The Dick Show - Episode 170 - Dick on Losing Drugs

Episode Date: September 3, 2019

The AI Autoblow machine, a plague of consent ruins Burning Man, racist butterflies, falling asleep while driving, losing all your drugs, windshield stickers, a petition to lay a mother f*cker out, orbiters, another virgin contest winner, Fisher Price cameras for idiots, My Man grinds for gold, and obnoxious unpluggers; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Oh Wow Jesus cut your nails painted and everything. Oh God. I forgot about that Oh shit man, I really don't know where I am no idea No idea none at all. None at all. I have no idea how long it's been. The last thing I remember was being in this room. The last thing was Daniela. Oh shit, the thread he was here.

I forgot about that. Yeah, Daniela was here. My Twitter guy lied. Daniela came in. My Twitter guy fucked. All right. We went out drinking, and then I woke up immediately and left for Burning Man. And that was it.

And then it's like a real, it is a blur, fuck. A bad, of this is just one twirling blur after that. Jesus. So it feels like the same episode. Oh. Should we just pick up where we left off? It feels like I haven't, yeah.

Feels like I haven't left. Feels like Daniel had just walked out of the room. Yeah, Sean's actually taking a break upstairs. He tagged me in. Huh. Ah. All right. You ready, Johnny?

I'm fucking ready. He locked in. Locked ready. You locked in? Locked in? You beautiful Samoan fuck. Oh man, that's me. Zoe Quinn me-toed someone and they committed suicide? Oh, yes. That's what we need.

Finally, finally we get a suicide in our corner. I'm not even gonna hide it anymore. Yes, yeah. Boo-ya bitch. Boo-ya. get a suicide in our corner i'm not even going to hide it anymore yes yeah booya bitch booya booya take that me too that's one for us at

bam thank you sir you gave your life for a good cause political one-upsmanship in the culture war yes it's a thing. I can't believe it. Oh, I can't believe it. It's terrible. Terrible that someone would do that.

It really is. Oh, it's Johnny. I'm having flashbacks the last time I was on. I knew it was going to be a sad episode when I was on the end. God damn it. It is. It's always a sad episode. Always a fucking sad episode. Not today. It's not going to be sad. Here we go.

An indie game day. Yeah! I'm walking the deck. You want to take your new deck? Yeah! Yeah! Ha! Walking to dick. You want to take a new dick? Oh yeah, see? It's not working. You want to take a new dick, you love dick. You got it!

It's a show! We're everything's a contest coming to you live. From the mountain bunker deep in the heart of the city of failure. I'm your host, Dick Mash. It's an AKA the $20 million man recently voted America's worst Mexican. 20 weeks running. Joining me this week is Johnny the audio engineer.

Hey buddy, how's it going? Good, how you doing? Good, good man, good, good, I'm a little loopy, a little loopy if you can't tell, Sean couldn't make it this week. But I am here mostly. I am here mostly. It's been a long day. It's been a very long day. Did you just get back today?

I just got back a couple hours ago, bro. Oh, fuck. From Burning Man, I left, I recorded with Daniela. We're recording now, right? Yes. Okay, we recorded the episode with Daniela. We went out drinking with Daniela.

Count Daniela. I came back, I came home, I passed out and then I woke up immediately in the morning and left for burning man. I've been there for 10 days. Jesus. So when you were texting her? I've been awake for most of them, I would say. No sleep on no sleep. Lost all of my drugs. That's the first thing that makes me array ray, oh man! Oh man! Yeah! That would have been it for me. Oh, that would have been it. I would have turned around with the whole thing.

Man, I'm so cheese and I keep imagining this scrawny fuck that found, oh you motherfucker, I hope you owe D on those things, you fuck. Someone fucking scored. Still managed to have a good time though. But I had to drive back. We left 80's girls there burning men this year,

which is new for me. You know, usually I go by myself. Yeah. 80's girls there, which people say can be stressful on a relationship. It was not the case. Oh, for us, we had a great time. That's what people say. That's what people say.

That's what people say. They people say that because most people who go there are irrevocably damaged, irreparably damaged and their relationships are similar. But I had to get her back for school tomorrow. She starts school tomorrow. So it was one of those all night leave it leave it night and you know God damn well that there is a this is a suicide

mission of a 15 hour 16 hour drive through the middle of the night that you will spend trying to wake yourself up from passing out like a trucker in the early 80s, wildly dangerous. You know the game that we all play and swear to God, we will never play it again. I will never do this again. I will never drive to this point again. Oh my God. And they meant the tricks to keep yourself awake at night.

Never fucking work, baby. We're gonna drive. We're gonna drive home all night. I promise, I promise we will get you, I will promise we will get you home before school with plenty of time to plan. Going deaf from having the radio up so fucking loud. Having the window down so you're freezing. My dick is inverted.

The ranchero music turned all the way up because I go from the podcast will I put on two seconds of a podcast I'm out cars flipped over all my shits and all my shits down a gorge, right? Yeah Move move down from podcasts to classical to jazz to rock to hip-hop all the to just Ranchero music is the only thing that works anymore. Oh, it's a thing. Bapapapapa, bapapapa, bapapapa, to keep you up like, God, please, God, please, God, stay awake, please, please, please.

But nothing works. You just out, like you're fucking out, man, hovering on, like skipping a rock. How many times can I skip this rock across the highway at 80 miles an hour. That's a fucking thing. Just so I can get home on time. That's what I'm willing to risk to get home

at a reasonable time. My life and the life of my loved one. This is the thinking of the human mind. Fuck, hey baby, just stay up with me, all right? Oh, sure, you got, oh, fuck! Looks like I'm on my own for a couple hours. Oh yeah, that's the worst.

I mean, I almost killed my friends and I on a trip back from LA one time. Yeah. Oh man, because what else could drive stick? So we had like a 14 hour fucking day. Yeah. And by the time it was time to come home, I had to drive home and I was I was like okay as long as you guys keep talking to me will be alive. You got it Yeah, damn it. Oh you guys. I hope we all die now you guys can I have I'm the driver

So I have to give the impression that I'm not falling asleep by subtly trying to wake myself like Hey look at that over there. Poor, I got damaged, poor. Like that, wiggling around, standing, driving like my mom with my back, I feel like I got a rod up my ass. Yeah. Trying to switch up, trying to, terrible thing to say.

But we made it. Jesus. Couple close calls, and then as soon as the sun came up, I gave it, I'm like, here, fuck you. You used to wake up as the sun came up, I gave it a hug, I hear a fuck you. You used to wake up at the sound, you're driving the rest of the way. I'm out. I'm out.

I'm gonna do you, like you, I'm gonna do you dirty, like you did me dirty. Point me to back. Very dark. You notice this? Yeah, you're the handsome tan motherfucker this week. I am. I'm so dark.

Harvard sent me an acceptance letter. I didn't even apply there. Pretty impressive, don't I? There you go. Pretty impressive. Tell you the thing. I'm so dark Harvard sent me an acceptance letter. I didn't even apply there pretty impressive There you go pretty impressive. Tell you think I look fantastic. I lost a pound all those there is amazing. I'm speaking of I have no idea what happened in 10 days Biden could have been Biden could have raped someone on stage. I wouldn't know You know what I mean? Yeah.

