The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Hour 2: Patton Pending
Episode Date: May 16, 2024Comedian Patton Oswalt drops by for two joyous segments to discuss his new game show The 1% Club, the roles fans recognize him for the most, what it means to be a "Marc Marron baby," and to hear pitch...es for game shows from the Shipping Container. Plus, the Oddball crew of Amin Elhassan and Charlotte Wilder take a deep dive into the Timberwolves-Nuggets series ahead of Game 6 and to break down the most "watchable" postseason teams. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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You're listening to Giraffe King's Network.
This is the Don LeBattor Show with the StuGuts Podcast.
This is very exciting, StuGuts. Look at this man. His face makes me happy. his jokes make me happy, his work makes me happy.
He has taken time out of his day.
I know he was eating a sleeve of saltines
in his underwear watching Carlitos Way
and he has stopped doing that so he can join us.
Patton Oswalt is with us.
He's been doing comedy for more than 35 years.
His effervescent tour is about to hit Grand Rapids,
Detroit, San Diego, Denver, Baltimore,
Providence, San Francisco, and Salt and salt lake you get tickets for store
patent oswald dot com he's been doing great for a very long time thank you
pat and i want to talk about your game show but i'm a big fan of your work and
i'm talking about the documentary on max all of your work on the big fan
what dan thank you so much right
that is the unbelievably flattering.
You quoted a very obscure bit of mine and I'm kind of taking it back.
Thank you, man.
Oh, I just, I love your facility with language.
I love your take.
I just love what it is that you have done with your comedy.
So we'll talk about your game show in a second, but because we've got some guys here who want
to pitch you some of their game show ideas.
I loved you in Ratatouille oh I want to thank you thank
you so much I want to hang on I want to hear game show ideas I'm instantly
intrigued by that okay we will they're terrible but they're terrible ideas
they're not they're not as good as 1% club which we're also gonna play with
him did you like Carlitos way Dan I I loved Carlitos way. Kleinfeld is perhaps Sean Penn's best character ever. That can't be right.
I think it is yeah. He's actually pretty amazing in that movie and he's so not
Sean Penn. He's this absolutely different person on screen. It's kind of stunning
watching him. Yeah yeah he agrees. I don't know if he agrees. I Love Kleinfeld to my friend was Kleinfeld for Halloween. I like I love that character. Yes
Wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa new friend dresses
Great costume costume thing goes way better than the whole day just going well, there's this movie called Carlito's
That was his whole Halloween that you was explaining in costume.
That's right, it is.
Who are you?
It's not an efficient costume,
but it was just basically the hair that went straight up
and it was Sean Penn with a cocaine problem.
Before we get into the meat of what it is
that we're gonna do here,
just introducing you to some of the audience here,
I heard Patrice O so neil say the
other day
he was talking about the comics that mark marron his birth and he called you
uh... a baby marron and i didn't i didn't know whether to take it as an
insult or flattery
because i think of you as unique in in the regard uh... that you are indifferent
from mark marron but the thing that i wanted to ask you was, Mark Maron said in reaction to that,
because they were talking about how happy
and refreshed he now looks, that he's happier now,
but he's also less funny because he's happy.
And so I just wanted to ask you.
Who are you talking about?
Because Patrice O'Neill's left us since 2011.
It's confusing.
Right.
Follow.
Yeah.
I'm sorry. Maybe it's a rewrite. It was an old interview. I'm sorry. Maybe it's a rerun.
It was an old interview, I'm sorry.
It was not a recent interview.
So living less refreshed.
Well it couldn't be.
But he was talking about Mark Maron
and the happiness of Mark Maron,
and Mark Maron was saying that he's less funny
because he's happy, and so I just wanted to ask you,
because you seem happier now,
if you find that it has anything to do, I wanted to ask you, because you seem happier now,
if you find that it has anything to do, happiness or unhappiness, with how funny you can be.
First off, I don't buy into that cliche that,
oh, well, if you're happy and well-adjusted,
you can't be creative.
I've never bought into that.
Most, that's a myth that people are like,
out of my torment came this great art.
Usually the great art comes once you're done dealing with your torment and can look at
it from a level of sanity and some happiness.
You can't come from pure torment.
And as far as being a Mark Maron baby, I wear my influences on my sleeve.
So Mark was a huge influence.
My friend Blanca Patch was a huge influence, my friend Blanca Patch
was a huge influence, Bill Hicks, I mean, I, everyone is, and Bill Hicks, I mean,
Mark Maron is kind of a Bill Hicks baby, like we all keep influencing each other
and then an influence helps you, if anything, figure out who you are even
better. So I'm not one of those guys, again, that I don't believe in the whole myth of,
I am absolutely unique and nothing influenced me.
