The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Hour 2: Patton Pending

Episode Date: May 16, 2024

Comedian Patton Oswalt drops by for two joyous segments to discuss his new game show The 1% Club, the roles fans recognize him for the most, what it means to be a "Marc Marron baby," and to hear pitch...es for game shows from the Shipping Container. Plus, the Oddball crew of Amin Elhassan and Charlotte Wilder take a deep dive into the Timberwolves-Nuggets series ahead of Game 6 and to break down the most "watchable" postseason teams. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 You're listening to Giraffe King's Network. This is the Don LeBattor Show with the StuGuts Podcast. This is very exciting, StuGuts. Look at this man. His face makes me happy. his jokes make me happy, his work makes me happy. He has taken time out of his day. I know he was eating a sleeve of saltines in his underwear watching Carlitos Way and he has stopped doing that so he can join us. Patton Oswalt is with us.
Starting point is 00:00:37 He's been doing comedy for more than 35 years. His effervescent tour is about to hit Grand Rapids, Detroit, San Diego, Denver, Baltimore, Providence, San Francisco, and Salt and salt lake you get tickets for store patent oswald dot com he's been doing great for a very long time thank you pat and i want to talk about your game show but i'm a big fan of your work and i'm talking about the documentary on max all of your work on the big fan what dan thank you so much right
Starting point is 00:01:03 that is the unbelievably flattering. You quoted a very obscure bit of mine and I'm kind of taking it back. Thank you, man. Oh, I just, I love your facility with language. I love your take. I just love what it is that you have done with your comedy. So we'll talk about your game show in a second, but because we've got some guys here who want to pitch you some of their game show ideas.
Starting point is 00:01:24 I loved you in Ratatouille oh I want to thank you thank you so much I want to hang on I want to hear game show ideas I'm instantly intrigued by that okay we will they're terrible but they're terrible ideas they're not they're not as good as 1% club which we're also gonna play with him did you like Carlitos way Dan I I loved Carlitos way. Kleinfeld is perhaps Sean Penn's best character ever. That can't be right. I think it is yeah. He's actually pretty amazing in that movie and he's so not Sean Penn. He's this absolutely different person on screen. It's kind of stunning watching him. Yeah yeah he agrees. I don't know if he agrees. I Love Kleinfeld to my friend was Kleinfeld for Halloween. I like I love that character. Yes
Starting point is 00:02:09 Wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa new friend dresses Great costume costume thing goes way better than the whole day just going well, there's this movie called Carlito's That was his whole Halloween that you was explaining in costume. That's right, it is. Who are you? It's not an efficient costume, but it was just basically the hair that went straight up and it was Sean Penn with a cocaine problem.
Starting point is 00:02:39 Before we get into the meat of what it is that we're gonna do here, just introducing you to some of the audience here, I heard Patrice O so neil say the other day he was talking about the comics that mark marron his birth and he called you uh... a baby marron and i didn't i didn't know whether to take it as an insult or flattery
Starting point is 00:02:57 because i think of you as unique in in the regard uh... that you are indifferent from mark marron but the thing that i wanted to ask you was, Mark Maron said in reaction to that, because they were talking about how happy and refreshed he now looks, that he's happier now, but he's also less funny because he's happy. And so I just wanted to ask you. Who are you talking about? Because Patrice O'Neill's left us since 2011.
Starting point is 00:03:21 It's confusing. Right. Follow. Yeah. I'm sorry. Maybe it's a rewrite. It was an old interview. I'm sorry. Maybe it's a rerun. It was an old interview, I'm sorry. It was not a recent interview. So living less refreshed.
Starting point is 00:03:29 Well it couldn't be. But he was talking about Mark Maron and the happiness of Mark Maron, and Mark Maron was saying that he's less funny because he's happy, and so I just wanted to ask you, because you seem happier now, if you find that it has anything to do, I wanted to ask you, because you seem happier now, if you find that it has anything to do, happiness or unhappiness, with how funny you can be.
Starting point is 00:03:51 First off, I don't buy into that cliche that, oh, well, if you're happy and well-adjusted, you can't be creative. I've never bought into that. Most, that's a myth that people are like, out of my torment came this great art. Usually the great art comes once you're done dealing with your torment and can look at it from a level of sanity and some happiness.