Trump could have taken a shit on Twitter. He could have accidentally posted a picture of his own shit on Twitter. I wouldn't know. It's great. It's great I never wanna know again. I never wanna get acclimatized back to the news cycle. Like when they release a wild animal into the wild

and they have to let it learn how to fight and stuff, they have to do that to me back with the news cycle, like when they release a wild animal into the wild and they have to let it, like let it learn how to fight and stuff, they have to do that to me back with the news cycle again. Yeah. I don't want it. I don't want to know anything ever again. Anytime I leave my phone at home for the day, like, wow, why was today so great and then the second I get back on my phone, I'm like, Jesus. I mean, it's easy, really.

It's easy to disconnect. All you need is a constant environment of stimulation, nudity, liquor, and drugs, and activity, that's it. It's very simple. And I'm better than everyone else because I did it. I just want everyone to know that, right?

Do you ever hear those people who go on those like connection detoxes? That's fucking the worst. God damn, just plan it right in your fucking throat. Shut the hell up. Cause it's a connection detox and they immediately come back and post about it. Yeah.

And that's like, well that's- You know, you're just itching. I was the first two hours. I'm fucking bam, bam, refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh, come on, come on, why if I sell off, sell off, sell off, sell on. Why if I all sell off sell off sell off sell on fucking fire up you bitch. Oh fuck. Maybe if I cut my hand over the antenna.

What was I talking about? I wish I wish I could have recorded this a burning man with Steve my man. But it we just went we went too hard. It was an 80s girl got there and it was a blur. I woke up on the last day and I felt like a ghost had planted a pickaxe through the sides of my head, the side of my head. I couldn't string a fucking sentence together.

By the time we finally got around to it, shit started lighting on fire and that's it. I can't, I can't, we gotta go, we gotta go. This just, we'll do it next time. That was a great fucking time. It was a great time. It was a great time. I tell you some things that made me a rage about it though.

Falling asleep while driving, you got that one. I know I'll do it again too. I cannot believe more people have not died falling asleep driving. I'm sure there's a lot of fucking people to do. It must be safer than I think it is. That's the lesson I get out of it. Yeah.

Here is the, here is the, here's the thing. So Bernie Mames great. 80's girls there, she came for the last couple of days and I thought I did remarkably well. Being good in a sea of liquor and tits, which I didn't think would be too hard. You know, I only have to wait. I only have to wait a week out here before she gets here.

How bad could it be? And right as I say that and finish setting up my shit, these two Russian broads with tits the size of the moon pull into our camp and say, oh, can we, can we come here? Is that fine? That was a bad, there's a German accent. I think well, okay. Yeah, I guess so. I'm sure, why not? Does this just two of you? Yeah? No guy, great.

Fuck. Great. God damn. By the way, guess who's got two thumbs and has a blow job machine now? Yeah. Just found out before the show, this guy, guess who has two thumbs in a dick

and a blow job machine, yeah? Waiting for me in in a PO box the inventor of the auto blow sent me a blowjob machine to try out and review With art an artificially intelligent blowjob machine those shit. I'm gonna see if I can hook a Lexup to it With an API or something, you know, so she can bitch about it. Yeah. When I defile the machine. And I'll tell you, it's in the nick of time. Because as I was saying, 80s girls going back to school. And that means I got a long day,

I got a long day of taking care of myself that I haven't had to do in months. And I know it's not a skill I want to relearn, right? Fuck man, you're gonna have to relearn Tetris and fucking Tetris. Yeah. I'm talking about beating off. No, I know that's what I'm saying. Like you're gonna have to like while you're sitting around playing Tetris and shit fucking. I'm gonna have to learn. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna have to learn how to use. I'm the this blowjob machine is getting the most use of any blowjob machine that they've put out since. She goes back to school tomorrow.

I'm gonna be banging on the UPS door at 759. Come here, motherfucker blowjob machine! I did it! Yeah. You know what the wrong attitude is for, by the way, for teachers going back to school? Hmm. Let me tell you something. If you're thinking this about teachers going back to school, you have a bad attitude. It's, um, Didn't you prepare all this shit last year? Can you just reuse all that same stuff?

Why don't you guys just reuse the same thing? Why do you have to plan at all? Can you just teach the same thing every day? Why do you need to do all this? Why do you need to get back early to prepare for some? Can you just roll in and do the same shit? That means you have a bad attitude, Johnny. You don't understand how difficult it is. I think you may have had a bad attitude at some point. No, no, no, no, I would never have an attitude like that. That's stupid. Okay. So I look forward to giving you a review of a melted blow job machine. Jesus.

Here's what makes washer safe. Dish washer safe? I assume that I shower and sleep with it. I don't know if it's dishwasher safe. I don I don't wanna put a Giz machine in the dishwasher. I mean, you never know. Because then every single time I take a glass out and it's got a spot on it, which they do, I'm gonna think, oh great, there's Seaman.

The Giz, the Giz machine is not getting anywhere near. I'm gonna make sure I'm recording this. It's Sean's birthday, by the way, that's why he's not here. Oh, he likes to peel out on his birthday. I think it's his 49th birthday. Jesus. Yeah, next year's the big 5-0.

It's not even close, not true. That was like, what the fuck? Here's some things that make me a rage about putting these cameras. There's a lot of earth-sulting motherfuckers out there. These guys that I think need a, like a Fisher Price camera, because there's something defective in the human brain

that makes them do things like take pictures of buildings that there's 10,000 pictures of, taking pictures of pieces of art, taking pictures, for example, walking by a dance floor where a bunch of people are a topless with pasties, dancing and jiggling around and just

kind of giving it a general film over. Like bro, what the fuck, what do you, what campaign of earthsalting? Are you running here? What exactly are you capturing for later? A general ambiance of people attempting to, attempting to live in the moment that you're just fucking destroying with a $400 GoPro, fuck you, god damn it, fuck you and I do my best to give them a, hey, fuck off with the camera,

high-smart arm, every time I see it, but they're all over the place. People can't fucking help themselves. They can't help themselves. That's why they need a Fisher Price camera so they could just pretend to take the picture. There's some kind of compulsion that they need, like, you know, the kids when they use the pretend phone,

and they press it and Cookie Monster picks up and tells them to suck his cock. They need something like that. For these idiots that just go, just go add a little bit of reality to the escapism that you're driving for. It should shoot you in the face, if you take a picture.

