The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz - Local Hour: Dan Le Batard Looks Like...

Episode Date: January 16, 2025

Dan is officially anti-Martin Luther King Jr. because the show will be off for MLK Day on Monday, and for the first time in his life, he actually wants to do a College Football National Championship Game preview show. Then, it's time for a LITERAL put the kids to bed weekend, Jessica explains why the title game will have her feeling like a "happy little clam" no matter what, and do you have conversations with yourself in your own head when you're running? Plus, is Al Golden hot? Who looks better between him and Dan? Does Dan look like Flounder from Animal House? How about Chris Penn? Also, Dan reveals a spicy secret from his People Magazine eligible bachelor photo shoot from 20 years ago. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Giraffe King's Network. Wi-Fi, 15% off all Hilton brands. I never go anywhere without T-Mobile. Same goes from a water bottle, chewing gum, nail clippers. Okay, I'm gonna leave you to it. Find out how you can experience travel better at tmobile.com slash travel. Qualifying plan required. Wi-Fi were available on select US airlines deposit and Hilton honors membership required for 15% discount terms and conditions apply.

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And for more heartburn relief fun, be sure to follow Tums at Tums official on Instagram and TikTok. This is the Don LeBattor Show with the StuGuts Podcast. I can't, I honestly can't believe I'm about to say what I'm about to say. I really can't. It just dawned on me because I was coming in and I am going to get out ahead of this and I'm going to come out today and be against Martin Luther King Day on Monday because I want to work on Monday. I want, I just learned that we've got a company holiday. All right, I have a question.

I have a question. How are you just learning this? Every year I get an email or a Slack message asking what are we doing for Martin Luther King Day? And the answer is always the same f***ing thing we've done for 15 years is respect Martin Luther King day and plus I want to watch the inauguration so that's gonna be a giant content day and I was

looking forward to it I've not done this in the history of our company Carl will tell you this not once I don't have anything to do with the schedule on Thursday I said to him please make sure Jess is in here on Monday. I'm going to the national championship game. What are you talking about? Please make sure that I can have her on the Notre Dame game. Please make sure that I can have the content of whatever that game is because she's going to care about that game. Your first ever big game preview? What is happening? What? What is happening? What? What is happening?

We're always off that day, and the discussion is, well, there's playoff games to discuss. I'm like, yeah, they'll be there to discuss on Tuesday. It's Marlowe the Game Day! You always get mad when we do, like, any serious sports preview content. Could have ended that sentence a little earlier. You always get mad.

She'll be there Tuesday. She'll be there Tuesday. That's the day you want her. We get to drink tears, we celebrate with her. She gets to espouse the virtues of toughness. This is incredible. Tuesday. We can talk about Notre Dame's left tackle issues now. I think Charles Jagoosa is going to start at left tackle.

Knapp is out. The Jagoosa's loose. Which means Rocco Spindler is probably good to go at right guard. Rocco Spindler? A very Italian team. Hardly know her. Steve Angelli's my fave, unsung hero. Because life is moving very fast on me away from here,

forgive me for this, I thought I was asking for Jess on Monday after a national championship game for some reason that I had in my head on Sunday as a giant football weekend That was pro in college So not only did I not know it was Martin Luther King Day and then promptly come out against Martin Luther King Day I also was putting a white woman to work on Martin Luther King get day and Punishing her for not being able to go to the championship game on the wrong day because I didn't want to do a preview I wanted to make sure we had you after the game not before it hmm let me just get out in

front of this one Presidents Day holiday we're not doing a show that day okay why because we've established for 15 years we haven't been doing that okay but I don't feel you you guys honestly correct me if I've got this wrong because time and space have moved for me in a way that's been just disorienting and confusing. I can't quite keep up with the sports schedule. You all do know it's all sped up, right?

There's more greed everywhere and like we're being bombarded with the ability to consume more at all time and then- No, I'm with you. Let's make this easy. Here's the division around schedule. Saturday, 4.30 PM. Eastern Houston at Kansas City, 8 p.m. on Fox, Washington at Detroit. Sunday, L.A. at Philadelphia, 3 p.m. NBC and Peacock.

