The Daily Zeitgeist - Beto Announces, LaCroix Death Spiral? 3.15.19
Episode Date: March 15, 2019In episode 349, Jack and Miles are joined by comedian Eli Olsberg to discuss Fox New's favorite type of pie, a check in with the admissions scandal, the House voting to make the Mueller Report public,... Ivanka wanting to be president, Matt Whitaker's correcting what he said in his testimony, Beto O'Rourke announcing his plans to run for president, a Georgia legislator introducing the 'testicular bill of rights,' La Croix not doing well, and more! FOOTNOTES: 1. Brian Kilmeade has A Moment while trying to describe his favorite pie, which it turns out is actually cake. #PiDay 2. Billa B Raps3. Son defends parents caught in college admissions scandal while smoking blunt4. House Votes Overwhelmingly to Demand Public Release of Mueller Report5. ‘Kushner, Inc.’: Ivanka ‘Thinks She’s Going to Be President,’ and More Batsh*t Bits From the New Trump Book Excerpts6. Lawmakers clash over Trump’s talks with Whitaker7. BETO O’ROURKE: “I’M JUST BORN TO DO THIS”8. Brian Kilmeade complains that Beto O'Rourke "has this huge library. As if it's a big plus that he reads books." 9. Georgia legislator to introduce 'testicular bill of rights'10. CEO of La Croix maker National Beverage blames 'injustice' for sales declines; stock falls 15%11. WATCH: Nick Bowens - Denial Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Hello, the internet, and welcome to Season 73, Episode 5 of
The Daily Zeitgeist!
The podcast where we take a deep dive into America's shared consciousness.
It's Friday, March 15, 2019. My name is Jack O'Brien, a.k.a.
Jack O'Brien was a bullfrog.
Was a good friend of Miles.
I never understood a single word he said.
But I listened to him share his hot takes.
And he always had some mighty hot takes.
All right.
That a.k.a. courtesy of Ramen King.
And I'm thrilled to be joined, as always, by my co-host, Mr. Miles Gray.
Lola Bunny Jones.
I got the Lola Bunny Jones.
I got the Lola Bunny Jones, oh, baby.
Ooh.
If y'all remember, I have a love for Lola Bunny.
I know Patrick Gorman did At Patrick 360 because you hit me with that one.
I remember that track off the Space Jam soundtrack.
I have to leave the R. Kelly track alone.
Oh, that was an R. Kelly?
No, no.
It was the one that had, I think it's Chris Rock singing it at the beginning.
Oh, weird.
Anyway, but yeah, that's from the Little Space Jam soundtrack?
That's a deep cut.
Deep, deep cut.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, we are thrilled to be joined in our third seat by the very funny comedian, writer, and actor,
and second-time guest, Mr. Eli Olsberg.
Hi, guys.
Thank you for having me back for the first time.
Yes, so good to have you back.
Man, we are having a severe mandela uh theory moment or
whatever that the mandela effect moment where both super producer anahosnia and i could swear
that eli has been here before and eli insists he is not i don't know why he's lying about it
but he also got it completely cleared from our archive. So when you Google, it also says he hasn't been on the show.
So I don't know.
This is an iHeartMedia conspiracy.
I don't know what the point of this conspiracy is, but it's great to have you back, Eli.
The second I was like, I know Eli's not been here.
Also, back for the first time, that's Ludacris' second album.
It is? Yeah. back for the first time, that's Ludacris' second album. Oh.
It is.
Back for the first time.
That's the one that had
Southern Hospitality on it.
Ho doesn't age very well now.
Fat Rabbit,
What's Your Fantasy,
remix.
Fat Rabbit,
is that about Lola Bunny?
Can you touch it?
Can you feel it?
Can you grab it?
That fat rabbit,
uh-oh.
I like that What's Your Fantasy
was the last one you listed,
by the way. Yeah. That's the most famous. Yeah, I love this album. Uh-oh. I like that What's Your Fantasy was the last one you listed, by the way.
Yeah.
That's the most famous.
Yeah, I love this album.
I love old.
That's a fan.
Fat Rabbit is a Timbaland one, which actually, I believe, was on the Timbaland album.
Anyway, doesn't matter.
I'm glad you cut it off, because I was going to think, which one?
Shock Valley?
I can get into this.
Yeah, yeah.
No, no, no.
The second Timbaland and Magoo album, I feel like Fat Rabbit was also on.
Oh, the Timbaland and Magoo days. Okay. They had, ooh, love to,, no, no. The second Timberland and Magoo album, I feel like, Fat Rabbit was also on.
Oh, the Timberland and Magoo days.
Okay.
They had, ooh, love to, love to, love ya, love ya.
All right.
No?
All right, well.
Yeah, no.
See you later.
I'm familiar.
I'm just moving on.
You're supposed to sing along.
Miles, I could listen to you sing all day.
Thank you so much.
But that's not what this podcast is, unfortunately.
And I thank you.
Thank you.
All right, Eli, we're going to get to know you a little bit better in a moment.
But first, we're going to tell our listeners a few of the things we're talking about.
We're just going to check in real quick with Brian Kilmeade from Fox & Friends on Pi Day yesterday.
We're going to do a quick college admissions check-in to see how that scandal is playing out.
Going to check in with Washington.
There's another book out that gives you the tea on the internal workings of the Trump administration.
We're going to talk about Beto's bizarre announcement.
I don't know how bizarre it is, I guess.
It's just his hand gestures really weirded me out.
How bizarre?
How bizarre? Hey, I guess. It's just his hand gestures really weirded me out. How bizarre? How bizarre?
Hey, by the rights.
And we're going to talk about LaCroix and some supreme trolling
happening in
the world of politics. But first,
Eli, what is something from
your search history that's revealing about who you are?
I actually was thinking
about that, and my most recent one was
actually Chuck Two's. Chuck Two's? Yeah, and here's why I'll say that, because my most recent one was actually Chuck Two's.
Chuck Two's. Yeah, and here's why I'll say that, because they stopped making them.
Did they?
Yeah.
I didn't know this.
Converse stopped making – basically, every time they try to do something beyond the original Converse, which I love, but my feet and back don't.
Right.
I thought Chuck Two's were incredible.
They're like walking on mattresses because they have like an insole on them.
And so I've been excessively searching for the last two weeks to try and find another pair of Chuck 2s.
And these are basically they look like regular Chucks, but they have like the bigger rubber sole around it.
Yes, yeah.
And then they have like Nike made a lunar – I think it's called a Lunarlon insole.
And that is so comfortable. I was like, oh, wow, this is exactly what I needed. like a like like they have like nike made a lunar i think it's called a lunar lawn insole and that
is so comfortable yeah i was like oh wow this is exactly what i needed i mean i could go buy an
insole and put it in a regular chuck right right right but i'd rather not this was incredible
and nike owns converse correct and they people who don't know so what is this sold out right now
no it's done they just they finished it like a year ago and I learned that too late.
So now I'm trying to go on a deep dive
of, so I'm just Googling
like Chuck 2's or Chuck 2's
resale, like anything I can find
it's been... The used shoe market
is probably a little
smelly. Yeah, not for me.
If I have to
take a position on it, not for it.
I mean, if StockX would sponsor us, they want to sponsor all the other shows except ours,
I would say to go to StockX.
Yeah, bleep that out.
We're not saying where to go.
You're wearing Air Max.
I'm wearing Air Max 97 Ultras HALs.
Speaking of locking on mattresses, those are supposed to be very comfortable, right?
You know, not as soft as anything with Zoom Air, I found.
LeBron's, I just bought my first pair of LeBron's.
Very comfortable.
Really? Might actually get me to exercise.
Wait, did you turn the monitor to me?
Were you trying to show me something?
They're on stock.
Oh, and they're not expensive.
Oh, my God.
It's not like a big hype shoe.
This is getting very bleepy, guys.
We got to stop mentioning stock.
We'll just say it.
You know what?
Because this will be for salespeople to say, hey, we're on your team.
And guess what?
I know you missed the boat the first time.
Hey, but we're selling tickets to Titanic 2.
Get your tickets.
That's a good way to sell it.
It's from the iceberg's point of view.
Yes.
That's right.
We're coming for you, iceberg.
What is something you think is underrated?
Underrated?
Doing things alone.
Doing things alone.
Going to the movies alone.
Grabbing a bite to eat alone.
