that homeless army of assassins.
Right.
Oh, shit.
Okay.
So it's kind of like the underworld of...
Did you guys see the second one?
Yeah. Okay. Okay. Just make it short. Don't spoil it for me. I might not have finished it, actually. Make it short. okay so it's kind of like the underworld of did you guys see the second one am I yeah
okay
just make it short
don't spoil it for me
I might not have finished it
actually
make it short
I heard his dog is really cute
in the first one
see I'm hoping that the dogs
because Halle Berry's character
apparently has a dog
in this one too
so it looks like her dog
gets in on some fighting
oh shit
and I've been wanting
because at the end of the first movie
he gets that new dog
but the second movie
it's kind of taken care of
by Lance Reddick's character
the whole time
so I'm hoping it gets in the battle and then like Halle Berry's dog and
his dog like kill some people together like I want to see some dog kills wow yeah yeah pretty
that shootout my common and no dogs killing people oh okay no the dogs are like on the same
team I just want to see some dogs kill each other no no no no no no, no. Man, I got this cash burning a hole in my pocket right now.
I'm canceled.
I'm fucking with you.
The quiet shootout in John Wick 2
between him and Common is so dope.
So good.
And then he leaves them.
Yeah, it's just like
they're walking casually,
taking pot shots at each other.
Anyways, Keanu,
I thought that was going to be
his biggest third movie this year,
but it turns out...
Yeah, J-Dub 3.
Wait, before Matrix Revolutions?
No, this year. Oh, okay.... J-Dub 3? Yeah, J-Dub 3. Wait, before Matrix Revolutions? No, this year.
Oh, okay. Bill and Ted 3 is coming for you, motherfuckers. Oh, you're right. I'm thinking
of the third installment of a thing he's been in.
My bad. I'm too much of a Matrix Revolutions
fan. We don't talk about Matrix
Revolutions. Oh, also, yeah, Matrix Revolutions.
That should have been my answer. It ruins it, too.
That movie sucked. It ruined the whole thing.
Yeah, sorry, man. No, but you didn't like the whole Christ
narrative? No. Man, I thought it brought in a sorry, man. No, but you didn't like the whole Christ narrative?
No.
Man, I thought it brought in a whole new generation. Is that what he represented?
Yeah, exactly.
Read between the lines.
Read between the lines.
You never heard of a guy get resurrected from the dead?
I actually like it now.
Anyway, I'm sorry.
I digress.
Bill and Ted 3?
Yeah.
For some reason?
I mean, yeah.
Yeah.
People have been talking about it for years.
It has so much good cultural goodwill.
Yeah.
The first one came out in 89, and then the second one was like 91 or 92.
And back then in 89, they were both like 24, 25.
I think Keanu was 25, Alex Winter was 24.
Cute as a button.
Yeah.
So it's funny now to see them in this video.
They're at the Hollywood Bowl.
Their patter was actually really good.
It felt very, not like it was either rehearsed or their chemistry is just still so good.
Or Keanu Reeves is just like the coolest human being in the world to hang out with.
And it's just like he can't help but be awesome to talk to.
And Alex Winter looks like someone wearing a Sean Penn mask that's been rotting in the sun.
Jesus Christ.
What exactly has he been doing?
I think he's been a director.
Yeah, he's been behind the camera.
After Bill and Ted, he was like, what I really want to do is direct.
And they were like, you can.
I'm on it.
He's done all kinds of stuff, like TV shows and documentaries.
He did, yeah.
So, yeah, the thing comes out.
I was like, okay, they're saying, they said, hopefully, we'll be shooting this summer and release it in the summer of 2020.
hopefully we'll be shooting this summer and release it in the summer of 2020.
But it seems like they wouldn't
do that unless they were very far along
with funding and distribution
and all that stuff. And then Orion Pictures,
they actually put out a little
synopsis, and here we go.
Yet to fulfill their rock and roll
destiny, the now middle-aged best friends
set out on a new adventure
when a visitor from the future warns them that
only their song can save life as we know it and bring harmony to the universe.
Along the way, they will be helped by their families, old friends, and a few music legends.
Oh, wow.
That could have been the premise for the second one, and I wouldn't have known.
Right, exactly.
That sounds great.
Was it their song?
I mean, more so, they had to like, I mean, there was that epic game of Battleship with
Death.
Yes.
Right.
Okay.
Yeah.
That was powerful.
The movie I was thinking of, he directed a movie called Freaked, which is a small movie,
but Michael Swaim, I think, is the person who swears by it and says it's his favorite
movie of all time.
So, Cracked fans, that's something for you.
And he directed that in 93.
Yeah.
Long time ago. Yes. He also directed Downloaded. Is Mr. T in that shit? Yes, that's something for you. And he directed that in 93. Yeah, a long time ago.
Yes.
He also directed Downloaded. Is Mr. T in that shit?
Yes, it looks like he was.
Wow-y-zow.
Brooke Shields.
What?
Yeah.
Powerhouse cast.
Yo, Mishu Mazaros?
That's like one of the, like, he's like a little person.
Two foot nine.
I remember that.
I know that name because in the movie Look Who's Talking, there's a sequence where Mikey's
like walking around New York, almost getting hit by a cab.
It was this guy pretending to be a baby.
Oh, really?
Yep.
Wow.
Anyway.
That is weird that you know that.
It was because his name was Mishu.
And I was like, as a kid, I was like, that's funny.
Like, that's not a regular name.
And that's different from the normal kind.
Yeah.
My ignorance fueled that space in my memory.
So shout out to you, Michu.
Changing gears slightly, the Florida House of Representatives decided.
So there was that awesome news during the 2018 election.
There was the ballot initiative that passed in Florida that said that felons were going to be able to vote after they got out of prison.
were going to be able to vote after they got out of prison.
And the Florida House of Representatives just passed a bill to basically circumvent that by saying that the felons
would have to pay back court fees,
which is not part of their sentence
and just has nothing to do with anything.
They're just trying to find a way to block that shit.
Well, the strategy is to create as many barriers
to empowering people as possible.
You knew that was too good to be true in that pass.
I was like, they're going to find some way to fucking sink this.
And just the way like Wisconsin too, like in that lame duck session, tried to pass all those bills that would restrict the power of the new governor.
I mean, luckily –
On the way out, they're like, well, what about this?
A judge actually in Wisconsin just blocked those stupid bills temporarily.
So we'll see where that goes.
Actually, Wisconsin just blocked those stupid bills temporarily, so we'll see where that goes.
But yeah, with this, I mean, when you look, there was another report that came out that was sort of analyzing how gerrymandering was affecting the 2018 election.
And the analysis was basically like, yo, without gerrymandering, they would have been blown off the fucking map. Gillum came really close to winning, and I know he's doing like a big voter registration drive now because it's like, you know, you can franchise as many people as possible.
So again, you know, the whole point is to then empower former felons
to be able to vote again.
It's so crazy that they can't.
It's like, that's such a weird law.
And chances are if you, you know, with how difficult it is to get employment
and things like that as a felon, chances are you don't have that money.