Just one. I want one free. I want one. Lay a motherfucker out free pass. I need it. I need it. I i know exactly i'm gonna fill out a form it's a form that the government puts out that says you want so you want to lay a mother fucker out yes here's my here's my submission for this form yes i would like to be lay a mother fucker out check

uh... this is for uh... recording semi-ta-semi nude and topless women at a dancing festival for no fucking reason just why i know you're not gonna look at this footage later i know you're not gonna load it up in final cut uh... and i movie and make a zazzy movie of your time with you fucking prick yeah

people are fucking retarded people are fucking retarded here People are fucking retarded. Here's what also made me rage about it. There is a, if I understand now, I understand now why there is a war against men, that why I understand now why women have been waging a war against men for decades now and why they're winning it, why they're gradually eroding the peace of mind

and the sanity of men and driving us to suicide. It's because we fucking deserve it. I, I, has never been more clear to me than bringing my hot girlfriend to a music festival. I leave, it is as though there is a fog of gang rape circling at all times at this shit. I leave her alone for two seconds to take, uh, to take this other girl that we're hanging around with to the bathroom. And these around with to the bathroom. And these vultures descend upon her like a carcass in the Serengeti leading with their dicks. And you can ask if you're a woman, you're a woman alone for

five seconds, it's like you're stuck, it's like you're in an Islamic country where they've suddenly decided that they've suddenly found that God is dead. These guys are coming over, these guys are coming over in shifts. Oh, how you, oh, you're, you're a great dancer, you're a great dancer. Going around, coming around again with the same fucking line. Oh, you're a great dancer. Are you fucking kidding me? Jesus Christ.

I let the, if I let the one go, she's gone. Jesus Christ. I let the one go. She's gone. As guys formed together into some kind of mega-zord of gang rape and grab her and suck her in. A guy came over to me. A guy comes over to me while I'm dancing with 80s girls and says, hey man, I don't know if he's Australian or British.

Hey man, you're over in his Golges. You're over in his Golges? I'm like, what the fuck, what the fuck kind of comment is that? What planet are you on? I am the second to last guy who should be receiving this. I know that. I know that.

I don't ever want to know what you think about it you're ever as good as excuse me what did you what did you say I think maybe the drug scrambled my brain but did you just say the stupidest shit I have ever heard a guy say my your girlfriend is gorgeous fucking, he went there, man. Not 10 minutes later. Comes over again while we're making out. Oh, you guys are such a hulk up. How long you been dating? What the fuck?

Hey, Chuck Wallery, take about 10,000 steps that way. I don't know how I'm the only person in the world who can get into an altercation on ecstasy, but it's possible. So I get it now. I get why there's a war on men. It's because you can't take, you can't take no for an answer once. No, that's no fuck off doesn't that doesn't need to be a twa it doesn't need to be a twice and and the only answer for it because i can't lay a mother fucker out the only answer for it is a dystopian ad campaign of of an imaginary principle called consent

which has never existed and his in ruins all in all forms of interaction for everybody else because of these monkey brains spaghetti head dipshit that can't keep their dicks in their pants. Everywhere, everywhere, the entire event consent, consent consent don't forget consent consent consent is fucking mandatory I mean it's kind of it's kind of not it's illegal, but it's not man Everything Used to be a nice used to be a nice time nice lovely festival where people would hug you out of nowhere That was the thing

That was the thing people just come up and give you a hug and it's weird at first But it's it starts to be a nice warm embrace, Johnny. But now the big thing is, now since consent is so important that this magic, that this thing we've decided to create, which has never existed, not once, since the beginning of time, a verbal acknowledged consent between adults in a way that is so awkward, it kills any, any and all unspoken subcontext attraction, arousal romance, like anticipation, all of the things that make, all the things that

make interact, human interaction worth having at all, which is just Barely hanging on by a thread gone Oh, do you consent is it all right if I hug you? I mean no No, like if you got to ask me to think up if you got to ask me Then no because I don't I don't I don't want it. I can't admit. I don't deserve it I know I don't, I don't, I don't want it. I can't admit, I don't deserve it. I know I don't deserve one. Let's start there.

No, because I don't deserve it. No, I don't want one. No, I can't admit to myself. I'm, I'm, and I wouldn't, I'm never asking you. So that's just gone. Let's just shake hands like we're at a fucking TED talk. Thanks for that. You consent Nazi idiots.

Yeah, if someone comes up to me, it's like, is it okay if I argue? I'm like, what the fuck? Are you a cop? Yeah, like, what kind of weird shit? Like, I'm immediately like, I don't know. I don't know. Why are you planning something strange?

Yeah. Is that why you're all around a dog shit or something? Something? Fuck my day up. What, why would I say no to something that simple? Yeah. No. But this is the answer to the,

this is the answer to the drive by pumping that goes on constantly and is not stopped by this retarded concept of here's the, here's the, here's the, here's the, here's the universal do you consent to a hug? It's holding your arms like this, like you're, like you're intending to hug someone. And then if they give you a stiff arm or a simple no, this is, it's like you don't have a, it says though, it says though, the physical language evolved before the verbal one, Johnny.

That's what I'm saying. Oh, mm-hmm. No. No thanks. Ah! This. Give a little of this. Don't even need to speak the same language

to do it, but they fucking, they fucking ruined it. And it's all over the place, man. This, give a little of this. Don't even need to speak the same language to do it, but they fucking ruined it. And it's all over the place, man. Consent, consent, consent. It's all fucking over the place. It's all burning, man. Like with a little trademark symbol at the end.

All over the place. God, if it's not a hill, yes. And they try to make it cool too. Like when they tried to make not smoking cool, do you remember that? Do you remember that? You might be too young for that. I remember when they tried to make not smoking cool.

Not smoking is cool as shit. Yeah. Man, these ads are making me want to fucking smoke. That's why I just fucking smoke so much shit. All these consent, these consent ads are making me want to rape Fucking just hug people out of nowhere I ignored all my notes here. Let me see what It's impossible to keep these guys away. They are the fucking worst man. That's why we need more wars

Oh, hey guys. I see you. I see you behaving in a way that's very aggressive. How about you go fuck off to another country and shoot all of their assholes. They got, we got the best of our assholes into going and shooting their assholes. Problem fucking solved. Next we're sending you guys to Mars. We found a bunch of, we found a bunch of dry, Humpey motherfuckers there too. I encountered my man and I encountered perhaps

the worst tale of erotic, ever penned, which I will try to regale for you. I tried to get a copy of it, but I think it's actually in the Smithsonian or headed to it. Yeah, how about that? Chris wrote something else? No, no, no. This was at a, this was at a Martini bar that we wandered into. We're having nice martini, my man and I. I'm sitting on the ground, just enjoying, having a nice break from the chaos, right with a simple classy martini.

Mining our own business. Okay. Not looking for any trouble. When a woman, 300 pound woman with corn nuts for teeth. Oh, taps, taps, taps a glass as though she's gonna make A woman, a 300 pound woman with corn nuts for teeth. Taps, taps, taps, taps a glass as though she's gonna make a speech at a wedding. It says, oh, four years I came here, four years ago I came here and I had to tell a personal

story. I went to a camp where I had to tell a personal story. I got so self-conscious and embarrassed that I ran away. Now here I've just written a neurotic story that I want to share with you. It's not, well, you know, who am I? I love, I love good erotica. I don't care how gross the people are doing it. Yeah. I'm in, right?