Starting point is 00:04:15 You can't come from pure torment. And as far as being a Mark Maron baby, I wear my influences on my sleeve. So Mark was a huge influence. My friend Blanca Patch was a huge influence, my friend Blanca Patch was a huge influence, Bill Hicks, I mean, I, everyone is, and Bill Hicks, I mean, Mark Maron is kind of a Bill Hicks baby, like we all keep influencing each other and then an influence helps you, if anything, figure out who you are even better. So I'm not one of those guys, again, that I don't believe in the whole myth of,
Starting point is 00:04:46 I am absolutely unique and nothing influenced me. Well, that's clearly not true. Everyone is influenced by somebody and get over the anxiety of that. Get over yourself and just enjoy your influences. Are you at your most confident right now? No, I'm not. I'm still, I'm not a
Starting point is 00:05:07 hundred percent confident all the time not just in myself but just in reality think reality seems to be fracturing a little bit and fraying so I don't really know as confident as I am in myself I don't know how confident I am in the world around me anymore I you know Take that how you want to, but I still think that you can find creativity and joy in the darkness. You have to. That's the only way to,
Starting point is 00:05:35 that's the most vengeful thing you could do against darkness and sadness is to be happy and celebrate and be funny and be a frigging goofball. That's interesting what you're saying, though. You're talking about the world around you. I wasn't, I was talking about confidence in your comedy, not confidence in the world or confidence overall, or although I guess all of those things jumbled together
Starting point is 00:05:56 when you're a comedian and you're pouring yourself into your content every day. Look, I think that the MC in Cabaret was very confident in his performing and comedy abilities But he I also think he was pretty aware of what was happening in the world around him So yeah, I'm I'm very competent in my comedy mainly because I've been doing it 35 years But it's gonna be really interesting to see where Comedy ends up holding a place in the world that's to come, if that makes sense.
Starting point is 00:06:25 It does. And Billy and Chris's ideas for game shows make slightly less sense. I look forward... Hang on. I didn't... By the way, I hope I'm not bumming everyone out. I'm not some guy holding a sandwich board saying the end is near.
Starting point is 00:06:40 I just think a big change is coming. It's gonna be really interesting to see how it all shakes out. Actually, when I saw you in Los Angeles, though, it was in a show, I think, yeah, the next day, Marin performed, and both of you were saying the end is near. Both of you were talking about the idea
Starting point is 00:06:57 of how hard this, not how hard this is to do, but just the idea that it feels like we've got about nine years left in the world before it explodes. Yeah, it just the idea that it feels like we've got about nine years left in the world before it explodes. Yeah, it does feel like, it feels like the first verse of that David Bowie song, five years, and then what are we gonna do in the time that's left of us, to us?
Starting point is 00:07:16 Oh man, this is, I'm sorry, this is supposed to be a fun- No, what are we doing here? We're gonna lighten it up right now. This is my fault. This is my fault, we're gonna lighten it up right now. The good news is, if Mark Merrin said in the Patrice O'Neill interview, he was wrong. Yeah. Right.
Starting point is 00:07:30 Thank you. Okay. Billy, what is your game show idea for Patton Oswald? Okay, Patton, I have two options here for you, two pitches for you, if you will. And they're kind of different, but I don't know if it's what you'd like, so I have like different types of shows here. The first one is called Patent Pending, okay?
Starting point is 00:07:49 So think of a show like Shark Tank, right? And people come to you and they have pitches and they wanna see if you're in on this, whether it be a product or whether it be a project. And if you like it, you give your patented patent pending approval to the product so it's just Shark Tank no it's patent pending right you listening his name is Pat yeah right pending but hang on are they only pitching products can
Starting point is 00:08:15 they also be pitching like a film idea absolutely yeah anything they want to bring and then I say whether oh we should pursue that or it's not so much that I'm whether I'm investing in it or not. It's me going, hey, keep doing this or, oh dude, get off of this track right now. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You've overcomplicated this. You don't say yes, you don't say,
Starting point is 00:08:38 you don't give them advice. You give them your patented patent pending. If you approve it. He's asking what's that mean? When he does that. Well, it's a patent pending. Yes, approve it. He's asking what that means. Well, it's a patent pending. Yes, he approves the project or the product or song or what have you.
Starting point is 00:08:50 Does he have to invest though is what he's saying. Well, it's a patent pending. Pending, yeah. It's pending. It's his patented patent pending because he does it a lot on the show. It's a patented patent pending. Yes.
Starting point is 00:09:00 You in on this or? It needs a few more, it needs some more layers. Okay, if we were on this show right now, would you give me your patented patent pending? Oh God, no. Oh. It's been rejected. Well, I have another one.
Starting point is 00:09:12 His body language was so good when he was hearing your pitch. Okay. Now this one, think of it more like American Idol or America's Got Talent for the theater, right? This one's called Pat and Harvey Oswalt. And what you do is, you have a number of theater people, performances, plays that you want to happen in the future,
Starting point is 00:09:35 and they come and they're pitching it to you, and then if you like it, you see out the rest of the play. But if you don't like it, you assassinate Abraham Lincoln. Wow. Instead of hitting like the it, you assassinate Abraham Lincoln. Wow. Instead of hitting like the X, you assassinate Abraham Lincoln. These are terrible ideas. Pat and Harvey Oswalt.
Starting point is 00:09:51 Well, no, it was John Wilkes Booth. It would be, look, that is beyond grim and sad. However, you could make it fun if every week there's a different guest, a celebrity Lincoln that gets fake assassinated. So, you know, this week, what we can do is like- Who could it be, celebrities?
Starting point is 00:10:10 But at the theater- That's what I mean, like, you bring celebrities in to play Lincoln, so it's like, everyone, who doesn't love actor Don Cheadle? Don Cheadle will be playing Lincoln, and then that puts pressure on the people, like, hey, you don't wanna see Don Cheadle get assassinated, so let's really give it your best shot here.