I think that people, whenever I talk to people about that, even in LA, which is like a place
where you kind of have to go from, you're like jumping around a lot and you're really
busy.
Yeah.
I think not enough people just do it to do it.
Usually it's because they're like in a rush or something.
Right.
I don't know.
I love going to a movie alone because then I don't have to worry about, like if I love
the movie, I don't have to worry about someone taking that away from me if they didn't like it.
Wow.
Do you hang out with people right after you just sort of litigate what the film just was?
Well, it doesn't always happen.
But I remember once I went and saw a movie I really liked with a friend and he hated it.
And we just like – I was like, oh, this is weird because I can't just talk about the things I really like about it.
I mean it's a totally civil conversation.
Sure, sure.
But I actually don't even want to even have to.
Yeah, you'd rather fan out with somebody else.
Right, right.
And sometimes I'll just, the drive home is enough to be like, this was great.
Yeah.
I also, I don't like talking about a movie right after I've seen it.
It's like, sometimes it's too fresh.
Really?
Yeah.
What do you mean?
I prefer to not.
I need a second.
I have to develop a take properly.
I don't want to give my first impression. And I also, I'm just like you.
I get in my head about like what the other person, like if I go to a movie with somebody,
I'm also experiencing through their eyes, kind of like worried about what they're thinking.
And if they shoot something down right away, if they're like, if you love the movie so
much and they're like, well, here's this one problem with it.
Right.
And then that could actually get in your head and you're like, yeah, maybe this wasn't as good as I thought.
I'm just so aggressively about my own point of view.
If someone disagrees, I'm like, all right, fine.
I'm here.
See, but even that's a thing where I'm like,
oh, I have to really plant my seed on that.
Well, it's not even like that.
I mean, if someone disagrees, I don't then go,
hmm, well, what does that mean that I disagree with that?
I'm just sort of like, okay.
Especially after a movie.
Because a lot of times I'll go to a movie and there's a moment where I look at the other people I go with.
I go, yo, that was bad, right?
And then everyone goes, yeah, that was fucked up.
That was a terrible movie.
And I was like, okay, good.
You're the guy, Miles.
You're the guy who ruined it for everybody.
Well, I think there's a pause where everyone, especially, it's only when you see a bad movie where you go in with expectations and they're not quite met.
And then you kind of want to gauge everybody.
Yeah.
Because that's where I'm sort of like, am I the only – I just want to make sure I'm not the only one.
I'm like, okay.
Do you know what a weird place to experience that is?
If you ever go to like a film festival and like an early premiere of a movie, it is – there's like an energy.
Right.
A good energy.
Yeah.
But when you walk out – that happened.
I saw Widows like a month and a half in advance and I was like oh that movie was so good
and then I started talking to people later on
and as I was thinking about
the movie I was like I still did like it but
when I walked out I was like
juiced you know what I mean I was like this is
fucking great
sorry I don't know if I can curse
you can but you should actually curse louder
I was like this is fucking
there you go
yeah no I totally yeah I agree that No, you can, but you should actually curse louder. I was like, this is fucked up. There you go.
Don't be afraid.
Yeah, no, I totally, yeah, I agree that getting to see a movie before its actual premiere date gives it a 40% bump in people's mind.
Yeah.
And if it's something that I'm especially hyped for, that happened when I went and saw
the new Halloween, I was like, I also went to an early screening of that, just dropping
brags.
Yeah, yeah.
Right, right.
Because I got one for you in a second. Oh, hell, I cannot wait. I also went to an early screening of that. Just dropping brags. Yeah, yeah. Right, right. Because I got one for you in a second.
Oh, hell, I cannot wait.
I loved it.
And even though, but there was a scene, I remember there's a part of the movie that
there's like a small, it's not even a twist, but like this thing that happens in the middle
of the movie that I'm like, oh, this almost derailed the whole movie for me.
But everybody around me was in such a good mood.
I think I went a little easier.
And as I walked out, I asked somebody else about it and then someone else and someone else and all three of them were like, I didn't think that went a little easier. And as I walked out, I asked somebody else about it, and then someone else
and someone else, and all three of them were like, I didn't think that was a big
deal. I'm like, well, that's
why I come by myself.
If I can. But there's something
to seeing it before, too, because you also
kind of feel like, ooh, I'm getting a leg up
on people. I'm going to watch it. I thought fucking
Matrix Revolutions was good when I saw
the screening at Warner Brothers.
My mom was like, you want to go?
I was like, and it was during school.
Yeah, that was such a big deal, man.
No, I think I just graduated.
Anyway, I went.
Wait, is that the third?
Yeah, the fucking worst fucking one.
And I was like, yeah, that was sick.
Then it came out, and then I went to go see it again with people,
and I was like, yo, this movie's fucking trash, man.
I saw it.
I worked at Best Buy when that came out,
and they had like a company thing
where they bought the employees
in a day and a half early as well.
Nice.
Which you probably saw it
earlier than that.
Yeah,
mom was a film critic.
So yeah,
I was like,
I was bragging like up
two months ahead.
I was like,
you guys aren't going to believe.
We saw it on a full house
two days before.
Everyone was cheering
when the movie started
and it just got more silent
as it went along.
And when we left,
I was with two other friends who were driving home and I was just like, I don went along and when we left i was with two other
friends we were driving home and i was just like i don't what did we just watch yeah genuinely we're
trying to figure out certain parts of it and uh my roommate now it's so weird you just bought this
up my roommate has been re-watching the trilogy more than once because he's like he's like i
actually want to just figure it out with no one assisting me and figure it out yeah he doesn't
want to go online.
Like it's a puzzle more than a film.
Exactly.
He's like, most of this doesn't – I don't know.
Oh, and he's like, who's the Merovingian really though?
And it's like, okay, here we go.
Because he's like, this part doesn't make sense.
And I don't know how much of it is a joy in terms of the movies themselves.
I think there's just something there for him where he's like, if I can crack this, I'm like, it's not going to make the movie any better.
We just did our live show about the year 1999 and focused on the movie The Matrix.
I mean, the first one.
We're in this.
Do you guys still think it holds up?
Yeah, I do.
Yeah.
Yeah, the first one for sure.
But when the second one came out, I was really on my conspiracy theory shit because I was like, yeah, but for real, like who were the Merovingians?
Like who is the Merovingians?
Right, right.
And then I was like looking up the Merovingians like being this dynasty orerovingians? Right, right. And then I was looking up the Merovingians being this dynasty or whatever.
Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's nothing in there.
Yeah, if you want to see-
I mean, I'm sure someone's going to have something to say.
If you want to see a great example of that,
look up YouTube videos of fans waiting
to see The Phantom Menace,
and they're so excited.
Oh, yeah.
Come out, shock, shock.
And then they come out,
and part of their brain has accepted the fact
that it sucked but like they haven't their conscious mind hasn't yeah they're still like
it's great it was worth every penny it was worth the wait but like you can tell like part of them
has died a little bit i would love if there was like a cut of someone being like i can't believe
i camped out for two weeks for this shit. That's just like they caught one person. That's what their unconscious mind is screaming.
For sure.
But their mouth is saying, yeah, I'm glad I did it.
Because they have to believe.
It's like people who are still supporting Trump.
Or acting like seeing a grandparent naked for the first time didn't weird you out?
Yeah, no.
It was hot.
Why do you think it's weird?
Well, not like hot.
It was just weird.
But then you're like, oh, no.
I love that you had to backtrack. You're like, it's weird? Well, not like hot. Just like, no, it was just weird. But then you're like, oh, no. I love that you had to backtrack.
You're like, it's hot.
Not hot.
Not hot.
Not hot hot.
Yeah, yeah.
Just hot.
Right.
Feeling hot, hot, hot.
It's just the human body, the human form.
What's the big deal?
Anyways.
According to Winkleman's theory of aesthetics.
Right.
Anyway.
Eli, what is something you think is overrated?
Binging shows. Binging shows. Right. Anyway. Eli, what is something you think is overrated? Binging shows.
Binging shows.
Yeah.
It's not, I never, I can't do more than, even if I think something's really good, I can't
do more than two episodes at a time.
I think that's probably healthy.
You can't do it physically or you've created a rule for yourself?
Oh no, both.
Like I actually did create that rule for myself late because I tried it.
I was like, oh, I need to really try and finish this when I was getting – what was it that I was trying to watch?