So it's like, uh-huh.
Yeah.
Let me just put this paywall up for you to exercise your democratic right.
I can't believe fucking Florida.
You wouldn't expect it from Florida, you know?
Ah, well.
Just when you think they've got their shit together.
And I think, I mean, that amendment passed with flying colors, too.
Yeah, it was like kind of heartening how much support it had.
Like well over 50%, I think.
So, like, you know, come on, man.
People clearly want that.
Yeah.
So, we'll see.
You know, come on, man. People clearly want that. Yeah. So, we'll see. You know, geez.
Fallon should be allowed to vote.
Anyone with more than seven bumper stickers should not be allowed to vote.
That is my way to fix the political system.
What if they're Grateful Dead stickers?
Not even, it doesn't even matter if they're political bumper stickers.
If you have more than seven bumper stickers in your car, you're out of the voting pool.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
What's an acceptable bumper sticker collection before you go, oh, you went too far?
I mean, yeah, I love Grateful Dead.
You see a dead head.
He's got a couple ones.
With the bears and stuff.
But if it's the whole back of your car, it's like you're an unhinged mental.
Do you also like getting pulled over by the police?
Right, exactly.
Oh, right.
Is that just, oh, if old school caught me, they're just asking for it.
They also say that-
Probably got some pot in the ashtray.
There was a study that bumper stickers were the greatest indicator of road rage more so than like
any other feature it's just the indicator of an unhinged mind right and i think it's also like
you view your car as like part of your personal space or something yeah it's weird right well you
know i'm still rocking mine.
You got a bumper sticker?
Yeah.
What is it?
How many, though?
Oh, yeah, it's the Fire Dancer.
Dave Matthews.
Dave, oh, I have three.
It's the Dave Matthews Fire Dancer.
One is Coco Pelly.
Oh, yeah, the trickster guy.
Yeah, fully on my back window.
And the other one is,
no, officer,
this bumper sticker is drunk.
You have that on your car?
All right, see,
that's a good collection of bumper stickers.
You ask what you have.
I get pulled over all the time.
It's worth it.
And I'm like, officer, was it my skin color or the bumper sticker?
He's like, I'm anti-Cocopelli.
That's paganism.
That's a great three.
That's a really strong three.
So if you see that Mini Cooper coming through the streets.
And it's a Mini Cooper?
Damn.
The Holy Trinity.
No, it's not. It's a PT Cruiser.
Crash into me. More like, don't crash into me.
Hey, okay, all right.
All right, we're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back.
Daphne Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist
who on October 16th 2017 was murdered.
There are crooks everywhere you look now. The situation is desperate.
My name is Manuel Delia. I am one of the hosts of Crooks Everywhere, a podcast that unhearts the plot to murder a one-woman Wikileaks.
a podcast that unhearts the plot to murder a one-woman Wikileaks.
Daphne exposed the culture of crime and corruption that were turning her beloved country into a mafia state.
And she paid the ultimate price.
Listen to Crooks everywhere on the iHeartRadio app,
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Hey, I'm Gianna Pradente.
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When you're just starting out in your career,
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I've been thinking about you.
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Come up here and document my project.
All you need to do is record everything like you always do.
One session. 24 hours.
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Should we wake her up?
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What was that?
You didn't figure it out?
I think I need to hear you say it.
That was live audio of a woman's nightmare.
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This summer, the nation watched as the Republican nominee for president was the target of two assassination attempts, separated by two months.
separated by two months.
These events were mirrored nearly 50 years ago when President Gerald Ford faced two attempts on his life
in less than three weeks.
President Gerald R. Ford came stunningly close
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And these are the only two times we know of
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I always felt like Lynette
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The story of one strange
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And we're back.
And the world is ending, Carl!
Guys, he doesn't have
those bumper stickers.
That was all a lie.
It was a trick.
I believed it. He tricked Carl. I was like, wow, he's really chill. That was all a lie. It was a trick. I believed it.
I was like, wow, he's really chill.
I really like this guy. We can hang out.
Maybe we can hang out after this.
We should make that one.
No, officer, this bumper sticker is drunk.
That has to exist.
I thought that was the funniest shit ever.
My friend, this guy, Curtis Rainsberry,
who is an improviser at UCB,
when we were in New Orleans once
and we were looking New Orleans once,
and we were looking at all the Phrase t-shirts,
and there's just all those ridiculous, obnoxious ones on Bourbon Street that have things about drinking stuff.
And he had one that said, no, officer, this shirt is drunk.
And I was like, that's great.
We need to make that.
And it's just been lore in our friend group for a little bit.
The only good bumper sticker, I think, is if I'm swerving, I'm perving. That's the only
good bumper sticker. If someone has
that, you're like, that's hilarious.
And also pull them over.
Wait, does that mean that
they're swerving because they're jerking off?
You know, I feel like it could be interpreted in a
multitude of ways.
I always interpret it like, oh, I'm checking people out.
So maybe I'm like...
Maybe if you're jerking it, you're going with one hand.
Yeah, masturbating and driving.
Don't condone that. Maybe that sounds good.
It's kind of dark now.
Official stance, just so everyone knows, so we're clear.
Do not masturbate and drive. Do not.
Unless you're in an Uber.
I'm swerving. I'm exposing
myself to school buses.
Jesus.
How's the court case going?
Hey, man.
We've all been there. It's just a misunderstanding with the city, man.
Just a misunderstanding.
Let he who has never.
Oh, boy.
All right.
Let's talk about the president's stupid fucking signature.
Wait, the actual aesthetic of it?
No.
Oh.
Just he's throwing it all over the
place uh when on thursday uh when he wasn't reflexively greeting people by saying no collusion
no collusion uh which seems to be the way that he now says hello to people uh i wonder if that's an
indication of like where his mind is too yeah yes definitely he's not even saying hello anymore like
it's have we gone down a level and right in the in the operating system yeah definitely he's not even saying hello anymore like it's have we gone down
a level and right in the in the operating system where now he's like well mr president no collusion
but he's not even greeting people he's probably wandering the halls of the west wing like yeah
no collusion just bumping it's gonna haunt the white house for hundreds of years yeah just the
voice yeah the smell the smell it's like the guilty of collusion version of who you calling psycho.
Yeah, right.
No poppet.
No poppet.
Right.
Exactly.
But anyways, he was signing all sorts of shit or threatening to.
One thing, he announced that he was going to sign an executive order to protect free speech on campuses.
Wait, what?
As it's known, free hate speech of conservatives on campuses. Yeah, this is like a
big thing. We actually just released a t-shirt, right, Miles, about the campus wars, you know,
because it's so lit out there, according to that young man on Fox and Friends. We have the campus
wars, man. We're in the trenches out here. You don't know what it's like. Snowflakes everywhere.
It's like a blizzard. So the president wanted to voice his support for his constituents in the war over the war of campus.
And so he is doing something.