Little did I know. She just tells a wild tale of the begins with a six person orgy for the trying to scale her. Johnny, um, it starts with a six per, it starts with a, it starts with toe play in a six person orgy. A guy using his large toe to penetrate her vaginally. And then she adds the spicy treat of her girlfriend and quote her new, new female form, so transitioned form, has found that now as a female, she has no gag reflex as the sky bent her head backwards over the bed and entered her throat. And she says this, a woman who resembled Janet Reno

next to her blushes and fans herself. Oh, my, my, laughs like a, laughs like the Pillsbury-Dowboy. My man and I, without missing a beat, simply sit there and then applaud. As you do. Yeah. I tried to get a copy of it. Of course, to bring it in and read it, read it word for word because it was a multiple day. It was a multiple weekend six person toast, toe fucking toe fuck best. But it was headed into a tomb of erotica that will be hosted by the Smithsonian.

Holy fuck. It's part of an art project. Multiple weekend toe fuck fast. I don't know if I got, I don't know how much I, as I said, I do wish I did it with my man, but we ran out of time. He had a, I think he told us about a time he spent as a child

grinding an ever quest for his stepfather that I wanted to get into. But it was a good time. Did I forget anything with the double swoopers? Yeah, the consent was terrible. It's a good reason to be a stepparent though. Like, hey little kid, you wanna play his computer game? I'll let you play all fucking day if you want.

By the way, don't buy anything, like, do you just say, like, send your call. Yeah, that's how he said it. He said he told his dad that he was kinda, didn't wanna grind for whatever, Scepter's robes or any more. And his stepdad said, he told his dad that he was kind of, didn't want to grind for whatever, Scepter's robes already mourned, his stepdad said, oh, don't worry, I'll tell your mom,

it's okay that you're playing so many video games. Well, that's not the point. Wow, you're just grinding, you spent your, he was a Chinese gold farmer before. I was like, yeah, he was a Chinese gold farmer before Yeah, he was a Korean Gold farmer Let me see here I'm not sure one of our campmates. I'm not sure if she was joking when she told me this

But just in case she wasn't joking she did want me to say that she spent the the entire week banging a dude in another camp who she affectionately called baby train because his dick and that she didn't know how to tell her boyfriend at home. So she told me to tell the story on the show and that she would just listen to it with him Now I assume he's hearing it if she wasn't joking. Yeah, then he's listening to it now Jesus, but she was joking then You know whoops, I guess don't that's a bad thing to joke about Okay, let me see here. Baby train.

Do I sound like I sound like I, a not left out in the sun. You sound fine. I sound fine to you. That's good. I don't feel fine at all. You know what I'll tell you what else? It makes me raise the windows stickers.

Which ones? the window stickers. Which ones? Like parking stickers, parking window stickers. So I've been going to bring man for a number of years, five years, and every year, they change the sticker so that you can't just line them up. You know, like how in college, you could stick your sticker on every year so that the year would shine through.

And it would be a small, it would take out a small amount of room. These motherfuckers, every year, they put the year in a new goofy place. The first year, it was on the right, stick it on. It's fine, next year, on the left. Well, okay, put it over there next year, right in the middle. All right, I guess this is going above then,

this year, a pentagon. Is the sticker, okay, what the fuck? Now I just have a big mosaic at the bottom of my car, instead of a normal looking run down the side. All right, let me see what else I got here. Pet, but we talked about pet bereavement and leave. That's so much fucking extra effort to print out a Pentagon.

Oh, it's a pain in the ass, and my bikes fucked me all week. I don't know how you spend, I don't know how you spend $20 on a bicycle and still get ripped off, but it was like the bike had tires that were designed to pop. So I spent the first half of the week

dragging a fucking bicycle around from bike repair shop to bike repair shop so that when my girlfriend got there, she'd, so just to avoid the look of disappointment that would be on her face if her fucking bike, if she got there and her bike was, if she had a limp to dick bicycle, you know that, I'm sure, oh, you know, it's okay.

Are you tried? I don't know how you, I don't know how you fucked up my bike in the time that you put it on the truck and now when I'm here, but I'm sure you did your best. Like that, I couldn't live with my entire life. So he's probably spent a whole fucking day dragging the bike from camp to camp, getting asked the same jackass question by every jackass there who doesn't who wants to help second and

Feel better than you first, which is well, how did that happen? Oh? That's fucking I threw it into a wood shipper. What do you mean? How did it fucking happen? That's a great one to get people with though How did that happen? Yeah, you want to be the most unhelpful person in the world. Yeah. How did that happen? Yeah. Start off with that. Now let's see what I got here.

Gonna do a short one today. I don't wanna kill Sean while he's visiting his family. That's his birthday present. Yeah, his birthday present is a short episode. Let's play a song. Apparently I missed some kind of a Maddox prank too. Did you hear about that? I got to literally read nothing since I left the studio last time and now.

Yeah. Just got back. I'm driving with about, I'm driving with a pickaxe in the side of my head. So I don't trust myself to use the internet at the same time. Right. Apparently Maddox, I don't trust myself to use the internet at the same time. Right. Apparently, Maddox, I don't know if he trolled people or what, but I read that he put out a video on Ed Sheeran that he was hinting was about me or something like that. I don't know. Yeah, he was trying to make it seem like he was going to put out some big reveal at

the sode, but everyone saw right through it. Because there's a reason why they're the top autists, is because they're the top autists. I don't know, I didn't even, I couldn't even tell. Yeah, it was just retarded in a waste of time, but. If you were trying to fuck with me, you should have picked a week that I had internet,

access, I guess. I didn't hear about any of it until, I posted something about it before I left, and I didn't hear anything about the rest of it until today. No, it as lame. It's like Christmas, you're like, you know what? Short episode, I'm going to go to bed early tomorrow, I'm going to wake up early and get that fucking dicksecking machine. It's all I can think about.

Is that Dix, the auto artificially intelligent dicksecking machine? That's crazy. It's supposed to have a bunch of patterns and shit too. Damn. Yeah, like it, they analyzed a bunch of blow jobs, a bunch of blow job pornography. I don't know if they analyzed hand job pornography. Maybe it's just blow job pornography.

You can feed it midi data and shit. Midi data? You mean metadata? No, it's midi data. Midi data? Like a penis to tickling your cock? I don't know if they have anything like that. Oh!

Oh! Like patterns and shit. Okay. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. I'm gonna find out tomorrow. Jesus. I got a long, I got a very busy day planned out tomorrow.

And it's all gonna be spent lodged in my new my new dick sucking machine. I got about 10,000 emails to answer and every email that I answer is going to give it about three more seconds of pumping action. I swear to God I'm going to revolutionize, I'm going to revolutionize my workflow by tying my new blow job machine with number of emails answer. It's gonna go from 10 a day to 10,000 a day. I can't wait. It feels like a good strategy. Yeah.

Okay, I'm gonna play a song. I need to reset. Mm-hmm, this is... This is Kendall and Hyde. It's called Not a Lowell Cow. I didn't watch Maddox's Ed Sheeran video. I think I already talked about Ed Sheeran like two years ago when he was relevant.

I have now. Yeah, I don't even think he has songs in the radio right now. Nailed it Maddox, he's just fucking, you nailed it once again. Here you go, it's not a lowell cow by Kendall and Hyde. Now my fans don't act like they used to before. And they're burning my books in the street. But this crown still rests on my big shiny head.