It was something that was an hour, an episode each.
This was a few years ago when Netflix first started putting out shows that way.
And I think it's like – I don't know.
It just stops feeling – I don't – it started to feel like work.
Yeah.
Like I think binging at a certain point.
I think for some people it can genuinely level them out.
But for me, I think also I was talking to a friend about this and he made such a great
point.
He was like, well, you know, especially since MoviePass became a thing, because I go to
the movies a lot more than I do watch TV.
And I noticed he was like, yeah, with the movie, it's two hours.
You know what you're getting when it's over.
You move on.
He's like, with a TV show, if you have to binge something, God forbid you've already missed the first season,
that's like 20 episodes you have to watch.
It's like a daunting thing.
And I don't think everybody thinks that way.
I know some people who are like,
oh, there's seven seasons of something.
Hello, February.
I'm like, hello, not thinking about my life.
Yeah, ready to tune out long-term.
And so I don't know.
Yeah, I just, whenever I talk to people who've like, when I've started something a week late,
like I was already, I watched Russian Doll about a week after it started and everybody
I knew had finished it.
And I was like, how, and they're telling me how good it is.
I'm like, I don't think I could think it's good if I watched it that quickly, even if
I loved it.
I think the only time that ever I tried doing that, I remember I was in high school and
someone loaned me the DVDs of Sports Night.
I hadn't watched it at this point.
And I was like, oh, this show's so good.
Right.
Right.
And then after like the third episode, I was like, oh, I'm going to just keep watching
it.
But around the sixth episode, I was like, even though it was half an hour, I was like
fried.
Right.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I just can't.
But I could sit through a three hour movie and maybe because I know it's going to be over.
Yeah.
And the mechanics of it are different because there's like an arc.
Yeah.
I think Sorkin's better in maybe movie-sized chunks.
Well, yeah.
I mean, it's so funny when people talk about his cocaine history.
I'm like, yeah, you can see it on the way people talk.
They're like, yeah, well, when, you know, in the 1950s when I blah, blah, blah, blah,
and they just keep going.
And I'm like, this is cocaine as a script. Yeah, yeah. Finally, what is a myth? What's something people think is true you know, in the 1950s when I – and they just keep going. Right. This is cocaine as a script.
Yeah, yeah.
Finally, what is a myth?
What's something people think is true you know to be false?
Oh, my favorite.
I could not wait for this question.
If you work hard and be nice, you'll be successful.
You also need to come from money as we learned a couple days ago.
Yeah.
I mean, no, I – just to be clear, I do think you need to work hard and be nice and
things. There's like a work ethics important, but I think most of the time when you hear this stuff
or when you, a book is published by someone about their like journey to success, usually
there's some privilege attached to it. And I've been really thinking about that lately. And it's
been very nice to be like, yeah, you know what? I am working hard and being nice, but also,
you know, you don't, if you don't come from money, I don't know, it's going to take a little longer.
Yeah.
They edit that shit out because America loves a pull yourself up by your bootstraps story.
Yeah, I can't.
I want that torn down so bad.
I want those bootstraps back down.
It's all nepotism, baby.
Hell yeah.
You need that part.
The vital ingredient to that recipe.
I think the only exception where you can luck out if you're not from means is if you're from L.A. Yeah. It's true. It's a vital ingredient to that recipe. I think the only exception where you can luck out if you're not from means is if you're from L.A.
Yeah.
No, I'm that.
And look, full disclosure, a lot of people think I got here just based off merit.
I have to be honest with people.
I am related to Quincy Jones.
That's why I'm where I'm at today.
Yes.
Okay.
Quincy.
That's why I do the impression so well, too.
Right.
That was a joke that did not land. But those are- Quincy came to me and was like- You got to get this kid on your today. Yes. Okay. Quincy. That's why I do the impressions so well too. Right. That was a joke that did not land.
But those are-
Quincy came to me and was like-
You got to get this kid on your podcast.
Yeah.
He's like, hey man, you like Brazilian music?
You like witty podcast hosts?
Right.
I got some for you.
Your impressions and your singing voice are fantastic.
Thank you so much.
Yeah.
No, but it's true.
I mean, especially, I mean, growing up in LA, it's wild.
Just going to school, the kind of people you meet, even if you're in public school, private school, there's a lot going on.
Even if you don't have the money, if you can live with your parents, that's literally a leg up here.
Yeah, right.
Seriously.
Yeah, exactly.
The entertainment industry is very, very nepotism.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, it is.
It's almost like, why do people even act like they need classes for shit?
It should be like, yo, who do you know?
My favorite was Arnold Schwarzenegger's daughter, Catherine, wrote a book about like what to do after college.
And I was just like, are you kidding me?
Did this book sell?
And it's like, oh, she interviewed other famous people.
She interviewed not a single person that would have had any kind of – I was obsessed with that for like two days.
I was just reading everything I could.
I went on Amazon and looked at the pages. She was like, you know, after college, just take like a good year and a half on a trip.
To date Chris Pratt.
Chris Pratt.
Or like, you know, just like fly around the world, see stuff, like see the possibilities,
then come back and figure out a job.
Find out who you are.
Eat for three months.
Pray for three months.
Love for three months.
If you can, if you have the means.
Yeah.
Ivanka has a memoir like that I believe as well oh probably worth checking out all right guys let's talk about pie day oh first I just need
to put out a retraction okay I slandered Don Beebe's name yesterday talking about the Buffalo
Bills it was Leon Lett who was holding the football out and Don Beebe swiped it out in that
Super Bowl. And I don't mean to throw shade on Don Beebe again to all the Buffalo Bills fans.
I'm sorry I got it wrong. Miles, this is the fifth Don Beebe related retraction you've had to issue.
And what was the other guy's name? Leon Lett. I love these names. I don't watch sports,
but these names are spectacular. Anyway, I'm sorry. I knew that too i just thought i was misremembering
no i was too but then you know and i don't want to blame vince but i was like remember he was like
yeah and i was like okay that's all i need to keep this going i knew it was don bb up in there but he
was the hero and just prevented it from being a total blow so eli just so you know we will be
counting on you to fact check us live without a a computer. Right. All right. If you fail to do so, we will badmouth you on tomorrow's show.
Cannot wait.
How many days are in four score?
Three?
I knew that answer seven years ago.
Oh, hey.
There we go.
Anyway.
All right.
It was Pi Day yesterday, which means 314.
And Brian Kilmeade was, let's just listen to the clip.
Yeah.
I guess to start off, yeah, again, Pi, the mathematical constant that we use.
But a lot of people also take Pi Day to just talk about the dessert pie.
Right.
And that's obviously Fox and Friends are not interested in math.
So they took it in that direction.
But yeah, listen to the open of the show.
It's Pi Day.
That is the reason to be happy. What's your favorite pie? Oh, God. With ice, listen to the open of this show. two pies that come in a little slot. You know what I'm talking about? No idea what you're talking about. You get one in a slot at McDonald's.
Ted, do you know what I'm talking about? Two pies in a slot.
Yeah, you know what I mean?
Like a frozen pie that your mom pulls out?
Draw a little picture. What did you say?
Oh yeah, the Drake's cakes. What did you say?
That's a cake.
Yeah, Drake's for hostess.
I like those two things.
I don't want a whole pie. I just want a bite.
Anyway, it's pie day.
I don't want a whole pie. I just want a bite. Alright, that's all good. Anyway, it's pie day. Have some pie. I don't want a whole
pie. Motherfucker described a cake.
Also called it a tube pie.
Yeah. That is crazy to me.
Tube pie. He's like one of those
tube pies. I don't want a whole pie. I want a bite
of a little cake. Right.
Okay, that wasn't the question.
But I like that there is somebody on
set who is like paid
to be like the Brian Kilmeade whisperer who's like, okay, this guy's dumb as shit.
I just need to be thinking on his level at all times.
So they're like, just what the fuck is he talking about?
I love that he's like all the way in the back.
He's like, cake, cake.
It's cake, you guys.
And he's just back there.
He's like, fuck, I didn't know what else to do.
Sorry, guys. And he's just back there. He's like, fuck, I didn't know what else to do. Sorry, guys. The amazing thing about that is that I don't think Brian Kilmeade ever came around to the fact that he got that wrong.
No, he was like, yeah, that.
That's the one.
Maybe he thinks, yeah.