Sunday night, Baltimore at Buffalo, 630 p.m. on CBS. Big, big ass game. National championship as it has been for, I don't know how many years now. Yeah, this one's my bad. Monday night. Yes, my bad. And forgive me, that- But it's never been this late in the calendar. That's true.

Which is new, because this season's been longer. All I'm telling you is, look, this is a feeling. I will tell you this as someone, you can, you guys have been talking recently about how even the inside the NBA guys don't seem to love sport. They like making the television, but what they're watching, all the jacked up threes,

you got two guys who played in the post, who played muscle ball. Yesterday we're talking on the show, and Jessica offers us something I had not considered, that the mailman, one of the great sports nicknames of all time, might actually be obsolete as a profession, before it is as a nickname, because it is an antique of a nickname.

I came in thinking about Monday's show today because I want to talk about the things that are going to happen this weekend that people are really excited about. The reason that I haven't wanted to be doing all of these preview shows all of my life is because for the last 20 years this thing has burnt me crisp on belching out content all the time around it and I'm like yeah yeah I get it it's an important game that the colts played against the giants and neither of them knew how to handle it correctly and that game changed the entirety of how now we are all interested in the stakes of this weekend and all of a sudden just like we're fire experts on how it is. We can handle what's happening in, California better We all know what it's gonna be like to watch Buffalo and Baltimore play in Conditions where human beings shouldn't be trying to do athletic things. Oh, is the weather gonna be bad snow and three degrees below zero?

Everything I want for that game. Yeah, because it guarantees the quarterbacks are going to be running more. And we like it when those two quarterbacks run more. Is that what you guys want? Because I want that game badly, but I was hoping to see that game where I wouldn't be able to do the Monday show. Oh, Lamar choked.

He only got 13 points because the wind was blowing the ball around. I love that the weather's going to be bad for that, because it's going to require those two quarterbacks to take their game to an obscene level. Wow, this is gonna be great. Juliet's going to bet at 615. So you're literally, is this, how many?

615. Wait a minute, wait a minute. I already told my wife the same thing. Are we not, wait, hold on, we're that show now? Kids are stupid, you can just tell them it's 830. Yeah. They are stupid, it's getting darker early. We are now the show that has grown into having so many kids that we literally put the kids to bed early

She's not ruining this for me before a 630 bills right here putting the kids to bed before a 630 bills Right here my parents to bed We're gonna be in Atlanta. I'm gonna say early dinner, you guys go back to the hotel. Me and Lehman, we gotta go to a bar, we gotta watch this game. I tell my wife, you know what, go watch Netflix in the bedroom. I need to be alone for this.

So Jess, this is the problem that I had as I came in today, wanting to make sure that we get the most inspired of content. It is refreshing to see something around here that isn't University of Miami and Jimmy Butler come to life with real roaring inspired fandom where you're being soothed by the mothers of the players in the stands

because you get the joyride of a lifetime, play for a championship, be around the team, be seen publicly as one of the coolest things we've birthed around here. People now know you as something that's associated with that football team, football team adjacent. You're going to the game, you went to New Orleans, you came back battered.

You haven't thanked us yet. I wanted you to be on after the game, and I'm hoping to bask in you wearing a crown because you're a national champion like I'd love to have our show have something be adjacent to that and feel like it did with the Panthers like you may be alone on that one Lucy and I will have a new gen CFB this week in which I talked about a little bit of my my thought process going into the game best-case scenario Notre Dame wins,

I retire from my job, I move to an island somewhere, you never hear from me again, my life's work is complete, it's over, I have nothing to live for, I'll just paint pictures or make greeting cards, I don't know, like do one of my life's passions somewhere, I don't need anything anymore, I'm happy, I'm content, my soul's complete. Or, Notre Dame loses, they're the second best team in the country this year, I keep doing what I'm doing.

Either way, I'm a happy little clam. And my life has renewed meaning. So I think you underestimate how you might feel both ways on Tuesday or what I thought was Monday, which made me against Martin Luther King Day, because I want the content of this. I'm down for the idea, Jessica, of making the stakes something similar to that where if they actually win you get some sort of medal arc bonus

package that sends you off to an island somewhere for a couple of days to be the champion queen of Notre Dame or whatever. Like Jess wins a trip of her choosing as the champion, as the public sportsman for Notre Dame when it's very much us against the world, Jess. Terrible negotiator. And do Roy, Mike and I get something for this Panthers championship that happened a few months back? Jobs, jobs.

