The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Hour 1: Attila's Horse
Episode Date: May 6, 2024Jessica's delivers her F1 Minute before Amin and Tony bring us through a discussion on Anthony Edwards performing at a Michael Jordan-like level en route to a Game 1 win over the Nuggets. Has the time... come to anoint Anthony Edwards? Then, Mat Ishbia says the house is NOT on fire, Dan admires the career of Conan O'Brien, and Tony delivers his Top 5 Things Cuban People Say To Someone They Don't Know the Name Of. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
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You're listening to Giraffe King's Network.
This is the Don LeBattor Show with the StuGuts Podcast.
We will get to Jessica's F1 Minute in a second.
And as I mentioned, Drew Bledsoe will be
around here a little bit later to talk yet more about that roast last night. I'm
assuming that many people here listening are saying we've already talked about it
too much but I do like the swing that everyone took. You have to understand
that I've been bored by the last 10 years of ESPYs or wherever it is that
people gather for the big sports thing done differently or done well and to
see someone take a chance on something that was new even though you can have
your critiques I just appreciated that all of it could exist but I owe an apology to Juju and Tony at least
through one game of the Minnesota Denver series because I said that there is no
deterring or slowing Jokic and if you're going to do it and I don't know if
someone can do it four of seven games, but if you're going to do it, Minnesota does have the ingredients and on top of that, they have ways to bother Murray
as well that on the perimeter, again, we're grading on a curve.
These people are not largely bothered, but I'm not used to Jokic going 11 for 25.
I'm used to him almost always making more shots than he misses and go bear can make that difficult and then you keep throwing
bodies at him
and i mean i'd believe that only boston has a better starting five then denver
denver's bench is a little thin
it's a little young but only boston is a better starting five but
minnesota has uh... group of chemicals because they're much better than they were last year when they bothered the Nuggets
Not a little bit better much better
They had the same regular season record and if you can do that to Yocitch
You'd be the only team in the league who can do that to Yocitch
Yeah, that's how so there's two parts of that one is you're right
They do have the ingredients ingredients are three really good starting caliber centers
in Nas Reed, Carl Anthony Towns, and Rudy Gobert.
Nas Reed was great.
He was amazing.
He was the catalyst for the second half of that game.
They got them the win.
But I think what they did,
and I wanna say Kenny Smith talked about this on TNT,
is they made the Joker play up tempo, which is not what he wants to do. We always talk about this guy controlsNT is they made the Joker play up tempo which is not what he wants
to do we always talk about this guy controls tempo. Six turnovers for him is
crazy. It's not even about the number of turnovers or the shooting percentage
it's the way he had to go about playing bringing the ball up against full court
pressure getting into stuff late in the clock because they had harassed him all
the way up there having to go quicker and that's the stuff.
Because you're not gonna stop him,
but to make him frustrated,
to make it a very uncomfortable situation for him,
that was what was unique.
And on the other end of the floor,
Anthony Edwards was the exact opposite.
Like the Nuggets did nothing to make him uncomfortable
or take him out of his element.
Because these guys, these stars are all gonna get theirs the idea is
like, okay, how are you gonna get him and and
Yokich got his
Very raggedly if I might say
It feels like too when we were kind of scouting out this series is like alright
We know the pieces that Minnesota has and the one piece that Denver has that they need to stop, right?
And it felt like those pieces matched up between the three centers
Like you said in your kitchen when I look the opposite side and I see I don't know if Denver has anybody that can stop Anthony
Edwards people were telling me KCP. I was like guys, please stop that that's not gonna happen. He's too quick for MPJ
He's too quick for Aaron Gordon. He's too big for KCP. Like there's nobody on that team that can cover him. Yeah, I
Don't think that's the strategy.
I think the strategy is let him get loose
and then we're gonna make sure.
Stop the other guys.
Yeah, what killed them wasn't,
and the Edwards had 40 whatever,
and it was like, okay, we can live with this,
although I think there could have been more contest
at the point of impact, right?