You guys don't call cakes tube pies?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Cupcakes?
You call them cupcakes?
I don't know.
I call them upside down sliced pieces of cake.
You call them muffin pies.
Yeah.
What? It's still this thing like being
proudly dumb is still like cool in
the world of conservatives like being
like I don't wash my hands. That is
Fox News in a nutshell to me.
Where they're just like yeah I said something dumb. You know what
here I'm going to say something dumber.
I hope later on
they did discuss the mathematic
constant pi.
Do you think ever they tried to break that down and just like, you know what?
March 14th, baby, time for those pies.
Yeah, probably.
Okay, fine.
Whatever.
Right.
But that, I mean, I think that's how all news outlets choose to cover Pi Day, right?
Yeah.
They're not just like having somebody recite it or i would love for one of them to be
like uh pi day uh so darren aronofsky released the film in right and everyone's like what the
hell and brian kilmeade is about to perform the ending of that with a power drill perfect that'd
be the perfect ending on fox news let's talk about the college admission scandal uh because
it's just the the longer we get to look at these
people's lives, the better. Yeah, look, there are just endless amounts of stories about the lengths
parents and students went to cheat their way into school. But there's one specific one I just want
to call out, because the daughter of Gregory and Marsha Abbott, you know, got into college because
her parents paid for someone to take her SAT scores, 125,000 approximately.
So they live in New York, this couple.
And they're millionaires.
The father's the head of some beverage dispensing, international dispensing corp or whatever it is.
And so New York Post comes out trying to get a comment.
But out comes some dude, like just in a puffer jacket smoking a blunt that looks like
brute's dick and he's got like his name is malcolm he comes out and he's like yeah i'm there i'm
their son and they're like oh all right and he was like he looks like an rc cola andrew dice clay
when i looked at him i was like this looks like he's about to do a nursery rhyme.
They're like, oh, do you have anything to say?
All he said was, I believe everyone has a right to go to college, man.
And then immediately starts plugging his rap mixtape because he's a rapper named Billa.
Billa B or some shit.
It's definitely Billa.
And he's like, yo, check out Cheese and Crackers.
Came out last year.
Cheese and Crackers. Their fucking house is on Park Avenue overlooking the Met. Okay. villa and he's like yo check out cheese and crackers came out last year cheese and their
fucking house is on park avenue overlooking the met okay this is where this dude comes out smoking
a blunt dude it looks like straight up old dried up cat shit i've honestly i'm more upset about
you're more upset about the blunt construction than anything furious at the look of this blunt
it's absurd anyway so i would just for a, before we talk about how his sister got into school,
let's just listen to Billa's fine raps real quick, just so you have an idea of what the
college scam adjacent brother rapper is.
I'm so excited to hear this.
Here's the facts.
Riders, hats, and Macs.
Brim love, love my brim right back.
Break fast on that ass like a midnight snack. My homies bailed out, got that bill right back. Okay, well we can just stop that there
I mean, that's what we call bars
Yeah, that was scalding hot
Watch out, Kendrick This totally has a vibe for the crown
of like a weird i i already said our rc cola andrew dice clay so i'll say this is like rc
cola tribe called quests or something it has like this like weird 90s like he's trying to emulate
like early 90s new york rap yeah like sample based hip-hop golden era rap yeah and it's like
i it's embarrassingly bad yeah yep i mean some of his
rhymes are ones like he gets pull a heist pull a heist pull a heist wrong or right wrong or right
wrong or right i'm getting mad cash every night i'm bringing fifth ave to the heights and i'm white
okay old money new stack for the g's old money new stack new stack. That's amazing. He's bragging about
being old money at a wrap.
Then he goes on, he said, you were the G's
at, we were the Jews at.
Wait, what?
You were the G's
at? We were the Jews at.
Okay.
I guess they're in the hood and
he's at synagogue.
Sounds like the kind of freestyle that a bunch of Jewish frat kids would do at a
party.
Yeah, yeah.
That would be seen as fun.
And when he said that, they would be like, oh, this dude's legend of this fucking house
is right here.
By the way, whatever he was smoking, that spliff or whatever, also speaking of mid-90s,
reminded me of that big fucking joint that the grandma smokes in Don't Be a Menace.
Right, right, right.
South Central at the end
very specific reference but look it up it's like a it's a parody of a blunt yes literally what it
looked like you know it's like yo all the haters can suck my diddick because when i'm on streets
i twist his blunt like hasidics anyway so you just wrote the best rap and i just wrote it anyway
uh so then going on i just want to also take a little excerpt from the charging documents around his sister.
So Gregory Abbott, his father, inquired to the guy who was cheating, set her up to take the SAT on her own,
asked about how his daughter would have scored if they didn't cheat.
And then so they have a transcript of the phone call.
He says, hey, so do you know how she did on her own?
This is the cooperating witness one.
Do I know how she did on her own?
Yeah, I do.
She scored in the mid 600s.
But dad goes, yeah.
That's the end of that transcript.
And then they go on to say, ultimately, the daughter received an 800 out of 800 on math
and 710 out of literature.
She got a 1510.
Out of the mid 600s.
On her own, she scored mid-600s.
Combined?
I don't know.
I don't know if that was just for one section.
Either way, mid-600s doing the best on one section.
Let's just call it maybe 1200, whatever it was, to 1510.
Worth every penny.
Wow.
That's amazing.
That's incredible.
By the way, one of my favorite things that people aren't talking about with like the laurie laughlin thing is that her husband um massimo massimo
from massimo clothing he literally founded fucking mid 90s yeah they were the couple of the 90s yeah
becky and massimo which is together crazy to me like why isn't anybody talking about Massimo here? Her wedding ring is the Stussy S.
Alright, we're going to take a quick
break. We'll be right back.
Daphne Caruana Galizia was
a Maltese investigative journalist
who on October 16th, 2017
was murdered.
There are crooks everywhere you look now.
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And these are the only two times we know of
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I always felt like Lynette was kind of his right-hand woman.
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And we're back. And the House uh to make the muller report public overwhelmingly yes it was
420 to zero with four voting present now it's not clear if the four republicans voted present
uh because they didn't want to you know cross the president or if they just wanted to land on that sick 420 number.
Yeah.
Isn't it truly a treat when anything lands on 420 or 69?
You're just like, what a time to be alive.
That's when I start believing in God again.
Yeah, exactly.
I don't know that there's much to say about this
other than that they're respecting the opinion of the people
and I guess how democracy functions and that we have a
right to know what this dude found out yeah there's no it's not binding or anything yeah you
know but because ultimately that decision is going to lie with william barr uh but it puts pressure
on him when the congress is like hi yeah we want to see this i am curious how many things have to
go public before anything happens as a result of it.
You know what I mean?
Because people keep talking about that.
I was just reading that like why he's really going to try and run for a second term is more than anything is just to avoid prosecution.
Delay.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
And like I'm like, OK, so this is public.
I'm like you can literally – I don't even know if the supposed P-tape is real.
If it comes out, I'm just like that's just gonna be a another thing we have on file
that unfortunately now can't get out of our heads once we see it right right well yeah and when you
look at like the charges maniforts being charged within new york it's the exact same shit michael
cohen was saying the trump students like yeah they fraudulently blow up or you know inflate their
numbers submitted to banks that's what paul manfort's going to prison for. You know what I mean?
You're like, oh, okay.
Inevitably, your time will be in the sun to shine on you, I guess.
It's coming.
I hope.
There's another book out
that gives us a little look
through the keyhole of this
presidency. It is by
an investigative journalist named Vicki Ward,
and it's called Kushner Inc.
Yeah.
Because this time it's focusing on Javanka mostly.
Yeah.
And it's, I just love, like,
if bookstores are still around 20 years from now,
I feel like this is a genre of book
that will have its own aisle called the OMG,
y'all won't believe the shit I saw
inside the Trump White House genre section.
That's the other thing when the presidency is over, that's it, man.
Everyone's going to get a book deal.
Too many.
We're going to get so many movies.
I know.
Miniseries, documentaries.
You think, I mean, we're getting, what's funny is we're getting a lot now.
I know.
They're not hard to find and they're going to just triple because people are going to
be like, well, oh, I can say this without getting in trouble.
Well, let me tell you a story.
And then it would be a real race to the bottom of who can actually have the most salacious anecdotes.
Right.