Well, that's clearly not true.
Everyone is influenced by somebody
and get over the anxiety of that.
Get over yourself and just enjoy your influences.
Are you at your most confident right now?
No, I'm not.
I'm still, I'm not a
hundred percent confident all the time not just in myself but just in reality
think reality seems to be fracturing a little bit and fraying so I don't really
know as confident as I am in myself I don't know how confident I am in the
world around me anymore I you know Take that how you want to,
but I still think that you can find creativity and joy
in the darkness.
You have to.
That's the only way to,
that's the most vengeful thing you could do
against darkness and sadness is to be happy
and celebrate and be funny and be a frigging goofball.
That's interesting what you're saying, though.
You're talking about the world around you.
I wasn't, I was talking about confidence in your comedy,
not confidence in the world or confidence overall,
or although I guess all of those things jumbled together
when you're a comedian and you're pouring yourself
into your content every day.
Look, I think that the MC in Cabaret
was very confident in his performing and comedy abilities
But he I also think he was pretty aware of what was happening in the world around him
So yeah, I'm I'm very competent in my comedy mainly because I've been doing it 35 years
But it's gonna be really interesting to see where
Comedy ends up holding a place in the world that's to come, if that makes sense.
It does.
And Billy and Chris's ideas for game shows
make slightly less sense.
I look forward...
Hang on. I didn't...
By the way, I hope I'm not bumming everyone out.
I'm not some guy holding a sandwich board
saying the end is near.
I just think a big change is coming.
It's gonna be really interesting to see
how it all shakes out.
Actually, when I saw you in Los Angeles, though,
it was in a show, I think, yeah, the next day,
Marin performed, and both of you were saying
the end is near.
Both of you were talking about the idea
of how hard this, not how hard this is to do,
but just the idea that it feels like we've got
about nine years left in the world before it explodes. Yeah, it just the idea that it feels like we've got about nine years left in the world
before it explodes.
Yeah, it does feel like, it feels like the first verse
of that David Bowie song, five years,
and then what are we gonna do in the time
that's left of us, to us?
Oh man, this is, I'm sorry, this is supposed to be a fun-
No, what are we doing here?
We're gonna lighten it up right now.
This is my fault.
This is my fault, we're gonna lighten it up right now.
The good news is, if Mark Merrin said
in the Patrice O'Neill interview, he was wrong.
Yeah. Right.
Thank you. Okay.
Billy, what is your game show idea for Patton Oswald?
Okay, Patton, I have two options here for you,
two pitches for you, if you will.
And they're kind of different,
but I don't know if it's what you'd like,
so I have like different types of shows here.
The first one is called Patent Pending, okay?
So think of a show like Shark Tank, right?
And people come to you and they have pitches
and they wanna see if you're in on this,
whether it be a product or whether it be a project.
And if you like it, you give your patented
patent pending approval to the
product so it's just Shark Tank no it's patent pending right you listening his
name is Pat yeah right pending but hang on are they only pitching products can
they also be pitching like a film idea absolutely yeah anything they want to
bring and then I say whether oh we should pursue that or it's not so much
that I'm whether I'm investing in it or not.
It's me going, hey, keep doing this or,
oh dude, get off of this track right now.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You've overcomplicated this.
You don't say yes, you don't say,
you don't give them advice.
You give them your patented patent pending.
If you approve it.
He's asking what's that mean?
When he does that. Well, it's a patent pending. Yes, approve it. He's asking what that means.
Well, it's a patent pending.
Yes, he approves the project or the product
or song or what have you.
Does he have to invest though is what he's saying.
Well, it's a patent pending.
Pending, yeah.
It's pending.
It's his patented patent pending
because he does it a lot on the show.
It's a patented patent pending.
Yes.
You in on this or?
It needs a few more, it needs some more layers.
Okay, if we were on this show right now,
would you give me your patented patent pending?
Oh God, no.
Oh.
It's been rejected.
Well, I have another one.
His body language was so good
when he was hearing your pitch.
Okay.
Now this one, think of it more like American Idol
or America's Got Talent for the theater, right?
This one's called Pat and Harvey Oswalt.
And what you do is, you have a number of theater people,
performances, plays that you want to happen in the future,
and they come and they're pitching it to you,
and then if you like it, you see out the rest of the play.
But if you don't like it, you assassinate Abraham Lincoln.
Wow. Instead of hitting like the it, you assassinate Abraham Lincoln. Wow.
Instead of hitting like the X,
you assassinate Abraham Lincoln.
These are terrible ideas.
Pat and Harvey Oswalt.
Well, no, it was John Wilkes Booth.
It would be, look, that is beyond grim and sad.
However, you could make it fun if every week
there's a different guest, a celebrity Lincoln
that gets fake assassinated.