And at least my website is at free. And Haley I will be bugging you till you sleep with me. Do it, do it. And baby I'll show good maybe just go for eternity And I'm not a long cow Dolan stuck the bait, no spaghetti, spurred to day Okay, that's what's talking about I have the upper hand

Oh me, I'll just keep emailing every single day Till you give up those bags of sand So haily now Take me into your spreading hands Why do my laptop is blasting? Go zoom a flick! Just promise you won't sleep with this I'm not a wall cow Times are tough, I sold my car. Now my hair's all gone and my ops are quite gay. Quite gay ops!

All my clothes feature video games. But I'll ruin your life if you refuse to stay. Trust me, you'll learn to love me, okay? So haily dig, deep into what like you are. Lee, take a look at me. And baby, you'll find the most advanced mind you'll ever meet. And I'm thinking that now, dicks away this cuck and play winning that my fans. Baby, it's all part of my plan I'll just keep protecting everything is okay

While the test results have burning man I want them now Need them teeny- man teeny tips! Kiss me please, that's gumbo, so I can't reach your lips. Just know this thing. Then let's experiment with this. I'm not a wall cow. Stick with me, you'll be a star. I feel Freddy still trying to fuck that honey.

Yeah, for how long? Seven months. Oh, funny. I didn't see her song though. Oh, that's progress. Found it in her paper while I tried on her prom dress. She wasn't really present. Shit. Is there legal precedent? Boring to ring and break it down prom dress. She wasn't really present. Is there legal precedent?

Boring to ring and break it down my heart. She's a guilty bitch on Tinder swiping every dude here. Just so we let you hear. And Haley I, smile watching you while you fall asleep. fall asleep Cause baby I know where you fucking live So I'm in your tree It's me, let me in I like it the jammas

Stick with me, you'll be a star Stick with me, you'll be a star stick with me you be a star stick with me you be a star very nice what is that based on do you know I don't recognize the parody I can't think of what fucking song it is or no, but it is fairly popular song. Okay, I got something. The ancient song actually. I hope it is, I assume it was,

but I don't know that much about it here. I've got a virgin contest winner here. Hey, Dick, I did it. The right-pulled age of 27, I've lost my virginity. I wound up hiring a lady of the night to get the deed done. Nothing wrong with that. I was really surprised at how easy things were. Yeah, pretty easy with a hooker. I've been overthinking sex my whole life. Finally, getting laid has given me confidence to move forward in life. This experience has been a game changer.

Since I had my V-card swiped about three weeks ago, I've met a girl. I've been on two dates, and I even got to third base with her on the second date. All right. We're supposed to go out again this Saturday. Life is good. Dick, I wanted to say thanks for this whole Virgin race thing.

It was a big motivating factor for me to get off my ass and to get laid. You're the man, Dr. Frankenford, or best of luck to my fellow virgin race runner zone. That's it. One down, he's done. Higher to hooker. Good for you, buddy. Good for you. Made things a lot easier. I don't know if you swipe the V card. You just hand, you turn it in. I think, it's not like a credit card. You can't build up a deficit on it. I mean, you can't do it all, but that's fine. I got some more Virgin news for you. This is from Wilk Chamberlain.

Hey, Wilk Chamberlain here. First winner of the Virgin contest. We remember, of course, that he lost his Virginity a little while ago. Me and the girl I won with kept dating long distance until last week when things broke. It wasn't even because of the distance, but other personal issues forced it against both our wills. That sounds interesting. Now, I've been stuck with this constant stomach pain from sad anxiety, and I have a massively hard time accepting it. I'm aware that a lot of my hardships come from it being my first relationship, and I know

in my rational mind it's over, despite that I can't seem to kill the glimmer of hope that's still in me because of the circumstances. I installed Tinder again, but that was a stupid idea. I can't stop thinking that none of them are her and how unfair it'd be to anyone I hooked up with to make them a rebound. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's, don't think about all's fair in love and war. We know that all's fair. Everybody knows what they're consenting to. Everybody knows all the information. Lots of fish in the ocean, but they're all monkfish

against the salmon I had. How the fuck do I get over this? Sorry for being long and winded. Go fuck yourself, buddy, Wild Chamberlain. Licker, liquor, liquor, liquor, video games, man. Licker video games and monkfish. A blow job machine. And a blow job machine.

Get yourself a blow job machine. I can't wait for mine. You wanna do some advice? Maybe we'll listen to some voicemails and wrap it up. And then I'm gonna crash. Yeah, me too. I'm gonna crash harder than I've ever crashed before. Andrew Snyder says, hey Dick, depression and fast food,

this study examined the prospective role of urinary sodium and potassium excretion and depressive symptoms among urban, low income adolescents. And whether these relationships vary by gender a total of 84 urban adolescents. Oh boy, a lot of stats here. 13 years old, half male, 95% African American self reported on their depressive symptoms at baseline and 1.5 years later, the baseline, the youth also completed a, I don't

know, this is a bunch of, this is too much information. Potassium, greater sodium excretion and lower potassium excretion predicted more severe depressive symptoms that follow up with no significant gender differences. The result suggests that consumption of foods, high-and-sodium, low-and-potassium, contributes to the development of depressive symptoms in early adolescence, and that diet is a modifiable risk factor for adolescent depression. There you go. So I was right again. How about that? That's all right. Okay, ask questions. I heard your discussion of the letter last week from the law student worried about getting me to

And while there were plenty of spaghetti thoughts going on the fear of being accused of something on a college campus Particularly law school. It's a very real fear. I mean, I'm afraid of it now After seeing all this consent shit all fucking week now after seeing all this consent shit all fucking week uh... in the trump area the amount of insane s j w women in law schools has exploded it's called the trump bump combine this with a bunch of people who never had any measure of success beyond

academic achievement mix it with competitiveness uh... mix it with the competitiveness of law school and you get women who will say or do anything to get ahead including lie about sexual misconduct uh... yeah uh...

uh... by by the by way of example i started my graduate school career being subpoena to testify against a former acts and current law student federal court she was in law school on the east coast and she was accusing her boyfriend, also a law student, of raping her to get him thrown out of school. He called me and asked if I would testify as a character witness in his criminal and civil cases.

He asked me to testify for him because while I was in an undergrad, this woman and I had dated for 11 months before I called it off after she spent the night getting drunk and fucking three other dudes at a party two years later before either of us graduated. She saw me at a bar while I was at a birthday party for our Taiwanese exchange student, friends at a birthday. She was with a big dude and at some point in the night she decided it would be a good idea to try to pay him three grand to slam my head into a marble table 17 times. He went to prison. Her dad

is a premier cardiovascular surgeon, so she got off with no consequences and went to law school. We ended up seeing her again in court to testify that she is indeed crazy. Fast forward seven years or so. I went to law school myself. At this point, I'm married, worked for the university. I had a job lined up to continue working with the law school after graduation. A student in the year below me also married had an obvious crush on me. She would call me after firm events, drunk at 2 a.m. asking if I would drive two hours to go pick her up so she wouldn't throw up in the partner's car. Asking me for career advice and text me all hours of the night, blah, blah, blah.