Starting point is 00:10:27 Well, hold on, I'm rethinking this, and I think you'd have to be at a book depository instead of a theater, and then it wouldn't be Lincoln, it would be Kennedy. Well, Don Cheadle. Yeah, that's what I was about to say. You know that- But you could get a car sponsorship
Starting point is 00:10:39 involved in it as well. You could get a car sponsorship to drive around the celebrities, and based on you, I guess this would be less about theater and more about parades if you like. Maybe we do this around Thanksgiving time and they're auditioning for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and you think if it's a good act for the parade then you kind of let the car dealership and the celebrity keep going and if not then you know. Should I make him stop talking? You're you're using a lot of colors in this painting is all I'm saying. I think with a broad brush.
Starting point is 00:11:08 Why didn't you fix that that Oswald has a bullet that can travel backwards in time and kill Lincoln? And then that is that we could tie both assassinations together. I like you think he's using a lot of colors in this painting and you just made Dun Cheadle Abraham Lincoln. Well, listen, he's a great actor. I can't imagine a role he could pull off. Put it on the poll.
Starting point is 00:11:32 Line fell. Put it on the poll, Juju, at Levitard Show. Do you think Don Cheadle can pull off the role of Abraham Lincoln? I absolutely think he can. Let's- So was that a a guess patent pending on that would you I'm sorry but no but it was here's what I did listen can I
Starting point is 00:11:51 can I pitch a game show I guess but wait wait yes I need to tell everybody he's the host of the big new game show the 1% Club it premieres next Thursday for prime video subscribers then Mondays at 9 p.m. on Fox starting June 3rd, plus the next day on Prime. Is that what you wanted to pitch or something else? Well, I did want to pitch. Who was just pitching to me? What's his name again?
Starting point is 00:12:16 I'm sorry. Billy. Billy. The show where you pitched game shows would be weirdly entertaining. Okay. I like it. I heard what I want to call it.
Starting point is 00:12:27 It's called Bus Stop with Billy. And we have different commuters and then you come and sit next to them at the bus stop and start yammering like a crazy person. Crazy person. And we name shows them and we see how long they can last before they go, screw this, I'm calling an Uber and getting out.
Starting point is 00:12:42 Okay, how about this? Before they tap out. How about this? Where's Oswaldo? Oh, good God. Okay, we would show you a busy photo, like in where's Waldo, except there's a little picture of you hidden inside of it I like it.
Starting point is 00:12:56 that you would have to find. Where's Oswaldo? How about I'll swalt my gum, and it's people, how much chewing gum can you swallow and digest while naming movies and TV shows that I've been in? Again, that's just off the top of my head. Do you believe that it takes seven years for your body to process gum?
Starting point is 00:13:17 Because then is this like a long play where we see it go all the way through you? It's like the Up documentaries. We got to visit them every seven years and see how the gum thing, I guess. Billy, do you have it? I thought Up was about like an old man and balloons and such.
Starting point is 00:13:31 Well, yes, but there's also these cool documentaries where they visit these people every seven years. Do you have it? How about General Paddock? Ooh. So in this situation, there's a sports tie-in for General Paddock. So obviously the NBA and the NHL playoffs
Starting point is 00:13:45 are happening right now. Seasons are on the line, things are going down to the wire. But, you know, as goes sports, there's a team on the brink of elimination. Seasons will be ended, careers will end. So you need someone to come in and give a speech. And that's where you come in. An inspiring speech from General Patton.
Starting point is 00:14:05 And you're named General Patton in this. You would play the role of General Patton. Am I on an actual show right now where my PR guy's playing a prank? Are we at a bus stop or, yeah? Is this, yeah, is this an actual show or did you guys build this today just to mess with me? This was a terrible idea
Starting point is 00:14:28 poorly Executed but he's got a good idea that's well executed as the new game show host for the 1% Wow good save Dan This quicksand we've fallen into it premieres next Thursday for Prime Video subscribers, then Mondays 9pm on Fox starting June 3rd, plus the next day on Prime as well. Howdy folks, it's Mike Ryan and as you know, you're probably a sports fan, you know it's playoff time, and you probably have a team that you want to root on and maybe you're like me and you're not a season ticket holder so you miss the first crack at getting tickets so what do you do?
Starting point is 00:15:06 You check the secondary market. Well let me tell you about my best friend in that secondary market because I've tried them all and no one's as good as Game Time. The only ticketing app that gives you complete peace of mind with your purchase. You get to see the view from your seat on your phone before you buy the tickets. All in pricing shows your total cost upfront so there are no surprises. Buy tickets in seconds with just two taps. Telling you folks, this is a personal endorsement from me.
Starting point is 00:15:28 I was using Game Time long before they joined us and I'm so happy they're with us so I can preach. The good word. Trust me folks, Game Time. That is what you need. Take the guesswork out of buying NBA tickets with Game Time. Download the Game Time app, create an account and use code DAN for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code D-A-N for $20 off. Download Game Time today. Last-minute tickets, lowest price,
Starting point is 00:15:53 guaranteed. Dan LeBretard. We didn't get to your guys' against the spread. You're right. You're right. You're right. I don't have it against the spread. Oh, well. Because I wasn't prepared for this segment. You need an Ian in your life.