I wonder if this will be how everything
ended up being about World War II
after World War II,
if just all movies are going to be about this.
It's like Civil War, Revolution, World War II, Trump tea.
Right, exactly.
So what they are telling us
from the Javanka wing of the White House is that, first of all, Ivanka wants to be president.
Yes.
She claims that, first of all, Steve Bannon told her to go fuck herself and that she is nothing right in front of her dad.
And she called Bannon a fucking liar.
and she called Bannon a fucking liar.
And then she said she plans to solidify a Trump political dynasty to match the Bushes and Kennedys
by formally entering politics herself
because we know none of his sons are going to be doing shit.
Yeah, that also presupposes she's not on the hook
for any criminal liability.
Yeah, which does not seem like a safe assumption.
Unless they're like, okay, daddy,
this is the thing. Then I'm going to be president after you
and then I can pardon you and then
I'll make you vice president so you don't have to go to jail
yet. That is exactly what she's
trying. I guarantee you that is so
spot on for her. Do you know what I mean?
Okay, daddy, one of us, okay, it can't be Don Jr.,
but daddy, I'm going to be president after you.
They're really thinking, okay, then it can be Don Jr.,
then Eric, then Melania, then Barry.
Apparently the White House staff is not fans of Javanka.
John Kelly, who previous excerpts claimed was ordered by the president to get rid of my kids,
had to balance all this shit. And according to a ward excerpt,
he dismissed the two of them as just playing government and staffers mocked
Ivanka's team as happy H A B I or the home of all bad ideas.
I love when you get that petty,
when you come up with acronyms to just shade people
yeah
oh that's happy
right
and none of them by the way are good
they're not
none of them are gonna get into like the lexicon
they're just like
strictly around the White House
yeah
but like especially
like it's exactly what we're talking about
like we're hearing all this
all this now about this shit
like I cannot wait till all the terms
and all the secrets
and all the things
like oh yeah when he wasn't in the Oval Office we would would like have a game of like, you know, who could like dress up like Trump, walk around.
And if he was on his way back, change back out of his and just be right back to work.
Right.
The book also reports that he just is nonstop talking about how hot his daughter is and what a beautiful couple they are.
Which, I mean, if you've ever seen seen him interviewed with her would not surprise you yeah that's like i'm like it's so funny that the book i'm like man why
are they reporting something we knew before he was president right you know like that's what
most of these books are it's just like shit we already kind of knew or suspected anyway it's
just being confirmed but the quote is kind of funny from this expert it says quote you can't
have a conversation without him talking about her. Isn't Ivanka fabulous?
I mean, is she not one of the best-looking women
you've ever seen?
And they're good kids.
I just think it's crazy.
They've got a nice life in New York.
What do they want to do this for?
God, they're fabulous, though.
Aren't they fantastic?
I mean, have you ever seen a better-looking couple?
I mean, God, are you hard right now?
Whoever they got to quote him
really nailed his cadence.
Yeah.
That was well done.
Yeah. Then there well done. Yeah.
But then there's also a moment apparently with Rex Tillerson and Gary Cohn checked Jared
because they're like, especially when the Saudis, when he got the US to side with the
Saudis over the Qatari blockade, they were like, what the fuck are you doing?
We know you're just trying to get pitches so you can relieve your debt from that building
you have that you're upside down on.
And they were really kind of pissed.
You're like,
you're going to fuck things up.
So I was surprised that they knew that much going into that.
And also the other one was that Don McGahn,
when like they were writing the James Comey firing letter,
he sent it to the wrong printer in the white house.
So like some other aid,
like under saw it was like,
what the fuck is this?
And he's like,
Oh fuck.
Give me that.
I love that. Also, by the way, it seems like if anyone just wants their time at the Trump,
like rather than resign, they just say something, they insult something with their kids.
And then Trump's like, that guy's out.
Get him out of here.
And he's just like, yeah, I don't want to be here anymore.
Yeah, I'm going to say it.
You guys are spoiled.
That's too far.
You're out.
This innocuous statement is too much for me.
Your daughter isn't hot.
What did you say?
B-613, come get this guy.
We're bringing back the death penalty right out here on the White House lawn.
You will be summarily executed on the lawn.
and up next we have some news that would be watergate levels of just wild uh where we actually not just buried under 20 other stories that would be watergate levels because
we get the news tidal wave every day right matt whittaker was on the hill yesterday or two days
ago to clarify some of his old testimony we covered on this podcast,
how he went to the Hill in February and said the president never exerted any pressure on him
over the Mueller investigation or Michael Cohen's investigation. And we talked about how he was
very, you know, he was a dick to everybody. He's dick toilet. Your five minutes are up.
Yeah.
He's dick toilet.
Everyone was like, this man is wholly unqualified.
It looks like he's just putting in some goon to do his bidding.
Yeah.
Right.
And when he offered this testimony, he's the guy who was like, sorry, Senator, your five minutes are up.
Yeah.
Oh, I don't know if you can keep asking questions.
Right.
Anyways, it turns out, uh, he had to correct.
So Trump did totally lean on him and asked if lead prosecutors could be shuffled around
for Cohen's SDNY case.
So, sorry, that's, that's what he meant.
It's like that Trump Helsinki Putin thing where he was like, I meant to say, I don't
see any reason why they wouldn't be.
Right.
Yeah.
So this is the key detail.
He meant to say Trump did totally try to subvert the justice system and the rules of democracy.
Yeah.
And just like just this kind of out there in your face obstruction, because like basically who was Jerry Nadler came out of the testimony.
In your face obstruction.
Because like basically who was Jerry Nadler came out of the testimony.
And back when, remember, the Republicans were in power, they would use these closed door hearings to then come out and just say some shit that wasn't true.
And now since the Democrats are in power, they're coming out of these things and now saying things that I'm assuming are true based on the track records of the two parties. I picture most of this because of social media and how things can leak so easily now and how the press works.
I picture half the people who are especially older are just like,
man,
I wish this was the nineties.
Right.
Like,
you know,
whenever they could keep this shit really under wraps and know that it
would take like 10 years for someone to uncover this shit.
Yeah.
But yeah,
he comes out and like,
as soon as it ended,
Nadler comes out,
addresses the press and was like,
this is what basically we found out,
uh,
that Trump straight up
said, can you fire these U.S. attorneys? And is there a way to do this? Also, is there anything
about like the recusal? There was a guy, Jeffrey Berman, there who had to recuse himself. And
Trump really wanted Berman over like like watching over this case. Couldn't do it. He's like, is
there anything we do? No. Then was even like Trump was saying the SDNY went too far, quote, too far because they named him as individual one in Michael Cohen's campaign finance case.
And he was like, I think that was too far.
That saying that I directed all this criminal behavior.
So, yeah, this is just straight up in your ear, in the head of the attorney general's face being like, fix this shit.
But yeah, I think when you're dealing with Manafort news and all these other things going
on, it gets a little bit lost.
It's truly wild how also he, something that I think people kind of, I think people know
it in the back of their head, but like, you know, this, remember he came from a reality
show where he literally, his whole thing was firing people.
He's like, can we use that as an angle?
Like, that's his approach to it.
He's like, can we spin this like we did on my show?
I'm like, you're fired.
You're fired.
I mean, if you saw how Sessions did in the entrepreneur challenge, I mean, I had no choice.
I'm living for this Trump impression, by the way.
Living for it, dude.
It's so good.
His pop-up restaurant was a failure.
failure um yeah this is like not even the lead story on cnn uh which as we know has an anti-trump bias but this is nowhere on like drudge yeah there's just it's gone well yes because they're
still congress is gonna have to come back and be like oh so you lied to us right and then then i
guess they're gonna have a. But from what it appears,
Jerry Nadler's like, um...
And I love the way
they answered. They're like, no, he didn't lie.
Now, I didn't tell the truth, but I didn't
lie. I mean, what's the truth? I mean, I don't know
what it means. Yeah, that's a subjective term.
Anyways, the thing that
is number one on Drudge today,
Beto announced
that he's running.
The people are a flutter.
So are Beto's hands.
His campaign announcement
just has some of the wilder hand gestures.
I have to side with President Messy Bitch on this one
because he immediately called it out.
He looks like a crazy guy.
He said that about all his gesticulations.
Yeah.
That's what Trump said about it?
Yeah.
Which Trump, like the finger wagging senator, like the president of finger wagging.
He just over gestured a little bit.