I mean what are we doing here? Oh, that's the week that we get to keep our jobs and she gets a bonus vacation. Yeah, that seems fair. Yeah. I think so. Look, she's doing the brave thing. This show's been us against the world for a long time.

Nobody's rooting for Notre Dame except Notre Dame. Who the hell's rooting for Notre Dame? Apparently Jesus, according to Riley Leonard. Yeah, Jesus is. Well, he said, so if you've been following this football season, Ohio State's players have been extremely vocal about being religious. And so Riley Leonard as well and he made a

comment yesterday he was like God's been on our side this season we're the two most vocally religious teams and look we're in the national championship game some people obviously took offense to that some people were like that's awesome I don't know I just know Jesus hates Texas and Penn State it's a god off but why Colorado is also religious. It's not all puppy dogs and ice cream. So why don't you know though, Jessica, like where do you stand on this? Because Cody, I never got to this because we were riding the joyride of Greg Cody at Prime Times performance this week by Greg Cody, back to the old days. And so I never was able to get to this part with you Greg Cody believes that America believes that they would like for Ohio State and Notre Dame to

Play each other on Monday night and for both of them to lose That what America is watching on Monday is hate watching It's like everyone here lose and then you make sports a religious war because they are the two most religious teams at a time where the presidency is surrounded in a religious war and Donald Trump holds a Bible upside down because he's so religious and the things that he hides in the Bible, then we can turn the sports thing into Greg Cody is here, I wouldn't mind hearing from him on this, he thinks both teams want to lose and both teams should lose and I think he's on the right side of how America feels about it.

Yeah, I think like a lot of people have been writing like is Notre Dame likeable now takes which I get what we're doing with that. That's like a hey Brian Kelly is not their head coach anymore. The new head coach is actually like seems like a nice guy. I think fans of either team if I want I may speak for Ohio State fans they don't really care if people like them. They just wanna win the football game. So I could think of 100 national championship matchups where I would be rooting for the Asteroid too.

And that doesn't really offend me as a Notre Dame fan, as I think Mike Ryan wouldn't be offended if we were like, ew, Miami and Ohio State, disgusting, I don't want one of these teams to win. You'd be like, yeah, haha, suck it, I'm in the game. Yeah, and also you lean in. Ohio against the world. Embrace villainy.

Hate us cause they hate us. Exactly. So like, eh, doesn't bother me. You guys are doing that though with an indifference, and what I'm telling you is when you talk about regional prides and the stuff that college football taps into, do you guys not understand that the indifference of hey, Ohio State's a nine and a half point favorite.

That conference kind of dragged the SEC that cut that conference has kind of taken the top of the sport from the SEC it is us against the world it's it it is a situation where Ohio State is feeling what Miami Heat fans felt what I don't know if there's no Notre Dame's basically ACC. No, please. Basically ACC adjacent. No, no. Again, on Gen CFB, Lucy said, I consider Notre Dame spiritually Big Ten, and I threw up on my sweatshirt when she said that. No.

Spiritually, Notre Dame is nothing. If anything, they're partially ACC. Catholic, I guess, technically, but not in a conference. Jim Phillips sucks. Is anything, is anyone gonna be watching Monday agnostically? Honestly, like, I've, Jess knows this. Like, I've kinda been on Notre Dame for a couple months now. I love their style of play,

I love how they rebounded against Northern Illinois, and there's a lot of reasons to hate Notre Dame. Historical rivalry with Miami, Al Golden's stupid face. But I'll be damned, I like this Notre Dame team. I like the way that they play. It's old school, they are gutsy, they are tough. I know that that was a big discussion last week. But I was marveling at their ability

to climb back into that game. They had every reason to quit in that game. And everybody would brush their hands off and say, that's a great season. You overachieved. I do wanna go back to something I said last Friday, which was like, they played bad in the first half and then they just like played tough in the second half.