Starting point is 00:16:03 You have actively played defense against me today in a way that has rarely been this undercutting. Stugats! Defense wins championships, baby. That's show business. This is the Don Lebatar Show with the Stugats. ["The Stugats Show Theme"] Do you mind if we play a little 1% Club with you?
Starting point is 00:16:26 Absolutely. Yeah, let's do it. All right. All right. This is question number one. 80% of Americans got this question. Patton, do you mind reading this if it's on the screen, if you can see it on the screen and if your PR people are not playing a prank on you?
Starting point is 00:16:41 80% of Americans got this. Let's put this on the screen for Patton Oswald. General Patton. All right. I'm looking playing a prank on you. 80% of Americans got this. Let's put this on the screen for Pat and Oswald. General Patton. All right, I'm looking for it. Is it in the chat or is it on the screen? No, it's coming. It's a slow burn. It's a slow burn.
Starting point is 00:16:53 Are you ready? Yep. Mr. and Mrs. Kim have five sons. Each son has one sister. How many children do the Kims have? Your 30 second starts now. Go ahead, Stugats. Mr. and Mrs. Kim have five sons.
Starting point is 00:17:12 Each son has one sister. It's all tactic. How many children do the Kims have? I can read, I see it. Where are they from? Hmm. Ha ha ha! Where are they from? I don't know where are they from? Hmm. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
Starting point is 00:17:26 Where are they from? What do you mean? I don't know where they're from. Des Moines. Well, that changes everything. Ha ha ha ha! I'm gonna say five. Hmm.
Starting point is 00:17:38 All right, do you want the answer, Dan? I'm not sure. I don't have the answer. Oh. I think it's six. Yeah, it's six, right? Six. It not sure. I don't have the answer. Oh. I think it's six. Yeah, it's six, right? Six. It's six.
Starting point is 00:17:48 Oh, go, thank God. Yeah, but Des Moines. So people got that one wrong? Well, no, 80% of Americans got this right. This one, only 45% of Americans got this. Let's put this up on the screen. All right, here we go. Question.
Starting point is 00:18:02 They get hard really quick. Question number two. What are the only three letters that appear in the names of every day of the week? Wait a minute, that one's not even, I think Stugats can get this one right. You have 30 seconds, Stugats. Only 45, this one's hard to believe
Starting point is 00:18:23 that only 45% of Americans Weird. Got this right. Go ahead, Stugots. Only 45, this one's hard to believe that only 45% of Americans got this right. Go ahead, Stugots. Where are they from? Oh God. The Americans who got this right? Yes. You're from America. That changes everything.
Starting point is 00:18:37 You're from North America. DIY. There it is. Look at Stugots got way to go smart guy Pat why do you love doing this show a game show host seemed as seems perfect for you You get to ad lib all the time and have an interplay with with people that have to be funny That's exactly why I love it. We we have these contestants the contestants are the audience it's a hundred people and as they some of them have the wildest backstories
Starting point is 00:19:06 and I just talk with them and we all play off each other and you kind of follow these little mini dramas as they march toward the 1% and that in itself is fascinating to me, I love it. Do you have, if I can do some biographical stuff with you because I've got a million curiosities, do you have a project that you've done that represents the most fun for you that you,
Starting point is 00:19:31 and it's different from having the most pride in a project that you've produced. Oh boy, I mean, the one that I had the most fun doing, there was a documentary that I produced called The Comedians of Comedy, and it's just my friends and I, it's me, Brianain zac alifanakis maria banford were just on the road Traveling in a van doing little music clubs and that whole process of making it First the documentary then we did a six episode tv show. It was all it was was pure fun
Starting point is 00:20:00 It was just hanging out with my friends and filming each other and I loved it Have you been able to recreate that anywhere? Just screw it? Because I can't imagine creatively there would be anything more fun than being able to just create content all the time, riffing among equals on stuff that allows you to say yes and no. Right. It was, I mean, it was really fun.
Starting point is 00:20:21 I've never been able to recreate it. I'm kind of happy that I haven't been able to, only because it was lightning in a bottle. It was a very specific time in all of our lives where we were young and just kind of stupid and really loose. And now we're all older and varying degrees of success. It would be hard for us to all get back together and get back in the band at this point in our lives.
Starting point is 00:20:44 So it's just good that that record exists of oh look at us just hanging out being weirdos i love it is there a role above all others that people want to talk to you about if it's goldberg's uh... parks and rec uh... you know the king of queens uh... really like king of queens they really like ratatouille i also get a lot of sports people really really love big fan uh... because you know especially if you listen to sports radio you there are people like
Starting point is 00:21:11 that that call in and there are fans like that that you will encounter if you're a fan of the sports teams and so they that seems to have really that's a little film that resonated with a lot of people how the hell what do you say the fans who come up to you and uh... it's a parking attendant right he's addicted to the new york giants the deejays he is a completely obsessed man
Starting point is 00:21:34 obsessed with one player one team and that's his life he doesn't want anything else out of life but just to watch his football team and he uh... yet there is that I just get a lot of people going I know someone like that or like my cousin is like that or my brother was like that or like that's someone that a lot of people have encountered weirdly enough and that's kind of cool. Acting isn't as cool as comedy right? It's not it's a stand-up is your favorite thing.