But Conley, Nasried, Carl Anthony Townsend,
nine for nine for threes or something like that in the second half. They made every shot. Rudy Gobert hit like a
bank shot 15 footer. Like at some point, some of that stuff was the Nuggets got
to do a better job of contesting and getting out there on shooters and some
of it was, all right, Nasreed, bank shot three. There's nothing you can buy i would say though that uh... if you're going
to put a scare
in the champions
that's the way to do it in the very first game on the road but i'm just
saying that the way that
the way that it happened where anthony edwards is like i'm twenty two and i'm
not scared of you or this don't care that your champions and when tony says
denver doesn't have any answers for him no one does there's no one who has an
answer
for that but i would have made the argument on behalf of your kids the same
way
and to see him sped up
was something that i haven't seen in a long time minnesota as much as minnesota
bother denver in last year's playoffs it didn't feel like that first game did
where denver i thought the miami heat play defense against yokich about as
well as it could be played in the finals where you're keeping that team to around
a hundred points but to to do what minnesota did where you're making him
eleven for twenty five and he's getting a lot of it late uh... make him
inefficient
what do you have did he he probably have 10 games this year where he missed more shots than he made.
Can we knock it off though with Anthony Edwards? Like he's a great player and maybe...
Knock it off, he just got here, he's 22!
He's the best player in the league right now.
It's the Western Conference semi-finals and people are comparing him to Michael Jordan and you're skipping right over Kobe and LeBron.
Like knock it off! He hasn't been to an NBA final.
He hasn't won an NBA final.
You have to get there to win one.
He's in the Western Conference semi-finals.
Congratulations.
They didn't skip over everyone who has a ring.
I mean, Dwyane Wade.
What's happened with Anthony Edwards
is they've skipped Dwyane Wade.
They've put Anthony Edwards in the Dwyane Wade class,
but he has not yet,
people are not talking about him, Stu Gotts,
like LeBron and Kobe.
Oh, he's got that LeBron, Kobe, Michael DNA.
No, he doesn't, stop it.
He doesn't have that DNA?
He might have it, but he doesn't yet,
until he wins a ring.
You mean laughing and clapping in KD's face
as he's sweeping him isn't Michael DNA,
isn't Kobe DNA? In the first round!
Okay?
You know what Michael was doing in the first round?
What?
Getting beat by the Celtics. Yeah, but you still knew. I mean, you know what Michael was doing in the first round. What getting
beat by the Celtics. Yeah, but
you still knew I mean you did
I need to be clear on a few
things. No one knew anything.
They were calling Michael
Jordan a ball hog when he was
scoring 63 points and a loss
to the Boston Celtics. Speak
for yourself. I knew but more
than that you you more you
never credit the loser in a loss, Stugatz.
The next time you do it will be the first.
Your scoreboard is the ultimate argument maker,
but Anthony Edwards, I mean, please tell us
what it is that we're witnessing,
because this player has been put in the stratosphere
with Wade and Stugatz is claiming
Right here in front of us that he doesn't have the dna for it
And that he won't get that dna until a couple it needs to be in a few weeks when the schedule arrives
And then the dna will arrive right now
He doesn't have the dna but in a couple of weeks just based on the schedule
He might be able to acquire the DNA
Bezos will have it shipped in during the finals. This is how DNA works
No it's not it's the exact opposite of how DNA works
Like you have it all wrong it is the the way DNA works is you're born with it. That's the way that it works
It's not based on the schedule. No, that's that's how it works
You you you It's not based on the schedule. No, that's how it works. Okay. You're a scientist now?
I don't, well, you're not.
It's not that I am, it's that you're clearly not.
I'm not even closer to being a scientist than you are.
It's just that you are the opposite
of whatever a scientist is.
Rushing away from being a scientist.
You are.
Hurdling.
That is correct.
It is just very far from wherever the beakers
and the information are, the experiments, the testing.
When you say something like he can't have the DNA
for a couple of weeks and he's 22 years old,
this suggests that right now,
Anthony Edwards could commit a crime anywhere
and there would be no forensic proof.
That's what you're saying, but in a couple of weeks.
Yeah, that is it.
There might be proof. There might be proof.
We've got a problem.
You stick to stand up, I'll stick to DNA and science.
Okay, all right.
Thanks.
Very good.
We're both equally ill qualified on both of those subjects.
Anthony Edwards, though, is going to save Adidas, correct?
Without a doubt.
Without a doubt.
This is a homegrown take right here from yes This is this is a Tony when you I want you to put up the Anthony Edwards one
The AE ones right now. These are the best shoes Adidas. It feels like it's put out in the last maybe ten years
I mean as a shoe connoisseur like myself basketball shoes as a basketball purely
Yes
It is the best basketball shoe that put out in quite a while because if you look at Adidas
is the best basketball shoe they've put out in quite a while. Because if you look at Adidas athletes, Derek Rose, James
Harden, Lillard, Donovan Mitchell, Trey Young,
not a good shoe between them.