Every coordinator after the game was like, yeah, we didn't really make any halftime adjustments. Like we just played, like Al Golden was like, we just played better in the second half. So that corny analysis was accurate. And I will say one more thing. Al Golden has done such a good job at Notre Dame. I know several people that are like,

no, he is the hot coach of the football team. They love him, they love his glasses, they love his rosy cheeks. They're all over him. He's got like early onset paterno. He looks like a different person. Like the way that Greg Williams came back to the NFL, Al Golden looks borderline unrecognizable. It's not just a necktie. He looks like a different person. Like the way that Greg Williams came back to the NFL,

Al Golden looks borderline unrecognizable, it's not just a necktie. Like he looks like an older man now. And have you seen him be interviewed? Have you seen him be interviewed? Like they've asked him, hey, you're a leading candidate for the Cincinnati Bengals DC. And he's like, huh?

Huh? I haven't left the building. And I believe him. I feel like he hasn't left that building since he signed there. I think that's true. But going back to your point, Dan, if Mike had said, I hate Notre Dame with a burning passion, I want them to lose by 60 points,

I want them to have the most embarrassing game ever, I would be like, that's fair, I get that. I also hate Ohio State a lot because of the Fiesta Bowl. So yeah, I've seen Ohio State win national championships. I haven't seen Notre Dame win a championship in my lifetime. The last time they won a national championship, the radios were tinny, and I was all like, Chopper Shack are going down the sideline.

Were you born in the 80s? You were probably like six years old. I don't remember them actually. Come on, not the co-championships. No one recognizes that. Mike, you just gave me the me the idea. I know how this game needs to end What's three it needs to end with Notre Dame winning on a questionable pass? Oh, yeah I'm down for that down for that. You know who's really in a pickle right now, Michigan fans. I've heard several different Different sorry you have a little schmutz on your face that distracted me for a second.

I'm sorry, is it a booger? No, it's like a little fuzz on the other side. Oh yeah, what are you writing? It looks like a bug actually. A bug? I don't think it's a bug though. That would be horrible. Cause Michigan fan, I got it, it was a little fuzz. Michigan fans, they don't want Ohio

State to win obviously, but then at the same time they're like, well if Ohio State wins, we've beaten the best Ohio State team in like a decade. And so that means like we're actually the best. But then at the same time they're like, if Ohio's Michigan, Michigan finally won the national championship last year and then Ohio State comes along, they're like, what, like it's hard? Like you don't want them to win. They're your hated rival. Dan and Jess, I saw like one of these things like be bayoneted about on the internet, like, well, the expanded playoff makes like the regular season meaningless and it makes upsets like Northern Illinois super meaningless. I'm like, what are you talking about? Can you imagine if Notre Dame actually wins the championship? That Northern Illinois

upset lives forever. Oh my God, all the championship pennants with the scores of every game and this NIU 16 to 14, that would be amazing. I said this last week and I stand by it. If Notre Dame wins the national championship, Thomas Hammack gets a ring. I'll give him a statue. Yeah, that narc. And he'll have the second best dog.

You know what he did, right? After he beat Marcus Freeman, he's like, hey, I'd love to give you some tips on how we beat you. And he gave him the whole playbook and then Notre Dame's been damn near unstoppable since then. Oh, well that's not. It's a little unfair. Thomas Hammond was like, here's how you beat Notre Dame.

Have Riley Leonard have the worst game ever as a starting quarterback. It's like these analysis after the Penn State game, right? Just like, play harder. And like, oh, thanks. Thanks, I appreciate that. I find that refreshing. No convoluted, you thanks, thanks, I appreciate that. I find that refreshing. No convoluted, you know, well we started spying,

none of that. No. No, we just executed. You laugh at it, but like sometimes, I don't know, if you've ever been in an athletic pursuit, sometimes you just, you know, you have to dig really deep. And some days you do, some days I run a nine minute mile and I'm slow as shit, and I feel like ass out