Starting point is 00:22:03 Well stand-up is the one thing where there's no notes it's just me that's all it is acting is a collaborative thing writing is collaborative eventually making movies stand up is the one thing where it's you it's whatever's in your head you walk out one microphone that's it it was fantastic what's more difficult it sometimes comedy can be difficult if you're more difficult if you're trying out something new and you haven't found a way into it. But for the most part acting tends to be more difficult because it just there's so much more energy involved and
Starting point is 00:22:36 being aware and listening to all these different things and being aware of the camera and the light. Like there's a million things going on in your head while you're trying to seem very very natural and nonchalant. That's super interesting because I've always thought that stand up comedy is the hardest thing. And it's not hard for you because you've been doing it for 35 years. I've been doing it for so long. I mean, I'm sure if you talk to me 20 years ago, I'm like, stand up really hard. But when you've been doing it as long as I have,
Starting point is 00:23:04 it's, it's actually, there's no difference between me off stage and on stage I can just walk up there and I just talk to people and it's fantastic it just feels really really real to me. How do you deal with hecklers? I'm really good with hecklers not that I'm so quick-witted it's that I have dealt with hecklers again for 35 years. I've lost a lot of times. Hecklers have beat me in the past. And then the next day you wake up and go, oh, that didn't even matter. So now I'm fearless because I know in the end I still win. They came to see the show. I have their money. There's a light on me and I have a microphone. I'm going to win.
Starting point is 00:23:42 Oh, but that's a good attitude to have right? I heard Seinfeld talking the other day about a heckler that got him in 93 that still it stays with him Yeah You would think with his level of success. He would go maybe that guy was wrong Yeah, I have evidence that he wasn't right. Oh, but you know how much insecurity your business is filled with, right? Don't even get me started. I mean, right? Like you, it's why I asked you about confidence.
Starting point is 00:24:14 Even, hell, in the same interview I was talking about with Marin, because he says he's happier, one of the things he was saying is, well, once you eliminate all of the other anxieties in my life, all I'm on stage with is my fear. All that's left is my fear. But fear and anxiety are very much the same thing.
Starting point is 00:24:32 You know, anxiety comes from this undercurrent of fear, of loss of control. So if anything, it seems like he just transferred his comedic creativity from his anxiety to his fear. He compensated in a very messed up way. What's your relationship with fear as it relates to this? I mean, my relationship with fear is I try to look at fear and jealousy and anxiety as
Starting point is 00:25:04 maps rather than enemies. is I try to look at fear and jealousy and anxiety as maps rather than enemies. Fear was a tool that kept us alive. It was the being afraid of the saber-toothed tiger and anyone else with a big rock or a spear is what helped us pass our genes along. So as long as you don't let fear freeze you and you go, oh no, this is actually a tool and a map
Starting point is 00:25:26 To who I actually am and who I maybe really really want You can make fear work for you and you can make fear really funny if you just embrace it and admit to it How the hell did you learn that that there seems to be some real trial and trial and error my friend For and also I learned that from all the years of denying fear. There's a great novelist named George Saunders and he goes, if you have a problem and you don't acknowledge it, if you deny your problem, now you have two problems.
Starting point is 00:25:55 So once I read that, I was like, oh, that's okay. That's true. What about a show where you have people conquer their fears and sometimes it's eat nasty cockroaches and other times you're for whatever reason hanging on top of like a taxi cab that's suspended over water and you have to jump from one side to another and grab a flag and then put it in
Starting point is 00:26:16 and then whoever performs the worst each round gets eliminated and at the end you see who has the best fear factor. Yeah, you're saying that like, so you're saying fear would be a factor in this show? Yes. Wow. I didn't call it that probably, fear factor maybe.
Starting point is 00:26:32 That sounds like a really, that sounds like a kind of show you could then years later like launch a podcast empire. Yeah. And make a million dollars. Think of all the comedians, that actually sounds pretty good. That sounds very tempting. The effervescent tour is what he is doing right now. You still love touring?
Starting point is 00:26:54 You still love the grind? To me, it's not, the only grind is the airport and I've made, I've traveled long enough that I know how to make airport travel kind of easy and chill. I know traveled long enough that I know how to make airport travel kind of easy and chill. I know little shortcuts around things. But being in a new city, walking around during the day, looking at life, going up on stage, I'll never get enough of it. It's really fun. It's fun. It's really fun. Tickets for the tour, you can get them at PattonOswald.com. And what he says is true. It
Starting point is 00:27:24 seems like his personality he just walks out there and is himself that's certainly an easier way to do it. What are the secrets of the airport? Yeah we gotta get we'll let you go on the private jet. It's patented. No I'm not trust me I'm not a private jet. You're not talking to Kevin Hart.