You're talking about five guys that are stars in this league,
and nobody really cares.
I know they sell volumes of shoes.
I know Dame sells well.
Five guys, no shoe.
Exactly.
I know Harden sells well, but that's just volume stuff.
They have Anthony Edwards' beautiful shoes, by the way.
I don't know if you guys are looking at them right now.
Yeah they are.
Yeah they are, they're nice.
Very nice shoes.
Those are the shoes that get you
to the Western Conference Semi-Finals.
Those are the ones that get to the.
It looks like a honeycomb.
I kinda wanna like.
Yeah.
Some milk.
So with this, it feels like Adidas was struggling
basketball wise, because obviously in soccer they do well.
Outside of America they do well in these things.
And also lifestyle. Lifestyle for sure, but I'm talking about purely basketball. of America they do well in these things. And also lifestyle.
For sure, but I'm talking about purely basketball.
Sambos are so in right now.
Yes they are.
They've never been more in.
Biggest shoe I think right now.
Ever.
I'm sick of them.
They are.
I need new trainers for outdoor soccer
and I don't want to get them
just because everyone's wearing them right now.
So it sounds like Adidas is not gonna be saved
by Anthony Edmonds.
No, no, no, no.
Adidas basketball was the caveat. They had shoes that were kind of just like, if you showed up to the park with Adidas is not gonna be saved by Anthony. No, no, no. Adidas basketball was the caveat.
They had shoes that were kind of just like,
if you showed up to the park with Adidas,
you're like, dude, what are you doing?
Like, come on, put something on.
But if you look at Nike's athletes.
Put some clothes on.
Yeah, like, come on.
You're wearing Trey Young's.
You're wearing Trey Young's.
Give me a break.
Put yourself up.
Give me a break, but I'm not picking you.
You got little tongue, come on, what are you doing?
But when you look at the roster of Nike athletes
and their shoes, right? Obviously they've got huge names the shoe designs have kind of been stagnant when you look at what?
Adidas did with Anthony Edwards. It was like oh wow wait a second
We have not only a budding superstar in the playoffs, but now we have a product to match the game
It's I think he's gonna save the but the entire product, but let's talk about the game though
I mean because he's already being put in rarefied air
because it is rare for someone this size
to have this kind of jumping ability,
this kind of athleticism.
And in the first round, the way these stories build
and the way people become superstars this time of year
is that in the first series of the playoffs he
erases Kevin Durant and becomes his favorite players favorite player Kevin
Durant says after the series genuflex after being swept and says this 22 year
old I love his game now he goes into the next round and he's going against the
champion and the hype has started and I don't see many ways that this
person is stopped outside of injury by anyone who plays in this league he's
gonna he's gonna get his. Wemby? Eventually? Yeah eventually but not now I'm talking
about not now this series is fascinating it's a great series and Minnesota can
beat Denver and I'd like
to see Minnesota against Boston because they have a lot of elements and I have
yet to see Gobert used properly in the playoffs but he's super useful in this
series because a defensive player of the year at that size with reinforcements to
just wear down Jokic
over the course of a series puts a pressure on Denver
that very few others or maybe nobody else can.
Yeah, I do want to point out when you say wear down,
Jokic had a bad first half.
He came back in the second,
he was six of 11 in the second half.
He was four of eight with 10 points.
I argue, the reason I said that,
I owe an apology to Tony and Juju
and Tony wants to sell
His Minnesota is gonna win the championship ticket. I've got a couple tickets out there Dan
I got in early on the price. I got Minnesota to win the Western Conference. I got them at four plus 425
That one's for sale. I also have Minnesota to win the entire thing it plus 1100 that one's for sale
Also really in the first game I mean I understand you're using it talk I mean you're using a sample it's the
correct sample to use you're saying well the last few years he's been the best
player in the league he's the MVP that's the sample to use for Jokic not game one
that and also I understand that the playoffs is inherently a battle of adjustments.
It's a chess match.
Game one happened, there's a bunch of things
that happened in there.
Some of them were not to the quality
of whatever schemes Coach Malone wanted.
Some of them were and just didn't work.
