The Dick Show - Episode 230 - Dick on New Diet Coke
Episode Date: October 27, 2020The tent-destroying armageddon of Burning Dick, shooting guns on acid, Decepticons on the road, advice for the terminally 5'11", "vagina havers", the Myers Briggs test, Barbie lectures white people, v...irgins with dating advice, New Diet Coke, Tony from "Hack the Movies" plugs his new Godzilla podcast, rewinding television, and arguing with consent; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I think we have enough chairs.
We've got some of the hallway.
Washer and dryer.
I mean, they can sit on the,
people can sit on the floor
or on each other's shoulders, I guess.
Hang from the rafters, like a super.
It's like a fucking camping.
Yeah, it can't possibly be worse than
where we've been for the last 24 hours, can it?
You want to sit on the ground and get sand blasted
or you want to sit on the ground
and be in a nice air-conditioned basement.
They're fine.
I am gonna crank the AC up.
I'm trying to, you recording on your end, by the way?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fantastic.
I got you guys going.
All right, let's just do it.
Fuck it!
Fuck it!
Error!
Error!
Ah!
Error! Again, now I'm back to searching for the f***ing show intro!
God damn it! There it is!
It's gonna be one of those shows I can already f***ing tell man!
I can already f***ing tell!
It's gonna be one of those shows!
show is
Yeah
Welcome to the day you want to get you to click you love to you got it But show it's a contest gonna you mount mountain bucket deep the hardest to feel you're gonna house
Take me out today. Okay. The $2 million man about America's worst Mexican 80 weeks running
and about america's war is mexican eighty weeks running joining me in studio instead of the world touring
liby's comedian shahne audio engineers replacement audio engineer kevin
how you doing kevin uh... little sandier than usual that are sandier than usual
sand everywhere
sand everywhere my face has been exfoliated down to the skull.
I'm in considerable pain
and I am drinking medication to make up for it.
Is that about how you're feeling?
Yeah, just about maybe a little worse.
Joining us via, joining us via telephone
is Sean the audio engineer.
I hope it's better than telephone.
It actually sounds worse, but hopefully by the time
it goes out of people.
I'll get the fuck out of here. No, it's better than telephone. It actually sounds worse, but hopefully by the time it goes out of people.
It's fucking discord.
Discord, unless you have enough pedophiles in your channel, Discord limits your audio
to crackling people.
A low and crackling rate.
Discord specifically has a bunch of furries on stuff and cubs furries.
If they're petowit, they invented the increased bandwidth of the pedophile.
Exactly.
Exactly. Exactly.
Pioneer.
I thought, I always suspected.
Roadwright's Tampa tickets are on sale.
Now, December 12th, Tampa come catch the bug with us.
Seat the Ralph's gonna be there.
I got a list of people gonna be Ryan Long is gonna be there.
Danny, Danny, I don't know how to say his last name.
Danny jokes on Twitter.
Danny Polchrick is gonna be there doing stand up. The revenge of the cis guys are co-hosting
the show with me. FYI, did I forget to go live? Please tell me, please tell me what I am
going live. Are co-hosting the show together? We have no idea what we're doing yet, but
there's too many people there to miss it quite frankly. Just look at the people involved and ask yourself,
have these people ever missed an opportunity
to embarrass themselves considerably
in new and inventive ways
that will haunt them for the rest of their lives
and the answer is no.
Or is it yes?
I can't remember.
Take us around to Tampa.tampa.dick.show.
Check that out.
We are back from Burning Dick, which was not an event that was not any kind of sanctioned event because no managing.
What's not managing whatsoever. That was our trial run for, for the burning dick festival
that I would like to do. I'd like to try again in a year when we get the proper permits.
Um, so we don't get caught smoking and drinking in a non smoking area. What do we think?
What did we think? Everybody did we think everybody here?
Everyone looks like they've got their asses torn up by wind.
I have blank thousand yards to hair is,
I woke up in the middle of the night last night
thinking that my girlfriend was poking me to bot
like move over and kept feeling this poke poke poke.
My thigh, there's like a hundred mile an hour wind
or 10,000 mile an hour wind or whatever. I kept feeling poke poke poke. What, bitch fucking what? I'm trying to poke poke poke. My thigh, there's like a hundred mile an hour wind or 10,000 mile an hour wind or whatever.
I kept feeling poke poke poke.
But I'm bitch fucking what?
I'm trying to sleep over here.
I look over and the entire tent has collapsed.
And the one of those arms, the tent arm,
like I've got that instant up tent.
So you know, the tent pole is being blown and tapping my thigh,
like a haunted, like a story, you know,
scratching at the window.
It's like, oh God, there's dust dumping into the tent,
like a complete disaster.
I get out of that, I get out of the tent just to survey
what's going on.
And everybody's tent and the entire camp has been destroyed
by the wind.
Besides mine.
Besides Kevin's, so full-send.
Everyone else has, everyone else's 10 has been completely destroyed.
But the night before was fun.
Yeah, I thought that was great.
The night before was fun.
I don't know, what do you think?
Should we do it again?
Should we try to do it again?
Only if we have about 30 times as many people.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
I want that entirely to get the Patreon bots.
Yeah.
We could team up with the, the rave guys
and the paleontologists from meet them all together because we do need protection from the wind. Yeah. We could team up with the rave guys and the paleontologists from meet them all together
because we do need protection from the wind.
Protection from God.
Right?
Yeah, maybe let's burn out upwind from where we were staying.
You think that was a mistake for us to tear through the lake bed a couple hours before the
wind storm of the century kicked off?
You know, in hindsight, maybe.
In hindsight, maybe.
God, that was fun though.
Loosen the top soil a little bit.
Yeah, we shot so many guns.
Rich, Rich has been on the show before this,
he's not here.
He brings the guns that guy has is like their cartoonish.
Like he's got a gun, he's got a gun the size,
he's got a gun the size of a sword.
He has a literal sword that he brought, a literal broad sword. And he's got these 50 he's got a gun the size, he's got a gun the size of a sword. He has a literal sword that he brought,
a literal broad sword.
And he's got these 50 count that we were cutting up pumpkins with.
He's got a gun, a revolver,
where the barrel has a barrel extender on it
that goes all the way down to your ankle.
Like where if it's in your holst,
I don't even know why he has that.
What could a person possibly need?
How many elementary schools could boogie shoot up with something like that?
Well, if that were he's not that man. It's bigger than that gun. It's ridiculous. Yes. We got all juiced up and
Went shooting into the mountain
It was it was a blast then we found out that half of the people shooting Ron acid. Oh my god. Oh, well
Maybe we should ask that before. Rule number one.
Touch the bullet there.
Yeah, rule number one.
Everybody had a good time.
That was fantastic.
My, my Ruger PRS thing, which I was all jazzed up for to use it burning dick because,
because I wanted to show off.
Even though it's like I wanted to show off my gun, but everybody there has a gun that's
10 times nicer.
10 times nicer than mine.
So you bought the POS model.
Yes, I got, thank you, Sean.
I bought the POS model.
I got a more expensive scope, just so it would arrive on time.
And I got the stupid bipod, the thing in the front of the gun
that you like rest your gun on, you know?
The little triangle, like legs, legs for your gun,
the rest of the time, so you can be a pretend sniper.
I bought that guy's book to the American sniper to read on the way up while I was driving
just so I could get more into it, get more into it, get more into the sniping lifestyle.
And I show up at the mountain to shoot guns. I had the privilege of paying $50 for a box of 20 bullets, which
is probably two and a half times the price that they're supposed to be because no, no online
place that has any bullets will ship to California. I hope out of spite. Like I hope, I know
there used to be regulations about shipping bullets to California, but I really hope it's
out of spite at this point that they say, no, you know what, fuck you guys.
You want to shoot compliments at each other for a while.
You don't get any bullets.
I got the privilege of paying $50 for 20 bullets.
And then when I finally get there with my brand new scoped out rifle, my brother-in-law
bonding experience, I find that the bipod is supposed to attach to this,
I'm spending like an hour trying to cram this fucking thing
into the bottom of the gun,
like thinking that an idiot should be able to do this,
like I would never say it out loud, but like, come on,
it's like this should be,
this should be very simple to do,
like I should be able to do this.
And only to find that I left this tiny little component
that was supposed to go on the bottom of the gun at home
in the box still like one tiny fucking piece of the gun
that I even looked at before I left and said,
you know what?
I've got infinite space.
Why don't I just bring it?
I'll bring all the Allen wrenches like what is what could possibly be the downside of
Overpacking what amounts to be about a about a handful of metal parts that came with your fucking gun
Surely that's the fucking worst surely this could be important to you in the future. It might be it just might be
Important to you in the future. It might be it just might be nah nah still in 40 years of life I have not learned to listen to that guys. You know what just take it just take it for fun
Take it for be the idiot that brought a small handful of metal parts just to be sure for once in your fucking life
And I did not you really didn't need the twisty tie. I
Needed the dick leash.
So I ended up balancing it on a toolbox,
which felt really ghetto.
But I still, I still was pretty good, I think,
on that PR eyes.
Yeah, you looked really badass.
I looked badass, thank you.
You were hitting anything, but no, no, no, I did.
I was a fucking machine out there,
because I'm a camper in real life. So that's what I know. Like the handguns I can't shoot for shit.
Oh my god, panicking. But that scope man felt like a video game being behind that thing. I shot a
pumpkin on top of this mountain and then the pumpkin started rolling. So I was like pretending like I was
in World War II, you know, this side's not important to say, which is that I was doing the bulldoch thing,
you know, chasing it down the hill.
Fucking awesome.
That's the most fun I've ever had shooting guns.
So thank you guys, all the guys are here
in the studio for doing that.
Thank you very much.
Let's see, I got raped by ammo.
Then I got raped by the wind last night.
McDonald's fucked up my soda. The one fucking thing I was looking forward to the whole way home
was that McDonald's breakfast after a camping trip, your hands are all filled of dirt and dust,
and I want to sink them in to a nice greasycmuffin with cheese or sausage egg and cheese
biscuit or whatever.
And a nice big diet coke.
I get, first of all, we show up late about a half hour late.
So they stop serving breakfast to me, which I thought they were doing all day, but then
I need to.
Yeah, they don't.
They don't.
That's a lie.
That's a lie to get you in the door.
I show up late and they fucking give me a regular Coke.
They give me a, they stick me with a regular Coke after being stuck in the dust and the
wind and a hundred hour winds and a one hundred hour wind storm for the last 24 hours.
They stick me, they stick me with a regular Coke that I have to sit there and look at
and rest and go to drink and then not drink because I don't want to be a big fat fuck by
slurping down an entire soda of regular Coke the whole time, I think we need to change
the name of Diet Coke to like, Cock, Cola or something Diet Coke.
One that they cannot fuck up because Diet Coke and coke are way too close and it happens,
it happens 50% of the time.
I go to McDonald's and every single time I go it is imperative that I get to write soda
because I've been looking forward to it for probably three days and every single time
they fuck it up at 50, 50% of the time, which is way too much.
It's something's got to make it a different
color, something like the way they make it a different color. It's great. It's great.
It should be entirely easy to differentiate which ones. No, it's too brown. I'm talking
about like green. I'm talking about that. That shit should look like, yes, that shit should
look like Ecto cooler in there. So I could tell right away, that is not Diet Coke. What
I've got that is not Diet Coke. What you've given me? That is a fuck that is not Diet Coke what I've got that is not Diet Coke what you've given me that is a fuck that is badass coke
Hmm
That's a good idea actually you don't like the color the cock color or the color you like that one the color the color
I was so pissed I didn't bring the extra shit in the box and I got home and put it on but like wow
Now you just fucking looking at it now you're back to doing what you always do.
Just look at a gun.
He's just pointing out the back porch
out of the other houses.
Yeah, that's a good way to get a red flag.
Long.
Yeah, he shoots at 30 degree angles.
Let me see.
A lot of warning shots in his neighborhood these days.
It was cool listening to those things ricochet
around the mountain.
This is giant mountain out there.
There's nobody for miles.
You hit rocks and stuff, giant rocks.
No, no, no, you nobody can hear you, buddy.
Yeah, yeah, we're hitting rocks.
We set the pumpkins up on some rocks.
Yeah, everyone left at me for bringing 50 pumpkins, but that was great.
That was fun idea.
That was fun idea.
I see you moving it.
What do you got?
The best thing, my personal favorite thing about ricochets
is they sound exactly like they sound in the movies
in the video games.
Oh yeah, they do.
Even like Westerns in the 50s, like,
pings, zing, whoosh.
And it sounds exactly like that in real life too.
It's always entertaining.
Going up the hill too. Pee-pee-pee- me see what else I got. All set to thumping rave music.
Oh God, those poor guys.
There was some kind of a sound camp
like up on the opposite side of the lake as us.
And they got their rave.
That was like the saddest looking rave
I've ever seen in my life
because it was 10 million below zero.
They had one shirtless DJ rubbing
is probably paid to be on cocaine all night, playing as MP3 player. But God damn, that
was sad. That win. I really felt bad for those guys. They worked all day to stuff up and
then nothing. It wasn't even a good enough party for us to crash either. I mean, there
was no party there. It was just wind. That wind was really fucked. Let me see what else makes me,
is decepticon, logos, Sean, have you seen guys with,
with a transformer shit on their car?