So, you know, this week,
what we can do is like-
Who could it be, celebrities?
But at the theater-
That's what I mean, like,
you bring celebrities in to play Lincoln,
so it's like, everyone, who doesn't love actor Don Cheadle?
Don Cheadle will be playing Lincoln,
and then that puts pressure on the people,
like, hey, you don't wanna see Don Cheadle get assassinated,
so let's really give it your best shot here.
Well, hold on, I'm rethinking this,
and I think you'd have to be at a book depository
instead of a theater, and then it wouldn't be Lincoln,
it would be Kennedy.
Well, Don Cheadle.
Yeah, that's what I was about to say.
You know that-
But you could get a car sponsorship
involved in it as well.
You could get a car sponsorship
to drive around the celebrities, and based on you,
I guess this would be less about theater and more about parades if you like. Maybe we do this around
Thanksgiving time and they're auditioning for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and you think if
it's a good act for the parade then you kind of let the car dealership and the celebrity keep going
and if not then you know. Should I make him stop talking? You're you're using a lot of colors in this painting is all I'm saying.
I think with a broad brush.
Why didn't you fix that that Oswald has a bullet that can travel backwards in time
and kill Lincoln?
And then that is that we could tie both assassinations together.
I like you think he's using a lot of colors in this painting
and you just made Dun Cheadle Abraham Lincoln.
Well, listen, he's a great actor.
I can't imagine a role he could pull off.
Put it on the poll.
Line fell.
Put it on the poll, Juju, at Levitard Show.
Do you think Don Cheadle can pull off
the role of Abraham Lincoln?
I absolutely think he can.
Let's-
So was that a a guess patent pending
on that would you I'm sorry but no but it was here's what I did listen can I
can I pitch a game show I guess but wait wait yes I need to tell everybody he's
the host of the big new game show the 1% Club it premieres next Thursday for
prime video subscribers then Mondays at 9 p.m. on Fox starting June 3rd,
plus the next day on Prime.
Is that what you wanted to pitch or something else?
Well, I did want to pitch.
Who was just pitching to me?
What's his name again?
I'm sorry.
Billy.
Billy.
The show where you pitched game shows
would be weirdly entertaining.
Okay.
I like it.
I heard what I want to call it.
It's called Bus Stop with Billy.
And we have different commuters
and then you come and sit next to them at the bus stop
and start yammering like a crazy person.
Crazy person.
And we name shows them and we see how long they can last
before they go, screw this,
I'm calling an Uber and getting out.
Okay, how about this?
Before they tap out.
How about this? Where's Oswaldo?
Oh, good God.
Okay, we would show you a busy photo,
like in where's Waldo,
except there's a little picture of you hidden inside of it
I like it.
that you would have to find.
Where's Oswaldo?
How about I'll swalt my gum,
and it's people, how much chewing gum can you swallow and digest
while naming movies and TV shows that I've been in?
Again, that's just off the top of my head.
Do you believe that it takes seven years
for your body to process gum?
Because then is this like a long play
where we see it go all the way through you?
It's like the Up documentaries.
We got to visit them every seven years
and see how the gum thing, I guess.
Billy, do you have it?
I thought Up was about like an old man
and balloons and such.
Well, yes, but there's also these cool documentaries
where they visit these people every seven years.
Do you have it?
How about General Paddock?
Ooh.
So in this situation, there's a sports tie-in
for General Paddock.
So obviously the NBA and the NHL playoffs
are happening right now.
Seasons are on the line, things are going down to the wire.
But, you know, as goes sports,
there's a team on the brink of elimination.
Seasons will be ended, careers will end.
So you need someone to come in and give a speech.
And that's where you come in.
An inspiring speech from General Patton.
And you're named General Patton in this.
You would play the role of General Patton.
Am I on an actual show right now
where my PR guy's playing a prank?
Are we at a bus stop or, yeah?
Is this, yeah, is this an actual show
or did you guys build this today just to mess with me?
This was a terrible idea
poorly
Executed but he's got a good idea that's well executed as the new game show host for the 1%
Wow good save Dan
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Dan LeBretard.
We didn't get to your guys' against the spread.
You're right. You're right. You're right.
I don't have it against the spread.
Oh, well.
Because I wasn't prepared for this segment.
You need an Ian in your life.
You have actively played defense against me today
in a way that has rarely been this undercutting.
Stugats!
Defense wins championships, baby.
That's show business.
This is the Don Lebatar Show with the Stugats.
["The Stugats Show Theme"]
Do you mind if we play a little 1% Club with you?
Absolutely.
Yeah, let's do it.
All right.
All right.
This is question number one.
80% of Americans got this question.