It's not clear how it would affect anything, but it's just him putting it out there that you think he's a peacetime president, but he's a wartime president thank you for your service this wartime president yes uh and then there was the
super aggressive move of you know saying the u.s now recognizes gullen heights as part of israel
which nobody else does this is this part of jexodus yeah maybe because i know that's like
just like when he was saying to potential jewish voters
who're going to vote for democrats like i moved the embassy to jerusalem i did it i did what you
wanted i just gave him golden heights what's going on yeah just like standard like aligning himself
you know like bolsonaro was here they're like buddy buddy talking about shared ideals and stuff
it's like netanyahu's the same way he's aligning himself with other you know it's amazing though
how his feud with george conway and uh the ghost of john mccain like no one really actually talked about bolsonaro and
him meeting like it flew under the radar that's like the i don't think he's doing this because
he's smart but like that's kind of like the the genius of trump's idiocy where it's just like i'm
fucking mccain and everyone's like talking about how he's yelling about mccain it's like oh yeah
he just met with a fascist leader. That got no ink.
Mike Schmidt, the New York Times reporter,
was talking about how he thinks that Giuliani,
like going on all those shows and being actively drunk
and not knowing what he's talking about,
is like literally part of the strategy to just put chaos out there,
just to sow chaos.
And same shit.
Well, I mean, we still know what's...
We have a pretty good eye on everything else.
Whether he's aware of it or not, it is part of someone's strategy who is coasting off
of his power.
Speaking of coasting off of power, Joe Biden is...
Oh, boy.
Has still not announced, or at least officially announced.
As of this time.
He did announce, as we're recording this,
on not the day you're listening to it,
he did announce during a speech and then take it back
and be like, no, I mean other people.
If I were to run.
If I were, like, okay, come on, Joe.
Did you see the thing where he was like,
I stopped and gave a homeless woman all the money in my wallet,
and then when people started cheering, he was like,
no, no, it's not about me.
It's not about me.
Then why'd you say it, man?
Right, exactly.
But anyways, he is further kind of laying the groundwork
for his run to presidency by possibly courting Stacey Abrams as his running mate.
Yeah, which would be very weird.
The rumors are that he would announce and then simultaneously say, and Stacey Abrams
is my running mate.
Seems like kind of a cynical move to head off all the criticisms that are going to be
coming his way.
Right.
Which, again, a lot of people, if you're an establishment Democrat or a pundit
on mainstream news, you're going to be like, oh, I mean, this is a true unity ticket for
the Democrats.
It's the old guard with the next generation together.
You know, this is really, this is really, I think, powerful.
And like, this is going to be a formidable force again.
Now, to me, it reeks of Joe Biden realizing that he has real problems going forward.
You know, like I think he knows that he's going to have problems courting black voters.
And this move almost seems like he knows people saw how he treated Anita Hill when Clarence Thomas was being confirmed to the Supreme Court.
It almost seems like he knows people saw his record on mass incarceration or knows that people haven't forgotten that he voted for the iraq war
i mean it's like he's really trying to be like here i got stacy abrams black people rock with
me now don't worry about all the shit i did in the past right i'm super woke now and let's just
move forward yeah i you know i don't love the idea that she would be on board with that and
that's the other thing we haven't really heard anything from her either so unless this is the thing that they're just, you know, floating that out to see what happens.
But what's funny is I think in the run up to her running for governor, she or maybe right after she gave an interview where she talked about how she was very affected by the Anita Hill.
So is this is this her like I could change it from the inside if I'm on the ticket?
Hill. So is this her like, I could change it from the inside if I'm on the ticket?
Well, no, I mean, in this interview that she gave, she really talks about how in 91, I think she was at Spelman and saw how Anita Hill was just getting pressed by all these older white senators.
And she wasn't able to shake that. And that was Joe Biden. Joe Biden was like one of the people.
Right. So would this be if she did agree? You know, we don't know. But like if she did agree,
would this be her like, I can I can get in there and if I'm in there, then I can change this culture.
Then I can influence the decision because it seems weird that she'd be like, yeah, I'm with Biden.
Yeah. And I think she and I think that's why a lot of people are like who are kind of really looking at the whole thing.
Like, are we sure that's the thing she wants?
Or is that the thing that someone's just floating out there to be like, oh, this is great.
It's like reverse Obama, Biden.
Yeah. Right. Yeah yeah for a new generation i think anyone that voted for the iraq war should
not be considered at all no any position in the government i mean look at what happened
and biden i don't think was just one of the people who was pressing anita hill i think
he was in but no no i think he was like in a leadership position and also was the primary person
who held the prosecution or,
you know,
whoever the Anita Hill side from bringing in other witnesses.
Right,
right.
Yeah.
There were people waiting in the wings who would have basically been like,
yes,
us too.
Like he,
right. We know about sexually abused us us too or sexually harassed us too.
Biden's like whole record is such a trash fire.
I think one of the best parts, I mean, he's probably going to announce and run.
And I think one of the best parts, I'll just be watching him completely deteriorate because
you know, you have to find some joy in that horrible season that is coming upon us with
2020 electoral season.
It was like the small ember of joy that was watching Jeb just fall apart.
That was so good.
Obviously, Trump is just monstrous, but he owned Jeb so hard, and it's like, we'll always have that.
That was fucking hilarious.
Please clap.
That was just good, good stuff.
And I mean, again-
He had all the resources anyone could ever have.
But you guys, the polls.
I mean, the polls, first of all, have never been wrong.
As we know.
Especially when it comes to Democratic voters.
Because they're like, oh, he's 10 points ahead of Trump in a hypothetical poll.
So was Hillary Clinton on election day.
900,000 points.
And I'm saying like, yo, let's, can we just stop using that
as an argument?
Like,
let's just let all these nominees cook.
Let's see what happens
in these debates.
Yeah.
Let's get them,
let's have them get their policy
papers and platforms out
and we can really have a little thing.
Stacey Abrams should run herself
and then,
you know,
don't hit your wagon to Uncle Joe.
Yeah.
But I just don't like,
it's like almost,
a lot of pundits are acting like
it's a foregone conclusion.
That he's going to be the nominee?
Yeah.
And I think a lot of people, because of the establishment, they kind of want to keep things together.
They sort of want to favor Joe Biden.
But I hope the showing he has and the other candidates have will have people reconsider a little bit.
Well, at the other end of the spectrum, sort of a scrappy underdog candidate who is starting to get a lot of attention.
I will note that I've been talking about him for a year now.
Petey Butts, as I call him.
Pete Buttigieg is super hot right now.
CNN calls him the hottest candidate.
Pete B?
Really?
Yeah.
They call him the hottest candidate?
The hottest candidate right now.
Like in terms of just looks?
Yeah.
Wow. Yeah, I think mostly looks and also like body, you know, just like his build.
He's like a Beto that was never in a band and like paid attention in school.
Right.
But the wild story about him that's like kind of going around on social media is that he learned a language because I forget which language it was, but he read a book by an author that had been translated to English and then couldn't find any of that author's work that had been translated to English like none of their other books had been.
So he just learned that language to read the rest of that author's book.
I like that.
Wow.
Yeah, he speaks like seven, eight languages.