It's ever seen in half.
You've seen that?
We think of that.
I've seen that.
It's been going on for years, hasn't it?
Yeah, you're a fan of that.
Are you a fan of decepticon shit on people's cars?
No, transformers. No, you like a fan of that? Are you fan of Decepticon shit on people's cars?
No, transformers. No, I'm not.
Nine.
Yeah, you're not nine.
No, I saw a Porsche,
as the Cayenne Porsche on the way up
with so much with a Decepticon logo
and then fire coming out of the Decepticon logo
like he was actually thought that he was in the movie,
like all wrapping around the car,
full on old English, old like cybertron,
computer English, Decepticon on it.
And I'm thinking, what is, how bad of a guy
are you supposed to be here, bud?
How much of a bad guy are you,
well, who are you pretending to be?
Who are you?
I don't remember the poor Coyen in the transformer movies.
Yeah.
The cartoons or anything.
Yeah, at least get one that we know.
Yeah, at least get like a Camaro, right?
Well, and the Decepticons weren't cars either.
They were planes.
So already, already you're fucking up.
It says it right in the name, Autobots.
The Decepticons were, the Decepticons were not cars.
They were guns, planes, space shuttles.
Yeah, the planes, yeah.
Weird shit.
So you've already fucked up the cannon
of this thing that you're so in love with
and the display, the flames shooting out the side.
I've never seen anything like it on such an expensive car.
That was my point on that one. Decepticons look. I don't know. All right.
Let me see what else I got here. Halloween's coming up. You ready, Sean?
For Halloween. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm going crazy. This Halloween. Are you?
What do you? I am not. What was the last what was the last Halloween costume you wore in your life?
Boy
Probably that magnum PI one
When was on long time ago?
Fucking 20 years ago. I don't know. I hate Halloween. I don't know. I can't remember what I
When I dressed up as that here's what I can't wait for this Halloween because it's an election year. So it's like everyone's last, last chance to get all of their, their political jokes out for the election year. Like the right.
Nothing but blackface as far as the eye can see. I know how it goes. I can't, I can't
fucking wait for Hunter Biden with a crack pipe. That's my costume. Oh God. Look you got a laptop
Oh, that's so fucking great man. I cannot please strike up a conversation with everybody about your take
You got an empty box. It's Trump's tax returns of cars. What did I see that right away? Oh God
You got the wall because none of it's built. Oh, so fucking funny.
You're pet. You got a white wig with a little fly on it. Like in the fucking debates.
That's so funny.
So many clever people out there. Oh God.
It's trumpet and jumps like is in prison. Jesus Christ.
The hot every four years, we go through the indignity of bringing the, bringing the whit and the subtlety of political cartoons to the, to the pageantry, to the pageantry
that is, that everyone let that is Halloween.
And I fucking, I love it every four years. I'm
cringing just waiting for it. What do you think about that? That you met the indignity
of electing a president every four years. Yeah, let's skip this one. Let's just
jump four more years. Did you see the debates? John. Oh, me. Yeah. Of course, you did you
see the debates? Did you what do you think? Well, it seemed actually pretty, pretty well mannered compared to the first one.
Yeah, it was horrible.
I was boring and shit.
Yeah, yeah, it's like that is the debates were what feminists want sex to be like.
That's what consent is.
What you saw right there is a world with explicit consent.
Go, it was all right if I touch your boobies right now.
Like, yes, please, you have two minutes starting now.
That was the most, that was the most,
that was the most, that was the most boring.
And why did she have to say uninterrupted every fucking time?
What was the point of like that they're gonna forget?
I guess they've won't forget, but God, that was awful.
Yeah.
I was fucking awful.
Remind of me why I don't care about politics without Trump.
It's not funny at all.
We got two zingers in.
Oh my God.
Yeah, you are always, it's entertaining you first.
Yeah, that's what it should be.
Let me see what else I got.
It was painful.
I went to my dad's birthday was last week.
Oh yeah? Yeah, I don't know if I've ever talked about this,
but my father likes to rewind the television.
Like he's one of those guys that he's one of the 1%
or whatever 0.001% of people who uses the rewind feature
of TV.
Do you use that Kevin?
No, no.
He used it once on TV, and I was like,
I'm never good.
I don't care.
I get the point.
It's fine.
I don't need it.
I said rewind it to see that.
I can't remember it.
That's fine.
He rewinds TV so that he can skip the commercials.
But then, or if he has to do any, right?
But he, no one knows.
And no one else is
a deposit.
Why doesn't he just pause it during commercials?
Well, I mean, you know,
deposit, go do something, get a drink, get up, something to eat or whatever, and then
you can speed through probably the rest of the show if you've got enough saved up.
He doesn't do it like that.
He gets up when he wants.
Why rewind?
Because there's a chance of it fucking up.
He gets up when he wants and pauses it then and then lets it build up so that he can plow
through the commercials when they come up and not be, so he cannot be inconvenienced
in any way.
Like if he wants to go to the bathroom or cook, he pauses it and then does it and then comes
back and then builds up a reservoir.
He does, the unfortunate thing is he does it during sporting events too and none of us know
it.
So we'll be watching nine minute old.
And then he forgets.
He forgets that he's been doing this for like two hours.
So we'll have a stock pile.
We'll be watching a baseball game, a world series in this case, or was the the the pennilets.
We'll be watching, we'll be watching a game from nine minutes ago,
not realizing that at any moment we could skip forward until something triggers and his
and his in the, you know, in his 60s, whatever, something deep triggers down there. And he says
a sudden shock of inspiration and remembers, oh, God, we can be, we can be watching this live.
And and then you're forced at the very end of the game
to skip, like you either have the choice of watching
what you know is what you know to be stale,
what you know to have already happened
and to be not worth anything,
or just skipping it entirely,
or just reading the end of the book.
That's the choice that he presents us with every fucking time.
There we go.
You can fix that shit.
How?
You can fix him.
When he gets up to do that and he pauses it,
just skip to another channel and then go back
and it'll go to live, right?
Then we miss the whole game.
That's the point.
We'll miss everything.
You'll stop him from doing it.
You can't just forward up to when something important happens,
which is how they fucking have been doing it anyway.
You don't let it build up.
Yeah.
Um, yeah.
You gotta break him out of the habit, you know,
it's like, uh, there's no breaking my dad of any habits.
Let me see what else I got here.
No, you can teach an old dog new tricks
if you hit it hard enough.
Uh, Jeffrey Tuban suspended from the New Yorker
for a Zoom dick incident.
Did you see that one Sean?
No, I did not.
You didn't see that one?
What?
New Yorker was really high brow.
He was jerking off to Hentai, so at least he was like a gentleman.
I don't know what happened there.
This guy gets his dick out on a Zoom call and everyone melts down.
It's just a penis.
I really don't understand it.
Guy, it's on with other adults.
First of all, shame on them for having a video call period
because they are the devil.
And they do.
The only thing that you can see in everybody's faces
on Zoom calls is their resentment
for having to be on camera.
That's it.
There's no kind of additional communication you're learning.
Most of the time those calls are completely worthless anyway and could be done with an
email.
But it's a curse on them for having it in the first place.
God forbid a guy thinks that he has a moment of privacy in his own house and wants to
rope one out, wants to get his fat
ass naked in front of his computer while people are talking about God knows what and
putting him in a state of hypnosis where he needs dope and where he needs dopamine so
bad that he's got a jerk off immediately God forbid this poor guy got for good God forbid this poor guy, God forbid he has a moment, a moment of a moment of lapse of judgment.
Accidentally takes his penis out on a Zoom call.
Uh, I hate it. Can happen to anybody.
It could. I don't understand why everybody's like they suspend a guy because he has a dick.
Jesus Christ, he said his own fucking house. Cover your screen, bitch.
What is the fucking problem there? As a dick, Jesus Christ, he said his own fucking house. Cover your screen, bitch.
What is the fucking problem there?
I mean, you're looking at your phone
90% of the time during those calls anyway,
just go back to that.
Yeah, and then you live,
have you seen the screenshot of it?
No. The chicks love it.
The chicks love it.
They are all into it.
Hold on, let me find it.
Let me find it.
Jeffrey Tuben.
I'm pulling it up here too.
Yeah, yeah, pull it up.
Jeffrey Tuben, why did I put zip?
Zoom, penis.
Oh, they're not gonna actually show it, are they?
Jeffrey Tuben suspended for exposing his penis on Zoom.
This guy's dick, that's hilarious.
Yeah, he looks way grosser than you think.
Like he is very fat, very fat.
The penis looks tiny. I hate to say I hate to make fun of guys in their penis size, but
it does look very, it does look tiny. I can't get a good shot of it. I don't, if I only
see a shot of his smug ass face, like, right? this face says, I would never show my dick on his,
yeah, you got busted, bud.
Any idea where, have you seen his actual dick, Sean?
No, so it was an accident.
Yeah, that's what he says.
He says his penis got hacked.
I hate it.
I don't know why a penis is so offensive that you have to get fired because you accident,
like, give me a fucking break here.
Calm down.
God, what, so for, are we saying men aren't offended by a side of a penis, right?
Because you're pissing in a trough at Facebook, like, that's allowed.
Seeing penises all the time there, It's just the women, right?
And from the screenshots I saw,
the women look thrilled as they would be.
Because it's humiliating.
Jeffrey Tuben, Zoom, Penis, screenshot.
Oh, of course, it's wiped from the fucking internet.
Oh, worthless.
Completely worthless.
Did you see Twitter today updated their thing
so that you can't share Hunter Biden's sex tape?
Whatever it is.
Did you know that Hunter Biden had a sex tape, Sean?
I did not know Hunter Biden had a sex tape.
You didn't know that?
No.
You had another example of a straight man being out at
just for being straight.
Mm.
You know?
Traject.
It is tragic.
It happens all the time.
Just like masturbating on camera.
So what?
Massive.
No big deal.
It's all fucking adults.
That's one of those things that both sides of the aisle
should agree on.
Yeah.
Yeah, they really should.
That's just persecution.
Here's what Twitter has updated. I've come to you to bring you good blah, blah really should. That's just persecution. Here's what Twitter has updated.
I've come to you to bring you a good blah, blah, blah.
The following behaviors are all not permitted.
This is what Twitter updated.
They're terms of service.
You know that Twitter that I get banned on all the time,
Alex Jones banned on for just for being too funny.
They added you to use.
You don't show your deck on Twitter?
No, I hope I never would.
Probably it'll probably happen. Oh, come on.
Probably has.
Oh God, I hope not.
The following behaviors are also not permitted on Twitter.
It's pretty brave of them to do this actually.
So this was right at Hunter Biden had a sex tape released,
and I don't know if she's underage or not.
Right?
It's kind of people are saying it, but I don't know. If she released, and I don't know if she's underage or not.
People are saying it, but I don't know.
If she is, she's like, it looks like a grownup. They're okay, fair enough.
Yeah.
And she's like, it.
Basically fine.
And she's playing footsie with his cock,
like giving him a foot job.
What do you have, have you ever had a foot job, Sean?
I have. How do you have? How was it? Yeah. What did you have you ever had a foot job, Sean? I have.
Oh, you have?
How was it?
Yeah.
What did you think?
I mean, you actually have, I can hear it.
I can hear it in your voice.
What's that?
I can hear it.
You're telling the truth in your voice.
You sound like you're blushing.
It's kind of an odd thing, but I went with it.
Was it her idea?
Well, she just kind of started doing it.
There's a way we were laying.
You were, how are you laying?
Well, kind of like on the couch.
On the couch?
And she started kicking your balls around like paylay?
How did that start?
A little bit.
Yeah, a little bit.
And then you just said, yeah, sure, go for it.
I didn't say anything.
So did she get up and grab like lotion or something
and you just lay there and waited to your fur
to come back or have that one?
No, then it went on to other things.
Oh, so you didn't get footed?
Oh, like to completion?
You didn't get to completion, yeah.
No, no.
Oh, wow.
Have you?
Oh, God.
I don't think so.
What have I done?
Yeah, that's tough.
I'm gonna need one.
I'm gonna need a foot job after this episode
to see if it brings back any memories.
Sharing, so everybody started posting this
100 Biden stuff, right?
And of course they can't have that.
This is shameless.
It's shameless the way they're censoring now anyway.
So you can't find Biden's sex tape anyway
because of that.
What was I talking about?
Tuben?
Let's see here.
I've got the race offender registry.
What do you think about that, Sean?
Ooh, tell me more.
Well, you mean Yelp?
Yeah, no, they got another one.
That's what I was going to say.
There is a...
Did you only find out about this because you're on it now or...
Yeah.
Sign the petition.
The anti-racism initiative, the race offender's registry, hashtag us to.
Oh, it's like me too, but it's all of us, cool.