What's happening some days? I dig deep what's happening? What's happening on those? I'm mental. It's totally meant. What's going on? Give me the dialogue You're slow as shit you complete asshole run faster you dumbass this shouldn't this I'm really mean to myself You answer you ever answer inside your head out because I have I just worked out yesterday Do you answer do you ever answer inside your head out cuz I have Just worked out yesterday Fast I'm like I'm unstoppable. I'm the fastest man in the whole world. No one can stop me. I'm so good at this I'm so good at running and then there's like seven people zooming by me rage running

And loving yourself at the same time I have a lot that I want to throw back at you guys because Chris do we have sound of Mike doing chubby checker the same time I have a lot that I want to throw back at you guys because Chris Do we have sound of Mike doing chubby checker the last time that? That chubby checker ran down the sidelines. I don't know if we have that sound, but I do want to ask the audience No, I'm not Misogynist vain is the voice in her head I think this is a message from sponsor into a turbo tax guys taxes was waiting and wondering and worrying if you're gonna get any money back whatsoever and then waiting wondering and worrying some more now taxes is matching a TurboTax expert who can do your taxes as soon as today. An expert who gives your taxes their undivided attention as they work on your

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But it's just his titties are sitting on the shelf that is his belly. Stugats! He said titties and it shocked me a little bit. I wasn't quite prepared for titties. This is the Don Lebatard Show with the StuGards. Put it on the pole, please. Does Al Golden have early onset paterno? Because Al Golden, I have to explain to the audience, you don't understand how confusing it is

to be somebody who hoped that Miami could build these championship dreams. And Al Golden came to town with a tie, an orange tie, and a binder on how it is he was going to fix Miami and get them to all these things we're talking about faster than anybody because he was given the keys to the kingdom long before mario christopher's crystal ball

and he drove the program and what wearing that tie the entire time sweaty on the sidelines all the time care deeply was a young man when he was here and the job did that to him has turned him into a mutant with early onset paterno uh... because al golden was a clown in Miami cared deeply cared knew what he was doing But failed miserably everybody ran him out of town

And now he's trying to climb back up into coaching and he's done So at Notre Dame bringing the rah rah man, he gave and gives great coach. Oh, dude. I watched that press conference again Last week when he was asked like so why did you take this job? And he goes, you kidding me? Oh man, I love that guy so much. And I think, look, he's been very good behind the scenes, almost too good and a little disingenuous about not knowing the full scope of the sanctions.

It's completely untrue, he knew. But he's very good at putting that out there that he didn't know so much so that he's convinced Everybody of this even though it's completely untrue and he knew everything that was gonna happen But he was young enough and we've seen coaches fail their first time the greatest head coach of all time I had a head coaching job in Cleveland didn't go great became the greatest head coach of all time He's done so much and you can learn from your failures and Al Golden has certainly done that and dude This guy was like coaching tight ends

for the Bengals, like he was an afterthought. It never felt like that guy would amount to anything. Linebackers coach. Well, no, no, no, he went from tight ends and then he went to a linebacker and then. Cause he was on the Bengals team that played in the Super Bowl, I believe. Yeah, I think at that point he might've switched

and now that's how he got the defensive chance. We laughed him out of town, relieved. Dude, his final act was Dabo sunning him at midfield and one of the more embarrassing results in program history. 58-0 that game? Yeah. He was like, what, 40 when Miami hired him

to be the head coach? Like he was the head coach at Temple and then came to Miami and you're saying that he knew Miami was on double secret probation or whatever the hell happened. I'm saying Al behind the scenes is very good at convincing people that he didn't know the full scope of the sanctions when it's not totally true. Al Golden is in his 50s?

He's like, these things suck up on me. It's not exactly accurate, but it's okay, man. Like at the end of the day, you're the DC. But I don't know, I was like in middle school when this happened, so. He looks like he's like 70. Yeah, I don't know what's was like in middle school when this happened, so. He looks like he's like 70. Yeah, I don't know what's happening, like it's wild. Al Golden?