I like that.
That's impressive. Yeah, he's smart as fuck. He was a Rhodes scholar. He was Afghan war vet. Yeah. Afghan war vet. It seems weird. I know he knows how to say his own name, but Buttigieg seems weird. Is that how you say it? Yeah. Yeah. Buttigieg. Buttigieg. Buttigieg. Yeah. Hmm. The name's going to be a problem for him. I feel like he's going to need a rebrand. I think Petey Butts is like a cool.
Petey Butts.
People call Mayor Pete, I know, which is actually pretty good.
President Pete.
President Pete.
Yeah.
You guys do that.
Please.
There you go.
Please, call me President Pete.
Please, call me President Pete.
Also, he looks exactly like the coach of the Celtics, which is being pointed out online.
Brad Stevens.
Pete Buttigieg.
Yeah, they're definitely from similar dimensions.
Yeah. And yeah, Rhodes Sch definitely from similar dimensions. Yeah.
And yeah, Rhodes Scholar went to Oxford.
I mean, he's...
It's funny too, because when you...
Man, the town hall he had was...
He had a really good...
Yeah.
Not like it's a performance, but like...
He seems highly competent.
Yeah.
He showed himself to be someone we need to be paying more attention to.
And I hope the other...
Cute hubby.
...outlets...
Great couple.
I actually haven't seen this husband. Is this husband
cute? Yeah, they're like a good looking couple.
What's the husband do? I'm not sure.
Okay. I know he's all up
on Twitter being charming though.
Something about being a hubby. Launching the charm offensive
for old hubby Pete. Oh, he's doing
Harry Potter talk on there? Yeah.
Everyone on Twitter loves Harry Potter.
If there's one thing I've realized
yes, it's that.
I don't know anything about it.
Neither do I.
But good for him.
Yeah, but again, I think I really hope he gets a little bit more coverage
because, man, when you hear him speak, you're almost like, oh, wow.
He has his demeanor is very settled.
He's hyper-intelligent.
He's like Beto but standing on ground level instead of a counter for some reason.
Not putting his feet on your eating surfaces.
Some poor barista has to wipe that up, Beto, but standing on ground level instead of a counter for some reason. Not putting his feet on your eating surfaces. Some poor barista has to wipe that up, Beto.
He's crying.
He's in New Hampshire right now, I think.
Yeah.
Just leaping from diner table to diner table.
Smashing glasses like Ron Burgundy when he gets the flute out.
Stomping on tables.
Beto, please.
So Mike Huckabee went on Fox and Friends to, you know, Huckabee is known as the AOC whisperer,
the man who knows how to read.
If anyone's informed about the Latina experience, it's Mike Huckabee.
Yeah.
So he decided to come out to the comedy lab on Fox and Friends.
Been grinding. You know, his show is a, have you seen his show? He has his comedy lab on Fox and Friends.
Been grinding.
You know, his show is a... Have you seen his show?
He has his own show on Fox?
No, not on Fox.
I think it's on OAN
or one of those other
conservative networks.
But it's like...
I didn't realize he had his own show.
Oh, we'll get into that later.
Anyway, Chip Hinkleman,
who writes a lot of his material.
So that was his whole endgame
this whole time
was to get a show.
Like, I'm going to start doing jokes on Twitter.
And then I guess it worked.
Oh, the desk bits are so terrible.
Anyway, so yeah, he goes on Fox & Friends.
And if there's anything we've realized about Fox & Friends since November
or even a little bit before that,
they are obsessed with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.
Oh, my God.
Like, I don't even understand what the deal is.
with alexandria o'connor oh my god like i don't even understand what the deal is and of course he's on this the topic comes to her and you know brian super brain kill mead posited a theory that
got mike huckabee going too and just uh listen to this uh little exchange between two great minds
and i hope that she continues to be the face of the Democratic Party.
It's the best thing that Donald Trump and the Republicans have going for them in 2020.
Somebody's writing her questions.
I saw the questions at Michael Cohen and saw the questions at Wilbur Ross.
And there are some forces behind her.
I think there's a story there.
What?
Well, there very well could be.
I know there has been some allegations that she was
almost like the manchurian candidate recruited uh prepared you know i don't know but the point
is that she got her voters out now there have been some reports that she is actually an android
robot yeah has been uh made by chinese communists i don't know personally i don't know but actually
i'm sorry i misspoke she's an Android cell phone operating on donut.
Android donut operating system.
So that was a comment from a viewer who was like, I saw the question.
No, that was Brian Kilmeade.
Oh, I thought he said something about comments.
Maybe I just misheard.
I think he's talking about her because her line of questioning with Michael Cohn and Wilbur Ross was so pointed and effective.
Right.
That he was like, I saw those questions.
That's what I'm trying to figure out.
It was just that I saw the questions and how smart she was.
Yeah.
That she must have been a-
I saw her talking with complete senses, and now I realize that she must be hypnotized.
Right.
She's using some kind of potion.
That is fucking amazing.
And we need to get to the bottom of it.
Manchurian candidate.
Yeah, like what? Oh, boy. potion. And we need to get to the bottom of it. Manchurian candidate. What?
They've been cooking her up in some
lab just waiting to
release her.
People are talking about how she is a socialist super soldier.
Right.
That veered into Alex Jones right there.
The globalist.
The globalist.
They're screwing everything up.
Socialist super soldier.
She's a mainstream candidate.
Jerry Kushner, guys.
What are we going to do? What are we going to do with that lovable scamp?
That scamp.
He's up to no good.
He got caught using WhatsApp and his own email servers.
Why?
What's wrong with that?
I don't know.
Nothing.
I forget already.
Honestly, who gives a shit?
I know, but that's the sad shit, right?
His own son-in-law who's doing business with like high level business.
Right.
Okay.
And who knows who he's telling everything he knows.
You sound like Trump describing his own work.
High level business.
I'm doing the highest level business.
I'm great at deals.
Deals are my language.
High level.
Some of the deals I my language some high level some of the deals i'm
putting together such a level of synergy international relations that you wouldn't
compute i think it's like one of the things i've kind of gotten lost like i mean there's so much
ridiculous shit happening all the time but like jared kushner has like high-end security clearance
for like no reason like jared kushner is just like an idiot who's just like wandered into this situation.
And he's just like, hmm.
But people give him money now that he has high level security clearance.
Exactly.
That's the other thing.
Trump is making so much money.
It's like.
Well, yeah.
And that's why there's so many angles in, right?
Like whether it's they're suspecting the woman who started the massage parlor that Robert Kraft got busted at could possibly be working for Chinese intelligence.
I don't know why Robert Kraft busted at is what you're saying.
Oh, yeah.
Did he, though?
Yes.
The readers want to know.
Very brief encounter.
And, yeah, that she could be a cutout for Chinese intelligence.
This shit goes deep.
Yeah, it's weird.
It started off like that.
You're like, oh, this woman who's at Mar-a-Lago.
And then they're like, hold on.