Yo, he was talking with his hands.
Like a black boy.
I thought he was a rapper or something.
He was hitting every syllable.
It was like a rapper who
was overdoing it with their hands.
Yeah. Like in the Vanity Fair
article, he had that picture where
he just looks like Matthew McConaughey in the Lincoln ads.
Yeah. It's so ridiculous.
Why is Vanity
Fair making him look like GQ?
Yeah. Like they're wrong magazine.
Because Vanity Fair needs so desperately for someone else to be present.
They're like, okay, this guy's great.
He's got great bone structure.
Right.
He fits in regular clothes.
It really is.
He has swag.
And he was like, and on the cover, he's like, I was born for this.
Right.
What the fuck did you say out loud?
Yeah.
He's like, yeah, print that.
I'll put that on.
Print that.
Put that shit down.
Divine right of kings
right
I was born for this
yeah I had a
I was born to this
I mean for this
yeah
I had a moment last year
it's time to make it a moment
for four years
yeah
right
and a moment that he didn't win
by the way
yeah
that's what's crazy
about this whole thing
yeah I mean that's why
a lot of people
it's like okay
I mean thank you
glad we have another person
it's great that there are
so many people
who I could be like I could see this person maybe doing something, but I don't know yet.
Right. All I know is what happened then. But I can't apply any of that to the presidential race.
Totally. It seems like, you know, we don't know much about what his policies are going to be, what what his positions even are on things.
what his positions even are on things.
But it seems like he is getting whatever the opposite of the benefit of the doubt that women don't get.
Like, she's just not presidential or whatever.
He's getting the inverse of that where people are just like, I don't know, make him president.
Look at this fucking picture.
I mean, guys just crushing it with that jawline.
Look at that. I think he has kids, too, that he talks to.
Yeah.
Sick, dude.
And a wife who sits silently by his side and smiles during his thing,
which that's not her fault, but it's just weird optics.
Yeah, they could have presented that a little bit differently.
Yeah, there's that picture in the article that's like he's playing instruments
with his kids.
And I was like, yeah, it's cute, but you know what?
I don't have time for it right now.
Yeah.
Those hands are about 40% too live,
up to 80% at times.
He gets them under control towards the end,
but then he gestures thank you
like he's just dropping the mic.
It's a lot, man.
It's like his hands were,
I bet you could overdub Busta Rhymes' verse
from Look At Me Now over that,
and just the way his hands,
it was about the same speed as that one.
That's like every Busta Rhymes music video, actually,
from the late 90s.
I think it was, oh my God,
what was his big song from the 90s?
Woo Ha, Got You All In Check?
No, right after that.
Give me some more.
Give me some more?
Well, yeah.
I just remember that video,
he had a lot of, the hands were flying at the camera.
That was his thing, like the fisheye lens, where it would come right at you.
Right.
I mean, that's, yeah, all those Hype Williams videos.
Yeah.
I mean, were great ones.
Fox is still trying to figure out how they're going to come at Beto.
I think we have a clip of them sort of gathering their thoughts live
on air. Oh yeah, also
Super Producer Dan reminded us, Eyes Can See.
That's the one, right?
Put your hands where my eyes can see.
Stick your book while I'm in the place to be.
That's the one that was also in Blacklight.
Yeah.
And it had that one dude who's named
Bruckup, who was a dude who did all the
arm contortion shit. Yeah.
I read a lot of articles around that video. That's who was named Bruckup, who was a dude who did all the arm contortion shit. I read a lot of articles around that video.
Bruckup.
That's a dancer called Bruckup.
Anyway.
Yeah, sorry.
Back to Fox and Friends.
Yeah, Brian Kilmeade this time again.
Is it Brian Kilmeade?
It's Brian Kilmeade yet again with his take on Beto O'Rourke.
All right, so Vanity Fair has a huge article and feature on him.
It's almost as if they helped launch his campaign.
Here's a quote from it.
He says, I want to be in it, man.
I'm just born to be in it.
They also point out that he has this huge library as if it's a big plus that he reads books.
We would assume that he has all the presidential libraries there.
And the writer writes, there's always a sense that he belongs on that as if a book of a president's going to be in there
but listen he's got a lot of charisma he's got a lot of presence the second part i'm really confused
by yeah no i mean the points the anti-intellectual part i get yeah books like i like that that's his
counterpoint he's like this guy's got a book right oh you read books you think you're smarter than me
yeah but then he's like but then he's all the presidential libraries and all these books and
then he's hoping he's in there yeah and i'm like what are you fucking mess what was that
yeah train of thought exactly that he was hoping that then among his books in his huge library
right that there will be the book about him being a president is that yeah i didn't understand that
either yeah he was like i guess there's a book about a president like as if there's a there's
a hand down that's like oh how to be president right we talk a book about a president, like as if there's a there's a hand down that's like, oh, how to be president. Right. We talk a lot about their near constant strategy at this point of the conservatives pointing at like attacking the left or the center on things that they are extremely guilty of.
I like that that clip starts with them arguing that Vanity Fair is like doing Beto's bidding.
Like, yeah, where's the line between journalistic ethics, journalistic objectivism
and objectivity and politics?
And it's like-
It's really disgusting.
You guys are a propaganda when you are about to get on the phone with the president.
Right.
And then hee hee ha ha the whole time.
Oh my God.
He was just trying to think of it.
He was just like, yeah, you have books and tube pies.
Right.
Like, yeah,
that probably was
where it was going.
Like, okay, sorry, Brian,
we're going to have to
take that over, man.
We can't hear that.
Fuck.
Okay.
Can you just write
the words down for me?
All right.
We're going to take
another quick break.
We'll be right back.
Daphne Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist who on October 16, 2017, was murdered.
There are crooks everywhere you look now.
The situation is desperate.
My name is Manuel Delia.
I am one of the hosts of Crooks Everywhere,
a podcast that unhurts
the plot to murder
a one-woman Wikileaks.
Daphne exposed
the culture of crime
and corruption
that were turning
her beloved country
into a mafia state.
And she paid
the ultimate price.
Listen to Crooks Everywhere
on the iHeartRadio app,
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This summer, the nation watched
as the Republican nominee for president
was the target of two assassination attempts
separated by two months.
These events were mirrored nearly 50 years ago,
when President Gerald Ford faced two attempts on his life in less than three weeks.
President Gerald R. Ford came stunningly close to being the victim of an assassin today.
And these are the only two times we know of that a woman has tried to assassinate a U.S. president.
One was the protege of infamous cult leader Charles Manson.
I always felt like Lynette was kind of his right-hand woman.
The other, a middle-aged housewife working undercover for the FBI in a violent revolutionary underground.
Identified by police as Sarah Jean Moore.
The story of one strange and violent summer.
This is Rip Current.
Available now with new episodes
every Thursday.
Listen on the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Substance use disorder
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And we're back.
And, Miles, you wanted to shout out Georgia's state legislator.
Yeah, Darshan Kendrick from East DeKalb.
Right.
Because she has triggered the conservatives with her testicular bill of rights that she's trying to bring to the floor.
And, okay, I'll just read it first and then we'll talk about it.
So she said she has five separate bills, which will collectively be this testicular bill of rights.
And this is what the package of bills would do.
It would require men.
Good pun, by the way, package of bills.
Yes.
Require men to obtain permission from their partners to get a prescription for erectile dysfunction medicine.
Okay.
Ban vasectomies and punish doctors who perform them.
Require men to pay child support beginning six weeks after a woman becomes pregnant.
Right.
And make sex without a condom an aggravated assault crime.
Right.
Now, if you're a conservative, you look at this and you say, like, see?
See what they're trying to do.
But this is precisely what Kendrick's strategy is.
She knows this isn't a real bill.
She's merely trying to have a real nuanced conversation about, you know, the agency we have over our bodies by giving men a second to think about this. Right. But the reaction, if you go on fucking YouTube already,
there are already videos where you're like,
oh, look at this draconian,
anti-man-hating bill being put out.
Rather than being like,
hi, do you understand
that this is what's going on with women?
Right.
But again,
it's just a very, very,
I think, just brilliant tactic.
So all the love to her.
Could not agree more.
Love. This is the best trolling I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. I I, I, all the, all the love to her. Could not agree more. Love.
That is,
this is the best trolling I've ever seen in my life.
Yeah.
It is.
I mean,
you're right.