Starting point is 00:27:40 I don't have a private jet. I like patents patented secrets for airport travel as a travel show. Do you have a couple of little shortcuts for the audience? One of the secrets, and again this is a very, one of the secrets comes from traveling so much and getting so many miles. If you travel anywhere, I don't care what airline it is log your frigate join every mileage program you can do not own the credit card unless it earns miles because that will earn you you know even if you're flying coach you can
Starting point is 00:28:15 get early boarding you can get you know to it and whatever it costs get either clear or TSA pre-check. It makes things 10 times easier. Well, that's not a good. And also never, never check a bag. If you can avoid it. That's the key. Never check a bag, never. All right, a makeup competition.
Starting point is 00:28:38 Pat and Rouge, based in Louisiana. I love that. Pat and Rouge. You can get tickets to the tour patent Oswald calm And the 1% club premieres next Thursday Billy will do this to you You got it for 20 minutes I've had it for 20 years that has stood in the really I've had it for 20 minutes, I've had it for 20 years. That has stood in the corner. Does Billy know that, does he feel like
Starting point is 00:29:07 he's still talking to me or is he just kind of talking into the ether? It only takes one to hit, Pat. Oh, okay, that's okay. The 1% Club premieres next Thursday for Prime subscribers, Mondays, 9 p.m. Eastern on Fox, and the next day on Prime. Patton, lovely talking to you.
Starting point is 00:29:25 I hope we didn't run you off forever. I'm headed to Los Angeles and I wanna do a South Beach session with you. I hope we didn't lose. I would love to, dude, this was a friggin' blast. I love podcasts like this where it's just controlled chaos. Bring Billy with you, but here's what I want. I want Billy to sit on pitches for two weeks
Starting point is 00:29:43 and then when he sees me just blurt every insane notion out of his skull. I can't wait. There is no Jot Dance bringing Billy on vacation. No, I might bring Billy out there. The first victim of Patton Harvey Oswald. See you later, Patton. Thank you, sir. All right. See you soon, man. Thanks. The Dan LeBattard Show with Sugots is sponsored by BetterHelp. We all carry around different stressors, man. Thanks. The Dan LeBattard Show with StuGots is sponsored by BetterHelp. We all carry around different stressors, big and small. When we keep them bottled up,
Starting point is 00:30:09 it can start to affect us negatively. Keeping things bottled up can feel like carrying a weight that gets heavier with time. Whether it's talking to a trusted friend, journaling, or seeking professional help, finding ways to let out your thoughts and feelings can bring relief and help you navigate challenges more effectively. Remember, it's okay to reach out for help when you need it. It's helpful for learning positive coping skills and how to set boundaries. It empowers you to be the best version of yourself. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.
Starting point is 00:30:42 Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Get it off your chest with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash D L B today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E L P dot com slash D L B. Done libertaried. Or were they going to buy them and they just jump the shark by being like, you know what, we're gonna get all of you in the seats. Could you imagine if that happened in Miami, the way that the national media would respond
Starting point is 00:31:15 to the Heat fan base? I don't think Charlotte used jump the shark there correctly. Stugats. I think you just threw a jump the shark in there and that's not the proper way to use jump the shark Do you even know the reference you're making? Do you know the reference you're making when you say jump the shark? Is it from Jaws? This is the Don LeVatar show with the Stugats
Starting point is 00:31:37 All right here at oddball Charlotte Wilder, Amin Elhassan, I mean we have a very big story that we have to talk about Can you tell the good folks of the internet what that is? Well damn Denver Nuggets one win away from the conference finals Boy they done did it again You know they got their mascot was like a prospector Yeah like a man like the felt skin. I hate it. Oh my god, it's so creepy
Starting point is 00:32:01 Yeah So creepy but so apropos Yeah, well because you can't really do much, they're terrifying. They're terrifying. They whooped the nuggets in game five. It was 112 to 97. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:14 Jokic delivered the type of virtuoso performance that, as I said the other day, it's like James the Grim Reaper Roper telling Irish Terry Conklin, you're trying to embarrass me on TV and then just whooping his ass. Yeah, and the wolves did try to, they did embarrass him on TV twice
Starting point is 00:32:30 in the first two games of the series. A lot of whooping too. Yes. A lot of whooping and not just cause they're wolves. And Edward saying, I don't want to be compared to Michael Jordan, I want to be compared to Anthony Edwards, it's like, well, he didn't win the series yet.
Starting point is 00:32:43 And now it's looking like you might not. So this is the interesting thing for me, watching Game 5, was seeing Rigo Bear, who is a very polarizing figure, right? Like half the population says, oh, how good of a defensive player can he be if he always gets played off the floor in the playoffs and this dude is one dimensional and yada yada
Starting point is 00:33:05 is overrated as a defender. And then the other half is like, no, it's not true. It's because his teammates were bad. He didn't get played off. It was whatever. And that hasn't happened to him in Minnesota, whatever. And it felt like after game five, everyone, those two groups were united like,
Starting point is 00:33:21 yeah, man, Jesus couldn't have stopped that dude. Look at this video right here. You're mean to tell me you think that there's a a Soul on earth who as soon as we play this video, you'll see they could stop this man Anyone anyone at all can hit play on the video. There it is There's a yoga. So if you're listening to this, this is a video of all these stars working out in the off season, getting their bodies right, intersplaced with footage of Jokic partying in Serbia,
Starting point is 00:33:54 horse racing, dancing around and not working out. And it is wild that this is the man who embarrasses other grown men repeatedly. Because I mean, I watched game five and I was like, oh, so how does anybody stop this? Like imagining, say the Celtics face him in the finals. The last part of the video was him falling off a boat into the water.