She's using sort of the same mechanisms that counterintellintelligence people are saying yeah because she's like hanging
out with trump giving a lot of money under the guise of being a business person and that's sort
of like how why do you fly all the way down to florida for a handjob there's got to be something
else at play you're a fucking multi-billionaire you can get a high-end escort a handjob wherever
you want that was honestly my first question.
I mean, there's something at work.
Right.
Why is he going?
Oh, is he flying down there?
I didn't realize.
He flew specifically to Florida, apparently to, I mean, maybe not just to go there, but like-
A little stop off.
Yeah, to go to that place.
Wow.
Well, maybe he's trading secrets.
Anyway, allegedly.
I don't know.
I heard Robert Kraft is a Manchurian candidate. People are saying. I don't know. So again, Robert Kraft is a man.
People are saying,
I've heard that.
I've heard that.
But yeah,
like,
and the same thing with Jared Kushner,
like he has vulnerabilities,
he has debts.
They're finding ways to get influenced by,
you know,
sidetrack,
like sidestepping and getting influenced by approaching Jared.
So anyway,
that book Kushner Inc,
you know,
is out,
I think,
but there's just more,
more excerpts that are just...
It's really fascinating.
By the way, Rupert Murdoch, in that Jane Mayer article about the Fox News White House,
they say that Rupert Murdoch talks to Jared Kushner daily.
Yeah.
God, think of those conversations.
It's like his mentor.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
Jared, keep going.
Keep going.
You're doing well my boy
exactly it's like the
hatred
the emperor
don't forget your spite
but yeah so there's a few key things
and again this whole genre of
book of ooh you won't guess
what I saw in the White House
which is kind of exploitative
and it really doesn't offer any new information,
but it's nice to get detail about the things we assume.
How ridiculous it is.
Also, it's just wild that half of the country
was desperate for something like this
to come out during the Obama administration
about the Obama White House.
Gone fucking bonkers.
They had that shit so buttoned up
that there's just like nothing.
Not a single fucking
still no tell all. It's hard to have
a controversial administration where you're not
committing traditional crimes. That's true.
Yeah, that's right.
So, yes.
But they don't care about that.
They don't care about double tap
weddings and drone strikes.
Yeah, exactly. That's one thing.
That's a big blank spot missing in that.
Anyway, so with Jared, there's a few takes that are kind of really interesting.
One is just sort of this idea that he really doesn't get, or actually, no, I shouldn't
say that he doesn't get.
It seems that he is actually very in touch with issues that working moms face.
He's a feminist.
Yeah, he is.
I've always said that.
So in this excerpt, he's talking sort of about how he's just in awe of how quickly Ivanka bounced back from pregnancies and was back to work.
Apparently, within days of giving birth, he went down to close a deal for Trump properties.
She did, right?
Yeah, she did. Sorry, she did.
Ivanka.
Quote, she feels she has to prove herself to her father, he said, clearly both surprised and impressed.
But after Joseph was born, one of their sons jared was more blase and clueless according to that same colleague he opined at an observer event that he could not
understand why people took so much time off around pregnancies quote after all there's so many people
helping oh my god how like people that have been that rich their whole their whole life they just
divorced from reality they have no there's they don't have any common ground.
They don't, I mean, that's, I think that should be disqualifying, right?
Like, if you don't even, if you can't even understand, like, if you're in your mind,
everyone is living the same way you are.
Right.
You cannot be, you cannot help anyone.
And again, he doesn't really help anyone.
That's why, like, you see, like, these attacks, people try to disparage AOC.
Like, oh, weren't you, like, a bartender to disparage aoc like oh weren't you like a bartender
four years ago it's like yes she actually had to like work a real job and like support herself
unlike pretty much any politician who holds any power ever has to do yeah uh anyway so and then
another one it seems like he doesn't really fucking understand what the use of journalism
is at all or like why he doesn't get why people get into it. Why would all these highly educated
people do a job that pays such
shit money? Essentially his
question. There's no deals.
There's no deals in journalism. Why are these
idiots taking low paying jobs when they could
work in commercial real estate and make a ton of money?
Oh my god.
Then he said he did not understand the public service
aspect at all.
Why don't these idiots just pay 50 million to Harvard and then go to Harvard?
It's crazy.
Right.
What the hell?
Why would you want to live in a studio apartment with a roommate?
Yeah.
Anyway, and also, he is a poser.
What?
Look, here's another excerpt, okay?
I'm just picturing him with skater clothes on.
Did you just draw Stussy S in your notebook, Jared?
You don't even skate, bro. Yo, you see my
Osiris Chad Muska fucking G
bag that has a speaker in it? I know
what all that means. Anyways, go on.
I think he was with Osiris, right? Anyway,
all my Chad Muska fans
let me know. Muskrats.
Yeah. Shout out to the Muskrats.
So this is another expert quote.
On Jared's office walls at 666 Fifth Avenue, along with a photograph of John F. Kennedy,
was a frame containing the first page of the Charles Dickens novel, A Tale of Two Cities,
which famously begins, it was the best of times.
It was the blurst of times.
That's from The Simpsons.
Never mind.
Okay.
I got that.
Jared once told a reporter he bought it because he so loved the phrase.
But when a different visitor asked what he thought of the novel, a classic set during the French Revolution, Jared was dismissive.
Quote, I haven't read it.
Yeah, of course.
He's never read a book.
I think him and Trump have never read a book.
I would bet money.
Yeah.
I mean, Trump definitely.
I'm just trying to think if there was, right?
I'm sure we could be funny and think of a book one of them has read.
One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.
Trump used to keep a book of Hitler speeches next to it.
I mean, it's not funny, but he literally kept a book of Hitler speeches next to his bed.
I can't imagine he was reading those, though.
I had to read Hop on Pop once to bear it.
I didn't care for it.
Right.
I don't know about main camp.
Pop's a loser.
Right.
But, yeah, again, things we probably already knew.
But it's funny to even actually hear them as quotes because we see his face and we get
that he doesn't really know much about anything.
Right.
But then him be like, I mean, there's so many people helping after you have a child.
The funny thing was, remember when no one had heard him speak publicly in the beginning
and he came out and did this press conference.
He was like a squeaky little mouth.
It was like hearing David Beckham for the first time.
Found out he was voiced by the same guy who does Elmo's voice.
Right.
Does Jared's.
Or Vanessa Bayer.
Right.
Yeah.
All right.
We're going to take one more quick break.
We'll be right back.
Daphne Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist who on October 16, 2017, was murdered.
There are crooks everywhere you look now.
The situation is desperate.
My name is Manuel Delia.
I am one of the hosts of Crooks Everywhere,
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a one-woman Wikileaks.
Daphne exposed
the culture of crime
and corruption
that were turning
her beloved country
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And she paid
the ultimate price.
Listen to Crooks Everywhere
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The only difference between the person who doesn't get the job and the person who gets the job is usually who applies.
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This summer,
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was the target
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separated by two months.
These events were mirrored nearly 50 years ago, when President Gerald Ford faced two attempts on his life in less than three weeks.
President Gerald R. Ford came stunningly close to being the victim of an assassin today.