And so, what they've been doing over the last two days
is going over everything
and tightening up their stuff. Also Jamal Murray, I'm not making excuses, but Jamal
Murray that time off, he didn't practice at all, hadn't taken a shot, right? So they're
going to make adjustments for tonight's game. And then whatever happens tonight, game three
isn't until Friday. So that means they've got five more days
pretty much of watching film and changing things and getting treatment
for Jamal and all those things to make sure what happened in game one does not
happen again. Especially when you talk about Jokic, right? You're talking about a
player who's like a computer. His ability to process information and then attack
you, not necessarily scoring every time,
but the way that makes you look most vulnerable.
The turnovers is what got my attention though in this game.
I mean, because you say he's a computer,
can you tell me, Tony, can you look up for me
the last time that Jokic had that number of turnovers
in a basketball game?
Because it is legitimately disorienting to me
to see that person not be totally calm about the way that he's distributing and
taking care of the basketball. It was the game before. Was it? Yeah that's right.
What? Against the Lakers. How many turnovers did he have? He had seven. Seven. And can you look
through his records because to me I'm not kidding you when I tell you that the
11 for 25 is weird to see next to his name
But it's also weird for me to see the six turnovers
It was seven. I know I got that
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Did someone say conservative entity?
Whoa! No!
What?
Oh, see this is why.
Stugatz.
Hers is better than mine.
In the fifth Seagacki.
How is the fifth Seagacki better than the third and the fourth Seagacki already?
This is the Don Lebatard Show with the Stugatz.
Nine turnover game at Memphis earlier this season. He had 1, 2, 3, 4 games of 7 turnovers throughout the season.
He had 1, 2, 2 games of 6 turnovers and 2 more, excuse me, 4 more of 5 turnovers.
So it's like, it happens, which by the way, when you are the focal point of an offense,
and you're creating, usually we see this with point guards,
but it's normal to have a lot of turnovers.
He's handling the ball.
Yeah, he's handling the ball.
Yeah, I'm not trying to take anything away
from what Minnesota did.
They had an excellent game plan of,
we're going to make him be hurried.
It's kind of like a quarterback, the hurried stat.
They did that to Jokic, and he never gets hurried. But what I'm saying to you also is he's not going to be like,
well let me just try doing the same thing over and I hope it won't happen to me again.
He's going to make adjustments himself beyond the schematic adjustments Michael Malone makes.
Jokic himself is going to know now, oh this is what they did to me. So when they try to
do it next time, I'm going to do this.
And that's what the great players do,
is when they figure out this is what you're trying to do,
oh, okay, for instance, for a lot of basketball players,
at a young level, right, even all the way up to college,
you go and you play and you're playing against a team
that's very aggressive.
And they're like, oh, and they're denying
and they're very aggressive.
And at college, high school, middle school level,
it's like, oh, what do I do?
And then you get to the pros, you do all that stuff,
and what happens, the guy takes one step this way,
and then back door cuts, and you're dead.
Because you can't do anything.
All of this is just bluster.
It's almost like a distraction.
That's a very simplistic thing.
I'm not saying that's what Minnesota's doing.
Minnesota's obviously doing something very sophisticated.
What I'm saying is, at some point as a player,
once you've seen something and you know it's happening,
you can make a personal adjustment.
Hey, next time they do it like this,
I'm gonna cut back, I'm gonna come back.
Or next time they're trying to shove me off my spot,
I'm just going to inch up, inch up, and then we're gonna go into a pick and roll, even though the play
was originally horns action or whatever. So these things are all going to happen. Now
Minnesota might come out and win game two anyway because Anthony Edwards has another great game,
because Mike Conley and Carl Towns and Nasri donri don't miss a shot like those can happen as well
But what I'm telling you is it's like what you saw in game one
Is it necessarily representative? Oh, well, no, but it's the combination right?
It's Nas read and Carl Anthony Towns going 15 for 24 and it's Yoke gets 11 for 25 6 turnovers
So he's getting out played by the opposing center position position. He got outplayed. He's not getting outplayed. He got outplayed.
Right. But in the one game. But answer my question about what Anthony Edwards is. Because
this is not-
Not Michael.
This is not- not yet. This is not his prime.
Yes.
He's going to keep getting better. He's 22. And I don't know how you stop that.
So this is my camera right here. You know, take people behind the scenes here.