I began to also have feelings. I told her that we couldn't be friends anymore since I feel this way and stop talking to her. A month before graduation, she complains to the school that I had acted inappropriately and gets me fired from my current job and my future one. Wow. It ended up being a great thing since I got the job

and a great firm and made way more money. And now she is facing academic misconduct charges for lying to the university. Long story story, cover your ass. Bitches are crazy and don't ever date anyone you go to law school with. If you want, I'd be happy to call in and talk about the trial or me too if you find it interesting. Keep up to great work and let's get mad cooks working on road rage

Oklahoma City. Come to the reddest state in the country, be among your people, go fuck yourself, okay? That is fucked, man. That's fucking crazy. Bitches be crazy. I guess it just takes one to go around and cause untold amounts of chaos. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I guess body cam yourself, right? Or is that, can you record everything in your own home? Can you body, can everyone be a cop if it's just out there? Is it consent if I walk up with a recording camera? Are you consenting to that?

And a force. Tyler F. Hey, Dick, maybe you can help me with this. Maybe this could help others. How do you get a girl who stopped talking to you who you somehow got to talk to you again? How do you get the upper hand back? Or if you can't, what's the best course of action besides just fucking off from the whole thing?

The best course of action, if you get a, how do you get the upper hand back? You lose it, it it's very delicate thing. That hand, isn't it? Don't ever reply. Don't ever reply again. I think you pretend to be another guy, pretend to be like a, pretend to be another guy and build you up or pretend to be another girl.

Be friends, be into all the same shit she is, log in, start talking to her and building you up, right? Yeah. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a shaman. I'm a spiritual healer. I really dig this guy. You should talk to him. He's one of my star pupils.

Yeah, I don't know what I meant. Liam, Liam Bees has helped. I've been with my girlfriend for nine years now. Last week, we went on a holiday with a few friends to a villa in France. My girlfriend started talking to me midweek about her best friend who was at the villa and her boyfriend's love life.

He's one of my best mates. She told me she wanted to try things like anal, rough sex, but my buddy basically has no sex drive. Okay. She said she could, she said, she could do with a guy like me and then said, I could if I wanted. She said she could do it with a guy like me and said, I could if I wanted. I know this sounds like an obvious trap, but knowing her I doubt it. Her friend has always given me vibes that she liked me, but I've always been with my girlfriend. What should I do? I'd love to fuck her silly, but I know it would destroy my mate and who knows how anyone will look at each other after it. Is it worth potentially losing my girlfriend and two really close friends to rip her ass in too? Go fuck yourself.

Absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely do it. How many times are you gonna get a chance to do? You're not gonna talk to these people in 20 years, but you will always have the memory of that ass ripping that you definitely wanna give her. And people love forgiving. And everybody loves it.

Everybody loves a good forgiveness story. It makes it feel good about themselves. Unrelated, going to the gym is all but cured my depression and my sex drive has never been higher. Oh, good for you. Let's see here. Hambergases. I don't know, I'll never read that.

Hambergases, hey Dick, I'm a socially challenged guy looking for some advice on recognizing cues, particularly the cues I'm getting from a woman, slight build, gorgeous face, small in the cans department, but I'm an ass man, so I don't give a fuck. I really appreciate any sage advice America's wingman can offer me, so feel free to read this on the show.

I'm 21 years old in college, and a virgin who's never kissed and has been on exactly one date in his life. A date I didn't even ask the girl out too. I do a few activities in school and have therefore met plenty of women, but I've never once been able to find the nerve to make any kind of romantic proposition to anyone. While in the bottom of my heart, I understand that this hang-up is by far the most significant obstacle to me getting some, the fear of making a fool of myself, or getting a reputation as a creep is petrifying to me. You don't have to get a reputation of a creep if it's one and done.

That was my problem all fucking week. It's the one, two, three that repeated attempts is what makes you a creep. One and done fine. Society, all of civilization is built on one and done. Just don't do it twice. Back to the main point about a year ago, rather quiet girl form one of my school activities began engaging with me a lot telling me I was cool, giving me compliments and even inviting me to see a play with her. This particular school activity ran almost every day from September to December, so I saw her lawn and had some great conversations with her. At least as great as any conversation between two socially awkward introverts can be.

One time we even talked about her dad for a little while. I was convinced that she liked me in a potentially romantic way, but my previously mentioned anxiety as well as some confusing behavior in her part, let me rationalize constantly delaying asking her on a real date until one day the semester was over and I found myself on a plane to study abroad for six months. Okay, so you blew it. I mentioned that she behaved kind of confusingly during the period of time when we were talking regularly. One day she would run to catch up to me as I was walking to the dining hall.

She next would ignore me or say, oh my God, buddy, you got way too much information here. But never with me. There was one time when she tried to get a guy to take some internet quiz about BDSM. Hmm. Yeah. The topic she was clearly interested in, but never spoke about to me. Sean mentioned in the last episode that he finds that if you have a hundred woman might like you, she probably does.

To this day, I'm not sure if she ever liked me, but I do know there were days I was nearly certain she did or didn't. Oh man, sorry for the novel. New semester, more and more blah, blah, blah. Sorry for the novel, I hope you're capable. Non-retarded hands can dig through this mountain of spaghetti and find some insight. For me, all the best and go fuck yourself, Burgess.

Man, I am convinced that the reason women like older men is because they have a job and shit to do, and they cannot spend all day wondering about what women are thinking about. The man wrote that email? A man wrote that email. Jesus. This is why women, the reason women like 30 year olds

and 40 year olds is because they spend a lot of time at work, doing work and doing other shit that is not obsessing about the minutia of what the girls that they're attracted to are doing. They just don't have time for that shit. A day, an hour, a day, a week can go by like nothing, and they will not have replied to a text because they have to do other shit or they will lose their house. And women find that, women find that absolutely irresistible. Yeah. Um, yeah. And if you're 20, you have absolutely no chance. Uh, I, you got to jump on that shit immediately,

man. That's the, that's the game immediately jump on it shit immediately, man. That's the game. Immediately jump on it. Immediately, stop fucking thinking about it. Just immediately jump on it. And if you lose it, just ask anyway and get it out of your system. All right. Thank you.

I'm glad you guys liked the nails. We made some butterflies burning, man. Painting like cardboard butterflies. Oh, shit. Yeah. Simple, sure. Yeah. Simple, right? Simple arts and crafts. Except when we were done, the woman doing it said that

it's actually a, we're actually painting them for diversity. And this is a protest to hire for more black people to get hired at the Burning Man organization. I said, well, isn't that, isn't that fitting that it's butterflies then the most racist animal because all that matters is their color. It's perfect. It's the perfect animal for you guys. An organism that is entirely defined by what color it is. Thanks for participating. Thanks for letting us play the game.

It's a clown world. It is clown world. It's a fucking clown world. Dude, I can't get over the consent thing. That's... Because people see it and they think that that's real. When it's not. People are fucking lunatics, man. It It's not and it's never gonna stop

It's never gonna stop a guy who's coming up to me and tell it and ask and telling me my girlfriend is hot It's not gonna stop that guy Did I get consent for that? Where the fuck is my consent? Where the fuck is my consent for this fog of creepery around us at all times? A bunch of word of the day, SJW word of the day, bullshit is not gonna drain the bad genes

that cause this fucking constant drain, constant drain on humanity that is the aggressive dry-humping of these fucking delinquents, which they are. It's insane. It's very taxing. All right, you're gonna play this song now. You know what, let me see what play zone now. You know what? Let me see what else I got.