Patton, do you mind reading this if it's on the screen, if you can see it on the screen
and if your PR people are not playing a prank on you?
80% of Americans got this.
Let's put this on the screen for Patton Oswald. General Patton. All right. I'm looking playing a prank on you. 80% of Americans got this. Let's put this on the screen for Pat and Oswald.
General Patton.
All right, I'm looking for it.
Is it in the chat or is it on the screen?
No, it's coming.
It's a slow burn.
It's a slow burn.
Are you ready?
Yep.
Mr. and Mrs. Kim have five sons.
Each son has one sister.
How many children do the Kims have?
Your 30 second starts now.
Go ahead, Stugats.
Mr. and Mrs. Kim have five sons.
Each son has one sister.
It's all tactic.
How many children do the Kims have?
I can read, I see it.
Where are they from?
Hmm.
Ha ha ha! Where are they from? I don't know where are they from? Hmm. Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Where are they from?
What do you mean?
I don't know where they're from.
Des Moines.
Well, that changes everything.
Ha ha ha ha!
I'm gonna say five.
Hmm.
All right, do you want the answer, Dan?
I'm not sure.
I don't have the answer.
Oh. I think it's six. Yeah, it's six, right? Six. It not sure. I don't have the answer. Oh.
I think it's six.
Yeah, it's six, right?
Six.
It's six.
Oh, go, thank God.
Yeah, but Des Moines.
So people got that one wrong?
Well, no, 80% of Americans got this right.
This one, only 45% of Americans got this.
Let's put this up on the screen.
All right, here we go.
Question.
They get hard really quick.
Question number two.
What are the only three letters
that appear in the names of every day of the week?
Wait a minute, that one's not even,
I think Stugats can get this one right.
You have 30 seconds, Stugats.
Only 45, this one's hard to believe
that only 45% of Americans Weird. Got this right. Go ahead, Stugots. Only 45, this one's hard to believe that only 45% of Americans got this right.
Go ahead, Stugots.
Where are they from?
Oh God.
The Americans who got this right?
Yes.
You're from America.
That changes everything.
You're from North America.
DIY.
There it is.
Look at Stugots got way to go smart guy
Pat why do you love doing this show a game show host seemed as seems perfect for you
You get to ad lib all the time and have an interplay with with people that have to be funny
That's exactly why I love it. We we have these contestants the contestants are the audience
it's a hundred people and as they some of them have the wildest backstories
and I just talk with them and we all play off each other
and you kind of follow these little mini dramas
as they march toward the 1%
and that in itself is fascinating to me, I love it.
Do you have, if I can do some biographical stuff with you
because I've got a million curiosities,
do you have a project that you've done
that represents the most fun for you that you,
and it's different from having the most pride
in a project that you've produced.
Oh boy, I mean, the one that I had the most fun doing,
there was a documentary that I produced
called The Comedians of Comedy,
and it's just my friends and I, it's me, Brianain zac alifanakis maria banford were just on the road
Traveling in a van doing little music clubs and that whole process of making it
First the documentary then we did a six episode tv show. It was all it was was pure fun
It was just hanging out with my friends and filming each other and I loved it
Have you been able to recreate that anywhere?
Just screw it?
Because I can't imagine creatively there would be anything more fun than being able to just
create content all the time, riffing among equals on stuff that allows you to say yes
and no.
Right.
It was, I mean, it was really fun.
I've never been able to recreate it.
I'm kind of happy that I haven't been able to,
only because it was lightning in a bottle.
It was a very specific time in all of our lives
where we were young and just kind of stupid and really loose.
And now we're all older and varying degrees of success.
It would be hard for us to all get back together
and get back in the band at this point in our lives.
So it's just good that
that record exists of oh look at us just hanging out being weirdos i love it
is there a role above all others that people want to talk to you about if it's
goldberg's uh... parks and rec uh... you know the king of queens uh...
really like king of queens they really like ratatouille i also get a lot of
sports people really really love big fan
uh... because
you know especially if you listen to sports radio you there are people like
that that call in
and there are fans like that that you will encounter if you're a fan of the
sports teams
and so they that seems to have really
that's a little film that resonated with a lot of people
how the hell what do you say the fans who come up to you and uh... it's a
parking attendant right he's addicted to the new york giants
the deejays he is a completely obsessed man
obsessed with one player
one team
and that's his life he doesn't want anything else out of life
but just to watch his football team and
he uh... yet there is that I just get a lot of people
going I know someone like that or like my cousin is like that or my brother was like that or like
that's someone that a lot of people have encountered weirdly enough and that's kind of cool.
Acting isn't as cool as comedy right? It's not it's a stand-up is your favorite thing.