And these are the only two times we know of that a woman has tried to assassinate a U.S. president.
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I always felt like Lynette was kind of his right-hand woman.
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And we're back. And so
is Deadwood, baby.
Yes.
Yes.
Are you a Deadwood fan?
I'm one of my favorite shows of all time.
Yeah.
I am so fucking...
It's been 12 years of literally rumors about this,
and it's finally happening.
Yeah.
It's the best day ever.
You watch the teaser?
You know, I'm not going to watch any teaser
until an official trailer comes out.
I'll tell you something.
Timothy Oliphant, man.
He still looks great.
Guy's age is like a fine orange.
What is his routine?
What is his skincare routine?
But everybody else
has been recast,
so,
but it should be good.
Ian McShane, though.
Right, right.
Ian McShane's like
one of my favorite actors.
They replaced Ian McShane
with Milo Ventimiglia.
It's weird.
Oh, my God.
And he's like,
I'm swearing, James.
I'm swearing.
No, this ain't working.
That was a weird line that they had him do. I'm swearing. No, this ain't working. That was a weird line that they had him do.
I'm swearing.
They had to convince the people.
Okay, all jokes aside.
Yes, it is everybody who's still alive.
It's always, actually, no, I don't want to spoil anyone who hasn't seen the show.
Anyway, the teaser finally came out.
We have a release date, May 31st.
It's going to happen.
I'm just excited because I really felt,
I mean,
it's a,
such a shame.
It's one of the best HBO shows.
It's up there with,
with the greats,
but you know,
it's one of those,
the same tale,
like Rome and a few other shows,
the budgets were just too much and they had to just end it very abruptly.
And everyone was like,
cause they had to make John from Cincinnati.
That was a story that needed to be told.
Is that what immediately followed it?
Yeah.
That's what Milch made right after that.
Yeah, Milch moved on to John from Cincinnati.
Right.
Was that about Jesus?
Yeah.
What if Jesus was a dumb surfer?
Yeah, I think that was it.
That was essentially it.
I watched the first two episodes.
It was just sort of like a metaphor.
No, he wasn't really Jesus, but he was a...
Some Christ-like figure.
Christ-like.
Yeah.
Almost like...
Wait, come to think of it.
Like the Matrix Revolutions.
Oh my God!
Bro!
I didn't even realize.
Thank you, Carl C.
I get it now.
Can you tell them I'm smart?
I get it now.
But yeah, so just wanted to keep people up to date on that because I think it's very important.
Oh my God, it's going to be the best. We wanted to check in with the,
the good people of the,
uh,
varsity blues scandal.
I don't want your life.
Not the movie.
Oh,
your life.
Yeah.
Operation.
Oh,
operate.
Oh,
I love that.
They named it that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They're just fans,
you know,
big Vanderbeek heads.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Or they just couldn't think of anything like college.
Uh, what's that? Vbeek heads. Or they just couldn't think of anything like college...
What's that? Varsity Blues? High school blues.
High school football. High school football
film. That works.
Do Vanderbeek fans call themselves Vandergeeks?
Probably. I don't know. They must.
Beakers? Let us know, Beakers.
So, what's going on with
Felicity and Lori? So, a little
Boyd Watch for you. We haven't done that in a minute.
Because Us Weekly
has a lot of tea
from the fallout
of all this shit.
Namely,
that neither
Felicity Huffman
nor Lori Loughlin
understand that
like what the big deal
is here.
They're like,
I thought this
is how it worked.
What do you mean?
I love my kids.
I'm a rich white lady.
What are you talking about?
From Us Weekly,
Lori is really a great mom
who is completely
into her kids
and family life, the source says.
She lives and breathes for her husband and children.
Her intentions were pure.
In Lori's mind, the end result made everything she had to do worth it, the source tells Us Weekly.
And she really didn't even see it as being a huge deal.
I love that her daughter didn't even want to go to college and wanted to be like an Instagram influencer or whatever.
It's like, Mom, you ruined my influencer career.
I just care about her so much.
Right.
And I have to get her into school.
Otherwise, her life might be ruined.
Or she's playing 4D chess and she's like, you can't be an influencer.
Right.
This is going to make your name.
This is going to make your brand.
You'll no longer be an influencer.
Then you release a sex tape.
Bang.
Boom.
Right.
Look, Kris Jenner told me the whole formula.
We're only a step two, girl.
It's called the Jenner plan.
It's never failed.
But I like that they're still at the phase
where your kid doesn't even
realize they did something wrong.
Right. Yeah. Where they're just like,
you mean I'm not smart? Right.
Exactly. And she knew she didn't want to be.
But I wrote my essay about Instagram.
Oh, God.
And how it really affects me when people are negative
in their comments. Right.
And then I learn to be empathetic.
And then Felicity Huffman, though, write-up they gave for her situation, a little bit darker.
Because apparently William H. Macy is really fucked up over all of this.
A source revealed in the new issue of Us that the Shameless star is, quote, heartbroken and has, quote, been in tears over the ordeal.
is, quote, heartbroken and has, quote, been in tears over the ordeal.
Oh, God.
And then meanwhile, quote, Huffman never knew this would become so serious, an insider told us.
She hasn't fully grasped the extent of her alleged crimes or the possibility of prison time.
If you made William H. Macy cry, you fucked up.
He does enough emotional crying on camera.
He needs a quiet home life, Felicity.
I want to take that with a grain of salt because obviously she's being charged because it was her money or whatever, but they say he was around.
So I would hate for Us Weekly to be like, oh, look at how Felicity did it.
Honey, I'm taking $50 million to bribe the college.
Yeah, yeah, that's fine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right.
I'm building my ship in the bottle.
But then they also say that Felicity and Bill have been arguing.
The biggest concern is Felicity's criminal case and how it is impacting their daughter.
Because their daughter did not know about any of this until all this shit went down.
Right.
She was one of the ones whose SAT was corrected for her.
Yes.
Right?
And so this is all being done.
She was being gaslit into thinking she was smart and now is being publicly revealed that she's a dummy to her and the world.
Yeah.
Well, you know that it's a real quote because the inside source called William H. Macy Bill.
Right.
Yeah.
I mean, only his friends called him Bill Macy.
Right.
Billy H.
Yeah.
I just, you know, when these kids, man, they just get gaslit by their privilege.
It's a shame.
Yeah. It's a shame. Yeah.
It's a shame.
She's going to have to drop out of school,
have no choice but to become an influencer.
You've seen it before, you see it again.
They hit the streets, next thing you know, they're influencing.
And I think USC has been like,
we're kicking out people who we believe were ensnared in this,
or they're not allowing them to register for the next one.
Other people are like looking to see how culpable they are
to then determine whether or not they should stay.
I mean, either way, they got in under false pretenses, whether they knew about it or didn't.
Super producer Nick Stumpf believes every single one of these kids knew that they were what they were getting.
Right. And it's just plausible deniability.
They know they're not smart.
Right. Yeah.
Although I've met people who like their parents basically encouraged them to the end of the world.