She's trying to start a nuanced conversation.
So it's not really trolling,
but it's like,
it is weird that they're just like,
because also I would say the one misstep is a vasectomy is something that nobody,
they would be like,
yeah,
yeah.
Cut out vasectomies.
I don't want to fucking jump.
Sure.
Sure.
Sure.
Even though they're incredible and you should,
everyone should do them.
But I'm very pro-vasectomy.
Great.
Can you do one at home?
At home vasectomy.
If they had an at home vasectomy.
You know what?
My hands are too shaky.
I'm just too scared to do it myself.
But yeah, I love that she did that and that everyone's just like,
but it's different with women because...
Like that's been the response i have i did
watch some videos online with people like responding it's literally just not even words
yeah you can't because you're like wait uh fuck yeah huh it's kind of got checkmated there so let
me just plan b scream yep exactly speaking of plan b is six weeks the point at which they say that
like a fetus becomes a life is that what is that the
significance of maybe that's like the heartbeat bill yeah i think it's very close to that yeah
right the heartbeat bill yeah this is brilliant good for her yeah i'm just rolling legislation
i just want to see i'm hoping that i mean i don't know if it'll even be brought to the floor for a
vote but like just to hear people debate on this would just be so funny.
Right.
Because they would have to articulate out loud the absurdity of not letting someone have control over their body or reproductive health.
Our body, our balls.
Well, it puts them in a great position of when they – if a conservative – someone
speaking, they're just like, well, here's the thing.
You can't have control over men's bodies.
And they're like, oh, yeah, just like women.
They would not know what to do.
They would just be like, I'll be right back.
You just hear like little footsteps run to the car and they're like, yeah.
Right.
Because the values that they talk about all day, every day, like for like, you know, their libertarian values, just they don't apply them to women.
Yeah.
That's the thing.
Or if all those races who are like,
oh, I mean, in the African-American community,
we have a problem with delinquent fathers.
Right.
They'd be like, oh, so would you support a bill like this then?
Right.
You're like, oh, well, maybe.
Hmm.
Well, is it just for not white people?
Oh, God.
Never.
Excuse me again.
It's, yeah.
So, again, great, great. Never. Excuse me again. It's, yeah.
So, again, great, great. Hats off.
Bit of rhetorical strategy there from Representative Kendrick.
Guys, I want to talk about LaCroix.
They're not doing well.
It's time for an intervention.
Was it before or after the lawsuit where the two pilots are saying the CEO was groping them in the cockpit?
I think it was right around that time.
Yeah, I think that's when we were sort of like, ugh.
So LaCroix.
LaCroix.
LaCroix was just coasting on the fumes of, I don't know, just like goodwill and people kind of just being like, yeah, if you drink it like so, so super cold, you can actually get it down.
It's funny.
We're all in agreement of this, but I just remember three, four years ago when LaCroix
first was really having its moment, people were like, what do you mean you don't like
it?
You haven't tried the right flavor.
What flavor did you try?
You know what?
You got to try another flavor.
Oh, coconut.
Yeah, you don't want to start with coconut.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Go with lime.
Keep it simple.
And then shotgun three of them at once.
And then the taste will be, it'll be fine.
Yeah.
I mean, I like a flavored seltzer.
Right.
I, you know, before LaCroix, truth be told, I was a talking rain kind of guy myself.
But yeah.
New York seltzer is great.
Yeah, I'm trying them all.
Waterloo, or I think that's the one.
Yeah, it was so good.
It's fine.
Yeah, and it is apparently a very easy thing not to fuck up
because everybody flooded the market with their own version,
and some of them are a little bit better than LaCroix.
And it's just everybody who goes to business school,
they have these classes where you just study a case study
of how Nike became Nike and like
all that shit you should have to look at LaCroix and like study how they fucked up because it's
like okay we're having like this moment well we're gonna like over leverage ourselves and just like
invest in it like this moment will never ever end right like pure growth from here on out and we're
gonna buy a look we're gonna make a LaCroix theme park where you ride LaCroix roller coasters.
And it's just, yeah, they just overexpanded.
Well, and I think they also just didn't realize that what they do, like, we're the only people that can make vaguely flavored water.
Like, we got this shit cornered.
But, yeah, cut to now, the prolific, the arms race of flavored
seltzers. And now they're like lagging because last year in the last 12 months, fucking profits
fallen by nearly 40%. Revenue's down like almost another 3%. And so this is really why we're
talking about it because the CEO, Nick Caparella, we've talked in the past about how his letters to shareholders are just wild graphic horror shows.
Where it's like Comic Sans and all kinds of weird clip art and just rants.
So this time, in this letter to the shareholders, all the stats are there.
It's like, look, revenue's down.
Profits are down.
And it says, quote, we are truly sorry for these results stated above.
Negligence nor mismanagement nor woeful acts of God were not the reasons.
Much of this was the result of injustice.
Managing a brand is not so different from caring for someone who becomes handicapped.
Brands do not see or hear, so they are at the mercy of their owners or care providers
who must preserve the dignity and special character that the brand exemplifies.
You cannot write that shit.
Like, not he can't.
A fiction writer writing satire could not have come up with something that fucking brilliant.
I feel like The Onion would be like, who did you copy this from?
Right, right.
That is so good.
Was this a story we rejected?
Yeah. be like who did you copy this right that is so good is this a story we rejected yeah like that
he builds in that it's not like caring for a loved one it's caring for somebody who becomes
handicapped because brands can't see or hear yeah is just amazing it's weird because he starts off
saying like look profits are down because of injustice right but then goes on to say that
also a brand is at the mercy of their caregiver in In this case, me. Right. So are you the negligent? Yeah. Like he's calling himself out. That how there's some conspiracy. It's just like,
okay, injustice. And I mean, he owns, I think 70% of the shares anyway. So he's the one taking the
biggest hit out of anybody. Which is why he's probably so unhinged about it. He's like,
my money's in trouble. Listen guys. And then it's just like, he literally just,
I don't even remember like back when ransom notes came out in magazine clippings,
you remember people would cut out the letters?
That's how he's sending notes.
It really feels like that.
And then at the end, he has an even more sort of rocky, weird, wild explanation.
Sort of like, come on, guys.
Give old Gil another chance here. Where he goes, there is no greater passion than the kind that creates the wonderful refreshment and contentment described as unique.
greater passion than the kind that creates the wonderful refreshment and contentment described as unique. No doubt the sound and personality of the word LaCroix coupled with the awesome
experience of its essence and taste is unique. One can be induced to purchase by cheapening price
or giving away a product, but falling in love with a feeling of joy is the result of contentment.
Just ask any LaCroix consumer, would you trade away that la-la feeling?
No way, they shout.
We just love our LaCroix.
I am positive they respond this way each and every time.
This letter was brought to you by cocaine.
Yeah.
Like, holy shit.
Dude, that la-la feeling.
What is it?
That Ashley Simpson song?
You make me want a la-la on the kitchen.
Wow, they should do a collab.
Oh, that would be incredible.
For two dying brands.
You literally are dead.
I love Ashley Simpson personally.
Oh, okay, yeah.
Shout out to Evan Ross.
Yeah.
He literally got high on his own supply.
Like this is somebody who has fully built their personality
out of marketing material.
Right.
And is just buying everything
that they've been selling for the past.
Yeah.
I forget what episode it was, but when we sort of like tracked the evolution of this
man and his beverage company, because I think what they used to, like he owns Faygo also.
And then suddenly like LaCroix started popping and it blew his mind.
He was like, I'm the smartest guy ever.
Right.
I once, when I worked in retail, I was not upselling enough.
So a manager was very upset with me, took me into a private room. He's like, I'm going to be with a phone. And he's like, you're not selling enough. Like you're I hear you sell. These are terrible pitches. And I'm like, but we're not on commission. He's like, yeah, but don't you like working here? And I was just in my head. I'm like, no, right. I'm in college. So he goes, well, I'm going to show you this clip. Let's see if this helps.
Cues up the TV, walks out of the room.
It is the opening 10 minutes of Glenn, Gary Glenn Ross.
Really?
No, this is the kind of shit.
This is exactly what it reminded me of.
Right.
Where he's like, I'm like, you realize in my head, I'm just like, that is making fun of what you're doing to me right now.
Right.
Get that.