Starting point is 00:34:18 That's your MVP, folks. By the way, I've never seen someone want to get it over with as quickly as I yeah, thanks All right, here's my trophy. Yeah They gave him the trophy before the game and he's like oh, yeah, which he literally did it when they announced it He went yeah excited. He's uh look That I meant what I said about Rudy gobert There's no no one can blame him no one can say
Starting point is 00:34:41 about Rudy Gobert. There's no, no one can blame him. No one can say, cause nobody could've, the stuff that he was doing, he had that one dream shake move on the, on the, on the right block where he goes left, right, left, right, and then just floats it up off the glass. He had the other one where he came with the left hand coming down the other side of the floor.
Starting point is 00:34:58 It was just, any way he wants to do it. And I cannot stress this enough. And maybe this ties into the conversation about Kaitlyn Clark, right? When you're a great player, they might figure you out for a little bit, but if they keep doing the same thing, the great player figures you out, back. And then it goes somewhere else.
Starting point is 00:35:23 Jalen Brunson, another thing, right? Indiana for two games in Indiana seem to have the antidote for Jalen Brunson. And a little help with his foot hurting. But in game five, it's like, oh, that's what you want to do? Okay, then I'm just going to do this. Yes. There's a chess match that's happening throughout all these games. And the problem is when you're dealing with Jokic, you're dealing with a chess player
Starting point is 00:35:50 who's also seven feet tall. Massive. Right, it's not just like, it's not like Brunton at some point you can physically overcome or whatever. This dude is like, what are you gonna do? And he says, what are you gonna do while doing things that a seven foot tall guy who sort of
Starting point is 00:36:05 lumbers down the court does not look like he should do. And I still think there's a piece of that that catches guys by surprise. He moves in ways where you can see them be like, there's no way he's going to do that, even though he has been doing that for so long. And I think I mean that what I've loved so much about these playoffs is watching the creativity. Tom Ziller and his amazing newsletter, Good Morning It's Basketball, wrote about this being Jokic's like piece de resistance about game five where the creativity that he showed to get around anything they throwed at him, throwed? Yeah, that's the word now. Anything they throwed at him was just a beautiful thing to watch.
Starting point is 00:36:42 Look, the man who built the Denver Nuggets, Tim Connolly, he left before they won the championship, he went to Minnesota and he built the anti-nugget. The GM? Yes, Tim Connolly, the, I guess, the chief basketball decision maker for now the Minnesota Timberwolves. And he built the wolves to be the anti-nuggets.
Starting point is 00:36:59 He built basically a bizarro Superman over here. If they can't, and they were the number one defense in the league, right, by far. Yes. If they can't stop this guy and they have the personnel and the execution and the coaching and all that, they can't stop him. Who's left?
Starting point is 00:37:19 You think either Dallas or OKC has someone that can match up with that? You think the Celtics or the Knicks This is it. This is the Alamo. This is it And I think last year in the finals when you know the Heat and the Celtics were battling it out I kept feeling like whoever does make it there the Denver Nuggets were this buzzsaw just waiting for them Yeah, and it feels like that again Yes, and I feel like they are getting hot in the playoffs at the right moment, too They are they have figured out some stuff.
Starting point is 00:37:45 You know, Jamal Murray stopped throwing ice packs or whatever it was he was doing. Yeah. Hopefully don't do that again, Jamal. And they're on a heater. Yeah. So I'm going to say this real quick. The athletic is reporting that the Pistons have interest in getting Tim Connolly. So it's like, would you build the anti-anti-anti? How many versions can he keep building? And how many years is it gonna take him in Detroit to do that?
Starting point is 00:38:12 I mean, can we play a little game? Yeah, cause the Detroit thing is really boggling down. Yeah, it's too depressing. Yeah, this is a playoffs. We're celebrating excellence. Yoke-Age and the Nuggets are not even the most watchable part of this season, perhaps, depending on how we rank these, because we're gonna rank these teams, playoff teams, by how much fun they are to watch.
Starting point is 00:38:30 Yeah, man! And the tiers that we have are the bottom tier at five is I'd rather watch the Eclipse without glasses. Tier four is I'd rather watch Netflix while checking the score. Tier three is watching with the TV on mute, but you're scrolling on your phone. Tier two is at home yelling at the TV and scaring your neighbors. And then the first tier, the top tier,
Starting point is 00:38:54 is drunk and shirtless outside Madison Square Garden. Garden, f*** a TV. Yeah, yeah. So we each have a separate list here. Yes. And we are, but we have to agree on our final oddball list Yes, so let's start at the bottom. Let's start it. What do you have at five? Oh I mean this one's easy. It's it's the it's the calves. I just I can't I mean look I watch them because that's my job
Starting point is 00:39:18 Mm-hmm. I can't lie so you're lying and say it's been fun watching them It's not fun watching two guys take turns. Like, hey, now it's my turn to shoot. Now it's your turn to shoot. I just. And then sometimes it's just Donovan Mitchell's turn to shoot. Well, that's funny, I mean, because mine has to do
Starting point is 00:39:35 with the Cavs. It's not the Cavs, it's just the Celtics in game twos. It's just Celtics in round one playing the Heat. It's the Celtics playing the Cavs. The only thing worse than watching a Cavs game is watching the Celtics get blown out by that Cavs team. Yeah, that's. So what are we gonna do?