And they're like, oh, that's true.
That's true, too.
They might just be in the bubble.
They're like,
yeah,
I'm doing a graffiti pop-up gallery.
If you want to come through.
Right.
Okay.
In the back of your,
it's in my parents' garage.
Yeah.
It's chill though.
I think Murakami's gonna be there.
Civil war shit keeps getting scarier and scarier from my point of view,
which is why it's amazing that the trailer for
the new robert evans show it could happen here is out so go subscribe it's our new podcast
that way you can tell everyone you saw it coming when the muller report starts the
second civil war oh wow that's a hot take on where that's going yeah i mean yeah tensions
are burning.
We'll see who's going to John Brown it up.
But we'll see what happens.
Great segue out of that one.
Just wanted everybody to know before we end things on a more somber note.
No, that's not true.
We're going to talk about the Forrest Gump sequel that we almost had.
I didn't know there was going to be one.
Yeah.
And I asked you, and you're like, oh, yeah, I knew.
Well, I knew it because my job used to be to look, to know this shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mine was to smoke weed at the park.
There you go.
And kick kids' basketballs into the parking lot.
So the screenwriter of the original Forrest Gump, Eric Roth,
sat down with Yahoo to talk about the script he wrote for the sequel.
Yeah.
And I didn't know.
He starts off being like, just so you know, I handed the script in to Zemeckis on September 10th, 2001.
Yes.
And then he was like, I put the script on a plane with a courier.
Yeah.
I was assured.
plane with a courier yeah i was assured so then he says uh like after then 9-11 happens and they're like this movie actually has no meaning it doesn't make sense yeah i mean not that i don't think you
could have healed the nation guys yeah a fractured nation well let's listen to what the movie was so
again i didn't know there was one i neither did. I also did not know the wacky shit they were playing.
Again, just feast your ears on this sort of guide through what would have been in Forrest Gump 2.
It was going to start basically with the little boy, his little boy having AIDS.
And people wouldn't go to class with him in Florida.
And we had actually a funny sequence where they were busing in Florida at the same time so that people were angry about either the busing
or the kids having to go to school with a kid who had AIDS. So there was a big conflict.
One of the funny things is we had him in the back of, I had him in the back of O.J.'s Bronco.
And that he would look up occasionally and they didn't see him in the rear view mirror,
they'd pop down.
I had him as a ballroom dancer who was really good and he could do the rote ballroom dancing
and eventually just as sort of a charity kind of thing he danced with Princess Diana.
You know, so those kind of things we had. There's a funny sequence where he meets on a bus a Native American woman and he said,
I finally found my calling and he's a bingo caller on a reservation.
And the big event in that is, which you could see was diminished only in tragedy, I guess, because it's the same tragedy.
But every day he'd go wait for his Native American partner.
She taught nursery school at sort of a government building there in Oklahoma City.
And he was sitting on the bench waiting for her to have lunch,
and all of a sudden the building behind him blows up.
So that was our big sort of event for that.
Like I said, heal a fractured nation. building behind him blows up. So that was our big sort of event for that, you know.
Like I said, heal a fractured nation.
I think we felt maybe everything we had written was meaningless.
I don't know.
Everything felt meaningless.
No.
Good God. Don't be so hard on yourself, Eric.
Wait a – did this guy just do coke?
He's like, yo, let's fucking put it – he's in the back of OJ's Bronco.
I'll crank it out over a weekend.
Yeah.
He's dancing with Princess Diana.
His lover who works at the federal building in Oklahoma City.
It's a lot.
What's the first one?
This devastation.
I haven't seen it since I was young.
I feel like.
No.
I mean, they cram a lot of historical events, but these are a lot of.
Yeah, Vietnam.
It's just maybe because it's so recent.
Because I guess, yeah, that's a good point.
There is fucked up shit in the first one.
There's assassinations.
There's Vietnam. There like all sorts of terrible but it's not like he was there when JFK got assassinated or when RFK like it's like he meets them and then he goes down to pick
up a nickel and the bullet like goes over him and hits JFK and he's like oh penny it's like a penny
that's glued to the side he's like darn it it's one of those trick ones. It's nighttime, he's still there.
But yeah, I mean, that would have been a tour de farce. I mean, it's wild that they ever
thought that was a good idea, but I still give them credit
for being probably in the top 10% of
awareness of Hollywood executives for being like, oh, this doesn't work at all anymore.
Most of them have been like, put it through.
Run it.
Jam it.
But imagine, though, had that been pitched the year before.
Right.
Yeah.
And 9-11, like it's pre-9-11.
It was coming out on September 10th.
And they're like, I guess just killed it.
Yeah.
They should have rewritten it so he's in 9-11 or something.
Make it really, you know.
I mean, who knows?
I mean, there's still time.
That's true. He might be a grandpa or something. Make it really, you know. I mean, who knows? I mean, there's still time. That's true.
He might be a grandpa or something. He's still alive.
And Haley Joel Osment is just like this
dude.
What was the joke
about the kid having AIDS?
It's kind of funny. Funny sequence.
He also described the Oklahoma City
thing as a funny sequence. So this is a funny bit.
People's limbs are showering
down around him while he's waiting at the bus stop. He doesn't even notice.
And she works in a nursery.
Because that's a lot
of the people who died were children
at a daycare.
Oh boy.
I don't know what...
Eric Roth.
Shout out to the guy at Yahoo who was having
to look at him and act like those were serious
ideas. He was very respectful.
I was like, yo don't like you.
Hold on.
What?
Eric.
No, this was like a go movie.
This wasn't like,
he wasn't pitching this on spec.
And you know what?
If 9-11 had never happened,
it would have been a huge hit.
Oh, yeah.
People would have been like,
oh, God, Oklahoma bombing.
That was so long ago.
We can laugh at it now.
We just did a show about 1999,
a live
show and we do like instead of the dailies like i start for our live shows we do entire years
and we looked at the matrix even that movie feels like weird like it like it was just like right
before 9-11 like that it doesn't totally it couldn't exist in a post-9-11 world yeah i don't
know what about it doesn't make sense but but it's just like everything is so...
Dude, what doesn't make sense is that you've always felt
something was wrong about this experience right now, Jack.
Mr. Anderson, the war on terror takes priority.
That they're going around just like shooting innocent people.
Sure.
No, no, they're projections.
Right.
Those are people, they're programs.
They're programs.
We're all programs.
Also, his passport expired
on 9-11
the character
Mr. Tom Anderson
yeah
on September 11, 2001
yeah when Agent Smith
is going through his file
and he's interrogating him
there's a quick moment
where he goes through
his passport
like a scanned passport
also isn't it
the turtle turtle scene
from the Dana Carver
movie Master of the Skies
they were filming that
on 9-11
and they heard what happened
and they did a moment of silence
and just kept filming
yeah
just gotta
gotta keep it going that's a brutal piece of 9-11 trivia were they rolling heard what happened, and they did a moment of silence, and then just kept filming. Yeah. Just got to keep it going.
That's a brutal piece of 9-11 trivia.