The movement to end systemic and institutional
racism has never been stronger. Will you be part of the solution to change it? I mean,
yeah, sure. Why not? Yeah, the KKK. Was that was their goal, right? And end institutional
racism? What is the race offender's registry? Similar to schemes. Oh, good start. So our
schemes such as the sex offenders register clears law and a bunch of other ones, the race
offenders register will be used to assist employers to stamp out racism and abusive behavior
within their organizations. What are we asking for? What we're calling for is an amendment
to the following three UK legal acts.
Never, you remember when I was saying that the US
is not that different from the UK?
I changed my mind.
Crime and disorder act, blah, blah, blah.
Our desired outcome is that all convicted for hate crimes
under illegal acts mentioned above.
The individual in question is submitted to a race offenders register.
Like count, I guess, would be patient zero.
Yeah, for this right.
Not to mention the pug.
Yeah, the pug's definitely on it.
I'm surprised.
He's on death row.
It wasn't put down.
Which would operate similar to the current child sex offender disclosure scheme,
which many know is the sex offender's
register.
Well, kind of.
In addition, we would also like the amendment to include submissions to the register for
internal investigations, tribunals that what in the fuck is wrong with these people, tangible
solutions for a race offender's registry.
It's coming, right?
Somebody thought it up.
That's how it works now.
If somebody thinks up the fresh hell, it's coming. They? Somebody thought it up. That's how it works now. If somebody thinks
up the fresh hell, it's coming. They've made it real. Go ahead. The implications of that.
Here's why that's fundamentally fucked. You know, how long do you have to stay on this
thing? I'm guessing a while, right? How can you ever get off a racist offender?
The difference is, is that most experts don't think you can fix being like a sex offender
or a pedophile or things like that.
You can learn to, you can learn to be more tolerant.
You can get educated.
You know what I mean?
I don't know if you're going to be the same.
I don't know if you can learn to stop.
You learn to fake it.
Uh, what were you saying, Eric?
No, I think you can change how you think.
They're like, and then goes to the sex offenders registry
that being a racist is almost as bad
as being a sex offender.
Oh, that's what they think.
Well, that's kind of the feeling that I get,
because they're like, you know,
because that's their whole sales pitch is.
Yeah.
There's a registry for sex offenders.
There should be a registry for racist as well.
Yeah.
If someone called me a gamer word, like I'd be pretty bummed out, but if somebody raped me,
I'd be a bit bigger of a deal.
Like I messed up your day.
Would you play the Charlie Brown music, D?
Maybe.
If they called you the gamer word, the gamer word.
The gamer word.
Let's say which races you have bad cred with.
No, it does not.
It's a credit score for the different races.
Right.
I see what else I got here.
Uh, teddy bears, a teddy bear news article.
Sean, do you have a, do you have sleep with a teddy bear?
By chance.
Uh, no, never had a teddy bear.
Uh, the racist, racist defended, uh, the race offender
registry is coming.
So get ready for it, I guess.
This is a, uh, server.
That's the UK.
Yeah.
They're just testing it out there.
Then I'll bring it over here.
40, well, that's the thing.
It kind of goes global pretty quickly.
Yeah, 40% of adults.
Is this the last show we have before the election?
But we have one more.
There's one more.
No, I think there's one more.
I think we have one more.
I think God, um, yeah, there's one more. There's one more. No, I think there's one more. I think we have one more. I think God.
Yeah, there's one more. Yeah.
40, I saw something today that was,
it was Google search for Hunter Biden's laptop
and then it was another Google search spike
for how do I change my vote?
You know, I guess that's a coincidence, maybe.
44% of adults have held on to their childhood teddy bears
and dolls as many as 34% of adults still sleep
with a soft toy every night.
Really?
Yeah, so I don't think they're talking about wives either.
Wow.
That's a third of people still sleep with a teddy bear.
Third, a third of people still sleep with a teddy bear?
Huh, it's not unusual for your attachment to soft toys as a sleep aid to persist into adulthood.
It's odd.
A survey carried out last year found that 44% of adults
have held on to their childhood teddies and dolls.
That seems normal.
As many as 34% of adults still sleep
with a soft toy every night.
Meanwhile, researchers at Amsterdam found
that cuddling a soft toy can have a benefit,
oh my God, why do they always have to do this?
Can have a beneficial effect for people with low self-esteem.
Nothing to alleviate their anxieties around death.
It's about having a sentimental attachment to things
who it says it's completely normal
for adults to continue to have these childish attachments.
He doesn't see any harm in sleeping with a teddy,
provided you're not obsessive about it.
Man, are you fucking kidding me?
He doesn't see you.
I had no idea that that many people could be
sleeping with teddy bears.
A third or whatever.
A third, they provide emotional comfort
plus it is more hygienic than sleeping with a pet.
Man, are we negotiating with these people now?
Don't fucking sleep with your pet or a stuffed animal. What the fuck, don't fucking sleep with your pet or a, or that's stuff to animal.
What the fuck, don't forget to bun your teddy
in the wash from time to time.
I don't wanna bun any teddy's.
You're right, what do you think your pet does
with that teddy when you're not around?
Humps head.
That's why you don't wanna sleep with either.
Yeah, let's see what else I got here.
They always throw in those studies
at the backside of it. It's like, oh, 34% of these researchers say that it's good to else I got here. They always throw in those studies at the backside of it.
It's like, oh, 34% of these researchers say that it's good to do this or whatever.
Like that's going to change anyone's mind who's not doing it already.
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
Where's the other side to that?
And some researches also say that people think that it's weird as hell.
Yeah, maybe you should bring that up.
That's where like a survey.
Yeah. that's weird as hell. Maybe you should bring that up. That's more like a survey. Yeah, 100 people make fun of you behind your back.
100% of people make fun of you
for doing what you're doing.
Even people who still sleep with it
because they're also embarrassed by it.
Yeah.
Did you see the Giuliani tucking in his shirt video, Sean?
I saw that.
You saw, what did you think about that?
I'm not ready to say that he was playing with himself.
Oh, you, what do you mean you're not ready to say it?
You think there's a chance he was playing with his dick?
No, I don't think, I think he was tucking in his shirt.
It seemed like he was taking a lot of time, but they could have slowed that down.
And then there's a strange cut where
I noticed that too. I noticed it seemed like his hand was down his pants more, you know,
again for a longer period of time. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know that it was odd that he was like
laying back like that, but you could do that. I don't, I mean, I think he was probably tucking
in his shirt. Yeah. Did you also catch the weird audio edit where she says to come in the bedroom
and get a drink? No, I haven't seen, I didn't listen to the audio. I just watched the video.
I don't really know. I probably can't find it, but I don't really want to watch it. Let's
see here. Juliani says, uh-oh. He's not even married. I mean, he touches her, you know, but
like, but she touches him. She touches him don't know. She touches him on the knee.
She touches him on the knee, then leads him into the bedroom.
Oh, no, she definitely tried to, yeah, get him to do stuff.
Actually, I think he's a pussy for not doing more.
Upon looking, upon viewing it.
Yeah.
Single chick, hot chick coming onto you like that.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah. Here it Okay. Yeah.
Here it is. I'm playing it right now.
Show it how to drink in the bed.
Oh, God.
That, should we have a drink in the bedroom, that part?
There you go, my dear.
So he's helping her take her microphone off.
That's, that's the least sexual place to touch a woman.
She tells him to lean back to get it out.
Yeah, yeah.
Talking in his pants.
Put that in your front, cool.
All right.
All right, all right, Bore.
That's enough.
It's a great ad for the people who want to see Borat too,
which is a woman doing a Borat impression
for two hours, it seems like to me.
I don't know, I haven't seen the movie.
I think it's a lot of guys who've never tucked in a shirt,
thinking that maybe you're grabbing your penis
while you're doing that.
What do you think, Kevin?
What do you think about that?
I mean, he's a big guy. If you're watched a fat dude try to tuck in a shirt
Takes him three hours. I'll reach all it's like putting a tire on yeah, I get one of those machines
It's wedged on there around the rim. Yeah, I agree
Fucking that's annoying
Seeing everyone's so excited about old man groping a young girl just because he's whatever politics.
I mean, I feel like you could have easily gotten a video
of some other politician doing worse things on camera,
but...
Ah, yeah, like anything.
Let's see, I've got...
Oh, here we go.
Barbie versus white people.
That should be good.
You think I'm a Barbie shun?
Do you know who that is?
I do know who Barbie is.
Who's a Barbie is?
All right, let's see here.
Barbie versus white people.
I have sisters and nieces and...
Oh, then you know all about Barbie.
In a new end of hard to miss out on Barbie.
I had a new YouTube video, Barbie,
and her friend, Nikki, educate kids about white privilege.
Oh, yeah.
I think the reason why this pisses me off
is because Barbie and all of her fucking friends
all benefit from the, really the only privilege there is
which is hot girl
privilege. Attractive girl privilege is about 10,000 times higher than any white privilege
could ever fucking be. And I don't want to be lectured by Barbie of all people on how to
be ethnically sensitive to my stock photography friends that she's got. By the way, the Afro
Puffs really sensitive that they've got Nikki in on the shot?
White people get an advantage.
They didn't earn, says Barbie.
I don't know about that.
Maybe if I heard that from troll dolls,
I'd be more receptive, but I don't bark.
I'm not talking about it coming from Barbie.
I just can't quite swallow.
Let me see here.
COVID, Sean, do you remember when modeling experts predicted
an 89% increase in hospitalization in California
within a month?
Do you remember that with COVID?
And they're down, they're down seven, seven% right now.
This is the experts might have missed one.
I don't know.
All the Azda little Sainsbury's and Tesco
banned from selling some items in certain parts
of the UK amid the lockdown.
I wonder what those items could be.
Let's see.
All the, yeah.
Wonder what?
Any guesses?
Those items might be.
They're not essential. Well, I can't find it those items might be. They are not essential.
Well, I can't find it.
God damn it.
All right, shall I never mind?
That was really gonna upset me.
Really?
After all that?
Yeah, I can't fucking find it.
Well, go ahead and get a speculate.
I'm number four.
Number four.
I'm number four of the items.
I'm pretty sure, I'm about 100% sure it's liquor.
Nonessential goods from this evening, pet food.
Oh, I can't find it, fuck it.
All right, let's do some comments.
Tony from hack the movies is calling into.
Oh, cool.
More bullshit COVID, bullshit COVID.
Okay, okay, okay, here we go.
Hey, Dick, this King Clover.
My ex OD in my car, hey, Dick, listening the most recent episode,
a guy, an email about a guy's ex hiding in a closet
reminded me of my own fucked up story.
Oh, that's good.
I've always been a work oriented kind of guy
with not a lot of free time for relationship stuff.
So it seemed like an easy break that the same day
I got my first big promotion.
My ex decided to hit me up.
She said she needed a ride to pick something up on Craigslist and she'd give me some head
and a fuck afterwards.
She's a short punk chick with huge d-tits and a skinny waist with thighs you could use
like earmuffs.
Did I read this one already?
Sounds familiar.
Is there a round thing in your face?
We broke up a little bit after high school but but it had hooked up a couple times since, so
it didn't seem that weird at the time.
After a 20 minute car trip downtown to a slum straight out of the Batman comic, she
gets what she wanted and we start heading back.
She told me it was a pin she needed for some sort of outfit, but refused to let me see
it.
Five minutes sounds reasonable.
I gotta go downtown for a pin for my dress.
Five minutes on the way back, she passes out mid-sentence and slumps over, limp in her seat.
Hypanic, trying to shake her awake, thinking she's just fucking with me.
I soon realized this wasn't a female mind game to get out of the head bargain.
Of course.
First thought, passed out, she's fucking f, so she doesn't have to suck my dick.
I know exactly what's going on here.
Pull over into a nearby circle K and start giving her CPR
and call 911 and the whole time he's thinking
about getting ahead, 100% true.
30 minutes later, we're in a hospital
where she had been shot up with enough Narcan
to kill an elephant to counteract the shit ton of fentanyl.
She had snorted when she wasn't in my car.
Turns out she used me as a drug uber
and that she actually had a live-in boyfriend
who I should, who I called to let her know,
to let her know where she's, to let him know where she's.
As much as I would love to leave her there to walk home,
I'm a softie, so I ended up calling the guy
to tell him what's up.
Minus the head part.
And nope, the fuck out of there before shit gets worse.
She ends up asking me to text her later,
which I then blocked her on everything
because I got a promising new position
the next day at work and she's got drool on my seat.
She got drool on my seat belts.
An important lesson learned is to always get the head up
front, great lesson,
that fucking clover.
Page row about the Civil War letter.
Do you remember that? Yeah, yeah, that shit was-king clover. Pedro about the Civil War letter. Do you remember that?
Yeah, yeah, that shit was hilarious, he said.
I think I know exactly why that girl ghosted him,
that guy went way too much detail about the war
and the imaginary men he was entrenched with
and completely forgot to make it about the girl
he was writing to.
Yeah, that's true.
You know, that's probably true.
He was going on about the men and the morale.
Do you remember?
In case you decided to read this on your show, here's a tip for anyone else who may want
to try to send a letter like that.
Spend more time talking about how you miss her curves and her melodious laughter and
less time talking about how you acquired trenchfoot and having to drink your own urine due to dwindling
rations. Yeah, that's pretty good.