I might end it there and do voicemails. How long we've been recording? Like about an hour and a half. Or a little over an hour. Little over an hour. Or over an hour. All right, I'm gonna end it here because I'm clearly fucking out of it.

I need to crash, Johnny. Do you look like you need to get some fucking stuff? I need to go get in my car and go for a long drive so I can pass out. Cars for kids. I'm gonna go get in my car. My car's for kids that dilapidated pieces shit in my front yard that looks like a barge right now.

This is so full of trash and crap. And I'm gonna drive right until that moment where I feel like I'm gonna crash and just slam it into paracit the emergency break and fall asleep on the side of the freeway this is this is everything is a fuck you by the hard man working hard check them out at patreon.com slash hard man working hard uh... this is the dick show everybody patreon.com slash the dick show dick dot show johnny thank you for coming in and doing this last minute episode

thanks for having me i hate to break a streak john will be back next week i will be a streak. Sean will be back next week. I will be back. All of me will be back next week. This is everything is a fuck you. Thanks for listening. See you next Tuesday.

Everything's just the fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. The fuck you. Everything's just the fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Everything's just the fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Everything's just fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you,'s just, everything's just, everything's just, the fuck you Everything is a fuck you Like my apple is just, the fuck you So long, thanks for all the money Everything's just, the fuck you Everything is a fuck you

Like my, oh sorry, your visa's denied Why? Cause it's, fuck you Everything's just, the fuck you Everything is a fuck you Like my apple is just, the fuck you It's so long, thanks for all the money Everything's just, the fuck you Everything is a fuck you Like my apple is just a fuck you It's so long, thanks for all the money Everything's just a fuck you

Everything is a fuck you Oh sorry, your visa's denied Why? Cause fuck you No, fuck fuck you You stupid idiot, fuck you Just do it, no, fuck you It's maddening, no, just do it Fuck you, they idioted it, they know

Just do it, no, I'm a fuck fool It's maddening, hey, fuck you They idioted it, they know of you Just do it, I'm a fuck cool It's maddening Do it, no, fuck you You stupid idiot, get off you Just do it, no, fuck you It's maddening Just do it, hey, fuck you They idioted it, get off you

No, fuck cool, It's mad at me! Whoa! Whoa! Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do, let's do it, let's do it, let's do, let, let's do, let's do, let, do, let, do, let, let, do, let, do, let, do, let, do, let, do, let, do, let, do, let, do, do, let, do, let, let, do, let, do, do, it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not a good guy, I'm not Everything's just a bit fucking terrifying. It's the only thing is just to fuck you. So long, thanks for all the money. Everything's just a bit... It's true, everything is a fuck you. Like, uh, sorry, you're a fuck. Why is it like this? It's a fucking... Everything's just a bit fucking terrifying.

It's the only thing is just to fuck you. So long, are you fucking serious? Everything's just a bit... It's true, everything is to fuck you. So long! Are you fucking serious? Everything's just a dream. That's true. Everything is a fuck you. Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight Anifest destiny And the pilgrims And Moana Also was involved And the whole world of life Is just to escape It's just to escape

The great Great Great Great That people turn into The apathy And the media Awareness That can't choose

Everything and ruin Stay Stay Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I think it's giving me flashback. I bet the EDM thought that was a way from it. I'm gonna be the one you, every day of the year I'm gonna be the one you, every day of the year I'm gonna be the one you, every day of the year I'm gonna be the one you, every day of the year I'm gonna be the one you, every day of the year I'm gonna be the one you, every day of the year

I'm gonna be the one you, every day of the year There are other songs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, guys. Okay. Okay. Let's listen to some voicemails.

Hey, Dick. You know what makes me fucking rage? IUD. So I'm sleeping with this girl. She says she's got an IUD. No condoms. Fucking great. So I start giving it to Ruthie, you know, and we're pounding away. And suddenly I just feel this little, kind of, rubbent sensation just in the end of my dick. And I keep going and it gets fucking worse. And do what I've done, that there's a little fucking string at the end of the IUD that you can pull out. But that should just grind on the tip of your fucking dick. And you know what it does, yeah? at the end of the i.e. the g and pull out but that's it just grinds on the tip of your fucking dick and you know it does say either big fucking ross spot on my dick

for where the shit was running me uh... focus of dick oh is that true does that i don't trust those things at all i mean if i if i hear that she's got, like the, I don't trust that it works. Like a balloon, I understand. A water balloon.

I will carry a water balloon through my own house. But if I had like a magical rod, I wouldn't get in the shower and hold it up to the shower and expect to not get wet. It just doesn't, it doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. It's like a little thing that sits in their uterus, right? That's metal that supposedly kills. Little copper deal.

And that's all it is. That's all it is. I don't buy that. You're fucking it. Call me, call me whatever you want. Call me anti-science, but I just don't believe that a magical rod sits in a uterus and kills all your sperm.

So that freaks me out. Like I know that on paper, it works, but I don't believe it. A condom I believe works. I don't believe that a rod works. And also, I am, every time I have fucked a chick with an IUD, every pump, I picture it, piercing the end of my dick and making a second hole. So I hate them. Yeah.

I really just can't stand guys who need to make all these YouTube videos breaking down, movie trailers and teasers like the superhero movies. I mean, 99% of the world just wants to sit back and watch a movie, but these guys are got to find all the Easter eggs and predictions to go frame by frame. I literally just saw a guy who made a video about the birth of a pr the thirty-second long and his video is eight minutes uh... fucking life

i think i saw it was there a new star wars trailer that came out while i was gone i have no idea that happened i've been just as a loop with society it's great man uh... i saw somebody sent me a an email that said Tim Poole and Sargon made 20 minute videos off of the new Star Wars trailer. I don't know if that's true, but it seems like it must be.

It sounds like something. It sounds like something those two guys would do. What do you guys? It should be longer. It should be like 45 minutes. Yeah, it should be like CNN, but just all day talking about the same Star Wars trailer, like again, and again, and again, and then shows talking about that show, talking about that show in an infinite recursive loop of talking about fucking

Star Wars trailers. And then when they're done, they'll start all the way over from the beginning and analyze it over and over and over again. I don't know why it's so satisfying, but I guess it is. It's like when you're writing an essay and you need to make it fit a certain word now. Because you're just like, fuck, I like.

Johnny, that's what they did to us. The teachers built this society by making us write essays, none of us wanted to write. Just follow like, like, I could give you like a better concise idea if I just had a paragraph, but now that I have to write for this book sucks. Yeah.

They did this to us. And now we're just endlessly reliving filler content over and over and over because we think we're supposed to, we're trained on it. They did, K-Shine. Let me tell you what makes me a rage. Drive through.

Now more specifically, it's when you're going through a drive-through with a passenger, you pull off and you're like, hey, babe, what do you want? And she'll be like, oh no you go first. I ask you for a reason because I don't fucking know, but sure, I'll go first. Alright, so I ordered my food. Hey babe what do you want? She fucking shouts over a cross-the-god damn car out the window into the intercom.