Starting point is 00:39:51 We're gonna leave them both up there? Do we have the consensus now? Let's just go through the rest of this and then we'll go through. What do you have at four? At four, I gotta consult my phone here. Four, oh, this is easy because injuries just kind of made them not fun.
Starting point is 00:40:04 They were a fun team in regular season, and then they're missing their big star, Zion Williams, so it's the Pelicans. They got swept, and it just, you know, I didn't feel good watching OKC just beat them up. It's like, all right, man, it's dead. Let's let them go. It's over, it's over.
Starting point is 00:40:20 That's funny because I have another team at four that got swept, the Suns. Because the Wolves just mopped the floor with them. And it's sad because you have Durant, you have Bradley Beal, you have Devin Booker, these generational players who just, it just did not work. I wanna be clear for everybody that we're not saying like these are the best or worst teams,
Starting point is 00:40:42 but I'm just saying the games were boring. Yes. Right? We're not saying like these are the best or worst teeth, but I'm just saying the games were boring Yes, right like and so That next at three I Would or just didn't feel it didn't feel electric. Yeah, I was just like Nothing to do with the people with the players or their success exactly even their success. Yeah So you have it three three I Three, I've got the wolves. Now this is funny, because three is watching the TV on mute
Starting point is 00:41:08 but scrolling on the phone. But really what I'm saying here is it's an average, right? Because their most exciting moments, they are very exciting. Anthony Edwards is very excited to watch. But then there are times where they're just like, they look so dumb and lost. And a lot of that is Denver.
Starting point is 00:41:22 We'll be honest. Yeah, a lot of that is Denver. See, I'm gonna break convention here and go to two real quick before I tell you three. I have the Wolves. At two? Yes, because of those moments that are so great. But I'm going to agree with you that there are three.
Starting point is 00:41:37 I'm taking mine away. So they are, I agree that there are three. Part of me, I think that I've been so broken this year as a Celtics fan in the playoffs, because the games are either blowouts or in those game twos, as I said, they're getting blown out. And I think I'm still dealing with some trauma
Starting point is 00:41:52 from last year that I sort of feel like the Celtics have been a three for me in terms of my emotional. And everybody's getting mad at, people from Boston, can I say something? People from Boston are getting mad at me on the internet for being like, you're not a real fan. I am a real fan. I'm just being honest about it. The realest. You know what? I'm going to change mine. Can I change mine? Is that a thumbs up? Yes, I can. Change mine to Celtics.
Starting point is 00:42:14 Get the wolves out of here. The wolves were fun. I think like this is a little recency bias of, you know, just being embarrassed the way they've been because they're fun to watch. It's a Celtics. Celtics, even when they win, it they're fun to watch it's a Celtics Celtics even when they win It's boring. These have been boring games from the Celtics. I know God well You know they're boring I said it if they keep being boring and winning. I'll be okay with it Yeah, sort of I mean it is fun when it's exciting anyway at two I mean, I'm gonna put I'm gonna put the thunder
Starting point is 00:42:41 The thunder had you yelled at your TV because love Shade Gilder's Alexander so much. He does things that it's like a graceful Jokic, except smaller and slimmer. And not really like Jokic at all, but it's really fun. Dude, number two for me is the Nuggets. Oh really? Yes! I have them.
Starting point is 00:43:01 Jamal Murray, two game winners, including the one where Anthony Davis falls into their bench while they're celebrating. You got the the Yolkits Virtuoso performance in game five. You got the game four where they won the series in the last 20 seconds of the first half. That's why I have the nuggets tied with the Knicks for number one.
Starting point is 00:43:18 Really? Yes. Oh, okay. Yeah, I don't know if we're allowed to do that, but this is our show. I mean, yeah, I guess it might be harder on the graphic guy who's scrolling up and like, Who do you have it one?
Starting point is 00:43:29 Oh, it's outside of master score. The Knicks, every game they played has been fun. Like it's the only team in the playoffs that every game I watch of them, even last night, they won by a million points. Or not last night, whatever night it was. Yeah. Whatever night it was. Right. Time is a social concept. It is. It is. Even in that game,
Starting point is 00:43:53 it was still, it gives me nineties playoff energy. Yes. Like everything counts. Everything matters. It was Goosebumps City. I can't wait. Just keep it going, Nix. We want to keep watching you. city I can't wait just keep it going next we want to keep watching you howdy folks it's Mike Ryan and as you know you're probably a sports fan you know it's playoff time and you probably have a team that you want to root on and maybe you're like me and you're not a season ticket holder so you miss the first crack at getting tickets so what do you do you check the secondary market
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