Below, I'll illustrate what the girl saw when she read the letter and then he has an all-caps
nerd, which he made a different font, which I didn't know you could do.
Bobo, pick up advice for bros, broskies.
Hey, Dick Love the Show.
I've learned a lot about picking up women.
In fact, listening to the show pushed me and I lost my V-card.
Oh, that's great. I want to give back to the community. So this guy just gets laid one time and
he's ready to give advice to the community. Okay. If you're interested in a girl, look
up when she was born. Wow. Great. start. Figure out her sign.
I'm sure he lost the V-Card.
Look up when she was born.
I don't know how you do that.
Like breaking into a house or something.
Right.
Yeah.
Just tell me where you live.
Figure out her sign and do some research.
Then ask her if that's her sign.
Oh man, great time to give back to the community.
Usually they reply with, yes, why are you asking?
So definitely, make sure that they have to respond correctly if they don't yell at them.
That's not, I need you to do it, say it differently for me, or else my line doesn't work.
Then tell her everything that you've read about that sign.
Okay.
You also get bonus points
if you can relate it to something more personal.
I don't know, how would you,
I guess you looked that up too,
you looked up something personal.
For example, okay, I see what's happening here.
For example, I told this chick,
melon-like cans, by the way,
that she's obviously a Leo
because she's got her own style of dressing
and she's not afraid to rock it.
This is what he wanted to cut out
and put on the fridge, that line right there.
Good job, buddy.
After the conversation, after that,
the conversation was easy, smooth sailing.
We started talking about her personality
and how great it is.
It sounds like this guy's pickup advice
is just like being a nice person.
Yeah.
You start with a lie and then you just keep talking.
Is what you do, you learn about?
Well, sounds like he's just talking about her.
She's a man of reduced.
Yeah.
You learn about her hopes.
And shit that she likes, like stupid shit, like horoscopes.
Yeah, and then you do stuff that she likes.
That's really, we'll doop them.
Talk about things she's interested in.
Covered dreams.
Yeah, her dreams really, really roporn, sucker.
Special and unique she is.
Yeah, chicks wanna be praised,
but not in an obvious way,
so that your body's so hot shit doesn't work.
Uh, I don't know about that.
Go fuck yourself and tell Sean to,
I sent him some air kisses.
Love Bobo from Sophia.
Well, congratulations buddy, please give more advice
and you guys can only see.
Let me see.
Second, they lose it.
Yeah, I'm not a virgin. Imagine what he'll have to say after the second time. So we got just, let me see. The second they lose it. Yeah.
I'm not a virgin.
Imagine what he'll have to say after the second time.
Ha ha ha.
Uh, yeah.
Let me see if Tony from HACTA movies is in here.
Uh, all areas, HACTA movies.
Hey, what's up, Tony from HACTA movies.
Hey, Dylan.
Hello, how are you?
Good.
How are you?
Man, I haven't seen you.
It's so, it's been over a year since I've seen you. It's been over a year since I seen you.
It's crazy.
Why hasn't been over a year?
What do you mean?
You're not on Patreon?
No, no, I'm just saying, I haven't seen you in so long.
I was in LA around this time last year.
That was a year ago?
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
We haven't seen each other since.
Anyway, yeah, I'm just here to plug a couple of things I've been doing lately.
Okay. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, I started a Godzilla podcast. Oh, it's called castzilla versus the
pod monster. Okay, say that. Say that more slowly. Castzilla versus the pod monster. Okay. Cast Zilla versus the pod monster.
That's great.
And what do you do?
Well, me and my co-host, who was a lady, we talked about.
Yeah, and I know what you're thinking, Dick.
No, I'm not trying to sleep with my co-host because we actually used to date and slept
together like a million times.
So we got it out of our system.
We just want to talk about Godzilla.
Okay.
And you do that. What do you watch like a movie
every time and talk about that?
We're like, we're going in order
of the movies, but every other episode
is like a weird thing.
Like we did the Charles Barkley
versus Godzilla comic commercial.
I remember that.
Yeah, so like weird stuff like that.
And the episodes around like 30 minutes,
because look, I love Godzilla.
Yeah.
But I realize a lot of people out
there will not be able to tolerate talking about Godzilla. No reason to probably get all
the good stuff out. There's probably no reason to go into more than, so you know, you're
going to hit the same topics over and over if you're talking about Godzilla every week,
right?
Yeah. But yeah, no, the show people saying they really like it, even people who aren't Godzilla
fans, I'd say definitely check out the first episode because the first Godzilla movie is like
legitimately a good movie before it turns into just schlock.
And you're going in order.
What an interesting way because there's so many Godzilla movies.
It would be such a more interesting way of seeing Godzilla evolve into Matthew
Broderick instead of just randomly stabbing into the dark what movie you wanted to watch,
right?
Yeah, and you know what's really cool, Dick? Since these movies are so old, because they
started in 1954, you could record like a batch of episodes in one sitting. I don't know how to try to get
my co-host to come to my apartment every week. We just meet up once we record like five
episodes. It's pretty awesome. You don't have to hold her hostage every week. So the taste
of you doesn't run out of her mouth. You mean it doesn't fade? No, no, no, she's thrilled
to talk about guys. We meet up. We watch a couple, we watch a couple movies ahead of time,
meet up, compare notes and we pump out like a 20 to 30 minute episode. It's a lot of fun.
That sounds great.
Yeah.
Castzilla versus the pod mod. Are there other Godzilla podcasts that you're competing
with or that have a?
Well, there are, there actually are a lot of Godzilla pod. I think there's one called the
Godzilla podcast. Oh, I see.
This one called MDD. There's a bunch, but I imagine everyone's like totally cool with each
other. I think Godzilla podcast follows me. But yeah, I can't really name too many off
the top my head. I don't know.
You know, I know I know Caszilla only versus the podcast.
I'm on. So yeah, let's try to get it to the number one of Godzilla podcasts.
Yeah. So there's that.
And I started another show on my YouTube.
As you know, the show I was on rental reviews, we ended it.
Oh, I didn't know that.
But we still had the video store set in our office.
And now I do an entirely original show on my channel called Talking About Tapes.
It's just a fun review show.
And that's usually every Monday.
Okay.
So check that out. just a fun review show and that's usually every Monday. Okay.
So check that out.
But this Monday, which is tomorrow or yesterday
for people listen on Tuesday, me and Tab, Mad Cux,
we've been working on this project together
called Hack the Living Dead.
Okay.
Have you ever seen Night of the Living Dead?
I know.
I don't watch scary movies.
No.
Okay, well, it's a great movie, so you'll probably hate it.
It is in the public domain, so you could do whatever you want to it. Yeah. So I have digitally
inserted myself and others into Night of the Living Dead. Okay. And I'm premiering it tomorrow
night Monday. Okay. And look, Dick, you may or may not have a blink and miss a cameo in this.
I can't promise that. So you might want to check it out. This is hacked, the living dead.
Yes.
Okay.
So I'll post the link at the chat there.
But yeah, so I've inserted myself into the movie.
The plot is I'm stuck outside the house
and the characters will let me in.
But what you'll love is.
I'm not hurting.
I'm so happy about their projects
than Tony from hacked the movies.
Yeah, he's great.
Yeah.
The best part is, so night of living dead, they're constantly watching the news to get updates on what's going on.
Yeah. I have eliminated all the new segments and now it's tab doing in Alex Jones type
character. That's great. And he's just going on about how like it's communist, it's liberals,
it's, and then he, and then he starts doubting if there actually is a zombie apocalypse. He
is friggin amazing in this thing.
I let him do whatever he want.
I'm like, hey, these are all the new segments you have to replace.
Give me whatever.
And he gave me like 20 to 30 minutes of pure fucking gold.
It's the best part of the movie.
Okay.
Hack the living dead.
Was there one?
I wasn't here.
What did you think of the Antifa horror movie that Vito and I were talking about last
episode?
Did you listen to that?
We wanted to be like saw, but for and saw, but for conservatives for Antifa.
Oh, yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, that one sounded pretty good.
I wanted to hear more of that.
Okay.
Good.
Good.
We'll do it.
We'll get more of that.
You got anything else?
No, that was it.
There was just three things I wanted to talk about.
What was the third?
No, there was the God's Little Show talking about tapes and hacking the living debt.
Talking about tapes.
Okay. Does anything make you rage?
Does anything make me rage?
Oh, all right.
So there's like weird reboots now.
I'm not if you're familiar with this.
I just saw a trailer for something called Freaky and it's a high school girl switches
bodies with an adult man who's a murderer.
And I was like, oh, this is just Freaky Friday, but it's a horror movie.
And then last year they did Fantasy Island, they rebooted Fantasy Island, but as a horror
movie.
And the year before that, they did the Banana splits, which I think is a kid show from the
60s, and they rebooted that as a horror movie.
I'm not really getting what the fuck is going on with people rebooting shit as horror movies.
You horror guys are like their own type of like species.
But like I'm a horror guy, but I wouldn't think to do freaky Friday is a, it's weird.
I don't, I think people are running out of ideas on how to reboot shit.
Why do you have a horror movie so much?
Why does that appeal to you?
Like every time a horror stuff comes up, I just don't get it.
I don't get it at all.
I want to know what.
I don't know.
I just like being scared.
I think it was, I think a big part of it is,
like I went to Catholic school
and a lot of my friends' parents were like super uptight.
But like my family wasn't.
I was watching like all these movies they weren't allowed to watch.
So it was like this cool kind of thing.
I don't know, I just enjoy horror.
I just like it.
But I wouldn't take a children's show from the 60s or a fucking the 70s comedy and reboot
it as a bloody slasher.
I don't get what's going on with that these days.
Stripes as a bloody slasher.
You wouldn't do that.
I'm going to make stripes as a bloody slasher.
What's another cartoon?
The snorke's, that'd be terrifying.
What the hell is the snorke's?
I have no idea what the snorks are.
It's a Smurfs rip off where they got snorkels on their heads.
They do Smurfs.
But under the sea, I'm going to do married with children as a horror movie.
That's going to be my reboot.
Who is the killer?
Al?
Yeah, it's probably Al.
That's probably Al.
Al's got to be the killer.
He's the one getting out.
Be said on the outside.
It's it's Marcy.
Marcy's probably the killer if we're going to be honest. Yeah. All right,
Tony. You hacked the movies. All right. Get out of here. Thank you. All right. Goodbye.
Goodbye. Okay. Let me get to see man. He could have at least pretended he wanted to come
on and shoot the shit. I have things to plug. You should do that at the end.
Yeah. Now right away. I love it. I love it. That was awesome. Tony belongs into the movies.
He really had like he's, uh, he's shameless in a good way. He's a mover in a shaker. He's got
shit to do. He's always promoting. Yeah. His stuff. Yeah. And it doesn't seem to cost him pieces
of his soul. Like it always does me.
Like whenever I go to podcasts for three hours and it's going to go, here's the little
thing.
He's too genuine to see.
He always be promoting.
That's how it goes.
Yeah.
Here's from, this one's called Under Six, too, from Jimmy Smith.
Hey, Dick, love the show.
Anyway, I'm 29 and just autistic enough to make faking normality difficult for more than
an hour or so.
Well, you didn't in that sentence.
It was not faked.
Due to genetics, 5G, fluoride in the water or whatever shit, my height has topped out
at 5.11.
Short of the social minimum of you must be this tall to ride.
No, I did not just read that from a man.
Did I?
Five, eleven is too short.
Oh my God.
That's plenty tall enough.
Buddy, they have no fucking idea how tall you are.
None.
All they know is they don't even know taller than me.
If you told a woman you're taller than her,
and while she's looking down at you,
she would figure that she's in some kind of weird
gravitational anomaly.
Like wow, that's so weird.
Yeah, measurements don't exist from.
Yeah, this is like one of those hills
where the car rolls up hill.
Yeah, that's right.
I'm fucking seven feet tall.
Lim lengthening surgery is financially unfeasible.
What the fuck?
Just tell them you're six foot.
Five on the mic.
Lim lengthening surgery.
How are they gonna know?
Tell them you're six, five.
Lim lengthening surgery is financially unfeasible.
It's infeasible, you fuck.
While it's cheaper.
While it's cheaper in foreign countries.
This is kind of fucking, well, I believe the autism part, 100%.
Yeah, listen to the first sentence.
It doesn't make any, his first sentence is so garbled
and strange.
It explains the rest of the email.
Anyway, it starts off old shoes
if you want to get up to six feet.
Where's some heels?
Go around all day and woman's heels.
And then when you start to realize how,
and when you start to feel stupid,
just take them off and live normally.
And if you ever think about this dumb 511 shit again,
go slap a pair of big fat Mexican lady,
red heels on, and walk around
until you start to feel dumb.
While it's cheaper in foreign countries, anywhere I theoretically cannot have my organs
stolen is 60K minimum.
Is that true?
Johnson Brown, is that true that it's, is he in there?
Is that the one who already did that?
Yeah, that's true.
Oh, fuck. God, can you do it who already did that? Yeah, that's true. Oh, fuck.
God, can you do it in India or something?
Yeah, he did.