Dan has a little fancy box right here.
Stu Gotts has a fancy box.
When he wants to talk to the people
on the other side of glass, he can just hit a button
and whisper or not whisper if you're Stu Gotts, right?
I don't have that.
So everything I have to communicate with Tony
and with everyone else in the shipping container
is via sign language.
So Tony asked me that very same question.
Dan, what's the comp?
What's the comp for the guy this young doing these sorts of things?
And all I could do was hold up my shoe.
That's the comp right there.
Yeah, it's a bad comp.
Yeah, for the listening audience.
We're in Jordans.
Jordan 6s, by the way.
Sixes, yeah, bread.
I mean, you don't want to be careful there, huh?
No, look, you talk about a guy guy because here's the here's the other part
But Anthony Edwards that criminally does not get discussed. He is an excellent defensive player. He's not just good, right?
He is excellent defensively on the perimeter. And so it's a combination of the offense
The skill level the physicality the athleticism
He is he is the anti-Jalen Brunson in that way.
Remember last week we talked about Jalen Brunson
as a superstar but you guys don't wanna admit it
because he doesn't have the look?
That's what Anthony Edwards is.
He is a superstar and he has every bit of the look.
And the look we're talking about is 6'6 from North Carolina.
That's Ray Clay or whatever his name is.
That sounds like a character from The Simpsons.
Yay, Barney.
A little Mahomes in there as well.
Jessica, are you ready for your F1 minute?
I'm ready, but I think this one might go long.
That's okay, two minutes?
I don't know if it's gonna go that long.
It's an F1, perhaps 90 seconds.
We'll see if I can fit it in.
It's very important that you be accurate around here
in the segment that follows me saying,
how long has it been since Jokic had six turnovers
and it was the game before?
So be totally accurate.
I was all lucky for you.
Cars are going 200 miles per hour,
drivers are hitting the gas without fear
and traffic cones are being smashed
and that's just on 995 folks.
It's Miami Grand Prix weekend.
It's a sprint weekend at the Drivers Academy is in town.
On Saturday, Lando Norris crashes out
and Max Verstappen takes the win and has pole position.
Netflix announces a new docuseries for the F1 Academy.
Abby Pulling takes home the hardware.
57 laps to go, it's lights out.
Checo Neerle takes out Max on the first corner.
Oscar Piastri bolts ahead
and the Blue Ferraris are in the hunt.
The Alpines are buffing again.
Lando Norris is going long on his tires
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Kevin Magnussen hits the back wheel of Logan Sargeants Williams and here comes the safety car. The Alpines are buffing again. Lando Norris is going long on his tires and he hasn't pitted, but wait.
Kevin Magnuson hits the back wheel of Logan
Sargeant Williams and here comes the safety car.
Lando Norris gets a quick pit under the safety car
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On the restart Lando stays ahead.
He has pressure tires and he's keeping for snapping at bay
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Lando has the advantage.
Can Lando bring it home for the first time?
McLaren tells Oscar Piazra, you better not crash.
There's a six second gap between Max and Lando.
It's the last lap.
Lando Norris passes the fake Marina.
He passes the Palacio de los Jucos red zone.
He passes underneath the Florida turnpike.
He's down the straightaway.
He's around turn 18, then 19.
He's across the finish line.
Oh baby, he's done it.
Lando Norris has won the Miami Grand Prix
for the first time.
He's on top of the F1 podium.
That was a minute.
It felt like just on time.
Excellently done.
Despite all the traffic.
This is, you've gotten better and better at that.
Your timing is impeccable, very few stumbles,
excellent work, Jessica.
Any other thoughts from the weekend
because you covered the holy hell
out of everything happening in Miami.
I'll come back to you, gather yourself.
I'll come back to you.
I'll give you a filibuster here by going to some sound.
I met Al Duncan.
Son's owner, Matt Ishby.
I want to get the thoughts here
from former son's executive.
Gary Shrewski.
El Hassan.
We call him Pat Pablo.
You met him?
On Matt Ishbia saying basically,
and this is a flamboyant owner, he is aggressive,
they don't have any first round picks from 25 through 30,
they don't have any second round picks from this year.
Some would say they mortgage their future.
He's a mortgage dork, Dan.
Oh wow, that's a good one.
Made that joke last week.
He's so proud of it.
That doesn't make it less good.