Well stand-up is the one thing where there's no notes it's just me that's all it is acting is a
collaborative thing writing is collaborative eventually making movies
stand up is the one thing where it's you it's whatever's in your head you walk
out one microphone that's it it was fantastic what's more difficult it
sometimes comedy can be difficult if you're more difficult if you're trying out something new
and you haven't found a way into it.
But for the most part acting tends to be more difficult because
it just there's so much more energy involved and
being aware and listening to all these different things and being aware of the camera and the light.
Like there's a million things going on in your head
while you're trying to seem very very natural and nonchalant.
That's super interesting because I've always thought that stand up comedy is the
hardest thing. And it's not hard for you because you've been doing it for 35
years.
I've been doing it for so long. I mean, I'm sure if you talk to me 20 years ago,
I'm like, stand up really hard. But when you've been doing it as long as I have,
it's, it's actually, there's no difference between me off stage and on stage I can just walk up there and
I just talk to people and it's fantastic it just feels really really real to me. How do you deal
with hecklers? I'm really good with hecklers not that I'm so quick-witted it's that I have dealt
with hecklers again for 35 years. I've
lost a lot of times. Hecklers have beat me in the past. And then the next day you wake
up and go, oh, that didn't even matter. So now I'm fearless because I know in the end
I still win. They came to see the show. I have their money. There's a light on me and
I have a microphone. I'm going to win.
Oh, but that's a good attitude to have right?
I heard Seinfeld talking the other day about a heckler that got him in 93 that still it stays with him
Yeah
You would think with his level of success. He would go maybe that guy was wrong
Yeah, I have evidence that he wasn't right. Oh, but you know how much insecurity your business is filled with, right?
Don't even get me started.
I mean, right?
Like you, it's why I asked you about confidence.
Even, hell, in the same interview
I was talking about with Marin,
because he says he's happier,
one of the things he was saying is,
well, once you eliminate all of the other anxieties
in my life, all I'm on stage with is my fear.
All that's left is my fear.
But fear and anxiety are very much the same thing.
You know, anxiety comes from this undercurrent of fear,
of loss of control.
So if anything, it seems like he just transferred
his comedic creativity from his anxiety to
his fear.
He compensated in a very messed up way.
What's your relationship with fear as it relates to this?
I mean, my relationship with fear is I try to look at fear and jealousy and anxiety as
maps rather than enemies. is I try to look at fear and jealousy and anxiety as maps
rather than enemies.
Fear was a tool that kept us alive.
It was the being afraid of the saber-toothed tiger
and anyone else with a big rock or a spear
is what helped us pass our genes along.
So as long as you don't let fear freeze you and you go,
oh no, this is actually a tool and a map
To who I actually am and who I maybe really really want
You can make fear work for you and you can make fear really funny if you just embrace it and admit to it
How the hell did you learn that that there seems to be some real trial and trial and error my friend
For and also I learned that from all the years of denying fear.
There's a great novelist named George Saunders
and he goes, if you have a problem
and you don't acknowledge it, if you deny your problem,
now you have two problems.
So once I read that, I was like, oh, that's okay.
That's true.
What about a show where you have people conquer their fears
and sometimes it's eat nasty cockroaches and other times
you're for whatever reason hanging on top of like
a taxi cab that's suspended over water
and you have to jump from one side to another
and grab a flag and then put it in
and then whoever performs the worst
each round gets eliminated and at the end
you see who has the best fear factor.
Yeah, you're saying that like,
so you're saying fear would be a factor in this show?
Yes.
Wow.
I didn't call it that probably, fear factor maybe.
That sounds like a really, that sounds like a kind of show
you could then years later like launch a podcast empire.
Yeah.
And make a million dollars.
Think of all the comedians, that actually sounds pretty good.
That sounds very tempting.
The effervescent tour is what he is doing right now.
You still love touring?
You still love the grind?
To me, it's not, the only grind is the airport
and I've made, I've traveled long enough
that I know how to make airport travel
kind of easy and chill. I know traveled long enough that I know how to make airport travel kind of easy and chill.
I know little shortcuts around things. But being in a new city, walking around during the day,
looking at life, going up on stage, I'll never get enough of it. It's really fun. It's fun. It's
really fun. Tickets for the tour, you can get them at PattonOswald.com. And what he says is true. It
seems like his
personality he just walks out there and is himself that's certainly an easier way to
do it.
What are the secrets of the airport?
Yeah we gotta get we'll let you go on the private jet.
It's patented.
No I'm not trust me I'm not a private jet.
You're not talking to Kevin Hart.
I don't have a private jet.
I like patents patented secrets for airport travel as a travel show.
Do you have a couple of little shortcuts for the audience?
One of the secrets, and again this is a very, one of the secrets comes from traveling so
much and getting so many miles.