He didn't take him like six months of recovery too.
Like what's your time worth then, right?
Well, like if you're in the other country,
and you're trying to save two grand on this surgery,
five, eleven, isn't that go against the Indian hypocritical?
Is there something like that?
Like, you can't do this.
Even then.
I mean, but think of all the pussy he'll get afterwards.
Yeah.
Johnson Brown saying you got for 18,000.
18,000 man?
With airfare.
Oh, Jimmy Smith.
You're going to Rollin' Close.
If you had to wear a bracelet everywhere he went, so they know he was in.
Yeah.
Yeah, think of how much pussy he could get when he's six three.
That's his problem.
Even then.
That's his problem. Even then, eventual paralysis is a near certainty.
Oh, shit.
What does that, Johnson?
Can you still walk?
Yeah, I'll tell you.
He's fine.
He's in a fucking wheelchair.
Yeah, is detecting actual height,
one of those things vagina havers,
I believe we've found the problem.
I have a sixth sense about, or can I bullshit it with elevated shoes and forced perspective
tricks?
Was it you?
No.
What the?
Have you seen a woman parallel park?
Here's what you do.
The first time.
I don't know.
I do.
What measurements are?
The first time you go out with her, put one of those, uh, those 7-11 height things that
they have to identify robbers, scale it down.
Yeah, put it down.
Yeah.
Put it down so you walk across at like the five something level.
Just by a minute, your iPhone, you're poking away at it.
Yeah, this is an iPhone XC, the 12-in, this is an iPad.
accidentally drop a certificate.
Oh, excuse me, it's a certificate for my being six, two,
that they give out. You probably don't know because you're short.
Competently spelled very creatively,
praying on female insecurities is unlikely
because of said autism and stunted emotional intelligence.
Thanks and go fuck yourself.
Stop calling them vagina havers number one.
I'm just calling bitches like Harry Potter.
You don't have to make, you don't have to add
a more crass version of that.
My God is detecting.
Of course, perspective.
He's like, he's like, sure to go moose,
he's gonna become hitchcock to get laid.
He's got those things, those like banana shaped, he's gotta become Hitchcock to get laid. He's got those, you know, those things, those like banana-shaped rainbow things that you go,
which one is bigger?
And then all the same size.
Whoa, he's got like a version of him that he, a doll he carries around.
Is detecting actual height.
One of those things vagina havers have a sixth sense about.
It would be the one sense though, wouldn't be a six.
They're not going to psychically know if you're over six feet tall.
We're going to see this guy on the news.
We're going to see this guy on the news and he's going to have three names in about 10
years.
They're posting a guy with stills on his shoes in there.
I don't know.
Do we have a vagina havers here?
Do you have a six sense about if a guy's six foot or not?
If he's 5'11 you say I'm out.
Well, get up. Get up here on the microphone.
I'm always like curious when guys say oh, I'm six or five 11. It's like not just say.
Why'd you say six foot? You stupid idiots. I feel like those people that say I'm 5'11 are actually like five nine.
Yeah, probably.
I'm like, oh, I'm almost 6'8."
So yeah, I gotta say I'm 6'3 then.
Yeah.
I'm gonna have to lay it up.
Yeah.
Wait, Sam, Sam.
You're gonna have to go for my height.
Yeah, go around and give your estimate on that.
Some of the guys in this room, how tall they are.
5'11.
5'11, Bailey, are you your 5'11?
I guess I'm 8.
Yeah, you should be.? I guess I'm eight.
Yeah, you should be.
Spiker hair up or something.
Yeah, I got that.
Get that last.
Yeah.
Every man in the room is five 11.
How tall do you think?
How tall do you think Kevin is?
Let's see how this six cents.
I feel like a lot of guys that are my same height
because I'm five six.
The book, oh, I'm five eight.
I'm five nine.
Yeah.
It's like, I'm looking, I'm like, well, I'm,
I just recently got a new driver's license
and they definitely told me five six.
Well, it's a force perspective thing.
I'm standing at a smaller object.
Yeah, how tall, how tall do you think Kevin is?
Probably, I don't know, five, 10, I forget.
How tall are you?
Hmm, six, three.
Five, a little.
Is she higher or lower than?
She's low.
She's lower than that? I don't remember, yeah. Wow. That's lower than she's low. She's low.
You're taller than that.
I don't remember.
Wow.
That's a knock on your confidence.
Yeah, that's a lot of thought that you were, you project the aura of a shorter man than
you actually are.
That's fucked up.
Jimmy Smith.
Jimmy Smith.
Yeah, you got to go for that surgery, but it's only $18,000 in India.
Yeah, with flight. With flights. What do you think Sean?
You're what five five eight?
Yeah, five seven and three quarters
But I can play five eight. Yeah
What do you think you should do? I think you should stay off the internet
Yeah, yeah. Try.
You don't know, man.
I mean, sadly, I think he's totally serious.
I know.
He's here.
You need like a, there needs to be like a body dysmorphia, like thing for men to just sit
down every day and go like, I'm tall enough and dammit.
People like me like, I'm tall enough.
I'm tall.
Stop using, stop using feet and inches. Just use,
just use millimeters, like stick with one, stop making it this target that you have to hit.
Find a measurement system, whether it's apples, hands, meters that makes you sound big and tell
her that. So when it chicks us how tall are you?
You can say, actually, I'm 40 hands tall.
Doesn't that sound huge?
I don't even know what that means.
That would be huge.
The measure horse is in hands.
Is it like, how big would somebody be?
Let me look it up real fast.
Six feet in hands.
That's not gonna work.
Feeds to hands come here.
Well, you want some shawns, animal corner?
I actually don't.
I didn't know if you were gonna,
if you were gonna call in,
I don't know, what is that for action?
This is one foot is three hands.
So if you're six, so you're 18 hands high.
Oh, fuck, that still sounds short.
Yeah.
How about apples?
Smurf's just three apples tall.
They're about, that's six inches. I think you're
just going to use a micrometer and just keep going up and measuring like, oh, I'm 500,000s.
Yeah. Yeah. Find your parallax. Yeah. Measurement. How many arc seconds are you? Man, stop. Stop,
make, stop what you're doing. Make them, every time you feel bad, make them feel bad,
start there, or we can ban every guy over six foot
on Tinder, like ban them off of all that, like Keon.
Yeah, they can, yeah, they know,
what are they doing there?
I don't need to be there.
Unemployed Keif says, unemployed and possibly a father.
Hey, Dick, long time, listen, or first time emailer,
I was introduced to your show by my brother. Anyways, along the story started in July. I started getting close with my
coworker due to the amount of hours I was working during COVID, 80 to 90 a
week. Whoa. I wonder what he was doing. That matters.
Amazon. I hope not. She's probably right. She and I started
chatting at work and hanging out fast
forward till July when lockdown started
to loosen. We went for a drive and hung
out at a park. We ended up making out
even though I know her boyfriend. She
said they were taking a break. Nice.
One thing led to another. We ended up
having a fling till September. When September, was that a gun?
Was that a shot? Was that an explosion? Oh, no. You hope his fireworks. When September came along,
she called the cops on her boyfriend claiming domestic violence. This ended up with her boyfriend being
arrested, even though they were apparently just fighting and she attacked first.
This wouldn't happen if he was six feet. Yeah, probably not. In late August, she told me she attacked first. This wouldn't happen if he was six feet.
Yeah, probably not.
In late August, she told me she was pregnant.
She ended up taking a pregnancy test that came out positive.
She agreed on getting an abortion if the child was mine.
Oh, that sounds real reliable.
We ended up getting a paternity test last week to see if I was the father.
According to her, why would you say that?
According to her, the paternity test came out positive
that I am the father.
I wonder if she's even pregnant.
For some reason, she also had this idea to claim
I sexually assaulted her in early September.
She just took a web MD test.
Yeah, like pregnancy test. Yeah.
And as a result, I basically lost my job due to the boyfriend having a pending court case
for domestic violence, part of the bail agreement is that he doesn't communicate directly
or indirectly with her. She keeps trying to have me contact the boyfriend, saying she's
going to commit suicide. Oh, you wish. That would be the end. Never, never
is that going to happen, buddy. Do what's one stone. Never, you should be so fucking lucky
that that would happen. So my question is, what should I do? Should I try to cut her off?
Lim Lengthening Surgery. Should I just try to cut her off? You haven't tried to cut her off yet?
And assume she got an abortion?
Or should I try to be there?
Is this the same guy?
What do you mean? What same guy?
Is this the same guy as lab?
I mean, he's asking the same kind of questions.
Like, are you fucking kidding me?
Why do you say, are you kidding me like that?
Well, it's like, oh yeah, just assume she got the abortion. Yeah, oh, there's nothing,
nothing, nothing else will come from this at all. She'll just leave it alone.
Uh, kidding me. Should I cut her off and assume she got an abortion? Or should I try to
be there for this situation? What situation is that? I personally don't want anything
to do with her anymore.
Well, time line.
Oh, okay, cool.
Started hooking up early July,
went on until late August or early September,
pregnancy test, late August.
Cops were called on her boyfriend early September.
She made sexual assault allegations about me
in early September, paternity test, early October.
Wow, change, just get the hell out of town, man.
Fake your death.
Fake your death.
Fake your death. 100% fake your death and
Sly low for three months to the rest of your life and see what happens. See, you actually
really have to fake your death though,
to see what maybe gets, get a private eye to spy on her.
It's worth a couple bucks,
save you money in the long run,
to see what she does afterwards,
because I don't believe any of these things.
I don't believe the pregnancy,
I don't believe that they took a paternity test.
Were you pretty sure it's the boyfriend's kid?
Is he just using him to get to the boyfriend?
Because he got arrested right around the pregnancy test, right?
That's a tough one, swallow, that was in there.
He should fake his death too.
It's probably, you're probably right.
It's probably the boyfriend's.
What do you think, Sean?
Uh-oh, do we listen?
I don't care.
You don't care?
Ah!
Okay, well, let us know how that works out for you, Keith.
This might be the last, oh no, I got a couple.
Salça shark.
I need a bigger boat.
Yeah, advice giving advice, giving into the horse.
Okay.
He's already off to a fantastic start hey dick and Sean
I'm 17 living in Minnesota and like most guys my age. I am running into a bit of a problem concerning pussy. Oh
But mine is a bit different than the average fuck face Matt who just can't get laid
That's really got a stick, stick it to Matt there.
What did Matt do?
Is he still trying to get laid?
Matt, are you still trying to get laid?
He's in the chat in there.
He's typing right now.
Matt, how's you getting laid going, bud?
Matt, what did you do to this guy?
He's trying, but not very well.
Matt, when's the last time you had a date?
Let me know if you want to talk.
Shut up, shut up.
Let me know if you want to get on the horn here.
Maybe you could help this guy out
since he's calling you out, it's also sharp.
I'm trying to convince myself to fuck the whores
presenting themselves to me.
Okay.
The problem began over quarantine
when I was recovering from surgery on my hips
and started just working out my upper body like crazy
out of boredom and I don't mean just jerking off.
Even though now you're having to think
about an underage dude, Jack off, so that's funny.
Okay.
You sure got you.
But after my surgery, I kept hitting the gym pretty hard and went from weighing about
145 and benching 205 to weighing 170 and benching 260.
What's 260?
How many plates is that?
Two plates and 25.
And 25s.
Oh man, I used to lift them much way.
Which has attracted the attention of the high school
horrors who never used to want anything to do with me.
One of those horrors has been sending me some hoors,
has been sending me some picks.
I'll spare details as I'd be committing in trapment
and wanting me to basically go over to her house and rail her.
This is a problem, which is where the problems arise because I seem to be going through
faxes of total apathy for talking to her or any of the other girls interested in me.
And when I indulge myself in talking to them, I come out feeling disgusted with myself.
Well, he's talking to a woman. That's the problem.
Yeah, I was actually thinking he was gay in the first paragraph
and returned to apathy for the girls actually showing interest to me and returned to laying in my bed and listening to radio head.
I think part of me wants an actual relationship.
See, come from you. Yeah. Okay, since I've only had one girlfriend and it lasted about two weeks, two weeks,
which I'm sure you'll say is retarded.
And just because I'm dumb and 17, but the few times I have fucked a girl for the hell of it
has left me feeling far worse than I did before it, and returning to that apathetic stage,
I told you about.
Well, then just keep listening to Radiohead.
Yeah, anyways, anyways, I should have read this letter like a game in, and that probably wouldn't have made more sense. Anyways, I'm sure you'll just say I should
fuck the whores and get over it or something, but whatever you have to say is definitely funnier
than what I think it will be. Go fuck yourself. Extra underage, smooches for Sean. Matt, fuck face,
Matt, do you want to talk? Oh, your mic is busted, unfortunately.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think maybe you should stop fucking horrors.
Pose more, probably.
Do a lot of mirror posing until you're good with yourself.
Maybe try, maybe do.
Try a guy, I don't know.
I don't say don't, but just maybe,
if you're feeling disgusted, if you're sad,
what do you think, Kevin?
Layoff listening to Radiohead and anything
from that corner of music genre.
Yeah.
It just, it fucks through to your brain.