I mean, what do you think of this sound here from Matt Ishby when Anthony Edwards extinguishes Durant and the Suns?
Oh, it's extremely fixable.
Let's just be real, although this isn't a cool narrative and the national media really won't want to play it out there, but like ask the other 29 GM's
26 of them would trade their whole team for our whole team and our whole and our draft picks and everything as is like
The house is not on fire. We're in great position. It's not hard to fix
It's not like we're like hey, I don't have enough talent to win a champion
We have enough talent to win a championship, right? Did we do we have enough continuity? We have time together
Like there's a lot of things we can look at do we have like the right leadership in place?
Do we have to add some little
pieces around that? It's not like we don't have people that can score the
bowel, not that play defense and have one chant, like we have all the things and so
how fixable is it? I mean if I read the media I would think we
have a lot of problems, but luckily I get to spend time with you know the best
players in the world in my opinion, the best coaches, GMs, see all these people.
And I get to spend time with our people and say, we're in really great shape.
And I wouldn't trade our team or our situation for anyone else's, except for I'd like to
be playing right now.
But besides that, for like how going into the off season, I feel great about it.
It's not like there's a lot of other teams that have good players that have to resign
them or they're going to lose them or they might, they're unrestricted free agents.
Like our starting five's coming back.
I feel very good about it I
mean what's accurate there and what's inaccurate I don't think 26 teams would
acquire their roster in their pick situation I think it's fixable is it
extremely fixable no but is it fixable absolutely it's hard though because
they've got so much tied in to three guys, three guys that are paid a lot of money
for a long time.
And I think, this is what I said,
if I'm the sons and I'm trying to be realistic,
I think it's like a two year job to really get this right.
Because what you've got to do is invest in things
that they organizationally decided years ago
they didn't want to invest in. which is basically your farming, right?
Going out, getting cheap prospects, developing them,
making them into people who can be contributing factors
on your team.
They've got so much money tied in that the luxury tax
makes it virtually impossible
to add to your roster other than minimum deals.
I'm more worried about the sons after listening to that.
He sounded like he just had a big face coffee.
Also, Dan, the other thing I was gonna say,
but I couldn't fit this into my F1 Minute,
was I was gonna say, there's a huge, loud, orange thing
in the McLaren garage, and I'm not talking about the car, folks.
It's Donald Trump.
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Don Lebatard. I don't like smelly either. Stugats. Women stay home in the kitchen where they belong.
This is the Don Lebatar Show with the Stugats.
I really admire the career of Conan O'Brien.
I think that he is wildly talented as someone who can play both a straight man and a silly man.
His new travel show, Conan O'Brien Must Go, is very good.
Conan Without Borders, I believe, is his other travel show.
He has just made good stuff for a long time.
I enjoy listening to the stuff he's doing on satellite radio.
And he went on Hot Ones last week or two weeks ago
and treated it as a promotional vehicle
for all of his stuff and came with maximum preparation
on trying to do a bit that took a very good show to another level in its season finale
because comically he had a Dr. Arroyo with him and he's eating these hot wings and in the aftermath,
Stugatz, his podcast is very popular, Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, he was asked, it's so relaxed this podcast, he's so funny, he's 60 years old
and usually Stu got, I mean that Pop-Tart movie, Seinfeld at 70 is making something
outside of his comfort zone that's not nearly as good as the other stuff that Seinfeld has
made, the other choices. The choices that Conan O'Brien is making later in his career are wise choices that feature
his array of talent.
He's a wildly talented human being.
And here he is on his own podcast when describing Stugas.
Because I don't under, I thought he was playing a joke by just drinking straight from these
hot sauce bottles.
I thought maybe COVID had gotten his taste or something because I, or he was drinking from bottles that were props
because I could not believe what he was doing.
That, I mean, didn't, didn't DJ Khaled quit
after like three tastes on hot ones?
Hardly the bar.
I understand that it's not the bar,
but Conan O'Brien was doing these very hot bottles,
drinking straight from them,
putting chicken wings in his pocket,
and then he was asked afterward,
because evidently none of it was fake,
he was asked afterward
about what the bathroom experience was like.
Oh my God.
I was dealt with later.
How did it manifest itself?
I've spot welded an iron.
I spot welded it.
We're all thinking the same thing.
I spot welded, I went to it, I wanted it to be useful.
What and how much did you shit?
How much did your butt hurt?