Now? Yeah, it's wild to see. He looks old. He looks younger than Dan. No he doesn't. How dare you? No he doesn't. That's just a clean-shaded thing. I want side-by-side photos of me and Al Golden immediately because you're telling me the

point I was about to make, Jessica. The point, no, you know what? No, Jessica, it's okay. I deserve it. But Dan looks young, that was my point. Jessica, Jessica. Dan doesn't look 70. Not a kick-saving of you. Jessica, I swear to you that

you rage running and taking me inside the thoughts on wherever it is you're meanest to yourself. Like I'm fine. Whatever the last three years has done to you being in the middle of this slop, University of Miami people yelling at you about how much more special University of Miami time is than Notre Dame time because we wear the scars

of those wars back when Mike's allegiances were made even though he didn't go to the school because Miami fighting Notre Dame was the scars of those wars back when Mike's allegiances were made even though he didn't go to the school Because Miami fighting Notre Dame was the top of the sport and that was amazing fun. I I need to celebrate the fact that Notre Dame is here because the stakes for them I I can't believe that what I'm about to say what I'm about to say, we laughed Al Golden out of town. We laughed Dan Campbell out of town. That laughing hardened those men. And now one of them looks like Al Golden and one of them looks like Dan Campbell.

Because the sport will do that to you. It stresses will do that to you. Climbing to where Marcus Freeman looks beautiful atop the sport. You do look older than that. That's not a good- You have to get the glasses and him looking over his glasses

on the field like, huh, what? This almost looks like you and Al Golden. They picked the best version of Al Golden as a photo. That's what he looks like. No. I tried to protect you, Dan. No, no, no. Get one of him looking really old.

Mike's right. That's from this week. This is from the Orange Bowl. Doesn't matter. Mike's right. When he wears the glasses, he looks like, uh, it looks like Mr. Magoo. Yeah. Early onset paternal. Then we need a glasses photo of Dan to go next to it

yeah oh what damn and just put your glasses on the goalpost you never said glasses no I never pretended to not be we're gonna do this fair Dan put on your glasses right now you got it I put on the glass I will Dan don't talk put on the glasses put on the glasses don't say a word put on the glass He looks really old there. He looks like you know Chris walking and blast from the past looks weird That's early onset paternal. We'd all agree He looks like that means that has a different kind of can't tell not the really bad way guys Don't make this more awkward and doesn't have his glasses on I can't tell who looks older

I will get to putting my glasses. Dan would speak up. OK. I only made the comparison because they're the same age, OK? You still got the Mokeles? Jessica. I hope he would.

Jessica, I swear you have not insulted me. I'm insulted. I have, and I feel bad about it. Dan, I'm insulted. No, no. I'm insulted on your behalf. OK. That was the picture I was hoping for, though.

I would like the help of the group. Okay. This is what I wish for the crescendo of whatever this is to be. I want it to be a golden off. I want two pictures on the screen of your choosing whatever unfairness or fairness, the video department wants to put together right now. What the sport has done to Al Golden, it has also done to be here, to be adjacent to those sports and try and build a media machine and that too has aged me. And my brother died.

My face got gray very fast. But we saw the Will Fort clip yesterday, you look better now. Oh way better. Yeah. Okay, thank you. Cause of all the grief weight that you lost. No.

Great. I mean, what are you guys doing? What? Why are you doing? I mean, there's the occasional like happy byproduct look I am offended I ate my feelings and my cortisol shot up and deathbed stuff is gruesome for ten months Thanks, Mike for doing that But I want you guys to put a picture of me up at my worst if you wish because I want to have a contest here Or your best You look better now than you did in that like that is by far One of the worst photos I've ever seen

You look better now you're not giving me ammo here we were talking to you in the back you have a literal silver lining on your mouth Okay, you know, it's totally fair and I'd like to stay here. You look like if Chris Penn got sick. He's dead! He's dead! He's sicker. Yeah.

Than dead? You think I look sicker than Chris Penn after he died? Than Chris? You have like, I can't, you have like South Park teeth. You think I look sicker than Chris Penn after he died? Than Chris? You have like South Park teeth. I can't describe it any better. OK.