Now I'll have, God, just fucking tell me, I am sitting one foot from the fucking intercom. Now have, God, just fucking tell me I am sitting one foot from the fucking intercom. You do not need to shout across the car into the speaker. It is obnoxious. And all you have to do is fucking tell me. I'm sure I'm there in the bagels here. Do that fucking headset. Just tell me what you want. Anyway, go fuck yourself. I've never experienced that Someone just bring like a donkey from the past and you see their order. Yeah, I could respect the initiative Actually, you know what go for it. Well, because you can't tell someone your order because they might fuck it up Really? You can't trust anybody with anything ever.

Oh, ever? Yeah. No, I agree with you. I agree with you on that. The next show, Dickhead, what makes me rage, is the same song forever and ever. You know, like, it's not gonna work inside a fucking memorial of Sunday. All right, and turn on the radio. And, you know, something more than three years, they're included. and boring on a Sunday. And turn on the radio. 17, 13, 13 years.

There we go. That did a good job. Great. Next one. And now, I don't want to listen to fucking Hell fell again. Next one. It's fucking. I don't even know.

Love me too. It's the fucking deal. What the fuck? You know I'm talking about it. I don't know what's going on for you. But I'm sure it's one of them. But like, there's these songs that have been around for 50 years, that they play constantly. I don't fucking wanna hear, I don't wanna hear it ever again.

I never wanna hear fucking Iron Man. I'm not sad, I'm not getting my life. I've heard it so many fucking times. I think if they don't invent a new way to make music, we're gonna go insane. Like we're gonna be hearing classic rock till the end of time. Till the end of time.

We're gonna be hearing the Beatles because now that a certain number of companies own that music, like they're gonna put it in everything and people are just gonna start dying from, they're gonna start killing themselves over Beatles fatigue yeah they're gonna hear help one more time and jump off a fucking building it is it's just it's just too much it's too much of the same songs these right yeah hey dick it's your old buddy chaos cow what I call in from India Napolis with what makes me a rage, and it is the libertarian mindset.

I know Maddox completely misunderstood what a libertarian is, but I want a libertarian for the first 20-some years of my life. I really did believe in that, you know, and I still believe in the ultimate freedom of the individual being a net benefit to us all. It allows us all to pursue everything. But the libertarian mindset is such that everyone exists in a vacuum and no one affects anybody else in the way that they live at all, right?

So everything I do is completely uncut, the libertarian thing is such a way that everyone lives in log cabins hundreds of miles from each other and nothing we do affects each other. All right, is my new zone business? Yeah, but it affects me. It's on everything we do. And the liberal like the payments of the social contract, though you have a social contract, an implicit social contract where you have to do, it's good for everyone because you sign it when you're born.

No, I don't know, or anyone, anything. But at the same time, we can't protect, like, we just existed in our weird log cabins that were ready to shoot down ATF patients when they come near because we live in a fleet vacuum. It's not the case. We all live, you know, if you're having J-Fex on your lawn in front of my children, that affects me. I mean, we can't pretend that everything... You can just sit there and...

Why? Can't keep finding Donald's old saying that. Those are the things that affect me. Everyone else. that all you can just fit their end plan uh... can keep i think that i was all that yeah i think that i was pop up on every corner i mean we all do it what we do does affect each other and it drives crazy talking to my own chindrick will say when they're all just acting like nothing affects anything that would all effects of everything everything thing effects anything. No, it all affects everything. Everything affects everything. Anyways, go fuck yourself.

I love you, Sean. I don't think liberals say that you should give it. They say they're going to take it. There's a little difference. Yeah, I agree with that. I think I'd rather... I think I'd rather have...

I think I'd rather my neighbors be having a bunch of gay sex in the yard than a bunch of kids running around though. Somehow that's less offensive to me as well. Because the kids can run around. Yeah, kids can run around all day and be loud. They never run out of batteries. K-sex gonna last, you know, two minutes, three minutes tops, they're probably getting off on it more because it's outside.

What did that? You could chew them off. Easier. The gay sex guys. How's them off? Get outta here. Get your thumb over the hole. Yeah, the problem with libertarians is like, okay, well, what if it doesn't work like

that though? Yeah, I got it. Uh-huh. No, I understand. But what if what if what if people just don't save for retirement or health care or whatever then what then they're all gonna get together and kill you and take shit? That's what we have now, you idiots. Uh, alright. This is Dan in Florida. What's up, man? There's a second hurricane coming and I normally do my shopping on the weekends, so I went to go get some food a few days early.

Parking lots absolutely felt. Stormfong and I get here for multiple days and circled the parking lot for 20 minutes. No spots, people waiting five minutes behind people to unload the bullshit, so they could get their spot. And three out of the four fucking people walking out of the fucking Walmart have one pack of water. That's all you needed. Two and a half gallons of water. That's all you need to survive a storm. That's the only thing you're getting.

That's the reason you're fucking caught is here. I can't park. So you can't have two and a half goddamn water. Fuck! Hurricane's coming. Well, I better go get a thing of water. Can't just fill up a bathtub. You gotta go to the store to get that. Doesn't it fall out of the sky? The hurricane, can you just put a bucket out? That's fine.

People just, people love hurricanes. They love the natural disasters so much, because this is like a do something like, oh yes, gotta go prepare. It's like a doomsday prep that you can take part in. You're not socially ostracized for taking part in. Earthquakes is not as fun. You can't prep for it.

Earthquakes everyone just like, yeah, okay. Yeah, the big ones coming like yeah You can say my batteries charged. Yeah All right last one last one Hey, hey, Steve for Indiana again. What's up? Never fuck the boy sales dickhead, but anyway here goes So you're talking to Daniela about homeless people and people help animals instead? I'll tell you why. Cospop people.

Fuck them. I don't want to help the fucking homeless or the drug addict. Fuck them. They made their own fucking choices. Stupid fuck. You usually go, it's not fucking to fucking

anything. Instead, they just want to sit there and smoke fucking drugs all day, fuck them, fuck them, animals don't have a fucking show. They are completely subject to whatever we do to them. They're innocent, people are fucking scum, fuck people, fuck you, Aishon, don't fuck yourself. We'll just kill him then. Why? What is the difference?

Why let them live on the fucking street? Like with other... what is the difference then? Why stop it not helping? Why? What's the somebody explained to me what the difference is between letting them suffer and making them suffer We're gonna erect a big shelter for dogs right next to the fucking homeless camp Why don't why don't we just push them into the ocean and build another one right there?

I don't understand it. I don't understand it. I don't understand this position at all. I mean, I get it. It's like the kind of thing. I get it. I see it on the screen. I understand the words that you're saying, but it doesn't make any sense. It has never made sense to me.

The amount that people will spend to, the amount of attention people will spend to protect animals and help animals, partnered with the amount of attention people will spend to protect animals and help animals partnered with the amount of The industry of farming that people do to those same animals While they while they ignore I mean while while we do the same thing with people fuck fuck them Yeah, I got it. I got it. I know I agree with you too. I'm not helping anything though. It's just funny It's just funny to me. All right, everybody, thanks for listening.

As a couple guys in there, thank you, take, take, take, take.