Here's what I decided to do.
And do you have butt taste buds?
Here's what I decided to do. I decided you have butt taste buds? Here's what I decided to do.
I decided that I wanted, after I ingested all that,
I wanted it to be useful.
So I found a construction site
where they were doing spot welding.
And I went there and I said, gentlemen,
if you want, I can weld these girders for you
in about, I'm guessing about 15 minutes.
You'll need to avert your eyes
because I'll be dropping my pants. And they said, okay. And I said, I will need someone to stay
behind and light it. And then we'll be all set to go. So there's a building in the Mid-Wilshire district that's going up,
and I think I did about 65 rivets in the building.
And people were driving by saying,
Cone O'Brien's pants are around his ankles,
and I think fire is shooting out of his ass,
and he's welding a building.
And here's the biggest problem.
I had to join the union.
You guys did not find that as funny as I did. I was, I was, let me see it right now.
When it started, I was very offended.
Because any time we come with toilet humor in here, Dan's like,
What is this? You gotta elevate the show!
And then he comes with Conan O'Brien because he went to Harvard!
And he wrote on The Simpsons and SNL
and he's got a podcast where he travels.
Harvard's own Conan O'Brien
started talking about spot welding out of his ass
but then when he said he had to join the Union
I was like, that's a joke I could not come up with.
Rivets, rivets is a funny word.
65 of them, that's hilarious.
So he's discussing it in a smarter way.
The Harvard came out there.
I was like, ah shit.
Spot welding is a funny phrase as well.
And again, he's got the added benefit
of having drank straight from a fiery hot bottle
of hot sauce that makes me curious about what-
We're not allowed to do that either.
Yeah, exactly. It's fun to have people who are supportive of your endeavors- We're not allowed to do that either. Yeah, exactly.
Like it's fun to have people who are supportive
of your endeavors.
I mean, that's what I learned from that clip.
You feel like I haven't been supportive
of your general endeavors?
He didn't say you.
I mean, look, a hit dog holler over here.
Jeez.
You feel like I-
D and Dan stands for defensive, I mean.
I haven't been supportive of your endeavors.
That's a thing that you just said into a microphone.
I'm just saying, I marveled at his ability
to tell a story without being interrupted
and have the people around him actually just laugh
at the story because it's funny and ridiculous
as opposed to being sent to a penalty box
or something like that.
I didn't see that happen.
Maybe that happens on the show and I missed it.
Maybe the clip kind of cut it off before they sent him.
Preach.
Two minutes.
Oh wow.
Thank you. Go ahead and get out of off. Preach. Two minutes. Oh wow. Thank you.
Go ahead and get out of here.
Appreciate all your efforts here.
See you too.
In a couple of minutes we will see you.
I want to Stu Gantz, I don't know if you've seen,
I think this was Mike Florio was among those reporting
that the Dallas Cowboys are growing tired of Michael Parsons,
that he is wearing thin in Dallas because he's got his own podcast, his own personality,
he's very interested in having his own platform and being himself. What are you laughing about?
To God forbid, he has a personality.
Uh-huh, that's right. Football doesn't
tend to support those things by surrounding him with people who will just simply support him the
way Amin Elhassen is supported around here. And he has gone, where is he? Is he in Japan on a tour
when he is meeting this sumo wrestler, Stu Gantz, who is 17 years old, and I don't know how you think
to expect this to go.
What are you saying, Tony?
What are you looking at?
How is that guy 17, dude?
At absolute house.
But he is not as big as some of the sumo wrestlers.
Well, he's 17.
I would think- Give him time.
Oh, wow, he's taunting- He's giving the baby, rocked the baby, Russell Westrow. Oh my God. He's 17. Give him time. Oh wow. He's taunting.
He's giving the baby.
Rock the baby.
Russell Westwood.
Oh my God.
He's taunting Micah Parsons by rocking the baby and Micah Parsons now wants to...
CJ Stroud needs to not be playing with Sumo wrestlers.
Like who allowed him to?
He's just got his shirt off.
He's watching.
No, no.
He needs to not be doing any of that.
Someone's got the Texans over wins total up there
He did push him out of the out of the circle though, that is correct look like he's 17 though, so yeah
Illegal move though. He grabbed his thing. It's pamper. Whoa his thing covers a lot of
Specific there buddy covering a lot of ground there on the and no ground
He was grabbing what is that? What is that called?