If you travel anywhere, I don't care what airline it is log your frigate
join every mileage program you can do not own the credit card unless it earns
miles because that will earn you you know even if you're flying coach you can
get early boarding you can get you know to it and whatever it costs get either
clear or TSA pre-check. It makes things 10 times easier.
Well, that's not a good.
And also never, never check a bag.
If you can avoid it.
That's the key.
Never check a bag, never.
All right, a makeup competition.
Pat and Rouge, based in Louisiana.
I love that.
Pat and Rouge.
You can get tickets to the tour patent Oswald calm
And the 1% club premieres next Thursday Billy will do this to you
You got it for 20 minutes I've had it for 20 years that has stood in the really
I've had it for 20 minutes, I've had it for 20 years. That has stood in the corner.
Does Billy know that, does he feel like
he's still talking to me or is he just kind of talking
into the ether?
It only takes one to hit, Pat.
Oh, okay, that's okay.
The 1% Club premieres next Thursday for Prime subscribers,
Mondays, 9 p.m. Eastern on Fox,
and the next day on Prime.
Patton, lovely talking to you.
I hope we didn't run you off forever.
I'm headed to Los Angeles
and I wanna do a South Beach session with you.
I hope we didn't lose.
I would love to, dude, this was a friggin' blast.
I love podcasts like this where it's just controlled chaos.
Bring Billy with you, but here's what I want.
I want Billy to sit on pitches for two weeks
and then when he sees me just blurt
every insane notion out of his skull. I can't wait. There is no Jot Dance bringing Billy on vacation.
No, I might bring Billy out there.
The first victim of Patton Harvey Oswald.
See you later, Patton. Thank you, sir.
All right. See you soon, man. Thanks.
The Dan LeBattard Show with Sugots is sponsored by BetterHelp. We all carry around different stressors, man. Thanks. The Dan LeBattard Show with StuGots is sponsored by BetterHelp.
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BetterHelp. H E L P dot com slash D L B. Done libertaried. Or were they going to buy them and
they just jump the shark
by being like, you know what,
we're gonna get all of you in the seats.
Could you imagine if that happened in Miami,
the way that the national media would respond
to the Heat fan base?
I don't think Charlotte used
jump the shark there correctly.
Stugats.
I think you just threw a jump the shark in there
and that's not the proper way to use jump the shark
Do you even know the reference you're making? Do you know the reference you're making when you say jump the shark?
Is it from Jaws? This is the Don LeVatar show with the Stugats
All right here at oddball
Charlotte Wilder, Amin Elhassan, I mean we have a very big story that we have to talk about
Can you tell the good folks of the internet what that is?
Well damn Denver Nuggets one win away from the conference finals
Boy they done did it again
You know they got their mascot was like a prospector
Yeah like a man like the felt skin. I hate it.
Oh my god, it's so creepy
Yeah
So creepy but so apropos
Yeah, well because you can't really do much,
they're terrifying.
They're terrifying.
They whooped the nuggets in game five.
It was 112 to 97.
Yeah.
Jokic delivered the type of virtuoso performance
that, as I said the other day,
it's like James the Grim Reaper Roper
telling Irish Terry Conklin,
you're trying to embarrass me on TV
and then just whooping his ass.
Yeah, and the wolves did try to,
they did embarrass him on TV twice
in the first two games of the series.
A lot of whooping too.
Yes.
A lot of whooping and not just cause they're wolves.
And Edward saying, I don't want to be compared
to Michael Jordan, I want to be compared
to Anthony Edwards, it's like, well,
he didn't win the series yet.
And now it's looking like you might not.
So this is the interesting thing for me,
watching Game 5, was seeing Rigo Bear,
who is a very polarizing figure, right?
Like half the population says,
oh, how good of a defensive player can he be
if he always gets played off the floor in the playoffs
and this dude is one dimensional and yada yada
is overrated as a defender.
And then the other half is like, no, it's not true.
It's because his teammates were bad.
He didn't get played off.
It was whatever.
And that hasn't happened to him in Minnesota, whatever.
And it felt like after game five,
everyone, those two groups were united like,
yeah, man, Jesus couldn't have stopped that dude.
Look at this video right here. You're mean to tell me you think that there's a a
Soul on earth who as soon as we play this video, you'll see they could stop this man
Anyone anyone at all can hit play on the video. There it is
There's a yoga. So if you're listening to this,
this is a video of all these stars working out
in the off season, getting their bodies right,
intersplaced with footage of Jokic partying in Serbia,
horse racing, dancing around and not working out.
And it is wild that this is the man
who embarrasses other grown men repeatedly.
Because I mean, I watched game five and I was like,
oh, so how does anybody stop this?