Were they rolling on that, too?
And he's wearing the outfit.
Turtle, turtle.
All right, we'll take you to...
Hold on.
Okay, we're under...
Okay, let's roll it.
We're burning daylight here, people.
It's just an amazing testament to Dana Carvey's work ethic.
Yeah, yeah.
Exactly.
And vision.
Singular vision as a comedian performer. He's a nice guy, though. We got to get this. He's very nice. I got yeah. Exactly. And vision. Singular vision as a comedian.
He's a nice guy, though.
We got to get this.
He's very nice.
I got to get this.
I didn't realize,
he said Garth is based off of his brother.
Oh, really?
Yeah, because his brother's kind of like that.
And Mike said the same thing,
that character's based off his brother.
Oh, Wayne is based off Mike's brother?
Yeah.
Amazing.
I'd love to meet their lesser brothers.
Yeah, right?
Those guys should do a tour.
Can you imagine when they're like,
I'm actually the guy who Garth is based off.
Dude, the real Cramer.
You know, the real Cramer has a bus tour.
Yeah.
The real Cramer tour, right?
The guys from the real Wayne and Garth should do a fucking tour.
Cash in, man.
I think the real Cramer is problematic, maybe.
He's probably pretty.
Kenny Cramer.
Yeah, Kenny Cramer's probably pretty problematic.
Every version of Cramer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.
Well. But don't say anything about Lomez. He's a good man. I version of Kramer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Well, Carl.
But don't say anything about Lomaz.
He's a good man.
I won't.
Okay.
Who's that?
Just one of those, like, nope, those people that Kramer always refers to.
Bob Sacamano.
Yeah, like you never meet.
Oh, got it, got it.
And he's like, oh, that's Lomaz's place of worship when he's doing the bus tour.
My friend Bob Sacamano.
Get it for your cheap.
Carl, it's been a pleasure having you, man.
Oh, my God.
Thank you so much, guys.
Where can people find you?
I am at Carl Hess on Twitter and Instagram.
That's K-A-R-L-H-E-S-S.
Damn.
Jumped on that one early, huh?
And is there a tweet you've been enjoying?
Yes.
This one made me laugh pretty hard because everyone has been talking about the Elizabeth Holmes things on Twitter.
So this is from Liz Watson at Watson Tots.
My favorite thing about every Elizabeth Holmes story
are the legions of old men who are all like,
she had this indefinable quality, that star power.
You knew she was special.
You always wanted to hear what she had to say.
And it's like, sir, what you are describing is horniness.
That's great.
Miles, where can people find you?
You can follow me on Twitter
and Instagram at milesofgray.
A tweet I like is from
ohgoddicky, Dicky Greenleaf.
It says, people complain I
quote-unquote play the flute and quote-unquote
hypnotize their town
and quote-unquote steal their children
or whatever, but like pay
your freelancers and this wouldn't happen also go to tpublic.com right now slash daily zeitgeist
and check out the sale right now because you can get a lot of our t-shirts for major money off like
we're talking 14 t-shirts right now and you can get that new Campus War Veterans t-shirt we were talking about.
You can get the new Zeitgang design.
There is so much merch on sale, so please check it out
and support the pod.
A tweet I've been enjoying.
Allison Leiby tweeted,
Stop making new flavors of Diet Coke.
The original flavor, Chemicals,
is already perfect.
Got a laugh
from the booth.
And at Kizmosa tweeted, Already perfect. Got a laugh from the booth?
And at Kizmosa tweeted, you know, nobody, colon, and then blank, and then a racist.
Look, I don't care if your skin is black, white, orange, green, polka dot.
Right.
I know, yeah.
They always take it into things. Polka dot.
Yeah, yeah.
Crocodile leather.
That's high-level racism. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said polka dot. Right, yeah. They always take it into things. Polka dot. Yeah, yeah. Crocodile leather. That's high-level racism.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I said polka dot.
Right, right.
You could be Navi.
Purple.
Klingon.
That's right.
That's right, man.
That's how not racist they are.
A Twi'lek.
Navi.
You can find me on Twitter at Jack underscore O'Brien.
You can find us on Twitter at Daily Zeitgeist.
We're at The Daily Zeitgeist on Instagram. We have a Facebook
fan page and a website, DailyZeitgeist.com
where we post
our episodes and our footnotes
where we link off to the information that we
talked about in today's episode
as well as the song we
write out on. I don't care if you're from
Nauvoo, Tatooine,
Tatooine, Hoff, the Ice Plan,
Alderaan, this is America, Bespin, or Yavin.
You could be hairier than a Kashyyyk native.
Oh, dear.
That's a Wookiee point.
Okay.
A song.
Actually, I would like to do a song by S. Maharba.
I've done a track by this person before, just really dark sample beats.
A few weeks ago, we did a version of
When I Go to Sleep. That was
in Russian Doll, but this is another version of that
song I like. And this is by Asmoharba.
But it's spelled W-I-G-T-S
like When I Go to Sleep.
Check that out. It's spooky.
It just gets you into your weekend.
Alright, guys. That's gonna do it
for this week. Enjoy the
basketball tourney over the weekend.
This should be a holiday if you ask me, bro.
Have a great weekend, everyone, and we'll be back on Monday for more Daily Psycho.
Talk to you guys then.
Bye. We'll be right back. Defne Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist
who on October 16th, 2017, was assassinated.
Crooks everywhere unearthed the plot to murder a one-woman WikiLeaks.
She exposed the culture of crime and corruption that were turning her beloved country into a mafia state.
Listen to Crooks Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hey, I'm Gianna Pradenti.
And I'm Jermaine Jackson-Gadsden.
We're the hosts of Let's Talk Offline from LinkedIn News and iHeart Podcasts.
There's a lot to figure out when you're just starting your career.
That's where we come in.
Think of us as your work besties you can turn to for advice.
And if we don't know the answer, we bring in people who do,
like negotiation expert Maury Tahiripour.
If you start thinking about negotiations as just a conversation, then I think it sort of eases us a little bit. Listen to Let's Talk Offline
on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Kay hasn't heard from her sister in seven years. I have a proposal for you. Come up here and
document my project. All you need to do is record everything like you always do.
What was that? That was live audio of a woman's nightmare.
Can Kay trust her sister, or is history repeating itself?
There's nothing dangerous about what you're doing.
They're just dreams.
Dream Sequence is a new horror thriller from Blumhouse Television, iHeartRadio, and Realm.
Listen to Dream Sequence on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. In California during the summer of 1975, within the span of 17 days and less than 90 miles,
two women did something no other woman had done before, try to assassinate the President of the
United States. One was the protege of Charles Manson, 26-year-old Lynette Fromm, nickname
Squeaky. The other, a middle-aged housewife working undercover for the FBI.
Identified by police as Sarah Jean Moore.
The story of one strange and violent summer,
this season on the new podcast, Rip Current.
Hear episodes of Rip Current early and completely ad-free and receive exclusive bonus content by subscribing to iHeart True Crime Plus,
only on Apple Podcasts.