You know what? Oh, no. Come on, man. Hey, how dare all you people, man? This man is an economy. How dare you? No, look, I will travel this path wherever it is that everyone wishes to take it,

and may Jessica be able to mock me from here forevermore. Please, play this game with me. At the end of this segment, I've got a couple of different things happening, because Jeremy is, look, Jeremy hasn't said anything. He, I- He shouldn't. Well, okay, just but Jeremy has

Breaking heat news that we haven't been able to get to he's an inside information guy He's got news that no one else has that he can break right now, but he can't tell me what it is And he's like it's fun. It's fun news. It's good news, and I'm like you have heat news, and I'm like yes I'm like well. Let's do it and he's like no we've got to embargo it And I'm like what we're, we're bought and paid for like the rest of the Heat media? We've got to embargo things? We're doing the Heat favors now? Like if we've got news, we break news.

If we've got news, we break news. Like we've vetted it, we know that the news is news. And you're an insider and we have the news. We haven't been able to get to it. When can I get to it? Because I want to betray the Miami Heat. I wish to break this news before the Miami Heat wishes to have this news broken.

Let me triple confirm on this news, make sure that I have enough sources to guarantee that everything I'm gonna be reporting is real. But you know what, Dan? You're right. I don't wanna be viewed as a heat mouthpiece either. Maybe we break this news a little early. Wait a second.

You've got a job to worry about and I'm not talking about the one here. You work there. Yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna betray anybody, but you know. No, I am. So wait a minute. You wanna betray people? Yes.

Including me. Yes. Yes. Especially you. Yes, Including me. Yes. Yes. Yes. Especially you. Yes. Mostly you. Yes, but also I'm not comfortable with how it is that I have staked my national reputation on I am Miami Heat adjacent. I'm a homer.

I'm Journalistically bought and then that births Mike Ryan in the LeBron years and he's bought and parakeet Cortez and he's bought and a yet more extreme and more extreme bought heat media member and You represent either the best or the worst of that evolution where you're hiding news on behalf of the Miami Heat I don't work for the Miami Heat you may do I? news on behalf of the Miami Heat. I don't work for the Miami Heat. You may. Well neither do I.

Well okay. Technically. So I want that news. If you have the news, if it's vetted, if we're a news organization or we're a network, and if I don't want to be a Heat mouthpiece, I wish to break the news you have. Dan, rest easy.

This show will have that news before anyone else. We will be first. I can promise you that. We will be first and I know this embargo that's kind of in place, we're gonna bypass that. Approximately 10 seconds before the embargo is lifted. You hear that Barry Jackson? 10 seconds?

You hear that Kid Reporters? No, okay, how much time do we have? When's it been embargoed too? Because I wanna break that rule. Now you guys are just being kind to the heat. You wanna to make sure they don't... 20 seconds? 20 seconds? 20 seconds early. Oh man. 20 seconds early because we were kind of meeting the deal. 20 seconds is a long time in social media world. I think the news is breaking at 10 o'clock in 10 seconds. I think by that time we beat the YouTube delay. I will naturally break that story in seconds, but

getting back to whether I look worse than Chris Penn getting sick after he's dead. Getting sick after he's dead. Getting sick after he is dead. I don't know who that is, so if I laughed, that was. You don't know who Chris Penn is? Well, Chris Penn is Sean Penn's brother, yes. Oh, okay.

And he was in Reservoir Dogs, that's his most, is that his most famous role? He was in Rush Hour. he was the guy in jail who sold the C4. I don't wanna touch that, cause you're gonna have my fingerprints on that. That guy, no? What is Chris Penn's most famous role?

I say, I say- I think it's Rush Hour, in terms of like commercial success. Put it on the poll at LeBretard Show, Chris Penn's most famous role, Reservoir Dogs or Rush Hour? It's more disrespectful that I said I didn't know who he was than laughing at the mean joke. Absolutely.

Okay. Jessica, this is- He's been dead for like 20 years, right? Jessica, this is what I'm telling you, is that this is not a mean joke, that since I've been on television, I've been compared to, visually, two people, Chris Penn and Flounder from Animal House, facially.

Jessica, you're finding that too funny. The woman who's rage running, saying, being a mean, saying you, saying the things you say to yourself. Flounder comedically is a funny fish, okay? Is there any Oliver Platt in there? There is, he's being homided, O-L-I. Yeah, I mean look, I'm on your side, Dan, but damn.