Like imagining, say the Celtics face him in the finals.
The last part of the video was him falling off a boat
into the water.
That's your MVP, folks.
By the way, I've never seen someone want to get it over with as quickly as I yeah, thanks
All right, here's my trophy. Yeah
They gave him the trophy before the game and he's like oh, yeah, which he literally did it when they announced it
He went yeah excited. He's uh
look
That I meant what I said about Rudy gobert
There's no no one can blame him no one can say
about Rudy Gobert. There's no, no one can blame him.
No one can say, cause nobody could've,
the stuff that he was doing,
he had that one dream shake move on the,
on the, on the right block where he goes left, right,
left, right, and then just floats it up off the glass.
He had the other one where he came with the left hand
coming down the other side of the floor.
It was just, any way he wants to do it.
And I cannot stress this enough.
And maybe this ties into the conversation
about Kaitlyn Clark, right?
When you're a great player, they might figure you out
for a little bit, but if they keep doing the same thing,
the great player figures you out, back.
And then it goes somewhere else.
Jalen Brunson, another thing, right?
Indiana for two games in Indiana seem to have the antidote for Jalen Brunson.
And a little help with his foot hurting.
But in game five, it's like, oh, that's what you want to do?
Okay, then I'm just going to do this.
Yes. There's a chess match that's happening
throughout all these games. And the problem is when you're dealing with Jokic,
you're dealing with a chess player
who's also seven feet tall.
Massive.
Right, it's not just like, it's not like Brunton
at some point you can physically overcome or whatever.
This dude is like, what are you gonna do?
And he says, what are you gonna do
while doing things that a seven foot tall guy
who sort of
lumbers down the court does not look like he should do. And I still think there's a piece of that
that catches guys by surprise. He moves in ways where you can see them be like, there's no way
he's going to do that, even though he has been doing that for so long. And I think I mean that
what I've loved so much about these playoffs is watching the creativity. Tom Ziller and his
amazing newsletter, Good Morning
It's Basketball, wrote about this being Jokic's like piece de resistance about game five where
the creativity that he showed to get around anything they throwed at him, throwed? Yeah,
that's the word now. Anything they throwed at him was just a beautiful thing to watch.
Look, the man who built the Denver Nuggets, Tim Connolly,
he left before they won the championship,
he went to Minnesota and he built the anti-nugget.
The GM?
Yes, Tim Connolly, the, I guess,
the chief basketball decision maker
for now the Minnesota Timberwolves.
And he built the wolves to be the anti-nuggets.
He built basically a bizarro Superman over here.
If they can't, and they were the number one defense
in the league, right, by far.
Yes.
If they can't stop this guy and they have the personnel
and the execution and the coaching and all that,
they can't stop him.
Who's left?
You think either Dallas or OKC has someone
that can match up with that?
You think the Celtics or the Knicks
This is it. This is the Alamo. This is it And I think last year in the finals when you know the Heat and the Celtics were battling it out
I kept feeling like whoever does make it there the Denver Nuggets were this buzzsaw just waiting for them
Yeah, and it feels like that again
Yes, and I feel like they are getting hot in the playoffs at the right moment, too
They are they have figured out some stuff.
You know, Jamal Murray stopped throwing ice packs or whatever it was he was doing.
Yeah. Hopefully don't do that again, Jamal.
And they're on a heater. Yeah. So I'm going to say this real quick.
The athletic is reporting that the Pistons have interest in getting Tim Connolly.
So it's like, would you build the anti-anti-anti?
How many versions can he keep building?
And how many years is it gonna take him
in Detroit to do that?
I mean, can we play a little game?
Yeah, cause the Detroit thing is really boggling down.
Yeah, it's too depressing.
Yeah, this is a playoffs.
We're celebrating excellence.
Yoke-Age and the Nuggets are not even
the most watchable part of this season, perhaps, depending on how we rank these, because we're gonna rank these teams,
playoff teams, by how much fun they are to watch.
Yeah, man!
And the tiers that we have are the bottom tier at five is I'd rather watch the
Eclipse without glasses. Tier four is I'd rather watch Netflix while checking the
score. Tier three is watching with the TV on mute,
but you're scrolling on your phone.
Tier two is at home yelling at the TV
and scaring your neighbors.
And then the first tier, the top tier,
is drunk and shirtless outside Madison Square Garden.
Garden, f*** a TV.
Yeah, yeah.
So we each have a separate list here.
Yes.
And we are, but we have to agree on our final oddball list
Yes, so let's start at the bottom. Let's start it. What do you have at five? Oh
I mean this one's easy. It's it's the it's the calves. I just I can't I mean look I watch them because that's my job
Mm-hmm. I can't lie so you're lying and say it's been fun watching them
It's not fun watching two guys take turns.