It makes you think you're a lot, it's like,
you know how people who fucking smoke
we religiously just have that thing in their brain
that are like, oh, I'm smarter
because I thought this way, right?
The people who listen to radio,
and like American football think the same way.
Yeah.
Maybe don't refer to them as whores,
as much as all the other.
Yeah, they're vagina havers.
Vagina havers.
Sean, what do you think this guy should do?
I don't care.
You don't care about this guy.
James, what do you wanna do? A couple more of these. I don't care. You don't care about this guy. Okay.
What do you want to do?
A couple more of these.
I don't think I have.
I got a bunch of voicemails.
It's going to be a short show tonight, isn't it?
Then I want to talk to all these guys that are in the studio right now.
Let's see what they thought about Burning Dick.
James, Jim Crow, he says his name is.
I'm wondering about it.
I'm wondering about a good way to get revenge
or stop someone from fucking with me.
I was friends with him.
Now we got a letter.
I was friends with a drugie for a while
who got mad when I stopped being friends with him
after he got caught trying to break into my house.
I was moving out of to smoke weed.
I haven't talked to this guy or his friends in months
and they keep trying to fuck with me.
I was ignoring it and he said,
you need a safe place to smoke weed. I was ignoring it and he needed a safe place
to smoke weed. I was ignoring it until recently.
I was broken to a house to smoke weed. Jesus. You never did that. You never got so desperate
to have a safe place. There's not a bust in the somebody's house to spark up. Man,
that's Jesus. I was ignoring it until recently. I was ignoring it until recently. He started fucking with my girlfriend. He was adding her on Snapchat and trying to gross her out
by doing weird cat calls on her pictures.
Sounds like he's flirting with her.
Yeah, that's called flirting, man.
I got bad news for you about that girl friend that you have.
I wanted to know what to do to get him to stop.
You should comment on there saying she's my property.
Don't talk to her like that or else you're going to have to deal him to stop. You should comment on there saying she's my property.
Don't talk to her like that,
or else you're gonna have to deal with me
and then post a picture of yourself like this.
Yeah, threats of violence.
100%.
Yeah, talk about like your inner darkness
and how you're a real sweet guy,
but you know, you don't wanna push you to that edge.
I'm 18, so I can't really commit any crimes.
What does that mean?
Huh.
Well, if he were six, two, then he could probably do it, but he's at that 18.
He's not allowed to commit crimes.
Yeah.
Gosh, I would go really, really hard possessively about her on social
media, post about her a lot, like how, get her a promise ring, like not that engagement
ring, but you're promising to get her an engagement ring as hard as, as hard as possible.
That'll probably, that'll straighten him out. That's probably what he means. What,
you got any advice for that guy, Sean? Probably not. You probably don't care about him.
See, that's a...
You know, the comic rules.
Yeah. Okay. Let's do... Let's wrap it up.
Let's just do voice mails and then I want to get everybody in here to do their rage and
talk about burning... All right, everybody.
This is the next show, Patreon.com slash the Dict.show.
Road H Tampa is on sale at Tampa. Dicta Show.
I can't, do I have anything else to plug?
I guess Tony's got Zilla Show.
Do you remember what it's called?
It's something very confusing.
Yeah, I don't remember.
I don't remember, either.
He wants to call back in and clarify that.
Oh, he does?
No, he doesn't.
All right, you can see next Tuesday.
You can promote that.
Wait a minute, I've hard, I've hard been working hard.
You can promote Burning. Wait a minute. I've hard, I've hard been working hard. You can promote burning dick 2021.
Yeah.
2021 to hard men working.
We're going to get, we're going to get something to stop the wind.
Bigger mountain.
God, that wind was so fucking bad, man.
Having laying in the tent, laying in the fucking tent, was anybody here in a tent last
night when the wind happened?
You were too, everybody else was in sleeping together
in the RV.
I just let them adjust.
You're all in your cars and your trucks?
Yeah.
Yeah, because the tensile collapsed.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The tensile collapsed, so everyone was sleeping
in their cars.
Like an RV.
Uh, God, going through like the mental calculus of,
I think I could survive. I think I could lay here with the tent falling apart and the dirt just raining down. Fuck it, I gotta get up.
Here's the Hard Men Working Hard.
If only you knew, Hard Men Working Hard.
How good things could be?
A bit of a long one. Probably chop it off halfway.
How's the audio look over there, bud? Fantastic. That's good.
I know I missed some things here. Oh, here's a good one.
The WNBA is not popular because of racism.
Changing America!
WNBA star says women's basketball isn't popular,
because players are predominantly back black and...
...ligabada.
Uh...
I know that's the one thing that basketball fans hate is black people.
Really?
If there's one thing that fans of basketball
cannot tolerate in their sport,
it's definitely African Americans.
Fucking, so stupid.
Legendary women's baller.
I don't think they know what a legendary means.
They certainly don't think they know what legendary means. They certainly don't.
Legendary, women's baller, Sue Bird, discusses the inequalities between the WNBA and other
women's professional sports.
I don't think they needed to specify women's baller if she was so legendary.
Legendary women's baller. If she was so legendary. Legendary women's, yeah. Legendary center, she played for a couple of, you know,
the Seattle storms, you know,
the legendary Seattle storms point guard,
Sue Bird says the WNBA does not receive
the same coverage as US women's soccer
due to player demographics.
And US women's national team,
Captain Megan Rapinoe,
just one of them.
I would like just one of them to say
people are watching because they are not interested.
And that's our fault.
It's not as good as other sports.
Instead of constantly playing the victim,
the WNBA is shown support of Black Lives Matter.
Whoa! What a surprise!
Are they blaming that for lack of viewership or...
Why did they bring that up?
Yes. They just want video.
Okay.
The longstanding inequalities between men's and women's professional sports has been well-documented.
Most recently highlighted with the women's USA women's national
soccer team filing a discrimination lawsuit.
On the basis that the men's game requires a higher level of skill.
It's also fucking tiresome. some of these women's soccer leagues.
Let me see what else I got here.
White male teachers fall.
Oh, that's probably because of racism.
Oh, I got a women's self defense video here.
Check this out.
Oh, I got a women's self defense video here. Check this out
You
You guys know how much I love women's self defense, right?
This is
This is DIY
Self defense brought to you by women the lesbian witch here is a self thread for women non-men who don't want to carry pepper spray or taser for one reason
or another.
Here's some of the gadgets I have that are easy to carry and conceal that will make men
fuck off or bleed when they don't, when they don't, please share for visibility.
She's got a picture of some rings. They're like brass knuckles, but they have a kupa king kupa spikes on them.
Some of the best self defense weapons are custom made.
You can pick these up at Hot topic.
Here's something in my own creation, my likey little spiky rings.
These solid steel spikes may not look sharp,
but believe me, when I say they will pack a punch
and leave a motherfucker needing to book Dr. Miami
to prepare the damage.
Now she's got a,
I mean, she referenced a plastic surgery show.
Well, you were being misogynistic.
I studied the blade.
Very conceivable. Well, you were being misogynistic. I studied the blade Very concealable
See if I can
There we go
Wasn't the whole point of these gadgets that be like you don't have anything that's intrusive to your daily life
What are these like raptor claws.
You think a giant dragon claw would be intrusive?
The sheer elegance and beauty is only surpassed by its capacity to tear through a man like
tissue paper.
My lady death strike claw, I feel like I'm at prices right for like brain dead feminists.
My lady death strike claws have a three inch stainless steel reaver knife,
a top of steel finger that has a deadly claw,
slip it on and put them down in one slip and one swipe.
It just takes 10 years of blacksmith lessons
to make your own and then Amazon and Philex.
What is wrong with these chicks?
I call these my deadly kisses.
Stainless steel, I'll try to do it like price is right.
Stainless steel, double-bladed throwing knives, perfectly balanced, and lightweight enough
to carry attached to the belt, to harness or strap to a thigh.
Perfect.
But when you need to put someone down from a distance, back to you, Bob.
Newtons Bayer pets.
What a fucking lunatic.
What world do they want? They want to use those, right?
Everybody, every guy that has a gun wants to use it. Yeah, 100%. They want to, they want
a man to try to rape them, I guess. I guess, yeah, that makes sense. Oh, God, I'm so beautiful
in my... Yeah. That's true, right? Yeah, that's true. How do you use your phone with that razor clause on oh?
Have these your palm or I don't know how that works. All right, let's see some let's do some voice mail see
Interesting, I don't remember I don't remember saving this one look dick shaw
Here's a question, slash rage for you.
Okay.
Why does every attractive woman, over 25, who's doubled up to go on the first date,
would be show up with a fucking cold sore on her lip?
Why do they all have to fucking
Why can't I just find someone cold sore free
That that I feel comfortable. Let me put my pen mouth on my dick. Wow
Why do they all be
Why?
Is it so hard to find a woman that doesn't show up
with a cold sore on her mouth?
She fucking cruising for prostitutes?
Poor guy.
You can hear how much he wants just to not have herpes.
Yeah.
That's bomber.
Well, life's disappointing.
Yeah, sorry, man.
Okay, let's see.
Hey, Dick, I got a thank you. So I used finally these good old fashioned, I like your shoes.
Yeah. And roll them all.
Love you.
Love your virginity. And God damn, it was good. And after that, well, I thought it's worth once you've got to work again, right?
And what do you know? Apparently, I just got a girl to masturbate with, I want to have a boyfriend.
Just simply because last night, we had a good long conversation about how I would fuck her.
Thank you.
We had a good long conversation about how I would fuck her.
Thank you.
You didn't get anything out of that. She got something.
I never had a million.
Yeah.
She's master.
She's going to be go ahead.
Now she's going to be now she's going to be pregnant.
And it's got to be yours.
Look what you did.
Test and it's come back as you're.
You didn't get anything.
Sir, get her ass up.
It there.
Master.
I'm going to pay him for 18 years because you
made a chick master bait got a pregnant
that's not the goal okay here we go man
dick and shot I fucking hate these stupid
ass political ads oh yeah there's
a non-stop all over through youtube
and the like oh you know you know, Sharon Hirsch was
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I don't give a flying fuck about some vocal person who literally will do nothing other
than just like, bitch at the end and still raise my tax as a shit.
You know, the whole reason that like, when I voted, I mainly selected all like third party except for Trump because I just don't
care I don't care about either side I'm so sick and tired of fucking hearing this shit I hate
election season this is fun. Oh God the funniest thing Trump ever said is when Biden said look he's
like you at home look to your left look to right. One of your family members will be dead around and try to look at him the way he
pretends to be positive. Oh, looking fairly. That was the funniest fucking thing he's ever
said. John, did you see that part? I did. Was it exactly? You say, oh, no, he's talking
about looking across the breakfast table at those who, yeah, I don't think it was, I
don't think it was looked to your left, looked to your right.
One of you lots of, but it was like, oh, your family't think it was, I don't think it was looked to your left, looked to your right. No, no, not survived.
It was like, oh, your family and one of them's not there anymore.
And I'm talking to these, and Trump says, all right, we're talking to the camera.
Oh, look at your family.
Mom, that was so fucking good.
That was a funny, that was funnier than should be, then you'd be in jail.
Yeah, I think to me.
Okay, let's see here.
All right, Dick.
So here's a phenomenon that I'm sure you can counter before.
See, you have an opinion about something.
Okay.
And then somehow humanity has arranged itself
in such a way where everyone with the worst possible argument means like the most bullshit
easily debunked points and the city is possible phrasing of those points.
Somehow all of those people are the ones who happen to agree with you.
It's like they they're correct, you know, because they share your opinion but yet somehow like they're just
really bad at demonstrating that and i feel like second-hand embarrassment that i
share the same opinion as these people that's how fucking stupid these people are like
they they got to the correct conclusion through sheer dumb luck not not because they made it intelligent and for opinion.
Not like you.
Yeah.
Everything I believe in is tarnished by a bunch of idiots trying to defend it who cannot argue.
Fucking annoying.
Great argument.
It's like when you're meeting it like a girl for the first time, and you're like, oh,
God, please don't tell me what you like.
Please don't tell me what you like.
It's going to tarnish all this.
It's going to tarnish my love for you.
You know what I mean, Sean?
You're going to get disappointed at some point by probably just about anybody.
Look, that first rate is the first dent in your car.
Yeah, it fucking stings a little bit.
You're like,
oh, you think,
oh, yes,
okay, how am I gonna make a water boy
with a grain of sand?
Better than Billy Madison.
Okay.
That guy, I think it's just really important
that everyone understands that guy smarter than everyone who agrees with them.
Yeah, right? He's the smartest of the smart people. Smartest of the smart people. As long as everyone can get it.
It doesn't matter and it matters that you how you got to that conclusion. Yeah, that you know that he's smarter than everybody else and that they are done.
This is the trashy white dudes Facebook profile started pack. You see that one?
Front page read it. Look at there. Look at there who that is. Maddox right over there in the left trashy white dudes Facebook profile starter pack. You see that one? Front page, you read it. Look at there, look at there who that is.
Maddox, start over there on the left.
Trashy white dudes.
Facebook profile starter pack.
Still bringing the hits.