I'm fine with this. I've endured the scars of 20 years. Look, man, when I appeared on television, I was a pioneer for fat people. I was representation. Oh, I think Oprah. OPRAH than you. I opened the door to win horses worldwide.

That was not allowed before. That's a different flounder. Oh no. Wrong flounder. So I wear the scars and when I mean this to myself, I mean to flounder? Yeah, you represent so little to so many. So much to so many with so much. No, I said so little on purpose.

Okay, it's my scar. Allow me to play with it. I've been fat on television for 20 years. People have been telling me I look like you, Dan, like a young you, so that might be worse. I'm sorry, man. Better get that shit fixed. It's not great.

Well, young me, broadcasting legend me begins. You guys can find the bowels of that if you want my, I think my youngest internet photo would be covering you, Donnis Haslam in high school. I think the Miami Herald High School Sports Show, I think, is me stiff and my friends now, my college friends do an impersonation of me from back then and it's, wow, what a play.

Because I didn't know how to be a broadcaster. It's like he's right here in front of us. Right here, he's grown up, all bloated, all fat on your television for 30 years, really. What do you think is the best photo you've ever taken? Oh, I think, really. And not just for laughs, but like how you look. The Speedo one you don't look bad in.

That one. That one, yeah, the most eligible bachelor one. How old are you in this photo? What's going on with the face? 31. Are you taking a shit on a pool table? The speedo one you don't look bad in. That one. That one, yeah, the most eligible bachelor one. How old are you in this photo? What's going on with the face? 31. Are you taking his shit on a pool table? Because he's on a pool table.

That's what makes him look great, right? It's like, look, you know what? We can stand up this. Most people are like, oh, you guys play on this device? I sit on it. I squat on it. That's how I do it, because I'm eligible. Ladies, who wants some of this?

You were barefoot on this pool table? If I may, that's how I do it, because I'm eligible, ladies who want some of this. You were barefoot on this pool table? If I may, that story, you guys have no earthly idea, okay, what it is you've now opened that is just a real sneak peek into some of my real vulnerabilities where there is maximum shame. Like you guys are gonna basically right now see me naked because People Magazine wanted me coming out of the shower naked.

Why would they want that? No they didn't. Okay listen to me, there was a man in this, there was a stunt man in People Magazine's 100 most eligible bachelors who was on fire. There was a man, you know, he was on fire because he was a stunt man. They made three requests of me, this was the least bad of the three, the only one I was willing to do. However, while I was doing it.

What were the other two requests? Go finish it. Yes, of course. I mean, I know how to do my own show. Yes, I'm right here. I'm doing this here. I'm in the middle of doing it. You still have this shirt, by the way.

Listen to me. I wore that shirt because it was in, yes. You still have this shirt, by the way. Listen to me, I wore that shirt because it was in that magazine for about nine years after that, because it's the only shirt I've ever looked good in. That's like one of the most 90s, can we put that shirt back up there? Is it a long sleeve, is it a short sleeve,

is it a turtle, is it a mock turtle? It's a mock turtle, that was hot back then. So 90s. And it's back now, I saw Matt Ryan wearing one on CBS this weekend, Dan. He dyes his hair now. Let Dan finish the story Thank you. It's it's We're listening

So I am really vulnerable here as I probably don't need to tell you really we're gonna do a people magazine Photoshoot you guys are making pretty ridiculous requests. Okay, I'll do, I guess I'll do that one. I'll squat on the pool table. There's camera crew there, People magazine is throwing money at whatever this ridiculous photo is. My front door opens and with a laundry bag of dry cleaning coming home,

my roommate at the time in a home Cubs announcer John Boogshambee sees his friend and roommate in the middle of a photo shoot and says what the f*** you doing squatting on the pool table? Get your feet off the pool table. That's incredible. He had no idea this was happening? No. That's stunning to walk in on. He came home to that. Was he also an eligible bachelor? Because that's so cool.

Do you think he'd be jealous there? No, because he's only mocked me for it for the rest of my life. He walked right into the center of I shouldn't be doing this, but this seems like a decent way to not be single and date no he's got a confession Just saying the year 2025 already makes me feel like I'm living in the future but I think a lot of us all around this country are questioning the future of our individual business, but what does the future hold for business?

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