And I just, that, I was was just very that's the first place
my head when i'm like oh i remember this i was 19 when i got this letter right yeah always be
closing yeah and he told afterwards he goes just remember if you can't sell a service plan they
sold you on why they couldn't buy it and i was like wait he for sure took that from somewhere
it took me a while to figure it out. It was from Boiler Room.
Another movie commenting on this plague.
Wait, where did you, what was this place?
This was at Best Buy.
I was trying to be very modest about it.
I was like, it's a small retail store.
Oh, Best Buy.
I love that the manager was taking this shit that series.
He's like, I'm going to whip this sales team
in a fucking shit.
Oh, it was, this was years ago.
I mean,
this was,
I think almost 20 years ago.
It was wild.
Like the shit
that they talked about
on how to sell stuff
was incredible.
I love it.
That guy loves Gordon Gekko.
Oh yeah.
That's what's crazy about it.
It's like,
I picture him at the end
and in the morning
before he leaves,
he does a thing
where he like kisses his hand
and puts his hand on the poster
of Gordon Gekko.
For sure. We're selling today. Also meant to be a cautionary oh yeah and also does
like an american psycho style workout every night oh yeah and fucks with a mirror around him and
flexes the worst kids i went to college with we're all into american psycho for the wrong wrong
reasons yeah exactly which also like another one so fucking smart yeah right and then everyone
everyone else who watched fight club was like, this was so liberating.
Yeah.
Right?
And they're like, I can be a man and fight and not go to jail for it.
Right.
And I'm like, that's not what they're talking about.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Whoop.
Yeah.
You just literally got the Fight Club part.
Ikea is turning us into cucks.
Yeah.
All right.
Eli, it has been a pleasure having you back
again
thank you guys so much
thank you so much
for having me again
for the first time
where can people
find you
and follow you
at Eli Oldsberg
on Twitter and Instagram
and I post about
different things on there
I have two podcasts
that you can check out
yeah
one is called
Closure
the podcast that never ends
about how closure isn't real
right
and I interview people
about that.
A few of your family members have been on there, not literal, but your podcast fam.
And then I have one with friend of the pod as well, Teresa Lee, called Pod as a Woman.
Where we do a track-by-track breakdown of Ariana Grande's Sweetener and soon-to-be Thank You Next.
Awesome. That's amazing.
So you guys are in deep on the Ariana Grande.
Oh yeah, we are almost done with Sweetener.
We're literally two tracks away from the next album.
I really like the song Sweetener.
I haven't listened to the full album, but that song is wonderful.
You should.
And you should come talk about your feelings about it after it's on the pod.
That would be awesome.
Is there a tweet that you've been enjoying?
My favorite tweet this week was from at Russell Falcon, who posted,
with Facebook still down, users are going to be four weeks behind on current news and memes instead of the usual three.
That's so good.
Miles, where can people find you?
You can find me and follow me on Twitter and Instagram at Miles of Gray.
A couple tweets that I like.
One is from Victor Luckerson at VLuck.
It says, Beto is now the, quote, wow, this blew up second tweet in human form.
That is perfect.
For y'all who aren't on Twitter, when someone who has a very small Twitter following goes viral,
there's usually a tweet right after it has like thousands of retweets and likes.
They go, wow, this blew up.
And that is what that is referencing.
Also, this is from Travis Hellwig.
At Travis Hellwig, it says, some personal news.
I'll be leaving Crooked Media in April to run Beto's Zanga and DeviantArt page.
I am truly so honored.
I'll be able to edit fan fiction for the next president of the United States.
A tweet I enjoyed,
Ben Collins at one underscore
and then an underscore
tweeted the picture of that dude.
Son defends parents caught
in college admissions scandal
while smoking blunt.
That dude said,
this dude looks exactly
like a stock photo
the onion would use
for its American Voices section.
He really really really does
uh and just follow uh flirt russell she did this tweet the other day about genius about uh what
what the producer in the booth looked like while fat joe was doing the turn the microphone on
turn the fucking microphone on uh and it's one of, just one of the great six.
She put like four more together.
Yeah.
It's like a whole series.
Yeah.
Genius.
Yes, she's great.
And then also she is documenting all the weirdness of people stealing her shit
and taking it out of context and stuff now that she has become a viral sensation.
Oh, those videos? Yeah. They're trying to take those out of context and stuff now that she has become a viral sensation. Oh, those videos?
Yeah.
They're trying to take those out of context?
Yeah, yeah.
There's somebody,
there's a HaHa is the name of this account,
and it says,
what it's like to be a studio engineer
working with difficult rappers.
And then it shows the video,
and she goes, I, uh.
No, someone's saying,
what if you reimagined openings to famous rap songs,
and wow. I just love when she was like
There's one about unleash the flutes on them
Guru the Jay Z one
And she looks at her and is like I don't have flutes
Her real name is
Katie Delaney so yeah follow her
You can find us on
Twitter at Daily Zeitgeist
We're at The Daily Zeitgeist on Instagram.
We have a Facebook fan page and a website, DailyZeitgeist.com,
where we post our episodes and our footnotes,
where we link off to the information that we talked about.
By the way, I'm so sorry to interrupt.
I fact-checked everything.
You guys were great.
Oh, wow.
We did it.
Woo!
Another 100%.
Yep.
Perfect.
You can find...
Where was I?
We'll just leave it at flawless victory.
So sorry.
I think you're just going to tell them what we're riding out on.
Oh, yeah, Miles.
What song are we going to ride out on today?
We are going to go out on a track by Nick Bowens.
It's a little rap track.
The song is called Denial.
After having to subject ourselves to Billabee's weird blunt stylings,
let's listen to some good rap.
Old money, man.
That's still, I can't get over.
Dude, you're where the G's at.
I'm where the Jew's at.
Yeah.
That's my line.
I mean, damn.
I kind of like that line.
That's wild.
Yeah, I hope he's Jewish.
I just, that occurred to me too. Yeah, I hope so like that one. That's wild. Yeah, I hope he's Jewish. That occurred to me too.
Yeah, I hope so too.
He's like, nah, man, Catholic, baby.
Anyway.
All right, that's going to do it for this week.
Episode, season 73 in the books.
Another one.
Another one.
Another one.
So we're going to take a brief hiatus.
We'll be back for season 74
On Monday
Think we should do it? Go for it?
Do it
Alright guys we'll talk to you then Trying to call again If you know me then you know I won't take no for a no Best believe you'll see me crawling in
Doesn't seem too much
I'm trying to see the brim and the limit
Persistence is key
Them niggas trying to blemish the image
I'm seeing them leave
I guess they wasn't feeling the vision
They be scared to work hard where I'm from
But I'ma get it regardless
Hesitant to show they heart this wide
Nigga be heartless
Got these bottled emotions
I could just spill them but I don't
Got these bottled emotions I could just feel them but i won't came to cause some commotion i sparked the
notion like a joint i ain't smoking too often i bet you still ain't deafne caruana galicia was a
maltese investigative journalist who on october 16 2017 was assassinated crooks everywhere unearthed
the plot to murder a one-woman wikaks. She exposed the culture of crime and corruption
that were turning her beloved country into a mafia state.
Listen to Crooks Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hey, I'm Gianna Pradenti.
And I'm Jermaine Jackson-Gadsden.
We're the hosts of Let's Talk Offline from LinkedIn News and iHeart Podcasts.
There's a lot to figure out when you're just starting your career.
That's where we come in.
Think of us as your work besties you can turn to for advice.
And if we don't know the answer, we bring in people who do,
like negotiation expert Maury Tahiripour.
If you start thinking about negotiations as just a conversation, then I think it sort of eases us a little bit.
Listen to Let's Talk Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
How do you feel about biscuits?
Hi, I'm Akilah Hughes, and I'm so excited about my new podcast, Rebel Spirit, where I head back to my hometown in Kentucky and try to convince my high school to change their racist mascot, the Rebels, into something everyone in the South loves, the biscuits. I was a lady rebel.
Like, what does that even mean?
It's right here in black and white in print.
It's bigger than a flag or mascot.
Listen to Rebel Spirit on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Met from nickname Squeaky. The other, a middle-aged housewife working undercover for the FBI. Identified by police as Sarah Jean Moore.
The story of one strange and violent summer.
This season on the new podcast, Rip Current.
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and receive exclusive bonus content by subscribing to iHeart True Crime Plus.
Only on Apple Podcasts.