He, I think he did.
He said, yeah, he tweeted, he's like,
oh yeah, take that guy who called me a sand n-word and fourth grade.
What are you fucking?
What?
Like, bragging about having been racist to like 30 something years ago.
God, man, let it go.
Like that kid, like that kid even meant it in a racist way, right?
You're fourth grade.
You think you got David Duke over there, like oppressing your fucking Armenian people?
Oh my God.
The Armenian, the...
They heard it and he said it.
Yeah, let me, I'm trying to find the Armenian flag right now.
Armenian flag.
Should I look outside?
It's everywhere.
No shit, man.
Somebody, one of the Armenians for this Armenian Holocaust
Remembrance Day, which was like last week, got the word out that they should take the
Armenian flag and put it on the hood of their, of their BMWs and stretch it all the way
back and pin it somehow. Fucking rampant all over Glendale and my neighborhood is this
car with the flags stretched over the top like they're
doing like an Armenian funeral.
Yeah.
God, is that fucking weird?
Oh, fuck.
All right.
There's more than I've ever seen, but isn't there, there's like a conflict going on right
now too.
What do you mean?
Yeah, there's some current events going on.
Yeah, there's like some, there's some kind of a war going on or a skirmish
or something like that.
Hot over deals.
I should know more about it, but.
Okay.
Who's got the best deal for you?
Okay, here's this.
In audio.
Great. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Can you answer me a question? What is the deal with women? What is the deal with women talking when I am trying to listen to, and it's not on
headphones, I have my phone out, I'm trying to listen to Tucker Carlson tonight in the
morning, the next morning, I'm getting ready for work, She's in the kitchen. This is every woman I've
ever dated or been with. I'm trying to watch them do in the morning before work. And she's
having a full-blown conversation with you. You're trying to talk about what we're going to eat
tonight or blah blah blah. It's like the most trivial banal shit, banal shit banal shit marido manual good catch flip and I'm listening to Tucker Carlson
Thank you
Tucker but you know I need my Tucker
I'm a color pants you can't wear today or whatever I have time for your fucking pants. I
want to be in a place
I need a bitch
I need a pants engine to Tucker's ass. I don't support him like a real tuck head
after work but for a lot of reason in the morning, I'm trying to get my Tucker
to hear my news programs to talk about nonsense.
If I'm not prepared for the new, the for work
by listening to the news, I'm gonna look like a fucking idiot.
All the guys are gonna be meaming about Tucker
and I'm just gonna have your fucking what color pants
that you wanna wear on my brain.
Do you want that for our kids?
You bitch!
At least talk about bow ties.
Yeah!
Put a bow tie on and comb your hair like a little boy.
Next time you come talk to me about your pants.
Fucking busy!
God.
You watch Tucker Carlson. That's how I like to start my day.
Tucker Carlson, yeah, right?
Okay, this one looks pretty good.
Hey, Dick, I got a rage for you.
It's people that say, well, you're not my dad.
It's like a-
You say that to you? This question from you trying to give them the solid advice
uh... i have always used by
chikshan don't have a debt that's what this is the off-mortals the people that
grew up not having a dad thing
but what about the fact that you had a dad maybe you do the right thing the
first time
the second time
the time
and i was like
and i had a life together
because they're so
fucking that shit right now
and they came to me
i didn't go to them they came to me seeking help
and i'm like what you should do this
not that
well i don't like that
do fuck you
jerry's me fucking crazy.
Anyway, I love the show, go fuck it.
Here, let me show you what they want.
Okay, wait to see in Tampa too.
That's gonna be awesome.
Yeah, it is gonna be awesome.
Ralph is getting a gigantic compound.
Here's what they want.
Anyways, I'm sure, yeah, this guy who says,
should I stop fucking horrors?
No.
That's a story.
Do whatever you want.
Full stop.
I know you want to keep fucking them feeling shitty about yourself.
Just keep doing that.
Yeah.
That's what they want.
They don't want you fixing their fucking problems, dad.
Turn off the volume on radio ahead.
You have to come to dad a couple times before he helps you.
That's the difference between you and dad, right?
Like, hey, dad, I kind of need help on this song.
Well, you fucked up.
You fucked yourself, didn't you?
I'm gonna need you to up.
I'm gonna need you to bring me a little more there
just you can't just add that doesn't give out advice for free. Okay, I think you know, pumpkin paintings.
Oh, guy shot by a guy, huh? All right. Hey, dick. It is Dave from Tucson. I just have a quick story to make sure that everyone suffers like I did
Yes, I'm dead about six years ago when
Good friend of mine
Kind of shot me in the stomach
unrelated to the story who did start banging my sister because apparently that's a turn on work
But you know unrelated how bigger big of a tits?
So I was in the hospital for two days after they, you know, checked my body and whatnot.
They, you know, checked my guts and made sure that it didn't hit any of them.
But the thing that happens when they check your guts and pull them out of your body is
they inflate or whatever nurse told me this.
So you can't piss or shit until they stop being inflated.
So within that two-day span in the hospital, I had three catheters and I was awake for all
of them.
So I thought we'd put them in and take them out.
Now catheters, so everyone knows that,
but the real fun part comes from the third capitals
that I had put into my body.
There was a person, I think I just like two days
after they let me out.
And, oh, okay, do you know when you're trying to put a patio
chair back in that like nylon sleeve
that it comes in and for no reason it like patching and like it just stops for no reason?
Not no reason.
Now imagine it's got screws, got it.
The nurses holding it in the face.
I can't know reason.
Rather sizable and girthy penis and there's slowly.
Complete mystery.
Complete mystery.
I don't know why they do it so slowly,
but they're so reputating us off, probably.
And then for no fucking reason,
it's your own sex pleasure.
The side of the inside of your legbra,
and now, the force they're putting on it
means that they kind of punch you
on the inside of your legbra
and bend your dick 90 degrees.
And the only reason I'm telling the stories
because I've had to just remember that
out of nowhere and suffer,
and I only think it's fair that.
I wanna hear about the guy that shot you.
Yeah, what kind of gun are you sure you would read?
And they're sister banging him.
Yeah, fuck that.
And the big side of your degree.
That's kind of all I want to hear from the fuck you.
Me too.
I thought that sort of you was going with.
All right.
Well, I'm glad they didn't hear that story.
Call it and leave a good voicemail.
Oh my god, I forgot to finally live a dream
that I've been wanting to live my whole life, Sean.
At the end of the campaign.
Yes, at the end, again, it's come true for me again.
At the end of the camping trip, I took our tent and wadded it up and shoved it in a garbage
bag.
I didn't, I didn't try to roll it up or pack it or have to have, have 80s girls sit on
the thing while I squeeze it together.
Shakes the sand out or shake it out or realize I forgot to put the fucking rain fly in
the middle again and I have to cram it in the bottom because it got all fucked up and broken.
I scooped it up and threw it straight in the trash.
It was one of the most satisfying feelings
of my fucking life, Tent, Zyanara.
Did it to.
Oh, you did that too?
God, that was satisfying.
It was a good one.
Okay, two would just be sent to be disposable.
One time, you, man.
That's what if you ever run in, man, that's what if you ever
go in the lottery, that's what I do.
I've never full the tent again.
Just throw it in the garbage.
Yeah, or just hook it and let it go away.
Let it fly away.
So long, go live a happy life, go help someone else
with their fucking problems.
So yeah.
All right, let's do a, you know, let's do a,
if you have something that makes you rage for God's sake,
tell me what it is.
But yeah, the Mike's good is there. Say your name and then that makes you rage, for God's sake, tell me what it is. But yeah, the Mike's good is there.
Say your name and then what makes you a rage?
The drink man.
All right, I'm a drink man.
Yeah.
So what makes me a rage is when people leave shit
under your windshield.
Oh yeah.
Cause I come from a land of rain.
So they just become stickers on your fucking windshield.
That's true. Like I was driving like this piece of rain, so they just become stickers on your fucking windshield. That's true.
Like, I was driving like this piece of shit,
Peter truck, because my regular car was being repaired.
And the police left a thing like,
hey, did you know your car is a piece of shit
and it's really easy to break into?
And it's like, yeah, Dick.
And please do that, where do you live?
I was in a college town at the time. There's a lot of homeless people. That's nice of them. like, yeah, Dick. And please do that, where you, where you live? I was in a college town at the time.
There's a lot of homeless people.
That's nice of them.
Yeah, yeah.
Did you know your car's a piece of shit?
And then it was just glued to my, they do it.
So, so I just have to look at my, your car's a piece of shit.
Yeah, it's just glued to my windshield.
And it's as easy to break into.
Yeah, this car's as easy to break into.
That's nice of them.
Yeah.
How many cops did it take to do that?
Probably a couple to like maybe 10.
Do you think the homeless people would?
Do you think the homeless people go around looking for that sticker?
Like, oh, here we go.
Perfect car.
Pop it open.
Get what they want.
They can't do.
They're not capable.
They can't read.
They're crazy.
They're like, this thing is too big a piece of shit for me to take.
There's nothing in here.
Okay.
You know, who wants to go next? Anybody? You don't have to go.
If you want to go. Um, homos people are making me a rage today. Also through my 10 in the trash
and then come back outside to find it dumped on the my lawn because some homeless person dug through
my truck. The fucking I can use this 10 and then realize it was fucked and broken. And they just
threw it on the ground. Yeah. And so it on the ground. Yeah. It's the golf.
And so it is, you just can't give them anything.
It's the same fucking thing that happened.
You know, 80s girls car got so long
because they're going through.
I would always think to myself, you know,
it'd be really nice if I sorted the cans out for them
and left them out, but now I just wanna feel,
I wanna put booby trap cans in there.
And then for the other time,
they stole my motorcycle cover.
Like just took it off my motorcycle.
It's my fault for not locking it.
They could probably fit in it.
And it'd be like a poncho for them.
Yeah, they're awful.
Okay, who's next?
So not enough of sauce packets makes me a...
What's your name? What's your name?
Luke.
Luke, okay, not enough sauce packets.
Yeah, I went to Taco Bell a while ago
and got just a two-a-box, which it's a ton of food.
Yeah. And I just asked for some fire sauce, and got just a tube of box, which it's a ton of food.
And I just asked for some fire sauce,
and I get back to my apartment.
There's two packets of sauce in the bag.
It's like, she knows God damn well,
how much sauce I need for that, too, is not enough.
It's not even enough for like a taco.
It's fucking shit.
Like just give me a handful of sauce and fuck off.
You gotta make them count it.
That's smart.
Give me 20 sauces.
And then meticulously count.
Like one, two, no, slower.
Okay.
Look.
What's next?
What do you guys think of that?
What was your least favorite part of Burning Dick?
Other than the wind?
No.
Okay.
The wind, the wind.
Yeah. Eric Wong.
Eric, you saved our lives with your gun presentation.
I did, yeah.
Yeah.
Sean, I was terrified of that.
We would have had like multiple gunshot.
I actually think so.
Yeah.
I was, I think, I think my, both of my parents figured I would get murdered or killed.
I at least thought we'd catch you,
get a maim in there somehow.
Yeah, I, unironically was expecting
to have to drive someone to the hospital this weekend.
Yeah.
I came with like a med kit with like a tourniquet
and quick lot gauze sponges
and like I was all ready to patch up a gunshot wound
because I just knew someone was gonna go wrong.
Who's the one that left?
Should've run a shuffle and lime. Who's the one that left? Should've run a shuffle and lime.
Who brought shuffles?
Who was it that,
because I had to watch a fire permit to have a camp fire
or to have a stove and they made me watch this video
and then bring a shuffle.
Who had the med kit that they left back at camp
when we were shooting?
That was rich.
That would've been funny.
Always prepared.
Yeah, thanks for that.
We had, how many people were shooting?
Like 20 people shooting into the dry lake?
So yeah, like 15, 20.
And 10 people.
Which everyone who came.
Yeah.
And then we had 10 people, what, 50 feet over from us?
Oh yeah.
So you didn't respect the firing line
where shooting off guns when we were clearly downrange.
Yeah.
Yeah, they're having fun.
Yeah, go figure like the people who were most likely
to shoot us wasn't us, which was actually very surprising for me knowing this crowd. Yeah, I, they're having fun. Yeah, go figure like the people who were most likely to shoot us wasn't us,
which was actually very surprising for me
knowing this crowd.
Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, and apparently half of them were on acid.
So I bet you've never encountered that before,
having to ask, okay, how many of you were on acid right?
Yeah.
I've never even considered having to give like field
sobriety tests before shooting lessons,
but after this test for that can't do that one.
What would you ask it?
Yeah.
How would you tell them how would you test for that?
You'd tickle their hand and if they laugh, then they're on acid.
Okay.
That's a good tool.
It's simpler.
Are they wearing shoes?
Yeah, that's good.
Okay, what makes you rage here?
What makes me a rage is when you are sitting around a campfire and the smoke blows in your face
so you get up and move and the smoke blows, the wind changes direction and the smoke blows in your face. So you get up and move and the smoke blows,
the wind changes direction and the smoke blows
in your face again.
So you spend, you wanna spend two hours sitting around a campfire,
drink and beer, tell and go stories, whatever.