Umbumpet.
No, it's not Umbumpet.
That is not the correct Sumo terminology.
It is not.
Cuban Sumo.
It is.
Cuban Sumo, Umbumpet.
Well, thank you, Tony.
Since you're bringing Cuban to the proceedings, let's go ahead and get to the top five, because
you've got a top five list, top five list of things that Cuban people say
when greeting someone whose name they can't remember.
Exactly.
But they're expected to remember their name,
and so you have to be happy that you're seeing
that person again, pretending like they're familiar,
but faking like you know or remember their name.
100%.
So El Pamper is not correct there on what that's called.y title for a top five. It's right it's the top five
things that Cuban people say to someone they don't know the name of so Stugats
is coming to me I know I've seen him at a family party I know I know him from
somewhere I can't put my finger on where I know him from. And he doesn't know your name either.
Yeah. He doesn't know my name yes sure but I don't know his name exactly so I have I have a
pretty lengthy OLI if you want I can just kind his name. Exactly, so. Big dog. I have a pretty lengthy O-L-I.
If you want, I can just kind of hammer him out
and then we can do the sound.
Yes, we'll do that in just a second,
but I would like, can you look this up for me, Jeremy,
please, what is that called?
It is not called a baguette.
A mo-wash-y.
I'm sorry?
Mowashi.
Okay, that I would have had a million guesses
and I would not have arrived there.
I would have arrived at El Pamper before,
the diaper before that.
All right, let's do OLI here.
Things that Cuban people say
when meeting someone whose name they can't remember.
I want that wrestler protecting my quarterback's blood side.
Why aren't there more sumo wrestlers on the OLI?
I don't understand it.
Why aren't more of them in front of a hockey net?
Also true. Better question.
Don't worry about that until the Stanley Cup. That's right.
O-line number one, Asere.
Even Asere? I don't know the guy's name
but Asere works for everything.
What is the literal translation of Asere?
Like bro.
Like bro.
Bro like. O- lot number two my bro lead
Longer but bro, my bro. That's what Chris Cody will often attempt to say but he'll throw an L in there bro little
Yes, L. Yeah, he's got like an L thing to it. I don't know why why would there be an L in there?
I agree. Why is there an R in draft Kings?
Draft Kings, he's Chris. Oh lie number three commandante
I mean commander
I'm not totally sure it might it is a ranking officer in the military of some sort of who says commander though? I'm not totally sure it might so it is a ranking officer in the military of some sort come on
I'm like a mandatory in the Sopranos. What is a commandant? They would be it's not
It's not general. It's what is commandant. It's like that. It's like a leader
Exactly basically common. Don't. Number four, O.L.I., consorte.
Welcome back to me.
Number five, O.L.I., mijo or mijito?
But that's an old person saying that.
But still.
What is it?
Mijito, like little boy, like my son, my guy.
My sonny.
How'd we get here?
O.L.I., number six, tri-billing.
People like when they go Spanish, through God's.
You've learned so little Spanish living in South Florida.
I'm trying to teach you guys stuff, too.
Damn.
Yes, he is a.
Where's Pingu on the list?
I wouldn't call somebody that I don't know the name of Pingu.
I mean, that.
Pingu.
Weird, whatever. Another I mean, that's weird. Whatever.
Another ranking officer, General.
Ah, General.
General.
General.
Bobby Knight.
I've been called General before.
OLI number seven.
Leon de la Selva.
Wow.
Billy, you have not been, I know you have not been to its eye when somebody calls you Leon de la selva
Which translates to Lion of the jungle?
Correct Billy is not Billy's not supporting you here Tony. That's okay. Nothing surprise does not matter last
Oh, I another one for billy last. Oh, I yeah It's not a Team Cocoa production. We've got 30 seconds.
I know.
Last O-L-I, Caballo de Attila.
My grandfather calls me that one.
I think he doesn't know my name either.
We'll rip through.
We'll rip through.
We've got horse, they, they, I don't know.
Attila's horse.
Attila's horse, OK.
Caballo de Attila, I don't know.
You've got very little time left.
Number five, Montro.
Monster.
Number four. Capitan, staying with the generals. Captain. Number five, monstro. Monster. Number four, capitan.
Staying with the generals.
Captain.
Number three, estrella.
Star.
Number two, people.
Self explanatory.
Number one, jefe.