Like, hey, now it's my turn to shoot.
Now it's your turn to shoot.
I just.
And then sometimes it's just Donovan Mitchell's
turn to shoot.
Well, that's funny, I mean, because mine has to do
with the Cavs.
It's not the Cavs, it's just the Celtics in game twos.
It's just Celtics in round one playing the Heat.
It's the Celtics playing the Cavs.
The only thing worse than watching a Cavs game
is watching the Celtics get blown out by that Cavs team.
Yeah, that's.
So what are we gonna do?
We're gonna leave them both up there?
Do we have the consensus now?
Let's just go through the rest of this
and then we'll go through.
What do you have at four?
At four, I gotta consult my phone here.
Four, oh, this is easy
because injuries just kind of made them not fun.
They were a fun team in regular season,
and then they're missing their big star,
Zion Williams, so it's the Pelicans.
They got swept, and it just, you know,
I didn't feel good watching OKC just beat them up.
It's like, all right, man, it's dead.
Let's let them go.
It's over, it's over.
That's funny because I have another team at four
that got swept, the Suns.
Because the Wolves just mopped the floor with them.
And it's sad because you have Durant, you have Bradley Beal,
you have Devin Booker, these generational players
who just, it just did not work.
I wanna be clear for everybody that we're not saying
like these are the best or worst teams,
but I'm just saying the games were boring.
Yes. Right? We're not saying like these are the best or worst teeth, but I'm just saying the games were boring Yes, right like and so
That next at three I
Would or just didn't feel it didn't feel electric. Yeah, I was just like
Nothing to do with the people with the players or their success exactly even their success. Yeah
So you have it three three I Three, I've got the wolves.
Now this is funny,
because three is watching the TV on mute
but scrolling on the phone.
But really what I'm saying here is it's an average, right?
Because their most exciting moments,
they are very exciting.
Anthony Edwards is very excited to watch.
But then there are times where they're just like,
they look so dumb and lost.
And a lot of that is Denver.
We'll be honest.
Yeah, a lot of that is Denver.
See, I'm gonna break convention here
and go to two real quick before I tell you three.
I have the Wolves.
At two?
Yes, because of those moments that are so great.
But I'm going to agree with you that there are three.
I'm taking mine away.
So they are, I agree that there are three.
Part of me, I think that I've been so broken this year
as a Celtics fan in the playoffs,
because the games are either blowouts
or in those game twos, as I said,
they're getting blown out.
And I think I'm still dealing with some trauma
from last year that I sort of feel like the Celtics
have been a three for me in terms of my emotional.
And everybody's getting mad at, people from Boston,
can I say something?
People from Boston are getting mad at me on the internet
for being like, you're not a real fan. I am a real fan. I'm just being honest about it.
The realest. You know what? I'm going to change mine. Can I change mine?
Is that a thumbs up? Yes, I can. Change mine to Celtics.
Get the wolves out of here. The wolves were fun.
I think like this is a little recency bias of, you know,
just being embarrassed the way they've been because they're fun to watch.
It's a Celtics. Celtics, even when they win, it they're fun to watch it's a Celtics Celtics even when they win
It's boring. These have been boring games from the Celtics. I know God well
You know they're boring I said it if they keep being boring and winning. I'll be okay with it
Yeah, sort of I mean it is fun when it's exciting anyway at two
I mean, I'm gonna put I'm gonna put the thunder
The thunder had you yelled at your TV because love Shade Gilder's Alexander so much.
He does things that it's like a graceful Jokic,
except smaller and slimmer.
And not really like Jokic at all, but it's really fun.
Dude, number two for me is the Nuggets.
Oh really?
Yes!
I have them.
Jamal Murray, two game winners,
including the one where Anthony Davis falls
into their bench while they're celebrating.
You got the the Yolkits Virtuoso performance in game five.
You got the game four where they won the series
in the last 20 seconds of the first half.
That's why I have the nuggets tied
with the Knicks for number one.
Really?
Yes.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I don't know if we're allowed to do that,
but this is our show.
I mean, yeah, I guess it might be harder on the graphic guy
who's scrolling up and like,
Who do you have it one?
Oh, it's outside of master score.
The Knicks, every game they played has been fun.
Like it's the only team in the playoffs
that every game I watch of them,
even last night, they won by a million points.
Or not last night, whatever night it was. Yeah. Whatever night it was. Right.
Time is a social concept.
It is. It is. Even in that game,
it was still, it gives me nineties playoff energy. Yes.
Like everything counts. Everything matters.
It was Goosebumps City. I can't wait. Just keep it going, Nix.
We want to keep watching you.
city I can't wait just keep it going next we want to keep watching you
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