And you end up spending two hours playing
fucking musical chairs in a circle around the campfire,
trying to get out of the smoke
because the smoke can't decide what direction it's gonna blow in
because it's just gonna blow in whatever direction you're sitting in.
Yeah.
That's true.
Okay.
You can smell fear.
Who's that next?
Sam, are you?
Wow, look at that coat.
Yeah.
Look at that coat.
That's beautiful.
What is what color do you call that?
Aides.
Is that oil splat?
Oil splat.
All right. What do you got for us?
What was your favorite part of Burning Tick?
What after you left actually?
Okay.
I walked into that.
I walked into that.
I walked into that.
Then the fun started.
I was in the fun started.
The, but the handguines, like I'm just worried
I'm gonna end up like smack in myself right in the face.
Like those internet videos?
Yeah.
Yeah, those are hilarious.
But that was a lot of fun.
When, yeah, what makes me rage is definitely the flight delays.
Like what?
Oh, you guys got so fucked.
So you guys were supposed to get there when I did
in Friday afternoon and your flight got delayed.
Friday morning.
Friday morning, your flight got pushed what a whole day?
Yeah, a whole day.
And like the reason that they told us was because in Texas, the landing strip was wet.
Like what is it? So you couldn't land? Yeah, we couldn't land.
Two wet. The landing strip was too wet. Oh. It was a half an hour. I can't hear you got to
get up on the mic too. You got to get
Eric off of your lap for a moment. There was a half an hour delay. Yeah. They asked us
to be patient. And then it was a two hour and 20 minute delay. So they asked us to get off
the plane. And then as soon as we got past the gate, they asked us to get back on the plane.
But we have to reskin our tickets. Sure. And then they said, okay, no, for sure back on the plane, but we have to rescan our tickets.
Sure.
And then they said, okay, no, for sure, get on the plane,
but we don't have time for scanning the tickets.
And then they, no, the plane's not actually going to take on.
Yeah, that's not going to do.
So there was nipple rubbing for sure.
Where you, did you get in their face?
No, no, I mean, like, as in they were like,
oh, maybe you'll take, maybe you might get in.
Oh, pleasuring themselves that you're inconvenience, yeah. Yeah, maybe you'll take me measuring themselves that your inconvenience.
Yeah, it might be 30 minutes, it might be two hours.
There's some BDS on there.
Who is that guy?
Somebody showed up later than you.
Is the guy who showed up at like 12 at night on the last?
Does he have your address though?
What do you want to know?
Yeah, that guy was kind of a, he was out there for sure.
He's the Grand Was too, he does music.
He showed up at like midnight and he was almost at a gas
and just found, he had a lot of gas.
He said his dad had to be to work at 4 a.m.
He stole his dance car.
Oh wow.
Where is he?
We need him.
He's probably gonna show up in the show's over, I guess.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
A few hours.
He asked if when you had left and gone to bed.
Yeah.
He asked, he was gonna go knock on your tent.
So I should probably like say hi to him. No, no, no, no videos. I'm not going to wake them up and say, hot? No.
No.
Oh, yeah.
What about this show?
It made you think that I would like to be woken up
to say hi.
OK.
OK.
So plain delays.
Yeah, plain delays.
And then we were, and then when we finally
did get on the plane Saturday, we ended up
sitting in Texas on the plane
for about three hours.
What the fuck?
Because they should have another hurricane.
Yeah, they should.
That's a fuck then.
Let's give them a few more.
It was a huge, huge incident.
There was an error message on the plane
that they didn't know my error message.
It was like a dead PC load.
Yeah, no, the fuck does that mean?
Yeah, it was like a dead PC load.
Yeah, get on that.
Okay, what makes you a rage Steven? Yeah, it was like a down, get on that mic. Okay, what makes you a rage Steven?
Oh, I mean like the same, but people that talk
add their phones, like as if it's something
that they've never used a phone before.
I don't, I see so many people talking
with like holding it like a platter,
instead of using it like a fucking phone,
like no one's ever seen like this.
Yeah.
Yeah, and really like a fucking phone. Like no one's ever seen like this. Yeah. And they're like,
and really like a tostaada fucking ceviche
that they're yelling into.
Right, so they're not using the earpiece that's fucking there.
Yeah.
And they're the, how you hold it?
And I put it to my face like a fucking phone.
Oh, but the thing is.
I don't do that.
I like to hold it like this.
No, no, no, no.
I'll tell you.
The best is like, with speaker phone mode, it's designed and engineered so that you can
just put it near and it'll find your voice.
You'll come in.
What?
Really?
There's like algorithms and shit that like so like other people in there.
No, because like, hey, bad.
There's been a bad year for algorithms.
Really?
Yeah, but it's not how you hold a phone.
It's just not how you do it.
It's so infuriating.
And it's in grocery stores, libraries, churches,
like they're just holding their phone like a platter,
showing everybody, you've seen this happen in a church.
No, I purvely, you got me.
But like it's just the fucking most annoying thing in the world.
And I don't want to hear their conversation at all.
And they're holding it in a dumb way. That's two strikes. That's too many strikes. That's true
slap it out of their hand actually
Whoa
Oh, shit
Okay, Zessa what do you got?
What was your what was your favorite part of burning dick the favorite part while I was there. Yeah
favorite part of Brandi. The favorite part was while I was there. Yeah.
When the wind started brewing everyone else's time, getting just enjoyed last action hero, the nice RV. Oh, that was nice. That was good.
Yeah, that was good. Yeah. That phone etiquette rage is going to end you up on the race offender
list. But there's certain groups. Why? Yeah. Which group? What do you mean by that?
Which group? That's the million dollar question. So it makes people is Myers-Briggs personality test. Oh, yeah, yeah, what are you are you an ESTN?
Well, NFTD. What are you? It's fucking horoscope teamy intellectuals. Yeah, yeah, and it's a real I and T.J. thing you're saying now
I'm such an ENFP. Yeah, no, it's instead of developing a personality,
it's, please hand this to me on a silver platter.
So I know how to act.
And any of my shitty behavior isn't my fault.
I, this is why I don't have a good relationship with my dad
is because I'm an ENFJ.
Yeah.
It's a lack of accountability.
You take him, there's like 60 questions too, right?
That's your whole personality.
It's fucking pops psych meant to get
a hundred level students interested in psychology.
It's not the end all be all of your personality.
Yeah, I hate those people so much.
That's a good one.
Okay, who wants to go next?
My girlfriend sent me one of those in a text message,
like, hey, take this test.
And Sarah's Briggs.
Something, something, same vein, you know?
And I just like, did it, did did, did, did, did, did,
ran a man's room for everything.
Screech out the result,
I'm gonna look at it, send it over.
And she goes, oh yeah, you're good there.
That's why we're good together.
That's why we're good together.
Rich, how you doing?
I'm doing good, good, good.
Man, with the broadsword.
The broadsword, yeah.
You have more stuff in your car
than I think is possible.
It's like a tart is.
Like every second you're bringing out this, The broads, yeah. You have more stuff in your car than I think is possible. It's like a tart is.
Like every second you're bringing out this, like, light shop lights that, it's like nice
stuff.
You're like my brother in law where everything you have is nice.
All my stuff is shitty.
Hey, I got it specifically for a burning deck.
Oh, thanks.
No, best part was just, you know, just sitting around shooting the shit.
Just, I'm in a good time there.
But what makes me a fucking rage, I just want to go and torch every square foot of coast
because now I hate sand.
I just hate beaches because it got in every fucking thing that I own.
I brought my for Bailey to shoot.
I brought my guns back out.
Even though it's got a rubber liner somehow sand got inside of there
Throughout the night. Yeah, why are you so big? Why do you have such big guns? I just really liked the 500
I don't know why I saw in the game once I'm like I want that what are your biggest guns that you have that I can't remember the names of anything
What's that one that's like that looks like a cane, but it's actually a gun
That's the Magnum 500.
Yeah.
That's the one that, you know, everyone thinks it's going to break their wrist.
Like, if I were one?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, it's, they're right.
Yeah.
It hurts.
Yeah.
And then you have that black gun that looks like a stealth bomber with a, what's that?
Yeah, it's a, I mean, it's just a 44 Magnum with the only difference is they just make
the, the barrel black. They poured it so that, I mean, it's just a 44 magnum with the only differences. They just make the barrel black.
They poured it so that it has gasses eject out the front.
It pushes it down.
Okay.
That way it keeps a little more stable.
It's a nice handgun.
It's a very nice handgun.
I shot one of your guns and the bullet was like bigger than my pinky, I think.
Yeah, it's a tiny pinkies.
The 500 and a four-sink.
I'm gonna get a pinky lengthening surgery one of these days and I have enough money.
That's what that guy's hands are probably tiny. He's all worried about his height. He's
never even looked to see how small and inadequate his hands are.
I don't know. There's so many body parts he should be concerned about.
Yeah. Have you, as he could spend the rest of his life researching lengthening surgeries?
And your face is probably all fucked up. No, it's too pointy or bulbous,
whatever. He's jaw-chisling surgery. You need that jaw-chisling, man. As soon as she looks
in the mirror in years, he's just been looking at the little marks on the wall. She's taking a tape
measure to him. So he's, yeah, he's a shit. He should look in the mirror and have a whole new
slew of problems. I think we're making a serial killer now. Every, every morning. I told you,
in 10 years, there's going to be free names on the news.
Okay, what were you saying, Rich? About guns. That was it.
All right, what makes you rage? No, I was a, I had other
rages, but just sand, I just fucking hate sand now. And the
wind, the wind as well, it was the combination of that.
Cause it just, it got everywhere, it ruined everything.
Originally, my rage was some stupid like zits on your shoulder because it fucks us.
Yeah.
Um, uh, I'm proud of everyone for not doing that, but that Star Wars quote about sand.
And I'm not going to do it now.
Nobody did.
Nobody said it.
What the fuck Star Wars?
Nobody said it at the event that it was not an event.
I think Riley posted it in the event page. Oh
All right, is Maddie P back there?
Get out here. What's what's uh?
Oh, you're you're you're masked. It's a masked man
Okay, Maddie, what makes you rage? So I think you're the last one. We all dealt with the sand and the dust.
And the one plus sides, you look at your vehicle,
you're like, yeah, I look like I did some cool shit.
And that'll be nice for a couple of days
and I'll go, you know, satisfying, wash it down.
It's like peeling that film off of a new screen.
Then it starts to rain.
And you're like, well, I won't get that satisfaction,
but at least it won't take so long.
And then 10 seconds later, it stops.
So it just looks shitty.
Shit.
It literally looks like God spit in the face of your car.
And it's a look of shame until you finally get the time
to go wash it.
Yeah, I was gonna hose my car off.
I was gonna wash my car like, you're not gonna wash it.
You're just gonna hose it, quit halfway through
to go play on the internet, and it's gonna look like crap. It's gonna look exactly like what you're describing. to wash it. You're just going to hose it and quit halfway through to go play on the internet and it's going to look like crap.
It's going to look exactly like what you're describing.
Did it rain for 30 seconds?
It's sprinkled for 30 seconds.
Turning down to like mud.
What could we have done to make burning
dick better in your estimation?
More large vehicles to block the winds.
OK.
The wind.
Yeah, just the wind.
It's just the wind.
I wouldn't have changed anything else.
Where if we get fans and point them in the other direction. Yeah.
And we'll all go like this to try and fight the hurricane.
Shoot at the wind. Can do that. What do you, what do you make
you rage Kevin? Thanks for coming in. Besides wind.
For now. Besides wind. Guys talking about wind. Yeah. Me too.
All right, buddy. This is the big show. Thank you guys for coming in.
Thanks for coming to the desert. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm going to forget a show. Thank you guys for coming in. Thanks for coming to the desert.
I'm gonna forget about the win time and just remember the shooting and the pumpkins.
We need a, and the first night the fire.
First night the fire's big.
What's the average?
Oh, no, I was just gonna say also,
somehow people just keep getting lost there.
Or, that was hilarious.
Yeah, actually, because you got coordinates. So I
mean, there's no better in my mind. There's no better directions than just coordinates on the
fucking map. No hints about where to turn or anything. Put on the fucking GPS. Man, yeah.
Everyone was the poor, the horrible toilets that are rented, people from the other camp started coming over and using them.
I saw, who yelled at that?
Somebody from the rave camp came over
and used our toilets and somebody bit their head off.
Like, why is that?
Why did we turn into a fast food restaurant
yelling at homeless people?
What the, what the, what the,
he's the fucking toilet?
We're not running,
we're not overflowing the toilets over there.
We only had three of them. We should have made them ask, we should have made them answer a riddle at least.
Yeah.
We should have done both.
Right.
Yeah.
If you answer the right riddle, you use the good toilet.
And if you answer wrong, you use the bad one.
They're the same, but they don't work.
We should have done that tarantula that we found.
We should have put that tarantula in the toilet.
Your fiance would never allow that though.
Would she?
Is she here?
No, she's saying though.
Yeah, because it will get squished.
Yeah.
All right, everybody.
Let's see it, excuse me.
See ya.
Thank you.
Bye, Sean.